#i may add more to this

[coffeesleep-ooc]

Essay on heartbreak points

Just thinking of LBH pining over SQQ along the novel before he finally gets the man

Pre-abyss LBH wants SQQ, but the thing i see in him is not just wanting him, carnally sexually or otherwise, he wants SQQ’s attention and approval bc he admires him, its as simple as that. Og goods already had his admiration just bc he was a great cultivator, he was elegant and beautiful and worked hard af, it was like…if a polished stone like jade was used to hurt rather than be the soft, warm and flawless concept of beauty - that chinese media usually uses -. But then the cold showed a soft inner core! Yes! Our dear transmigrator took over and confused the hell out of t he poor LBH that still struggled to excuse SJ’s behavior. Then though, SY took care of him with love and with smiles, using mdoern sensibilities to measure things like care and affection…and I think that some of those discrepancies between a hellish setting and a soft oblivious SY must have been quite jarring to LBH. He sees someone that believes in inherent good and is passionate and silly, knowledgeable and kind, and can’t help but want to be close! He admires him so much!!

Still pre-abyss, not only LBH admires the heck out of SY, he is also his shizun, and i don’t forget about his teacher kink but im talking about the dynamics of it instead of anything sexual. LBH knows and firmly believes that his position is way below that of SQQ’s, he is protected and cared for, but he longs to protect and care for as well right? Because he has seen that SQQ is powerful but not above everything, because he is knowledgeable but not all-seeing, because he may be taken advantage of by someone crafty that doesn’t deserve his kindness. LBH pretends to fall and be weak and helpless when it’s convenient for him, but he knows he has to take every advantage he can bc he needs to be strong enough to protect SQQ, because the world has shown him that there are many dangers and that someone not of a peak lord’s status isn’t worth to marry (idk how much about this airplane would have put into his work, but lets remember that ancient chinese marriages were a very foemal and important thing that involved status and wealth, not just love). Let’s remember our bun has also been a street rat and probably saw many things at one point or another! We can only speculate and write fics about that last point, but the street is not a good place to be, especially in a PIDW setting. Also, bc he wasn’t strong enough, quick enough, bc his family had no power or money his mother died, it’s as hurtful and as plain as that for him, even if he knows (does he though?) that it’s not his fault.

Onwards to the abyss! It’s shit. That’s what it is. Shizun who he admires, respects and loves above everything, who told him that nobody was intolerable for the heavens went against every fucking shit he said and coldly forced LBH into the abyss. What the actual fuck SQQ (affectionate), you gave him so many issues fr. I can only imagine how confused the poor LBH must have felt when his Shizun yet again changed tune like this in a way he can’t fully explain this time, even more so, he could try, but it wouldn’t change the fact that LBH is currently in the worst place ever because the person he loves with his whole heart threw him there (and possibly wanted him to stay down there? to become one of its creatures? To die? He has no idea???). LBH has strived to be good, to be worthy in his teacher’s eyes since he entered the sect and he has just gotten proof that he isn’t and will never be even though he had the hope of getting there despite everything. It’s just filled with heartbreak and i think that the system only deducted SQQ’s current total points bc he literally had to die to be deducted any more and LBH can’t have him dead and the system knows that extremely well! It also gave SQQ a scenario push remember? And that was only for LBH’s benefit istg, SQQ had no idea.

and talking about death! Funny thing isn’t it? It’s ridiculous that SQQ dies so many times (srsly bro, wtf - again affectionate) but I believe that the first was the most traumatic for LBH. SQQ doesn’t sneer at him like a disgusting mucus but instead is afraid of him! LBH worked hard to just see SQQ again, to reunite the courage to talk to him and ask him if he regretted what he did, to show him he was a good person and that he had power now, that he could impress him and protect him (he has lost a lot of his own self-esteem base and i do believe that’s part of where heartbreak points come from) the person whom he values the opinion of the most -the only one even- thinks him a beast and an unredeemable demon…and when he tries to peove himself not that, the only thing SQQ does is run away from him, to decide to be silent and refuse even LBH’s (biased) kindness. He wouldn’t even take LBH’s robe! Imagine that you love someone and that someone hates your guts and refuses to even acknowledge that they hurt you, oh, and all this while an evil sword is fighting to take advantage of your negative feelings. Post-abyss is also shit, just a bit better bc LBH has the illusion of control, he thinks he can still control the situation and is slowly losing hope of shizun understanding him. But the illusion shatters when SQQ self-detonates to save him. The one he supposedly hates. LBH is probably just eternally confused in sv now that i think about it lmao *pats consolingly*

post death 1 (actually 2 for SY): LBH thought he knew shizun, then he realized he couldn’t explain everything shizun did. Then he tried to ask, not even for a full explanation, just to know if shizun really did hate him (bc LBH truly doesn’t care at that point what SQQ does or what SQQ’s reasons and actions were as long as he still loves him, smhw he is so…) and got instead a blow up in his face, coupled with other ppl’s accounts of SQQ mourning him like he was actually truly dead, missing him and finally he sees SQQ sacrificing himself for him. This surely must be enough fpr LBH right? Well…not really, SQQ could have been sacrificing himself to protect the ppl around him - LQG is there and we all know that LBH is mildly sus of him at this point, it will get worse later when LQG is the one coming by every fucking day to retrieve SQQ’s corpse so mhm…its possible LBH thought they had something (not necessarily romantic) at some point, or that LQG and the other ppl were important enough to sacrifice his life for. Not only that, but shizun was not rejoicing when he came back, he never said anything. He killed himself in everyone’s pov -but SQH’s-without explanation, in the most tragic and confusing way of all, saying he would repay LBH…lets also remember that repaying someone can mean completely cutting ties and leaving with a clean slate. And the only actual thing he did was show LBH he didn’t have actual control over the situation and that it was possible to be completely powerful and still lose the ones you love and care about. Idk (or don’t remember haha…) the moment LBH started building the bamboo house in the demonic realm, but it says a lot about what he wants and what he dreams about, the most probable things he is feeling at this point is desperation and melancholy, nostalgia. He longs for the days where he was secure in the knowledge of Shizun’s affection for him, no matter what kind of affection it was, but at the same time is bittersweet because he knows that shizun will never love him foe who he is and that drives him mad with heartbreak that is just building up over time. He will also feel incredibly guilty over SQQ repaying him with his life, because all he ever wanted was basic communication but Shen ‘i am so emotionally repressed i can’t even tell what I’m actually feeling’ Qingqiu obviously thought he was being hunted for revenge. So rip LBH, he wanted an explanation or just a simple ‘i regret it’ but what he gets is confusion, a corpse he has to reanimate asap, and incredible guilt + more damage to his self esteem

Then SQQ comes back and doesn’t even try to search fpr him? And everything becomes a huge mess quite quickly. But. Luo Binghe watches his shizun go back to his martial family and interact with them in a way that he doesn’t interact with LBH anymore. LBH gets his face rubbed with the fact that what he strongly wishes for (going back) is impossible because he made the mistake of being born. Which, would demoralize the strongest of us honestly. And uta been so long since i read sv that I don’t remember much, but im sure that LBH can’t even think that SQQ does care for him, the trauma and insecurity, the abandonment issues have grown so big that they are like a bull in a china shop, ready to shatter everything in short range. Its only when SQQ gives his life (LBH does not know this but he is aware that SQQ would not have used papapa to save the world with just everyone) and gives him something he kept for so long - and that LBH himself thinks is precious despite being worthless - that he understands a bit that shozun may not hate him so much. I’m surprised that heartbreak points weren’t so used or that we didn’t get reminded of them through the story, because it would have given us an inkling of how LBH was feeling, but also spoilers and SQQ’s obliviousness, i imagine that at the end of sv they would have been lower than what they were (in truth) at the IAC but not completely gone

finally, i think that heartbreak points could be used to gauge how traumatized poor LBH was at eaxh point in time, but also to measure the state of his self esteem and the level of hope he had according to the way SQQ acted along the novel. I think that the points were all gone at some point (i eont remember anymore -cries- ) but i fullly believe that post canon Binghe still has heartbreak points and a whole lot of issuws that start to slowly disappear as thwir relationahip progresses. The only thing is that LBH still ties his own worth to SQQ’s opinion of him, and he will have heartbreak points again if he misunderstands SQQ st any point (unlikely but still).

Anyways…

THIS POOR BABY BREAKS MY HEART! He was terrible but he was also very human and truly, he deserves good.

Sorry about the rambling essay! :D

[noa-de-cajou]

Non-human life expectancy and loss: Comparative thoughts on my ttrpg characters

As some of you may know I tend to make ttrpg characters whose life expectancy goes a long way. I won't talk much about Swan here but I'll look into Lubell (age immortal) and Ether instead (500 years life expectancy). Trying not to spoil too much about Ether for my fellow players.

Lubell has lived thousands of years. She was aged 60 during the campaign and experimented two major losses at 40 and 45 : first her kid that she had to abandon, then her lover who was brutally killed. Lubell is extremely one-dimensional in her grief: everything is her fault and she must atone for the rest of her existence. She used to deemed worthy of living only the people that she loved, all the rest could burn every color of the rainbow for all she cared. Only after her losses did she realize that she made many people suffer the same grief she was experiencing. And she's killed hundreds if not thousands of people as a demon paladin in 45 years. The guilt Lubell feels is not just guilt for abandoning her child and not stopping her lover from getting into a dangerous situation: it's the guilt of a thousands lives wasted she carries. That's what her grief is about. It's the loss of her family as potential validation pattern, it's grieving anything she could have been.

Lubell doesn't want to heal because she believes healing and living on would be unfair to everyone she hurt. That she doesn't have the right to experience anything good because she had her chance and wasted it. (Ironically, she ends up with two of the healers of the party. Something something growth, something something character arc.) She went from not giving value to any life outside of her scope to not giving her own life any value. She was shown that it wasn't the way. Such a mindset only brings more hurt. But before that, Lubell was unprepared for grief because she avoided every good relationships she had (until forced into the party) and was always surrounded by nearly-immortal people. Hence self-sacrificing tendencies, because grief feels like a worse fate than death to her, like a virus her body wasn't used to. To Lubell, loss = self-blame. Killing the BBEG, however, was a mercy that finalized her getting out of that mindset. I may develop on this in another post.

To summarize: Lubell experienced loss and the grief that came with it very brutally, twice, and therefore saw it as a terrifying thing that had to be kept away at all costs.

Now onto Ether.

Ether will be 119 when the campaign starts. Her relationship to loss is completely different: loss is something that's embedded into her, something that's inevitable. Ether lost many people that were very dear to her, and not just lovers. She saw complete strangers age and die while she stayed exactly the same, she saw countries and people and customs change all around her, she witnessed the world after a war. Ether lost people and lost many homes, not all of them to death. Ether expects to lose something the moment it falls into her hands, but can't bring herself to throw it away. Ether sees grief as a constant that doesn't drown out all the good, but to her good is impermanent. There's nothing she can really keep, and the more she ages the more jaded she becomes. Ether can't help but feel like she's *too* permanent. There's the loneliness of not feeling attached to her elven counterparts and never being around people with the same temporality. There's the loneliness of changing more slowly than everything else around you. The loneliness of the world changing as soon as you get attached to it.

Where Lubell sees grief as something to avoid, Ether powers through it because loneliness is much worse to her than loss. If you're grieving, it means you are able to lose things, because you had things and you loved those things. Ether knows grief is the price she pays for love. She remembers many names but starts forgetting faces. Many places to stay but never a permanent home. There's a resignation in her life, knowing she never gets to keep anyone, that she's the first to lose and never the one lost. And yet she tried. She tried, and she's stopped trying. Or she's decided to stop trying but very much failing at it. Ether values life too much to stay indifferent. So she keeps forming bonds with people knowing full well that she won't keep them. But having the slight hope that she will.

To summarize: Ether's life is composed of at least four or five world-shattering losses and of hundreds of smaller ones. She believes she'll just go through it again and again. She tries to go by the "it is what it is" mentality. She doesn't know yet that maybe it doesn't have to be this way.

So we have the one that refused loss and the one who deems it inevitable.

The second one hasn't had her development yet.

I can't wait to see it. :)

[captainbee66]

I miss the era of the internet where everyone had an evil alter ego/character that would show up on their channel, just to be silly, that eventually got a lot of lore from the fandom for no reason. It was a simpler time.

[starry-bi-sky]

I am loudly pushing the batdad agenda i am loudly pushing the— DPxDC Prompt

“Woah. You look like shit."

Granted, that’s probably not the first thing Danny should be saying to the guy that just bit the curb, but in his defense; he’s not running on 100% right now either.

The man -- tall, towering, and broader than Danny is tall -- whips around on his heel, black frayed cape flaring out impressively. Danny would've whistled in appreciation, but he takes the time instead to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the blood running from his nose across his cheek.

"Sorry." He blinks widely, not even flinching as the man with the horns zeroes in on him. "That was rude of me. I have a really bad brain-to-mouth filter; Sam says its what always gets me into trouble."

And she's not wrong either, per say. His smart mouth is what landed him in this situation -- with blood blossom extract running through his veins and cannibalizing the ectoplasm in his bloodstream. Thanks Vlad.

The man grunts at him; a short, curt "hm" that shouldn't make Danny smile, but he does because he's somewhat delirious and probably concussed. The man keeps some kind of distance, sinking towards the shadows of Gotham's alleyway like he dares to melt right into it.

If it's supposed to scare Danny, it doesn't work. Danny's never been afraid of the dark; he's always been able to hide himself in it. He blinks slowly at the mass of shadows.

"You look hurt." The shadows says, blurring together around the edges. Danny squints, and licks his lips to get the blood dripping down his chin off. Ugh, he hates the taste of blood.

"I am." He says, "My godfather poisoned me. M'dying." The agony of the blood blossom eating him from the inside out looped back around to numbing a while ago, so all he feels is half-awake and dazed.

"Hey," Danny stumbles forward towards the man, a bloodied hand reaching out to him. "You-- you're a hero, right? You're not attacking me; which is more than I can say for most costumed people I've met." Maybe it's a poor bar to judge someone at, but he's already established that Danny's not in his right mind.

The man makes no change in expression, but Danny realizes blearily that it's hard to tell with the shadows on his face. He stays still long enough for Danny to latch onto the cape -- stretchy, but almost soft under his fingers.

He looks up blearily into the whites of the man's eyes. "Can you help me? I don't-- I don't wanna die." Again. He doesn't wanna die again. He blinks slow and lizard-like. "I mean- I'll probably get to see mom and dad again, but I told them I'd at least try and make it to adulthood."

There's a clatter down the street, and Danny's ghost sense chills up his spine and leaves a bitter, ashy taste in his mouth. He immediately knows who it belongs to even before the deceptively gentle; "Daniel?" echoes down the way.

"Daniel? Quit your games, badger, Gotham is dangerous for children."

Danny's mouth pulls back, and blood spills against his tongue. "Please." He rasps, and grabs onto the shadow's cape with both hands. "Please. He's going to kill me. Please--"

"Daniel? Is that you?"

His lips part, dragging in air to plead with the darkness again. He doesn't need to, the whites of his eyes narrow, and the cape whirls around him before Danny can blink. Soon swaddled in shadows, the Night lifts him up, and steals him away.

[rooniearts]

guy who doesn't realize the weight of his words </3

Bonus Tails dealing with the aftermath:

[chinzhilla]

#husbandism

[miss-mossball]

sneepy

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Liam was a boy, and then a man, who suffered so much trauma and pain. He was bullied as a child and then lived a nightmare that I think none of us can really imagine of having that triggering experience replicated on a literally global public scale. He became a man who inflicted trauma on others. He was an addict who was unable to find a way out of that disease, and now never will, but who was open and vulnerable about his struggles. He was an incredibly talented musician and artist and an absolutely integral part of one of the most important bands of a generation; his voice and songwriting and skill in the studio shaped every aspect of what One Direction became at their best. He loved that band and being a part of that experience with his whole being and would never have stopped celebrating what they meant to us and to the world. He had problems and did bad things; that doesn't mean he was a bad person who didn't deserve to be loved and helped to heal- everyone deserves that- and the fact that that's not something that can ever happen now is devastating. I was very distressed by many of his actions; and I cared deeply about this man I didn't know and wished for better for him than this outcome.

I'm so deeply, deeply SAD tonight. I'm sad for Liam, who will never now have the chance to look back on this hard time and reflect on how far he's come, and for Liam's family, for his parents and his sisters who loved and supported him so much, and for everyone in the 1D band family and circles. And I'm sad for us. It feels like nothing will ever be quite the same, and that's hard and sad and shocking. It's a special kind of doubled grief, to mourn the loss of the person, and also of what he meant to us in this strange world of parasocial fanning, for the real him and also for the version of him that we made up and attached so much meaning to and for the escape that brought us. For him, and also for the easy uncomplicated joy of listening to those beautiful songs from happier times, which might never feel the same again. For the other boys, who we love so much and wish we could shield from suffering and loss and pain. For our fellow fans, who we also worry about the impact of this on. Everything about this is terrible, and I am sending so much love out to all of you. We are not alone, and it's okay to feel complicated emotions and it's okay to mourn and it's okay to care about how it effects you and your life, whatever you're feeling- it's okay. We are here with you. We are 1D family.

[t1atam3ra]

Look me in the eyes and say that Leo and Donnie's dynamic is more interesting than everyone elses

YOU CANT ( though i still do adore them so sooo much)

Leo and Raph: im sorry but the entire movie??? And still more disaster duo content...( keep up the work disaster duo is awesome though!!) Leo and raph literally have so much to work with from them talking about their sacrifices to silly arguments and comebacks and just bth of them resembling karai...

Leo and Mikey: IM SORRY YOUNGER BROTHER THAT LOOKS UP TO OLDER ONE ANDDD OLDER BROTHER THAT LOOKS UP TO YOUNGER ONE??? my heartttt auaghahehhh nooo them talking about mikeys scars from staten islanddd leo feeling guiltyyyy mikey knowing the cost of protecting loved ones....

Donnie and raph: uaaghah they are so different but soo sillyyy <33 Raph would 100% baby donnie and let him get away with pretty much anything but also stop him from stealing uranium donnie loving validation of a person older than him but not quite adult( A WHOLE OTHER CAN OF WORMSS)

Donnie an mikey: both of them being the youngest and most protected but taking turns protecting each other?? AAAAUAGHA donnie loving to impress mikeyy and all the glory of being looked up too and Mikey loving to actually be responsible instead of the other way around ( even if he would approve of microvaing a fork..)

im not saying the disaster duo is bad at all just that everyone else's (cough cough raph and Mikey.. ) interactions get pushed to the side for more content of them

which is fine!!! just a bit sad about most of the fandom doing it

(IF ANYONE IS SUPER PASSIONATE ABOUT ANY DUO OR EVEN TRIO (ESPECIALLY ONES WITH RAPH) YOURE FREE TO MESSAGE ME <33 I ADORE ALL THINSG ROTTMNT RELATED)

[shikai-the-storyteller]

A few notes about Realm SMP:

Tubbo hopes to have an event every week and ideally thinks this would be a 6 month server

There's a "level up" system but it will be tailored so people won't be left behind if they can't log in much

Armor and Combat is DND inspired, but it's not 100% accurate to DND

Tubbo looked at the 5 main MCYT communities he's been in / watched and that's the "pool" he chose people from

There's no plans for an in-game translator because it's expensive and also Tubbo "doesn't want to step on Quackity's toes" :(

Tubbo says he doesn't have a lot of Spanish-speaking streamers on his Discord friend list so there was a limit to how many people he could message, but he wants to add more people (he has 5 planned already)

Lore is dependent on what the people on the server do, he likes more freestyle flowing RP

There's no big team behind the server, it's just Tubbo and Tango helping him with some things he might not understand (however, he has a team he wants to use for the New Year Event he has in mind). He may look into getting some admins to help enforce rules

He made it so players can play Realm SMP with default Minecraft, he doesn't want to overwhelm people with too many mod downloads.

There is NO mod pack! Realm SMP is vanilla, it's just custom texture packs and plugins.

Tubbo says he's been overwhelmed by the amount of support it's received so far, but he's a bit nervous too

He says he doesn't have Missa added on Discord but he tried to contact him (?)

No set classes, but people can specify their skill points to unlock certain things on skill trees and build their own classes

There IS a life system (😰) but it's a bit different. There's 3 lives — if you die 3 times you're out, but it's only semi-hardcore because when you die, your stats are set to 0 and you're in spectator-mode, but players can craft an item to bring you back at 1 life and you get all your stats back.

There's no "downing" system, if you die you did, you can't be picked back up like on QSMP

No "keep inventory" on death

There's no limit to the amount of times you can be resurrected (thank god) Tubbo says it would kinda suck otherwise because then people would just get banned off the server at some point after dying x amount of times

The Nether IS enabled, the End isn't enabled yet because Tubbo wants to make a cool custom boss fight.

There will be proximity chat

Etoiles (in chat) asked about armor and Tubbo tells him he'a really glad Etoiles agreed to join, even though he wasn't planning on doing much Minecraft stuff anymore

Streamers can play off-stream

Tubbo says he has a "Badboyhalo Contingency Force" (it's Tubbo and Tango)

Tubbo says the Realm SMP concept came to him in a dream

Mob strength will scale as players "level up"

Deaths to a bug or glitch don't count, but all othet deaths will

Events won't be all PVP-based because he wants people to enjoy the events even if they aren't a huge Minecraft player

Two banned items: mending books and elytra, which will be tied to future events

Tubbo says he's happy to do anything himself, but if anyone really wants to be an admin, it'd be voluntary like a Twitch mod kind of deal since it's just him and Tango. (He already has a team of people he goes to for admin stuff, it wouldn't be random people being admins)

In the hour before the server launches, he'll be showing off server features

He reminded people in the player Discord it's just for fun, the life system isn't meant to be competitive and he doesn't want sweats to be dicks about it since not every player is a big Minecraft player

He has a 6 month timeframe in mind but it'll last as long as people want to play, if it fizzles out in a month then it fizzles out in a month, it lasts as long as people play it.

There will be NPCs "When he gets them sorted" but he's a one-man army doing everything

He reminds people to "manage their expectations" because he's only one guy – he can't do events like Purgatory like Quackity because he doesn't have a massive team like he did.

He says if his merch stuff goes well then maybe he can get 1 or 2 people to help with the Realm project

Tubbo is still answering Q&A stuff on stream right now, but these are the biggest things he's said so far!

[e8776]

He was crazy for this

[eg515]

don't you just love it when a series has a good ending that takes care of all of its characters, shows how their futures will look like, ties up all loose ends, reminisces about old times, references important moments from before, and brings back elements of the very first episode, giving a nice frame to the whole series?

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it's incredibly important to remind folks on testosterone or folks who want to reverse patterned baldness about their options, but man, does it sometimes suck wondering how much of our insecurities about our hair stem from backwards beliefs that to strive towards beauty is not only preferable but "makes you good."

As someone with a rather masculinized body pre-medical transition, patterned baldness has always seemed neutral. Hair is incredibly important (hell, much of my own energy is spent on my hair because I like it), but the pressure to have hair, to have hair the "right way" is something that I absolutely loathe.

I'm not here to judge people who don't want patterned hair loss or baldness, I'm here to say that those traits will never make you lesser. Not only is it neutral, but it is also just as worthy and beautiful.

[lazer-t]

Now available on my BigCartel store: Themed Bundles

I now have a selection of themed bundles available on my store, themed after types of animals and regions. Each bundle is priced at a significant discount compared to buying all the contents individually.

Variety Bundles:

Tiger Bundle (stickers + magnets + bookmarks + prints)

Sticker Bundles:

Paleo Bundle | Bird Bundle | Fish Bundle | Invertebrate Bundle

Australia Bundle | Africa Bundle | South America Bundle

More themed bundles will be available in the future!

[creating-by-starlight]

Me, every time anyone says anything about "waiting for The One God has for you"/romantic soulmates/etc: Stop, stop, stop! Why are we implying that everyone has a soulmate when everyone does not have a soulmate? God's going to get nasty letters saying "Where's my soulmate? Why haven't I found my soulmate?" and do you want Him to have to deal with that? I don't think so! Stop spouting heresy being so silly!

[slavhew]

misc