#the one who recited poems from his past to comfort john and literally died trying to protect him

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

yknow it's interesting how, for all his talk in s3/4 of not wanting arthur to idolize him, john is... arguably doing something very similar right back.

and it's entirely understandable. john has just been pulled back from his absolute lowest point, and not even through his own determination or sacrifice or whatever, but because he chose to sign his best friend up for a capricious god's games without his knowledge so he could be with him and on earth. he was probably hoping they could have at least a little bit of a breather before kayne's deal started causing new problems. just a little time to ease himself slightly out of pure caged-animal survival mode, to be with the person who helped him find humanity and be reassured that he hasn't completely lost what little of it he had.

...and then he actually gets there, and realizes very quickly that Something Has Gone Very Fucking Wrong in the short time he's been away. john doesn't even know about larson's daughter yet, he has no fucking idea why arthur is so desperate to hunt this man down that he's ready to throw their life away in the process. he needs to believe that arthur has changed, in some fundamental way, and that said change can be reversed. if john just finds the right words, if he can get it through to him that what he's doing is wrong, he can bring his friend back. because if arthur drowns he's going to pull john right down with him, because how is he supposed to keep hold of his barely-recovered morals when he's stuck with someone so hellbent on throwing them away?

when john talks arthur down after killing uncle it is legitimately caring abt his friend, ofc, but it's self-motivated, too. How could they have won? We're nowhere near finished. read as i'm not lost, i'm not damned, there's still a chance for me to be better.

he needs arthur to not be a monster bc otherwise, john has to be one too, and he can't bear that.