#Happy Swalloween

[myroommateisdracula]

someone come take this mans guns

[awoogawolf]

happy swalloween

[clavdialxpez]

i just saw a sign that said "it's cocktober, happy swalloween" so if anyone's on the market for a good present, i found it.

[616e67656c]

Happy Swalloween Fellow Sluts n Pimpz...

[crazyboy3million]

More like happy Swalloween! Ain't know way Johns freaky ass was a spitter 🤩

Happy sawloween

[k-p-p-d]

Only a vampire can love you forever… Let me love you...

[cinnabon-sweetroll-tiramisu]

Merlin: Happy Swalloween!

Arthur: Don't you mean halloween?

Merlin: I guess you don't want your dick sucked then. *happily skips away*

Arthur: What? I do! Merlin, where are you going? Merlin! GET BACK HERE AND SWALLOW THIS DICK!

[bastardtrait]

Happy swalloween

I understand the issues women face now (I’m in a skirt and it has no pockets)

[slutty-puppy-cow]

happy swalloween to those who celebrate 💦

[tedwards77]

Happy Swalloween! 🍆

[xx-key-xx]

Happy swalloween everyone, go suck that di-

[athetos]

Happy swalloween on this suck her dick sunday in the month of cocktober

[xoxoendoh]

👆🏻 Candy-Sweet KakaSaku

“Just how much did you drink before coming down here??” “Sakura,” Kakashi murmured darkly, trailing his hands down her thighs as he knelt at her feet, “I’m still thirsty.”

Happy Swalloween, KakaSaku lovers! 👻🖤🎃 This is my first time contributing to the KS Fandom, though I’ve been meaning to ever since @tipsyraconteur‘s J’accuse! sucked me back in. This lovely little event—@thisisswalloween—was the perfect push, so thank you to the hosts. Hope ya’ll enjoy these 5,119 unedited words of fluffy, teasing, dirty, wine-influenced, ninja-verse KS smut. 

Summary: Kakashi notices that his wife could use a little ‘de-stressing’ before hosting the hospital’s first Halloween Benefit Gala. Good thing he has the perfect cure to what ails Konoha’s new Chief of Surgery….

Read on FF.net | AO3

Jukebox: Ready for a blast from the past? ‘Cause I sure as hell wasn’t when these two gems got stuck in my head at a 🎃 party over the weekend—“Candyman” by Christina Aguilera + “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry. Lawdy, those songs came out when I was in middle school!

“Hey, quit it!” Sakura scolded, slapping the thieving hand away from the overflowing bowl. “Those are for the children, you overgrown twelve-year-old!”

Grinning like an idiot beneath his mask, Kakashi sidestepped the slap she’d aimed for the back of his head and held up his prize. Its vacuum-sealed cellophane glittered under the fluorescent lights as his other hand rose to tear it open.

Her green glare intensified, but she couldn’t keep the corners of her mouth from rising with her favorite petname for the hokage: “Don’t even think about it, old man. Not tonight!”

Before she could sling another insult or fist his way, he had two fingers tucked in his mask, lazily sliding along the seam. Clearly ready to take his pilfering to the next level.

Sakura stilled her eyes as they threatened to roll, instead shaking her head. “I mean it, Kakashi—not tonight!” She jabbed an accusing finger in his direction, switching the digit threateningly with each word: “Put. It. Back.”

Utterly undeterred by her reprimands, Kakashi only escalated his daring heist:

He pried his mask up with those long, deadly fingers and started the gradual descent. A master of prolonging his ‘grand reveal,’ Kakashi slowly peeled it low enough to display the end of his scar, followed by his high cheekbones, that cocky grin of his, …and finally that little beauty mark—the moneymakers. Oh, but he didn’t stop there. A tomcat with his canary, he smirked and began twirling the little white stick between his talented fingers, flipping his stolen goods around like one of his damned kunai.

Showoff, she thought, flattening the grin that threatened to surface at his favorite stupid party trick…and the sight of his striking face. Even now, every single time he shed that mask, she had to stop herself from melting to the floor. Instead, her hands—the ones capable of the most delicate, intricate procedures—met and cracked her knuckles, all menace. She just couldn’t help herself. “Give it here, Hatake.”

“Make me, Hatake,” he quipped, sounding every bit the twelve-year-old.

But damn if he didn’t look every inch the handsome man…. She bristled.

“Listen,” Sakura warned, serious again, “you know I don’t have time for your antics right now.” She’d worked so hard to make this event a success, and there was still so much left to finish! Plus, neither of them were dressed! Her work outfit, sleek as it was, certainly didn’t meet black-tie standards, …and Kakashi didn’t even have his jonin vest on. “Come on, Benjamin Button! Put that back and go pretend you’re interested in the hospital’s finances or something.”

“Make me,” he echoed, fingers dancing dangerously over the perforated edge of the wrapper, crooked smirk widening to expose the gleam of a single canine.

Sakura huffed in exasperation. Kakashi had a playful streak in him—and it ran deep—but her husband was being far more obnoxious than usual tonight! Her hand landed on her hip in preparation to deliver one of her signature “You’re the hokage, now act like it” speeches, but as she opened her mouth, …he sniggered.

Kakashi shrugged his shoulders theatrically and tsk-ed…at her. He nearly sang out his next taunt, “That tired tactic won’t work, Sakuraaa!”

Oh, he knew just how to push her buttons.

Dammit, am I really that predictable?? She twisted the heel of her stiletto into the floor with a frustrated flush but shot a glance at the clock.

For she’d learned his pressure points just as well….

Fine, Kakashi. You asked for it….

A heartbeat later, her features and posture had softened drastically, and she slinked toward him. “You mean you’d really steal candy"—she widened her eyes and covered her heart—"…from sick children??” She gave him a scandalized gasp and clutched at her blouse, …covertly loosening a fastening or two. “Oh, Hokage-sama, I just can’t believe my eyes!” She swooned for him, medical coat swishing dramatically behind her.

Sporting an obvious smirk and a devious twinkle in his eyes, he was visibly pleased to have roped her into his little game and distracted her from her duties. Yet his response came in a masterful deadpan: “Why else would I be listed in so many Bingo Books?” With that, Kakashi sank his teeth into the plastic, tore it off with a savage zeal only he could get away with, …and wrapped his lips around the bright red lollipop.

As much as she wanted to rip his smug little head off, …Sakura couldn’t resist this idiot, her idiot, and he knew it. Her eyes closed as she pinched the bridge of her nose, but she didn’t contain her smile. It would have been a pointless effort when he was trying so hard to get in her pants.

“Mmm…” he hummed loudly, obviously wanting her eyes back on him as his tongue went to town on the lolli behind his lips. “Oooh… Oh, Sakura! It’s my favorite. You know how much I love the taste of…” he trailed off breathlessly, drawing out her torment.

Dammit. Don’t say it. Don’t you dare say it! she warned silently.

He smacked his lips for a sinful little pop around, “…Cherry.”

Keep reading

[foxywoxxy]

Thanks for the homo whore posts. You have an amazing look, matched by your beautiful enthusiasm. Happy Cocktober, bro. The climax: Swallowe'en.

Is it bad I’m lowkey flattered by being called a homo whore?

But thank you have a happy locktober and a messy swalloween.

[k-p-p-d]

“I’m a married woman...Meaning I’m not looking for company.”

Then you should have said, ‘I’m a happily married woman...’”

“You aren’t too smart, are you? I like that in a man.”

—Lawrence Kasdan, Body Heat (1981)

Modern Femmes Fatales : The Black Widow

[mummapaintstheblues]

An Unexpected Swallowing

A request from my beautiful wife @raizagabriel which I took a little spin on.  HAPPY SWALLOWEEN MY LOVES <3 

(1.2k, unedited, unbeta’d, posted at 1am thanks insomnia.

For Pakkun life had been easy lately, a little too easy perhaps, if the size of his stomach was any indication. The same could be said for his own Master, Kakashi currently leaning back in his office chair with a book propped on his lap. From Pakkun’s cozy position, on a pillow by the door, everything was ticking along as usual. Peacefully.

After years of war and service, for the both of them, it was a well deserved reprieve. And in the brief moments that Pakkun missed the action, in a wave of unsolicited nostalgia, something wonderfully weird would come along to distract him and his Hokage master. It was a never ending barrage of absurdity, from eccentric leaders visiting unexpectedly, to clone jutsus gone wrong.

Sometimes Kakashi needed to deal with these things directly, and it was never exactly urgent enough to be summoned for, but sense of duty (and boredom) saw Pakkun never far from whatever action was happening nowadays. And from that was born a tradition, where Pakkun could get a break from the other pups and keep a watchful eye over Kakashi, and nap in his office once or twice a day.

Today was one of those, not busier than usual days, but it had potential to become a veritable shit show. It was about that time of year where the humans got weird ideas in their heads….and even weirder costumes covering their bodies. Pakkun had never attempted to understand it by any means, humans would be humans, and they were an odd bunch to say the least.

A particular scent wafted its way into the room, Pakkun watched Kakashi stiffen imperceptibly as he caught it too a moment later.

So, perhaps things weren’t exactly usual after all. There was one thing that had changed over the last few weeks that had the pug completely baffled to say the least. Again, not that he was attempting to understand it, but any change to Kakashi’s deliberate and precise nature was something to note. It was silly things that only Pakkun would notice, or a highly skilled canine ninja. The scent lingering on his master’s lips, the elevated heart rate, the surging stench of rising testosterone… And it only happened under one condition.

A soft knock before the door opens.

“Sakura, are you early? Or is it that time already?”

“I might be a little early, but I wanted to get a headstart…” Sakura trailed off as she shut the door, the sound of the lock resonating through the sudden silence.

“It’s nice to see you, you look…” Now Kakashi was trailing off as he looked at her with an expression that Pakkun had seen a lot over the last few weeks. Like he was devouring her with his eyes. And this is the point where Pakkun went back to feigning sleep.

Sakura, she was the one condition, the one thing that seemed to be addling Kakashi’s mind the last few weeks. Pakkun held no false pretenses about what was really going on. The two of them were doing some kind of weird dance behind closed doors, it was just unfortunate that he was on the wrong side of the door this time.

There was a soft padding sound of movement, Sakura heading toward the desk, and behind it. A sigh escaping Kakashi, at least it sounded like a sigh to Pakkun while his eyes were shut, it could also have been a sign of impatient human frustration that the pug was just unfamiliar with.

“You look beautiful…” Kakashi finished the sentence in a lower tone, discernable to Pakkun even at this distance.

“You’re looking….edible.”

Sakura’s reply would’ve made Pakkun raise an eyebrow comically if he wasn’t so dead set on pretending to be asleep. Both their voices were quiet, a rushed whisper, but to his exceptional canine hearing it didn’t matter. A wet kind of smacking sound was next, followed by a few sharp intakes of breath. There were more hushed whispers, things that Pakkun would deny ever hearing at a later date. A muffled curse word, the sound of a zipper being tugged down, a soft grunt.

Kakashi made a noise so guttural that it forced Pakkun to crack an eye to survey what was actually happening. It was involuntary, and it was completely regrettable. The Hokage was still sitting back in his office chair, Icha Icha laying face down and forgotten on the desk, his hands raking through his hair with eyes shut tight. But that wasn’t the part that was the most regrettable, it was the sight of Sakura’s pink hair directly in between Kakashi’s legs, fanning out between his thighs.

It was a terrible situation where Pakkun knew he needed to look away, knew that he didn’t want to see what was happening… but he was frozen. Caught and unable or unwilling to look away. Kakashi had a look on his face that was pure ecstacy while that mess of pink in his lap bobbed up and down.

Kakashi shifted, his hands dropping and tugging at Sakura’s hair, they both moaned loudly. Sakura’s muffled by the impressive length she had in her mouth. When there was a frantic shuffling and clothing beginning to disappear rapidly, Pakkun took that as the cue not just to close his eyes, but to leave and find some way to burn the image from his brain.

It wasn’t Kakashi’s fault for forgetting that he was there, especially with the way Sakura hadn’t given him any time to warn the pug. And the offering that she had proposed had probably rushed all the available blood from Kakashi’s head to his groin.

A particularly loud groan reached Pakkun’s ears as he fled from the nearest open window. It wouldn’t do to expose his master by opening the door on him mid… well, whatever carnal event was occurring in that office. Kakashi deserved release just as much as the next dog.

Pakkun made a quick diversion, finding a nice quiet spot with a clear view of Kakashi’s door, for when the event was finished and he could return to his cozy cushion. Not that the underneath of the Nara’s boys desk was uncomfortable, but it was no cushion.

“They at it again?” Came a lazy monotone from above, Shikamaru not even looking up from whatever folder he was rifling through.

“Yeah, and then some…”

It was futile to keep his eyes open any longer waiting for that door to open. So, making the best out of a terrible situation, Pakkun allowed sleep to claim him for a while.

It was the slamming of the Hokage’s office door that roused him finally, and even then he couldn’t have told you how much time had passed. Judging by the light, and the seriously disheveled Sakura, it had been some time. Shikamaru was no longer working above him and there wasn’t much of anyone around the place to speak of. Except Sakura, walking with shaky legs past the desk.

Pakkun unsuccessfully held back a chuckle, couldn’t resist the snide comment before she was out of earshot.

“You might wanna fix your shirt up girly before you head back to the hospital…”

He enjoyed the small squeak and falter of her step as she tried and failed to adjust the buttons of her inside-out shirt.

“Shut it Pakkun or I’ll have you neutered.”