#Hack Hero Zero

[justatalkingface]

I find Endeavor giving up on Toya once he found out that his son's quirk (Blueflame) was self-destructive to be, not only out-of-character, but incredibly stupid.

Endeavor is loaded, he bought Rei. Why not buy Toya special support gear costume with cooling? Aoyama's belt, Mirio's suit, and f*cking Mecha Might basically suggest that support gear can do anything as long as the plot demands it.

Besides that, has Endeavor literally never heard of endurance training? That's literally the only type of training Class 1A does most of the time. Just have Rei on standby if anything goes wrong. It's not like being a human cooler would be the most degrading thing she's suffered.

It's like the first time Aizawa criticized Deku for injuring himself with One for All. Did they try thinking of solutions before trying to get them to give up ?

Also, it's kind of messed that Toya's inability fulfill Endeavor's goals is because Rei, the bought mother. It could've easily been Endeavor's fault, like his intense training at a young age ruined Toya's developing body.

OK, you see, the thing is you're thinking about this logically. Like, Endeavor has been many things, but 'rational' isn't one of them. Deeply toxic and twisted, on the other hand?

You need to think like someone desperate to prove themselves, filled with about eight superiority and inferiority complexes, and yet so resigned to his own inferiority that he ended up needing to make someone else to do it for him. The fact that Toya hurt himself? It meant he was weak. That's it. He was weak for being unable to use his powers safely.

And the second he was weak, he was no longer useful, because he could no longer beat All Might.

(Nevermind, of course, that there was nothing he could do to make someone able to beat All Might, because All Might and All For One are both setting breaking hacks that single handedly break the balance of power. Even a super Shoto with the blue flames of Dabi and, like, absolute zero ice, perfectly balanced and able to withstand his own power, would get casually bitchslapped by All Might. That's how overwhelmingly broken he is.)

Beyond that, it's worth pointing out that, 1, Mecha Might is, again, setting breaking bullshit, even in the bullshit casually tinkertech setting that is MHA, and that 2, while Quirk training is a thing (presumably that's how Dabi was able to be as high functioning as he was with his... well, entire everything, that he grinded with his Quirk until he was able to work beyond the pain), there are limits without Awakenings... and let's be honest, Awakenings are just how Hori tried to explain people's various power ups to try and keep them relevent in the ever increasing clusterfuck of his story. No amount of training would make it so that Toya would not burn himself; training like that increases limits, but it doesn't change how the Quirk works.

There's basiclly no reason, in setting, for someone not to suit themselves entirely in support tech to be a purely tech driven hero, beyond institutional culture that is built around people's Quirks. I can't even say it's expensive, because hell, Mei just pulls them out on the regular, and there's every reason to think she was making them even before she actually got into UA, instead of somehow learning to make them within a week or two of getting into school.

The fact that support tech is so damn underused is almost criminal, especially for people with more limited abilities; can you imagine if Kirashima, with his hardening, was given some kind of ranged tool? An air blast or something?

You're also ignoring all his complexes in implying that, 1, Rei could do anything, when literally she only exists to be a breeder, and I don't think he's ever shown imagining her able to do... anything helpful.

And, most importantly, 2: Endeavor always blames everyone but himself. Always. Even in the 'canon' (I have opinions on the sheer level of retcon there) version of events, with how soft that is on Endeavor, Endeavor sets up Toya to have a psychotic break. He isolates him, orients his entire life around one thing (surpassing All Might) and then takes away the very foundation he built his life on, before basiclly ignoring him and never trying to fix him afterwords; of course the kid is messed up! Yet, all this time, he looks back, and all he can think is, 'I couldn't stop him! Toya was so driven, Toya wouldn't stop hurting himself, Toya wouldn't listen to me!'

Toya, Toya, Toya. Everything wrong with Dabi's story was blamed on Toya, even though he was an actual child and Endeavor was the one with all the control in the family; his recollection of things was so warped you could see how it contracted with literally everyone's experience of events... Of course he was going to blame Rei over himself! Rei is the person he bought, and he's the top hero, rich and famous! Nothing is ever his fault!

(Also, I have opinions on Aizawa, and they're overwhelmingly negative. The fact that Aizawa wanted to ditch Izuku first thing is a result of his overwhelming biases and prejudices..... exactly like Endeavor. MHA has this thing of making massively biased authority figures that are obviously so and then going through fire to protect them from their own actions.)

[superman86to99]

Action Comics #702 (August 1994)

Bloodsport (not the black one, the anti-black one) returns, which means this is gonna be another distressingly violent issue, but hey, at least we get to see Superman hit a Nazi! Right off the bat, we start with Bloodsport mowing down a nice black family because he wants to, as he puts it, "Keep Metropolis Clean." After the "Fall of Metropolis" storyline, the place is pretty messy, so I guess what he actually wants to do is Make It Clean Again, but I digress.

Meanwhile, Ron Troupe, who helped get rid of Bloodsport the last time he popped up, is working on an article in Lois Lane's borrowed laptop, which is apparently the only working computer in Metropolis right now. When they hear about Bloodsport shooting people up on a bridge, Lois and Ron rush there and arrive right in time to watch Superman get owned by pink goo. Racist pink goo.

(New writer David Michelinie sure loves covering guys in goo, huh?)

Bloodsport recognizes Ron (so he can tell black people apart), who once again has a chance to shoot him but can't bring himself to do it. Bloodsport is like "thanks, now I'll kill you anyway" and shoots at Ron but ends up killing a police officer instead. She looked Latina, though, so I guess that's still a win for him.

By the time Superman has freed himself from The Nazi Goo™, Bloodsport has left for "the largest African-American neighborhood in Metropolis," and not precisely to experience the rich culture and cuisine. Once Superman gets there, Bloodsport teleports a bunch of automated guns all around him, which don't look terribly intimidating to someone with bulletproof skin... until Bloodsport points them outwards, targeting random people in the neighborhood to keep Supes distracted while he goes off to do more hate crimes. I regret to inform you that this makes this racist asshole smarter than 90% of criminals Superman has fought.

While Superman deals with that, Ron, feeling guilty because that cop lady died due to his inability shoot guns, decides to fight Bloodsport through something he's actually good at: journalism. And also by logging into Lois' notebook without permission, but I'm pretty sure she'd understand (you'd think she would have gotten stronger passwords after Lex Luthor hacked her, though). Ron uses his own reporting and the dirt Lois recently dug up on Luthor to find out that all those guns Bloodsport can teleport on demand are currently being stored at the LexCorp tower. Luckily, it's much easier to sneak in there since half the place got blown to shit.

The next time Bloodsport tries to teleport a gun to his hand, he gets something else: a handful of molten metal, courtesy of Ron. Turns out Ron can't pull a trigger, but he's perfectly capable of pulling the pin on a grenade.

Without his teleporting guns, Bloodsport is just a regular bigot in a silly costume. Superman doesn't even deign himself to punch this worthless scum with his whole hand, since a finger will do.

Later, Clark compliments Ron on his bravery, but Ron says the real hero is everyone who goes through their day not being a racist asshole. Pretty low bar, Ron, but a nice sentiment.

NEXT: Zero Hour! Finally!

Creator-Watch:

As mentioned, this is the first issue written by Roger Stern's replacement, David Michelinie, fresh off his long run in Spider-Man comics where, among other things, he co-created Venom, the character who still keeps him infrequently employed at Marvel. This is a bit more violent and darker than I like my Superman comics to be (not surprising from the guy who introduced Iron Man's alcoholism and killed Aquaman's Aquababy) -- I'm not sure I like Clark smiling at the end when so many people died in the issue, including a little girl. At least he didn't wink this time!

But, other than that, I think this is a solid done-in-one story and I appreciate having Ron actually contribute to the plot in a meaningful way. Michelinie clearly did his homework in regards to the continuity and seems to have a good handle on the characters, particularly Lois and Clark. Their interaction in this issue is kinda hokey, but come on, it's Lois and Clark. They're allowed to be hokey.

However, I do remember having one serious complaint about Michelinie's run the first time I read it: an almost complete lack of Bibbo, which is unforgivable. We'll see how accurate that impression is.

Plotline-Watch:

Bloodsport says he survived the explosion in his last appearance because the circuitry in his weapon teleporter got "jangled" and teleported him away. Wait, so he suffered a teleporter malfunction in a comic and didn't become fused with his guns or something? Missed opportunity, if you ask me. At the very least he could have gained the ability to teleport at will, like a racist Nightcrawler. Maybe he could have inexplicably gained a German accent too.

Jimmy Olsen, who's apparently been looking for Lucy Lane since he ditched her with some wannabe rocker girls during the Massacre storyline (that had to be days ago, right?), finally finds her with those same girls, but it's okay because they're friends now. Lucy tells tells Jimmy that the Riot Grrrls invited her to that charity concert for rebuilding Metropolis we've been hearing about lately, the mere mention of which seems to offend Jimmy. Don Sparrow says: "I want to believe Jimmy’s 'whatchoo talkin' bout Willis' expression is due to his shared (with me) hatred of Jeb Friedman, the concern organizer." That, or he remembered that the concert headliner, his old friend Babe, owes him $5.

I've been reading several DC comics published in August 1994 and this is one of the few that didn't include any teasers for Zero Hour whatsoever (stuff like the future city in Green Lantern #54 or the dinosaurs in the latest issues of Guy Gardner: Warrior). At the time, some might have thought that having a full-on Nazi running around in the present could count as an anachronism but, uh, I think we've established by now that that's sadly not the case...

Plug-Watch:

On the subject of Superman punching Nazis, I fully recommend our old pal Patrick Ryall's "Superman vs. Bigots" column at The Avocado, where he goes over instances of Superman Family characters facing bigots across the ages, from the time Supes arrested Hitler in the '40s to the "Perry White vs. the Ku Klux Klan" issue from this era (which we haven't covered yet, so spoilers). Good stuff!

Now a self-plug: as mentioned in our post for the time-displaced Action #642, I've been putting together a sort of Superman '86 to '99 reading guide at my fav'rit current social media site (sorry, BlueSky), League of Comic Geeks, where I'm writing a short blurb about every issue from this era mentioning what's special, noteworthy, or weird/funny about it. At first I was just copying a paragraph or two from our old posts and throwing in a "read more" link, hoping to drive more readers to the newsletter, but I've started rewriting them to be more like something you'd see in an episode guide or a book about the '86-'99 period... which is an intriguing idea. Anyway, here's that reading guide link again, because this paragraph doesn't have enough clickable words in it already: https://leagueofcomicgeeks.com/profile/mrmxy/lists/58097/superman-86-to-99-checklist-wip

Shouts Outs-Watch:

Nazi-punching shout outs to our supporters, Aaron, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, Bol, Dave Shevlin, and Dave Blosser! Join them (and get extra non-continuity articles; we've got some cartoon-related ones lined up) via Patreon or our newsletter's "pay what you want" mode!

To see more of Don's take on this issue, including his thoughts on Jimmy's physique, keep reading!

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

We start with the cover, and it keeps the tradition of other Bloodsport covers where Bloodsport is firing a ridiculously high-calibre weapon.  I know the cover text (which generally I dislike) is ironic in this context, but it still bugs me slightly—Bloodsport’s views are so poisonous, even as a villain I hate seeing them represented. But buckle up, because there’s a whoooooole lot of that in this issue.

Lucky for me I’m mostly here to focus on the art, and it’s good throughout, as upsetting and violent as some of the visuals are.  The doomed, completely innocent family who are mowed down by gunfire on page 3 are very well drawn—and coloured—I love rim-lighting, and it’s rarely rendered in orange.

An odd thing happens on page 5, which you sometimes see—artists get so used to drawing everyone with superheroic proportions that even civilians get He-Man action figure physiques—this happens with Jimmy Olsen in that first panel (yes, another Superman song reference on a Jimmy Olsen t-shirt, this time it’s Crash Test Dummies being given a shout-out) looking pretty ‘roided out complete with obliques visible through his shirt.  Not to say that I don’t think Jimmy’s in good shape, but typically he’s a bit more average in build, or so it seems in this suggestive pin-up by Jerry Ordway in 1988…

[Max: You have no idea the amount of research Don did to find that pin-up, which both of us remembered but couldn't place (it turned out to be in the incredible Modern Masters: Jerry Ordway book by TwoMorrows), but it was 100% worth the effort.]

Moving on, the upside down takeoff on page 13 is well done.  Jackson Guice’s Superman always seems to have slightly longer hair than how the other artists draw him, but it’s a consistent thing, so I can’t complain too much.  There’s an unfortunately Michael Jackson-looking Superman grimace on page 18 (shamone), but by the end of the story, Superman’s extremely ticked face is a great panel.

SPEEDING BULLETS:

The Daily Planet offices are, apparently, very near Boring Plaza, named after longtime Superman great, Wayne Boring.

GODWATCH: Dig the beat cop, Marcy, characterizing Superman as an answer to prayer on page 8.  As things go wrong in other places in the book, both Ron Troupe and Superman invoke the almighty in frustration or despair.  Lastly, as Clark and Ron bond in their agreement that racism is gross and wrong, and share an amen.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Bloodsport does not support the then-current Democratic President, Bill Clinton. 

Same as the last time this Alexander Trent version of Bloodsport popped up, I find this an extremely troubling issue.  I get that Bloodsport is a villain, and a dastardly one at that. But even so, I hate some of the words and views he’s sharing—words I don’t even want to type to repeat here—appearing in a Superman comic at all.  With characters this heinous, we almost need an editorial box disclaiming Trent’s statements, as they go unchallenged in the narrative as the character monologues to himself.  Similar to the last issue with Bloodsport, there’s an awful lot of carnage and innocent death for a comics code book, and it’s something I think the better Superman stories steer away from.  It’s hard not to be bothered by the juxtaposition of a black family being gunned down discriminately against Lois and Clark comfortably flirting.

Kudos to Ron for figuring out where Bloodsport’s weapons cache was, but, like in the last appearance of this Bloodsport, I can’t help but wonder why Superman doesn’t try to ionize the air around Bloodsport using his heat vision, since it was so effective the first time he faced this kind of teleporter tactic.  A single line of dialogue could have hand-waved it away, but it seems like a missed opportunity. [Max: True. I would have even taken a "Drat, can't do that since I already did it in another issue! Gotta mix it up!"]

Some small irony that it was a clone war that reduced Metropolis to rubble in this issue, in the first issue from new Action Comics writer David Michelinie, who slinked away after kicking off the wildly controversial Clone Saga over in Spider-Man before joining DC Comics.

Any serviceman’s death in the line of duty is a tragedy, but this Carroll O’Connor looking sergeant must have been pretty close to his pension as it was, no? [Max: I think Bloodsport spared him, though... probably because he loves Archie Bunker so much.]

Missed an issue? Looking for an old storyline? Check out our new chronological issue index!

[twistedwonderlandsimps]

I've already actually had ideas similar to this but I've never really gotten around to writing it but!

Yuu AU where Yuu comes from a high-fantasy world. All kinds of creatures, whether mythological or not, exist in Yuu's world and aren't limited to humans. Additionally, humans aren't powerless because some of them actually have superhuman abilities and even magic. Kind of like the world building in 'I'm Not This Kind Of Hero' (check it out, it's a classic and makes me feel old) or Medusa and Futakuchi-san by Makise Shaun. Also, now that I think about it, it’s similar to Monster High but the atmosphere’s different. Monster High’s more on the creepy-cool theme while this one’s a more wider and diverse side. Same concept, different font.

Human, elves, dragons, dwarves, nymphs, slimes, fairies, humanoid, non-humanoid, whatever species it is, exists back in Yuu's world. Imagine Yuu belonging to one of these species.

Yuu as a giant merperson like Shirahoshi from One Piece. Of course they aren't in their  true form when they arrive because they won't be able to fit in the Mirror Chambers otherwise. Yuu definitely has the advantage when the Octavinelle arc comes up because they just steamroll past through the twins with a flick of their tail, lmao.

Yuu as a harpy. If they're the type that can lay eggs, imagine having to explain to Deuce that no, the egg they laid wasn't fertilized so it wasn't going to turn into a baby, calm down. Oooo, now that I think about it, variations of harpies! Owls, crows, eagles, everything! Regardless, Harpy!Yuu probably puffs up threateningly every time Crowley's somewhere in the vicinity.

Yuu as a dragonkin. Are they the Western type with the more lizard features? Are they the Eastern type with the more noodle-like features? Are they able to completely turn human or are they the type who constantly has their draconic features out? Probably either sees Malleus as a threat because of territorial and hoarding instincts or tries to hoard Malleus themselves because kin instincts. Well, depending on the type of dragon Yuu's gonna be, that is. Some dragons are solo creatures while others are more social.

Yuu as a slime. Whether they're more humanoid or just a round ball of goo, this Yuu's just vibing. Virtually zero damage can be done to them since they always just reform unless they're met with their weakness. Of course, this also depends on what kind of slime Yuu's gonna be since there's like a ton of slime variants out there. Some are infused elementally, some are infused with something else like metal, poison, acid, whatever. Oooo, just imagine a tiny ball of blob that can fit on the palm of your hand. This Yuu would probably be used as a stress ball a lot, that is if Yuu allowed it. Imagine a Yuu slime variant that doesn’t speak but instead wiggles to communicate. 

Yuu as a shadow creature. Which when faced off against the overblots just utterly decimates them immediately because not only are they a creature of the shadows, they are the shadows themselves. Kind of like Pride from Fullmetal Alchemist minus the eyes. Just imagine seeing your housewarden overblot and having this ink creature menacingly looming behind them and then see an even bigger creature appear and loom behind them. 

Yuu as an android, kinda like Ortho. I feel like this Yuu is the type to give Ortho a gun and be like, “Go, commit crimes, child.” This Yuu is probably a walking, talking military-grade bioweapon. Was definitely a big headache for Idia in STYX because Yuu hacked and overrode the systems.

Yuu as an arachne (spider-human hybrid). They just arrived and someone in the Mirror Chambar already fainted, frothing at the mouth (It was totally Jamil). They get Ramshackle and was like, ‘Score!’ and now it’s full of spiderwebs everywhere. It looks even more haunted than before, they’ve made themselves completely home. I don’t know why but I imagine this Yuu being the cheerful and energetic type.

Of course, let’s not forget the possibilities for the human variants of Yuu. Mad scientist Yuu who likes creating androids and robots. Probably has these tiny drone things hovering around them that shoot out lasers and practically doesn’t step outside Ramshackle because they’re too busy trying to build stuff until Crowley forces them out. Magic user Yuu who, well, uses magic. Probably doesn’t need any wand to cast spells and their magic is probably more versatile than the magic in Twisted Wonderland because they virtually have no limits in casting whatever aside from their limited mana.

Anyway, High Fantasy!Yuu.

[greeenchrysanthemums]

Hermitcraft x MHA au

I will never use this au but I had to get it off my brain or I would not be able to get anything done. Fair warning, none of this is very thought out, so it is not my best work when it comes to aus.

I'm thinking that The Watchers would be the main threat. They want to return to a world without heroes. The way they go about doing this is by slowly targeting pro-heroes, attacking them when they're alone, and stealing their quirk; sometimes even going so far as killing them with their own stolen quirk. As these attacks become more frequent and heroes start falling left and right, the heroes decide something has to be done about it.

A group of heroes gets called forward by the hero commission for a top-secret mission to locate The Watchers and take them down before they can do any more harm than they already have. The main cast would consist of Grian, Pearl, Impulse, Scar, and Mumbo; with Etho, Cub, Gem, and Skizz as supporting cast.

Scar

Quirk: None. He uses support items to enhance his strength and speed, and uses a bow and arrow as his weapon of choice.

About: #1 pro-hero. He's wanted nothing more than to be the #1 hero ever since he was young and was very determined to do just that despite his lack of quirk. He takes the hero ranking very seriously and treats Grian like his rival. He is often disheartened by Grian's inability to take things seriously. Only a few select people are privy to the fact that he is a quirkless hero, and he ends up using that to his advantage when they find out The Watchers are stealing peoples quirks.

Originally, it was only going to be Scar that went after The Watchers, but he put in a request for a team, and The Commission approved of it. Scar was the one to recommend the commission ask for Grian's help, because as much as he considers him a rival and thinks he needs to take things more serious, Scar sees how skilled Grian is and wanted him on the team.

Hero Name: Sharpshot

Grian

Quirk: Explosion. He creates explosions from the palms of his hands and the soles of his feet.

About: #2 pro-hero. He never intended to be popular, and only really got into being a hero to have a little fun, but people ended up liking him, so his ratings skyrocketed at the start of his career and have stayed relatively consistent as it progressed. He could not care less about the hero rankings and isn't even aware that his own placement is so high.

He is very destructive and careless. He usually leaves a lot of property damage behind in his wake, which somehow does not tank his public ratings? He's a little cocky and a little full of himself, enjoys blowing things up just a little but too much. At first, he was only helping with the case because he thought it sounded fun. He would be the first team member attacked by The Watchers after their mission officially starts, barely making it out alive. He starts taking things more seriously after the encounter.

Hero Name: Ground-Zero

Mumbo

Quirk: Technokensis. He has a level of control over technology, such as computers and similar hardware. For example, he is able to remotely hack computer systems as well as security systems.

About: An underground hero who specializes in information gathering and infiltration. He always hated the sensationalized nature of the hero industry and tries to stay out of the limelight. He is well adept at hacking and creating programs without the use of his quirk. He only agreed to join the mission because Grian, his best friend, begged him to. Grian's reasoning? It would be boring without Mumbo. However, Mumbo ends up becoming vital to their mission and is the one to gather all their intel and get them into places.

Hero Name: Computo

Pearl

Quirk: Lightshow. She can create clusters of light similar to stars and control their brightness and multiplicity.

About: #14 pro-hero. Despite being a new hero (only a few months into her pro career) Pearl's flashy quirk and endearing attitude has made her a quickly beloved and well recognized hero. She is very, very excited to be working with the #1 hero on a mission as important as this one.

Hero Name: Moon-Ray

Impulse

Quirk: Candy. He can secrete a thick, caramel-like substance from his body that he can harden or soften at will. When hard, it is incredibly hard to break, making it perfect for securing villains and unstable structures alike. It's also edible.

About: #5 pro-hero. He's sweet and funny, so it is no surprise that he is fairly high ranked. He is popular with kids. His quirk is surprisingly effective for things like search and rescue, so he is often called in as a first responder to disasters. He doesn't fight very many high-class villains but will jump at the opportunity to help in any way he can whether or not he is outclassed. Pearl was his sidekick before she went pro, and he was the one who put the hero commission in contact with her for the mission.

Hero Name: ???

Etho

Quirk: Magnesis. He has control over all metals. Not only can he move it around at will, it can also become malleable in his hands and he can mold them into whatever shape he desires

About: Former #1 hero who retired after receiving near fatal injuries in a fight with a villain, including the loss of an arm and leg, and permanent damage to one of his eyes. He now works in the support department creating items for other heroes. He helped create some of Scar's support items.

Hero Name (former): Forge

Cub

Quirk: Chemical sweat. He can secrete any number of different chemicals from his body as long as he knows their make up (similar to Momo's quirk but he can only make chemical compounds).

About: Scar's longtime friend who has supported him from the very beginning even when others doubted him. He was the one who got Scar into contact with Etho. Due to the nature of his quirk, he can also create medicine, so he acts as a medic for the heroes. He likes to experiment with poisons.

Hero Name: The Doctor (not an official name, that is just what he is referred to as).

Skizz

Quirk: Dove. He has a mutation type quirk that gives him a pair of massive, white wings. He can fly with them, and they also become rock hard to protect him from attacks. He cannot fly with them when they are in protection mode.

About: Skizz is Impulse's former hero partner and is currently a gym teacher at a hero school. He occasionally still helps Impulse out with villains/missions when it is asked of him. He is everyone's first go to for venting, and he gives a mean hug. He was Pearl and Gem's gym teacher.

Hero Name (former): Angel

Gem

Quirk: Manifest(?). She can take on the attributes of any animal in her immediate vicinity. For example, if a bird flies over her, she may turn her arms into wings or sprout them from her back (though that takes more effort and concentration). She does not have to see the animal for this to work, they just have to be near her. It works with bugs too.

About: #15 hero and Pearl's hero partner. They attended a hero school together and always had the intention of working together after graduating. Gem was disheartened when she was not invited to be a part of the operation to take down The Watchers, but she was happy for Pearl nonetheless and supports her all the way. She still offers support from time to time, but she is not an official part of the operation. She was not invited because they deemed her quirk "too situational" since it relied on a live animal being near her at all times for her to maintain a manifestation.

Hero Name: Fauna

[robinewe]

Two Soulmates

Prompt #22-- Doubles

My heart was pounding amid the quiet, the occasional creak of metal or far off shouting. The light was dim, I could tell even under my blindfold, but even though I couldn’t see I could sense that I was alone. My fingers worked at the knots at my wrists. I’d always been good at knots, I had a Girl Scouts badge to prove it. The rope was slick, synthetic fiber, so it came easily undone.

I yanked off the blindfold and blinked while I willed my eyes to adjust faster. The room was much as I’d expected. Cavernous, dim, no windows, light only from a flickering fluorescent bulb somewhere high above. Lots of entrances and exits to choose from. Rusting metal and clouds of dust everywhere.

I checked my wrist, still feeling the bite of the ropes, and saw that the number etched in white across the skin there read a clear 00:00:00:00:02:46. I yanked the sleeve of my jacket down over it, heat rising to my face. That was just so soon, and I couldn’t imagine the most momentous occasion of my life occurring in such a place as this, an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere. Just my luck.

Seeing as I was alone, I had some searching to do. I dashed out of the room, following those distant shouts with a growing apprehension in my stomach. What happened after I found them? How were we to escape?

00:00:00:00:01:25 read the counter on my wrist. A part of the infrastructure collapsed and sent a storm of dust and debris through the corridor. I coughed, hacking into my elbow and squeezing my eyes shut.

There was now a gaping hole in the wall, and artificial light streamed through. The sounds of fighting were much louder now. They were through there.

I took a deep breath and braced myself and climbed over the metallic shrapnel through the wall. I could hear nothing but shouting, weapons firing, metal hitting metal, objects raining to the floor. I caught sight of neither combatant, only finding the evidence of their battle.

The timer on my wrist ticked down as a blast of heated energy hit the platform above me, and the supports gave out from under one side. It came swinging down towards me, and I screamed, throwing my arms over my face. The thing exploded in the air above me, but a clear glowing shield of energy surrounded me then, the debris bouncing harmlessly away. I found myself on the ground regardless.

I opened my eyes to see two concerned faces as the timer struck zero. There were warm, dark brown eyes further away, amidst curly light hair and an orange scarf covering the bottom half of his face. He held a long, thin gun that radiated heat and distorted the air around it, recently used. Much closer to me were eyes that were icy blue, set in a face with gaunt cheekbones, under dark hair, hidden with no mask. Emanating from his hand was the energy shielding me from harm.

The moment stood still, frozen, while we watched each other with wide eyes.

The villain spoke first, recovering his calculated posture and withdrawing the energy. “So it’s you.”

The hero took a second to recover, but then he took a stilted step towards us. “I-”

A look of irritation passed across the villain’s face. “This is a private moment, if you wouldn’t mind.” He snapped his fingers and a flash of ice erupted from his palms, encasing the hero’s entire body in a jagged block of ice.

I was still on the ground, and I started pushing myself backwards, away from the villain. I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I wasn’t sure if the hero was dead or not. I knew that I was afraid of the villain. I had seen what he’d done before.

“Don’t be afraid,” he said, holding up his hands placatingly. “Look.” His sleeve slipped down to reveal a timer ticking up, only a minute or so in. I quickly looked down to my own wrist, and saw a duplicate of the same number: 00:00:00:00:03:11. They counted up in tandem. They had since the moment I had first locked eyes with the villain. The notion made me feel something in my stomach, a sort of nausea, though whether it was giddiness or dread I couldn’t say.

I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t say anything, and I was worried that my soulmate had just killed someone in front of me not moments after we had met. I was afraid that my soulmate was a murderer, and I didn’t know what that meant about me. I still found myself on the ground, unable to move away further.

“I would never hurt my own soulmate,” the villain said. “I’ve been waiting an awfully long time to meet you. Haven’t you?” Cautiously, he offered me a hand, stepping closer to do so. He was tall and slight, bending like a tree to lean over me and extending a hand tipped with long, graceful fingers. I placed my hand in his, and he easily pulled me to my feet and then close into his side, wrapping an arm around me. My head didn’t reach the height of his shoulders.

“Is this some kind of trick?” I asked, once I could force my lips to move again. His face fell.

“Of course not,” he said. “How does one trick fate itself?”

“Why would I fall in love with a supervillain?”

His lip twitched. “Now that’s stereotyping. It’s rude, you don’t even know me.”

“I’ve seen what you do,” I protested.

“We don’t have time for this. Hero’s already thawing himself out,” he jerked a thumb towards his ice sculpture. Those brown eyes were still frozen staring at me, looking almost frantic, as the ice around him dripped. The tip of his heat gun had already freed itself, sticking out of the ice and a little streak of fire coming out of the end. Soon the hero’s hands would be free, and then the rest of him.

I couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. He was alive. I took a step towards him, to go and make sure that he would stay that way, but the villain blocked my path.

“Please, we can talk more about this somewhere else where it’s safer. Look, you’ve already got me begging. That’s something I don’t do every day.” My eyes drifted back up to him.

“Fine.”

He replaced his arm around my shoulder and guided me swiftly out of the warehouse, to where a car awaited us. It hovered above the ground with a gentle hum of air, and the windows were tinted entirely black. The villain opened the rounded door, gesturing me inside with a bow and a quirk of his lips. I stepped inside, and found it well-kept and clean, a newer expensive model of the podcar that I would never have expected to see in my lifetime. My friends all had the first generation, with all their faults and peculiarities, most of them full of patched repair jobs and junk filling the space.

It had an automatic pilot, so the villain needed only to duck in behind me, and order, “Drive us home.”

The ice eventually thawed to the point where the hero’s wrist was out and visible. It counted upwards in perfect synchronicity with the villain’s and mine. But he was powerless to stop as his worst enemy stole away his true love.

[maxwell-grant]

HEROFY: Mysterio

I think the later decades have only made "disgruntled VFX worker who abandons Hollywood to strike out on his own artistically" easier to root for but let's do something new:

Quentin Beck has basically the same backstory, kid who loves movies and grows up making stop-motion shorts even against his family's wishes and develops enough technical knowhow to become a VFX artist and stuntman. The problem being, he's a VFX artist and stuntman, both of his jobs are unstable or unsafe, overwork him to the bone, and net him absolutely zero recognition. He keeps screwing up jobs because he plans for things that go way over budget, and he keeps getting screwed out of jobs because, he's a VFX artist and stuntman in film, it comes with the territory. He's only really a stuntman because he needs an extra source of revenue and he desperately wanted something that was still in film. He is trying to conciliate his all-consuming love for the artform with his need for money and dignity and conditions necessary to live so he can keep on with his work (and also his ego, because you can't divest Mysterio from his ego). He lives for one thing, and it's killing him.

Some people have put forth the idea that the rise of superheroes would cause special effects workers and magicians to be rendered obsolete and that being the kick-off to Mysterio's career, but I'm gonna argue the opposite would happen: film chases reality, not the other way around. So instead, the advent of the Fantastic Four and the Avengers puts a HUGE pressure on the film industry to advance and quadruple down on replicating the things that people go crazy for in the papers. Billion dollar budgets, CGI advancements rushed out the door years too early, actors being replaced by digital puppets, etc. Quentin Beck has to live and find work in an MCU world overnight and it drives him to the breaking point. And then, he hears about Spider-Man, this carefree flipping freak who abandoned showbiz to be a full-time superhero, this sellout hack in tights who will pretty soon be a franchise and a nightmare for stuntmen everywhere to play, and it's the last straw, so he decides to go and pick a fight with him. Partially because he wants to stop Turn Off the Dark from happening, but mostly to see if he can be the hero instead of this insulting little snot that needs to be put in his place.

And then he succeeds. He gets away with everything in that original story and Spider-Man actually gives up, bows out of costumed life. Mysterio is now a hero revered in the papers with a parade thrown in his honor, and best of all, he has FINALLY found a calling that makes use of his expertise. He can finally give Hollywood the middlefinger and use his artistic talents for something AND make a living AND be appreciated for it. He figures that with this, he can probably start making his own movies, maybe cash out the Mysterio character as a franchise, and eventually retire. But there's two problems.

One, is that he got what he wanted. He disgraced and replaced Spider-Man, and so now he gets to be the main character of Spider-Man comics, and thus, deal with all the Spider-Man problems. Two, that his fight with Spider-Man? The "greatest action scene in history"? This time, the cameraman got it all on film. Mysterio achieved the greatest, most thrilling and impactful scene of his career, and he wasn't even trying. Worse, his co-star, the villain of the scene, is now gone. Beck could just let it go, but he can't. He can't peak this early, by accident. He can't be a fluke. He can't.

So now he has to actually go out there and fight crime, again and again and again and again, in the hopes that he can get it all on film, in the hopes that he will find a villain as thrilling to fight as Spider-Man, in the hopes that it will be another hit, another masterpiece, because while nobody gives a fuck about Quentin Beck still, Mysterio is now a film icon. Not only can he not allow himself to be a one-hit wonder, he can NEVER unmask and ride this out into a lucrative retirement, and he can't turn to crime and risk being exposed either, because he can't ruin the character everyone loves now. He can't ruin his life's work. He has made a masterpiece, and now he has to make it forever.

With great art, comes great expectation.

[tabletopgayventures]

My current list of Tabletop Roleplaying Games.

13th Age

1879

A Grim Hack

Aberrant 

Absolute Power

Abyss

Accursed 

After The War

Anima Beyond Fantasy

Animal Adventures:  The Faraway Sea

Apocalypse World

Arkham Horror The Roleplaying Game Starter Set

Ars Magica 4th Edition

Arzium

Avatar Legends Starter Set

Babes in the Wood

Badger + Coyote and their Daring Adventures 2E

BattleTech:  A Time of War

Beacon Tabletop RPG

Beam Saber

Blades in the Dark

Bulldogs

Bunkers & Badasses

Cairn

Call of Cthulhu

Candela Obscura

Cantrip

Cats of Cathulhu

Chaos 6010

Champions Now

Collateral Damage

Contagion 2e

Cortex Prime Game Handbook

Cosmic Patrol

Cowboy Bebop Roleplaying Game

Coyote and Crow

Cthulhu Awakens

Cthulhutech

Cypher System 

Daisy Chainsaw

Deathmatch Island

Defiant Role Playing Game

Denial & Yearning

Dialect

Dinocar

Dinosaur Princesses

Discworld RPG

Dragon Age Roleplaying Game

Dragonbane

Dread

Dream Machines

Dresden Files Accelerated RPG

Dungeon Crawl Classics

Dungeons and Dragons 3.5

Dungeons and Dragons 5e

Durance

Dwelling

Epitaph

Epoch

Essence 20

Fabula Ultima

Fantasy Age

Fate Core System

Fever Nights Role-Playing Game

Flabbergasted

Fragged Empire

Fratboys Vs

Girl By Moonlight

Glitter Hearts

Goblin Quest

Goblin Slayer TRPG

Gods of Metal:  Ragnarock

Hannukkah Goblins

Have Axe, Will Travel

Hellfrost

Here, There, Be Monsters!

Hero Kids Fantasy RPG

Heroes Against the Darkness

Hopes and Dreams

Hounds 

I’m the Badguy?!?

In Nomine

In the Ashes

Inevitable A Doomed Arthurian Western

Ink

Interns In The Dark

Into the Dungeon

Jiangshi:  Blood in the Banquet Hall

Jordenheim

Katana-Ra

Kids on Bikes 2nd Edition

Killshot an Assassin’s Journal

Konosuba TRPG

Leverage The Quickstart Job

Lilliputian Adventure on the Open Seas

Little Fears Nightmare Edition

Lost Roads

Marvel Multiverse RPG

Mermaid Adventures

Micro rpg book

Modern Age

Monster of the Week

Moonlight On Roseville Beach

Mork Borg

Motel Spooky Nine

Musketeers vs. Cthulhu

Mutant Year Zero

My Mother’s Kitchen

Necrobiotic

Never Going Home

Night Shift:  Veterans of the Supernatural Wars

Night Wolves

Numenera

Odyssey Black Tales

OneDice Pirates & Dragons

One More Quest

Ork! The RPG

Our Woodland Gods

Outcast Silver Raiders 

Outgunned

Over the Edge

Overlight

Pasion De Las Pasiones

Pathfinder 1st Edition

Pathfinder 2nd Edition

Pathfinder Savage Worlds

Perils & Princesses

Pirate Borg

Power Rangers RPG

Prism

Psychic Trash Detectives

Punk’s Been Dead Since ‘79

Queerz!

Raccoon Sky Pirates

Raven

Rebels of the Outlaw Wastes

Reign

Rhapsody of Blood

Rivers of London

Ryuu Tama natural fantasy role play

Samurai Goths of the Apocalypse

Scum and Villainy

Shadowrun 5e

Shadows Of The Past

Shield Maidens

Shiver

Someone in this Tavern is a fucking mimic!

Spell The RPG

Squeeze

Star Trek Adventures Captain’s Log 

Star Trek Adventures The Roleplaying Game

Star Trek Adventures Second Edition

Star Wars 

Starfinder 1st Edition

Starfinder 2nd Edition

Stoneburner

Syma

Tangled

Temples and Tombs

The Bleackness

The Dark West

The Dread of Night

The Play’s the Thing

The Quiet Year

The Revenant Society

The Void

The Watch

Thirsty Sword Lesbians

This Discord has Ghosts in It

This house is Fucking Haunted

Thousand Year Old Vampire

Tomorrow City

Troika!

Unisystem

Urban Decay

Utopia

Vaesen

Vagabond

Valiant Universe

Variations On Your Body

Venture and Dungeon

Waffles For Esther

Wanderhome

Warcraft The Roleplaying Game

Werewolf the Apocalypse

What Lurks Above

What Lurks Beneath

What Lurks Beyond

World Ending Game

Yazeba’s Bed & Breakfast

Xianta Cyber Wuxia

Xoe Microplayer

Zweihander

I'll update this list as I get more. Feel free to send me ideas and also reblog this!

[randomfoggytiger]

Kitchener Essences: David Duchovny

Already tackled Gillian Anderson's essence here, so, it's David's turn!

John Kitchener, like Kibbe, created his system on top of the yin-yang methodology other stylists were constructing in the early 20th century. Yet instead of focusing on the body's structure as a whole (Kibbe's method), Kitchener zeroed in on the face: particularly, its holistic expression.

ESSENCES AND THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY

(Credit to: Ellie-Jean Royden)

I'd previously written a post about the Feminine vs. Masculine balance in David Duchovny's face (post here); but found, as I was working on this project, that that method and the Kitchener method overlap each other. Both assess the yin (soft, rounded, curved lines) and yang (sharp, narrow or blunt, chiseled lines) of a person's face; and draw up a general impression others would have of them at a neutral first glance.

These tools may not appeal to everyone; but boy do they work hand and glove in the entertainment industry. Actors can disguise their natural essence in a role by embodying another person; can tone down their masculine vs. feminine balance with hair, makeup, and styling; and can lean into their natural aura for promotion and marketing. Of course, there is some degree of typecasting-- it would be harder (or impossible) for a person with Gamine Essence (smaller facial features with dynamic odds and ends) to pull off an Ethereal Essence (long, sleek, elongated, elegant lines) than it would for an Ethereal to pull off a Dramatic Essence (as Cate Blanchett did for Thor: Ragnarök.) This system also effectually proves Kibbe's warning: one cannot evaluate a person's Kibbe body type by the face alone-- Ingenue Leonardo DiCaprio and Classic (if I recall) Colin Firth are both Romantics, after all. Similarly, 5'2" Kibbe Theatrical Romantic Gillian Anderson and 5'10" Kibbe Dramatic Tilda Swinton share a striking Ethereal Essence.

**Note**: If you don't care to ingest the full post, skip straight to the DAVID DUCHOVNY header for his analysis.

DECODING KITCHENER ESSENCES FOR MEN

As per my first Essence post, I will be including transcripts and screenshots from Ellie-Jean Royden's video on the topic (here). Also, highly recommend Gabriella Arruda, who has a more practical, everyday wear approach to the Essences (as well as excellent videos combining them with the Kibbe Body Types-- my posts on GA's and DD's Kibbe here and here, respectively-- and seasonal color analysis.)

Dramatic

The Most Yang Dominant (strong features)-- sharp, narrow, long, hard. Defined by: danger, wildness, boldness, theatrical, dark, extravagant, intense, dignified. Dramatic faces tend to have three or more elongated and “hard” traits: high and dominant cheekbones, long faces, sharp jawlines, sharp noses, slightly narrow eyes, narrow lips.  

Dramatics look best in sharp, tailored clothes; in bold, extravagant, theatrical styles; …in unconventional or unusual patterns; in asymmetry or straight lines; …in unusual textures or dangerous styles (leather, for example.)  

Natural

Yang Dominant (strong features)-- blunt, wide, broad, and elongated…instead of elongated, sharp, harsh (you might see men with Dramatic Essence as the villain in a movie… Natural Essence tends to be… the hero of the film.) Defined by: relaxed, earthy, sporty, active, wild, easygoing, approachable, rugged (...chopping a tree down or hacking a block of wood ready for a fire.) 

They look best in simple, comfortable, relaxed clothes. They tend to look formal in the most casual and simple styles; whereas… in a suit, they tend to look quite constrained…. Jeans and a t-shirt… don’t look casual or sloppy… looks like it belongs…. Look good in loose fitting; sturdy, oversized sort of styles. Anything with unstructured shapes, layering, or denim. 

Gamine

Yang Dominant (strong features)--  sharp or angular features, with some youthful elements (large and soft eyes, or slightly wide and soft noses, or slightly rounded cheekbones with a sharp jaw and narrow eyes.) Defined by: quirky, rebellious, whimsical, youthful (but not as youthful as Ingenue Essence), boyish, playful, fun. Like a Dramatic in some ways… with a youthful undercurrent to them.  

They look really good when poking fun at fashion. They look good in mix-n-match or retro styles. They look good in bold colors or unusual patterns. High contrast; quite cool in rolled up jeans or “teenager” hoodies. They look good in lots of detail and compact styles and maybe some whimsical elements. 

Classic

Neither Yang nor Yin Dominant (symmetrically balanced features)-- in the middle, not particularly sharp or soft; timeless, neutral features (no defining characteristic features.) Defined by: clean, timeless, elegant, sophisticated, formal, conservative.  

They look best in minimal details, allowing their own beauty to shine through. They look good in smooth and controlled lines. They become more memorable as everything else is "stripped" away. They look good in timeless looks-- it doesn't look boring or outdated; tends to look very elegant and chic. You could even describe them as looking regal... in these styles. They look good in symmetry, balance, neutral colors, and quality fabrics.

Romantic

Yin Dominant (soft features)-- soft, round facial features; smouldering eyes; lush lips; slightly narrow jaws; round cheeks or slightly wide noses; often have dark hair and high contrast (like Dramatics, except with shorter, softer lines.) Defined by: sensual, alluring, lush, romantic.  

They look good in soft, lush fabrics (like velvet.) Look best in bowties over long ties. They might look good in something a little undone, looser fabrics, softer fabrics. In red or lush colors. In large, rounded patterns. Jewels or jewel tones. 

Ingenue

Yin Dominant (soft features)-- baby-like faces (lots of Hollywood male heartthrobs are Ingenues, ex. Leo DiCaprio); small, slightly wide noses; rounder eyes; round cheekbones; plump but smallish lips; rounded and shorter faces. Defined by: sweet looking, innocent, gentle, delicate, adorable, youthful (less “boudoir” than Romantics in the same styles.)

They look best in delicate and small details. Whimsical styles; in anything vintage; in pastel or pale colors; in decorative styles like small floral prints or things that hark back to another era. They look really good in ornate, intricate sort of things. And of course, with soft, delicate fabrics. These men look much better in a bow tie than in a long tie because this mimics their short, rounded facial features. 

Ethereal

The Most Yin Dominant (soft features)-- a meeting between yin and yang features. They have elongated faces; some sharp facial features like cheekbones or high foreheads, but with rounded or slightly wide set eyes or soft lips. (Not blending their yin and yang together like Classic, or contrasting it like Gamines.) Defined by: pure, wise, timeless, otherworldly, ageless, old souls, uncanny, celestial (tend to be cast in fantasy roles.) 

They look really good in metallics; soft, lightweight, fluttery fabrics; vintage or period pieces with… fantastical, ornate, intricate elements. Too many overdone details tips into caricature; instead, they could opt for gray instead of black, or create a long visual line down with their hair.

DAVID DUCHOVNY

Let's start from the top: discovering what are David's worst essences.

What David Isn't

Dramatic

Dramatic is the worst Essence for DD, turning his flare for the "out there" into costume and caricature, wearing him instead of the other way 'round. As such, he often hams up his poses or expressions to better match the energy of the shot, transforming it from avant-garde fashion to tongue-in-cheek performance art.

Gamine

David is drawn to pizzazz, to bold colors, to unique styles. There's a part of his nature that responds to it-- which is easy to see why, when we explore his primary Essence. However: he walks right by the most flattering option to snatch up the second worst.

He's a handsome man, no doubt... but even his looks can't save him from the consequences of his dilapidated fashion sense. Youthful vibes very well with David; but he jumps upon an "aha!" too vigorously, overdoing it with more and more funky, punky, spiky, mismatchy elements. Not even his Kibbe can save him: if he'd been Romantic or Gamine instead of Soft Natural, his shorter bones might have been able to more effectively cover up the disjointed effect.

The bottom rows can be salvageable, as his hairstyle would be dependent on what outfit he wore with it. But even at face value, there's something off about too much tousle either way. The bland-for-him Classic Essence shirt in the last picture doesn't help matters.

Classic

Classic is not the worst on David; but it's not the best, either.

Minimal detail on David tends to wash out his unique charm, burying it under too much finish or polish. The suit in the first picture appears to have been purposefully bought a size up in an attempt to "soften" the silhouette on DD (without success); and the second is too pinched and narrow in the shoulders and too widening and tailored at the hips (a typical Classic silhouette composed of equal parts yin and yang.) The two gray shirts, however, are better: they fit the lines of his body (Kibbe), are Medium Value gray (an aspect of his seasonal color analysis), and are better accessorized with tiny details (buttons and pockets.) Steps in the right direction, but not a complete victory.

Romantic

David's styling and poses are overtly sexual here; but the result is more akin to off-the-clock lounging than reach-into-your-heart-through-your-eyes-and-consume-your-soul sensuality. Put more concisely, his sexy isn't boudoir or bodice ripper.

The top pose is the most off-kilter; but the second row's pictures are all salvageable. David's neutral expression in the first pic changes the effect into steamy relaxation; his pose and delicate elements in the second turns the shot into something fresh and almost soulful; and his luxuriously soft hair and pajamas in the third reads as one clean, complete look. The last two particularly are mixed with his primary and secondary Essences.

What David Is

Natural

Maybe. Not discounting the possibility.

It wouldn't be a surprise: David is a Kibbe Soft Natural; and there is definite overlap between its lines and Kitchener's Essence. However: David can only handle teeny tiny amounts of it. Too much and he looks like a clean-shaven homeless man wearing the wealthy neighborhood's overpriced hand-me-downs instead of his old, gunky, raggedy hoodie. That, or a struggling artist.

The top left look is salvageable: his glasses are a complimentarily small detail, his sleeves are rolled up above the wrists, his hair isn't too wild or unkempt, and his pants aren't visible in the shot. Not the best, but definitely not the worst.

Ethereal

The gray shirt's back! That's because, despite the intent of the shot, the end result is an Ethereal Essence come to life: long, luxurious, draping silhouette; lower contrast grey instead of a harsher, richer color like black; and shadowy, "otherworldly" set dressing.

David's first two looks are from the same photoshoot. The metallic sheen in his suit and Ethereal graphic on his shirt turn this look from a classic silhouette into a statement piece, one that perfectly accords with David's blink-and-you'll-miss-it expression and understated-overstated drama.

However: it's not his best Essence: lines that are too flowy or too long or too "flyaway" jar slightly with his persona-- not quite messy, but not quite right.

Ingenue

David's best Essence is Ingenue-- and no wonder. Even early on his career, fans were calling him a puppy and wanting to take care of him.

His sensuality is expressed by irrepressible innocence, that element of childishness he misinterprets as Gamine's boyishly spunky, eternally youthful spark. With that in mind, he should focus on softer details instead-- not replacing his funky inclinations so much as tempering them. Funk on a smaller, scale: delicate ornateness instead of jagged edges and opposing prints; repeatable patterns instead of differing styles mashed together. David should also lean into buttons, comfy textured fabrics, and bowties to match the tiny, repeated curves in his face.

COMPARING OTHER SOFT NATURAL ESSENCES

Let's test out his Ingenue Essence.

How shall we do that? By comparing him to other men that share his same Kibbe Soft Natural body type.

Dramatic Essence: None

I don't have a Dramatic SN to compare; but i think we can all conclude that this Essence doesn't scream 'David Duchovny.'

Natural Essence: Brad Pitt and Robert Redford

Brad and Robert are put together and at ease in differing levels of "dishevelment." David, though more "himself", does not (even with the same level of tailoring and styling care in the first photo as Brad.)

Gamine Essence: Gene Kelly

Gene comes alive in bold, expressive, potentially clashing elements. David, however, looks mismatched and uncomfortable.

Classic Essence: John Wayne

While John shines with minimal detail, David becomes flat.

Romantic Essence: George Clooney

Here we can see George's effortless romanticism and David's endearing Ingenue charm radiating from their pores.

Ingenue Essence: Bing Crosby

With both of their hair slicked up and back, it's too easy to spot the shared tiny, delicate aspects dominating Bing's and David's face. Bing's bowtie and David's small-scale tie further accentuate these features, as do their softer profiles and lower contrast.

Ethereal Essence: None

Again, I was unable to find a Kibbe approved Soft Natural that fit the Ethereal requirements. However, I did find DD in an Ethereal shirt and studio set; so, let us gaze upon it, note it works but not fully, and move along.

COMPARING TWO INGENUE ESSENCES

To further prove the Ingenue theory, we can compare him against Kibbe Romantic Elijah Wood's Ingenue Essence. Both have smaller scale facial features, softer lines, and softer silhouettes. They are also complimented very naturally by smaller scale accessories, smaller scale repeating patterns, smaller scale soft tailoring, and smaller scale bowties (compared to their regular ones.) These touches tap into and bring out their "cute" undercurrent easily and effectively.

ALL TOGETHER

CONCLUSION

Ingenue-Ethereal, perhaps Ingenue-Ethereal-Natural. Not bad!

It makes sense why he and Gillian sold The X-Files: the softened bluntness of his Kibbe created a striking visual contrast against her narrow, sharp Kibbe while their close percentages of Ethereal Essence knit those differences back together in an otherworldly, mythical pursuit of the truth (be it men, monsters, or insane work hours.)

Meanwhile, David is drawn to characteristic detail, unfortunately expressing that dynamic essence through Gamine rather than its perfect twin Ingenue. Furthermore, his love of long, less-restrictive lines is also misplaced in the Natural Essence, whereas it would be right at home in the equally less restrictive but also softer and sleeker Ethereal Essence.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[brucewaynehater101]

Cooked up an AU based on the Power Rangers & Digimon asks

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

Power Rangers Digital Division

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

Introducing Timothy "Tim" Drake, Batclan fan extraordinaire

Seriously, you should check out all those hero photos he's caught

And you wanna know what's better than being way too young to stay up all night for one special interest? Two special interests!

Particularly these weird .mon files he keeps finding on his journey to hacking mastery. He can't decipher them quite yet, but they look so interesting and there's so many designs

It's only when screen-of-death blue and ones and zeros climb from his keyboard to his arms and the rest of his body does he realize that biting off more than you can chew is very, very real

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

Introducing Subject "Thorn" 13, escaped clone extraordinaire

Hard to not be the very best escapee when you're the only escapee. Same with being a thorn to child protective services

Good thing he got out of Metropolis soon as he could, Mr. Lex had nothing good to say about Superman back in the lab, and given the horror he was also experiencing second hand about mere cops? he trusts those tales

There's a reason he keeps kryptonite on his person, hearing and smelling and hearing so many horrible things is too much

Eat the rich, but they're good for some things

He paused his thoughts to look at his one and only companion. well, not really, but he can barely take care of himself, so a digital alternative is much preferable

Thorn was proud to say he stole it from the labs themselves. People called it an off-brand tamagotchi, but he'd say it was even better

Yuramon. It was even more plantlike than him. Demanding he be near quality soil and bath it's screen in sunlight in the real world

Sunlight on his skin, nobody questioning his presence, and no acts of cruelty nearby, he's never felt safer . . .

Ding!

[Yuramon is ready to digivolve and it wants you to see it up close and personally!]

[Will you plug in to an internet connected device?]

[Yes] / [No]

Say no to that? Hell no! He had a phone right on his person

He quickly ran to a vacant alleyway. He wanted to keep this special moment all to himself!

Connecting to the local library's wifi, he was careful to not break anything as his devices connected

Yuramon was right there on his phone screen, ready to Digivolve! Grow!

It's when his screen began to glow brighter than the highest setting and his hands were irremovable from the screen he realized something was up

Yeah when it felt like he was being sucked into the glow he had an idea where this was going

He was going to become a missing person, they'd figure out a child who stole Luthor tech vanished because of it, and Superman would get on his case

Oh come on! He stole his phone from a cop! Why is he suddenly getting the "hero learns a moral" treatment?

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

Bart, frankly enough, didn't trust this world. past present or future

There was a reason the Earth was cooked if his memories and this time period's social study books were any indication

Not even the digital world faced world ending threats as often. granted, it kind of already ended itself . . .

But with him and Terriermon by each other's side, they'll find a way back; They're in this together!

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

Pursurimon! Pursurimon! Pursurimon!!!1 Cassie blasts onto the keyboard

Could you blame her? Her mother just uncovered a wicked (recent!) artifact and she already got permission to blab

She attached a picture of the rusted item to her message

[Pursurimon] Woah!

[Pursurimon] My friend found one as well

[Wondrland] huh??///

No fucking way

[Pursurimon] Can I show you through the screen?

Accept Pursurimon's Request?

Yes / No

a video chat she had to assume. They've known each other long enough that she's comfortable with it

Going off topic, this forum needed to get itself together. the team might be small, sure, but not everyone could put cryptic pop-up messages and clues together

It's only after clicking yes and getting dragged through the screen with claws, that Cassie thinks there was probably more to internet safety than she thought

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This AU is takes ideas from both Digimon animes, and various Power Ranger series

Short explanation. Tim accidentally digivolved a .mon while messing with a DigiMorpher through the screen. using the digivolution energy, the .mon dragged him into the digital world cuz it was curious

Cassie's mom found a DigiMorpher and Pusurimon thought "it's fate!" and asked a friend to drag her in while it was busy draggin in Tim. Cassie & Pusuri met through the forum

Cassie coming in with her own DigiMorpher digivolved Pusurimon to Herissmon

Luthor was poking around the digital world and decided to try and raise a loyal digimon from birth. The baby wasn't even meant to hatch yet, he intended to have it be a designer baby

Thorn stole a very vulnerable prototype. When it's time to Digivolve at last, Yuramon used the vulnerabilities to meet it's partner face to face at last w/ the help of a DigiMorpher

Bart and Terriermon already had their own & figured out how to turn it on at long last (for whatever reason it would not turn on), this allowed them to reenter the digital world

This is also the eighth's first meeting altogether

In a nutshell; Tim and Commandramon, Cassie and Herissmon, Thorn and Petimeramon, Bart and Terriermon

confused? Me too. I'm jumping from section to section typing this up as we go along

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I didn't make a backstory of lore lol

Basically, the four are the DigiDestined chosen to wield DigiMorphers, special Digivices that not only Digivolve their partners but also allow the wielders to DigiMorph into the Power Rangers of the Digital Division; Digivision for short

They are a special group of Power Rangers meant to protect the Digital and Real World from threats connected to the Digital World or will have a negative effect on it

These DigiMorphers come with the ability to transport their holder and whatever/whomever they choose between the two worlds

Furthermore, as their partners, the four Digimon get this for free, no DigiMorpher required

Oh frick, the actual Power Rangers part

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Tim Drake - Virus Ranger, suit's main color is blue camouflage just like his partner's

Thorn - Data Ranger, suit mixes yellow & orange w/ accents of red

Bart Allen - Vaccine Ranger, cream with a secondary green

Cassie Sandsmark - Free Ranger, silver with golden accents

When transformed, their partners will gain pieces of armor matching or similar to the ranger's suits. in Commandramon's case, a full wardrobe change

I was agonizing over what classic colors to give the four, until I realized it was completely unneeded, canon is our bitch

DigiMorpher suits are designed to integrate traits and colors of the ranger's partner

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Team dynamics!

// Bart is from a dystopic future and was placed in a virtual reality to experience growing up in a body matching his mental age. Except he got booted into a post-apocalyptic Digital World. Oh, and he could use the speed force without restriction here

There he met Terriermon and they've been partners ever since, they also found an inactive DigiMorpher. It's a mystery they've spent forever trying to solve

By the time his mind caught up with his body, the two got booted again to what the rest call present time. Likely due to the two experimenting with the speed force or using it for something else for whatever reason, maybe it was even intentional

Due to growing up and only remembering the digital world, learning about Earth through lingering data, Bart is the de facto leader for any operations dealing with Digimon or the Digital World

However, the Digital World he and Terriermon knew was post-apocalyptic, and they know next to nothing about their Earth, much less it's history-now-present

They have their work cut out for them relearning and learning so much. Feeling out of place in their home will probably also be an angst point even if the digital world truly is better this way than it was in the future

// Tim Drake, by virtue of extensive parental neglect and a load of natural curiosity, knows the most about superism and the Real World, missions taking place there or regarding it falls onto him to work with

// So Bart and Tim are co-leaders of sort

// Cassie—by virtue of her divine lineage—is best suited for conversing with Digimon of divine/irl cultural origin. Direct relation to the Zues puts a foot in the door. She's close with her mother and has learned plenty of several cultures so the knowledge will help as well

((see the wikimon's page for list of mythological refs in digimon))

All there is to worry about is how much she knows in the first place and the cultural differences of the cultures of an entire digital world!

// Thorn—seconded by Bart—has the most learning to do

Whereas Bart has to relearn a familiar but unfamiliar world and a brand new one, Thorn has to learn two new worlds at once

Thorn is a clone fed so many lies by Luthor and he's only just figured out that some of his world is built on lies

He and Petimeramon have a long way to go, but him telling the crew his backstory may just give them a head start to listing down their future rogues gallery 

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if Jason still dies and Batman spirals just like in canon, instead of Tim cleaning up after him—

Well Tim is still gonna make sure the victims are recovered from his rampage, but he's not going to become Robin. he has his own team

Instead he and Dobermon (less obvious artillery and thus less likely to make Batman think bad of them) are going to force Batman to listen to them and maybe request their teammates or other digimon they can recruit for backup

This is an intervention. Batman will either put up the cape and only come back if he attends therapy and genuinely recovers enough from his grief to be a sufficient hero again

Should Batman continue brutalizing Gothamites however, they will chase him down and have him imprisoned legally for as long as the law allows

"Do you want to keep being a hero Batman? It's yes or no."

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Attributes!

Ever since entering the Digital World (with Bart being an exception, we'll get to him when we get there) the four gained Attributes which they share with their partners. Thank the DigiMorphers for that

// Tim has the Virus attribute, as he has been hacking and distorting data for a good while

Plus Commandramon can camouflage in real time, something Tim had to learn to get Batphotos

// Cassie has the Free attribute, since she's descended from Zues who existed before technology, much less attributes, ever existed

Herissmon stores treasures in its fur only shared with close friends, a nod to Helena's archeology career

// Thorn ignores his Kryptonian heritage, wants nothing to do with supers, and tries to pass for human for his own personal peace, hence the Data attribute

His partner starting off as a petimeramon in the Baby II stage instead of Child stage like everyone else's is also a metaphor for how much learning they have to do

// Bart has a Vaccine Attribute due to having future knowledge and can thus act against threats that otherwise would have succeeded ahead of time

Oh, and a big reason for the apocalypse the Digital World went through was the X Program, which Bart and Terriermon only knew the aftermath of

Terriermon was born into the Digital World with a dormant X-Antibody of its own while Bart got that and his Vaccine attribute after the two agreed to be partners

The X Program has been dormant itself too, but better safe than sorry, the surviving digimon of the apocalypse say

I haven't come up w/ exact details but when in the Digital World, or in Ranger form, their attributes become more prominent in some way, shape, or form. Doubly so doing both at once

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They are the second generation of the Digivision, and even if information on their predecessors exist, it leaves a lot to be desired

So instead they must turn to the morphers themselves; Tim takes it upon himself to try and crack—maybe even jailbreak—them

It's up to the writer how much information they can yield from the morphers, plus the intricacies of the task (for example, say Tim need the morpher's wielder presence or even aid to avoid meeting an even greater firewall), but it's going to a tough and long ride 

Maybe there's episodes where Tim or others fuck up when he's hacking places in the Digital World or the DigiMorphers or even the mechas and hijinks ensue as they cope with and try to fix their mistakes

I don't even know how they figure out the whole DigiDestined and Power Rangers deal 💀💀💀 we can worry about that later lol

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"Power Rangers, Digitize!" that's the transformation phrase

Maybe because the morphers were found rusted, in a destroyed Digital World, and otherwise left to rot for a good while

That could be a plotpoint, all the DigiMorphers are damaged in their own unique ways, repairing them requires different solutions but unlocks stronger features over time

Initially they can only transform or Digivolve, neither at once

but as their Morphers get repaired they unlock transforming and digivolving, weapons, biomerging, and the obligatory mechas

Except I want it to be a blend of biomerging and my memories of typical power ranger mechas

And I think I have a compromise. When it's time to bring the mecha out, the respective Ranger and Digimon have to be biomerged, turn into pure Data, and then they can go into the mech as data, and pilot it from there

So they effectively become the mech in a sense

When making the obligatory megamecha, it's basically eight people synchronized into one until it's time to unmerge

Said mechas are scattered across the Digital and Real world, so the team has to learn/know they exist, find them, and first time using them manually transfer them across worlds if they want to.

Later on as Morphers get repaired they can summon their mechas across worlds and to their coordinates with a command, but early into using them, this time sensitivity is going to be something they have to manage

Idk what they'd even be called I just know they exist in this au

I got nothing else lmao 💀💀💀💀

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So the DigiDestined are like, really young here, like somewhere around ten to thirteen, which begs the question

Do they look like adults in Ranger form or are obviously kids?

The former gives secret identity security + identity shenanigans + dramatic irony, while the latter can be used for Outsider POV angst and humor as kids whoop their elders asses

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Also as the Power Rangers Digital Division make a name for themselves, I think they'd try to make connections in the Digital World and maybe the real one too to gain manpower and ease the weight off their shoulders

Since they have to focus on the duties they got dubiously selected for, any other time spent outside of obligatory Ranger and DigiDestined stuff would be spent doing volunteer work and other lowscale street level stuff, like so low scale it's barely even crime fighting

I'm taking saving cats from trees lowscale

If anyone argues against them being so low-level in the super scene, even by streetlevel standards, people immedietely point to the rare times a gigantic monster popped up which only the eight were equipped to fight against via their own megamecha

and the statements where they said they're very focussed on fighting threats before they reach the kaiju vs megamecha point of fighting

its even worse if they are very clearly children

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Tim does not tinker with a digimon data on the principle that he is not playing god in a way that can go dramatically wrong but he does learn how to observe the data. Data he can record

Later on, he learns when transformed &/or in the digital world, he can view their own DNA as if it were data and some of that data in Terriermon's and Bart's is the X-Antibody they've talked about

If he can activate it, he can unlock more digivolutions and security and a major leg-up against their foes in general

Maybe he can even give it to his whole team and other allies giving them an edge in battle

And they don't need to worry about the X Program at all if they play their cards right, right?

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Wait how does this affect Young Justice/Teen Titans and canonical relationships---?

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Extra notes

Petimeramon digivolves into a candmon the first time in hopes of giving back the sunlight Thorn gave them; alas, they became a Data Attribute who couldn't

But maybe later down the line, they can become a Coronamon and give Thorn that sunlight they want to give back

Came up with Thorn's name when figuring out a believable shortening of "Thir" in "thirteen"

Heck ya boy isn't gonna like that they share a villain with Superman from the very start, that guy said Superman would have him killed!

But Cassie and Tim can teach the facts of Luthor's villainy, just how deep it goes, and the truth to contradict the lies he lived trusting

Heck if digimon based on irl mythology and the real deals interact, wtf is gonna happen? Cassie my girl, will you be okay?

Remember the post about Tim not seeing himself as obligated to follow Batman's morality? Dobermon, who Commandra can digivolve to, has the power to steal abilities and destroy Digicores, which sound up his alley when push comes to shove

idk if other power ranger groups exist here or not but the crossovers between would be fun

I mean, the words Digital Division implies other groups so that can go into the team's research as well

Heck maybe some Power Rangers are retired and or still active and there's a sideplot where after learning of the Digital Division, they try to track them down to give their own guidance and support

The wikimon is your savior if you dunno anything about digimon like me

Main thing that made me drop the idea of doing ranger colors is the fact that Bart or Tim are both team leader at least at the start

I was like "how do I make them both red & thus leader?" then I remember that fanfiction is all about heresy against canon lol

This is basically Digimon with Power Rangers tacked on, maybe the Digital Division was formed when previous rangers met digimon due to threats to the two joined together and stuck for a good long time? idk my brain is cooked

I think seeing Barbara duke it out against Digimon or the Power Rangers and even manage to get herself her own Digivice, maybe even a DigiMorpher, perhaps even a DIY version, would be fun

Barbara getting her own Digimon and being an outside context problem the Power Rangers don't even anticipate would be fun af to explore, even more her diy-ing a digivice or even morpher

While the digimon start off in one evolution branch with the same attribute as their partners, later on they will experiment with their entire trees

Speaking of evolution tree's, all I got for go-to adult stage evolutions at the start are Dobermon for Commandramon and Galgomon to Rapidmon for Terriermon

Feel free but not pressured to add onto this as you wish!

I know absolutely nothing about Digimon and only a slight bit more about Power Rangers. However, this was fascinating to read.

Some aspects I loved about this AU:

Kon's name being Thorn. Since he never meets Superman, that makes so much sense! Fics where Kon has a different name would be cool to see/explore (especially if he was glancing at alternative versions of himself).

The digital world with YJ was a very interesting concept to think about. Idk much about Digimon, but there's a ton of cool ideas to explore just with the notion that YJ has to protect an alternate dimension (dimension meaning one connected to their world but not easily accessible by the populace [like hell, virtual internet, some shit Raven sees, etc.])

Barbara would become God if she got her hands on this world, and I am here for that. That woman deserves to be worshiped and praised

The attributes are hella cool and definitely fit the characters well

Threatening Batman with jail time :D

YJ meeting sooner than canon. It's just such a cute concept

The nod to Spider-Man with the smaller level crimes

There's more, but those stuck out.

I really loved your little comments throughout and "canon is our bitch" specifically made me laugh.

I am curious about the other yj members. Would they have this AU's powers temporarily while they are part of the team?

[weathermanpolls]

Original Gangster: They were nothing but unthinking robots. While fun, trying to add any depths to the series proves impossible, and instead leans more on slapstick comedy.

X: Dr. Light decided to build a real AI, but realized that putting a real AI in a nearly invincible robot was... problematic, so put him in stasis to test his morality. He's uncovered by Dr. Cain, who decides to blatantly copy him, and make no effort to make sure his new, fully sentient Reploids were moral. Some of them started going "Maverick", and the days of Humanity seemed numbered, as the damage caused by these Mavericks dramatically escalated, up to an including a colony drop. The series is known for much more dynamic action and deeper, emotional stories, as the main character is conflicted about killing Mavericks, and whole armies fall to darkness. This is unfortunately the attempt at make-it-better remakes that changed the map order, despite the fact you physically cannot get to many places without your rocket assist.

Legends: One of the early attempts at 3d. Almost all early attempts at 3d were bad, at least in 3d controls. But, this game has a warm place in many hearts. And, you get to play as Roll, whom has super vacuum powers.

NT: What if Megaman was a programme that fights other programmes? Relies in the common late 90's/early aughts complete misunderstanding of hacking, but it is filled with interesting characters, both real and virtual. That said, it was patently obvious they were trying to create a world dedicated to alternate revenue channels. Good thing e-commerce wasn't sophisticated enough yet, or the schoolyard fights over Pokemon would seem like child's play.

Zero: The true successor to X. Keiji Inafune originally wanted to make Zero, Megaman, but Capcom was basically like, "fuck you, make Megaman blue and less edgy". So, X was meant to be a short series that lead to Zero in the future. X5 was meant to be the final X game, and then transition into Zero. Capcom was like $.$, and made more X games, that are so terrible it's better to never play them. Because Zero was where Inafune wanted to go. In Zero, X has gotten tired of Mavericks trying to wipe out Humanity, and decided to wipe out Reploids. Zero, with the help of Reploid resistance, and... Elves... (sentient computer programmes), fought back.

ZX: Humans and Reploids have merged, and... honestly, no mention of Keiji Inafune, who doesn't like to spend his entire life on one franchise, and instead wants to create bounded stories that have a beginning and end. So, Humans are Robots, Robots are Humans, and you get to pick the sex of your protagonist! Something-something ancient artifacts that literally turn the Humans/Robots into pale imitations of the original heroes.

Shooting Star is the distant descendant of NT, and I don't really know much, other than it's in space!

[datcloudboi]

List of Video Games Turning 20 Years Old in 2024

Alien Hominid (started off life as a Flash game and graduated to a real game.)

Army Men: Sarge's War (the sequel to the Sarge’s Heroes games, but this one was rated T for Teen and used realistic guns instead of plastic ones)

Astro Boy: Omega Factor (seriously, if you have a chance to play this, take it. This game is AMAZING)

Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance II

The Bard's Tale (the 2004 version with the guy who played Wesley in The Princess Bride)

Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings & the Lost Ocean (hey! That collection with this game and it's follow-up is out on the Switch now! Go get it!)

Blinx 2: Masters of Time and Space

Blood Will Tell: Tezuka Osamu's Dororo

BloodRayne 2

Boktai 2: Solar Boy Django (this GBA game had a special cartridge that required you to go outside into the sunlight to power up your character in game)

Breakdown

Bujingai: The Forsaken City (the game where you play as Gackt)

Burnout 3: Takedown

Call of Duty: United Offensive

Call of Duty: Finest Hour (a side story to the original Call of Duty, which came out the year before)

Capcom Fighting Evolution (the darkest of the dark age of fighting games)

Carmen Sandiego: The Secret of the Stolen Drums (a full-on adventure game where you play as the mascot of a series of edutainment games)

Champions of Norrath: Realms of EverQuest

The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay (the rare movie-in game that's not only really good, but is actually better than the movie it's based on)

Crash Bandicoot Purple: Ripto's Rampage + Spyro Orange: The Cortex Conspiracy

Crash Twinsanity (a childhood favorite)

Crimson Tears

Crusader Kings

Custom Robo (the first one in the series to release in North America)

Cy Girls

Dead Man's Hand

Dead or Alive Ultimate (remakes of Dead or Alive 1 and Dead or Alive 2)

Def Jam: Fight for NY (the vastly superior sequel to Vendetta)

Dog's Life

Doom 3 (the original version. Hope you've got a flashlight on you...)

Dragon Ball Z: Supersonic Warriors

Dragon Ball Z: Buu's Fury (the final game in the Legacy of Goku series)

Dragon Ball Z: Budokai 3

Drakengard (Yoko Taro's debut as a game director)

Driver 3

Evil Genius

Fable (another childhood favorite)

Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel (the last Fallout game made by Interplay before Bethesda acquired the IP.)

Far Cry (the very first one.)

Feel the Magic: XY/XX (a launch title for the Nintendo DS)

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles (the only Final Fantasy game to release for the GameCube)

Final Fantasy I & II: Dawn of Souls (remakes of the first two mainline Final Fantasy games)

Forgotten Realms: Demon Stone

Front Mission 4

F-Zero: GP Legend (the last F-Zero game to release for almost 2 decades, until F-Zero 99 released in 2023.)

Galleon

Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex (the PS2 one. There was another version of SAC that released for the PSP a year later that is completely different.)

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon 2

Ghosthunter

Godzilla: Save the World

GoldenEye: Rogue Agent

Gradius V (the last mainline Gradius game)

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

Grand Theft Auto Advance (yes, there was a GTA game on the GBA.)

Growlanser Generations

Guilty Gear Isuka

.hack//Quarantine

Half-Life 2

Halo 2

Hitman: Contracts (the third one)

Hot Shots Golf Fore! (yet another childhood favorite)

It's Mr. Pants (Rareware made this for the GBA after being acquired by Microsoft)

Jak 3

James Bond 007: Everything or Nothing

Katamari Damacy (the very first Katamari game)

Killzone (PlayStation's supposed "Halo killer".)

KOF: Maximum Impact

Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories

Kirby & the Amazing Mirror

The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures

Lifeline (a microphone-based survival horror game for the PS2 by Konami.)

The Lord of the Rings: The Third Age (a turn-based RPG that uses the exact same battle system as Final Fantasy X.)

The Lord of the Rings: The Battle for Middle-Earth

Mario Golf: Advance Tour

Mario Party 6

Mario Pinball Land

Mario Power Tennis (not to be confused with "Mario Golf: Power Tour" for the GBA.)

Mario vs. Donkey Kong (the first one, which is getting a remake for the Switch in February!)

Maximo vs. Army of Zin

MechAssault 2: Lone Wolf

Medal of Honor: Pacific Assault

Mega Man: Battle Chip Challenge

Mega Man Battle Network 4: Red Sun/Blue Moon

Mega Man X: Command Mission

Mega Man Zero 3

Mega Man X8 (yeah, there was a lot of Mega Man stuff in 2004.)

Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes (a remake of the original Metal Gear Solid for the GameCube)

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (SNAAAAAKE EATERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR)

Metal Wolf Chaos (LET'S PARTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY)

Metroid: Zero Mission (a remake of the original Metroid for the GBA.)

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes

Monster Hunter (the very first one)

Mortal Kombat: Deception

Mushihimesama ((a bullet hell that you’ve probably seen a lot of if you search for “HARDEST GAME OF ALL TIME?????” on YouTube)

Myst IV: Revelation

Need for Speed: Underground 2

Ninja Gaiden (the reboot from the Dead or Alive devs)

The Nintendo DS

Onimusha 3: Demon Siege

Otogi 2: Immortal Warriors (an action-adventure hack & slash made by FromSoftware)

Painkiller

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (can you believe this is getting a remake this year??)

Phantom Brave

Pikmin 2

Pitfall: The Lost Expedition (the last game in an series that started all the back in 1982 on the Atari 2600)

Pokemon Colosseum

Pokemon FireRed/LeafGreen

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within

Psi-Ops: The Mindgate Conspiracy

Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal (the 3rd one)

Red Dead Revolver (the predecessor to Red Dead Redemption.)

Resident Evil Outbreak

R-Type Final

Sacred

Samurai Warriors

Scaler

American McGee Presents: Scrapland

Second Sight

Serious Sam: Next Encounter

Shadow Hearts: Covenant

Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne (you know that “Featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry series” meme you guys love so much? This is where that came from.)

Silent Hill 4: The Room

Siren (a spirital successor to Silent Hill from the same creative director)

Sly 2: Band of Thieves

Sonic Heroes

Sonic Battle (an arena fighter for the GBA.)

Sonic Advance 3

Spider-Man 2 ((based on the movie of the same name. The one with the really good web-slinging)

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow (the 2nd one)

Spyro: A Hero's Tail (the 5th one)

Star Ocean: Till the End of Time (the 3rd one)

Star Wars: Battlefront (the one that everyone liked)

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II - The Sith Lords

Steel Battalion: Line of Contact ((this, and the original Steel Battalion two years prior, used a special controller called the Mega-Jockey 9000, which had 44 buttons, two joysticks, a throttle handle, a radio channel dial, five switches, an eject button, and three foot pedals.)

Sudeki

The Suffering

Super Mario 64 DS

Syphon Filter: The Omega Strain (the 4th one)

Tales of Symphonia

Thief: Deadly Shadows (the 3rd one)

Tony Hawk's Underground 2

Total War: Rome

Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines

Viewtiful Joe 2

Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War

X-Men Legends

[helix-enterprises117]

My Headcanon Star Wars Timeline

This might also double as a "Star Wars: A Beginner's Guide," so if you want, you can also use this as a reference for Star Wars stories you can pick up if you want to get into the franchise; but ultimately, this is not the main point of this post.

Pretty much all Pre-BBY Legends stories: How the Sith and Jedi came to be, how lightsabers were created, the first wars, how everything started out as a high-fantasy before it evolved into proper sci-fi, the fleshing out of the midi-chlorians as entities in Star Wars... it's all so damn fascinating.

KOTOR - KORTOR II: SITH LORDS - SWTOR: The Knights Of The Old Republic games, and it's unofficial third entry in the form of 'Star Wars: The Old Republic,' are stories that take place in an even LONGER time ago in the same galaxy that's far, far away. The first game talks about Revan, the second talks about 'The Exhile' and the third game has both characters be greater-scope forces in the background that influence the events of the game.

The Prequel Trilogy: I never had a problem with these movies. I grew up playing the LEGO games, so I guess it never registered to me that these were bad. But I love the prequels.

The Clone Wars 2003: Unpopular opinion, but this is way better than Clone Wars 2008; no offense to anyone who loves the 3D Show, but the 2003 cartoon is a flashy and high-octane series that NEVER stopped and it had an appealing art/animation style. More importantly, the characters here are far more faithful to their film counterparts than 2008!CW. Plus, Grieveous was a straight BADASS in this show.

Republic Commando (both the book & the game): The book is generally a good read, but the game is basically "What if Star Wars made a Halo game?"

Revenge Of The Sith - Junior Novelization: While RotS is a good movie, the book is... it's just so much better. It goes in-depth into Anakin's descent into complete madness, properly fleshing out his paranoia and his trust in Palpatine; it makes everything he's gone through in the film more believable.

Jedi Fallen Order, Force Unleashed, Force Unleashed II, Jedi Suvivor: These four games, all taking place in-between episodes III and IV, are two sides of the same coin. Both are epic hack-n'-slash games where you play as a lightsaber-wielding force-user. But that's where their similarities end, the Force Unleashed games are power-fantasy games where you are so unbelievably powerful that you can do just about anything; the Jedi games are a more traditional journey from zero-to-hero where you start out weak and the gameplay requires a bit of legitimate skill to properly master.

The Han Solo Books: The REAL origin story of Han Solo. Born of a family of thieves, Han joined the Imperial Navy because he wanted to fly. He meets Chewy and loses his job. Other goofy stuff ensues.

Rogue One: Didn't think a movie that was based ONE LINE IN THE OPENING SCRAWL OF THE FIRST MOVIE was gonna be as good as it was, but here we are.

The Radio-Drama version of the Original Trilogy: I love the movies, but I love the radio-drama adaptation WAY more; as it expands upon and fleshes out the things in the films that left me scratching my head, it has more context to a lot of it's scenes AND it has a bunch of other extra scenes that weren't in the movies that make listening to the radio-drama a fresh experience.

The Mandalorian (seasons 1 and 2): I haven't seen season 3 (I'm sure it slaps, though), but I think this is an awesome sequel show to the original trilogy.

The Courtship Of Princess Leia: I just— this book is so damn funny, I can't wrap my head around it. (Plus, I love Han and Leia as a couple).

The (original) Thrawn Trilogy & Dark Empire: While I'm well-aware that the Thrawn books are pretty much loved by many a Star Wars fan, Dark Empire (I've noticed) is a lot more contested... but I love the Dark Empire SO MUCH. I love the idea of the World-Devastators and Luke turning Dark is awesome.

All of the Post-BBY Books from the Legends continuity: Mara Jade, the Solo kids (Jacen, Jaina and Anakin) and Ben Skywalker are such cool characters that I'm actually depressed that they get de-canonized.

Star Wars Legacy: Cade Skywalker is a very interesting character, as he's a Skywalker who became a hedonistic criminal who doesn't want the burden of responsibility weighing on him by proxy of being a Skywalker, the Empire is actually kind of chill, and everything that we all thought we knew about Star Wars gets flipped on it's head. Legacy, in my mind at least, is an interesting way to end the story of Star Wars.

[riddle-me-ri]

It's something that just came to my mind

Clark Kent is talking to the Batman while Riddler and S/O are spying on him and S/O is like "What is Superman doing here?". And since people in DC didn't know that it's him, Riddler gives her a weird look saying she must be mistaken. But S/O gives him a long, silent stare "You're kidding me, right?". It comes to the point where she holds a picture of Clark and Superman next to each other, pointing glasses out and Riddler is like "..... 'DING!' YOU HAVE TO BE JOKING!" The man is kicking himself for not seeing it.

For all Riddlers.

A/N: ooohhh the denial is strong in this one

The Riddlers React to Finding Out Superman's Identity

Arkhamverse Riddler:

Oh please.

Do you really think he’s that idiotic? He’s that ignorant?

(this is not the time to mention he dismissed Bruce Wayne being Batman)

He berates you a couple more times, so he left you no choice.

When you pulled out a picture of the Man of Steel and a pair of glasses up against the real-life Clark Kent below

Edward was silent. 

No…NO that’s too obvious! 

Although the pictures are damning. 

He snatches the photos and huffs. 

He admits the two are uncanny, but surely it’s some alien-like cloning technology. 

Besides, it doesn't matter! He’s smarter than Kent or Superman anyway

Reevesverse/Dano Riddler:

It takes him a minute to even realize there is a “superman”

Do you mean to say that Metropolis has its own hero too? 

But not just a man of the people? A vigilante? Like a full-on hero with powers?!

The last thing he’d suspect afterward is that this Superman…was a journalist? 

He was curious as to why Batman would be discussing something with a random journalist from Daily Planet.

Yet when you exclaim how the civilian looks like Superman, he’s pretty skeptical. 

Until you pull up a picture of Superman on your phone. 

Edward does a double take. 

In hindsight, it’s so obvious…

Ed wonders if Batman knows this…he has to right?

Gotham Riddler:

This was the last place he expected to end up when following Batman. 

On the roof of a building a couple buildings away from Daily Planet. 

Why is Batman talking to a reporter? Surely, he’d go to a more reliable source like…well Gordon is all he could think of. 

He also wasn’t sure why he brought you along exactly but the assistance was appreciated. 

Ed didn’t expect the next thing you’d bring up though. 

Something about how the journalist looks like…Superman? 

The Superman? The Kryptonian? 

Yeah sure, right…

Ed practically snatched your phone when you exhibited the evidence. 

With his usual tight-lipped expression, he hands you back your phone.

He deems it another scheme for another day.

BTAS Riddler:

It may just be me playing favorites…lmao

BUT I do have evidence from the BTAS Writing Bible that says, this Riddler is most likely to figure out Batman’s identity if he actually wanted to that is…

So with that, I’d like to think that Ed would have already figured it out?

Like you may have been helping him do some recon and you’re listening in on the conversation between Batman and Clark. 

After a moment a lightbulb goes off in your head. 

When you mention the resemblance between Kent and Superman…

Edward chuckled. 

Why did you think you two were listening in on their conversation? 

He is proud that you were able to spot it though. 

Some rogues still don’t believe him when he brought up the most likely secret identity to the Man of Steel.

Zero Year/Capullo Riddler:

Ed only hacked into Daily Planet because he already caused chaos in Gotham City and Star City, so why not Metropolis? 

He was surprised to see Batman there and not brooding somewhere in Gotham. 

You walked in while Ed was surveillancing the newsroom. 

You were about to joke with him about how much of a Batman fanboy he must be to watch his every move. 

Until the journalist the Dark Knight was talking to caught your eye. 

You mentioned the striking resemblance to Superman. 

Edward scoffed at your observation. 

Oh, please a journalist? Really? 

He will never admit it, but he was kicking himself mentally for not seeing it first. It’s blaringly obvious now.

Twojar Riddler:

Edward doesn’t really care for the Kryptonian. 

What good are all those superpowers if he’s not intelligent? 

Not to mention his alias would be simple to solve. 

Which is why he never entertained the conundrum, what advantage would it do him?

He had much more thrilling and productive puzzles to ponder over. 

That doesn’t stop you from shoving two pictures in his face in the morning. 

You made the proud declaration that Superman was the featured journalist, Clark Kent of Daily Planet. 

Edward was thinking about how he can disprove your claim…gently until he glanced down at the images. 

There was Kent, a proud grin to the camera…and Superman smirking to the side…with hastily drawn glasses around his face. 

Ed was silent for a moment. 

No…there was no way it was that obvious…

They both resided in Metropolis, and had a similar build and face structure…

He bites his lip. 

He can’t tell if he should be proud of your deduction skills or hit himself in the head with his cane for not seeing it sooner.

Gotham City Sirens Riddler:

Another Edward that I think either knows or has figured out Superman’s identity.

He doesn’t really care for the Man of Steel. 

Ed will just stay in his lane in Gotham City. 

Yet when you two chase down a perp into Metropolis. 

You two got to see Superman in action. 

It was you that brought up how he looked oddly familiar. 

Intrigued, he asked you to elaborate. 

You said he looked an awful lot like that journalist you two bumped into when interrogating an editor at Daily Planet. 

You told him to imagine if Superman had a dress shirt and glasses on.

Ed smiled as you put two and two together.

Ed had long since deducted Superman was likely tied to Daily Planet, a photo of a certain Clark Kent proved as much.

However, to have you reach the same deduction, he couldn't help but beam in pride a little bit.

You have been learning some skills from him after all.

Young Justice Riddler:

Sure he pondered the aliases of all his enemies. 

He couldn’t get distracted by that however, it could take months or years to figure it out. 

He could have defeated them by then…don’t laugh he could have.

The two of you are reconning outside Daily Planet.

Ed was complaining about not being in Gotham where you both had prior experience with the city. 

You rolled your eyes as you kept an eye on Superboy talking to some dude in a white button-up and glasses. 

You were about to doze off until you got a good look at the journalist’s face. 

You tap Ed on the shoulder, interrupting his rant when you asked if that journalist looked familiar. 

Ed mentioned something about how that was probably Clark Kent, a celebrated journalist, and partner to Lois Lane. 

You asked if he noticed anything else. 

When he shook his head you began listing out his physical features…and how if you just remove the glasses and put him in a blue suit with a giant S and a cape…

Ed’s jaw dropped as he snatched the binoculars away from you. 

There’s no…you’ve gotta be kidding him?!

Clark Kent is SUPERMAN?! 

Eddie practically rage quits and you’re steady on his heels as he storms off.

Telltale Riddler:

He is aware of the Kyrptonian invader. 

And his rather obvious alias…

You would think the Superman would come up with a lower profile.

However he has bigger fish to fry in Gotham. 

Apparently a certain Clark Kent was visiting Gotham and was having discussions with the Batman. 

When you saw the interaction the moment clicked-

If you just removed the glasses…

You won’t lie, you were rather excited about your deduction.

He cruelly teases you when you mention the likelihood of Superman’s identity.

Edward, practically condescendingly pats your head. 

You’ll never be as smart as him, but perhaps at least smarter than the average civilian.

Hush (DCAU) Riddler:

(I realize this Riddler may very well also know who Superman is...but I just wanted to try and change it up, rip lmao)

He realizes that Superman and Batman…seem to be close allies. 

He may have a hunch about Batman’s identity but if he could solve Superman’s identity…THE Superman. 

One day, Ed may just have the upper hand. 

You two were steadily following Batman, gathering whatever sliver of information that Batman may slip out. 

Right when Ed was about to give up and just focus his time on another scheme…

You noticed something. 

Batman was discussing something, something serious with a journalist that stood toe to toe with the Caped Crusader. 

You looked at the journalist, he’s stupidly buff for a journalist…that jaw…and that little curled bang...

Wait a minute!

It took some convincing for Ed to see Clark Kent was Superman…but once you slapped some glasses on a Superman photo, a lightbulb went off. 

He’s simultaneously disappointed in himself for not seeing it sooner…he blames it on the burnout. 

But he does show gratitude to you, but of course, it was thanks to him you were able to pick up on it too…

Just let him have this one…he needs it.

[itsbenedict]

Games I Played In 2023 And Whether Or Not I Thought They Were Good (Part 4/4)

This last part, I'm going to go over the games I played but didn't finish in 2023, for various reasons. None of these because they were bad, really- I'm still in the middle of most of them. Just didn't have time! But here's my impressions anyway:

[1] - [2] - [3] - 4

Fire Emblem: Vision Quest

This is a hack of Sacred Stones that I played just because I had a hankering for Fire Emblem and wasn't going to stoop to playing Heroes or Engage. It delivers pretty well, I think! It's challenging and fun, if a little dull on the story end.

The main innovation here is... just, an atypical willingness to give the enemy's rank-and-file mooks special weapons, actually. The map design is generally really satisfying and challenging, because... you really can't just throw your strongest guys into the middle of the enemy and let them crash against their defense stat. Enemies routinely carry things like weapon-triangle-reversing -reaver or -slayer weapons, or hammers and rapiers and things that deal massive bonus damage, or these unique-to-the-hack gem weapons that double down on weapon triangle effects. You've got to be really mindful of exactly which units you're putting yours in range of...

...but you can't just take it slow, because almost every map has some kind of timed objective, and you've got to be advancing at a decent clip or else lose out on rewards. Moreover, you've got to be careful about which enemies you kill, because... the shop at base never sells better than D/C-tier weapons, enemies rarely drop weapons, and you almost never receive gold as a part of the story progression. Your only real source of income is using the party thief to steal gems from enemies that don't drop them on death, and she's pretty fragile, so every map has a secondary objective of "nab all the stuff you can sell for money so you don't literally run out of weapons to use because you're broke". You really need to approach every map with a plan.

It's not... great on story and character, honestly. It's doing something, but the character writing's just a touch too flat to carry the story. It's faithful to other GBA fire emblems in that respect, I guess- it's maybe a cut above those, for the most part? Doesn't really have an eye for comedy to give texture to the serious-mans-fight-serious-war stuff. I think it's trying to do, like, a subversion thing, where the hook is that you play as the map-1 Generic Ugly Bandits, forced by circumstance into heroism? But they don't really lean into that enough.

oh also the main character's name is "Storch". which sounds like something the Game Grumps would name Link in a zelda game.

Void Stranger

Man, Zero really wanted me to like this game. And, like, I kinda appreciate what it's doing, it's clever, but I just...

Void Stranger, on the surface, is a gauntlet of a few hundred block-pushing puzzles.

It has a unique gimmick where you can use a magic wand to pick up floor tiles and place them elsewhere, which it uses in a lot of really clever ways- the puzzles are definitely well-designed and reward you for sneaky lateral-thinking solutions. But it's a gauntlet of a few hundred block-pushing puzzles.

It's clearly doing some crazy mind-blowing The Witness or Tunic-esque mechanics-hidden-in-plain-sight stuff where the nature of the game transforms when you realize the significance of that one strange geometric shape, or learn a bizarre rules interaction that opens up what's possible. But it's a gauntlet of a few hundred block-pushing puzzles.

It's got a story- but I put like ten hours into the game without it managing to hook me. There's some mystique to the true nature of the mysterious videogame dungeon you're exploring that I never learned much about- but also, every few dozen block-pushing puzzles, you'll get to take a brief rest and watch (or sometimes play) a brief cutscene wherein the player character is serving as handmaiden to a headstrong rebellious disney princess type. It didn't really manage to go anywhere interesting after a gauntlet of 160-something block-pushing puzzles, but maybe does after a few thousand more.

Also, there's a lives system, and no save system, and if you run out of lives you have to start the gauntlet of hundreds of block-pushing puzzles over again. Which also happens if you [spoilers], or accidentally [spoilers], and I'm given to understand that the real game is the really cool metagame of doing multiple runs of the game over and over after learning new mechanics and secret truths about the game's structure. After the fourth time I died slash accidentally triggered a reset by screwing around and lost all my progress, I lost patience with replaying the same gauntlet of a few hundred block-pushing puzzles and dropped it.

Sorry, Zero- I just don't have the patience for it. You should probably just tell me about all the cool shit it does.

Pokemon Infinity

This is a Pokémon fangame! It's... kind of nothing to write home about- it's just polished and has good QoL and a lot of fun regional forms. I'm pretty far in- beat the last not-a-gym-leader and am about to embark on the bog-standard Evil Team Wants To Do Some Kind Of Apocalypse Evil By Controlling A Legendary Pokémon So Go Take Some Time And Stop Them Before Doing The Elite Four segment of the game.

The thing that stands out about it is how much it feels like it really could just be an entry in the mainline franchise from an alternate timeline. As mentioned, it's very polished, and the writing has exactly the same kind of inoffensively uninteresting tone as most real games in the series. Very authentic, with a lot of effort put into nailing the feel.

(The only big mechanical addition is the way it does HMs- they exist and control the progression, but you don't actually have to teach them to your pokemon to use them on the field. You get Fly pretty early on, and as long as you have a pokemon that could use Fly, you can just Fly with them from the party menu without wasting a moveslot. Very appreciated.)

Unnamed Space Idle

Ugh. I'm only really posting about this as a mea culpa- I kicked the idle game habit for all of a month and a half before getting hooked on another one. This one's annoyingly well-designed, with a shitton of different mechanics and ways to optimize your build for different objectives. There's always some low-hanging progression fruit you can pick by respeccing some stuff, and it's paced out to introduce new systems the instant the existing ones start getting old. The balancing and timing of it is pretty immaculate... for the purpose of getting me to check in and waste time on it every couple hours. Huge addictive time sink- keep a safe distance.

Fate/Hollow Ataraxia

You may have noticed that the title bullet point is not a link to a store page or something, unlike the rest. That's not because I don't want you to find the game- it's because much like Fate/Stay Night, the sequel Hollow Ataraxia is fucking impossible to find a way to purchase legitimately. Big thanks to Tulip and Wise for providing me with a copy. It's a whole process.

Anyway- FHA is a sequel to FSN, which I've mentioned on here before. FSN had this whole dark and complex plot about mages fighting a secret shounen battle war except the war was sort of fake and a conspiracy and you had to figure out what was really going on... and FHA is weirdly doing the same thing, except replace "shounen battle" with "slice-of-life omake collection".

It's very strange. It's like... "hey, thanks for playing our very serious and dramatic game! now that you've done that, how about you relax with some hilarious vignettes about all your favorite characters from that game just kinda hanging out and doing wacky anime hijinks, instead of trying to kill each other? don't worry, nothing sinister is happening in the background! this is just a fun video game! don't read into it! for the love of god, DON'T REĄ̴͕͈͓̮̘̘͌̆̇͗̕̕̚D̷̡͚̰̤̱̝̰̣͙̼̙͍̬̻̈́́͛́͝͠͝ ̸̮̭̙̳̯͍̤̣͎̖̺̊̌̔̄̇̉̽̀͐͘I̶̢̛̻̦̙͚͔̻͖͙̞̺͖͑̇̈́̌̾̑͌͝N̶̢̛͙̭̫͆͆̽̑̈́̇̎͛͛̔T̴̨̨̡̰̘̮̺̝̠̬̼̗̬̝̜̼̒̋̿̔͐O̵̢̻̟̮̩̘̖̙̖͍̒̅͑́̎̏̍ͅ ̶̨̙̱̥̣̙͔͔̫̰̲͎̣̘̹̭̰̒͐̽̐̆͂̎̏̂̍̂͑̚͝I̷̢̡̧̛͙̤̠̦̖̩͂̆̈́̔͊̽͒͐̃̽͑͗͘T̵̡̨̪͕̘̲͔̮́̚͝!!̶̡̧̧̟̮̜̻͔͓̜̩̟͖̼͓͕̑͛͌̀̃̐̊̑͗̋̅̀́̔̓́͂!"

But yeah, there's a whole-ass actual sequel going on here, except the veneer you're trying to decipher the truth of is goofy romcom nonsense instead of super sugoi battle anime nonsense. It's doing a lot of sneaky stuff, and I'm pretty sure I've twigged to a couple of the big twists already, which fills so many of these scenes with delicious dramatic irony.

I haven't finished it yet, though, mainly because when I have the wherewithal for visual novels lately, I've been working through...

The Sekimeiya: Spun Glass

I mentioned I'd started on this last year, and I've now sunk over 60 hours into it and have finally managed to finish chapter one.

This VN is long, and it is dense. It's an ontological mystery type thing about people trapped in a facility where Weird Time Shit is happening... and fuck almighty they are doing everything but explaining how the Weird Time Shit works. There's a magic egg that works as a time machine, but how exactly its time travel powers work, mechanically, is the central mystery of the story. And the game just bombards you with incident after incident of weirdass time travel and teleporting going on, each more impossible than the last, and you're supposed to, like... grope around blind-men-and-the-elephant-style, using all these weird incidents as clues to how the time travel has to work.

Except, clearly, at least one of the characters, probably multiple characters, already know how the time machine works and are hiding that fact, while actively attempting to misdirect and obscure what they're doing with the time machine to try and throw off other time travelers. So the actual whodunit mystery of who- uh, murdered some people, there's murders that occur- is this whole other layer of complication where you can't exactly trust that any given instance of time machine behavior isn't some elaborate ruse.

So this is, obviously, catnip for me.

But it's taking fucking forever- I can't just read this thing and absorb it- I have to stop every five minutes and pace around the room and lay down in the dark and focus on time travel logistics for half an hour. SO MUCH insane shit happens! Like nonstop! And every time someone suggests a plan for testing or investigating the latest insane shit, that becomes the staging ground for new insane shit! It's so, so fucking complicated, and every new piece of evidence comes with a dozen caveats and additional mysteries! It's fully bonkers and it's eating my brain.

As long as it's been taking me to work through this... I feel like the game could benefit a bit from being a little slower-paced, giving the cast some room to do things other than dig themselves deeper into impossible time travel logistics from time to time. Some of this stuff needs time to settle! It's exhausting. Static and unexpressive character portraits and kinda flat dialogue writing make it all the more difficult to focus and take in what's happening, and honestly the VN format makes it kind of harder to consume. It'd be a lot easier to follow along with the logistics if, like, the game was in 3D and we could look around and see how people were moving.

Still, I'm gonna keep at this one. It's got its hooks in me and won't let go, and I'm really impressed by how meticulously it manages to lay out its stable time loops without giving the game away for this long. Wild stuff.

-

Alright, that's it! That's everything I played in 2023. I still want to go on an in-depth mega-rant about how furious I am at all the stupid little things in Horizon Forbidden West, but that's for later. For now... onward to 2024!

[1] - [2] - [3] - 4

[deanthe]

//vent I really need to get this off my chest. After Splatoon 3's final splatfest comes to a close, I'm probably going to stop interacting with the Splatoon community as much as I can. It's been four years since I've gotten truly into Splatoon, (that's a complicated, yet much nicer story for some other time) and while I don't regret it by any means, it's definitely been an exhausting ride, and I kinda want to get off of it before I barf.

Getting the most obvious thing out of the way, the way Nintendo has been handling Splatoon 3 has been really disappointing. It has far more improvements than flaws, but this game has had some really bizarre decisions made with it compared to the first two games. Maps, kits, ETC... I'm not gonna delve into the specifics, you probably already know what I'm going on about. Secondly, while what I just said still holds true, I feel like the community reactions to these changes have been... a bit too much? Like, yeah, splatfests are imbalanced. Maps have been bad. (up until Drizzle Season 2023, at least) But these problems have been absolutely blown out of the water. Fucking, death threats have been sent to people who join the Shiver's teams. Despite the whole appeal of the Splatoon community being a place of self expression and lack of judgement, a lot of Splatoon subcultures really... aren't that great. Being deadass, competitive Splatoon is boring, and its players are super rude and annoying. I don't like to generalize, but I've yet to interact with a single comp player I enjoy talking to. Every single one I've met has tried forcing me to play a certain way, no matter if I'm even fucking playing with them. I was harassed for using sticks. In a B- lobby. Back when I was new to Splatoon 2. The hacking scene is a dumpster fire. The main person who's created the most well known and fun Splatoon hacking system is a piece of shit, for one. For two, have you even touched the first game anytime after 2017? Yeah, it's full of hackers. Can't play turf war for 15 minutes without having to sit there and not play the game because someone is hacking and getting away with it because Nintendo doesn't moderate the servers anymore. The Coroika fandom is if you took Splatoon fandom and infected it with My Hero Academia fans. Yeah. Are any of you familiar with Splatoon Florida? It was an old parody account on Twitter that I used to own that got popular SUPER fast. Could not handle it. It spawned nearly 50 clone accounts based on the other 49 united states, and I had even gotten impersonation accounts pretending to be me and saying really, really awful things. This paired with the queerphobia I faced and hatemail in general stacked on top of my mother having multiple strokes and almost dying at the time, pushed me over the edge, and I deleted SplatoonFL after someone told me that they hoped my mother had another stroke and died. Now, I feel like shit for name dropping people in my vent, as it's been awhile since most of this garbage has happened and I don't want to seem petty, plus this isn't intended to be a callout post. But I really do feel the need to let this shit out of my system, and frankly I'm tired of watching these people be appreciated while remembering what they've done to me, small and insignificant or not.

Theecorner, AKA Danniee, banned me from their Discord server after I loudly expressed distaste for jokes being made about Dream, as I was one of Dream's victims and felt very uncomfortable bringing him up. Keep in mind that insinuated that I did not enjoy the conversation multiple times.

Pufuu had made a Twitter post with a screenshot of our DMs. I was irritated that he had kept making fake Splatoon leaks with zero indication of them being concepts, and he thought that was wrong. A couple Tweets before this, ironically, he boasted about getting another annoying fake leaker to block him.

Caitlin Koi had acted aggressive towards me after I expressed concern for her after a seizure which, her seizures are very much real and very dangerous, though I should mention she also uses them as an excuse to be an asshole and guilt trip people.

Vaqeii. Fuck you. (He has very few actual fans, I just wanted to express my hatred towards that fucking slime since he's also one of the Splatubers who had traumatized me.)

I'd like to restate that I don't regret my time in the community one bit. I love it here for the most part. It's just gotten far too much, and I'm. Frankly a little bit done and ready to move on. I'll try to keep strong and stay for a bit so I can enjoy the rest of Splatoon 3's update cycle with my friends and the people I enjoy being around. After that though, unless something happens to change my mind, I'll be gone after that.

Knowing the current state of the Splatoon community, I wouldn't be surprised if I started getting harassed again for this post. Hell, wouldn't it be hilarious if THIS vent post got screenshotted and edited to be about Roller Coaster Tycoon, to? Yeah, that was a thing that happened. No, I haven't forgotten about that. You know who you are. Real fucking proud of you, I am.

[typingtess]

NCIS: Los Angeles Season 14 Rewatch:    “Sleeping Dogs”

The basics:  When several Drona subjects are attacked, NCIS is on the case.

Written by:   Andrew Bartels wrote or co-wrote "Allegiance", "Zero Days", "The Grey Man", "Humbug", "Fighting Shadows", "Driving Miss Diaz", "Angels & Daemons", "Where There’s Smoke…", "Glasnost", "Old Tricks" "Battle Scars", "Fool Me Twice", "Warrior of Peace", "Reentry", "The Prince", "Smokescreen", "The One That Got Away"/"No More Secrets" two-parter, "Yellow Jacket", "Missing Time", "If the Fates Allow", "Red Rover, Red Rover", "Divided We Fall", "Genesis" and "Survival of the Fittest".

Directed by:   Gonzalo Amat is directing his first NCIS: Los Angeles episode. 

Guest stars of note: Ava McCoy as Jordyn Rountree returns from “Perception” in season 13, Ashley Sharpe Chestnut as FBI Special Agent Summer Morehurst returns from "Let it Burn", both Kavi Ramachandran Ladnier as Agent Shyla Dahr and Duncan Campbell as Agent Castor return from “Shame”, Milissa Sears as Leah Novak returns from “Genesis” in season 13, David DeSantos as Anthony Beltran.

Our heroes:   Keep droning on about Drona.

What important things did we learn about: Callen:  In a roundabout way, asks Sam to be his best man. Sam:   In a roundabout way, says yes t being Callen’s best man. Kensi:  Absent. Deeks:   See Kensi. Fatima:  Hacks into the Drona files with Shyla. Rountree:  Willing to be shot at to protect Sam and Fatima. Kilbride:  Leaving after work to see his son.

What not so important things did we learn about: Callen:  Worshipped by Castor. Sam:   Thinks Castor getting knocked out twice in three months is a bad look. Kensi:   See Deeks. Deeks:   Absent. Fatima:   Likes Rountree with Summer. Rountree:  Runs after school buses, bad guys and through sand castles. Kilbride:   Hired Shyla because Shyla remembers everything.

Where in the world is Henrietta Lange?  Seemingly in a small town on the border of Turkey and Syria warning Drona subjects that they are in danger.

Who's down with OTP:  Kensi and Deeks are off doing family things.  Rountree and Summer seems to be doing well. 

Who's down with BrOTP:  Callen popped the question – will Sam be his best man?  Callen has a side buddy in Castor.

Fashion review:  Callen wears a green, blue and yellow plaid shirt.  A long-sleeve black tee for Sam.  Fatima wears a tan leather field coat over a black turtleneck.  A pale purple fleece sweatshirt for Rountree.  Kilbride has on a dark brown three-piece suit with a white dress shirt and a brown and gold tie. 

Music: Not today!

Any notable cut scene:  Not today!

Quote:  Shyla:  “Oh, uh, your ride to the airport just pulled up outside.” Kilbride:  “I thought I told you to cancel that flight.” Shyla:  “Did you? Oh, I-I don't remember.” Kilbride:  “You remember everything.  That's why I hired you.” Shyla:  “Do you still want me to cancel it?  Bear in mind, it is nonrefundable and I know how much you hate wasting money.  Not to mention missing an opportunity to see your son after all these years...” Kilbride:  “All right, all right, I'm leaving.  Remind me to fire you when I get back.”

Anything else:  A gentleman is out walking his dog in a small park area surrounded by businesses.  The dog, Rebel, starts barking and jumps into a bush.  Returning to his owner, Rebel gifts the man a dead squirrel, which was not on the man’s breakfast meal plan.  The man’s phone rings – it is an older, flip phone.  A text message reads “DHRISHTADYUMNA”.  The man breaks the phone in half and tosses his phone, causing Rebel to play fetch.  While the dog is away, a person wearing a ski mask shoots the dog owner in the back of the dead.  Rebel returns to his fallen owner and sits right next to him because dogs are the best.

At a table by a coffee shop, Fatima, Rountree, Jordyn and FBI Agent Summer Morehurst are chatting.  Fatima is teasing Rountree for yelling “Federal Agents” as they were trailing a suspect.  The suspect ran (because he’s obviously watched the show).  “Tree” caught the guy after a 10-minute chase.  Jordyn is all in for the Rountree mocking.  Rountree always liked to show off how fast he was.  He’d forget to give Jordyn her school lunch on purpose and then run alongside the school bus to give it to her like Keanu Reeves.  And she hated his lunches – avocados and bean sprouts.  She was 14 and didn’t want to eat that stuff back then.  Summer says she’s not interested in eating it now.  Rountree says it all worked out for the best.  Jordyn aced her MCATs and is on her way to medical school.  Summer starts mocking “Treefontaine” when she gets a call – FBI wants to see her.  Jordyn is off to class as well.

Shyla is giving a not paying attention Admiral Kilbride notice about a meeting with his British and Australian counterparts.  Still not paying attention.  She would be willing to go.  Still not paying attention.  Kensi and Deeks are out because Rosa’s aunt had a stroke.  Still not paying attention.  Office minutiae like the security system doing a reboot and Agent Castor’s performance review aren’t capturing the Admiral’s attention either.   Shyla mentions a radioactive group of pubescent turtles foiling and armed robbery at the Santa Monica Pier and nothing.  Shyla sees a suitcase and realizes that he’s flying up to San Francisco to see his son.  She will arrange transport to the airport at 7PM but he wants to leave at 7:30PM – he’s not much of an airport guy.  With spring break, Shyla recommends the earlier departure time but the Admiral promises her he’ll be fine.  Eventually he relents but warns Shyla that if he is stuck with a “posse of frat boys you will never hear the end of it.”  She thinks that would be a great story.  As Shyla leaves, the Admiral wants a BOLO on the turtles and their giant rat leader – can’t have mutant vigilantes running around.

Sam walks in to the bullpen, greeting Callen.  On Sam’s desk is a printout of a man in a tuxedo.  Callen explains it is the tuxedo Anna, sorry, he and Anna, want Sam to wear to the wedding.  Sam thinks he can dress himself.  Callen brings up Anna’s, his and Anna’s color palate for the wedding.  The tux is just for Sam.  “Is this your way of asking me to be your best man?”  Callen thought Sam being the best man was a given.  Sam’s not so sure.  Callen has been spending quality time with Castor – they had some drinks and dinner after Castor was knocked out by Miraslava.  Sam notes that Castor worships Callen, even dresses like him.  Castor arrives, dressed similarly to Callen.    Callen breaks down and asks if Sam would be his best man.  Of course, Sam replies but he hates the tux.  Callen agrees.

Shyla walks down the stairs.  Callen asks if they have a case.  She replies “you tell me” as she brings them up to Ops.  Once in Ops, she launches all the security protocols that lock the door, shut the shutters and turn down the lights.  She was sent two encrypted files through a DOD top secret/special compartmented information channel, JWICS.  The first file is the driver’s license for the man the park – John Jenkins.  He’s the CEO for a software company.  The second file is the ID card of an FBI Analyst, Patrick Hertel.  Both men were found dead that morning.  Hertel was killed in his backyard, Jenkins in the park.  There were numbers with the file – eight, 11 and 22.  Maybe August 11, 2022. 

Callen isn’t interested in figuring out what eight, 11 and 22 mean.  JWICS files are sent by known people.  Who sent the file?  Shyla doesn’t know, it came from a SCIF on the border of Turkey and Syria, the town of Al-Rai.  It was Hetty’s last known location, who else would send cryptic clues.  Shyla seems excited –“are you talking about who I think you’re talking about?”  Callen confirms – Hetty.

In the Admiral’s office, Callen makes the case that to Kilbride that the JWICS file came from Hetty.  The Admiral wants to know why she would send the names for two men and some random numbers.  It isn’t an urgent message, it is a top secret butt dial according to the Admiral.  He’s checked – the SCIF was closed months ago.  Callen thinks Hetty could have routed the JWICS through the SCIF but if she did that, why didn’t she identify herself the Admiral asks.  Maybe Hetty thinks JWICS is compromised according to Callen.  More being a pain in the ass according to Kilbride.  Callen wants to investigate the victims to see if there is anything there.  Since Hetty bailed Kilbride out with the Simon Williams case, Callen can investigate as long as he stays in his lane – stay away from the official investigations.

Fatima and Rountree show up at Hertel’s home, which is covered with police tape.  They start to work on a story to get involved with the case when they see Summer working the case.  She comes to see Rountree and Fatima, who think there is a connection between Hertel’s killing and an NCIS investigation into John Jenkins.   Summer starts asking questions and Rountree drops “national security”.  Since Rountree and Fatima can’t share their info on Jenkins, which is none other than Callen and Sam are investigating what Hetty sent, Summer can’t working with them.  When they can share, so can she.  Hertel is FBI – they’re working for one of their own.

At the park area, Callen learns from LAPD that all the cameras were down due to routine maintenance when Jenkins was walking his dog.  Callen also shares that Summer is working the Hertel case.  Sam thinks it was a robbery – no wallet, no keys, no phone and the killer took away the shell casings.  LAPD found half the phone in Rebel’s mouth.  Callen gives Shyla a call.  She has not found a link between Jenkins and Hertel yet. 

Looking into Jenkins, his start up tech company has one employee – Jenkins.  They haven’t created a product in the last five years.  Jenkins and his company have been doing very well, despite offering no products.  He’s likely laundering money.  Asked about family, Shyla tells Callen and Sam that Jenkins was adopted and his adopted parents are long dead.  Turning back to the crime scene, if the dog found one half of the phone, Sam would like to see if he could find the other half.

Back at the FBI crime scene, Rountree sees an older couple arrive and go right under the police tape.  Fatima is on the phone.  Rountree calls for Summer, who is a bit embarrassed.  She asks about the older couple – they are Hertel’s adopted parents.  An arriving Fatima, who was on the phone hears adopted and notes that Jenkins was also adopted.  Summer isn’t impressed until Fatima tells her both men were shot in the back of the head to make it look like a robbery.  Summer never told them how Hertel was killed.   NCIS is now part of the FBI crime scene.

Callen and Sam talk about Callen setting a date but Anna is giving him time to find Hetty.  Sam hopes this is the case that gets them to Hetty.  Callen doesn’t believe that.  If Hetty wanted to be found, Hetty would be found.  She would tell them where to find her.  Callen wants to get married and it is unfair to make Anna wait so long.  Sam is looking forward to his best man speech – he has a lot of wisdom to share.  Callen thinks he’s heard most of Sam’s wisdom but the wisdom is for Anna, who needs to know what she’s really getting herself into.  Callen is having second thoughts about Castor.  The dog finds the other part of the phone.

As the Admiral arrives in Ops, Shyla has an update about eight, 11 and 22.  Both Jenkins and Hertel went through the LA foster care system.  They are both single, in their 40’s and both had government jobs.  Hertel is with the FBI, Jenkins is an NSA Analyst.  He’s not in most common databases for the NSA.  Shyla learned about his NSA role through some friends in Washington.  Shyla is about to call this in to Callen and Sam but the Admiral wants her to way.  He needs her to pull some files instead. 

Hertel was watering his plants when his killer walked up behind him and fired one shot into his head.  There was no cartridges left behind, just like the Jenkins crime scene.  Summer apologizes for stonewalling NCIS.  Fatima says they would have likely done the same if the roles were reversed.  Summer doesn’t understand the connection between the two killings. 

Fatima gets a call from Shyla, who asks if Hertel has a birthmark on his back.  A little reluctantly, Fatima asks Summer to pull up Hertel’s shirt.  There is a rather large birthmark on his back.  The Admiral, with Shyla, wants her to call Callen.   When Callen answers, he starts a sit-rep for Shyla but the Admiral stops things.  Eight, 11 and 22 are people, not numbers.  Hertel and Jenkins were eight and 22 from the Drona Project, “your alma mater Agent Callen.”  Callen has a flashback to his time with Drona.

The Hertel-Jenkins cases are now joint FBI-NCIS investigations.  Shyla is told by Kilbride to share everything they have on the case except Hetty’s involvement.  Since Hetty’s involvement was speculation anyway, Shyla wasn’t going to share it.  With subjects eight and 22 accounted for, who is subject 11?  That is Leah Novak, who Callen contacted in the prior year.  Callen is trying to find Novak now.

Callen calls Leah who doesn’t want to talk to him.  She is walking through a really sketchy looking indoor parking lot.  There is a team of masked men following her.  Sam tries to get Leah to listen to him but the masked men open fire.  Shyla, who was monitoring the phone call is able to trace Leah’s location to a Mid-City parking garage. 

In the garage, Callen and Sam find an empty shopping bag with wrapped up money inside.  Callen sees a badly wounded Leah, who says “14” before losing consciousness.  

Returning to Ops, Fatima and Rountree are told by Shyla that Leah is in surgery.  With someone targeting Drona subject, Callen could be in danger.  Rountree disagrees – Hetty would have warned Callen in her JWICS communications if he was in trouble.  The Admiral arrives, warning Rountree not to read too much into anything Hetty does.  There is another Drona subject who may be danger – number 14.  The Admiral wants Shyla to cancel is flight to San Francisco to see his son.  As he leaves, Shyla tells Rountree and Fatima to go to the gadget area to study Jenkins’s phone.  When she knows who number 14 is, she’ll update them.

There was brass left behind at the Leah’s shooting which means she likely hit at least two of her assailants.  Callen found a go-bag in Leah’s car with water, MREs and a satellite phone.  She knew she was in danger.  Sam thinks the same of Jenkins – that’s likely why he tossed his phone.  Callen thinks Pembrook is behind the killings – Callen found him and is now cleaning up what’s left behind of Drona.

While Rountree is sweet talking Summer, Fatima is working on Jenkins’s phone.  Once in, Rountree is off his phone and working with Fatima.  The “DHRISHTADYUMNA” text message is the name of a Hindu warrior who killed his teacher Drona.  There are contacts in the phone – Hertel and Leah Novak are there.  So is an Anthony Beltran, a former Army Ranger turned history professor.   Fatima sends his address to Callen and Sam.

As Callen and Sam pull up outside of Beltran’s home, Beltran is putting a duffle bag into his trunk.  When Callen and Sam try to speak to Beltran, Beltran runs.  Callen makes things worse by yelling “federal agents” while Sam gets in his car to cut Beltran off.  Beltran starts shooting at Callen, who promises they are not there to hurt Beltran.  “Leah sent us.”  Beltran is talked into putting his gun down.  Callen introduces himself as Special Agent Grisha Callen, subject 17.  He assures Beltran he’s safe.

In the boat shed, Beltran is in interrogation while Callen and Sam in the main room.  The duffle bag in Beltran’s truck had MREs, cash, burner phones.  He also got the same text message sent to Jenkins before Jenkins was killed.  Callen wonders who sent the text message and Hetty earns a message.  Callen isn’t pleased – this is Hetty training an agent, people are being murdered. 

Shyla pops up on the screen.  There was one vehicle seen on security/traffic cams at the Jenkins/Hertel/Leah shootings.  Backtracking with Kaleidoscope, Shyla traced the vehicle to a building downtown. Rountree and Fatima are going to the building and Sam will meet them.  Callen wonders why he’s not going but Sam wants answers from Beltran.  Callen is the best person to get the answers.

Callen starts to question Beltran, who won’t sit on the wrong side of the table right away, wanting to stand instead.  Beltran eventually sits.  As an alibi, Beltran says he was home when Jenkins and Hertel were killed.  Callen asks about the text message.  Beltran was preparing a lesson – he teaches ancient history – and missed the message when it was sent.  Once he saw it, however, he called Leah.  Leah told him about Jenkins and Hertel.  Beltran put his phone in his garbage disposal, packed his things and was going to hit the road when Callen and Sam drove up. 

Beltran thought Callen and Sam were working for “him” – Howard Pembrook.  Beltran shows Callen scars on his arm from Pembrook’s abuse.   Jenkins, Hertel, Leah and Beltran started working together a year ago, after Callen told Leah about Pembrook.  They wanted to take him down with lawsuits.  There was talk about bringing Callen in but the men in the group were angry Callen lied to Leah.  Beltran believes Pembrook found out about them and now he’s having them killed.  Beltran wants to see Leah – they are “very close.”

With Summer’s FBI team 30-minutes out, Sam, Rountree and Fatima in tactical gear go into the downtown building.  The vehicle has not returned to the location.  This is their best chance to scope out the building.  Sam breaks down the door.  It is a warehouse with huge computer servers, a desk, file cabinets.  While Fatima and Shyla try to get into the server, Rountree finds a photo of Callen on the wall from when he was in Pembrook’s garden.

Callen shows Beltran the photo and explains he was trying to confront Pembrook about the past.  Pembrook was fine.  Beltran is interested in what was in the building where Sam, Fatima and Rountree are.  He’s also furious at Callen for going to see Pembrook.  Everything bad that’s happened started when Callen met Pembrook.  If this was true, Callen asks, why didn’t Pembrook go after him?  Beltran talks about the lawsuit being a bigger threat.  Castor appears – the doctor says Beltran can see Leah now.  In Leah’s room, she’s on a ventilator.  Beltran is holding Leah’s hand, saying Pembrook must pay.

As Fatima and Shyla get access to the server, the previously opened files pop up. There were files for black-ops missions in Crimea, Somalia and Brazil.  Pembrook is still in the game.  An audio file has Leah and Jenkins using their Drona numbers as they work on a mission.  They aren’t being targeted by Pembrook, they work for Pembrook.  Sam can’t contact Shyla to warn Callen – signal jammers knocked out the cell service.  Gunmen rush near Sam, Fatima and Rountree.  Gunfire is exchanged.  Fatima and Rountree are pinned down.

Sam is able to get Fatima and Rountree to a safer location – people are still shooting.  If they can hold out, the FBI could rescue them but Sam is more worried the FBI is walking into an ambush.  More gunfire is exchanged.  Sam takes out at least one of the shooter.

In Leah’s room, Callen gets a call from Shyla about the lost comms with Sam and company.  The Summer-led FBI team suddenly is unreachable too.  Callen is going to the building, Castor will take Beltran back to boat shed.  Beltran wants to stay with Leah.  He’s not worried about his safety, he just wants to be with her.  Callen realizes there were only three Drona subject numbers – eight, 11 and 22.  Hertel, Leah and Jenkins.  Beltran wasn’t on the list – he was never warned. 

Rountree is willing to create a diversion by running – but not in a show-offy way.  Fatima thinks he’ll get killed.  Sam assures them nobody is getting killed today.  He has a plan.

Callen has his weapon out and orders Beltran away from Leah.  Leah said 14 to Callen before losing consciousness – Beltran was 14.  Callen knocks on the door to get Castor in as back-up.  Beltran is impressed that Callen figured it all out but is more impressed with his own handy work when a Drona gunman, not Castor, walks into the hospital room.

Using some flashbangs, Sam, Fatima and Rountree move the people shooting them out of their secure locations.  Once they were seen, team NCIS shoot them.  Summer and the FBI arrive.  Sam finds the signal jammer and shuts it off, he’s quick to contact Callen.

Explaining that once again, Agent Castor is out cold, Beltran takes Callen’s gun.  Beltran doesn’t kill people who don’t deserve it – he didn’t have Castor killed, won’t kill Callen.  Callen notes that Beltran was going to kill Leah, who was in a coma in a hospital bed.  Beltran wasn’t going to kill her – she’s no longer a threat.  He just needed eyes on her to make sure.  Beltran says he and Callen are on the same side – they want to kill Pembrook.  Beltran’s partner has a sedative prepared for Callen – not going to kill Callen, just a long nap like Castor.  Callen hits the partner.  Beltran runs and after Callen gets the sedative in the leg, he runs after Beltran.  As Callen runs after Beltran, he has some Pembrook flashbacks before the sedative takes hold.  Callen is out cold and Beltran is gone.

Shyla updates Kilbride.  Callen and Castor are fine – it really was just a sedative.  Beltran and his partner are gone but the FBI are hunting them down.  Shyla also has Kilbride’s ride to the airport waiting outside of the office.  She doesn’t remember his order to cancel the flight.  Kilbride is not amused – he hired her because she never forgets anything.  She offers to cancel the flight but is non-refundable.  The Admiral hates wasting money, according to Shyla.  “Remind me to fire you when I get back.”  And the Admiral is off.

In the Armory, Fatima and Rountree are packing up their things.  Fatima asks about a story Summer started at breakfast.  Seems Rountree and Summer were having a lovely walk on the beach when the wind kicked up.  Summer’s hat went flying and Rountree went flying after it.  As he was catching up, he destroyed a kid’s sandcastle.  He got the hat back and then spent an hour helping the kid rebuild the castle.  Fatima thinks Rountree really likes Summer.  He admits he does but realizes he’s late for dinner with Summer.  He races away.

Callen is at the back balcony in the boat shed when Sam arrives.  Callen said had Beltran and he let Beltran get away.  And maybe he did it because he wants Beltran to kill Pembrook.  But if Beltran kills anyone else, well, Callen knows that’s his fault.  Sam thinks they need to find Beltran and Pembrook.  Callen wants to know how Hetty knew the Drona subjects were being targeted.  “Add it to the list,” Sam replies.  Callen is going for a drink with Castor.  Sam notes that it is the second time Castor got knocked out and lost his gun – maybe Castor shouldn’t be trusted with the wedding ring.   Callen tells Best Man Sam to knock it off.

What head canon can be formed from here:   So done with the Drona/Callen’s childhood storyline.  The program has a handful of episode left and this one and one down the road eat up valuable time with this tedious storyline.  And the episode down the road – where I will be screeching about retconning Pembrook – could have been used for more of Rountree’s history beside his sister, more of Fatima’s history period, more of Sam with Raymond, Kensi’s mom’s with Rosa.  There were other “personal history” episodes besides this nonsense.

As for the episode itself, it was really well done, if a bit talky, for a set-up episode for what comes in episode 19.  It was all about Pembrook without Pembrook physically in the episode (flashbacks don’t count).  It is still up in the air if Beltran, Leah, Jenkins and Hertel are villains or victims.  Beltran is a mess – no issue with killing Leah, Jenkins and Hertel but knockout syringes for Callen and poor Agent Castor.  The Drona drama is such a mess.

Episode number:   Episode number 16 in season 14.  This is the 318th episode overall.