#HOW PEOPLE TREAT YOU AND HOW YOU'RE PERCIEVED

[velvetvexations]

Saw your tags on that binder post and I thought I’d share that my first introduction to chest binding was actually through the lolita community! A lot of big name japanese brands are not exactly size inclusive and did NOT cater to anyone with more than an A cup, so I did see quite a lot of safe binding advice and methods on blogs and forums back in the day before more inclusive brands became available, ranging from sports bra to actual proper binders. I’m probably not the only example of the “binding to fit into an angelic pretty dress” to “binding to fit into an angelic pretty dress and gender reasons)” pipeline, but plenty of other lolitas I know are still cis women who just do it on occasion or for specific pieces that aren’t very forgiving on the tits! I doubt that a single niche fashion subculture is the reason for those binders being marketed towards cis women so heavily, but I thought this was a funny anecdote :)

Fascinating!

patricia taxxon shit really fucking hurts. i dont want to be effected by a random internet microcelebrity not liking transdudes, that happens often enough. but god her music and essays got me through really rough shit and it really hurts to see someone i looked up to for well written essays and work fall back on the bullshit arguments used to deny my lived experiences. it really really fucking hurts, especially with how it feels barely anyone will talk about or call it out. i thought trfs were something id have to look hard for, and seeing their rhetoric creep into the fucking music i listen to and tumblrs i follow really truly scares me

I'm sorry, anon. I love you a lot. <3

“You shouldn’t break up the trans community into groups!” The TRFs literally came up with a way to break up the community via TMA/TME. They are actively distancing themselves from the community by baking fearmongering into their ideology. God forbid we create a term about sticking together against a group within the community that’s inherently dividing?

lmao literally

Just had my first time getting sexually harassed by a woman as a percieved cis man and commiserating afterwards with a cis man about how we're all just supposed to be cool with being treated like that. It's a weird experience and somehow going through the same things mostly from women as a girl then nonbinary then a trans guy it feels the same but the flavors change. I know the discourse is literally nothing but it makes me feel like my feelings shouldn't matter because of the male privilege. And I even did my civic duty and took the brunt of it away from the other trans man who was getting it worse because of his percieved feminine traits which people also like to pretend doesn't happen. All of it is just stupid.

It's fine, she was a woman and you're a man so that was praxis sexual harassment.

honestly i think a better predictor of how much autonomy a child is able to have over their presentation is probably whether the child is disabled moreso than agab, like i not only wasn't allowed to have my hair too short, i also wasn't allowed to have it too long for a chunk of my childhood because it took me awhile to understand how to brush my hair (because i was afraid to because i am hypersensitive to touch and my mother would always brush my hair in a way that hurt so much i would cry), and my mother would bitch and moan about how difficult i was about it (because she was hurting me and did not listen when i told her this) and so i wasn't allowed to have longer hair until i could brush it myself. ultimately the biggest factor is always the attitude of the parents though

God, so much of my shit with my mother was over my hair, it still really gets to me.

TRF is like the whole voting for face eating panthers. But it’s like TERFs are the panthers and TRFs are a cheetah, like “I’m a kind of cat too so they won’t eat my face as long as I eat faces too right?” WRONG they see you as prey, they won’t spare you because they see a fellow cat, they’ll eat your face cuz you’re not a panther!

cis women will like me if I explain to them how I'm -taxonomically- a woman

it’s insane to me that ‘it’s bad to hate someone for an uncontrollable part of their identity no matter who they are’ is a controversial take now

we've regressed

when people say ‘um ackshually i can say i want all men to die and if you tell me “men see these things and go far right because they think it’s true” then you are blaming women for men’s bad behaviour’ i just immediately assume that this person is stupid as fuck like. if a teenage boy goes online to see what feminism is about and is bombarded with ‘kill all men’ ‘all men are rapists’ etc then OBVIOUSLY he’s not gonna want to be feminist. it is really not that fucking hard to understand. people don’t wanna be in spaces that are cruel to them for an aspect of their identity that they cannot control it’s not ‘blaming women for misogynistic men’ to say that. it’s just fucking true. people are so stupid it actually pains me

unfortunately radfem juice is addictive

[uncanny-tranny]

If this is too personal a question I fully understand (if so: sorry and I hope you have a great day!), but I was just curious:

Why were you using 1/3 of a bottle of detergent for your clothes? was it a ocd compulsion situation/anxiety thing or something else entirely?

thank you for reading, and please do know that you truly bring a lot of good to this world! <3

No clue if it was OCD, an otherwise compulsion, or just a quirk, but it definitely wasn't helpful that in that instance, I was shut down entirely.

Which is why it's so important to actually listen to patients, you know? Like, not only was I not listened to, but if this were a serious issue (it actually has become a larger issue now that I'm an adult with my own income, admittedly), it wouldn't have be addressed at all. There are so many small ways that therapists, psychiatrists, authority figures, whomever, really, just... ignore problems because they're convinced that they're just infallible and the person they're addressing is, like, inherently beneath them.

[hvcrver]

i want to grab you in my fist and squeeze just GRRRR

im at the LIBRARY CHEESE this isn't the TIME for you to make me want to talk about how FEITAN and his PRIDE affects his ABILITY TO FUNCTION AS A PERSON and HOLD RELATIONSHIPS AUGUGHIEENNJNJNJEGGNRBGRRGGR SNARRLSSS

i do like to imagine the duality of being a shared darling of feitan and chrollo

for your birthday chrollo takes you to the most expensive restaurant he can find, having spent hours researching your tastes so that he knows what starter, main, and dessert you’ll like, what time you should eat them, etc.

then he’ll take you for a walk across the beach, or to the top of the mountains, anywhere he’d know you’d love. when you’re there he’ll present his gift, something heartfelt and personal, and no doubt very expensive. after all this, he’ll bring you back to the apartment he keeps you in where feitan is waiting after having completed a job.

he got you like. idk. a microwave meal. one that’s probably out of date and has a suspicious stain on the packaging. maybe he’ll put a candle on top of it but it won’t be lit, you’ll be lucky if it’s even out of its box.

yes if you don’t seem pleased feitan will be upset and grouchy for the rest of the week.

[sickly-sapphic]

Decided to migrate my insta posts over to tumblr as well!! 🪻🌻 (I also have an intersex-focused discord server welcome to all - dm for link)

[ID:

Purple and yellow heart illusion background for all slides. Reads: Unpacking Your Intersexism

Step One: How You Imagine Intersex People

When you think of an intersex person, or an intersex body, what do you envision? Is it an assumption of their characteristics and anatomy? Does it group ALL intersex people into one tiny box?

Intersex people come in a variety of shapes, colours and genders. Some may look exactly like a woman or man, some may function one way but look the other, some are a mixed bowl. Stop creating a poster child for what an intersex person looks like!!

Step Two: How You Use Intersex People

Have you ever heard yourself say something like "intersex people are proof of nonbinary/trans peoples existance!" or "kids never get surgery/hormones!" or used the existance of intersex people to fight/disprove or otherwise argue with transphobes? Stop!

Intersex people are more then just a shield for your arguements. Intersex people are not "proof" that trans or nonbinary people exist, trans and nonbinary people are the proof they exist!! Not only are you failing to acknowledge intersex people as people, youre doing a disservice to trans and nonbinary people!!

Alongside this, medical abuse is a common trauma in the intersex community. Many people are forcibly sterilised, have surgeries performed on them as newborns, and are covertly given medications or hormones to "fix" their intersex characterstics as children and even into adulthood.

Step Three: How You Relate To Intersex People

Ever hear someone say something along the lines of "well I'm Technically intersex now that I've taken HRT", "intersex people are biologically nonbinary", "I want to transition into intersex" or "this animal with mixed/changing characterstics is trans!" ? These are common misconceptions.

Taking HRT does not make you "biologically intersex", it makes you someone taking HRT, in the same way that taking birth control doesn't mean you're now infertile. In the same way, you cannot transition into an intersex person. You may have ambiguous, androgynous or mixed transition goals - and that's completely fine! But intersex is not the term you're looking for (try altersex!)

Intersex people and animals are not "technically" or "biologically" nonbinary or transgender, they're intersex. While some intersex people may identify with the term nonbinary, or even consider themselves a cis nonbinary person, not every single intersex person is nonbinary, nor does every single way being intersex presents itself look like what you're percieving as a "biologically nonbinary" body.

Step Four: How You Treat Intersex People

Think to yourself - are you asking invasive questions (such as their variation or anatomy)? Are you including intersex people in your queer activism or art? Are you consuming intersexist media, or media that fetishises intersex bodies?

Intersex people NEVER owe you any information on their condition. You are not owed their anatomical features, their intersex variations, their hormone levels or their chromosomes. You should not be asking if they're infertile, whether they can have sex, or any other invasive question.

While not ALL intersex people identify with the queer community, many do. If you create queer art, merchandise or anything else created with queer symbols and flags - are you including intersex people? If not, why? Do you acknowledge how bills will affect intersex people, or do you call them collateral damage? Are you lifting up intersex voices, or pushing them out of queer spaces?

Step Five: (Mis)Using Intersexist Terminology

Do you use h*rmaphrodite to refer to intersex people? Do you identify with TME/TMA, or force it on others? Do you use AMAB or AFAB as a catchall to mean "people with a perisex, non-transitioned male body" and "people with a perisex, non-transitioned female body"?

Firstly, h*rmaphrodite is a slur used against intersex people All The Time. Some intersex people may self-identify with it, but it is Not what you should be calling intersex people, nor should other intersex people use it on those who don't identify with it.

TME and TMA, or transmisogyny exempt and transmisogyny affected, completely fail to acknowledge the existance of intersex people. The terms are meant to refer to "AMAB" nonbinary and transfeminine people (TMA), vs. "AFAB" nonbinary, transmasculine people, and cis people (TME). However, many intersex people may experience transmisogyny due to how they appear, such as intersex men with typically feminine characterstics or intersex women with typically masculine characterstics. Transmen, nonbinary people of all shapes, people of colour and gender non-conforming people may ALSO experience what some may call "misdirected transmisogyny" due to how they present, but that's a whole other story."

AMAB (assigned male at birth) and AFAB (assigned female at birth) are not catch-alls for typically male or typically female experiences. Some people who are AMAB have typically female anatomy, hormones or life experiences, some are going to need "female" healthcare. Some people who are AFAB have typically male anatomy, hormones or life experiences, some are going to need "male" healthcare. AMAB does not mean "person with a penis", AFAB does not mean "person with a vagina" nor does it mean "person with tits" or "person with a period/capable of pregnancy". When you are making your info post or your sex ed posts, use specific language. It's not AMAB, it's "people with testes", "people with erections". It's not AFAB, it's "people with ovaries", "people with periods", "people with tits" (I cannot stress enough how much AMAB people can have tits).

End ID]

[beachf4gz]

just here to say that you have the best takes on hdb/disco elysium ever. keep doing what you do man you're awesome

also that earlier poll on whether harry is schizospec: yeah 100%. personally as a person with stpd I hc him as schizotypal and I'd love to hear your own hcs/opinions on schizospec harry

eeeee thank u hes a v important character to me so i have a lot to say abt him

this is probs j waffle but abt him being schizpec, i have always very much resonated with harry as a depiction of a mood disorder schizophrenic comorbidity. the ways in which harry is shown to see the world and how depression specifically functions within him reads to me as psychotic depression- his understanding of himself and the world around him tends to be wholistic and follow specific themes or recurring ideas that depict a detachment from reality "as it is"- the position that kim occupies in contrast to him. i see a lot of the gameplay as essentially harry having to learn to accept reality as it threatens him over and over, learning to percieve and function in the small scale of a life rather than the larger framing of the world, or of laws above the world itself, contextualised thru history and political conflict and poetry. i've seen some ppl say that harry can be read as having did- personally i dont think the skills are a good depicition of did itself or of plurality in that sense, but i think that harry is meant to be above all a person victimised by the conditions of being working class- that of exposure to stress and danger and trauma and a forceful impending hurtling into the future without any ability to control or change his circumstances, and from that i think that complex trauma, osdd, bpd, a complex mood disorder or schizophrenia can all be read into him fairly easily (however i do think the game, in choosing not to be explicit with his symptoms, depicting them in comorbidity with metaphysical aspects of the world, is actively discouraging a 1-1 psychiatric evaluation of harry. i think it is instead encouraging the framing of psychotic thought within a materialist approach to living). while i dont think he has DID i do really think the skills depict fragmentation of the psyche into functions- so something along the line of osdd- and from that its fairly easy to expand how a fragmented personhood functions to produce a fragmented understanding of reality in which there is overlay between input, or the psychotic elements of his thinking. I think the pale is potentially useful here also- the concept of delerium or total thought disorder, as information across time and location is fragmented and combined and then this delerium is presented as the opposite of life, or the opposite of reality, or the tearing of the world apart, it reads very strongly to me as feeling of *being* in a psychotic state. since DE is (imo) very concerned with the players mode of interaction being that of *being* a person (thinking their thoughts, deciding their actions, interpretting and reacting to stimuli), it kind of knocked me out to play *as* a mind in totalising thought disorder.

the constant pressure against harry's way of seeing and interpretting and placing himself within the scenes around him comes from multiple perspectives- i think kim is positioned as the cbt/dbt type approach to disordered thought in which a person removes themselves from those ways of thinking altogether and repositions themself as a person alike other people, and as a member of the larger structure of society and of humanity- to deal with circumstances and "get your shit together" as a choice or as a "function first" approach to treating "illness". i think this is positioned as flawed, but fundamentally helpful and caring in nature. I think trant/jeans approach to harry- that of attempting to figure out what is broken within the machine and diagnose, or discard, is positioned as unhelpful, uncaring and wrong. I believe this is probably advocating in some way to the player to reframe disordered thought or the seeing of grander concepts in the mundane away from psychiatry and psychiatric labels and approaches towards materialism, which i think is the intended frame the designers seek the audience to approach the world through. i think this is part of the larger marxist nature of the game- communism, marxism, leftism in general comes with a degree of allowing oneself to exit the grounding nature of their own lives and to seek to understand or see patterns, vague spiritualistic or metaphysical forces, in the world at large- and naturally it attracts and cultivates disordered thought as a result. i think in some way harry serves to demonstrate and instruct the player how to navigate living in a way that allows for material action, and for survival and happiness and the modes of being one needs to occupy to achieve those, without dismissing or undermining ways of thinking and being. idk thats a lot of words but yh basically i do think that disco elysium as a text is very interested in thought and the framing of a persons perspective, and explores both the consequences that has on a life and person as well as the metaphysical aspects that frameworking and psychotic relationality to frameworking have on the experience of being a person. i think if this wasnt something they were concerned with, harry would have been a very different character- probably one who was more defined by substance use in a traditional "outside in" depicition and not by the deconstruction of the act of being him.

i have a bunch of wayyy more specific things abt him i would like to communicate at some point but thats probs better for a time when i cba to find quotes and examples and shit XP

[pinbones]

There's two types of people who use transandrophobia to decribe transmascs' and trans mens' experiences:

- Simply specificity, language used to hone in on a specific way being trans affects people who just happen to be men

- As both the above and as a springboard to discuss how societal misogyny, radical feminism, gender stereotypes, and bioessentalism affect all people who can be pecieved as men or masculine by others, and how bigotries compound in meaningful ways with stereotypes and bigotry surrounding maleness and manhood

Like. Half of you are saying "maleness is a hollow experience which is standard, and exists in opposition to gendered oppression, and transandrophobia is therefore when dudes experience misogyny and transphobia"

and half of you are saying "Being percieved and/or transitioning towards male uniquely affects how I am treated, because, for example, how people perceive my blackness or mental illness or kinkiness or femininity is compounded with my manhood in ways that don't usually happen to gender conforming cisperi women"

Which are two fundamentally different approaches to transandrophobia as a concept. One suggests that maleness is a simple downy layer of privilege that coats a person through their male life, and the other acknowledges that a man (or somebody perceived as masculine/male) can experience oppression in ways that those NOT perceived male may not.

Only one of these interpretations is intersectional. Black individuals who are policed more hashly when interpreted as masc know they are risking dangerous experiences when transitioning to male, as has been discussed before on here (to no avail). Male or percieved male people with personality disorders are treated as more dangerous than women with similar symptoms, and are sometiems diagnosed with different disorders entirely based on percieved gender differences. This affects transmascs too, especially considering the already dire state of queerness in psychiatric institutions. Being a male birthing parent is a whole shitshow of transphobia because men are not supposed to give birth, and transmascs are lucky to access related healthcare at all, let alone access it without being ceaselessly misgendered and treated as a stigmatised 'other' to deleterious affects on parent and baby. These are just a few examples, there are many more ways maleness can screw a person over. And that's not to say that female privilege is a thing instead of male privilege, but rather to emphasise that men are not supposed to be minorities. Men are not supposed to be assaulted, men are not supposed to be outliers, men are absolutely not supposed to be trans.

When a man is autistic, he's not just autistic, he's an autistic male, and that makes him more likely to be killed by cops (especially if black). When someone says "you claim you're not ableist but you're scared of the homeless x on a bus talking to xself", they always say the person is a man, because that sounds more significant (and cops think so too). Consider when a person's rape/abuse is considered to not be all that serious due to the victim being male, or when a man's attraction is considered to be more exploitative than a woman's, or when a fat man is considered more creepy/sexist than a thin man or a fat woman. Consider why so many caricatures of evil and creepiness are men with deformities. Consider the fact that men's bathrooms don't have baby changing tables, and that a man may get less support from others after their child's death than the mother might. Maleness can negatively compound with things like minority status, vulnerability, aggression, sexuality, etc. in ways that screw that person over, both in social spaces (such as queer communities that dislike/distrust maleness and masculinity, or how isolation affects men harder), and in more tangible ways, like their rates of suicide and being murdered.

There are tangible ways in which transitioning to male can negatively affect a person's life even if you remove (hypothetically, not really possible) the transphobia element, and these also constitute as worthwhile topics of discussion. If you think maleness is the lack of gendered oppression, then you're not intersectional in your feminism at all. If your life as a male is genuinely sunshine and rainbows (apart from the transphobia if trans), then good for you, genuinely that's great, but not everyone lives in a radfem fantasy world.

Being unable to tell the difference between men talking about mens issues/liberation, and right wingers talking about oppressing women more, isn't feminist. It's ignorant and antifeminist. (MRAs don't care about actual mens lib, and are actively worsening it because they are sexist and opposed to gender lib. You guys know that, right? That male and female liberation aren't oppositional or binary, but the same gender liberation that is entirely oppositional to patriarchy?)

These men and mascs talking about issues facing men aren't ignorant womanhaters who deny misogyny and want ultraprivileged men to be coddled, they are good faith members of your community with experiences just as varied and valid as yours. Treat them like it.

[epickiya722]

Of course, Izuku can't have his moment without some people having an issue about it.

Not surprised, anything involving Izuku Midoriya someone is going to hate and has been for almost 10 years now.

Here's the thing that honestly has pissed me off about the fandom. And you know what, I know some of you are going to think I'm a bitch about this, but at this point? I don't care. I'm now at a limit that has been pushed.

When it comes to Izuku Midoriya, some of you seem to forget that he is an individual. This is still HIS story he's telling.

Look, I got my ships, but damn it. Sometimes, I want these characters to still be perceived as their own characters.

Katsuki showing up this chapter was enough for me. Yes, he is a big part of Izuku's story, but... I feel like it would not be right for him to be more included in AFO and Shigaraki's ultimate defeat.

Last time I checked, Katsuki was only a temporary OFA user... FROM A MOVIE. His journey didn't completely evolve around One For All. Izuku's did.

When Katsuki was having his awesome moments fighting AFO when he was a kid and a baby (AFO), I ain't seen no one going "Oh, Izuku should be by his side, BakuDeku" or anything like that. No, y'all was cheering Katsuki on and seemed satisfied that Izuku served as support.

That's all this fandom ever does is see as Izuku as support for Katsuki, just he always has to have his story evolve around Katsuki and nothing else.

He's the main character, but with some of you? He's not allowed to have his own moments to shine. He's not allowed to think about anything else but Katsuki. He's not allowed to put down the villain he was meant to face unless Katsuki is there to take the shine away.

Be honest, that's how you feel, isn't it?

Like, damn, Katsuki already won the last how many popularity polls!! When are y'all going to rest and let Izuku Midoriya be front row and center in his own damn story?!

I don't hate Katsuki, but I'm starting to dislike a lot of his fans.

Same for Shoto.

Look, Shoto also being more involved like how some of y'all wanted for this chapter would make no fucking sense to me. His fight was always meant to be against Dabi. His story involved his family. Izuku wasn't there fighting Dabi, so why in the hell should Shoto share some of the big moment when Izuku takes out ShigAFO?

How would that be fair for Izuku?

Some of you didn't even like Izuku being involved with the family drama and later he wasn't for the big fight because the Todoroki Family Drama wasn't for him.

As with Katsuki, Shoto is still a supporting character. He's a big one, but oh my gosh!!

I literally just woke up and the bull I'm already seeing is ridiculous, it is.

Sometimes, I feel like some of you who think they know the story haven't been paying attention at all. Some of you, I feel have that "this character should have been the main character" mentality so when Izuku does MC things, you go into some frenzy over it. Some of you, I feel should take off the damn shipping goggles and for once realize that these characters are still individuals and percieve them as such. Horikoshi, if you read this... don't make any ship canon. The fandom can settle for fics.

Ten years... for ten years... as much as some of you demean Katsuki for his actions, you act just as he did towards Izuku. Treat Izuku like some damn punching bag. You don't even have to like the story, I don't give a damn.

He gets moments to shine, it's a problem. "No, this character should be---" Just stop!

I'm not saying Horikoshi's writing is perfect. I'm not saying you have to like Izuku. I'm not even saying I'm an expert on BNHA because I'm still learning the story, too.

But what I am saying is, and it's going to sound bitchy, is that y'all are so blinded and muddled by your criticism and shipping that you're quick to make judgments. You're quick to rush and not sit back and really try to understand what's going on and your hatred or indifference towards Izuku is just doing a disservice to not just the story, but to yourselves. The way some of you think will ruin the experience for you and some of you sound like jerks, for real.

Like, every character is important to BNHA in some way, yes. But what about Izuku Midoriya? Doesn't his importance matter, too?

Or is he just some character for you to hate on or some character you only value for shipping purposes?

Feel how you about this chapter (even though it was just leaks and not the officially out chapter, let alone THE WHOLE DAMN STORY!! BNHA AIN'T FINISHED YET!!), I don't care.

But oh my gosh... do better, just do better.

It isn't just this fandom. It's all fandoms. There's this trend now of "criticizing" the main characters or saying "they're not really the MC" or how their value as a character for shipping purposes.

This can apply to any character, but right now I'm focusing on main characters.

When it comes to main characters, you should understand them most of all to understand the story and a lot of you or at least the loud minority have failed drastically.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

FtM/Transmasc NPD Culture is your NPD severely affecting your dysphoria, needing to prove yourself as masculine enough to those around you because you're dysphoric and hyper aware of how others percieve you. Even if you don't necessarily view being feminine as a morally bad thing, there's an inherent social pressure to prove you're not "weak" on top of being brushed off and disregarded for being treated as female. Projecting yourself as extremely tough and strong both as a response to social pressure and as a need to prove you're enough and just as good or better than other men.

It's painful to be hyper aware of how toxic masculinity affects people while being trans and having NPD because I feel like I need to balance proving that I'm the most kind, understanding individual to other trans people, and that I know toxic masculinity is bad, while also proving to cis men and society at large that I am just as good as others are. On top of the inherent demonization of masculinity period in some queer spaces, being seen as a "gender traitor" or just as bad and oppressive as cis men for my gender identity.

It is a massive source of insecurity and internal conflict feeling like I need to prove to everyone around me that I am The Best when everyone around me has entirely different expectations of what's good enough.

.

[olderthannetfic]

controversial opinion: I don't like using AMAB and AFAB to refer to the typical phenotypes of textbook standard male and female reproductive systems.

The gender you're assigned at birth has nothing to do with your future reproductive capacity or any secondary sex characteristics you might develop later in life, and doesn't even account for the presence of organs like testes or ovaries. It's entirely to do with an infant's external and visible phenotype, nothing more. Intersex people can be surgically assigned something at birth and have any combination of internal organs that may or may not match the external phenotype their parents and doctors thrust on them.

The gender you're assigned based on that external phenotype will influence how you are raised, how other people percieve you and treat you, your place in culture, etc. So it's important to have terms like this to discuss cultural things, but culture and internal anatomy are not the same thing, and using the language of one to discuss the other is pretty reductive.

So, are there any more accurate terms to use for discussing things like reproductive health, rather than gender within culture, that both respect trans people (so not "biologically male/female") and don't assume that someone who looks like they have a dick when they're three minutes old nessecarily has functioning testicles, facial hair, and no uterus as an adult? I'd especially value any input from any intersex people in the audience, since you're the the whole assigned-at-birth thing affects you guys most strongly.

--

[year2000electronics]

about yer mario hottakes im rollin in with thoughts on the mario-luigi dynamic.

i've heard so many people go back and forth between them having this 100% perfect brotherly love VS. mario is evil and hates poor baby luigi but i think that maybe it's just they're both complex characters and mario deeply insecure

like that tennis scene where he grinds luigi's foot after luigi wins instead of him. when your whole livelihood revolves around being the kingdom's favorite boy it makes sense you might lash out at being upstaged even if that's fucked up as hell to do to anybody. and while luigi's allowed and expected to outwardly express his fears (at least from diary entries i've seen in the paper mario series and luigi's general "coward" persona), who the hell is listening to mario? he's probably seen how shit people treat luigi for being vulnerable anyway (we play as mario usually witnessing all this and like. bros are real yikes to luigi), so i'd imagine the bottled up bitterness at the world is hard to contain. resentment towards luigi for being emotionally open, resentment towards the denizens of the kingdom for treating his brother like crap when mario probably wouldn't be too different if it wasn't his job to be

i'd imagine the moments he cant contain his cool like that are deep regrets. sure, luigi would forgive him, but can he forgive himself? can mario contain himself long enough to not wig out, especially with everyone watching him 24/7?

idk if this is super off base, i don't go to this school. but imo put mario in therapy, you can't be strong for everyone all the time. you're just some guy

YEAHYEAH i think even if the middle section is YMMV i do agree with the general idea that "the bros' relationship is more complex than 'they love each other' or 'they hate each other'" . like ok. being the most BANAL of canon-compliant here to reel back my own insanity for a second. it is canon that mario gets a bit competitive with luigi/his friends! we see multiple art pieces/cutscenes depicting this

because they are siblings. and im gonna be so real here i latch onto any sort of flaw mario is ALLOWED to have due to his status as Mascot so you can pry "mario gets a bit too competitive" from my cold dead hands

he's also shown to be a bit impatient if he percieves something is taking too much time

(from super mario sunshine)

(from bowser's fury)

(from luigi's mansion 1)

so i definitely see his stubbornness and impulsivity clashing with luigi's careful methodical approach.

ALL THAT TO SAY. i think even if you're just playing by the rules, i think you don't have to JUST go for one extreme or the other. i agree. the rest is purely speculative fanon applying some depth to a character who functionally does not necessarily "need" it.

(but my personal playground space interp of mario and luigi absolutely has this sort of clashing dualism where both bros are really stressed out with the hand that life has given them and they're always thinking "my brother doesn't know how good he has it" but they love each other despite that, and that love makes them not want to talk about how they really feel, and that makes it WORSE, etc etc etc)

[blueskittlesart]

I was disappointed that Haruhi was treated like a girl by the host club members. Anyway I’m trans now 👍

this is actually probably another example of cultural disconnect irt ouran! I don't blame you for it because if im right about where you're coming from, it's a linguistic thing and unless you understand japanese/how japanese works it's not a connection you're going to make. I think that much of what english-speaking fans percieve as haruhi being treated like a girl by the hosts, aside from tamaki's obvious Thing about her gender, is the constant use of she/her pronouns. Most of the hosts (sans tamaki) don't go out of their way to treat her like a girl in terms of like, social context, aside from a few bits that are implied to be instigated by tamaki (i.e. lobelia academy plot.) I will admit that the she/her-ing of haruhi is pervasive in the english translations of the show, but it's not actually an accurate reflection of the original content. Conversational japanese largely drops gendered pronouns from most sentences, meaning there's very little overt gendering of haruhi either way by most characters in the show. this is part of the reason why it's somewhat believable that she managed to pass herself off as a guy--it's actually entirely possible that she didn't KNOW that people were assuming she was male until the hosts made a big deal out of it, because it's unlikely she would be referred to by gendered pronouns in conversation with her peers. this is unfortunately one of those things that it's almost impossible to not lose in translation since english sentence structure relies so heavily on gendered pronouns, but i do think it's worth pointing out that in the original japanese the boys WEREN'T openly calling her a girl at every turn. except for tamaki who absolutely was but that's like his own whole seperate thing

[apatheticlexicographer]

i think i finally understand the exact reasoning behind how both will and mike's sexualities are presented, and how those presentations flatter each other.

will is barely queercoded from a subtextual perspective because there's no need to queercode him. the writers verbally establish in season one episode one that people percieve this kid as gay, so you're immediately guided to see him through the same lens, at least subconsciously. people continue to refer to him as gay and he continues to "act" gay, and most of the audience is able to see this for what it is very easily without the need for heavy symbolism. will being gay is simply treated as a fact from the start by both the characters around him and the writers themselves, for better or for worse.

MIKE, on the other hand, is so heavily queercoded it's barely even funny. he's the one with the queer imagery, the blocking, the set design, the lighting. he's never explicitly referred to as queer, it isn't so much as suggested verbally, but the sheer amount of incredibly blatant subtextual material that surrounds him is insane. none of the characters within the show have the slightest clue that mike is gay. there's a good chance that mike himself doesn't know, or has only begun to realize very recently. even the writers do their damn best to make it appear like they themselves don't know. still, the fact remains that he is, it just isn't expressed in a way that the homophobic masses both within and outside the show are capable of picking up on. when he comes out it will be a shock to the characters and the majority heterosexual audience, but not to the queer people who pick up instinctually on the signalling. basically, you only know mike is gay if you have a genuinely functioning gaydar.

in this way they're so strongly representative of two very different gay experiences, both of which are important and both of which are treated respectfully by the writers, despite the setting.

will is the kid who never really gets the luxury of choosing whether to come out to people, because everybody has had him pegged from the start. even his own family: jonathan tells will he accepts him before will can even hint toward the topic himself. however as much as we're told that he "seems" gay to other people, all we are shown subtextually is a totally normal child who happens to have feelings for another boy. this is important because it subverts the trope of making "being gay" the "obviously gay" character's sole or core trait.

mike is the kid who people would never in a million years guess was queer. it's not just that he gets the luxury of choosing when to come out of the closet; he's so deep in it that he's drowning in winter coats. he's the "twist queer character," except he's not. his subtextual queercoding has been there beneath the surface for just as long as will has been textually referred to as queer on a surface level. this makes it clear that him being gay isn't some kind of last minute decision and the subtlety of his presentation wasn't an accident. if you don't knkw mike is gay now before it's revealed then you aren't supposed to.

they're foils like that. they're the archetypal queers, and i think it's kind of beautiful.

(and if anybody tries to argue that one expression of Queer Experience is more important than another then i'm coming for their kneecaps. having both experiences not only represented but thoroughly explored is so rare, although there are people all over the world who resonate with each.)

[gor3sigil]

hi i dont really know how to introduce myself, so i hope you dont mind if i skip that part.

i just wanted to ask about that post you made a few days ago. in one of the last paragraphs you mention how hatching is painful. but is it supposed to feel like my entire world is cracking apart around me?

what you mentioned in the beginning of the post, about how the people around you felt about masculinity, that very aptly describes a lot of my fears of reactions to me identifying as masculine, which is what started me crying and ultimately spurred me to message you.

im just so scared

i have lots of trans people in my life, i just dont know how to talk about this with most of them (see: Very Scary :C) ive spent my whole life using femininity to take down peoples walls and help them feel comfortable around me. what the hell am i supposed to do as man? can i even still behave that way? will people even still trust me? will they like me? will they feel safe around me? its unbearable. every time i think about it my brain tries to run away, there's just so much fear.

is this normal at all? to be scared like this? i mean, considering i too struggle with the radical feminist narrative you mentioned? i dont believe the narrative, but i fear it. and then i get insecure and i cant stop thinking the insecurity an indication that manhood is the wrong direction for me.

am i making any sense?

Hi, it must've taken lots of strength to write all this so congrats to you. My answer will be based on my own experiences so take it with a grains of salt. Yeah, your world will definitely shatter too. Because even if you're just socially transitionning, if you do so while being surrounded by trans friends, most of them will change the way they percieve you so your interactions may change. I know that's scary, but you have to trust the process. If they're good friends, they won't like you less or anything. That's the hardest part I think. As you read in my post, coming ot made me lose tons of friends, most of them trans, because they treated me badly after I came out.

And yes, you are making sense. I went through the exact same fears as you. The fear of not being deemed as safe anymore. Unfortunately, I don't really have any solutions to offer you, appart from building your own community, online and/or IRL. Like I said, most of my trans friends were kinda crappy about me being masc and I struggled for years to feel comfortable in my masculinity as a result. Because I did the same as you, me being a "woman" was my way of saying that I understood the struggles of others and was safe. Let me stress one thing. You are still okay, you're not a bad person. Even if you discover new things about yourself, even if you're transmasc, even if you're transitionning (if you do), you are still very much the same person as before, with your understanding of a number of issues, with your own pas experiences.

It's a point I really can't stress enough. As I said in my post, you are still worthy of love, support, tenderness, being understood, being heard, being listened to, being comforted. One thing I noticed is that my previous friend tended to dismiss my feelings and/or be "rough" with me thinking that it was "affirming" because I was a man now. Let me tell you that that's BS and don't let anyone treat you this way.

Maybe try to test the water, idk if you came out already or not but maybe in your presentation or just by talking about transmasc specific issues with them, see how they react. That being said, I really do hope that your friends will be understanding. Or that by explaining to them how their behavior is wrong they will understand and act differently, because sometimes people so shit cause they don't know any better. I hope this helps, and I really wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out again. Take care.

[eclaire-went-bam]

having a personality disorder (npd for this post specific post) is annoying because all your friends who don't have one, & every therapist who mainly specialises in depression/anxiety/ptsd, will either completely misunderstand through the lens of a different mental health condition, OR think you're blessed in some way. the amt of comments i've gotten on how lucky i am to be narcissistic should be criminalised, guys ....? would you call someone lucky for being autistic if you're allistic? no? cus that's weird? or like, are you lucky for being depressed? no? what about that oh so deep insight you have on life? what about your tormented artist self? you guys see how this is weird?

and the way people will stop caring about me because i have a Good Self-Esteem Anyways & Am Very Confident With Others ??? like suddenly ppl think i don't need praise & recognition?

like yes i feign insecurity for compliments & from an egotypical lens, that's kinda shitty ! from my lens though, it's sometimes necessary for positive response, & i need supply ! bcs unlike an egotypical i will literally die if i don't get recognition

suddenly people don't treat me like i still need help, bcs they believed the very act i put on too much. or they don't understand how i need help, because the way i experience positive & negative things is different. like oh i'm dealing with delusions of grandeur? that must be so cool! except now i'm putting myself in danger bcs i feel like as a diety, i'm immortal. or dealing with a god complex & feeling lonely.

and the worst part is, is that the very fact of being narc makes me always want to be percieved as the best, even amongst friends, so no, i won't tell them if i actually have a fragile self esteem or if i'm crashing. hell, writing fragile self esteem is even hard on This account, where nobody knows me except one person. so yea, i play it up even more. & i'm also stupidly Flattered in the moment by people thinking i'm lucky for this. because i do want to be percieved as having some innate mark that differs me from all the others, that makes me better. & yessss i'm so special & cool for my trauma ehe. Eugh.

[fairycosmos]

hi chloe !! i got a new job and today is my first day, my anxiety wont leave me alone. How do u control anxiety in situations like this?? specially cus i think i might have autism and that im not gonna fit in my new job

hi congratulations on the new job!! agh it's the worst.......i've been there a million times and i still don't have a proper solution.......i tend to at least attempt to manage that anxiety by accepting that it is there and not fighting it. i try to get my brain to focus on neutral affirmations "i am going to be awkward and that's okay" "i am allowed to fuck up" "i can be compenetent at my job and ask for help at the same time" "i can't control what anyone thinks of me, i can only control myself" rather than telling myself hyper-positive platitudes that feel kind of fake. even the neutral ones feel fake at first, but locking in on them and just getting on with the day has worked for me in the past. i also allocate myself breaks throughout the day, time to go to the bathroom and just breathe and get myself together. nobody will be expecting much of you on your first day and i promise as long as you are civil and polite with the people you meet then you will be fine. i've had ppl automatically dislike me in workplaces for being neurodivergent too and i've come to realise that there's not much i can do to prevent it bc they're miserable and they're going to do what they can to look for (what they percieve as) weaknesses in others to make themselves feel better. luckily not everyone is like that and i'm sure it'll become apparent who is chill and who isn't with time, and even if you don't end up really vibing with anyone - they're just co-workers at the end of the day. this is something i have to remind myself a lot. their approval doesn't make or break anything and they're not necessarily your friends and that's fine. you'll be alright. if there's a connection you find at work worth exploring, you'll find it naturally - other than that, just don't get involved in co-worker drama and you should have nothing to really worry about. i know it's hard. i've been bullied at work before and now whenever i go somewhere new the fear that it is going to happen again crops up, but at the end of the day i just think as long as i'm getting paid then what fucking ever, you know what i mean? you're clearly capable, which is why you got the job to begin with, and you deserve to have people in your inner circle that deserve to be there, who'll treat you right. not everyone does deserve that, but that's not on you. good luck and i hope it goes really well <3 remember it's ok to ask (what you think are) stupid and ridiculous questions and it's ok to fuck up!! lots of love to ya. mwah <3 x

[harukamitsuki]

There's probably been a lot of people telling how they'd rewrite BNHA, but I also have my own ideas, but there's a major question/idea (or help) I need. How do you think it would've affected the relationship between Katsuki Bakugo and Izuku Midoriya if Izuku was born with a Quirk, nonetheless a powerful one (that would be a combination of his father and mother's Quirks - i.e. Pyrokinesis as his Quirk would be known as "Dragon Fire"). Took major inspiration from Plot Armor on Youtube's "What If" video about how it would've been like if Izuku Midoriya was born with a Quirk. Realistically speaking, if Izuku had been born with a Quirk (especially a powerful one), he would've most likely have humbled Katsuki down by a lot since an early age, although I'm unsure how it would affect Katsuki's superiority complex, make it less than his canonical self's or somehow make it worse? They'd probably be best-friends as a result though. (if you're curious on who'd obtain One For All though, either Mirio Togata or a Quirkless OC, not sure yet)

Honestly?

I feel like Bakugou would be worse, somehow. Because it was never about being quirkless - it was about his ego being challenged.

Remember, it wasn't until Izuku, someone he percieved as weaker than him, offered him help. For a long while, Bakugou had been praised heavily and his ego built since he was young, even before quirks came in - they praised him for his quick understanding of the Japanese language.

Everyone praised Bakugou, and so he thought he was the absolute best.

Then came Izuku who, instead of laughing along with everyone, was concerned about him. To Izuku, it was just a natural thing to do: his friend, (at the time), fell, so he offered help. But to Bakugou, it was an insult, for someone he thought of as weaker than him to be worried about him.

If Izuku really was stronger than him from the start, Bakugou would hate him more. Maybe Izuku wouldn't be bullied for being quirkless, but Bakugou's charisma was arguably stronger than Izuku's back then. Izuku was always shy and meek, but Bakugou was constantly talking to everyone.

Because we didn't get much if any insight on how the quirkless are treated, it's more likely that people bullied Izuku because Bakugou did.

I think, if you'd like to develop a friendship between them, Bakugou would need an intervention early on, where he gets to realise that he isn't the strongest, and he doesn't have to be either.

Vitriolic friends, however, may be a better explanation - wherein they only ever express hatred towards each other, but know that they care even if they don't say it. Somewhat similar to Zoro and Sanji, or Natsu and Gray.

Good luck on your writing endeavours!