#Guess who just read ‘’The Death & Return of Superman’’

[msfcatlover]

Sometimes reading comics is fun because damn, there is some WILD shit in there!

Other times it’s just a headache. Because damn, there is some wild shit in there. Often all at once. Way too fast. Why would you cram all this into a single story arc? Why.

[pumpkinstrawbrew]

.batcrow feat. the owl.

or a situation, which is stuck somewhere between existential threat an’ scuffle between barn animals.

...

(it’s one of those underdeveloped, raw-ish concepts that i indulge in just for funzies. it all started very simply. i was thinking about what kind of person might make bruce jealous. the topic was kinda challenging, considering that bruce in the comics *at least in the ones, i read* or even btas is rarely express this emotion if at all. in fact, at one point, he literally said to the woman, who he supposedly was in love with, that she should stay with the other man, who also liked her, bc he needed her more *he got disfigured an' such* an’ she was like ‘wtf is wrong with you. to paw me to the other man like that’, clearly outraged. but bruce didn’t seem to fully grasp what her issue was lol.

still, what if he somehow got jealous of another man, when it comes to crane, anyways? and who that man could possibly be? my first thought was superman, bc bruce generally can be kinda petty, when it comes to him. but clark is such a puppy-like character. he wouldn’t have been mean about it, or even be someone who could potentially like jon in such a manner. at worst, bruce might have got annoyed at crane *not clark*, if he said smth about superman’s strong arms in front of him. some jealousy there, but not quite what i was looking for, when pondering on that set up.

an' then, i recalled the owlman! i only know the version of him from the cartoon, an’ honestly after seeing glimpses of what they do with him in comics, i’d say this is the only owlman for me. from the crisis on 2 earths ‘toon. gotta admire a character, who is SO nihilistic an’ SO sure in his own worldview, that he literally does nothing an’ dies, just bc it doesn’t matter to him. he even smiles a bit, if i remember correctly. kinda both chillin’ an’ sad. the owlman had an ego, but he also just kinda….wanted everything to die an’ that’s it. he is what might have happened, if bruce went full blown doctor strangelove, after his parents death. which is funny, bc owlman isn’t bruce wayne at all, but he is the one who ‘takes’ his place in his own universe. i don’t remember if it was ever revealed in the cartoon, who the owlman was or if they left it ambiguous. i'm pretty sure, that they made him bruce’s brother in the comics, specifically. but i might be wrong, bc there was a few owlman in batman's ran, i think...?

either way, this version here is devoid of backstory. the main thing for him is that there was never a bruce wayne in his universe, an’ coincidently enough, no jonathan crane, either. as result, owlman knows nothing about scarecrow. he had analogs of other batman’s rogue gallery, who were either heroes or anti-heroes, but he never had professor of fear of his own. an' that’s part of the reason why he gets slightly curious about him. at the begining, it's very casual on his part. i guess, he might have wondered why it's those two *jon an' bruce* specifically, who never existed in his reality. everybody else, clearly did. so he looks a bit closer into it, still mostly for the sport. only to find out about strange relationships that crane has with the bat.

the owlman is an isolated kind of character. he doesn’t care for his own teammates. nor he's able to reciprocate their affection. i mean, he didn’t really react to the villain version of wonder woman kissing him. he was surprised, sure, but not hurrying to return the gesture or even seemingly knowing what to do about this situation. which led me to believe, that at least in the frames of that toon’s worldbuilding, he had no alt alfred or robin or anyone, who he was close with. kinda an opposite of batman, who does to a degree surrenders himself with people, even if he keeps them at *emotional* distance, more often than not. but the point is, that bruce still wants a connections an’ not devoid of hope to see the things sorta/kinda working up. in comparison, owlman is as nihilistic as a person can get, so it makes zero sense for him to have close ties with anyone. or even see it smth that he needs. but i imagine that witnessing how batman acts with his enemies, jon esp, be a very confusing experience for him. like, why pity such a person? why even show some small signs of kinship with him? an' what’s so different about this one, if anything at all? 

so after some more pondering, he approaches crane just to see for himself, if he is worth all that effort *sympathy* or not. an’ hey, scarecrow is kinda fun. reactive an’ jerky, an’ surprisingly aggressive for such a coward. owlman's usual enemies are the good guys. they're heroic an' noble. but jonathan isn’t that. not even close. his worldview is bitter an' twisted. whatever wrongs were done to him, didn't mold him into a hero like with any other owlman's enemy. the scarecrow is a villain to the boot an' it's...new. his use of fear is interesting too. none of his enemies had this gimmick. this makes the owlman wanna play around with him for a bit longer. or owlman experience unknown emotions for the first time in years an’ kinda not fully certain what to do about it, other than indulge in it. his end goal still the same. it won’t change for/or bc of anything, but he can have a small distraction, before the curtains call. it's not everyday, when he can find a person, who is kinda interesting to him, even if bc of pure novelity that he can hang out with a man, who had never existed in his own timeline.

then, he learns about the scarecrow’s life. how it went downhill or rather, how it was sorta doomed from the start almost. an’ oh. here it is. that’s what batman feels too, isn't it? that silver of kinship. the owlman never had this before. an’ it’s not a bad feeling, either. he was never able to relate to the others. it’s like ‘everything sucks so much. everything just sucks forever’ an’ he has found someone who understands the meaning of this sentiment, an' not just being an emo about life. at least, the owl would assume that jon understand it in the exact same way he does *but jon doesn’t lol* 

meanwhile, bruce is concerned. owlman is a very bad, bad kind of man to have around crane for many different reasons. one of which is that it doesn't sound like a hard thing to convince someone like crane, that destroying everything is the only 'right' way to go about things. jonathan's life is generally was an' still is awful, so why not end it all, but with a huge, literal bang?

it’s like a nihilistic doom an’ gloomy buddy club. sounds hella corky, but in reality, it’s dark stuff, actually. jon be beyond depressed in this case. him getting all buddy-buddy with people, who are more unhinged an’ dangerous than him isn’t a new thing. but in this case, it’s like an extra salt on batman’s open wound. the bat himself states in comics at least twice, how crane is one of those villains, who don’t just stay the same, but who progressively gets more an’ more insane an’ deranged each time he breaks out of arkham. him hanging out with the person, whose worldview is basically ‘it would have been so much better, if we all were dead’ an' who literally an' genunily means this, isn’t smth that is good for jonathan's *already declined* mental health. esp if owlman is also rather problematic in other ways too. not to meantion, that him dragging crane along is also kinda personal. in this way, he might be showing bruce, that no matter how much he wants his rogues to change or how much good will he shows them, they're all just human, therefore they're all hopeless an' bad. bc all humas are bad in owlman's understanding. it's like 'aw, you want to believe that this one isn't a lost cause? what if i will make him help me to murder everybody? still think he worthy of your delusions?' owlman might have an end goal, but he's also arrogant an' petty too.

on main, i have two rough-ish concepts for their uhhh, trio shippy thing. in PG-ish version, it’s just that owlman influencing jon in an awful ways, an’ since he kinda/sorta resembles batman, crane subconsciously rely on him, bc he's somewhat familiar. besides, the owl hints that his own life was bad too, an’ it’s like finally someone gets on the same level of despair as crane does. an' also, maybe...this what could have been, if the bat was a villain too. they could have been on the same team. so in a way, it's kinda more of jonathan playing into this weird fantasy of himself an' bad batman, than him fully understanding the real level of 'oof' that owlman tries to acomplish with 'the plan'.

*funny enough tho, where it really counts, jon isn’t like owlman. he, for one isn’t someone who would just give up. after every fail an’ each kick an’ shove, he still gets up. the thing about jonathan is that he wouldn’t just lie down an’ die no matter how much pain an' humilation an' despair, he felt. an’ he also wouldn’t *in the end* commit to the idea of murdering countless people just bc his life sucked. even if, it doesn’t mean, that he won’t go through motions an’ nearly, truly consider going along with it. he isn’t alright in the head, an’ his negative emotions tend to get the best of him. still, i feel like most versions of jonathan would in the end, decide that no, it's not what he wants or ready to take responsibility for.*

it all would resolve in comic book fashion, where jon would help the bat in the end, an’ not that other man, who had his allure an’ had almost seduced crane into doing one last evil act any human being in existence could have ever done. still, there always be longing on scarecrow’s part for this odd, wrong ‘batman’, even if he sticks with his own, regardless. 

*an’ yeah, the bat is kinda jealous throughout all of this lol. the world can be hanging by a thread, but no one said, that he cannot be a tad possessive, while he’s saving it *an’ crane* too. owlman will have fun with this knowledge, while it will go completely over jonathan’s head. mister ‘i can pin-point everyone’s fear from one conversation’ would have a really hard time understanding that batman’s beef with the owl not strictly hero vs villain thing*

then, in more mature version, it's kinda the same-ish plot, but owlman prob would do way more messed up things, which might put crane into a position, where he’s afraid to not comply, but also not actually willing to do it. an’ naturally, there bruce won’t be jealous, more so angry. really struggling with idea, if he should let just this one man *or an owl, whichever rings more true* die. an’ then, if this is a reflection of him, what kind of person, he really is. so it’s more of moral dilemma an’ a character study of a nihilistic sociopath, who just might have wanted to have a lil chew-toy, as he prepares his biggest scheme.

anyways, it’s not like an otp3 or anything. i’m a very bond/pair oriented fella. so when i’m dabbing into 3 way dynamics, it usually has more situational/reactive undertones. but i won't deny, that it’s fun to think about 'what if' or even about some situation in the void, where the bat an’ the owl double teame the crow. which in any plot-included or a somewhat coherent narrative just wouldn’t have happened bc of how all 3 of them function / react to things. it just not in their character to do it this...randomly. but if i will ever make a superhero pwp ficlet collection, i might try to do smth with this idea.)

[zahri-melitor]

New(ish) Comics

Batman #154: Look, I don't hate this story, but did we really need another round of Thomas 'Cheater' Wayne? Especially Dr Thomas MD But Can't Handle Contraception Wayne? Been here. Done that. Bane Half-Brothers was funnier. Hopefully this is superior to every time Tommy Jr appears.

Absolute Superman #1: I think I rank this ahead of Absolute Batman but not as good as Absolute Wonder Woman. It's an interesting approach. It's very in your face and not bothering with subtlety in the analogies.

I will agree I am fond of the trend of Live Mothers With Their Sons in these stories, even if I know Lara's about to get whomped by the plot. Loved fix-it engineer Lara who wanted to be an astronaut and got washed out for having Wrong Political Views (age 9).

Action Comics #1074: in contrast, Lara in this is a 1950s cipher, literally standing there holding the baby. It's is such sharp contrast compared to Absolute Superman, especially as I read them back to back.

Aside from that, I think the Clark main plot finally picked up its pace a bit, the Kenan and Kon plot got a bit explainy but remains fun, and Kara is having a very bad time over in her plot.

Birds of Prey #15: Delighted by Cass being a menace here. Really happy we got to spend a little more time getting inside Sin's head. And Grace and Onyx looking at each other and trying to work out how to fight Barda to let her let off steam without anyone getting massively injured was so funny: they're both ripped in this comic, but Barda is, well, Big Barda.

Batgirl #1: As was generally expected, this is heavily leaning on Batgirl 2000. Interestingly as far as I am concerned, it is retaining Batman & Robin Eternal and working on twisting the word 'Orphan' to have multiple meanings! Which I've commented on before: Orphan as a name and a word has a lot of implications for Cass to be unpacked, and not all those implications are obvious on the surface.

I'm interested to see more of how they play this - it's a different approach to Cass's internal monologue and body reading skills.

As far as Shiva goes: they definitely seem to have sat down and tried to find a midpoint between preboot Shiva in Batgirl 2000 and Rebirth Shiva in say Batman and the Outsiders 2019 (both are definite influences on this).

Shazam! #17: Love the Hephaestus design. Feeling sorry for Freddy, though I liked that the whole situation is framed not as 'going evil' but as a test of strength of mind. And given the uneven power split in the family right now, externalising that jealousy makes sense.

Plastic Man No More! #2-3: caught up with Plas. Was reminded I don't actually particularly enjoy him as a character. As a set of stories focusing on treating Eel as more than just a joke character and interrogating his interiority they're doing a lot; I guess some of it is I simply don't really feel attached to him, and I'm cheering Luke O'Brian on to never talk to his dad again.

Also very much reminded these are Black Label, between the gruesome body horror, the plot, the number of character deaths and the fact Tim's running around as a Titans lieutenant checking on members.

I think these are quite good comics. I'm just not emotionally attached to Eel and these aren't managing to get me over the hump.

Batman/Santa Claus: Silent Knight Returns #2: and over here in the 2024 DC Santa read along, we scored a Jason Blood telling tales of Camelot! Don't know where Nimue was - she clearly managed to sidestep this drama and reminding Jason she has very different memories of the period.

Mera also kicked absolute arse and weaponised her attackers prejudices in a satisfying manner.

As a marker: John Stewart is in this title, but he's on the JL team up that are currently trapped and don't have Santa with them. This is important because...

DC'S Batman Smells, Robin Laid an Egg #1:

Santa's Oath: this is a story about Mrs Claus driving the sleigh and being a Blue Lantern, while John Stewart is asking if Santa really exists. We covered this, John! Extensively! In the DC Santa read along last year! He's real! And not only is he real this story is suggesting he's 'busy' in a way that makes me think it wants to align canonically with Silent Knight Returns, except for the fact, John, you are currently trapped in that story, and you're undoubtedly about to MEET Santa in it by the end of it.

In terms of Blue Lanterns, if anyone is going to be one, I don't hate putting it on the Clauses.

Also add this one to the tally of Real Santa stories, even if it is 'Carol' Claus.

Secret Santa: Happy Christmas to me personally, because the 2008 Secret Six lineup are currently exchanging presents and it includes hilarious cuddly Bane musing on everyone's histories.

This is amazing. I only wish Floyd and Thomas had got more banter in it. And it wasn't even written by Simone - dare I dream of another Secret Six run?

Ghosts of Christmas Present: John Constantine gets trapped in a Hallmark Movie via Hell. This is slight and underuses Constantine.

It's a Criminal Life: ...Joker gets It's a Wonderful Lifed with a ghost dead Robin!Jason. It's deeply ridiculous.

Deadman Walking: it's a Christmas mining disaster story! Ahhh, Deadman comics. Honestly a bit too earnest and instructive on how to dig people out of collapsed mines.

Silent Nite: oh the art on this one is good (Francavilla). Silent, period piece for Dr Mid-Nite set in 1941. The direction of the story is obvious from about the second page but still well told.

The Perfect Gift: Ben Turner and Mari McCabe try to buy each other Christmas presents story. Mari massively overthinks things. Ben apparently managed some serenity from the O-Sensei and just got Mari something straightforward. Donna plays wingwoman.

O Glowy Night: The art is fun in this and the concept (Clark can't stop radiating a sunny glow). I sighed at the villain.

Honestly I enjoyed this mix. Lots of characters who mostly get back ups, from various corners of DC.

The Warlord #75: this week in Skartaris we reach an anniversary issue and with it...the return of Graemore, Tara's old childhood friend who likes trying to steal her away from Travis (via such seduction methods like 'not wandering off into the wilderness to kill things without returning for months on end' and 'appearing at meals' and 'asking Tara about her feelings').

Travis and Tara actually discuss the fact Travis is never in Shamballah for more than 5 minutes at a time and that she's tired of it.

In the Ancient Atlantean artefacts line of story, we find out that the USAF identity card thing Travis found was from the 23rd century, yet left with all the other materials of the ancients. COULD IT BE MORE TIME TRAVEL? (because this story doesn't have enough as it is). I feel sorry for whatever poor fool got trapped back in Wizard World and had to live out his days there to get this stuff over to the Ancient Atlanteans.

(Also uh the New Atlanteans try to invade Shamballah and Travis ends up punching Tara to carry her as they try to escape so she won't try to make a heroic last stand. Which. Certainly a thing that happened here)

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Crisis on Infinite Earths, issue 11: “Aftershock” (Same great universe, now 80% smaller!)

[All images are owned by DC Comics, please don’t sue me]

PREVIOUSLY ON…

A being known as the Anti-Monitor has destroyed all but 5 of the universes in existence) with a single survivor on Earth-6 (Lady Quark) and Earth-Prime (Superboy) along for the ride)

Unfortunately, the process was unstable, meaning that time has merged (meaning mammoths and futuristic aliens are among modern skyscrapers) in the areas where the Earths are merged (which are called “Warp Zones”)

The Anti-Monitor’s last three attempts to destroy the multiverse have been thwarted (at the cost of many lives, including Supergirl and Earth-1’s Flash)

The Anti-Monitor’s fourth attempt brought the battle to the Dawn of Time, where the Anti-Monitor attempted to destroy the multiverse before it began, but his efforts were thwarted by the Spectre.

…or were they? As the pair fought for control, reality shattered around them and the assembled heroes!

Now, on with our story! If you would like to read this issue, it (along with the rest of the series) has been collected in graphic novel form and is available (or can be ordered) at your favorite comic shop, bookstore, or online retailer…or on Read Comic Online.

[WARNING: Things are gonna get a bit weirder and more confusing than they’ve been to this point (and that’s saying something!) Furthermore, the jokes could be a bit thin here. I’m not certain if you’ll call that a bad thing or not]

We open on Clark Kent (Kal-L) as he wakes up from a bizarre dream. His wife Lois obviously let him sleep in…and redecorated? He heads to his “day job” as managing editor of the Daily Star. He enters his office and is about to get to work…

…when Perry White barges in and demands to know who’s in his office. That’s when Kal-L noticed Perry’s name on the office door. In barges Clark Kent (Superman) who apologizes to Perry and introduces his “Uncle Clark” before escorting Kal-L from the building.

On the top of the Daily Planet, they guess that somehow after the Spectre’s fight with the Anti-Monitor, they both were transported to Earth-1. They fly to the warp zone in New York…

…only it’s not there. What’s more, no one remembers there ever being anything weird in the area (though they do remember Supergirl’s death).

They then fly to Central City, where the Flash (who is still considered “missing”, as no one was present for his sacrifice) stored his cosmic treadmill…

…only to see the twin cities of Central City (home to Earth-1′s Flash) and Keystone City (home to Earth-2′s Flash) Sure enough, Jay Garrick (Earth-2′s Flash) and his wife Joan greet the pair. Joan doesn’t remember what happened, but Jay does. They fetch Kid Flash and start the cosmic treadmill and break through the dimensional barrier

…to a void; Earth-2 isn’t there! What’s more, Kal-L feels the void calling to him, like he belongs there…though the Flash doesn’t feel the same call!

They return before Kal-L can run to the void, and everyone reaches the same conclusion: there is only one universe now, but obviously elements of the old realities are different from the new reality…and some elements never existed!

While the four contact as many heroes as they can find to discuss the ramifications, we switch to deep space. Rip Hunter’s time sphere (carrying Hunter, Adam Strange, Captain Comet, Dolphin, Atomic Knight, and Animal Man) encounter Brainiac’s ship adrift.

They board to investigate and discover the corpse (if a robot can have a corpse) of Brainiac.

Back on Earth, many of the heroes have gathered at Titan’s Tower, where they’re all checking each others’ math to make sure everyone has put two and two together. Huntress and Earth-2′s Robin explain that they, like Kal-L, don’t exist in this “new Earth”. Superboy-Prime is shocked when he finds out his Earth never existed either (that’s what happens when your universe was written in just so it could become a victim. Just ask Lady Quark)

Suddenly, Harbinger appears (having somehow regained her powers due to the new reality) and confirms this fact, and explains that some elements of each individual earths’ histories no longer existed (though reality seems to have conformed around Earth-1 primarily. I guess DC would have lost a lot of readers if it conformed around Earth-X), meaning only the modern versions of the “duplicate” heroes (like Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman) are part of this new reality, while heroes that share a name, but not a past (like Flash, Green Lantern, and Atom) exist alongside their younger counterparts. 

Kal-L flips out at this news, as it means that he will never see his wife Lois again.

As Kal-L flies off in a streak of self-pity, we switch to the Spirit Realm, where the Spectre lies unconscious, severely weakened by his battle with the Anti-Monitor (I’m sure this will be important later)

Back on Earth, the heroes continue to compare notes. It seems the villains don’t remember the multiverse (since they weren’t at the Dawn of Time), but it seems that Power Girl (Kal-L’s cousin) is remembered. No one is sure how that works.

Suddenly, the weather turns ugly, just as it did when a universe was about to–

Uh-oh…

Earth has been pulled into the Anti-Matter universe!

…dedulcnoc eb oT

[superman86to99]

The Return of Superman 30th Anniversary Special (November 2023)

Whoa! Some sort of chronal disturbance has thrown us from 1994 to the futuristic year 2023, just in time to cover this new special by the entire creative team behind "Reign of the Supermen"... minus Roger Stern and Dennis Janke, but PLUS Jerry Ordway (who left right before "Reign" started in '93). This is a lot like the Death of Superman special released last year, except that instead of featuring four standalone stories, this one has a framing device uniting all the tales.

In the framing story (written by Dan Jurgens and drawn by Travis Moore), the Cyborg Superman comes back to Metropolis and starts attacking S.T.A.R. Labs installations, as if those places haven't been blown up enough times already. Since Perry White is currently in a coma (from, as far as I can tell, not knowing Superman is Clark Kent), it's up to current Daily Planet editor Lois Lane to put together a story on the Cyborg without her mentor's help. Or with a little bit of her mentor's help, since Ron Troupe conveniently pulls out Perry's old journal from the "Reign of the Supermen" days, including his thoughts about the Cyborg.

So, Lois and Ron start reading Perry's notes about the four Supermen who popped up in Metropolis after Superman's death, which leads us to...

"Speed" (by Louise Simonson and Jon Bogdanove)

Despite the "Perry's notes" framing device, this story is actually told by Ron as he remembers the first time he saw Steel. Ron is leaving for work one morning and everyone in his neighborhood is talking about which of the four Supermen is the real deal. A lady called Mama Bess (who I initially mistook for Myra the Orphanage Lady because she's also big and black and surrounded by little kids) says they're all posers, including Steel, because none of them are around when you need them. Then some gangbangers drive by the neighborhood with a Toastmaster gun, and guess who drops by to save everyone's asses? Not Batman.

Mama Bess recognizes Steel's voice ("rich an' dark as Memphis honey") as belonging to that guy who was running around Metropolis helping people in crumbling buildings while Superman and Doomsday were tearing up the town, as seen in the Death special. While Steel fights the gangbangers, Ron calls Perry, who tells him to keep that lady talking so they can learn as much as possible about the mysterious armored Superman. Hey, is that Mike Carlin in the Planet offices below, to the left of adorably skinny Jimmy Olsen?

Steel prevails over the evildoers and the neighborhood kids rush in to proclaim him as the one true Superman. The best part of the story, for me, is when a little kid picks up a Toastmaster laying on the street and says he can use it to stop the bad guys, but Steel says that's a weapon for bad guys (he'd know, he designed them). Then he replaces it with an old school Game Boy and breaks the gun, Dark Knight Returns-style.

Steel tells everyone he's not Superman, he's just a dude trying to help, but Mama Bess still insists on making him a new cape to replace the one that got torn up in the fight. Ron concludes his report saying that this guy isn't the real Superman, "but maybe he was the next best thing."

"He Had Me Thinking He Was Superman" (by Jerry Ordway)

Jerry Ordway fills in for Roger Stern and Jackson Guice (who at least has a pin-up in this issue) and, man, I never knew how much I needed to see Ordway draw the Eradicator until now. In this story, Perry stumbles upon a standoff between Maggie Sawyer's Special Crimes Unit and the most violent yet Spock-like of the four Supermen, who's holding an armored goon hostage as he interrogates him.

Maggie kindly kicks Perry out of the active crime scene, but he sticks around and decides to solve this situation via the power of journalism. First, Perry talks to a warehouse worker (who kinda looks like an Amalgam of High Pockets and Lamarr) and learns about a nearby entrance to a rumored Intergang hideout. Then, he uses a radio scanner to find the frequency the goons' friends are using to communicate. He tries to tell Maggie about this, but the Superman Formerly Known As The Eradicator grabs Perry and flies off with him to find out what he knows. Perry says he'll tell him if he promises to stop being such a psychopath for a moment.

Thanks to Perry's information, the Eradicator finds the other armored goons, who are moving weapons from an abandoned Intergang cache. The Eradicator violently (but non-lethally, as promised) encourages the goons to renounce their criminal ways, and then locates the mastermind behind this operation, who turns out to be... no, not freakin' Psi-Phon and Dreadnaught, but close enough: Professor Killgrave! You know, that little twerp with the Moe haircut who once trapped Superman in an amusement park full of killer robots. Having seen how the Eradicator dealt with his hired goons, Killgrave eagerly gives himself up to the authorities.

As the Eradicator flies away from the underground base, he carelessly sends some debris flying off which almost hits some bystanders and ruins Perry's car. So, the Eradicator fulfills his promise to Perry that he wouldn't kill anyone, but Perry decides he can't keep his side of the deal, which was to tell the Planet's readers that "they have nothing to fear" from this dangerous maniac.

"The Metropolis Kid" (by Karl Kesel, Tom Grummett, and Doug Hazlewood)

This story provides the secret origin for several Superboy-related elements: the name "The Metropolis Kid" (which never made a lot of sense to me), that iconic pinup of Superboy saving a lady in a bath towel, and Mack Harlin, a recurring character who first appeared in the Superboy series in 1995. Turns out he was a Metropolis cabbie before he somehow became a truant officer in Hawaii. Note that Mack also counts as the second Mike Carlin cameo in this issue.

(Wonder if the ride was $6,50?)

In the story, Perry witnesses the moment when Don't Call Me Superboy saves that towel lady from a building fire (which she didn't notice due to her love of '90s rock, waterproof earbuds, and long, hot showers). Tana Moon's photo of that moment goes viral on Tweeter, FaceSpace, and, yes, even Insta-image, turning Not-Superboy into a social media sensation. The official story is that the Kid is Superman's clone, but Perry doesn't seem convinced. He uses his journalistic powers to find Not-Superboy at a local skate park where he hangs out. Interestingly, Perry briefly wonders if the Kid reminds him of his late son, Jerry, before dismissing the idea. I wonder if that's Kesel commenting on a certain 2000s retcon that made Superboy and Jerry biological half-brothers...

While Perry watches the Kid being a kid, he's suddenly attacked by Bloodsport -- the original one from John Byrne's Superman #4, who just busted out of jail, and not the racist wannabe. Instead of teleporting guns into his hands, this time Bloodsport is wearing a "weapons suit" that allows him to quickly assemble them on the fly. One of the guns hits Not-Superboy pretty hard, but the persistent little bugger gets up and somehow manages to disassemble Bloodsport's suit just by touching it.

As Perry later determines, Bloodsport thought the bullets would kill Not-Superboy because they were coated with a tiny bit of kryptonite, but it didn't seem to have an effect on him. That's when Perry realizes who the Kid reminds him of, with his brash attitude, big heart, endless energy, and massive potential: not Jerry (ouch), but Metropolis itself. Hence, the Metropolis Kid. Eh, I'll take it.

"Betrayal" (by Dan Jurgens and Brett Breeding)

This one begins between the pages of Superman #79, after the Cyborg Superman saves the President from terrorists but before the Planet publishes Ron's soon-to-be-infamous front page proclaiming "SUPERMAN IS BACK!" How could Perry let that story through? As it turns out, at first he didn't wanna. Perry tells Ron he needs way more proof that the Cyborg is the real Superman. That proof sorta falls on his lap when the train Perry is riding gets derailed and the Cyborg heroically saves everyone. That, plus the Secret Service vouching for this guy, are enough to convince Perry that he's definitely Superman and not an evil impostor or something.

(Note that the story makes sure to mention the "living former presidents" happened to be at the White House when the Cyborg dropped by, explaining why the Planet's front page shows Bill Clinton and not, uh, whoever was President in the DCU "a few years ago.")

So, Perry goes ahead with Ron's front page story... only for the Superman he endorsed to turn around and murder 7 million people in Coast City. Whoops. Continuity quibble: this story makes it sound like the Cyborg was immediately revealed as Coast City's murderer, when in fact he fooled everyone into thinking it was the Eradicator for several days, but maybe Perry saw through it right away because he's just THAT good of a journalist.

Perry feels awful about that front page, especially when it emerges that the Cyborg and some big yellow guy called Mongul are turning Coast City's crater into a giant engine to turn Earth into a sort of Death Star. Just when Perry is at his lowest point, Lois tells him that another Superman showed up in a Kryptonian battle armor, and this time she just knows he's the real deal (because she made out with him, but she doesn't mention that).

We see the rest of the storyline (the assault on Engine City, the Cyborg's defeat) from Perry's perspective, and once Superman is back in Metropolis, Perry tells him how sorry he is for that headline. Superman's like "nah, don't sweat it, honest mistake" and actually thanks Perry for always reporting on him with honesty over the years. Moral of the story: trust Lois, double-check Ron.

"Legacy" (by Dan Jurgens, Travis Moore, and briefly all the others)

Meanwhile, in the framing story, Superboy, Steel, and a recently-rebooted, non-evil Eradicator (or his Phantom Zone ghost, anyway) show up to stop their old pal the Cyborg, since Superman is currently in space. We learn that the Cyborg has been hitting S.T.A.R. facilities because he wants to retrieve the DNA of his three astronaut friends who were mutated into freaks during the fantastic incident that gave him his powers, so he can bring them all back to life. The Supermen understandably assume that he's building some sort of weapon and try to stop him, but he's defeated all of them before and does it again.

Royally pissed that these meddling Supermen messed with his plans, the Cyborg notices their fight left some exposed gas lines in the middle of Metropolis and is about to use them to indulge in his favorite hobby: blowing up entire cities. Luckily, the Eradicator uses some of Steel's tech to make his hologram self solid enough to whip out a Phantom Zone projector and suck the Cyborg into his ghostly prison.

As soon as the day is saved, Superman flies down and reveals that he'd been watching all along but didn't intervene because he had confidence in his boys. Everyone shares a nice little moment, until the Eradicator makes it awkward with his talk of "Kryptonian purity."

The issue ends with Lois reading a passage from Perry's journal about how Superman inspired others to be better, even in his absence. She hopes she's able to tell Perry that the same thing is true about him, because "you are our Superman." Well, their other Superman.

Like the Death special, this is an excellent excuse for these legendary creators to play with their most famous toys again, and I wouldn't mind seeing one of these a year (Battle for Metropolis 30th Anniversary Special, anyone?). I kinda wish the Supermen had been introduced more gradually/dramatically in the framing story, building up to a grand reunion, instead of being like "oh hey, there they are," but that's a minor complaint and doesn't detract much from this massive labor of love. However, there's one thing I can't forgive: still no Bibbo. -1/10.

Fun fact, my co-host Don Sparrow and I agreed we'd make this post much shorter than the insanely long one we did for the previous special, and it ended up being... about 10% shorter. Woo! We did it! See Don's take after the jump:

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

We begin with the cover, and it’s a great piece from the formidable team of Jurgens and Breeding. We’ve mentioned in the past the rumour that there had been a falling out between this pencil and ink team in years past, so seeing their layouts and finishes together sure feels like a treat.  The composition is reminiscent of the image we used to have as the background on this very blog.  I must say, I’m not a fan of the colouring technique employed here by Elizabeth Breitweister, which looks a little flat and scribbly for my tastes.  The sky in particular just looks like a photograph with the contrast turned way up, and then colour filled, and doesn’t really work for me.  But that’s just my opinion, I’m sure the colouring approach to this cover has many modern fans.

Inside the main through-line story is by Travis Moore, and it’s mostly quite well done, if a little stiff in places.  He has a great handle on Lois Lane, and the "Reign of the Supermen" splash on page 5 is a particular highlight.  I’m less enchanted with the modern-day Cyborg Superman, particularly the torn sleeve on his right arm, and the missing belt buckle.  There’s generally a simplicity to the complex robotic parts that doesn’t work as well as other incarnations we’ve seen of the Cyborg Superman.

The next sequence, a reminiscence of Steel’s early days is a great showcase of Jon Bogdanove’s late style, some of which we saw in the “Retroactive” throwbacks of 2011.  While Bog still employs his cartoonish rendering, the figures are generally tighter and smaller on the page than his '90s work.  Fittingly, given the extra attention paid to Metropolis’ diversity in the pages of Superman: The Man of Steel, this story makes good use of a predominantly black Metropolis neighbourhood.  While I’ve never fully warmed to Ron Troupe as a character, this story does give him some background, showing his neighbourhood and living situation in a way that wasn’t covered by his appearances in the '90s. (As Ron is heading to work, he’s wearing a suit and tie, though I would have loved a callback to his famed JAM sweatshirt, first appearing in the story that THIS story refers to, where Ron is involved in the verification of the Cyborg Superman as the “one true Superman”).  There’s a terrific image of John Henry Irons flying at the camera on Page 11...

...and another of him destroying a toastmaster weapon on page 16 that is a standout, featuring Bog’s unique method of hatching to denote the shine of chrome.  Including something like a smartphone, as they do on page 16, is an effective way of moving the story up in time, so that Lois Lane isn’t in (at least) her fifties, having covered Superman’s return in 1994.  The involvement of specific Presidents later in the book hamper that slightly, but overall they do a good job of keeping it nebulous.

It was difficult to pick a favourite sequence, but I have to give it to the Jerry Ordway Eradicator story.  It’s interesting to see a story by Jerry with this character, who was mostly covered by other writers (indeed, Jerry was off the books immediately after Adventures #500) and artists.  Ordway hasn’t lost much zip on his fastball, as the entire story employs the usual dynamic realism and well-observed textures that we’ve come to appreciate in his work.  Perry looks like himself throughout, though he reminds me of Rodney Dangerfield in the one panel of him playing with his analog walky-talky.  The Eradicator’s costume has always been a terrific design, and he looks so cool as he searches for the rest of the baddies in an underground lair. 

Later in the story, the image of the Last Son melting through the getaway car is an extremely tall order art-wise, and again Jerry doesn’t disappoint.  As one of the two biggest fans of the triangle era, I was overjoyed to see an old-school villain like Killgrave in these pages as well.

We’re similarly treated to another original triangle era villain in the Kesel-Grummett-Hazlewood section, where Kon-El throws down with Bloodsport.  While it may feel like rehash to some readers of this blog, it’s been decades since readers have seen “The Metropolis Kid” rescue Ms. Sheenan, so it’s an appreciated callback.  Lots of great stuff here, but none I like more than Superboy shredding on a skateboard—a TOTALLY RAD moment, if ever.

The next section, like the cover, is something of a missed opportunity.  Again, we have a stellar pairing of Jurgens and Breeding, but the art is let down by what I would say is incompatible colouring.  Most of the tones are good, but the details begin to compete with the linework underneath, especially as the digital brushstrokes get scribbly, as they are on the arm of the Cyborg Superman on the title page, or perhaps worst of all, the should-be-impactful moment of the one true Kal-El emerging on Metropolis harbour.  Superman is depicted red-nosed throughout, and the rendering is sketchy, where even flat colour might have given us a better look at the inks below.  I get the feeling it’s all intentional—an attempt at a more painterly style, perhaps to denote that it’s a flashback.  But it was a miss for me—even though I always love seeing Mongul kissing the Cyborg’s hand. [Max: He does have a very handsome hand.]

Next to Ordway’s chapter, the high point of the book is where the triangle era super-team switch, page to page, in order to tell the story.  First with Jurgens and Breeding (with a less distracting colouring job), then Bogdanove, then Ordway, and finally Grummett and Hazelwood.  Interestingly, the classic Superman plays no role in the fight, showing up only at the end, in an echo of the original storyline. 

Finally, there’s a pin-up section, with some real standouts.  While the Stern/Guice team didn’t get their own chapter in the book, that title is represented with a great image of the survival suit Superman taking flight in front of the Daily Planet.  The comics logic part of my brain can’t help but notice he’s NOT wearing the Lexcorp flight boots in this image, and wasn’t able to fly under his own power in this suit, but I’m resisting pointing that out.  The Daniel Sampere pinup is another nice, simple image but again I quibble, as the survival suit Superman had no cape.  Is that maybe the Cyborg’s cape?  It was also deeply cool to see all the trade dress and character logos at the back of that section. [Max: And the Kerry Gammill/José Luis García López promo image! Been a while since we've seen Gammill in this blog so that was a nice surprise for me.]

SPEEDING BULLETS:

I love that this story showcases Perry White’s regret about running Ron’s story that lent credibility to the murderous Cyborg Superman.  They never really dealt with the journalistic repercussions of that within the story, so I love seeing an added dimension through this new narrative.  They also absolve the Clintons more specifically, as the Cyborg notes that all Presidents vouched for his veracity, so it wasn’t just slick Willie who got it wrong.

I realize the Travis Moore pages are mainly a narrative device to set up the flashbacks, but there’s something off about someone as deadly as the Cyborg just aimlessly shooting up the city.  As we saw when he took Doomsday’s body in Superman #78, with his power set, and technological ability, Henshaw can get in and out of a very secure place with speed and stealth, none of which do we see here.  The dissonance isn’t helped by the art, which shows very empty streets for a usually crowded literal Metropolis. 

The use of Perry White’s diaries as a framework for the flashbacks is a super idea, and puts a beloved character at the center of the issue, even if he’s physically absent in current day comics.  (Having dropped the super-books during the Bendis run, I confess I was a little lost on that score.)

Not familiar with the skateboard term “Grommet” but it pays off on the last page of the section as Superboy gives a skateboard to “Tommy the Grommet” in a shoutout to artist Tom Grummett.

The idea of the Cyborg resurrecting the rest of his crew is an intriguing one, and it does make me wonder what an insane mirror image Fantastic Four would be like as opponents of Superman.  Certainly it would even up the odds a little, as the Super squad we see in these pages had no trouble handling Henshaw on his own. [Max: I like that idea. Call them the Tragic Four.]

Overall I think I liked the Death anniversary issue a little more, as the story felt a bit more urgent than just window-dressing for flashbacks.  But both are like meeting an old friend after a long time.  This really was a high-water mark for Superman stories, and for comics in general.

[necer0s]

I’ve been rereading the Death of Superman/Reign of the Supermen/Return of Superman stories, just because.  A few (mostly Kon-related) thoughts as I near the end of the sequence...

Young Lex’s manipulation and control of Supergirl in this era is everything I would have wanted to see for him and Superboy.  The monstrous core of Lex’s villainy is that he has too much power and manipulates people, and the tragic core of Superboy’s heroism is that he has too little experience and is easily manipulated.  The fact that we didn’t get this kind of dynamic for them is frankly a travesty.

Speaking of Lex and Superboy, rereading these origin comics really makes it clear how much the “Lex being Kon’s gene donor” thing was a huge retcon.  There are so many moments that explicitly contradict the later story.

I had completely forgotten that Rex Leech was introduced to us by him hiring a villain to attack Superboy in order to create a news event.  (Something that Superboy knew nothing about, and Tana did.)  It’s wild that Rex and Tana both ended up being tragic, supposedly sympathetic characters to Kon when they never owned up to being complicit in the deaths of the twelve people that died in that attack.

And when it comes to deaths— damn, Kon was put in a position of guilt for a lot of deaths.  He’s out here having existed for all of one month, and over a dozen people have died due to situations that he got involved in. Not to mention seeing the aftermath of Coast City! No one’s out here helping him, or training him, or doing anything but taking advantage of him... but apparently these are all his fault.  I just know, in my heart, that Kon of a few years later visits all those graves once a year.

I wish Kon and Steel got more time spent on their relationship.  They had a really interesting foundation laid at the start here, but since then they hardly ever interact except when acting as Superman’s backup squad.  

This whole series must have been so incredibly fascinating to read as it came out.  Imagine trying to guess which of these Supermen was the real one— if any— as each one slowly got different kinds of evidence for and against them!  And then finally, the big reveal that the right answer was “none of the above”?  I wish we had more mysteries like this in comics. And it’s no surprise to me that the two characters who were introduced in this arc— Superboy and Steel— have had such staying power over the years. It’s a really strong arc for every character in it.

[currentfandomkick]

So attempted pickup from above:

Superman pulled back. This Phantom was re-armed by Jason of all people.

Jason who is confused but letting the unknown meta keep Superman from one of his nephews.

Who just called his least-mentally-stable nephew his “knight”.

Magic had to be involved.

He should have had the JLD screen him sooner.

“I need backup. Hood released Phantom, magic likely involved.”

—

Phantom glared at his would-be executioner. He doesn’t get why Batman, Knight of Lady Gotham, let the anti-ecto laws stand. He can read that safeprotectedfriend is one of his.

Deadoncenowalive.

Humanandnot.

Moreectolesscarbon.

Deathheld, not deathtouched.

He won’t let another fall to the GIW.

Sofew. Somanylikeendedbefore.

Not again.

Neveragain.

Danny grabbed his knight and let esperanto falls fast. “No Endings today.”

His knight frowned, but nodded.

Danny let his powers ripple over them both. The perks of being deathheld—you can vanish from the living’s perception.

His knight frowned, gesturing around them. “Ghost equivalent. Lady Gotham mentioned hers aren’t able to lean into liminality.”

His Knight nodded, watching Superman panic before them and demand aide from someone named Zatanna.

“We should go—they work with the GIW.”

His knight raised an eyebrow. “In english?”

“Ghost investigation ward, state sanctioned genociders—anyone who died once and returned in any form with ecto in their system is Ended.”

Danny looked his knight over. Death danced off them, likely a liminal near, but not quite halfa. Unlikely to have a ghost form.

“What.” His knight froze.

“Any and all ecto entities are required to go to them. They ended a lot of our people in the last few months.”

His knight paused at that. “How many.”

His core wailed, pulsing painfully at all he failed to keep safeprotectshelter “Counting all sentients? Upwards of twenty thousand—most were blobs and shades that would have passed on to the Infinite once their business on their birth and rebirth side was done…”

His knight’s core flared. Rageinjusticerightwrongsprotect.

Danny gave him a wary smile. “Guess there’s a reason you ended up with my sword.”

His knight paused at that.

“The Allblade is yours?”

“Forged for whoever was worthy to be my knight. Fright Knight was Pariahs’ and while he swore to the High King title, he’s not the exact type I wanted as my mine, you know? Fear isn’t my thing.”

“Protection and justice are,” his knight murmured as they began to make their way out.

“Pretty much, its uh, nice to meet you. Is there a title you want besides Allblade bearer for introductions in the Infinite? I know you have a haunt on the mortal side—and no I’m not Claiming it as mine or taking it from you. Just so i can let the Ancients know we met once we clear the tech. We can change it later if you want, Frighty went by Jacklight at first so you have options.”

“Aright Knight, gotta keep the rhyme scheme,” his knight answered.

“Got it, uh, if you need me its King Danny or King Phantom—Clocky and auntie Dora were very insistent on the title for my summons by royal subjects. Which, still weird but beat a tyrant and take his names and titles is a lot more literal than expected. Liminals don’t get the ‘you died here’s the manners for death culture and how not to offend’ imprinted into our consciouses. Consciousi?”

“Consciouses,” his knight corrected.

Danny felt his shoulders relax, just a tad. “Thanks. Hard to study when you get attacked every time you go home or to school or just exist in general.”

His knight turned to him with a frown. “How old are you?”

“Death age, living age or dead length?”

At his knight’s confusion, Danny answered all three. “Died at fourteen—worst birthday present ever—liminal so living age is going on sixteen if i don’t get Ended, and dead a 17 months. Apparently i set the record for youngest Dead Length to become Ghost King… still not sure how being liminal qualified me, but better than Pariah destroying the mortal realms due to his Obsession Illness. Let no one tell you absolutes with your obsession is healthy. Multiple anchors and obsessions keep you sane. Mostly.”

His knight nodded, uncertain but nodded. Liminality is hard. He gets it.

“So you died as a kid too?”

Danny nodded, rubbing his hidden death scar. “Maybe I’ll tell you about it another time. Or my friends can—not the best at telling it. Havent had to yet and uh, death causes are a mixed bag for ghosts and still not sure which ghost types I’m similar to because liminal bio is a trip when half of your body is psycho reactive.”

His knight stopped when they got to a window.

“So, how do we get off base?”

“Perks of a space anchor, with Clocky as my Regent, spacetime can be fucked with.”

His knight frowned until a portal opened up. Ice blue this time.

“I think my other mentor slash doctor needs to talk to us before we go back. Forstbite, yeti and a big softie. If it helps, time won’t move on this side of the Veil.”

His knight nodded slowly. “Aright knight? You coming?”

His knight shook his head. “Any idea if they can help with the Pit Rage?”

“You got wraith markers so management and flares for sure, not but on anchor and obsession triggers. Even Clocky can’t stop his and he’s the master of time.”

His knight looked back at something but followed Danny to the window holding the portal.

“Can i call you something besides your titles?”

“Danny. I chose it before i died, so its always me.”

His knight hesitated. “Jason. You can call me Jason.”

Feel free to add on as you will peeps, tags will be edited in.

Tags:

@sydneethecorns @alinmenttreasure @fisticuffsatapplebees @spidey29phangirl @pyramaniac @desertbogwitch @satanicrutialspecialist @apointlessbox @britcision @09shell-sea09

DPxDC idea thing

So picture this, the Justice League have just captured the new vigilante called Phantom. So far he has refused to talk to any JL members and seemingly vanished every time they tried to speak to him. After a particularly difficult battle Superman is finally able to put power restricting cuffs on Phantom and bring him to the Watchtower. Phantom has been silent since being subdued and looks like he's being walked to his execution.

Meanwhile, Red Hood has been brought in on an unrelated case and is speaking to a League member when he feels a kind of tugging in his chest. He starts walking in the direction he's being pulled and looks through the one way mirror looking into one of the interrogation rooms. He locks eyes with the green eyed boy and feels fire start burning in his chest as his brain screams protect king help. He's consumed with a feeling almost like the pit rage as he bursts through the door and makes a beeline to Danny. Batman starts to step in front of him but Jason throws him into the wall and undoes Danny's cuffs. Once Danny is free Jason blinks and looks around, feeling unbalanced now that the all consuming need to protect Phantom has subsided.

Danny is completely stunned as he looks at this leather clad mountain of a man that radiates safe protected friend. He's quickly snapped out of his shock as Superman enters the room and starts to grab Jason's shoulder. Danny's protective king instincts kick in as he darts between Supes and Jason, in a voice filled with static and cracking ice he says, "Don't touch my Knight."

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #570

Top Ten Couples in Comics

Ah, love is in the air. Sort of. Soon-ish. Yes, it’s not technically anywhere near Valentine’s Day yet, but a confluence of other stuff in my life has made me dedicate this weekend to good old Cupid and his ruddy bloody arrows.

So a couple of years ago, around about now-ish, I was banging on something rotten about superhero romantic couples, but focusing solely on adaptations thereof. It was movie (and TV I guess) versions of superhero romances that flew backwards round my particular world. Now I’m returning to that well with a vengeance, as I discuss actual comic book incarnations of superheroes, and their respective squeezes.

I think it’s obvious what’s going to come highly here, as there’s at least one superhero romantic pairing that’s so iconic it transcends the very medium; there have been at least two live-action TV series with the characters names together in the title. The first “modern” superhero movie literally hung the story around the romance – including the world-spinning finale. And, yeah, quite a few more are fairly obvious I guess. But there are some that might be less iconic, less all-encompassing (although I imagine if we give James Gunn a couple of years these could all be household names); it’s an idiosyncratic list that, once again, reflects my particular tastes and thirty-odd years of reading history.

I’ve gone, here, for couples that I think work well together for one reason or another. And they’re couples that I’ve actually, y’know, read; not just those that exist in the atmosphere. I’ve tried to cast my net as broadly as possible but at the same time, if you’re aiming for superheroes, chances are you’re going to catch a lot of DC and Marvel characters. Which is fine! Those guys are totally iconic.

Anyway, with no further ado, let’s kick off the season of love by celebrating fictional super-people and their significant others.

Superman and Lois Lane: who else? They’re perfect together: a man with all the power in the world who only uses it to protect and inspire others; and a woman dedicated to finding and protecting the truth at all costs. She’s tough, he’s gentle, despite him being the strong one. Whether it’s the initial dynamic of Lois wanting Superman and ignoring Clark, or more modern stories where it’s Clark she falls in love with, or any variation in between, they’ve been doing this dance for eighty years. So strong is their bond, so well do they fit together, so iconic is their pairing, that nowadays it’d be weird if they weren’t presented as a couple; it didn’t take too long after the New 52 reboot undid their marriage for them to wind up not only back together again but with a child, to boot.

Spider-Man and Mary Jane Watson: pretty much the whole time I ever read comics, Peter and MJ were a couple, if not married; as such, I find it really, really weird that they got magically un-married. Because they’re so great together, the teenage melodrama of their love playing out in tragi-adventurous fashion. MJ, groovy party girl, wannabe model, shows her strength and compassion when she comforts Peter after Gwen’s death; and, as they become close and fall in love, quiet nerd Peter comes out of his shell. They’re there for each other from their teenage years and you really get the feeling no one knows either of them so well. And the future-set stories, where they’re married with a superpowered daughter, are terrific too.

Batman and Catwoman: whilst nowadays this seems equally as inevitable as Lois and Clark, it’s actually a relationship that’s evolved over time. Catwoman started out as more of a femme fatale; sure, there was an attraction, but Bruce was given “proper” love interests for years, from Silver St. Cloud to Vikki Vale. But there’s just something about Selina. And really it makes sense; Bruce definitely has a dark side, so him being drawn to a Bad Girl, seeing the good inside her, and how he helps bring that to the surface without totally switching her to the straight and narrow… whether they actually end up together or are doomed to forever be apart, they’re perfect. And let’s face it, they’re just both super, super sexy.

Dick Grayson and Barbara Gordon: no codenames here because it’s a love that transcends secret identities; Robin and Batgirl? Nightwing and Oracle? Bats and Babs? Like Peter and MJ, they’re a couple of kids, best friends who played out together at night, and then grew up and fell in love. I like that they had lives away from each other – Dick went off with the Titans and had another relationship; Babs pursued a career and overcame disability – but they come back together. There’s something so true and honest about the pair of them, and their relationship together, that makes them a perfect couple, even though part of that knowledge is that they probably can’t really make a go of it, not now, not at the moment.

Cyclops and Jean Grey: so much of their relationship is based around how it ended, but I still like them as a couple. It’s a bit weird, looking back decades later, how quickly some of the Sixties characters accelerated into middle-age, but I always think of Scott and Jean as like the X-Men’s mum and dad. They were a seemingly happy married couple, with just a touch of the usual Marvel angst; until she died, of course, in massively iconic fashion. In fact, it’s partly this tragedy – and how it effected both of them, with Jean’s weird resurrections and Scott’s batshit reactions – that partly defines their relationship.

The Elongated Man and Sue Dibny: I first came across this couple, and their adorable rock-solid relationship, when Sue was horribly murdered in the controversial Identity Crisis (a book which, weirdly, was basically my gateway to the wider DC Universe). Having read more about them, they’ve got serious couple goals: solid, dependable, best friends. I like how Sue totally supports Ralph’s super-heroing, but is more than just a hanger-on, becoming an integral part of the various books the Elongated Man was involved in. Even their deaths didn’t slow them down, as they popped up as ghosts – still together, of course.

Superboy and Wonder Girl: I was never a fan of attempts to match up Superman and Wonder Woman, but their Teen Titans analogues were a different kettle of Thanagarian Snare Beasts. Their slow-burning romance was the stuff of teen drama serials, as they bottle battled personal demons that got in the way of their feelings. They finally consummated things in the series Infinite Crisis, just before Superboy heroically died saving the multiverse; but this added extra wrinkles, as we saw the effect his death had not just on Wonder Girl but also Robin, and how it played into his (inevitable, this is comics) resurrection.

Green Arrow and Black Canary: some couples are soulmates; some are doomed, tragic romances; some are booty calls. And then there’s Oliver Queen and Dinah Lance. For decades now, they’ve bounced off and around one another, an all-time perfect romantic couple, a bickering, back-and-forth Eighties action movie pairing. They’ve fought and argued and – well – done other stuff, and it’s like a Shane Black exploding into When Harry Met Sally. They’re star-crossed lovers who are also often very cross. And, I’ve gotta say, there’s something just really sexy about the pair of them. I blame his beard. And her fishnets.

Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman: some of the characters in this list are married couples, but they’ve also spent a lot of time, well, not married – or even not together at all. Not so Reed and Sue: yes, of course, they weren’t married when they debuted at the very dawn of the MCU in 1962, but for the bulk of their history they’ve been married. And despite the likes of Doom and Namor trying to muscle in, they’ve been happily married for the most part – having a couple of super-powered kids. But they compliment each other so well: he’s an absent-minded genius, she’s phenomenally capable and arguably even more powerful, and there’s no sense that they don’t love and trust each other completely, even though they’re different in many ways. God, I can’t wait to see them on screen. Er, again.

Rocket Raccoon and Lylla Otter: maybe this one is entirely me; and unlike some of the other longer-running couples, really these two were only together in one mini-series forty years ago. But I like them! He’s a dashing adventurer; she’s the heir to a toy-making dynasty. Together, they battle nefarious, corrupt toymakers, try to avoid Lylla getting married, and cure a bunch of humans of insanity, all the while making weird refences to the Beatles’ song Rocky Raccoon. It’s incredibly strange and I adore it. And they do make a cute couple; there’s a bit of Han and Leia about them, and they go for nice picnics and cavort about in streams and suchlike. The Rocket presented here is very different from the one who became famous in the movies – and, indeed, quite a bit different from when the character became a member of the comic book Guardians too. Speaking of which, Lylla makes her big-screen debut this year in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, and as a long-time fan, I cannot wait.

Feel a bit bad that I didn’t find room for any of the cool same-sex couples in comics, like Apollo and Midnighter or Hulkling and Wiccan. This is because, basically, I just haven’t really read enough comics about them I guess. But the latter two guys are an incredibly cute couple who very, very nearly made the list!

Anyway, Happy Valentine’s Day. Er, a week from now. Yay!

[ameba-from-space]

I hope you don't mind me asking but i just went through all of your batfam/batman recommended fics and wondered if you had more? I'm super new to the dc fandom and finding good family/friend focused fics has felt like a challenge

Bestie it's not a problem, doing these lists has been loads of fun, I'm re-reading all my favorite fanfics and rediscovering all over again why I loved them in the first place

Let us begin

Of Bats and Robins (and Families) - is it too obvious that I fucking love fanfics where the league meets bruce's kids?

dying dream - Jason finds out what changed in the cave since he was gone

Trending - Tim is a sleepy baby

hit 'em up style - Bruce Wayne vs tampons: battle of the century

falling in love (is hard on the knees) - I know this sounds like smut but I promise it's not

Anything Like Me - Louis and bruce bonding

Reservations - The kids try to set bruce up for a date. Clark mopes.

I Measure Every Grief I Meet - What if Jason was not the one who died in Ethiopia?

We Alley Kids - Jason gets recognized and returned to where he belongs

Billionaire Down - Bruce and Oliver are asshole best friends

and it comes back around - Sometimes Brucie is a hero too

Bundle of Joy - Damian is a baby. Literally

sneaking into the Batcave seemed like a good idea until a bunch of bats glare at you - Guess what bitch, it's another fanfic where the JL meets the kids

Waynes? More like Wayne-kers - The Waynes are assholes and I love them so much

A Children's Story - No better words to describe it other than what the author said "Four batkids walk into a bank"

Hearth - Angst in my rooftop tag? It's more likely than you'd think

A Touch of Concern - Cuddle piles and overprotectiveness

The Bedtime Chronicles - Bruce figures a way to make Jason go to bed

Perils of a Job - Dick gets hurt, bruce worries

what a privilege to love you (to teach you all that I know) - A fucking masterpiece, beautiful and perfect, a story about the word "dad" and what it means to the batfamily. FUCKING BEAUTIFUL GO FUCKING READ IT

Their Five (Unexpected) Dates - The kids try to get bruce set up, fucking guess how well that goes

Clark Kent Reports - Brucie Wayne my beloved

Photos - Damian's baby pictures are found, feelings happen

The Arrangement - Bruce Wayne supports sex workers

Put My Money Where Your Mouth Is - Batman hears the league talking about bruce Wayne, pranks happen

A Day in the Life: Gotham's King - Lois lane writes about bruce Wayne

children of dust and ashes - Bruce avenges Jason

...And To All, A Good Night - Happy Chrismis, merry crysler

That the Ripest Might Fall - reverse robins short story about dick and his tendency to climb chandeliers

bad people don't live in our house - Baby dick is adorable

things kept hidden - Meta!dick Grayson is a ray of sunshine

The Superman Onesie - Dick Grayson owns my heart

What would you do, if it all came back to you? - Bruce makes video diaries after Jason's death, Jason finds them

The Jason Project - Bruce finds the bucket list of a dead child and finishes it

No Matter What - Queerness? In my Dick Grayson? It's more likely than you'd think

Hi Bi, I'm Dad - Bisexuality? In my Tim Drake? Its more likely than you'd think

Dad...I’m Bilingual - Bisexuality? In my Dic... Okay you guys already got the idea

Thinking back to the Season Before - Alfred is a fantastic grandpa

Proof - The boys meet each other before ever meeting bruce

Running Headlong into My Arms - In another universe with no superheroes, bruce Wayne still finds his family

In For a Pound - What if Damian entered Bruce's life much earlier. A GODDAMN MASTERPIECE BY @cdelphiki

I walk the streets at night (with monsters in my mind) - Bruce Wayne is a dragon, his hoard? Children

The Dark Knight Strikes Back - Bruce finishes Minecraft and the boy figure out how much he changed

Bat Out Of Hell - The batfam are a bunch of weirdoes

the lost sidekick society - The obligatory group chat fic

Slumber - sleepy robin

one shot, two shots in the night - Bruce writes a memoir, it makes me cry so hard, fuck, best shit ever

a hat fashioned from tin foil - conspiracy theories straight from Gotham

Anti-Social - Social media is a blessing

Not All Kidnappings are Bad - Bruce Wayne kidnaps a kid, no biggie

I'll Make the World Safe and Sound for You - Robins and band-aids

Built Together - Pillow forts! Pillow forts!

Oh god this list is way longer than I thought it would be, anyway enjoy my rec, just so you guys know I still have 4 more pages of bookmarks

Here are the links to the other ones I made: first part second part

[lils-in-space]

Notes on The Batman (2022) pt. 1

It has been a hot minute since I have desperately wanted to jot down all my thoughts on a movie and I never guessed for a second that it would be a superhero one, yet alone a DC movie (sorry Wonder Woman). I watched the film in theaters three times in the past week and a half--I think that speaks enough for itself. Did I take notes during the re-watches? You betcha, I did. 

I just want to note things I found tasteful, parts I wanted to analyze or some recurring motifs/themes that I noticed. Chances are that I’ve reallyyyyyyy over-reading the film. I also want to note that, (big) shame on me, I haven’t read the comics or watched any of the other Batman movies prior to this, so some of my analysis might be a bit bland or uninformed since I have no context outside of what I Google deep-dived this past weekend and my vague pop-culture knowledge (apologies in advance). Major movie spoilers ahead! Longgggggggg comments ahead! Be warned >:-) (I’m not joking, I have a lot to write down. That’s why I’m dividing this into parts, so that you can read without getting lost and so that I won’t get lost when I write haha)

I find it interesting that they chose to introduce the title of the movie at the very beginning, without any “prologue”. It reminded me of film noir title cards, which is apt considering how a lot of the movie seemed to be geared towards a film noir-esque atmosphere/vibe. It is also surprisingly brief, especially in comparison to those of previous Batman movies (i.e. Batman Returns, Batman Begins, Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice). The choice of the title’s brevity seems as ungiving and mysterious as the eponymous protagonist. “Batman” is seen in bold red letters, which sets the tone of the film by introducing a color motif that recurs throughout and ultimately makes the audience associate the color with the character subconsciously, from the get-go. 

The opening scene assumably shows us the perspective of the Riddler who is, from his vantage point, figuring out how to best infiltrate the mayor’s high-rise apartment. It shows us what we might initially think is a “murder” but is actually a playful, make-pretend scene where the mayor’s son is dressed up as a ninja and “stabs” his father with his toy naginata. After being “killed”, the mayor rises back up and his son gives him a hug before leaving with his mother to go trick-or-treating, made apparent by the plastic jack-o-lantern bucket he is holding. The Riddler lingers almost obsessively on this familial scene, which is later given context when he reveals himself as an orphan who grew up in the Wayne mansion-turned-orphanage that was forgotten about after Thomas Wayne’s death.

We are given the context of when the movie is taking place--Gotham City is undergoing mayoral elections, shown to us on the TV screen that the current mayor, Don Mitchell Jr., is watching. He is running for re-election and we can already get a taste of the corruption running rampant in GC through his opponent (grassroots mayor candidate) Bella Reál’s comments on how drugs are still a prominent source of crime despite the Maroni bust that occurred under Mitchell’s term. We can also hear his side of a phone conversation (which we might later assume to be Falcone, although that’s just a guess of mine). He comments “I thought I was going to get a bump in votes. Why are we still tied?” (or something along those lines). This shows that the elections are rigged, perhaps a political jab at the U.S.’s  voting process and the controversies that surround it. Ultimately, it gives us a hint that, perhaps, not everything that Mitchell is claiming on TV is true. Mitchell has been mayor for four successive terms, which suggests that GC has been like this for the majority of Bruce’s life.

Side note: Bella Reál’s name is a tasteful choice in and of itself: “Bella” meaning “beautiful” in Italian and “Reál” -- well, we can assume this is a romanticized version of “real”, which culminates into the meaning of “beautiful truth/reality”, perhaps? 

I also noticed through my third watch-through that Mitchell comments that Reál wants to cut the Renewal Fund (established by Thomas Wayne) which would “hurt the sea wall” stuff they have going on, which was the very thing that was used in the Riddler’s final move at the end of the movie. Cruel cruel irony

He also mentions that the fund is a safety net, the wording that a funeral goer uses in his uttering to Bruce at Mitchell’s funeral. “What good is a safety net if it doesn’t catch those that fall into it?” (rough quoting, there)

The final comments of Reál before Mitchell turns off the TV is poetic, “We need a leader, not a cheerleader(?), and someone who will tell people the truth.” Right after he turns off the TV, the Riddler murders him and he is later found with duct-tape around his face with the red words “no more lies”. Like I said, poetic, but sadly at the expense of a life. 

We are introduced to the iconic Bat-signal early on, while listening to Bruce’s voice-over (which is really similar, I’m assuming, to what he wrote in his journal/notes when he returned to the cave after patrolling that night). I find this tasteful because the Bat-signal is basically a light that shines into the darkness. 

His voiceover gives us a glimpse into where he is at, in time. It’s only been two years since he has started his vigilante work; so, he’s not a complete newbie to his patrolling but still relatively inexperienced in comparison to his more mature counterparts in the previous movies. 

He says that he must “choose his targets carefully”, which is not something we would typically hear from a hero, but rather a villain. Interesting choice there. Definitely aligns with the self-tortured Bruce “I am a monster” Wayne image we get at the beginning of the movie. I also think this is the beginning of how the film juxtaposes what a hero “should” be and the hero that Bruce Wayne is. 

The first criminal we see wears a strange green mask, later introduced to us as the logo of “drops”, a drug that is prominently circulating Gotham’s darker circles. 

“I can’t be everywhere at once.” --Hopefully this is connotating that Batman needs some help and is setting us up for more additions to the Wayne manor (*cough cough* Dick). I mean, they’re basically confirming it when Selina name-drops Bludhaven later, who are we kidding?

From what I’ve heard, the groupies on the train are reminiscent of the peeps in the latest Joker movie (Joaquin Phoneix)? Not 100% sure about this since I haven’t watched it.. yet. 

Additionally, it looks like a bunch of them are going around, just targeting random civvies and recording what they do to them on social media. Considering that this definitely isn’t the only time when social media pops up in the movie, it seems like there might be some underlying commentary on how social media can influence toxic behaviors. 

We see Bruce getting ready to put on the cowl and (I’m assuming) putting on his dark eyeliner/eyeshadow beforehand in the scene right after we are introduced to the faux-Joker gang. We only see the silhouette of Bruce’s face, against a red light (the second red-color motif here). 

I like that he uses black eye-makeup here because when he looks down or closes his eyes, it make it look like...cool? (my adjectives leave something to be desired). 

Bruce notes that the Bat-signal is not just a call, it’s a “warning”--again, not quite something we would hear a traditional hero saying.  

“They think I’m hiding in the shadows...but I am the shadows.” (very angsty, emo teen vibes here, nice going Bruce). 

And then, the first time we see Batman in all his glory, lo and behold, he is emerging from the shadows in the train station. 

Sidetrack thirst note: *whewwwwww-weeeeeee* can we give a round of applause to whoever made the cowl so that it emphasizes Rob Pat’s immaculate jawline?  

“The hell are you supposed to be?” *proceeds to beat guy up* “I’m Vengeance.” 

I just noticed but it’s Halloween, they think he’s just cosplaying lol, which is why they ask who he’s “supposed” to be. They also don’t recognize him immediately, showing that, again, this Batman is still new to the underground circles. 

They toss him a relatively harmless question, but Bruce doesn’t know the answer quite yet. He doesn’t know what the Batman is supposed to be yet? A tool for vengeance? A conduit of justice? Fascinating how he doesn’t introduce himself as the Batman. This is this inner struggle that we see Bruce wrestling with throughout the movie, that is, his identity crisis (Batman vs. Bruce Wayne vs. Vengeance). One of the big questions in the movie is: Who am I? More on this to come.

Speculation but I think the Joker-gang peep with the phone recorded him saying that and posted  it online, which is why the Riddler crony at the end repeats that same “I’m Vengeance” line back at him.  

Note how, after he beats up the Joker-gang, the civvie he saved basically whimpers, “Please don’t hurt me.” Not only does this show that Batman hasn’t established himself as a hero-figure in GC, it also makes Bruce “step back” and reevaluate himself. It’s brief but his gaze lingers on the civvie, as if he’s going through a tortuous inner-monologue with himself about how he feels guilty and remorseful about beating people up so ruthlessly, which I wouldn’t be surprised about seeing how he goes back to the Cave that night and records in his “diary” and rewatches all the violent things he did. 

When Batman enters the hallway of Mitchell’s apartment with Gordon, we see things from his perspective and all the suspicion and apprehension that the police officers have for him. Again, this reinforces how new Batman is to the scene and where he stands in the eyes of the public. 

At the crime scene, we also meet Martinez, who is a minor character who pops up now and then. He’s important towards the end, so don’t forget about him :)

As Bats is leaving back to the Cave on his motorcycle, he does a voice-over, “I wish I could say I was making a difference...but I don’t know.” He responds to this statement at the end of the movie. We’ll see how his perspective changes/opens up. 

More from the voice-over as he’s heading back to the Cave:

“The city is eating itself” -- a rather stirring image, but apt

“Maybe it’s beyond saving...but I have to try.” 

also note that as he says this, multiple red light converge with each other in his sideview mirror--more color motif

“Push myself.” --to do what? We’ll find out as the film goes on. 

Twenty years prior to the murder, Thomas and Martha Wayne were murdered during Thomas’ mayoral campaign, suggesting that Mitchell was his replacement and a corrupt one at that, dependent on his connections with the criminal underground. 

When Bruce and Alfred have this whole mini-argument on why Alfred invited the accountants from Wayne Enterprises to his home, it’s clear that Bruce is shunning his identity as a Wayne, and doesn’t want to accept the reality of the fact that he must take his parents’ place in the “real world.”

He says he doesn’t care about WE and Alfred retorts back “you don’t care about your family’s legacy?” His family’s legacy is also something that Bruce struggles with throughout the movie. He responds that what he is doing (as Batman) is his family’s legacy and that if he can’t change things, if he can’t have an affect, he doesn’t care what happens to himself. At this point, he hasn’t come to the realization that violence and crime-fighting isn’t the only solution to help GC. He solely clings to his identity as Batman, which in turn, protects him from the realities of being “Bruce Wayne.” He’ll get a cold wake-up call when he talks to the Riddler at the Arkham Asylum.

He is also a really salty bro, considering he told Alfred, to his face, “You’re not my father.” Real original, buddy. We can definitely see the regret in Pattinson’s eyes, well done there. It shows that Bruce still has some conscience left in him. Hurt people hurt people... but, in the process, hurt themselves even more. Thankfully the two seem to sweep it under the rug (I imagine this isn’t the first time Alfred had this conflict with Bruce) when Alfred offers him some berries and Bruce takes interest in what Alfred is doing with the cipher.

Pattinson did a good job at showing how much Bruce’s life as Batman affects him--he winces at the sunlight and has to put on sunglasses indoors. 

The color motif is back when they show the pictures of Mitchell. The light coming from the Iceberg Lounge is red, which reflects on each of the people exiting it in the photos. 

Also, “Iceberg” stirs to mind the phrase, “tip of the iceberg”, showing that there is more beneath the surface (hint: the club within the club)

“Know who I am?” --again, a seemingly harmless question he poses to Tweedle-Dee at the Iceberg Lounge entrance, but something that he should be asking himself instead. 

More red motif in the club with all the lights--hints at strong emotion? Anger, violence, perhaps? 

I like how it shows him getting hit (sorry Bruce, I’m sure you didn’t enjoy it)--I mean, I do like me a Superman (because I definitely have made googly eyes at Henry Cavill), but it’s also relieving to show human heroes, who are just as vulnerable as we are, but who choose to put themselves in harm’s way for the greater good and get up again despite the pain. 

“Boy you’re everything that they say, ain’t ya?” -- more identity questions, who is the Batman? clearly his reputation is of a violent crime fighter at this point, considering the Penguin just watched him take out six of his goons. 

I like how the Penguin seems relatively civil in comparison with Batman (at this point of the film, at least). He introduces himself, sticks out his hand for a shake, whereas Bats is just fist, bat, grappling hook, fight, fight. cruel irony, I suppose. 

Part Two // Part Three  // Part Four (to be linked)

[detectivedamian]

Following Damian getting friendzoned by Jon, Jon realizing he’s in love with Damian, Jon trying to court Damian, and Jon figuring out Damian’s in love with him, too; Jon becomes emboldened by the knowledge that it’s him, that Damian loves him.

He writes him a note in class and passes it to him. It’s all rather simple: Will you go out with me? -Jon

Damian is confused at the note, because that sounds like a date? Oh, Jon must want him to pass the note to somebody. Ouch, but he’ll do it to keep his cover. And then he looks up and sees a pretty girl with long eyelashes, and of course he thinks yeah, that’s Jon’s type and passes the note to her. The girl takes the note, and is very confused, looking back at Jon. And now Jon is miming “no” to her, shaking his head, body combusting with pure red. Damian watches Jon bury his head in his hands and wonders what he missed. Damian has to go to lunch ahead of him because Jon spends the first five minutes explaining that the note was not meant for her, please, oh god, don’t misunderstand.

---------------------------------

They’re flying home in one of the patented Bat-Planes with their fathers after a long, arduous mission that Damian didn’t want to call for help to close, but the mystery led Batman and Superman to them anyway. They’re in the back, snarking at each other, the way they always do, and Damian smiles. It’s everything in Jon not to kiss him, then. They’re silent for a moment, Damian drawing up a report on his pad, Jon watching the way the lights reflect on that perfect skin, on his long eyelashes, the emerald green of his eyes. Jon reaches over, slowly, to take Damian’s resting hand at the armrest, and he squeezes it. The words are on his lips: Damian, can I kiss you? Damian... I love you. Damian blinks at him and takes the hand away, instead patting his back. “You’re flushed,” Damian notes, “Is it possible for a Kryptonian to get motion sick?”

“Well sure,” Clark says from the front two seats with Bruce, before Jon can scream, “...usually it takes more than a smooth plane ride like this, though!” Bruce offers some antacids and ondansetron, because bats are always prepared for anything, and Damian is already standing and lifting one of the plane’s many compartments up to retrieve medication Jon does not need to sooth an infliction Jon does not suffer from. Damian returns a moment later, hiding concern under inconvenienced irritation. Jon’s eye twitches as he takes the bottle and mumbles a very insincere “thanks”.

---------------------------------

They have to go undercover for a mission, infiltrate this fancy little gala where their target will be attending with some blueprints to a world-ending machine-- Jon isn’t paying super close attention to the overly-complicated details but it sounds like a death ray of some sort. Very James Bond. Damian draws up a backstory and passes Jon the papers and a costume, some patchy plaid suit and glasses that are wider and thicker than what he usually wears, blond wig, too. He looks like a total dork. By the time Jon has figured out how to get this wig to look like normal human hair, he steps into the main room at their Fortress of Attitude and finds his heart is stopping.

Damian stands at the center in a dress, bright lime green with ruffles, small black mary-janes with white pantihoes, and it doesn’t even stop there. He’s got a blond wig on, too, and it’s big and wavy, and those curls frame his face and oh god he’s wearing this ruby red lipgloss. His eyelashes are coated in mascara and there’s green eyeshadow on his lids and Jon can feel his knees wobbling as Damian bats his eyelashes at him. Jon coughs and crosses the way as Damian slips on elbow-length white gloves, then gingerly sets a hand at his upper arm and squeezes. “So,” he says with a blush, “I guess we’re a couple of betrothed lovebirds for the night?”

Damian scowls and slaps the hand away. “No! Didn’t you read the mission biops? We’re brother and sister, genius! Nobody would buy an engagement at our age. This is Europe, Jon, not the Persian Gulf.”

Because of course. Of course that’s how Damian set them up. Damian is manufacturing their fake IDs and passports as he’s crossing his arms. The night is going to be long, and awkward, because he knows very well that the interest between himself and Damian is not that of a familial bond, and people are going to notice them staring lovingly at each other, right? “You really think people are going to buy that you and I are brother and sister?”

“Of course,” Damian glares at him. “Why wouldn’t they?”

“No reason,” Jon rolls his eyes.

---------------------------------

On another mission, the’re headed to Hawaii. They can go as themselves this time, of course, because the Wayne Foundation has a headquarters there, and it wouldn’t be suspicious if Damian Wayne just brought his friend along to a tourist hotspot. Damian assures him: “We’ll be right on the beach, a prime stakeout location if we’re going to spot Miss Spumoni in the open.” Jon nods along, but he’s staring at Damian again, thinking about having a romantic walk on the beach with him, sharing a coconut together, kissing him in front of the sunset...

“Our hotel is roughly a quarter of a mile away from the Wayne Foundation HQ stationed in Honolulu.” Jon’s face goes red-- a hotel.

“Are we sharing a room?”

Damian scoffs at him. “Of course. We never know when we could get ambushed. Separating while we sleep is one surefire way to find ourselves at a disadvantage.” A hotel room! Together! Sharing breakfast alone together! One bed! Cuddling! A soft first kiss in the glow of the sunrise! If Damian notices Jon melting on the spot, he doesn’t acknowledge it.

When they get to the hotel room, there are two beds. Because that’s what they’ve done every time before. Jon wants to die. Damian is puzzled by the way Jon buries his face in his hands and stews to himself silently.

---------------------------------

It’s later on this trip, after the mission is over and Spumoni is behind bars. Damian relents and tells Jon they have the hotel for a few more days-- may as well enjoy the rest of Hawaii.

They go surfing together. Jon falls off his board and Damian laughs at him.

They do actually share a coconut together, having lunch at a shack on the beach in the summer heat.

Damian falls asleep in the sun and wakes up buried in sand. He screams at Jon who is at this point at the other end of the beach, grabbing a popsicle. He hears Damian’s angry screeching. The vendor is confused about why this kid suddenly just starts breaking into side-splitting laughter.

Damian refuses to go into the water, and Jon, renewed in all of this sun he’s soaking up, lifts Damian easily over his shoulder and drags him to the water as Damian is screaming and hitting at his back.

There’s one night where there’s a luau, and Jon convinces Damian to hula dance with him. There’s even a slow song, and as Damian pauses in his loose dancing with Jon, he looks around to find couples holding each other close and dancing together. He’s a little jealous, not that he’ll show it. Jon’s probably jealous, too, he figures, for different reasons. Jon would probably love to be holding a pretty dainty girl in his arms, slow dancing (while he stands at the sidelines and watches his best friend fall in love). Jon is just a friend, after all, and it still hurts. He grows tense, and straightens his back as he brings his walls back up. But then Jon’s hand is on his shoulder, and as he turns his head to look up, Jon is pulling him into his chest, smiling at him, just like he did at the engagement party that one time. “There are cameras here,” Damian mutters.

“Your dad’s a playboy, I think his son could handle a scandal or two.”

And to his surprise, Jon rests their foreheads together and closes his eyes, wrapping both hands together at his lower back. It’s so romantic, and god help him, Jon is playing with his heart now, and he’s mad about it. He closes his eyes, too, and he wraps his arms around Jon’s neck, rubbing his nose against Jon’s and hoping he doesn’t notice. (Jon does). They’re like this for what feels like an eternity before Jon opens his eyes just a sliver. He’s leaning down, closer, and Damian stays still, eyes still shut. This is it, Jon knows. His lips brush against Damian’s--

-- but it’s not even a kiss because there’s an explosion in the distance that startles the luau, and both Jon and Damian are pulling away from each other, eyes wide, before they jump into battle mode.

They don’t talk about it at all afterwards. Damian has no idea there’s anything to talk about, he’s just soaking up what he thinks was an accidental brush on Jon’s part. Jon is fuming at the universe. In an almost hilarious shift, Damian is the one all sunshine and smiles on the ride back, while Jon is quietly stone-faced and twitching.

[ectonurites]

so i want to read red robin but uh. i'm missing a lot of context so do you know which comics i should read before starting it?

Okay. So. Red Robin 

Ideally, Red Robin comes after reading through Tim’s Robin run in general, as it’s basically a continuation of that comic. It’s not like you need to read every single comic he’s appeared in before or anything like that... but I just definitely wouldn’t recommend this being like... the first major Tim-focused story you read, if that makes sense? The way he acts in Red Robin hinges upon a lot of previous things having happened, as opposed to him acting like his more normal self. 

But lets go into some specific things that are important for understanding what’s going on in Red Robin assuming you’ve got some basic Tim info/understanding under your belt already:

Final Crisis - What happened to Bruce during Final Crisis is essentially the main driving force of the first bit of Red Robin, in general I’d recommend reading the whole event to understand it because just part of it without context would probably be really confusing (this is the reading list I used) but it can definitely be... overwhelming, it was a huge thing. The parts with Bruce are what’s most relevant: Batman #682-683, Final Crisis #6-7 and Superman/Batman #76

Robin (1993) - As I said above, in general Red Robin is the continuation of Tim’s Robin run. Events from the last major arc ‘Search for a Hero’ (Robin #177-183), which has the same writer as the second half of Red Robin, are especially relevant. In general though, reading through Tim’s Robin run helps you to... understand Tim more, and kinda see how the things he’s going through in Red Robin are a change for him, he’s acting a lot darker and edgier than normal because of all the things he’s been going through basically since War Games happened. (Steph’s death during that event was kinda the kickoff of his traumas in the 2000s, as it was followed by his Dad’s death in Identity Crisis, Kon’s in Infinite Crisis, and Bart’s in The Flash: Fastest Man Alive. While these don’t all specifically get referenced in Red Robin necessarily, and aside from his Dad they do all come back, these incidents along with Bruce’s apparent fate during Final Crisis are all things that have been weighing on him heavily and contribute to his mental state)

Battle for the Cowl - While this is kinda a hot mess of an event (particularly for Jason), it’s extremely important for context. Here’s a reading list, although personally I’ve just read the TPB for the event that I physically own that just has the main BftC comic & the two Gotham Gazette issues, which is what’s most relevant for Tim specifically.

That’s the like, most important context stuff going into it I think? There’s definitely a few other things potentially worth checking out like the rest of the Batman: Last Rites tie-ins (Batman #682-683 & Robin #183 that I already listed above are part of that, those are most relevant for reading Red Robin but for a general understanding of what else is happening in Gotham at the time consider checking out the rest), which all lead into Battle for the Cowl.

After Battle for the Cowl, the Batman: Reborn event is what establishes the new status quo in Gotham. (Red Robin #1-4 is considered part of this event. While you don’t need to read every other Batman: Reborn thing to understand what’s going on in Red Robin, certain little details and questions you may have about characters who are now in different positions than before are explained in the other titles so it’s worth looking into. But all of these were coming out around the same time as Red Robin so it’s not so much a ‘read before’ as a ‘read alongside if you’re interested’ ya know?) 

Then I know you didn’t ask for this but I’d like to add a few specific things I think are helpful to read during Red Robin, some the Red Robin comic itself will tell you about as they crossover but some it won’t!

Adventure Comics #3 - This one it’s kiiinda hard to tell exactly where it fits into Red Robin, some time during the first arc when Tim’s on his search still, my best guess is just sometime before Red Robin #4. This is essentially Tim & Kon’s first real reuniting since Kon came back to life during Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds. This issue also references things with Tim that happened during the One Year Later part of Teen Titans (2003) in issues #34-37. It doesn’t necessarily do too much to the plot of Red Robin but I think it’s relevant reading, and it later gets referenced in Red Robin #9.

Blackest Night: Batman - This one... also kinda hard to figure out exactly where it fits in, I think right after Red Robin #5 makes the most sense since it’s definitely before #6 (because Tim references the event during that issue) but it has to be after he finds what he finds in #4, and #4 kinda goes directly into #5. This is a tie in for the Blackest Night event but as long as you get the basic premise of ‘Black Lantern rings make zombies’ then it can be read pretty independently. 

Batgirl - It’s very clear where this crossover happens in the comic, After Red Robin #9 read Batgirl #8, then the rest of the arc is continued in Red Robin #10 and on. 

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne - So, this book builds on Tim’s findings earlier in Red Robin as well as what Dick and Damian discovered/pieced together in Batman and Robin (2009) Issues #7-12 in regards to what happened to Bruce during Final Crisis. I’d recommend reading the first two issues of this (Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #1-2) before Red Robin #16. Then after that issue, read the rest (Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #3-6). Alternatively you could just read all of it after #16, before the next thing I’m about to list, it doesn’t make a huge difference. It’s just that in Red Robin #16 Tim references that the events of this book had already started, but he hadn’t become involved yet, and he gets involved in #3. Regardless, read this before The Road Home: Red Robin.

The Road Home: Red Robin - This one is specifically mentioned to take place after Red Robin #16, but I’d really really recommend reading Return of Bruce Wayne first and then this. Afterwards go back into Red Robin #17.

Teen Titans - This crossover technically is first teased at the end of Teen Titans #91, but primarily starts in Red Robin #20 and then continues into Teen Titans #92.

Judgement on Gotham - This event starts in Batman #708, crosses over into Red Robin in Issue #22, Gotham City Sirens #22, and ends in Batman #709.

There are a few other things Tim shows up in around this time (The Gates of Gotham series is the first thing coming to mind, as well as after the crossover with them he rejoins the Teen Titans, but he also just shows up occasionally in the other bat books based in Gotham during this time) but they don’t really have any effect on the plot of Red Robin specifically.

I hope this makes sense and isn’t too confusing! In general like, this era between Final Crisis and the New 52 had so much going on in the Bat books that there’s like... lots of moving pieces to keep track of. Hopefully this can at least point ya in the right direction. 

[hope-to-hell]

So I know you’ve said you wouldn’t know where to start writing Clark, but how about what happened to him when he died? Afterlife, anyone? And his return, oh my god the immense shift in reality. A tragic transition from death/peace back to life/struggle feels like it’d be perfect for you to tackle. I was always irritated no one ever *asked him* about it in the movies.

And maybe he didn’t end up in the Good Place. A whole lot of people died while he was fighting Zod . . .

Okay, @critfailroll here it is. Raw Deal. Clark Kent. Angst. Some wound description, nothing too graphic. Dying was easy. It’s the coming back that’s hard. Leonid Andreyev’s “Lazarus” is highly recommended reading as...not quite background, but something of a mood inspiration.

Listen. It’s not the dying that’s the hard part. Dying was easy; you saw the straight path to what had to be done, and you took it. Sure, the pain was unimaginable. Sure, you felt every torn cell same as if each were a shattered limb. But like I said. Dying is easy, because it happens without your say-so. Without effort. Without thought. When the body has enough, that’s it; all it takes is a big enough wound, a hard enough push, and even the mighty Superman will fall. Lights out. But Clark. Sweetheart. You got a raw deal.

Because they brought you back. And like Lazarus you’re revered and strange and wrong. Shoulda stayed dead. Dead’s better. Quieter, for sure. Less pain, because even in the bad place it’s just you. So tell me. Was it worse than the torches and pitchforks you imagined in Sunday school? You say it’s endless night, with only your thoughts for company. No stars, no earth. You can walk forever and it doesn’t matter. You can’t feel it anyway, because there isn’t any physical self left to feel. If there’s pain there, it’s the pain of regret, of words unsaid, of roads not taken. It’s all in your mind, because that’s all that’s left of you, just electrical impulses caroming through the darkness.

But listen, o my dearest. O my poor, wretched soul. You can’t think about that anymore, because there is no time. You can’t rest. Can’t heal. Can’t— well, I guess you can fuck. If you really want to. If you don’t mind trading your lover’s broken bones for a few moments of release. If you don’t mind the accusing stare and the how could you because you aren’t in control, not even a little. You’re trapped inside a body that’s entirely too strong and completely wild. Oh, lamb. You’re gonna be the death of somebody, when all that’s left is the fight, when you’re stripped down to the weapon you’d always feared you’d be. Just hope you’re pointed in the enemy’s direction when it happens.

Hope. Right.

That’s what that pretty symbol is for, isn’t it? To remind you about hope. Not yours, though. Theirs. Bruce and Diana and all the rest of them, who dragged you kicking and screaming from the afterlife, who said come back and be our storm, call down all your strength and never mind the trauma. Later, maybe. When the dust settles and all the many dead are buried, maybe you’ll have time to think, time to explain, time to grieve the loss of yourself.

Oh, sweet. You lost your own heartbeat in the cacophony of billions of other hearts, billions of lives and deaths and hopes and dreams and who the fuck are you? You have your strength, sure, but what else are you good for? You’re like a wild animal carved from stone, unmoving, and if you fought the folks who called you friend it’s only because you feared the snare, the strange and biting pain of being pulled back into your body, of finding every cell wrenched from the aether and reassembled with brute force.

They don’t know how it hurts because they never. fucking. asked.

Oh sure, maybe Bruce suspects a little; he’s starting to feel the bitter ache of too many years at this and so he understands, perhaps, something about pain. But he doesn’t really get it, and how could you possibly explain? How can you make anyone understand the feeling that you’re held together by static electricity and string? It’s a good thing you don’t sleep, because every moment there’s that little thread at the back of your mind, tracking your cells, feeling them slip one by one back into order even as so many fall away. It puts cracks across your lips, dear; it makes little stinging valleys open up in the whorls of your fingerprints; even your cock chafes with skin that hasn’t settled yet. Do you miss the feeling of not being constantly in pain? The suit helps; it brings the sunlight to your bones, but it isn’t enough. Nothing is enough; only time will quell that constant gnawing and chattering of every part of you trying to separate and moulder into dust.

You are pulling together and falling apart in the same moment and it hurts. This, then, is your hell. This is you isolated and burning; this is you staring out at the water after everything and hating it, hating yourself, because they brought you back and you aren’t grateful. This is you and your brave face, and you’re a better liar than you thought because not a soul has called you on it yet. Not a single wretched soul has looked you in the eye and asked, are you alright?

And yet. When the sun rises over the water you can feel the minute change in surface temperature; when a child is born halfway across the state you hear its first cry and feel a little swell of pride that doesn’t make any damn sense. And if you listen, lamb, you can even hear the tiny sounds of all your cells coming together, of all the many doors between life and death easing shut. You saved the world, but fuck the world; you’re waiting for the moment when these little bits of good add up to making all this worth it, for the moment when you stop and realize you forgot about keeping yourself together and you’re still here.

It’ll come. It has to. One of these days, surely, you’ll smile warm and bright without even meaning to, without that little tightness around your eyes that says not quite. One of these days, Clark. One of these days.

[alexhoghdaily]

Alex’s Instagram Live interview with Tommy DiDario for #LetsStayTogether

Once again this got extremely long. Because as usual I cannot grasp the simple concept of ‘Highlights’. I basically wanted to write every single sentence down. Forgive me.

(note: this interview contains spoilers for the Vikings finale!)

The comments are turned off. This sets a relaxing mood for the interview.

Alex starts by asking if he’s getting through alright, Tommy is in New York and Alex is in Denmark. Which can make the time difference and connection difficult. He was confused about the actual time of the interview. His email said the show would be at 9pm, but the instagram countdown was set for 7pm. He’s not a technical person so he got a little nervous and was very happy to be live.

Tommy mentioned he started the show #LetsStayTogether during covid to give people a place where they can turn to for some joy, hope and inspiration. A place to just have fun. He said Alex brings all that and more so it was a pleasure to have him on the show.

He spoke about his character and the show Vikings, and asked him What made him want to play the part of Ivar on the Show. Alex answered the question with him being a ‘nobody’ when he came into the show, and he was very thankful to get the opportunity. He didn’t think about wether or not he liked the character, for him it was more like “I’m going to be an actor on Vikings? Are you kidding me? That’s a solid yes.” He didn’t even know what character he was going to play. It started with a regular self-tape of him doing weird accents and weird lines and then multiple auditions for all of the brothers. He said it was an intense audition. He remembered coming into the room and immediately noticing that the people present there were very important.

Tommy mentioned the darkness he brought to the show, the rise and fall of Ivar and how people were rooting for him in the end, and then asked Alex what he loved about playing such a great character like this. Alex answered with the ups and down’s, those are always fun for an actor to get into. Ivar is complicated and that’s always fun to take on as an actor. you always have to defend him [Ivar] even despite him making that very tough. “When he started burning people for a living I was like Michael Hirst are you kidding me. How am I supposed to make people still kind of love him?” It was challenging and fun.

Tommy asked Alex if he was protective of him [Ivar] because he felt like he had to figure out a way to make people like him. Alex answered with: Absolutely. He needs to be, because he always has to understand him and never judge him. And if he would struggle with that, the audience would absolutely 100% too. He has to be the last line of defense. He explained his thoughts and reasoning behind Ivar’s decisions. If he can reason with his thoughts and feelings behind it, it can completely change how he says his lines. It’s all in the little details and that’s what makes the job fun.

He didn’t get his script long ahead of time, only a week, so when he was still rehearsing his lines for one episode he already got his lines for the next and that was really though.

Tommy asked him why he [Alex] thinks is the reason fansresponded so well to his character even with his darknes. Alex answered this wit that he thinks it’s because he’s an antihero. You like rooting for someone who isn’t always perfect because we as human beings are also not always perfect. (He compared it to him liking batman over superman because batman is more flawed than superman.) He also said that he loves that he’s [Ivar] complicated. Every time you create a character that has a lot of depth to them, you challenge the audience and force the audience to always question him and ask themselves what they think about him and his actions. Why is he doing what he’s doing? That keeps people invested and engaged with the story/character. That’s his job.

Favorite scenes: Alex’s favorite scenes are 5x03 where Ivar is yelling, covered in blood in York. (He repeated his iconic Icelandic line as usual.) Another favorite scene was the one where Ivar said goodbye to Baldur in the woods. It is a scene that is really close to his heart. This is because Ivar was honest and vulnerable. Usually he’s doing crazy stuff and yelling and killing people. Alex likes the quiet moments more where he’s just in his own head and having a heart time. He loved the scene because it was so real.

Tommy asked Alex how he views Ivar’s relationship with love. (Absent father, overprotective and smothering mother, a tragic marriage, how does Ivar view love after this.) Alex said that he understands why Ivar does not understand love. After his absent father, smothering mother, tough love from his brothers, he was so blinded by Freydis’ love and his love for her that she could fully manipulate him. It was a complete disaster. When they started season 6 Alex thought that Ivar had completely given up on love. He had discussed this issue with Michael Hirst and the directors. Alex found him to be a sociopath and not an actual psychopath. Because he understands emotions, and he has a lot of them. He does have love and he does have empathy. He thought it was great to focus more on that in season 6. Showing more of Ivar’s human side was very important to him. He has many emotions and he was never just a crazy guy, Alex never thought he was crazy, nor that he was a god, he believed that Ivar knew better than to actually view himself a god. He thinks Ivar is an actor, and he is more broken on the inside than on the outside. The whole “I’m a god” act was all fake, and it was Ivar’s defense mechanism.

For his journey in season 6, Alex asked Michael Hirst to take it down a notch for Ivar. in season 5, especially 5B, he was challenging to like and Alex was struggling to defend him. He wanted to turn that around. He said that after losing his wife, his throne, and being on the run really makes him think. He says Ivar was smart enough to learn from his mistakes. He loved to come to a new place and start from the beginning. He did say that even with the new beginning Ivar was still plotting and manipulating and smart. He is still Ivar the Boneless. Alex was always amazed by his smarts when he read the scripts. He loves season 6 because Ivar was more human and humble.

They discuss Ivar’s death in the final episode. Alex said that he was on top of that. It was completely his idea. He wanted him to go out with a bang and not survive. He told Michael Hirst he wanted a death scene for Ivar. He also discussed with Michael that he loved the idea of Ivar being scared in the end. That he showed himself to be extemely human in his very last moments. Which Alex himself thinks all of us would be. Ivar is the guy who has been yelling that he’s a god, and he loved to contrast of him showing who he really was in the end, and just being afraid. He wanted him to be human in the end, the little boy that he really is. He needed him to show it in his last moment. He thought it was a beautiful brotherly and honest moment. Quote: “I like honesty.” He said that it was also one of his favorite scenes.

Tommy asked what it was like for him, and Alex said that he was bawling his eyes out. He cried the entire day. It was the end of 3,5 years of Vikings, the end of a very intense period of his life and it had been extremely challenging. He was happy to go but he also knew he was going to miss everyone. They were like family. It was the very last scene he shot, and it was magical to finish filming the show with his death scene. After it he was like I guess it is really over. He got a microphone and a signed shield with little messages. He was crying and everyone was gathering around him in a circle, which made him very nervous. It was a regular day with many extras and crew members and performing for them is no problem but when it get’s personal it’s more difficult. It felt like a very private moment. It wasn’t until he got home 14 days later that he fully understood what happened.

Tommy said that he understood that after such an intense role it would take a bit to come back from that and realize what he’s done. Alex agreed 100%. He said it can really feel like an empty dark hole, because you’re so used to working with so many people around him and he’s in a groove and all of a sudden it stops.

He mentioned that he was in his studio, and that he has a band. “That’s what’s happening in the background here.” It’s a fun hobby, nothing official. It’s just them doing decent cover songs. When Tommy asked if we would be able to hear any of them Alex answered with: “Absolutely not”. He joked about it being a secret passion and that it’s not supposed to be talked about. Tommy said no one would be opposed to them releasing a single.

After tommy asked about on set relationships Alex said they were all really close like a family. Filming was tough, not the best circumstances, 15 hour workdays, no breaks, eating the same cold food in between takes and the only way to get through it is because you’re with family. He said he worked with incredibly beautiful and talented people and that helped getting through it. He says he keeps in touch with a lot of people, not just cast members. He said that this is the beautiful thing about this job, you get families all around the world. He mentioned that there were a lot of food battles between the actors.

They moved on to the most popular fan questions.

Who would Alex play if he wasn’t Ivar? In return Alex asked if he could pick anyone and it wouldn’t matter. He jokingly said Lagertha, then said he would actually like it. Then he said Floki because he loves both Floki and Gustaf. (insert little floki laugh.) He also said Ragnar and King Ecbert.

What was the experience like filming Ivar’s genetic disorder? Alex said it was such a challenge. Especially physically because had to crawl around. He thought it was very important to him because he studied OI for his role and he said it’s an awful disease. It was important to him to make it as authentic as possible and show the struggles people who have that disease go through every day. Tommy said that people really appreciated the honesty that Alex brought to that portion of the character and he saw a lot of comments from people in the disabled community saying that they appreciated seeing someone go through that on a mainstream show because they can relate to it. It’s very powerful. Alex had also received some messages from people suffering from OI and it was very inspirational and humbling. It made the experience even better because he likes that he can give people the extra confidence to go out there and do things.

The third question was if Alex would ever be interested in doing a prequel about Ivar’s life. Alex said that he would want to. He jokingly said: “Why not? if the money is good enough.” Of course he would because he loves his character. He also said that even though he would love to, he also has to admit that his character has been a big part of his life and he would like to do portray other characters. (They joked about a lot of people wanting to see Alex in a romantic comedy and Alex mentioned it’s not his favorite thing to do).

Is there a behind the scenes secret that people would be surprised to know about? Alex said that on Vikings they were allowed to write their own lines once in a while and that’s not very common.

Alex’s screen froze and he suddenly left the livestream, but he finally was able to come back after a few minutes. (Insert embarrassed face and him apologizing for being a technical disaster).

He continued about writing their own lines. They really had a say in their own lines and character’s storylines and that was amazing. It helped getting a better sense of understanding characters.

Tommy asked him if he had a favorite line or scene that he’s written. Alex told about the scene where Hvitserk and Ivar meet each other again in season 6 after being separated for a long time. Marco and himself wrote the tiny scene together where they sit together next to the river where Ivar says to Hvitserk: “You look like shit” and Hvitserk replies with “I feel like it.” Followed by “What are you wearing?” Alex loves that little moment because after everything it brings them straight back to their original relationship.

The last fan question was actually not a question, it was a happy early birthday! Tommy asked Alex how he would celebrate and what he would like for his birthday. Alex answered the question with Less COVID and peace in the world. It’s really the time to stick together. He can talk about it and use his platform but that’s all he himself can do. He said he’s happy and priveleged, everything is good. Copenhagen is opening up. Because cafe’s are opening up again he can go out to have lunch and a beer. But there are so much places around the world where circumstances are horrible and it would make him happy if everyone could get a little closer together. Tommy agreed that it was an important message to put out there.

They joked about his band again, Alex not committing to putting anything out. Alex said it’s absolutely noted. He also jokingly said he would tell his bandmates that they should put out some originals.

They spoke about Alex’s photography. Alex said it’s a side thing and a hobby, a way for him (when on set) to relax and focus his mind on something else. He also thinks it’s so much fun to capture moments. He likes to capture moments in front and behind the camera, that’s what photography for him is about. Capturing moments and telling stories. It’s a pleasure to bring his camera on set because he can capture so many different things. He likes to keep doing it. He also said he’s working on a photography book but he wants to wait with releasing it until he has enough good material from a lot of different projects to include.

Finally Tommy asked him what he would like to say to everyone who tuned in and who stood by him for all these years. Alex answered with: “Thank you very much for all the support throughout the years, he literally couldn’t have done it without you [the fans] because that’s why they keep doing another season and another episode. Because you tune in every single week and do that for several years. It’s all for the fans. Sure they do it for themselves but in the end it’s all for you and they are proudly trying to make it as good as possible because of you, and because you are watching. Thank you for doing that.”

[pluckyredhead]

What's the top 10 worst things about HiC

Oh god, it took me FOREVER to narrow this down. There are so many bad things about it!!!

Literally I’m not even going to address all the little talking heads therapy sessions and how thoroughly riddled with continuity errors and godawful characterization they are, because there’s so much else wrong with the book. Just trust that they’re a mess, even if King is trying to be Intellectual (TM) by putting them in a nine-panel grid. WE GET IT. YOU’VE READ WATCHMEN.

I’m also not putting “they killed Roy” on the list because it’s comics, characters die. The fact that this book was a slaughterhouse is a problem (see below, #2), but the fact that one of those deaths happened to be one of my favorite characters is a bummer but not necessarily evidence that the book is bad. (The book is so bad.)

But okay, so the rest of it, from least-worst to worst-worst:

10. That Poison Ivy cover: Clay Mann draws beautiful people but for some reason he decided that the cover to #7 should be a dead Poison Ivy on her stomach, cleavage pressed against the floor, her spine arched EVEN THOUGH SHE IS DEAD in order to lift her ass in the air so that the reader can see both T and A at once. This was leaked and then ultimately pulled before it hit stands and Tom King tweeted that he'd never liked it, but it’s very telling to me that either literally no one noticed how gross this cover fetishizing a dead woman was before the internet protested, or DC actively planned to use a sexy dead woman to sell comics. In their book that was supposed to be about trauma and mental health and recovery.

10b. Babs, a theoretical protagonist of this book, sexily peeling her pants down to show her bullet scars, which shouldn’t even look like that due to all the surgery she’s had: We get it, you’re only interested in women’s trauma if it’s sexy. She doesn’t even get to talk on this page.

10c. The full splash page of Lois in her underwear, saying “What do you want me to do?” like she’s inviting the reader to bone her in the middle of this story about death and trauma: Stop!!! Just stop!!!

9. The laziness of everything having to do with Booster: Okay yeah, I’m gonna be fannishly self-involved about another one of my faves here, but Booster is legitimately one of the main characters of the series, along with the Trinity, Harley, Babs, and Wally. And yet the “trauma” that places him at Sanctuary was part of a hastily shoehorned-in Batman arc directly before HiC that writes him deeply out of character (he carelessly changes the timeline when despite the fact that he’s spent 15 years protecting the timeline, including the Superman arc he starred in literally directly prior to the Batman one), instead of anything endemic to the character (because spoiler, Tom King doesn’t actually know anything about the character). The series then entirely fails to address it, hanging Booster’s emotional arc instead on his friendship with Ted...a friendship that explicitly does not exist in the Rebirth timeline. The Ted/Booster friendship/marriage is literally my favorite relationship in the entirety of the DCU, but you don’t get to rest a protagonist’s entire arc on a relationship that was retconned out of existence seven years prior and then retconned away again. Do the work. Don’t copy Keith Giffen and J. M. DeMatteis’s papers from 31 years ago.

8. Interpretive hand jiving through the pain: You know how some people have to leave the room when characters do something very embarrassing on television? I’ve never been like that, just Jesus Christ I had to read this page between my fingers. Y i k e s :

7. Harley beating the Trinity in a fight: Come on. Harley couldn’t take a single one of them on her own, let alone all three. Don’t warp the characters to make your MC look more badass and keep the plot moving. (King also wrote Catwoman beating THREE SPEEDSTERS in his Batman run, which again: no. Absolutely not. Stop it.)

6. That Watchman reference: See above re: being so embarrassed for someone you have to read through your fingers. If you haven’t read Watchmen, the line “I did it 35 minutes ago” is extremely famous and absolutely a mic drop moment. It’s not a mic drop moment here. The characters are completely different and talking about completely different things. The only thing Heroes in Crisis has in common with Watchmen (besides copying the use of the nine-panel grid, like I said before) is that it’s about how heroes are fucked up, I guess? Which is hardly a bold statement in 2018; it’s actively cliche now, in fact. The only purpose referencing Watchmen serves here is to let the reader know that Tom King has read Watchmen, which is both pretentious because it is Art and ridiculous because it’s one of the bestselling comics of all time and millions of people have read it.

5. The abysmal “journalistic ethics” on display: There are so many characters literally and figuratively assassinated in this book that it’s easy to miss that Lois is one of them. But here’s a tip: when someone’s medical information is leaked to you, it is not in fact your obligation to share that with the world, no matter who they are. That is not information meant for public consumption, which we might assume Lois knows, since she doesn’t usually share the private business of her husband or her son or their cousin or any of their friends that she is also friends with. But suddenly she’s forgotten that because it’s on a zip drive? Not only does that show horrifying journalistic ethics from both Lois and Clark, who seems to think she had no other choice, it’s also ableist as hell - what, if someone has mental health problems or experienced trauma on the job they’re automatically a danger to the public? And despite the attempt to make this feel like a big twist, there’s actually zero point to it, because a) we never see civilians reacting to this information and b) there are literally zero consequences to publishing it in this or any subsequent comic. It’s never even mentioned again. If a tree publishes all of a superhero’s medical information and deep dark secrets in a forest and no one reacts to it in any way, shape, or form, does it make a sound?

4. The actual premise: I do sort of believe that Bruce would think “go to the middle of nowhere surrounded by robots wearing creepy robes and masks and tell your secrets to cameras which are then wiped and interact with no one” = therapy, although if that’s the case I don’t know why he keeps bothering to put people in Arkham, which at least allows them to talk to other humans. But under no circumstances do I think either Clark or Diana would go along with this horrible, horrible idea, that offers no genuine help to anyone. Not only does the fact that it’s implausible undercut literally everything that happens within the framework of Sanctuary’s existence, it’s just one of many examples of how almost everyone acts completely out of character all the time in order to keep the plot chugging along.

3. Bruce’s terrible detective skills: The World’s Greatest Detective spends like six issues seriously thinking that either Booster Gold or Harley Quinn is the killer. Booster or Harley! Booster has neither the temperament nor the ability to kill on that level and Harley would never hurt Ivy, plus neither of them are a match for Wally (who is believed to be dead at this point), and Bruce should know that. Again, weak characterization all around, but it’s especially egregious given that King wrote Batman for A HUNDRED ISSUES.

2. Wally’s character assassination: This is a three-parter:

2a. Logistical: It makes no fucking sense. Wally got his own corpse to the crime scene by traveling five days into the future and killing his future self. Everyone sees the corpse. Then Booster, Ted, Harley, and Babs talk him out of killing himself. But...he already did that and everyone saw the corpse, so now we have a paradox that’s never addressed.

2b. Moral: The comics have tried desperately to walk Wally’s actions back in the past two years, emphasizing that he didn’t mean to kill TWELVE PEOPLE, including one of his best friends. It was an accident! But he still framed Booster and Harley for literally no reason except to create a whodunnit, set them on each other which could have easily ended fatally for Booster, and then sent everyone’s private information to the media (which again, the comic frames as somehow noble and necessary, but which is actually deeply unethical). So you made this beloved 60-year-old hero into a villain...why, exactly? Just so it would be surprising? Cool, great work, Captain Edgelord.

2c. Metatextual: This comic spins out of Rebirth Special #1. The New 52 erased Wally from continuity and then brought him back as the younger, biracial Wally (and this isn’t the place to get into fandom’s response to that and DC’s response to fandom’s response so let’s just say they are both YIKES MCGIKES and leave it at that). Rebirth Special #1 brought him back, and the return of the “real” (white) Wally (again: yikes) heralded a new universe that was lighter and happier and contained way more fan favorites. It was literally branded as a gift to fans, embodied in Wally West.

In Heroes in Crisis, Wally is crushed by the weight of everyone being so happy he’s there and loving him so much while he’s struggling with grief and depression, and that’s why he snaps. It’s the metatextual equivalent of having Wally look at the reader and say “You’re happy I’m back and comics can be lighter now? Well, FUCK YOU, YOU RUINED EVERYTHING.” It essentially blames the reader for having Wally go evil, because the reader loves Wally too much.

King, what the fuck?

1. The overall message: Heroes in Crisis was sold as a thoughtful exploration of mental health and trauma, instead of just another bloodbath. Instead, it killed a dozen characters in its first issue and dicked around for another seven with an uninspired whodunnit before throwing a beloved hero in the garbage. But in the meantime, it manages to say:

Trauma is unavoidable.

But therapy doesn’t help.

Trying it does more harm than good.

If you’re struggling, you are a danger to others and don’t deserve privacy.

Good luck with that.

Therapy literally saved my life. This comic enrages me. This comic is harmful. Superhero comics as a whole have a lot to answer for when it comes to discussions of mental illness, but at least some random issue of Batman where Bruce thoughtlessly throws another “looney” into Arkham isn’t billed as a sympathetic take on PTSD. Our culture already discourages asking for help, and we don’t need a pretentious funnybook miniseries helping with that.

(If you made it all the way to the end of this post and you are struggling with trauma, depression, PTSD, whatever...please do look into therapy. I promise you it’s nothing like this comic.)

In conclusion, Heroes in Crisis is bad and it should feel bad.

THE END.

[popculturebuffet]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1990 Review: Still Possesses Turtle Power After All These Years

Cowabunga all you happy people! I freaking love the Teenage Ninja Turtles. I grew up with it from Turtles in Time, which was my first video game, to the 2003 cartoon, which I covered the first three episodes of last month, and on to present day as I re-read the idw comics after finally reading the original eastman and laird run of mirage, and impatiently waiting for Shredder’s Revenge to come out after a LONG drout of no good TMNT games. I”m a fan of these heroes four, their dynamic as a family, the endless possiblities that come from it’s long history and ablitlity to go anywhere in any genre, and the wonderful goofy shit that happens when you have a franchise about mutant turtles learning ninjitsu from a rat and fighting a dude covered in knife covered samurai armor. 

So with me finally covering the guys after almost a year last month and with a new movie set to debut at some point this year, I had the bright idea to revisit the FIRST TMNT movie after way too many years of not watching it. This movie is anear and dear to my heart: When I first started getting into the boys big as a kid with the 2003 cartoon, I badly wanted more turtles. But back then it wasn’t nearly as easy to glom onto some more of the sewer shock pizza kings: Streaming sites with all the cartoons on them weren’t all that accesable, dvd’s were expensive for the 87 cartoon, Mirage wasn’t reprinting the comics in any meaningful way and my local comic shop didn’t have any at all and I could only play the SNES when my brother had it set up on occasion like at our Grandma’s farm. 

As you probably guessed though there was one exception: the original 1990 movie, which I got at Walmart for 5 bucks and haven’t let go of since. It was one of my first dvds and is still one of my most precious. Said film hit the spot just right as like my beloved 2003 series, it was a mildly goofy but still fucking cool adaptation that stuck closer to the mirage comics, even more than the 2003 series would, while taking a few queues from the 87 series. This film is as precious to me as the 2003 series and a with a brand new movie coming up, I figured it was the exact right time to dig into this classic: what makes it still good to this day, what’s fun to point and laugh at, and how the heck Jim Henson got involved in this. So join me under the cut as I take a look at my boys first theatrical outing and why I still love watching a turtle. 

No One Wanted To Make This: Before we get into the film itself some background. As usual I struggled a bit, but thankfully found some help in the form of this Hollywood Reporter article.  It’s a fascinating read worth your time, providing an oral history of the film from the people who worked on it. 

The film was the baby of Gary Propper, a surfer dude and road manager for the prop comic Gallagher, aka that guy who used to smash watermelons but now has instead opted to smash what little’s left of his career by being a homophobic douchenozzle. He found an ally in Showtime producer Kim Dawson who’d produced Gallagher’s special. I don’t think there will be more of an 80′s sentence than “Gallagher’s surfer dude agent wanted to make a teenage mutant ninja turtles movie”. Propper was a huge fan of the comics, and with Dawson’s help convinced Laird and Eastman to let them option it to studios. 

It may come as a shock to you but the road agent for a homophobic watermelon man and a producer at a niche cable channel wanting to make a movie based on an underground comic book about masked turtles at a time when the two most recent comic book movies were Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Howard the Duck, did not go well. Every door in Hollywood got slammed in their face, even Fox> Even the eventual backer of the film, Golden Harvest, a hong kong action film studio, took months to convince to actually back the film. 

Things did not get easier from there: The films writer Bobby Herbeck had trouble getting a story agreed on because Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s working relationship had deteroiated horribly from the stress so naturally the two could not agree on a damn thing and argued with each other. Peter Laird  made a tense siutation even worse by constnatly sniping at Herbeck and feeling he was a “Hollywood outsider infringing on his vision and characters”

Granted the script was apparently not great... but Pete still comes off as a pretnetious ass who views his weird indie comic as THE HIGHEST OF HIGH CALLINGS HOW DARE YOU SOIL IT. And continued to be kind of a prick like this throughout the rest of his time with the property. 

Thankfully the film found i’ts voice, vision and director in Steve Barron. Barron was a music video guy who knew the producers and while reluctant, eventually dove into the project rightfully thinking the film would need to be a mix of the mirage comics and 87 cartoon, keeping aprils’ reporter job, the turtles lvoe of pizza and their iconic color coding from the cartoon but adapting several stories from the comics as the backbone of the film. The guys liked barron MUCH better and things ran smoother. 

Barron also brought in one of the film’s biggest selling points and it’s most valuable asset: it’s triumphantly awesome Jim Henson costumes. Barron had worked with good old Jim on the music videos for Labyrinth, and while it took some convincing since the comics were violent as hell and that wasn’t Jim’s style, Barron eventually got him on board. This naturally doubled the budget, but given Henson’s costumes STILL hold up today and look better than the cgi used in the platinum dunes films... it was a good call. And this was brand new tech for jim, having to invent tons of new ideas and mechanisms just to make the things work, and said things still were absolute hell on the actors. Jim later ended up not liking the film for being too violent... which I find hilarious given how many muppets got eaten or blowed up real good on his show but regardless, I thank this legendary and wonderful man as without him this film WOULD NOT have worked. The costumes here look great, feel realistic, and you can’t tell the actors were dubbed much less horribly suffering in those suits. Much like Disney Land. 

The film would get picked up for distribution by New Line, and despite i’ts weird as hell origins and the long shot it had.. the film was a MASSIVE hit at the box office, owing to a combination of Batman 89 the previous year having proved comic book movies can work for audiences, the cartoon’s runaway sucess, and a massive marketing campaign. The film made it’s mark. So now we know how we got here let’s get into the film itself. 

What’s the Story Morning Glory?:

So the story for this one is largely cobbled together from some of the more notable arcs Eastman and Laird did before handing off the book to others full time as the stress of the company and the mounting tension with each other made it near impossible to work together on the book itself. 

To Save time i’m just going through what hte movie takes from the comics plot wise now to save me the trouble later:The movie takes elements from the first issue (The Turtles, Splinter and Shredder’s backstories, Shredder being fully human and the main antagonist, Shredder’s design and the final rooftop showdown that results in Shredder’s death), second and third, (April’s apartment over her dad’s old store and the turtles moving in when their home is ransacked and splinter has gone missing), the rapheal micro series (A tounge in cheek way of cashing in on the Mini-Series craze of the 80s, a one shot by modern standards and something that’s tragically been underused as an idea as only TMNT and MLP have used the idea at IDW, Raph meeting casey and their fight with one another), the return of shredder arc (One of the turtles being ambushed and mobbed by the foot and then thrown though a sky light (Leo in the comic and Raph here), the turtles being horribly outnumbered by them, Casey coming ot the rescue and metting the non-raph turtles for the first time, and them being forced to escape when the place goes up in flames), their exile to northampton (April writing in a journal, casey working on a car with one of the guys and one of hte guys looking over hteir injured brother), and finally, their triumphant return which was very loosely adapted as there are no deformed shredder clones and shredder not being dead yet in this version was not brought back by a colony of super science worms. 

So as for how this all comes together: Our story takes place in New York: A crimewave is high with muggings mysterious. There are a ton of phantom thefts going around and at most people have been seeing teens responsibile. And the police.. are at about this level of useful:

The only person doing something is April O’Neil, played by Judith Hoag. Hoag is easily the standout of the film, giving us a strong, confident woman with a wonderful sense of humor. She honestly might be my faviorite April O Neil, and given we’ve had some great ones with 2003, 2012 and Rise, that’s not something I say lightly. I honestly wish I’d recognized her in more stuff as she was both on Nashville and the mom in the Halloween Town films, and most recently was on the ScFy show the magicians. She’s a talented lady and i’m glad she’s still goin. 

April is a reporter for Channel 3 like the cartoon, though for some weird reason her boss from the cartoon is replaced by Charles Pennigton, played by Jay Patterson, whose currently dealing with his troubled son Danny, played by Micheal Turney. Pennington is horribly useless at both jobs: At work he tries to ease April off calling out Chief Sterns, who refuses to listen to April’s evidence gathered from japanese immigrants that the crimes resemble similar ones in japan in favor of trying to get charles to shut her up. Danny meanwhile is a member of the foot becase his dad thinks shouting out him and talking about him like he’s not there and generally being a dipstick will actually do anything to help him. 

I love the concept for the foot here. In addition to being a Ninja Violence Gang as always, they now recruit new members by finding kids without families or with troubled family lives and giving them a sense of family with the foot, and sweeting the bargin with a giant cave filled with arcade machines, a skate ramp and general late 80′s early 90′s kids goodies. Is it rediculous? Yes. Is it also clever as it gives Shredder an easy army of plausably deniable theives that he can pick the best out of to put in his elite that will be tirelessly loyal to him and him alone? Also yes. 

So April being public about this stuff gets her attacked, which naturally leads to our heroes coming in, first in the shadows and later directly when April wont’ give up on the case and Shredder sends some ninjas to go shut her up.. which he does weirdly as the guy jsut slaps her and tells her to cut it out like he’s on a domestically abusive episode of Full House. Raph saves her, and we get the turtles origin.. though weirdly they cut it in half. We get the ooze portion but Splinter’s past with Saki, Saki’s murder of his master and his master’s partern Tang Shen is left for later in the film and the fact Shredder’s saki is treated as a big twist despite the fact the biggest audience for the film would be kids... and kids would’ve been familiar with the cartoon where the giant brain monster routinely screeches out saki at the shredder. Maybe Barron just thought he was an alcoholic I don’t know. It just would’ve made more sense to have it all at once and let the audeince put it together. 

April becomes good friends with the turtles over a night of frozen pizza and camradrie, but the Splinters return home to find it ransacked, Splinter kidnapped by the foot, and are forced to Stay with april. Charles meanwhile tries to get April to backoff because he made a deal with the police to clear Danny’s record, without TELLING her any of this mind you, but I will save my rage on that little plot point for in a bit as Danny who he drug along sees the turtles and tells the Shredder. 

So we get the return of the shredder arc as Raph goes through a window, our heroes fight valiantly, and Raph’s friend Casey who he met earlier shows up, the two having bonded as all true friends do.. by beating the shit out of each other ending with raph shouting DAMNNNNNNN really big and dramatically into the sky for some reason. The Turtles and friends escape with an injured raph from April’s burning second hand store. She had a second hand store it was poorly established and only there because she had it in the comics. 

Our heroes retreat to a farm April’s grandma owned in Northampton, Massachutes, where Mirage was located at the time the original comics where they were exiled to the place were written and a location that has been a staple of the turtles ever since. The turtles slowly recover, lick their wounds, talk about who hooked up with who on gilligans island etc, before Leo connects with Splinter via meditation, who tells them to come back. Splinter also starts to connect with Danny and convinces him to swtich sides.. or at the very least squat in the boys old home. 

The boys return home, find danny, and prepare, Danny goes back and ends up giving away the Turtles are home.. but the turtles are ready and in an awesome sequence kick the fuck out of the foot squad sent for them with some well prepared steam vents. Casey goes to get splinter since Danny told them and with Danny’s help, finds him, since Danny found out they were gonna kill him. Casey beats up Tatsu, shredder’s right hand man, and they get him out. 

We get our final fight which is awesome up until the climax.. which is splinter casually tripping shredder with nunchucks and thier bloody history being kind of rushed and unsatsifying. Casey crushes shredder with a garbage truck, April gets her job back, more on that in a moment, she and casey hook up, and we end with the fucking awesome song T-U-R-T-L-E Power by partners in cryme. Seriously check it out it’s fucking triumphant. 

The song is just good.. cheesy? Sure but that’s half the fun. It’s the gold standard for movie theme songs for them and stacks up handily with the various animated series themes.. all of which slap. Okay... ALMOST all of which slap. Fast Forwards is aggressively medicore, which is doubly suprising to me since 4kids was REALLY damn good with theme songs. It was one of the three things they were best at along with finding VERY talented voice actors and setting japan based works in america because merica dammit.  

The plot is very solid: It skilfully packed half of eastman and laird’s run on TMNT into 90 mintues while adding things like April’s job at channel 9, the way the foot recurited kids etc. The plot flows well for hte most part and apart from one annoying subplot we’ll get to never has a moment that feel unecessary or dosen’t pay off later. And the stellar plot and fun pacing of it helps boilster the characters that do work... and help paper over the ones that are so thin the’yd fall down a grate...

Our Heroes, Villains and Annoying Middle Aged Guys:

Yeahhhh character is hit and miss here. Some are rather strong, others are the bare basics for the character their adapting and most are just to serve the plot but some work some don’t,  So let’s talk about it starting with our boys:

Raph is the most fleshed out of the turtles, being the main focus of the first 2/3 of the film, and having his anger be part of what SHOULD be a character arc, learning to temper it. And while granted MOST TMNT properties do this, to the point that Rise Raph is so loveable in part because his boisterous bruiser big bro attitude is a refreshing break from the usual grumpus we get. But at the time this hadn’t been done in every version but the 87 cartoon, so exploring it was valid.. but despite saying this should be a thing htey just forget about it and the most plot relevance he gets is going thorugh a window. He dosen’t really get a resolution.. his arc just kind of stops dead for the final half and it’s one of the film’s weaker points, one I only just now noticed on this rewatch. He’s still the most entertaining. 

Leo is the weakest of the turtles. He really lacks a personality here mostly just being leader and while his spirtual side is touched on, it’s  mostly a plot device. He’s just kinda the leader because he was in the comics to the point Partners in Cryme called Raph the leader. His role in getting taken out by the foot was taken by Raph, so he just has.. nothing to do for most of the film other than gripe at raph ocasionally and say orders. He’s probably the worst Leo i’ve seen outside of Next Mutation. I prefice that because after watching Phelous’ review it’s VERY clear those four are the worst versions of the characters, and no personality is still better than either having your team do nothing or yelling at them as your personality. I chalk this up to the Mirage Leo, and the mirage turtles to a poit being kind of bland. Not TERRIBLE characters, especially for the time, but not nearly as fleshed out or individualized as they woudl be in other adpatations, and with most traits LEo DID have, like his badassery flat out gone, he’s just.. nothing here. 

Mikey and Donnie are a double act here with both sharing a brain. Interestingly instead of his normal genius character, Donnie is Mikey’s best friend and the two simply trade jokes and schtick together. The two are interchangable.. but easily the best part of the film and a lot of the most memorable gags and lines, from Ninja Kick the Damn Rabbit! to “Do you like Penicllin on your pizza”, are from them. Thier there almost entirely as comic relief but it works, with both clealry being more modled ont he 87 cartoon turtles, a move that helps lighten the mood in darker moments. Their just genuinely charming and it’s intresting to see such a diffrent version of Donnie, and other incarnations, specifically the 2003 and Rise versions, would retain the sarcastic edge. 

Splinter is splinter. That’s about it, he’s peformed well and the puppet is amazing but he gets kidnapped a half an hour in and outside of influcencing Denny, more on that in a moment, and finishing Shredder he dosen’t do much but spout exposition. He’s not bad or anything, but he’s essentially a rodent shaped plot device. He was also puppeted by Kevin CLash, aka the guy who does Elmo. So there you go. 

April on the other hand.. is truly excellent. This might be my faviorite April. Judith’s april nicely blends the cartoon and mirage versions: She has the cartoons energy and job, but the comics sheer will and casual nature. Judith just oozes personality and her April is just a joy to watch, from her breezy chemistry filled interactions with the guys to her confrntation with Chief Sterns, knowing she’ll get thrown out by the asshole. She’s confident, and even when afraid dosen’t back down to her attackers and even helps out during the sewer ambush. I mean it’s a pot on the head but still it’s neat. She’s easily the best part of the flim and the most fleshed out of the cast. The worst I can say is they kinda shove her store from the comics, Second Time Around, in there for no other reason than it was in the comics: It dosen’t come up until it’s needed for the foot’s assault on her place. But overall.. she’s just fantastic to watch. 

Speaking of fantastic to watch, Elias Koteas is fantastic as Casey. Seriously he’s only second to the 2003 version in my eyes, getting the concept of a testorone filled average guy who decided to just go out and hit people with sports equipment after watching too much A-Team.. I mean that part of it’s not in this version but it’s implied, just right. Like judith, Elias is just really funny to watch and his big scenes, showing up just in time during the foot assault on april’s place and his fight with Tatsu are some of the best parts of the film, the former taken directly from the comics. This version isn’t without problems: His friendship with Raph, his most endearing aspect and one that has been carried throughout eveyr version Casey’s important, with the only exception so far being rise and we have a movie to fix that, is absent here. HE does save the guy, but they don’t really bond or anything. In fact he disappears for about half an hour after his big fight with Raph. But... again he’s just so damn entertaining, down to his JOSEEEEEEEEEEE Conseco bats (There was a two for one sale!).

Shredder is just a LITTLE better than splinter, if only because his actor projects a true aura of menace and I feel this version had some influence on the pants crappingly terrifying 2003 version. And the idea of the foot recurting teenagers like I said is a good one: He gives them home and a cause, they give him plausably deniable backup. And his fight with the boys in the climax is really awesome... the conclusion sucks but otherwise h’es okay. Not the deepest villian, but he has enough presence to be enjoyable.

His right hand man Tatsu, whose been adapted ocasionally since this and reimaigned as Natsu in the IDW comics, a female version, is also fine. He’s your standard grimacing goon but has enough presence to work. 

So that brings us to the penningtons. Charles, april’s boss at the station and his son Danny who’s joined the foot as he feels his dad dosen’t love him. Charles..is about as interesting and likeable as a dog turd and is the worst aspect of the film. No debate there, he just sucks. He sucks so hard he’s classified as a black hole.  The film wants you to see him as a put upon wokring dad whose frustrated with his son’s increased moodiness, skipping school and crminal undertakings and just wants to help him and loves him deep down. The problem is his actor’s delivery instead of concerned.. is just pissed. He just seems pissy and upset about the whole thing and comes off like he’s only mad about Danny doing this because he’s embarassing him and not because you know, it’s bad. When confronting Danny about stealing, he dosen’t consider MAYBE he’s part of a gang or needs help, but just wonders “Why are you stealing when I give you stuff”. Because, Dipshit, sometimes kids do crimes not because they need the stuff but because they WANT to, and because they want to act the fuck out. 

The most he does for the kid is agree to try and get April to back off the police when Cheif Sterns offers to let Danny go and not put him on record in exchange for it. The problem.. is this makes him even MORE unsympathetic. While I do get wanting to help your child, I do and it’s a sucky position... he again should be sympathetic.. but he handles the thing so badly it sucks. He just tells april to ease off, with no reason given, then fires her when she SHOCKINGLY dosen’t give up taking the guy whose refusing to take her hard work seriously or actually solve the crime wave problem to task for his shitty behavior as ANY person facing a shitty, corrput cop would. She just wants to hold him acountable and get him to actually do something. He clearly knows her on a personal level too as he talks about his issues with his son freely with her, something you don’t do with an employee unless their also a friend on some level. 

He could have TOLD april what was going on. She’d be furious at Stern’s naked corrpution and prioritizing shutting her up over actually solving crimes.. and thus put at least some of that energy into shutting him down or finding a way around it, going to the papers or something like that. Even in 1990 pre-internet, there were ways to get around Sterns blackmail and expose him so someone who’d actually do the job could get the job. Instead he just comes off as a selfish coward who rather than try and fight the guy blatantly abusing his power and using Charles own son as  barganing chip, goes along with it because it’s the easier option to simply bow to him instead of TRY and stop this. And it’s not like he’s even going after a beloved public figure or someone who could hide behind his rep: Sterns was blatantly failing a crime wave, April had called him out on his failrues and coverups multiple times. The public was against sterns.. finding out he tried to blackmail the media into shutting up about him would PROBABLY end him... I only say probably not because the public wouldn’t skewer him, but because police tend to escape consequences for blatantly murdering someone on a daily basis and Andrew Cumo is STILl mayor over in new york, the same city this movie takes place, 31 years later, depsite EVERYONE asking him to resign over a long history of sexual harassment and a more recent but still horrible history of hiding death numbers. I don’t doubt people being stupid enough to ignore this or the bilaws with cops being stacked enough for him to get away with it, but just because someone gets away with a crime dosen’t mean you shoudln’t try and go after them in the first place. Fuck. Charles. Pennington. 

Danny on the other hand is FAR more interesting and I think gets way too much flack when it comes to this subplot. Unlike his dad, whose dead weight, Danny is intresting: He provides a POV character for the foot’s MO in the film of taking in wayward teens, and his character arc is pretty engaging, slowly realizing the foot dosen’t care and that hte turtles are the good guys. HIs actor does a great job and while not the biggest presence, he’s not a bad addition to clan hamaoto and I wish other adaptations would find a way to use him. The pull between doing the right thing and his found family is a good struggle. My only real issue with his plot is the moviies flawed aseop about family. It tries to contrast shredder and his using the kids blatnatly with Splinter and Charles really loving their sons. And it works with Splinter and the kids because despite being a tad strict, Splinter clearly loves his sons and works with them to help them. The problem is ENTIRELY with Charles and Danny. As I said Charles love comes off as transasctional: He either thinks he can buy it or just expects it because he shot a bunch of goop into Danny’s mom after two minutes of disapointment. It dosen’t work with them because neither option is good for Danny. His father is neglectful, chooses throwing his jounralistic integrity out the window over talking to his son or his best friend about another way, and abrasive. Danny is no saint, he does do crimes, but it’s clearly a result of a shitty upbringing and the shredder and co actually offeirng him the love he desperatly craves. Danny goes to the foot because his dad is bad at his job but the film never adresses that and just expects Danny to go back to his dad because the plot says so. Danny would HONESTLY be better off with Splinter. No really. Sure he’d have to live in the sewers.. but he did so for a few weeks in the course of the movie. He’s fine down there. Splitner actually cares about him and took an intrest to him and knows how to raise a child. Let him become the fifth turtle. An aseop about family is not a bad thing: Loaded subject that it can be given how many outright abusive families exist, i’m one of the lucky ones who dosen’t have that issue, family is an important thing and can be a source of comfort and support. But this film tells you you should love and respect someone who does not love, respect or value you because he spent a minute in your mom’s vagina and that’s not how family should work and is outright dangerous to kids in an abusive situation. Love the film otherwise but fuck this aseop skyhigh. 

Final thoughts:

Overall though.. the film is bodacious. It’s funny, well paced, has an awesome cast, and outside of a certain bald asswipe... it’s a really good superhero film. Is it the best i’ve seen? Nope. Not even close and character wise most of them are as thin as a wet paper bag covered in ranch dressing. But it’s still a fun as hell with awesome corepgraphy, a killer soundtrack, seriously the soundtrack is damn excellent and only didn’t get it’s own section because I didn’t have enough to say and some of the best effects work i’ve seen in a film in the turtle suits. If you haven’t seen it I urge you to check it out: it’s a breezy 90 minutes, it’s on hbo max and it’s a shell of a time. Will I do the next film? 

We’ll see how this one does like wise and such, but I will be doing the rise film whenever it comes out this year. So look for that and keep possesing turtle power my dudes. If you liked this review subscirbe for more, join my patreon to keep this blog a chugging, comission a review if you have more turtle stuff you want me to cover, and comment on this. What do you think of the movie, what are your thoughts on the review, what can I do better, what other turtle stuff would you like me to cover/ Let me know and i’ll see you at hte next rainbow.