fancoloredglasses

[fancoloredglasses]

Smallville (a 10-year origin story)

[All images are owned by DC Comics and Warner Bros-Discovery. Please don’t sue me]

(Thanks to jimgerakaris)

A bit of history of Superman before the actual review…

(Thanks to DC)

When Superman was created in 1939, no thought was given to Clark Kent’s life before coming to Metropolis. One day, he decided to wear a blue body suit with red underpants on the outside and a giant S on his chest.

However, after the second World War came to a close, Superman co-creator Jerry Siegel decided to expand on Superman’s origin, saying that he actually donned the “Captain Underpants” look as a teen.

(Thanks to Comics Archaeology)

I would like to note that Smallville looked like a town of less than 10,000 people. This would be the type of town where everyone knows everyone, so there’s NO WAY Clark’s secret would remain a secret for long (in fact, Clark’s best friend Pete Ross DID find out)

However, following Crisis, Superboy was removed from the continuity and once again, Clark Kent first donned the tights as an adult…

…after he was forced to reveal himself to the public.

But what about his life before he came to Metropolis? In 2001, the WB Network (which would later merge with UPN to become the CW Network) sought to answer that question with Smallville, which was to chronicle the life of a teenage Clark.

Warner Brothers executives has two demands to green light the series: No tights and No flights (meaning Clark couldn’t “suit up” over the course of the series and couldn’t fly.

However, in the second episode we see Clark floating over his bed)

The series started as you’d expect (with baby Kal-El landing in Smallville, Kansas) However, he didn’t come alone.

(Thanks to Varun Hans)

The meteors that fell on Smallville (three guesses what those meteors are made of) have radiation that has mutagenic properties (in addition to being poisonous to Kryptonians) Season 1 was pretty much Clark Kent vs. the Kryptonite mutant of the week (they started easing up on it starting with Season 2)

Anyway, let’s meet the stars of the show…

Young Clark Kent (played by Tom Welling), who starts the series as an awkward teen starting at Smallville High School. He spends much of the first four seasons discovering his powers and heritage (more on that later)

Clark adopted parents and Martha and Jonathan Kent (played by Annette O’Toole (who played Lana Lang in Superman III) and John Schneider (who played Bo Duke in The Dukes of Hazzard)), who try to instill in Clark small-town values while teaching him to use his powers to help others.

Clark’s best friends are Chloe Sullivan (played by Allison Mack [FUN FACT: Chloe was created for the series; due to her popularity, DC brought her into the comics]) and Pete Ross (played by Sam Jones III)

While Pete is the first to learn Clark’s secret, Chloe is editor for the school paper and has an obsession over the strange happenings around Smallville that started the day of the meteor storm (so naturally she eventually finds out as well)

Clark has a crush on Lana Lang (played by Kristin Kreuk, who would go on to play the title character in Street Fighter: The Legend on Chun-Li), whose parents were vaporized in the meteor storm. She wears a pendant made of meteor rock to remember them (which means she is literally toxic for Clark)

Naturally, you can’t have Superman Clark Kent without Lex Luthor (played by Michael Rosenbaum) Lex lost his hair due to Kryptonite radiation during the meteor storm. At the beginning of the series, Lex was more or less banished to the Smallville fertilizer plant owned by his father…

…Lionel Luthor (played by John Glover, who played Daniel Clamp in Gremlins 2), founder and CEO of the multinational corporation known as Luthor Corp.

Lex and Clark start out as friends after they meet…

(Thanks to Varun Hans)

While Lex initially tries to do the right thing, he eventually goes down the dark path we all know he will as he and Clark become enemies.

There are others who join the cast as the series moves beyond a teen drama with super powers after season 4 (it ran for 10 seasons), including future members of the Justice League…

…such as Green Arrow

Martian Manhunter

…and the Flash.

However, Krypton exerts influence on Clark and the Kents, as the spirit of Jor-El (played by Terrence Stamp, who played General Zod in Superman II) repeatedly tries to push Clark to a destiny he’s not sure he wants.

But Stamp and O’Toole aren’t the only callback actors, as we have one more cast member from the films…

Christopher Reeve (the Man of Steel himself) in his final role as an astronomer with insight into Krypton.

Clark eventually finds his way to Metropolis (which is visible from Smallville’s water tower. So would that place it in Kansas, Nebraska, or Missouri?) and the Daily Planet, which would put him working with…

…Chloe’s cousin Lois Lane (Played by Erica Durance, who would later play Dr. Reid on Saving Hope)

…and Jimmy Olsen (played by Aaron Ashmore, who would go on to play Johnny in Killjoys)

Despite skirting the issue (Clark would use his abilities without the tights, moving so fast that the Daily Planet dubbed him “The Blur”), they gave in to the inevitable for the series finale.

(Thanks to smallville21KAL)

However, that would not be the last we’d see of Welling as Clark Kent, as he got closure 6 years later.

(Thanks to TV Promos)

If you would like to watch the series, it’s available on Hulu or behind your favorite paywall.

As always, if there is an episode you would like reviewed, please let me know!

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Gargoyles (Gettin’ medieval for the kids)

[All images are owned by Disney. Please don’t sue me]

(Thanks to Jan Schmelter)

(If you would like to see the wall of text that was the original review, you may do so here)

In the 90s, before there were a ton of cable stations devoted to cartoons and kids’ fare (The Disney Channel and Nickelodeon were it) and you could still watch a ton of cartoons between the time that kids would be coming home from school and the time parents came home from work (every TV station not affiliated with the “Big Three” (Fox was not yet the major network it is now, and its stations were often regarded as “independents” that happened to have Fox programming a few nights a week) had this format in the afternoon)

(Thanks to DuckTales Wiki)

In 1990, Disney decided to get in on this action with The Disney Afternoon, a two-hour block of cartoons using series previously aired on the Disney Channel, with such well-regarded shows as Duck Tales, Chip & Dale’s Rescue Rangers, Darkwing Duck, TaleSpin, and Goof Troop.

Then in 1994, Disney took a serious risk with its block. Instead of the kid-friendly mild adventure (and outright comedy) reruns, they premiered a show with a much darker (though still kid-friendly) tone that included characters being wounded and (gasp) killed! Needless to say, this got the immediate attention of my college-age friends and myself!

The cartoon is about a group of gargoyles (hence the series’s title) from the 10th century who, despite a symbiotic relationship with Celtic nobility (they defended the nobles’ castle at night and the humans protected them during the day when they were stone and helpless), were feared and shunned by the very humans they helped protect (almost sounds like a metaphor for racial tensions, much like the mutants in X-Men)

The clan of Gargoyles (well, the ones who the series centers on) consists of 7 warriors

...led by Goliath, the only one of them with a name (voiced by Kieth David who went on to voice Captain Anderson in the Mass Effect video game franchise)

...along with his mate (voiced by Marina Sirtis…we’ll get to her in a moment)

...his mentor (voiced by Ed Asner, who played Lou Grant on The Mary Tyler Moore Show)

...three younger warriors

...and a gargoyle-dog (dog-goyle?)

There are others, but as you’ll see they’re not that important.

When their main ally among the humans betrayed them, (though, to be fair, he was actually betraying the nobles. He assumed the invaders would leave the gargoyles alone after they won. WRONG! The invaders smashed the majority of the gargoyles while they were stone, killing them in a way that was technically kid-friendly) and the nobles blamed them for their defeat (Why? The invaders attacked during the day!) The court mage (who is known as the Magus) cursed the gargoyles to remain stone forever “until the castle rises above the clouds”. What dicks!

Fortunately, the nobles realized who really betrayed them, but unfortunately the mage could not undo the spell, so they took it upon themselves to care for the unborn gargoyle eggs as they fled (This will become important later)

Fast forward about a thousand years, when billionaire industrialist David Xanatos (voiced by Jonathan Frakes…I swear I will address this!) has the castle carefully taken down and reconstructed (making sure to use every piece) atop his skyscraper. Sure enough, this meets the conditions of the spell and the gargoyles awaken at dusk. Goliath discovers his mate was not demolished by the invaders, but was somehow still alive (after a millennium? Given Goliath’s mentor is old, they are obviously not immortal!) and told Xanatos about the spell.

As thanks, Goliath agrees to work with Xanatos, until it’s obvious that Xanatos isn’t exactly on the side of the angels.

Nor, apparently, is Goliath’s mate, who had grown more cold and ruthless (and has developed a hatred of humans) in the past thousand years (again, how? I mean, it is sorta-kinda explained in later episodes, but for now it’s a mystery). Eventually, the pair turn on the gargoyles.

(Thanks to Tooth)

About this time, Goliath meets...

...(and accidentally nearly kills) an NYPD detective named Elisa Maza.

Elisa becomes a fierce ally to the Gargoyles, eventually helping them find a new home since living over Xanatos’s roof could be hazardous to their health (and sorta-kinda becoming a mate to Goliath? Well, at least a romantic interest in a “will they/won’t they/is the biology even possible?!” kind of way)

Elisa is also inadvertently responsible for naming the rest if the Gargoyles. When she asked Goliath’s mentor what his name was, he was exasperated that humans needed to name everything, and asked if a nearby river had a name too. She replied it was the Hudson. He then threw his hands up and declared that he, too, might as well be called the Hudson, which led to the rest of the clan to choose their own names...

(Thanks to Chris bentley)

OK, time to address the Enterprise in the room. A lot of actors affiliated with Star Trek gave their voices to the series (the fact that Sirtis and Frakes played villains when so many associated them with the crew of the Enterprise-D was surreal at the very least) Every chapter in the Trek mythos to date was represented, with TNG being the most heavy.

(Brent Spiner voiced the fae known as Puck

…and LaVar Burton voiced a spider god), though there were voice actors from...

the original series (Nichelle Nichols voiced Elisa’s mother)

Deep Space Nine (Michael Dorn voiced an undead cyborg gargoyle (yes, the series had some weird characters) known as Coldstone)

Voyager (Kate Mulgrew played Xanatos’s lover’s mother,

...as well as Queen Titania of the fae)

…and even the movies! (Paul Winfield, who played the captain of the USS Reliant in Star Trek II, played a recurring role as blind man who befriends Hudson)

The show’s creator has said that, while he did cast Sirtis and Frakes for the roles, it was not originally his intent to fill the series with voices to please the Trekkies, but he did seem to favor Trek actors more as new characters were written.

Many sci-fi and (urban) fantasy tropes were visited, including time travel (again with the time-travel…however, I like how the series handled the concept: you aren’t altering the past by going back in time, events in the past happened as they did because your present self traveled to the past!)

The series was very well-written, especially for its time (X-Men showed that younger audiences could handle more mature content and could follow a continuing storyline…plus a series written as such could draw in an older demographic that could afford all the merchandising)

As always, let me know if there are any episodes you would like reviewed.

[fancoloredglasses]

State of the Glasses IX: I hate reruns

No cute video here. I'm too depressed.

For those in the US, yesterday was Election Day. If you've been anywhere near a TV, computer, or smartphone anywhere in the world, you likely know the result.

Now, I don't wear my politics on my sleeve, but anyone who's been reading my reviews for a while should be able to figure them out, so let me just say...

Hopefully, our nation survives the next four years and we actually have a new President after that.

I'm sorry to pull the curtain this far back. This is supposed to be a fun hobby for me about revisiting things I saw when I was younger. I shouldn't use it as a soap box for real events, but I felt I should say something.

On a side note, I had written a review of an episode of a show set in 2020 that featured a woman of color (I made a joke or two that the show was a few years early for that). Now I am seriously considering pulling the review because I feel it may be too depressing (It's scheduled to be posted in January. Yes, I write that far in advance)

Please let me know your thoughts on said episode (I won't say what series the episode is from unless you REALLY want to know, but you'll know it when you see it)

Now back to our regularly scheduled frivolity.

[fancoloredglasses]

Over the Edge (Well, THAT escalated quickly!)

[All images are owned by DC Comics and Warner Bros-Discovery. I hope I’m too small-fry to sue…]

[Thanks to Batgirlspain for the inspiration]

I originally wanted to review this episode of New Batman Adventures for Halloween, but I think most of you will agree that what I went with instead worked better (though a number have commented that I may have been a bit too harsh. However, I stand by my opinion!) So now, instead of a few days before Halloween, this review will be out a few days after the Day of the Dead, which I think is more appropriate.

If you would like to watch the episode, it’s available on Max or behind your favorite paywall.

We open with Batman and Robin on the run from…

Wait, the GCPD is after Batman (and using deadly force)? AND they know who he is?!  What the fucking fuck?!

One of the officers throws a grenade (what police department lets its officers carry grenades?!) at them, nearly blowing Robin to bits! The Dynamic Duo run for the Batmobile, but…

They have RPGs as well? Why aren’t they using this sort of ordinance on Bane or Killer Croc?!

The officer blows up the Batmobile, cutting off the Caped Crusaders’ escape.

Batman buys some time by using his trophies against Gordon and his men.

Namely, the giant penny.

Then, another avenue of escape is cut off by Detective Montoya, but they jump off the ledge toward the water below and into the waiting Batboat. Gordon is about to fire on them when…

…Alfred joins the struggle. He’s quickly subdued, but bought enough time for the Batboat to clear the Batcave. However, they’re not in the clear yet as…

Once again, the cops have an RPG handy to blow up the Batboat (someone please explain why Gordon’s been just sitting on these), but misses. Just as they’re about to fire another volley…

...Nightwing joins the fray and draws their fire. He then fires mini torpedoes at the Police boat’s engine, disabling it as the Dynamic Duo and Former Boy Wonder make their escape.

But why is the GCPD going all out to take down Batman? And how does Gordon know who Batman is? We’ll let Batman explain…

(Thanks to FLYBOY727)

OK, while I understand Gordon being upset about Batman being responsible for putting Barbara in harm’s way, that’s a HUGE step from blaming him yo being her murderer (after all, Scarecrow was the one who knocked her off of the building)! Personally, I think Bullock was salivating at the chance to take down the Bat and planted the seed in Gordon’s head.

But that still doesn’t explain how Gordon knows who Batman is!

For that, let’s fast forward a bit in this flashback to Wayne Manor where Bruce gets a phone call from Gordon.

OK, THAT explain it, though are you telling me the future Oracle wouldn’t have encrypted her computers out the wazoo?

As Gordon hangs up, Bruce sees the GCPD drive up, including a battering ram tank! (Seriously, if Gordon had access to all of this, then WHY is Gotham’s criminal element allowed to run rampant?!) Bruce and Tim retreat to the Batcave, which brings us to where we came in.

(Thanks to Tim Bengsch)

Yeah, you’d think Dick would realize that Gordon is capable of putting two and two together.

Now on his own, Batman ponders his next move (I hear Star City’s nice this time of year)

Meanwhile in Gordon’s office, Mayor Hill tries to get Gordon to stand down.

Since the public knows about Barbara’s connection to Batman…

Hill demands Gordon’s resignation.

Meanwhile, on Tabloid TV…

The assembled villains are suing Bruce Wayne for $1 billion!

...under the advice of the Dini-verse's version of Johnny Cochran.

Meanwhile, Gordon has to decide if he quietly resigns or fights the legal system.

With the clock ticking, Gordon goes to Blackgate Prison.

The convict in the shadows agrees to Gordon’s plan.

(Thanks to The World's Finest)

Oh, don’t tell me this was an “it’s all a dream” episode?!

I guess it was!

Turns out Batgirl got a lungful of the Scarecrow’s fear gas and it surfaced her worst fears in her mind.

Barbara decides that, to keep that nightmare scenario from happening, she would come clean to her father (though not reveal the rest of the Bat Family’s secrets)

That night, Barbara invites her father to dinner…and a talk.

Barbara tries to stammer out what she has to say, but is interrupted by Gordon.

So it is implied that Gordon might already know about Barbara…and possibly the others.

And with that, we fade out and credits roll

[fancoloredglasses]

The Superfriends Meet Frankenstein (Monstrously bad)

[All images owned by DC Comics and Hannah-Barbara. Please don’t sue me]

World’s Greatest Superfriends was pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of creativity. The majority of the plots ripped off classic literature and myths (such as Space Arabian Nights, Space Camelot, and Myxlplyx recreating The Wizard of Oz.

However, this review (just in time for Halloween) covers an episode that was ridiculous even by World’s Greatest standards. If you would like to watch it, it’s available on Max or behind your favorite paywall.

We open on a stormy night at a gloomy castle where a mad scientist and his deformed assistant appear to be trying to recreate an infamous experiment.

This is the great, great, grandson of Victor Frankenstein (The writers are using Mel Brooks’s pronunciation of the name)

(Thanks to Gorash)

Dr. Frankenstein (along with his malformed minion Gork (not Igor? I mean, come on! It’s tradition!)) prepares to give life to a monster he intends on turning loose on Transylvania for killing his ancestor 100 years ago. Talk about a slow burning revenge plot!

The experiment is a success, and the monster comes to life. Dr. Frankenstein orders it to destroy Transylvania!

Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice, it’s a quiet day. Batman and Robin are taking advantage of the calm to tune up the Batplane (shouldn’t they do that in the Batcave and not in the Hall of Justice? Especially since…

…some idiot will want to monkey around with the spare parts)

Why is Gleek rummaging around in the Bat-junk?

 To make his own Gleek-plane, of course.

It goes about as well as you’d expect.

[SIDE NOTE: it’s mentioned that the Wonder Twins went with Aquaman to Atlantis, leaving the rest of the Superfriends to Gleek-sit]

The comic relief segment ends as the Trouble Alert blares.

With that, the Batplane speeds to Eastern Europe.

Later, in a village in Transylvania (of course, I think the writers thought the village IS Transylvania), the monster continues its rampage, causing a ton of property damage but not hurting anyone (it IS kids’ TV, after all) as the Dynamic Duo arrive.

The monster isn’t impressed and throws Batman into a nearby bush and Robin into an awning. However, they bounce back and engage the monster, gaining the upper hand for the moment as Dr. Frankenstein looks on.

On Dr. Frankenstein’s orders, the monster retreats to the castle with the Caped Crusaders in hot pursuit. Batman and Robin enter the castle looking for the monster and find a platform covering a sheet. Robin pulls the sheet aside to discover…

Oh, come on! You HAD to know the monster was under there!

Batman pushes the monster into a Jacobs ladder…

…which powers down the monster. The day is saved, right?

Hmm, good point. Sure enough, Dr. Frankenstein shows up, vowing revenge. However, Batman tells Dr. Frankenstein that the Superfriends will stop him.

With that, Gork captures the Dynamic Duo.

(So Dr. Frankenstein just happened to have a giant claw handy?)

Dr. Frankenstein tells Batman he’s planning on using the Superfriends to create his newest monster, starting with Batman!

Dr. Frankenstein’s plan is to transfer Batman’s (and presumably the others’) strength and abilities into the monster.

[OK, hitting pause here. In Superfriends, the only ones with actual powers out of the main cast are Superman and Aquaman. What would Batman and Wonder Woman add? The ability to throw a lasso and use a bunch of monster-themed gadgets? At least the monster could talk to fish if Aquaman was in this episode!]

As Batman’s…bat-ness is undergoing the transfer, Robin is stewing in the dungeon. However…

Let that be a lesson, kids! Always spring the extra few bucks for steel cuffs!

With his ropes chewed off, Robin grabs his utility belt from the nearby table while Gork is sleeping (wait, wasn’t he just upstairs with Dr. Frankenstein?)

Robin rushes off to alert the rest of the Superfriends. Gork then suddenly rushes off to inform Dr. Frankenstein of Robin’s escape.

…all according to plan!

Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice…

Superman and Wonder Woman spring into action and head for Transylvania.

Unfortunately, so does the comic relief.

As the rest of the Superfriends arrive, Superman hears screams from the village, so he and Wonder Woman rush to help

(leaving Batman to rot in Castle Frankenstein, I guess)

(Thanks to Slime Golem's Slimepedia)

Looks like the Superfriends fell right into Dr. Frankenstein’s trap! The tar monster drags Superman and Wonder Woman to the castle and prepped for the procedure.

With that hollow threat, the Superfriends are raised for the transfer, producing…

…yeeeeeaaaah

Dr. Frankenstein then sends his new monster to conquer Europe! The monster leaves the castle, passing a hidden Robin along the way. As Robin tries to figure out what sort of deus ex Supershit he can pull out of his ass to Save The Day…

…the Comic Relief crashes into a nearby bog, then finds Robin. Robin has at least the beginnings of a plan, using Gleek to distract Gork long enough to…

Wow! For once Gleek did something useful! Robin frees the others and prepares to stop the monster, but…

The Superfriends limp to an energy research station and explain the situation to the scientists. They have a machine that can transfer the Superfriends’ remaining energy to Robin, but it’s untested on humans (or Kryptonians)

The scientists perform the procedure and we now have an 10 foot tall Super-Robin.

The scientists explain that the Superfriends could die in an hour if the energy isn’t returned (so no pressure or anything) With that, Robin flies off.

Meanwhile, the monster has grabbed a monorail and throws it into the distance when…

One would think catching it like that would make it split in half. Robin gently returns it to the ground (oblivious to any injuries to passengers and crew caused by the sudden stop when he caught it)

Dr. Frankenstein isn’t pleased upon realizing that his monster isn’t the only one with Superman’s abilities, ordering his monster to kill Robin.

The pair square off, but…

Robin then flies off, returning moments later with…

This weakens the monster (Robin is wearing a lead-lined suit) and flies him away.

Meanwhile, the Superfriends have staggered their way to Frankenstein’s castle (in their weakened state, it likely would’ve taken them a hell of a lot longer than an hour!)

The trio somehow overpower Dr. Frankenstein…

…while Gleek deals with Gork (Gleek useful twice in an episode? Are the writers feeling all right? I mean, even Batman looks shocked!)

Robin sets the controls as the others strap themselves on the tables, then straps the monster and himself in as the process is reversed and everyone is back to normal.

All that’s left is the wrap-up at the Hall of Justice, where Robin kinda misses being able to fly.

Speaking of flying…whatever happened to the comic relief and the Gleek-plane?

Don’t worry. He’ll find his way home by the next episode.

…maybe.

[fancoloredglasses]

Captain America (Could you stop the film, please? I think I'm going to be sick), conclusion

(Thanks to Chas Blankenship)

[All images are owned by Marvel Disney and 21st Century Films MGM. Please don’t sue me]

PREVIOUSLY ON...

Polio survivor Steve Rogers is selected to undergo a process developed by Dr. Vaselli, a scientist who defected to the US from Italy, that transforms him into a super soldier code-named Captain America. Unfortunately, Vaselli is killed by a Nazi spy brought in by US Army officer Lt. Fleming after the process is completed, so Rogers is the last super soldier.

His first mission is to stop a rocket being launched by Vaselli's other creation, a man known only as the Red Skull. Rogers is defeated by the Skull and strapped to the rocket, but Rogers managed to divert the rocket (witnessed by a boy named Thomas Kimball, who takes a picture of the event), causing it to crash into the ice in Alaska, where Captain America would be frozen in suspended animation.

Fast forward 50 years. Tom Kimball becomes President and flies to Rome for an environmental summit, while the Red Skull has plastic surgery and becomes a shadowy terrorist leader.

Meanwhile, Captain America's frozen body is discovered, which makes the news. The Skull dispatches his daughter Valentina to deal with him. Captain America thaws and wanders through Canada (being chased by Valentina) before reaching his home town in California where he's reunited with his childhood sweetheart and her daughter Sharon.

Unfortunately, Sharon's family is attacked (and her mother killed) by Valentina as Kimball is kidnapped by the Skull. Steve (and, for some reason, Sharon) head to Italy to save Kimball and defeat the Skull.

That catches us up. If you would like to watch the film, it’s available out YouTube or behind your favorite paywall.

Speaking of Italy…

…the Red Skull is shooting Kimball full of chemicals that will make the mind-control implant more receptive (or something like that; I admit I wasn’t following his technobabble) As they drag Kimball to the VIP cell…

…he pockets some sort of compound.

Later, Steve and Sharon (why exactly is she tagging along?) have landed in Rome and head for the village the Red Skull came from.

Oh, he is NOT trying THAT again, is he? Surely, she’s too smart to fall for-

…I stand corrected. Steve wants to keep Sharon out of danger (then why did he take her to Italy?) so he ditches her in the middle of Rome. Yeah, that makes sense.

Back at Casa Skull, Kimball pulls out the compound and…

Oh, it’s acid! Why the hell was there acid in the room when Kimball wasn’t being tortured?

Meanwhile, Steve has found the location given in the diary and finds the owner to ask about the previous occupants, but she doesn’t speak English.

Fortunately, Sharon found a taxi to follow him…and, more importantly, speaks Italian.

She doesn’t know much, but her parents saved a few things when they acquired the house, including a tape recorder. They get it to play the tape, which is audio of the Skull’s family being killed 57 years ago. Sharon uses her own recording device to copy the footage

While Sharon and Steve plan their next move (preferably without Steve trying to ditch Sharon again)…

…they’re spotted by Valentina, who takes a seat nearby and draws her pistol! Too bad Steve sees what she was up to and knocks her down. Sharon quickly steals her wallet and they run off.

Unfortunately, Valentina has backup in a car and chases them down. They eventually lose him in the narrow streets, but…

Geez, how many goons did Valentina bring with her? Steve manages to de-cycle the rider, but by then Valentina and her goon squad have shown up, so…

Hey, it’s better than nothing. However, the bike has no brakes and they wind up losing control and falling into the ocean below. Well, at least they lost Valentina.

Once back on land, Sharon goes through Valentina’s wallet and finds her ID, but more importantly…

…proof of her connection to the Skull and an address! Time to go meet the President! Unfortunately…

…Valentina doesn’t give up that easily! How do they plan on outrunning a Porche and a Ferrari in a Fiat?

Sharon decides to be a diversion and draw Valentina’s goons away while Steve storms the fortress. Of course, she’s still driving that Fiat so good luck.

Yeah, that’s kinda what I expected. For whatever reason, Sharon is captured instead of killed. Steve chases after her and finds her earphones and somehow knows Valentina has her.

Inside, after Valentina issues some not-so-veiled threats at Sharon…

…one of her goons finds the recording and gives it to her.

After Valentina leaves, Sharon hears (thanks to a hole in the ceiling)…

…the Red Skull’s plans to inject the implant into Kimball in about 20 minutes. Then he wanders off for a chat with…

…General Fleming (remember him?)?! THE RAT BASTARD! Well, at least that explains what he was doing with a Nazi spy 50 years ago.

Outside, Steve prepares his assault of the Skull’s compound.

…after he changes into his work clothes. Has he even washed that thing after being frozen in it for 50 years?

Inside, the acid has weakened Kimball’s cell door enough for him to kick it open (why is there no guard stationed either at the door or close enough to hear Kimball’s escape?) He hears a few goons and the Skull’s surgeon approach (though they’re just strolling so they obviously didn’t hear the squeal of the cell door being forced open) and open the door (missing the fact that the cell is obviously empty), allowing Kimball the chance to slip out.

…but not escape. Kimball jumps over the side to his death rather than surrender to the Skull.

…but is caught by Captain America! Cap pulls Kimball inside…

…where Kimball shows Cap the picture he took 50 years ago. The Moment ends as they hear the Skull’s goons looking for them.

Between the two, they give the Skull’s goons what for until they manage to knock a goon out that has a satellite phone, so Kimball calls in for reinforcements.

As Cap looks for the Skull, General Fleming (THE RAT BASTARD!) tries to sneak out but is confronted by Kimball and knocked out by a vicious right cross.

Meanwhile, Cap has found the Skull.

(Thanks to TheMovieDump)

In the aftermath, the environmental summit (remember that? That was the whole reason Kimball was in Rome in the first place!) is a success.

Roll credits.

Would this be a better movie with a better lead? Who knows? It likely needed a better script and director as well.

[fancoloredglasses]

Captain America (Could you stop the film, please? I think I'm going to be sick), part 1

(Thanks to Chas Blankenship)

[All images are owned by Marvel Disney and 21st Century Films MGM. Please don’t sue me]

Oh gods…where to start…

First off, I had previously reviewed a pre-MCU interpretation of Captain America. This film, made over a decade later, was supposed to be a theatrical release in conjunction with the 50th anniversary of the character. Unfortunately, it missed the anniversary by a year…as a direct-to-DVD release (mainly due to reviews being savage). I’ll get to the bad acting and poor writing choices lates, but I want to address on HORRIBLE costuming choice first…

CAPTAIN AMERICA’S COWL HAS RUBBER EARS!

WHY?!?!

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way…

One of the first issues with the film is casting an inexperienced actor in the title role:

Matt Salinger, son of Catcher In The Rye author JD Salinger. Now, I’m not saying nepotism was involved, but…

Salinger looked the part but lacked the ability to pull off being the center of attention. The writing certainly didn’t help matters either.

Of course, you can’t have a Captain America film without the Red Skull. However, in this film he is not Johann Schmidt, Nazi (and VERY German) zealot who volunteered for the procedure that transformed him. Instead, he is Tadzio de Santis, an Italian boy who was kidnapped after his family was slaughtered by Mussolini’s forces, then subjected to the procedure and brainwashed.

There are one or two names worth mentioning in the cast (neither of the main characters are) that I’ll cover when they’re introduced, but now…on with the show.

If you would like to watch the film, it’s available out YouTube or behind your favorite paywall.

We open in Italy in 1936, 3 years before the start of WW2 (for those who didn’t pay attention in history class) where a young boy is doing a piano recital (with a tape machine recoding it for posterity) in his home when Italian troops break through the window and enter (wouldn’t the front door be easier since you’re destroying property anyway?)  The father objects and is gunned down for his trouble. Mussolini then orders the boy to be taken as his troops slaughter the rest of the family while they make him watch.. Why this particular boy?

Oh sure, that makes sense. Take a prodigy against his will and kill his family. I’m sure he’ll be totally cooperative after that! Besides, the kid is what, thirteen at most? Surely there are genius adults they could recruit, or maybe Mussolini could’ve just appealed to the family’s sense of patriotism and asked for the boy for the good of the country.

 We then switch to an Italian fortress where we have an Italian officer showing a bunch of German officers a film of a rat for some reason, then reveals…

…and this is a good thing???

The Italian claims the rat is much stronger and more intelligent (yeah, but good luck getting it a date in Saturday night!)

We are then introduced to Dr. Vaselli, who created the process (as opposed to Dr. Erskine in the comics, since he’s German and the producers wanted to do this in Italy for some reason), who is appalled that the military is using her process on the bot (you mean she’d be less appalled if they used it on an adult?) so they have her restrained, but she breaks free and flees.

We then fast forward to 1943 (three years after Cap’s comic debut? Wouldn’t it have made more sense to kidnap an older lad and have this be 1940?)

President Roosevelt is being briefed on Project Rebirth, which is Dr. Veselli’s research now in the hands of the Americans.

The President is told that the first volunteer (at least he wasn’t kidnapped?) as a man named Steve Rogers. Should the test be successful, many more will follow.

Out in California (wait, isn’t Steve from Brooklyn? Can’t the writers get ANY details right?) Steve gives a tearful goodbye to his friends and family before Uncle Sam comes to retrieve him.

Steve is then whisked away to a secret lab, where Steve is pumped full of whatever Vaselli’s formula is and electricity until……

(Thanks to Video Club Random)

[QUICK NOTE: Lt. Fleming is played by Bill Mumy, who played Will Robinson on Lost In Space and Lennier on Babylon 5)

With Vaselli dead, Steve Rogers (Code Name: Captain America) is the first and last of America’s super soldiers. Unfortunately, he was critically injured from his gunshot wounds. Col. Louis (Played by Michael Nouri, who played the Love Interest in Flashdance) tells the doctor to patch him up quick because the Axis has a rocket capable of targeting anywhere in the world, including onto US soil, within a week. So no pressure or anything.

As the doctor leaves, Steve forces himself up and wants to know where he’s going in order to stop that rocket.

Within hours, they’re on a plane.

…with Captain America trying out his new fireproof outfit (with his new shield) Once over the area the launch site is supposed to be hidden, Cap parachutes down.

(Thanks to TheMovieDump)

As the rocket speeds toward Washington…

(Thanks again to Video Club Random)

(The boy’s name is Tom Kimball, whose family happened to be visiting Washington. You’ll be hearing about him again in about 50 years)

Later, in Alaska…

…the rocket crashes, but somehow doesn’t explode. Instead, it buries itself in the ice.

Later, when the Kimballs go home to Ohio, young Tom tells the story about the rocket to his best friend, Sam Kolawetz.

Eventually, the war ended and time marched on until 1993 (3 years after this movie was made; again, why not set he WW2 bit in 1940, then have the present be 1990 (which would be Cap's 50th anniversary)) where young Tom Kimball has grown up to become President Thomas Kimball (Played by Ronny Cox, who was Lt. Bogomil in the Beverly Hills Cop franchise and Dick Jones in RoboCop)

He is preparing to travel to Rome for an environmental summit (considering we’re STILL trying to fight climate change, you can guess how successful it will be)

Before he leaves, Kimball meets with General Fleming (who is NOT played by Bill Mumy, but Darren McGevin (who voiced the crime lord Tony Dracon on Gargoyles)), who seems to give Kimball a veiled threat to cancel the summit.

Let’s switch to Italy and a familiar stronghold we last saw 50 years ago.

…where the Red Skull isn’t so red or skull-y anymore (and is sporting a shiny new prosthetic hand so the actor doesn’t have to pretend he doesn’t have one) Skull is holding a summit of his own to oppose Kimball’s environmental agenda. His compatriots want to kill Kimball, but Skull suggest a brain implant to control him instead.

Meanwhile in Alaska, a group of explorers discover.…

OK, if Cap was THAT close to the surface, then there’s no way (a) he’d be frozen enough for suspended animation and (2) it would’ve taken 50 years to discover him!

The explorers cut through the ice and bring the block of Cap-sicle to their base camp. Suddenly the block shatters and…

…Captain America is alive, well, and very fucking confused. He walks out of the tent into the cold (is he trying to become an ice cube again?)

Later, at the White House, Kimball is reading the morning paper…

Kimball pulls out the photo he took of the man on the rocket from 50 years ago to discover it’s the same person (or at least the same outfit) He then calls Sam Kolawetz (now a reporter for the Washington Dispatch…

...played by Ned Beatty, best known for being Lex Luthor’s flunky in Superman and getting sodomized in Deliverance) Sam (because Kolawetz is too hard to consistently spell) starts going on about the legend of the Red Skull and the man in the ice could be a link to the Skull.

Meanwhile in Rome, Skull is making plans for Kimball’s visit. He wants to know where Kimball will be at all times and any dirt his people can dig up on his Secret Service agents. Then he gets the morning paper and sees…

He then tasks his daughter Valentina (wait, you mean someone had a kid with him? Well, that would explain the change in his appearance) to deal with the good Captain.

Later, in the Great White North (What? You can’t expect Cap to get from Alaska to the Lower 48 without going through Canada!) Cap is wandering aimlessly when helicopters (led by Valentina) approach and Sam is driving toward his location. Cap ducks into the woods, so Valentina has the choppers land and she and a couple of goons give chase on motorcycles they just happened to have aboard (why? Couldn’t the choppers be armed and shoot at Cap from the air?) Cap manages to somehow lose all of the goons except Valentina.

(Thanks to Tales From SYL Ranch DARKROOM)

Cute, but there’s no way in hell anyone else would be dumb enough to fall for that.

To be fair to Cap, just a day ago by his reckoning he was in a war against the Germans and the Japanese.

As Cap drives away, he thumbs through Sam’s notebook (after all, he was frozen before it was ill advised to drive while distracted), checking a map to discover he’s in Canada, and drives until he’s out of gas.

Packing up the notebook and disguising himself (good thing Sam had an overcoat that just happened to be Steve's size) he hikes until nightfall, where he finds a truck stop and a trailer that the driver apparently forgot to lock.

…falling asleep next to the Champaign of Canadian Beers as the truck drives through the night, eventually ending up in Steve Rogers’s hometown.

…eventually realizing this isn’t 1943. He finds his girlfriend’s (Bernice) home, but when he approaches the owner (who looks a lot like her)…

She then calls for her mother to call the cops, but…

…her mother’s his old flame (emphasis on old, since it’s been 50 years) and reality finally sets in.

Meanwhile in Italy, Valentina reports failure, but somehow she bugged Sam.

However, all the Skull can think about is her inability to kill Captain America (he shouldn’t be so hard on her. After all, he couldn’t do it either) and sends her away.

Back in Washington, Sam is tracking down the origins of Captain America.

Wait, if that file is Top Secret, how the hell did he get his hands on it?

Sam goes through the file and finds the hometown of Steve Rogers. He immediately calls President Kimball (remember him?) to give him the news (Wouldn’t Kimball have security clearance for that file, being the President and all?)

So naturally, Valentina now has the information and can improve her father’s opinion of her.

Back in California, Bernice' daughter daughter (Sharon) is letting Steve crash until he gets himself caught up. While at Bernice’s place…

…Sam has shown up looking for Steve Rogers. Suddenly he’s shot from behind (nice to see Ned Beatty continues to be cast as the guy who gets shit on)…

…as Valentina storms in looking for Captain America!

At Sharon’s place, Steve is caught up and realizes Sam was telling the truth, and that the Red Skull is still alive. He remembers Vaselli kept a diary that might have Skull’s actual name. Then the phone ring.

We then shift to outside Bernice’s home, where the occupants are being loaded into emergency vehicles and the place has been cordoned off as a crime scene! Sharon’s father is alive despite being shot, but Sam and Bernice…

…refused to talk and paid the price!

The next morning at the hospital, Sharon sits with her father and turns on the TV to comfort him when a Special Report airs.

Well, THAT can’t be good!

Looks like Captain America is taking a trip to Rome (where Kimball was abducted), but first Steve needs Veselli’s diary. Sharon takes Steve to the diner where the lab was hidden. Surprisingly, it hasn’t been converted into a Denny’s yet. Steve goes to the spot where the secret door should be, only it’s a ladies room now.

As management calls the cops, Valentina and her goons arrive at the diner (how did Steve not know he was being tailed?) Steve then finds a space between studs and punches a hole through the drywall to find the secret door into the remains of the lab.

Steve finds the diary as Valentina’s goons arrive at the diner, guns waving. Steve and Sharon hide as Valentina enters the lab. They manage to sneak out while Valentina’s back is turned, but…

What? You didn’t think Valentina would plan for that? Steve uses the darkness to play cat-and-mouse with the goons, making short work of them. They then leave before the cops arrive. Sharon goes through the diary (so she can read Italian?) and while it doesn’t give the Red Skull’s name, it does give the town where he’s from.

So…trip to Italy?

CAN Captain America save the President?

WILL Steve and Sharon become An Item?

WHO the hell thought ANY of this was a good idea?

These questions and more will be answered in the exciting conclusion!

[fancoloredglasses]

RWBY (a rather Grimm tale)

(Thanks to Story Teller's Corner)

[All images are owned by Rooster Teeth VIZ Media. Please don’t sue me or sic a Grimm on me]

RWBY (pronounced “Ruby”) is an “American Anime” (as in Anime style made in the US. Yes, it IS a genre. Yes, it IS anime; even the Japanese say so!) created by Monty Oum (who, at the time, was lead animator for Red vs. Blue) for Rooster Teeth Productions (sadly, Oum died due to a severe allergic reaction during the third season of the series. It was then taken over by head writer Kerry Shawcross, who worked from Oum’s outline for the series, trying to keep to Oum’s vision as closely as possible)

Nearly all characters are loosely based of myths, legends, tales, and folklore in our world (I will explain who everyone is based on as they are introduced)

The series takes place in the world of Remnant, which humans share their word with…

Faunus, human-like beings with animal traits. Often treated as second-class citizens, a number of them founded a group known as the White Fang, that worked to improve Human/Faunus relations. Unfortunately, the group slowly morphed into a terrorist organization thanks in no small part due to the actions of…

Adam Taurus, who seized control of the group. (I will explain who Adam is based on later, as he is tied with another character)

Also in this world are the Creatures of Grimm (or simply, the Grimm), soulless creatures who are drawn to negative emotions and will eat any living creatures that stand in their way.

Humans and Faunus are in constant danger from the Grimm, so members of both races were forced to step up to become the defenders of the world. These individuals are known as Hunters and Huntresses. Each of the 4 Kingdoms of Remnant have set up schools to train those who would be these defenders to fight and use their abilities, with an elite Academy set up in each capitol to serve as the official training ground for them.

In Remnant, all Humans and Faunus have an Aura that provides limited protection from damage (meaning students can go all out in their combat training until someone’s Aura in exhausted). Hunters and Huntresses are trained to hone their Aura into accessing special abilities called Semblances. Each Hunter and Huntress’s Semblance is different, reflecting the individual’s personality.

Additionally, the weapons used in the series are powered/loaded by a substance known as Dust that can cause elemental effects (such as fire or lightning) Any “firearm” in the series fires cartridges filled with powdered Dust (Dust’s pure form is crystalline)

RWBY centers on four Huntresses-in-Training at Beacon Academy in the Kingdom of Vale known as Team RWBY (At Beacon, the teams are named after the initials of the members’ names)

(Thanks to RWBY)

Leading the group is Ruby Rose (based on Little Red Riding Hood), a prodigy who managed to single-handedly thwart a robbery by a gang of armed mobsters. This got the attention of the Headmaster of Beacon, who immediately admitted her two years earlier than would be the norm.

Her semblance is incredible speed and her weapon-of-choice is a combination scythe/sniper rifle known as the Crescent Rose.

(Thanks again to RWBY)

Weiss Shnee (based on Snow White) is the heir to the Shnee Dust Company (the largest producer of Dust in Remnant) While Ruby considers Weiss her best friend, Weiss considers Ruby an annoyance (though their relationship improves as the series progresses)

Her weapon of choice is a rapier that can be charged with Dust cartridges, while her Seblance is the ability to make circles of power (Glyphs) that can be used as platforms, launching points, or speed boosts. Additionally, all Shnee have the ability to call forth phantoms of Grimm they have defeated.

(RWBY once again)

Blake Belladona (based on Beauty (some say the Beast as well) is a Faunus (her animal part is feline) and former member of the White Fang and Adam Taurus’s ex-lover (What Adam’s based on depends on how you view Blake: is she’s not also the Beast, then Adam is (I lean this way since the Beasts’s name in the tale is Adam); if she is, then Adam’s Gaston. Adam did NOT take the break-up well, and is obsessed with getting Blake back) She’s a bit of a wallflower, preferring to hide in the shadows than deal with people.

Blake has a number of stealth skills based on her time with the White Fang. Her Semblance is the ability to create phantom clones of herself as distractions, while her weapons of choice are a pair or weapons that are combination small automatic pistol, short sword, and whip (she’s nothing if not versatile)

(yep, RWBY again)

Ruby’s sister, Yang Xaio Long (based on Goldilocks) is a hot-headed happy-go-lucky brawler. Technically, Ruby and Yang are half-sisters (they have a common father: Tailong Xiao Long (voiced by Rooster Teeth founder Burnie Burns))

Her Semblance is a buildup of strength the longer a fight goes, while her weapons of choice are gauntlets that pack an extra blow due to dust cannons (that can also be used as firearms or booster rockets to for a speed and/or jump boost) within.

I would be remiss in discussing Team RWBY without discussing “Bumbleby”. Early on, it was hinted that there’s chemistry between Yang and Blake, which only increased as the series progressed (Black + Yellow = Bumbleby)

But Team RWBY aren’t the only students the series follows:

Meet Team JNPR (pronounced “Juniper”) From left to right…

First up is the leader Jeane Arc (based on Joan of Arc), who bluffed his way into Beacon and had, in fact, never did any initial training to become a hunter. As such, he doesn’t have a Semblance when the series begins and is mostly used as comic relief. Fortunately, he does learn tactics fairly quickly. His weapon is a sword that can expand into a shield.

Nora Valkyrie (based on Thor) is a headstrong warrior who tends to charge in without a plan (similar to Yang, but with less anger issues) She uses a Warhammer that can use Dust to rocket-charge her blows. Her Semblance allows her to gain strength when she’s hit with electricity.

Pyrrha Nikos (based on Achilles) was a youth combat champion (with her face on cereal boxes and everything!) before attending Beacon. She has a crush on Jeane and spends a lot of time behind the scenes training him to become the leader he fakes being. Her weapon of choice is spear and shield and her semblance is a form of magnetism (which allows her to make her opponents miss her)

Finally, Lie Ren (originally voiced by Oum before his death; based on Mulan) is a quiet individual who shares a history with Nora (they are the sole survivors of a village that was razed by Grimm) He carries his father’s daggers, as well as bladed pistols that can be thrown like boomerangs. His Semblance allows him (and any in his proximity) to be ignored by the Grimm as long as he remains calm

Teams RWBY and JNPR have other allies as well…

Penny Polendina (based on Pinocchio) is a robot from the kingdom of Atlas who has somehow gained an Aura. She befriends Ruby and has been an ally in a number of fights. Her mechanical nature means she is stronger and faster than a normal person and more resistant to injuries. Her weapons of choice are a set of at least 8 short swords that she can control remotely. Her Semblance boosts her already impressive strength.

Beacon is headed by Professor Ozpin (based on the Wizard of Oz), who is the wise mentor to the students of Beacon, as well as running a global surveillance network looking out for threats to the world’s stability. His semblance is unknown in the first few seasons, and his favored weapon appears to be his walking stick.

Qrow Branwen (based on the Scarecrow) is Yang and Ruby’s uncle (Yang’s mother’s brother) who is a bit of a drunk and lot of a scoundrel who is one of Ozpin’s main agents in the Kingdom of Vale. His semblance is unknown in the first few seasons (though it’s hinted and later revealed that he can transform into a crow; Yang’s mother Raven has a similar ability) and his favored weapon is the a gun-sword that can transform into a scythe (who to you think trained Ruby to wield her Crescent Rose?)

Finally (isn’t this cast of protagonists large enough?) Weiss’s older sister Winter (based on the Snow Queen (AKA Elsa from Frozen)) is another of Ozpin’s agents and is an officer in the Kingdom of Atlas’s military. She has a fierce rivalry with Qrow, seeing his as a layabout while she exudes military discipline.

(Thanks to Nightcore Dimensions)

Like Weiss, her semblance is Glyphs and calling files she’s defeated, though she wields a longsword instead of a rapier.

While it would be nice to say the series is all about hijinks and battling monsters, there are some very real threats to the world besides the Grimm in a coalition that includes Adam Taurus and the White Fang, plus…

Roman Torchwick (based on Romeo Candlewick/Lampwick from Pinoccio, though he resembles Alex from A Clockwork Orange) and his mute sidekick Neapolitan (or simply “Neo”; based on the goddess Hecate but resembles Neapolitan ice cream) are a pair of scoundrels hired to steal as much Dust and cause as much havoc as possible. They got sideways with Ruby when they tried to rob the Dust store she was shopping in (the same incident that got her early entry into Beacon)

Torchwick wields a cane that doubles as a sniper rifle and his Semblance is never revealed, while Neo wields a combat umbrella and her Semblance creates illusions that can be seen by everyone present.

The coalition’s field commander is Cinder Fall (based on Cinderella) She is young enough to pass as a visiting student from another training school. She spends her time reigning in Torchwick and the While Fang while also fomenting discord among the population.

Her Semblance allows her to superheat objects, allowing her to either reshape them or cause them to explode, and her weapon of choice is a pair of glass swords that could be connected to form a bow.

Cinder’s minions are Emerald Sustrai (based on Aladdin) and Mercury Black (based on the god Mercury) Emerald was a street urchin who Cinder found and recruited, and as a result Emerald is totally devoted to Cinder, while Mercury was an assassin on the run when Cinder recruited him, so his loyalties aren’t quite as fanatical. Mercury also lost his legs some time in his past, so he sports mechanical legs with guns within (his weapons of choice).

Emerald’s weapons of choice are a pair of blades chained to pistons and her Semblance allows her to project illusions to a single victim. Mercury is adept at martial arts to supplement his leg-guns and has no Semblance (his father somehow stole it)

The first couple of seasons (or “Volumes”, which consisted of episodes that usually lasted at most 15 minutes (though the finale could be half an hour or longer)) were mainly setting up the world and cast, and was mostly the students being students feeling out their abilities and relationships in the silliest ways possible.

(Thanks to Dorraj)

However, the seeds for the rest of the series were planted in Volumes 2 and 3, with the show taking a very dark turn (which saw the deaths of a number of cast members), which saw Teams RWBY and JNPR teaming up to leave Vale to take on the shadow coalition.

The show lasted for 9 volumes when it went on hiatus due to Rooster Teeth being closed by Warner Bros-Discovery. However, this would not be the end of RWBY as Shawcross managed to sign a deal with VIZ Media to allow him and his team to finish RWBY’s story (based on the progression thus far, I would guess they have 3 more volumes left)

Unfortunately, with Rooster Teeth gone there’s very few options other than a paywall to watch the series (though I did find it on Internet Archive)

There are also two spin-off series as well

RWBY Chibi has the cast re-imagined as cutesy (or “chibi”) characters doing short skits that are little more than fluff (but very entertaining fluff, such as when Ruby writes, directs, and stars in the original production “Little Red Riding Hood” (with Blake wondering why SHE has to be the Big Bad Wolf) or when Jeane becomes the masked vigilante the Huntsman (and fails miserably at it)). The series is available on YouTube. [SPOILER ALERT: Episode 6 contains a MAJOR spoiler for RWBY Volume 3]

RWBY: Ice Queendom is a re-imagining of the first volume of RWBY in which Teams RWBY and JNPR must fight a Grimm that attacks its victims through their dreams. It’s available on Crunchyroll.

If you would like to see any volume reviewed, let me know!

[fancoloredglasses]

Street Fighter (Game over, man! Game over!), conclusion

(Thanks to Media Gamut TV & Film)

[All images are owned by Capcom and Universal. Please don’t sue or HADOUKEN! me]

PREVIOUSLY ON...

The ruthless warlord General M. Bison (played by Raul Julia) has staged a coup on the Asian nation of Shadaloo, taking over 60 Allied Nations (AN) relief workers hostage and capturing one of their military escorts, Carlos Blanka (who happens to be Guile's best friend. What are the odds?), turning him over to his scientists for experimentation. One of the scientists, Dr. Dhalsim, is as much a prisoner as Blanka and the hostages are and is trying to secretly subvert the conditioning that is trying to turn Blanka into an inhuman monster.

Bison is demanding $20 billion for the safe return of the hostages.

Chief among Bison's bodyguards is Dee Jay and Zangrief.

Aiding Bison is arms dealer Sagat and his lieutenant, the pit fighter known as Vega.

However, Bison's efforts are not unopposed.

Chief among his enemies is the leader of the AN forces in Shadaloo Col. Guile (played by Jean Claude Van Damme), along with his aides Cammy (played by pop star Kylie Minogue) and T. Hawk, who are preparing an assault on Bison's hidden stronghold.

...who have recruited martial arts masters turned conmen Ken Masters and Ryu Hoshi to infiltrate Bison's organization undercover in order to report on the stronghold's location.

Additionally, News reporter Chun-Li Zang (played by Ming Na Wen) and her crew, disgraced sumo wrestler Edmund Honda and disgraced heavyweight boxer Balrog (both disgraced due to Bison) have their own revenge planned for Bison. However, Ken and Ryu expose them to Bison to keep their cover. Honda and Balrog are brought to be tortured, while Chun-Li is brought to Bison's quarters.

That more or less catches us up. Now, on with the story. If you would like to watch the film, it's available on Tubi or behind your favorite paywall.

Speaking of Bison’s quarters…

(Thanks to Rotten Tomatoes)

Elsewhere (this film does love switching scenes a lot, doesn’t it?), The torturer in charge of Honda and Balrog prepares to have some fun with his charges when Ken and Ryu explain that they’re be taking over…with their fists to his jaw. They then enter the cell to free Honda and Balrog…

…to discover Honda and Balrog have freed themselves and aren’t too happy with them. Somehow, Ken manages to choke out an explanation and they’re sorta-kinda allies again.

Back in Bison’s chambers…

(Yep, Rotten Tomatoes again)

(Don’t worry. It’s knockout gas. You’d think a ruthless warlord like Bison would make it lethal, but…)

Now let’s switch to the AN forces (or at least Guile’s stealth boat) as he and his team enters Bison’s radar field and passes undetected. As he does, he turns on a video with himself and Blanka (Shouldn’t Guile be paying attention to his driving? I mean, he’s entering a war zone!)

This is the cue to switch to Bison’s lab where we see what they’ve done to Blanka in about 2 ½ days.

Apparently, they accelerated the growth of his hair as well as his muscles. Dhalsim realizes his guards aren’t paying attention to their scientist prisoner, so he takes advantage…

…and changes the brainwashing Blanka is getting to show more peaceful images.

In Bison’s command center, we see that Guile has less than an hour to save the hostages as Chun-LI’s team, Ken, and Ryu are escorted in.

Outside, Guile’s boat takes down two of Bison’s radar stations. Bison finds them via sonar and prepares to attack.

(Rotten Tomatoes once again)

[FUN FACT: The console Bison used has the same configuration that the Street Fighter II arcade machines use]

Meanwhile, in the lab, Dhalsim’s guard finally started paying attention.

He wasn’t very happy when he found out what Dhalsim was up to while he was slacking off. However, Dhalsim fights back, and in the struggle…

…Blanka is released. The question is, which programming has taken hold? Blanka attacks Dhalsim’s guard, so hopefully that means “peaceful”? Then again, the “violent” could’ve taken hold and the guard was the closest target.

Outside, Guile, Cammy, and Hawk (having bailed out before the boat was destroyed) subdue a squad of Bison’s troops, then Guile infiltrates the stronghold as the others prep for the rest of the troops to make their landing.

Inside, the deadline has been reached, but no funds have been deposited (why not? The AN could’ve still deposited the funds and disavowed Guile’s actions)

…as Guile sneaks into the lab and runs into,,,

Blanka is more than a match for Guile, but Guile trues to talk him down.

Surprisingly, it actually works. Guile decides to put Blanka out of him misery, but Dhalsim talks him down.

Back at the Command Center, Bison prepares to execute the hostages.

With that, Bison raises the incubation chamber to release Blanka on the hostages (boy, is he in for a disappointment) The chamber opens to reveal…

Guile manages to close the door to the hostages so they couldn’t be shot and becomes a one-man firing squad on Bison’s troops…until he runs out of ammo.

Zangrief is trying to motivate the troops, but then…

…Honda attacks him and the two mighty wrestlers do battle…and fall through the floor (I feel like that’s supposed to be a fat joke)

Ken and Ryu try to get the hostages to safety, but they’re spotted by Sagat and Vega.

Outside, the AN troops have landed and begin their assault, led by Cammu and Hawk.

I think the quartermaster should be put on report for issuing water camo when forest camo was obviously needed.

In the Command Center, Bison realizes things may not be going his way.

Too bad Dee Jay decides to beat a hasty exit as the AN troops arrive. Bison calls Guile a coward for hiding behind his troops (well, Bison certainly can’t hide behind his since he doesn’t have that many left.)

(Rotten Tomatoes one last time)

So. Many. Jump cuts! I mean, I’m sure that (especially given his condition) Raul Julia didn’t take most (if any) of Van Damme’s blows, but could they possibly make it less obvious?

But that’s not the end of Bison, as he gets up energized after being nearly electrocuted by the console.

…and attempts to return the favor to Guile!

Meanwhile, Dee Jat has broken into Bison’s quarters and takes anything not nailed down, including Bison’s treasury.

Dee Jay exit out the back entrance as Ken enters looking for something valuable for his efforts (Ryu meanwhile is keeping on-mission and trying to free the hostages)

Eh, it might be worth something on eBay.

He then sees Ryu on a security monitor.

(Thanks to Boxoffice Movie Scenes)

Let’s hope Bison stays dead this time.

Meanwhile, the AN forces (and their conscripted volunteers) find and release the hostages. They grab Honda (still fighting Zangrief) along the way.

Zangrief spots Dee Jay fleeing and wonders why a loyal bodyguard would desert his post. Dee Jay explains he’s only loyal to the paycheck Bison gives him.

Somehow, this causes Zangrief to rethink his loyalties.

Meanwhile, the reactors are melting down with only minutes to go before the whole stronghold goes up in flames!

(Thanks again to Boxoffice Movie Scenes)

Overall, the film is a fun (if forgettable) ride despite the bad acting, laughable effects, and poorly choreographed fight scenes.

But I would be negligent if I didn’t show the dedication at the end of the film.

[fancoloredglasses]

Street Fighter (Game over, man! Game over!), part 2

(Thanks to Media Gamut TV & Film)

[All images are owned by Capcom and Universal. Please don’t sue or HADOUKEN! me]

PREVIOUSLY ON...

The ruthless warlord General M. Bison (played by Raul Julia) has staged a coup on the Asian nation of Shadaloo, taking over 60 Allied Nations (AN) relief workers hostage and capturing one of their military escorts, Carlos Blanka (who happens to be Guile's best friend. What are the odds?), turning him over to his scientists for experimentation. One of the scientists, Dr. Dhalsim, is as much a prisoner as Blanka and the hostages are and is trying to secretly subvert the conditioning that is trying to turn Blanka into an inhuman monster.

Bison is demanding $20 billion for the safe return of the hostages.

Chief among Bison's bodyguards is Dee Jay (yes, it’s spelled out) and Zangrief.

[FUN FACT: Dee Jay is a Jamaican breakdancing kickboxer in the game and is based on kickboxer (and later Tae-Bo guru) Billy Blanks])

Aiding Bison is arms dealer Sagat and his lieutenant, the pit fighter known as Vega.

...who got sideways with a pair of martial arts masters turned conmen, Ken Masters and Ryu Hoshi, who try selling bogus weapons to Sagat before all four of them were arrested in a raid led by...

AN commander Col. Guile (played by Jean Claude Van Damme), seen here with his aides Cammy (played by pop star Kylie Minogue) and T. Hawk. Guile is also leading the AN forces deployed to rescue the hostages and stop Bison.

Additionally, Global News Television (GNT) reporter Chun-Li Zang (played my Ming Na Wen), along with her producer Edmund Honda and cameraman Balrog have their own agenda regarding Bison.

Ken and Ryu stage an escape with Sagat and Vega, during which Ken shoots Guile with Hawk's pistol!

That more or less catches us up. Now, on with the story. If you would like to watch the film, it's available on Tubi or behind your favorite paywall.

Back at Bison’s secret base, Bison unveils his vision of the future

Then GNT reports Guile’s murder and Bison gets melancholy.

(Thanks to abatron2010)

That evening, Chun-Li and her team track the homing beacon from inside their broadcast van, but run into interference from a second homing beacon on the truck. But who could’ve planted it?

The GNT van is forced to move on, but not before Chun-Li sneaks out to find out who else is interested in where Sagat is going. She sneaks into the base HQ and tracks the signal to discover…

Oh, you knew he wasn’t actually dead!

Yes, Ken and Ryu are now working for Guile. Guile wants to know Chun-Li’s interest in Bison.

Despite Chun-Li’s passion to see Bison dead, Guile has his men put her in a holding cell.

However, Chun-Li quickly gives her escort the slip.

And where does the truck go?

To an evil carnival and weapon emporium hosted by Bison, of course!

…which has been infiltrated by Chun-Li and her team, disguised as the evening’s entertainment. Ken sees Chun-Li sneak off and decides to follow her, only to get subdued when they’re alone.

Back at the main tent, Sagat finalizes an arms deal with Bison, but Bison wants to pay with…

Sagat will deal with cash for now, thanks. So Bison offers his payment:

Bison has printed his own money in anticipation of his impending victory. OK, there’s overconfidence and then there’s whatever the hell Bison has.

Meanwhile, Ryu has gone in search of Ken, but…

…the rest of Chun-Li’s team is waiting. Chun-Li tells them to leave in the next ten minutes, because she and her team...

Ken and Ryu go back to the conclave to finish their mission (why? Chun-Li’s about to finish it for them), but…

…things got a bit tense in their absence.

Both Bison and Sagat threaten to kill them, so they point out that the entertainment are spies…just as a broadcast airs.

Chun-Li and her team then arm a bomb on their truck and aim it at the meeting!

Unfortunately for Chun-Li’s team (but fortunately for Ken and Ryu), Bison manages to evacuate before the truck arrives (she really shouldn’t have given them warning. That sort of thing is more the villains' shtick)

However, Chun-Li’s activities did not go unnoticed as an AN surveillance satellite sees the explosion, alerting Guile to Bison’s location.

Later in Bison’s stronghold, Ken and Ryu are lauded as heroes, Sagat and Vega are guests, and Team Chun-Li are prisoners (though Chun-Li is escorted to Bison’s chambers) as a timer shows that the AN has less than 12 hours to pay the ransom.

Back at the AN compound, Guile briefs the troops.

Guile will pilot a boat carrying a small strike team (Cammy and Hawk, naturally) to clear the way before the main forces arrive.

Meanwhile, the dungeon Honda and Balrog are in is so decrepit, they manage to pull themselves free from their shackles and plan their escape.

Meanwhile Ken and Ryu have been given new (and more than a bit familiar to fans of the game) outfits.

The next morning, the AN troops are ready to move out when…

(Thanks to Rotten Tomatoes)

Well, Guile is in for one hell of a court martial if he fails.

CAN Guile defeat Bison?

WILL Chun-Li and her team get their revenge?

WHY didn't the producers hire a better director?

These questions and more will be answered in the exciting conclusion!

[fancoloredglasses]

Street Fighter (Game over, man! Game over!), part 1

(Thanks to Media Gamut TV & Film)

[All images are owned by Capcom and Universal. Please don’t sue or HADOUKEN! me]

Once again we delve into video game movies. This time we delve into the second ever video game movie, based on the game that inspired the game that the third video game movie was based on (got all that? I hope so, because there will be a short quiz later)

But first, a bit of backstory…

1987 saw arcades debuting a new video game called Street Fighter, which…wait, let’s go slightly farther back…

(Thanks to Indie Retro News)

In 1984, Data East released a fighting game called Karate Champ (trust me, this will be relevant)

(Thanks to Old Classic Retro Gaming)

A year later, one of the developers of Karate Champ went to Konami to help develop a side-scrolling beat-em-up called Kung-Fu Master (I swear, there’s a point)

(Thanks to Hogan Reviews)

Two years later, a member of THAT development team went to Capcom to help make a fighting game called Street Fighter. The playable characters (Ken and Ryu) were loosely modeled after the characters from Karate Champ and in 1-player mode faced off against characters loosely modeled after the bosses in Kung-Fu Master (told you it would make sense)

The game was pretty basic, and Konami would release a number of successful Beat-em-ups and fighting games over the next 4 years, but then magic hit in 1991.

(Thanks to Eurogamer)

…when Komani released Street Fighter II: The World Warriors, which saw an entire cast of playable characters joining Ken and Ryu, as well as a number of special moves (such as the HODOUKEN! fireball, above) that were dependent on the right combinations of joystick movements and button pressing. The game would spawn a number of variant titles using the name “Street Fighter II” (leading to the joke that Konami doesn’t know how to count to 3)

This would lead Konami to want to do a film about their franchise. But it couldn’t just be about a fighting tournament. It had to be an ADVENTURE!!!! That could sell TOYS!!!!!! And it had to have EVERY character from the games (not just the eight from the original Street Fighter II, but all of the ones that were added in the variant games as well)

The film starred world-class karate and kickboxing competitor (he would’ve been called an MMA fighter if MMA was A Thing in the 80s) turned action star Jean-Claude Van Damme as Allied Nations (AN; (because the UN doesn’t want to be associated with this film) Special Forces operative Col. Guile.

Every hero needs a villain, so Addams Family alum Raul Julia (in what would be his final role. Sadly, he died of cancer before the film was released. Happily, it meant he never had to see how much of a train wreck it was) was given the job of chewing up the scenery as the game’s Final Boss, M. Bison. The rumor is he took the role despite his condition because his kids were fans of the game.

[FUN FACT: The US version of Street Fighter II has a boxer character named Balrog. In Japan, he was named Mike after a certain Heavyweight boxing champion. That was apparently not blatant enough, but M. Tyson was obvious enough to warrant a lawsuit, so they named him M. Bison. When the game came to the US, the lawyers didn’t want to further risk a lawsuit, so the names were switched between M. Bison, the Final Boss (Vega) and a claw-wielding matador (Balrog)]

And thus ends the Star Power of the film.

It was very not well received, earning 11% on Rotten Tomatoes. It is considered by some (mostly kids) to be in the “so bad it’s good” category, but you be the judge. If you want to see the film, it’s available on Tubi or behind your favorite paywall.

We open to a news report announcing that the country of Shadaloo has been taken in a military coup by General M. Bison. The AN forces are on the ground to unseat Bison.

On the scene is reporter Chun-Li Zang (another character from the game (I think we can assume that nearly every Named Character will be from the game), played by Ming-Na Wen, who would go on to be the voice of the title character in the animated version of Mulan and Agent Melinda May in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.), correspondent for Global News Television (GNT) World News, who reports that Bison kidnapped a team of  63 AN relief workers, killing their military escort (though three are missing), and is ransoming them for $20 billion (or over $300,000 each. I doubt their own families would be willing to pay that much, let alone a world government)

[QUICK NOTE: Chun-Li’s camera man (Balrog) and producer (Edmund Honda) are also characters in the game; As I mentioned earlier, Balrog is a boxer (formerly called M. Bison), while Honda is a sumo wrestler]

Then Chun-Li spots Guile arriving on the scene. Guile is in no mood to talk to Chun-Li, but has some words for Bison.

He then uses PG-13 “sign language” to send a message to Bison. Bison decides to hack the signal to send a message of his own to Guile.

Bison tells Guile that the hostages will die in 72 hours unless his ransom demands are met. He then cuts the signal (before the trace could be completed) and addresses the one captured AN soldier he hasn’t personally killed yet (who happens to be Guile’s best friend. WHAT ARE THE ODDS!)…

…and orders him to be sent to the labs for experimentation

[QUICK NOTES: In the game, Blanka is a savage who is able to electrically charge his body (I’m gonna guess those experiments will make that possible) To the right of Bison is Zangrief, a Russian wrestler from the game. In the movie, Zngrief is fiercely loyal and fiercely an idiot, but I guess wannabe dictators do love the poorly educated.]

Back at the staging area, Guile throws an insult at Chun-Li, who then tries to bond with Guile’s aide, Cammy (played by 80s Loco-Motion singer Kylie Minogue).

[FUN FACT: In the game, Cammy was a clone of M. Bison trained as an assassin before breaking her conditioning and defecting]

We then switch to an underground fighting arena…

…where smugglers Ryu Hoshi and Ken Masters are being escorted to their client…

(Thanks to Dave Law 2013)

[FUN FACT: in the game, Ken and Ryu and friends trained by the same martial arts (which martial art is never specified) master, while Sagat is a Muay Thai master and was the Final Boss in the first game.]

Elsewhere, at Bison’s secret base, Bison checks on the progress of his “guest” scientist, Dr. Dhalsim. Dhalsim is upset that Bison is using his research to conquer.

[FUN FACT: In the game, Dhalsim is a master of…battle yoga?]

Dhalsim shows Bison the conditioning he’s performing on Blanka, filling his brain with violent imagery. During Blanka's programming, Bison plans on turning his mad science division loose on him.

Exactly where is he getting this stuff? I mean, Amazon isn’t yet A Thing.

Meanwhile, back at the fighting arena…

(Thanks again to Dave Law 2013)

[FUN FACT: In the game, Vega (formerly called Balrog) is a ninja (from Spain)]

Well, that’s certainly one way to crash a party!

The next morning, Guile calls a staff meeting to review the previous day’s activities. Cammy reports that though Bison cut the signal before she completed the trace…

Then, the meeting is attacked by a pair of assassins disguised as servers. They don’t last long. Cammy then finds a tattoo marking them as part of Sagat’s organization. Guile figures Sagat (who is currently cooling his heels in the base’s prison following last night’s raid) is working with Bison.

Then Sagat sends Vega and a few of his goons to take care of Ken and Ryu in the prison yard, but the pair hold their own until the guards finally arrive to break things up as Guile looks on

(The man between Cammy and Guile is T. Hawk (short for Thunder Hawk) [FUN FACT: In the game, Hawk is a Native American master of “Thunderfoot Martial Arts”])

Guile takes Ken and Ryu to a refugee camp to guilt them into helping him or else.

Later, Ken and Ryu are put back in the prison’s General Population as the prisoners are being transferred to an actual prison.

Suddenly, Ken and Ryu start an argument, drawing the attention of the guards who break it up and force them into the transport truck with Sagat and Vega.

Smooth, Ryu! As Ryu and Ken free themselves, Sagat makes a deal with them to free him and Vega as well.

Ryu makes the deal and Sagat and Vega free themselves. Vega and Ryu then break out and commandeer the prison truck. Hawk trues to get in the truck, but Ken steals his pistol and shoves him off. Guile tries to stop the truck, but…

..Ken shoots him as the truck drives off! Chun-Li then charges the truck and plants a tracking device on it. However…

Well, that was $8 million (Van Damme’s salary for the film) well spent! Also, looks like Guile’s threat earlier came true.

CAN the AN forces forces win without Guile?

WHO will be Guile's successor?

WHO the hell authorized Van Damme's paycheck?

These questions and more will be answered in Part 2!

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Crisis on Infinite Earths, issue 12 “Final Crisis” (23 years early…) …and beyond

[All images are owned by DC Comics, please don’t sue me]

[I’ve enjoyed re-reading this landmark series, and I thank you for taking this journey with me. I hope you’ve enjoyed this format. I have at least two other projects waiting in the wings that this sort of format would work best with, so please let me know if you’d like to see more reviews like this.]

PREVIOUSLY ON…

A being known as the Anti-Monitor has destroyed nearly all of the universes in existence. The survivors being from the final 5 universes and a few stragglers who are the sole survivors of theirs.

The Anti-Monitor’s last three attempts to destroy the multiverse have been thwarted (at the cost of many lives, including Supergirl and Earth-1’s Flash) The Anti-Monitor’s fourth attempt (to destroy the multiverse at the Dawn of Time) also failed, but instead merged the final universes into a shared reality where none but the heroes present at the Dawn of Time remember the multiverse at all.

The Golden Age heroes (and the Earth-X’s Freedom Fighters) fought in this reality’s World War II, while the “modern” heroes from all realities have just always been around, but certain heroes who share an origin (like Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman) defaulted to the modern version (the Golden Age versions never existed, but are still present due to being at the Dawn of Time, and no one but those present remember them) However, there are some (such as Earth-2’s Power Girl, who was the cousin to that universe’s Superman) who are still remembered. Not even the scholar of the Multiverse, Harbinger, has an answer to that.

Suddenly, the Anti-Monitor rears his head for yet another attempt to destroy the universe: He brought Earth to his Anti-Matter universe to destroy those who would stand in his way!

Meanwhile, a group of star-faring heroes led by time traveler Rip Hunter, who has found Brainiac’s ship (inert after Brainiac powered down in an attempt to save himself should the heroes fail at the Dawn of Time)

Now, for the exciting conclusion! If you would like to read this issue, it (along with the rest of the series) has been collected in graphic novel form and is available (or can be ordered) at your favorite comic shop, bookstore, or online retailer…or on Read Comic Online.

We start aboard Brainiac’s ship, where the heroes realize the Earth has vanished!

uh oh…

Brainiac is about to pull a Psimon on the heroes when they mention that he worked with them recently. Brainiac has no knowledge of these events (since he wasn’t at the Dawn of Time with the heroes), so the heroes recap the last 11 issues to him.

Why do I get a sense of foreboding?

Back on Earth, the Anti-Monitor brags about killing Supergirl and the Flash (actually, the Flash killed himself. Get your facts straight), then declares he will destroy the Earth (what is it about would-be conquerors/destroyers that makes them want to monologue?) by sending his forces to wipe out all life (you’d think someone who has stupidly high power levels that he can wipe out universes and yank planets from their universe could deal with a puny planet on his own…) as the Earth is enveloped in darkness.

During the panic, Harbinger assembles a force to take the fight directly to the Anti-Monitor (because that worked so well every other time that’s been tried) That force is Superman, Kal-L, and Dr. Light.

So…the combined might of five universes’ assembled heroes (including these three) couldn’t defeat the Anti-Monitor. How the hell are you gonna do it with just the four of you?!

Not that it matters, as it turns out that the darkness is a horde of the Anti-Monitor’s shadow demons, (remember those?) intent on destroying all life with their touch!

And what of Brainiac? Well, he has brought the assembled heroes to none other than Apokalips for an audience with none other than its ruler, Darkseid (Nice knowing you, guys!)

On Earth, the shadow demons are falling prey to the might of its heroes (what about the villains? Surely they wanna survive too?), but not without cost (including Dove and Kole of the Teen Titans, Lori Lemaris of Atlantis, and the Earth-2’s Robin and Huntress (tho to be honest, those last two were most likely housecleaning by the writers, since they were written out of continuity))

And what about the Spectre, unconscious for all of issue 11 [LINK NEEDED]? It seems like the world’s mystics (and Green Lantern Alan Scott, whose ring is mystical in nature) have gathered in Dr. Fate’s tower in an attempt to deal with the demons…or revive the Spectre…I’m not entirely sure even they know what they’re trying to do.

In the Anti-Matter universe beyond Earth, Harbinger (who apparently thought better and recruited a dozen more heroes. Still not enough, by the way) leads her force to the remains of the Anti-Monitor’s base on Quard…

…where they encounter Kid Flash (who somehow managed to get to Quard without anyone knowing, despite the fact that flight is not in his power set), who wanted visual proof that the Flash is dead. He then sees an image of the Flash (much like Batman did) and rushes toward it…

…only to see Psycho Pirate (wait, the Anti-Monitor didn’t kill him?!) pleading with the Flash’s empty costume to get up. (Well, you wanted proof Kid Flash…) As the heroes stop Kid Flash from beating the shit out of Psycho Pirate…

…the Anti-Monitor finally makes his appearance.

And on Earth, the Mystics have managed to gather up the remaining shadow demons and banish them from the planet. Great. Now can you figure out how to put the Earth back into its proper universe?

Meanwhile, the heroes are hitting the Anti-Monitor with everything they’ve got, but doing little more than distract and annoy him.

Fortunately, that was Harbinger’s plan as she instructs Dr. Light to absorb the energy of the star that’s fueling the Anti-Monitor’s power. (so the Anti-Monitor is like a reverse Superman? Wait, he’s Bizarro?!)

Then Alexander cranks things to eleven by using his powers to absorb the Anti-Matter directly from the Anti-Monitor. The Anti-Monitor takes this time to monologue, and that’s when everyone opens fire on him. It’s enough to destroy his outer shell!

At that point, Dr. Light channels the energy of the star into the Anti-Monitor, putting him down! (Now why couldn’t they do this in the first place?)

At that moment, the banished shadow demons (remember them?) are drawn to Quard and are absorbed by the corpse of the Anti-Monitor, reviving him. He then says he cares little about the universe…or Earth. (so…we’re saved, right?) He just wants to kill the heroes who have plagued him…

…starting with Wonder Woman, (what the hell did she do?!) vaporizing her! He was about to do the same to Psycho Pirate (so?) and Kid Flash, but only got a glancing blow as Firestorm got them away. Somehow during all of this, Alexander managed to draw the Earth back into its proper universe (they really didn’t explain how)

Superman and Lady Quark are about to make a suicide strike against the Anti-Monitor to destroy him once and for all (or at least give everyone time to escape)…

…but are sucker-punched by Kal-L, who says he should be the one to do it, as he no longer has a universe and therefore has nothing to lose (so why knock out Lady Quark? Her universe is gone too!) and tells Superboy-Prime to get them out (isn’t he without a universe too?)

Kal-L and the Anti-Monitor trade taunts as the Anti-Monitor gathers power…

…only to be wracked by pain and, not coincidentally, a green light. It turns out the sorcerers infused the shadow demons with energy designed to attack the Anti-Monitor from within (again, why the hell did they wait so long to do this? This series could have ended five issues ago!)

But the Anti-Monitor is still too powerful for the Golden Age Man of Steel, so Superboy-Prime throws Superman and Lady Quark through the rift being held open by Alexander, telling him to close it (unfortunately, Alexander must do so from the Anti-Matter universe and is therefore trapped as well)

As Superboy-Prime turns to join the battle, Kal-L throws a moon at the Anti-Monitor. His efforts are weakening the Anti-Monitor, as the blast that should have killed Superboy-Prime only hurt him severely so Kal-L turns up the pressure with a couple of asteroids to the face, putting down the Anti-Monitor for good!

…wait, he’s still alive?! The Anti-Monitor absorbs all the energy of his universe (pretty much destroying it) to destroy Kal-L and Superboy-Prime.

And he might likely succeed if Darkseid (remember him?) wasn’t watching through Alexander’s eyes (He can do that?! Well, I guess he is a New God…) and decided it was time to act, sending his Omega Beams through Alexander’s eyes, vaporizing the Anti-Monitor and destroying him utterly!

Wait…

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!

…apparently Kal-L was thinking the same thing, as he obliterated the head, destroying him once and for all!

Wait…

…

…

…OK, I guess it stuck this time.

But Kal-L, Superboy-Prime, and Alexander are trapped in the Anti-Matter universe…and Kal-L has lost his universe (and his Lois) forever.

…or has he? Alexander reveals he created a pocket universe and sequestered Lois within (what would have happened if Kal-L died…or didn’t stay behind?) Superboy, Kal-L, and Lois follow Alexander to this pocket universe to live out their days.

On Earth, life goes on for most. However, the Anti-Monitor’s final blasts have consequences…

…For Wonder Woman…Princess Diana…the Anti-Monitor’s blast didn’t so much kill her and de-age her until she returned to the clay that created her, sent back in time…we’ll say 18 years to return two years from the moment she disappeared (too bad everyone forgot her in the intervening time)

…for Wally West…Kid Flash…the blast somehow…well, we’ll let him explain:

From here, the writers were free to redefine the surviving heroes (Superman’s powers were scaled back to the point that he wasn’t god-like…and artist John Byrne made his cape not indestructible because the loved ripping it to shreds!) and Batman became more grim (aided by Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns series), for example), but otherwise things stayed as they were (with the influx of heroes and villains from Earths 4, S, and X)

Unfortunately, things never stay static in life, or in comics. Eventually, elements removed due to events in Crisis started creeping back in, times change and characters need updating…

...until another reboot was needed (in 1994)

…and another (in 2005)

…and another (on 2008)

…until DC said screw it and did a full reboot called “The New 52″ in 2011.

Unfortunately, it was not well-received (or thought out) causing everything to reboot again (well, more hitting the reset button to pre-New 52) called “DC Rebirth” in 2016.

How long until the next reboot? Time will tell…

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Crisis on Infinite Earths, issue 11: “Aftershock” (Same great universe, now 80% smaller!)

[All images are owned by DC Comics, please don’t sue me]

PREVIOUSLY ON…

A being known as the Anti-Monitor has destroyed all but 5 of the universes in existence) with a single survivor on Earth-6 (Lady Quark) and Earth-Prime (Superboy) along for the ride)

Unfortunately, the process was unstable, meaning that time has merged (meaning mammoths and futuristic aliens are among modern skyscrapers) in the areas where the Earths are merged (which are called “Warp Zones”)

The Anti-Monitor’s last three attempts to destroy the multiverse have been thwarted (at the cost of many lives, including Supergirl and Earth-1’s Flash)

The Anti-Monitor’s fourth attempt brought the battle to the Dawn of Time, where the Anti-Monitor attempted to destroy the multiverse before it began, but his efforts were thwarted by the Spectre.

…or were they? As the pair fought for control, reality shattered around them and the assembled heroes!

Now, on with our story! If you would like to read this issue, it (along with the rest of the series) has been collected in graphic novel form and is available (or can be ordered) at your favorite comic shop, bookstore, or online retailer…or on Read Comic Online.

[WARNING: Things are gonna get a bit weirder and more confusing than they’ve been to this point (and that’s saying something!) Furthermore, the jokes could be a bit thin here. I’m not certain if you’ll call that a bad thing or not]

We open on Clark Kent (Kal-L) as he wakes up from a bizarre dream. His wife Lois obviously let him sleep in…and redecorated? He heads to his “day job” as managing editor of the Daily Star. He enters his office and is about to get to work…

…when Perry White barges in and demands to know who’s in his office. That’s when Kal-L noticed Perry’s name on the office door. In barges Clark Kent (Superman) who apologizes to Perry and introduces his “Uncle Clark” before escorting Kal-L from the building.

On the top of the Daily Planet, they guess that somehow after the Spectre’s fight with the Anti-Monitor, they both were transported to Earth-1. They fly to the warp zone in New York…

…only it’s not there. What’s more, no one remembers there ever being anything weird in the area (though they do remember Supergirl’s death).

They then fly to Central City, where the Flash (who is still considered “missing”, as no one was present for his sacrifice) stored his cosmic treadmill…

…only to see the twin cities of Central City (home to Earth-1���s Flash) and Keystone City (home to Earth-2′s Flash) Sure enough, Jay Garrick (Earth-2′s Flash) and his wife Joan greet the pair. Joan doesn’t remember what happened, but Jay does. They fetch Kid Flash and start the cosmic treadmill and break through the dimensional barrier

…to a void; Earth-2 isn’t there! What’s more, Kal-L feels the void calling to him, like he belongs there…though the Flash doesn’t feel the same call!

They return before Kal-L can run to the void, and everyone reaches the same conclusion: there is only one universe now, but obviously elements of the old realities are different from the new reality…and some elements never existed!

While the four contact as many heroes as they can find to discuss the ramifications, we switch to deep space. Rip Hunter’s time sphere (carrying Hunter, Adam Strange, Captain Comet, Dolphin, Atomic Knight, and Animal Man) encounter Brainiac’s ship adrift.

They board to investigate and discover the corpse (if a robot can have a corpse) of Brainiac.

Back on Earth, many of the heroes have gathered at Titan’s Tower, where they’re all checking each others’ math to make sure everyone has put two and two together. Huntress and Earth-2′s Robin explain that they, like Kal-L, don’t exist in this “new Earth”. Superboy-Prime is shocked when he finds out his Earth never existed either (that’s what happens when your universe was written in just so it could become a victim. Just ask Lady Quark)

Suddenly, Harbinger appears (having somehow regained her powers due to the new reality) and confirms this fact, and explains that some elements of each individual earths’ histories no longer existed (though reality seems to have conformed around Earth-1 primarily. I guess DC would have lost a lot of readers if it conformed around Earth-X), meaning only the modern versions of the “duplicate” heroes (like Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman) are part of this new reality, while heroes that share a name, but not a past (like Flash, Green Lantern, and Atom) exist alongside their younger counterparts. 

Kal-L flips out at this news, as it means that he will never see his wife Lois again.

As Kal-L flies off in a streak of self-pity, we switch to the Spirit Realm, where the Spectre lies unconscious, severely weakened by his battle with the Anti-Monitor (I’m sure this will be important later)

Back on Earth, the heroes continue to compare notes. It seems the villains don’t remember the multiverse (since they weren’t at the Dawn of Time), but it seems that Power Girl (Kal-L’s cousin) is remembered. No one is sure how that works.

Suddenly, the weather turns ugly, just as it did when a universe was about to–

Uh-oh…

Earth has been pulled into the Anti-Matter universe!

…dedulcnoc eb oT

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Crisis on Infinite Earths, Issue 10: “Death at the Dawn of Time” (Monitos, the Hand of Oblivion)

[All images are owned by DC Comics, please don’t sue me]

PREVIOUSLY ON…

A being known as the Anti-Monitor has destroyed all but 5 of the universes in existence) with a single survivor on Earth-6 (Lady Quark) along for the ride). Those 5 (1 (Silver Age), 2 (Golden Age), 4 (acquired from Charleton), S (acquired from Fawcett after being sued into oblivion), and X (acquired from Quality)) are being held in limbo (and are merging into a single reality) away from the Anti-Monitor thanks to a being known as Lyla, assisted by a being known as Pariah and the sole survivor of Earth-3 (Alexander Luthor, who is made of matter and anti-matter).

Unfortunately, the process was unstable, meaning that time has merged (meaning mammoths and futuristic aliens are among modern skyscrapers) in the areas where the Earths are merged (which are called “Warp Zones”)

The Anti-Monitor has been quiet since his third attempt at destroying the multiverse failed (thanks to the sacrifices of Supergirl and Earth-1’s Flash)

Meanwhile, Brainiac and Earth-1’s Lex Luthor have drafted the villains of all 5 Earths and have taken over Earths 4, S, and X. The combined heroes of the 5 Earths have staged an assault to free the Earths while Brainiac and Luthor sit back on Brainiac’s ship and prepare to pick up the pieces while the heroes and villains kill each other.

However, Psimon didn’t join the battle, but stayed back and listened. Having heard the Master Plan, he thought it was a good one, only he should be the one in charge, so he destroyed Brainiac and prepares to do the same to Luthor!

Now, on with our story! If you would like to read this issue, it (along with the rest of the series) has been collected in graphic novel form and is available (or can be ordered) at your favorite comic shop, bookstore, or online retailer…or on Read Comic Online.

As Psimon uses his psychic powers to fry Luthor’s insides…

He is shot in his brain bubble (I’m surprised no one thought of this before) from behind by Brainiac, (wait, what?!) killing him instantly (psee ya later, Psimon!) It turns out Brainiac’s consciousness is linked to the ship and knew Psimon was there (and he didn’t do anything about it before then?) and constructed a new body for him after his first was destroyed (if he dealt with Psimon before then he wouldn’t have had to waste the resources) Luthor slaps himself on the back (quick recovery after nearly being Scannered [NSFW WARNING]) and gets on with the plan.

Speaking of the plan…

Casualties mount as the Doom Patrol’s Negative Woman destroys Chemo

…and the Teen Titans’ Kole turns Black Adam to crystal (who world have been shattered by the Doom Patrol’s Robotman if Kole’s teammate Dove hadn’t stepped in)

Earth-1′s Atom frees Billy Batson so he can speak his magic word to become Captain Marvel and begin to wipe the floor with those who held him captive (and why didn’t they kill him exactly?) And so on…

Until…

An energy surge unlike any other seen appears on every scanner across five Earths…

Then…

I had no idea the Spectre could do that!

Anyway, the Spectre tells the population of 5 Earths (kinda hard to ignore a giant white and green head over the entire skyline) that the Anti-Monitor has retreated to the dawn of time, where he intends on being the hand that Krona (remember him? All the way back in issue 7) saw, thus destroying all the other universes (how is this Plan D? I would think this would be Plan A) The Heroes decide to travel to the Dawn of Time to try to stop the Anti-Monitor, while the villains (despite protests) head to ancient Oa to stop Krona.

The assembled heroes and villains gather to make their respective time-jumps.

As they prepare, we see a touching good-bye between Kal-L and his wife, Earth-2′s Lois Lane.

Also joining late to the party is a third Superman (well, Superboy), who explains he’s the last survivor of Earth-Prime (which the footnotes explain was part of a one-shot comic. Gee, nice to see that we‘re creating even more characters for this series. I mean, with five universes’ worth of heroes and villains, isn’t it bloated enough?) Things are finally ready, and off they go.

…after an inspirational speech by the Freedom Fighters’ Uncle Sam.

On Oa, the villains work toward stopping Krona. Now, the reasonable thing to do would be to speak to Oa’s governing body and/or Krona to stop the experiment. However, these being villains, they attempt to raze Oa.

This goes as well as you’d expect.

However, Mirror Master (of Earth-1), Icicle (of Earth-2), and Maaldor (of Earth-1) reach Krona’s lab.

Unfortunately, they were too busy arguing who would destroy the lab that they missed that Krona showed up until they died by his hand.

Meanwhile, the heroes arrive at the Dawn of Time, prepared to enter the anti-matter universe, only to discover the Anti-Monitor waiting for them.

The more powerful heroes immediately attack…

…only to have their power absorbed by the Anti-Monitor (why didn’t he do that when Supergirl attacked three issues ago?) He intends to use that power to become the hand that Krona sees…

…only the Specter pushes back, aided by the mystical heroes.

Krona turns on the viewscreen in his lab to view the Dawn of Time…

and reality…

S H A T T E R S !

To be continued…?

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Crisis on Infinite Earths, issue 9: “War Zone” (Bring on the Villains!)

[All images are owned by DC Comics, please don’t sue me]

(How many can you ID in the above cover? I’m at just over 50% without a crib sheet)

PREVIOUSLY ON…

A being known as the Anti-Monitor has destroyed all but 5 of the universes in existence) with a single survivor on Earth-6 (Lady Quark) along for the ride). Those 5 (1 (Silver Age), 2 (Golden Age), 4 (acquired from Charleton), S (acquired from Fawcett after DC sued them into oblivion), and X (acquired from Quality)) are being held in limbo (and are merging into a single reality) away from the Anti-Monitor thanks to a being known as Lyla, assisted by a being known as Pariah and the sole survivor of Earth-3 (Alexander Luthor, who is made of matter and anti-matter).

Unfortunately, the process was unstable, meaning that time has merged (meaning mammoths and futuristic aliens are among modern skyscrapers) in the areas where the Earths are merged (which are called “Warp Zones”)

The Anti-Monitor has also kidnapped Psycho Pirate (whose powers have been overloaded by the Anti-Monitor, but are slowly returning) and Earth-1’s Flash (who could pierce the barrier between universes to enter his Anti-Matter universe), who the Anti-Monitor has offered to Psycho Pirate as an emotional plaything.

However, The Flash broke free of Psycho Pirate’s influence and destroyed the Anti-Monitor’s third attempt at destroying the Multiverse, an anti-matter cannon, at the cost of his life.

On Oa, the home of the Guardians of the Universe and home to the Green Lantern Corps, a rift between the Guardians has happened, with the faction wanting to not sit idly by leaving to form their own Corps.

Meanwhile, the villains of all 5 Earths are disappearing. That can’t be good.

Now, on with our story! If you would like to read this issue, it (along with the rest of the series) has been collected in graphic novel form and is available (or can be ordered) at your favorite comic shop, bookstore, or online retailer…or on Read Comic Online.

We begin on Oa, with the proactive faction of the Guardians recruiting Guy Gardner. As Guy gets his ring…

…a bolt of anti-matter wipes out the splinter group of Guardians with the exception of one, who tells Guy to avenge them. Guy then speeds off into the Green Lantern monthly series to become the asshat we all know and…love?

(Thanks to DC Database)

Anyway, his cameo in Crisis has ended, so back to the main narrative…

We now shift to Brainiac’s ship, where he and Earth-1′s Lex Luthor have brought the 5 Earths’ villains and lay out their plan to conquer the five remaining Earths now that the Anti-Monitor has been defeated. Suddenly, the Lex Luthor of Earth-2 chimes in that he’s a better evil genius than Earth-1′s version and there’s room for only one Luthor in this scheme.

Brainiac agrees with Luthor’s second point and disintegrates him. Anyone else have any arguments? No? Good!

At the U.N., the assembly debate what to do about the Warp Zones when Pariah, who was assuring everyone that the Crisis was over as he hasn’t been pulled away…

…gets pulled away.

At that moment, Brainiac and Luthor project themselves to the U.N. saying that have seized control of Earths 4, S, and X and have put up a shield to prevent the heroes of Earths 1 and 2 (and any from the other three Earths who weren’t home at the time) from “saving the day”.

The heroes rise to the challenge, but the barrier proves too strong for even the combined might of two Kryptonians. Lyla recruits Earth-2′s Flash. She then approaches Wally West (formerly known as Kid Flash, now retired due to his use of his speed slowly destroying his body) and Flash shames West to come out of retirement.

Flash and the now-unretired Kid Flash rebuild the Cosmic Treadmill that allows those with super speed to cross universes, with the hope that this could bypass the barrier. They have attached several large platforms to transport the heroes with them. It is a success (just as Brainiac predicted) Brainiac computed huge losses on both sides, but the villains eventually being triumphant.

Over the next eight pages is the most epic battle between super-powered individuals. There are casualties, notably Aquagirl. (yes, I know…no one of major import, but still…) All in all, the villains appear to be maintaining control.

Above the battle, in Brainiac’s ship, Luthor and Brainiac gloat about their plan working (and if the heroes appear to be winning, they’ll just blow up the Earths they control which will, due to everything being linked, destroy the other two as well. Luthor is philosophical, as they can always conquer another world. Plus, villain losses mean less they have to share)

Suddenly, Brainiac explodes!

…as Psimon (who didn’t leave the ship. Apparently his big brain isn’t just for show) emerges to say he likes their plan…except for the fact he’s not in charge…as he turns his powers on Luthor.

One of the few times a cliffhanger leaves a villain in peril!

WILL Psimon take over as leader of the villians?

CAN the heroes overcome the villains and save the collected Earths?

ISN’T there a less messy way to cull the roster?

These questions and more will me answered next issue!

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Crisis on Infinite Earths, Issue 8: “A Flash of the Lightning!” (The End of an Era… sorry, no funny sub-title this time)

[All images are owned by DC Comics, please don’t sue me]

OK, obvious spoiler on the cover!

PREVIOUSLY ON…

A being known as the Anti-Monitor has destroyed all but 5 of the universes in existence) with a single survivor on Earth-6 (Lady Quark) along for the ride). Those 5: 1 (Silver Age), 2 (Golden Age), 4 (acquired from Charleton), S (acquired from Fawcett after DC sued them into oblivion), and X (acquired from Quality)) are being held in limbo (and are merging into a single reality) away from the Anti-Monitor thanks to a being known as Harbinger (AKA Lyla), assisted by a being known as Pariah and the sole survivor of Earth-3 (Alexander Luthor, who is made of matter and anti-matter), who sacrificed her cosmic powers to do so. Unfortunately, the process was unstable, meaning that time has merged (meaning mammoths and futuristic aliens are among modern skyscrapers).

The Anti-Monitor had planned to destabilize the merger, but Supergirl destroyed the Anti-Monitor’s machine (and his body), but at the cost of her life (making her the first major loss in the series) But since that was only issue 7 of a 12 issue series, you know this train hasn’t stopped yet.

The Anti-Monitor has also kidnapped Psycho Pirate (whose powers have been overloaded by the Anti-Monitor, but are slowly returning) and Earth-1’s Flash (who could pierce the barrier between universes to enter his Anti-Matter universe), who the Anti-Monitor has offered to Psycho Pirate as an emotional plaything.

Meanwhile, the villains of all 5 Earths start disappearing. That can’t be good.

Now, on with our story! If you would like to read this issue, it (along with the rest of the series) has been collected in graphic novel form and is available (or can be ordered) at your favorite comic shop, bookstore, or online retailer…or on Read Comic Online.

On the Anti-Monitor’s ship, (wait, they were on a spaceship this whole time? Huh…) Psycho Pirate realizes that his usefulness to the Anti-Monitor (and therefore his life) may be coming to an end and tries to recruit the Flash to make a preemptive strike.

Then the Anti-Monitor shows up (in a new body since Supergirl broke the last one) and says he still has use for the Pirate (but doesn’t mention if that means he’ll survive after his usefulness is done). The ship sets course for Quard (the Antimatter version of Oa…wonder why it’s not called Ao?) where the Anti-Monitor will begin his next plan.

Speaking of Oa, the halting of the merging causes the Guardians of the Universe to be freed from their stasis. (remember that story thread back in issue 5?) They bicker among themselves as they knew about the Anti-Monitor, but most of their number voted to investigate the threat rather than act on it. This disagreement causes a rift in the Guardians, leading a splinter group to leave to form their own Green Lanterns.

Back on Earth, T.O.Morrow, evil scientist (Shouldn’t he have vanished along with all those other villains?) and creator of the Red Tornado has agreed (under threat of getting his ass kicked by Vixen) to see what happened to the Tornado. (remember that plot thread back in issue 5? We have some long-overdue payoffs this issue) Firestorm and Firehawk agree to help watch over the proceedings in case Morrow gets any funny ideas.

Morrow (using a scanner Earth-1’s Atom shrunk) pokes around the Tornado’s insides but doesn’t recognize anything.

As he opens up the Red Tornado for a better look, Tornado’s body explodes! In the ensuing chaos, Morrow FINALLY vanishes (better late than never?)

Meanwhile on Quard, the Anti-Monitor has commanded the warriors of the planet to use their slaves to build a cannon powerful enough to destroy the remaining universes (seeing as this is issue 8 of a 12 issue series, I’m sure you can guess how this will turn out)

Psycho Pirate has regained his emotion manipulating powers and is about to use them on an imprisoned Flash, when the Flash shows he has also regained his powers and frees himself.

He then beats the Pirate within an inch of his life (why not? He’s already a fugitive for a murder he didn’t actually commit. That’s why he was in the 30th century at the start of this story), sparing that inch in exchange for the Pirate’s cooperation (Psycho Pirate really is a sniveling coward, isn’t he?)

At super speed, he drags the Pirate to face every single warrior, then Psycho Pirate uses his powers to cause the warriors to attack the Anti-Monitor. Once the chaos ensues, the Flash knocks the Pirate out and vibrates inside the cannon.

He realizes the cannon’s power source is concentrated anti-matter. He can feel the anti-matter sapping his life force, but he knows the only way to stop the cannon is to neutralize the power source, so he runs faster than he ever has against the flow of the anti-matter, feeling it slowly killing him. But he does not stop.

He starts seeing visions in the past (including that little scene back in issue 2 involving Batman and the Joker) and slowly disintegrating until the cannon is destroyed and all that is left of Barry Allen, the Flash of Earth-1,...

…is his costume.

I said this was the end of an era in the title because the Flash was the first hero introduced to start the Silver Age in DC. His death hit a lot of fans hard. Hard enough that even after…well, we’ll get to that later…people still looked at Barry Allen as the One True Flash (to the point that when the Flash was brought to TV in the 90s…twice, it was as Barry Allen)

RIP Flash

No cliffhanger jokes for the end of this issue, but you know it ain’t over. Let’s see what the Anti-Monitor’s fourth plan (devouring universes, the destabilizing machine, and the antimatter cannon being the first three) winds up being.

And what of the disappearing villains? You’ll have to find out next issue!

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Crisis on Infinite Earths, Issue 7: “Beyond the Silent Night” (Excuse me, I have a bit of heroic sacrifice in my eye)

[All images are owned by DC Comics, please don’t sue me]

OK, obvious spoiler on the cover!

PREVIOUSLY ON…

A being known as the Anti-Monitor has destroyed all but 5 of the universes in existence) with a single survivor on Earth-6 (Lady Quark) along for the ride. Those 5 are being held in limbo (and are merging into a single reality) away from the Anti-Monitor thanks to a being known as Harbinger (AKA Lyla), assisted by a being known as Pariah and the sole survivor of Earth-3 (Alexander Luthor, who is made of matter and anti-matter), who sacrificed her cosmic powers to do so. Unfortunately, the process was unstable, meaning that time has merged (meaning mammoths and futuristic aliens are among modern skyscrapers) and the barriers between universes are unstable, which will result in all 5 universes being destroyed unless a way is found to stabilize the merger.

The Anti-Monitor has also kidnapped Psycho Pirate (whose powers he was using before the final universes were protected from his) and Earth-1’s Flash (who could pierce the barrier between universes to enter his Anti-Matter universe)

Meanwhile, the villains of all 5 Earths start disappearing. That can’t be good.

Now, on with our story! If you would like to read this issue, it (along with the rest of the series) has been collected in graphic novel form and is available (or can be ordered) at your favorite comic shop, bookstore, or online retailer…or on Read Comic Online.

Lyla announces she sacrificed her powers to save the final three universes, and asks that representatives from each Earth join her, Pariah, and Alexander in deciding their next move.

Lyla explains that an Oan scientist named Krona dared to look back to the dawn of time and saw…

…a hand. Somehow this hand gave the universe the finger and split it into the multiverse, which in turn gave birth to the Monitor and Anti-Monitor.

Pariah then explains that he did the same several years ago, which somehow gave the Anti-Monitor the power to start destroying the various universes.

This sends Lady Quark into a near-homicidal rage as she now blames Pariah for the death of her universe.

It seems the Anti-Monitor has a machine that is causing the interference on the merging of the universes (that will destroy them once they do merge) The group formulates a plan to take the fight to the Anti-Monitor and destroy the machine with some of the remaining universes’ most powerful heroes.

Seeing as we’re at issue 7 of a 12 issue series, I’m sure you can guess how that will turn out.

Upon breaching into the Anti-matter universe, Pariah leads the lambs assembled heroes to the slaughter the Anti-Monitor’s stronghold. (apparently Pariah’s power is to know where the Anti-Monitor is…? I swear, his power is deus ex supershit)

Upon arrival, the stronghold itself attacks the heroes. (I guess being supreme ruler of an entire universe has its perks) The walls and floors form into stone automatons powerful enough to make even Kal-L bleed… and if they are destroyed, they simply reform.

Meanwhile, Dr. Light and Superman break off and reach the machine while the rest of the heroes clear a path and hold off the stone constructs, but before Superman can destroy the machine…

…he is hit by the Anti-Monitor with a blast powerful enough for his cry of pain to be heard by the other heroes. Supergirl then breaks from the creatures in a rush to defend her cousin. Obviously, she didn’t see the cover of the issue.

Supergirl reaches the machine before the Anti-Monitor can land the killing blow. She then hits him relentlessly, but is taking at least as good as she’s giving. In the end, the Anti-Monitor’s body is destroyed and he is forced to retreat, his machine destroyed...

…but Kara Zor-El has paid the ultimate price for her heroic stand.

The universes are no longer merging toward destruction, but they are not merging at all, they’re stuck in time and reality, all time and each reality co-existing at once.

WHAT will happen to the five remaining universes?

WHAT is the Anti-Monitor’s next move?

WHAT will happen to all of those Supergirl action figures?

These questions and more will be answered next issue!