fancoloredglasses

[fancoloredglasses]

Batman: The Brave and the Bold (Proof that Batman doesn't have to be grim)

[All images are owned by DC Comics and Warner Bros. Animation. I hope I’m too small-fry to sue…] 

(Thanks to The World’s Finest)

Before I get into the subject of this week’s review, I need to get into a history of Batman…

When Batman made his debut in Detective Comics #27, he was a violent vigilante who had zero issues with killing those he went up against. By the time Robin made his debut a year later, his tone had already begun to soften (no doubt due to pressure from parents)

Over the years, Batman’s tone became less and less serious…and then the Silver Age came about and stories were less about crime fighting (primarily due to restrictions imposed by the Comics Code) and more about silly stories such as this one…

[SPOILER ALERT: He was wearing the different colored costumes to distract the crooks from the fact that Robin had a broken arm]

Then a certain TV show became popular, and suddenly the Batman’s Rogue’s gallery started making more appearances in the comics, though the tone of the show was reflected in the comics.

Once Batman was off the air, the comic started taking a more serious tone until the eighties when a certain comic event happened that gave DC carte blanche to change literally everything, followed by another comic event that did just that, making Batman brutal…almost sadistically so.

Fortunately, while the main timeline Batman was depicted as more brutal, he didn’t do nearly as far as he did in The Dark Knight Returns. However, he was more calculating and paranoid, looking for ways to neutralize every hero in the DC universe in case they went rogue, were mind-controlled, or otherwise became a threat. This came to its natural conclusion with the 1989 film starring Michael Keaton, followed by the animated series that made Keven Conroy a household name in the geek community. A second Batman series (this one featuring a young Bruce Wayne at the beginning of his career as a vigilante) came out in 2004, but had a similar tone.

…which brings us to the subject of this review, which was intended for a younger audience (its rating is TV 7+), but before we get into it, a bit of history…

[I promise this will make sense. Seriously, have I steered you wrong before?

…err, don’t answer that]

The Brave And the Bold started in 1955 as an anthology series starring the above characters as well as Robin Hood. Two years later, it became a concept title to try out new characters and teams such as the original Suicide Squad and the Justice League of America.

Starting in 1963, the series became a team-up book (including the debut of the Teen Titans), eventually becoming yet another Batman title with the Caped Crusader teaming up with various heroes throughout Earth-1’s universe (though occasionally someone from Earth-2 crossed over to help)

…which brings us (once again) to the subject of this week’s review.

Batman: The Brave And the Bold is a team-up series in which Batman teams up with various heroes (mostly the B- and C-list heroes such as…

Blue Beetle (Jamie Reyes)

Blue Beetle (Ted Kord)

Booster Gold

Plastic Man

Green Arrow

and Aquaman

The tone was much lighter and humorous than what fans were used to, but never devolved into camp (like Batman) or silliness (like Superfriends). It was the Batman we all know and love, but toned down for the grade school crowd.

The series lasted 3 seasons, ending when Bat Mite got bored with the series and arranged for it to be cancelled.

(Thanks again to The World’s Finest)

If you would like to watch the series, it’s available on Max or behind your favorite paywall.

If you would like to see an episode reviewed, let me know!

[fancoloredglasses]

The Case of Big Boss's Master Plan (4 years earlier than reality never mind)

[All images are owned by DIC Animation City and Hasbro. Please don’t sue me]

[QUICK NOTE: I wrote this before the 2024 US Presidential election, so either this episode was prophetic or a glimpse as to what could’ve been.

Hell, if Harris loses, I’ll probably just delete this and move to Canada (obviously I didn't, since you're reading this)]

As previously stated, C.O.P.S. was set in the “future time” of 2020, so they missed (almost) history by four years. However, some people refuse to see the trailblazers as anything but exploitable, as this two-part episode demonstrates. If you would like to watch part 1, it’s available on YouTube.

[NOTE: the video captures came from YouTube, and the captioning is spotty at best with no breaks when a different character starts speaking, so apologies if it reads like gobbledygook]

Bulletproof’s briefing begins by stating that this caper threatened not only New York Empire City, but the entire United States! How bad could it possibly be?

We open with reporter Whitney Morgan reporting that the Navy’s latest supercarrier is about to be christened (wait, Big Boss is gonna steal a Naval vessel? Is Berzerko planning this?) and the President will be on hand, arriving by train (is Air Force One in the shop?)

Upon hearing the report, Big Boss tells his gang to get aboard the train and bring the President to him (Ohhhhh….that’s a bit more reasonable, I guess)

Later, aboard the Presidential Train, we get a glimpse of the passengers…

…including Bulletproof, Longarm (patrolman specialist), and Hardtop (…rookie specialist? He was an NYPD Empire City Police rookie who helped the C.O.P.S. on their first case and was immediately recruited) Bulletproof explains that the C.O.P.S. are there to augment the Secret Service as additional security (so who’s watching Empire City? We all know the only police force in the city is C.O.P.S.) The Secret Service goes over the security measures on the train.

Later, outside a tunnel along the train's path, Berserko wonders if they somehow missed the train despite the fact they’re standing over the only track in the area. Ms. Demeanor (Big Boss’s muscle) sarcastically suggests Berzerko go down and listen at the tracks Native American-style.

Then Buttons McBoomBoom (Big Boss’s hit man, who has machine guns implanted in his chest) hears the train approaching, foiling Ms. Demeanor’s attempt to keep Berzerko out of their hair for a while. The three jump on the train (and no one heard?) and head for the President’s car.

Unfortunately, Berzerko find the Security Detail car instead. Fortunately, everyone’s watching the Secret Service demonstrate their gadgets and no one noticed.

His second attempt is a success.

That’s right. In the 80s, C.O.P.S. predicted the US would have a woman of color as President in 2020. Hey, they were only potentially off by four years! [that gag doesn't go over so well now] Berzerko then breaks into the President’s car…

…and stuffs her in a giant sack being extracted from the train (while the Secret Service are still busy showing off their toys)

Meanwhile Berzerko stays behind to gloat and provide a distraction by causing chaos.

…while Ms. Demeanor and McBoomBoom sabotage the train’s throttle, making it impossible to stop, before bailing themselves. The C.O.P.S. arrive to find there’s no way to stop the train and it’s barreling toward the train station!

Bulletproof contacts Mainframe (cybersecurity expert who was also a rookie in the right place when Bulletproof needed her so was recruited) who discovers a junction between their location and the terminal. She dispatches Highway (motorcycle expert…sure, why not?) to switch the track (Mainframe couldn’t do that remotely?) while the C.O.P.S. on the train work in disconnecting the engine from the rest of the train. Once disconnected, Bulletproof applies the brakes (while the throttle’s fully open? That would destroy the wheels before the train stopped!), stopping the train.

Now to work on saving the President.

Speaking of the President, Big Boss is having a lovely lunch with her.

…though that phrase may have been a bit generous.

Big Boss wants the President to hand over the supercarrier (remember that?) I’m not entirely sure Big Boss thought that through. After all, the President (or Vice President, assuming Big Boss doesn’t free her should she cooperate) could mobilize the military to take it right back. Not that it matters, since she refuses to do so.

However, Dr. Badvibes has an invention that will make the President more agreeable.

Later, Big Boss appears on every screen in Empire City with the President (who sounds like an early attempt at AI) urging the government to hand over the supercarrier. We all know that the US government doesn’t negotiate with terrorists.

Mayor Davis, on the other hand…

Meanwhile, the President’s Secret Service detail prepares to mount a rescue operation.

Unfortunately, they’re as competent at rescuing the President as they were with protecting her, as a magnetic crane sends the Secret Service's car into the bay! Bulletproof and the rest of the C.O.P.S. rush off, leaving Davis to bungle handle the exchange. Surprisingly, the exchange goes off without a hitch.

Meanwhile, the C.O.P.S. work on saving the Secret Service agents.

Wait, Bulletproof has a metal torso. Why the hell is he diving into the ocean?! He’ll sink like a rock!

Once they reach the car, they use micro-explosives to blow the doors off and carry the agents to safety.

With that, Big Boss’s gang float off in their new supercarrier, but at least the President is safe…or is she?

With that, the episode ends, to be continued next episode. However, we don’t have to wait that long. If you would like to see how the conclusion, it’s also available on YouTube or behind your favorite paywall.

Big Boss is savoring his victory as Dr. Badvibes reminds him that the C.O.P.S. will be coming after them soon (what about the US military? I’m sure they’ll want their supercarrier back!) However…

Dr. Badvibes’s plan is to implant AI technology based on his brain patterns into the flight systems of the supercarrier’s fighters, allowing them to fly themselves. Sure, why not? Though I kinda wonder if he knows how to fly. If not, it’ll be a quick flight.

Back at Empire City Hall, Mayor Davis refuses to allow the C.O.P.S. to attack the supercarrier while the President is aboard (isn’t Bulletproof FBI? And isn’t C.O.P.S. his unit? Technically, Davis could forbid Longarm, Hardtop, and Mainframe (who are part of the NYPD Empire City Police, but the rest were recruited from other cities)

Later Big Boss gives his next set of demands: Empire City must be evacuated and handed over to him, or else the President gets it! (He will not be happy when there’s no one working in the city. His gang might actually have to (le gasp!) work for a living!) Furthermore, he wants the C.O.P.S. imprisoned by the time he arrives to take possession of the city (who else can see how this will go VERY wrong for Big Boss?)

Mayor Davis and the C.O.P.S. agree to Big Boss’s demands, so the city is evacuated (wait, the military is coordinating the evacuation? Davis really DID disband the NYPD Empire City Police force!)

So Mayor Davis is forced to surrender to Big Boss’s robot army, who put the C.O.P.S. in jail (come on! You KNOW someone has a key or lockpick stashed somewhere in their uniform!)

Back on the supercarrier, Dr. Badvibes demonstrates his “Brain Planes” (planes telepathically controlled by him. I guess cloning his brain patterns didn’t work very well. I still question his piloting abilities) Despite a minor glitch (a bombing run that nearly hits the boat), Big Boss declares the test run a success and puts Dr. Badvibes in charge of his Air Force.

(I would like to note that the demonstration was with a single plane. I have reservations about Dr. Badvibes’s ability to control a squadron)

With that, Big Boss steers his floating fortress back to Empire City, ordering his majordomo Squeaky Clean to arrange a ticker tape parade (How? There’s no one left in the city!)

…as the C.O.P.S. are locked up by Big Boss’s robots. Just as things look hopeless…

…the Secret Service stages a jailbreak!

Meanwhile, Big Boss is disappointed by the lack of cheering crowds for his return. However, thanks to speakers he gets the crowd noise.

Back at C.O.P.S. HQ, the C.O.P.S. and the Secret Service team up, with half of their combined forces rescuing the President while the rest deal with Big Boss.

Big Boss finds out that the C.O.P.S. refused to be model prisoners (I mean, the NERVE of those guys!) and sends his gang to deal with them, starting with the Brain Planes. He then sends McBoomBoom to guard the President on the supercarrier (you mean you left her there? Who’s making sure she’s fed and whatnot (and by “whatnot” I mean…well, it’s not like there’s a Little President’s Room in that cage))

Outside the supercarrier, the Secret Service, Mace (SWAT specialist), and Sundown (former Texas Ranger, so…horseback specialist?) wait for a signal from Bowser (K-9 specialist) and Blitz (Bowser's cyborg K-9) to proceed. They get the signal and board the boat!

…drawing Big Boss’s robot guards away from the President

…while Hardtop and Bowser stage the rescue from below deck.

Inside the city, Bulletproof and Longarm find Dr. Badvibes.

…who sics his Brain Planes on them!

On the boat, the C.O.P.S. find out the robots’ weakness:

Stairs!

…as McBoomBoom, Berzerko, and Turbo Tutone (the gang’s getaway driver) arrive.

Back in the city, Longarm realizes the helmet Dr. Badvibes is wearing is what’s controlling the Brain Planes. Bulletproof grabs one of his micro-charges and throws it at the helmet.

Nice shot, Agent Vess!

With the Brain Planes neutralized (well, crashed), Dr. Badvibes escapes as the C.O.P.S. deal with the flaming wrecks and injured civilians (I thought everyone was evacuated?)

On the boat, the rescue team awaits pickup from the rest of the Secret Service, starting with the President. Once the President is safely away, the team prepares to follow as the gang finds them. However…

…the robots were instructed to stop anyone on the boat, and the first ones they find are the gang.

With that, all that’s left is the wrap-up. The C.O.P.S. were all given the Presidential Medal of Freedom, and the citizens of Empire City were able to return.

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] C.O.P.S. (It's catchphrase time!)

(Thanks to CONtv)

[All images are owned by DIC Animation City and Hasbro. Please don’t sue me]

(If you would like to see the original post, you may do so here)

C.O.P.S. (short for Central Organization of Police Specialists) was a short-lived animated series in a long line of cartoons that were basically half-hour ads for toy lines. While early series (including G.I. Joe, Transformers, He-Man and She-Ra, Thundercats, and MASK) were successful and fondly remembered, later series (including Spiral Zone and Bionic Six) were lost in the shuffle. (except Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but that was due to their cult following before they got to TV). C.O.P.S. fell into the latter category.

It didn’t help that it originally aired a year before this series debuted:

(Thanks to Flyboys817)

As a result, it was renamed CyberC.O.P.S. in reruns.

The show takes place in the “future time” of 2020 (everyone remembers all of this happening, right?) in Empire City (anyone who knows the nicknames of major cities can guess what “Empire City” is based on)

New York Empire City is being overrun by a ruthless criminal gang run by the notorious Big Boss.

In desperation, the mayor has called in the FBI, who sends one of their top agents: Baldwin P. (B.P.) Vess. Vess decides that the NYPD Empire City’s police force isn’t enough to deal with Big Boss, so he recruits police officers from all over the US as part of a special task force (C.O.P.S.) Apparently the mayor thought C.O.P.S. was enough, as you never see another officer that isn’t attached to the unit. All the members get code names that reflect their specialty (think the police version of G.I. Joe).  

During this recruitment, Vess is mortally wounded pursuing members of Big Boss’s gang. Though he survived, he sustained severe internal injuries that will take years to heal (if they ever do). Vess says the kid-friendly version of “Fuck that!” and agrees to have his guts replaced by a cybernetic torso. (which has him on his feet within hours.  Gotta love medicine in the 2020s!)

Vess’s initials now mean something different: Bulletproof (can you believe it took me over 25 years to realize his name is a play on “Bulletproof Vest”?)

Each episode has a “case file” (just a random string of numbers, not unlike Star Trek’s stardates) with Bulletproof explaining the situation. The heists range from clever (usually devised by…

Nightshade (expert safe cracker) or…

Dr. Badvibes (Big Boss's resident Mad Scientist), such as replacing Bulletproof with a robotic duplicate to undermine C.O.P.S.) to the moronic...

(always devised by Big Boss’s nephew Berzerko: for example, he tried to steal a bridge as a birthday present for his uncle) The gang members involved rotate, as do the members of C.O.P.S. working each case, although Bulletproof is usually involved on some level, even if just long enough to say his catch phrase…

(Thanks to NearVSMello)

…and in the end the crooks are arrested (although New York Empire City must have the worst DAs in the country, since the crooks are home in time for the next episode)

While doing research for these videos, I saw a lot of complaints about the fact that the animation studio obviously didn’t put much into production, and watching the first episode, I have to agree. The voices don’t sync up very well to the mouth movements, sound quality wasn’t the best and I never got a feel that the police vehicles of the “future time” of 2020 were capable of moving very fast.

If anyone has a need to have me review any episodes, let me know.

[fancoloredglasses]

SilverHawks (Thundercats IN SPAAAAAACE!!!!!!)

[All images are owned by Rankin/Bass Warner Bros-Discovery and Kenner Hasbro. Still too poor to sue]

(Thanks to Warner Bros. Entertainment)

Following the success of Thundercats’s first season, Rankin-Bass decided to do a second series. This one would be set in deep space. They brought most of the voice cast from Thundercats to do the voices for the new show.

Stop me if this sounds familiar: A group of warriors travel millions of light years from their home world. In their new home, they battle a group of semi-competent aliens led by a powerful shape-changing overlord.

The SilverHawks all became cyborgs (the tagline for the series and action figure line (because you KNOW they had to tie toys into this somehow) is “Partly metal, Partly real” Isn’t metal real? What exactly is the part that’s imaginary?) to withstand the stress of traveling millions of light years (and the ability to survive in space without any sort of pressurized suit or breathing apparatus) to their base (HawkHaven) in the Galaxy of Limbo.

The SilverHawks’ commander is known as Stargazer, who is a grizzled veteran basically counting the days until retirement. He rarely leaves HawkHaven, preferring to let the younger SilverHawks do the dangerous stuff.

Stargazer’s field commander is Quicksilver, a former special forces commander who is a skilled tactician.

Bluegrass Is second in command and the only field agent who doesn’t have underarm foils and boot jets that allow the SilverHawks to fly without a ship. However, he is the chief pilot of their ship, the Miraj.

Obviously, he fancies himself a country musician. His guitar is also a sonic weapon.

Twins Steelheart (left) and Steelwill are the powerhouses of the team and have an empathic bond.

Finally, we have the Copper Kidd, the only non-human of the team. Originating from the Planet of the Mimes, the Kidd can only speak in chirps and whistles, though he has been known to use a voice synthesizer at times.

That’s the main roster of SilverHawks (there are others, but they aren’t around for more than a handful of episodes) Now on to the group the SilverHawks traveled millions of light years to deal with: the Mob.

[NOTE: The Mob has no issue surviving in deep space without environment suits or breathable air as well. It’s almost as if the writers and/or animators had no idea how the vacuum of space works]

The leader of the Mob is Mon*Star, who escaped a penal colony at the beginning of the series (which was why Stargazer requested the SilverHawks in the first place)

When bathed in the light of the Moon*Star, his size and strength increases and he gains armor plating.

His minions include…

Every evil leader needs a toadie, and Mon*Star’s is Yes-Man (a rather appropriate name) He pretty much exists to tell Mon*Star what a great leader he is.

Hardware is the Mob’s weapon specialist and a mechanical savant when it comes to things that go bang, zap, or boom.

Melodia (the only female in the Mob) is the Mob’s answer to Bluegrass (each sold separately) and carries a combat key-tar she calls her “boom box” (Yeah, this was definitely made in the 80s)

Windhammer has the ability to control weather (even in space, where there’s no atmosphere. See my earlier comment about the animators and writers)

Mo-Lec-U-Lar is a shapeshifter that serves as the Mob’s infiltration specialist. He is able to change his structure to mimic the appearance of anyone, or even turn invisible.

Buzz-Saw is a killer robot that can use the many saw blades covering its body as projectiles.

The plots are fairly standard weekday afternoon “See how cool the show is? Tell your parents to buy the toys and have your own adventures!” fare: Mon*Star and his Mob cause trouble, and it’s up to the SilverHawks to stop them!

At the end of each episode, in lieu of a moral (because children's programming needed to have some educational value), the Copper Kidd is learning to be a pilot from Bluegrass. They never seem to do any actual flying, but Bluegrass constantly grills the Kidd about the bodies of Earth’s solar system (why? They’re in the Limbo Galaxy millions of light years from Earth!)

If you would like to see an episode reviewed, let me know!

[fancoloredglasses]

Comfort and Joy (Even superheroes deserve the holidays off)

[All images are owned by DC Comics and Warner Bros-Discovery. I hope I’m too small-fry to sue…]

Nearly all of Justice League’s stories were told in multiple parts (usually 2, though there’s at least one that was told in 3) This is the only story told in a single episode, and is the warmest, fuzziest episode in the entire series.

If you would like to watch it, it’s available on Max or behind your favorite paywall.

We open on an alien planet. For some reason, the Justice League has been summoned (So are they the Justice League of America of the Justice League of the Universe?)

(Thanks to The World's Finest)

That doesn’t sound ominous at all…

Cue the opening credits!

After the Javelin takes off to return to Earth, we find John and Hawkgirl…

…having fun in the snow. Well, John is anyway. Hawkgirl doesn’t get it. So John shows her by building a snowman and making snow angels. However, Hawkgirl still isn’t impressed.

So he starts a snowball fight

…with super powers!

Back on Earth, at Central City Orphanage, the kids are eagerly anticipating the jolly guy in the red suit.

What? You were expecting someone else?

As is tradition, the Flash promises to get the kids one thing they all want (I’m guessing so it doesn’t suck so much to be an orphan) and they show him.

An animatronic doll of their favorite TV character, DJ Rubba Duckie (that raps and farts. I can see why the kids like it so much)

[QUICK NOTE: I know the captions say "RUBBER Duckie", but what the characters say sounds more like "RUBBA Duckie", so I'm going with that]

Just one issue: it’s the hottest, must-have-est toy of the season. As such…

Flash doesn’t want to disappoint the kids, so he begins his quest. If you’ve seen Jingle All the Way (how have I not reviewed that yet?), you can guess how this quest will go.

Meanwhile, Superman has talked J’onn into spending Christmas with him and his adopted parents, the Kents. And so, in Smallville…

Clark then introduces his parents (Jonathan and Martha) to J’onn, who apologizes for imposing (despite Superman’s insistence)

[FUN FACT: Jonathan “Pa” Kent is voiced by Mike Farrell, who was BJ Hunnicut on M*A*S*H]

[Personal note: I appreciate the fact that the Kents survived beyond Clark's teen years post-Crisis. It makes them more than what their role was before then: "These two people raised Superman, but they're not important now"]

It turns out Clark’s cousin Kara (AKA Supergirl) is spending the holidays with friends, so Clark offers J’onn her room. Clark is sure he’ll find it cozy.

Clark explains he enjoys returning to Smallville so he can turn off “Superman” and be himself for a while. Then Clark rushes off to turn on the tree before Jonathan can do it. As J’onn processes this side of his teammate, the family cat enters. J’onn tries to make friends, but…

…before running off. That’s cats for ya.

Back on the ice planet, the snowball fight is in full swing!

I think John officially wins this one.

Once the truce is called, Hawkgirl offers to take John to a planet that reminds her a bit of her planet of Thanagar.

Given Thanagarians are warriors, I’m not sure I see this ending well.

Back in Central City, Flash is trying to find a DJ Rubba Duckie doll. No problem, right?

WRONG!

Flash tries 5 other stores and they’re all sold out. Suddenly he gets an inspiration.

He’s not seriously going to the North Pole?!

Actually, he runs to Japan (he can do that. It’s documented he runs fast enough to skim across bodies of water)

Well, that’s one way to beat the crowds, I guess. I wonder if he paid retail or wholesale, given he went to the manufacturer.

Back in Smallville, J’onn and the Kents are sitting around the table socializing after dinner.

Martha then offers a gift to J’onn despite his protesting.

Martha insists that his company is gift enough. J’onn unwraps it, revealing a sweater (her women’s club knits a bunch for gift giving) Unfortunately, the size is…a bit off. Fortunately, J’onn is a shapeshifter.

Wait, did J’onn just crack a joke? I think he might be warming to the whole “holiday” thing!

In outer space, Hawkgirl takes John to the planet she mentioned then heads straight to the nearest bar, where everyone seems to know her.

Hawkgirl drags John inside and bellies up to the bar, downing a tankard of whatever passes for alcohol. Then she livens up the place by sucker punching the brute next to her…

…and pinning the blame on John! The brute attacks John, which sets off a full-on bar brawl!

Hawkgirl has a weird sense of fun.

Back on Earth, Flash races back to Central City with his Rubba Duckie doll when…

Oh, it wouldn’t be a Justice League episode without SOME villainy afoot! Flash goes to investigate to find…

…the Ultra Humanite.

[FUN FACT: Ultra Humanite debuted in Action Comics #13 in 1939 as a mad scientist of great intellect but a failing body. Eventually, he began transplanting his brain into other bodies until finally winding up in the body of an albino gorilla]

(Thanks to rifandy cahyo)

Dare I ask what sorts of “improvements” Ultra Humanite has planned for Rubba Duckie?

As you saw at the end of that clip, we’re back in Smallville, where J’onn is still trying to understand Christmas.

Therefore, he turns invisible and intangible, kind of like a “Ghost of What Is Christmas?” He then floats through the house and finds Clark still acting like…well, a kid on Christmas morning.

…and Jonathan hasn’t forgotten his son has X-ray Vision.

J’onn then floats into Smallville and shapeshifts into a human guise and walks the streets, observing until he sees a young girl staying up way past her bedtime on Christmas Eve.

So he brings a bit of “Christmas magic”...

…by floating onto the roof and walking around

…and helping himself to some milk and cookies.

[FUN FACT: Starting in the 80s during the comedy period of the Justice League comic, J’onn develops an addiction to Oreos]

He then comes upon a church holding midnight mass.

(Thanks again to The World’s Finest)

Hope you enjoyed the warm feels. Happy Holidays, everyone!

[fancoloredglasses]

Thank you to everyone who got me to 1000 likes!

[fancoloredglasses]

Saffron's Saga (How can a Browncoat be so gullible?), part 2: "Trash"

[All images are owned by 20th Century Fox Disney and Mutant Enemy Productions. Please don’t sue me. Your gorrum reputation’s bad enough Mr. Whedon]

In the last review, we were introduced to…

…Saffron (played by Christina Hendricks, who would later play Joan on Mad Men). Somehow (given the entire series lasted less than a season), she made a second appearance (though this episode was among those that were produced but didn't air due to the series being cancelled)

PREVIOUSLY ON…

Following a successful job for a frontier settlement, Mal was shocked to discover Saffron aboard Serenity, claiming she was his wife (gifted by the settlement’s elder) Despite the noblest of efforts (he planned on annulling the marriage and setting her up with honest work at their next stop and had NO intention of consummating their “marriage”), Saffron seduced and drugged Mal, then attempted to divert Serenity to pirates who intended on killing the crew and salvaging the ship. However, Mal and Jayne managed to defeat the pirates and confronted Saffron, leaving her knocked out and stranded.

[In another episode that have I not yet reviewed (I will if there's demand), Jayne attempted to sell Simon and River to the Alliance on the planet Ariel, but was double-crossed by the Alliance. When Mal found out, he was this close to throwing Jayne out of the nearest airlock, but Jayne managed to beg his way out of Mal sending him on a walk without a space suit. That will be important later in this episode]

Now, on with the episode! If you would like to watch it, it’s available on CW’s website or behind your favorite paywall.

We open to a scrub desert. It pans until we see…

…huh. I’ll bet there’s a hell of a story behind this!

And to see it, we’ll have to go back about 72 hours.

Mal is doing a smuggling hand-off from his old friend Monty, who had shaved off his epic beard he was so proud of. When asked why, he said it was for his wife, Bridget…

…or should we say Saffron?

Cue the opening!

(Thanks to Mikey)

Mal immediately sets the record straight about Bridget Saffron.

Well, so much for marital bliss. Monty leaves Saffron behind and Mal sure as hell isn’t giving her a ride off world.

OK, that sorta-kinda gets Mal’s attention. Saffron claims she was gonna rope Monty in as a partner, but now she’s willing to work with Mal (is this a setup? I kinda smell setup…)

 Later, when Serenity lands to pick up Mal and the cargo...

Apparently Mal and Saffron has some intense negotiations, as Mal is sporting a nosebleed. While he crew loads the cargo, Inara wants to speak with him.

You’d think she’d realized what sort of a ship she rented a shuttle from. After some intense negotiations (that thankfully didn’t end with another bloody nose, but did involve some hurtful insults on both sides), Mal storms out of Inara’s shuttle with nothing solved.

 Later in the cargo bay, Mal opens a crate to find Saffron inside. Well, ain’t this awkward!

…or not.

Later in the galley, Mal and Saffron lay out the job to the rest of the crew (stealing an ultra-rare ancient weapon) Wash has an important question when they finish.

Fair point. Pretty much everyone voices their issues, but pretty much everyone (except Inara, who storms off) is on board with the caper, but Zoe has yet to weigh in.

(Thanks to Andrea Stellaris)

Ocean’s Six they ain’t, but the job’s a go.

Jayne tells Simon and River that Mal ordered them to stay in their quarters where Saffron can’t try to work her wiles on them and collect the bounty on their heads. After he leaves, River says Jayne’s afraid.

Meanwhile, Inara makes herself scarce as Saffron secretly looks on. Since the job is on a more settled world, she set up some clients (so she’ll have an alibi when the job goes south)

Eventually, the job begins. Mal and Saffron take a shuttle to the mark’s mansion. The scene then cuts between a flashback to the planning stage and Mal and Saffron executing the job as the flashback describes the steps.

The punchline of the plan is to chuck the weapon in the trash, then hack the garbage drone’s nav system to deposit it in the desert. (well, that explains what Mal will be doing in the desert, but why is he gonna be naked?)

Sounds like a fairly foolproof heist. However…

Jayne is shocked unconscious while he replaces the reprogrammed navigation board! Moreso, the mark enters the vault unexpectedly!

Jesus, how many times has she run that particular scam? Saffron (or, as the mark calls her, “Yolonda”) makes up some bullshit story about being captured by slavers and finally escaping and promising Mal payment to bring her home. The mark somehow believes her (seriously, how many times?!) and rushes off to get Mal’s payment.

Mal realizes that Saffron could’ve killed the mark and taken whatever she wanted while he was in her thrall, but…

 As Mal finishes psychoanalyzing Saffron, she pulls a gun on Mal.

…just as the mark returns, having heard enough.

As “Yolonda” and the mark have their little falling out, Mal dumps the prize in the trash and calls for pickup.

However, Kaylee hasn’t finished plugging in the new nav card. She manages to plug it in just as the trash drone shows to pick up its payload.

Inside, Mal manages to disarm Saffron. However…

The mark called in the Alliance, who quickly arrive in an attempt to detain Mal and Saffron. However, they manage to flee the building as security starts crawling about the place.

On the way to the rendezvous, Mal and Saffron have a heart-to-heart about the mark and Saffron explains her past to Mal.

Mal comes over to give her a shoulder to lean on

…which, of course, was a mistake.

Well, that explains the rest of the opening scene.

But what about Serenity?

It seems that Saffron once again sabotaged the navigation, so they won’t be heading for the rendezvous, leaving Saffron with the prize all to herself and Mal naked and stranded in the desert.

…or does it?

Well played Inara! She then seals Saffron…Bridget…Yolonda…whatever the hell her actual name is…into the trash pod and calls the Alliance to pick her up.

But what about Jayne? He was pretty banged up at the start of the job.

(Thanks to Pathfindr)

…Which brings us back to the present, where we started.

 Then Inara shows up and questions Mal definition of “according to plan”.

With that, Serenity arrives to see Mal in all his glory (I’m sure they’ll never look at him the same again) and they head off to fence the loot.

[NOTE: The final image for this review didn’t come from the episode, but from the gag reel that was supposed to be for the cast’s Christmas party, but wound up being a wrap party instead (fucking Fox) However, it seems appropriate to add it here, so…]

[fancoloredglasses]

Saffron's Saga (How can a Browncoat be so gullible?), part 1: "Our Mrs. Reynolds"

[All images are owned by 20th Century Fox Disney and Mutant Enemy Productions. Please don’t sue me. Your gorrum reputation’s bad enough Mr. Whedon]

In the half season Firefly aired, a number of seeds were planted that unfortunately were not given time to bear fruit. And yet, there was only one recurring character that was a major part of two episodes (though only one actually aired) This is the first part of her story.

If you would like to watch the episode, it’s available on CW’s website or behind your favorite paywall.

We open on a frontier planet where a wagon is being robbed by bandits. However…

…the “couple” driving the wagon are Mal and Jayne in disguise, who (with the help of Zoe in the back) make short work of the bandits.

This is a cause for celebration, as this gang of bandits have plagued the settlement that hired Serenity’s crew. There is much drinking and dancing.

A young lass even gifts Mal with a circle of flowers, which she places upon his head.

The next morning on Serenity, Mal finds the lass in his cargo hold! When he demands an explanation…

Hooboy…

On that note, roll the opening credits!

(Thanks to Mikey)

Mal’s new “wife” (whose name is Saffron, played by Christina Hendricks, who would go on to play Joan in Mad Men) explains that she was part of the crew’s payment for dealing with the bandits. Eventually the rest of the crew catches wind of the nuptials.

(Thanks to VonKassel1)

Mal tells Wash to return to the settlement so he can straighten things out with the elders and get Saffron home. However, one of the bandits was connected to a powerful family in the Alliance.

Book decides to clear up this whole “Did he or didn’t he” by consulting the settlement’s customs.

Huh. So I guess they are married (much to Mal’s chagrin and everyone else’s amusement) Mal immediately asks about how to annul the marriage, which sends Saffron off crying. Mal goes after her to calm her down. Saffron asks if Mal will kill her because he doesn’t want her. If course, this sort of talk upsets Mal (but at least it’s not directed at her)

Mal suggests that Saffron find some work in a factory or on a ranch when they arrive in Beaumond in about a week. Saffron seems happy that they’ll be together for that long and toddles off to the kitchen to make dinner for Mal.

Then Book corners Mal and discusses annulment rites for the settlement. He also warns Mal about taking advantage of her physically while things are sorted or else...

Nice to see everyone is taking this seriously.

After assuring Book he has no intention of anything like that, Book goes to make up guest quarters for Saffron while Mal heads for the galley to see what Saffron decided to cook for him. Wash wonders if there’s any more. Saffron apologizes, but suggests Zoe fix him dinner as she departs. Suddenly, Wash isn’t so hungry any more.

Again, nice to know everyone’s taking this seriously. In fact, Mal and Saffron seem to be the ONLY ones who don’t think this is a big joke.

After dinner and more awkward conversation (including Saffron offering to wash Mal’s feet) Mal quickly excuses himself and heads for Inara’s shuttle.

The two get into an argument (I’m guessing someone’s a but touchy that her love interest got himself a bride. Nice to know everyone’s taking this seriously) until Inara throws him out (technically, he does own that shuttle) He leaves the shuttle to find…

(Thanks to Kathryn Nichole)

I would repeat my earlier statements, except I think Jayne is actually serious!

Needless to say, Mal declines Jayne’s generous offer and heads to the cargo hold where he finds Saffron, who overheard the negotiations between him and Jayne. She’s happy Mal didn’t accept.

Meanwhile outside, Serenity is being scanned.

A pair of pirates are preparing to capture Serenity and sell it off (what do they intend to do about the crew?)

Back inside Serenity, Zoe and Wash discuss Saffron and her weird culture. Wash puts things into perspective.

(Thanks to Superkuh)

Later, as Mal heads to his quarters for the night…

Mal very quickly explains that this shouldn’t be happening. However, Saffron has other ideas.

Well…Mal is certainly going to that special hell after this! He finally relents and kisses her. However… 

…Mal falls unconscious due to the drug on Saffron’s lips!

Having knocked out Mal, she then wanders to the bridge.

After getting Wash to start rambling (like it’s that hard), Saffron then shuts the door and…

There is NO WAY IN HELL Wash is gonna fall for that! I mean, Zoe would KILL him!

Well, at least Zoe won’t kill him…assuming they survive whatever Saffron has planned.

Saffron then drags Wash out of the bridge, goes back in, and then sets a course and makes sure it can’t be altered. She then leaves the bridge, seals the hatch by fusing it with a welding strip (ensuring no one can enter) heads for the shuttle, but…

Saffron then tries her seduction trick on Inara, but I’m sure you can imagine how that would work on a Companion.

With that, Saffron gets past Inara to the shuttle and leaves as Inara goes to check on Mal. Upon seeing he’s alive…

…and then she falls unconscious as she drugged herself on whatever was left on Mal’s lips.

Later, Mal wakes up in sickbay and everyone finds out that he was drugged when Saffron kissed him.

I don’t think this is the time for that, Shepherd!

Zoe reports that all internal systems are down (except life support, apparently) and the bridge is sealed off. As Mal arrives to the bridge, Jayne and Zoe torch their way through and they discover Saffron REALLY did a number on the bridge’s systems!

Back to our pirate friends (remember them?) They scan Serenity heading their way.

Yeah, kinda figured they were in cahoots with Saffron.

Back on Serenity, Wash and Kaylee get the computer up and running so they can at least see what kind of mess they’re heading into: A “net” that…well, I’ll let Mal explain.

So kill the crew and salvage the ship. Nasty bit of work!

Fortunately, Mal has a hare-brained scheme to get them out of this.

…and Jayne’s a big part of it!

Mal’s plan: send Jayne outside with Vera wrapped in a space suit (since it needs oxygen to fire) and hit one of the transformers on the net, which should short it out and they fly right through.

Hey, Mal never said it was a foolproof plan (if it was, he likely wouldn’t include a fool like Jayne)

Well, I’ll be…it worked!

Then Jayne and Vera give a little “fuck you” to the pirates

…by depressurizing their control room!

Later, Kaylee and Wash manage to jury rig navigation long enough for them to do a proper repair later. They then set course for Saffron’s hideout (I’d ask how they tracked her, but I’m guessing there’s only so many places within range of that shuttle…and they likely had a tracker on it) After a brief struggle, Mal has Saffron at his mercy.

Mal KOs Saffron (I don’t normally condone violence toward women (nor does Mal), but I’d say she earned that one) and leaves her, taking his wayward shuttle back.

Back on Serenity, Mal and Inara have a bit of a chat. Mal figured Inara tried too hard to convince everyone she wasn’t drugged as well, which probably means she was.

Oooo…SO close, Mal!

Thus ends the episode, but it’s not the last time we’ll see Saffron. Check out my next review to see her return (I really think she’d have been a recurring annoyance if Fox hadn’t screwed over the series like they did)

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Spider-Man… Spider-Man… Does whatever a spider can…

(thanks to Kenneth Garaza)

[All images are owned by Marvel Disney. Please don’t sue me]

(If you would like to see the wall of text that’s the original review, you may do so here)

Ah yes, 60s Spider-Man…source of so many memes…

(Thanks to knowyourmeme)

(Thanks to buzzfeed)

I never saw the original run of the series (I'm not that old!), but one of the local stations played syndicated episodes every weekday afternoon.

It’s amazing just how many of Spidey’s rogues gallery found their way into this cartoon…

…from the Rhino

…to the Vulture

…to the Green Goblin

…and even the Kingpin.

…especially considering that Spider-Man debuted only 5 years after Spider-Man debuted in Marvel Comics. And the supporting cast was there as well:

J. Jonah Jameson

Aunt May

Betty Brant

…though none of his schoolmates like Flash Thompson, Gwen Stacy, and Mary Jane Watson. (Peter’s “civilian” life was more-or-less ignored unless it involved Aunt May or the Daily Bugle)

I remember loving the action-packed adventures of the web-slinging wall-crawler growing up…then Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man came to DVD with a bonus feature: the origin of Spider-Man from the 60s cartoon! 

I immediately turned it on and was treated to…a ton of footage of Spider-Man swinging around. Over a third of the cartoon was the same 4 or 5 web-slinging animations on different backgrounds.

Later, I had acquired a book about the history of Marvel (the company, not the comics) that mentioned the fact that all the Marvel cartoons from the 60s (Spider-Man, Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, and the Hulk) used drawing from comics panels and “animated” those panels to make their cartoons (which is why in a number of Iron Man cartoons his armor changed its appearance; the artists kept changing his armor between stories and the drawings used in the animations were from different stories for the same cartoon.  That Tony…always gotta tinker!)

Going back and rewatching the old cartoons…yes, they were simpler, but not as simple as Superfriends (notice how I keep going back to them as the low bar?), and Spider-man and His Amazing Friends from the 80s sometimes had less complex plot lines.

If you would like to watch the series, it’s available on Disney+ or behind your favorite paywall.

If you would like to see any episodes reviewed, please let me know!

[fancoloredglasses]

Battle Beyond the Stars (Space samurai), conclusion

(Thanks to Roger Corman [Official YouTube Page])

PREVIOUSLY ON...

The peaceful planet Akir is being threatened by a warlord known as Sador, who demands unconditional surrender when he returns in one week or he'll raze the planet and kill its population. He leaves behind a single fighter to prevent escape. (the pilots of said fighter prove to be lazy, as they let Our Hero leave the planet, but also pervy as they kidnapped a woman from the planet to have fun with)

One lone youth embarks on a quest to recruit mercenaries (with zero budget to hire them)

Shad (played by Richard Thomas, who is best known for playing John-Boy Walton) In his journey with his ship manned by an AI named Nell (I've been calling the ship Nell as well, since she technically is the ship), he has recruited six others

android technician (and potential Love Interest) named Nanelia

An arms dealer known only as Space Cowboy (played by George Peppard, best known for playing Col. John "Hannibal" Smith), who donated his arms shipment after Sador killed his customer along with their planet, Umateal (since the weapons were paid for already) and for some reason offered to help set up the ground defense.

A scavenger known as Cayman, who has a vendetta against Sador and drags his crew with him.

Five beings (or "facets") that are part of a hive mind known as Nestor. Nestor volunteered the facets because it was bored and wanted the experience.

A mercenary known as Gelt (played by Robert Vaughn, who was part of the cast of the Western version of this story (The Magnificent Seven)), who asked for payment in the form of "a meal and a place to hide" (as there was no civilized world he could show his face and not have it shot off)

And finally, St. Exmin, an initiate of a warrior race known as the Valkiri. She is on a pilgrimage to prove her worth in battle so she can return to her people. (Shad wasn't too happy about accepting her help, but beggars can't be choosers.

That catches us up. Now, on to the exciting conclusion. If you would like to watch the film, it's available on Amazon.

Now we have our seven! On to Akir!

Speaking of Akir, let’s check out those lazy pervy pilots that were supposed to be watching the planet.

NOW they pay attention to their duty!

…so now we can add “cowardly” to their description. The woman they kidnap takes that moment to rush the control room and try to seize control. This is enough of a distraction for Gelt to destroy them. Thank you, nameless woman. Your sacrifice will…to be honest, no one even knew she was on board so it will go unnoticed.

With the token guard defeated, the team land on Akir. The Akira are hidden when they arrive (no doubt due in part to the lazy pervy cowards) but when they emerge, they give the warriors a warm reception.

The warriors convene for a strategy session.

(That’s the beam that disintegrated Umateal)

Nanelia explains that when the Stellar Converter is deployed, Sador’s ship will be vulnerable. Normally his fighters would wipe out any resistance first, so they’ll need to destroy the fighters first (gee, I wonder why no one else had thought of that!)

On the ground, Cowboy directs the Akira to build defenses against the inevitable ground assault (after all, why destroy Akir if Sador’s forces can wipe out their people instead?)

Meanwhile, Sador is making his return to claim his prize (think he’ll be upset about his lost pilots?)

Nice to know he thinks so highly of his men.

Back on Akir, the warriors enjoy a bit of calm before all hell breaks loose.

Well, let’s fade away from that bit of awkward flirting between Shad and Nanelia and see how the others are doing.

(Thanks to Kahm)

Wow, standards have fallen over the centuries! We barely acknowledge hot dogs as “food” these days, let alone “meat”!

All too soon, Sador returns. Let’s hope the Akira and their warriors are ready! Cowboy says his goodbyes (remember, he was just there to prep the ground defense, not actually fight. Though I’m pretty sure he’ll be back.) However…

Looks like Cowboy is in this fight whether he wants to be or not!

Exmin is the first to engage Sador (go figure: her ship is the fastest and she’s just itching for a good fight!) She leads the drones away…right into the others, who start to make short work of them.

Sador then decides to get more involved in the battle by launching nukes. One locks onto Nell, and the explosion would likely take her out if they shot it down!

Shad manages to pilot Nell toward Sador’s engines, veering off suddenly so the missile hits Sador’s ship. Not bad, kid!

Unfortunately, Sador’s guns manage to hit Gelt’s ship!

Gelt’s ship crashes onto Akir, taking him out of the fight (I’m going to assume he died in the crash, but it’s not specified)

Elsewhere on the surface, the ground assault has begun. Fortunately, Cowboy was forced to stay on Akir so now he’s coordinating the defense.

With his leadership, this planet of pacifists who’ve never fired a weapon before somehow manage to hold off a platoon of well-trained soldiers. Maybe they can force Sador’s forces to leave the planet and never return!

(Thanks to somecallmetank)

Yeah, that’s what I expected.

The sonic tank sends high frequency, high decibel waves toward the defenders, forcing them to fall back (didn’t Cowboy bring noise-cancelling headphones?)

Two of Cayman’s crew volunteer to deal with the tank.

Hey, it’s better than nothing.

The Kelvins’ psychic abilities disable the tank and take out its escort troops. I doubt that trick will work twice, but at least it bought the defenders some time to regroup.

…or just charge right back in.

Out in space, Nell receives word that Zed (remember him? Has fallen in battle. This sobers Shad up and he returns to the surface to help with the wounded.

Later, Exmin returns to brag about her exploits.

(not sure why the director decided to shoot Exmin’s butt for this scene, but it sure was a choice)

Shad tells Exmin in no uncertain terms that he could care less about “glory in battle”. He just wants his people to be safe.

He then continues tending to the wounded and finds…

Well, at least now we know Gelt survived the crash, but not for much longer. When he dies, Shad demands a full meal be buried with Gelt, to honor their agreement: a meal and a place to hide (you can't get more hidden than six feet under)

Meanwhile, Nestor has a plan.

Since they are all Nestor, that facet would essentially be a spy. Not a bad plan, since the facets are more or less disposable. Let’s check in with that facet…

(Thanks to Lost Gems & Stinkers)

(I don’t know about that. You gave Sador a new nickname: Lefty)

Shad loses hope, but Exmin and Nestor refuse to give up. As he prepares to take Nell up for Round Two (what has Sador been doing while everyone has been cooling their heels on the surface? You’d think he’d just pull out his Stellar Converter and vaporize Akir)…

Awwwww…they get to die together!

And up in space…

Lefty Sador finally gets off his keister and gets serious. Unfortunately, his fighters aren’t any more effective than they were earlier.

However, even incompetents get lucky every now and then as Nestor’s ship takes a hit and is destroyed. Ah well, at least the hive mind will have a hell of a memory?

Finally, Sador has had enough and prepares to fire the Stellar Converter.

Exmin sees her opening and swoops in for the kill!

…well, into the Stellar Converter, anyway. That’s three warriors down.

With the Stellar Converter taken out, Sador sounds the retreat.

Meanwhile, Cowboy has decided to join the fight (Why? Sador’s limping away) and Cayman engages Sador, determined to destroy him.

Then Cowboy engages, but Sador can’t be bothered with him and just launches nukes at him.

The explosion knocks Cowboy’s ship out of control and he crashes back into Akir. Now what was the point of that? That’s four down.

And what of Cayman?

…make that five down, with just Shad and Nanelia remaining (together in one target. Convenient!) Fortunately, Sador decides to withdraw since his Stellar Converter is gone.

Shad isn’t wrong, so he sets Nell on an intercept course. Unfortunately, Sador launches nukes that damage Nell enough that her memory fails.

As Sador brings Nell aboard, he and his men take the time to celebrate their victory. However...

(Thanks to Bloopotronica)

And with that sentiment, the credits roll. We don’t even get a celebration on Akir. They just…roll credits.

[fancoloredglasses]

Battle Beyond the Stars (Space samurai), part 1

(Thanks to Roger Corman [Official YouTube Page])

[All images are owned by New World Pictures 20th Century Pictures Disney. Please don’t sue me]

One of the most influential films of the 20th century was Akira Kurozawa’s Seven Samurai, a tale of seven Japanese warriors banding together to stop an army from destroying a village. It was retold in the United States as the western known as The Magnificent Seven. In 1980, in yet another attempt to cash in on the popularity of Star Wars, the tale was brought into space by Roger Corman in Battle Beyond the Stars.

The film was extremely low budget (with the majority of the funds going toward the salaries of two of its stars) The film was one of James Cameron’s (who would later go on to direct Terminator 2, Aliens, Titanic, and Avatar) early projects as set designer and model maker (the film’s budget was so low, he used spray painted styrofoam McDonald’s boxes to design spaceship interiors!)

Now, on with the show! If you would like to watch the film, it’s available on Amazon.

We open to a giant warship slowly crawling across the screen in a way that would make Spaceball One proud. We switch to be bridge where the commander, a being known as Sador, is shown his newest plaything.

Hmmm…not much to look at from this distance. Couldn’t they magnify it or something?

Anyway, it is explained that Akir’s people are known as the Akira (a nice nod to Kurosawa) and they are a planet of farmers and are pretty much defenseless except for an ancient orbital weather station.

…err, scratch that. They’re totally defenseless now that they no longer have an ancient orbital weather station.

On the surface, the ship enters the atmosphere.

Though due to framing it doesn’t look that large. In fact, it looks barely tall enough for one of the Akira to be able to stand upright inside. Sador introduces himself (using the bottom of his ship as a monitor) to the Akira as their conqueror. He gives then seven days to consider his offer to surrender to him or else he’ll attack, killing all life on the planet.

He then orders the ship's weapons to fire on the people below as a demonstration! After reminding them of his demands, he leaves for a week to threaten other planets. However, he’s not stupid as he leaves a patrol fighter to make sure they don’t get too uppity.

Later, the Akira leaders hold a pity party as they refuse to stand up to Sador. Then one of their elders (named Zed) suggests a reckless plan.

Well, it couldn’t hurt, except the Akira have no money. Still, maybe whatever mercenaries they find will fight for fighting sake (sure, why not?) But who will take on this fool’s errand?

Allow me to introduce the sacrificial lamb brave volunteer, Shad (played by Richard Thomas, who is best known as John-Boy on The Waltons), who has actually flown the ONE spaceship the Akira have (you’d think they would build at least one more in case anything happened to this one)

Zed instructs Shad to seek out a being known as Dr. Hephaestus, a weapons manufacturer. He then turns control of the ship to Shad, introducing him to the ship’s AI, Nell (I’m just gonna call the ship Nell, since the AI pretty much runs the ship anyway) And they’re off!

(Thanks to Tales From SYL Ranch DARKROOM)

Yay laziness?

 Later, Nell arrives at Dr. Hephaestus’s station. However, there is no response to hails. Despite this, Shad takes Nell in. Shad enters the station proper to discover…

…a woman repairing androids (who seems shocked that Shad isn’t one). This is Nanelia, Dr. Hephaestus’s daughter. Shad asks to see her father, but…

I’m pretty sure he’s looked better.

Dr. Hephaestus refuses to help the Akira, but he has a proposition for Shad.

Dr. Hephaestus orders his androids to detain Shad in one of the guest quarters. Later, Nanelia visits him. Somehow, Shad convinces her to help him leave the station rather than making him stay to be a brood stallion for her.

He tries to convince her to join him, but she refuses. However, after thinking about it, she grabs a station shuttle and goes after him. He offers to meet her near his next stop. I’m calling it now: she’ll be sharing quarters with him by the end of the film.

Let’s check back in with Sador, shall we? It seems that he sent once of his men to order another world (Umateal) to surrender. They sent the man back in a space coffee can. Sador isn’t too happy about this.

Meanwhile near the rendezvous point, Nell and Shad encounter…

(Thanks to Teut Hamer)

[QUICK NOTE: Space Cowboy (no actual name given) is played by George Peppard, who would go on to lead another group of mercenaries on Earth]

After an argument as to just who’s in charge of this mission, Shad and Nell finish off the Jackers.

Shad then talks to Cowboy about signing on.

I’m guessing Shad’s sales pitch needs some work.

Then Nell gets a message from Umateal. Say, isn’t that the world that Sador…uh oh.

Sador vaporizes the planet! Cowboy still isn’t interested, but seeing as his customer was on Umateal…

Shad agrees to take Cowboy’s weapons (since they’re already paid for by a dead guy), but the Akira will need someone to train them how to use them.

Hey, better than nothing! As a way to celebrate their deal, Cowboy offers to show Shad one of his old westerns. I wonder if he has a copy of The Magnificent Seven?

Meanwhile Nanelia is approaching the rendezvous point when…

…a strange light show envelops her ship, rendering her unconscious (I guess she’s epileptic?) Then another ship fires on the lights and they disappear (Wouldn’t an off switch be easier?), then captures her ship.

She awakens hanging by her wrists in a steam room with a creepy alien eyeing her like a side of beef (though if the being eats sentients, she may essentially be one to him)

Err…right.

The Sleestak clone introduces himself as Cayman, and he saved her from the disco lights (that were about to eat her) She appreciates the save and would like to be on her way, but it seems they have other plans for her…

She should’ve taken her chances with the technicolor dream-predator.

Instead, she tries to hire them to help defend Akir, spinning a bullshit story about how much they could be paid for their help. However, he’s not buying what she’s selling.

That gets Cayman’s attention, as he has a laser axe to grind with Sador, so he agrees to help.

Getting back to Shad, Nell feel herself being pulled off course by…

Nell says she can’t pull free, so Shad turns her around and charges right at them! Suddenly he vanishes from Nell’s bridge into…

(Thanks to MΣƬΛ)

Seeing as beggars can’t be choosers, Shad agrees. So now we have either all seven (since this is based off Seven Samurai) or three warriors, depending on how you view Nestor.

In any case, let’s check back with Akir and the lazy fighter pilots (remember them?)

…who are perving on Akira mating rituals. They decide to once again shun their orders and go down and abduct one of the Arkia women! I guess with looks like theirs it’s hard to get a date on Saturday night.

Now that we’ve shown how creepy Sador’s goons can be, let’s get back to Shad and Nell, who have arrived at the planet Nascosto.

However, all Shad can see is a massive storm system covering the planet. Nell explains the civilization is underground due to the weather. Shad finds a place to land and goes searching for a way in.

I think Nell’s data on this planet is a but outdated. However, while Shad is playing with the outdated computers…

Fortunately, whoever it is is a lousy shot. We’ll just say they’re trying to get his attention. Shad quickly explains that he’s looking for mercenaries.

The man (Gelt, played by Robert Vaughn (who played one of The Magnificent Seven)) explains that a coalition of neighboring systems wiped out the rest of the mercenaries, so now there’s just him.

After debating the morals of being a mercenary, Shad makes his offer. Gelt explains he’s very wealthy from his exploits, but he’s made so many enemies he can’t show his face to spend any of it.

With that, Gelt agrees to "a meal and a place to hide", bringing the total to four (I guess we’re calling all of Nestor’s bodies as one mercenary)

As Shad and Nell leave Nascoso, they encounter…

The ship opens fire, but is ineffective. The ship hails Nell.

Exmin wants to join up, but Shad is too annoyed to accept (what’s that saying about beggars and choosers?) I have a feeling this won’t be the last we see of her.

Having ditched Exmin, Shad contacts Cowboy to let him know that the others are coming in. I guess if you count Shad and Nanelia that’s six. Where’s the seventh?

After introductions are made…

I knew Exmin wouldn’t give up so easily.

(much to Shad’s chagrin)

Now we have our seven! On to Akir!

WILL this band of seven defeat Sador?

CAN they save Akir?

DOES Cowboy have a copy of The Magnificent Seven?

These questions and more will be answered in the exciting conclusion!

[fancoloredglasses]

Smallville (a 10-year origin story)

[All images are owned by DC Comics and Warner Bros-Discovery. Please don’t sue me]

(Thanks to jimgerakaris)

A bit of history of Superman before the actual review…

(Thanks to DC)

When Superman was created in 1939, no thought was given to Clark Kent’s life before coming to Metropolis. One day, he decided to wear a blue body suit with red underpants on the outside and a giant S on his chest.

However, after the second World War came to a close, Superman co-creator Jerry Siegel decided to expand on Superman’s origin, saying that he actually donned the “Captain Underpants” look as a teen.

(Thanks to Comics Archaeology)

I would like to note that Smallville looked like a town of less than 10,000 people. This would be the type of town where everyone knows everyone, so there’s NO WAY Clark’s secret would remain a secret for long (in fact, Clark’s best friend Pete Ross DID find out)

However, following Crisis, Superboy was removed from the continuity and once again, Clark Kent first donned the tights as an adult…

…after he was forced to reveal himself to the public.

But what about his life before he came to Metropolis? In 2001, the WB Network (which would later merge with UPN to become the CW Network) sought to answer that question with Smallville, which was to chronicle the life of a teenage Clark.

Warner Brothers executives has two demands to green light the series: No tights and No flights (meaning Clark couldn’t “suit up” over the course of the series and couldn’t fly.

However, in the second episode we see Clark floating over his bed)

The series started as you’d expect (with baby Kal-El landing in Smallville, Kansas) However, he didn’t come alone.

(Thanks to Varun Hans)

The meteors that fell on Smallville (three guesses what those meteors are made of) have radiation that has mutagenic properties (in addition to being poisonous to Kryptonians) Season 1 was pretty much Clark Kent vs. the Kryptonite mutant of the week (they started easing up on it starting with Season 2)

Anyway, let’s meet the stars of the show…

Young Clark Kent (played by Tom Welling), who starts the series as an awkward teen starting at Smallville High School. He spends much of the first four seasons discovering his powers and heritage (more on that later)

Clark adopted parents and Martha and Jonathan Kent (played by Annette O’Toole (who played Lana Lang in Superman III) and John Schneider (who played Bo Duke in The Dukes of Hazzard)), who try to instill in Clark small-town values while teaching him to use his powers to help others.

Clark’s best friends are Chloe Sullivan (played by Allison Mack [FUN FACT: Chloe was created for the series; due to her popularity, DC brought her into the comics]) and Pete Ross (played by Sam Jones III)

While Pete is the first to learn Clark’s secret, Chloe is editor for the school paper and has an obsession over the strange happenings around Smallville that started the day of the meteor storm (so naturally she eventually finds out as well)

Clark has a crush on Lana Lang (played by Kristin Kreuk, who would go on to play the title character in Street Fighter: The Legend on Chun-Li), whose parents were vaporized in the meteor storm. She wears a pendant made of meteor rock to remember them (which means she is literally toxic for Clark)

Naturally, you can’t have Superman Clark Kent without Lex Luthor (played by Michael Rosenbaum) Lex lost his hair due to Kryptonite radiation during the meteor storm. At the beginning of the series, Lex was more or less banished to the Smallville fertilizer plant owned by his father…

…Lionel Luthor (played by John Glover, who played Daniel Clamp in Gremlins 2), founder and CEO of the multinational corporation known as Luthor Corp.

Lex and Clark start out as friends after they meet…

(Thanks to Varun Hans)

While Lex initially tries to do the right thing, he eventually goes down the dark path we all know he will as he and Clark become enemies.

There are others who join the cast as the series moves beyond a teen drama with super powers after season 4 (it ran for 10 seasons), including future members of the Justice League…

…such as Green Arrow

Martian Manhunter

…and the Flash.

However, Krypton exerts influence on Clark and the Kents, as the spirit of Jor-El (played by Terrence Stamp, who played General Zod in Superman II) repeatedly tries to push Clark to a destiny he’s not sure he wants.

But Stamp and O’Toole aren’t the only callback actors, as we have one more cast member from the films…

Christopher Reeve (the Man of Steel himself) in his final role as an astronomer with insight into Krypton.

Clark eventually finds his way to Metropolis (which is visible from Smallville’s water tower. So would that place it in Kansas, Nebraska, or Missouri?) and the Daily Planet, which would put him working with…

…Chloe’s cousin Lois Lane (Played by Erica Durance, who would later play Dr. Reid on Saving Hope)

…and Jimmy Olsen (played by Aaron Ashmore, who would go on to play Johnny in Killjoys)

Despite skirting the issue (Clark would use his abilities without the tights, moving so fast that the Daily Planet dubbed him “The Blur”), they gave in to the inevitable for the series finale.

(Thanks to smallville21KAL)

However, that would not be the last we’d see of Welling as Clark Kent, as he got closure 6 years later.

(Thanks to TV Promos)

If you would like to watch the series, it’s available on Hulu or behind your favorite paywall.

As always, if there is an episode you would like reviewed, please let me know!

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Gargoyles (Gettin’ medieval for the kids)

[All images are owned by Disney. Please don’t sue me]

(Thanks to Jan Schmelter)

(If you would like to see the wall of text that was the original review, you may do so here)

In the 90s, before there were a ton of cable stations devoted to cartoons and kids’ fare (The Disney Channel and Nickelodeon were it) and you could still watch a ton of cartoons between the time that kids would be coming home from school and the time parents came home from work (every TV station not affiliated with the “Big Three” (Fox was not yet the major network it is now, and its stations were often regarded as “independents” that happened to have Fox programming a few nights a week) had this format in the afternoon)

(Thanks to DuckTales Wiki)

In 1990, Disney decided to get in on this action with The Disney Afternoon, a two-hour block of cartoons using series previously aired on the Disney Channel, with such well-regarded shows as Duck Tales, Chip & Dale’s Rescue Rangers, Darkwing Duck, TaleSpin, and Goof Troop.

Then in 1994, Disney took a serious risk with its block. Instead of the kid-friendly mild adventure (and outright comedy) reruns, they premiered a show with a much darker (though still kid-friendly) tone that included characters being wounded and (gasp) killed! Needless to say, this got the immediate attention of my college-age friends and myself!

The cartoon is about a group of gargoyles (hence the series’s title) from the 10th century who, despite a symbiotic relationship with Celtic nobility (they defended the nobles’ castle at night and the humans protected them during the day when they were stone and helpless), were feared and shunned by the very humans they helped protect (almost sounds like a metaphor for racial tensions, much like the mutants in X-Men)

The clan of Gargoyles (well, the ones who the series centers on) consists of 7 warriors

...led by Goliath, the only one of them with a name (voiced by Kieth David who went on to voice Captain Anderson in the Mass Effect video game franchise)

...along with his mate (voiced by Marina Sirtis…we’ll get to her in a moment)

...his mentor (voiced by Ed Asner, who played Lou Grant on The Mary Tyler Moore Show)

...three younger warriors

...and a gargoyle-dog (dog-goyle?)

There are others, but as you’ll see they’re not that important.

When their main ally among the humans betrayed them, (though, to be fair, he was actually betraying the nobles. He assumed the invaders would leave the gargoyles alone after they won. WRONG! The invaders smashed the majority of the gargoyles while they were stone, killing them in a way that was technically kid-friendly) and the nobles blamed them for their defeat (Why? The invaders attacked during the day!) The court mage (who is known as the Magus) cursed the gargoyles to remain stone forever “until the castle rises above the clouds”. What dicks!

Fortunately, the nobles realized who really betrayed them, but unfortunately the mage could not undo the spell, so they took it upon themselves to care for the unborn gargoyle eggs as they fled (This will become important later)

Fast forward about a thousand years, when billionaire industrialist David Xanatos (voiced by Jonathan Frakes…I swear I will address this!) has the castle carefully taken down and reconstructed (making sure to use every piece) atop his skyscraper. Sure enough, this meets the conditions of the spell and the gargoyles awaken at dusk. Goliath discovers his mate was not demolished by the invaders, but was somehow still alive (after a millennium? Given Goliath’s mentor is old, they are obviously not immortal!) and told Xanatos about the spell.

As thanks, Goliath agrees to work with Xanatos, until it’s obvious that Xanatos isn’t exactly on the side of the angels.

Nor, apparently, is Goliath’s mate, who had grown more cold and ruthless (and has developed a hatred of humans) in the past thousand years (again, how? I mean, it is sorta-kinda explained in later episodes, but for now it’s a mystery). Eventually, the pair turn on the gargoyles.

(Thanks to Tooth)

About this time, Goliath meets...

...(and accidentally nearly kills) an NYPD detective named Elisa Maza.

Elisa becomes a fierce ally to the Gargoyles, eventually helping them find a new home since living over Xanatos’s roof could be hazardous to their health (and sorta-kinda becoming a mate to Goliath? Well, at least a romantic interest in a “will they/won’t they/is the biology even possible?!” kind of way)

Elisa is also inadvertently responsible for naming the rest if the Gargoyles. When she asked Goliath’s mentor what his name was, he was exasperated that humans needed to name everything, and asked if a nearby river had a name too. She replied it was the Hudson. He then threw his hands up and declared that he, too, might as well be called the Hudson, which led to the rest of the clan to choose their own names...

(Thanks to Chris bentley)

OK, time to address the Enterprise in the room. A lot of actors affiliated with Star Trek gave their voices to the series (the fact that Sirtis and Frakes played villains when so many associated them with the crew of the Enterprise-D was surreal at the very least) Every chapter in the Trek mythos to date was represented, with TNG being the most heavy.

(Brent Spiner voiced the fae known as Puck

…and LaVar Burton voiced a spider god), though there were voice actors from...

the original series (Nichelle Nichols voiced Elisa’s mother)

Deep Space Nine (Michael Dorn voiced an undead cyborg gargoyle (yes, the series had some weird characters) known as Coldstone)

Voyager (Kate Mulgrew played Xanatos’s lover’s mother,

...as well as Queen Titania of the fae)

…and even the movies! (Paul Winfield, who played the captain of the USS Reliant in Star Trek II, played a recurring role as blind man who befriends Hudson)

The show’s creator has said that, while he did cast Sirtis and Frakes for the roles, it was not originally his intent to fill the series with voices to please the Trekkies, but he did seem to favor Trek actors more as new characters were written.

Many sci-fi and (urban) fantasy tropes were visited, including time travel (again with the time-travel…however, I like how the series handled the concept: you aren’t altering the past by going back in time, events in the past happened as they did because your present self traveled to the past!)

The series was very well-written, especially for its time (X-Men showed that younger audiences could handle more mature content and could follow a continuing storyline…plus a series written as such could draw in an older demographic that could afford all the merchandising)

As always, let me know if there are any episodes you would like reviewed.

[fancoloredglasses]

State of the Glasses IX: I hate reruns

No cute video here. I'm too depressed.

For those in the US, yesterday was Election Day. If you've been anywhere near a TV, computer, or smartphone anywhere in the world, you likely know the result.

Now, I don't wear my politics on my sleeve, but anyone who's been reading my reviews for a while should be able to figure them out, so let me just say...

Hopefully, our nation survives the next four years and we actually have a new President after that.

I'm sorry to pull the curtain this far back. This is supposed to be a fun hobby for me about revisiting things I saw when I was younger. I shouldn't use it as a soap box for real events, but I felt I should say something.

On a side note, I had written a review of an episode of a show set in 2020 that featured a woman of color (I made a joke or two that the show was a few years early for that). Now I am seriously considering pulling the review because I feel it may be too depressing (It's scheduled to be posted in January. Yes, I write that far in advance)

Please let me know your thoughts on said episode (I won't say what series the episode is from unless you REALLY want to know, but you'll know it when you see it)

Now back to our regularly scheduled frivolity.

[fancoloredglasses]

Over the Edge (Well, THAT escalated quickly!)

[All images are owned by DC Comics and Warner Bros-Discovery. I hope I’m too small-fry to sue…]

[Thanks to Batgirlspain for the inspiration]

I originally wanted to review this episode of New Batman Adventures for Halloween, but I think most of you will agree that what I went with instead worked better (though a number have commented that I may have been a bit too harsh. However, I stand by my opinion!) So now, instead of a few days before Halloween, this review will be out a few days after the Day of the Dead, which I think is more appropriate.

If you would like to watch the episode, it’s available on Max or behind your favorite paywall.

We open with Batman and Robin on the run from…

Wait, the GCPD is after Batman (and using deadly force)? AND they know who he is?!  What the fucking fuck?!

One of the officers throws a grenade (what police department lets its officers carry grenades?!) at them, nearly blowing Robin to bits! The Dynamic Duo run for the Batmobile, but…

They have RPGs as well? Why aren’t they using this sort of ordinance on Bane or Killer Croc?!

The officer blows up the Batmobile, cutting off the Caped Crusaders’ escape.

Batman buys some time by using his trophies against Gordon and his men.

Namely, the giant penny.

Then, another avenue of escape is cut off by Detective Montoya, but they jump off the ledge toward the water below and into the waiting Batboat. Gordon is about to fire on them when…

…Alfred joins the struggle. He’s quickly subdued, but bought enough time for the Batboat to clear the Batcave. However, they’re not in the clear yet as…

Once again, the cops have an RPG handy to blow up the Batboat (someone please explain why Gordon’s been just sitting on these), but misses. Just as they’re about to fire another volley…

...Nightwing joins the fray and draws their fire. He then fires mini torpedoes at the Police boat’s engine, disabling it as the Dynamic Duo and Former Boy Wonder make their escape.

But why is the GCPD going all out to take down Batman? And how does Gordon know who Batman is? We’ll let Batman explain…

(Thanks to FLYBOY727)

OK, while I understand Gordon being upset about Batman being responsible for putting Barbara in harm’s way, that’s a HUGE step from blaming him yo being her murderer (after all, Scarecrow was the one who knocked her off of the building)! Personally, I think Bullock was salivating at the chance to take down the Bat and planted the seed in Gordon’s head.

But that still doesn’t explain how Gordon knows who Batman is!

For that, let’s fast forward a bit in this flashback to Wayne Manor where Bruce gets a phone call from Gordon.

OK, THAT explain it, though are you telling me the future Oracle wouldn’t have encrypted her computers out the wazoo?

As Gordon hangs up, Bruce sees the GCPD drive up, including a battering ram tank! (Seriously, if Gordon had access to all of this, then WHY is Gotham’s criminal element allowed to run rampant?!) Bruce and Tim retreat to the Batcave, which brings us to where we came in.

(Thanks to Tim Bengsch)

Yeah, you’d think Dick would realize that Gordon is capable of putting two and two together.

Now on his own, Batman ponders his next move (I hear Star City’s nice this time of year)

Meanwhile in Gordon’s office, Mayor Hill tries to get Gordon to stand down.

Since the public knows about Barbara’s connection to Batman…

Hill demands Gordon’s resignation.

Meanwhile, on Tabloid TV…

The assembled villains are suing Bruce Wayne for $1 billion!

...under the advice of the Dini-verse's version of Johnny Cochran.

Meanwhile, Gordon has to decide if he quietly resigns or fights the legal system.

With the clock ticking, Gordon goes to Blackgate Prison.

The convict in the shadows agrees to Gordon’s plan.

(Thanks to The World's Finest)

Oh, don’t tell me this was an “it’s all a dream” episode?!

I guess it was!

Turns out Batgirl got a lungful of the Scarecrow’s fear gas and it surfaced her worst fears in her mind.

Barbara decides that, to keep that nightmare scenario from happening, she would come clean to her father (though not reveal the rest of the Bat Family’s secrets)

That night, Barbara invites her father to dinner…and a talk.

Barbara tries to stammer out what she has to say, but is interrupted by Gordon.

So it is implied that Gordon might already know about Barbara…and possibly the others.

And with that, we fade out and credits roll

[fancoloredglasses]

The Superfriends Meet Frankenstein (Monstrously bad)

[All images owned by DC Comics and Hannah-Barbara. Please don’t sue me]

World’s Greatest Superfriends was pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of creativity. The majority of the plots ripped off classic literature and myths (such as Space Arabian Nights, Space Camelot, and Myxlplyx recreating The Wizard of Oz.

However, this review (just in time for Halloween) covers an episode that was ridiculous even by World’s Greatest standards. If you would like to watch it, it’s available on Max or behind your favorite paywall.

We open on a stormy night at a gloomy castle where a mad scientist and his deformed assistant appear to be trying to recreate an infamous experiment.

This is the great, great, grandson of Victor Frankenstein (The writers are using Mel Brooks’s pronunciation of the name)

(Thanks to Gorash)

Dr. Frankenstein (along with his malformed minion Gork (not Igor? I mean, come on! It’s tradition!)) prepares to give life to a monster he intends on turning loose on Transylvania for killing his ancestor 100 years ago. Talk about a slow burning revenge plot!

The experiment is a success, and the monster comes to life. Dr. Frankenstein orders it to destroy Transylvania!

Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice, it’s a quiet day. Batman and Robin are taking advantage of the calm to tune up the Batplane (shouldn’t they do that in the Batcave and not in the Hall of Justice? Especially since…

…some idiot will want to monkey around with the spare parts)

Why is Gleek rummaging around in the Bat-junk?

 To make his own Gleek-plane, of course.

It goes about as well as you’d expect.

[SIDE NOTE: it’s mentioned that the Wonder Twins went with Aquaman to Atlantis, leaving the rest of the Superfriends to Gleek-sit]

The comic relief segment ends as the Trouble Alert blares.

With that, the Batplane speeds to Eastern Europe.

Later, in a village in Transylvania (of course, I think the writers thought the village IS Transylvania), the monster continues its rampage, causing a ton of property damage but not hurting anyone (it IS kids’ TV, after all) as the Dynamic Duo arrive.

The monster isn’t impressed and throws Batman into a nearby bush and Robin into an awning. However, they bounce back and engage the monster, gaining the upper hand for the moment as Dr. Frankenstein looks on.

On Dr. Frankenstein’s orders, the monster retreats to the castle with the Caped Crusaders in hot pursuit. Batman and Robin enter the castle looking for the monster and find a platform covering a sheet. Robin pulls the sheet aside to discover…

Oh, come on! You HAD to know the monster was under there!

Batman pushes the monster into a Jacobs ladder…

…which powers down the monster. The day is saved, right?

Hmm, good point. Sure enough, Dr. Frankenstein shows up, vowing revenge. However, Batman tells Dr. Frankenstein that the Superfriends will stop him.

With that, Gork captures the Dynamic Duo.

(So Dr. Frankenstein just happened to have a giant claw handy?)

Dr. Frankenstein tells Batman he’s planning on using the Superfriends to create his newest monster, starting with Batman!

Dr. Frankenstein’s plan is to transfer Batman’s (and presumably the others’) strength and abilities into the monster.

[OK, hitting pause here. In Superfriends, the only ones with actual powers out of the main cast are Superman and Aquaman. What would Batman and Wonder Woman add? The ability to throw a lasso and use a bunch of monster-themed gadgets? At least the monster could talk to fish if Aquaman was in this episode!]

As Batman’s…bat-ness is undergoing the transfer, Robin is stewing in the dungeon. However…

Let that be a lesson, kids! Always spring the extra few bucks for steel cuffs!

With his ropes chewed off, Robin grabs his utility belt from the nearby table while Gork is sleeping (wait, wasn’t he just upstairs with Dr. Frankenstein?)

Robin rushes off to alert the rest of the Superfriends. Gork then suddenly rushes off to inform Dr. Frankenstein of Robin’s escape.

…all according to plan!

Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice…

Superman and Wonder Woman spring into action and head for Transylvania.

Unfortunately, so does the comic relief.

As the rest of the Superfriends arrive, Superman hears screams from the village, so he and Wonder Woman rush to help

(leaving Batman to rot in Castle Frankenstein, I guess)

(Thanks to Slime Golem's Slimepedia)

Looks like the Superfriends fell right into Dr. Frankenstein’s trap! The tar monster drags Superman and Wonder Woman to the castle and prepped for the procedure.

With that hollow threat, the Superfriends are raised for the transfer, producing…

…yeeeeeaaaah

Dr. Frankenstein then sends his new monster to conquer Europe! The monster leaves the castle, passing a hidden Robin along the way. As Robin tries to figure out what sort of deus ex Supershit he can pull out of his ass to Save The Day…

…the Comic Relief crashes into a nearby bog, then finds Robin. Robin has at least the beginnings of a plan, using Gleek to distract Gork long enough to…

Wow! For once Gleek did something useful! Robin frees the others and prepares to stop the monster, but…

The Superfriends limp to an energy research station and explain the situation to the scientists. They have a machine that can transfer the Superfriends’ remaining energy to Robin, but it’s untested on humans (or Kryptonians)

The scientists perform the procedure and we now have an 10 foot tall Super-Robin.

The scientists explain that the Superfriends could die in an hour if the energy isn’t returned (so no pressure or anything) With that, Robin flies off.

Meanwhile, the monster has grabbed a monorail and throws it into the distance when…

One would think catching it like that would make it split in half. Robin gently returns it to the ground (oblivious to any injuries to passengers and crew caused by the sudden stop when he caught it)

Dr. Frankenstein isn’t pleased upon realizing that his monster isn’t the only one with Superman’s abilities, ordering his monster to kill Robin.

The pair square off, but…

Robin then flies off, returning moments later with…

This weakens the monster (Robin is wearing a lead-lined suit) and flies him away.

Meanwhile, the Superfriends have staggered their way to Frankenstein’s castle (in their weakened state, it likely would’ve taken them a hell of a lot longer than an hour!)

The trio somehow overpower Dr. Frankenstein…

…while Gleek deals with Gork (Gleek useful twice in an episode? Are the writers feeling all right? I mean, even Batman looks shocked!)

Robin sets the controls as the others strap themselves on the tables, then straps the monster and himself in as the process is reversed and everyone is back to normal.

All that’s left is the wrap-up at the Hall of Justice, where Robin kinda misses being able to fly.

Speaking of flying…whatever happened to the comic relief and the Gleek-plane?

Don’t worry. He’ll find his way home by the next episode.

…maybe.

[fancoloredglasses]

Captain America (Could you stop the film, please? I think I'm going to be sick), conclusion

(Thanks to Chas Blankenship)

[All images are owned by Marvel Disney and 21st Century Films MGM. Please don’t sue me]

PREVIOUSLY ON...

Polio survivor Steve Rogers is selected to undergo a process developed by Dr. Vaselli, a scientist who defected to the US from Italy, that transforms him into a super soldier code-named Captain America. Unfortunately, Vaselli is killed by a Nazi spy brought in by US Army officer Lt. Fleming after the process is completed, so Rogers is the last super soldier.

His first mission is to stop a rocket being launched by Vaselli's other creation, a man known only as the Red Skull. Rogers is defeated by the Skull and strapped to the rocket, but Rogers managed to divert the rocket (witnessed by a boy named Thomas Kimball, who takes a picture of the event), causing it to crash into the ice in Alaska, where Captain America would be frozen in suspended animation.

Fast forward 50 years. Tom Kimball becomes President and flies to Rome for an environmental summit, while the Red Skull has plastic surgery and becomes a shadowy terrorist leader.

Meanwhile, Captain America's frozen body is discovered, which makes the news. The Skull dispatches his daughter Valentina to deal with him. Captain America thaws and wanders through Canada (being chased by Valentina) before reaching his home town in California where he's reunited with his childhood sweetheart and her daughter Sharon.

Unfortunately, Sharon's family is attacked (and her mother killed) by Valentina as Kimball is kidnapped by the Skull. Steve (and, for some reason, Sharon) head to Italy to save Kimball and defeat the Skull.

That catches us up. If you would like to watch the film, it’s available out YouTube or behind your favorite paywall.

Speaking of Italy…

…the Red Skull is shooting Kimball full of chemicals that will make the mind-control implant more receptive (or something like that; I admit I wasn’t following his technobabble) As they drag Kimball to the VIP cell…

…he pockets some sort of compound.

Later, Steve and Sharon (why exactly is she tagging along?) have landed in Rome and head for the village the Red Skull came from.

Oh, he is NOT trying THAT again, is he? Surely, she’s too smart to fall for-

…I stand corrected. Steve wants to keep Sharon out of danger (then why did he take her to Italy?) so he ditches her in the middle of Rome. Yeah, that makes sense.

Back at Casa Skull, Kimball pulls out the compound and…

Oh, it’s acid! Why the hell was there acid in the room when Kimball wasn’t being tortured?

Meanwhile, Steve has found the location given in the diary and finds the owner to ask about the previous occupants, but she doesn’t speak English.

Fortunately, Sharon found a taxi to follow him…and, more importantly, speaks Italian.

She doesn’t know much, but her parents saved a few things when they acquired the house, including a tape recorder. They get it to play the tape, which is audio of the Skull’s family being killed 57 years ago. Sharon uses her own recording device to copy the footage

While Sharon and Steve plan their next move (preferably without Steve trying to ditch Sharon again)…

…they’re spotted by Valentina, who takes a seat nearby and draws her pistol! Too bad Steve sees what she was up to and knocks her down. Sharon quickly steals her wallet and they run off.

Unfortunately, Valentina has backup in a car and chases them down. They eventually lose him in the narrow streets, but…

Geez, how many goons did Valentina bring with her? Steve manages to de-cycle the rider, but by then Valentina and her goon squad have shown up, so…

Hey, it’s better than nothing. However, the bike has no brakes and they wind up losing control and falling into the ocean below. Well, at least they lost Valentina.

Once back on land, Sharon goes through Valentina’s wallet and finds her ID, but more importantly…

…proof of her connection to the Skull and an address! Time to go meet the President! Unfortunately…

…Valentina doesn’t give up that easily! How do they plan on outrunning a Porche and a Ferrari in a Fiat?

Sharon decides to be a diversion and draw Valentina’s goons away while Steve storms the fortress. Of course, she’s still driving that Fiat so good luck.

Yeah, that’s kinda what I expected. For whatever reason, Sharon is captured instead of killed. Steve chases after her and finds her earphones and somehow knows Valentina has her.

Inside, after Valentina issues some not-so-veiled threats at Sharon…

…one of her goons finds the recording and gives it to her.

After Valentina leaves, Sharon hears (thanks to a hole in the ceiling)…

…the Red Skull’s plans to inject the implant into Kimball in about 20 minutes. Then he wanders off for a chat with…

…General Fleming (remember him?)?! THE RAT BASTARD! Well, at least that explains what he was doing with a Nazi spy 50 years ago.

Outside, Steve prepares his assault of the Skull’s compound.

…after he changes into his work clothes. Has he even washed that thing after being frozen in it for 50 years?

Inside, the acid has weakened Kimball’s cell door enough for him to kick it open (why is there no guard stationed either at the door or close enough to hear Kimball’s escape?) He hears a few goons and the Skull’s surgeon approach (though they’re just strolling so they obviously didn’t hear the squeal of the cell door being forced open) and open the door (missing the fact that the cell is obviously empty), allowing Kimball the chance to slip out.

…but not escape. Kimball jumps over the side to his death rather than surrender to the Skull.

…but is caught by Captain America! Cap pulls Kimball inside…

…where Kimball shows Cap the picture he took 50 years ago. The Moment ends as they hear the Skull’s goons looking for them.

Between the two, they give the Skull’s goons what for until they manage to knock a goon out that has a satellite phone, so Kimball calls in for reinforcements.

As Cap looks for the Skull, General Fleming (THE RAT BASTARD!) tries to sneak out but is confronted by Kimball and knocked out by a vicious right cross.

Meanwhile, Cap has found the Skull.

(Thanks to TheMovieDump)

In the aftermath, the environmental summit (remember that? That was the whole reason Kimball was in Rome in the first place!) is a success.

Roll credits.

Would this be a better movie with a better lead? Who knows? It likely needed a better script and director as well.