#Gotham loves Alfred

[lunamugetsu]

The new hire

The Wayne Manor is a very large building with a large list of things that needed tending to. While Alfred takes pride in his ability in being the Wayne family butler, he is not too proud to admit that he does need help in maintaining the manor.

So he hired a part time maid!

A young lady named Jasmine, who is a student at Gotham University and is taking care of her younger siblings.

She's well behaved, doesn't complain, cleans well, doesn't steal, and has enough sass in her to deal with any of the batfamily's attitude.

One time she even stopped a group of burglars all by herself. When Alfred had come to check on her, he was met with the sight of Jazz having tied them up while lecturing them about their life choices and helping them find a better job.

So when he agrees to meeting with Jazz's brother to see if he'd be perfect to help with the jobs that needed heavy lifting or hard work. He is met with a 6'10 very muscled man with sharp teeth and flaming hair.

"This is my... twin brother! Dan!" Jazz introduces the man who Alfred.

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 261

“So is no one going to talk about the eldritch space child or…” 

“I mean, do you want to get between a child and Batman? I think the only one who could even get close right now is Superman…” 

“No you’re right, I think- oh my god the eldritch space child is playing with batman’s bat-ears and he’s not doing anything about it what the fuck I thought only Robins could get away with that-” 

[bruciemilf]

Battinson as a parent: oh, I’m sorry that you fell , Jay. Yes, the ground shouldn’t have tripped you. Bad ground. Would you like an ice cream to feel better?

Thomas when Bruce jumped off the slide and broke his arm because some kid dared him to: Bet you won’t do that dumbass shit again, huh?

[celaenaeiln]

At the dining table for breakfast

Jason: Heh.

Jason: Hahahaha.

Jason: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bruce: *raising the newspaper up higher*

Alfred: *placidly pouring coffee into Bruce’s mug* Did something interesting happen, Master Jason?

Jason: Alfred, I am about to have the perfect surprise for that bony a-Tim. The perfect surprise for Tim.

Alfred: *putting away the bar of soap he pulled out of nowhere* Is that so? Please do be careful not to make a mess here. The waxing was just done in the dining room.

Jason: No problem, in fact-

Tim: *entering sluggishly*

Jason: In fact…in…fact…Megamind, what are you doing here?

Tim: ……..hm?

Jason: What are you doing here?

Tim: eating??

Jason: You-why are you coming from the right side bathroom-weren’t you going to use the upstairs one on the left?

Tim: oh. Dick was already in it so I decided to use the other one.

Jason: what.

Tim: what.

Jason: No. Hahahahaha. You’re joking…nononono-god, Tim, WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?

Tim: ????????

Jason: You-

Dick’s voice thundering from a floor away: JASON!!!!

Jason: *staring blankly then running forward and smacking Tim on the head* It’s all your fault!

Tim who hasn’t slept or had coffee or know why something he doesn’t know about is his fault: ???? WHAT DID I DO?!

Jason: *running past and leaping out the window* See you later, losers. Bye, Alf.

Disappearing seconds before a blur of wet skin, white towel, and neon pink hair rushes past and follows him out the window.

Tim:

Bruce:

Tim: ……Did you have breakfast yet?

Bruce: …….Hrmgh.

Alfred: *tutting* I just had the floors done. Master Bruce, would you mind redoing them? I’m afraid I must catch the mailman before he gives treats to Titus again. He’s leaving crumbs all over the entrance.

Bruce: What about Ti-

Bruce: *glancing back to see a lone leaf float in and drop slowly to the ground*

Bruce: ………

[fanfic-obsessed]

Smitten

I had this idea for a JayTim that I want to share. 

Obviously there is no canon here, for the record. 

In addition we have a version of Jack and Janet Drake that do love their son, they just have a really bad grasp on age appropriate supervision and activities. They honestly believe that a nine year old can be left alone with only a periodic check from a housekeeper (Also they are aware that Tim leaves the premises almost every night with a camera, they also believe this is a reasonable activity).  Like the very embodiment ‘they’re confused, but they got spirit’. Believe me when I say this will be relevant later.

We are also bringing Jason and Tim’s ages just a hair closer together. This starts with Jason being 14 and Tim being 13, at the annual holiday Wanye Gala. This particular time Jack, Janet, and Tim are in attendance. 

It starts with some boorish rich asshole, a little too drunk and being stupid about it, making an insulting comment about Janet Drake, heard by Tim. Now Tim loves his mother, and does not appreciate this man who insulted her. 

Thirteen year old Tim verbally eviscerates this man, his voice an icy even tone that everyone around recognized from Tim’s mother Janet. Tim’s diatribe of insults and threats leverages this man's secrets, his fears, and insecurities that he didn't even realize he had.  Ten minutes in, this man begins to cry. Just the complete, public, destruction of a middle aged rich drunk by a tiny thirteen year old.  The Drake family proceeds to exit after Tim winds down, never looking back (it was later in the evening anyway).

Jason, standing off to one side next to Dick, falls immediately and completely in love. Smitten through and through.  The first words out of his mouth, after the Drakes leave, is ‘We’re going to get married on that boy’s 18th birthday’.  This was heard by just about everyone present. Jason did not even know Tim’s name yet.

By the next morning Jason has used the BatComputer to discover that his future spouse is named Timothy Drake, he lives next door, and that he is 14 months younger than Jason.  At breakfast Jason very seriously, though a touch maniacally, tells Bruce that he would be marrying Tim when Tim turned 18, and that before that point they would be telling Tim about their ‘nightlife’ on the grounds that “we should not start our marriage off with secrets”. Jason magnanimously told Bruce that he had until Tim was 17 to get his feelings under control about the reveal (to give a full year before the wedding, in case Tim needed an adjustment period or Jason needed to win him back).  

Bruce is already very tired. 

Jason finds any occasion to seek out Tim Drake, to get to know his future spouse (the entire time Jason Mantra-having gotten some good advice from Alfred about becoming friends with and maybe dating Tim before anything else-is ‘Don’t start talking about the wedding, don’t start talking about the wedding’). Also every piece of romantic knowledge/flirting knowledge that Jason has comes from the regency era/Victorian era romances he reads. 

Tim, for his part, believes that Jason (Tim’s Robin and crush) has figured out that Tim knows Robin’s identity and is trying to subtly figure out how much Tim knows and what he is going to do about it; but for some reason Jason is not asking directly and Tim is enjoying getting closer to the other boy, so he does not admit to what he knows. 

This leads to some painfully stilted conversations and weird interactions, but every so often both will forget to be awkward and it becomes clear, whenever they actually act naturally, that they are very well matched. 

To the Gotham Elites, this is the best entertainment in years. Between Bruce Wayne’s ‘Brucie’ act and Dick’s feral behavior growing up, Jason’s bookish politeness makes him the ‘best behaved’ Wayne and honestly the most well liked one. Combined that with how sweet he is acting with Tim and  that this all started with Tim defending his mother, well this is the love story of the ages, happening right in front of them. 

Bruce and the Drakes are already fielding requests for invitations to the wedding. On a slightly more creepy note they are also receiving offers to be a surrogate for the boy’s to ‘continue the bloodline’ when the time comes. 

Bruce is honestly wondering if everyone forgot that Jason is adopted. Dick comes to Gotham more often, because he is also finding this immensely entertaining. 

A few months in, this leads to Batman, Nightwing, and Robin finding Tim taking pictures on a rooftop in the Bowery.  In Tim’s rush to apologize (he is starting to feel a bit guilty about his picture taking pictures of the Bats now that he has an actual relationship-where he believes that they know he knows who they are-instead of a parasocial relationship) it becomes clear that Tim knows their civilian identities and that they did not know that Tim knew their civilian identities. 

Tim gives his explanation (a quadruple flip that only a few people in the world can do and connecting the dots from there). Jason immediately blurts out ‘Go on a date with me?’ and is quite proud that he kept the ‘Marry me?’ behind his teeth (The earliest they could get married in New Jersey is 17, and only with parental consent. Jason had 4 years to convince the Drakes to let him marry their son, 5 if they don’t like him). Tim turns bright red and squeaks out a ‘Yes’. 

The next gala they enter holding hands.  Dick is quickly sought after by the Elite for gossip. Dick confirms that Tim and Jason are now dating, and that Jason insisted on a chaperone for their dates (Jason is still working off the regency/victorian era romantic relationships) so that nothing would ‘besmirch Tim’s honor’.  There is an entire crowd of cooing Gothamites around Dick as they discuss how these two got even more adorable, all the while watching Jason and Tim surreptitiously. 

At some point Bruce has to have a very surreal conversation with Jack and Janet Drake about when it is appropriate to leave one's children alone and for how long and at what ages. Jack and Janet, upon being convinced that they should not leave their 13 year old alone for weeks or months at a time, rearrange their future plans so that one of them is almost always home (and on the few occasions that they would have to Tim by himself, Tim would stay with the Waynes).

By the way, Jack and Janet love Jason, they can see how much he makes their son happy and are glad to support the relationship.  

Now I see this continuing one of two ways. 

The first way is that this derails Ethiopia. Jason still fights with Batman, but runs to Janet Drake (who is home) and Tim.  He does not discover that Catherine is not his mother until later, but is not missing parental influences and does some digging but does not go to meet Sheila. Tim becomes Oracle’s apprentice.

Alternately, it does not derail Ethiopia. Janet and Jack, on one of the few business trips that required both of them, is woken up by a call from an inconsolable Tim who tells them Jason has been killed by the Joker (both Jack and Janet having been let in on the secret at some point). Janet immediately hires Deathstroke and Talia Al Ghul to kill the Joker (Janet contemplated having them bring the Joker to her, so she could do it and make sure he understood why-he killed her future son in law and made her son cry- but realized that the why would never actually matter to Joker) and paid extra to make it look like natural causes (to lessen the attention on the bastard).  Two weeks after Jason Todd’s funeral, the Joker dropped dead of an apparent heart attack, there was not even enough time to get him back in Arkham. 

The Gotham Elite treat Tim like a bereaved widow, despite Jason never getting to have the ‘let’s get married when we are old enough’ talk with him. Jack Drake gets to have his own surreal talk with Bruce Wayne about accepting help, and therapy, after Jason’s death.  Tim picks up the Robin mantle to feel closer to Jason, and to distract himself from grief. 

Jason (Now 17) is brought back and Talia does find him. In this she does have good intentions (She knows that Damian is going to need to be sent to his father eventually, and hopes that helping Jason will endear Talia to Bruce enough that she can still see her son), plus a connection to Janet Drake and the knowledge that Janet had the Joker killed for Jason. So as soon as Jason’s madness ebbs enough to travel she brings him straight to Janet Drake's door. By then enough time has passed that it is three days before Tim’s 17th birthday.   

Jante takes one look at Jason and goes ‘Hmm, I was wondering what we were getting Tim for his birthday this year’.

[scarlet2007]

⊹ ₊˚꒷꒦︶⊹ Late night talks ₊︶꒷꒦︶

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

Pairing: Batman x reader / Bruce Wayne x reader.

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

Summary: After accidentally mistaking Batman as a criminal and spraying him with pepper spray, you both have seemed to form a friendship.

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

Warnings: Pepper spray, mention of Gotham being dangerous.

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

Word count: 1.5k

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

[ Masterlist ]

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

Bruce has no idea how he got himself into this situation. Or rather... This habit.

It all started on that faithful night.

Walking alone at night in Gotham was like an one way ticket to heaven. A death wish, as some may say.

You sighed, looking around anxiously as you tried to walk as fast as you could. Every flicker of the night light, every random sound was making you jump in terror. You were half convinced that this was going to be your last day on earth.

You were just about to walk past an alley when you saw a shadowy figure stand menacingly at the entrance. The lights were flickering as the lamp above seemed to be surviving off of the happiness of the citizens of Gotham. Obviously, there wasn't much life left in it.

Red alarms started to go off in your head as the figure slowly started to move towards you. The heavy sound of its boot hitting the ground, the sound of your quickened heartbeat, the sound of the pained hissed that left the shadowy figure- Wait... Pained hiss?

It was only then you realised that you had sprayed the shadowy figure, Batman, with the pepper spray you were clutching while walking.

You gasped, staring at Batman in shock. He was hissing at the sudden attack, one of his eye half opened as he stared directly at you.

'I am so dead.'

Your eyes were wide before you shakingly reached into your purse, pulling out a small water bottle as you handed it to him, "I am so sorry! I thought you were some... Some criminal! Oh my- Splash this in your eyes! I am so sorry!" Half of the words sounded like nonsense due to how fast you were speaking.

He reluctaningly grabbed the water, splashing some water into his eyes as the affect of the spray started to subdue.

For a minute or two, nobody said anything as you both just stared at each other.

"What are you doing outside at this hour?"

"I am so sorry!"

Both of you decided to speak at the same time, which made none of you understand what the other person said.

"Come again?"

"I didn't hear-"

And it happened again.

"Speak."

"I am sorry-"

And again.

Finally, Batman seemed to have enough of it as he just stared at you broodingly, making you shut your mouth from fear.

"Why are you out at such an hour?"

You paused at his question, looking at him sheepishly, "Uh... Nightshift..."

Your answer made him raise an eyebrow which you didn't see because of his mask, "You shouldn't walk alone in the streets of Gotham with only a pepper spray as a weapon."

You nodded, looking at the ground as you suddenly felt like a child getting scolded by your parent.

Batman sighed as he stared at your figure, he can't just let you walk around at such an hour. Especially when it looked like you had the survival skills of a limbless cockroach.

"I will walk you home. Lead the way."

And that's how everything started.

"You haven't been paying attention to what I have been yapping about, have you?" You deadpanned, staring at him as he spaced out.

This made Batman blink, coming out of his chain of thoughts as he stared at the bowl of cereal you passed to him.

"Eat."

He blinked again, glancing at you in slight confusion before he started to eat.

He doesn't remember how this became a... Thing. It started out as occasionally walking you home from your nightshifts, then it shifted to him being injured after a rather brutal fight with a criminal near your apartment complex which made you usher him to your house for some patching up and now it has become a habit of Batman to swing by your window every once in a while, whenever he knew you would be awake or knew you had a day off.

You have come out of your shell fully, and now he knows you as the sassy and playful girl he once saved instead of the scared and timided girl.

"Eat up! You look like you have been starving since the dark ages, Mr. Dark knight." He let out an amused grunt at your words, rolling his eyes as he ate the cereal.

It was a comical scene, having him sit in your kitchen in his Batsuit while you lectured him about his poor eating habits in your pastel night gown.

You were an amusing person, a dramatic display of playfulness and sarcasm was always expected from you. Batman has seemed to grow fond of you and your shared time spent together over the past few months as he found himself looking forward to these meet-ups.

He has heard it all, from how much you dislike your job to how much you loved visiting animal sanctuaries to how you once crashed your friend's bicycle into different objects all under 15 minutes.

All these little stories would make him smile slightly while he worked in his Batcave. Alfred has heard all about you as well, the butler seemed to have grown fond of you as well despite never meeting you.

He glanced at you, watching you move around the kitchen as you washed the dishes. A thought passed through his mind.

He could help you.

Imagining him, Batman, helping you wash the dishes in his Batsuit. That would certainly be something you would die laughing at.

He shook his head slightly at the thought, focusing on eating the cereal you had given him.

"So, when are you going to leave your shitty job?" That made you look at him, slightly taken aback by his sudden question.

"Oh... Um... When I find a job that pays the same or more...?"

There it was again. The same answer you always give him. At first, he used to get irritated by your answer but now he understands your point. He knows the financial struggle you have gone through as a child, which has made you very anxious about having no job. All his attempts to help you fell on deaf ears as you firmly stated that you do not want money from your struggling vigilante friend.

He still has no idea why you think he is a struggling vigilante.

Does he look broke to you?

He sighed, glancing at the clock as he saw what time it was. The sun was about to rise.

"Do you have a day-off tomorrow or another night shift?"

You looked up from the dishes, glancing at him, "I have a day-off."

He nodded, walking up the sink to wash his bowl as you stepped aside to make space for him.

This is starting to feel oddly domestic.

"You should head to bed then." This earned a giggle from you as you looked at him with an amused expression.

"Aww, are you worried about my health?" You cooed jokingly as you leaned against the counter.

"You work at odd hours. From 8 pm till 3:45 am, it has to be one of the most ridiculous work hours I have ever heard of." He mumbled, scrubbing the bowl as he pretended to be annoyed at your playful behaviour.

You hummed, nodding your head in agreement before a small yawn escaped you, making Batman give you a 'I told you so' look behind his mask.

"See? You should head to bed." He grumbled, drying the bowl before putting it in its place.

"Alright, alright, I'll head to bed. Just make sure that whenever you leave, you close the window." He nodded as he watched you walked towards your bedroom, stretching as you glanced back at him.

He still has no idea how this has become something so normal to both of you that you just let him stay in your house while you sleep and he knows exactly where the bowl goes in the cupboard.

Bruce sighed as he flipped through the documents and files of the new Wayne enterprise project, his eyes narrowed as the sunlight from outside was starting to bother him. He could almost feel a headache coming in.

It has been weeks since he last saw you, he has been busy with his duties as a vigilante and the owner of the Wayne enterprise to the point he could barely find the time to visit you. Thankfully, you have left your old job for good so he knows that you are at least not walking around the dangerous streets of Gotham at night.

But he still can't help but feel worried about your financial state, to the point that he has voiced it out to Alfred a few times.

He sighed again, glancing at the door as he heard a knock.

"Come in!"

His eyes widened as he stared as you walked in, his new secretary.

Suddenly, everything makes sense. Alfred suddenly pestering him to appoint a new secretary, Alfred going out of his way to personal find him a new secretary. Everything is starting to make sense.

'That cunning old man...'

[psalmsofpsychosis]

The Average Alfred Pennyworth Portrayal: *is Bruce Wayne's capable and somewhat cryptic butler*

Gotham!Alfred Pennyworth: *threatens an 11 years old boy to eat his dinner proper because if he doesn't he'll be too light in weight by the morning and the Balloonman will come for him and will tie him to a balloon and send him to the skies to die because he's rich and corrupt and forever guilty*

[anyknotrants]

Alfred had died once. 

And none of the bats knew. 

It was a night like any other. Shortly after it was revealed who was hiding under the red hood. The bats were either in their own houses or on patrol. 

Alfred was alone in the manor, waiting for them to come home. He always waits for them to come home.

And he had a heart attack. On the very chair Thomas used to sit in. On the very chair he used to read stories to his grandchildren. 

And he had died.

And he met Lady Death and Lady Gotham. 

They greeted him like an old friend, and in a sense, they were, but with a sad smile on their lips. 

But no, that couldn't be right. 

Alfred couldn't die just yet.

He still needed to get Bruce to therapy and to watch him walk his kids down the aisle one day. 

He needed to be there for Richard, as the young boy still carried too much guilt and responsibility; no one of his age should.

He needed to be there for Jason when he'll finally be ready to come home.

He needed to be there for Tim. Make sure that boy didn't work himself to death.

He had to be there for Cass, help her connect to the family like she always wanted.

He needed to be there for Duke, get him fully settled into the madness that was this family.

He needed to be there for Steph, to show her that this family cared, legally theirs or not.

And oh... he needed to be there for Damian. That boy... that boy reminded him so much of his s- of Bruce. He was just a kid, and yet until recently no one treated him like one. He needed to make sure he could get at least some actual childhood.

He needed to be there. He needed to take care of the Waynes, to try to make sure they didn't die (-again) because they were being idiots. 

And he needed to finally meet his great-grandchildren.

So no, Alfred couldn't die just yet; that much he knew.

He made a deal with Lady Gotham and Lady Death then and there. 

As long as the Wayne family will need him, Alfred will be there. He is to serve them and will never know peace until his service is no longer needed.

Alfred woke up, his heart beating again, and went to put on for tea, like nothing ever happened.

[jaxon-exe]

Wayne TV show

Ok so awhile ago someone (I’m sorry I don’t know who, if u know plz tell me so I can credit) came up with the idea of “what if the Waynes have a show like ‘keeping Up with the Kardashians’?”

Well I’ve been reading WFA and was thinking… what if they did have a show like that but the Wayne’s didn’t try to hide their weirdness. Like the weirdness that only comes from there nightlife.

I’m taking:

Damian keeps threatening to stab people and the crew think it’s a joke until he actually pulls out a dagger.

Dick decides the best way out of the manor is to do a flip out of a 3rd story window

Jason jokes about death (both his own and causing other people’s) a little to much

Tim full on passes out at the dinner table and Bruce just picks him up like he’s a toddler that weights next to nothing and takes him to bed

Cass has a habit of jump scaring the camera guy by just popping into existence next to them

They have a game of paintball that gets way to intense and ends up with Stephanie giving a speech that wouldn’t be amiss in a war movie

After ep 1 a lot of people talk sh/t about them online and in the next ep Barbara just random says names every now and then. It isn’t until after people work out she was saying the names of the worst people that sh/t talked them

For a long time all the viewers and crew thought Duke was the normal one until ‘the incident’

Jason and Tim are fighting and it’s getting pretty rough and bruce just spawns outta f/cking nowhere and just picks up the human tank that is Jason Todd like it’s nothing and just walks off

It becomes a running joke that whenever things go wide the camera just zooms in on Alfred, who just standing in the background calm as can be, as you can just hear the chaos continuing

Like everyone knew the Waynes were crazy but like…….. no one expected this

[on-the-clear-blue]

An idea I had about the Bat fam and what kind of music they would listen to

Alfred: prefers silence but on nights where he needs something in the background, surprisingly, Alfred is a fan of country music, preferint older artists but he is favorable to some newer stuff as long as it isn't stadium country.

Bruce: Old punk and metal, like the kind he heard at a punk bar he got in with shitty ids, in the late 80s high on acid with Harvey, this man thinks Nirvana was great but thought they didn't go hard enough.

Dick: as a child? Show tunes, if Disney put it out this man was humming it while kicking goons asses, later on in life? Dick has blossomed into musicals, but like, the kind your not thinking of, Dick belts out songs from Cats all the way to "Veronica open the please! Veronica open the door!" While banging on Tim bedroom door.

Barbara: Is a major fan of Lo-Fi, loves it since it is music but the lyrics don't distract her from doing her work, will play it in the library when it's slow

Jason: he grew up on the streets and that doesn't get a lot of options to listen to music...except in stores where they play the days top 100, he gets Vietnam flash back during Christmas time and he hears Mariah Carey, after his death and resurrection, he found rap and fell in love, loves all the lyricism and word play, has played Not Like Us on repeat for the last week even after the beef was done.

Cass: hard core death metal...and classical music. She does ballet dances to both. Nuf said.

Tim: as a child he was the kid who ripped fanaf songs off YouTube and played them as his ring tone, he still has those songs in rotation but has added folk punk and really obscure bands he finds with like 3 listeners...also is a fan of yacht core music...

Steph: Taylor Swift Girly, shares Dicks love of showtunes, huge BTS stan (while dating Tim she repeatedly "left" Tim for Jimin when ever they argued...Tim still has beef with him to this day)

Duke: Oldies, I can see him going through his parents old vinyls and tapes after they got jokerized to feel close to them and now he learnt all of Elvis's discography.

Damian; Anime songs. Cried the first time his listend to Blue Bird, listens to J-rock when he is painting, and even though he will try and hide it, he has a secret love for Bollywood music as well, probably was introduced to it while doing an early assassination with the League and kept with it as he left.

(Plus a few that I could think of)

Kate: she strictly listens to Alpha male work out music Playlists, heavy on the dubstep, can and will bench press your body weight to show you that no Chad SHE is the alpha here. (As well as Girl and red and Rio Romeo)

Bernard: listens to fan made game songs, meme songs (has all of the polish cow dance song memorized) chronically online taste, also has worked in kitchens so has a deep knowledge of rap and rock.

Roy: Dad music, loves a good jam sesh rocking out to KISS but because of Lian he now is immune to Baby shark being used as torture.

Jon: is a literal child. He is 12 and thinks that skibidi toliet is the best thing that has graced this world, he will tell Lex Luthor that he has Ohio Rizz, then do the griddy in the air and fly away.

[winduer]

okay but just imagine a fic where Bruce Wayne/Batman adopts another black haired, blue eyes Gotham orphan who doesn’t know his identity. They decide not to tell him because he’s very normal (Gotham normal) and just let him go about his day. Until. Until he suddenly comes home saying his friend dared him to make a Batman mini movie or music video and now he has to make that friend cry with it. Sooooo he bugs his new adopted family about Batman and what they know about him and ‘hey, do you know when he started?’, ‘what was the date Robin first appeared again?’, ‘his other name was Dark Knight right?’, and so on and so forth. And they keep answering him with increasing accurate but very biased answers. Like; yeah, yeah he’s been fighting (insert rogue name) since (insert date) but he’s always a little bitch about it.

This goes on for so long the new kid starts thinking the Wayne’s just hate Batman, expect for Alfred (Bruce is very awkward when the kid asks him questions, he doesn’t want to brag or expose his identity with knowing too much - he either answers too detailed or answers very ‘Brucie’ like). So, instead, the kid does a little documentary on them told from the communities perspective and his intro is all ‘when a name becomes more than a man, when it becomes a movement’, and he has clips of old people saying stuff like; ‘I remember when I first met Batman — ah but of course he wasn’t known as such back then. He was the rumoured dark knight, a terrifying name to have in Gotham. But then he held out his hand to me and said, ‘come, it’s safe now.’ It was the first time I wanted to believe as such. It was a dark time back then.’ KASJKAJSS

It’s just filled with the Gotham community talking about Batman, from old people reminiscing, young adults admiring or little kids all excited and awed. The movie just turns into a homage to Batman and the new kid 100% plays it to his, Batman hating, civilian family hoping to turn them into Batman fans. It ends up making them cry, even Alfred sheds a tear. The kid would totally freak out until Bruce, with surprisingly glossy eyes, puts a hand on his shoulder and says thank you.

[garpen]

I actually love how Cass has become the beholder of blackmail in your au. And it’s totally plausible bc no one can spot her if she doesn’t want to be seen so she has def seen everyone at their weirdest and knows their most embarrassing secrets.

Like more than Babs, cuz they could (with effort) find a blind spot with no cameras and they could just ditch their own tech and then they would be free from Oracle’s eyes. But Cass can blend into the shadows and has uncanny invulnerability to anything.

But the difference between Cass’s blackmail and Oracle’s is that it’s pretty difficult to piss Cass off and no one really wants to. So that’s why until she leaked photos of Jasons wedding no one really knew she had black mail.

This is fucking gold and if I ever figure out digital drawing and have the energy I might make some art for her blackmail (10% chance I do it srry)

Would love to see more of petty Cass in ur AU in the future!!!!

Yes!! Like the bats know exactly what Babs has on them but Cass?? They have no idea what cards she's holding and it could literally be ANYTHING. They're all too terrified to piss her off exactly bc of this.

Barbie would release her blackmail pics on a whim if they slightly piss her off. Cass hold them close and waits for the perfect moment.

On another note, they're now also scared of Bernard bc his threat is "I'll write cringey fanfiction about you" and it absolutely works.

Tim has a lot of stalker photos but none too much blackmail material like Cass or Babs-but still pretty embarrassing. He also has access to a lot of childhood photos of everyone too and nobody knows how.

Duke could read people to hell and call the heck out of you and all your issues. He will dig deep, he knows all your insecurities, and will use them and your trauma to trash you.

Alfred knows everyone's secrets. Nobody wants to piss him off bc they love him of course, and also bc he is the family secret keeper/therapist. He knows TOO MUCH.

Dick's threatens to bite you. Jason threatens to shoot you dead. Damian threatens to fight you (even though fighting is pretty much a good time for the family atp). Stephanie threatens to cry on command (and let's be honest that's terrifying specifically to all the guys bc they don't know how to handle emotions)

[bruciemilf]

I think Harvey has Bruce’s name tattooed on his neck. Bruce has Harvey’s name tattooed on his thigh. He also has the Judge in italic letters, carved into his spine, and Two Face, just on his ass. Even better if the other has absolutely no idea

[trekkele]

I bring a sort of "Damian is the only Robin who could technically be called a child soldier" vibe that nobody really likes

[magnoliasandarson]

cautery

Burning.

Jason Todd had been burning since he was fifteen years old. 

There were ashes in his lungs, coals where his heart should be.

He was forever burning.

Staring out at the wreckage of a smoldering warehouse, he was acutely aware of the agony bubbling under his skin. His fists clenched, popping the burns on his hands, blood dripping onto the charred concrete at his feet. Voices were crowding in his head, a cruel contrast to the quiet crackle of flames around him. He recognized them- Bruce, Alf, Dick, Babs, Dami, even Tim- and the pain of it being a figment of his shattered mind hurt worse than his cracked ribs.

He wasn’t in Gotham. Truthfully, he couldn’t remember where he was. Turns out, his helmet wasn’t all too effective against concrete. Oh well, what was more head trauma for him.

Call us, a snotty little voice in his brain demanded, don’t be a fool.

His eyes caught on a body, a smoking husk under a steel support beam. No, a call from Jason wouldn’t be welcome. Jason wouldn’t be welcome. 

Jason groaned as the blood loss caught up to him, dropping to his knees even as he turned his head skyward. Once upon a time, before he became the fuck up of all fuck ups, Bruce had sat with him on the roof of the manor and taught him the constellations. He wondered if the old man remembered. Hell, Jason’s brain had been turned to Swiss cheese and he remembered. It was before they started fighting, back when Bruce had been Dad. 

He swallowed back smoke and blood, looking for familiar stars. Gotham didn’t have stars like these—or maybe she did; maybe Jason was just lost. The mission had gone well at first- it had- he’d gotten the victims to safety before going back to destroy the building. He hadn’t planned on being in the warehouse when it exploded. At least there wasn’t any fucking laughter this time.

The world tilted under him, and suddenly, he was on his back, eyes locked on Canis Major. Back then, Bruce had shared the legends behind the stars like he was whispering secrets, to which Jason had always replied that if they were legends, they shouldn’t be burning. Despite himself, he almost wanted to laugh because he’d proven his point- Jason wasn’t a legend, wasn’t even a hero- and he was always burning. 

It wasn’t an honor, a gift from the gods, it was punishment.

There was a rattle in his chest now; a lung had likely been damaged. Jason grinned as if he were sharing a joke with the sky, and he pressed down on a panic button on his belt. If Bruce had any sense, he’d cremate him this time.

Let him burn one last time.

As the world faded away around him, he thought he heard static-y shouts from the damaged comm in his helmet, but that was probably a hallucination. He might’ve been crying, might’ve been gasping, might’ve been choking on blood, but as he closed his eyes- he smiled.

Let it be permanent this time.

[mylifeingotham]

Tea at the Manor by Gabriel Picolo