#idc what Bruce is paying him

[jaxon-exe]

Wayne TV show

Ok so awhile ago someone (I’m sorry I don’t know who, if u know plz tell me so I can credit) came up with the idea of “what if the Waynes have a show like ‘keeping Up with the Kardashians’?”

Well I’ve been reading WFA and was thinking… what if they did have a show like that but the Wayne’s didn’t try to hide their weirdness. Like the weirdness that only comes from there nightlife.

I’m taking:

Damian keeps threatening to stab people and the crew think it’s a joke until he actually pulls out a dagger.

Dick decides the best way out of the manor is to do a flip out of a 3rd story window

Jason jokes about death (both his own and causing other people’s) a little to much

Tim full on passes out at the dinner table and Bruce just picks him up like he’s a toddler that weights next to nothing and takes him to bed

Cass has a habit of jump scaring the camera guy by just popping into existence next to them

They have a game of paintball that gets way to intense and ends up with Stephanie giving a speech that wouldn’t be amiss in a war movie

After ep 1 a lot of people talk sh/t about them online and in the next ep Barbara just random says names every now and then. It isn’t until after people work out she was saying the names of the worst people that sh/t talked them

For a long time all the viewers and crew thought Duke was the normal one until ‘the incident’

Jason and Tim are fighting and it’s getting pretty rough and bruce just spawns outta f/cking nowhere and just picks up the human tank that is Jason Todd like it’s nothing and just walks off

It becomes a running joke that whenever things go wide the camera just zooms in on Alfred, who just standing in the background calm as can be, as you can just hear the chaos continuing

Like everyone knew the Waynes were crazy but like…….. no one expected this

[bonefanatic]

pt 2 to this post, can be read as a standalone but makes more sense if you've read the first part. reader isn't wearing a suit but remains pretty androgynous (i think). also yes i included steph's baby fight me idc

not beta read pls don't make fun of me

Why had you agreed to this?

A coworker had invited you to a gala, something about representing the company. You weren't sure why you of all people were asked, or why the coworker, what's his name, was so insistint you attend with him. Especially after he ditched you the moment you both arrived.

You stand awkwardly, swirling the drink you had accepted earlier. A few straggling groups chatted nearby, gossiping about things you didn't care enough to pay attention to. You had better things to think about, like how were you getting home and when you could leave.

Even more important; how was the baby? Was she alright? The sitter you hired wasn't your usual one, but she had vanished without a trace and it was such short notice-

Something, someone, collided with yourself.

"I'm so sorry-" That's what you get for standing near the stairs!

You look up quickly, meeting the gaze of one of the boys you had met the other day. His lips twitch downwards, his eyes focused on the spot where your drink had collided with your clothing. Before you can react, he sets his suit jacket over your shoulders.

"I'm so sorry", he states quickly, opening his mouth to add something else before being cut off by you.

"It's alright, Jason."

His looks shocked for a moment, before his lips turn up into a grin.

"You remembered my name!" He speaks in a town that seems uncharacteristic for him. Pure delight coats his face and he opens his mouth again just to be cut off.

"Jay-Jay! Look what you did!" Another familiar face approaches, a grin adorning the young man's features. He slaps Jason on the back, then turns to you.

"Sorry about my brother." Your brows furrow at this.

"Brothers..?"

"Not by choice", Jason adds quickly, "Atleast, not our choice."

The urge to ask is immediately wiped away as another familiar face approaches, tailed by someone you hadn't met and who's attention was trained on their phone.

The shorter of the two, the one who you had encountered before, spoke up in a clear tone that didn't quite suit his age.

"Father says to quit harassing the guests, Richard, and he'd like to speak with you, Jason."

Jason rolled his eyes. The boy on his phone timidly glanced up, flashing a quick smile.

"Hello", he spoke, then looked back toward his phone.

The shortest of them stared at you, his expression indifferent.

"My name is Damian Wayne. I'd like to thank you for the other day." You smile softly at him, then the realization dons on you.

'Damian Wayne, as in Bruce Wayne's son...?' Your thoughts are yet again interrupted by a voice.

"Boys!"

His voice is clearer in real life, but unmistakably him. You turn, watching one Bruce Wayne approach your small group. His smile seems to light up the room.

He's more handsome in real life, slight crow's feets crinkling near his eyes when he laughs and a shock of gray through his hair.

His arm is looped with a young blonde woman, a baby only a bit older than your own settled in the crook of her other arm. They both smile, stopping in front of you and the boys. Jason's hand suddenly disappears from your shoulder and everyone seems to take a step back.

You smile politely, extending your hand to him.

He takes it, unlooping his arm with the gorgeous woman and bending to press a kiss to it. He feels a pang of anger when he feels the callouses and scars on your hands. Standing straight once again, he grins.

"It's a pleasure, Mx...", your eyes widen when he speaks your last name. How did...?

His eyes trail over your form, then scan the faces of the boys surrounding you. He shakes his head.

"I apologize for their lack of manners. Please, boys, introduce yourselves."

The blonde woman steps forward, smiling at you.

"I'm Stephanie", she adjusts the infant in her arms, taking your hand and giving it a tender squeeze.

You notice Jason taking up a spot directly behind you, standing over you, or atleast attempting to.

"We've been introduced", he speaks gruffly, more to his father than to you. This atmosphere suddenly becomes thick with tension, it makes you shift in unease.

Dick puts himself between Stephanie and Bruce, smiling sheepishly.

"It's Richard Grayson, everyone calls me Dick."

The boy that was previously on his phone snickers, Bruce shoots him a pointed look.

"It's Tim", the boy mutters, immediately piping back down.

Damian takes up the other other side of Bruce and you note thier similar features.

"Well, it's been wonderful meeting you all, but I should be leaving", You smile awkwardly, pulling Jason's jacket tighter around your shoulders.

"Let me treat you to dinner", Bruce speaks almost desperately, then clears his throat, "to make up for my sons' rudeness."

Suddenly you're sat in a limo, stuck between Jason and Bruce.

[my-avengers-obsession]

+y/n is fragile

[Y/N has created a chatroom]

[Y/N has invited Bruce, Nat and Loki]

[Bruce has joined the chat]

[Nat has joined the chat]

Bruce Hey

Nat Didn't invite Tony?

Y/N Nope

Bruce Still mad at him?

Y/N Yep

Nat You know he's sorry

Y/N Yeah, I know

Bruce He feels so bad. He locked himself in the lab and he locked me out!

Y/N I'm sorry that he's acting like a baby

Nat For once in his life, his guilt is eating him alive!

Y/N Welp.

Bruce Welp?

Y/N Yep

[Nat has invited Steve]

Y/N Hey! How'd you get admin powers?

Nat You never took me off

Y/N Hm..I forgot to

[Steve has joined the chat]

Steve Y/N's still ignoring Tony

Bruce Yep

Nat Yeah

Y/N I have a good reason tho!

Bruce Just because he was the one that broke your leg doesn't mean you get to be mad at him until it heals. Mistakes were made and you agreed to test try the suit

Y/N Test try what suit?

Bruce The suit?

Y/N You can keep repeating yourself, but I still won't understand

Bruce I thought it was a failed test try- you always test new suits for him. What happened this time?

Y/N We were playing tag and he tripped me

Nat 💀💀💀💀

Y/N I'm taking away your powers!

Steve Where?

Y/N We were outside

Nat Tony's like 80 and you're like 5! What the hell?😭💀

Y/N I'm gonna kick you out

Nat Alright- I take my laughs back

Bruce So..who broke the suit?

Y/N A bird

Steve A bird?

Y/N That's my story and I'm sticking to it

Steve So, Bruce?

Bruce Yeah

Steve Why would you think the suit broke Y/N's leg?

Bruce She's always the test dummy

Y/N Test smarty*

Bruce Yeah, sure, whatever makes you happy during your time of need

Y/N Wow

Nat 😂😂 I'm leaving

[Nat has left the chat]

[Loki has joined the chat]

Steve Great..

Loki Hello to you too, Mr. America

Steve What are you doing?

Loki Taking away your powers with words

Steve Sure

Loki I know what really happened.

Y/N I'm taking away your powers

Steve Well tell us

Bruce Come on, Laufeyson, tell us

Loki Never refer to me as that

Bruce But it's your name?

Loki Anyways

Y/N Loki, shut up or I'm not paying your phone bill

Bruce Nat would love this

Loki I know how your petty currency works

Y/N Good

Loki Great

Steve We're getting off topic

Loki Aware.

Loki The imbecile and younger imbecile were in fact outside. However, they did have the suit with them. I'm not sure what the hell they were playing, but the old one tripped the younger one and it fell back onto the suit. Her body weight must've broken the armor.

Y/N You're calling me fat?

Loki I'm calling Stark's suits cheap.

Bruce So..you guys were playing tag outside and he tripped you over the suit and you broke your leg?

Y/N Yes! Okay?!

Y/N I'm fragile

Loki It was simply a mistake, dear

Y/N Idc

Bruce Alright, I have to get back into the lab today so please tell Tony to open the door?

Y/N Fine..I'll accept his apology

Bruce Thank you

Steve This..this wad the dumbest chat we've ever had without Stark

Y/N Awe! Thank you

Loki Goodbye, mortals and Y/N

Y/N Goodbye, friend!

[Loki has left the chat]

Bruce Accept the apology, Y/N

Y/N I will

Steve Be safe kiddo

Y/N You too, gramps

[Y/N has left the chat]

Steve She says ir so often, yet it still hurts

Bruce Sad

[Bruce has left the chat]

[Steve is now the admin of the chat]

[Steve has left the chat]

[The chatroom has closed]

✩✩✩

A/N: Thank you for all of the reblogs and likes! You made my first day of posting to tumblr special❤️

[bbyboybucket]

I think it’s hilarious that I had no clue that Bucky existed till last year and y’all should hear the story of my mcu perspective before I watched TFATWS. Bc basically I was a casual MCU fan before Disney+ bc I was a child for most of its history so I didn’t always have a ride to the theatre or money to pay to see the shit. So I’d only seen some of the movies, but I loved all of em that I did watch. But like I literally didnt know shit about shit. I literally just filled in the blanks with what seemed the most logical in my head. And ofc after watching WandaVision and Loki, I was like “okay I’m gonna start watching all the new stuff that comes out” so I naturally planned to watch TFATWS next.

But the thing was, I had no idea wtf that was gonna be about, I had no idea who the fuck Falcon or the Winter Soldier was. So I had to google “what to watch before watching TFATWS” and ofc it was all the cap movies etc. And for reference, I had already watched Endgame at least 3 times at this point. I fucking loved Endgame, still do, but I absolutely do not remember Bucky being in it for those first 3 watches. Like it’s basically my own personal Mandela effect. Bc I literally remember only Sam and Bruce being there when Steve returned the stones. And I remember my reaction to that seen being three things: “He looks like Joe Biden” “Aw cute, the guy from ant man is gonna be Captain America now, okay yeah he’s cool.” and “Aw Steve got to be with his old girlfriend”. That’s dead ass it. I don’t remember bein like “who is this greasy ass man??” Bc usually when I don’t know a character I question it but he was apparently just invisible to me.

So anyways, when it came to catching up to understand TFATWS. I was like okay, I already watched CA:TFA when I was a kid. And what I remembered from that was: science stuff happened, Steve fell in love with Peggy, and he got frozen. That’s literally it but I thought that was the gist of the movie so I was like “okay I’m just gonna watch CA:TWS.”

So when it gets to the memorial scene in the Smithsonian and Steve is all sad about Bucky, I literally was so fucking annoyed, I was not having having it. I literally was like “uhhhh do they expect me to know who tf that is??” And they just bringing him up and I was like “who the hell is Bucky?” (literally, I was sayin that before he did) “Why are they trying to bring this random ass dude in and expect us to give a fuck about him? Idc that his random ass irrelevant ass friend we never seen is dead shut up.” So then the whole mask off thing happens and Steve is like “Bucky? 😧” and I was like 😧😧😧😧 And then he’s all posin and shit and I was like “wait a minuteeeee I think this is that dude I saw on tiktok once, yeah, he is kinda hot I see why they might like him”

Also think it’s worth mentioning that Sam came up in that first scene and I was like “ANT MAN GUY 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩”. I was stanning him. Did I know his name? No. Did I know what he did? No. But he was funny in Ant Man so I was like “YAYYYY 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩.”

But anyways, then the movie kept goin on and I was like “maybe this bucky dude isn’t random” so I googled it and realized I needed to rewatch TFA bc that man was apparently in it, so I did and I was like ohhhhhh. Then I was like “damn that’s kinda sad” when I thought about how the two movies played out.

So after finishing the TFA, I skipped civil war bc I didn’t think I needed it. So I went straight to TFATWS. And I was definitely confused in some parts, but literally by the end of the first episode I was like “okay I think I love this Bucky guy now”. And then I got obsessed and here we are now. But yeah I think it’s funny bc I was so confused about so much.

[dilfhaljordan]

anyways i think that jason should call dick a bunch of ridiculous nicknames because why not

- i mean

- think about it

- it's canon that jason calls dick dickie when he's being a little shit, so why not some other nicknames?

- okay fine i made this post because i wanted jason to call dick ricardo alright i admit it there you go

basically i was talking to my brother the other day and i said 'why do we call guys called richard dick anyways'

and he was like 'idk' because he's a loser who doesn't pay attention to me >:(

so i said, 'personally, i think we should call them something else. like RICARDO.'

he looked up from his phone and gave me a Look

and i immediately went on the defensive, saying, 'shut up, okay, it's a good idea, better than calling them dick. i actually want a friend named richard now, because i'd call them dick all year and i could get away with swearing in class, and then when ramadan rolls around i'd just spend a whole month calling them ricardo, i mean just imagine—hey wait where are you going i'm not done yet come back—

- so just imagine THAT conversation, but with jason and babs, or maybe bruce or even alfred, whatever idc just. that's what happened except without the ramadan part

- so the next time jason sees dick, here's how it goes:

jason: oh hey ricardo

dick, not realizing he's speaking to him:

jason, kicking dick in the shin: hey, i'm talking to you, dipshit, stop ignoring me

- and dick is v confused and babs fills him in and he tries to get jason to stop but jason just says to 'stop being a richard, ricardo, it's just embarrassing' so he decides to take revenge

- dick starts calling jason tobias

- i actually have a reason for this name specifically

it's an inside joke between me and my brother because we once watched an episode of agents of shield and there was this dude called something ford but we forgot his first name

and we rewatched that bit to try and make out his name but we couldn't understand what they were saying, and when we actually READ his name we just forgot it again a minute later

because we are dumbasses

i want it on record that i am more of a dumbass but like. a SMART dumbass. my brother is simply a loser that i like to bully

anyways

i went, 'i think his name is...douglas.'

my brother just stared at me

'or tobias,' i added. 'douglas or tobias ford.'

my brother said it was douglas and i leaned towards tobias

i was right by the way it was tobias ford

this just proves my point about me being the smart dumbass but this isn't about me

- so dick calls jason tobias because they ALSO went through something like this but with a different show that only exists in the comics and not in the real world

- jason, not to be outdone, calls dick ricardo, and, wait for it

- chad

- CHAD

this is because dick once had to solve a murder case and the killer's name was chad, which dick found out mid-fight when the killer was like 'you will be killed by CHAD!!!' and he nearly died because he almost lost his shit right there and then and when jason found out he laughed so hard he cried

imagine dying because some dude named chad killed you lmao

if anyone named chad sees this post i'm sorry i just think the name chad is very funny

if it's any consolation, i also think the name richard is hilarious and that's only partly because of the nickname dick, it's mostly just because the name richard is really funny for no good reason lmao

- yeah anyways most of the time they call each other by their actual names but whenever they talk there's at least a 25% chance someone will be called something else

- options include:

chad

ricardo

tobias

douglas

jay z

dumas

dudebro, and by this i mean jason will loudly go, 'hey dudebro pass me a donut' with a straight face in front of the titans and dick almost strangles him right then and there

little wing or dickie, which don't really count but oh well

literally just any name they think of off the top of their head that's either funny, funny when said in a specific way or accent, or just really really white

- when jason comes back from the dead he slips up in the middle of a fight with bruce and calls dick ricardo and bruce kind of pauses and jason just nopes out of there

dick loses his shit when he finds out

- sometimes they'll hang out with each other and it's kind of tense until one time dick calls jason tobias and it all spirals from there but in a good way, and they just have fun making fun of each other after a couple of pretty rough years

[acircusfullofdemons]

MAD AS A CROW: PARACOSM INTRO

[PICREW LINK]

So! I've mentioned it, briefly, that I have a new fandom paracosm. Or, I guess a fandom-based paracosm?? It's still a bit sandboxy tbh. But anyway, since the plot is a Mess[TM] rn I think I'll just talk about the paras :> you can probably tell where they're from but just in case, here's the fandom wiki link.

I know everyone here is a Villain / Serial Killer, BUT! in my paracosm they're either (a) a lot more goofy / less serious or (b) literal fucking children. Most of the time it's the latter, with them being teens / (young) adults whilst they look on in horror at their (fully) adult counterparts lmao. They're not a large group but despite how much they 'claim' to hate each other (especially Jonathan), they truly consider each other their family <3

(Other rouges sometimes show up, too, but idc enough about them to consider them paras or even develop them outside of a small daydream cameo)

TOP ROW [aka Main Paras]

Jervis [🎩]: A spacey but well meaning boy that can get caught up in his own head sometimes. He honestly doesn't do much other than daydream, talk to Jonny, try to hypnotize / mind control people, bake, and write/draw. Though he doesn't do much in terms of villainy, the other rouges have an unspoken agreement to put aside their grudges whenever he invites them to a tea party.

Jonathan [🕷]: What I like to describe as "what happens when a type 6 on the enneagram snaps" but I don't think many will get that, so. He's obsessed with horror movies and enjoys scaring his friends (especially Eddie, with the exception being Jervis). Claims he isn't that brave & hates physical contact, but he's always the one his friends turn to when they're feeling a bit too paranoid or need an impromptu pillow. No matter what age he is, he's always gonna be an Old Man who just wants to feed his Crows & see his bf (Jervis) happy.

Eddie [🧩]: Annoyingly obsessed with puzzles, riddles, and being the smartest, good-looking bitch in the room. Self-proclaimed best friend of Jonathan. Is on literally every single piece of social media and is constantly bugging his friends to do the same. A smug know-it-all, but he's the rouge's smug know-it-all.

MIDDLE ROW [aka Secondary Paras]

Harley [🪅]: Overall just one goofy gal lookin’ for laughs (and some flowers for her lovely girlfriend [aka Pam]!)...at least, that’s what she tells the police. Arthur's best friend & 'right hand' in terms of how their little team / group works. Avoids using her briancells unless she's around Jonny, whenever they're together they start to psychoanalyze everyone else, yes that includes each other.

Pam [🥀]: Cottagecore lesbian who loves plants and seeing her girlfriend (aka Harley) smile. Will beat the shit out of you if you so much as step on a flower. Jonathan's second best friend (sometimes first depending on how annoying Eddie is). General "Mom Friend" of the group, because someone fucking has to be & Selina is only here so often.

Selina [🐈‍⬛]: A shy girl with an an affinity for cats and stealing shiny objects. Doesn't hang out with the rouges too much on account of them being a tad too crazy for her tastes and the fact that her boyfriend is the city's hero.

BOTTOM ROW [aka Tertiary / Less Frequent Paras]

Ozzy [🐧]: Rich bitch with ties to the mafia, but you needn't worry about that, he's got a party to throw! Probably for his boyfriend (aka Eddie) so he'll shut up about being attention starved. More than willing to pay for his friend's expenses (with a small fee, of course). Bonds with Jonny over their love for birds.

Artie [🃏]: Clown man who tells terrible jokes that only Harley & Jervis are nice enough to laugh at. A very Big Mess, hard to handle, overall considered a little 'too much' all the time; and yet all the rouges still consider him their 'leader' of sorts. Well, they all listen to him the most, so that probably makes him their leader, right? That's what he keeps telling himself. Also has a crush on Bruce (Selina's bf) & is constantly flirting with him so they can break up.

Ronnie [an original para]: One of the security guards at Ark Asylum (where the rouges go when they've been captured by Bruce). Considered one of the 'Cool Guards' as he lets the rouges get away with maybe a little more than they should, but so long as they don't get into any fights he's pretty much chill with whatever, albeit a little tired of their odd shenanigans. Also possibly works for Ozzy in secret.

[nygmobblepot-trash]

S1 of gotham.

Jesus Ed is creepy as hell. Did I just gloss over that before? Like I remember honestly being mad that Kristen didn't go for Ed earlier and treated him "badly". She tried so hard to be nice while he never left her alone. Ed i understand you struggle with people skills, but you seriously need to chill. It's one thing to be made fun of because you have to spout riddles every second, but it's another to bother your coworker after she has told you countless times she is uncomfortable.

Also speaking of Ed why didn't they just give Ed the position of medical examiner or hell make him a detective. Clearly education doesn't matter because he gets the job of ME later. He's clearly very smart and solves most of the cases for Harvey and Gordon.

I also forgot how cunning Oswald is and how hard he plays everyone is Gotham. Which of course makes his decisions in s3 that more stupid but we'll get there... heavily intoxicated though.

Honestly love the dynamic of Jim and Harvey. Someone beaten and tired from the system vs someone who can think they can make a difference and save everyone.

Fish and Butch are great too. Liza didn't deserve what happened to her.

Alfred is a huge catalyst for Bruce. He's so chaotic and I love it. You want to investigate yourself? Cool. Fuck the police. Oh and if you find the dude I'll kill him for you. Also I might as well teach you how the beat the living shit out of everyone. No pussies in this house.

Also why is Selina so god damn angry all the time. Yeah I get that Bruce has no clue about the real world but he tries. He proves himself by living on the streets with her. He also doesn't get mad when she steals his shit. He actually cares for her and has never done anything to actually hurt her. He risked himself to save her countless times. Yeah he wants to know who killed his parents but he also cares about her. He proves he isn't manipulating her. Someone please help the small child.

Honestly wtf is up with babs? Like they gave her nothing to do except be rich and want to know what Jim does at work. They only gave her a personality after they made her crazy. Well not really but thats for s2.

Lee has more of a personality but falls for Jim in like .2 seconds. Which I guess happens the real world but whatever. She of course doesn't like how Jimmy walks the line. But it's gotham and you can't get shit done without being morally gray from time to time. Actually sorry I'm going back. Can anyone name one thing Lee likes? Any hobbies she has? Harvey like to drink. Gordon is always in work mode. Ed nurses stray birds back to health. Oswald takes care of his mother. Babs goes to parties alone and worries about Jim all day. Bruce does a lot of different things. What about Lee? Fuck maybe Lee was a step back. Bab just got less screen time.

Speaking of nursing birds back to life, let's talk about the totally straight friendship of ed and Oswald. Now this is me sort of jumping ahead... if the writers didn't want the relationship why did they write them like this? Honest to whatever God you pick, what the actual fuck were they thinking? Ed literally had to pick up Oswald and take him back to his place. Sow up any wounds. Probably wash him too. AND find him clothes. Look Oswald wouldn't fit into Ed's clothes. No way. Ed is a tall boy. Thus the conclusion is he had to figure out the bird's size and buy him clothes. Then this boy goes above and beyond to not only heal this angry man's body but his heart too. Why go through all that trouble? Hell he even told Oswald about the very bad thing he did.

FUCK side tangent. Kristen did not deserve what happened to her. They were so cute together too. I do honestly wish she wouldn't have reacted that way to hearing what happened to her ex. Ed was honestly just trying to help her. I'm not saying that she would have every right to get the fuck out of there or question if that was Ed's real motive. It's ironic though. Ed killed a man because he feared he would continue to hurt her or kill her. He ended up killing her on purpose to save himself. I do wonder if he allowed Kristen to leave if she would rethink he stance and either go back to him or just not report it and stay away from Ed. It would also be interesting to see how Gordon and Harvey would react. Killing Offer dorty (idc how to spell it) could be morally gray. Anyways Ed's a jackass.

Where were we? Oh yeah. So does Ed have multiple beds? Like we know he doesn't have friends so why would he pay for a two bedroom apartment? So I have to know did Oswald force him to sleep on the floor? Remember guys they're not gay for each other or anything. They just bonded and worked though some shit together and sang a song together. Sure if it was Gordon and any chick they would've fucked immediately but thats not the point. They're friends. You know how Harvey nursed Jim back to health and helped Jim continue being a detective? Also during that period they'd gaze into each other's eyes for a painful amount of time. Not to mention the part where Harvey bathed and gave Jim new clothes. Exactly like that. What that never happened? Why, because it may imply they aren't just good buddies?

Also why wasn't Ed involved in the final fight? I'd be funny if he was back up and showed up and saved them. Or was he there in the back taking notes minding his own business?

[living-dead-parker]

Virgin - S.R

Summary: Steve loses his virginity (lowkey requested by @boutchie03 )

What I’m actually writing for Captain America??? This will probably be one of the few exceptions for him bc I’m not used to writing with him. I prefer writing Tony smut, but ngl I personally feel this was one of my better ones. 

Warnings: smut, unprotected sex (wrap ya willy), cussing. Totally ooc but idc and I know this is intense for one’s first time but oh well lmaooo, also shitty ending bc I didn’t know how to end it

Word Count: 2.8k 

Steve watches -hidden behind a newspaper- from his seat in the kitchen the way you joke around with Tony. The prolonged stares, the lingering touches, the way you laugh at his jokes like they're extremely funny. How he would kill to be in Tony's place. Making you laugh like that, having your fingers mess with the blonde strands on his head, making your lips curl up into the familiar smile he loves seeing plastered on your face. However, he knows it's wrong. For many reasons. One being that you're Tony's. He could never feel good about himself if he made someone cheat.

Another thing was the age. Hell, he's technically a hundred years old, despite looking like a twenty-something-year-old. Everybody thought your relationship with Tony was odd, despite the two of you denying any type of relationship. They're not dumb, they can all hear the screams from Tony's room, the banging and the creaking. In no way are the two subtle. Now if it was you and Steve, there'd be hell to pay. Everybody would be judging the hell out of the soldier. But it's not like you're barely an adult, you're in your mid-twenties. Old enough to make decisions about who you sleep with.

On top of that, Steve mainly sees you as a sexual person, not one for romance and love. Sure, he'd love to get you in bed, but he's a traditional man and he just knows you wouldn't marry him just to have sex. It's an idiotic thought, really. But he can't help but think it. Being a virgin for a hundred years isn't too ideal -but in Steve's defense, he's been stuck in ice for 70 of those years- and he knows a big reason why he wants to have sex with you is because he just wants to get it over with as well.

"Hey Steve!" you greet as you walk into the kitchen. Steve's eyes dart over to you quickly as he sets the newspaper down, giving you a smile and greeting you eagerly. A little too eagerly if you ask him. You walk over to the counter furthest from the entrance and grab two mugs from one of the cupboards above. You fill them both with some coffee, but you only grab one of the mugs and take it to the table with you. At the table, you take a seat next to Steve before grabbing the liquid creamer just a few feet away from you.

"Morning, Cap," Tony says as he walks into the kitchen a few seconds later, heading for the other mug. Steve looks up and greets Tony with a nod, offering nothing more after that. Steve looks down at the newspaper on the table and grabs it, lifting it up to pretend to be reading once more.

"Steve," you begin once Tony takes a seat at the table. Steve looks up from the newspaper, noticing Tony's eyes are on his StarkPad. Your eyes are fixed in Steve's direction, waiting for him to actually look at you. "Tony and I were thinking and we know you need a break from some of the missions. Maybe we can start sending others out more?"

Steve looks up at you, finally, after pretending to stare at the newspaper. His brows furrow and he looks surprised and confused by the proposition. The man never gets tired, how could he be tired of Avenging? "I'm sorry?" Steve asks as he looks between you and Tony.

"It's just- we think Bucky and Wanda haven't been pulling their weight much lately. It seems pointless to employ them if they're not even doing anything," you continue, eyeing the man carefully. His eyes squint into a glare, but it seems to be cast at Tony. "Wanda's last mission was two months ago and it was a short rescue mission that lasted an hour. Bucky hasn't been on a mission in four months. They've been training nonstop and they've expressed they're ready to go out. But you never send them."

"What about the Spider kid? He never goes on any missions?" Steve asks, feeling a bit defensive. Normally he wouldn't snap, but who are they to tell him how to run his team?

"He's just a kid, Steve. He does neighborhood patrols and that's that," you cut in and glare at Steve. Why is he being such a dick about it?

"Yeah, plus you're not the only person in the team. We still have Sam, Nat, and Bruce. Who all get very tired because they're still regular humans. You may have the super serum," Tony says before standing up and setting his mug down. "But they don't," he concludes before making a dramatic exit out of the kitchen. Steve rolls his eyes at the other man.

A huff escapes Steve's lips as he lifts his own mug and takes a sip of his coffee. His eyes scrunch up in disgust at the cold coffee. When he looks over at you, he notices the way you're bottom lip is tugged between your teeth. He gives you a look of pure confusion, not understanding why you're looking at him like that.

"Friday, lock the kitchen," you say. A quiet trill sound is made as metallic doors come shutting down from the top of each entrance to the kitchen. Steve looks around, his brows furrowing as he notices there's no escape. Not that he wants to, it's just a bit shocking to the man.

"W-what are you doing?" Steve asks as you approach him. Slowly, he steps back with every step you take forward. You smirk once he's up against the counter and you're standing in front of him. There's a significant height difference, which one would not find intimidating if they were looking at you, but this is Steve. He wants nothing more than to be able to feel you in ways that he knows only Tony gets to.

"Look, Cap. The team is getting a bad rep because people think we're hiding something with Bucky and Wanda. If we send them out, they'll see nothing fishy is going on. Just send them on more missions-"

"So this is a PR thing? Really?" Steve asks, his voice coming off with tons of shock and disdain. You roll your eyes as you rest a hand on his chest.

"Yeah, but it's more than that. They're just sitting ducks letting their skills go to waste. You know they're valuable assets to the team. They can help us do less damage. On top of that, world leaders are getting concerned again. We're just trying to protect Bucky and Wanda again from not getting detained or something. Just send them on missions and let people see that they're doing what they're supposed to. Tony and I can only hold them off for so long."

Steve shakes his head. You're not sure why he's so hesitant to send them on missions. They're the best at what they do and they always make it out safely. Sam is overworked, Bruce -as of lately- seems to be having trouble with the other guy, and Nat needs rest too. So why can't he alternate them out?

You don't bother moving from your position between Steve's legs and you find yourself moving closer towards him. You find your hips pushed up against his now and you can't help but to move your hands up to his shoulders. Steve looks down at you, eyes wide and his breath gets labored. What does he do now?

"We should proba-"

"I know you want to fuck me," you blurt out as Steve's hands move to your arms in an attempt to move you. He stops and looks at you, lips parted in shock but his eyes squinted in confusion.

"What?" he asks. You roll your eyes at his obliviousness.

"I see the way you look at me," you begin as your hands slide down to the hem of his grey shirt. His hands move down to your hips and he tugs his bottom lip between his teeth. "And I notice how you get nervous whenever you see me in little to no clothing. Tank tops should not make a man so nervous. Then I remember that you're a virgin and I remember how I used to tremble at seeing guys in just their underclothing when I was on the verge of losing my virginity," you admit.

Your hands slide up into his shirt, shuddering at the warmth of him. He pulls you flush against him and leans down to capture your lips in his. His lips are only slightly chapped but you ignore it, falling into the kiss. You grind your hips into his as you wrap your arms around his neck. A groan escapes his lips as he feels you continue to grind your hips into his. You feel a semi against your clothed core and a smirk begins to form on your lips as he continues to groan.

"Y/N wait," he says as he pulls away, pulling back from you. "What about Tony?" he asks, suddenly feeling guilty.

Through a chuckle, you ask, "what about Tony?"

"Well," Steve begins as he looks around. Anywhere but at you. "Aren't you two a thing?" he asks. His question causes you to giggle. Does he really think that? His eyes give it away though. He totally believes you are.

"Oh my god. No, we're not a thing, Steve. We're just fuck buddies if you will. Whenever he's lonely and I need a good fuck, he's there. But we're not together or anything. Strictly sexual, no strings attached," you explain. Steve looks so lost, making you giggle even more.

"Isn't it weird, though? Having sex without feelings?" Steve asks.

"Not really. I mean, sex with someone you love is amazing. But sometimes sex with someone you hate or someone you're friends with is even better. I don't associate sex with love all the time because sex isn't always the ultimate gesture of love," you tell him. Which it's not. It can be a gesture of love, but it's not the only one. Sometimes, you just need a good fuck without emotion. Just the physical need to cum.

"It just seems odd to me," Steve says as he looks down. You grab his chin and lift it up slightly.

"Look, if this isn't something you're comfortable doing, we don't have to do anything. We can just walk away and pretend none of this ever happened."

"I want to!" Steve cuts in, sounding desperate. He really does want to. "It's just, I'm used to the traditional way. Fall in love and wait until marriage. I mean, I don't want to wait till I find someone now, I just I really like you and- I don't know- I- I just don't know how to do any of this."

"Do you really want to do this?" you ask.

"Yes b-"

"Then follow my lead and if something is too much, let me know and I'll stop."

He nods as you lean in and press your lips to his once more. His facial hair scratches at your face but it doesn't bother you. Based on how Tony's feels when he's going down on you, you just know Steve's would feel even better. You moan at the thought, bringing your hips up against Steve's as you grind into him. He groans into your mouth, wanting more. His hands move down to your ass, pulling you flush against him; face to face, chest to chest, waist to waist. Your hands move to his shirt, pulling it up and revealing his very sculpted and toned chest. You practically drool at his abs, almost like your first time seeing them. He goes bashful as your lips move to his chest and down his abdomen until you reach his happy trail. You continue kissing the skin as you undo his jeans, pulling them down to reveal his hard-on through his boxers.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" you ask. Steve nods eagerly as his hands go down to your hair. You smirk up at him as you kneel down and pull his boxers down. One of your hands wraps around his cock, the other grabbing hold of his balls. You lick up a stripe from base to tip, swirling your tongue around his tip. His gasps fill the room as the sensation is overbearing. He's seen porn and he's jacked off, but none of it felt or looked as good as this. When he looks down, he sees you looking up at him through innocent eyes as you take his cock into your mouth, only taking in a few inches at a time.

"You like that?" you ask as you briefly pull him out of your mouth. You wrap your lips around his cock again, taking in more of him this time around. You're about halfway as you slowly inch more of him in. Steve throws his head back as he feels his cock hit the back of your throat. When he looks back down at you, he sees all of him in your mouth, tears pricking at your eyes. However, he can't seem to stop you, only wanting you to keep going.

"Fuck," you gasp when you pull his cock out of your mouth. He gives you a worried look but you ignore it, going back to having his cock in your mouth, only taking half of him as you bob your head back and forth, stroking the rest in your hand.

"Shit-" he gasps as his hands tangle in your hair. You moan against his cock, making him get one step closer. You stop, pulling away from his cock and stand up. His eyes follow as you remove your top. You remove your pants and stand closer to him as your arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him into a rough kiss. His cock is pressed against your clothed pussy, aching as he waits for you to make another move. You remove your panties before switching spots and hopping on the counter.

"Come here," you tell him. He steps closer and watches as you grab his cock and line it up to your entrance. His eyes screw shut as he feels the entrance of your warm cunt around his cock. You scoot forward a bit, feeling him slowly fill you up more. "Steve, step closer. I want you to fill me up," you say through moans. Steve moves closer, wrapping your legs around him and pushing himself all the way in.

He practically growls as he feels how tight you feel against his cock. His hands move to your ass, gripping it tightly as you throw your head back. You grind your hips into his, making him moan into your ear.

"Oh, fuck-" you moan out loud. "Yes, Steve. Mm, right there," you continue as he begins to take charge, thrusting a bit harder. The sound of skin on skin fills the kitchen, gasps mixing in the air, and loud moans are screamed into each other's mouths.

Steve rests his head on your shoulder, feeling himself get closer with every thrust. You lean back on your hands, feeling it all as he goes full force. Sex with Tony is great, but sex with Steve might just be phenomenal. He seems to be brutal in force, but not unbearably painful. A sweet mix of pleasure and pain.

"Steve-" you moan breathlessly. Your breathing is labored and Steve's thrusts become slack. You can tell he's close and you might just be too. So as he continues hitting at every angle, one of your hands moves down to your clit, rubbing at it as Steve keeps pounding into you. "Oh my God, Steve. Fuck yes!" you scream as he pulls you closer to him. You feel so out of control of your own body, you go limp. Your head rests on Steve's shoulder as he continues going. Before you know it, you're coming on his cock with a loud scream. It almost feels like too much as he continues fucking you senseless.

With a loud moan, he cums inside you, his head collapsing on your shoulder as well. For this being his first time, he sure knew how to handle you and leave you speechless. He continues thrusting sloppily as the two of you ride out your highs.

"Is it odd I feel like a proud parent?" Tony asks Nat in a different room. The conference room to be exact. The two had been having a conversation about the next mission when they heard your familiar screams from the kitchen. Tony lead the way to the conference room, where he asked Friday for live footage from the kitchen. The two only caught the last two minutes of it all, but to say it left the two thirsty for more was an understatement.

"Who would've thought those two would break each other," Nat adds as she watches from next to Tony.

"At least Cap's not a virgin anymore."

Please send in feedback or requests! Come talk to me or send me asks about anything!!

[starker-says-yes]

Anthony

Peter was heartbroken when Tony rejected him, he really was. It wasn’t a dead on “I don’t like you in that way” or anything like that, but they, somehow, had got on to the topic of dating someone younger than you and Tony said he just couldn’t see himself doing that anymore. He said he would feel like a cradle- robber. Peter wouldn’t want to make Tony feel bad in anyway, so he took it as rejection.

He thought that was the end, he couldn’t and he wouldn’t love anymore. No matter how much Ned and MJ tried to comfort him with those words, he knew they would never be true.

And everything was so much worse than it had to be because Peter lived in the tower with the Avengers, and Tony. He had to see the man’s face almost everyday. Peter had sulked and sulked till he finally made himself realize that this was rejection not a breakup, he really shouldn’t cry that long.

The mouths pass and it was summer. Peter finally got a break from college and could focus on hero work. That’s when he meet him, Anthony. Sam’s sister had wanted her son to get out more and start looking for a good job, so she sent him to live with Sam. Which also meant the other Avengers, which meant with Peter.

To be honest Peter didn’t pay him any mind. Though he was tall and he was related to Sam, so he was obviously good looking, Peter didn’t want anyone that wasn’t Tony Stark.

But things slowly started to change when he first saw Anthony in action. Anthony was a mutant, which Peter thought was the coolest thing in the world to be born with abilities, he had enhanced physical strength and senses.

Which Anthony hated and said he wished he had something cooler. Peter completely disagreed, he had to get bit by a spider just for that to happen, he loved it.

Anthony was stronger then most everyone in the tower, except maybe Thor, and Peter had a theory that it had to do with the fact that he was born with it. Peter could go on and on about the ideas he had about Anthony’s abilities, and he had before.

Peter thinks that was the first thing that attracted him to Anthony.

They were in the train hall, you guessed it, training. When Anthony came he immediately when to Steve and asked for a sparing match. Which Peter thought was crazy, because he assumed that Anthony was like Sam, normal.

“You sure about that?” Peter asked giving him a unsure smile. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Anthony’s shirt came off and onto a chair nearby.

Peter looked down and coughed. “Well, you’re, um,” what was a nice way to say you’re human and can easily be broken. “You and Sam, have certain things holding you back from, ya know- Cap might- people can be fragile and-“

“You worried I might get hurt?” Anthony asked inquisitively.

“I’ve seen the bruises that Sam gets sometimes when he spars with Steve.”

“Hm. I think I’ll be able to handle it.” He winked before getting on the mat with Steve in a fighting position.

“Oh shit, you betta represent, Ant.” Sam yelled out, standing outside of the mat, everyone seemed to want to watch to so they did the same thing.

“I put my money on cap.” Clint spoke arms crossed.

“I don’t know about that one.” Sam smirked.

“It’s the obvious choice.”

“I disagree. A good choice, but not the obvious one.” Nat shoves Clint from behind. “Watch.”

“Ready?” Clint was now near the bell ready to ring it. “Go.” They both speedily ran at each other and the fight began.

Peter noticed that Steve wasn’t pulling his punches and grimmest when one landed on Anthony’s face. But Anthony brushed it off like it was nothing and knocked Steve on his back.

Anthony went to punch back, but Steve rolled out of the way before his fist could make contact with Steve so instead it hit the floor, and broke it. “Shit.” Clint mumble next to him. “What is your sister feeding that kid?” The question was directed at Sam, but Clint didn’t take his eyes off the fight not wanting to miss it.

The fight was way longer than Peter it would be and only because Steve’s skills and training beat out brute force. Peter immediately walked up to Anthony who was wiping sweat off of his body.

“How?”

“How, what? Need you to be more specific.” It was said genuinely, but the sly smile Anthony was wearing gave away that he knew what Peter was talking about. “How are you so strong? Like were you also hit with some super serum?”

Anthony just laughed and shook his head. “Sorry to deprive you from a tragic backstory, but I’m just a mutant.”

“What’s that?” Peter asked completely clueless.

“You’ve- It’s a person who was born with an X-gene, and the X-gene gives them abilities to do crazy stuff. You’ve seriously never heard of mutants?”

Peter looked down feeling ashamed some how. “No, I wonder why?” (Marvel, Disney, idc who, y’all know y’all wrong. You’ve had two chances, as-)

“You should see my sister, she’s like a witch with plants.” Anthony smiles fondly.

Eventually Peter asked about Anthony and his family and Anthony did the same. Peter didn’t plan to start liking Anthony, obviously, but it happened and Peter didn’t mind.

So now here they were in the kitchen. Anthony trying to teach the boy to cook because it seemed like Peter couldn’t cook for the life of him.

“I’m telling you it hopeless and genetic. My aunt can’t cook and neither can I. You’re just gonna have to take care of me forever.” Peter sighed exasperated. Anthony smiled one of those fond smiles that he saves for his family and now Peter. “Doesn’t sounds like such a bad thing to me.”

Anthony easily lifted Peter up and sat him on the kitchen counter, placing himself between Peter’s thighs. “You can’t teach me how to cook like this.”

“Now why would I need to cook,” Anthony grabbed Peter’s ass and pulled him closer. “When I’ve already got a whole meal right in front of me?” Peter snorted, ducking his head and laughing. “Sometimes I forget the magnitude of your dorky-ness.”

“You love it.”

“Mmm. Maybe a little.” Peter started to peak his lips before Anthony grabbed his jaw making him keep contact with the taller’s lip. It was slow and sensual. There was no rush but Peter could feel the passion behind it.

Anthony’s head went lower licking Peter’s neck before biting down and then sucking at it harshly. Peter gripped the other’s shirt and couldn’t help the gasp that escaped his lips. “Ahh.” The response only made Anthony work harder, pushing them closer till their dicks were rubbing together slightly.

“Anthony.” Peter whispered, trying to keep quiet. Anthony moved back to kiss Peter, rubbing harder till all the shorter could do was gasp into the kiss. “Fuck, Ant.”

“Yeah?” The dry humping didn’t stop, but slowed down. Peter looked up, eyes stopping right at Anthony’s neck and Peter leaned forward sucking on it immediately. “Shit, baby.” Anthony’s gravely voice made it to Peter’s ears making him smile before sucking harder.

“Wooow,” A voice spoke up making them jump apart. “In the kitchen, you know we eat here right.” Clint deadpanned. Not long after him the other Avengers, all except Tony Peter noticed, came in with their own knowing smiles on their faces.

“This I expected from Anthony consider who he’s related to, but you Peter,” Clint continued shaking his head in fake disappointment. “I hoped for so much more.”

“Go on, Clint.” Natasha spoke up pushing her friend forward. She winked towards the two before turning back to her usual mask. Peter smiled before going back to the stove. “We were cooking.”

“Mmhm.” Sam commented. “I blame Peter.” Anthony said immediately after. “Rat.” Peter said punching his shoulder and smiling.

“Whose cooking?” Tony came in curiously. Peter immediately straightened up letting his smile get slightly bigger.

Anthony noticed. Anthony noticed it happened a lot. Peter would look at Tony like he hung the stars and the moon up. Anthony wasn’t mad at Peter because of it, he just didn’t know how long he could keep on hurting himself, or letting Peter hurt his self.

“We’re cooking, me and, uh, Anthony.” Peter wanted to smack himself, how do you forget your own boyfriend’s name. Luckily no one seemed to notice. “I could’ve just ordered in.” Tony sat down next to Bruce on the couch.

“Yeah, but Peter wanted to learn how to cook.” Anthony wrapped his arm around Peter’s waist only for Peter to quickly move out of his embrace and “busy” himself with cooking. Anthony sighed silently before looking down at the notifications on his phone.

“Baby, I gotta go.”

“What, why? How I’m I supposed to cook?”

“Uncle Sam can help you.” Anthony grabbed his wallet putting it in his pocket before turning to give Peter a peck on the lips. Peter turned his face so Anthony’s kiss would land on his cheek, which would have been okay if Peter’s eyes hadn’t been on someone else. This time Anthony and Sam noticed.

Anthony just shook his head before walking to the elevator.

“Ant.” Sam tried to catch him, but Anthony just waved him off. “Bye Unc.”

It wasn’t the first time Peter had acted differently when Tony was in the room and it wouldn’t be the last. It was worse in the beginning of the relationship, Peter wouldn’t even let Anthony touch him if Peter so much as thought Tony was on the same floor. Things had gotten better, but only slightly. Anthony knew he would never have Peter’s full affections.

It was a few days later when Anthony decided to talk to Peter. They were laying down in bed when Anthony started talking. “I love you, Peter.” Peter sat up shocked, before turning to Anthony. “I-“

“No, I’m not done.” Peter looked confused, but sat quietly. “I know you’ll never fully love me the way I want you to and I understand that, so don’t say you love me, cause it wouldn’t be the same, not the way you love Tony.”

“Ant I don’t-“

“Peter.” Anthony just looked at him and Peter’s eyes got glassy. “You do, you need to stop lying to yourself and hurting yourself.”

“I . . . can’t be with him he- he doesn’t want me-“ Peter looked down at his hands.

“Have you actually talked to him about it? Have you had a conversation with him telling him how you feel?” Peter opened his mouth to speak before closing it again. He shook his head.

“See Peter, you need-“

“No. No, I don’t want to love him anymore.” Peter got up to walk away but Anthony caught his arm. “Pete-“

“Stop. Stop it Anthony.” Peter shook his head in denial, tears silently falling down his cheeks. “I could learn to love you. I could. You’re a good man, you’re so good to me-“

“But would you be happy?” Peter looked up from his feet staring at Anthony’s figure sitting on the bed. Peter just looked at him for the longest time trying to figure out all the jumbled thoughts in his mind. He looked at Anthony and bit his lip. “I’m scared.” Peter whispered in realization.

Anthony grabbed on of Peter’s hands pulling him closer till he was standing right in front of him.

“It’s okay to be scared Pete. It’s completely understandable to scared, but you can’t let it control whether or not you get to be happy. Really happy,” Anthony stood up wrapping his arms around Peter’s shoulders and burying his nose in the shorter’s hair.

Peter snaked his arms around Anthony’s waist, pressing his ear to the man’s chest listening to his calming heartbeat.

They stood in silence the only noise being their breathing till Anthony pulled back to kiss Peter’s forehead. “Talk to him, Peter.” The smaller nodded making the promise in his head. “Can we go to sleep?”

Anthony smiled fondly, a smile that Peter would miss, before pulling them down to the bed for the night.

Peter wishes he could say he cried for longer than a couple of days, but he couldn’t. He did like Anthony, a lot really, but it was more that Peter knew he had to face the truth because Anthony wasn’t there as a distraction anymore.

Anthony was back home, in New Orleans, doing a project with one of his friends, Remy, Peter thinks his name was. Peter was still at the tower with a week left before he had to go back to school.

It seemed like no matter what he did Peter just couldn’t get the courage he needed to tell Tony what he promised Anthony he would tell him and it made Peter feel bad.

He was in the kitchen late at night, he was thirsty and feeling dehydrated. He grabbed the first thing he saw and downed the whole thing. It tasted sweet like one of those flavored waters. He would have to make sure to get some more of that. It was a few seconds later when he decided that he was also peckish.

He noticed that the world was wobbly and needed to stop moving.

“Pete?” Peter hears Tony’s voice but didn’t look at him. After all it was Tony’s fault for being so damn hot and Peter being attracted to him.

“Hmp.” Was the only answer Tony got. Tony looked at Peter questionably noticing that he was swaying back and forth, before looking around and seeing the Thor’s Asgardian liquor and had been cleaned out.

“Peter, are you drunk?” Peter squinted down at him sandwich before shaking his head a little to much. “Impossible. My metabolism is fast, believe me I’ve tried.”

“Hmhm, and what are you doing?”

“I’m eating a sandwich.” Peter said matter of factly, while his mouth was slightly full.

“Pete,” Tony paused for a moment stiffly a chuckle. “That’s just bread.”

Peter frowned before looking down to see that Tony was in fact right. “Well that’s how I like my sandwiches, thank you very much.”

“Okay well let’s get you to bed.” Tony gently tried to coast Peter thinking that younger man would try to fight him, only for Peter to sag into him pout still placed on his lip.

“I don’t wanna go to sleep. I’m not sleepy.”

“I know baby, but how we just try.” Even drunk Peter heard Tony call him the pet name and pulled away from him.

“You can’t call me that.” Peter whinnied make Tony furrow his brow in confusion.

“Call you what sweetie.”

Peter pointed at him accusingly. “Stuff like that!” Tony caught himself. He went to explain only for Peter to keep talking. “Not when you don’t like me like I like you, it’s unfair. God, Mr. Tark are you tryna ruin me.”

In any other situation Tony would have laughed at the combination of his name, but he heard Peter just say he liked him and he wanted to make sure he heard right.

“Pete, did you just say you liked me?” Peter looked at Tony like he had just said just said water was wet.

“Well, duh. Honestly Tony for a very intellectual man you can be slow sometimes. You remember that time I asked you about dating someone younger and you were all like ‘I don’t wanna date someone that younger than me, I’d be cradle robber. Blah blah blah’.”

Peter imitated Tony towards the end in a deeper voice.

“But I’m not a kid and who gives a flying fuck what anyone else thinks. Last time I checked I’m 23, which is a couple of years over the age of consent and makes me a grown ass person. And if you don’t believe me I can get on my knees right now and prove just how much of an adu-“

Before Peter could finish his sentence Tony had grabbed the back of his neck and pushed their lips together. The kiss was short and sweet but the meaning behind not was clear.

“That’s not what I meant. My days of clubbing and picking up young things are over. I’m not looking for a young fuck, that’s what I might. Children that aren’t done growing up and still wanna party isn’t for me anymore.”

“That’s not what I am Tony, it take a lot of work to be a hero and a college student. I don’t have time for that stuff. And if I get in a relationship I want it last, and with you Tony I want it to last forever.”

The next kiss was deeper and Peter was prepared. Peter could die in this moment, everything felt so right, Tony’s lips against his, Tony’s hands tightening on his waist and pulling him closer. The pressure of the man’s body against his was perfect and Peter didn’t want to stop. But for some reason Tony did and Peter couldn’t help the low whine that came out of the back of his throat.

“Baby, baby, listen.” Peter opened his eye finding deep hazel ones starring back. “We need to talk about this, tomorrow probably, but for now you need to sleep.”

“Okay, okay. Kiss first though.” Peter closed his eyes and puckered his lips making Tony chuckle. He pecked Peter before turning him around to the hallway. “Party pooper.” Peter mumbled.

“I know, now stop dragging your feet.” Tony said before pinching Peter’s side making him giggle.

“You wanna know something?”

“Mm.”

“Guys with the name Anthony are great kissers.” Peter laughed before skipping down the hall leaving a dumbfounded Tony.

I am so sorry. Honestly I was so off kilter and didn’t get to this story like I should have. It honestly should not have taken me this long to get this out and again I’m sorry for that, but I do hope you enjoyed and I’ve already started a new, which hopefully won’t take me as long.

[lovelyirony]

tony gets PhDs just to spite bruce for calling him a dumb gay bitch. he rolls into the tower sometime in may after double majoring in fashion design and art history like “who’s the dumb gay bitch now huh?? not me, i have 8 PhDs!” this leads to a school-off, only stopping when pepper says “tony what the fuck are you doing? everyone in the accounting department is crying at your collective student debt. even if you have enough money to pay for it you shouldnt do that to them!”

tony: idc bruce now has seven adn i have NINE

bruce: literally just got my tenth 

tony: how the FUCK did you pay for it 

bruce, thinking back to stealing one of thor’s weird ass coins from his purse: i have money u know 

[thebicanary]

seriously big spoilers, don’t read on if you haven’t seen or don’t want to know about endgame

i’m pleased with endgame, i really loved it and i didn’t realise that is apparently an unpopular opinion until i got onto old tungle dot com here. everyone i know who was also at a midnight launch was happy with it, people came out of it extremely satisfied so... idk. but here’s why i loved it:

- it was funny. and i have issues with the comedy and comedic timing of a lot of marvel movies not giving time for dramatic moments to fucking breathe before going into a joke or a wise crack but both infinity war and endgame balanced the comedy and drama well imo

- let’s not lie to ourselves, it was complete fanservice for a good chunk of the movie. but it was the best kind of fanservice. there were so many moments people fucking CHEERED AND CLAPPED in the cinema when i saw it, like cap wielding mjolnir against thanos, when the avengers and the armies of wakanda and so many systems thanos destroyed came to help fuck him up, on your left, pepper in the rescue armour, the mcu ladies gathering for a big showdown while carol is transporting the stones etc.

- tony’s death is utterly heartbreaking, especially in light of him and pepper having a child and tony trying to forge a life with a family in the wake of the snap. but it was a satisfying and fitting end for his time in the mcu. this all began with iron man in 2008, this all began with tony and rdj, it would not have felt right for anyone else to defeat thanos in the end, and i think we all knew defeating thanos would require the sacrifice or a life or two. most expected it to be steve, but tony fits better imo. his decision to use the stones to save the world while knowing his body would not be physically capable of handling it was heroic, and heartbreaking, and he got a beautiful send off. It was a great way of honoring tony and rdj’s contributions to the franchise and i was sobbing.

- i’m actually glad carol was not the big weapon to be used to defeat thanos in the movie like was teased in promo material. the fact that the majority of fighting against thanos was from the big three original tentpoles of the mcu (tony, steve, thor) working together was exhilarating, satisfying, and ultimately how it should have gone. i also like that they’ve established carol as not just a defender of earth - that the snap affected many other planets and she is choosing to help all of them as best she can, not just earth. she only properly comes back to earth when thanos arrives with his army to help with the fight. would i have liked more of her present after enjoying her so much in her solo outing? yeah, but this was the end of 22 movies, a lot of characters deserved and needed time, and she is the newest addition. it’s fair that she didn’t get too much focus when this was essentially a love letter and goodbye to characters who have been around in the mcu (NOT THE COMICS, OK. YOU GOTTA TREAT THE MCU AS OBJECTIVELY SEPARATE BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE WATCHING THESE MOVIES WITH LITTLE TO NO COMIC KNOWLEDGE, THEY’RE ATTACHED TO THE MCU, NOT NECESSARILY MARVEL COMICS). also the new haircut is big sexy and i hope they keep it.

- BIG UNPOPULAR OPINION TIME: i liked steve’s ending, fucking sue me. people saying he abandoned bucky, bucky clearly knew he as at least CONSIDERING remaining in the past, if he had not outright told bucky that was his plan. steve choosing to retire from the fight makes sense for his arc. people hating him for going back and not doing anything with hydra/shield/bucky/etc. did not pay attention to the (admittedly flimsy) laws of time travel established. steve could not go back and change their pasts to directly affect the present, it would simply create an alternate timeline. THIS IS WHY THEY HAD TO DO A SECOND SNAP IN THE FIRST PLACE. STOPPING THANOS FROM DOING THE ORIGINAL SNAP WOULD NOT CHANGE ANYTHING IN THE TIMELINE THEY RETURNED TO, BECAUSE IT WOULD JUST BE A BRANCH FROM THAT MOMENT. the whole reason the stones had to go back in the first place was so those extra timelines weren’t created. it’s not hard to theorise and imagine steve actually did save bucky and stop hydra if you want to, but by the laws established in the movie, it would not directly impact the timeline of the already established movies. feel free to imagine that old steve was from another timeline where he did all that - but he unfortunately can’t save the bucky standing next to sam and bruce there. him going back to live out the rest of his life in peace with the woman he loves does not erase what he has done in all previous movies. it gives him a fucking break and allows him to do one thing for himself and his happiness that largely has little consequence, and means we get to see an end to steve as cap without him dying. i’m ignoring the icky sharon situation simply because it hasn’t been acknowledged anyway since civil war and it wasn’t properly built up to before then anyway so fuck it. and peggy gets to be happy too - whether she would have been happy or not without steve, does it really matter? there’s a timeline where she gets to be happy with him like she did want at least at one point, so fuck it.

- on that note as well the ancient one didn’t say changing the past would doom the alternate timelines, she said taking the time stone from them would doom them in that timeline, because they wouldn’t have the time stone anymore, it would never be given to strange and he would never be able to defeat dormammu. which is WHY. THE AVENGERS WERE GONNA TAKE ALL THE STONES BACK TO THOSE POINTS IN TIME, SO THAT THINGS CONTINUE ON THE COURSE THEY ORIGINALLY DID

- as with anything involving this much time travel PLOTHOLES ABOUND but i can largely ignore them just for the fun the movie had with it, and i don’t care enough to really see them resolved. nebula killed her past self but is still around? the thanos dusted at the end is actually past thanos as are all his lackies and so won’t be around to create infinity war which is required for endgame to happen? fuck it, i guess it’s just another branching timeline. idc, love karen gillan as nebula can’t wait to see her as a permanent gotg. thanos getting dusted was a nice satisfying fu. loki just up and disappeared with the space stone when they failed to get it from the avengers point in time (LITERALLY Y’ALL TWISTING YOUR NICKERS ABOUT STEVE AND IGNORING THAT THIS WOULD ERASE LOKI BEING THERE FOR DARK WORLD BECAUSE HE WOULDN’T BE THERE FOR THOR TO TAKE HIM HOME, AND SUBSEQUENTLY THEN NOT BE THERE FOR RAGNAROK.) but again, this is a movie that is largely serving as fan service/a love letter, so i’m electing to ignore it. this is a superhero movie, for gods sake, i don’t need it to make sense 100% of the time. we don’t question a lot of the other rules this universe has established in the past, and also in this movie (like y’all they just up and survived thanos bombing the avengers compound til it was dust. CLINT SURVIVED THAT. HE’S A HUMAN HE HAS NO SUPERSUIT OR POWERS. HE SHOULD’VE DIED. BUT AGAIN. DO YOU GIVE A FUCK THAT THAT IS IGNORED? NO. BUT YOU WANNA GET PISSED ABOUT STEVE GETTING A HAPPY ENDING).

- clint finally having plot relevance and a good storyline in an avengers movie hell yes. he opens the movie and it’s a great way to frame just how fucked the world was thanks to thanos after infinity war. his decision to go on a killing spree is kinda understandable - thanos’ snap didn’t differentiate between good and bad, he’s bitter that his entire family was wiped out but asshole murderers and drug dealers still exist? it’s an approach to vigilantism that i enjoy unpicking in superhero stuff, it’s why i like heroes like red hood.

- it’s a shame nat had to die, and that her and gamora won’t be coming back from the soul stone sacrifices (unless they pull a “actually they got brought back too” thing later. star lord was running a search for gamora at the end after all). but makes sense narratively that she was the one to go rather than clint. he had his family, it would just be one more depressing thing to have his family come back with him not there and nat the one to break it. seeing her go is sad, for a character that largely unfortunately hasn’t got much focus or (well written) development in the avengers movies, but it was a fitting end to her whole “wanting to wipe the red from her ledger” deal, and her and clint’s friendship was beautiful.

- i love hulk!bruce. i love bruce embracing the hulk, not being afraid of him, or his nature as the hulk anymore. it was a nice way to end his arc too.

- ‘nother unpopular opinion, i don’t hate how thor’s arc went either. i would love him to be the leader of asgard, and maybe that can be his future. i’m disappointed it’s not him now, but i think it’s a reaction to the unexpected popularity ragnarok got, and as a consequence that his mcu character got where previously his solo outings had been considered some of the weaker instalments. there’s not much big superhero action to be had in him ruling new asgard, but the potential for another thor outing, or a stint with the guardians, offers more chance for marvel to rake in some more millions with his popularity. doesn’t mean he can’t become ruler of asgard later, and i hope that will be his fate eventuality. but it also nicely rounds out the core three passing down legacies - steve leaves his legacy as captain america with sam, tony leaves his legacy as iron man with the ironfam and peter, thor leaves his legacy as ruler of asgard with valkyrie. we know peter continues on as spidey in his next movie, rhodey will likely at least have a supporting role in future avengers stuff/other heroes’ movies going forward, sam will likely be captain america in the sam/bucky tv show, and valkyrie was a popular side character with potential for stuff going forward (that rumoured lady sif show could be about new asgard or involve valkyrie in some form?). thor probably got the least out of the core three, but i think it’s because they now want to keep the potential for more thor in the future.

- the final fight was epic, and it put into context the line up for the future of the mcu we have and how exciting it is (spidey, captain marvel, black panther, doctor strange (never thought i’d say that but infinity war and endgame really made me like him and the mystic arts element of the mcu more), potential legacy characters like sam, rhodey/pepper, valkyrie, wanda, because i don’t think her story is done yet, the guardians, scott and hope).

- the final credits with the original 6 avengers getting special sliders with the actors signatures was a real nice touch i got goosebumps.

- it was a good way to wipe the slate semi-clean for a next generation of the mcu, without completely killing off and erasing all that came before. the mcu isn’t like comics where it can just perpetually exist in an undefined era where characters don’t age for years on end, there do need to be definitive ends to some of these characters and their arcs unless you just wanna recast them every 5 years so they can remain ageless.

[namemeagainivebeenlost]

^ yaaaas

The Avengers all assume Peter is Tony’s biological son that he kept out of the public eye for safety reasons (similar to the above) and no one but Nat realizes he’s also Spider-Man

Peter can’t thermoregulate (cause spider) and tony is immediately like “HEATERS, HEATERS EVERYWHERE” “mr stark, that’s the toilet seat-“ “HEAT IT UP FRI”

Peter making his own robot (like Dum-EE or U) and Tony is just a proud Daddy the first time Peter scolds it

Peter is trans but having a hard time transitioning cause enhancements and HRT don’t mix well (also $$$) and Tony is like “I know nothing about this, but I’ll be damned if I don’t learn” (cue Bruce “I’m not that kind of dr” banner getting roped in cause “it’s biology brucey baby!” And Bruce is just the exhausted uncle.)

Angst heavy- peter graduates and tony is terrified now because peter doesn’t want his suit tracked and wants to use his own suit and prove he can do it all alone, but tony still wants to just take care of his kid

Smol Baby peter and confused daddy tony, idc how it happens.

Angst heavy- peter gets hurt really bad, tony saves him but peter is out of it and accidentally calls tony “dad” for the first time and tony LOSES IT

Tony being scared of being a father figure because what if he’s Howard all over again?

Shuri and Peter are bffl’s and meme on tony hard and he’s always DONE

Clint and Nat are like “so you’re a dad” 24/7/365 and Tony is like “IM NOT A DAD” until Peter is like “it my dad 🤗” and tony is immediately like “I am a proud father, break out the cigars”

TONY AND MAY COPARENTING AN ENHANCED SUPERPOWERED GENIUS CHILD

Peter has a room in avengers tower/ at the compound

Falling asleep on the couch, heads on shoulders and fingers still covered in pizza sauce and grease from the lab

Peter has bean bags in the lab and drifts off to thumping classic rock and the smell of burning plastic

Tony teachs peter how to drive and is TERRIFIED

Tony finds out how many calories Peter needs to function and FEEEDS HIIIIIM 247365

Angst Peter comes back post snap and thinks Tony won’t have time for him anymore because he’s got a “real” kid and a “real” family now. Tony sets him straight.

Morgan doesn’t know what to think of Peter , until she realizes he likes the cool stuff Daddy likes and is nice like mommy and gives her ice cream, so he’s pretty cool

Morgan gets almost hurt on peters watch and peter immediately assumes that pep and tony will hate him, they both assure him that’s not true

Peter brings home wade and is like “this is my pet Canadian assassin!” And tony is like “wait... no...”

May loses her job/ other economic cris, and peter is unwilling to say anything to tony cause he doesn’t want tony to pity them or whatever until tony finally figures out and wants to help. Cue the complications and trying to explain to tony why they can’t accept him paying all their bills for the rest of their lives

Peter has lingering PTSD and claustrophobia issues after A GROWN MAN TRIED TO DROP A BUILDING ON HIM, and tony tries to help

Platonic cuddling because gd guys, men should be allowed to flipping cuddle each other. I still cuddle my mom and my best friend, dudes should be allowed to cuddle for fricks sake

Peter had iron man merch and tony is pleased

Peter passive aggressively wearing other avengers merchandise when tony annoys him

Did I mention tony adopting peter? BECAUSE TONY ADOPTING PETER

“Hey pete, how would you feel about an island for your graduation present?” “*chokes on drink* I’m sorry, a WHAT?!” “...too much?”

Morgan gets married and Peter is her Man of Honor and Tony can’t stop crying while pepper is straight faced

OH BETTER May and Happy getting married. Tony is Happys best man, and Peter is Mays Man of Honor and they both stare at each other across the isle like “o.0”

Tony getting married and peter being a groomsman along with Rhodey (Best man) and Happy.

Tony getting peter a suit for the wedding, because peters never worn one that wasn’t for a funeral or that one dance where he nearly DIED

Tony wanting to throw his weight around to get Peter into his Alma mater and peter being like “no, I gotta do it alone”

Basically anything with tony wanting to coddle peter and peter wanting to prove his independence.

“Pep, I think Peter is accidentally my kid now, and I don’t know if I’d be able to give him up at this point, even for you.” “Bitch whatchu on about? That’s MY child too”

Peter Stark, idc how it happens

Peter: “I love you Tony.” Tony: *SHOOKETH*

Tony teaching peter how to cook his moms old recipes

Tony calling peter “bambino”

Just, y’all, look. I’m a slut for found families, for families built on love rather than genetics. I fucking love guys being allowed to have healthy, affectionate, platonic relationships god dang it.

asking everyone, what’s your favorite irondad trope??

[nostalgiaispeace]

389.

5,000 Question Survey–Part twenty-seven

2501. what image, scent, memory, etc. would you take with you into the dark/light, the land of dead, heaven, infinity…..? the smell of a forest.

2502. Who is the most annoying musical artist EVER? Taylor Swift...Justin Beiber....Demi Lovato...Miley Cyrus 2503. If you HAD to go to one of the following concerts, which would it be: Snow Vanilla Ice NKOTB Milli Vanilli BSB NSYNC

2504. Do you believe in manifest destiny? no... 2505. Have you ever fallen for an email forwarding hoax (send this to 13 people and old navy will send you a $200.00(100 pound) gift card)? Do you ever think ‘well, maybe…’ and actually forward those damn things? no; no

2506. Let’s say there are 2 schools. one for boys and one for girls. They are both supposed to offer the same facilities so that the girls and boys get equal education. Would you take this to mean that the same courses should be offered to both girls and boys or that the same amount of money should be spent on each school? both?

Imagine that in the boys school fifteen boys sign up for calculus. In the girls school only five girls sign up for calculus. Should the girls calculus class be dissolved and replaced with an easier one? no.. 2507. Would it bother you if you found out that the fruits, vegetables, and meat that you eat is genetically altered (in lots of cases it is!)? they are tho... 2508. What does this world need? peace. 2509. Is there anything you do just because you want to even though it has no redeeming social value? yes...tumblr lol

2510. If you drink what kind of drunk are you? i don’t really drink. 2511, Do you ever 'conveniently’ forget something you don’t want to remember? yeah... 2512. If you have any cousins are you close? no 2513. Are you in love with yourself (your beautiful self)? not at all. 2514. What was the first movie you got on dvd? i think Lilo and Stitch tbh 2515. If you’re sexy and you know it clap your hands. Did you clap? no 2516. have you ever called a: psychic hotline? no suicide crisis line? i’ve dont an online chat one. sex line? no dating line? no 2517. have you ever placed a personal ad anywhere? yeah 2518. Do guys look good in make up? sometimes. 2519. What are 5 things you don’t care about? - 2520. What are you going to do until you die? read books; watch movies; sing. 2521. What 'issue’ do you think your opinion is so right about that you end up trying to sway others to your point of view? mental health stigma 2522. What age do you hope to live until? don’t care. 2523. Do you like to tie others down during sex? no

Have you ever been tied down? no 2524. Do you own any “toys”? yes

Do you ever use them? yes

2525. Have you ever been spanked in that sexy way? no

Have you ever spanked anyone else? No.

2526. Do these questions make you uncomfortable? kinda

Do you like that feeling? no?

Does it turn you on? no..... 2527. You know those ___ for dummies books (COMPTERS FOR DUMMIES, SURFING FOR DUMMIES, GOLDF FOR DUMMIES, WICCA FOR DUMMIES)? yes Which one do you need to read? none. 2528. What do your socks look like? white 2529. Which of these really famous music artists started their career as a mime: no clue...

Alice Cooper David Bowie Bruce Springsteen Moby Jewel Frank Zappa

2530. Does love float away if you let go? probably? 2531. Do you think that most people in today’s society are: kind? no calm? no humble? no peaceful? no helpful? no happy? no spiritual? yes creative? yes friendly? no independent? yes intelligent? some? having fun? no clue coming up with new ideas? yes able to think for themselves? no able to really connect with others? maybe?

If you answered no to any of the above, why do you think that is? experience.

2532. Do you believe that every action has a sexual motive (think Freud)? no 2533. Speaking of Freud, did you know he was on drugs (think cocaine)? don’t care. 2534. Do you trust psychology as a valid science? yes 2535. ID: In Freudian theory, the division of the psyche that is totally unconscious and serves as the source of instinctual impulses and demands for immediate satisfaction of primitive needs(sex, food, aggressive behavior, drugs, alcohol, yelling, anger, fighting). SUPEREGO: In Freudian theory, the division of the unconscious that is formed through the internalization of moral standards of parents and society, and that censors and restrains the ego. So, which one do you express more, your ID or your SUPEREGO? superego 2536. Do you think that people who are alone and depressed are depressed because they are alone or alone because they are depressed? neither. they have a mental illness. 2537. Can you complete any of the following lyrics: I stop and I stare too much, afraid that I care too much… - You’re a new and better man, he helps you to understand,He does everything he can, he’s…. - Took the needles from my arms and put them to the sky… - Top Gun shut down your Firm like Tom Cruise…. - Don’t you take it so hard now, And please don’t take it so bad…. - 2538. How about these? From around the way, born in '73, Harcore B-boy named… - And this feeling shivers down your spine, Love comes in colors I can’t deny…. - Before he hung up the phone he took a deep breath, stopped, and replied…. - When I want you in my arms, when I want you and all your charms, whenever I want you all I have to do is… - Silly games that you were playing, empty words we both were saying… -

2539. Have you ever been to see a ballet? maybe 2540. What is the difference between Satan and Pan? - 2541. What should a poem be or do if it is a successful poem? ? 2542. When you interpret a poem can each line mean anything you want it to? i’m sure? 2543. Are you an orgasm addict? i like them but naw 2544. Are you a sugar junkie? yes 2545. What are you doing? this and watching The Purge Anarchy

Why aren’t you marching in line with the rest of them? ? 2546. Do you only hear what you want to? sure 2547. Are you anal-retentive? ? 2548. In and Out Over and Under Around and ???

WHAT 2549. What was the last thing you returned to the store? - 2550. Why ask why? to learn

2551. What is your favorite song or artist that is: jazz: Ill Wind - Billie Holuda metal: suicide season - BMTH rock: Since I’ve been loving you - Zeppelin new wave: - psychadelic: - 2552. What are your feelings about: Picasso? - Van Gogh? - Michaelangelo? i like his work D'Vincci? interesting Einstein? he’s cool Tesla? -

2553. Who else can you think of that made a MAJOR contribution to art or science? - 2554. Who can you think of that made a major contribution to modern thought? - 2555. Why is it called 'coca cola’? no idea. 2556. Would you ever buy a Ford car? i have 2557. Donald or Daffy duck? none 2558. What is the most memorable thing about Pee-Wee Herman? - 2559. Lease or buy a car? which i could buy 2560. Have you met Real Talkin’ Bubba? no

Do you love him to death? - 2561. Have you ever been in a situation where you weren’t sure if you were seducing or being seduced? no 2562. Can you 'pinch an inch’ on your belly? - 2563. Have you ever been to: a temple? no a bar? yes a massage parlor? no 2564. Would you ever want to visit Thailand? Sure. 2565. What culture are you fascinated by? European 2566. Have you ever worn a cape? naw 2567. What is the difference between 'nude’ and 'naked’? I don’t care

2568. What can you get for a dollar (.59 brittish pounds)? a soda from the vending machine 2569. What makes you who you are? everything 2570. How do you search for meaning in life? i don’t 2571. If your partner collected internet porn pics of celebs s/he thought was hot would that bother you? no. 2572. You are alone with your lover’s diary. What do you do? ? 2573. You read some and find out that a whhhiiillle back your lover had a crush on someone else, but you two were together. You both still hang out with this person. What do you do? nope. fuck that bitch. 2574. Are you an old fart? basically. 2575. What were your favorite things to do in the yard as a kid? play 2576. Why don’t people have more fun? no idea? 2577. Have you ever wanted to have a pet skinned and turned into an article of clothing? um no wtf

What pet? -

What article of clothing? -

2578. Do I come off sounding normal, mildly irrational, blatantly insane or completely certifiable? i don’t like this question. 2579. Did you ever feel that you were unable to function in society? yes 2580. Is it nap time yet? feels like it. 2581. Do you have to have the space next to the door or can you walk from the other end of the parking lot and still be okay with the world? sure? 2582. Do you like trains? sure 2583. What’s in Hungary? people 2584. have you ever felt like you were holding someone else back? probably.

Has someone ever held you back? dunno 2585. What do you think of the term, 'organized religion’? not a fan 2586. What do you think of the name 'Orson’? idc. 2587. What frustrates you? ignorance. 2588. Winkin, Blinkin and Nod, one night, sailed off in a sea of dew.. ? 2589. Is ten dollars (5 pounds) a good price to pay for one lipstick? no

Does anyone else remember when lipstick was, like, 2 or 3 bucks? no 2590. Are you ill? no 2591. Where were you the night of…..oh hell, last night? home 2592. Do you pronounce the 'er’ sound at the end of words(lookER or lookA)? yes 2593. Do you drink only 100% juice? probably? 2594. Do you remember the bills you have to pay…or even yesterday? yes? 2595. What duck? - 2596. Do you collect coins? no

How about stamps? no 2597. What’s the best way to learn a new language? no idea. 2598. Is god in you? nope 2599. Are you in god? nope. 2600. Do you know which fork to use at a formal table setting?

no