#Get Skin Pills
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Crazy wild shit man
#how are we straight up accepting the emmrich romance lich choice for how it’s written#does anyone feel me#hello???#no one else can see the inherent tragedy in this?#maybe I’m too mort ass pilled but um. trading away your life to escape death is no life at all#and why can’t rook be like. you killed yourself and took yourself away from me and now you have no skin for me to caress and no warmth for#me to share and though it’s still your consciousness you’ve a) gained a perspective I can never ever share and b) you have accepted#outliving me so thoroughly that I will be just a drop in the bucket of your life even if I get another good 50 years out of life.#why can’t I ask him is all this worth it without your heart????!??#why can’t I break it off?!!!???#why do I HAVE to celebrate this choice#emmrich volkarin#dav spoilers#and that’s not even getting into the philosophical questions surrounding fear and what it means to live like.#emmrich… has ocd. and I have no doubt that those fears are truly debilitating (despite this almost never coming up in the narrative)#and essentially this choice is one about how to deal with it. acceptance vs avoidance. and we see no consequences for either!!!#if he chooses to accept this fear as a part of him and work through it WE SHOULD SEE THAT WORK#he should struggle!! and that struggle should lead him towards making peace with that fear#AND!!#if he chooses to escape from that fear— to actively avoid ever resolving it— we should see him struggle with that too!!!!#molding your entire existence around this fear to the point you embody it… where are the emotional consequences for that!?#WHY DO I— AS SOMEONE WHO SUPPOSEDLY LOVES HIM— NOT GET ANY OPPORTUNITY TO PUSH BACK OR ASK SOME TOUGH QUESTIONS?!?#in a game about the tyranny of immortality… we can send our beloved to kill his mortal self to come back as an immortal husk.#and we’re not even allowed to be sad abt it the very next scene is some goofy cartoon shit at the lighthouse where every single person just#immediately accepts this reality and has no issues. not even taash 😭
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So this whole time my acne was bc of allergies. This whole time
#gets put on allergy pills now my skin has never been this smooth since i was a teen ?? kms#dust mites when i get you when i get tou dust mites 🫵💥👊💥👊💥
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i wish i could enjoy leverage but so much of that show is watching bad people getting their comeuppance in terribly uncomfortable ways and rather than deriving any pleasure from this, my anxious brain just kicks into overdrive of "what if that happened to us"
#i watched a good number of episodes with my friend who's a fan#and that episode where they replace that guy's anxiety medication with caffeine pills and trap him in an elevator?#or something like that?#actually quite upsetting to me. even just remembering that scene makes me feel anxious#i guess shit like that gets under my skin more than say‚ straight-up violence‚ bc it feels more plausible in day-to-day life#like i'm probably never gonna be involved in some john wick style armed brawl#but the thought of someone intentionally driving me into an anxiety attack bc they hate me feels much more real and personal#it's kinda funny bc i think that putting the bad guys in Sensory Hell rather than doing anything ''worse''#is the show's way of keeping things light-hearted#but for me it's like ''NO THANK YOU‚ I'LL TAKE THE VIOLENCE PLS''#idk idk i'm weird‚ i just know i'd happily take a pistol whip to the face over caffeine pills during an anxiety attack any day
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I would really like drug interactions to specify whether drugs interact because:
They do the same thing so it's like taking double the dose at once
vs
2. They do opposite things or react in some way chemically in a way that's dangerous because of more than the dose
Because there are times when you benefit from taking more than one kind of nsaid or more than one kind of anti-histamine and it would be really cool to know whether the reason listed not to take them together is "well you would be taking a double dose :(" VS "well it could stop your heart :)" like...
Normally medications do so little for me at all that it isn't worth taking one let alone mixing anything, but I do not have good access to a doctor about this right now and my immune system is currently trying to eat my joints and muscles. There are lots of medications doctors would advise me to mix in the circumstance if I was in their office and they knew what was happening.
"dose related sedation" because it's like taking 2 or "you could bleed more easily, because it's like taking 2 aspirin at once!" is not the same as like "Well one makes your blood pressure high and the other makes you veins stiff and prone to tearing" You know?
I have been mixing ibuprofen and aspirin for over 3 days now and just making sure I'm only taking half the maximum of each... Because it's the only thing that's letting me move my body. I do not recommend doing this, but I would like more information about how they interact than just "well they both thin your blood so..."
Like idiot proofing against people thinking they can take 2 of EACH kind of nsaid without that being the same as popping 10 aspirin at once, is not the same thing as like "mixing these is actively harmful in any amount"... and I -really- feel like the drug information that comes with the medications should specify.
The symptoms have spread to my whole body btw... but my biceps feel better, now it's my joints that are bad, all my joints, all at once.
I switches from the loratadine to benydril because it's more recommended for addressing autoimmune or MCAS attacks, and it helped my muscles so much... But now my joints are so so bad, and I don't know if it's because of how this is progressing, if my immune system switched targets, or if the different antihistamines are better at defending different tissues.
Next I try loratadine in the morning [noonish dose] and the benydril at the night time dose [midnight-ish], I did not really try that yet but when I switched between the two nothing bad happened. I didn't even get sleepy?? Antihistamines aren't even making me sleepy now, even benydril??
I need to be able to use my muscles and joints enough to get groceries and go to 2 medical appointments this week for unrelated things. I can barely move and there is no one to help me.
It's still acting more like it's autoimmune than infection. I don't have a fever. I don't think I am having cognitive symptoms rn. But these attacks can last for months. Months. Alone. with a cat who won't just eat kibble because it isn't wet food with gravy T~T
And if I go to the hospital about it they will 1. ignore me and laugh in my face again, and 2. expose me to corona which will make this worse
And I AM going to be a giant baby about it because I am not used to this anymore and I am not used to it being in my hands and legs so fucking bad.
#pharmaceutical mention#it's so exhausting to be in pain 24 hours a day#I was used to it with migraines for a while but not every joint in my whole body swelling all at once with my muscles and skin bruising#My fucking hands.#my hands right now#I bit open the cream this morning because I can't twist shit#the fuckign child proofing on the pill bottles.#sewing made it worse btw but only the day after#keep fucking sewing and typing and telling myself not to and then I have adhd and I am sewing or typing again#fucking fixed another hat and sewed the cuffs on my jacket#was nopt trying to do that#my joints are made of crunchy fire#I cannot sew today no matter how distracted I get I cannot my hands#my got damned wrists#what tyhe fuck
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#candyredtext#i had to leave work 3 hours in yesterday cus.#my head pain wouldnt go away and the loud noises + lights made me want to tear my skin off#an old lady spoke to me in a loud voice and it was nails on chalkboard#3 diff medications didnt help my head -- or least one didnt seem to rlly do anything until hours after i took it#from my mom. in an orange pill bottle--#SKDKKGJ#I WAKE UP OVER 12 HOURS LATER AFTER TAKING IT.#i feel like im just coming out of fucking. anesthesia#bro i literally fell out of bed and just crawled to the door frame to help get me up.#when i went to sit down on the couch i almost fell over forward onto the coffee table-#KSKKSS#BUT YA KNOW. GOTTA GO TO WORK ANYYWAY--#I HATE COST OF LIVING I HATE CAPITALISM#lowkey worried about driving there to be fucking honest but.#least its early morning so.#god. god.#my head pain is coming back as well as my stick stomach#i literally just had a sip of water and it just. triggerred everything like#BRO?
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maybe a bit tmi but. I need to Scream.
#i almost dont know whats worse#if this just random bleeding or if it IS my period#but. period doesnt make much sense because i have had my tablets every day. i shouldnt be getting it.#random bleeding... is kinda scary. given all the weird discharge ive been having lately. and the. everything else going on in my body.#the chest pain. the back pain. the weird skin on my fingers.#...did misako know i needed comfort. she just walekd up to me and headbutted me. baby.#but like.#this is either a bunch of coincidences.#or there is something Wrong.#and its freaking terrifying because#my mum was only about 3 years older than me when she got diagnosed with leukaemia.#and. there is a LOT. of cancer. in my family.#so i kind of feel like im bound to get it too at some point#and. what if this is it.#i know my doctor said if the chest pain was from cancer it would be worse by now but.#that doesnt mean NOTHING is wrong#and now#this#i hate periods but i kind of hope its just that#even if it means the next few days will be hell#...actually. getting a period is kinda odd too. because. im on the pill. which stops it.#and ive taken it every day. the pharmacy only gives me the active ones.#i think i may have had it a bit late the other day or yesterday? maybe?#please let that be it . please.#ignore me#vent#period mention#YAY now i have to try and sleep with THIS on my mind !! :)))))#save me mark bob and wade playlist. save me.
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Thank god I just remembered I needed to charge my noise cancelling headphones 😰 cant imagine how bad tonight would be without em
I think I'm gonna put my earplugs in and my headphones over them bc I'm having a DAY with fucking unwanted noise today 😩
#marquilla#what reminded me was mom rummaging in the freezer and the sound was so skin crawling and LOUD bc it's 'fuck you autistic freaks! day!' today#and my noise threshold is now gone bc there has been one too many sounds already :(#also im just in a bad mood bc no adhd meds today (i have like 1 pill left... to last 7 days... i need a hannukah type miracle)#anyway FGM kept making announcements on the walkie like 30 til opening guys get those pallets off the floor. 10 til opening get the pallets.#3 min guys. okay doors are open. and by the time he said doors are open i was ready to hit the button on my walkie and scream NO ONE CARES#and lose my job so im having THAT kind of day
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I wish I could travel light I hate packing 😔
#between my prescriptions specific body wash specific toothpaste specific moisturiser specific seperate face moisturiser special suncream#specific hand cream#nail polish because having unpainted nails is a sensory issue#like im going to my mums i could borrow stuff if i didnt have the worst skin in the world which can't handle anything#and ive got one of those 4 week pill boxes AND a secondly weekly pill box#have to bring my own TOOTHPASTE because im allergic to an ingredient in most toothpastes#TOOTHPASTE ALLERGY. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.#worlds worst organism alive over here#oh and i have to bring my electric toothbrush and all my flossers because i have GUM DISEASE. at 20.#and if i dont floss for one day my gums bleed 👍#(is hereditary so i cant get rid of it 👍)#OH i forgot all my splints too#cant forget my exfoliating gloves!#oh and my electrolytes#crying#and i always forget something#OH. and i have to bring my own food because I have 3 different dietary restrictions#this is why im writing these tags instead of packing i cant do this anymore#nattering
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It’s kinda hard to love my body when stubbing my toe makes me feel like I’m going to throw up like I’m fairly happy with my body’s shape and size there just appears to be a lot of ailments without me actually being at all seriously ill
It’s like a load of little things
#i have nothing major wrong with me#i just have a bad back and get nauseous really often and im on the pill but still bleeding for some reason#i have a lump that went down but still itches and i get infections in my mouth and on my skin#i get discharge from weird places and heart palpitations and my ankle still isnt properly healed after over two years#its just#annoying#i dont wanna whine because its not like im chronically ill#but it does make me feel hopeless sometimes#and it can get really overwhelming#cw vent#louie says shit
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Trying to slowly wean myself off the 108 supplements I’ve been taking to see which ones are actually doing something lol because who wants to spend all this money every time they need to restock
#I’ve been taking a bunch of things cuz I was getting off the pill and didn’t want to feel crazy like I have before#and I think it worked!!! my skin is still pretty clear especially reguarding cystic zits which are my main concern#but like it’s TEW much#I think the zinc might actually be my savior#which is good because it’s the cheapest one
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nothing quite beats the desperate post-cold skin care half-commitment of using two different products for lips and trying infinite combinations for the nose while the forehead continues to be completely ignored and thus flakes away like vitreous enamel on something spitefully inherited
#dont i feel just pretty#also the corners of my mouth are killing me#can i just fas forward to a time where they're healed and my nose is no longer stuffy#i'm otherwise fine#if i could eat skincare i would#like if there was a pill that hydrated my skin from the inside i'd be so game#i hate having my face wet#i hate getting it wet#i hate when the water clings to my hair#i hate when water drips down my neck and arms#i hate then drying my face and fighting against time to add any moisturizing serum or cream#i also hate the feel of left-over skincare product on my fingers#and i'm not a fan of having to wash it off my hands either#i just#i quite dislike every step of skin care tbh
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I find it funny when people think eye bags are just from lack of sleep and will always dissappear when you sleep more.
Like baby girl, I can be tired in ways you've never even conceived of before
#anyway i sleep like 12 hours a day and they only get worse lol#its a combination of factors (like my thin transparent skin because EDS has to effect literally everything i guess)#but also things like quality of sleep. i sleep a lot but i also wake up frequently and have multiple nightmares every night#and i have to take sleeping pills and melatonin or i wont sleep#then theres also the fact that i need glasses very badly but dont have them so im always straining my eyes to see shit#and the fact that im chronically dehydrated even if i drink 100 cups of water because fuck me again i guess#its just a good thing i like the eye bags#they make me look emo#and also hunter lol#these are the shadows of my traumas they arent disappearing anytime soon
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fun fact: before jen was a normalcore middle-ager trying desperately to avoid fate and in so doing only ensuring it would reach them sooner, they were a lil bastard ass
#psii.txt#my art#my ocs#Jen#I forgor to post this for a couple days oopsies#currently one million suffering because I can't stand the taste of tums but also have acid reflux#so i swallowed a tums like a pill and it's sooo uncomfy taking like 10 minutes to go down#better than having to taste it though#I think next time I get acid reflux or whatever I'll just eat a spoonful of baking soda. or maybe chalk#why don't they make tums that just taste like chalk#also ive decided jen has lighter more gold-ish hair despite the standard for their species being hair color darker than skin tone#they can be a mary sue. they basically are. vamon#canon*#i cant type
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BRO I AM SO STRESSED AND I AM STARTING TO SUFFER REAL MEDICAL CONSEQUENCES
#licherally i have high blood pressure and have to have further testing done soon#and ive had a twitch in my left eye for over a month now that will not go away#sleeping like shit#skin picking at an all time high#headaches too and my disability flaring up like ive got it going on man#all because of my cat#i love his dumb ass too much#but by god i dont know what to do anymore#he's an indoor cat but i cant fucking keep fleas off of him for five fucking minutes?????#he gets monthly spot on treatment and is always wearing a flea repellent collar#and i brush him with a flea comb daily and am still pulling live fleas off him#i give him a flea pill every day that i pull a live flea too#and ive treated the house with flea killerore times than i can count#SP WEHRE ARE THE FUCKERS COMING FROM???? GENUINELY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH MY CAT???#he has feline HIV too so him constantly biting and scratching at himself is dangerous. he gets infections easily#and the flea bites cause allergic reactions too becaus. FIV#so hes an unhappy itchy scabby boy and i have to keep him in a cone to stop him from doing more damage to himself#ive been back and forth to the vet and they just make me buy the expensive one dose prescription flea pill which does FUCK ALL#i got quotes to fumigate the house and i cannot afford it#to be fair this is my parents house but they aren't going to pay to get this place fumigated#its a shithole thats falling down around their ears and its all i can do to try and keep this place liveable#it gets harder and harder to live here every day#idk what to do anymore. how do i fix my boy. how do i fix this house. how do i fix my family. i cant even fix myself IM FALLING APART TOO#a well rested blood pressure of 165/104 IS NOT GOOD FOR A 24 YEAR OLD#man what do i do. what do i even do.#i wish i could move me and the boy out to a safe place of our own that isnt mouldy and infested and leaking and asbestos ridden#but im too disabled to work and get like. £600 a month in disability benefits to live on#most of that just goes on food and flea treatments and vet bills for the boy anyway#sorry this is all too real for my fan blog on the webbed site#but idk who else to scream at. i dont have anyone to lean on. IM the one everyone else leans on
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#friendship arc over. time for your regularly scheduled unfriending of all new social contacts#the problem with making friends is that if you're not actually making good friends then they're not worth the energy they cost#I have a limited amount of mana and low value friends with high mana cost are simply not worth keeping in my deck.#I'm never going to get anywhere spending my energy on people who provide nothing in return#yes altruism is good. yes we give and love and grow#but I cannot give without recharge. I cannot love if I am not loved in return.#I can't hold a conversation if you never talk back#it's not a date if only one of us shows up#sorry. I'm in a mood cause I'm watching Arcane and honestly I might be vibing with Jinx a little too hard#I could keep talking but the problem is people read these now. you see me now. you see me hurt. you see me scream and cry and bleed#do you remember the night I rambled about Mononoke? I talked about ego death and how my whole world was spinning#I couldn't see straight and I could barely sit up#I poisoned myself. did you know that? I tell everyone I cut my veins because that's easier#easier than telling them that I put my chemistry skills to good use that night. natural oils and pills from the local pharmacy#all in neat little capsules homemade#I make everything myself. food. lanyard. comb. gloves. even shoes one time.#I've made my skin a hundred times over. I counted one time. you know that? I counted how many scars I have.#give me a second I'm gonna make art now#tag talk
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god damn accutane is 100% worth it and i dont regret it but i am . getting so sick of it and i cant wait to be done with it i only have two more weeks left and then im finally fucking free
#im so sick of the body aches and the nose bleeds and the dry skin etc#but i must emphasize its all worth it to get rid of that horrendous fucking acne i used to have#sorry im defensive because every time i see shit about regretting accutane its framed in a like#anti medication way or an anti beauty culture way#like 1. im not doing this for beauty culture my acne was genuinely so bad fuck off and leave me alone#and 2. the weirdo anti medicine people who are like. any prescribed pills are evil. etc#like okay. bye#brot posts
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