#least its early morning so.
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#candyredtext#i had to leave work 3 hours in yesterday cus.#my head pain wouldnt go away and the loud noises + lights made me want to tear my skin off#an old lady spoke to me in a loud voice and it was nails on chalkboard#3 diff medications didnt help my head -- or least one didnt seem to rlly do anything until hours after i took it#from my mom. in an orange pill bottle--#SKDKKGJ#I WAKE UP OVER 12 HOURS LATER AFTER TAKING IT.#i feel like im just coming out of fucking. anesthesia#bro i literally fell out of bed and just crawled to the door frame to help get me up.#when i went to sit down on the couch i almost fell over forward onto the coffee table-#KSKKSS#BUT YA KNOW. GOTTA GO TO WORK ANYYWAY--#I HATE COST OF LIVING I HATE CAPITALISM#lowkey worried about driving there to be fucking honest but.#least its early morning so.#god. god.#my head pain is coming back as well as my stick stomach#i literally just had a sip of water and it just. triggerred everything like#BRO?
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like you're going to eat me alive
#jayvik#in other news they're perfectly happy and in love in at least 1 universe#and vik gets enough sleep. and Jayce grows out his hair bc vik likes to pull on it :3 its pEACEFUL.#ts4#the sims 4#s4#sims 4#sims#simblr#Jayce is shirtless bc I want him to be#but its also early morning and vik stole his shirt to wear okaaaaay#whew..#back to writing fics <3#I feel like they STILL need so much tweaking but aksjdna#another day
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So I know at somepoint (probably already happened) the protocol people are going to be shipped together in a polycule. So if no ship name has happened already may I suggest protocule?
#it would go with polyarchives at least#its like fuck ass early in the morning and im not tired so you all get to hear me rambling#tmagp#the magnus protocol
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there is ALWAYS some fkn noise it is driving me insane T-T
#i akways hope that it will be at least be quiet at night/early morning time#but ofcccc some neighbor is up and i can hear thumps and scuffling#shut uppppp. i hate ppl so much. i dont get why its impossible for ppl to just be quiet sometimes.
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the downside to being a sitcom neighbour sort of person is that when rough things happen and emotionally fuck u up a lil bit, it also sounds completely made up
#bert's dead dad tag#found out today the way my dad told mom he wanted a divorce?#he wrote her a letter and left it on the dining room table for her to find on the morning of her fortieth birthday#who the fuck does that dead father#like that is the sort of thing i would entirely make up if i needed everyone at the table to fuckin hate an npc#and at least one person would go 'you're laying it on a little bit heavy'#i know he did work to become a better person as he got older#which is good because BOY howdy was that man a piece of shit in the early 90s#and we are having Complicated feelings about it tonight and also for the last nine months#something something when i was writing his eulogy i came across an old article discussing something he did in the 90s#YDIP (your dad is problematic)#like yeah this is the sort of thing that would have been vaguely acceptable in the cultural context#but like. still objectively bad. potentially ruining several lives sort of bad.#learned this and then wrote the rest of his eulogy about how he was a great guy and how i'm lucky to have been his son#(which was rough enough on its own because i've never said 'i'm [dad's name]'s son' as many times as i did that trip home)#but like what else do you do? i sent off a message looking for more information#and that information if it comes is just gonna sit with me i guess#sure as hell not telling my sister and this whole thing i've been getting through without really having anyone here for me to talk to#(hence the big fuckoff tag rant. your problem now losers who like clicking the read more button)#so even if i get all the answers i want about this one thing it's not gonna do any good except putting an end to one question#but part of having a dead dad who's been out of the business of forming new memories since you came out is having more questions#answering this one's just gonna add even more questions to the pile#but. got fuckall else to do
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so sleepy. dont wanna get ready for work. dont wanna go to work. :((((((
#at least its only 4ish hours#but i clopen so i gotta be up early in the morning again which is R U D E#talking peach
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sending this ask as an excuse for you to go hogwild with peppino/pizza tower chatter bc i like to read it lol
Using this as an opportunity to distract from comms bc im tired of looking at this screen 😭
I think despite the hell Peppino went through, there are some levels/places that he actually enjoyed. Or at the very least, wouldnt mind visiting again. Off the top of my head, i am thinking of the saloon and the beach levels, but also the mini golf area 🥺
While i was playing the game (completely blind), I just assumed the tower was comparable to a real life train hub area; portals just led to different areas and districts. As in, these would be places you could visit outside of the tower if u had the means to take urself there. Its why despite the collapse, in the pepperman comic i did, he still offers to take Peppino to his villa. It still exists, its just that the shortcut the tower provided is gone. (This is also why Peppino and Gustavo can still do deliveries in the forest)
So like, now that the threat of losing his restaurant is gone, hes like. Some of those places looked Okay i guess 😒……. And Gustavo is like (prodding) ‘which places caught ur eye, then?’
Without the towers (pizzaheads) influence spawning in monsters to fight, the mini golf course is very fun. He gets to run Very Fast (already the best thing in the world) for very long periods of time, and smash into things to score goals. And if he wants to be Normal about it, he can just. Play golf the normal way lol (golf is also just a very calm sport to watch. He watches that shit all the time when hes home, and then passes out in his chair without realizing it)
The saloon is always nice to visit. It did blip on his radar as a place to try out, but he wasnt really incentivized to do so until vigilante started inviting him out. He doesnt go out often, but it is nice to have a little friend circle again :)
And the beach is like. Its a beach! Its weird for him; he probably didnt have any time or money to waste on shit like ‘visiting the beach’ before, so he feels out of place w all these people running around and having fun. He just likes to lay down and be in the sun :) He stays late into the evening, and drives back home in his shitty car 🧡 Everyone knows when he does his beach visit bc he tans so easily 😭
#answered#chattin#peppino#long post#i did not put it in the main body of this#but i hc that he does jogs n stuff in the morning#or at least walks; i do it w my mom so shes not bored and SHE does it to keep her knee from fucking up#so i like the idea of him going to the beach early in the morning to jog#and then relax on the beach for the rest of the day#someone teach him how to listen to podcasts; hed love it#also also#i have no idea if theres like#lore™️ about the tower but im stickin w that#i feel like it would get rebuilt anyway bc enough people use it as a proper hub#that having it blown the fuck up may in fact disrupt some peoples daily lives 😭#peppino is like its ALWAYS been there that wasnt the fucking problem!#the problem was that some fucker came to me like an apparation to tell me it was outfitted w a PIZZERIA BEGONE BEAM!!!#they can build the fucking tower again; just dont give it the fucking death beam; please 😭😭😭😭😭#i think gerome n them would be way more cautious about who decides to take up residence WITHIN the tower again#maybe they didnt have any say in the matter but Now they do
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#sorry im thinking abt death again#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length#unrelated
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hate hate hate when im trying a new medication and im told i Have to take it before bed like. if im allergic to this thing nobody will know until the morning
#do not like that. do not like at all.#i had Part of this medication already and i am fine#but it was only like. a tiny sip of this horrible gritty liquid I HATE GRITTY THINGS THIS MAKES THIS EXPERIENCE SO MUCH WORSE#gritty textures activate my Autism Rage™#anyway. the only solution to this i can think of to alleviate this anxiety#is to stay awake until very early morning and then take it right before the body's mom's alarm goes off#so uh. it's 4am now; guess its time#i Should be fine honestly. i think i could Tell by now if i was having a bad reaction? it's been about 45 mins since my first sip at least
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i think we could last forever / i'm afraid that everything will disappear / just trust me
#the sims 4#sims 4#ts4#sims#s4#simblr#sim: ivy#sim: avery#avery's proposal went something like this...#but it was romantic ok#early morning warm under the bed sheets kinda vibe#they're so soft for each other.. love each other so much its painful..but in the best least toxic way possible#which dont get me wrong I adore toxic couples but past me wanted these 2 to be soft#bc they've already BEEN THROUGH the bad relationships#and they finally found their person they feel at home with#ok that's enough mushy lore for now <3#xoxoxoxoxoxo
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I love and hate getting hit with big project ideas (both of the writing and art variety)
love it bc they seem so fun!! i would like to do them for various reasons! i know finishing would leave me feeling accomplished, id learn some new stuff and practice some skills
hate it cause i have no time to finish and i eventually lose motivation to keep up
#like. id love to start a project kinda like justin veneema(?)'s photography project on insta#but with doing strangers' portraits for free and in a variety of styles#would love to do self portraits and do some hand portraits especially of fingerspelled words/names#would love to do stippling and combine stippling and digital art!#id love to write more of eternal. remaster my old nnt soulmate/soul bond series#write more of notw! get further in the story or write some other starting points#and i want big game projects! wanna collect every item in sdv. fill the botw compendium. restart smash bros and collect all the characters#but timeeeeeeeeeee#i have so much school work. im actually pretty behind in *all* my classes. i still have a couple months left. i need to get my gpa up#i work part time over weekends. in the mornings. im exhausted by noon & my legs are tired and its hot and deli employees can be so annoying#i have an internship. weekly 1 on 1s on zoom that i gotta rush to cause theyre right after my class. only JUST NOW getting#placed at sites and my contract expires in december. takes up middle of two days at least each week#by the time i do get a chance to do whatever i want im tired or have a headache or my brain is fried so i do nothing#this became more venty than i expected but gist is im scrambing#and my early new years resolution (aka starting in mid december) is to manage my time better. and plan time explicitly for myself#amber's shit you can ignore
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catching up completely with the blue lock manga was such a wild experience holy shit
#sophie's idle chatter#LOKI AND RIN AND ISAGI AND BAROU AND HIORI RRAAAAHHHHH#AND KAISER OHHHHHH#also more baby rin and sae.... and sae phantom....#no but charles too....#BUT LOKI IN THE RECENT CHAPS WAS SO !!!!#man.#noel is still so funny to me tho with his deadpan side comments and pettiness with the pros#still waiting for that ego and noel backstory/lore... pls.... i need it....#also the lack of activity has been me focusing on other writing projects and just. having no energy ;w;;#uni will start on tuesday for me and im just dreading the early train rides....#8:30 train on tuesday & friday and 6:30 train on wednesday...#at least my classes all start in the morning so i have the afternoon free....#but also !! its nearly october so that means bllk s2 is steadily approaching which means karasu yukki hiori rin and sae content 🥹
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when MF DOOM said theres only 1 beer left

#vent/ a little tiny bit#im good and im strong but also#0__________________________________0#its too real#glad i work mornings every day basically now so i cant be tempted that early lol its a problem#also sorry if this uncomfortable im enjoying my blog as a space to even. express myself maybe#have not had a drinking problem since 2017 until the last 6 months basically#and im having trouble continuing to be (above) strong and good lol#literally i am one not making a caustuit post away from succumbing to the darkness. i love them for reminding me#love is everywhere. love is in all places. strength and patience will find you when you dont expect them#reminds me of 2015 crying myself to sleep from the darkness and the abuse just saying#“at least chef is happy at least chef is happy” over n over#autism special interest isnt just thing i like its thing that makes me feel whole and that i am real#i see myself and myself is real#myself cant handle this but you know who can?#a terrified damaged scientist and the people who love them. who help them beat the odds of the world and their own mind#the reserved and angry scientist who finds his purpose not in the death hes pursued but the only life he would give anything#to preserve and protect and LOVE#these thoughts i can love too..
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eventually i'll have to finish the art piece i'm working on
#wheucto#wheucto speaks#/silly#i forgot when i started it.... uhh...#at least thursday (its sunday early morning (my sleep schedule has been out of wack so it's more like... saturday extremely late evening)
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dunno if this is just placebo effect but I do feel like it's already helping a bit. usually at work I'm fighting for my life trying to write emails or ask ppl for things bc I find it so hard to put my words in order in a way that makes sense to other people but it's been 100% fine.. and I've managed to just Do every task I need so far without rly needing to think..... I feel so calm wtf
#can't really tell if I have any side effects so far. apart from dry mouth but I had that yesterday.. I think im catching my roommates cold#also a bit sweaty but thats bc we STILLLLLL dont have functional AC at work and im working with an 80c water bath this morning 😭#its like a sauna in here rip#my stomachs being weird but then again when is she not. and its usual for me to get the shits on my period#so nothing definitive......#maybe sounds strange but I also just feel more aware of my environment. normally when im walking around I look at the ground a lot#but this morning on my walk from the bus stop I realised I wasnt doing that. actually maybe first time ive even noticed I DO do that#its too early to tell if this IS from meds but we'll see the next few days.. im glad i took it on a work day bc its much easier to see-#how it might affect me. i think last time i wasnt sure if there was any effect bc it was a weekend so i didnt have much i needed to do#but also last time i didnt have any side effects until the insomnia hit so we'll see how bad tonight is 😝 at least its a friday so if-#i cant sleep i can just play elden ring its whateverrrr#.diaries
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playing silent hill 1 emulated and the audio breaks up/pops/crackles sometimes..... it happened randomly in the streets near the start of the game where there isn't even much noise and the popping genuinely sounded a bit like footsteps as well as just weird static and it spooked me for a moment..... failure of the medium/software actually enhancing/becoming the experience etc. the brian eno quote. etc etc.
#guess who's just not “vibing” with what i needed to do today i.e. prepare for exam tomorrow morn and is playing games instead. its so over#well it's at 9:30 if i get up real early i can have at least a good hour and a half beforehand to revise . < she knows this won't happen
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