#from my mom. in an orange pill bottle--

[candyredterezii]

[mrprettywhenhecries]

❝go for it❞ [b.l]

Baron Lamram ✘ f!Reader

⇾ w.c. 3.3k words ⇾ warning(s). f!reader (use of feminine pet names), post canon!Baron, Marmalade spoilers, kisses ⇾ a/n. Inspired by an idea @babydollbaron and I talked about. 🧡 Also, since we don't know what Baron's real name is, instead of making up some random name to call him, I've decided to just use his alias.

Your mother's always been known for sticking her nose in other people's business—most usually yours—and this time, she's determined to set you up with the woman across the hall's handsome son.

[ masterlist ]

The southern summer heat made your shirt stick to your back as you climbed out of your car, your a/c still on the fritz and not enough money to have it repaired just yet.  At least your windows still rolled down and there was a cool breeze, despite the humidity. 

You grabbed the small bouquet of daisies from the passenger seat before shutting the door and heading toward the ivy covered building, blessedly chill once you passed through the entrance, holding the door open for an older man passing you on his way out.  He smiled in recognition and nodded in thanks.  

The nurse at the front desk greeted you by name, handing you the sign in clipboard with a warm smile.  “Daisies again, huh?” she asked, trading you the clipboard for a small key.

“They’re her favourite.  She says they’re a friendly flower,” you chuckled softly, pulling one from the bunch to offer the receptionist.

“She’s right,” she replied, bringing the flower to her face as you headed down the hall toward your mother’s room.  Before heading inside, you unlocked the small metal box by her door to switch out her empty prescription bottle for her refill, only to find a fresh bottle already sitting there.

“That’s strange,” you murmured, picking up the orange bottle to inspect it closer.  It was definitely the same pills, but there was no name on the prescription.  Sometimes when another patient passed away their family would donate any left over medication to those that needed it.  Perhaps that’s just what this was.

Frowning slightly, you locked the box back up and glanced at the door across from your mother’s, the familiar crocheted message hanging there making you smile before you knocked at your mum’s door, pushing it open to find her sitting in her rocker by the window, watching the birds at the feeder outside, a book set aside on the table at her elbow.

“Knock knock,” you called softly and she turned to smile at you.

“Oh!  Hey there Susie-Q,” she greeted, making to push out of her chair when you quickly stepped inside, not wanting her to get up, the door left open in your haste.

“Stay there, I’ll come to you!” you exclaimed, wrapping her in a hug, your heart aching for a moment before stepping back.

“I brought some fresh flowers,” you added, handing her the bouquet so you could empty the wilted ones from the vase and get some fresh water.

“Oh, they’re lovely!  Daisies are such a friendly flower, don’t you think?” she asked, caressing the petals gently and you couldn’t help but laugh, knowing she was going to say that.

“They certainly are,” you replied, placing the bouquet in the vase and setting it on the dresser next to her bed.

“Oh, before I forget!” your mother exclaimed, turning her chair toward you.  

“What?” you asked, a little taken aback by the excitement on her face.

“You know the lady from across the hall?”

“Uhm, yeah, Ms. Eda, right?  She’s a sweet lady,” you replied, frowning a little in confusion, wondering why she was asking you about that.

“You know she has a son, right?  Oh, I can’t remember his name,” she said, snapping her fingers as if that would help her remember.

“Oh no.  No, no nonono,” you exclaimed, cutting her off before she could continue her thought.

“What?  No, listen!  He refilled my bird feeder the other day,” she said, gesturing to the window.  “He’s a sweet boy,” she insisted, raising her eyebrows at you.

“Mom!” you exclaimed, huffing a wry laugh, your hand coming up to cover your face in embarrassment.  “Stop trying to set me up with your hall mate’s son!” you exclaimed, feeling your face warm.

“Why not?  You’re single, as far as I know, he’s single, and you know he cut his hair?  He’s actually very handsome–”

“I don’t care how cute he is, I’m not gunna hit on Eda’s son just because I’m single,” you exclaimed, barely registering the sound of a door shutting in the hall.

“That’s a shame.”

The amused voice behind you nearly made you leap out of your skin and you gave a sharp yelp as you spun around, only to find the very man you’d been talking about standing in the doorway, a lopsided grin tugging at his lips.

If your face was warm before, it was practically on fire now and you wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out.

However, you couldn’t help but notice that your mother was right—he was rather handsome.  His dark chestnut hair was shorter now, though not short by any means, with an artful unruliness to it that looked almost effortless.  His dark brown eyes practically danced when the mid-morning light shining through the southern facing window hit them just right, turning them almost golden with the faintest hint of green around the edges.

He looked well groomed, a smart leather jacket hung open over his blue button down tucked into his dark trousers, a far cry from his appearance the last time you’d seen him a couple weeks ago, his hair hanging down to his shoulders and in desperate need of a good brush.

“Didn’t mean to startle ya, sorry ‘bout that,” he chuckled, his grin turning apologetic, while a soft flush crept across his face as his eyes met yours.  His voice was warm, like melted butter, with only the barest hint of a drawl to it, but it made your heart skip a beat just the same.

Quickly trying to compose yourself, you cleared your throat, trying to work moisture back into your mouth.

“No, I… I forgot I’d left the door open,” you spluttered.

“Well, hullo there,” your mum greeted, interrupting you and waving him closer.  “C’mon in, come closer so I can get a proper look at you,” she said and Eda’s son shared a grin with you before stepping into the room and letting your mom take his hands.

“Now what is your name again, darlin’?” she asked and he shifted his weight, his brows furrowing for a moment, as if thinking.

“You can call me Baron,” he answered with a nod, holding her gaze, and she seemed pleased.

“Baron,” she repeated, as if savouring the name before her eyes flicked to you.  “This is my daughter—“ she introduced, telling him your name as well.

Baron grinned, his eyes finding yours.  “It’s good to finally have a name to put with a face,” he murmured, ducking his head to listen as your mom whispered something in his ear.  He huffed a soft laugh, a slightly bewildered smile playing at his lips as he straightened, and you frowned, wondering what exactly she’d said.

“Mama?” you questioned, suspicion leeching in, only growing when she merely smiled at you like the cat that got the cream as she eased herself back into her chair, a mischievous glint to her eye.

“What’d she say to you?” you asked, turning back to Baron who still wore a bemused grin.

“She said I’d be a fool if I didn’t ask you to get a drink with me.”

Your mouth fell open, embarrassment washing over you and you looked from Baron to your mom and back, horrified.  “Oh my God,” you groaned, at a loss for words, hoping she hadn’t made him too uncomfortable, but Baron shrugged, amusement dancing in his eyes.

“I’ve been called worse before, but my mama certainly didn’t raise herself a fool,” he chuckled, his gaze lingering on your face.  “So, what d’ya say?  Wanna grab a coffee?” he asked, nodding toward the door, a hopeful look crossing his face and you blinked, taken aback.

“Uhm, I–”

“Well, go on then,” your mom urged and you gave a small jump, almost having forgotten she was there.  “If you don’t go, I will.”

“Alright!” you relented, laughing as you held up your hands in surrender.  “I’d love to.”

“Perfect!  You two have fun now!” your mom exclaimed, practically shooing you out the door.  “You’ll have to come back tomorrow and tell me alllll about it,” she hissed, pitching her voice low before you stepped out the door.

“Alright, alright, I’ll see you tomorrow,” you replied, blowing her a kiss.  “Love you lots.”

“Tator tots!” she called back, making you smile.

Out in the hall, it hit you that you were now alone with Baron and the thought kicked up a swarm of butterflies in your stomach, embarrassment radiating off you in waves.

“So, uh, I know a good coffee shop nearby,” you offered, clearing your throat nervously, and Baron grinned, ducking his head.

“Sounds good.”

“So… how’s your mom?” you asked as you got your coffee and pulled out a chair at an empty table by the front window, trying to think of something to say and wincing, unable to come up with any other topic at the moment.

Baron didn’t seem upset though, he merely smiled pleasantly down at the strawberry frappe on the table in front of him, playing with his straw.  “She’s doin’ just fine.  How about yours?”

“Oh, good.  Good,” you answered, taking a sip of your cappuccino.  “As long as she’s got her meds she’s good,” you added, frowning as you remembered the excess pills you’d found in her medication box.  

“You know, it’s the darnedest thing though. When I checked her supply earlier, there was a whole extra bottle in there and I don’t know where it came from.”

Baron hummed, his smile sharpening for a moment, turning knowing.  “That’s strange,” he mused, dipping his finger in the whipped cream at the top of his drink and popping it in mouth, sucking it clean.

“Yeah,” you agreed, losing your words for a moment as you watched him, your lips parting, wishing for a taste.  When his eyes flicked back up to yours, you quickly cleared your throat and shrugged.  “I ain’t about to look a gift mouth in the horse though,“ you murmured, wincing when you realized you’d jumbled the words and quickly amended them, your face growing hotter.  “I mean, gift horse in the mouth.”

Baron chuckled, his gaze lingering on your face and you hoped he couldn’t tell how flustered you were.

“I’m sorry for my mom springing this on you.  She tends to butt into everyones’ business, whether they like it or not,” you began, flashing him a sheepish grin, but before you could finish apologizing for your mom’s behaviour, Baron cut you off.

“I’m not,” he replied simply, his gaze boring into yours.  “Sorry, I mean,” he clarified with a shrug.  “It finally gave me an excuse to talk to you.  Plus it helped to hear you think I’m cute,” he teased, a hint of a smile playing at his lips.

For a long moment you merely gaped at him, barely believing your ears.  Had he really been interested in you all this time?

“Oh,” was all you could bring yourself to utter.  “Well… that’s good then,” you added lamely, unsure what else to say, though you were dying to ask how long he’d been wanting to ask you out.

“Besides, you’re lucky.”

“For what?”  His words took you off guard, pulling you from your thoughts.

“That you have a mama that cares so much about you,” Baron said, once more playing with his straw.  “I think it’s sweet.”

You nodded slightly, bringing your cup to your lips.  “I guess I am pretty lucky,” you agreed, catching his eye for a moment, and it was his turn to flush, a hint of pink dusting his cheeks.

“So, how’d it go?”

There it was, the question you’d been expecting since you’d arrived.  You were honestly a little surprised your mother hadn’t sprung it on you as soon as you’d walked through the door.  

She was peering at you over the fan of cards in her hand, trying to act nonchalant as she drew another card from the pile before discarding one.

“How’d what go?” you asked, fighting back a grin at the sharp look she threw you in response.

“Don’t be coy, you know what I’m talking about,” she exclaimed, pursing her lips like she always did when you tested her patience.

Rolling your eyes in amusement, you leaned back in your seat, studying your own hand of cards.  “It went well, we talked for a long while.  It was really nice,” you murmured, smiling to yourself, that giddy feeling still fluttering in your chest and your mother grinned in return, pleased with herself.

“So, when are you going to see him again?” she pressed, moving one of the cards to a different spot in her hand.

“Who said I’m seeing him again?” you joked, earning you an exasperated look.

“I may be old, but I’m not blind, girl,” your mama huffed.  “I’ve seen the way you two looked at each other when you thought no one was watchin’, and I’ve seen you smilin’ at your phone the same way every time it goes off.  Who else would you be textin’ lookin’ like that, huh?” she pointed out and you quickly set your phone down, knowing she’d caught you.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said, lifting your chin defiantly as you drew another card and winced, not drawing anything helpful.

“You don’t, do you?” your mom asked, raising an eyebrow at you, a wicked grin crossing her face as she laid her cards down on the table.  “Gin!” she announced.

Knowing you’d been beat, you groaned, tossing your cards down.  “Alright, fine!” you relented, dropping the act.  “He’s coming over for dinner on Friday and we’re gunna watch a movie.”

“Oh, Netflix and chill, huh?” she countered smugly.

“Mother!” you yelped, your face aflame as she began to cackle, gathering up the cards.

“Up for another round?”

“Yeah, alright,” you sighed, checking your phone once more.  “Just no more talk about my sex life,” you muttered.

“No promises!"

It was about ten minutes til Baron was supposed to arrive and you were rushing around, doing one last once over of your place before he got there, making sure everything was in place.  When your buzzer rang, you nearly tripped over the coffee table as you ran to let him up, fidgeting as you waited by the door, pulling it open just as he ascended the stairs.

“Hey, I brought the food,” he said, lifting the plastic take out bag as evidence.

“And flowers?” you asked, grinning as you spotted the bouquet of wildflowers in his other hand.

“Saw ‘em by the side of the road and thought of you,” he murmured sheepishly as he handed them to you.  “Though they’re nowhere near as pretty as you,” he added with a smirk.

“Charmer,” you replied, bringing the bouquet to your face to smell them, hiding your smile as you stepped aside to let him in.  “Thanks for bringing the food, I’m starving,” you exclaimed, shutting the door behind you as he passed.  “You’re much cuter than the usual delivery boy,” you teased, having grown a bit bolder since your first date.

“Well, that’s good to know,” Baron chuckled, setting the bag on your kitchen counter to pull out the takeout containers while you searched for a vase for the flowers.

“Fork or chopsticks?” he asked and you looked over to see him holding up one of each.

“Chopsticks,” you decided, filling the vase with water and setting it on the table.

Baron grinned at your choice, handing you the little paper sleeve and taking the plastic fork for himself.  “Good, cause I’m hopeless with ‘em,” he chuckled.

“Soda?” you asked, opening the fridge to grab yourself a bottle, taking two at Baron’s “yes, please,” and rounding the corner to join him on the couch.  Picking up the remote, you flipped through movies until you both agreed on one and pressed play, digging into your dinner.

“This was such a good idea,” you sighed, tucking your feet up under you and getting comfortable, inching closer to Baron until your knee pressed against his thigh and your elbow brushed his arm.  Despite the brief contact, warmth suffused you  and you carefully kept your eyes on the television, only chancing a glance at Baron out of the corner of your eye.

Unable to stand the silence any longer, you cleared your throat softly and set your nearly empty take out container aside.  “Can I ask you something?”

At your question, Baron set his food down as well, a hint of a smile on his lips as he turned his attention to you.  “Yeah, shoot.”

“Would you still have asked me out if it hadn’t been for my mum’s interference?” you wondered, the thought having plagued you for the past several days.

Baron looked thoughtful.  “I figure I would’ve eventually,” he murmured, his dark eyes finding yours in the dim room, the light from the tv dancing across his face.  “I’ve sorta had my eye on you,” he admitted, his grin twitching as his gaze flicked down to your lips and back up.

“Really?”

“Yes, really,” he replied, huffing a soft laugh.  “Just waitin’ for the right time.  There was something I had to finish before I could let myself get… involved.  A two year relationship I had to end,” he murmured.

“Oh–” you breathed, the news hitting you like a punch to the gut.  “I… had no idea.”

Baron shook his head, a far off look crossing his face for a moment before it was gone.  “S’alright.  It was always meant to end there,” he mused cryptically before he took a breath and his grin returned.

“What about you, Miss I-don’t-care-how-cute-he-is-I’m-not-gunna-hit-on-him-just-because-I’m-single?” he taunted and your mouth fell open.

“That was–!  I didn’t–!” you spluttered, feeling your face flare hotly.

“Admit it, you had a crush on me,” Baron teased, a playful light dancing in his dark eyes.

“I think you’re imagining things,” you replied lightly, managing to keep your voice even.

“Oh, am I?”  You could feel Baron shift toward you, his brows lifting in challenge, leaning in til his breath ghosted across your cheek.  “You’re awful cute when you blush.”

“And you’re not as sweet and innocent as my mama seemed to think you are,” you countered, your lips tugging into a grin.

Baron shrugged, still hovering in your space.  “Maybe not, but I can be sweet when I wanna be,” he drawled, his voice sending a tingle down your spine and your breath hitched in anticipation.

“You’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” he breathed, but before he could capture your lips, you grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him in, kissing him first, sending his eyes flying open in surprise as your lips caressed his eagerly.

“You’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” you countered breathlessly, your grin turning giddy and Baron shook his head in disbelief, an amused huff bursting from his lips. 

“Guess we both owe your mama a thank you,” he chuckled, pulling you closer, his hands squeezing your hips, and you laughed, cupping his face with your hands, stroking his freckled cheek with your thumb.

“Guess we do,” you agreed, unable to tear your eyes from his face.  “She’s never gunna let us live this down though,” you pointed out and Baron shrugged.

“Can’t say that really bothers me much,” he teased before his lips were once more on yours, his tongue hesitantly delving deeper, rolling languidly against yours.

Wrapping a deceptively strong arm around your waist, he swallowed your soft gasp as he lowered you to your back, not once breaking the kiss as he trapped you beneath him, the movie playing on forgotten while you lost yourself to his embrace.

You may owe your mother a thank you for pushing you and Baron together, but you definitely weren’t about to tell her how good a kisser he was.

⇾ taglist. @super-unpredictable98 @babydollbaron @heartbreak-sandwich @b1tchywheeler @girlwiththerubyslippers

[givethemsmut]

Dom Mysterio x Reader

Chapter Eighteen | Where It All Started…

Being home felt like a relief from the chaos of being on the road two days only to have my life fall apart. I was barely speaking to Dom, giving him the full silent treatment and begging him mentally to not go back to that storyline.

Neither of us had control over what WWE wrote for him. A lot of it was off the top once he knew the objective but the control ended there.

He was home for three days before he made it clear he had to go back. His suitcase was packed at the door and Finn was due to babysit me next.

“Don’t be like that. It’s just acting. No one is catching feelings. That kiss is as far as it’s gonna go.” I almost believed him because of the rating and it airing on prime time TV.

“Exactly. That wasn’t far enough already? You kissed her, Dom. For TV.” I stayed behind the kitchen island still stewing and fighting all the ways I didn’t feel like myself still.

I was still popping pain pills like candy and the pain was enough to stop me in my tracks still. I would cuddle up with a big glass of wine, pop a pill, and pretend I could get away with self medicating.

“I have zero control but I came home. I left work to be here with you. Yet you’re not really here, are you? Finn’s not gonna let you abuse those meds when I’m gone.” He threatened me in such a real way when he walked over to the cabinet to snag the orange bottles altogether.

“Are you fucking serious, Dominik? I just had a miscarriage and a surgery to stop the bleeding. I’m not taking them for fun.”

“For fun?” Dom boxed me in with a hand on either side of the counter top and his thumb pushing my chin up to look at him. “No, I think you’re getting fucking numb. So numb you don’t have to deal with it. Just like when we were teenagers.”

“Don’t act like you know my every move. I need those for the pain.” I reached for the pill bottle in his hand when he held his grip on it.

“Don’t fucking do this. I know you. I’m right here, mi amore.”

Finally wrestling them out of his hand, he snatched them back, breaking the cap off and popping one his mouth. “You take one, I take one. That’s the deal. You wanna be numb, act like a bitch, pretend nothing happened then I can to.”

Scolding him I didn’t argue, I was mentally counting how many were left if he took one and how long that would get me. I wasn’t addicted but I understand they helped and that had enough value to come off as crazy.

Pulling away he dumped half the bottle into a small baggy before tucking the bag in his back pocket. “Oh shit, Finn is here.”

I rolled my eyes at the thought of a babysitter. “Goodie.”

I watched Dom strut to the door, letting Finn in and embracing him. Licking my finger I let a pill stick to my skin before pushing it past my lips. Dom was leaving and Finn was babysitting me. My life had went from perfect to trash.

Finn’s accent was abrasive at first when he came over to the kitchen island, dropping his duffle bag on the floor and trying to make eye contact. “Looks like it’s us the next few days.”

“I don’t need my own personal nurse. I’m doing just fine,” I shot back.

Dom scolded me, his eyes boring into me. “It’s not for you. It’s for me. I need to know you’re okay and you didn’t want it to be my mom.”

“I’m not a child anymore, Dom. Of course I don’t want to masterbate with her down the hall.” I smiled before pivoting on my foot and grabbing a drink from the fridge. Heading up stairs I could hear their exchange the way teenage boys would.

Waiting at the top of stairs I eavesdropped, I wanted to know exactly how Dom felt. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding overprotective. The pain meds, watch those. Back in high school she did a stint of needing pills. I don’t wanna do that again. Other than that, tread lightly because you know I’ll kill you if you touch her.”

He saluted him in response prompting my eyes to roll again. Great, he was on Dom’s side entirely.

Before Dom left he stopped at the stairs, calling my name and forcing me to show myself. Dragging myself down the stairs I knew I would just fall deeper into this pit of despair if I didn’t kiss him goodbye.

“Don’t do anything stupid. FaceTime me tonight after RAW, okay?” His hand smoothed down my back and pushed me right into him. Our mouths collided, the warmth of his tongue felt like heaven and I instantly regretted not having sex.

“Dom,” I whimpered all out of breath already. “Don’t go yet…”

“I can’t miss this flight, mi amore.”

“We didn’t… I don’t want you leaving all pent up. Not with the storyline… what if something happens.” I whispered while his mouth kissed around my lips.

“Finn is here babe,” he retorted but I didn’t care. His hands kept my hips in place as he pulled away. “I have to go baby. It’s just a few more weeks until Mania then I’m home for a little.”

The smallest tug on the tie holding my rob together allowed it to fall open for Dom. Licking his bottom lip his head snapped over his shoulder to make sure Finn couldn’t see.

“You know the doc has to clear you first, mi amore. I don’t want to hurt you…” His hands smoothed up my body until his hands were caressing close enough to my tits to hurt.

“Dom. That doesn’t mean I can’t help you…” His warmth mouth planted kisses all over my neck causing my voice hitch in my own throat. Slipping a hand between us I palmed his bulge hoping he was take pity on me.

Clutching my hand in his, he held me still, not letting me rub him the way I wanted to. “We aren’t alone and you need to heal.”

The way his hands rushed to close my robe felt insulting. I felt like a failure entirely.

“He walked in on us before, Dom. How many times have you said that you don’t care who sees or hears us?” Closing my robe I wanted to retreat but his hands still kept me in place.

“I don’t want to fuck you while you’re high on pain pills. I don’t want to relive that summer.”

“That summer? Let me guess, that’s the real reason Finn is here.” I scuffed pushing past Dom on the stairs. “You told him I was a fucking addict? Do you even know why I was getting high that summer?”

“It doesn’t matter why. That shit was hard for me too. Seeing you like that.” He followed me just to tell me it was hard for him when he was sober with a girlfriend that summer.

“Hard for you? I was throwing myself at you while you’d rub your girlfriend in my face. You forced me to prove shit with Blaine constantly. I had to survive your cruelty. I spent one summer drunk and high. One summer. Half the WWE roster is juicing and you’re kissing Liv but I need a babysitter?” Sitting in the corner of the couch I curled up under a blanket.

He sat down next to me, matching my energy, only he was trying to save face in front of his friend. “I just don’t want you to slip into that again. It wasn’t easy fucking you and wondering if you were too high to remember after or if I violated you.”

Leaning forward I watched Finn’s wide expression only grow. “He paying you to babysit me?”

“He doesn’t need to pay me… he’s my best friend. If he needs me here, I’ll be here. No problem.” His thick accent skated down my spine when I realized Dom hadn’t thought any of this through.

Standing up I let my robe fall off my shoulders and crashing down to the floor without a sound. “I’m taking a shower. Do you need to babysit me doing that too?”

Finn immediately covered his eyes, standing up from the barstool, and acting astonished by turning around as I breezed by.

Dom shouted my name after making sure Finn wasn’t looking. “It’s not funny and he’s not babysitting you like that so don’t fucking test me.”

Wandering in our bedroom I smirked to myself knowing I had made my point to Dominik before he assigned his babysitters. If he wanted to treat me like we were teenagers than I was going to make it hell while he did it.

Putting down my phone on the bathroom counter I glanced at the text already from Dom.

Dom: Don’t fucking try me, babe. We might be friends but I’ll kill him for even looking at you.

I didn’t bother to text him back before I slipped into the shower and left Dom on read.

[pedropascalsx]

parts left, parts gained. {javier peña x f! reader}

summary: javier filled in for a lecturer friend as they take an extended break from teaching following his return from colombia.

warnings: a little angst, sadness, mentions of prescribed medications, very soft! javier peña, oral (f) receiving, p in v sex.

word count: 4.8k

eating: explicit

a/n: idk what this is. idk why i wrote it and im begging y’all to expect nothing from it, because it’s not very good.

not beta’d or read back because i cant read my own work ok.

thank you to my sweet loves @queenofthefaceless and @theewokingdead for being so supportive as i struggled my way through this.

These days sleep feels more like a distant memory than an everyday occurrence. His body craves it, his joints ache and cry out in the form of swelling and painful locking as they beg for some sort of relief, but instead he lives the pain. He tells himself it’s a small price he deserves to pay for all the mistakes he made along the way. Not so much a reminder that he survived, more like proof that he is paying for some of the crimes he’s created in his head. Each pull of the trigger, each order that soaked the streets with blood; even if they deserved it, he couldn’t get past contributing to the blood bath.

Every ache or jolt of pain forces him to relive a memory that he refuses to bury or justify. Each mistake weighs him down more and more as time slowly ticks by.

Javier Peña may have left Colombia over a year ago, but Colombia refuses to leave him.

*

The shower was much too hot, the ache in his shoulders being replaced by a sharp stinging as the water rained down on him. The work he had completed on the ranch already that morning had added to the months of exhaustion he was drowning in.

He had been to see a doctor, was making weekly trips to a therapist and they’d both suggested medication. The latter wrote a script for a low dose sleeping aid that he refused to touch. It took him two days to pick up the prescription, he slowly stalked each aisle of the pharmacy owned by the lady that still affectionately referred to Javier as mijo - he had once spent his Saturdays sweeping the floors and refilling the Candy shelves to earn a little money and after his Mom had died.

She could see the years of disruption in his eyes. She could feel the way that half the people in her store looked upon him as a hero and the others still glared at him for leaving his childhood sweetheart at the altar.

Javier barely said a word to her, if he was honest he barely spoke to anyone these days. He responded in short answers to his therapist, some weeks he would start to give a little more and then for weeks afterwards he’d seem to scale back even more. His dad would get tidbits of information if and when Javier was willing to share it, but knew not to press on him.

The only time he ever really spoke was on Tuesdays and Thursday mornings when he filled in for a professor friend that had taken an extended leave of absence at the college he taught.

Criminal Justice. Justice. The word felt heavy on his tongue. Some days it felt like it would slip back down his throat and slowly choke him and maybe one day it would.

He stood there in front of those kids, dodging questions and snide remarks about what he had been up to when he was taking down Escobar and the Cali Cartel.

His schedule today would find him completing his lecture and making his way to the airport. He had been asked to attend a conference by the department head at the college, he would be attending with his teaching assistant and they’d be spending two nights in a hotel in Houston.

He finished up his shower with a groan and got dried and dressed before pulling a few shirts, pants and clear underwear into a suitcase. His fingers lingered over the orange bottle that housed the pills he had been so reluctant to take, ultimately sweeping them up with the tips of his fingers and just dropping them unceremoniously into the case, before zipping it up and making his way downstairs.

“You fixed up the gate?” his father called out from the paper he was reading and sipping his tea behind.

“Needed to be done,” he said with a slight shrug, “I got this conference so figured I'll get it done before I go.”

Chucho hummed out a sharp mhmm, the words that he wanted to say being kept back by years of knowing when to keep his mouth shut when it came to his son. He folded over his paper and placed it down on his lap, “You’ll give me a call when you get to Houston, let me know you arrived okay?”

“Course, pops, I'll see you in a few.”

The door lightly slammed shut behind him and he made his way to his truck, throwing his case in the back and climbing in and soaring towards the college.

A few days somewhere else might be a nice reset, he soothed to himself.

*

You were nervous. The backpack filled with far too many clothes rested uncomfortably on your shoulders as you walked into the lecture hall… and fuck you were late.

Traffic had been a nightmare and your stomach was filled with butterflies, you hated conferences and you hated having to mingle even more. The rooms always filled with men who seemed hellbent on tripping you up and raising an eyebrow at your choice of career.

You were secretly excited to spend a little time with Javier though. He was kind, quiet, always happy to help and the fact he’s outrageously handsome doesn’t help either.

Both of you had immediately hit it off, and you’d realised very quickly that certain subjects seemed completely off-limits to Professor Peña and he respected that you never pushed when it seemed like no one else had a problem with pushing him.

He simply nodded at you as you entered the lecture hall, eyes flickering back and forth to the crowd and you as you made your way to the desk on the far right hand side of where he was discussing the importance of time, and how rushing into something seldom ends well.

It never stops fascinating you how he pulled the attention of everyone in the room with very little effort, he didn’t need to create a fuss or spend hours working on displays to earn the attention of people; it was just him and his experience in the field that captivated people.

And sure… there was the old class clown that would make stupid comments or continuously reference Colombia and the rumours of reputation he had there that had followed him back to Laredo, but he never retaliated. He’d just ignore the comment and swiftly move on.

You took notes as he went on with the lecture, watching in awe as he took the time to make eye contact and answer each sensible question that was sent his way with his students. His hands tucked into his pants pocket as he did so. You’d made a joke the week before about how he needed a tweed jacket with elbow patches and then he’d really have the look and your heart fluttered at the memory of his eyes flashing up with something that didn’t just resemble sadness for a few seconds.

The minute the lecture had finished he gestured for you to meet him in the office on the side of the hall and you wasted no time in following him.

He handed you a small folder that housed an itinerary and a few pamphlets to local bars, restaurants and attractions situated around the hotel in Houston.

“I figured these would be of more use to you than I,” he said with a smirk, “Room service and the hotel bar will suit me just fine.”

“Same,” you replied with a little too much gusto and you couldn’t help but notice the way his lips curled up for a split second, “I’m uh- not a big fan of navigating places I don’t know well.”

“Gotcha.” He says before reaching into his own folder, “One last thing, so we only got one parking permit for the airport. So I was going to leave my truck here and I’ll get a cab to the airport and you can have the permit.”

“You don’t trust my driving?” you ask with a smirk, “What sense does it make for you to pay for a cab, Mr Peña?”

“Just Javi. And if you’re sure. I didn’t want to be presumptuous.”

“Feel free to presume away,” you quip back with a smile, “I need to grab some paperwork from the teacher's lounge but I'll only take a minute. It’s the beat up black sedan parked next to the library.” You hand him your key and he gives you a polite smile in return.

*

He barely talks on the ride to the airport, his hands resting comfortably in his lap as he looks out the window, occasionally tapping his finger to the hum of the radio.

“Have you ever been to Houston before?” he asks as you search the parking lot for a space.

“Nope, this will be the first time,” you say with a shrug, “I wanted to visit Houston as a kid but money was tight. I was really into Space and I've been meaning to visit since the Space Center opened a few years ago.”

“Mhmm,” he hums back before pointing out a spot, “Well, tomorrow is full, but maybe Saturday before we fly home. We’ve got an evening flight.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

*

“Why does liquor always taste better in an airport?” you ask, breaking the comfortable silence you had been sitting in for the last half hour.

“I think it’s psychological,” he says with a grin, “You have to pretend it tastes better to justify the price.”

You giggle at his response before taking a bite of the burger that he had insisted on buying you lunch for driving him to the airport.

“I keep having to remind myself they’re not taking me back there,” he says, staring out at the planes with a laugh that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

It’s almost instinct the way your hand reaches out and covers his, giving him a few reassuring squeezes before pulling it back. “Not all of you came back, did it?” you ask with a soft gentleness to your voice that wasn’t there before.

“No,” he replies quickly.

*

The flight was quicker than they thought it would be, the wind seemed to be blowing in favour of the plane and it ended up on the tarmac twenty minutes earlier than expected.

Javi insisted on letting you have the window seat and didn’t complain once, not even when the lady beside him ended up using his shoulder as a pillow after falling asleep within minutes of being in the air. He stifled a laugh when it happened and just accepted his fate, graciously staying as still as he could as she enjoyed her slumber.

Secretly a fleeting feeling of jealousy swept through his stomach when he saw how easily she drifted off, how comfortable she was just letting herself sleep surrounded by a bunch of strangers and how she remained asleep until the pilot announced that the plane would be landing shortly.

She said nothing to him as she slowly lifted her head off of his shoulder, she just looked around and sighed as she realised she’d slept the entire flight.

“Straight to pick up the rental car and onto the hotel or did you want to go anywhere first?” he asked as you de boarded the plane.

“The hotel sounds good,” you say as you follow closely behind him, watching the way he seems to effortlessly weave throughout the crowd.

You perch on the edge of the sofa with both of your cases in front of you in the rental store as he chats to the clearly enamoured girl working behind the desk, you wonder if he’d flirt back if you weren't waiting there for him. But he seems almost oblivious to her affection, so focused on the task he’s in the middle of doing, that he somehow can’t see the way she’s fluttering her eyelashes and not so subtly pushing her cleavage together in the top you’re almost certain he can see down.

You’d heard the rumours, you’d read the articles and you’d been in Laredo long enough to know that Javier Peña had a bit of a reputation for being a ladies man, but you’d never witnessed it first hand.

He was always professional, always kept the students that kept no secret of finding him attractive at arms length and didn’t seem interested in crossing any lines with the female professors that shamelessly flirted with him in the staff room. Honestly, you had spent many nights wondering if he had a secret lover that he kept sheltered away from the rumours and lingering glances.

“Ready?” he calls out before grabbing both of your cases and making his way to the car.

*

“You know that you had an admirer back there?” you ask with a grin, “I could feel her shooting dagger into my back as we walked out the store.”

He scoffs before laughing, “She wrote her number on the pamphlet and promised to show me the best bars in houston.”

“Oh,” you say with a raised eyebrow, “Sounds like you’ve got a busy few days ahead of you.”

Jealousy is an ugly emotion and you bite down on your lip in an attempt to keep it at bay, you had no right to be jealous, and you didn’t want to make things uncomfortable by coming across as so.

“No,” he says, momentarily taking his eyes off the road to glance over at you, “I politely declined.”

*

He wouldn’t deny it if someone asked if he found you attractive, he doesn’t think he’d be able to. He’s thought that you’re gorgeous since the first time you bounced into his office, arm outstretched as you introduced yourself with a giggle that seemed to burrow its way into his chest.

You were smart, funny and you never made him feel like he owed you any explanations. From the moment he’d left Colombia he was bombarded with questions about where he’d been, how he took down Escobar and a few had even dared to ask how he could bear to show his face around Laredo again. The few small minded folk somehow louder than everyone else as they’d bought up his past mistakes and continued to berate him for it, as if he hadn’t been punishing himself for years and years.

It made him comfortable knowing he could sit down next to you and have a conversation that wouldn’t end up with you asking questions about things that he wasn’t ready to talk about. And thinking about him wouldn't be able to deny the relief he felt when he found out it would be you accompanying him on this trip.

You were easy for him to be around, always helpful, always cheerful and he was starting to look forward to the next few days.

*

“No,” he repeated sternly but fairly to the hotel receptionist, “It’s two rooms. I have the confirmation here.”

“There was an issue with the booking,” he said with an uncaring tone as he slammed the key down next to Javi’s paperwork, “We don’t have a second room to give to you, the company will send a cheque to reimburse you for the mistake, but we are fully booked and there is nothing else I can help you with at this moment.”

Javier bites down a growl as he swipes the key from the counter and looks across at you with sorry eyes, before walking towards the elevator.

“I’ll take the pull out,” he said not meeting your gaze, “Or I can find a different hotel if you’re uncomfortable sharing.”

“I'm not uncomfortable and you’re not taking the pull out. I am. You know you panic too much, Javi.”

“So I've been told,” he says with a slight roll of his eyes as he enters the elevator.

You bounce down the hall to the room, unlocking it and swiftly letting yourself in, Javier trailing closely behind.

He sighs from the frame of the door behind you as you stand in the middle of the room, “No pull out?”

“Nope,” you say with a shrug, “Just a regular couch. But I’ll be comfortable enough.”

“No you won’t.” He says from behind gritted teeth.

“Yes. I will. I’m going to take a shower, you’re going to order room service and we are going to take full advantage of the fact the department is paying for it all,” you grab your case from his hand and make your way into the bathroom, “I want whatever costs the most.”

*

“That water pressure is phenomenal,” you say with a giggle as you run your fingers through your hair and place yourself down next to him on the sofa. “Did you order room service?”

“Yeah, it shouldn't be too long. Hope you’re hungry because I might have gone a little overboard.”

“Sounds perfect,” you say as make yourself comfortable on the little couch and watch him channel surf before settling on Wheel of Fortune.

“I love Wheel of Fortune,” you admit with a giggle, “Reminds me of home.”

“Same,” he says with a smile, “You sure you’re not wanting to explore the bright lights of Houston TX?”

“I’ll pass. Unless you want to be my tour guide? You’ve visited before, right?”

“Maybe tomorrow,” he shrugs, “Dinner, movie and bed is all that’s on

the agenda tonight.”

His mind races for a few seconds as he considers taking a sleeping pill as the situation he’s in catches up to him. He doesn’t want to keep you up, he feels waves of guilt reaching back and forth in his stomach at the fact you’re adamant he gets to have the bed and just as he feels his anxiety begin to rise, he’s pulled back into the present by your sofa hand reaching out and gently squeezing his thigh.

“You still with me?” you ask gently as you begin to recognise the signs of an anxiety attack.

“Ye-yeah,” he stutters before the sound of rapid knocking at the door makes you both jump, “Hungry?”

*

The evening flies by, you both settled down comfortably on the bed as you watched a movie together. Still picking at leftovers from the feast you had delivered to the room.

“Me and my old partner Steve were sent on a stakeout in Medellin and ended up in this hotel that was far too fancy for either of us and he decided to order everything he’d ever wanted to try from the menu… Courtesy of the DEA of course! He passed out from eating too much and I spent the rest of the evening trying to focus on the target and not killing Steve for snoring so loudly.”

His fingertips run around in little circles on top of the bedspread as for the first time he speaks about a memory in Colombia without grimacing.

“Do you still speak to him?”

He nods a few times before talking, “Yeah, a couple of times a week. He and his wife adopted a little girl when we were out there… made me godfather after I returned home.”

“The picture on your desk in your office?” you ask as you think about it; a small child perched on his lap and pulling on his moustache as he just looks at her with an amused look on his face.

“Yep, that’s her, Olivia.”

“She’s cute. I wondered if she was your daughter for a while, and then I heard you mention you never had children of your own.”

He hums before turning his attention back to the television and you reach out again to squeeze his hand. You think it lingers for a second too long, until you go to pull it away and he curls his fist gently, keeping your fingers interlocked with his as he does so.

“Do you think you’ll continue teaching once Geoff is back?” you ask, the courage coming from somewhere deep inside your chest as you ask the question that’s been weighing on your mind for weeks.

“Maybe,” he murmurs before rubbing his chin, “Haven't really thought about it.”

“The kids would miss you,” you say with a smile, “I’ve never seen a class so interested in what their professor has to say until I saw you teach.”

“I guess I’ll have to see what they say once Geoff is back, no point making plans if they decide that don’t need me anymore.”

“Oh, please,” you say as a smile spreads across your face, “They’d snap you up within seconds. You can’t pretend you have heard how badly that they want you to take up a permanent position there?”

He breathes out a contented scoff before shrugging, “I might have a letter in my desk that’s asking if I’d consider it.”

“So much for having to see, Mr. Peña,” you say with an exaggerated gasp, “You already know how much we’d all miss you if you left us.”

“You’d miss the stories,” he quips back and much too quickly for your own liking you respond.

“No, I never ask for the stories,” your breath slightly hitches as you slowly finish the end of your sentence, “I’d miss the kind man that I thoroughly enjoy working under.”

You turn to face him, studying the way he’s studying you, already taking in every part of your face.

And then his lips are on yours, one of his hands is gripping the bottom of your chin as yours finds its place on his chest, his tongue pushing through your lips as he deepens the kiss further.

You’re not sure how long he kisses you for but you curse yourself every time you need to come up for air, but the second you’ve inhaled he’s pulling you back in for more, his mouth just as desperate as your own as you seek out to know him in the ways you’ve dreamed about for the past few months.

Your hands thumble with the buttons of his shirt, trying to remain as delicate and careful as they can as he transports you somewhere extraordinary with every trace of his lips.

Every move is slow, calculated and somehow more breathtaking than the one before. He takes his time, removes your dress in one fluid motion but slow enough so that he can take in every newly revealed inch of you as he does so. His hands trailing down your body, his lips gently latching up to the hardened bud of your nipple and his own breath hitching as you moan out a sign of pleasure as he rolls it between his teeth.

He continues his journey, his hands and lips covering every part of you that they can. His mouth chanting a silent prayer of worship as his lips reach the bottom of your belly button. He peppers a few light kisses there before lifting his head and asking a question that you have to tell yourself not to yell at in reply.

“Can I taste you, Cariño?”

“Yes.”

He pulls your panties down your legs slowly, watching your face the entire time he does so. “I’ve thought about doing this,” he admits in a whisper, “Got myself off wondering about the soft sounds you’d make as I buried my face in your pussy.”

And the second the final word has fallen from his lips he’s doing it, tasting you like it’s the most important thing he’ll ever do. You taste sweet with a slight tang, and his cock throbs with every lap of his tongue. It’s been a long time since he experienced the taste of a woman, his last sexual encounters being back in Colombia and even then he wasn’t about to spread them out and really enjoy them.

But this, this was heaven. There are no exaggerated sounds of pleasure. It is not a quick rough emotionless transaction with the ultimate goal just being his pleasure and some shared information.

He had all the time he wanted with you, and he was damn sure going to use it right.

The sounds you made were like nothing he heard before, soft whimpers, moans that you seemingly had no control over and they filled the room and provided a perfect melody to this glorious happenstance.

His tongue dipped inside of you, tasting you everywhere he could before pulling back up to your little bundle of nerves and drawing out your pleasure with a series of perfectly precise licks and sucks. The essence of you coating his chin as he pulled your first orgasm out of you and diving back in for another.

It took no time at all and the second time you came you did so with a cry of his name. He kept thinking over and over that he could get used to this, used to the feeling of your fingers tangled up in his now erratic hair, used to you chanting his name like a prayer as he came on his tongue and rewarded him with a gush of your pleasure. It was pure heaven.

He lapped up every last drop, he could have spent hours down there but he couldn’t ignore the way he cock was straining against his zipper.

He pushes himself back off the bed and unzips his pants, freeing his already leaking cock as he did so and stroking himself as he looked down at you. Loving the sight of your legs spread and bliss etched on your face, he strikes himself a few more times before moving back in between your legs and leaning down to cover your lips with his.

“Can I?” he asks and you give him the yes that he’d craved more than any other in his 40+ years.

He gently pushes a pillow beneath your hips and lines himself up with you, kissing you once more before pushing the tip off him in. The thickness of him is thrilling, it pinches slightly as he notches himself in bit by bit and finally fills you to the hilt. “You okay?” he asks.

“I'm good, are you?”

“Yeah,” he says with a chuckle, “I’m really good.”

His movements are slow, but powerful, the drag of his thick cock is almost overwhelming but you can’t get enough. One of his hands squeezes your hip gently as the other squeezes the soft swell of your breast. He doesn’t want any of this to feel rushed, so he takes his time, taking you apart. Exploring whichever part of your body he mouth can reach as he continues thrusting in and out of you, groaning in delight when you clench around him.

The grip you have on him is indescribable, the way you suck him straight back in as he thrusts out, your bodies more intune than either of you have ever experienced with another person.

His moves his hand off your breast and wets the tip of two of his fingers with his tongue before bringing it down to your clit, rubbing it gently as you everything starts to go black with pleasure. You chant his name over and over as you clamp down around him, squeezing his cock so tightly so his breath becomes shaky and you come apart around him. Soaking his cock as it continues moving it and out of you.

He pulls himself out and strokes himself to completion, covering your glistening spread pussy with his spend and collapsing beside you after he does so.

At this moment, time belongs to you both.

There is no rushing, no schedules, no deadlines to be met. There is you and him and the afterglow of your bodies meeting for the first time.

Eventually, you both move, he gently guides you into the shower where he takes you again, a little quicker this time but making sure to be just as thorough with your pleasure.

That night sleep comes to Javier, it comes before he knows it’s coming. He wakes to the sound of the hotel room alarm blaring and you groaning as you nuzzle your face into his neck.

You both arrive at the conference an hour late, and leave after barely an hour. You spend the rest of the day getting to know each other in more ways than one as he fucks you well into the night. Once again feeling the welcoming embrace of sleep and your own after he does so.

Both of you joined in some way or another until you arrived back in Laredo.

You were really right. He thinks to himself. Maybe he left a bigger part of him back in Colombia than he realised, but what he knew right now, is that he is ready to start letting thing go. And he ready to fill those gaps with something better than ever before.

[hersurvival]

I didn't go out for my 21st birthday, not because my mother wasn't begging, but I've never been that person.

To sit at a bar and order a coctail? That's not the daughter my mother raised.

She started drinking when I was 8, mixing vodka with her pills after weight loss surgery, ruining family game nights.

By 10, my siblings and I knew based on the lines in her large tumblr how much ice, vodka, and cranberry juice to mix for her. I was the oldest.

When I was 11 I took a swig from the Smirnoff bottle before I walked to the bus and was initially disgusted how it tasted just like moldy bread. But huh, it made me feel lighter.

By 13, my (second) step-father would encourage my mother to crush as many cans as he could in a night, then expect me to get her to bed when he'd leave her sick in the bathroom.

And at 14 we became the "party house" the "clubhouse" for their gang of biker friends where I'd have to watch all their children, try not to yell at my mother because she lost her shirt and kissed someone else, shove smokers back into the garage when they wandered into the house.

Insomnia stuck me hardest at 15. But the thing about a party house is we had a whole china hutch full of open bottles and a garage fridge of random beers with plenty more on their way next weekend.

By 16, I kept a metal water bottle under my bed topped off with various splashes of alcohol to grimace down before bed and I went to my first rural country-kid party. My mother would ask me to drink with her on the couch.

When I graduated after turning 17, my mother threw me a party. With their friends. At our party house.

No mimosas, jell-o shots, espresso martinis.

It wad a long folding table with red cups and dozens of bottles with fancy labels, jugs of Hawaiian punch, and 2 liter sodas.

The guy I babysat for after school "mixed" my drinks all night. Sprite, orange colored Hawaiian punch, vodka, and fireball.

Just a few years ago, my mom was mixing seltzer and orange liquer to wake up in the mornings and telling me she had quit drinking.

I managed to avoid going out for my 21st birthday because my mom isn't the type of person to go to the bar for a cocktail either.

@nosebleedclub June 9th - Espresso Martini

[predoom]

ohoneohone

Saturday, January 14th, 2006 4:14 pm "noones ever been this good for this long" this is everything i am thinking right now with out transition. i apologize for my brains lack of linear thought processing: i hate the way it gets dark so early here this time of year. i guess "seasonal depression" kind of falls under "ADD" and "post tramatic whatever disorder" for me. i feel like its science from the madhatter down the rabbit hole. not too real. but lately i just wake up blue - my only thought is- how soon will the day be over so i can get back into bed. i open my eyes just a tiny bit and blur the numbers on the clock with my eyelashes. every word you say rolls off of my back - the praises and the barbs. i don't hear either, ever. sometimes the tips of my fingers itch from the back of my head- just to get the chance to tear someone to pieces and just barely let them off the hook. i swear to god, i was asleep alone. quick text me an alibi and oh god please don't dust the keyboard for prints. sometimes i stare out of the frosted window and make up stories as people walk by. the bottled blonde, park ave. princess walking whichever dog matches her coat. you know how i could turn your world upsidedown. its not love if a day goes by when you don't think about dropping it. its not the world keeping you on the outside, its you not wanting to be on the inside. everyone wants to be the first. buts its okay to be the second if you understand it better, if you make it look prettier. worn down doesn't even touch this. and theres nothing worse than when someone acts like they have you figured out, when you haven't even figured yourself out. nice boys don't write good stories or sing good songs. and his songs are boring. and his stories are just personal ads set to background music. i found the skeleton key for wedlock but i am holding off on telling her. on telling anyone for that matter. consistent inconsistency. thats all you ever have to remember and you'll do okay with me. dancers are always strippers. and paying their way through college is the BE VE. oh and hey pete do you remember the way the world used to trick you with fifty degrees in january and orange leaves in june? button your jacket tight, don't believe everything you read... don't even believe everything you wrote. i'm tired of always leaving. i'm tired of the way things always/never change. swim upstream until your gills bleed just because thats what genetic encoding commands. there aren't any trophies that are really worth it in the end. they can put you in a box when you are very young, so you'll be a pretty corpse but there are too many pages filled with too many words to lie beside you forever. intelligent design is the last great joke i heard. but honestly, no one will ever stay where i tell them, least of all the years. they keep moving. worlds greatest liar and how do you know i'm not lying when i tell you this right now? and thats coming from the king of one-liners. copy and pasted - long live the away message. kiss the monitor. fast asleep baby. Friday, January 6th, 2006 8:11 pm i am just a hot mess. i woke up to the feeling of myself throwing up today. pretty much put a damper on the entire day. i ate about 50 stomach pills and then threw them all up- it was a pretty color in the toilet. my toungue is black on the top right now. i am pretty sure thats a bad thing. i watched way too much gastinaeu (however you spell it) girls today. i think it made me sicker. it took me awhile to realize that they were mother and daughter and not sisters- but the mom is kinda hot in pissy kind of way. my mom is out of town so there was noone here to take care of me- my brother was around but hes pretty much always bongzilla'd. so i waited for back-up caretakers to arrive- one of them was busy cutting hair and the other has like a "real" job besides being dad.

the best part about vomitting alone in the morning is the way the bathroom tiles feel kinda cool in a pleasant way so i took a nap there for a bit. i want to see hostel tonight but the problem is all the vomitting- see its not that i mind so much its just what if i run into someone in my sicky gear and puke on them?

wow. i am glad i did this update. arent you?

im gonna leave the comments open cause i never do- just write down the first thing that comes into your mind when you see that reply button- heres mine:

i am just a hot mess. (989 Comments |Comment on this) Saturday, December 24th, 2005 9:57 pm blue christmas so i was sitting around this christmas. just kinda getting bummed out looking at the lights outside of shiny houses in my neighborhood and decided that it was time fall out boy gave somethng back. we decided to pick a cause that we feel is often overlooked- education of poor people in africa (specifically ethiopia). we feel like education is one of the most important building blocks in change- so after doing some research we found and organization that we felt really was doing it right: www.a-cet.org - this isn't some glossy amazing press piece it is doing something quietly to make a change- and we loved that. so we decided to put a couple of old and rare FOB and clandestine items up on ebay. here's the deal- if you dont see the link off of a fall out boy site than don't trust that it is us doing it- part two- keep bidding the more we can help the better. and three we will keep adding more items up here for a bit so keep checking back. they are all legitimate and endorsed by FOB and all items will come signed. happy bidding:

a clandestine shirt sample that was never made: http://cgi.ebay.com/never-produced-clandestine-shirt-sample-fall-out-boy_W0QQitemZ4812617551QQcategoryZ52473QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

breakdance not hearts shirt worn on big in 05 awards: http://cgi.ebay.com/clandestine-breakdance-not-hearts-shirt-fall-out-boy_W0QQitemZ4812615104QQcategoryZ52473QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

giant moonman pez dispenser given to nominees at the VMAs http://cgi.ebay.com/giant-VMA-moonman-pez-dispenser_W0QQitemZ4812612435QQcategoryZ52473QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

complete set of take this to your grave trading cards. including rare card: http://cgi.ebay.com/fall-out-boy-trading-card-lot-takethistoyourgrave_W0QQitemZ4812607828QQcategoryZ52473QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

new:

original bleach "i am the dream" shirt clandestine: http://cgi.ebay.com/original-bleach-clandestine-shirt-i-am-the-dream_W0QQitemZ4812798220QQcategoryZ52473QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

original secret order shirt http://cgi.ebay.com/secret-order-of-FOB-shirt-hyper-limited_W0QQitemZ4812800208QQcategoryZ52473QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

alternative press poster signed by entire band http://cgi.ebay.com/alternative-press-poster-fall-out-boy-limited_W0QQitemZ4812796786QQcategoryZ52473QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

spend your xmas cash... Thursday, December 8th, 2005 3:34 am last week i got to hold a baby orangatan (spelled completely wrong).

that was the best moment of my life.

ill try to find a picture.

try to imagine a regular baby, mixed with a puppy, mixed with the song "dont stop believin" by journey. Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005 12:59 am sometimes my own words dont suffice. "i hope that our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us i hope we come up witha fail-safe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us i hope the fences we mended fall down beneath their own weight and i hope we hang on past the last exit, i hope its already too late and i hope that the junkyard a few blocks from here someday burns down and i hope the rising black smoke carries me far away and i never come back to this town again. in my life i hope i lie and tell everyone you were a good wife and i hope you die. i hope we both die" Sunday, November 20th, 2005 1:36 pm sometimes its like never started sometimes it like its never gonna end

[loveforpreserumsteve]

Most Likely (high school reunion Stucky fic)

Seventeen:

Getting home had been more difficult than Bucky would've originally assumed. Not only because of his hangover, but because he didn't want to leave Steve. Sure, the blond claimed that they'd see each other tonight, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't miss him throughout the rest of the day.

As soon as he entered his house, he was greeted with the deep, guttural yowl from Nemo. He knew that the old, overweight, orange tabby had been fed already thanks to his oldest nephew, Felix. But Nemo was needy, so Bucky bent over to give the cat a scratch between his –

"Where the fuck have you been?"

Jumping nearly out of his skin, Bucky whipped around to find his twin entering the kitchen. Placing his hand on his chest in an attempt to slow his rapidly beating heart, he chastised, "Jesus, Becks, ya tryin' to give me a heart attack?"

"Where the fuck have you been?" Becca repeated, really enunciating. Arms crossed along her chest and giving him the same look that their mom would give them.

Brows furrowing, he reminded, "I'm an adult? We're adults. I didn't think I had a curfew."

"Right, you're an adult," Becca agreed, nodding. But she wasn't done. Oh, no, far from it. "You're an adult who got completely blasted. So bad, in fact, that Dum Dum basically carried you outside so you could wait for the Uber we called for you. Only, you weren't there! The Uber driver messaged me saying that you weren't outside!

"Do you know how worried sick I've been? You were just gone! For all I knew, you could've been abducted by Jeffrey Dahmer 2.0! Or you could've tried to walk home and gotten hit and were lying in some ditch on the side of the road. For fuck's sake, for an adult, you sure are acting like a teenager!"

Knowing that she wasn't done, Bucky took a seat at the breakfast table. He was hungover, after all.

"And more than that, your phone has been going straight to voicemail all night! I mean, how many times do you need to be told to bring a charger before it gets through that thick skull of yours? Even Nat was trying to track you down! That's how worried you had all of us!

"So, where the fuck were you?"

Rubbing at his temples in hopes that his headache will die down, Bucky said, "I'm sorry, okay? I'm here now, and I'd really like to take some Aleve and get a few more hours of sleep before the dinner tonight."

For a moment, she just watched him before she took a seat across from him. Sighing, she explained, "I was just worried. You're my baby brother –"

"By two minutes –"

"– you're my responsibility."

"Let's not go overboard," Bucky rolled his eyes.

Becca giggled, then full on laughed. Quirking an eyebrow, Bucky looked up at her. She – poorly – attempted to muffle her laughter, "You still have to deal with Nat."

"Christ," Bucky sighed, putting his face in his hands.

Taking his phone out of his pocket, he crossed over to the charger and plugged his phone in. While he waited for it to come back on, he opened the cabinet to get the bottle of Aleve.

"You didn't impregnate someone, did you?"

Choking on the water that was supposed to help him swallow the pills, Bucky glared at his twin. Not only for causing him to choke, but for implying that he would be so careless. After all, he learned his lesson at eighteen.

"It's not too late to be an only child," Bucky told her.

In reply, she rolled her eyes and stood from the table. Crossing the kitchen, she reached for the coffee maker, getting it started. And really, how mad could he be with her. She was his first best friend. She was also his first nemesis. But he wouldn't change it for anything.

Of course, they were still siblings. After the pot of Jamaican coffee had brewed and cooled just enough for Becca not to burn her tongue on the beverage, Bucky admitted, "I was with Steve."

He only felt a little bad for how the liquid sprayed out of her nose. Only a little.

"Fuck," Becca complained as she grabbed a stack of napkins to clean up her mess. Crumpling a few of the napkins so she could throw them at Bucky.

Still glaring, Becca asked, "Steve as in Steve Rogers? As in, 'Your Stevie?'"

Feeling his face warm, he directed his gaze to Nemo as the cat rubbed along his legs. Confirming, "Do you know another?"

"How'd you find him?"

"At the reunion."

When his sister was silent, Bucky looked up to see that her brows were set in a heavy furrow. "When? I didn't see him?"

"He was there for a little bit." Before I upset him.

"So, how'd you end up back with him?"

His face grew hot again and he averted his gaze once more. To the table this time. "Apparently, in my drunken state, I wandered through the halls yelling for him."

"Did you fuck?"

"Jesus fucking Christ," Bucky rubbed at his temples again. "Not that it's any of your business, but no, we didn't fuck."

"All I know is that you had the biggest crush –"

"No, I didn't," Bucky protested, lying through his teeth. Knowing that Becca knew that too.

"– you had the biggest crush," Becca repeated. "Everyone knew it. It was so obvious. And we were all waiting for you to get your head out of your ass and make a move."

"God, I wish that I was an only –"

Vzzt. Vzzzzt. Vzzt.

Hearing his phone vibrate on the counter, Bucky stood from the table to retrieve it. There, he saw numerous text messages. Starting last night and continuing until that very minute. Most of them were from Becca. Ranging from concerned to threatening. Some from Natasha. But he was most curious about the ones from the unknown number.

A date!

With Steve!

No one could wipe the grin off his face. Not even Becca when she started teasing him for acting like a high schooler all over again. Instead of arguing though, he let Becca see herself out while he ran upstairs to take a quick shower.

A date!

[mrmicron]

Golden Child (Chapter 1)

This is my first time posting a story that is split into chapters on here. I’m not sure if this will gain any attention, but it wouldn’t hurt to see if it does. There may be some grammatical errors and linguistic errors as well, so feel free to message me and tell me in the ways I messed up! The languages this chapter will contain is Mexican Spanish (with translations provided by my Mexican ride-or-die!) and American English. It might include others, but for the majority of the story line, it’s those two. 

I would love to be able to turn this into a comic eventually, but I’d either have to find an artist to collab with or work on my art skills lol. This is intended for a Young-Adult audience, so anyone under 14, please DNI

Word Count: 1302

All characters are original. Any relations to a person are purely coincidental. 

CW: Mentions of Sexual Harassment, Implied Abusive Relationships, Light Sexual Themes, Violence Against Others, Thoughts of Suicide, Self-Harm, Cursing, Attempted Suicide

 DNI if you are sensitive to these topics

The sound of an alarm woke me from my deep sleep. I groaned into my pillow as I rolled over, swatting my hand around to turn off the annoyance. After a few attempts, I proved successful and turned back into my covers. But, my sleep was short-lived as footsteps approached my door. “Awake from your coma Sleeping Beauty,” called a feminine voice, light, and teasing. I knew it was my mom, so I ignored it. The click of the doorknob reverberated through the room, and something hard hit my back. I yelped and turned around. “What the hell?!” My mom stood a few feet away from me, her arms crossed across her chest, a frown on her face. “You heard me. And I heard the alarm go off, then it stopped. Besides, you have school today mija.” Hispanic moms are something else, and I’m not planning on starting off the day with a sore ass. “Sì Mamì…” I mumbled, sliding out of my comfort space. She turned towards the door and sighed. “Children these days, no respect.” As she headed downstairs, I grabbed my uniform and went into the bathroom to shower. I’d be starting a new school today, for the third time. Apparently, it was the best school in the state, AKA, my last chance. Marie-Jane Academia for the Gifted. It was a private school with a low acceptance rate, and if you were enrolled, you had a guaranteed shot of getting into an Ivy League School. All the more reason for me to go, right? Wrong. It was totally against my will, but seeing as it was my last choice, I had no say. The warm water ran down my body and I released a sigh. My hands ran through my hair, scrubbing the previous day’s filth from my scalp.

After I stepped out of the shower, it didn’t take long for me to dress. Since Marie-Jane is a uniform school, I wouldn’t have to try and figure out what to wear. Although I hated not having creative expression for my clothes, it did feel nice to not throw on some random clothing from my laundry hamper, which I prayed was clean. The smell of bacon drifted into my nose, and my body just moved. I bounded down the stairs, sliding into the kitchen on wheels. A small orange bottle flew through the air and I caught it, quickly popping open the lid and grabbing a small red pill. I tossed it into my mouth and swallowed it dry. It had become routine, me taking my suppressants, that I can just swallow it dry. Mamì slid the last of the eggs from the pan onto my plate. My lunch box sat next to my breakfast. “Buenos Dìaz my beautiful daughter,” she cooed, resting her elbows on the counter as I slid into my seat at the kitchen island. “Morning Mom…” I replied hesitantly before picking up a piece of bacon. Chewing slowly, I kept my gaze on the plate below me. What could she want from me this morning? It’s only 7. “Mija, you're aware this is the last school you can attend, correct?”  Her tone made me feel like I was 7 again, which pissed me off. “I’m well aware, actually. I didn’t want to go there, but alas, I’ve been enrolled,” I replied sarcastically, crunching on my bacon once again. Damn, this is burnt. Eyebrows furrowing, mom pulled the plate towards her. “Don’t make me throw something at you. You’ll go to school with a welt in the shape of a shoe.” She waited a few moments before pushing the food back to me. Sighing, I stood up, slinging my bag over my shoulder. “Yes ma’am.” Well, now I wasn’t hungry, but still choked down and swallowed the rest. I wasn’t looking forward to my commute to school. It was a 20 minute drive, and knowing my rusty car, it would probably break down on the way. Can’t complain though, at least I have some mode of transportation besides a bike. Grabbing my keys and hat, I opened the door. “Heading out now!” I called, stepping out. “Try not to run any pedestrians over this time,” she responded, chuckling. “No promises.”

My car shook from the intensity of the bass from my speakers as I belted along with the music playing loudly. Singing gave me a sense of tranquility and calmed my nerves down a bit. I rarely have first day jitters, but apparently, since this school is my last option, my mind wants to fill itself with the worst possible scenarios. I made a promise to my mom, and my previous school’s counselor that I would try to be on my best behavior. Now that I think about it, that was a bad idea. I will definitely fight someone here, but who? That’s to be determined for my future. As I rounded the corner a block away, my eyes widened at the glistening building before me. I knew my school would be rich, but damn, it’s a whole apartment complex. I was to move into the dorms here, per my mother’s demand. Maybe more space to crochet. We could leave campus whenever, as long as we came back before curfew, which just means we can’t leave our buildings past 11. That wouldn’t be an issue since I don’t plan on leaving campus besides visiting Mami. The main building sat in the front, which also made it hard to miss. I was almost blinded by the damn thing. Students were trickling in slowly by the time I parked. Adjusting my tie, I slung my messenger bag over my shoulder and walked through the double doors. Voices echoed through the corridor as groups of students, ranging from 9th to 12th, chatted amongst themselves. “Where’s the damn office…” I mumbled softly, looking around. My eyes caught on a person waving, and at first, I thought they were waving at someone else, so I ignored them. But then they called my name. “Ashton! Over here!” I snapped my head back to see them walking over, a smile on their face. Eventually, they stopped a few inches from me, extending their hand. I took in his facial features. Skin as pale as a porcelain doll, lips as red as a geisha, hair as black as the night sky. All I could think was, ‘He’s beautiful.’ “I’m Indria, but everyone calls me Indie. I’ll be your guide for today.” He smiled brightly. As we shook hands, I tilted my head. “Well you already know my name, so where to go first?”

Indie talked a lot, more than I was used to. As he talked, I found out his whole life story within 5 minutes. It was a lot of information in such a short amount of time, but that didn’t stop him. Eventually, we arrived at my first period, which I wasn’t even paying attention to how we got there in the first place. “Well, here’s your stop! What’s your number, so I can be of assistance anytime.” He hands me his phone and I wearily type in my number. Yes, it was for a good reason, but nonetheless, it was weird how forward he was. Once I was done, he sent me a text to make sure it was my number and smiled brightly. “It was nice meeting you Ashton! Feel free to message me if you need anything else.” He then walked away, and I watched until he was out of sight. This school was already going to be a pain in my ass, but I wasn’t sure how yet. It just was. The classroom buzzed with students talking to one another, so the majority of my first period was already inside. I took a deep breath before opening the door.

[fratboykate]

I’m bored home with covid…

Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions?

Favorite:

DOP

Editor

Photographer

Composer (for movies) or non movie related

Color

Food (dish)

Piece of forniture

Part of LA

Club/bar/restaurant in LA or outside

Sport (if any)

indica/Sativa (strain)

Animal

Part of the world outside LA and you home country

Fruit

Vegetable

Sweet/candy

Toothpaste

Pen/pencil

Kitchen utensil

Soap

Perfume/essence

Herb or spice or both

Piece of clothing

Anyway have a good day!

I'm not putting much thought into these so some of these might change if you ask me any other day:

DOP: Off the top of my head because of things like Hard Candy and His House (and obviously all the Hunger Games and Red Sparrow too but I wouldn't call those his best...HC and HH are his top work in my opinion) I'd say Jo Willems

Editor: Don't really have one?

Photographer: seeing as I literally have an entire wall dedicated to him in my apartment Gregory Prescott. I own a lot of Slim Aaron's books and have quite a few of his prints hung around my apartment too. I'd say they're the two photographers I own the higest number of prints/art from.

Composer (for movies) or non movie related: Don't really have one either.

Color: Red and orange.

Food (dish): The real ones here know that I'm A SLUT for a clam chowder lol

Piece of furniture: my entire apartment is mid-century modern. That's really my aesthetic so...anything in that vibe is what I go for.

Part of LA: I'm not a west side person AT ALL. I don't fuck with the west side vibe. I also really like the valley. I lived there for five years.

Club/bar/restaurant in LA or outside: It changes but I'm REALLY into The Rooftop by Jean-Georges lately. It's on the rooftop of the Waldorf Astoria in Beverly Hills. Has a great view, amazing cocktails, and fantastic food. You're not going to find a bunch of 20 somethings there so it's not like POPPING VIBES but great for business meetings, covid safe because it's outdoors, and just chill for a nice hangout drinks/dinner with friends.

Sport (if any): Don't really do sports

Indica/Sativa (strain): I'll take anything you give me lmao. But I don't really smoke anymore. I'm an edibles girlie. I haven't smoked in years but i'll do any and all edibles and THC pills.

Animal: Fun fact - I've never owned a pet. I've lived with roomates that had animals but *I* have never had an animal that was mine. Favorite animal would be a sloth tho.

Part of the world outside LA and you home country: Budapest. That place is on another level for me. Magical. I can't even describe what it felt like to be there.

Fruit: Seedless green grapes have crack in them and no one can ever convince me otherwise.

Vegetable: In the last year I've become really obsessed with peas.

Sweet/candy: My favorite sweet thing in the world is cheesecake. You could get me to jump in a windowless white van if you dangle a piece of cheesecake in front of me.

Toothpaste: Lmao what...people have a favorite toothpaste? I'll use anything.

Pen/pencil: I'm really particular about pens. I'll ONLY use black pens and they have to have a certain thickness and like...the way they roll on the paper has to be very specific.

Kitchen utensil: A sharp knife? Idk lol

Soap: Aesop Geranium Leaf Body Cleanser

Perfume/essence: Eau de Cartier by Cartier. My mom has used it her whole life and then I started using it. Fucking love it.

Herb or spice or both: I season my food. Heavy. I'm Latina from the caribbean. But I also love spicy food. I have at least like 18 different hot sauce bottles in my fridge right now including Carolina Reaper and Ghost Pepper hot sauces so...both???

Piece of clothing: I love a good outer layer. Sweater, cardigan, jacket. Always have one on. I've legit been shooting in death valley...in the desert and had an outer layer on lol. It's just a part of me at this point.

[anonymousrobinhoodqueer]

My sister take medicine for her adhd. She is out of town for spring break, with our mom, but because she is a child and not old enough to get her own medicine, I was in charge of packing it.

I split the pills and put them in the right bottle, I packed her new prescription and I thought I put her 3rd medication in. Turns out I packed the 1/2 pills, her new prescription and the old prescription of the same kind. Which means instead of 5mg of one, 3mg of one and 0.5mg of the last one, she was taking 5mg of one and 5mg of the other.

My dad or I are usually the ones who give her the 2 meds at the same time, and while one changed shape and from orange to yellow, the other was still round and orange.

Which means that when my mom was giving her an orange pill and a yellow pill, it seemed visually correct, and it did for a child too. So now after 3 days the excess medication is catching up to her and she’s super tired.

So she is going to the Dr.

And she should be fine, short term double dosing (less technically) should not cause any problems outside of excessive tiredness, but poison control recommended she goes, and that will help.

I feel bad, and I know that it was an accident and could have happened to anyone, but I still feel bad

[ceruleanfables]

I Don't Remember My Childhood

I don’t remember the cold air blasting my face as I raced friends across open fields.

I don’t remember the imagined worlds of my backyard pulled from books, on T.V., and in dreams.

I don’t remember the hockey sticks and wooden spoons and tree branches turned into swords.

I don’t remember the joy of staying inside when it rained and playing board games with my brother and sisters.

I don’t remember the fast-paced, sweat-filled matches of capture the flag on the baseball field.

I don’t remember getting hit by a shoe in second grade, a shoe thrown by my teacher for not including enough detail in my Brief Constructed Responses.

I don’t remember the laughing while playing hide and seek at Patrick’s house, trapped in a closet with the unending joyful suspense of waiting to be found.

I don’t remember chasing Julie around the playground or the light kiss on the cheek she gave me when I finally caught up to her.

I don’t remember memorizing the periodic table off the back of a science textbook cover in fourth grade.

I don’t remember holding the first book I ever bought with my own money, a soft plastic cover with raised bumpy letters that denoted the title: The Ruins of Gorlan.

I don’t remember my first dog, Fred, with his shiny golden coat catching sharp rays of sunlight through the windowpane as he sat watching the street outside.

I don’t remember my first campout with the Cub Scouts and having to set up my tent in the rain despite the sun still being out.

I don’t remember my Legos, the hours spent lying stomach-first on the floor, speaking out loud in different voices as I moved tiny figures across the beige carpet.

I don’t remember the time before responsibility.

I don’t remember the years before I turned eleven.

Because I remember my mother, my wonderful, hardworking, always loving mother having her first seizure.

Because I remember the doctors testing her, poking her, asking her all manner of questions that had no answers.

Because I remember the nights trying to make dinner when mom no longer could.

Because I remember walking through the front door to find my mother on the kitchen floor, day after day, twitching and shaking, arms curled in cruel angles, face scrunched up and eyes closed tight.

Because I remember the pills in their tiny orange bottles, pills given by doctors flummoxed by the strange seizures that had no scientific explanation.

Because I remember my suppression, tamping down my own needs and wants and desires and dreams; the required suppression of me so I might better care for her.

Because I remember my father took on a second job to cover rising healthcare costs and government shutdowns. 

Because I remember awkwardly turning down nights out; movies unwatched, games unplayed, parties unthrown and always with a weak excuse as to why I couldn’t go.

Because I remember the constant juggling of responsibilities between my siblings and I as our lives got more complicated with who would clean the house, who would play with Fred, who would cook dinner, and who would sit on the floor with mom so she had some company and comfort.

Because I remember school started to get harder, but no one could know because too much else was going on that was more important than me.

Because I remember the unconscious resentment towards my mother and her illness that started to build and pile up next to my heart with nowhere to go because no one had time to care.

Because I remember the guilt that accompanied the resentment; guilt from my natural ability to live every day without ever ending up stuck on the floor with my face smashed into the beige carpet my Legos used to live on.

Because I remember when Fred died from seizures of his own, blood low down on the walls from where he blindly slammed his head as he seized around the house.

Because I remember the tiny voice in my head that started to whisper, “Mom could die like that, blind, alone, and not in control.”

Because I remember the day her seizures just suddenly, inexplicably stopped and everything was expected to go on as it had long before even though I knew it was too late

Because I can’t remember my childhood.

[thebunnylord]

My grandma runs an antique shop from her house, she has a ton of antiques that she collects and sells, but she is also a neat freak and is constantly dusting and cleaning the antiques. Her neighbor on the other hand, is a hoarder, he likes to keep open trash cans outside at night. And what does trash attract? Rats. My grandma hates rats, she saw a few rats on her property and when you see one rat, there’s many. So she laid out poison and broke out her BB gun to shoot the rats when she sees them.

My grandmother is a dead eye shot. But she didn’t have the pellets for her gun. So when me and my mom visited her, we gave her some pellets for her gun in old orange prescription bottles.

My grandma put the orange old prescription bottles with the BBs in the window of her shop so she can grab it and shoot the rats when she sees them. However, one day after a few customers came by, she noticed that the orange prescription bottles with the pellets were missing. She and my uncle tore up the house looking for them and couldn’t find them. And mind you, my grandma has a shop full of valuable antiques and out of all the antiques in that shop, the only thing that was stolen were the pill bottles.

Our theory is that someone stole the bottles thinking that they were drugs, not BB gun pellets. We’re hoping that whoever stole them popped a few in their mouth. I don’t believe in Karma, however, I think that guy got what they deserved.

[countenanceblog]

Chapter 41

Chapter 41

Rufus and Lazarus found a quiet booth aside from the others in the thumping Dome. Rufus nursed his drink, his brow furrowed with worry. Lazarus leaned back in his seat, a sly grin on his face.

"Man, I'm worried about Maggie," Rufus said, his voice tinged with concern. "She's heading into a snake pit, and I mean that, Spain City is no fucking joke."

Lazarus chuckled, taking a sip of his own drink. "I feel ya, bro. But you know Maggie, she's tough as nails. She'll handle herself just fine. Recently she's kind of a badass."

Rufus nodded, but his worry remained. "Yeah, I know she's a badass, but that city isn't for the faint of heart. I just hope she knows what she's getting into."

Lazarus flashed a mischievous grin. "Did I tell you yet 'bout how I find Nook attractive as fuck?"

Rufus arched an eyebrow, amused by Lazarus's sudden shift in topic. "Nook? Seriously? That girl's got more power in her little finger than most people have in their whole body. And I mean that."

Lazarus shrugged, his grin widening. "Yeah, but there's somethin' 'bout her, man. That quiet strength, those intense eyes, and that electric vibe she gives off... it's like a moth to a flame, ya know?"

Rufus chuckled, shaking his head. "You're a strange one, Laz. But hey, I ain't judging. I know how you feel."

Lazarus winked knowingly. "You know it, bro. And Nook's definitely my type. She's small and curvy."

The mood in the booth grew somber as Rufus took another sip of his drink. "Hey, Laz, can we talk about something else? It's just . . . I can't help but think about Ralph, and Timmy, and Xander."

Lazarus's playful demeanor softened, sensing the weight of Rufus's emotions. "Yeah, man, I get it. They were like a family to you."

Rufus nodded, his gaze distant. "Yeah, they were practically my foster family once Karen's mom kicked me out. Let me raise them like no one could. But now they're gone, and I feel like I'm adrift, you know? Like I lost my anchor. I'm just glad I have Karen."

Lazarus placed a comforting hand on Rufus's shoulder. "I feel ya, bro. Losing family ain't easy, but remember, you got us now. We're family too, and we got your back."

Rufus managed a small smile, appreciating Lazarus's support. "Thanks, Laz. I know I got you guys, and I'm grateful for that."

Lazarus grinned, raising his glass in a toast. "To family, both old and new. We'll stick together, no matter what comes our way."

Rufus clinked his glass against Lazarus'. A sense of belonging washed over them both. Dressed in his all-red suit, David Griffith approached the booth nestled against the wall. He said, "Do you guys need a boost?" He produced an orange pill bottle and shook it.

"Whoa, drugs? Radical," said Rufus. David laughed and poured a few capsules into Rufus' open hand.

"Take em," said David as he motioned accordingly. "They're not actually drugs. It's lionsmane and a whole bunch of other spectrum-extracted vegetables and herbs. Cadence gave it to me. Shit's spectacular for energy."

"Give me some a that," said Lazarus. "I been up for two days straight with all this crazy shit. Vampires and so forth. Givin' me a migraine. It's like a bad trip."

Rufus swallowed all of the capsules. "I hope this burns clean. Last thing I need is drugs right now, unless it's grass. I'm drying out, honestly. I got anger issues."

David's smile sparkled. "We can smoke some grass. Just a little bit though, a pinner maybe. Why don't you come with me, guys? Emma's about to give you all the breakdown in our war room." Rufus halfway smiled.

"Lead the way," he told David. With that, the three of them headed to a long room with a long table. Emma was standing in front of a whiteboard, poised to begin a lecture of some sort. There was a notebook under her arm. Corey was standing next to her, leaning in closer and closer.

Karen, Jack, Jonah, and even Killing Cadence were seated at the long table. Griffith chuckled. Karen and the others looked eager to begin the meeting.

"Take off that cat mask, Ian, you're embarrassing me," David told Cadence. Rufus' heart skipped a beat while the mysterious Killing Cadence removed his mask, revealing a long, serious face beneath. His black hair was buzzed.

Rufus' jaw dropped. "Wow man, you look just like Ian Anderson Hart. He's my favorite . . . Wait – "

Cadence cut him off. "I am Ian Anderson Hart."

Rufus struggled to find words. "You're, uh, you're my favorite author, dude. And my favorite musician?" Hart nodded curtly. Rufus felt almost deliriously star-struck.

David cleared his throat. "We're all gathered here for a reason. The new kids need to be updated on the situation."

Emma jumped in, "David is right, it's time we appraise ourselves of the variables," she said, as she indicated a hand-drawn marker map of the continent of Agartha on the whiteboard. Corey, Lazarus and Rufus took their seats. "The vampires control Agartha from beneath Air Town, in the center, which makes sense. That's where the President, Robert Mayflower, resides – "

"We know who the current guy is," said Rufus. Everyone looked at him at once. "What? Sorry."

Emma gave him a rather forgiving look. "Carrying on," she began. "The Unseelie Court has full control of over three of the four Districts, with the exception of most of the Air District itself, especially Brownsville."

Karen was astounded. "Really? The left-wingers had it right this whole time? Do the anarchists and the libertarians actually have some kind of foothold?"

"That's correct, Karen," said Emma. "The left-wingers, including the libertarians, anarchists, and other monarchists in Brownsville, have never had their political dynasties unseated. We've had contact with them in the past, and they are sympathetic to the cause, but evidently they're under too much pressure to do anything about it."

"Flatlanders," mused Jack. "Darn tootin."

"Perhaps our greatest allies could be the skinwalker clan living under the Brownsville turnaround," said Emma, shocking the group. "They have contacted us recently. Apparently the last scion of the clan has been . . . Rebuilding. Filling up his ranks. It's a logistical matter of where we deploy these special forces, and when. Which brings me to my next point," Emma elaborated. She pointed to the northwestern part of Agartha. "Spain City, in the Water District, is home to the oldest living Resistance fighter, Herringbone."

Rufus' green eyes lit up. "That's where Maggie and Gwyn are headed! To Herringbone! You're telling me he's been in this game longer than anyone else?"

"He's the one who recruited me," said Griffith, smiling.

[wtfevenami]

Tw sui¢ide

August 20th will be one year later. It’s been almost a full fucking year and I still want to kill myself, I still want to starve myself, and I still can’t remember over half my fucking life. Why couldn’t I keep it down that time? Every other time I was fine and just went to sleep, but of course when I’ve done the math to make sure it’ll kill two of me, I throw up.

It’s been a year of closing my eyes and being back on the floor. It’s been a year of refusing to take cough medicine because I’m afraid I’ll relapse. It’s been a year of avoiding sugary artificial orange and grape flavors. It’s been a year since I could eat my favorite soup because the pasta in it is the same size as those pills. It’s been a year of trying to cut deep enough that I bleed out. It’s been a year of swallowing things that could kill me just because there’s a chance it might work. It’s been a year since I’ve been able to drink ginger ale because that’s what my mom gave me when she thought I had the flu. It’s been a year since I hurt the person I love the most.

I was unconscious most of the day after, only awake for about 30 minutes total. I remember texting him because I knew he would be worried when I didn’t show up at school on Monday. I had made the mistake of telling him what I was doing when he asked on Friday. He tried to talk me out of it, and I let him believe that he had. But the pills were already at home in my dresser, so the next day would be my last. It took me 30 minutes to type a simple “I won’t be there tomorrow but I’m alive unfortunately”. He responded within seconds and immediately started asking questions. He tried to call me I think but I couldn’t move to answer, and even if I had I wouldn’t have been able to speak.

There’s only a few things from Sunday that I remember, but I distinctly remember him saying he was confused about something I had said (or tried to say, to be more accurate) and I was just thinking “you think you’re confused? I should be dead right now” and laughing to myself.

The next day I was home alone for a bit while my grandpa picked my sister up from school, and while he was gone I ventured out of my room for the first time all day. I went to the garage to get a bottle of water and I tripped and fell on my way back inside. I bruised my arm pretty badly but my skin was so pale and grayish that it wasn’t noticeable.

I went into my sister’s room to get a book that I read, though I don’t know what it was. I went back to my room and relocked the door. I sat up in my bed reading and took 3 sips from the water. At some point I realized the bottom of my foot was wet, and when I checked the carpet was still moist where I had thrown up to nights prior. I don’t remember what it looked like, mostly because I didn’t have my glasses on and the dehydration was making everything look granulated, but I know that I sat there staring at it for a few minutes.

When he got out of school my friend texted me with an ultimatum, one I wish I never agreed to: tell someone or he would. I typed okay and sent it, but after I got out of the hospital and checked the time stamps I saw that it had been 35 minutes before I sent it.

The rest of Monday as far as I remember was me sleeping in the ER waiting room, getting an ekg, and getting my blood drawn before passing out in the hospital bed. However, when I woke up I had an IV in. I don’t remember having it put in, or the dozens of vital checks and blood draws that I apparently had every hour. I just remember hearing my parents telling the doctor that they couldn’t take me to a specific hospital.

The doctor asked me what I wanted to do and I just stared at her until I either started crying or passed out, I’m honestly not sure which.

The next day on Tuesday was the first time I had eaten in 3 days. I had Chick-fil-A. I ate six nuggets with no sauce and drank water the hospital gave me. Then they came to transport me. They strapped me onto the stretcher with more restraints than the normal ones have. There wasn’t just the waist and side rails, there were ones that made an x over my chest, some that went over my knees, over my ankles, and before they strapped me in they told me to cross my arms.

The psych ward was the worst experience I’ve ever had. I don’t remember much except that I didn’t eat or sleep much. I only ate lunch and dinner because they were required but I never ate it all. I always said no to snacks and I only ate something in the morning my last day there. A packet of peanuts. The only reason I got out as fast as I did was because I was in more distress than when I came in and agreed to do a week at the php.

Then I had to make the excuses. Why were you gone? What were you sick with? You didn’t need to be quarantined that long.

And then the excuse of covid backfired when I actually got covid a week later.

So yeah there’s all that trauma for the void. Sorry but I don’t see my therapist again for a while and the anniversary effect is real and it’s killing me.

[multifanforever]

"Alen. It's time for your medicine." The nurse called as she walked into my lonely room. I looked up from my bed. She walked towards me with a silver tray.

"I don't want it." I said and looked away. She sighed.

"Alen, if you don't take your medicine, you could die. Please take it." She half begged.

"I don't want it! I don't even want to live!!!" I shouted at her. "I just want my mom back." I said just above my breath. The nurse put her hand on my shoulder.

"I know Alen. But we can't do that. So please. Take your medicine." I looked up at her, but looked away.

"I'll leave you be. You better have taken your medicine before I come back." She said and left me alone again. I sighed and rolled onto my side. But then something moved on the other side of the room. I sat up, and looked around. There was nothing.

"Alen?" I turned around and I saw this girl. She looked familiar, but then again, she wasn't familiar.

"Who the heck are you." I asked. She smiled.

"I'm Lilian. And I saw you the other day. You were in an accident with your mom. I don't know if you ever saw me though." She responded. I just looked at her with a weird look.

"How'd you get in here? The nurses usually tell me if I have a visitor." She frowned a bit.

"I don't need permission to do what I need to do" She said. I just stared.

"Ok.... What do you need to do here?" she walked past my bed without saying a word and went to the nightstand next to the bed.

"You," she grabbed the orange container and held it up to her face. "Need to get rid of this." She then put it in my face. I pushed it away.

"Like i told the nurse, i'm not taking those stupid pills." I retorted. She laughed.

"Silly Alen. What I mean is, you can't eat these." She opened the bottle, and dumped the pills into her hand.

"Ok. What are you gonna do with it then?" I asked.She smiled,and swallowed them all.

"No! Wait!" But it was too late. She had swallowed all the pills. I watched her in anticipation. Wasn't something supposed to happen? She should have overdosed by now..... Right? But she was fine.... Completely fine....

"A-are you...... Ok.....?" I asked. She looked at me. Looking innocent.. Like nothing happened.

"Oh yeah. I'm fine. Nothing to worry about" she said.

"That's impossible!! You should have died! The pills should have-"

"Alen?! Who are you talking to?!" I looked at the door as the nurse came back in. She looked at me.

"Th-there was a... a...." I couldn't even say anything now. I looked up at lilian, only to see that she wasn't there anymore. I stared at the empty space where she had once been.

"There was a what?" The nurse asked concerned. I looked back up at her.

"Did...... did anyone come to see me today?" I asked. She looked me in the eyes.

"What do you mean by that Alen?" she asked.

"Th-there was.... A girl in here... she said her name was..... Lilian I believe?" The nurse's face went from concerned to serious.

"Alen. No one came in to see you. And "Lilian" does not exist" she said. "Are you sure that you're not hallucinating?"

"I swear I'm not! She was here! She picked up my pills and ate them all!" I explained.

"That's impossible Alen. Just go to sleep. You must be stressed."

"No, I'm serious! She was real!!" I grabbed the pill bottle from the floor and showed her. She took it and looked inside. She sighed.

"Where are your pills? Are you hiding them?"

"What?! NO! I swear! Lilian was here!" She was here!!" I shouted. But then I began to cough and choke. Blood was spilling out of my mouth now. The nurse was horrified. She ran out of the room.

"Help!! Help!!! He's dying!! He needs help!!!" I fell back onto the bed. Blood spewing from me. My head turned sideways, and I saw Lilian. She smiled widely.

"Nighty Night Alen." And then the world was gone. Now, it was just me, myself, and I. Hidden within the darkness of my subconsciousness.

[dc418writes]

Doctor’s Orders

✨Pairing✨: trucker!Ari Levinsonxblack!reader

Summary🪄: Ari takes care of you while your sick

⚠️: pretty much all fluff💕, mention of sickness (but just a cold, no covid)

A/N🎙: Hey guys! A little update on me; I was sick and then got better to then test positive for Covid🙃 lol (and for those wondering, I’m fine just kinda dealing with a little sinus issues and feeling warm, but nothing serious). So this is something completely self indulgent and short since I’m finally in the mood to write again, and I hope you like it☺️!

A muffled voice from the bathroom prompts you to lift your head—carefully that is, as to not further agitate the dull pounding within your skull—just in time to see your husband place his cell phone in the back pocket of his jeans. Eyebrows furrowed, you try to sit up the best you can before his smooth, hushed voice instructs you to lie back down.

“You’re supposed to be at work,” you state settling against the propped pillows he was sweet enough to help you with last night. Your voice strained due to your irritated and raw throat.

“I took some time off since you’re sick. You don’t need to be here dealing with this by yourself.”

“Ari it’s just a cold I’m-,” you start before being rudely interrupted by your need to cough followed by more pounding to your poor head.

“You were saying?” Pulling his shirt over his head, he misses you sticking out your tongue.

“I’ve been sick and by myself before, I managed pretty okay. Plus you’re gonna get sick being around me.”

“I’ll be fine, now you sit there and rest. I’ll be back.”

“Wait, you’re leaving me?” Your sad eyes causes him to lightly chuckle to himself crossing his strong arms in front of his wide chest.

“To go to the store for you gorgeous,” he smiles with a light shake to his head. “What happened to ‘I managed pretty okay by myself’ huh?”

This just earns him your adorably narrowed eyes before another coughing fit roughly hits your chest.

“I’ll be back,” he whispers against your warm forehead before leaving a peck in the same spot.

-

It feels like minutes later you’re waking up to running water and watching Ari remove what looked like salt rocks from a plastic bag before pouring it in the tub. Looking at your phone with squinted eyes, you groan realizing you’ve actually been asleep longer than you thought now seeing it’s close to one o’clock in the afternoon.

“Hey, you’re up. I was just about to wake you.”

“How long was I out?”

“Well since I came back, about an hour,” he answers coming towards you with a smaller plastic bag. “Now I know this isn’t your favorite, but we gotta get some medicine in you sweetheart.”

Ever since you were small, this was probably what you hated most about being sick. The thick, syrupy liquid posing as something sweet always made you gag even just thinking about it, and it’s smell wasn’t any better. Sure it was reminiscent of cherries, bubblegum, or whatever scent it was supposed to be, but that underlying medicinal waft couldn’t be masked no matter how hard they tried.

You wondered if that’s why you hardly ever got sick. Your body already knowing, and sharing in, your disdain so it made extra efforts to stay healthy to avoid that 30 milliliters of torture.

“They didn’t have a pill?,” you ask with pouted lips as he shakes the clear bottle and prepares the right dosage for you.

“Pharmacist said the liquid was better since it gets to work faster.” Handing you a bottle of Gatorade and the small plastic cup, you groan sitting against the headboard peering down at the orange liquid.

“I know honey, but the quicker you take it, the quicker you get better. Here, open-,”

“Wait I’m not ready!,” you panic making him chuckle.

“Trust me it’s a trick my mom used with my sister. Now put some of the Gatorade in your mouth, but don’t fill it. Good, now I’m gonna pour in the medicine and you swallow as soon as I’m done. Ready?” After you nod, he’s lifting the plastic cup to your lips and letting the medicine run into your open mouth. Your eyes immediately shutting as tight as they can while you wait for the taste to eventually hit your tongue, but surprisingly it doesn’t come. Well, not as strong as usual that is.

“That’s my girl,” he smiles kissing your temple. “See? Not bad right?”

Shaking your head, you’re soon weakly giggling feeling Ari lift your body to carry you towards the bathroom. They’re short lived though with the return of your short bout of coughs. “What are you doing?”

“Giving you a bath,” he answers sitting you on the toilet so he can remove his shirt from your slightly sweaty body. The warm water and bubbles caressing your skin along with the strong scent of Vicks opening your nose so you can breath has you comfortably sighing as you sit back against the cool porcelain.

“Feel good?”

“Mhm, thank you,” you smile with eyes half shut already while he begins cleaning your arms and chest. “Was this your plan all along? Call out so you can help and see me naked in the process?”

Deeply chuckling with the bite of his lip, his hand grips your ankle bringing it out of the water so he can show the same attention to your leg before moving on to the rest of your body.

“Well…”

“Really?!”

“I’m kidding! You should already know gorgeous,” he winks pecking the top of your damp knee before placing it back in the water.

-

“So it was the neighbor all along..,” Ari states with eyes still glued to the television screen showing the end credits to some movie he happened to find scrolling through the channels. His arm snuggly wrapped around your waist the whole time as you lied on his chest. “You see that coming?”

Peering down, he finds you asleep and softly snoring making him quietly chuckle to himself. He shouldn’t be surprised though with you being sick and surely fatigued. And not to toot his own horn, but the complete body massage he gave after your bath, rubbing your favorite lavender scented lotion all around your achy body was pretty good judging from your soft sighs and moans.

He guessed he just had the magic touch.

As soon as he’s done gently shifting your body so you’d be under the covers, your lashes are fluttering open and arms stretching above your head tapping against the wooden headboard.

“Aw I missed it,” you tiredly yawn covering your mouth with the thinner sheet of the bed.

“S’alright, we can watch it again tomorrow. Get your rest gorgeous.”

“Did you eat?” You’re the one who’s sick, but still checking on him to make sure he’s okay. You really were too cute.

“Not yet, but I was about to make a sandwich,” he answers standing so he can stretch himself. The muscles of his tank covered back tightening and lengthening respectively before coming to rest together. “What about you though, you hungry?”

“A little,” you shrug.

“How about I make you some soup then? I got the kind you like and those crackers you always get too.”

“Mkay. Thank you.”

“Of course,” he winks striding towards the room door. Before he can enter the hall, your soft voice calling his name has him halting with hand on the silver doorknob as he patiently waits for what you would say next.

“Love you,��� you sleepily smile settling your cheek deeper into your plush pillow.

“Love you too gorgeous.”

Taglist: @adoreyouusugar @lovebittenbyevans @royalwriteroftheuniverse @fumbling-fanfics @honeychicana @lady-olive-oil @themyscxiras @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @omg-mymelaninisbeautiful @theartisticqueen @chrisevans-world @literaturelove @ivorylei @elrw24 @pono-pura-vida @yinx1 @justile @sunsetfreedom05 @jackiekae @luvingmyships @give-me-a-million-dollars-pls @bekinds @maxcullen @curlyhairclub @plokyu23 @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @captainsamwlsn @wildfirecracker @nina-sj @iammyownlover @chaneajoyyy @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss @damnitta @literaturefeen @bamondomesticity @scoop93535 @secretmysteriousperson

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, only want to be tagged for certain people I write for (can be found in masterlist), or no longer wish to be tagged just let me know! Also, if you’d rather opt to turn on notifications for my page you can do that as well🤓!