#and its freaking terrifying because
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maybe a bit tmi but. I need to Scream.
#i almost dont know whats worse#if this just random bleeding or if it IS my period#but. period doesnt make much sense because i have had my tablets every day. i shouldnt be getting it.#random bleeding... is kinda scary. given all the weird discharge ive been having lately. and the. everything else going on in my body.#the chest pain. the back pain. the weird skin on my fingers.#...did misako know i needed comfort. she just walekd up to me and headbutted me. baby.#but like.#this is either a bunch of coincidences.#or there is something Wrong.#and its freaking terrifying because#my mum was only about 3 years older than me when she got diagnosed with leukaemia.#and. there is a LOT. of cancer. in my family.#so i kind of feel like im bound to get it too at some point#and. what if this is it.#i know my doctor said if the chest pain was from cancer it would be worse by now but.#that doesnt mean NOTHING is wrong#and now#this#i hate periods but i kind of hope its just that#even if it means the next few days will be hell#...actually. getting a period is kinda odd too. because. im on the pill. which stops it.#and ive taken it every day. the pharmacy only gives me the active ones.#i think i may have had it a bit late the other day or yesterday? maybe?#please let that be it . please.#ignore me#vent#period mention#YAY now i have to try and sleep with THIS on my mind !! :)))))#save me mark bob and wade playlist. save me.
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THE MOMENT NAOMASA REALIZED THE EXTENT OF WHO ALL MIGHT ACTUALLY IS
For refrence; a side by side comparison of how Naomasa knows All Might vs how Toshinori is when he actually lets loose
#bnha#my hero academia#yagi toshinori#naomasa tsukauchi#it was at this moment naomasa realized#toshinori isn't just a good guy who wants to do good#but an absolute freak of a man who NEEDS it#the first time in Naomasa'a entire life he's seen Toshinori's eyes actually light up and him smile out of sheer euphoric joy#and he's realizing he really never had a chance at keeping Toshinori out of the battle#he's realizing nobody ever had a chance at getting All Might to back down and accept retirement#Toshinori is awkward and soft spoken among people#for he does not know how to fit in there#he tries but he always seems a bit uncomfortable or distracted#but there- right there- Toshinori is THRIVING#Toshinori is a deranged feral individual who is damn right terrifying#naomasa is realizing that the entire time everyones been unaware how much of a monster the symbol of peace really is#because toshinori is tame#he's on their side#he's the symbol of peace and hope#it's like thinking you have a pet golden retriver#only to realize you have a dog that's built to hunt bears#and watching your once percieved golden retriever#tear into a monstrousity that had you quacking#like its the most natural and right thing in the world to them
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Modern Inheritance: Cracked Armor (Short) (Extended War Timeline)
(A/N: This devolved into Saphira and Glen quietly squeeing to each other while Eragon and Arya have a camaraderie moment completely oblivious to the possible deeper meaning of Eragon being so understanding of Arya's connection to Fäolin and Arya being so touched by it. It started out as a touching piece where Arya feels vulnerable about Fäolin and Eragon is, as said before, very understanding of it, but I had to run an errand in the middle and we ended up with this badly toned, no one is consistent with previous characterization slop. So take it with a grain of salt.
Also, if you ask Arya if she's superstitious, she'll say no. However, she finds many things the Varden soldiers do to honor their fallen friends a good way to respect the memory of the dead, so she follows some of their traditions. She also wears Fäolin's dogtags on her belt, muffled by magic ofc so they don't jangle around.)
CRACKED ARMOR
Glen looked over when Arya let out a soft curse. “Ah, damn it all.” The familiar sound of an armor release clip clicked into the still dust laden air as the younger elf undid the fastenings at her right forearm. “Fucking Wardbreakers. I can’t fix this out here.”
The dismay in her tone was enough that Glen leaned over his battlemate’s shoulder to take a look at the damage. The bracer was dented in significantly, enough that a dark bruise was already blossoming up on Arya’s forearm as she lifted the sleeve of her combat suit to check for any bleeding. Cracks shot out from the divot in the mix of spidersilk and aramid weave, all the way down to the interior layers. The thin sheaf of spongy aerated gel peeked through in places, a shimmering, foamy white among blued steel and matte black.
Mentally mapping out the angle of impact, Glenwing racked his brain. He was sure at some point he had–
“Ah!” The medic looked down. A blob of malformed metal was embedded in the abdominal region of his own armor plates. “Was wondering where that ricochet came from.”
“Are you alright?” That she had asked him was telling, at least in their odd little language. The round must have stung on impact, enough that she was worried it had not slowed enough to prevent him from being harmed. He would have to look at her arm, but for now he was pleased she was moving it without any wincing or restricted range of motion.
Having made his own assessment, Glen waved away Arya’s increasingly troubled frown. “Barely felt it. Looks like your armor’s the most damaged of all of us.”
Frown eased, the disappointed air returned to Arya’s face. “Yeah. Better the armor than any of us, but…” She trailed off, fingers tracing the damage.
“You two okay?” Eragon was tugging off his helmet as he approached. He had caught the concern in the voices of his companions and, leaving Saphira in Blödhgarm’s capable hands to finish up the final nicks and scrapes, went to investigate. “Sounds a bit depressed over here.”
Arya held up the damaged bracer. “We took a casualty.” Eragon took the armor piece and let out a low whistle. “Don’t know who the hell fired it, but it was definitely a Wardbreaker.” Her expression soured further, eyes oddly soft despite the obvious annoyance. “I can’t repair it out here. Rhunön’s the only one who can fix something this broken, and who knows when we’ll go back.”
Eragon passed the bracer back. “You have spares, don’t you?”
The elf shrugged. “For this one in particular, yeah. I guess it’s lucky in that regard.”
“Oh.” Glen’s voice was muffled as he slid his chestpiece over his head. Once free he gave his currently wild silver mane a good shake to clear his eyes and tilted his head in condolences. “It’s that one.”
At Eragon’s raised eyebrow, Arya rubbed the back of her neck. “It’s…a good luck charm. It’s not my original bracer.” Glen rolled his eyes and not-too-subtly kicked the side of his battlemate’s foot. “Fine! Fine. It’s Fäolin’s.” An unexpected blush met Eragon’s gaze when he flicked his eyes from the damaged armor back to Arya’s face. “Some…old tradition a buddy of mine taught me. Even if our dead stay dead, they can protect us in a way. I might have taken that literally.”
To the elf’s surprise, Eragon was smiling at her when she finally looked up. A genuine, gentle smile that lit his face. Shit, why did he suddenly look so much like Fäolin in that moment? Not really, not his appearance, but the feeling he was giving off, that warmth?
“That’s a wonderful idea.” The Rider touched Arya’s shoulder. “I know I’m not much on the whole repair side of things, but if Rhunön made it, then perhaps her spells from forging Bris–my sword. From forging it could help?”
Glen didn’t move. This was a moment. Don’t breathe, don’t move, let them have it. He could feel Saphira’s mind hovering at the edge of his, questioning, and he let her in to explain and show what exactly was going on. The pleased amusement that radiated into his thoughts echoed his own, though far less tense in anticipation.
…These two dorks were fast becoming a fascination for the dragon and medic alike.
“Thank you.” Arya’s hand covered Eragon’s at her shoulder, genuine appreciation thickening her words with emotion. “That…that you offered means a lot. But Rhunön’s armor spells are different from her weapon spells.”
Ah! Glen could see another hint of blush on both of them now. He shared his internal excitement with Saphira. The equivalent of a draconic high five buffeted his mental form in equal elation.
“I see. Well, if you do want some help with it, just let me or Saphira know.” Eragon shifted his grip and gave Arya’s hand a quick squeeze before pulling back. “I think Rhunön did pack me some aramid repair tape when she was going through Saphira’s saddlebags. Would that help?”
“Immensely. Thank you!” The gentle squeeze was returned and just like that, the two separated.
Glen hastily busied himself with unlatching the hidden clasps at his left bicep, a grunt of dismissal all Eragon got for a goodbye. The difficulty wasn’t entirely false, the armor never having been altered to fit over his prosthetic properly, and it provided the perfect cover to hide his smile.
A bit too tight still. Damn it. Okay, now he actually couldn’t–
“Oh, come here.” Arya reached up and seized a handful of his combat suit, giving the stretchy material a firm yank. Glen hit his knees with a whuff of surprise, eye to eye with his friend and giving her a sheepish grin. “If I get you out of this without taking your arm off, then will you tell me what the hell that weird look you were giving me and Eragon was?”
“What look?” He may have sounded the picture of innocence, but the open handed cuff to the side of his head made clear that his face was betraying him yet again. “It was nothing! I just hadn’t realized that you and Eragon had talked so much about Fäolin.”
Arya rolled her eyes and, with practiced ease, teased the stubborn clip open with a satisfying clatter. “Uh huh. You looked like you had eaten some fermented mango again.”
“I did not!” A teasing smile had started at the edge of Arya’s lips, her fingers finding the next clasp in the system out of pure habit. At the positive sign Glen lowered his voice. “Okay. I really didn’t know how you two were getting along. Neither of you mention it, but the Bloodoath is almost two years past now. You both seem…better. Even better than before.”
A softness flitted across his battlemate’s eyes as she lifted away the medic’s bracer. “He’s really grown up. Saphira too. They’ve both matured a lot.”
“Yeah.”
The silence between them grew until Arya had finally shimmied the armored glove off Glen’s prosthetic. She regarded the final piece with a thoughtful look before turning back to her bestest of friends and, as gently as gently got with Arya, whapped him on the side of the head with it.
“Stop being so weird about me and Eragon, weirdo! We’re friends! Stop making it weird!”
#modern inheritance stories#modern inheritance#inheritance cycle#eragon#the cyclists#the world of eragon#the inheritance cycle#arya#arya drottningu#ket's modern inheritance cycle#modern inheritance short#modern inheritance shorts#glen#glenwing#saphira#eragon shadeslayer#eragon vanquisher of snails#even when they get together eragon is super understanding of arya's continued connections to faolin#because he's not a fucking monster and he's oddly more secure than arya is in the relationship#arya's just terrified it's all still some whack dream and that eragon could possibly go menoa tree but she loves him so fucking much#last guy she loved died in front of her at the drop of a hat she is allowed some insecurity because THEY STILL LIVE IN A WARZONE#im sorry i always worry they come off as toxic but they're just so babby and arya's so trauma riddled during the war#she's not jealous or constantly asking for confirmation of eragon's love#it's more she tells him that its okay if he falls in love with someone else just as long as he tells her before he starts courting them#because all she wants is for him to be HAPPY and SAFE and I'm freaking out again#two dorks in love#there i added the tag#pre relationship#glen and saphira being wingmen
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i am never. ever. opening instagram again.
#I HATE THAT APP. I HATE IT#BOOMERS WERE RIGHT#i love tumblr because it doesnt make me mentally ill.#twitter just makes me go “man look at these idiots”#but instsagram.#there is no faster way to feel like a sad loser freak#i mean.#its not hard#the only times i go outside is to get groceries with my dad#and. its almost october and i still havent gotten a job like i planned#i still like. existing. i have commitments. but i dont know what. to fucking do. other than just play video games#but i cant do that. forever#i should go to uni. but. i. really do not want to do more school. or theater.#i dont have stagefright#i could go up on a stage and be perfectly fine#its. the backstage. the other cast members. the crew. theyre who im terrified of.
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Nothing can ever really prepare you for the heartbreak of knowing the one drama you really anticipated turn into that messy plot
#Love next door eps 8 is a whole mess-fest#I watch it in horror as they turn more and more worst#I dislike the ex#and why the hell seokryu just let him walk all over her like that doing as he wishes?#girl please stand up and tell him firmly NO IS A NO#dont get me started with the seokryu mom#she got on my nerve#AND THAT PROBLEMATIC ALLEY SCENE#ITS TERRIFYING ITS NOT ROMANTIC#real woman in real life had some bad experience in that situation#god eps 8 is so hateful#this isnt exactly the light fluffy drama i was promised#At this point just make moeum and danho the main characters because their story is far more interesting and the real cutie and showstealer#The second couple story is not dramatic at all#Love next door#aint gonna mention the illness#IT DIDNT EVEN DESERVED TO BE THERE IN A FREAKING ROMCOM DRAMA
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Guys I have something to admit; I’m scared of moths and butterflies.
Which brings me to my point, there is a moth in my bedroom right now.
How does one get rid of a moth in his bedroom?
All /hj
I will update if I catch the little bugger (haha get it?)
#it did its terrifying erratic fly right up to me and barrelled into my arm#I freaked out and left the room to make this post#HOW DO I GET THAT FLUTTERY FUCK OUT IF MY BEDROOM#I should draw this later#moth#butterfly#butterflies#because one; it’s funny and two#definatelymrhyde
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#loopy rambles#it's finally submitted!#trying to keep my expectations low#partly because its so competitive but also because the whole idea of doing a phd is as terrifying as it is exciting#but i'm just so freaking relieved to have it DONE and SUBMITTED so i can FORGET about it!
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dear mom, one day ill be living in a big old city and all youll ever be is mean :)
#for all my friends with abusive alcoholic bullies for mothers out there :)#jrnlsht#i have tentatively tentatively let my friend at the artists house into my life#sometimes people call her my mom and i dont correct them#and i think she would let me adopt her as family completely if i wasnt so afraid of it#sometimes i freak out because i rely on her too much in a way that is beyond friendship and then i isolate until she reminds me its ok im o#she knows more about me than anyone else in the world#when im sad she lets me be sad#when i was depressed when i was young my mother would hit me#and that difference alone should provide justification for people to shut the fuck up about how i should keep talking to my mother#i am terrified of emotional closeness because a part of me still believes that as soon as i let someone be as close as family#that person will turn abusive#from a young age I understood that my mother believed she could abuse us because we were family and we could not escape#people are like so your mother was a horrible person#no. not true. she was gorgeous charming witty she could befriend anyone. she was the most generous person i have ever known#she spent all her kindness on other people and saved all the cruelty for us kids and i both understood it but never understood it growing u
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(( It's been such a hot minute since it's happened, that I forget that most people who follow this blog don't know what happens when Miranda sincerely catches a crush and knows it, for once!
In short: if Miranda ever does manage to genuinely fall for someone and wants them, then, firstly, she's going to panic. Miranda is someone who, yes, is very confident in herself and believes that she has a right to every good thing in life, but that definition of "good thing" has been severely biased by the Merkingdom. The only things she really indulges in actively wanting and pursuing are things that the Merkingdom tells her she is supposed to want and pursue in the first place, things that are acceptable for a royal to want and things which are "normal" for them to want. This is why she doesn't actually mind dating, so long as she gets to treat the other party as a disposable toy for her to do what she pleases with — because it is common for royals to seek relationships like this, and because it helps to reinforce their place as royals.
Sincerely, very sincerely, wanting and caring for someone and actually feeling something for them, does not help reinforce this system. It leaves her vulnerable, either by other royals catching onto this, or through the other party not being well-equipped to handle the entire situation (in all the ways that it can go wrong). It is treating someone as an equal who the Merkingdom does not agree is an equal, and, even worse, it is giving Miranda a priority above the Merkingdom itself which she might hold greater loyalty to. That in particular is especially bad, given how much of Merkingdom politics is a reflection of their social dynamics to begin with.
This is why it takes so long for Miranda to admit it to herself. To do so is to admit she's not doing what she's supposed to do, that she's being bad, that she's failed in some fundamental level to be what the Throne demands her to be, and that's a lot of heavy stakes working against ever realizing when she likes someone. It has to get so bad and so intense that Miranda effectively has to admit to herself that she has done something that, in her mind, is severely wrong, and there's no way to avoid it or forget about it.
Thus, she tends to panic fairly bad. She is scared, she wants something and she was not supposed to do that, and every last moment of her life as Crown Princess is telling her that she very well might die because of this and that she will very much deserve it if it happens. It's very hard for her to connect this as anything other than a bad thing, and this is even harder to deny because Miranda liking someone also endangers them as well.
The Merkingdom will not tolerate such risks and threats, especially not to their Crown Princess, and other royals will innately view anyone who has Miranda's attention as a threat to themselves and their livelihoods. And if Miranda sincerely cares about someone, then she doesn't want them to get hurt because of her, which is made even worse by how convinced she is that she might be the one to hurt them too. Miranda's as much a royal as any of the others too, and all of Miranda's prior history of dating begins to work against her, reminding her of how easy it would be to dispose of them or harm them.
Secondly, this does present in a heightened and extreme want to bite her person of interest.
Contrary to what's above, this isn't actually a royal thing. It's a merfolk thing. They have many different ways to bite each other with many different connotations, and one way that they bite each other is both notoriously intimate, and tends to leave a recognizable bite mark on the other party, thus physically indicating that the two of them are close.
It's just a quirk of how merfolk attraction works then, that they focus so much on wanting to bite someone else when they're especially into them. It goes back to their social bonds, reinforcing them and helping to establish a new and closely tied bond, and helps secure it by gesturing to all other merfolk as a part of the social landscape that they all have to navigate. A merfolk who is especially down bad for another merfolk translates this idea as a need to bite them and be bitten back in return, to claim them as "theirs" and to be considered "mine" in turn. It's not really possessiveness nor territorial behavior, not in the way we'd understand it, but a deep and intense need to belong to someone, and a desire for that belonging. It's as much a physical thing as having a house that they live inside of, and is one of the fundamental desires behind merfolk building their miivt'ia and other relationship hierarchies.
This is intense for merfolk to begin with, being hypersocial and needing near-constant contact and interaction with each other. It is especially intense for Miranda, who is deeply repressed and cannot easily confront these desires and emotions in herself, and who perceives this sensation as being nearly painful in its intensity.
#Most secret royal advisor || OOC#Given by Divine Right || Headcanons#(( some day ill get to talk again about how having a crush nearly drives miranda insane#(( she wants it SO BAD and struggles to make sense of the severity#(( and she is SO terrified and stressed and worried#(( because what if SHE gets hurt. what if SHE hurts THEM. WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF.#(( there are suddenly STAKES to relationships and miranda HATES that#(( she just wants to toy around with everyones hearts make them fight for her eat them alive afterwards etc etc#(( but suddenly she WANTS this and. hnnghh. scary. it was too scary for her by far.#(( the issue is also miranda is such a slowburn muse#(( that to get to where she even HAS crush at all it takes SO long#(( and it takes even longer for her to ever want to ADMIT that she has a crush#(( and by then very few people will leave her in the insanity phase for very long#(( theres not enough time for miranda to try eating herself alive to cope with the YEARNING#(( shes gotten so far and its taken so long and she finally KNOWS shes in love. lets get together NOW.#(( many chances for miranda freaking out that have been missed. sad.#(( she will not be compelled to set herself on fire to maybe Make The Yearning Stop
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hhngngggg why must i be doomed to forever be the Weird Kid who constantly needs things to be changed around so i dont have a meltdown and is terrified of most people and cant work in any loud or busy environments and has to be with someone i know all day or i will have a panic attack and hnnhnnghnghngggg
#vent kinda#ughhh#not coping well with the new school#ive been there for 2 days so maybe itll get better#im waiting until the october half term#that will be my checkpoint#then if by then im still freaking out all the time i will do smth#im getting flashbacks to last year ough#last year when school started i just couldnt cope and i ended up moving classes and going to what was more or less therapy#i do nott want a repeat of thatttt#its not faiiirrr how come other people can just be fine all of the time what the scallop#i dont see any other people freaking out over this everyone else is bloody fine#it makes me feel like im being dramatic or going insane because everyone else went through it why do all these changes need to be made just#because ive now come along#does everyone go through this???? does everyone feel so anxious all the time???? do i just have to sit and deal with it?????#am i just spoilt and dramatic and not used to constantly getting my way or is it weird to be so terrified of somewhere i go every day#or maybe im just like this cus its the first few days and im being dramatic who knows
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why have you become inactive?
Hi Anon, I hope you're doing well today.
Mostly, I haven't been around as much because real life requires more of my attention. Good stuff, though. Being more present with my family (I went to see the FNAF movie with my thirteen-year-old this week. Are any FNAF fans out here? I was slightly confused by the movie because it's not my thing but had a lot of fun going with her), eating better, cleaning my house, and trying to get organized so my chaotic monkey brain stays happy. Unfortunately, you have to stay on top of that stuff more as you age if you want to keep your sanity :).
Hopefully, once I get more of my shit together, I'll be around here more often. Love you guys and I miss hanging out!
#tw: eating mention#so I've always had body image issues and an unhealthy relationship with food#but back in July I found out I was prediabetic and my triglycerides were high#so I've been eating a lot of fruit/vegetables/whole grains etc and I've lost about 20 lbs and honestly it takes a lot of mental energy to#keep from freaking out about it because of the body image stuff and the fact that I've always wanted to make these changes but felt unable#to do it#until now#some days are good but others I have to talk myself out of a full-blown panic#like#its funny how parents do the things they never thought they could because of their kids#I lost my dad at a young age from heart disease#and I can't do that to my family#my youngest daughter has developmental delays and the thought of not being around to take care of her is terrifying enough as it is#parenting is hard#so I guess this ramble is all to say that I'm getting my real life shit together and that's all the mental bandwidth I have right now
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Sigh I need to rant about certain people and how there is a background noise of discomfort with every interaction after particular incidents that made me go "bitch you live like this???" but all my typical vent spaces are ones where they might see it and the only ones that they wouldn't see it in are like discord channels that are not for this topic of vent or friends who would be uncomfortable with the topic etc like,,, what do I even do? Stew in it?
#catch me very carefully not saying any details about them or the incidents because i dont want them to knowww#i suddenly understand so much better why my dad stays friends with people who are racist/islamophobic to his face#like yeah theyre fun to talk to and they enjoy the same silly shows as me#qnd when were not talking about The Things its easy to forget about The Incidents#but every conversation feels like im hiding part of myself. it feels like if i stop hiding I'll be crucified#theyre fucking scary bro wtf. i didnt know people like that were real that was always abstract fandom drama stuff#and its not THAT scary but also im terrified after only brief glimpses it could be so much worse but if we dont talk about it I'll never#need to know#im like. king of letting go of the incident anf never talking about it but endlessly rotating it and stewing in it and holding a grudge#ummm. ya. fun times 👍#shout out to my brother for letting me talk about it though they're cool as fuck for that#i need more non-white friends who arent online#or at least arent online in the same circles as these people#tbf i need more non-white friends full stop 😭#i need more friends who are freaks also#if i dont go 'theres something wrong with you' at least once a week then theres something wrong#wait that sounds funny lmao#but yeah i need people who are weird and gross and disturbing. not people who are normal with rancid vibes#uhh whatever. I'll get over it <- lying#vent post#if you're wondering if this post is about you it's probably not. probably#sobbing i hate vagueposting it's so mean but what else do i do here#gotta start making people fill out a questionnaire before i allow them so deep into my life istg
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Is it normal to lose your sense of identity at any job you have
#its like if im talking to other people im a different person#easier to deal with when its short like hangouts or errands#but jobs (no matter how much i like them or how nice the people are!) leave me drained and like not myself#and so then i freak out because the thought of doing this full time for like 50 years is terrifying#personal
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my parents usually watch the movies i tell them im really into but i cannot in good faith recommend them the battery and know theyre gonna see the zombie wank
#somehow that feels worse than terrifier because its NOT over the top. very human. freak behavior but human#kora.txt
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its kind of funny but like also fucked how i have a 1-2% chance of dying in surgery but in my mind its more like 50/50 for some reason
#i probably wont die. but theres a small chance.#i have a whole bunch of weird conflicting feelings about this#like i was already suicidal so i feel actually kind of at peace with that risk but im also terrified of dying and desperate to cling to life#its weird#plus i feel horrible because my bf is super (understandably) freaked out and he was crying bc this mightve been the lasttime hed ever see me#but im also like aww. he really cares that much.... kind of nice. but also i feel so bad#also i have to text all my friends now about it and my mom said i should write some sort of will 0_0
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Another thing I'm not sure I'll ever manage to write
But Sage also gets tortured in Las Vegas, banged up good and its while getting treated that they find out she's preggers, hence why Keegan isn't there for the rest of the missions.
This would be like, a little while later after they've both done freaking out
#keegan/sage#keegan p russ#sage#cod ghosts#sami teh munchkin attempts to draw#i need to stopppp#im basically only drawing /them/ its getting ridiculous#also oh realised Nuutti will be a March baby#also also sage would be terrified#but she has to reign it in because Keegan is a worrier and also freaked out and one of them has to keep their cool
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