#Genuinely just stupid bitch disease

[adhdo5]

GUHHH dramatics

[sadstrever]

ok getting real, i’m so miserable and i hate only being able to talk abt it into a void that no one listens to bruh. i am just living a fucking nightmare and it’s all in my fucking head! it’s literally all in my head!!!!!!! my life was supposed to be better this year. i was supposed to be happy once i lost weight but it feels like that doesn’t even matter anymore. why should it matter if there’s always more to lose. there’s always someone thinner than me and i’m so sick of it i’m sorry. i know that sounds crazy but how could i be happy in my body when there are people out there who are fucking thinner than me STILL after all the weight i’ve lost. there’s always someone thinner. the beginning of this year i was 149lbs. now i’m 110-108. nothing has changed except now i can look in the mirror for hours without realizing any time went by.

this year i was supposed to start going to school. i can’t use being “fat” as an excuse not to go because i’m not fat anymore. i can’t use the fact that i’m starving as an excuse because i’m never not starving. i can’t fucking do anything. i genuinely always feel like i’m dying and it sucks IT SUCKS SO FUCKING BAD. and all the stomach pain, constant discomfort, dizziness, COLDNESS, it never goes away so it just feels normal now. i notice sometimes that it shouldn’t be normal and it makes it feel worse. and then i see someone NATURALLY thinner than me and i stop caring that it’s not normal.

i’ve been drinking every single day for a few months now. genuinely i have been on a bender and it’s not like i could get help because then i would have to eat, and i can never eat like a normal person again. that’s not possible in my mind. and you know, sometimes i feel like a little love would help me feel less awful and pessimistic about my life. but when i get the love i just feel smothered so i leave and add another person on the list who i hurt because i can’t do anything normal. AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN: some skinny bitch on the internet manages to make me feel like the way i am is okay. like i could be worse so i might as well keep going until FINALLY, FINALLY I REACH THE POINT WHERE ITS FINE. like it doesn’t matter that im miserable as long as im pleasing to look at. it doesn’t matter that i haven’t felt alive (not on substances) in years because at least im alive on them. it can always get worse and somehow the people who have it worse always seem so fucking okay with it. AND IM GUILTY OF IT TOO LIKE FUCK I ACT LIKE IM OKAY WITH IT WHEN IM NOT. to quote fantastic mr fox king: i don’t want to live in a hole anymore. but i’ll continue so that maybe one day, when i’m thin enough to die it’ll somehow feel okay, worth it. i’ll see that it was all so stupid and unimportant and this disease that has been destroying my life for almost 5 years, probably more if you count the years that i didn’t know what was wrong with me, i’ll finally be done. i’ll be done and i’ll be done and i’ll be done and i’ll be done. fuck you. i’ll never be done and that’s the worst feeling in the world. fuck you and your stupid ass ana quotes. fuck you with the “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” i get it whatever it’s true but you don’t know how much life could get worse. you can always destroy yourself just a LITTLE more until your a fucking shell of the person you used to be.

i used to be an artist. i used to go to school. i used to be sober. i used to be happy. i used to have friends who i treated right who treated me right. i used to be able to look at my life without seeing a scrambled jumbled up mess of 10 different versions of myself inside me who keep managing to make me worse. someone just listen to me. maybe that’ll be the cure.

[wonderfulwonderholic]

okay today was a rollercoaster of shit, but I'm feeling okay now.

I definitely catastrophized the assessment results and didn't take a moment to read through them carefully and objectfully after the appointment with the psychologist.

And objectfully???? It's fucking bullshit. I'm getting a second opinion because this lady was so biased against me.

She straight up told me at the beginning of the appointment today that she's tired of people coming in after watching a video on tiktok telling them they have adhd and now the hardest part of her job is telling people they don't.

And she then told me there was a part of the assessment that I did poorly and below average on, but that she doesn't use this test for diagnostic criteria because it "overdiagnses adhd". She just uses it to see if people are faking their symptoms. In my results report it straight up said, "It appears that [Kinoko] did not put forth her best effort while completing this measure."

Y'all I went into this assessment with the mindset of "I'm going to do my absolute best so I get the most accurate diagnosis, even if it isn't adhd. No doing or saying what I think they want to hear. No overexaggerating. Just be honest and try my best."

So to hear that I was dismissed of having these symptoms simply because she thought I was faking it was so fucking upsetting!

I sent the report to my friend and before I could say anything to her she pointed that out and called it "gaslighty"

and I think that's why I absolutely panicked this morning. this lady fucking gaslit me!!! I thought I was going crazy. Maybe I am just lazy. Maybe I am just stupid. Maybe I am just incompitent. Maybe I am just destined to fail. And to be told my life will get easier if I implement a schedule and stick to it???? Bitch I have 6 fucking schedules and daily to-dos in every single room in my apartment and on every electronic device. I promise you that is not the fucking problem.

The fact of the matter is there is so much more research out there about women with adhd and I genuinely don't think this lady is caught up. She saw a 29 year old woman and just assumed that I was making it up because it's the "trendy" thing to do.

OH AND THEN SHE TOLD ME TO FOLLOW UP WITH MY THERAPIST BECAUSE I MIGHT HAVE DEPENDENT PERSONALITY DISORDER LMAO

y'all

I encountered woman v woman hate today

"you can't possibly have the fidgity boy ailment because u clearly have Bad Woman disease"

I am DEAD

I have so much to unpack in therapy tomorrow omg

[astrronomemes]

GIRL, INTERRUPTED (1999): STARTERS

a collection of quotes, phrases, and sayings from the 1999 film adaptation of the Susanna Kaysen memoir, Girl, Interrupted. change & alter as needed.

"Have you ever confused a dream with life?"

"Don't tell me what you think. Take it to the lab."

"Sometimes, it's hard for me to stay in one place."

"Time can move backwards and forwards, and now to then, and back again, and you can't control it."

"I think young women should make up their own mind, don't you?"

"You need to go somewhere where you can get a genuine rest."

"You're hurting everyone around you."

"I didn't try to kill myself."

"That's the kind of thing you talk about in therapy, honey. Not here."

"Look, I'm not gonna burn my bra, or drop acid, or go march on Washington. I just don't want to end up like my mother."

"I need you to stay close to me, because it's easy to get lost in here."

"I won't be here that long. I'm just here for a rest."

"You've been gone for two weeks. A lot of shit has gone down."

"I mean, everybody thinks about it at some point."

"I think you should lock the door."

"Fuck his brains out. Use a rubber."

"You've been feeling bad in general, right? You've been feeling depressed."

"I haven't exactly been a ball of joy, [name]."

"He didn't say. He thought it would 'affect my recovery'."

"I must have missed that in the brochure."

"I mean, what kind of sex isn't casual?"

"You know, I know all about you. And I hope they put you away forever."

"What if I had a punctured artery? You'd go on your rounds, ignoring my wounds?"

"I tried to kill myself, [name]."

"What do they know about being normal?"

"Look, I know that this sounds crazy, but I think I love you."

"I want to leave... but not with you. Not with you."

"I just like you, that's all. I wish you were getting better, though."

"If talking did shit, we'd be out of here by now."

"Another one of my theories is that you people don't know what you're doing."

"It means I don't care. That's what it means."

"I'm just gonna rest for a while. Just a little while."

"You know, I can take a lot of crazy shit from a lot of crazy people, but you? You are not crazy."

"What's wrong with me? What the fuck is going on inside my head?!"

"I'm sorry for being a bitch. I was a drag."

"They didn't release you because you're better. They just gave up."

"I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in, but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try and kill the thing on the inside."

"How am I supposed to recover when I don't even understand my disease?"

"I think what you've got to do is put it down, put it away, put it in your notebook... but get it out of yourself."

"You want to be rested for tomorrow. The last night is a long one."

"So nice of you to pass judgment on us now that you're cured."

"I'm playing the villain, like you want. I give you everything you want."

"I played the fucking villain. Just like you wanted."

"No one cares if you die, [name]. Because you're dead already."

"Maybe everyone out there is a liar, and maybe the whole world is stupid and ignorant, but I'd rather be fucking in it than down here with you."

"Crazy isn't being broken, or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me... amplified."

"They were not perfect. But they were my friends."

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Earth Tav, barely two million people spread out across the globe, with this being the largest population center, based around the portal that Faultline, Labyrinth and Scrub had erected. Without this base for supplies and communication, the other settlements would falter.  Disease would be crippling, food would be scarce at best. And the Yàngbǎn would no doubt reap the rewards, claiming the planet for the C.U.I.

I don't - I don't want to spend a lot of time bitching about Ward, but the whole 'humanity is spread across all these empty Earths after fleeing Earth-Bet' is the basis for a fuck of a lot more interesting story than '50 million people or whatever are crammed into a nameless characterless megacity on the Eastern Seaboard that was built in two years without parahuman assistance'

Genuinely, how did Wildbow managed to just fuck up such a cool concept?

Also, unrelated, but the Yangban is really out here managing to beat Cauldron in the 'Stupid Counterproductive Evil Olympics', and that takes some fucking doing.

[werewolf-femboy-maid]

DO NOT BUY FAKE THC/DELTA 8 VAPES IN ILLEGAL STATES

Tmi story time scroll if not interested

Ok so basically I don't live in a legal state and I did the big stupid, which is vape the delta 8s and whatever else they had. I will explain why this is stupid.

Those vapes sold in illegal states like mine are faaaaar more likely to have harmful additives like vitamin e (good for you skin, not your lungs) and other random shit who knows.

Now I did not realize just how harmful they are until about a week ago when I did a little more research.

I've been vaping those little shits on and off for about 2-3 years, so I hope I don't develop some crazy disease.

Popcorn lung is more likely if you vape nicotine (I did a little but not really on a regular basis) and EVALI is more likely if you vape the FAKE thc/delta 8 carts and disposables.

All that being said vaping in general is not really good for you, but if you vape, PLEASE make sure you buy from legal states!!! Please don't be a stinky idiot like me!!!

A good way to tell if your disposable is safer, you can check their website, batch number, serial number, ingredients, all that jazz.

If you live in an illegal state, there are NO outlets you can buy genuine vapes, so unless you got a plug you trust, don't buy thc delta vapes anywhere.

I love yall stay safe muah muah

Ok here's the actual tmi storytime before I got carried away

So like yeah I feel ok, but I do feel like my lungs have this little layer. What I'm so scared of is what if I'm old and I finally figured out how to enjoy life and not be a whiny little bitch, but then thats when I'll have cancer. Like it'll just come out of nowhere as soon as I find out how to be happy with myself and my life and the world.

I mean my grandpa hasn't smoked since I was born and he got diagnosed with lung cancer a few weeks ago

So yeah that would be so funny if I died as soon as I didn't want to die

Ok the other thing is that, with my lungs feeling odd, there is a glimmer of hope. Exercise really might be the answer. If you or a loved one did those vapes, exercise is the most likely way from my experience to clear everything out.

My bf was really cheefing those vapes more than I did, but he also exercised more than I did. And he reports no symptoms, I don't hear any either...

And whenever I exercise, I feel like im loosening up that "film" and yeah. I'm gonna be smoke free once I start my next semester, and a nice 4-6 month period of exercise and cleanliness should help my lungs clean up.

Long story short. No buy trippy vapes if you do not live in a legal state. If consumed, exercise, hydration, nutrition, and breathing exercises are vital for maximum chance of survival

[dufferpuffer]

Opinions on flonks (fleur/tonks)?

I have never thought of this before - because I am not typically as interested in f/f relationships over m/f or m/m. Its dumb straight woman disease, I apologize.

It would be easy to assume that they would be besties over their body-related magic - Tonk's ever shifting appearance and Fleur's 'perfect' charming Veela blood... But I don't think they would see it that way. I don't think they would see each-others powers and say 'same hat'.

I think, at first, Fleur would annoy Tonks. (approx 1000 words)

Tonks isn't insecure. She is strong, she is talented, she is training under Alastor Moody - and she is right to be proud of it. She might have a 'real' self under all the shifting, but she doesn't really care about it - all of her faces are her 'real' face. She is proud to show all of them. Ugly or pretty or inhuman. She thinks in a similar way for others - she doesn't judge them on their appearance or first impressions, because she knows how pointless they are. She knows how Moody looks when grumpy: an insufferable knotted up hunk of driftwood... but she also knows how his face transforms when he laughs. In a way, everyone has powers like being a metamorphmagus: everyone is multifaceted, everyone has their different faces. Different emotions, moods, times where they act unlike themselves and times they are predictable. Not to mention how people can lie, can pull up walls and wear masks to hide... She knows people are more than their moods, their expressions, their greatest feats and their worst choices, their magic, or their illnesses. She is mature and wise enough to take people as the multi-faceted beings they are.

Fleur is also proud of herself - but she had been trained to wear a mask, to hide her authentic self even just a little, for protection. (Like Remus. They are both on the 'Magical Creature' spectrum, after all.) Fleur is desired. She probably has been from a young age, as dark as that is. She has had to be head-strong for herself and her little sister. She has probably been raised primarily amongst other Veela. Her wand core is of her grandmothers hair. She is tied to family. And yet she fights in another countries war. Because it is right. Because she is strong.

That is the basis of her cold, haughty demeanor, I think: People have an image in their head of a Veela being a beautiful but scary mistress, one you will desire but shouldn't underestimate - because they will break you. What an unfair idea to have of a person, just because they have a quarter blood of another sentient creature. But when people expect someone to be both desirable and untouchable... then they show vulnerability? If they are not untouchable then they're just desirable.

Of course Fleur is rude, cold - every bit the stereotype of a snobbish, rich French Veela. She would be stupid not to be. That doesn't mean she isn't also genuinely like that. She absolutely is. Pride runs strong in her. But it is not all she is. Make no mistake - Fleur isn't insecure either. She does not act that way because she is vulnerable. But to someone who can tell when someone is wearing a mask… it would look insecure, wouldn't it? Tonks would plainly see her mask. A rude one, that hurts people with cold, biting words - for seemingly no reason. Fleur is strong, healthy, rich, admired - why is she pretending to be an ass...? Fleur is welcomed into the Weasley house and she has the nerve to complain that it is boring. That would rub Tonks the wrong way - especially if she thinks it is fake. Tonks appreciates outspokenness - but the mean girl shtick grates.

But… Tonks doesn't judge people like most do. She wouldn't judge Fleur for being a Veela. She would judge her for 'pretending to be a bitch'. And I think it would be funny to her, endearing even… to find out quite bluntly that she '...iz a bitch, actually.' That… is something she can respect. That roughness, that realness. “She’s as much a fairy Princess, as I am.” - movie moody Fleur would appreciate that too in Tonks. Two peas in a pod, they are: Talented and strong and stubborn.

As a couple I think they are almost too much. They are not a sweet fem and a tough butch, nor a haughty girly girl and her feral alt firecracker. They are two warriors. Absolute beasts. Tanks that don't accept anything but their own way. I have no doubt that, with Tonks, Fleur would join in on more Order missions and Auror work. They are terrifying together. That can go badly, for others and for themselves. They are stubborn, hard-headed, easy to flare - imagine their arguments. Moody has his fucking work cut out for him.

None of that has anything to do with their powers - because both of them are not so shallow as to even really think of such things. Tonks could see the use in Fleur's charm ability - like her own metamorphmagus powers. A useful tool. Perhaps Fleur will be a little jealous in Tonks' ability - not because she is unhappy with how she appears at all, but because to have a break from how others see her Veela charms sometimes would be useful. To hide away, just for a little… is an alluring idea.

Overall… we know what both of these women are like when it comes to love: They burn brightly. Too brightly for anyone to touch. They both had a partner that cooled them down a little.

Two flames together…? That sort of love… risks burning out spectacularly, if the flames are not tempered. Whether they go out with a bang, or go out with true tragedy, or learn the hard way how to temper each-other - Intensity is the best word for what they would have together. Also Moody getting so stressed he throws up can you imagine having to juggle both Tonks and Fleur's attitudes

~~~

Sorry for the wait, anon. Do you think I did them justice? Any Fleur or Tonks pro's feel free to weigh in and tell me I am a fool B^)

[thenewfuture]

The True Mikan...

Back then....what happened to me....is straight up, UNforgivable...!

I was trying to change, I genuinely was! It was during that Despair Disease bullshit that I hid myself in one of the motel rooms, but I couldn’t tie my kimono properly. Sonia suggested I go to the music venue because it had a mirror there.

But that sealed my fate...! When I got there, she...

----------------------------------

*Flashback*

Tch...! Stupid kimono, can’t stay tied! Whoever designed these shits should be squeezed by one of these so hard until their eyes pop...!

Whatever... I’ll just use that mirror like Sonia said. 

*creeeeaaak*

Okay... Now where is it-

AAAHH!?

!!!!

*Mikan is in the middle of tying the rope around Ibuki’s neck...!*

H-Huh...?! Wh...What the....?!

HEY! What are you doing?!

Hi-Hiyoko... !Y-You’re...!

Wh-Who is that?! A-Are you trying to commit a murder!?

I....*gasp, gasp, gasp*, I...!

You BITCH! YOU SCUM! I KNEW SOMEONE SO FAKE LIKE YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS!!!

I, I-I, I...!

You dirtiest of the dirtiest, pig infested trash! I’ll tell everyone! I’ll tell everyone just how much of a fucking worthless maggot you really are!

Hnngghh, hnnngghhh...!

OH DON’T YOU START! You and I both know the you’re fake crying right now! That shit is not going to fly with me! You are so fucking screwed when I get the others!

Unnngghhhh.....!

WELL?! SAY SOMETHING, YOU SKANK!

Aaaagghh, aagghhh! Hnnngghh, wh-who....

....are you talking to...?

Huuuuuh?! Is your brain rotting already, you little pig-shit?! I’m obviously talking to-

Who are you talking to..?

HEY! Don’t you interuppt me you cow! I said I’m talking to-

Who.

THE FUCK.

Are you talking to like that?!

H-Huh...?!

I’m sowwwwwy! Is yo bwaaaaain rotting or something? Hmmmm?

I asked you clearly. Where do you get off, talking to someone like me like that?

H-Hey...! D-Don’t you-

You must be pretty ballsy talking to me like I am now. Always mocking me, bullying me, degrading me, even now. Why did I let you do to me for so, so long, I wonder?

Well no more. Do you hear me?!

NOOOO MOOOOOORRRRREEEEEE!!!!!!

Ah, ah!

*Hiyoko tries to run for the door, but-*

Mikan: No you don’t!

*Is quickly captured by Mikan and held in a seated full nelson position!*

HELP! HEEELLLPP! SOMEBODY SAVE MEEEEE!

It’s useless. Don’t bother. No one is coming to save a whiny crybaby like you.

Now I have you all to myself. Ahahahaha!~

*Shiing!* *Mikan brandishes a scalpel and directs it towards Hiyoko’s neck*

Hnngghh, ahhh, haaa...pl-please..don’t kill me...

Hmmm? Speak uuuuup. I can’t hear yoooouuu.

Pl-Pl-Please...! Don’t kill me, don’t kill me, don’t kill meeeeeee!

Stooooop? You want me to stop? Why would I do that? You never stopped when I asked you to. No one did. Why should I? What have you ever done for me?

Don’t kill me... Please, oh please, don’t kill meeeeeeheeheeee....

........

Say you’re sorry.

What?

You heard me. Apologize. Right now.

Y-You must be crazy if you think that I-

Ah, ah, aaaaaah. One wrong move, and my hand just might sliiiiip. And you wouldn’t want that, do you?

So, apologize. Get to it.

*hic*....*hic, hic,*....I.....I’m sorry...

Good, good girl~

Now what are you sorry for?

Huh?

You have to be specific! How else am I going to know what you’re apologizing for?

Oh, come onnnn!

*Shing!* *Mikan brings the scalpel closer to Hiyoko’s neck*

What are you sorry for?

I...I’m sorry....I-I’m sorry for bullying you so much...!

Good, good. Aaaand?

I’m sorry for calling you names like, trashy skank and pigshit.

And?

F-For writing all over you...

And?

F-For threatening to tie you up, a-and bopping you...

Aaaaaaand?!~

I’M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING! FOR CALLING YOU USELESS AND THAT I’M THE HELPLESS AND ANNOYING AND UGLY ONE!

Ahahahaa! HAHAHAHAHA! Yeeessssss!

I-I...I apologized... S-So please....l-let me go....d-don’t kill me...

Hmmmmm. You did apologize. Buuuuuuut, you never let me go when I did the same.

So fair’s fair that I only do the same to you.

BYE-BYE!

Hiyoko: WAIT, NO-!

*Shing!* *Splutter!*

----------------------------------------

All your deaths were quick....! She made mine long and tortuous, she made me relish in the fact that I was going to die!

I. CAN’T. EVER! Look past that. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE HER!

[siflooping]

adding into this to say that i think it'd be a great exploration of like. ok let me try to word it.

edit this ended up being Way Too Fucking Long so its under a readmore. AND i broke it into two parts (added a bit of siffrin Braintime Thoughts (bad) to the next rb). i got wordy bitch disease!

so first there's the stuff that's relevant to sifloop in both canon and an au like this. loop is someone who changed so much from the Torment Nexus they were put in that they felt completely removed from who they used to be, who feels like the trauma they experienced is all they are. who loathes the person they used to be with passion, thinks that they were stupid and pathetic and needy. their past self who always felt like such a disgusting and terrible person that they assumed even their loved ones were put off by them and always one mistake away from hating them. who thought that they were objectively fundamentally unloveable.

and then loop meets someone who IS who they used to be, as a separate, distinct person. the person they, for a very long time, considered to be worthless, unloveable, repulsive by nature. they get to see themselves in third person, to interact with them as a person rather than an abstraction or their past self. and he's. well. just some guy (gn)? to someone on the outside of their head he's not horrible, mean, disgusting, selfish, monstrous, or any of the innumerable negative things siffrin as a person has always believed to be. they're just. a little guy? who is actually. kind of funny and endearing, who does his best, who loves their friends so much it hurts. who loop ends up genuinely enjoying the company of and caring about.

which i think is neat vis a vis self-perception, self-compassion and the extemely subjective way one usually sees themselves! i just think it'd be interesting to see an angle of this where sif like. remains as they were in act 1 instead of being put in the torment nexus and how that'd influence the rship.

there's no way loop WOULDN'T feel extremely bitter about the difference in their circumstances! i'm 50/50 as to whether theyd direct that towards sif as is at first (why does HE get to not suffer?! Why did THEY have to suffer where he didn't! it's not fair!). or if they'd instead direct it to like, the universe at large? in the 2hats fight they say they hate their country, the universe, the stars, but notably (to ME!) they never say they hate siffrin.

tbh i think either way they'd end up kind of hot and cold, both bitter and protective. prolly v possessive either way bc like that is LITERALLY who they were as a person before the timeloops tore away their personality and body! it's THEM. they're ALL that remains of the "original" siffrin. so if anyone gets to have him, to keep him, it should be loop! they went through hell, then had to do it AGAIN in a different flavor by watching one of their family members go through the Torment Nexus. and break out of it where they couldn't. and of realizing the reason the Torment Nexus existed, that both loop and one of their family members were pushed to the brink in a hell of repetition is bc of a Wish they accidentally made. they lost EVERYTHING. so. SOO! they deserve to have this at the very least (as a treat).

toxic yuri aside, i think non-looperrrrr siffrin's company would be unexpectedly comfortable & comforting to loop bc like. they know exactly how siffrin thinks bc you know. they used to be siffrin. esp since this siffrin isn't changed by the timeloop experience. so there's no anxiety over what he may be thinking of them (be it negative or positive) or if they secretly hate loop, because they can tell very easily! so hanging out with this siffrin would be like... reading a book you've read a million times, watching a play you've watched so many times you know every beat, or like comfort food. i knowww they'd do the equivalent of when cats act like them laying on your lap and purring is totally a coincidence, incidental, circumstancial, and does not indicate anything, you mean nothing to me, what do you mean you're going to the kitchen come BACK DONT LEAVE ME. fun for the whole family!

ok wait you know what'd be interesting and more importantly hilarious. sifloop, but in an au where someone else from the party is looping. can you fucking imagine

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Thursday, January 18th, 2024!

7:28am saw a pic of him on his brother's sc, looks the same as before. It was his brother's birthday yesterday and it looks like he had a lot of fun and I'm seriously proud of him. He deserves that shit.

As for any stirred feelings of him... Ofc he's gonna look completely normal in public, that's what they do. If he couldn't hold it together in public, he wouldn't have what little things he does have right now. I can totally see it now, like the bachelor party all over again where he blows his whole bank account OR lil ms bitch just paid for everything OR they really had the audacity to let the birthday kid pay for everything himself bc tbh he probably could and he's nice enough to not even mind genuinely. Who knew lil bro would be the most normal of the bunch, but again that actually makes me happy that he's normal lmao. But yeah, that karma will come little by little, slowly, death by a thousand cuts like he did to me. Enjoy your fun, we all know you're truly miserable on the inside you sociopath mf. When you go home and get in bed at night with just your thoughts, I know everything eats you up, completely drains you having to be so fake all the time. So, enjoy your parties before you become old and can no longer put up your facade. I'll be here, thriving bc I have always shown people my true self and *I don't lie* Lying will age you quickly my friend.

2:31pm I want to text him so much shitty stuff. I want him to know how much he fucked me up. He put so much anger and frustration and resentment in my life I hate him. I lost all respect and trust for him and can't believe he just ran away from it all. Fucking coward. Idk why I'm so angry today. Too much on my plate just too much I don't care about too much I don't want to do. I hate everything and everyone and literally just fuck everything. I deserve so much fucking better and I know now and I'm so angry at my former self. I can't go back, I can just go forward. Karma karma karma stupid fucking bitch. Fuck you fuck you fuck you I wish I could fucking choke you and inflict physical pain onto you so you could be shaking like I am right now. Shaking with anger and frustration I hate you I hate you I hate you.

8:29pm had a phone call with my school friend, even though we were talking about our project it felt good to just have an actual conversation with someone.... A normal person with no strange motive for talking to me. Loneliness does not look good on me. It literally makes me go crazy a bit. Just look at that stuff from earlier I've literally been mad all day long and it's just been building up inside of me. Insane I'm literally driving myself insane!! I just want normal give me normal boring please!!

11:32pm fuck leaving things until the last minute wtf is my homegirl doing like.... Girl I just did all the slides and you are literally AWOL I have no idea what the hell is going on 😂 my booty is literally sore from sitting here, I have no damn clue how in depth they want us to go with this, it's literally a fucking powerpoint, I feel completely clueless lmao. There's only like 2-3 big drugs used for this disease and just like ok..... And two much rarer medications for rare etiologies. I just want to crack open my bottle of wine, get dicked down and sleep in my own bed tbh 😂 I low-key hope that guy is on the same page or just kinda *forgets* about our conversation. I just can't with men rn. Tryna come over here for what?? Lmao I'm not about to have me a stalker no sir ik this pussy is good you wanna make me breakfast n shit aaaaaaa booty call on a Wednesday aaaaaa

[inscmiac]

i’m honestly saying this with no satire bullshit for once. i genuinely do not give a fuck about love and that dumbass shit. it does not exist and whoever thinks its real is so caught up in this bullshit. its a stupid fucking insecure concept and everyone mixes it up with lust and obsession. i obviously love my friends and family and cats but not in the way that u dumb bitches “love” a person. u just want to live intimate relationships and say its love. it is not love. its just hormones. once that shit wears off u will look back and say how stupid it all is. for u to love someone u must imagine that person in the worst state possible. just think if u were to love them if they got a horrible disease and they lost all their physical beauty… rotten teeth, no hair and all. u would probably leave them because they are not attractive nor appealing and that love and obsession is gone. thats what i mean.

[birdsareblooming]

since i already have people agreeing with me so im no longer scared to say it. yes one of the things this is about is the metal virus arc and before.

"shadow wouldn't be so mean" yes he would. he calls people useless and stupid all the time and is mean to sonic specifically on a daily basis. sometimes not even a fun rival mean just mean for no reason. he threatened to kill sonic multiple times both before and after sa2 especially in sonic x. and lest we forget how he was in the entirety of rivals 2 mr "i have no time to explain it to you so i'll just knock you out." every time sonic shows up he's almost always like "oh my god this bitch again."

"shadow wouldn't be so arrogant" he calls himself the ultimate lifeform still. "you're not even good enough to be my fake," he literally will not shut up about how he's "better than sonic" and does basically everything to prove that. also shadow was raised on the idea that he couldn't get any diseases, so his assumption may be impulsive but not completely unfounded. He can both hate himself and be arrogant at the same time it's a defense mechanism let him have it "shadow wouldn't be so impulsive" shadow does everything in his life on a whim.

just because he makes fun of sonic for the same thing doesn't make him better. "He wouldn't try to kill someone without full reason because maria i guess" Emerl. Cosmo. mr tinker was the third time he did this and previous two were children. These were more examples of shadow doing shit on a whim without explaining things to anyone. sonic was like "here's my new son :D" and shadow immediately went "he has to die"

and people say he's well characterized in prime. he's doing the exact same shit. like exactly. he's beating up sonic on a whim. he's being a bitch for no reason. he held sonic back to fight him for no fucking reason while sonic needed to go save his friends (btw if he hadn't done that the whole prism thing might not have happened but no one brings that up) by the way which he did by punching him in the face. ya'll also say he's well characterized again in the newer idw issues when once again he is doing the exact same shit.

i'm gonna be honest, he wasn't even that bad in forces. he jokes with rouge. he shows genuine concern for sonic. him disheartening for a while and then just showing back up is what he does every day of his life. as stated before him being mean is normal and he literally was mean to him in the way a 15yo boy would usually be. literally called his face dumb and left. but "forces bad" so. this is amplified on ya'lls silence about tails is sonic heroes being horribly mischaracterized but it's the game you grew up with so it's good and has no faults i guess.

some of the shit ya'll say about people "mischaracterizing shadow" makes me say "have ya'll MET him???" shadow's a little bitch. he's mean, he's impulsive, he's self-centered as a coping mechanism and as his weird sense of duty, he'll beat people within an inch of their life or kill people. and those qualities are what make shadow shadow. ya'll read too much fanfiction and had too much downtime to stew to belive shadow is this guy bound to be a good person bc of maria when he literately isnt and never has been. He's not open about his emotions, and let me be clear, his intentions are always good and he wants whats best for the world and for people. he's allowed to be a little shit while doing so.

it's been YEARS of ya'll doing this. i'm so fucking tired of it. ya'll need to stop looking at the speck in the writer's eye and take the plank out of yours. you claim mischaracterization when y'all are actually the ones who forgot who shadow is. i'm tired of "he was mischaracterized in idw and forces" being a "common fandom knowledge" thing when it literally wasn't. he wouldn't make the choices you would make or the right choices, he'd make shadow's choices, and sometimes his choices are fucking stupid. that's his right as a character.

were their issues? fuck yes. Sega decided he had no friends, they told the boom crew that he couldn't make jokes in a comedy show, and also couldn't allude to but neither contradict his backstory. but idw shadow didn't suddenly get better bc sega decided he can have friends now. if you look that's affected none of idw so far, except the one choice where shadow decided to stay behind and save rouge instead of the massive resort being overtaken by an avalanche, and rouge has to convince him otherwise. a dumb decision but the only difference from his other ones is rouge is there. look. sometimes their's a speck in their eye of the writers who literally have a character bible and do this as their job. shadow was better in tmosth because sega lifted shit we didn't know about and because of circumstance. lest we forget while getting amy a present he originally forgot one, and was a general bitch to tails and the main character as well as amy herself while trying to keep it a secret. because he's a bitch and y'all need to learn to be ok with that.

im gonna be honest, half if not more of "shadow is mischaracterized here" moments he's not mischaracterized, y'all just didn't have good shadow content since 2006 and built up a false idea of him in your heads, so once he was back in media more y'all had the time to think your brains' fanfiction version of him was real. as someone who watched like all the media in the better part of half a year i literally saw no difference and then saw people yelling about it online.

[trektism]

The rise of anti intellectualism is so fucking PALPABLE these days and excuse my misandry but men are the prime carriers of this disease.

A quick rant on the subject:

I remember when we were interpreting Kafka's metamorphosis in my higher level lit class back in 2021, the teacher decided to start off our work with an open discussion. People raised their hands and shared their interpretations of the work. The teacher was providing some subtle guidance as to what common tracks were usually taken for interpreting metamorphosis (absurdism, symbolism, autobiographical, metaphorical, stuff like that). Without fail, men of the class would opt in for the absurdist option. Not to invalidate that view of the text, it's undeniable that the work has absurdist themes, but it is also quite convenient to say, "It has no meaning!" and call it a day (which i might add, is not really a good interpretation for even the most absurd of absurdist texts). The men of the class wrote less on their essays, were more likely to call a text "stupid" or "boring" or just insult the author in some way. Simply put, they are more likely to look for a reason not to analyze the text, to not look into it, and to search for meaning in it. It's easier to shrug and say, "It's stupid and not worth my time" than it is to give a genuine and careful look at a piece of art and extrapolate is meaning.

My father, whenever I share with him my thoughts on art, movies, books, and shows, he often rolls his eyes at me or tells me to save it. "You're a little philosopher, but I don’t think it's supposed to mean anything. I don't think the authors intended for it to mean anything." Yes, maybe they didn't, maybe they did and maybe their meaning is different than mine. How is any of that a good reason not to interpret the work? Interpretation embedds meaning and allows you to see the depth of a piece of art, without it, your experience is shallow, and almost inhumanly mindless. Just like with the boys in the literature class, this is all just an excuse not to think. A choice to opt out of nuance, out of complexity, and exist only in the simplicity of literal representation. No subtext, no symbolism, no metaphors, no hidden emotion. It's sad, it's dull, it's empty, and its even facist!

Ah, another non-trek rambling essay on my page NO actually this ties into trek perfectly. Star Trek, the original series is FULL of subtext and of philosophical messaging. The relationship of Kirk and Spock (as you should fucking know by now) can very easily be argued as a deep love relationship, the kind that makes the trek bros scream and cry due to their phobia of homo's. I know this is gonna sound scary but go to reddit dot com and see what the old trek bros have say about the blatant gay subtext of amok time, or the parallels and subtext of the motion picture. 💀💀💀by the nine these bitches have never passed 8th grade lit and it shows. They hate TMP because they're moosh brained and take it far too literally and have no idea whats actually going on in the story, and they dont see amok time as gay because its not like they made out and had gay sex or anything. This is just idiotic. Rejecting or out-right ridiculing any interpretation beyond the literal one is definitely anti intellectualism.

TNG falls back on the gay subtext but still tries to be more meat than sauce when it comes to food for the mind. Plenty of episodes delve into difficult moral dilemmas that I end up chewing on for days and months at a time. Mind you, this is exactly why people find star trek boring. Too much thinking, not enough pew pew. My evidence for this is only anecdotal, from whenever I asked people for their thoughts on the series. How it usually goes is; "I'm more of a starwars fan, it's just more interesting." Really? How so? "I don't really know it's just better." They typically don't even analyze what they like about their favorite properties. EMBARRASSING!! Although this evidence is anecdotal, I'm sure you could find many substantial support to this theory via angry threads on old forums.

This entire subject enrages me completely, and im sure the more discerning trektism reader took notice to my unraveling over the course of this rant. I will not extend it any longer, its already been too long. Facism is a disease, kill it with fire, peace and love peace and love.

[slasherlouvre]

nsfw ask game !! 49. what is your main masturbation fantasy at the moment?

*For the nsfw ask game!

49. What is your main masturbation fantasy at the moment:

- This one's a bit embarrassing but,,, lately it's been cnc Lester taking my virginity outside like a wild animal wanting to breed 🤡. My car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, my cell phone doesn't have service, it's hot, and I'm alone, so I just start walking. The first person I come across is Lester when he happens to be driving down the dirt path I was blindly following . . .

He keeps up an innocent act when it's a whole group of people who've wandered into Ambrose to lure them all in, but me? I'm so obviously defenseless. So unprotected, and easy to take advantage of all alone.

And I'm kind to him; giving him the politeness and respect that should be standard when meeting new people. I don't grimace at his appearance, don't treat him like he's got a disease. Maybe I look like a city girl to him; I don't exactly have the accent, and I don't wear collared button ups or work boots with my jeans, but I was born and raised in the rural south, so I'm not squeamish about the whole roadkill thing.

He's nice to talk to, he makes me laugh, and I genuinely like him, but there's an instance where his eyes darken like when he looked over at Carly when she had to change her shirt. He forces the truck to a sudden stop causing everything to lurch forward, and for a second I'm confused because he's just looking silently ahead with that same dark expression when nothing's there. Mulling over what he's about to do. Bo would bitch about it, but fuck it. Bo was always having his fun, and it wasn't every day Lester met someone even halfway decent. There'd be no harm in claiming me first, if I was just going to end up at the twin's mercy anyway.

Lester would get out, round the truck, and pull his knife. Yanking open the truck door, warning me not to try anything stupid as he forces me down and out, onto my back. I think maybe he's going to kill me, and I struggle, but he's far too strong, and I'd rather not die by being stabbed to death if I can help it. He'd bind my wrists with rope he snatched from his truck bed, and drag me to the nearby grass among the trees just a few feet away from the dusty, dirt road.

He'd make quick work of his belt- unbottoning his jeans, and sliding his underwear down just enough to thrust comfortably as I try to recover the wind knocked out of me on the forrest floor. He's less considerate of my clothes; tearing at my jeans and ripping them off along with all the rest before stabbing his knife's blade into the earth, not far from my head as a threatening reminder.

There'd be a moment where our eyes meet; everything becoming still as I pant from anxiety, and he does the same out of anticipation. The moment's shattered when Lester forcefully shoves himself inside; completely bottoming out in one painfully intense motion.

I'd hear Lester moan in satisfaction. My mouth opening in a silent scream at feeling my hymen tear. Tears already pricking at my eyes from the unfamiliar burn before Lester begins to fuck me wildly without giving me even a single moment to adjust.

There's no point in screaming out here, no one will hear me, and I feel ashamed as I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist and hook my wrists over his neck. I want to keep him as close as possible so the intensity of his thrusting eases up, even if only by a fraction, but Lester takes this as reciprocation and bottoms out even deeper. His cock reaching my cervix, and his mouth on me- kissing me deeply, swallowing my pained whines.

He wouldn't fully grasp my position until he looks down to admire his dick stretching me out and sees the blood; effectively causing him to stutter still, and look up at my pained and teary face in disbelief.

"Hell, sweetheart, this yer first time?", he'd grin wickedly, "Didn't know ya was savin' yerself fer me".

I'd be trembling, clutching at his shirt pathetically in a silent attempt to beg for something I can't even think of anymore.

"Sorry darlin', I'll treat ya softer", he'd say before forcibly bottoming out in me once more.

I'd scream once from the sudden intrusion; my voice weakening to choked up sobs, but he'd lick away my tears, and kiss my neck like a man starved. Eventually moving up to my lips and telling me to part them so he can spit in my mouth. He'd be rolling his hips deep within me rather than thrusting which starts to feel good, and then starts to feel better than good, and I can't stop myself from shamefully moaning in pleasure as he resorts to jackhammering in me once more.

I don't care anymore, I want this. We're sweaty, covered in dirt, and made warmer still with the way Lester lets his body fully engulf me, but I want this. I begin kissing any part of him I can reach in such a manhandled position with my wrists tied and now pushed back above my head with one of his strong hands. Desperately keening and pressing my mouth to his neck, his jaw, his cheeks, until he captures my lips all over again. He's surprised. Pleasantly so, but surprised all the same. Did I enjoy being fucked like an animal, or was his dick enough to make me go stupid?

"Fuck, yer really gettin' off on this, huh?", he'd mock thrillingly, "Want me t'fill ya up? That it? Need me t'breed this virgin cunt?"

"Yes, I need you- ngh, I need you, Lester!"

It's begged, and it's the first coherent thing I say to him since he's claimed me. I find myself instantly orgasming around him; clenching him close, and trying to milk him for anything he'll give. My ability to speak replaced with delirious moans and a euphoric exhaustion now rendering my eyelids heavy, and my virgin-sensitive body limp and violently trembling all at once.

He'd bruisingly still my hips attempting to jolt away from his electrifying touch, and force himself as deep as physically possible before releasing directly into my cervix. I wouldn't be able to control the sigh that leaves my lips at the feeling of his warm seed filling me up; my legs tightening around his waist further still to prevent him from pulling out even if he wanted to.

Lester would remain fully sheathed within me to keep his now softening cock warm- his body weight completely pinning me down as he pants and catches his breath against my neck. Going so far as to even press a few thankful kisses to my skin and mumble out a few words I don't entirely catch in my fatigue.

However I do hear when he says, "Think I'm gonna keep ya t'myself after all", just before I'm taken by sleep. ♡

[cherry-interlude]

Lana Del Rey Songs Categorised

I didn't include a few but that's covers/demos / sorted by vibe/lyrics / there are other versions of this that could be made

Bad Girl - Lana's bad girl songs that make you feel cool af

Scarface

Summer of Sam

Making Out

Put Your Lips Together

Dum Dum

Kinda Outta Luck

Children of the Bad Revolution

Dangerous Girl

Girl That Got Away

Maha Maha

Hangin' Around

Catch and Release

Queen of the Gas Station

Gramma

Smarty

St Tropez

I Learned How To Make Love

Teen Romance

Prom Song (Gone Wrong)

Paris

Puppy Love

Television Heaven

Love

Back To Tha Basics

Brooklyn Baby

Me and My Boyfriend

Sweet Romance - Somewhat gentle and cute romance songs

Starry Eyed

When I'm With You

JFK

Because of You

Daddy Issues

Tulsa Jesus Freak

Bartender

Groupie Love

Lust For Life

Lucky Ones

American

Joshy and I

Dreamgirl

For K Part 2

You Mister

Coca Cola

How Do You Know Me So Well?

Stoplight Delite

Serious Romance - They have a more serious tone but they're genuinely romantic

Yosemite

Swan Song

Cinnamon Girl

Living Legend

True Love - Deep and romantic

Let Me Love You Like A Woman

Young and Beautiful

Life Is Beautiful

Venice Bitch

Love Song

California

Old Money

Off To The Races

Video Games

Never Let Me Go

On Our Way

Heartbreak - Songs for feeling all kinds of sad romantically

Thunder

Hallucinogenics

Fine China

French Restaurant

Hollywood's Dead

Your Band Is All The Rage

Afraid

Some Things Last A Hard Time

Happiness Is A Butterfly

White Mustang

Norman Fucking Rockwell

Terrence Loves You

The Blackest Day

Cruel World

Dark Paradise

Summertime Sadness

Blue Jeans

Pawn Shop Blues

Westbound

Methamphetamines

F You - Aimed for people who kind of suck

Tired of Singing the Blues

Noir

Playground

It's Not You It's Just Me

Damn You

In My Feelings

High By The Beach

Flipside

In The Sun

So Legit

Seduction - Sexual songs generally

Trash Magic

Us Against The World

Marilyn

Meet Me In The Pale Moonlight

Paradise

Playing Dangerous

Behind Closed Doors

You Can Be The Boss

Party Girl

Pussycat Kittycat

BBM Baby

Big Bad Wolf

Be My Daddy

Ooh Baby

Push Me Down

Delicious

Freak

Salvatore

Daddy's Girl

Burning Desire

Mermaid Motel

Yayo

Disco

Hey You

Body Electric

Kill Kill

Jimmy Gnecco

Wolf T-Shirt

Sad Romance - Kind of toxic romance or the darker side of romance

TV In Black and White

I Talk To Jesus

Colour Blue

Put The Radio On

My Best Days

Resistance

Velvet Crowbar

Breaking Up Slowly

Fuck It I Love You

The Next Best American Record

The Greatest

Cherry

Summer Bummer

Tomorrow Never Came

24

Shades of Cool

Black Beauty

Is This Happiness?

Million Dollar Man Pretty Baby

Drive By

Hey Blue Baby

Greenwich

Hawaiin Tropic

Axl Rose Husband

Butterflies Part 1

Heartshaped Chevrolet

Bellevue

Ben

How To Disappear

Dreamy - Aesthetically pleasing songs sonically, and a lot of Lana's songs are but these stand out the most

Yes To Heaven

Angels Forever Forever Angels

Ave Maria

Wayamaya

Roses Bloom

Honeymoon

Art Deco

Religion

West Coast

Guns and Roses

Bel Air

Cherry Blossom

Dangerous Love - Jealousy and obsession

Your Girl

Is It Wrong?

Jealous Girl

She's Not Me

Serial Killer

Caught You Boy

Roses

Criminal and Gangsta Love - The bad romances

Queen of Disaster

Backfire

Beautiful Player

Crooked Cop

Hundred Dollar Bill

Gangsta Boy

Live or Die

Hit and Run

Ghetto Baby

Every Man Gets His Wish

Live Forever

Bad Boy

Match Made In Heaven

Bops - They're good for bopping

Roll With Me

Motel 6

Florida Kilos

Brite Lites

Diet Mountain Dew

Boom Like That

Starlet - A lot of Lana's songs feature starlets but these are the songs that let her shine as a star

Hollywood Dynamite

Fake Diamond

A Star For Nick

Radio

Strong - Being the stronger one in the relationship

Lift Your Eyes

Serene Queen

Break My Fall

Big Eyes

I Can Fly

Get Free

Mariner's Apartment Complex

Ride

All You Need

Junky Pride

Move

There's Nothing To Be Sorry About

More Mountains

In Wendy

Wild One

Wait

Weird Vibe - They either sound creepy or just have an unsettling feel

Bentley

C U L8r Alligator

Strangelove

You and Me

Let My Hair Down

Get Drunk

Betty Boop Boop

Jump

Raise Me Up (Mississippi South)

Jesus Is My Boyfriend

Hmm - They could go into other categories but they are songs that have darker, disturbing elements

Baby Blue Love

1949

Roller Derby

Heavy Hitter

Boarding School

Ultraviolence

Lolita

Put Me In A Movie

Sad Girl - Songs with a sad vibe

Last Girl on Earth

All Smiles

Wait For Life

Hope Is A Dangerous Thing For A Woman Like Me To Have - But I Have It

13 Beaches

Heroin

Music To Watch Boys To

God Knows I Tried

Pretty When You Cry

Carmen

This Is What Makes Us Girls

Without You

Oh Say Can You See

Born To Die

Valley of the Dolls

Stripper - Pure stripper theme

Go Go Dancer

Dance For Money

Midnite Dancer Girlfriend

Other Woman - Pure other woman theme

Other Woman

True Love On The Side

Sad Girl

Cola

Next To Me

Money/Fame/Materialism - Songs that revolve around those three things

Money Power Glory

Fucked My Way Up To The Top

Gods and Monsters

National Anthem

Breaking My Heart

Makes You Think - Deeper songs

Coachella

God Bless America - And All The Beautiful Women In It

When The World Was At War We Kept Dancing

Beautiful People Beautiful Problems

Change

Money Hunny

Looking For America

Songs That Sound Like Diary Entries - More personal tracks

I Must Be Stupid For Being So Happy

My Momma

Wild At Heart

Dark But Just A Game

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Blizzard

Elvis

White Dress

Aviation

Run Motorcycle

Out With A Bang

Dance Til We Die

Bad Disease

Fordham Road

I Don't Wanna Go

For You

Try Tonight

You're Gonna Love Me

Outliers - They're more happy

Come When You Call Me

Birds of a Feather

Driving In Cars With Boys

[sandgraab]

sorry maybe this isn’t Hashtag Based of me to acknowledge but a lot of men on the “left” just genuinely fucking hate women and hate us just as much as men on the right do, but they always find ways to excuse themselves like “ERM how could I HATE women if I am PROCHOICE… tch…” and let’s not forget throwing “white” in front of woman to make it more acceptable (despite the fact that it’s almost exclusively white men obsessively talking about those SILLY and STUPID white women).

anyways this all relates back to chappell roan because she is literally just saying that she wont endorse (ENDORSE…. she said nothing about not voting) someone participating in a Literal genocide and so far I have seen 800 think pieces from leftist men talking about how actually she is the devil incarnate because she wont endorse kamala and is ushering in the third reich because she’s basically a trump supporter. yeah yeah women are also being stupid about it (fauxmoi sub is normally politically Good but for some reason they have been bitching about chappell because idk liberalism is a disease I guess) but there’s a particular giddiness men get when they finally get to tear down a popular woman. flashback to johnold depp 🤪

WHATEVER

chappell roan being Hashtag Based and all the “leftist” men start frothing at their mouth now that they finally have something about her to frame negatively (as long as they take everything she says in the most uncharitable way possible) like I actually can’t stand how obvious this cycle is at this point lol