#Gemma vents

[gemmahale]

So I've temporarily paused my queue. It's just me, shouting into the void again. (The queue will maybe come back - there's some 800 some odd posts in there.) Just as an FYI.

I've been stuck in my head since...my work trip last weekend? Which, tbf, 12 hours of windshield time and a day of interacting with people is a fair bit.

(I'm cutting this because y'all don't need my yapping, but I need it off my chest. Go get some water or a beverage of choice instead.)

TW: mental health discussion. I am safe, I am not going to do anything brash.

But Monday I came back to an email from my boss - apparently two clients had stopped in to speak with him because I hadn't answered their calls (all are within the last two-ish weeks, maybe more?).

A huge part of my job is that timely client call-back. And one place that I consistently struggle in. We've had this discussion going on for 6+ mo now on how critical this call-back part is. The whole thing of what we do is timely, scientifically backed information.

I'm shit at calling back. I hate doing it. I hate troubleshooting people's plant problems. It just seems so...inconsequential. People are stressing about a dead spot in their yard (that's probably over watered and over fertilized and a sterile environment) and it's just...get some perspective, y'know?

I don't know. I love this job. I love the impact I could have. Get me talking about how people deserve healthy ecosystems and food access and such and I'm going a mile a minute.

But I'm paralyzed when it comes to solving these stupid "inconsequential" problems.

I have a newsletter I've been talking about sending out since FEBURARY. It's now AUGUST. It's unsent. I just hit a wall every time I sit down to set it up.

Same thing with the volunteer program I manage. The workshops I'm working on. All of it. Wall against wall against wall and I'm scrolling tumblr for the 43rd time that day.

And I don't know what to do. I'm scared. That's what it is. I'm Scared I'll give bad information and something will get killed and it'll be my fault.

(yes that's capital S scared.)

I don't know what I'm going to say tomorrow in our meeting. I know I'm on thin ice. I'm going into my 3rd year of this. I shouldn't be struggling like this. My RSD is so fuckin' bad that it's locking me up and shutting me down.

Part of me wants to be fired. Just "this isn't a good fit" and out the door. Proof that I'm not cut out for this job. Because all I have succeeded in doing is failing my colleagues, my peers and the clientele that I interact with.

I'm self-sabotaging myself and I don't know how to not to.

I love the opportunities this job has. But I'm terrified of failure to the point of breakdown. Self-fulfilling prophecy and all that, right?

It's imposter syndrome, self-sabotage, other terms I've forgotten. having a name for it doesn't help any - just reinforces that I'm doing it to myself. And that's what hurts the most.

I haven't told anyone I'm struggling. It's hard to reach out. Kallen's been dealing with nightmares and job bullshit and high pain days (and his listening is problem solving/therapist-ing, which isn't what I want or need). My friends are all bogged down with their lives - unemployment, moving, divorces, childcare, and I'm not going to burden them with this gunk.

The irony to this is that I just told a friend to lean on me - because that's what friends do when they're in tight spots. Lean on each other, support each other.

But really it just means: Justify that I'm worth being here/being friends with me by making me useful to you.

God I wish I didn't have all this brain goop. I wish I could just scoop it out and poke at it under a microscope and dissect what happened to make me like this.

Gemma find a therapist. <- Whole different conversation. There's a dearth of mental health providers out here. I quit looking in 2021 when I called 5 places and they all said they were not taking on more clients and the one I tried we didn't vibe with each other. Fuck being a (mostly closeted) queer woman in small-town America.

[etherealette]

[80s90sislove]

Gemro {Gemma/Nero}

I'll never forgive Kurt Sutter for giving Gemro the short end of the stick and him treating them like dirt in everyway possible in Sons Of Anarchy with everything and in more ways than one it's not even funny. That said I can't stand him as a show writer (nor as a person, but that's another story I'm not going to get into on this post and I know I'm not the only one who feels this way about him as a person either, but again that's another story) he's honestly the worst one I've ever come across in my life it's how I feel not only that, but we also get cheated in especially with fanfics and fanart no one, but me loves them apparently and it sucks!! I just have to vent because it makes me so angry they are so hated and underrated in the fandom because they were and are best couple on SOA period!! And I'll always believe that!! Forget everyone else especially Jax/Tara and Gemma/Clay who I cannot stand they both make me sick!!

[notladylikes]

she slumps down in his dressing room, snatching the joint from his fingers and taking a large hit, nearly coughing up a lung in the process. the look he gives her is one out of curiousity - not for the fact that it's unusual for her to simply invadedevan's personal space before or after a show, but because she comes in sighing up a storm.

the brunette hands back the joint and kicks her feet up on the coffee table, stretching and flexing out her toes before she pulls her knees up to her chest to continue the conversation.

"i want to punch things."

those are the only words that leave her mouth, which lead to another curious glance from her best friend and devoted fellow band mate.

"okay so like...there was this guy...."

she starts and obviously doesn't feel like going into the whole ordeal, but if @sainterror's going to throw nothing other than glances of a certain 'what the fuck' kind her way as she continues then she's going to have to spill the beans, so to speak.

are those judgey glances?! is he judging her?!

she reaches into the pocket of her jeans for a crumpled pack of cigarettes and sparks a light with the flint and steel made modern bic lighter before puffing out an exhale of smoke and continuing.

"i thought he was interested in me, right? but honestly, all he wanted was free tickets to the show for his....wait for it.....girlfriend."

[angelofbows]

I wanna be as thin as Gemma Ward, she's my inspiration.

gemma ward inspo

[purplerain85]

Betrayal

Pairing: Happy x Reader

Summary: You catch Happy cheating with someone you never expected and Happy clearly needs a reminder why he’s not to mess with you let alone your heart (you are as crazy as Happy if not a little bit more nuts) that person pays the price for your anger and pain and Betrayal.

Warnings: Angst, Swearing, Smut (mentions of Blowjobs, protected and unprotected sex, Oral female receiving, fingering) and a small murder 🙈 at the end.

Tag 🏷️ @withmyteeth @darklydeliciousdesires @jvalentinesworld-cokes-hyna @yourwonkywriter @drabbles-mc @darqchilddaydreamz @reyeswritesmc @samcro-saint99 @happysoldlady @chibsytelford @twistnet @nessamc @indefiniteimagines @raewritesfiction

When you arrived at the clubhouse after working a 12 hour shift, walking up to the doors you can hear two people fucking somewhere in the dark corner, you giggle to yourself and then stop dead in your tracks when you hear his name being moaned…. You brain doesn’t comprehend what you heard at first because you know that voice but there is no way she would do that to you she knows better. But your feet are already walking toward the noise. Hoping and praying that you are wrong.

Unfortunately you are not it’s your “best friend” Brenda (who is smaller than you, blonde hair fake boobs, and prettier than you, in your opinion) and your Husband he has her bent over one of the picnic tables with he has a hand between her shoulders and one on her hip. You know it’s an emotionless fuck at least to him but to her it’s probably not. He has never cheated on you as you never counted the crow eaters from the other charters who just gave him a blowjob and moved on he never did anything like that at home.

Because he knows better he knows how insane you are, besides Gemma you are the only other woman that scares the pants off of him. When you two started dating a certain crow eater refused to get the message, she showed up at the clubhouse trying to get with Happy and you caught wind of her and she disappeared and no one knew what happened even though you were investigated there were no charges because there was no link between you and her as you said you never seen her and no one ever saw you two in the same place and there was no body like the last missing person you were investigated for when you first came in contact with Happy.

Brenda looked up and made contact with you and she gasped and said “Y/N fuck…. I” that was enough to get Happy to look up at you and he went white and pulled out of her ripped the condom off and threw it at Brenda (you were at least happy he used a condom) you just glared at them then turned and walked away back to your car you barely made it out of the parking lot when you heard his bike come to life. You knew he would be home the same time and you were ready to all but kill him or her at this point it didn’t matter this was the worst kind of betrayal you have ever had.

You both arrive home at the same time but you were faster than him as you were able to slam the front door literally in his face which you know is something that set him off. Happy walks in slamming the door so hard the house shook and the smirk on your face told you it was show time. “What the fuck Y/N!” He shouts turn on your heels so fast that he stops in his tracks yelling “no you don’t get to what Fuck the you jerkwad! You! not only did you cheat! you cheated with my best friend the one you think is an air head and keep saying is fake, the one I killed for!” Happy just stand there letting you vent cause he knows you are right and his anger over a door is nothing compared to the anger he can literally feel radiating off of you. “Did you get on your knees for her? Did you eat her out? Because we both know you have eaten me out in forever and she all but fucking demands it with who she is fucking so have you been fucking her all this time?” Happy goes to respond and you cut him off “You know what ? I don’t give a fuck, get the fuck out of my face” you take your wedding ring off and throw it at him and walk to your room and slam the door shut.

Happy stands there in shock as he picks up your ring and starts pacing the living room, trying to figure out why he fucked Brenda he can’t even stand her and her fake ass. At first he tried to blame it on your working so much but he cannot blame you, even after working 12,13,14 hours you still came home and even though you were dead on your feet you still took care of him and he realized that he neglected you and fell into a routine of not taking care of you, and just out for himself. He was literally just looking for a fuck when Brenda hit on him and Jax told him to think about what he was doing. He stopped mid pace and sneered at his clothes all he could smell was her, he ripped his clothes off and walks out back in his boxers and out his clothes in the fire pit and set the clothes on fire. Then went back into the house and had a hot shower so he could wash away everything from his Fuck up away.

Happy walks into the bedroom and sees you laying there in your fuzzy pjs and you watch him (well still glaring daggers at him) while he walks in naked and he slightly touch’s your toes as he walks by and you jerk away and say “don’t fucking touch me” he rolls his eyes and grabs his ankles and pulls you to the edge of the bed (you fight him a little bit but not much that he thinks you don’t want it) and yanks your shorts off and pushes your legs apart and his face is instantly attached to your core and he runs his tongue back and forth from your opening to your clit and eats you like a starved man, moaning so loud at your taste that you can barely keep it together you put your hand on his head to keep yourself grounded, he removes them and places his and your hands on your stomach to hold you still. He pulls to strong orgasms out of you before he is starts to use his fingers while keeping his mouth and tongue working your clit, he finds your g-spot in a matter of seconds and then he pulls your hood back exposing you clit fully to his tongue you are moaning about too much but he keeps going, you have no idea what to do with your hands, they go from his head to his arm trying to pull it lose so his will let go of your hood, to your hair pulling it to the sheets.

When he finally gets your to cum again his fingers are coated with your cream and he sucks his fingers clean while moving up your body you barely register what he is doing tell you feel him pushing into you and you say “I can’t cum again…” he hushes you with a kiss and says “yes you can, I have a lot to make up for” he starts moving slowly passionately while kissing you, sucking and nibbling at your neck, sucking and biting your breast to leave marks and sucking on your nipples. He moves back up to your mouth and says “I am so sorry, there is nothing I can do or say that will make what I did ok, I don’t even know why I did it.” You pull him into a kiss and then slap his ass and tell him to “fuck my like you mean it”. Some how he manages to pull four more orgasms out of him by the second one your are begging him to cum.

You wake up before Happy does and you see about 100 messages from Brenda and what set you off is the fact that she couldn’t even admit that she was wrong she was putting it all on Happy and basically said that he took advantage of her. You messaged her back saying you wanted to meet before she went to work at 8am. And the dumb bitch replied back with “okay 😊”

Happy woke up to Chibs and Jax barging into his house asking “where is Y/N at? Brenda never showed up to work and her mom and boss called the Sheriff” he looked over at the clock and realized it was 4:30 pm he said “I didn’t even realize she left, she was suppose to be off today so she could be anywhere”

Chibs said “well you fucked her best friend and now both girls are missing and both their phones are off but Y/N phone last pinged her and Brenda’s phone pinged North West of here there’s nothing out there” Happy for a look on his face and quickly grabbed his stuff and said he had to go and would call if he needed back up. He got in his van and called Tig “did Y/N ask for that fucking key again?”

Happy and Jax arrived at the factory 3 hours later he saw Y/N car and the side door of the abandoned Factory open and walks toward the door he gets close to the door and all he can smell is acid.

The factory use to make and sell acid but closed down for some reason or another Happy never knew why, he explains to Jax that he knows of this place because this is where he first met you, when he was hired to get rid of someone’s abusive husband but you had found him first as he later found out you had inside information on where he would be because it’s was Brenda’s husband he had been hired to kill and he never trusted Brenda from the get go.

He and Jax walk in and they can hear Brenda crying and begging and calling for help. Jax says “I know a lot of the other guys are scared of her but I had no idea why and I know she is loyal to a fault and is protective of what is her’s but I never imagined she was a killer! How many people has she killed?” Happy looks at him and shrugs “15 that I am aware of and that is including the two she was questioned on since we have been together, I kept her quite tame after we got together, but I think my Fuck up from last night might derail her.” Jax looks at him with wide eyes and says “15? 15! Wait so she did kill that crow eater? Here?” Happy nods to both questions “the acid is so strong nothing is left behind. And since she leaves her phone at home for all her killings and when she goes to work and has an old ass car with no gps and has access to acid vats she know she won’t get caught unless someone snitches on her and she knows that will never be me or Tig will and the weak link is up there begging for her life so don’t piss her off. She scares the piss out of me but I love her more than anything.”

Happy calls out “babe! We are walking up the stairs!” You reply with “who’s we?” Happy says “just Jax and I” as the step up onto the platform which was about 9.5 feet above the massive vat of acid, he assets the scene Brenda’s face is bloody and swollen and is tied to a wooden chair (probably not a good thing) and restrained with strips of cotton (nope definitely not good little Miss Brenda is not coming out of this alive) you look and Happy and say “oh great another person who I have to watch so they won’t tell on me.” Jax raises hands and says “darlin’ I am not telling anyone anything because unlike the rest of my crew who may be scared of my mother and you. I am scared of Happy and I like living! So what is your plan just going to toss her in?”

You smile at Jax and look at Brenda and say “You know after all I did for this bitch she was planning of snitching on me and all of you because she got caught hiring someone to kill her sister but then the guy chickened out and reported her but there was no proof so she decided to seduce you in hopes that I would kill you and then she would kill her sister and she thought she could work it so I would be caught and blamed for everything.” Brenda is crying “no, no, no, I promise I wasn’t going to tell on you, Ha-happy raped me I swear I would never betray you like that.” You look her in the eyes and say “I know Happy and he doesn’t rape woman let alone like to hurt them and as far as I know he has only killed one woman.” Brenda starts going on again about how Happy is this and that that you just roll your eyes and are about to walk over to her but Happy grabs the chair and flings her and the chair off the platform and you hear Breanda screaming tell you hear a splash. You stand there shocked looking at Happy with a fire he knows all to well and he says “now that, that is done can we please go home?” He hands you your ring and you three leave Jax takes the van and you and Happy drive home. Where you rode that man tell you passed out.

[pekoehoneyncream]

Sergeant Kyle Gaz Garrick Headcanons

Part One

Words: 600~

TW: None (sfw)

Part Two

Y'all are powered by spite alone, istg. Gaz won the poll by one vote, ONE! I had soap's shit lined up and ready to go and y'all really said 'nah, no thank you'

Here's your prize,

Hope You Enjoy!

Gaz is slow to trust. He does not like strangers, and often feels on edge around new people. He isn't outright rude, in fact he's often downright friendly. He knows better than to alienate unknowns and make unneeded enemies for his team by acting hostile.

Ghost often validates Gaz's suspicious nature by asking him for breakdowns of potential weaknesses and if someone's likely to become a problem or a liability. 

Gaz shows a lot of love through acts of service, if there's anything that the 141 needs or needs done he'll make sure it happens, often before they even realise it's going to become a problem.

Gaz has a habit of referring to other people as NPCs. Particularly groups of people that ostensibly have a use, but only ostensibly.

Gaz cusses A Lot. He uses swearing, snark, and sarcasm as coping mechanisms, particularly in stressful situations. He doesn’t like directing his vitriol at his teammates, but situations, enemies, unknowns, strangers, acquaintances, and friends are all free game.

Cannot stand ticking or tapping noises, especially when he can't find where the sound is coming from. Rattling vents and unbalanced ticking ceiling fans are the banes of his existence. | At first he tried to be casual when he brought stuff up to Price, “So, have you noticed that the third light in the breakroom buzzes and flickers a bit when it's on?”, but now he just straight up tells Price what bothers him. (Price tells maintenance, but if they're being too slow Price has been known to just fix it himself.) | Soap, with his pathological need to bounce his legs, is on thin fucking ice. Gaz can usually ignore it if Soap keeps a consistent rhythm, but when Soap's fidgety he starts to drive Gaz up the wall.

Not great at sharing. Leaving the last piece of something, in case someone else might want it, is not something that would ever cross his mind. If someone doesn't directly ask for something, he's assuming they're not interested.

He's cannot do constructive criticism. He's got the criticism part down pat, but rarely cares enough to struggle with making it constructive. He embodies that video: Be Nice. ‘I'm finding it.’ It takes you that long? ‘It does, It does.’

He's an only child. His mom, Gemma, is a Biomedical Equipment Technician, and his dad, Arthur, is a Semi-Retired English Professor. He was mostly raised by his dad, as his mom's job kept her out of the house most days. His dad actually became Semi-Retired to be a Stay-At-Home-Dad and raise Gaz. Arthur Garrick has published a few textbooks and still goes in for the occasional guest lecture.

Gaz's bedtime stories were books like Le Morte de Artur, the Iliad, Lord of the Rings, the Robert Frost Compendium, and Narnia.  

When Gaz was learning to write his dad taught him cursive, leaning towards calligraphy. To this day Gaz's printing looks like a ten year-old's. Meanwhile, his writing is very pretty to look at, but nearly illegible. His signature is completely unreadable, it's just a very elaborate pile of loops and slashes.

Occasionally forgets the words for things. His brain does this thing that he likes to call Playing Wheel of Fortune, where it will let him remember the meaning of the word, and sometimes what the word rhymes with, or its first letter. | These moments all go something like this: “You can’t pin that on me! You've only got… fuck what’s the word, where its a person in a place and they're getting blamed for something. It’s like a lawyery thing.” A court? “No no, it's like they got caught, but they were in the wrong place and it’s only if you put it together a certain way it looks bad. Like a bad impression, but serious. It’s a long word. I think it starts with S… Circumference? No. Situation? Something like that.” Circumstantial? “Yes! Circumstantial! Circumstantial Evidence!” I saw you eating my crisps, that's not circumstantial evidence.

Thank You for Reading!

PekoeHoneynCream's Headcanons

[zosa95]

Makus walked into his home, and Alfie greeted him. While he'd initially fussed about getting a kitten, Markus had quickly bonded with Alfie. He scooped the cat up and mulled over what to tell Gemma. "Sorry that I haven't been home, and you're about to see less of me." Or perhaps, "I hate my job, and I'm not crazy about the house either." Without a doubt, he shouldn't start with, "I've been impulsive this past year, and I regret many of my choices." Gemma, his marriage, and the baby were choices he didn't regret. Although, in hindsight, he wished he'd moved at a slower pace instead of hurtling along.

Markus found Gemma curled in a chair with her headphones on. She looked vulnerable, sad even. Markus set Alfie down and walked closer.

Markus: Gemma?

Gemma continued to stare into space.

Markus: (louder) Gemma.

Gemma startled and pulled her headphones off.

Gemma: (surprised) You're home. How long have I been sitting here?

Markus: What's wrong?

Gemma: I received the information from Mrs. Potter. It's in my desk drawer. Take a look.

Markus walked over to Gemma's desk and opened the drawer. He smiled at the photo of a tiny Gemma held by her father. But the letter wiped the smile off his face. He was glad he'd never met Kelly. He'd never have managed to be civil to that narcissistic psycho. After he replaced the letter and photo in the desk drawer, he turned to look at Gemma. She offered a wane smile and shrugged her shoulders. Now wasn't the time to complain or vent about his unhappiness. Gemma needed to lean on him rather than prop him up.

[witchthewriter]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝑻𝒓𝒖𝒆 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑵𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝑫𝒊𝒅 𝑹𝒖𝒏 𝑺𝒎𝒐𝒐𝒕𝒉

Pairing: Happy x OC/Commissioned

Word Count: 1k

@a-kayy47.

ANNIE.

The bar was a sticky place, with a sign out the front that said ‘Frank’s.’

   It wasn’t as if Frank was ever at his own bar. He was too busy doing … something else. Not that he would tell you. Your relationship with your boss was strictly professional. Not like he hadn’t tried anything. But you shut that shit down immediately.

Your legs ached. Feet feeling like they were made of blisters. A headache had been forming for a good two hours and you knew you needed sleep. You had no idea how many times you’d heard the playlist. Metallica, Black Sabbath, Led Zepplin. The clientele had a particular taste.

This was your fourth shift in a row. Hours on your feet, serving assholes (and some relatively nice assholes). Pouring drink after drink. You had had worse jobs than this, but you were on track to start a career. Well, you were hopeful.

   So yes, this isn’t your ideal job, but you had to pay the bills somehow in this little fairytale town of Charming.

You moved here two years ago, and seemed to be stuck here since. There was something about the town that you liked. Some things that you didn’t.

     You looked at the clock on the wall, then checked your watch; 1:55 am. You had five more minutes till your shift ended.

 “Thank fuck,” you sighed, picking up stray glasses from the counter.

     Looking around at the people in the bar, your heart ached as you thought about your daughter. Your sweet, feisty little girl. Kayleigh. Only eight years old and ready to conquer the world.

She was the reason you did all of this. Worked so hard, endured blisters and cranky assholes. Smiled when you really wanted to scream.

Being a single mother wasn’t easy. But you wouldn’t change it. Not for the world.

   You were brought back to the present when the bell on the door jingled. In came three men, three bikers: with their kuttes and heavy boots. Usually, you could hear if bikers were coming to the bar. Their bikes were so loud you could hear them a mile away.

And yet, you knew who they were, the Sons of Anarchy. The real power in this town.

Your other job, as a stylist, loosely connected you to them. Gemma Teller-Morrow has been your client for a year now. Doing her hair and makeup. She rarely talks about the club, but lets you vent whenever you need to.

You couldn’t see the men’s faces at first. The lighting was so low.

There was the sound of pool balls being knocked together, a heated conversation on one of the circular tables. Even though you had been in the bar for hours, you could still smell the strong stench of alcohol.

   As the three men sat down at the bar, you hadn’t noticed but one couldn’t keep his eyes off of you.  

HAPPY.

Happy was a man of few words. Often keeping to himself yet possessing an observant eye. That’s how easily he saw you. With your long black, blonde hair, curvy body and spectacular green eyes.

Oh, those eyes.  

He had seen you around before. In town. The grocers. Sometimes when he picked Gemma up, he saw you in the window of the beauty store.

  You were something else.

A person like you didn’t seem to belong in Charming. It was too corrupt. And you seemed too good for this life.

It’s why he suggested this bar after the night the boys had had. It was a deal gone south and he needed a pick me up. As did the others. But his wasn’t about a drink.

He just wanted to see you.

     “Three beers, any beers, honey,” Tig said. The tiredness in his body echoing through his words. Happy and Chibs nodded, their arms resting on the bar’s surface.

“Coming right up,” you said with a quick smile. They’ll be your last customers. And then you can leave.

Turning around, you opened the fridge door and got out three bottles. Popping the caps, you placed them down. And someone caught your eye.

 “Um, enjoy,” you said and looked at your watch. Time to clock off. Time to see your daughter. To get off your feet and … possibly relax. You took another peek at the stranger and saw him already looking at you.

    Your cheeks burned.

But before you could even leave the main bar area, there was a loud crash behind you. The shattering of glass, shouts, and as you swiftly turned around, an outright brawl had started.

The three bikers had stood up and faced the chaos. With chairs now involved, you couldn’t believe your eyes. Especially as your shift ended.

Fuck.

The owner of the bar wasn’t the most decent man, but he did have safety measures in place…like a gun in the back office and a metal bat underneath the bar. But he told you to never call the police.

Opting for the bat, you turned off the music and screamed at the top of your lungs.

     “STOP THIS FUCKING SHIT AND GET THE FUCK OUT!”

It was quiet for a heartbeat. Then another. On the third, you thought you were out of the woods. But then an idiot just had to throw another punch.

Within seconds the brawl started again. Fists swinging, jaws crunching, eyes swelling. You were too tired to deal with this.

That was, until there were three-gun shots and everyone, but the three bikers crouched down.

    “Listen to the lady,” was all the bald man said as he tucked his gun away.

The men went silent, their eyes wide like an owl’s and they ran. The door opening and closing constantly. Incessant squeaking until it was you and the three men.

  A small grin was fighting its’ way onto your face. No one had helped you like that. Not even the other employees when things got too much. Everyone just thought you had it handled.

   “Thank you,” was all you said as they sat back down. “These are on the house.”

[bunbeeplays]

It's the last day before summer, and while Jaden's having fun at scouts, the rest of the Lemons are going to the Desert Bloom park in Oasis Springs today. Moses and his daughter Shea are coming with them so Lulu can have a playmate her own age!

The kids have already started wreaking havoc on the playground so while they wait for Moses to arrive, Ophelia gives the littlest Lemon a nap in her arms.

Finally, Moses and Shea arrive.

Xander: Happy belated birthday, man! Sorry we couldn't celebrate together.

Moses: No worries, mate, Shea spent half the day crying. You didn't miss much, trust me.

Moses sounds exhausted.

Lulu spots Shea and comes barreling at her as fast as her stubby legs can take her.

Lulu: Hi, Shea! 'member me?

Apparently Shea does NOT remember Lulu and gets major stranger danger!

Shea: Papaaaaaa!

Luckily, Lulu brushes it off pretty quickly. Her mommy and daddy told her sometimes other Sims don't like hugs as much as she does, and that's okay. She'll just have to try extra hard to keep her hands to herself.

Lulu is on a mission to play with Shea without her crying!

Lulu leads Shea over to the toddler playset and chatters a mile a minute about how fun it is. There's a ballpit and a slide and a thingy you can climb through!

Shea doesn't talk much but she seems to perk up as Lulu babbles. That's fine, Lulu can talk enough for both of them!

Xander, as the Daddest Dad on this playdate, mans the grill and makes some baked potatoes.

Now that Shea has lowered her guard a bit, she's more open to a little playtime with Aunt Ophelia.

While Xander keeps the kids preoccupied, and helps Shea conquer the slide, Ophelia and Moses take the time to catch up.

Ophelia: Shea has gotten so big! She's adorable.

Moses: You caught her in a good mood. She threw the mother of all tantrums right before we showed up.

Moses: Don't get me wrong, I love Shea more than anything, but I feel like this is the first time in ages I've gone five minutes without her screaming for me.

While being a stay-at-home parent is admirable, Ophelia understands never getting a break must be exhausting.

Ophelia: What do you do during me time?

Moses: I don't get me time. Shea's so clingy, she cries if she can't see me.

Ophelia: I get separation anxiety can be hard, but it's not doing you or her any good by denying yourself the time you need to recharge.

Ophelia: You know that fitness club I'm part of, Hot Girls Only? My friend Penny asked to join recently, and I also invited Hilary and my friend Celeste. Why don't you come to our next meeting? It'd be good to get out, do something to take care of yourself and socialize.

Moses: I know I'm wearing makeup, O, but that doesn't make me a hot girl.

Ophelia: Nobody would mind! Plus, everyone there is a parent too, so you'd have people you can vent to or ask advice from.

Moses: …Alright, I'll give it a shot.

Shea's kind of hard for Lulu to play with. She likes doing her own thing. That's okay, Lulu dances to the beat of her own drum too. They can play alone - together!

Jaden's at his scout meeting, so Gemma asks her dad to help her with her bike riding a little more. She's getting so close to nailing it, and she just needs a little more help.

Shea is a shy, clingy little bean, but she's actually doing very well not being at her papa's side for more than five minutes!

The reassurance that he's ten feet away probably helps but progress is progress!

Lulu remembers the breathing thingies her mommy taught her for when she's feeling frustrated. She doesn't need Shea to be an instant friend, she's having fun all on her own.

To her surprise, Shea approaches HER!

Shea: T-Thanks for playin' with me.

They hardly interacted but Lulu is nothing if not humble and accepts her thanks.

Lulu: Welcome! We can play alone together again real soon!

Moses comes to check in on the tots.

Moses: You girls behaving yourselves?

Lulu: Uncle Moses! Shea don't talk much but I'm gonna be her friend!

He pulls her in for a hug.

Moses: I think she'd like that. Aren't you sweet?

Try telling her family that!

While Lulu the extrovert is befriending an introvert, Gemma has finally mastered the art of riding a bike, thanks to her dad's help!

Xander: I knew you could do it, muffin! Come here!

Gemma: Ahaha, Daaaaad!

Xander unabashedly spins his eldest in the air. He knows one day he's going to pick Gemma up for the last time, and that day could be today for all he knows, but he's gonna cherish every instance.

Can't keep this little biker in your arms forever. She's gotta ride around!

Gemma: I'll be sure to watch out for cars!

Xander: Don't be silly, Gem, cars aren't real!

Dealing with all these dang kids gave him these forehead wrinkles, but moments like these make it worth it.

[gemmahale]

I'm gonna vent about clothes and shit. Tw for: body dysmorphia, frank discussion of weight gain, general brain bullshit and internalized fatphobia-ish? Idk, I pre-tagged this and kind of went off the rails at the end.

Take care of yourself and skip this one if you need to, okay? I love you. 💚

I need to pick up some new clothes. I'm down to one pair of jeans and really can't wear skirts because it's still too windy (and I have no shorts to wear underneath for the chub rub). And I'm not ready to break out my above-knee skorts yet.

I just...I'm struggling. Last time I ordered clothes, they were too big (I went off the measurements and I think I sized up out of dysmorphia). And because I was deep in depression central last time, it took me weeks to try on the clothes. Which meant that they were outside of their return policies.

I feel frumpy when I go to work. I hate it. I want to be excited about putting clothes on again. I've been wearing essentially this "uniform" for four years now.

I got looking at my license (I'm due for a renewal and soon because my birthday's coming up) and I put on roughly 40 pounds in the last four years. Sedentary job, antidepressant weight gain, having a partner that feeds me well - all things that are net positive, but have affected my body.

Well Gemma, go walking. I need shoes. I need to buckle down and get a pair of walking shoes. But that's a whole thing because I have dancer's feet and stupid ankles and stupid arches. And starting. Starting and maintaining habits are hard. (I'm at the phase where standing for 10 minutes or so hurts my hips and low back. It's bad.)

We're running what feels like a very tight budget right now. Logically, I know it's not - I can see the numbers since I run most of the household budget. But there are things that feel like they should take priority and it feels selfish to be spending it on clothes when I have perfectly serviceable polo shirts, a sweater, pair of jeans and shoes.

I don't know. The me in the mirror is not the me I want to be and trying to claw out of this pit feels insurmountable. I love my body, that's not the part I'm struggling with (okay, some days I do, but that's ..."normal-ish" as best I can tell.)

It's the effort I have to put into looking put together. I miss taking 45 minutes to get ready in the morning, putting make up on and cute outfits and feeling good about myself. I went hypercompetent femme and it worked so well for me.

But I'm worried that a big shift is going to cause some weird blowback. I'm already down a few pegs because I present female and I'm relatively young, even though I have a doctorate in plant health and a decade of experience in the green industry. I'm worried presenting "more feminine" means people won't take me seriously. (Though we already saw that at the commissioner's meeting, so maybe it doesn't really matter.)

I've always been "low maintenance" - roll out of bed, speed shower and throw on clothes. But I want to put effort into my appearance again, for my own benefit more than anything. I feel nice when I'm showered and my hair is styled and it feels like I give a shit.

Tl;dr: Gemma needs to stop being a pansy and wallowing in her feelings, buy some clothes and walking shoes and get some dopamine dressing happening.

And maybe eventually I'll get the clothes I need to donate out of the bedroom too.

[pigeonwhumps]

Faint at First Sight

Finally, I can share my entry for the Guys in Distress zine with y'all! You can still get leftover copies of the whole print zine and merchandise while they're available, as well as pdf zines until the end of the year, so please do if you want to, it's very good!

Thanks to @blackberry-bloody for beta-ing and for the title!

Taglist: @extrabitterbrain @wolfeyedwitch @zineofgid

Kai is kidnapped during his first mission.

5k

CWs: hero whump, hostage, torture, captivity, bound and gagged, blood, burns, electrocution, shock collar, stress position, fear of abandonment, forced to watch, non-con nudity (non-sexual), dehydration, mentioned starvation, forced to stay awake, threatened drugging

"Got it!" hisses Lian, as the slot widens under his control. Kai stretches out a hand and the memory card comes flying out, almost braining him. Lian snatches it out of the air and examines it quickly.

"Definitely what we're after. I think. Now let's get out of here before–"

"Code red," says Morfydd in Kai's ear. "Solar Flare's down, they're heading your way."

Kai's body turns cold. Gemma. No.

Lian tugs at his arm. "Snap out of it, Wolfman, we need to go. Do your wolf thing and run."

Kai clenches his fists and transforms, taking a few tries but getting there in the end, senses sharpening, colours dulling. He lopes along, keeping pace with Lian, who knows the way out.

They turn a corridor and two of Moonstar's minions stand in their way. Kai uses his telekinesis to push one minion into the other, sending them both crumpling to the floor, and he and Lian run back the way they came. An alarm wails and the bulkhead doors slam shut as they re-enter the lab.

"Fuck," mutters Lian, "what do we do now? There has to be a way out."

Kai paces, looking around, and spots it the same time Lian does. An air vent halfway up the wall.

"Wolfman," says Lian slowly, "I'm going to climb on your back and open that. You can climb up when you're back in human form, right?"

Kai gives an affirmative bark and Lian uses a chair to clamber onto his back, ripping the air vent off the wall with all his superstrength. Kai stands as still as possible, moving furniture around the room to create a step for himself. They don't have time to wait while he does it. Moonstar or his minions could be here any minute – Kai can already hear someone cutting through the metal.

The grate falls to the floor with a clatter, and Lian pulls himself up into the vent.

"Come on, Wolfman. Your turn."

Kai transforms back to human, colour vision returning and smell and hearing diminishing as he does so, just as the metal screeches and bursts open.

Kai scrambles up onto the table, a little disoriented from the change, and jumps for Lian's hands.

He crashes to the ground with a thump and lets out a sharp gasp as pain shoots up his back. His tailbone. Fuck. He tries to get to his feet but someone grabs him and hauls him upright, holding his hands behind his back.

"Get the fuck off me!" Kai snarls, trying to wrench himself out of the minion's hands but the grip's like iron. He hears footsteps approaching and struggles harder.

Moonstar enters the room.

Kai gasps involuntarily, struggling not to get to his knees and proclaim his loyalty to the supervillain. Only the nagging wolf voice in his mind holds him back. Moonstar's powers of charisma and persuasion are legendary when he chooses to use them, and Kai suspects they're the only reason Gemma agreed to let him come on this mission.

"Interesting," Moonstar purrs, approaching Kai and tilting his chin up. "You're not immune. I always thought shifters were immune."

That's when Kai realises that he's standing completely still. He jerks his chin back, headbutting the minion, who lets out a yell. Moonstar's charisma switches off abruptly and Kai thinks he might finally have a chance of escape when Moonstar's hand flashes, the glint of light the only sign of the blade that was there and gone in an instant.

And the blood.

Kai watches as a line of blood wells up from a slash on his arm, bright red and glistening.

Oh.

Fuck.

The room darkens and sways and far too soon he's out cold.

_

When Kai wakes, he's freezing. And it's dark. Not dark like a darkened room, dark as in there's fabric covering his face. He hears rustling, and he tries to move his hands or push himself up off his knees but he can't.

"Ah, the hero awakes." Kai's hood is ripped off and he blinks into the bright light, seeing Moonstar smiling down at him. He realises he's stripped down to his underwear, his hands and lower legs chained to the floor, and he tries to transform into a wolf but as soon as his vision starts to change, a jolt of electricity rocks him back with a cry. Moonstar tsks.

"Trying to avoid my hospitality already? That isn't very polite. And here I was, thinking you heroes had manners."

Kai swallows, feeling leather and plastic around his throat and flinching as– god. That's where the shock came from, wasn't it?

"Fuck you."

"Now, now. I'm trying to tell you something important, this isn't just a friendly chat. You see, that collar of yours is a shock collar, as you may have noticed, and the shock just now? That was the lowest setting. If you try to transform again, I'll set it high enough to kill you. Understood?"

Kai glares at him. Fuck him if he thinks he's getting an answer. But he continues staring, finger inching ever closer to a remote, and eventually Kai spits out, "Yes."

"There. Was that so hard?" He clicks his fingers and two minions step forward, unlocking his limbs from the floor. "Now you know the consequences, we can talk like civilised people. Maybe you'll even answer my questions, though I don't hold out much hope. So, shall we begin? One wrong move and you get shocked. And I haven't given my minions any fun for ages."

One man grins, holding up a… oh, god, is that a hot poker? Kai attempts to brace himself. He's not telling these people anything.

"First question. Where does the Hero League keep their stolen information?"

"I don't know."

One of Moonstar's minions steps forward and presses the poker to Kai's side.

The heat burns, lighting Kai's back up in agony, and he lurches forward, falling to the ground, vision tunnelling. "I'm telling the truth! I don't know! Please, I don't… I don't!"

When he stops screaming and pleading, panting on the floor, Moonstar raises an eyebrow. "I find that hard to believe. So we'll try it again. Where does your organisation keep its stolen information?"

_

Kai's not sure how long it is before Moonstar gives up on getting information that Kai doesn't know out of him and hands him over to his minions to have fun with, but it only gets worse from there. They burn his back with hot pokers and electrocute him, sometimes both at once if they're feeling sadistic enough, and when he's not actively being tortured he's left on his knees with a hood blocking out all light, white noise blasting over the speakers at random. If he even twitches a finger, whoever's on duty will shock him. He hasn't slept, eaten or drank anything since he arrived, and they've threatened him with worse.

It's worst of all when Moonstar comes to watch, taunting him. He can't block it out. He tries to hold out hope that his teammates are coming for him, but with every session that passes it's harder. They've probably abandoned him, it's not like he's very useful. He got himself captured.

On some occasions, the occasions that Kai hates most of all because they make him so disoriented and vulnerable, Moonstar directs his minions to cut Kai, forcing him to faint over and over again, until he can barely think.

And he can't do anything to stop it. They're already getting exactly what they want.

_

Kai wakes for the fiftieth time that session, or so it feels like, his head heavy and his body hurting. Everything hurts these days.

He lifts his head determinedly and glares at Moonstar.

The supervillain only chuckles, a smirk on his face. "It's like putting a budgie to sleep, only much more amusing." He sighs and stands, brushing himself off. "As fun as this is, though, I have something to organise. After all, if you won't give me anything, I'll have to find someone who will. Put him back to sleep in his corner when you're done."

_

The next day, two of Moonstar's minions pull Kai roughly to his feet, chaining his hands high above his head, forcing him to balance on his toes. Then they remove the hood and force a ball gag into his mouth, buckling it overly tight behind his head. He breathes through his nose, trying not to gag.

The minions stand back as the door swings open and Moonstar saunters in. He smiles upon seeing Kai.

"Oh yes, you'll do nicely. Just the perfect combination of injured and trapped. Got to send a photo to your team, after all. They should know about your… predicament."

Kai can't speak but he twists his hand carefully in his cuffs, sticking one finger up. It gets him a punch to the face, but he doesn't really care. Inside he's panicking. He doesn't want his friends to see him like this.

"That wasn't very nice, now, was it?" says Moonstar mildly, pulling out a phone and holding it up. "Smile for the camera now."

Kai glares at the supervillain and hears a camera shutter. Moonstar types something on his phone.

"I wonder how your friends will react to that. What do you think?"

"I think," Kai pants, "that you can go fuck yourself."

Moonstar sighs deeply and Kai's nerves light up. When he comes back to himself, dangling from the restraints, he hears a jaunty ringtone.

"Oh. Excuse me." Moonstar walks out of the room, his men following behind, and when the door slams shut Kai realises he doesn't know how long he's going to be left like this.

Well. That's okay. He can cope. He can.

In. Out. In. Out. He breathes shakily and tries to concentrate on putting his feet back under himself.

He's not sure how long it is before Moonstar returns, undoing the gag. It feels like a long time but it might not be.

"Hello again. How are you feeling?"

"Fuck you."

Moonstar tsks. "Manners, manners. Dear me, what is the world coming to? But that's not why I'm here."

"Why are you here?"

"I just spoke to your pathetic excuse for a team. They're not coming for you. Told me so themselves. You're not useful enough to bother with rescuing."

No. No, that can't be true. They wouldn't leave him here. Would they?

Moonstar roars with laughter, making Kai realise he spoke aloud. "Oh, this is just too good. You're so hopelessly gullible. Of course they're coming. You heroes, you always come. Negotiations are in a few days." Oh. Kai's face heats up with embarrassment and anger. "Now. Obviously you're going to be at the talks, to remind your people what they stand to lose. So the only question remaining is whether you'll behave or if I need to restrain you."

"I won't behave," Kai spits out, "I'm not going to obey you in front of everyone. Fuck you." He won't let his team see him obeying Moonstar.

The supervillain grins. "That's just the answer I was hoping for."

_

Kai shivers as he waits in the centre of the warehouse. The leather and metal restraints holding him in a kneeling position rub against his bare skin, knees pressed to the cold cement. He can barely feel them anymore. His jaw aches from the ball gag and his back's agony from where Moonstar's steel-toed boots press lightly into the burns there. He swallows against the thick band of leather, feeling the prongs dig in as a subtle warning. If he doesn't stay perfectly still, Moonstar won't hesitate to punish him in front of his team.

He never wants them to see him like that.

Moonstar had him restrained like this first thing, claiming that it would 'prepare him for the long meeting'. Kai's sure it's just to make him look worse for his team though.

Not that that's really necessary. After days of torture, he must look like shit anyway.

Kai's not afraid to admit that he's absolutely terrified. What if his team doesn't want him back? What if they decide he's not worth rescuing, not worth the price? He's not really and he knows it. No-one else on the team would've been captured so easily.

What if his team decides to abandon him here?

He takes as deep a breath as he can. They're– they're coming to negotiate, right? So they can't be planning on abandoning him.

But they still could.

Moonstar drags his legs off Kai's back, scraping the injuries as he does so, and Kai sees his boots appear in front of him before Moonstar yanks his head up by the hair. Kai's eyes water as he glares up at the supervillain. Moonstar only smiles.

"Ah, I see you're doing well. No point in pretending to be defiant, you know, I can see the terror in your eyes. The tears you're trying so hard to hide. Don't worry. If your team doesn't buy you, I'm sure we can find some… other use for you."

There's a crackle of static from Moonstar's communicator.

"The heroes are here, boss."

Moonstar drops Kai and takes a seat back in his plush leather chair, feet landing hard on Kai's back. "Well, what are you waiting for? Send them in."

Kai breathes through his nose, trying to calm himself. It's okay. He can do this.

His team walks in the door, escorted by two minions. They're unrestrained, but Kai isn't fooled. They can't attack with him here.

Unless that's their plan. Use this meeting as a trap to destroy Moonstar.

Gemma would never order the use of deadly force, but the Hero League higher-ups might.

Maybe they're going to destroy Moonstar and Kai with him. Because Kai isn't important to them, not really. He's not as useful as the others.

Gemma's eyes latch onto Kai and she takes a step forward, halting when Lian places a hand on her arm.

"Good choice, Solar Flare. See that collar around Wolfman's neck? I've been using it to control him, but if you make a single move to attack me I'll crank the voltage right up and let it run until your friend's dead. Are we clear?"

"Perfectly," grinds out Gemma. Lian and Morfydd both nod, Lian avoiding looking at Kai.

"Now, before we start, are you sure you want to negotiate? I'm quite happy to keep Wolfman here. He'd make for a nice little pet hero." Moonstar ruffles Kai's hair, and he trembles, fighting back a flinch.

"You bastard!" yells Morfydd, tears in their eyes, and Kai blinks. Morfydd very rarely yells, it hurts their ultra-sensitive hearing, even with their ear defenders. "Cer i grafu ti coc oen!"

"Now now. Don't get like that. You don't want Wolfman to get hurt."

"What the hell do you want, Moonstar?" asks Gemma angrily. "What do you want in exchange for Wolfman back?"

Moonstar smirks. "Well, that's the question isn't it. Or rather, what are you willing to give me for him?"

Kai lowers his eyes. Look properly pathetic for me, Wolfman, and I might sell you back for a reasonable price. He has to look truly pathetic if he wants a chance at going home, even if it eats at his pride to do so.

It's not a hard look to achieve. He looks at Gemma, stripping away the layer of pretence that's his only protection. She looks terrified for him, although she's hiding it well, and her hand twitches. "Name your price first."

"The drive you stole from me last week, for starters. And shall we say… £100,000? Nice round figure."

"£80,000," retorts Gemma.

"£100,000 or I keep your little hero as a pet."

"Fine. Deal. Now give us Wolfman."

"My drive and money first."

Morfydd digs into their pocket and throws the small hard drive at Moonstar's head. He plucks it out of the air before it reaches him.

"Now, now. No need for violence. And the money?"

"Silverclaw needs to transfer it across. Give her a few minutes and your details."

Gemma tosses a burner phone across the floor and Kai stares. Aisling? Their medic? She's involved in this too?

"And… done. Message sent. Ooh, got a thumbs up. That's all you need this phone for, right?" And without waiting for an answer he crushes it under his boot.

"Can we have Wolfman back now? We've met your demands."

"I suppose you have. Shame, I was looking forward to keeping him. Solar Flare, middle of the room, no further."

Gemma limps forward to the midpoint between her and Moonstar, rocking back and forth on her heels, clenching her fists compulsively, staring at Kai as if she can will him closer.

Moonstar wrenches Kai's head up by the hair and murmurs in his ear, "Crawl over to your leader. Go on, show her how pathetic you really are." As he unlocks Kai's restraints from the floor he lets the shock collar remote peek out of his pocket, and Kai swallows.

He starts to crawl across the rough, cold floor, scraping his knees as he goes. There's cries of indignation but he keeps his head down, not wanting to see their faces, not wanting them to see his humiliated tears.

He doesn't notice how far he's gotten until Gemma's hands are on him, scooping him up. She's so warm, it feels like he hasn't been warm in forever.

"I've got you, Kai. I've got you. Once the money's finished transferring we'll get you out of here. Stay with me, yeah? You'll be out of here soon."

Kai lets out a muffled whine and presses against her, trying not to see anything else. She runs her hand through his hair.

Several minutes pass, he thinks, before Gemma speaks again, louder this time.

"You have it? Can we leave?"

"Sure. Go. I have what I want, after all. Take Kai Bergström with you."

Gemma stiffens against Kai momentarily and Kai looks up, seeing Moonstar's malevolent grin. He can't muster up much more fear. The four of them follow a minions outside to a League car. Morfydd and Lian climb in the front, and Gemma's starting to help Kai in the back when the man stops her.

"A parting gift from Moonstar." And he slashes across the back of Kai's hand.

Almost immediately, the world goes dark.

_

When Kai wakes he doesn't open his eyes immediately. He doesn't want the dream of being rescued to end. The gentle hands in his hair will disappear if he opens his eyes.

"–his identity?" asks a soft voice, tight with anger. Morfydd.

"We'll figure out how to deal with that once we're back at HQ. Lian, drive us around the back, and Morfydd, pass me that blanket. I don't want people seeing Kai like this."

Kai groans as they turn a corner, and the car quiets.

"Kai? You're awake? Can you open your eyes?"

He doesn't want to, but for Gemma he will, and he peels his eyes open.

Gemma's looking down at him holding a big pink blanket, eyes soft and tight with worry, and he's still in the car. Either the dream hasn't ended, he's having a dream within a dream, or…

He works his jaw. No gag. No shock collar either.

"Not a dream?" he rasps hopefully.

"No. No, not a dream. We can't get the rest of the restraints off in a moving car I'm afraid, you'll have to wait for medbay. How are you feeling?"

"Hurts."

"Okay. We're almost there. Let me wrap you in this blanket."

"Please," whispers Kai. Please, wrap him in something soft and warm, he needs that.

Gemma's as good as her word, wrapping him up snugly. The car pulls to a halt and he's lifted out, unable to see much over the end of the blanket. He closes his eyes, not caring much anymore.

"You made a Kai burrito," comments Lian.

"Yep. Come on."

The ride is bumpy, and Kai only opens his eyes when he's set down on something. The murmur of voices didn't register before but it should have, Aisling's right there above him along with a man he doesn't recognise. She says something he can't properly make out.

"Hmm?"

"Hey Kai. Good to see you again. This is Aaron, he/they, my newest trainee. Is it okay if he helps?"

Kai nods. This Aaron's a professional medic anyway, maybe it won't be too bad.

"Great. I'm going to take off the blanket now, and… oh, god. Aaron, pass me the scissors, I'm not taking the time to bother with the fastenings."

"How bad is he?" asks Lian impatiently.

"We won't know until we've examined him. Stay, talk to him. Keep his mind off things. Kai, do you have any broken bones?" Kai shakes his head. "Okay. Can you take off your underwear? I'll cover you with a blanket afterwards, and we'll get you clean clothes." Kai obeys and pulls the blanket up quickly, covering himself.

"I'm sorry," says Lian, looking him directly in the face for the first time today.

"F'r what?"

"Leaving you behind. I shouldn't have run when Moonstar caught you."

Kai sips at the cup of water Aaron's holding out for him. He has to fight not to gulp it down, the cool liquid heaven on his parched throat. "No. You should. I'm glad you're safe. That why you couldn't look at me?"

"No. I didn't look because I didn't think you'd want me to."

"Oh. Thanks."

Aisling's communicator beeps and she curses, looking down at it. "The higher-ups want to see us immediately. Morfydd, Lian and me."

"It has to be about the unauthorised negotiations," says Morfydd. "If they say we should've just left Kai there…"

"Nah, they'll want to know if Gemma coerced us, as team leader," argues Lian. "As if we can't make our own decisions."

"You know that's not what it's about," says Gemma mildly, as if she hasn't had shouting matches with their managers about autonomy more than anyone else here. "Go. I'll stay with Kai."

"Aaron, can you take over from me?"

"If you think I'm capable."

"Right. We'll be back as soon as we can, Kai."

Kai nods and watches them leave, feeling guilty. In addition to everything else, he's gotten them in trouble.

"Okay Kai, your front doesn't look too bad. Though, when was the last time you drank anything?"

"Aside from that cup of water… before Moonstar."

"Right. Since you're that dehydrated I'd like to put a drip in. Can you turn over so I can check your back first?" Kai does so, heaving a sigh as he takes his weight off the burns, and Gemma sucks in a breath. "Ouch. Let's clean your back and then I can heal some of it. You should take some painkillers."

Kai shakes his head, stomach turning. I could get the guards to give you something that'll make you scream properly. "I don't want any. They make me fuzzy, I'm already fuzzy, don't want to be more fuzzy."

"Easy. You don't have to have them, it's your choice, yeah? I'd advise them, but it's up to you."

"No, I– I can't."

"Okay. Take Gemma's hand and bite down on this. At least nothing looks infected."

Kai does as they say, gripping his mentor's hand tightly and biting down on the silicon… thing.

It hurts. Oh, god, it hurts as Aaron cleans his burns, his vision swims and he wants to be sick.

The waves of pain fade eventually to a dull ache, and his jaw is stiff around the silicon. He lets it go, just about.

"Are you okay?" asks Aaron. Kai nods. "Right. I'm going to heal as much as I can, although since you're so starved there won't be much energy to use, so most of your treatment will be done manually. That okay?" He nods again. Huh. Aaron has healing powers. Kai feels warm hands on his back. "Hold still."

A tingly feeling spreads across his injuries. It's not bad, exactly, just weird. He's never been healed before. It feels a bit like pins and needles. Hurts like it too, after a while.

Slowly that fades, though, and although the pain's still there it's not quite so bad anymore.

"That's it for the painful parts. Your burns don't need debriding now, that's good, I'll just bandage them and insert your IV. Later, when your body's settled from the healing, you can have some food. How's that sound?"

"Good. Thank you."

"Not a problem. I'm glad we got you back." He starts preparing an IV and there's silence for a few minutes.

"Where did you get the money?" Kai asks suddenly. £100,000… that's a lot. It certainly wasn't authorised from League funds.

"Your team's savings," replies Aaron. "I gave some too when they ran out."

Kai stares at his mentor for a moment, unable to comprehend it. "But… Gemma… you and Aisling were saving for your retirement. And you don't even know me, Aaron. I'm not worth all that."

"Neither of us are retiring yet. Besides, you are worth every penny and more, Kai. You're a valuable member of the team, but more importantly, you're our friend. You're family. My retirement is certainly not worth more than your life, don't ever think that."

Kai tries to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat, eyes filling with tears. "You– I–"

Gemma moves to sit on the edge of the bed, pulling Kai's head into her lap. She runs her hand through his hair, scratching his itching scalp.

And Kai can't hold it in anymore. He crumbles, sobbing into Gemma's lap. Loud, messy, gulping sobs that he can't quite stop.

"I was so scared," he says through tears, when he can speak, "so scared. I was terrified that you'd leave me there, that I wasn't worth rescuing. And Moonstar, he– he terrified me. He tortured me and he made me beg and I couldn't stop it. I didn't mean to, it just hurt so much. I'm sorry I got captured. I'm a– a rubbish hero."

"Hey," scolds Gemma, gently but firmly, "you're not rubbish. Heroes aren't infallible. Most of us have been captured at least once. And I'm sorry for making you think you weren't worth everything to us. The only reason we didn't come for you sooner was because my leg had to heal first, but I never should've made you think you'd been abandoned."

"It's not your fault," Kai sniffles. "I've felt like that my whole life, I know it's irrational. I've never been abandoned."

"I'm your mentor. Maybe your fear wasn't caused by me, but I should've reassured you. I should've known how scared you were and helped you. I'm sorry."

"It's not like I told you anything."

Gemma raises an eyebrow. "Just like you didn't tell me you still pass out at the sight of your own blood? You told me the exact opposite, actually."

Kai, who'd just been starting to feel a little better, wilts, hiding from Gemma's stern look. "I just– I wanted to go on an actual mission," he mumbles. "and I know you only took me because I'm not really affected by Moonstar's powers but you'd have left me behind if you thought I'd be so use– detrimental."

"No, Kai. I'd have made sure you had one of the new cut-proof full-body suits. And I still am going to get you one made. They'll ground us at least for the unauthorised ransom negotiations, we have plenty of time."

"Thank you."

"And we didn't just bring you for your powers. I wish you'd think better of yourself. You're brave, clever, resourceful. Besides, everyone has to have their first mission at some point." Kai snuggles up against Gemma. "Hey, are you okay? Well, you're not, obviously, but you're not usually this physically affectionate."

"I'm still scared," whispers Kai. He doesn't want to admit it but they agreed a long time ago that they'd only tell the truth in the medbay. "I keep thinking I'm still captured. If I close my eyes and I'm not touching anyone, it's like I'm still there. I mean, I know I'm not, but I'm still so cold and my body can't believe it. How do I do it?"

"You wait. Get some sleep, so you can think properly. Don't be too hard on yourself, you were tortured for a week, it's bound to stick for a while. And I'll stay. Prove to you that I'd never abandon you. I really am very sorry I ever let you think we would."

"It won't help to drown yourself in regret," murmurs Kai, finding Gemma's warm, calloused hand. He only spent a week there? She squeezes his hand tightly.

"Stealing my own words now, huh? Go on, go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake."

"I can't. I've seen you have nightmares, I don't want to remember what happened. I never wanted you to see me like that and I– what if I experience it again?"

"Then I'll wake you. You need rest. You could let Aaron give you a sedative?"

Kai shakes his head. "I won't be able to wake myself then." And he really doesn't want anything injected into him. It's like putting a budgie to sleep, only much more amusing. A needle might draw blood, and that would only make him weaker.

"Okay. Okay. Stay awake as long as you need to. Whoever comes over here next can fetch you some extra blankets, and let me give you a hug in the meantime?"

Kai nods and lets himself fall into Gemma's arms. She's warm, so warm compared to him, and he knows he'll fall asleep eventually but he really doesn't want to.

At least he's home, though. That's the important thing. He's home. He just needs to remember that and he'll– he'll be okay.

[harlowhockeystick]

Okay…this isn’t thirst but:

Princess has been struggling with the toddler/terrible 2 phase with Gemma. Gemma has been throwing tantrums left and right, she isn’t listening, she is making messes all throughout the house and princess tries to keep effortlessly clean, and she just snaps one day. Gemma is having another crying fit again for the fourth time that day, princess doesn’t know what to do because she has a changed diaper, she has been fed, she has already had her morning nap, Princess doesn’t understand what is going on. She calls Nolan which is something she refused to do, she didn’t want to ever distract him from work/practices to come home because she can’t handle Gemma. But she calls, and she can’t even really talk because she’s sobbing right along with Gemma. Nolan hears Gemma in the background and he hears how distraught his wife is, and he doesn’t even try to reason with Princess, he comes home immediately without question. He sees that Gemma is laying on the living room floor, still crying, and his wife is sitting on the couch, still crying. He tends to Gemma first, spending about thirty minutes with her to get her calm and down for another necessary nap. He then goes and tends to his wife who just collapses in his arms and he holds her until she lets go. She’s venting, going on and on about how she doesn’t feel fit as a mother and that she must be a horrible mother because she can’t even get her own two year old to calm down for a few minutes, and that’s when Nolan stops her and says “princess, you’re a wonderful mama, the best one I’ve ever seen. And you’ll be the best mama for the rest of your life, I know you will.” R

SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. RIGHT. NOW. THIS IS THE SOFTEST THING I THINK WE HAVE HAD FOR THEM IN A WHILE. DAD NOLAN COMFORTING MOM PRINCESS 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

[thepastisalreadywritten]

It is one of the country’s most prestigious public schools, a historic building on the edge of a pretty town that has educated everyone from poets to comedians – and now counts a future queen among its alumni.

Since it was founded in 1843 for the purpose of educating the sons of clergymen, the £42,930-per-year Marlborough College has seen artist William Morris, the poets John Betjeman and Siegfried Sassoon, and Samantha Cameron, wife of the former prime minister David Cameron, as well as funnyman Jack Whitehall pass through its halls and corridors.

And in 1996 – seven years after it became fully co-educational, having previously only admitted girls in the sixth form - it welcomed a princess-in-waiting, even if few might have guessed it at first.

The then 14-year-old Kate Middleton arrived in Marlborough, Wiltshire, as a shy and lanky teen, having moved after enduring alleged bullying at her previous school, Downe House.

It would prove to be an entrée into a world, which would eventually see her rubbing shoulders with a notably privileged group of students and see her secure a place at the ancient St Andrews University – where Prince William happened to be studying.

Such a trajectory seemed unlikely when she first arrived in rural Wiltshire, however.

‘She had very little confidence,’ recalled her dorm mate Gemma Williamson, who described the new arrival who joined in the middle of the year as 'thin and pale.'

Kate’s house tutor Joan Gall said she was suffering from eczema due to stress.

‘When she arrived, she was very quiet. Coming into a big school like Marlborough was difficult, but she settled in quickly.’

Miss Gall previously said: ‘It was like a big, happy family. We would do things like bake cakes and watch videos.’

Certainly, the girl who would go on to become a celebrated royal beauty did not initially catch the eye of male pupils, who would crudely give passing girls a score out of ten as they made their way to supper. Kate was given a mere two.

Yet during her four years at Marlborough, the future Princess of Wales blossomed into a beautiful, sought after young woman as well as an accomplished one who excelled at hockey and who would go on to become co-captain of the tennis team.

In fact, unlike her time at Downe House, Kate felt at home from the start of her time at Marlborough, where she joined the school's cosy all-girls boarding house, Elmhurst.

Contemporaries recall her as the perfect pupil, listening to her Walkman, watching Friends and indulging in Marmite sandwiches.

Meanwhile, housemistress Ann Patching recalled her former pupil's love of lasagne and pasta bakes but said that 'Kate always stayed very slim.’

Naturally kind hearted, she quickly gained a close circle of friends, among them her peers on the hockey team, one of whom accompanied her on a trip to Ibiza to recover from her heartbreak after she briefly broke up with Prince William in 2007.

Unfazed by her popularity however, she remained a responsible role model and was never caught with illicit booze unlike her friends, one of whom once confided:

'A group of us used to sneak off to Reading to go drinking but she would never join us.'

In fact, Kate was only charged with one lapse in good behaviour when she threw up on the train home after an all-night champagne and dance party hosted by a member of her hockey team.

It was after a hockey tour to Argentina, friends recall – followed by a family trip to the Caribbean - that a then 16-year-old Kate returned to the school sixth firm newly transformed.

‘She was an absolute beauty,‘ according to friend Gemma, who says 'boys now fancied her rotten.’

Among them was the comedian Jack Whitehall, who attended Marlborough a few years below Kate and who admitted in an interview that she was his first crush.

He later joked of being jealous of the attention the princess received from the school, venting:

''I went to the same secondary school as Kate Middleton and she's someone they like to talk about.

I've been sending them a letter each year saying maybe now it's time to put me in the school prospectus or on the walls. I feel like I'm their dirty little secret.'

Nonetheless, despite becoming a favoured among the boys, the princess did not have lengthy dalliances with the opposite sex.

'I got the distinct impression that Catherine wanted to save herself for someone special,' said Gemma previously.

Her first kiss is believed to have been with Woody, the elder brother of Alice St John Webster - one of Kate's closest friends.

She also reportedly had a brief romance with Harry Blakelock, captain of the rugby team, which fizzled out after he left school, leaving Kate 'heartbroken.'

There’s no question that Kate made quite an impact on her school, later hailed as 'Person most likely to be loved by everybody' in her yearbook, when she departed on her gap year before heading to University of St Andrews after achieving two As and a B in her A Levels.

By then, she had been followed to Marlborough by her younger sister Pippa who, untainted by earlier experiences of bullying, was seen by contemporaries as the more naturally confident half of the Middleton pair.

She enrolled at the same boarding house as her older sister and joined the hockey team, yet there was little in the way of sibling rivalry according to contemporaries.

In fact, along with friend Alice St John Webster, they are remembered as a tight trio.

'Alice, Pippa and Kate were a very tight group and all best friends from the age of 14 upwards. It could be a bit suffocating. They did everything together,' one friend said.

Riding a wave of success in the sporting and social spheres at prep school, Pippa won an all-rounder scholarship to Marlborough and became captain of the hockey team.

Unlike Kate's meek start at the college, Pippa took every opportunity to make an impression at the school, with one contemporary saying:

'Pippa was slightly tough and, back then, the one with the charisma. No one would ever think of bullying her.'

She was given the unfortunate nickname 'pan face' because of her supposed flat features but was not put off trying to impress her male peers, even when playing sport.

'My focus is on winning and making sure that my hair — fashioned into a slick Sporty Spice “up do” — is just right. Did I mention boys watching?' she wrote in the Spectator.

Seen as the 'alpha' sister in contrast to 'kind hearted, home-loving' Kate, Pippa 'loved being the centre of attention' according to one contemporary.

She was chatty, funny and louder than her sister but, despite her sociable nature, she followed Kate's example of dodging drinking and smoking.

Housemistress Ann Patching later described the relationship between the well-behaved pair saying:

'Pippa was good at everything and sharper academically, but I don’t think Catherine ever resented that.'

Twenty three years after Kate departed for the last time, meanwhile, there is no question that the school - with its serene setting amid two lakes, and boasting a competition swimming pool, cricket pavilion and international-standard athletics track - remains a popular destination for well-heeled parents.

According to the Which school guide, competition for places at the school increased after it became known as the alma mater of the Princess of Wales.

Nor has it stopped it being mired in the occasional scandal.

In 2016, some of the older pupils brought in a stripper to perform on the grounds, an act later branded 'inappropriate' by the school.

The boarding school was also criticised last year for not carrying out necessary safeguarding checks on teachers, after an Independent Schools Inspectorate (ISI) report revealed that checks including barred lists for prior criminal offences were not completed.

A spokesperson for the school said at the time:

'Since our compliance inspection, the college has upgraded the record-keeping processes highlighted in the ISI report.

'We have been keeping our parents informed and are looking forward to an early re-inspection.'

None of this is likely to deter the wealthy elite, many of whom will doubtless be anxious for their own offspring to attend a school that prepped the Princess of Wales for her royal calling – and if rumour has it, may also be set to educate her offspring.

[mystimod]

My dog is unwell

She's probably only got a few days left, I'm not asking for anything, I just wanted to vent. She's a good girl and doesn't deserve whatever it it is going on with her, she has extremely low red blood cell and platelet counts, and it's only getting worse by the day. I love her and she's very special to me. I know I can't save her, but at least I can wish her well on her way to see her older sister and meet her late brother and sister that she never got to before. I'll see you someday on that rainbow bridge with them, Gemma.

[fatedsims]

FATEDSIMS  presents   :   sebastian o’mackey .

from riverblossom hills, bash grew up with two moms, a dad, and a sister. the son of patricia wan, gabe and alexandra o'mackey ; the brother of jules o'mackey. he was childhood friends with alice shikibu - their moms, best friends since before they were born. growing up in such an eco-friendly family, bash spent the several stages of his life learning all of the ways that things could be better. but there was no saving the planet by the point that he was born, and at his teen birthday he left home just like everyone else, only seeing his family a few more times before the story begins .

NAME :   sebastian o’mackey . AESTHETIC :  with a mix of streetwear and rocker fashion, bash leans towards darker colors with an edgier aesthetic ( when given the choice ) . MBTI  :  estp ; the entrepreneur .   ALIGNMENT  :  chaotic good .  ENNEAGRAM  :  type nine ; the peacemaker . TEMPERMENT  :  sanguine . INSPIRATIONAL  QUOTE  :  there is some good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for .  (    j.r.r. tolkien  ,   the two towers .  )

CHARACTER  CONNECTIONS .  

ALICE :  bash has had a crush on alice ever since they were little kids, but he would never risk their friendship for something as uncertain as romance. more than a crush though, she is his rock in a storm ridden harbor, his safe space, his one tie to home as circumstance has dragged them farther and farther from what they once expected out of life. OLIVER :  bash makes it his personal job to cheer ollie up when he's down in the dumps, and he thinks that this says a lot about their friendship. oliver is the friend that he can go to when he really needs to vent - an excellent listener, a great friend, and bash tries to pay that back in kind whenever he has the chance. his methods may not always be the best, but he's trying. GEMMA : bash didn't know gemma very well before they made it to their designated area at bridgeport, but he knows for a fact that he wouldn't know what to do without her now. if alice is his rock, gemma is his right hand - the one who always knows the next step, the one who is always there to help him puzzle things through. her support is everything to him.

ᴛᴇᴍᴘʟᴀᴛᴇs ᴜsᴇᴅ ﹕ ｈｅｒｅ   ＆． ｈｅｒｅ ．