#GOOD SEX ED

[aizawas-upper-left-wisdom-tooth]

I'm always intrigued/horrified when others talk about the horrific sex ed they experienced. I went to a Christian homeschooling co'op group and while we didn't necessarily have "sex ed" we did have a health class that had a portion dedicated to general sex ed. We learned the basics of the how's and what nots then we're told the Christian viewpoint of no sex till marriage and why it's important not only from a Christian viewpoint, but also from a practical view point. Building trust with your partner, no risk of STDs, and no risk of pregnancy to name a few. Aside from the basics, the co'op group always encouraged/required parents to fill in the gaps at home and teach your kids however much/little you wanted them to know. My mom made sure we knew a bunch because she has some sexual trauma and wanted us to be safe. It's always so disturbing to me when I hear the horrors of others having learned such ridiculous bs growing up.

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[florallylly]

robin buckley, freshly 21 and scheduled for her first pap smear, literally terrified of the concept of a speculum.

steve harrington, with no knowledge of the human body or medicine: don't worry we can get one together and i'll go first

[bairdthereader]

There's one in every friend group (and we love them).

Bonus--Confused Nick is confused:

[reasonsforhope]

"The number of teenage abortions in Finland fell by 66% between 2000 and 2023, its public health institute THL said on Monday, attributing the reduction to the offer of free contraception to adolescents and compulsory sex education in schools.

Finland also passed a law in 2022 liberalising abortion, at a time of deep divisions over abortion rights in Europe and court rulings in the U.S. that restricted access to terminations of unwanted pregnancies for millions of people there.

The number of abortions among women under 20 rose during the 1990s in Finland, which led the Nordic country to respond at the start of the 2000s by making morning-after pills available without prescription from 15 years of age and sexual education compulsory in all schools.

"We can assume that sexual education plays a significant role," THL's research professor Mika Gissler told Reuters, adding that increased access to contraception from a young age was another factor behind the change.

The number of abortions fell 66% to 722 in 2023 from 2,144 in 2000 among all teenagers aged 19 or younger in Finland, while the drop was even steeper at 78% among those under 18 in the same period, THL's statistics showed.

"Since the latter half of the 2010s, the decline in the number of young people's abortions has also been influenced by the introduction of free contraception in many welfare regions," THL wrote in a report...

Under the 2022 liberalisation, Finland from September 2023 stopped requiring women to give a reason for having an abortion, making it available upon a pregnant person's request during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy.

[Note: That's actually not a very long window for abortion! Many conservative states in the US have actually instituted 12-week bans, and it's caused terrible upheaval and limits to medical services. Sounds like Finland should liberalize further, imho! Still, important progress!]

THL said it was too early to conclude whether the legislative change, which took effect last year, will have an impact on the number of abortions."

-via Reuters, June 3, 2024

[tonycries]

re: that tag where u said "i'm afraid no man would be like this"

please know that you have revamped my sex life with my man because of ur delicious fics. i indirectly blame you for my first squirting experience last week. you're teaching them and it's

so nice 🥴

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

One thing I feel like I don't see enough: Stede loves compliments, he's desperate for approval and praise, and he's not subtle about it.

One night they're gonna be chilling in bed, and Ed will be waiting for his brain to turn back online because Stede just fucked his brains out, and it'll go like:

Stede: that was fun! 🥰🤗😍

Ed: Yup! 😊

Stede:

Stede: is there anything in particular you'd like to compliment about my skillset 👉🏻👈🏻

[portraitofadyke]

I love that the whole fandom agreed Stede topped the first time.

However, if you think that's how they will keep doing it forever you are wrong. Stede finally got the man he wanted and got to do something so good with him it made Edward Teach throw out his leathers and become a housewife, and now that he got a taste, this hedonistic little man who found out what Good Sex With Someone You Love is like, is about to try every flavor of it. he will see Ed having a good time and think 'I want what he's having'

And Ed. Look at him and tell me that's not a man who's willing to do anything to make his boyfriend happy, and this is not a look of somebody who Will introduce this repressed man to his prostate later. That's a service top in the making.

They are two super inventive, imaginative men who are so obsessed with each other and trust each other, who live in the middle of nowhere. if you do not think they will invent 858 new ways to have sex, probably publish a new Kamasútra for queer pirates and publish it in hard binding and sell it at the inn's gift shop, you're wrong

[gentlekalita]

Mental Safety in BDSM

It’s your Gentle Domme Kalita here, and today we’re diving into an incredibly important topic: mental safety in BDSM. While the physical aspects of BDSM often receive a lot of attention, it’s crucial not to overlook the emotional and psychological dynamics that play a vital role in creating a safe and fulfilling experience. Whether you’re a seasoned practitioner or just beginning your journey, understanding mental safety can enhance your experiences and build stronger connections. Let’s explore together!

Understanding Mental Safety

Mental safety refers to the emotional well-being of all participants in a BDSM dynamic. It encompasses feelings of trust, respect, and the ability to freely express thoughts and boundaries. Feeling mentally safe is just as important as physical safety, and both should be prioritized for a genuinely enjoyable experience.

1. Open Communication

The cornerstone of mental safety in BDSM is communication. Here’s how to cultivate an open dialogue:

Pre-Scene Conversations: Before you engage in any BDSM activities, have a thorough discussion with your partner(s) to talk about desires, limits, and expectations. This dialogue helps to establish trust and ensures everyone is on the same page.

Discuss Aftercare Needs: Talk about what you might need emotionally after a scene. Some people prefer cuddling and reassurance, while others may want a bit of space. Understanding your partner’s needs fosters safety and connection.

Check-Ins: During a scene, establish a method for checking in with one another. This can be verbal, using safe words, or through non-verbal cues. Continually affirming comfort and consent is essential.

2. Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are crucial in maintaining mental safety:

Define Limits: Clearly communicate what is acceptable and what crosses a line. This step may include discussing hard limits (non-negotiable) and soft limits (areas that may be explored with caution).

Create Safe Words: Establishing safe words is fundamental. Use a straightforward system like "red" for stop and "yellow" for slow down/check-in. This clarity helps alleviate stress, enabling everyone to focus on the experience rather than worrying about crossing boundaries.

3. Understanding Consent

Consent is not just a one-time agreement but an ongoing conversation:

Enthusiastic Consent: Ensure that consent is given enthusiastically and willingly. Everyone involved should feel positive about participation and the activities planned.

Revoking Consent: Teach participants that it’s okay to change their minds and revoke consent at any time. Understanding that it’s not just the scene but the emotional state that is constant means feeling empowered to speak up if something doesn’t feel right.

4. Aftercare: A Key Component

Aftercare is essential for mental safety and emotional recovery following BDSM activities:

Nurturing Connection: Spend time together post-scene, engaging in cuddles, sweet words, or any comforting activities that reinforce trust and intimacy. Aftercare helps to settle emotional highs and lows after an intense experience.

Discussing the Scene: Talk about what went well and what could improve in the future. Sharing feelings and experiences can provide closure and understanding, enhancing the connection for future sessions.

Self-Care: Encourage practicing self-care routines post-play, whether that involves winding down alone, journaling, or bathing. Engaging in self-love reinforces mental well-being.

5. Recognizing Emotional Triggers

Understanding emotional triggers is crucial for maintaining mental safety:

Identify Triggers: Before engaging in BDSM, participants should discuss any personal emotional triggers they may have. This knowledge ensures that certain situations or actions do not invoke unintended distress.

Create a Safety Plan: If a moment comes when someone feels overwhelmed or triggered, having a plan in place—like a trusted safe word—helps mitigate potential emotional difficulties.

6. Education and Exploration

Knowledge is empowering when it comes to BDSM:

Take Time to Learn: Engage in readings, workshops, or discussions focused on BDSM principles. Educating yourself about different dynamics enhances understanding and emotional intelligence.

Attend Communities or Forums: Participate in local BDSM communities or online forums where you can openly discuss ideas, experiences, and concerns without judgment.

✨ Join Me for More Nurturing Adventures!

Are you ready to delve deeper into the beautiful world of BDSM while prioritizing your mental safety? I invite you to join me in my live camming sessions, where we can discuss these important concepts, share experiences, and create a supportive community that embraces exploration and self-discovery.

👉 CHECK MY BIO! 💖

[bougiebutchbinch]

AND AND AND. If I may. NO dynamic is more delicious to me than Ed being a very switchy guy who likes to try ALL things, in contrast to Izzy being a very fixed-in-his-ways subby bottom who is nevertheless determined to make his captain happy

which is to say Ed gets really fucking bored of any dynamic after about a week. which is to say they switch it up a lot in the pre-stede era, only it absolutely sucks because Ed has to talk Izzy through it step-by-step and Izzy just is kinda ass at taking initiative, because he wants to be ordered around so very badly slkdfgklsdhgsd

cue Ed sighing and telling Izzy he's 'impossible' and 'it's like pulling teeth with you, mate', which OBVIOUSLY Izzy takes incredibly badly and cries about later in the privacy of his own cabin while flagellating himself literally and figuratively for his Failure to be The Man his captain Needs Him To Be, etc.

and everything is kinda sad and sour until Stede McHorseCock Bonnet swaggers bow-legged into their life and gives them a much needed third wheel on their Reliant Robin

[itsbait]

if you write ed nashton/the riddler as an aggressive, confident dom thats experienced (somehow) and actually knows what hes doing and calls the reader shit like "baby" You are going to super hell. he is not strumming your clit like a harpist at the london philharmonic orchestra he is sweating through his excessive layers the second you get a hand on him and ejaculating in his pants and finding a way to blame you for it so he doesnt die of embarassment from being the clammy involuntary celibate virgin loser that he is. You do not fuck with him like i do. Poser.

[doomedtokill]

i feel like during regulus and bartys first time barty ends up fisting reg as he has no clue what hes doing

[gentlemancowboy]

Maeve + Otis Season 1 // Season 4

[zykamiliah]

what about bingqiu?

this is my response to this post. i didn't want to reply in the same post because it's going to get really long, and i disagree with almost everything, so this way i may avoid the discourse. haha. anyway, i'm gonna try to answer each of op's points.

-why bingqiu are a couple:

♦ because despite everything, they've chosen each other. not because they're soulmates (though mxtx did pull the string of fate thing), but because they genuinely want to spend time together

it's very subtle but they do share some values and similarities: they both repay kindness with kindness and believe that one should pay back those who hurt you twofold/tenfold. furthermore, they are both petty bitches. as @fireandgrimstone pointed out here, they're both busybodies: they get restless if they aren't doing something.

on that note: self-preservation is not a core value they share. sqq is terrible at self-preservation. from the first moment, instead of minding his own business, he risked losing points (which would terminate his account and kill him) just to protect binghe when he was being bullied by ming fan and co. sqq couldn't stand by watching someone being bullied. then during the demon invasion, he was ready to risk his own life to protect all the cqm disciples. he was willing to self-destruct to take out sha hualing.

the thing is that sqq likes to lie about himself and say everything he does is out of self-preservation, but it isn't true.

so, if it wasn't out of self preservation, why did sqq pushed binghe into the endless abyss? yes, it needed to happen, but he didn't do it to save himself. he can't hurt binghe just to protect himself. he did it because he brainwashed himself into believing this was the best for binghe, that binghe needed to in order to become strong and achieve his fate.

(chapter 4: conference)

♦ because they give each other what they need. consistent love, support and understanding was something lbh really needed, and those 2-3 years before the immortal alliance conference did wonders for binghe to allow himself to feel vulnerable and be more in touch with his own feelings. this will get screwed up post-endless abyss but sqq does encourage him in the extras to express his feelings and talk about what he thinks and feels.

now, what lbh gives to sqq may not seem obvious (thank you for the help, luuny!♥), since sqq's layered narration is tricky to deconstruct, but by the end of the novel lbh can get past sqq's tsundere/savin face bullshit. sqq has all his toxic masculinity ideas and internalized homophobia that he keeps dragging everywhere he goes, and his relationship with lbh, who was supposed to be the epitome of masculinity, has allowed him to shed off some of it. but not all. thus, lbh knows when sqq needs to be pushed or coaxed into doing something he already wants to do but thinks he shouldn't want and doesn't know how to justify (sex for example). lbh also gives sqq the whole domestic package: someone to dote on, someone that does the chores and takes care of him, because frankly sqq is good at many things but he fails at self-care.

♦ domesticity and companionship. for bingqiu it wasn't like other couples who were first attracted to each other from one reason or another and from then on the relationship developed. the first period of their relationship is mostly platonic (poor binghe is suffering the teenage hormones), and was based on the easy domesticity and companionship they shared. and honestly that's such a simple yet beautiful kind of love. they genuinely like spending time together, living together, talking to each other. they never get bored of being together or of each other, which brings me to

♦ the obsession. like, it's honestly hilarious how obsessed they are with each other. sy was already obsessed with pidw protagonist bingge, but in svsss he got to love and get obsessed all over again with his own binghe aka bingmei. and from lbh's pov it's more or less the same: he had a complicated relationship with original sqq, which was the start of it all, but the person he loves is not the cold shizun from the past who he needs to prove himself to, but the one that's always trying to protect him, even if it's from himself. in both cases, their relationship started with distance, with the shadow of the other version of each other they'd known before. but what made them fall in love weren't those ghosts from the past, but the person they could see underneath it all: the hardworking boy that just wanted to be loved, and the closeted man who wants to give love and help others and have a purpose and belong to something (binghe understands that sqq would be unhappy if he couldn't visit cqm, qjp and his sect siblings). this relates to the fact that

♦ they understand each other better than anyone else. it takes them time, but that's the point of their journey and by the time we read about their relationship in the extras, we can see that despite everything, they not only understand each other very well but actively try to understand each other better. they already made the mistake of making too many assumptions, and they're not doing that again.

________________

another point that op got wrong:

off the top of my head an example would be how bingge (he-with-no-shen-yuan) took a harem of beauties so he could control xin mo but bingmei (he-with-shen-yuan) decided to just... cripple people's cultivation (...) what i'm getting at is that binghe was willing to pay other people's lives just so he didn't have to be intimate with anyone except shen yuan.

bingge too was cripping other cultivators to get ride of the excess of demonic qi, it's just that after he captured the three nuns from tianyi overlook they taught him how to achieve the same result using dual cultivation. (thanking @stardust-falling for their notes on this topic!)

(chapter 9: borderlands)

[violethyacinth]

Maximus telling Lucy that she smelled good and the entire following interaction was so funny and good but also made me feel so bad for the people who grow up under Brotherhood rule

Like y’all got all this time, caps, and resources to dedicate to finding goddamn toasters and shit but you can’t take a week to teach your aspirants actual sex ed so you don’t have god knows what kind of stis going around barracks because them teenagers ARE fucking do not delude yourselves.

[lokiiied]

i just think that sex education is one of the best shows of our time in terms of queer representation and addressing issues around mental health and it’s like…gay rep, bi rep, pan rep, aroace rep, lesbian rep, trans rep, nonbinary rep, disabled rep, sex positivity, sex education, healthy sex, enthusiastic consent, safe sex, masturbation positivity, kink positivity, body positivity, autistic/adhd/nd coded characters, characters with anxiety, depression, insecurities, trauma, disabilities, addiction, parental issues, complicated relationships with religion, gender dysphoria, internalised homophobia, it shows us that being around fellow queer people is essential to mental health and being with people who make us feel understood and not judged and accepted and safe it shows us there are safe ways to do drugs and it shows us everyone including your parents/guardians/teachers/etc. have their own incredibly complex personal lives and struggles and that we’re not all so different we’re just misunderstood and repressed and conditioned to feel shame about everything and it’s about love and sex and school and life and coming of age and growth and friendship and following your heart and trying new things and discovering yourself and loving yourself and loving the people around you and—

[3liza]

the numbers I see thrown around on this website for when afab children in particular supposedly "start puberty" are, I think, significantly and negatively feeding into the nascent purity culture. the current average age of first menstrual period in the USA is 12 years old. not when you start puberty--it takes several years for the human body to develop from prepubertal to the point where it actually menstruates--that happens around age 8 or 9 but it isn't particularly noticeable, and comes on gradually. the age when most afab people reach close to their adult height is the same age as first menstrual period. I was 5'5" already in middle school, and this isn't unusual at all. remember how the girls were all twice as big as the boys for like two years? that's what was going on. the fact that girls usually are too embarrassed to discuss their periods until high school has given the false impression to a lot of people I think that it's normal to get your period way later. it's not! by the time you're 15 or 16, afab, and not menstruating yet, your pediatrician would probably be wondering if they should check your hormone levels in case there was something going on. it's also normal for athletes to start later due to lower body fat.

but yes in general I need Tumblr to learn and internalize that afab puberty starts in elementary school and that this is completely healthy and normal. it has nothing to do with emotional or cultural concerns about human sexuality, it does not mean a 12 year old understands sex or sexuality. all it means is your body is going through one part of the very very long process of physical maturity.