#Friendships and Relationships

[coldercreation]

another day another TMI rant

Hmmm it has come to my attention that there is something rather off-putting? confusing? hollow? self-doubt inducing? about people being casual-sexually attracted to you but not showing even a hint of interest to you as a person when it is outside of that casually-sexual context🤔 You'd think that getting complimented on your looks was nice (and it is, don't get me wrong) but when it is the only driving force for multiple interactions with different people... It can be a very objectifying experience :/ Especially once they find out that you're not into anything casual and suddenly you no longer exist.

I mean, I still haven't found myself crushing on/interested in anyone as of now, but y'know... I'm still interested in people and who they are in general. They don't just stop existing to me once they are out of my sight. Like... I don't need to want to have sexy times with someone to want to know who they are?😭 I've said it before but, do people nowadays really only care for others if it somehow benefits them?

I've found that I'm not made for casual relationships (which is obvs completely fine and it also fine if someone is the opposite). But it is tricky and frustrating that there only ever seems to be two reasons people approach me or engage with me: 1) casual-sexual thing 2) they just don't. And I mean this for both romantic and friendly relationships. Either they just see someone they wanna bang or there's no engagement at all (or it's very surface level/impersonal). :(

Like... I'm a personnnn. I like myself just fineeee; can't be that off putting that it's only my looks people want to deal with ?? My brain could be hot too??? asdfhg lmao :')

[1-jar-of-stars]

On Friendship.

[abreathlessplace]

"i wonder if we ever think of each other at the same time."

[what-iz-life]

I confuse people. i have a happy personality and a sad soul. i'm bold but shy. i love deeply but sometimes i feel heartless. i'm healing and hurting at the same time. i'm dedicated to growth, but i self sabotage

[minimalist-quotes]

You're not grown until you know how to communicate, apologize, be truthful and accept accountability without blaming someone else.

[monalisha1328]

"Moon in the 11th House fosters deep emotional connections with friends and communities, but can also bring emotional challenges."

Visit now : Moon in 11th House: Deep Connections & Challenges

[timetravelsong]

𝐈𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐈’𝐦 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭. 𝐈’𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞.

excerpts from a book I’ll never write

[ineffectualdemon]

Since the OP made their post unrebloggable (and blocked me. Both actions they are well in with their right to do)

I'm going to make my response it's own post because I think the point is important

-

As someone who is autistic and has BPD and CPTSD and loads of trauma yes you sometimes need to change how you interact with others to keep people around

When I was 13 I hit the few friends I had when I was angry

I had to change that in order to keep those friendships

When I was in my early 20s if I was losing an disagreement with my husband I would threaten to kill myself. My husband told me it hurt him and was cruel and manipulative behaviour, because it was.

So I worked hard to change that to keep my relationship

It's easy to say "I shouldn't have to change for others" and that's true to an extent. You shouldn't change your interests or passions or dim your light. And you should have space to be imperfect and flawed and not have to pretend your ugly bits aren't real. But if something you are doing it causing other people harm you kinda need to change that.

That's called "living in a society"

People adapt to each other and make space for each other in their lives. You adapt to them and they adapt to you

You start being more diligent about throwing away the empty toilet roll because it really bothers them. They start warning you before they run the blender because you hate loud noises

I stopped threatening to kill myself because I was mad I was losing an argument and my husband stopped being so vocally judgemental amount media he personally dislikes

There is a certain type of person who heard the phrase "your emotions are valid" and took that to mean "my emotional reactions and my behaviour are always objectively correct because my emotions are valid and if you have an emotional response or react to what I'm doing negatively then you are wrong and you can't be hurt because my emotions are valid"

And that's a recipe for disaster

Your emotions are valid to feel. They are how you feel and there are reasons you feel the way you do

However, your reactions and behaviour are something you can learn to control and can be irrational

We live in a society and we as people change each other as we interact and that isn't necessarily a bad thing

[authenticity2025]

Maturity is when you realize people can't give you what they can't give themselves, so you stop expecting loyalty from people who betray themselves, stop expecting honesty from people who lie to themselves, and stop expecting peace from people who are at war with themselves.

[caffstrink]

My 2 favorites

[veryluckyclovers]

[polyquestria]

I'm here to combat the vicious homophobic granny smith rumours

[thepeacefulgarden]

[abreathlessplace]

"tell me it was real, because it was real to me."

[what-iz-life]

You deserve a calm relationship that's good for your mental health, heart, and nervous system. A lover who's your bestie, your safe space, and soothes your soul during stressful situations. Life is tough enough – you deserve someone who brings you peace, not problems.