#Fic: Break the Cycle

[strangerqueerthings]

Last sentence tag game (not matter if fanfic/fandom or original work). I was tagged by @weird-an (Thank you! ♥)

Post your last sentence, then tag as many people as there are words.

“Gross. She’s the same age as my mom,” Max muttered softly so Susan wouldn’t overhear.

(I am lazy) Tagging @thembohux @nebulousmistress @knucklechuffed @ihni @intothedysphoria @shieldofiron @decadentworld

[bengesko]

Some character building for my baby, Arden.

1: What does their bedroom look like? Arden’s bedroom is literally the back of a hearse. He covered the casket tracks with a futon mattress, a memory foam pad, blankets, pillows, etc. (He gets kicked out by his dad often enough that his hearse is his secondary home.)

2: Do they have any daily rituals? Every day, Arden does a circle around Dragula to check for damage, vandalism, etc. Dragula is his transport, his home, his ticket out of hell. She means everything to him.

3: Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often? Arden does basic weight lifting 2-3 times a week to keep himself strong so he can help lift bodies, move caskets etc. He’s thin and wiry but strong and scrappy as a result.

4: What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy? Grab a snack out of his hearse. (not a body lol)

5: Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.) Arden doesn’t have much, so he’s very neat and tidy, but if given the space, time, and funds, he might struggle a bit with hoarding tendencies.

6: Eating habits and sample daily menu. Arden is a really good cook- he has to be. He makes hearty, filling meals, usually full of meat and veggies because he doesn’t get much of what he cooks, so he makes sure that what he DOES get is nourishing. (stews, casseroles, soups, etc)

7: Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time. Free time is a rare thing for Arden- different from “kicked out of the house” time. True free time is spent taking care of himself. He doesn’t see it as “wasting time” because it’s so rare that he gets to enjoy himself, he relishes it.

8: Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging. Weed and hot showers. He rarely has the time/chance to take long showers or baths, and when he does, he is constantly on edge that he’ll be chastised for it. Weed, however, he can enjoy in his hearse or with friends, and it helps him forget his problems. He never feels bad about it, but he does have that never ending nagging in his brain that he has to get back home to his duties.

9: Makeup? He wears a bit of eyeshadow to darken his eye sockets, make them more masculine, and he’ll daub kohl in the corners of his eyes. He uses mortuary cosmetics to cover the bruises his father (or other bullies) give him.

10: Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such? Arden definitely has hypervigilance and a near permanent lack of self worth as a result of abuse. He doesn’t even realize it’s a thing.

11: Intellectual pursuits? Arden doesn’t really have the time, but he loves biological related sciences.

12: Favorite book genre? He doesn’t have time to read for pleasure, but he’d LOVE horror.

13: Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general? Arden is demiromantic/pansexual with a preference for masculine people. (Though he lives in the 80’s- to him, he’s queer and careful.)

14: Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.) Arden is missing a top front premolar (a result of his father punching him in the face).

15: Biggest and smallest short term goal? He wants to graduate and get the fuck out of Hawkins. (He also wants to finally have sex with his boyfriend.)

16: Biggest and smallest long term goal? He wants to find a funeral home to work at, a place to live, and look into the possibility of doing more to transition. (It's the 80's for him, being trans is a whole Ordeal just to find info, let alone medication/surgery)

17: Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress. Arden dresses in a mix of soft Goth/Punk- black jeans, Doc Martens, leather jacket, band shirts, etc. He wears a compression top (binder) that he made himself, and it’s the first thing he puts on every day.

18: Favorite beverage? Mexican Coke.

19: What do they think about before falling asleep at night? His boyfriend. (Later, his boyfriends and his girlfriend.)

20: Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them? Arden has pock scars from a REALLY bad second bout of chickenpox that hospitalized him- he got it a second time from his siblings and they were so bad he had them in his throat.

21: Turn-ons? Turn-offs? Turn ons: Defensive/Protective tendencies, willingness to show vulnerability, long hair, a good classic smolder paired with a predatory grin, tight jeans on a well shaped ass. Turn offs: bullying, pointless violence, cruelty for the sake of being cruel, (willful) poor hygiene, bigotry, (most) girls in general.

22: Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen? Arden would draw bones, skulls, organs; fractals.

23: How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life? Arden is meticulous. He runs the household and has to make sure it’s always in order, and it’s a habit that he will never shake.

24: Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all? Anatomy/Physiology. He’s been “educated” in mortuary science and practices since he was young, and he has an intimate knowledge of the human body.

25: How do they see themselves 5 years from today? He hopes to see himself in a new place with his boyfriend, happy and free.

26: Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout? He plans on leaving, getting a job as a mortician, dragging his boyfriend with him as a mechanic. If that doesn’t work, then the goal is just to get to the West Coast and figure it out from there.

27: What is their biggest regret? That he’s going to leave his burdens on his younger sister when he leaves.

28: Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy? (Currently)His best friends are his sister Lizzie and Billy. His worst enemies are his father and Tommy Hagan.

29: Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?) Getting everyone to safety, seeing to wounds/injuries.

30: Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies) Complete and utter shutdown. Withdrawal into silence, self soothing, isolation while he processes his trauma.

31: Most prized possession? Dragula, his hearse; he also utterly cherishes the ring Billy gave him. He also has a silver Gemeinhardt flute that his grandfather bought him when he was 10 (all the bells and whistles- C and B foot, open hole with plugs, etc)

32: Thoughts on material possessions in general? They’re nice in theory, but he doesn’t have very many.

33: Concept of home and family? He sees his family and the family home as a burden, as a prison, and he’s counting down the days until he can leave. (Eventually, when he ends up with Billy, Layla, and Eddie, he'll realize family isn't always biological, and is precious)

34: Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?) Arden’s a very private person by nature, and cherishes what little privacy he gets, but he can be TMI once he opens up to people. (Once he trusts someone, he can’t ever shut up)

35: What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time? He loves to draw and play the flute, but he constantly thinks about all the things he could be doing with his time.

36: What makes them feel guilty? The fact that when he leaves, his burdens, his responsibilities as a parentified eldest child will fall to his younger sister. He hates that he’s going to leave his sister to the life he’s been living, but he is close to his breaking point.

37: Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making? Both- it depends on the situation. When it concerns emergencies, he’s very analytical. Himself? Emotional, bordering on clueless.

38: What recharges them when they’re feeling drained? Sitting outside smoking, listening to music. If he’s in a place that’s isolated, he’ll pull out his flute and play songs that are emotionally important to him.

39: Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither? DEFINITELY an inferiority complex. He was raised to think he’s replaceable, worthless and disposable.

40: How misanthropic are they? 50/50. He thinks families are bullshit, and is skeptical about the concept of “Good parents,” but when he has the luxury of getting close to someone, he remembers people aren’t inherently bad.

41: Hobbies? He doesn’t have time for them, but he loves taxidermy/vulture culture. When he finally has a place of his own, he’ll FILL it with bones, wet specimens, etc. He also plays the flute, but has taken a break from it while focusing on graduating.

42: How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education? Currently, Arden’s about to graduate high school, and he’s hoping to get certified as a mortician. If it requires vocational school or college, he’ll do it, but he doesn’t judge anyone who doesn’t take that route.

43: Religion? Arden was raised Methodist, but he’s jaded, and doesn’t believe in God. He will (eventually) end up having a deep attachment to Anubis/Yinepu and Odin.

44: Superstitions or views on the occult? Arden’s seen weird shit working with the dead, and after spending a year in Hawkins? Yeah, he doesn’t doubt there’s more to the world than what’s visible. He does have a superstition that he always puts a coin in the casket of a decedent, and always keeps a handful of pennies in his hearse. He fully believes in having fare for the Ferryman.

45: Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds? Both. He often bottles his thoughts and feelings up, and expresses his moods by keeping himself busy- when he’s around someone he trusts, the words just fall out of him.

46: If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal? Arden wants someone who will be gentle, careful with him, but allows him to set firm boundaries, and will understand and be patient with his trauma. He also wants someone he can laugh with, someone who shares or understands what he’s been through.

47: How do they express love? Arden’s love language is acts of service mostly, but also touch: cooking, tending to wounds/injuries, making sure his lover has what they need; he also loves, craves, and relishes small, casual touches- holding hands, leaning against them, brushing hair off a cheek, small kisses, tiny caresses. (He’s touch starved.)

48: If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like? Arden fights dirty. He bites, claws, pulls hair, goes for the eyes, teeth, groin. If there’s a blunt object in reach? He’ll grab it and start pummeling. (He once beat up a bully to the point of unconsciousness with his flute case.)

49: Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not? He’s more worried about not being able to live his life the way he wants to before dying than actually dying. He’s seen how the dead are handled, has handled the dead himself, and the clinical side of that gives him comfort- but also drives him to strive for the life he wants before his time comes.

[yardsards]

there's such an interesting extra layer to amity and her relationships (especially w luz) that gets revealed when you learn that not only is she an abuse victim herself, but she is also the child of an abusive marriage

like not only was she personally abused/neglected and taught that she doesn't deserve to have her boundaries respected and won't get positive attention unless maybe she "earns it" by being useful and overachieving, but also her main example of a romantic partnership involved one partner exploiting the other and treating him as an expendable tool

in all of her relationships (platonic, romantic, familial), amity learns to give and receive kindness, learns to respect and set boundaries, learns that the value of herself and others aren't dictated by achievements or usefulness. she's breaking the toxic patterns that her parents taught her via their treatment of her.

but with her romantic relationship with luz, not only is she learning all of the above, but she's also breaking the toxic patterns of a romantic relationship that she would have learned from watching her parents.

when she shows kindness to luz, loves luz wholeheartedly even when she makes mistakes or causes problems, respects luz's privacy and boundaries, she is treating her girlfriend in a way that opposes the way her mother treated her own husband.

when she learns that she doesn't need to be useful or else risk abandonment/punishment, she's learning that she shouldn't accept or expect to be treated by her girlfriend the same way that her father was treated by his own wife.

i just. i love stories about characters breaking cycles. and i love luz and amity's relationship so much. it's very much not the kind of relationship i'm invested in the same way i am invested in with ships between adults. but rather like, it's a relationship between these two young people who are learning to healthily navigate this kind of relationship for the first time in their lives and it's really sweet.

[pencilofawesomeness]

“I made her feel powerless, I knocked her down and— and she still makes me feel scared.” —Satoru, So Find One And Seize It, Chapter 5

So a consequence of rereading Chapters 4 and 5 of SFOASI from The Odyssey series by the utterly incredible HotCocoaaa ( @biscaanii ) and then listening to Hawk in the Night by Maddie Buckley soon afterward is getting immediate brainrot for the most depressingly brutal piece I could start 2024 with. It worked too well for the Gojo Clan, especially Cocoa's rendition of Satoru and his grandmother, Akemi. She's a terrible woman and she fascinates me.

Go read this series guys it's so great—

[metalhoops]

Steve never liked the cities. 

They were always too crowded, too noisy. He liked Hawkins. He liked a quiet life in the suburbs. It was part of the reason he’d never gone to college, that and having to worry about his adopted band of misfit kids and the hell dimension that opened every year. Yet, somehow he found himself on a weekend trip to Chicago.

It was all Eddie’s fault. He had to pick some things up from a music store in town for the band, he’d mention strings or amps. Steve only half understood. It was an excuse for Eddie to take his van to Chicago. Steve had been surprised to find himself invited.

“You never leave town since Vecna went dark, dude. How are you going to travel around with six kids and a Winnebago if you never leave Hawkins?” Eddie asked, somehow managing to convince Steve to join him. 

They took turns driving Eddie’s van.  Eddie’s choice of music was questionable, but his version of road trip games was even more worrisome. They’d been travelling behind an old truck for the better part of an hour when Eddie kicked his feet on the dash and questioned,

“What do you think would be the worst way to die right now? Because I’ve spent the past half hour watching that guy’s toolbox rattle around and I’m convinced a nail gun to the head would be a killer way to go.” 

Steve should’ve known better, but he’d give anything for a distraction from the long stretch of road. 

“Probably getting set on fire at a pump while you insist you need a smoke the second we pulled over at the last gas station,” Steve noted, switching on his indicator and passing the vehicle, using all the horsepower the poor-beat up van had. 

“And here I was thinking I had a twisted imagination,” Eddie spoke, before listing off a series  of more gruesome scenarios. 

By the time the two reached their motel, Steve felt strangely lighter. Whether it was the distance from Hawkins and the trouble it had caused him or because he and Eddie had spent an hour listing out worst-case scenarios until they felt comical and absurd instead of real and imminent threats, he didn’t know. Being trapped in a town with a rip in the fabric of space and time had a way of making you always feel on your guard. That night the two slept quickly and soundlessly. 

It was when they walked through town Steve remembered why he hated cities. He was left shuffling through unfamiliar streets, elbow to elbow with strangers, trying desperately to keep up with Eddie as the man weaved and ebbed with the crowd as Steve used to slice through water. Eddie was one with the city. Steve was apart from it.

Without thinking, Steve reached out, grabbing onto the hem of Eddie’s jacket, letting himself be guided. Eddie showed him where to step, how to move. He kept his head down and followed Eddie’s lead to the music store. Much to his surprise, when they were all done, and once more ready to head back into the fray of the foot traffic, Eddie offered the crook of his elbow for Steve to hold onto. 

“Hey, it’s easier than you almost tugging a hole in a perfectly good jacket. You don’t have a good track record, Harrington,” Eddie teased. He had a point. 

He hadn’t meant to make a habit of it. Yet the small action of latching onto Eddie to keep him at arm’s length followed the two back to Hawkins. 

The thing about hanging out with Eddie was that the man was surprisingly hard to keep up with. He was always rushing places at the drop of a hat, jerked one way or the other by whatever flight of fancy caught his attention. 

He’d be beside Steve at the Family Video store one minute, then darting to the horror section driven there by some tangential conversation, which then of course, would lead him to remember some old sci-fi film and send him running to the sci-fi section, only to find it lacking. That would lead him to Robin and their extensive movie catalogue on the computer, all the while, he’d still be talking to Steve. He found it easier to keep up with Eddie if he had a hold of him. 

He’d find his fingers tucked into the crook of Eddie’s elbow, hooked in the chain of his jeans or clinging to the cuff or hem of his shirt and trailing in the wake of him. 

Contrary to popular belief, Steve wasn’t an idiot. Not when it came to social situations. He knew being extra touchy with Eddie was something he could only do in certain situations. He was hyper-aware of it when he’d made the mistake of hooking his thumb into the back pocket of Eddie’s jeans in the arcade. The two had driven the kids there and were wasting time bouncing between watching the kids and playing pinball. 

A group of teenagers had been gawking at the two already, likely trying to work out what twist of fate had landed the former king of Hawkins High and current school Freak together. With the action, the mumbled whispers turned into slack jaws and less favourable words muttered just loud enough for Steve to hear. 

Steve wasn’t an idiot. He knew what it looked like. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want it to be like that, not that he’d voiced any of it. Not yet. He needed to do it in a town where people didn’t know his name, so people wouldn’t talk if he was reading Eddie all wrong. He didn’t think he was, he was good with reading people. 

In a crowd, holding onto Eddie was okay.  On their increasingly frequent trips to the city, Indianapolis, Chicago, and Fort Wayne. When no one else could see, that was okay. In small-town Hawkins, in broad daylight, it wasn’t. 

Steve suddenly understood the appeal of the city.  

[jbm04]

I wanna write a pile of TLT AUs where they all end with Harrow and Gideon realizing in different/interesting ways that things aren’t quite right. A (technically) post-series TLT fic where Harrow and Gideon are stuck traversing multiple river bubbles like different past lives. Always finding each other. Always going through it. And then always realizing that they aren’t home. And then BAM! Next bubble.

It’ll be about breaking that cycle. Maybe this is what it is to cross the river?

[wisteriagoesvroom]

😵‍💫 snippet pls 🙏🙏

omg sorry this took me a while to reply anon. i thought this was in reference to the “lestappen bondgirl au without the genderbend” wip but it was actually the “landoscar-literally-fuck-around-and-find-out” fic aksjsksks. there’s a snippet here but here’s another one if you care… idk that i’ll ever get round to publishing this one cus it feels weirdly ooc rn, but anyway.

————

“Sotter volchay.” Lando says.

“What’s that?”

“Like, quiet. Like you.”

Oscar stifles a laugh, and runs his hand through Lando’s hair. Lando practically purrs.

“Sotto voce, Lando.” Oscar says. Back to this. The formal name, as if nothing has happened between them, as if both of them didn’t have their mouths stuffed full of each other mere minutes ago, whimpering and needy and pathetic in a way they aren’t with anyone else.

“You–” Oscar starts, before he shakes his head, and Lando gets the signal. He scoots down the sofa, under him, and a latent part of Oscar’s logical brain that is behind the sex fog goes that’s gonna fuck your back.

But then Lando’s glorious mouth is on his again, possessive and pressing, and the thought completely disappears.

————

from that “guess my wips” game from a few days back, like so far back i don’t even think i could find the post because clearly i post way too much on here 😭

[thecryptidzenith]

After u reblogged my post of me whining abt Sklonda I read ALLL of ur fic so far and I'm HOOKED. FATE FAVORS ME !!! RAAAA!!!!!! I'm on the edge of my seat

Thank you! Midnight Oil is definitely my Baby, and it means a lot to me when people respond positively to it. There's just. There's so much going on in it. We go from Newsies to a murder mystery to How To Be A Thief 101 to a prison break to Baby's First Murder to making a deal with a demon (kinda.) And that's just the first 60k. It is such a wild ride from beginning to (the yet unseen) end and I'm so glad that so many people have come along for the journey, it's always a highlight of my day to see people's reactions to it.

[definitelynotshouting]

hunger au grian genuinely CANNOT catch a break!! YHS to EVO to being parasitized from the inside out and questioning if you are really you to being suffocated by the world’s most overbearing family to being on the run to knowing you are intrinsically different from the person that your friends loved despite being outwardly the same to being on a perpetual blood sugar crash to accidentally dragging your friends into a death game 3 time over b/c of said crash to being kicked out from the only home you’ve ever known to trying to finally end it just for your friends to drag you back kicking and screaming as they force you to face the facts: your death will make no amends!! this is just your way of making the pain of everything— your birth, your existence, the ever-gnawing hunger— go away!!

i am so utterly insane about him. hunger!grian 🤝 siffrin isat: relatable to everyone by having the entire spectrum of mental illness ❤️

YEAH I REALLY WASNT KIDDING WHEN I SAID I WAS GIVING HIM EVERY MENTAL ILLNESS IN THE DSM-5 AND ALSO A FEW NEW ONES SJDNWJDJS

Also yeah i think its bc of hunger!grian that im as insane abt siffrin as i am. Bro was handcrafted in a lab to make me crazy THEIR ISSUESSSSSSS......🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💥💥💥💥💥💥

[preciouslittletoonette]

I think it would be so funny for a future Bendy game to do this where in those chase sequences that end with us cutting the Ink Demon off with a door- rather than just accepting defeat, he punches it. Like imagine-

We just narrowly escaped from him through a metal, reinforced door and blocked him off. A few beat passes and because of past games, we think it's safe...

Until the Ink Demon's fist soars through the metal door without a scratch. And he starts to peel the metal apart to create a gap for himself.

I just think that would be really funny and absolutely wicked to witness because we know he's strong as hell

[strangerqueerthings]

The Upside Down: An Abstract on the Theory of a Super-Organism

Abstract: The Upside Down as a whole is very much unexplored- Its origin is completely unknown, and much of how it works and the make-up of its environs, fauna, and flora are still educated guesses at best. This essay is going to explore the possible origins, properties, and nuances of the Upside Down as a parallel universe, as well as discuss its environment, the inhabitants, and the hypothesized super-organism that dwells beneath the surface.

Simply put, a super-organism similar to The Mystery Flesh Pit is much more horrifying, harder for the mind to grasp, and evokes a lot more terror than another white man with a Joker complex.

I am up for answering any questions- I tried to make it as layman friendly as possible, with lots of context, but this kind of thing is one of my special interests, so if I got too technical, feel free to ask for clarification!

Tagging those who were interested: @decadentworld @giurochedadomani @thembohux @nebulousmistress

[bengesko]

Break the Cycle- Chapter 11

Billy finally meets Arden's father and it goes about as well as one might expect.

[pagesofkenna]

absolutely refusing to do this in the fic because the undertale reference will immediately scrub out the tone i'm trying to go for lol, but

'despite everything, its still you' but in a bad way. like, it's still just you. you tried so hard to be better but you cant be, youre trying to be something more but youre not

[keycarabiner]

I want to write so bad but currently feeling terribly burnt out so maybe today I’ll work my way through my 100+ open AO3 tabs instead… 🫥

[dumb-bitchass]

c ai is my new "if anyone sees this i'll literally buy a plane ticket and the leave the country never to be heard from again" app

[looking-for-a-sword]

If anybody has any idea how or preferably knows a remedy to get over a ship.. now would be the time to share it... Pretty please?