#it was a sitcom and I think it needed other kids to play with billy and tommy

[mari-thesapphic-lady]

Not me seeing agathario fandom start making fanfics in ao3 where Rio gets trapped in the Hex with Agatha and thinking innocently: "Wow, it would be very, very extremely psychologically painful and so fucking full of cuteness if Wanda's spellwork gave them, idk, like, maybe, DAUGHTERS, wouldn't be?!"

[anyaeras]

Breaking Character || W.Maximoff

Paring || sitcom milf!wanda x AFAB!reader

Summary || When wanda is getting bored with the whole sitcom way of life, she decided to spice it up in this small town.

Warnings || Smut (at the end) ,, affairs ,, reader has a pussy ,, they/them pronouns ,, possessive!wanda ,, top!wanda ,, bottom!reader ,, legal!agegap ,, fingering ,, tit play (a little) ,, degrading (if you squint) ,, praising ,, cunnalingus ,, slight innocent!reader

Psa || expect sitcom style typing, it's meant to be silly and cringy please enjoy

Masterlist

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Life was easy, all fun in games, every now and then some new shenanigans would come about yet it seemed it was all the same, everyday the same story it was getting old.

Wanda maximoff, she was loved by the town, Westview seemed to be just the right fit for the women, she was happy to be there, Wanda wasn't old at all she was in her late 20s, but like many other women she was forced to marry quickly after becoming an adult, so she managed to settle for vision, but he was so boring and she wanted more, I mean come on the time is rolling into the 80s it's time for a change, to evolve. This whole republican motherhood needs to die out, She wanted a change, she wanted a revolution, or just something to make her life more interesting. Vision wasn't enough for her anymore he didn't please her, and she wouldn't be shocked if there was a divorce coming her way.

Today was no different than any other, wake up, get the kids ready, take them to school, and come back to the house. Drink a cup of coffee, maybe even clean the house a bit.

"Tommy! Billie! Come on. We gotta get going" raising her voice the sound of Wanda's soft sokovian voice rang throughout the house, and following was the sound of multiple footsteps coming towards her, who at the time was standing by the front door ready to go.

Dropping the kids off was easy, I mean she did this everyday, the same story different day kinda thing, debating on going to the market for a moment Wanda decided to go as it would be a way to get out of the house, plus she had been putting off the chore for a whole, picking up some groceries for dinner, walking threw the aisles, into the meat section is where she spotted them, y/n y/l/n, they were new in town, still mysterious and unknown to Mrs.Maximoff, but y/n drew the women's attention, as they were young yet charming, sweet and innocent to the big bad world, she was interested in them.

While Wanda was lost in thought it seemed y/n had been looking down at their shopping list, not paying attention to what was in front of them, and would run right into Mrs. Maximoff.

"Oh my, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to bump into ya, I just wasn't paying attention and was lookin down at my list!" Y/n rambled, their clear mid-western accent was coming through showing Wanda they were not from around here.

"It's alright darlin, no harm done." She replied softly, yet, the bold tension (started by wanda) was definitely prominent. Y/n was growing shy under the older women's glare, so they sparked up conversation.

"Well I'm y/n y/l/n, and you are?..." y/n waited for a responses

"Wanda, Wanda Maximoff , I think I saw you around at the talent show earlier this week? If I'm not mistaken mmm?" The gingery women was thinking aloud yet y/n agreed, as the women looked relatively familiar to them.

"Oh yes, you were in the magic show right? Oh my was that your husband? You guys were very funny!" Y/n complemented, to which was taken to heart by Wanda , she always liked a nice complement, and was glad to hear people enjoyed the show, it was a nice little ego boost for the Westview witch.

The weird encounter kind of came to an end at that point yet wanda seemed to be thinking about y/n much more than she intended.

Later on Wanda was out in town on a stroll with Agatha , the infamous, next door neighbor , gossiper herself, Agatha was all for playing into the daring tension between wanda and y/n, that dark haired woman always did love some drama, and why be so traditional I mean it's 1980! It's time to make some change, maybe spice up the relationship...

"Yes yes Agatha, vision is great and all, but we don't have that magic, that feeling no more, he doesn't please me" wanda went on to say, as Agatha listened, she was honestly pretty encouraging, pushing wanda to go for it, I mean the what's the worst that could happen, right? Y/n y/l/n wasn't married yet, they were a little younger, yet they still were very bright, plus they didn't give off an uptight traditional way kinda attitude.

It seemed like deja vu, the way right then and there wanda this time ran right into y/n.

"We've got to stop meeting like this" y/n said with a slight hint of humor.

"I don't know, at this point I'm starting to believe you enjoy when we run into each other" wanda playfully shot back.

"Maybe so" y/n laughed back giving candy a bright idea, as somehow it seemed they were alone and Agatha had busied herself a few feet back.

"How about we get to know each other, well in another way haha, me and you could go grab a bit?" The older women proposed the idea, and was met with awkward silence for a moment before y/n agreed which was a little shocking to the other women.

Wanda started leading y/n off to an outdoor seating of a small local restaurant, and it seemed Agatha had "gotten lost" and left the two, letting them do their thing.

Wanda was definitely blunt she wasn't great about beating around the bush, yet she did try too.

"So tell me about yourself?" Mrs Maximoff asked pressing for more information about this younger person.

"Umm my names y/n y/l/n, grew up in a small conservative town, I'm from the Midwest, moved down here for a change, I like change I like being different" y/n kinda let the words flow, yet the women sitting across from them just sat and listened, letting y/n just talk.

"I cant brush this off anymore." Wanda cut y/n off and It was quick and to the point.

"Huh"

"Would you be interested...well in me? I mean you aren't married, and the lord above only knows how attractive I find you." Wanda let it out her thoughts, expecting the rejection, yet you cant blame a girl for trying.

"Yes. Yes I'd be interested, in you!" It was mumbled yet clear as day to Wanda when she heard y/n agree to the idea.

"Really? Okay, well you live alone, and I'd love to be alone with you so, how about your place Thursday" the women once's more proposed an idea to which y/n agreed and told her to call them whenever.

The two parted ways after the lunch break, both more than satisfied with the idea of each other, Wanda somehow ran back into Agatha as now she was telling her neighbor all the details.

"I can't believe they agreed, I mean this is...not very... you know holy? Good? Wife? of me, but I have needs and vision just can't fill my needs any longer" the Sokovian women went on, justifying herself yet Agatha didn't care, she was supportive no matter what.

"Wans, just be smart about this and no one will get hurt."

Thursday came rolling around fast. After the same old dropping the kids off for school, and running to the shop, wanda now found herself strolling up to y/n's house , which it wasn't to far, it was normal for Wanda to take walks, so she decided to just walk to block to arrive at their house. It wasn't like Wanda to be nervous, she was a calm, yet not patient type of person. Finally she pulled herself forcing her legs to walk towards the door, only needing to knock once.

She was met with a warm greeting from y/n, as they stepped aside letting the older women come in, y/n oddly really wanted to impress Wanda, they did things differently then most, they set up a lunch of the two of them, and got out a nice bottle of red.

"Aww you didn't have to do all this darlin, but it's nice, thank you" the compliment was taken to heart by y/n, they weren't married, so they don't come home and make dinner for anyone ever, so making a meal for this women was nice.

"It was no trouble really, it was nice to make a meal for someone" they replied causing wanda to send a soft smile their way, which lead to them sitting down to talk over another lunch.

Yet one thing led to another and things started to happen...

"Y/n im a bit older then you, are you sure you want this?" Wanda pushed making sure this wasn't gonna be a bad idea.

"I swear I want this just like you do..." y/n's words came out confidently, and that was enough for Wanda to jump into action. Standing up quickly moving to y/n she placed her hands on y/n's face before pulling them in for a sweet kiss.

Wanda took control quickly pulling them by their arm to the bedroom (which the gingery brunette had to look for but found it evidently) before pushing y/n onto the bed to continue what she started with the younger one back in the dinning room.

Wanda sat up pulling the silky robe you had put on off you, before removing her sundress, moving back to push you into the bed starting to suck on y/n's neck, leaving soft purple marks on their lower neck, drawing soft moans from the person below them.

"Oh god" fell from y/n's mouth making wanda laugh above them.

"I don't think you want god to see this silly"

Wanda clapped back before starting to pull at y/n's bra, making it pop off, tossing it to the floor before starting to groop their tits softly with both her hands, slowly building up pressure, before she wrapped her lips around y/n's bud sucking it slightly as they arched their back in response.

"Mmm seems like you enjoy being mine" Wanda laughed leaving a trail of kisses on the other person stomach, yet it seemed y/n had a little be of confidence, being able to reach out and pull the older women up to their face so they could get another kiss. After the short kiss broke, wanda laughed at the boldness of the younger one, yet at the same time Wanda's fingers were making their way under y/n's waistband, the women's fingers slipped easily threw y/n's slick folds.

"Oh my darling, you are dripping, all for me hmm?" Wanda was having to much fun embarrassing y/n, it was just so much fun. Y/n moaned at the feeling of the women's fingers slowly moving inside them, wanda slipped two fingers into them to which was enough to make y/n mewl below her.

"Look at you, a moaning mess, all for me, I mean you're mine right darling? No one else's right" Wanda asked sternly as she started to move her fingers at a decently quick pace, lost in pleasers all they could do is nod to answer her question.

"Good, so good for me" Wanda praised as she added a third finger causing y/n to jump a bit as she stretched out their pussy. Wanda was growing impatient, she wanted to make y/n scream and that's what she was gonna do, picking up her speed she was trusting her fingers in and out of the younger one, fast and hard pretty much forcing y/n over the edge and with a scream y/n couldn't even stop themself before hitting their climax quick and hard, throwing them into shock.

Wanda slowed down leaving her fingers inside y/n for a moment longer while they came down from their high, eventually wanda removed her fingers which were covered in y/n's juices, before moving then in front of your mouth, pushing past your lips forcing you to taste yourself, allowing you to moan at the flavor.

"You are so pretty honey, you turned me on so much, do you think you can help me?" Wanda asked softly getting a yes from y/n, before guiding them off the bed, to kneel on the floor next to the bed placing you between her legs, wanda pulled her own panties off, before prompting y/n to eat her out.

Y/n wasn't skilled yet they tried their hardest, slowly licking a long strip before driving in, trying to pay attention the the women's clit, and the moans coming from Wanda were definitely encouraging, the women soon put her hand in y/n's hair, guiding them a bit more, and as y/n lapped on Wanda, the women grew closer to her own high.

"Yes just like that darlin, keep go-" Wanda cut herself off with a moan, as she let go, Wanda came, as her legs where shaking yet still trapping y/n between her legs until she was able to calm down.

Pulling y/n up off their knees and back into the bed with her, Wanda laughed a little as she noticed how messy y/n's face was, giving them a kiss moaning slightly as she tasted herself in their mouth, before laying down pulling y/n into her to relax together on the bed.

"Wanda?"

"Yes y/n?"

Y/n turned now facing Wanda looking up to make eye contact with the women

"Can we take a bath?"

"Of course darling".....

From that point on Wanda and y/n would always be together in some way, yet due to Wanda's powers no one dared to question them, Wanda may have broken character, but the story kept going

[adultswim2021]

The Venture Bros. #43: "Handsome Ransom" | October 26, 2009 - 12:00AM | S04E02

Listen to me, you mother fucker, I am talking. I don’t necessarily set out to recap an episode’s entire plot. It’s my downfall that for certain shows, like this one, I get sucked into recounting every single thing, because it’s a thorough way for me to make sure I’ve supplied all the context needed for some frivolous tidbit I MUST tell you. I am always in a thorough way, to my detriment. Really, this blog mostly just exists so I can keep track of my progress while I do this watch that I really could just be doing privately. There could be less bad stuff on the internet if only I had the restraint. 

Handsome Ransom is the one where the Monarch attempts to hold the Venture Bros ransom, but Hank (and not Dean) is rescued by Captain Sunshine, a Superman style guy who people talk about. You see, it’s popular opinion among the general public that Captain Sunshine is a pedophile. When a random guy on the street sees Captain Sunshine flying around with Hank, he snarkily makes an insensitive joke to the effect of “I wouldn’t let him around my kids!” causing others to laugh knowingly. 

Captain Sunshine takes Hank as his new ward, believing him to be a homeless orphan. Really, Hank was just mad at his family, and took the out when Captain Sunshine misinterpreted the situation. In one really creepy scene, we linger on Captain Sunshine whispering to his Alfred about issuing a bottle of lube to Hank, who is instructed to rub it where the sun hopefully won’t shine.

It’s genuinely troubling; I’ve watched this episode with people who seemed almost pissed off that the show was seemingly going into Happiness territory. The show even goes to commercial before letting us in on the misdirect: turns out it’s just so the Wonder Boy outfit will side on easier when Hank goes down a chute that apparently dresses him as he slides to the Sunshine mobile.

Basically the sitcom-style mix-em up of this episode is that Venture thinks Monarch still has Hank in his custody, who bluffs that he does have Hank to get a ransom from Venture. They play a game of tet-a-tet that eventually leads to all parties concerned at Captain Sunshine’s house. At this point we discover that he’s a local newscaster, and his news team are also secretly superheroes, which is such a fun idea.

The Monarch has a really twisted moment where he winds up in the Wonder Boy outfit and taunting Captain Sunshine. I forget if I said this, but Monarch killed Sunshine’s previous Wonder Boy. It’s actually mentioned in an earlier episode! The joke-to-lore pipeline is real! I get to say that again! Anyway, that's a big part of the episode: Captain Wonder's psycho attachment to the idea of Wonder Boy no longer being dead.

Okay here’s some stuff I really love in this episode: the “honkey” exchange between Hank and Monarch in the opening scene. Venture complains that Hank called him a honkey and the Monarch laughs and asks “did you really?”. This is honestly in the running for one of my favorite moments in the goddang show. I also love the joke about Sunshine throwing the Monarch into a prison yard as retribution. Monarch walks on account of Sunshine’s ignorance of due process. This episode also plants the seeds for a joke later, where Hatred finds out that Billy Quizboy is 37. You’ll certainly remember that Hatred is a (reformed?) pedophile, so he'd really like a little guy.

Speaking of that: the commentary track (and the Go Team Venture book) makes it very clear that Captain Sunshine is not intended to be an actual pedophile. He’s just perceived as one by the public, and is oblivious to this fact. I guess this is parallel to Michael Jackson except for, you know, that guy probably was one?? Right?? Is that crazy for me to say??? That guy probably fucked those little kids.

Jackson and Doc also point out that a vital thing about Hatred (other than the pedophilia): which is that unlike Brock, he’s game for anything. He gets heat stroke in a spider hole and paints himself like a hundo to try and help Venture. Brock would never!

Another great commentary tidbit is that they were watching the episode on a burned DVD-R which they made originally to send to the network for internal reviewing purposes, and they always make a barebones menu and add an annoying song looping on the menu. This episode’s song was Steal My Sunshine by Len.

They also sing the praises of Kevin Conroy, who voices Captain Sunshine as well as Batman from Batman: The Animated Series. I never really watched that show, because I sorta shunned action shows at a really early age, but I do remember getting sucked into watching an episode once or twice and thinking “this is actually pretty good”. Can you blame me? Anyway, I have to respect that guy or else people will get pissed. He died! 

That’s Jackson’s dog in the live-action bit. Hey, speaking of Jackson (I started the paragraph this way just to jam in the dog bit): The concept of the Wonder Boy memorial being a golden statue of him in a motorless side-car was a gag left over from The Tick that went unused. I learned that from the book. In fact, I didn’t even recognize that as a funny joke until I read that. Like, what a pathetic monument. 

Did I explicitly say that this is very easily among my favorite episodes of the series? It’s just so goddamn funny. Sometimes this show fails to come all-the-way-together, and that’s a shame, but this is pretty goddamn perfect. 

EPHEMERA CORNER:

Adult Swim in a Box DVD (October 27, 2009)

This was a weird one. This was a box set collecting previous season/volume set releases of various Adult Swim shows. The North American release included:

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Volume Two

Space Ghost Coast to Coast: Volume Three

Moral Orel: Volume One

Robot Chicken: Season Two

Metalocalypse: Season One

Sealab 2021: Season Two

The Australian release does what the North American release should have done: they used all first volumes for the shows. They also swapped Robot Chicken and Metalocalypse for Frisky Dingo, Squidbillies, AND The Brak Show. It came out in 2011, I think (I already closed the tab that had this information)

Both versions included a PILOTS disk, which was eventually sold on the Adult Swim webstore as a stand-alone disc (which I bought) included the following pilots: 

Totally for Teens

Cheyenne Cinnamon and the Fantabulous Unicorn of Sugar Candy Fudge

Korgoth of Barbaria

Welcome to Eltingville

Perfect Hair Forever

Very annoying for them to include Perfect Hair Forever, even though it was picked up as a TV show. Shoulda included Lowe Country with Lowe commentary. Hell, they should make every movie and TV show in the whole world have Lowe commentary. 

You’ll notice only two of those pilots haven’t been covered here yet. I’m going to cover them at another time, in early 2010, as part of my award-winning coverage of Burger King’s Big Uber Network Sampling. 

[bartramcat]

CSI Vegas and the Myth of Marriage

For any number of reasons, marriage has always been considered among the least interesting subjects for fiction. Fiction loves getting to the marriage or showing a marriage in trouble or ending a marriage, but the actual day to day relationship? Nah. No drama there.

A perusal of TV sitcoms reinforces this idea. While kids are considered a great source of comedic fodder, married parents are not. Beginning in the early 1960s, Andy Griffith, Fred McMurray, Lucille Ball and Shirley Jones all played single parents. Of course, they were all widowed, since divorce was verboten.

I have never been a big fan of love stories. Most of my favorite films are about something other than love; if there is a love story within it, so be it, but love stories per se tend in film to be better shot soap opera. To tell you the truth, soaps actually did a better job with the subject. It has always seemed to me to take a long time to understand why two people love one another. It takes a novel.

One of the problems is that I think that, far too often, sex is seen as the driving force behind love. In many cases, the only force. And perhaps therein lies the problem with marriage. The standard trope is that once the initial sexual excitement fades that the dull drudgery settles in. Marriage limits everything. It is a routine. It is a trap. While characters may grow outside of a marriage, rarely do they grow within it. It is the dead end.

All of which brings me to Grissom and Sara. First of all, I suppose it should be mentioned that TIIC decided in Season 13 to follow the standard playbook. They decided, in their infinite idiocy, that they couldn't "grow" Sara while she remained tethered to her offscreen husband. So both characters began acting out of character. What the first 9 seasons of CSI made abundantly clear is that these two needed each other; they were compelled to each other like magnets, like moths to the eternally alluring flame.

So, yeah, they would go months at a time barely speaking and avoiding each other. Uh, no.

I think the greatest fear that many of us had when the reboot was announced was that the show would continue to follow the conventional playbook. That, after sailing off into the sunset, they would have found some way to break up again, and whatever lured them back to Vegas would be yet another opportunity for an angst-fest.

One of the most tired tropes in soap opera is the couple who can't live together, can't live apart, so their whole arc is a series of attenuated breakups and make-ups. It is this circle of hell that is really the dead end. They never learn; they never change; they never grow.

Instead of being presented with a couple whose relationship is stagnant or broken, we have been treated to a pair who have grown together, by virtue of being together. Grissom is still Grissom, and Sara is still Sara, and, yes, they can take different sides of an issue and bicker about it, but that in no way diminishes their connection. Rather, it is indicative of the strength of the bond between them. They are comfortable and secure with each other: they may see things differently, but they do so knowing they love and are loved.

Far from being dull, their interplay has been delightful. Beyond the banter, Billy and Jorja can literally make us see the invisible thread between them. Every word, every gesture, every glance underscores the existential bond between them. Their relationship has become as much a part of each of them as breathing.

Of course, I write this knowing full well that there are 4 episodes remaining in which the possibility looms that they can still be fucked up; that this show will bow to convention and find a way to divide them. Should they go down that path will be an unbelievable disservice to the characters and the audience, as well as fly in the face of what has been established thus far in the series.

Simply put, Gil and Sara know where they belong, on land or on sea, and that is together.

To deny that would be an indefensible assault on the truth.

[diary-of-deadweight]

can I please ask for a Peter imagine where Billy and Tommy (those kids are just too adorable!) always want to hang out with their "cool uncle and aunt"?

Masterlist

There was no one in Westview that Tommy and Billy Maximoff looked up to more then you and Pietro. It was common knowledge.

Wanda, despite her best efforts, came across as overprotective of the twins, restricting where they could or couldn’t go for undisclosed reasons while Vision was more at work then he was at home, purely by no fault of his own but when he was he and Wanda would bicker behind closed doors when they think the twins were asleep or occupied in their rooms.

You and Pietro however? The breath of fresh air they needed; teaching them life lessons and letting them experience things for themselves whenever you took them out somewhere, helping them forge their own identities along the way. That and you’d let them stay up past their bedtime along with treating them with sugary goodness. So whenever a possible chance to be with their cool aunt and uncle presents itself, they’d 100% most of the time take up that offer without fail.

“Are you sure this’ll work?” Billy asked Tommy as they hide ontop of the staircase as you and Pietro saw their parents off before closing the door and making yourselves comfortable on the couch watching an old sitcom, how the brunette twin could tell it’s old because it had that disembodied laughter coming through, he didn’t feel as though they should go along with the plan. Not that it was his plan to begin with anyways it was Tommy’s more or less, he just didn’t want to get left out but he was know to be more in tune with his emotions then his brother was anyways -which you taught him could be his greatest attribute later in life- yet had no idea how you dealt with being scared at all. You could scare easily for all he knew!

“Of course it is Billy, when have I ever been wrong?” A moment of silence lingered and Tommy could feel his brothers questioning look burning into his back and instantly regretted his statement with what came out next, “What about that one time at Agnes-“ “okay! I take that back, I may have been wrong on a few instances but think of this as payback for all the times uncle P had scared us alright?” He looked back at Billy who only sighed, knowing when Tommy put his mind to something it wasn’t easy to persuade him otherwise, and gave him a meek thumbs up indicating he was all set to go.

There was no way you couldn’t hear their heavy footsteps and breathing from the your place on the couch, if you couldn’t you were lying, straight up and you knew that Pietro could hear them too by the smile upon his face as he acted coy, prenteding not to feel their breaths on the back of your necks, trying to hold back their laughter or look directly at their reflections that were visible from the tv screen, erasing any semblance of incognito they had but that was the beauty in babysitting the twins, they certainly didn’t leave you feeling dull or bored in the slightest. Were they pains in the ass? Sometimes with how much energy they withheld in their tiny bodies but did that matter? No! They were having fun and you were having fun by playing along with their schemes.

So just as they were about to grab your shoulders, you used your powers to disappear and reappear behind the pair and grabbed them into your arms, making them shout in fright before you put them into their uncles’ lap as he tickled their sides in revenge. “You thought you could scare us! We’re the masters of scare! Now you shall pay the price for your defiance!” “NOOOO!” The twins laughed, trying to push away his hands weakly as you watched them with a smile upon your face, warmth spreading through your chest as you watched the scene in front of you before deciding to join in the fun by acting as the twins hero as you grasped Pietro into a full nelson, halting his attack, allowing Billy and Tommy their freedom, betraying your boyfriend in the process.

“Quick! I can’t hold the beast much longer! Save yourselves!” You cried as your hold on he silver haired male began to loosen gradually, knowing you’ll be on the receiving end of their punishment sooner or later but it was a valiant sacrifice you’ll gladly pay but the twins weren’t about to leave their new ally behind to save their own skins as they looked at each other in acknowledgment before turning back to Pietro with courageous looks of bravery as they charged into him and off the couch, pinning him to the floor as he gave his final speech, reaching a hand in your direction, “how could you betray me? Were you ever on my side my dear beloved?” You faked a look before responding with confidence, puffing your chest out, gently kicking his hand away from you, “I was never on your side! I was in cahoots with these brave men from the start,” you moved to stand behind Billy and Tommy, “how foolish it was of you to put so much trust in me from the start. You brought this upon yourself.” Pietro’s chocolate eyes twinkled in pride as he smirked weakly, knowing he’s lost the fight, “cleaver girl...” were his final words as he closed his eyes and poked his tongue out.

You, Tommy and Billy then celebrated your victory with a nice family movie and a buffet of gummy worms, twinkies, soda and popcorn you summoned with your magic, all presented upon a white lace table cloth as Billy cuddled up to you and Tommy cuddled into Pietro’s side both fast asleep from all the physical exertion as you rested your head against your boyfriends’ chest, sleep weighing heavily on your eyelid and limbs but you could only buy yourself some time before heading off to sleep and Pietro could see that as he leaned down to kiss your head. “Goodnight sweetheart, the twins absolutely love you, maybe more then me but that’s up for debate.” You laughed, slapping his chest softly. “The only reason they like you is because you’re a manchild.” You heard Pietro gasp defensively, squeezing your bicep lightly, before adding, “but you’re my manchild and I love you and the twins very, very much.”

[kentochronicles]

***SPOILERS FOR WANDAVISION EPISODE 6***

So I’m still processing everything but holy shite that ep was wild...

FIRST THINGS FIRST - WANDA, VISION, BILLY AND PIETRO ALL IN COMIC ACCURATE-ISH COSTUMES AND TOMMY IN A MINI QUICKSILVER COSTUME

PIETRO CALLING BILLY AND TOMMY DEMON SPAWN - GOD DAMMIT, IT’S MEPHISTO ISN’T IT? HOUSE OF M HERE WE COME

HERB ASKING WANDA IF SHE WANTED SOMETHING CHANGED

AGNES ASKING VISION ABOUT THE AVENGERS AND STUFF AND AT FIRST SHE SEEMED GENUINELY FREAKED OUT BUT THEN STARTED LAUGHING MANIACALLY AND I STILL DON’T TRUST HER AND AGNES BEING DRESSED AS A WITCH? AGATHA HARKNESS WAS A WITCH - COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT!

DARCY LOOKING OVER MONICA’S MED SCANS AND TELLING HER HOW THE HEX AFFECTS HER EACH TIME SHE GOES IN - IS SHE DEVELOPING HER POWERS?

PIETRO’S CORPSE - SCARED ME JUST AS MUCH AS VISION’S

MOVIES SHOWING IN THE THEATRE IN THE BACKGROUND - THE INCREDIBLES: A MOVIE BASED AROUND A SUPERHERO FAMILY AND THE PARENT TRAP: A MOVIE ABOUT TWINS WHO MEET AT CAMP AND TRY AND SET THEIR PARENTS UP

DON’T GO PAST ELLIS AVENUE - NOW I DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS A CONNECTION OR JUST A COINCIDENCE BUT ELLIS IS THE LAST NAME OF THE PRESIDENT DURING IRON MAN 3

TOMMY HAVING HIS SPEED POWERS AND BILLY HAVING HIS REALITY WARPING/TELEKINETIC POWERS - WELCOME SPEED AND WICCAN

A CALL BACK TO INFINITY WAR WHEN VISION EXITED THE HEX? SLIGHTLY DUSTING AND HE PROBABLY WON’T SURVIVE BEING OUTSIDE OF THE HEX - HE’LL JUST DIE AGAIN 🥲

I STILL DON’T TRUST HAYWARD - HE’S VERY SUS

DARCY BEING TAKEN INTO THE HEX WITH THE OTHER S.W.O.R.D AGENTS - HOPEFULLY WE CAN SEE THE OUTFITS THAT KAT DENNING’S WAS EXCITED ABOUT

I SWEAR THEY BETTER NOT STRAIGHTWASH BILLY AND TOMMY OR I WILL RIOT 😤

***FURTHER UPDATES***

So sit-com wise, it seems they were referencing Malcolm in the Middle as the twins broke the fourth wall and talked to the audience, like Malcolm did

However, the theme song has told the viewer to stop questioning the reality of Westview - which could be a little reference to Mystery Science Theatre 3000? - When Pietro first shows up in the title sequence, along with his name title card, the lyrics say “Though there may be no way of knowing who’s come to play” - Istg, I do not trust Pietro

Vision says to Wanda that he had to wear his Halloween costume because there were no other clothes in his closet, Wanda is trying to move the plot along and forcing Vision to play along

Evan Peters’ ‘Mom’ tattoo is shown, which is a tattoo he actually has in real life ! But could this stand for ‘Multiverse of Madness’ or some other red herring?

Pietro mentions to Wanda that if he had found ‘Shangri-La’ he wouldn’t want to leave either - Shangri-La is a real place on Earth-616 that was founded by a version of Vision

Tommy refers to Pietro’s speed as ‘kickass’ and then Wanda repeats that, saying ‘kickass’ again - Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Evan Peters (both versions of QuickSilver) were in Kick-Ass together

The ad for this episode was freaky af - the character on the beach who starved and decomposed could be a little nod to Indiana Jones, where a Nazi’s face melts in - and it could also be reference to Wanda being all alone and struggling to process her grief. The shark in the ad could also be Nightmare or Mephisto or just someone more powerful than Wanda offering her a new beginning with Vision or trapped her in some way - and is feeding off her magic? The flavour of the yoghurt is strawberry flavoured and strawberry’s are red on the outside and pink-ish on the inside - much like Wanda’s og costume and her magic being red 👀

Pietro and Wanda talk about their Sokovian accents at a point in the episode and how neither have them anymore. Wanda’s, as we know, has disappeared over the course of the MCU movies and Pietro’s just doesn’t exist - another nice little nod to Peter Maximoff from the fox X-Men films? Also, Pietro states that “I’m just trying to do my part, okay? Come to town unexpectedly, create tension with the brother-in-law, stir up trouble with the Rugrats (a 90’s cartoon 👀) and ultimately give you grief.” - in reference to the grief part, could Pietro be killed off again? Stir up trouble with the rugrats, being possible shards of the demon Mephisto’s soul, could this be Mephisto trying to influence them on a deeper level? It’s also many many common sitcom clichès

Pietro talks about how “I got shot like a chump on the street for no reason at all” - nice little nod to how Pietro was killed off unnecessarily and how we as a fandom still talk about how regular bullets shouldn’t have killed him

Herb is dressed as Frankenstein’s monster - Dr. Frankenstein created his monster and soon lost control over him, and he was created using electricity or lightning - much like Vision was created and brought to life by Thor using Mjolnïr to bring lightning down to his incubator thingy majig. Could this also be a reference to either Wanda slowly losing control over Westview or someone else controlling Wanda/controlling the citizens of Westview - we saw in episode 3 that Agnes told Herb to be quiet as it seemed he was about to spill the beans 👀

Vision goes towards Ellis avenue and is at a ‘crossroads’ of sorts - in folklore, crossroads are often used to speak to or summon the devil and are also used when an important character is making a decision that could change everything. He spots some citizens repeating certain actions and/or just standing completely still, could these be npc’s (non playable characters)? And now that the barrier of the Hex has spread, will those citizens now start to move? 👀 Also I know that all stop signs look like it, but the stop sign is also a red hexagon 🛑

Darcy scrolls through Hayward’s computer files and goes past a file called “Project C4-113” - it could reference Avengers Issue #113 in which Wanda and Vision both appear on the cover and she says she’s going to make the world pay for Vision’s death. There’s also another file called “Project M5-247” which could be a nod to Avengers Issue #247, which shows the origin of the Eternals and in the same vein, Scarlet Witch and Vision trying to help Captain Marvel. And when Darcy emails Hayward’s cataract plans, you can see the names of “James Alexander and James Gadd” - James Alexander is a visual effects producer on Wandavision and James Gadd works on post production at Marvel

Also: Agnes pulls as Mrs Hart and repeats the same phrase over and over again

After Wanda blasts Pietro, you can see on a fake grave stone the name of “Janell Sammelman”, Janell is a first assistant director on Wandavision

When Wanda moves Westview to save Vision, she turns S.W.O.R.D and it’s agents into clowns + a circus - I just love that the agents turned into clowns 😂 but there is a nice little plot line in the comics where Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver and Hawkeye join the circus - and this COULD be stretch, but earlier in the episode there is the number #22 which could be Avengers Issue #22, which is the Issue that they join the circus

As soon as Vision was brought back into Westview, he was healed - which means if he was to exit again, he probably wouldn’t survive 😭

The episode title is ‘All-New Halloween Spooktackular!” - which “All-New” is a designation that is often used on covers for comic books. And the first issue of the second The Vision and the Scarlet Witch series takes place on Halloween night - but the events in this comics didn’t influence this episode’s plot

Pietro points out that he has the “XY chromosome” - X for X-Men? Plus there’s the X gene 😂

He mentions “Uncle Peter to the rescue” - Peter is the name of Quicksilver from the Fox X-Men Franchise

Pietro and Tommy quote the movie Top Gun (1986) by saying “I fell the need, the need for speed”

Wanda almost seems hesitant to trust this version of Pietro (rightfully so, in my opinion) and is wary of him being around Tommy and Billy

Pietro says some very Mephisto/Nightmare-like things this episode - “Unleash hell, demon spawn!”, “The kids need a father figure”, “Damnit, if Westview isn’t charming as Hell...” - And if Pietro isn’t Mephisto/Nightmare, it HAS to be Agnes or her other half Ralph and Pietro is probably Ralph tbh...or could Pietro just be a scapegoat and Hayward is Ralph? 👀

The theatre in town, which is playing the Incredibles and The Parent Trap, is called the Coronet. There’s a classic poem called “The Coronet” written by Andrew MARVELL (Marvell, is also the true name of the first incarnation of Captain Marvel in the comics) and is about a guy who knows that the sins of mankind led to the death of Christ. He attempts to create a new crown for Christ’s head in an attempt to atone, but finds that there is sin in the crown as well, as the devil is within the crown and therefore he may achieve glory and success with his new creation 👀

Hayward’s confidential project “Cataract” included experimenting on Vision’s body, as was revealed by Darcy (my wife 💙 and Monica is also my wife 💚 and so is Wanda 💛, I just love women, you know? 😂). A cataract is a cloudy area in the lens of the eye that leads to a decrease in vision - is Hayward trying to weaponise Vision? Or maybe even trying to bring Ultron back? Or do what Tony wanted to do in the first place, and make a suit of armour that’s around the world? Either way, it’s for nefarious purposes

Who is Monica’s guy? Jimmy and Monica are off to meet him - could it be Reed Richards (Mr Fantastic)? Or could it be Victor Von Doom (Dr Doom)? Could it be Hank McCoy (Beast)? Or even Adam Brashear (Blue Marvel)? Or if it is a woman, could it be the Skrull daughter of Talos that Monica befriended at the end of Captain Marvel? Could it be Abigail Brand (A major character in recent S.W.O.R.D comics and an Alpha Flight Member)? Or even Toni Ho (Iron Patriot, and could she be introduced to help lay the ground work for my other queen, Riri Williams/Iron Heart?)? Or could it even be Sue Storm (Invisible Woman)?

In the background of the episode we see a number of children and adults dressed up as many different characters, which includes: Sub-Zero from Mortal Kombat, Jason Voorhees, with a sweater striped like Freddy Krueger’s and even a kid that looks dressed in an off-brand Charizard costume 😂 Pokèmon has always been popular, but saw an increase during the 90’s

Pietro and the kids are drinking “Kane Cola” which could be a reference to the 90’s drinks “Jolt Cola” or even “Surge” - it could also, with all the X-Men Easter eggs, be a reference to Garrison Kane, who was a member of Cable’s mercenary team “Six Pack” and is sometimes also known as ‘Weapon X’

The kid that Wanda mentions having a “skin thing” in the orphanage - could that be a reference to her Brotherhood of Evil Mutants co-worker Toad? Or maybe even Mystique? Maybe Kurt Wagner (Nightcrawler)?

One of the houses has a sign up that says ‘Macabre Mansion’ - another possible reference to House of M?

During a flashback, it’s shown that the twins are playing Dance Dance Revolution, which came out in 1999. Also this might be a stretch, but the boys have a dog plushie in their room the right - which is coloured red and black - could this be a reference to Dogpool? 😂

I love this show 🤣💙

[girlysword]

Wandavision Theories

1) SWORD somehow got Vision’s body from Stark Industries and they were the ones turning him into a weapon, and Director Hayward is now placing the blame on Wanda as a cover (although why anyone thought Wanda is using Vision as a weapon when that is very clearly not the case confuses me. He is there to love Wanda, SWORD is watching an entire show about it). Some people have pointed out that Hayward had his degrees in a hexagonal formation, but I don’t think that means that he is in on what’s happening to Wanda. Maybe is behind this gave SWORD Vision’s body as a sort of plan A.

2) Agnes is definitely in on all of this, but she looked genuinely concerned at Sparky’s death and genuinely shocked at the boys’ faith that Wanda could bring back the dead. There is a theory that Agnes is Agatha Harkness, a witch who died in Salem. Maybe Agatha made a deal with Mephisto, Marvel’s version of the devil, to play Wanda’s handler in exchange for coming back to life.

3) I’m 50/50 whether Evan Peters is playing Fox Quicksilver who has been pulled from a different dimension, or if he is playing Mephisto playing Vision as a bid to keep Wanda in line as it becomes harder for her to ignore reality.

4) I don’t think Wanda is doing this 100% on her own, but she is doing a lot of it because she can’t handle reality because of her grief (which she projected unto Monica and maybe the other citizens of Westview, so the “pain” comes from Wanda but the actual mind control doesn’t. Norman did say “she” instead of Wanda’s name.).

5) As stated in Infinity War, Vision is a lot of things, the Mind Stone, JARVIS, Ultron, etc. Wanda may have revived him using the powers she got from the mind stone, but his increasing self-awareness  and ability to not be fully controlled by Wanda comes from the other parts of him.

6) Dottie is completely fictional. The sitcom world needed an antagonist, and Mephisto/Agatha couldn’t let it be either of them, and Wanda truly doesn’t want to hurt any of the real people in the town.

7) There are no children because Wanda is protecting them. They are probably all comatose in a safe place or were sent away to live with friends/relatives. Or Mephisto/Agatha didn’t want kids in the neighborhood because kids can’t be controlled at all for some reason.

8) Mephisto is after Billy and Tommy for some reason.

9) Infinity Stone power is going to play a part in this, either in solving the Westview Anomaly or giving Monica her powers.

[no-goodbyes-no-regrets]

You should totally be producer of emmerdale your story with the added village stuff and all that would be better to watch. What would you do as producer?

you mean aside from the obvious - get Ryan to come back as Robert? And robron getting married for the third time and getting Seb back and finally getting their baby?

I'd go with Aaron and Mack for now. Get them together until Robert comes back as added drama for robron reunion 3.0.

Mack himself needs to be fleshed out more. If we're retconning Moira's past, let's do it properly. More Mack and Moira sibling stuff, maybe their dad can come looking for his son? Or some other Long Lost Relative. Also more interactions with his new roommates. Let him be mates with Ellis and Billy too - and maybe not threaten them. And he needs an actual job. Maybe with Aaron at the scrapyard or with the haulage company... or Chas can sack Bob and hire him as a new barman!

Matty and Amy - let them be an actual couple. No stupid sitcom references, no acting like 13 year olds. Let them actually discuss what Matty being trans means for their relationship. What does Amy think about dating a trans man? Is their relationship sexual at all or is Matty not comfortable with that? Does Kyle know Matty as his mum's boyfriend? Let him get bumped up the waiting list for his bottom surgery and let Amy support him through his recovery. I could write an essay on this because the way emmerdale treat them pisses me off beyond belief.

Vic & Luke - break up, he goes to prison for killing his brother, she gets back together with Ellis and they live happily ever after.

Chaddy - break up! let Chas have that affair with Al. Paddy can get with Mandy.

Tracy and Nate - break up. Let him go stay with his mum and I'm sure Vanessa would like to meet her niece, so tracy can go stay with her for a while.

Dawn and Jamie - dear god just end it already.

Dawn can get with Ryan and Jamie can comfort Mack when Aaron breaks his heart when he gets back together with Robert.

Will, Harriet, Dan, Amelia, Andrea, devil child (Milly), wailing wendy - all leave, never to be seen again.

Samson and Lydia become proper mother and son. Maybe she helps him with the fall out from his suspension or helps him deal with his traumas (he grew up in emmerdale, he's bound to have some)

Noah - no more Jamie's little minion, let him work at the garage with Cain or the scrapyard with Aaron

Sarah - can stay in Scotland... but I suppose she can come back with Debbie. Debbie and Priya *rekindle their friendship* from when they were playing Al and end up falling in love with each other.

Leyla and Liam - break up! Liam belongs with Bernice. Leyla can get with someone new.

Speaking of someone new - I'd bring in a whole new family. Parents and a couple of kids in various age groups. We need some new blood in that village. someone not connected to the dingles. Also Stephen (before Luke goes to prison) and Ethan's mum.

Meena and David - not bothered about them, they can stay together... though she could be fun with Mack too.

Rishi and Manpreet - break up! Manpreet needs to be with Charles. Rishi needs to not act like a 5 year old.

Jai and Laurel - deserve all the happiness in the world. No more drama for them. plus proper therapy to deal with their decision to terminate their pregnancy.

Leanna - boarding school somewhere in northern Russia

Gabby - is a Strong Independent Woman who don't need no man and raises her baby on her own.

Kim - Home farm's top bitch with a soft spot for Lydia and Rhona. They have regular wine dates up at home farm. non spiked wine though.

Jimmy/Nicola go back to being the power couple they are, Juliette takes a long walk off a short cliff.

Liv and Vinny - get back together without their relationship being used for a shitty abusive asshole plot. Also Liv gets a service dog.

Ethan gets to be the powerhouse lawyer he is and work on a big trial - where he falls in love with someone working for the other party.

Matty and Ryan pick up their antiques pimping business again and are a big hit on social media.

Eric and Brenda - break up! Eric should be with Faith. Brenda can go back to being irrelevant and keep the hope twins off screen with bob.

I'm kind of intrigued by that Aaron has an older brother story the tabloids made up... so I'd go with that. Have him show up on the mill's doorstep one day saying "hey, i'm your brother.' from gordon's affair with the guy's mum when Aaron was a baby

I’d bring back Aiesha because i feel like she could be fun with Meena - and the whole my mum used to kind of be your mum thing with Ethan could be interesting.

I’d also bring back Nikhil and Alicia - just because people always say they like them and miss them. I don’t really know them but that’s beside the point.

Reunite vanity - it has to be done. But Charity isn’t watered down to Vanessa's needy little minion and gets to keep her personality and her shares in the haulage firm. Also she gets to say she’s bisexual.

Vanessa goes back to being a vet and pulls rank on Jamie as senior member of staff. No more him sneaking off with Dawn all the time. And she and Charity share custody of Johnny with Kirin.

April - takes to hanging out at her old house with The Lads and Mack teaches her all kinds of Scottish swear words, while the other 3 try to be Good Role Models for her.

Marlon and Rhona live happily ever after. Rhona picks up the pieces of Marlon’s sanity every time he tries to get The Lads to pay their rent on time or stops by their house in general. Mack’s new hobby is to wind him up as much as he can.

[themonkeycabal]

Wandavision Ep 5 Spoilers

Wherein I watch Wandavision at a stupid hour of the morning because I do not sleep like a regular human being, and sometimes I have things to say.

Previously on Wandavision, we all discovered that Darcy Lewis and Jimmy Woo were the BFFs we never knew we needed and now can't live without. Also Wanda reminded us that she's really scary.

We should be in the 80s now, right? Ahh the 80s. Leg warmers, Aquanet, and MTV.

Baby shenanigans with crying twins. Wanda tries to magic them to sleep and it doesn't work. "Maybe we just need some help." And in pops Agnes without waiting for them to answer the door. As you do in a sitcom hell. She's got a headband and leg warmers on and is on her way to jazzercise. Of course. Is the point of Agnes to really anchor us in a decade? Asking for real. She's very "this is the era, and these are the tropes, let's all play along now."

Vision is very protective of the babies, to such a degree and with such intensity that Agnes literally forgets her line and nervously asks Wanda if she wants her to take that again. Well, then. Agnes very super a lot does not want to be wished to the cornfield. 

The babies stopped crying during the whole "should we do this scene again" interlude. Vision noticed the weirdness and is trying to figure out what's going on, Wanda is trying very hard to pretend everything is normal. Agnes is being super duper bizarre in the background. And suddenly the twins are like three years old. Agnes has given up and got into the liquor. I don't blame her.

Opening credits. Okay, I'm sorry, 'baby' Vision is almost more stupidly funny than I can take. Like … what? I think I want that as my new icon, though. Also the credits are too long. I think they were very proud of their theme song, so we have to hear it all. These are my least favorite so far. Very 80s, but meh.

In the real world, Monica is getting x-rays and giving a report on being yeeted from Wanda World.

Jimmy Woo and Darcy are there to greet her at the end of the exam. "This is Doctor Darcy Lewis." Yes, she is! Still very proud. She's also the doctor of encouraging people to wear pants, shoving a pair at hospital gown-clad Monica. Erik's no-pants phase was very scarring.

The medic comes back and says the medical tests didn't work or something. The medic wants to do x-rays again because the first came back blank and also she's going to have to do another blood draw. Hmm. Monica is still somehow affected by Wanda World? Unclear on how that would work. Some sort of weird witchy radiation-like energy? Monica says 'no' to more needles and also wants to put pants on. Just let the woman have her pants.

Now we're on to a briefing with the acting Director of SWORD whose name I don't remember. He's very "government suit" bland, I have a hard time caring about anything he says. Also, does anybody else pronounce the 'w' in SWORD in their head when they read it? Like I cannot make my brain stop doing that. "s-WUH-ord'.

"Our initial theory had Wanda Maximoff as one of many victims. We now know she is the principle VICTIMIZER!" Settle down there, acting director guy. Why not say 'subject', 'suspect', 'perpetrator', or boring old 'cause of the anomaly". VICTIMIZER! Geez then. I'm going to guess his solution will be a tactical nuke or some such rot.

Jimmy gives background on Wanda.

Acting Director Guy: "The twins were subsequently radicalized, volunteering at Hydra." Jimmy Woo: "That's an oversimplification of events, but yes." I'm giving you heart-eyes Jimmy Woo.

"After unspecified experimentation with the mind stone, Maximoff gained telekinetic and telepathic abilities."

Then a weird aside where the Acting Director — who shall now be known as Acting Director Dick — wants to know if Wanda had a code name or a something, seeming to imply that not having one made her a bad guy?,  and then he points out how the first time she used her powers it was against the Avengers. He totally just ordered a tactical nuke from "overreacting-government-douchebags r us".  I hate this particular character trope, the government heavy who never listens to anybody and is always ready to napalm the suburbs because reasons. It's so tedious.

Jimmy points out that Wanda earned the Avengers trust and then became an Avenger herself, thank you very much. Acting Director Dick doesn't care, he's decided Wanda is a terrorist and he'll turn half of New Jersey into a glass parking lot to get rid of her. Sure am glad he's in charge of some sort of mysterious and powerful agency.

Jimmy Woo is not a fan either, and he walks back over to his new bestie and tells Darcy that while he tries not to speak ill of anybody … Darcy interrupts "then allow me", and she has no trouble saying that Acting Director Dick is, in fact, a dick. That's my girl.

Elsewhere AD Dick is blathering on about how they don't negotiate with terrorists. Well, since Wanda hasn't made any demands, or released a manifesto or anything …. Monica also points out Wanda is not a terrorist. AD Dick twists her report to make Wanda sound as terroristy as he can. I'm bored with him now.

Monica argues with him a bit and say she doesn't believe Wanda World is a premeditated act of aggression. I vote Darcy, Jimmy, and Monica wait until AD Dick is alone, and then they shove him in a locker for the rest of the season. If anybody asks he had to run back to sWUHord for meetings or something, "Darn, you just missed him. I'll tell him you're looking for him. Great. Buh-bye now".

AD Dick needs to make his big jackass point that Wanda is the most terroristy terrorist who ever terroristed, so he shows off footage of Wanda breaking into a SWORD facility to steal back Vision's body. Because that seems terroristy and not at all like some sort of emotional breakdown. As far as I can tell, she just busted open a few doors, but didn't hurt anybody. I think AD Dick doesn't know the meaning of the word terrorist.

And, yes, then she resurrected Vision in an idealized sitcom world in a small city in New Jersey. That's exactly like something a terrorist mastermind would do. Mmmhmm. Is it nice for the people trapped there with them? No, clearly not. Agnes and Herb in particular seem aware and are scared. They need to be rescued and Wanda needs LOADS of therapy. But Director Nuke the Site from Orbit over here isn't going to make anything better. Darcy, sister, shove that asshole into a locker stat.

Jimmy notes that stealing Vision's body is a violation of the Sokovia Accords. And while I appreciate his dedication to maintaining the Accords … well, I mean, look, it's body theft and all. It's not a great look; I absolutely allow that. But you can just sort of stop there. Though, that's very the Sokovia Accords "if this guy dies, his body must go to a shadowy government agency. for safety. yep."

Also Vision had a living will, where he didn't want to be used as a weapon. Sure, okay. Because I'm sure SWORD was just totally not doing anything at all with his body. Nope. Look, I'm totally a SHIELD girl and even I wouldn't necessarily trust SHEILD with that. So, who is SWORD to me? Pfft. I'd give him to Thor or something and ask him to be buried far far away. I'm just saying. I'm supposed to trust Johnny-Come-Lately S-WUH-ORD?

(In my head now is an inter-agency rivalry where SWORD is like "We have rocket ships!" and SHIELD is like "lol, our lead scientist got eaten by a rock and survived on an alien world for like six months". "But rocket ships?" "We've traveled through time a dozen times in the last year alone. We're a bigger chaotic disaster than you can ever hope to be".)

AD Dick undermines his own "SHE'S A TERRORIST!" thesis by saying she acted out of grief. And then he dismisses everybody. "Work the problem!" Uh … whut? Fine? What is the problem? That she's a WILD MURDERY TERRORIST who must be stopped! or a grief stricken woman who stole her technologically advanced boyfriend's body and probably should be talked down? Acting Director Lack of Clarity.

Jimmy wants to know how Wanda could have resurrected Vision without the Mind stone and Darcy wants to know what Vision will do when he figures it out. Fine questions, friends, fine questions. Monica is just like "acting director dick used to be a buddy but now I kind of want to punch him and am very conflicted. oh and wanda kind of freaks me out but also i feel bad for her" only she says all that without words.

Tommy and Billy are now about like 5 or 6 or something. I'm terrible with kids ages. They're up to shenanigans. Oh, they found a lost puppy dog and they're giving him a bath in the sink. It's all super adorable.

Vision wanders in and greets his family all formally and in his human face. He says he has a premonition someone might pop over. He's not a fan of sitcom neighbors either. And there's Agnes now with a dog house. How does she know whether to enter through the front door or the back door?

The dog tries to burn the house down by licking an electrical outlet? so they name him Sparky (harr harr) and Wanda magics him a collar with Agnes right there. Vision's all "wtf darling?" and she points out Agnes didn't even notice when the boys went from babies to five-year olds, she certainly didn't notice the magic collar. Agnes is trying very very hard not to notice anything. Poor Agnes.

Wanda says she's tired of hiding her abilities and Vision is Very Concerned. He's starting to figure things out.

They tell the boys they can't have a dog until they're 10, so the boys grin at each other and age themselves up to 10. That is all very unsettling. Agnes "Let's just hope this dog stays the same size." as she screams internally "save me!"

Real World. Jimmy's hustling back to the science room with coffee for Monica and Darcy. Monica is asking for some sort of wild mobile bunker to help her get back into Wanda World and Darcy's like "well, yes, but also no". But Monica knows an aerospace engineer who'd totally make it for her.  

"I can't guarantee the Hex won't just mind wipe you as you go in." "What's the hex?" "Oh, it's what I'm calling the anomaly because of it's hexagonal shape. It's starting to catch on." Darcy's so proud, but Jimmy's like 'not so much' but he's too polite to say.

Monica's determined to go back in. Jimmy wants to know who the kids are, if they've id'd them or the babies and Monica's all "oh, no, those are legit Wanda's." Darcy says if she can make stuff with her mind, and all the props and whatnot in the Wanda World are real then she's wielding an insane amount of power. Monica is sure she could have taken out Thanos if he hadn't cheated and snapped her. Jimmy thinks Captain Marvel could have done it. Monica very much doesn't want to talk about Captain Marvel.

Monica has an Idea!

Ah, she wants to see her outfit from Wanda World, which is now in the real world. So, is it real matter Wanda created, or is the perception field bleeding over to make them all see that outfit in the real world. That would have been hella awkward if Monica got yeeted out of her clothes.

Monica confirms they're real then steals Jimmy's gun and shoots them. Ahh, she was wearing a kevlar vest when she went into Wanda World, and that changed shape to be her super fly 70s outfit. "Wanda is rewriting reality." Changing things to fit the hex. So they'll send in something that doesn't need to be changed. Um. Sure. Fine. I don't know what that means, or how that would help in this context, but I'm sure I'll find out.

Meanwhile, Vision is at work, and all his coworkers are amazed at the actual computers. Golly shucks. Computers. Hey, so, computers have been around since the 40s. ANYWAY.

"Should we surf the internet?" We're progressing rapidly through the 80s. Oh, lol, Darcy sent an email. And the whole office creepily reads it out loud. Vision is very weirded out. As well he should be. He wipes the computer with his glowy synthezoid powers and then he glowies Norm when Norm tells him 'none of it is real'. Norm wakes up "please help me. what day is it? how long has it been?". Oh dear. Poor Vision. This is all going to go so very badly. Norm gets very freaked out begging Vision to "stop her". Vision resets him.

At the house the boys wonder where dad is, and Wanda tells them it's Monday and he's at work. Except the boys are all "um, no, it's Saturday". Wanda, your house of lies is tumbling down! You shouldn't have let them grow up so fast. Babies don't ask inconvenient questions about why Daddy needs some space from Mommy and her questionable choices for their shared reality.

Wanda takes the opportunity to impart the 80s family sitcom trope of the weekly life lesson about how family might fight, but they still love each other and family is forever. One of the twins asks if she has a brother. She does. He's far away. But, Sparky goes barking at the door. Wanda looks far away herself. She goes to open the door and Sparky runs out.

Monica has sent in a drone from the 80s. Well that wasn't really a thing. But, how does the 1980s rc plane look more high tech than the 2020s drone they sent in first? Talk to your design team, SWORD.

Anyway, Wanda spots the drone, but she's keeping it out of the broadcast, because she's the editor and director and producer of Wandavision, of course.

Monica announces herself and tries to get Wanda to acknowledge her. Whoops. Wanda's eyes go glowy. AD Dick says "take the shot" and Monica's all "what? no, the drone isn't armed." Except of course it is, because AD Dick is a monumental dick, and he's got a backup drone pilot who takes the shot. Wandavision goes off air. And, oh no, there's a breach at the Hex!

Lol. It's Wanda coming through, dragging the mangled corpse of the drone with her. That was entirely deserved, AD Dick. I hope she shoves it up your ass, dick.

"The missile was just a precaution". AD Dick backpedals quick, like a coward. You gave a three second attempt to talk to Wanda before you pulled the trigger, I don't like you. "You can hardly blame us."

Wanda warns him to stay out. "You won't bother me, I won't bother you." Okay, well, he does kind of have a point, in that there's a whole town of people who are stuck as bit players in Wanda World. That's not very nice. I mean, surely she could have found a nice empty spot somewhere and created her sitcom utopia. That's at least a fair criticism.

Monica tries her best to talk Wanda down. It doesn't work particularly well.

"What do you want?" "I have what I want and no one will ever take it from me again." And she mind controls the soldiers training their guns on her, to turn them on AD Dick. Whoops. And Wanda goes back to her world. The Hex glows all red as she goes.

And we go to commercial. Lagos Brand paper towels. "For when you make a mess you didn't mean to." Wow, so that was brutal. Wanda's not mad at you, Monica. She's just carrying a lot of guilt. Ouch.

Back in Wandavision, the boys are looking for their dog. They find Agnes hiding in the bushes with the dog. Poor Sparky apparently ate some azalea leaves and died. The boys are very sad and Wanda warns them not to age up. They can't run from their feelings. Oh Wanda. "It's too sad," Billy says. "You can fix anything mom," Tommy cries, "Fix the dead". Yikes.

Wanda "I'm trying to tell you there are rules in life." Poor Agnes is trying not to have a total meltdown. "We can't reverse death. No matter how sad it makes us. Some things are forever."

Billy and Tommy try to talk her into bringing back Sparky. And Vision turns up. Well, this is just brutal.

Vision is entirely outside of Wanda's control. "I spoke with Norm. I unearthed the man's suppressed personality and I spoke to him free of your oversight." Yikes. "He was in pain, Wanda."

Okay it's kind of funny they're arguing over the end credits. Vision is very very pissed. "I'm scared." Aww.

Wanda insists she's not in charge of every life in Westview. "I don't know how any of this started in the first place." Huh. Is that really true? Because she's pretty sure of it now. Somebody or something convinced her into a sitcom world and now she's just like "yeah, this is good"? really asking.

Ding-dong.

"I didn't do that." 

Vision: *doubt*

DING DONG

Wanda goes to answer the door.

In the real world, alarms are blaring but Darcy notices a new revelation on Wandavision.

Wanda Word — and it's Pietro at the door. See! I knew it had to be Pietro who'd be the surprise guest thingy. I mean it's hilariously X-Men Pietro (Evan Peters, like @lewstonewar suggested), but Pietro nonetheless. There's nobody else it could have been.

Darcy be all WTF? "She recast Pietro?" lol

Okay, Wanda seems legit shocked. I don't think she did that. And I super really don’t think she’d make him sound like a NYC cabbie. 

And end.

Well. I mean, I'm not sure what to think. Wanda insists she's not controlling everything. I don't think she created Pietro. But, she totally stole Vision's body and created the kids and seems mostly happy in her sitcom universe and she can traverse the Hex, which obviously suggests its her doing. Dunno. I have questions about Agnes and her convenient timeliness here and there.

The mystery continues.

Disney wants to know if I want to watch Age of Ultron next. How poorly you know me, Disney.

[amyhasbluescreen]

Wandavision episode 5 spoilers

Spoiler ahead you have been warned

so firstly omg omg omg ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ok, now that, that is out the way on to my thoughts and theories. 

So this episode was a wired one since we are no longer doing whole sitcoms or sword episodes, now just Jumping between the two. which seems like a better format (especially for the people who didn't understand the previous 3 sitcom episodes.) 

Wanda cant control the children. this could be because Billy is also a magic user and its cancelling out her powers or another kind of proof that Wanda is losing control her reality; we saw a similar thing with the stalk in one of the previous episodes (Now in Colour). 

Children are growing up quick. Tommy and Billy are growing up super quick like in the start of the episode they where 6 months to a year and at the end they 10, this is because they will want Tommy and Billy to play a bigger role in the future and you cant do that with babies (basically want they did with Cassie in Endgame). However, it seems like Wanda isn't changing the kids, this is proven when she says later in the episode when sparky dies (RIP Sparky) “Don’t...Don’t age yourselves up”. once again this could be Billy or even Tommy (since he fast) and they do seem aware of it happening however I don't think so its more likely this is Mephisto and Agnes or Nightmare or who ever is actually pulling the strings here (as in my opinion Wanda is too obvious to be doing this all by herself). 

roll the opining credits 

i just wanna give a shout out to baby vision in this segment (who is now up there with Grogu and Goot in my eyes). 

And where back to Monica who is have a scan, she explains that the feeling of being in Westview is painful  and “feels like drowning” to then finally saying it felt like grief. so now we know that it isn't really a picnic for the residents trapped in Wanda’s world (interesting), but most immortally in this scene the scan comes back empty like there is nothing there which could be because of Wanda blasting her though the forcefield maybe giving her, her photon powers like in the comics. 

also thanks to Darcey who gave Wanda’s powers a name “hex” which is what her powers are called in the comics and for the the best line “Hay Haywards a Dick” witch funnily get over shadowed with the word terrorist, maybe Hayward is one of those evil Skrulls Woo wrote about on his board. we know the other skurlls are coming in secret invasion. 

also Wanda Braking into to a sword facility to steal her dead boyfriend is a mood.   

But back to the sitcom where Tommy and Billy find a dog but not any dog Sparky the green synthezoid terrier from the Tom King vision comics (however he is not green). even though he last all of one episode I will miss him.

But hang on Vision is starting to realise things are not right here. things like Agnes not caring about the fact Wanda is using her powers and later in the office he awakens Norm and he tells him about his really family and he needs to find his phone cause his dad is ill. Which links to the identity board in episode 4 ( We interrupt this program) where it mentions Vision awakening Norm.

There is a bit where Monica explains that they need a Aerospace engineer who will be up for the challenge or creating a machine to go through the forcefield. So how about Mr fantastic himself Reed Richards or Victor Von Doom (who btw is part of a big scarlet which comic ‘Young Avengers children's crusade’).

They also do a bit were we find out Wanda is re writing reality its self not just creating an illusion (Monica, Darcey and Jimmy are really just out here doing all the work). 

Sitcom time again this time Wanda and the boys hear a noise that spooks the dog and he run off this causes Wanda to go investigate and the boys follow. its shown to be a drone from the 80s in an attempted to contact Wanda (as she can’t change it since it is already linked to the time period in question and seems to only change things  that don't fit in with sitcom year). so Monica tries to make a calm interaction but escalates quickly after Hayward (the dick) tries to shoot her. this causes Wanda to get angry and confront the sword guys on the outside. in short she tells them to get lost cause she isn't harming anyone and warns them if they continue she will stop them, showing this by manipulating the men around her to aim for Hayward not her and fly back in but not before making the forcefield stronger and visible.

Advert 

This weeks advert is for Lagos paper towels, if you forgot or didn't know Lagos is the place in the beginning of civil war when team cap is storming the Ex Hydra base and Wanda kills a bunch of people by accident. this is emphasised with the tag line “for when you make a mess you didn't mean to” since Wanda didn't mean to do what she did in Lagos however because of it, it leads to the Sokovia accords . 

sparky dies and the children are sad, however they ask Wanda to bring the dog back to life which she explains that not even she cant bring back the dead (sureeee). 

Vision returns home and presumably buries the dog off screen and then tries to confront Wanda about what's happening to which see tries to stop the episode suggesting they watch tv or turn in for the night however vision stop her and as there start arguing the credit roll only for them to glitch as she and vision leaves the room.

Vision tells Wanda he know she is doing this and pleads with to stop. he also tells her he doesn't remembers who he was before Westview and that he is just generally scared. however they are intruded by a door bell which Wanda says isn't her but Vision doesn't believe her. 

she opens the door and surly not, he’s gone, he’s died, she explained in this episode that she couldn't bring people back from the grave so no it cant be. oh god, it is him, its really him, ITS ARRO...EVEN PETERS’ quicksilver. 

So ya, in short they bring back Petrio (YAY I missed him). However it’s not Arron Taylor Johnsons it ends up being a weird amalgamation between Even peters’ Quicksilver from the X-Men movies and Arron Taylor Johnson’s. and suddenly cuts to Darcy saying Wanda recast Petrio but the next scene Wanda seem generally shocked she looks at Vision confused like she had not planed in this part. 

My theory is its Mephisto messing with Wanda but maybe its not maybe she pulled Quicksilver from the X-men universe smushed him with this earth’s quicksilvers memories and called it a day or maybe he’s just back, I really have no clue all I can say is that is seems a bit like a wolf in sheep’s clothing situation.

 But please let me know in the comments what you think is happening. I would really like have a discussion on what's happening in Wandavision and the MCU and comics as a whole.    

[that-shamrock-vibe]

Round-Up Review: WandaVision (Spoilers)

Spoiler Warning: I am posting this review the Monday after the finale of WandaVision drops on Disney+, so if you haven’t yet seen the entire series don’t read on until you have.

So I was going to do a fully fleshed out review of the entire series of WandaVision, but just as I’m about to finish…Tumblr decides to freeze on me and I lose a day of work so I have now decided to work this review a different way and rather than giving a general reaction and going into a character analysis, I will be breaking it down into what I loved, what wasn’t there for me fully and where I feel we are going next.

General Reaction:

So I could of very easily gone through this series episode by episode...but based on the fact that not only was this a play-by-play mystery with a lot more questions than answers each week, but also as the series progressed, particularly after Evan Peters arrived at the end of episode 5, the fan-theories and potential spoilers almost made me not want to know what was going to happen because the theories were becoming so grand that the series could surely never live up to expectations, which is why I feel the director of the finalé stated that fans may be disappointed...because ultimately I don’t think the finalé did live up to expectations. But these were expectations built up as an culmination of fan-theories, comic-book insight and also MCU baiting.

By MCU baiting, I mean that the creatives of WandaVision decided to be creative, and possibly playful, by including several red herrings that went absolutely nowhere but were the main conspiracy theories driving the fan-speculations and fake spoilers throughout the latter half of the series.

Dottie...who was she? Nobody important. Evan Peters...was he Quicksilver? No. Was he Mephisto/Nightmare? No. Was he important? Not really. Monica’s mysterious engineer contact, a fan-favourite character? Not even a character from the comics, I think.

Now that’s not to say this series asked questions that weren’t answered satisfactorily, but a lot of them seemed to build up to what is to come rather than giving us all the answers in this series. Is that a good thing? Yes because I feel this will make this series more rewatchable than I feel it already is. I for one of re-watched each episode at least twice sometimes three times each week leading up to the next episode and having just seen the entire series as a whole product I can safely say that characters and elements from this series going forward may have call-backs to the events of this series which will make for clicks, more views and more plays.

Speaking of watchability, can we talk about how interesting it has been to watch half-hour scheduled programming for 9 weeks like the olden days, and the fact we can call television life before streaming “the olden days”?.

But honestly sitting down, for me on a Friday morning at 9:30am without fail, to watch what began as a 25–30-minute MCU sitcom before turning into a 30–40-minute MCU mystery every week harkened back to my childhood and coming back from school to watch my shows which only aired once a week at that time. Feige’s and the creatives in the MCU brought back that feeling of nostalgia for me which I never really expected from a comic-book property.

Speaking of classic televisual viewing, I really enjoyed the standard sitcom setup of this series. I knew of all the referenced shows going in like The Dick Van Dyke Show, Bewitched, The Brady Bunch, Malcolm in the Middle and Modern Family, but it was also nice to see some standard sitcom tropes seen in the majority of sitcoms utilized throughout. From Agatha posing as the nosey neighbour to the fashions of each sitcom era and even the fourth wall breaks both from Billy in the Halloween episode in a Malcolm in the Middle spoof to the following episode literally titled “Breaking the Fourth Wall”.

Also, I will say here that all those MCU “stans” who are complaining they didn’t get the big grand beginning of Phase 4 that was promised to us by Feige as “something different”, the guy’s mantra is to keep it simple and the finalé was hardcore Feige. “Something different” was the set up and delivery of this slice of the MCU and some fans are still moaning about that so some people are just never satisfied.

What I Loved

Scarlet Witch

Give Elizabeth Olsen awards for this season! Make gold rain down upon her! Honestly, I have loved Elizabeth Olsen as Wanda Maximoff since her formal introduction in Avengers: Age of Ultron, but now we have formally been introduced to the Scarlet Witch she is not only the most powerful female if not character in the MCU but also the best character in the entire MCU to date.

Not only is this series personifying how an individual deals with their grief, but when you consider the fact that Wanda, who is by all accounts a 29 year old woman due to being blipped for 5 years, and has lost her parents at a young age, her twin brother at 25-26 so still a young age and then the first love of her life twice, first by her own hand and then by the Mad Titan so that initial sacrifice was for nothing, it’s just a lot to put on one individual with this level of raw power without expecting her to finally snap and create an alternate reality where everything is under her control.

The creation of her twins, who I will get into further down, was well done and, for want of a better word, organic for the series. But I did like how they showed the real-life struggle of not just having a new-born but having twins. Wanda is trying to maintain control of this world she has created as well as keep Vision in check, but also because the twins are seemingly not under her magical control, she must juggle maintaining the world and its people with being a new mother.

But the biggest crisis for Wanda comes in when Fietro shows up, I still do not believe she ever truly thought this was her dead brother resurrected. It wasn’t until he said “long lost brother” that he asked “Pietro?” and she spent the entire next episode interrogating him until the façade finally slipped and she decided he wasn’t.

After this, everything falls apart for her. Not only is her reality literally slipping with Vision at odds with her, the world constantly shifting between eras and her not understanding what is happening.

This is of course when she is confronted by Agatha Harkness who has not only taken her twins but also been fooling her by being “Nosy Neighbour Auntie Agnes” for this entire time when in reality she is a with from the days of the Salem Witch Trials who wants to understand Wanda’s true potential and then absorb all of her magic.

But when we got to see Wanda’s true potential as she went “Beast Mode” as the Scarlet Witch complete with stunning new outfit and crown, this levels the character up to that top spot in the MCU as the best and most powerful character.

I am excited to see where the Scarlet Witch’s potential will take her next.

WandaVision Love Story

I also really loved the fact that as well as a personification of dealing with Wanda’s grief, this series was truly a love story between Wanda and Vision.

From the first episode when we see them getting “married” and being that unusual suburban couple trying to fit in with seemingly everyday suburban life when the entire set-up is Wanda’s idyllic dream world.

As Darcy said to Vision, the love these two have is real. I did an entire post on why Scarlet Witch and Vision are the best MCU couple, and this series amplifies that. It becomes clear that these two are not actually married and in fact this Vision isn’t even the Vision we have seen developed through the movies, but he is a replication of Wanda’s true love and this is how she chooses to show it.

The fact they go through all of the typical newlywed couple goalposts of marriage, homemakers, kids, a dog, domestic disputes. It’s all there and feels so natural even though we are talking about the relationship a potential Nexus Being and a Synthezoid.

Their final goodbye in the series finale is honestly as heart-breaking as any love-lost in a tragic romance movie. Seriously how many more times is Wanda, and by extension the fans, supposed to say goodbye to Vision?

Agatha Harkness

I love Kathryn Hahn, this series has solidified that for me. Not only is this the first live-action appearance of Agatha Harkness but also the way in which she was modified from the comics is in a way that I would be annoyed with any other way if not for the fact that it was Kathryn Hahn playing her.

Now yes, fans of the comics knew “Agnes” was really Agatha Harkness from the casting announcement, but the actual reveal wasn’t epic because we already knew, it was epic because of the way it was revealed.

“Agatha All Along” has honestly become one of my new favourite songs, it is such a catchy tune, incorporates a couple of classic sitcom nods and is very memorable.

But also, even the fact that the final line of “…and I killed Sparky too” has become so memeable without overshadowing the overall song is such an impressive feat.

The Lopez’s not only capitalise on their Frozen success but also Kathryn Hahn gets to show her musical talents by singing the actual song…it was just incredible.

But yes, Agatha being a villain, as she has been in the comics but not on this scale, was a great decision for this series because Kathryn Hahn managed to inject her own brand of cynical dry comedy with echoes of Cate Blanchett’s Hela to create a fully rounded menacing villainous character.

Not only do we learn about her origins of how she can absorb magic by murdering her entire coven, mother included, but also that she elevates that by being able to steal any magic, even that of the powerful Scarlet Witch, truly makes this witch a threat within the magical realms of the MCU.

Even though she was defeated I am thrilled she didn’t die, she has simply been taken off the board for now but is still able to be put into play if and when she is needed again, maybe in Doctor Strange 2 maybe sooner, who knows?

Monica Rambeau

I have to say, I do not know much about Proton from the comics and genuinely though Maria Rambeau was a bigger character than she was, but considering they killed her off-screen during this series I don’t think she actually was.

I loved how the effects of the blip are still showing their repercussions as Monica returns after being victim to the blip and is immediately thrust into a chaotic post-blip world that echoes the real-world COVID-19 crisis I imagine.

From the start once outside of the Hex, Monica hits the ground running as both a SWORD operative and a self-assured hero trying to do the right thing by saving the town of Westview and Wanda while thwarting Hayward.

I really loved how her “Boss Lady” persona that Agent Woo grants her was very well realised because she did not take any nonsense from anyone. She got the Space Rover so she could attempt to re-enter the Hex, she attempted to reason with Wanda not once, not twice, but thrice.

And when the rover couldn’t penetrate the Hex, she decided to re-enter unprotected knowing what the barrier would potentially do to her physiology…and it did not disappoint.

Monica got powers, she got powers in a spectacular way. I loved how while she was physically struggling to break through the barrier, she could hear the voices of her nearest and dearest (archive footage from Captain Marvel) which spurred her on until she finally pulled herself together and became the superpowered individual she was always going to become.

But she didn’t stop there, not only did she try to once again confront Wanda who at this point was rather unhinged, but she didn’t take her threats lying down and instead tried to break into Agnes’ house before getting caught by Fietro.

However, once she worked out Fietro was really Ralph and was able to free him from Agatha’s control, she wasted no time in running off and making herself useful and just in time as she stopped Hayward from shooting the twins and assisted them in subduing the rogue SWORD agents.

As for Monica’s future, she has been drafted by that Skrull to join Nick Fury’s new team and may return to honour her late mother’s position as director of SWORD. All I know is her future is as bright and vibrant as the energy waves she can now see.

Twins

I love Wiccan and Speed so much, I love the Young Avengers so much, I love Wiccan and Hulkling’s relationship from the comics that is inevitably going to happen hopefully, but the fact this was the origins of all of that gave me everything.

Even before their birth, I loved how the pregnancy was making everything in the house go crazy. Some fans believe this was Wanda’s powers out of control due to pregnancy, I think this was actually Billy’s reality warping powers either acting from inside the womb or amplifying Wanda’s reality warping powers.

When the twins were in existence, I feel Wanda wasn’t prepared for what was going to happen. Billy and Tommy had their own minds and weren’t afraid to show them. Not only with finding Sparky but also with revealing their powers.

It’s fascinating as both these characters have the powers of either their mother or uncle, Billy has reality warping powers and Tommy has super speed. But while both got great chances to show them both in the Halloween episode and also in the series finale, I do believe we have only just scratched the surface of particularly Billy’s powers.

Of course they were always going to be lost at the end of the series, as they were in the comics when they were reabsorbed into Mephisto, in this instance they were seemingly deleted along with their father and the Hex…but then we hear them calling out to Wanda while she’s examining the Darkhold? Is this really them? Multiverse variants? What does all this mean? We need answers!

Darcy Lewis

I was thrilled when I heard Kat Dennings was not only returning to the MCU but being part of different characters’ stories rather than just Thor.

I loved how Darcy was on it from the start by firstly identifying that she and the other three scientists in recruitment didn’t share any common field so that meant SWORD had no idea what they were facing, but then being the one to identify the broadcast of WandaVision.

It did truly feel like we were watching Darcy be us while she was watching the series, seeing her get so invested in the hijinks and the plot twists was very relatable. Kat Dennings sold that relatability just as she does in every performance for me.

Then her fan-girling over the wider MCU, Kat Dennings is a fan of the MCU outside of her own appearances, so the fact she confirmed Vision did not get blipped but actually died and also had that moment in first meeting Monica was adorable.

Also, the fact that Darcy was the one who figured out not only that Monica’s cells were being re-written but also that Hayward had nefarious intentions with wanting to track down Vision, it just gave Darcy a purpose in the series and almost made her invaluable. Monica and Jimmy don’t have the backgrounds to be the “person in the chair” but Darcy does, and I was happy she finally got the chance to showcase it.

Even when she was taken into the Hex and temporarily became the Escape Artist, she was still Darcy in a way, then she became Vision’s source of information and road trip buddy before being left on the side-lines only to then return and help defeat Hayward.

What Didn’t Work:

Too Many Red Herrings

As I said this series and the series creatives had far too many red herrings planted to either fool us or tease us without any solid resolutions.

The biggest one is definitely ���Fietro” who as it turns out isn’t Multiverse Quicksilver from the Fox X-Men movies but is instead an in-universe actor named Ralph Bohner who was enthralled by Agatha to play the part of her husband and be her spy and lackey.

Honestly not only am I annoyed that Evan Peters was used for what was ultimately a boner joke, but also it does throw dirt into the wound as to the fact we may not be getting Mutants or the X-Men for a while yet in the MCU.

Then there’s Dottie...similarly to Fietro this could have been a smart way to bring Mutants into the MCU. While yes Dottie was believed to be Mephisto or a witch of some description, I was actually onboard with the idea that this was the MCU Emma Frost. It would have been poetic for Agatha Harkness to be working with Emma Frost to not only maintain her manipulation but also with Emma’s telepathic abilities but also potentially have Emma working as a double agent for the Hellfire Club who also want to harness the powers of the Scarlet Witch similarly to how they wanted to control the Phoenix Force.

Wanda in the MCU has already been compared to Jean Grey, so how about Scarlet Witch becoming the Black Queen of the Inner Circle?

Next, Ultron. A namedrop as many times as this deserves some sort of payoff. Ralph got his and it may have been disappointing but at least we got resolution. So why, when Ultron was named numerous times and we as fans even had Avengers: Age of Ultron being the next recommended watch for us at the end of every episode except the finale, did nothing come of it? If White Vision was voiced by James Spader I would have been happy.

Finally, there’s Monica’s engineer “guy”. We didn’t find out who this was because the contact Monica met with was an Air Force contact delivering the Space Rover, but who was the engineer who designed it? Why didn’t we meet him?

I personally feel this engineer is Reed Richards, there is obviously a rich history of space being connected to Reed’s origins as Mister Fantastic, we know the Fantastic Four are coming to the MCU, it would simply make sense to first introduce Reed as maybe a scientist for SWORD or Nick Fury’s team before bringing in the full team.

I know the other option is Hank Pym, but really if it was Pym then why couldn’t they just pay Michael Douglas for a cameo?

The Future of the MCU

So, what does WandaVision set up for the Marvel Cinematic Universe?

Well, we know that this is the start of the Multiverse Arc that will continue with Spider-Man: No Way Home later this year and conclude with Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness next year. It is confirmed that Scarlet Witch will show up in the latter of those two movies, but we have no idea what role she’ll serve in Spider-Man.

The other story this series sets up is Secret Invasion which will happen during the series of the same name starring Nick Fury and the Skrulls and also Captain Marvel 2 which will not only feature Carol Danvers and Monica Rambeau but also the upcoming Kamala Khan aka Ms. Marvel. This puts three superpowered women in the same movie and possibly will be the nexus of the Secret Invasion storyline before the concluding movie being an Avengers level event.

Then there’s also Falcon and the Winter Soldier starting in a couple of weeks, that series will most likely connect to Black Widow due to including Yelena Belova but also because that was originally supposed to come out before WandaVision it is tough to see if it or any other upcoming series except for Secret Invasion will connect to this series.

And of course, there is the upcoming Young Avengers project, we have yet to get confirmation of if this will be a movie or a TV series but we know we are having the players put onto the board in Disney+ shows and MCU movies. We have Wiccan and Speed, we know we are getting Kate Bishop and America Chavez as well as already having Cassie Lang just recast for the upcoming Ant-Man 3 to hopefully finally become Stature, and while we have yet to get confirmation of Hulkling it is possible he will appear in Secret Invasion given the Kree-Skrull elements.

Overall, I rate this series a solid 9/10, this series gave me practically everything I wanted and there were many times particularly in the finale that I felt this was the best Marvel Television series. I still stand by the fact that I think it is but the red herrings of Fietro, Mephisto, Ultron and Monica’s “guy” meant I couldn’t call it a solid 10/10.

Regardless of that, I felt this series gave us something different in an MCU mystery, formally introducing witches into the MCU, the love story of Wanda and Vision was intoxicating, meeting Wiccan and Speed in the early years was glorious and honestly Wanda embracing her destiny and becoming the Scarlet Witch…if the entire series was at that level it would be a 10/10 across the board.

So that’s my Round-Up Review of WandaVision, what did you guys think? Post your comments and check out more Marvel Reviews as well as other TV Reviews and posts.

[fiercefray]

I need to know everything about your himym ocs. What's their group dynamics like?

Okay, given I have a 9 of them, I'll do the core 5 because they are the main babies of this sitcom playing in my noggin. I can do the older kids and Ellie in a different ask if you like! Now onward to my kiddos.

Luke + Hunter

You remember Chandler and Joey? These two would be that dynamic duo's BFFs. Hunter is the Joey to Luke's Chandler. These two got together in college as roommates and were pretty much inseparable. If you want the HIMYM equilvant, they are the Ted and Marshall.

Sage + Billie

These girls are INTENSE. There is a reason why board games are kind of banned within the group and it is because these two are so competitive. Despite their own little rivalry, these two are like sisters. You mess with one, you mess with them both.

Hunter + Tegan

Tegan is to Hunter what Lily is to Hunter... minus the romance. Cause Tegan is hella gay. Anyway, Tegan and Hunter definitely have a close sibling-like relationship and have a ton of inside jokes, especially about Luke's love for romance. Also if Tegan wants Hunter to do anything she thinks he'll resist, she bakes something.

Billie + Luke

The amount of romance tropes I've thrown for these two is insane. Childhood friends to lovers? Check. The Will They, Won't They? Check. Just Friends? Fat freaking chance with these two. They grew up best friends and now they are avoiding their feelings for each other with her pulling the same crap her dad did and Luke just avoiding the obvious.

Hunter + Sage

This is the duo I could see going famous. I’d kind of say they are like Joey and Monica. They’ve got this vibe to me of being brother and sister and would be quite funny to see with each other. They definitely get into shenanigans.

Tegan + Luke

No one loves all the lovey-dovey stories quite like these two. They are the kinds of people who spend days watching rom-coms and Hallmark movies. Luke's the true romantic though and Tegan is a bit more of the realist. But there is no one better to come to for relationship advice and woes then these two nerds.

Billie + Tegan

Meet your Barney and Lily. Despite being so opposite, these two work well together. From grand gestures to supporting each other’s dreams, Billie and Tegan are those gay girls that have never dated and you are shocked to find that out.

Sage + Tegan

Tegan and Sage... let’s just say they are the ones to watch for in terms of romance. If you are a fan of Waverly and Nicole from Wynonna Earp then you’d be a fan of these two.

Hunter + Billie

Remember how Marshall and Barney would be Ted’s best friends? Same goes here. They see each other in a similar light though let’s be honest, Billie would totally flirt with Hunter at first. I think after awhile though they’d settle into a friendship.

Luke +Sage

The cousin duo we all want to see. They are just the absolute best of friends and will definitely be the two you see gossiping in the corner at parties. Though to be honest they are probably just arguing about Star Wars.

[lovecanbesostrange]

The best thing about WandaVision is that it proves if the studio/creators don’t want you to know something, you really don’t know. Which I think should be employed more than all the trailers that tell 3/4 of a story. And wow... I’m screaming and crying.

I know the word “multiverse” is already in the Doctor Strange movie title and I know all the casting madness around Spider-Man. But did I think I would get a Pietro played by Evan Peters?! NO!

And this is just........ those Fox movies are the only “current” canon in which the twins even are Magneto’s kids. I do wonder, why re-name the Maximoff parents and not go with Marya and Django? BUT friendly reminder that Wanda’s mom is Django’s sister Natalya and as of Feb 2021 the identity of her biological father is undisclosed. And no, it’s not Magneto, hasn’t been since the 2014 event AXIS. In the Fox films Pietro is at least allowed to be a mutant and Erik’s kid. And this bleeds over now and my heart grows three sizes and then spills over into tears...

I love Monica Rambeau and that after her awful experience, she is still willing to see Wanda as grieving person (Monica herself has to deal with a lot right now) and someone who lost control. And maybe if Monica could have found a better way to talk to her. But well, weapons are drawn. (The worst part is, all Wanda needs for her little sitcom bubble are people willing to go along; honey you could find lots of people willing to step into sitcom fantasy land.............)

I knew this would hurt so much and the angst is coming, the pain is so high and the people all around are getting hurt in the process. I knew it. But damn this is an avalanche.

Looking back at everybody being “we want House of M for Wanda”... well, there, you have it. People being forced into a life that’s not their own and a woman trying to just be left alone. Well, without the part where she did grand deepest wishes for most of the powered people she knew. (Another reminder, within House of M Wanda made herself a human, while mutants ruled; which is super funny with that fucking AXIS retcon I hate with the passion of a hundred burning suns.......)

omg I’m sorry, I don’t even want to do this, bringing in the comics so much. But I’m just so mad all around when it comes to Wanda. I hate how media never took the whitewashing issue up and make Feige, Whedon & Co face what they did there. But I’m also mad how that got turned around within fandom to shit on everything else about her MCU version as a character and holding up her being a jewish Romani as a shield, without ever looking any further. How magic is this kinda important thing that was taken. And how in the comics she tore the Avengers apart one time and what “no more mutants” even means. And that her whole history is so convuled, it’s three ret-cons in a coat. And.... just..... I want to wrap all the versions of Wanda Maximoff in a blanket and make her tea, okay?

Also thank you, show, for finally saying it out loud. No cutesy nickname. It’s why I got super annoyed at everything to do with the movies that called Wanda the Scarlet Witch. Because that hasn’t happened in the MCU yet. (Since in the comics that name is a legacy title now anyway.)

Can Monica keep those pants? Those could come in handy. And well, so the scan didn’t show anything. Is this.... is this now really how she gains powers? Will this be her new origin? The thought crossed my mind before, but are we really going down that road?

AND ALL THE MILLION BONUSPOINTS FOR CASUALLY NAMEDROPPING CAPTAIN MARVEL ONLY TO SEE MONICA’S FACE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *screams into the void* yep, didn’t hurt at all.................

Okay, so, well Tommy and Billy... will they die? Will I have to suffer through it all including the soul transfer and all? I have the Young Avengers books and tbh Billy and Tommy were never the ones I cared most about (love The Children’s Crusade, because after Avengers Disassembled and House of M that was the first story that was really about Wanda as a person, with something resembling agency and a voice). But seeing them rapidly aging and all. OMG. And the way Wanda is so confused that they won’t do what she wants like everybody else... my heart hurts from watching all of that.

Agnes was MVP this ep for sure. The most shady of MVPs, here for it. (I know Monica specifically said that she heard Wanda's voice in her head, but Norm screaming "make her stop", her...)

Oh right, a commercial again. HOORAY! Sometimes I laugh (by which I mean cry) about the fact that what happened in Lagos set off so much. But there Wanda could only react. Crossbones fucking killed himself and the explosion on the ground could have cost many, many people their lives. Wanda was not fast enough and too inexperienced to contain the explosion just like ten seconds longer, so everybody was clear. (The best part is seeing the agonizing look on his face, because he doesn’t die as fast as he expected, oops.) It was a tragedy how many got killed by the bomb. if a hand grenade goes off in a crowd and you kick it away, you are not solely responsible for the casualties when you tried your best to get it away from as many as possible. Well, wait, what I wanted to get back to - setting the Hulk loose in Johannesburg, that is something Wanda did that was somewhat buried under a rug. That was something she didn’t answer for. But they keep bringing up Lagos instead. Also nice touch saying that husband's can use it too. Remember when Vision accidentally shot Rhodey down? (Funny bringing up Germany, where the worst Wanda did was destroying cars and throwing other Avengers around, she was the one pulling her punches that day. And ended up in a straightjacket.)

Can Pietro just go and get Jean over, so Wanda can finally have somebody to actually talk to? XD (I know MCU Wanda is Hot Topic Jean Grey.............)

Vision having no idea what truly is going on, no recollection of his actual life. That also hurts. Why does everything about this episode hurt so much? It’s only 5 of 9, WHAT ELSE IS COMING?? (stillexpectingmephistoandsomereallydarkstuff)

I trust Monica, Woo and Darcy - everybody else needs to sit down.

((On my monthly pull list I have S.W.O.R.D. and also Strange Academy, and the fact that in SA we got to see Wanda’s e-mail inbox with a message from Magneto reaching out and in S.W.O.R.D. seeing his face when Wanda is mentioned... feelings. But also watching WandaVision, somebody saying Wanda should reverse death, thinking about comic Wanda creating millions of zombies out of good intentions..... look, I like Wanda and that has been one painful experience after the other in any medium..... if she blows up the world out of grief, I will still shrug with a “good for her”, such a rough ride...))

[sarkywoman]

Thoughts on WandaVision.

Positives:

The general premise, the whole ‘world too good to be true with the occasional breakthrough of a sinister truth’. I always dig that, though it’s not as original as many reviews have been saying.

The aesthetic, playing with different eras. Nice to look at.

The use of comic elements, the alternative Pietro, her kids Billy and Tommy, it’s nice as a comic fan to see little references, though even though they’re using my preferred of the film Quicksilvers, neither is particularly true to the comic one.

Vision and Wanda make a cute couple, which I’ve never really thought before.

Darcy’s fun, I guess.

Negatives:

Pacing. I’m not a fan of old sitcoms so the amount of time they spent playing that straight was... excruciatingly dull. The moments where you could see something was wrong were outweighed by the droll non-humour that went on for so long. The plot of the fake perfect world is usually run for an episode, not a series. We already know in episode one that everything’s weird just from the fact that Wanda and no longer dead Vision are in the fifties. It takes far too long to get to anything interesting. Then halfway through the season they’re like, oh wait, this is a Marvel show, let’s cut to the stereotyped military crap for a while. Oh, hang on, we need a villainous diversion, let’s introduce a magical interlude and backstory episode. It just feels disjointed.

Similarly, anyone who’s read the comics knows Wanda’s probably responsible for all of this from the get-go. Hell, it’s been over 5 years since I wrote a chapter of a fic with her doing this, inspired by her doing this in the comics. It’s weird though, because the MCU hasn’t given her the level of power the comics did until now. Reality alteration is a hell of a power to try and manage in a fictional universe, because your characters can just fix everything. I assume it’s why they depower Loki too and from the looks of his trailer he won’t get his full power. (Which is a shame, I’d love to see him rock up to Westview and just fuck Wanda’s stuff up.)

The ‘plot twist’ of Agnes. Just as the character was growing on me it’s like ha ha, actually I was never a victim of your abuse I was just faking it, which makes the audience’s sympathy for me unnecessary, also I am a new bad guy to distract from the fact that actually you really are the bad guy of this show. 

Darcy. I love her! But... did I miss her becoming a hacker? Why is it that the military in Marvel, supposedly with their best and brightest scientists, always need to call in a quirky outlier to suddenly realise all the stuff they should have been able to figure out?

Fucking FUMING over them killing Maria Rambeau off-screen. “Oh, the badass POC you were all shipping with Captain Marvel? Yeah she died a few years back, soz.” What the fuck was that for? Can’t a woman retire in this universe?!

The other ‘bad guys’ are just so stereotyped that even for Marvel they’re lazy. Military Man With No Heart And An Agenda, and now Evil Witch.

The show is trying really hard to say that Wanda’s behaviour is explained by her grief. That all the harm and abuse is justified by her trauma, but... she’s crushing the minds of a thousand people long-term with self-absorbed malicious intent. Like, she’s had multiple opportunities to stop, we get glimpses of her being disturbed by what she’s doing, followed by her continuing to do it. I do think it would have been possible to make it so that her power got out of her control and she started making this happen, couldn’t stop it, then felt conflicted about it because it was giving her everything she wanted... but I don’t think the show is doing that well. I’ve always felt that as a character, Wanda just never seems to give a damn about anyone else, but this is really cementing that.

I guess overall I’m just finding the show quite uninspired. Feels like they were given a one-sentence concept and are just trying to find ways to drag it out. 

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1967

Under the cut.

The Buckinghams – “Kind Of A Drag” -- February 18, 1967

The song's about how it's "kind of a drag" when your girlfriend cheats on and then leaves you. Not exactly a heartrending wail of anguish. The song's nothing.

The Rolling Stones – “Ruby Tuesday” -- March 4, 1967

What possessed someone to name a chain of bland American restaurants after this song? They wanted to be associated with a woman who changes with every new day, and needs to always be free? The restaurant Ruby Tuesday's is the opposite of changing with every new day and taking risks. Anyway. When I wrote that the Rolling Stones were almost never nice, I was thinking of this song, on which they are actually nice. The narrator's ex-girlfriend needs to leave to be free and take constant risks, though at "such a cost." It's based on a real ex-girlfriend of Keith Richards', who left him because he wasn't wild enough for her. Really. He ended up going to her parents and warning them that the amount of drugs she was doing, she was gonna end up dead, and they were able to save her. Seriously, she was living such a dangerous life that Keith Richards felt he had to do something. She's apparently doing fine now.

So um. Great song. I especially like the flute. It's a little weird to listen to Mick Jagger sing about a woman who's wilder than him, but the woman really exists (though I don't think she's wild now.) And both Keith Richards and Mick Jagger survived an era many of their peers did not, so they must have known where to draw the line. It's a bittersweet story with a happy ending, which plays against what's normally expected from The Rolling Stones, or really most popular musicians.

The Supremes – “Love Is Here And Now You’re Gone” -- March 11, 1967

The Supremes were no longer in Detroit with this song, and it shows. It's a far slighter song than anything they'd recorded before. And there's more than one embarrassing spoken word section. Most telling, I had never heard this song before doing this list. It's also the first Supremes song I don't think is good at all. Another heartbreak song, a bunch of tambourine, and a bunch of nothing.

The Beatles – “Penny Lane” -- March 18, 1967

I loved this song when I was a kid. It's an adult's hazy memory of their childhood home, with plenty of humorous flourishes. It's a cute song, but there's something sad about it too. It's about nostalgia -- he's remembering Penny Lane, but he's not about to go back and have his memories tarnished.

The Turtles – “Happy Together” -- March 25, 1967

I think I've heard this song too much. It sounds overly polished and hollow to me.

Nancy & Frank Sinatra – “Somethin’ Stupid” -- April 15, 1967

Ew. Who thought Frank Sinatra singing a love song duet with his daughter was a good idea? And this isn't one of those love songs that could easily be sung to anyone you care for -- no, this is definitely supposed to be a romantic song. Ew, ew, and furthermore, ew.

The Supremes – “The Happening” -- May 13, 1967

Horribly produced. Diana Ross seems to be fighting with the instruments to be heard, and I can't understand what she's singing. Looking up the lyrics, the song is apparently about how all her plans fell apart because she lost her love. But musically, the song sounds like it belongs in a circus tent. This is a painfully bad song, which is depressing coming from The Supremes.

The Young Rascals – “Groovin'” -- May 20, 1967

A nice calm song about doing what you like with your s.o. on a calm Sunday. (And not with Leslie. The line's supposed to be "you and me endlessly," though even knowing that, it still sounds like "you and me and Leslie.") It's got a nice beat and motion, so it's not dull. It's just, well, groovy.

Aretha Franklin – “Respect” -- June 3, 1967

All hail the Queen. And her backup singers and band, while we're here. But mostly her.

The Association – “Windy” -- July 1, 1967

This sounds like a sitcom theme song. How does one "capture a moment"? Is Windy a photographer? "Windy has stormy eyes/ That flash at the sound of lies" is a pretty good lyric, even if it also sounds like the kind of thing I wrote when I was twelve. Otherwise, I'd expect to hear this on Nick at Nite.

The Doors – “Light My Fire” -- July 29, 1967

The narrator in this song is a dick talking about his dick. Why does his girlfriend have to light his fire? How much thought has he put into lighting hers? The song is also incredibly repetitive. And yet, it's still sexy, thanks entirely to Jim Morrison. I can't say I like it exactly, but I also can't claim it's not hot.

The Beatles – “All You Need Is Love” -- August 19, 1967

Hating on this song has been the thing to do since I was a teenager myself. Like, come on, you also need food lol dumbasses. Except that's a really shallow reading of the song. Not that the song's exactly deep. But since I've become disabled and totally dependent on my husband, I've understood it a lot better. Now all we need to do is get everyone to feel love for everyone, the "love thy neighbor" type of love that this song is talking about, and everything will work out! Okay well no one said the song was a political platform with practical solutions.

Bobbie Gentry – “Ode To Billie Joe” -- August 26, 1967

I've been sitting here trying to figure out what to say about this song for some time. First, it's an amazing song. It's a story country song, and in this one, the narrator is a part of the story. But no one in her life knows it. No one knows what she and Billie Joe threw off the Tallahatchie bridge (I don't see how it could possibly have been a baby fwiw), but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that everyone in this family may as well be strangers to each other. They're physically close, economically interdependent, and completely without intimacy. It's called Southern Gothic, but it's familiar across the country, and maybe across the world.

The Box Tops – “The Letter” -- September 23, 1967

The narrator's wife has written him a letter saying she wants him back, so he has to get home as fast as he can. The singer sounds old enough to have seen a lot of life (he wasn't), and the music is happy while remaining grounded. Quite good.

Lulu – “To Sir With Love” -- October 21, 1967

No, it's not about a D/s relationship. Thankfully, since it starts with "Those schoolgirl days." This song is about a movie of the same name, which stars Sidney Poitier as a teacher who helps a class of mostly-white troubled students. Can you imagine having Sidney Poitier as a teacher? My crush on him would have been devastating. And the narrator does sound like she has a crush on him, but not like she's trying to get anywhere with it, thankfully. She's grateful for his teaching and guidance. And I'm bored. It's musically soupy -- there needs to be more of a beat. Also, the subject matter of a student feeling grateful to a teacher doesn't move me. I've been grateful to many teachers in my life, but it's not exactly a highly charged emotion.

The Strawberry Alarm Clock – “Incense And Peppermints” -- November 25, 1967

Incense and peppermints are what you keep on hand to cover up pot smoke. So, obviously, this is a song about getting high, even if the lyrics claim "incense and peppermints" are "meaningless nouns." It's about how nothing matters, nothing changes, but everything is connected. Maybe it sounds profound when you're high. Like "the color of time" line. I like it musically, but the lyrics just make me roll my eyes. It's not good nonsense and it's the shallowest imaginable philosophy.

The Monkees – “Daydream Believer” -- December 2, 1967

Musically, the Monkees were usually Davy Jones and some studio musicians. But all of them played and/or sung on this song, and they should have been allowed to on previous ones, because I don't hear a difference. In the song, the narrator's wife is feeling down about life. She was a daydream believer and homecoming queen, and now they don't have any money. Life isn't like her daydreams. But the song doesn't get into that; it's basically an airy love song. It's okay.

The Beatles – “Hello, Goodbye” -- December 30, 1967

I thought this was an awkward song about a relationship dissolving because they can't agree on anything, but apparently it comes from an improvised word game. It sounds like The Beatles, so that's good, but not one of their best efforts. It's as close to nothing as The Beatles got.

BEST OF 1967 -- Respect and Ode to Billie Joe WORST OF 1967 -- Somethin' Stupid, as it's the one that actually grosses me out. even if musically it's not the worst

[carol-effing-danvers]

knock me the fuck out (i dare ya, babe), part three

this is final section in part one of the series “run long, roam far, return soon” part two: “where we grew up” part three: “push me, pull you”

(click here if you’d prefer to read this in AO3′s format)

part one, part two

Billy has no idea what the fuck Steve is talking about, and he has no interest in anything that’s not their mouths touching each other, anything that’s not Steve’s lips and Steve’s tongue and Steve’s hands. 

Billy has no idea what the fuck Steve is talking about, and he has no interest in anything that’s not their mouths touching each other, anything that’s not Steve’s lips and Steve’s tongue and Steve’s hands.

There’s still some of that Old Billy left in him, a part of him that’s always a bit wild – a little blood in his eyes, a little fire in his heart – and it doesn’t usually require too much effort on his part to put that beast on a leash. But everything about his emotions goes out of control where Steve Harrington is involved.

Billy pushes him backward until he hits the wall, hands gripping his sides too tightly, and leans forward to drags his teeth across Steve’s bottom lip. Steve makes a soft sweet sound of startlement, and his hips jerk sharply. A thick hot ridge presses into Billy’s dick and holy shit that is actually Steve’s dick and he’s so big and so fucking hard.

A growl vibrates through his vocal cords and he pushes back hard, almost pinning Steve to the wall with his own hips, grinding against him with enough force to leave bruises on them both and pushing his tongue into his mouth with a wet slide. Steve makes a throaty provocative noise, a purring “mmm”, like he’s taken a bite of something really delicious, his fingers digging into Billy’s lower back to hold him there, blunt fingernails cutting gouges into his skin.

Again, they have to break away for air and Steve draws away with a gasped little “uh” that makes Billy feel so fucking dizzy with want, a string of saliva connecting their lips for just a second before Steve tilts his head back, red lips parted and throat bared as he gasps for breath. The temptation is too great for him – Billy traces over the beauty marks and creamy skin with kitten licks of the tongue, sinking back into his boyhood fantasy with relish, softly biting and sucking at every single one.

“Uhhh,” Steve moans under his breath, dragging his nails over his skin and pulling Billy’s erection into alignment with his own, and Billy is-Billy is gonna fucking explode-

"Ahem." There is a tiny cough, more of a pointed clearing of the throat than someone struggling through a late winter illness. 

The two of them probably jump about a foot into the air, scrambling around to figure who had witnessed them trying to all but fuck in public. Buckley was looking amused and very pleased with herself. Outright gloating, she says "I see I won't be grading any quizzes next year."

Steve is blushing hard, hair wilder than ever and lips kiss-bitten, tenting out of the front of his pajama bottoms with an obscene bulge that Billy needs to get his hands and his mouth on. "I-that-you-"

Robin hands him her purse, with a smug smirk. "Here, cover that before someone calls the cops on us," she says, hazel eyes dancing with laughter. "I told you he wouldn't hit you in the face. I can't believe the two of you had a crush on each other and it took you ten years to figure it out."

Billy whirls on Steve. "You-you had a crush on me, pretty boy?" 

Under normal circumstances, he'd be embarrassed by the way his voice cracks, like an acne-ridden boy, but this is an urgent question demanding an urgent answer. 

"You didn't tell him?" Robin laughs. "Oh, Steve. Honey, you can't let your dick do the talking for you."

"I disagree,” Billy says bluntly, eyes darting over his crotch – currently (tragically) hidden behind Robin’s purse.

“Of course you do,” she says in a tone of humoring him, still far too entertained and smug. “Seriously, Steve. You can’t manage one adult conversation?”

Even more flustered – my god, that pale skin gets so red – “I thought he was gonna clock me, I wasn’t about to have a heart to heart!”

“Why the hell did you kiss me if you thought I was gonna deck you?” Billy demands, skin crawling with the discomfort of old longing and older shame.

Steve shrugs rather helplessly, a very dissatisfactory answer.

“He likes to flirt with danger,” Robin informs Billy grimly, giving Steve something of a gimlet stare. “He’s addicted to risk.”

“Rob!” he yelps, looking harassed.

“Steve!” she mocks. “I’m literally gonna get old and die before you talk about your feelings! Hargrove, Steve-o had a big gay crush on you in high school-”

“Oh my god,” Steve moans, covering his face with his hands.

��Can I safely assume that you also had the hots for my man Steve-o at the time?”

“Uh…sort of, yeah,” Billy mumbles, shocked into near honesty.

She gives Steve a pointed stare. "I draw the line at asking him out for you, dingus."

Wild, terrifying hope surges in Billy. "You wanna go out with me?" 

Steve's big dumb doe eyes are directed at the checked linoleum floor. "You-you don't," he mumbles. "The whole town knows I'm a queer, Hargrove. You don't wanna go anywhere in public with me."

"Don't," he says softly, dangerously, boxing him in against the wall with a hand planted beside his head. "Don't tell me I want. No one tells me what I do with my time."

No one tells me what to do.

"If I say I want a date with you, I mean it." He's throwing himself off a metaphorical cliff here, but the memory of Steve Harrington's face has haunted him for ten years. After knowing his lips and tasting his skin, Billy's sure it will haunt him for thirty more if right now he does nothing. If after all that time, he has a real shot and throws it away because he'd rather stay closeted, if only in Hawkins, then he is nothing more than the scared boy still wilting under Neil Hargrove's control.

Robin, he sees from the corner of his eye, looks almost impressed.

There's a sweet, reluctant little smile tugging at Steve's lips. "Yeah?" With a bit of cheek, a bit of a flirtatious air, he tugs on Billy's button-down shirt. "Can I cook you dinner?"

His brows shoot upward. "Can you actually cook, pretty boy?"

"Say yes, Hargrove," Robin sighs. "If only so I don't have to watch him mope for the next ten years. Even if you don't bone, which is unlikely since Steve is a whore (“Jesus Christ, Rob!”), it’ll probably be the best meal you’ll ever eat in your life. Steve can cook his ass off."

"Wrong choice of words," Steve says dryly.

"Is it, though?" she counters. "If you play 'Hot for Teacher', I'm never speaking to you again."

"Shit, there goes that plan," Steve deadpans.

Billy grins, tongue held between his teeth. These two are great, he feels like he’s watching Frasier, but gayer and with swearing. "The two of you oughta think about getting your own sitcom."

"Saved By the Bell?" Robin suggests tartly. "Unmarried with Children? Friends But Gay?"

"Queers," Billy shoots back. "Like Cheers, Buckley, c'mon now."

"Hey, that's not bad," Steve says brightly. Then, shyer and quieter: "Do you like Italian?"

"The sky's still blue ain't it?" he answers, feeling his stomach do an anxious little flutter.

"Last I checked. Meet me after school this Friday, and be hungry."

Billy feels more daring, more confident, so he lets his eyes traveling up Steve's body. Sex hair, red lips, bright eyes, and a beard rash from Billy all over that snow white skin. "That ain't gonna be a problem."

Steve smiles at him, like he's charmed, like Billy's just charmed him. 

Billy wants to take a time machine, go back eleven years into the past and shake himself so goddamn hard. "Just wait!" He wants to scream in his 17 year old self’s face. "Don’t take it out on him, for fuck’s sake!! All you have to fucking do is WAIT!!"

But he can't do that, and he ends up standing in the store, dumb-struck, when Steve kisses him, fast and hungry, and Robin pulls him out the door.

El watches him at the kitchen door, grinning from ear to ear, looking like a cat that just ate a whole goddamn flock of canaries. "All right you little shit. You win."

"He likes you," she says, looking entirely enamored of this new development. "He really likes you."

Billy's heart goes double-time and his stomach flips all the way over.

Ellie grins even wider. Her chins rests on her fist and she gives one of her excited little wriggles, like a puppy whose seen her favorite person. “You should bring him flowers when you see him tonight.”

He makes a face. “You don’t think it’s too corny?”

“Steve is a romantic,” El coos. “He’ll appreciate the extra effort. And you think he’s worth extra effort, don’t you?”

“Well yeah!” he blurts out, and El’s face is terrifying. Jesus, she looks like a shark when she smiles that way, and Billy realizes that he’s been caught, yet again, havin’ feelings and shit. “I don’t wanna look like I’m coming on too strong. That shit makes some people nervous, you know?”

“Yes,” Eleven agrees solemnly, folding her hands together.

Billy looks at her sharply. “Yeah? What about you, Ellie? You and Max are out here trying to get me dates – you talked to any boy since you and Wheeler broke up?”

She stiffens, fidgeting slightly. “It’s-you know, it’s just more-more difficult because-” El touches the watch over her wrist, worn to conceal the serial number tattooed there. “And the town still think I’m a weirdo, and some of them don’t like me because I’m one of Joyce’s kids, and all of us love Steve. I really only talk to the-the Party-?”

She’s talking very, very fast and she’s tripping over her words and that’s how Billy knows that he’s stumbled upon something that El’s been holding close to her heart. “The Party, eh? Some nerd you-” and he’s falling into a trap but he still can’t see it yet “-got your eye on?”

Immediately after the words come out of his mouth, Billy realizes the black hole that he’s just opened up. The losers who fell into the weirdness of the Upside Down were not a large number. Wheeler, whose relationship with Ellie is over. Byers, who might actually be queerer than Billy himself. Sinclair, who still makes eyes at Max when her back is turned. And-

“Henderson?!” he demands incredulously. “Do you have a crush on Henderson?!”

Eleven, his poor Ellie, fiddles with her apron and stares at a point over his shoulder instead of looking him in the eyes. “I-I didn’t say that. I never said that.”

Oh, poor girl. She doesn’t even have to. El’s face is starting to look blotchy, like she might burst into frustrated tears. “El,” he says gently. “Ellie, any one of the nerd-herd would trip over themselves face-first for you. Ask the boy out – he’s gonna say yes and thank sweet Jesus for the chance.”

Looking outright miserable now, El says “I can’t.” No, she doesn’t just look miserable, she looks like she might be sick. “I’m-I haven’t-I don’t-”

Billy doesn’t really understand what she’s trying to tell him until El gestures at her lower body, quickly swiping angry tears from her eyes. “Oh,” he says, though he can hardly fathom it. “That’s-that ain’t that big a deal.”

“Do you know any other twenty-four year old virgins?” she snaps, flushed with shamed anger.

“Probably Henderson too?” he jokes, then feels like shit when her lower lip wobbles. “That doesn’t matter! Do you…want to?”

“I-I wasn’t ready. And now it’s probably too late. He’s had like ten girlfriends!” El wails, blotting her face again. “They’ve all been really smart and pretty, Billy!”

“Baby,” he soothes, heart breaking for her as he folds her into a hug. “You’re smart and pretty. And I need you to know that if he does anything to hurt you, I’ll take a psychotic level of pleasure in destroying everything he loves.”

A laugh escapes her, thin and watery. “Bitchin’.”

---

"Oh my god," Steve says on way back to the car. "Robin-"

"I know."

"He fucking said yes, Rob-"

"I know."

"I'm making him dinner."

"Mhm."

"Oh my god, what am I gonna do? I'm-I'm gonna fuck this up, Rob, I-" He pauses, taking in the look on her face. Robin is staring at him serenely, brows pitched slightly upwards. "I'm being an idiot again, aren't I?"

"Only a tiny one," she says, with great loyalty.

"Hurry up, I need to clean everything I own twice." Again, when he's sitting in the driver's seat, staring with blank disbelief out the front windshield. "He said he likes me."

"Yeah, babe," Robin says gently, reaching over to squeeze his hand. "He did."

This she won't make fun of. Whom Steve loves, he loves without caution, holding nothing back for himself, and with every expectation that his affection will be spat on and thrown back at him. It was heartbreaking to watch, and she'd seen it happen too many times. 

Trying to keep him from stumbling into a pit of his own anxiety and insecurity, Robin asks "So...is he a good kisser?"

Steve's face floods with heat and he breaks out into this goofy adorable grin. "Such a good kisser, Rob."

She smirks. "It sounded like you were being mauled by a wild animal."

Dreamily, Steve says "His lips taste like strawberry jam and he smells like a bonfire in a forest of pine trees. He can maul me any time he wants to."

"Oh, he wants," Robin drawls with laughter in her voice. "Trust me, he wants.”

He spends nearly a week randomly flooded with giddy anticipation and nervousness but by the time Friday actually rolls around, he kinda…forgets? It’s not that he forgot he and Billy have a date, it’s that when the actual agreed upon time comes around, Steve is a bit too distracted to notice.

---

Billy isn’t dumb enough to bring the flowers with him – there’s forward and then there’s forward, y’know?

Rather than being in his classroom, Billy is stopped short just before he turns the hallway down to the primary kids section when he hears Steve’s voice, quiet and very serious. “Why did you hit him?”

“He-he said I was stupid!” a little boy says, with all the blind impulsive fury of a small child. “Him and Hannah wo-wouldn’t play with me!”

Completely surprising him, Steve solemnly asks “So Denny hurt your feelings?”

A quiet sniffing, and then a mumbled “Uh-huh.”

“That’s wasn’t very nice of him to say, Martin,” he says sympathetically. “Do you want a ‘feel better’ hug?”

Even quieter, like he was scared to say it out loud: “Uh-huh.”

And when Billy peeks around the corner, Steve is crouched on the ground, hugging Martin Roberts as he snuffles into his shoulder. Billy is having an emotion, and it’s A Big One, even if he doesn’t quite understand what that emotion is.

“Do you feel ready to say sorry to Denny for hitting him, and he can say sorry for hurting your feelings like that?”

“Yeah.” Martin does sound much calmer, actually.

Steve stands and spots him, gives Billy a small smile, like he hasn’t just broken his brain a little bit. “Sorry I’m running a bit late.”

“Take your time,” Billy says, thunderstruck.

He wonders what would’ve happened, what his life would’ve been like if one of his teachers had been even half as patient and understanding as that with him. 

---

Billy says "Go ahead and unlock the door, I left something in my car."

Angie is his living doorbell, so as soon as Billy returns and opens the door, she's right there, wailing in her usual piteous manner. Steve already assembled the sauce for dinner, it just needs to be warmed up and the fresh pasta boiled to tender.

"Who is this?" Billy asks, amused.

"That's Angie. Pet her - she expects to be greeted at the door and she won't leave you alone until you do." Steve goes out to the hall and stares, owl-eyed.

In one arm, Billy has Angie who looks very smug at having seduced Steve’s man, and in the other- Dumbly, Steve asks “Did you buy me flowers?”

“Uh…” Billy says, uncharacteristically bashful. He lets Angie drop back to the floor with a heavy thump. “…yes?”

He could tease him – ‘is that a question or an answer?’ – the problem is that he’s stumbled and fallen face-first into a giant pile of infatuation. “They’re beautiful,” he breathes, eyes wide, tentatively reaching out to lightly brush his fingers over the petals. Billy bought him red carnations. Not quite as obvious as red roses and somehow both lurid and innocent. “Let me find something to put them in.”

He leans forward with head tilted, hand around the collar of Billy’s shirt, and gets halfway to kissing him when he realizes that this is maybe overplaying his hand. But like…Billy Hargrove bought him flowers? Fuck it, I’m gonna kiss him.

Gently, he presses their lips together and Billy let out a sweet little sigh, slipping his fingers through Steve’s belt loops to pull him closer. His mouth is soft, full, velvety, and discovering it again is so delicious that Steve gets lost in him. Billy licks his lips as they part. "Still having Italian, I see."

Steve blushes. "Uh, yeah." Quickly, he scrambles away with flowers in hand before he can do something incredibly dumb and classy like offer to make himself the first course. "Hope you're hungry."

"In many ways," Billy replies huskily, eyes shamelessly undressing Steve right there in the kitchen. 

So maybe he preens a little. So maybe he bends over a little too long as he grabs a vase from beneath a sink. It's been such a long time, he thinks wistfully, since someone wanted him in such an open, brazen way. He gets laid...well, not often but not never, either. But that’s quick, hurried fumbling in a bar bathroom of the next town over or fast hand jobs in dark places.

He doesn't get a bed, or lots of kissing, or arms to hold him afterwards. He doesn't get the next morning or lazy sex in the sunlight. Women think he's gay and men are scared shitless to be seen talking to him longer than ten minutes. He gets scraps and has to be happy with it because up until now, he understood that was the best he could hope for after being outed in a small town.

"You're a little cocktease," Billy rasps, eyes fixed rather desperately to the way his dark jeans are hugging Steve's ass.

"Can you blame me?" Steve asks with a smirk over his shoulder, letting Billy look his fill. "Spent a year watching you strut around without a shirt on, sweating and pushing me around. And I was such a dumbass, it took me a whole year after that to figure out why I was half-hard every time I saw you walk onto the court."

"Yeah?" Billy purrs. Oh, maybe Steve shouldn't be giving shit like that out. Too much ammunition. "Did I have you chubbing up your shorts?"

Steve rolls his eyes. He's sure that to Billy, he must've seemed terribly obvious. The hopeless bisexual disaster with his tenting shorts, either unable to figure out what he wanted or without the guts to do something about it. "You know you did."

"No," Billy replies quietly, with much more seriousness. "I didn't know."

Steve pauses to fill the vase. "...that wasn't why you were teasing me?"

"No. I teased ya because I wanted the prettiest boy in school to pay attention to me," he admits, an almost helpless note to his voice, looking genuinely pained.

Startled, Steve says "Okay, but I wasn't actually the best looking guy in-"

"My frigid ice princess, he froze me out in every direction, no matter how I pushed him. And when he wouldn’t give me what I wanted, I hurt him." Billy closes his eyes, as though the memory makes him sick, even now.

“I’m not cold,” Steve says quietly, setting the vase filled with lushly blooming carnations on the counter, and watches him practically do a double-take.

“That’s what you chose to take away from that?!” he demands.

Coldness reminds him too much of his parents. Looking at Billy through his lashes, Steve says “You already apologized for that years ago. But I resent being called frigid. I’m not cold.”

My frigid ice princess. He refuses to accept being called cold. But he doesn’t refuse being called Billy’s.

Billy’s stare is piercing and he lifts a hand to draw a rough thumb over Steve’s lower lip. “No,” he rumbles. “You ain’t, are you?”

Billy has always possessed this weird (well, it seemed less weird after he figured out he was attracted to him) magnetism for him, this force that draws Steve in. Time has not diminished that force.

Again, he pulls Billy in by the collar, their tongues curling around each other, and Steve gasps “I have to finish dinner!” with a ragged voice, even though his arms are still around Billy’s shoulders.

“Hurry,” he says in a soft burr, beard scraping over Steve’s neck as he nuzzles into him and sending a hot crackle of sexual tension through him.

“Who is a cocktease?” he demands weakly.

“Oh, I definitely am,” Billy says with a wicked smile. A daring hand cups the full expanse of one buttock and gives Steve a possessive squeeze. “Better feed me good – gotta keep my energy up.”

“Oh my god,” Steve says, face flushed as he turns back to the sauce on the stove. “You’re awfully sure of yourself.”

“If you wanna play hard to get, I don’t mind a game of cat and mouse,” he says with a smile that’s positively predatory. “But to be honest, I don’t think you have that kinda patience in you, Harrington.”

Steve salts the boiling water and throws Billy his most heavy-lidded flirtatious smile. Subconsciously, he mimics Billy’s lip-licking motion. “If you wanna get in my pants, you’d better learn to say ‘Steve’.

Billy strokes his beard, letting him see the heat in his eyes. “Stevie,” he husks, his stare consuming Steve’s whole body like a physical touch. “Stevie-baby. Darlin’.”

He has to make himself keep focusing on cooking because he knows that if turns around right now, all this work will have gone to waste. “Make yourself useful,” he says hoarsely. “And grab the bottle of wine from the fridge.”

“Sir, yes, sir,” he drawls, brows raised. “Holy shit, Steve. If the kids make you drink this much you might wanna consider a new line of work.”

“Most of those are nearly empty,” he says, rolling his eyes. The corner of Steve’s mouth lifts and he adds, “The kids are fine. It’s some of the parents I can’t stand.”

He sets his vase of carnations on the end table beside the sofa where they can be admired, and wonders if Billy’s already noticed that next door, Melanie Dohr’s class has twenty-four children but his classroom only has sixteen. Several parents were so outraged that he was hired on for the kindergarteners that they outright refused to allow their kids to set foot in his classroom.

Maxine van Haut had been one of only two parents to actually volunteer, in public, to put her daughter in his care. To his utter surprise and disbelief, his old classmate and former friend Carol Bainbridge had been the other parent.

Billy watches him drop nests of fresh pasta dough into the boiling water with fascination. Steve counts to thirty in his head before scoops the noodles, just underdone, from the water and into the sauces, adding a knob of butter before he lets the tomato, cream, and herbs meld together.

“How did you learn to do this?” Billy asks, as he adds a pinch of red pepper flakes and begins plating their pasta.

“Um…well, after my parents basically told me not to bother going back to their house ever again, I was sad and when you’re sad, you eat a lot. I became obsessed with making the most complicated, ridiculous things I could find. If I was focused on the food, I didn’t have to focus on why I was making it,” Steve says lightly.

He realizes too late that he’s probably oversharing. He does that a lot when he likes someone – Robin calls it his ‘Achilles heel’, whatever the hell that means. She says that once he’s attached to someone, he can’t let them go, even when it hurts, which is why Rob and Nance are still his friends. He doesn’t see the problem really. Who couldn’t use another friend? So it hurts for a little while, he still gets the rich reward of a friend forever.

“After I figured out how to make things that would break my brain, I started focusing on how to make them delicious. On that note: please don’t ever say the word ‘barbecue’ around Rob, that’s a ten hour lecture nobody needs to hear again, even though I only gave myself food poisoning.”

“You…gave yourself food poisoning?” Billy asks slowly, eyeing their plates.

“Yeah, who would’ve thought that grilling and drinking don’t mix.” Steve shrugs and grins. “Grab the wine and the glasses, I’ll get the plates.”

Steve has a reasonable level of confidence regarding his own skill. He still blushes to what he’s positive is probably a firetruck red when Billy takes his first bite and makes a noise that’s more suited to a man receiving a blow job than a man eating a meal. He whispers, “Holy fuck, Harrington”, eyes closed in reverential bliss. The rings on Billy’s fingers gleam, silver and gold and ruby, as he holds his knuckles to his mouth, as though he’s tasting divinity.

Steve grins at his fork. For a while, there’s no talking because Billy has zero interest in anything that’s not this meal.

They actually make conversation like real ass adults, which he will tell Robin about later because she’ll be proud of him for that.

It takes them until the end of dinner, laying back on the sofa and trying to not die because they are both full, that they get to a topic deeper than day to day activities. Because it’s sort of the elephant in the room with them, Steve decides to break the taboo and says “So…where did you go, when you left town back then? Max told us she thought you went back home to see your mom.”

It maybe wasn’t the thing to say, because for a moment, Billy’s eyes look flinty and cold. “No,” he says finally. “I never stayed in Bakersfield for too long. I only went to see her once. She-the way she saw the world was one way, and the way I saw it was another way, I guess.”

Steve’s nose wrinkles. “What does that mean?”

Billy’s jaw tightens. “It means that when you’re on your second marriage with a six-year-old kid at home and your first son shows up on your doorstep as a wild-eyed man fresh outta the hospital, you’re gonna call him a raving lunatic, slam the door in his face, and threaten to call the cops if he doesn’t leave you alone.”

Steve’s spine goes rigid. “Oh god, I’m so sorry,” Steve blurts out. “Jesus, she sounds like a shitty parent. I mean, mine aren’t a whole lot better, but they wouldn’t call the cops on me.”  

Billy shrugs, though he can see the shadow of old pain in his eyes. He takes a sip of wine, probably to steady his nerves, before commenting, “Yeah, Max told me why you probably won’t run for mayor anytime soon.” Reflexively, Steve grimaces and Billy chuckles slightly. “Kinda sorry I wasn’t here for that.”

“For my public humiliation?” he says, trying to ride the fine line between bitterness and black humor.

“For your ‘awakening’,” Billy purrs. He’s looking at Steve’s neck the way Steve imagines lions stare at the necks of gazelle on the savannah. “I’m not the picture of class and taste, but I’m pretty sure I coulda gave you better than a coat closet.”

Steve can’t quite bring himself to look at him directly. “You were there for it, in a way. You were the reason that I realized I wasn’t completely straight.” It’s his turn to reach for the wineglass. “You raced out of Hawkins, and I realized that I had a meteor-sized crush on a boy I was never going to see again, and the last time I had seen him, he was dying in front of me.”

Even now, with Billy right in front of him, he can’t hold that memory too closely or he’ll just start bawling. It’s probably tied with his mother telling him Steve needs to stay with Robin and leave his keys for his most painful memory.

Keeping his head down, Steve adds “And I maybe didn’t deal with that too well, so after that was a series of really terrible decisions Rob is too nice to blab to other people about, but will never let me live down in private, all neatly wrapped up with outing myself to the whole town.”

Billy is very quiet and it takes a moment for him to gather the courage to look at him. Billy’s stare has become penetrating, and unwavering. Lowly, he says “Maybe we dodged a bullet with me leaving, then.” He smiles grimly. “Cause the person I used to be wouldn’t have been too nice about knowing you were willing to suck a dick and the dick wasn’t mine, Harrington. And I don’t just mean not nice to you. I woulda made the whole fucking town pay for that.”

Trying to hide his nervousness, Steve rests a hand on his elbow and sips from his glass. “I’m not exactly inexperienced, you know. What does the person you are now think about that?”

“I think…that I don’t really care what you’ve done before,” Billy says slowly. “Or who you’ve done it with.”

“I’m sensing a ‘but’ at the end of that sentence,” Steve observes.

“If you’re the kind of person who gets bored with having the same partner, you might wanna cut this short,” he informs him bluntly. “I don’t like sharing, and I try to be a better person than I was, but I’m not about to tell you I’m not a jealous possessive bastard, because I’m never gonna lie to you. I am.”

He leaves his glass on the table. “I’m pretty sure there’s this saying, ‘only boring people get bored’.” Steve leans his head back into cushions, feeling full and sluggish and maybe a little bit horny. He skims his fingers slowly up Billy’s thigh. “If you don’t wanna get bored, you have to put in the work.”

“Yeah?” Steve is transfixed by the way Billy’s tongue curls around his teeth. Teasingly, Billy says “You gonna work for it, baby?”

Steve kneads the muscle in his thigh, thick and warm beneath the denim, and feels heat begin to coil in his belly. “I think…you should let me worry about that,” he murmurs, tracing his thumb up the inner seam of his jeans. Billy’s breathing stutters and he smiles, slow and satisfied. “And relax.”

He swings a leg over Billy, settling on his lap and leaning in for a kiss as he unzips his jeans. Billy breathes “Shit” against his lips and starts unbuckling Steve’s belt.

Steve’s pants end up thrown over an arm of the sofa, where they’ll probably end up covered in black cat hair, and he opens the fly of Billy’s jeans so that their dicks only have two thin layers between them instead of four. It’s been too long and Steve moans “fuck” as he settles back down onto his lap. He can feel Billy pulsing, the wet spot forming in his boxers and Steve pants, open-mouthed as he grinds down, slow and lazy.

“No, c’mon,” Billy says raggedly, pulling at the buttons on his shirt. “Don’t just gimme half a show, baby. Let me see that body.”

Steve helps him, flipping his tie off and sending it to hang out with his slacks, and pulling his cardigan over his head. He knows when Billy notices what’s beneath the linen when his hands skim up Steve’s chest and pluck at his nipples, gently tugging at the medical grade steel embedded in his skin. “Oh, you’ve got goodies,” Billy groans, mouthing over the fabric. Steve hisses and arches up to meet the touch, lightly pulling at his dirty blond hair. “Naughty Stevie, trying to hide his goodies from me – oh. Baby, you are all grown up.”

“I shaved,” Steve chokes out, throwing his shirt to the side and trying to steer Billy’s mouth – his teeth, especially – back to his nipples. Billy strokes the dark thatch of hair on his chest, tantalizingly close to where he wants him. “In high school, I shaved it. I thought it was weird, how much I had.”

“Hmm,” Billy purrs thoughtfully, rubbing his face in it. Steve moans and squirms as the much rougher hair of his beard scraps and catches on the permanently sensitive skin. “Think I like it.”

“You,” Steve starts, hoarse and cracked, then swallows and tries again. He wants Billy, wants his sweat and skin and heat, wants all those things he never usually gets. “Yours too, Billy.”

“It ain’t pretty, Steve,” he warns.

“Do you really think that’s worse than watching it happen?” he whispers, pulling Billy in for a kiss, deep and intense. “It’s alright, c’mon.”

There are large scars, thick and deep and silvery, all across Billy’s chest and stomach, places where the Mindflayer tried to kebab him. Steve runs his hands across all of it – the scarred and the unblemished, the ugly and the statuesque – and bends to kiss him everywhere. None of it surprises him, and to him, it’s both terrible and miraculous. Every piece of logic in the universe says that Billy Hargrove should have died that day, and yet, here he is, warm and shuddering beneath Steve’s hands.

“I didn’t know why,” he continues at a whispers. “I didn’t understand why I had a hard time looking away from you. I remember watching the way the sweat dripped off you on the court.” He hums and traces a hand down Billy’s chest, over the muscles and scars, the same path of the sweat in his mind’s eye. “I was so stupid – I thought I was jealous of your looks. Nobody says that men look ‘beautiful’. But you were, and you still are.”

“Don’t need to sweet talk me,” Billy murmurs, nosing at his jaw. He pets at Steve’s hair, hand caressing all the way down his spine. “I’m a sure thing, sweetheart.”

“What if I just want to?” Steve says with a smile, bangs hanging into his eyes. “What if I think you need someone to be nice to you?”

“Is that what you think?” Billy asks, and plucks a flower from the vase. “Maybe I think that’s what you need, too.”

Gently, he uses the petals to trace the shape of Steve’s lips, his knuckles brushing the shape of his cock through his briefs. Breathlessly, he gasps “Billy Hargrove is a romantic. Stop the presses! Breaking news!”

“No one will ever believe you,” he says sweetly, clamping the stem between his teeth. “I’ve committed the perfect crime.”

He hauls himself and Steve from the couch, cackling as Steve yells and clutches onto his shoulders. He prays that Billy is as strong as he looks. “Turn left!” he yelps. “Bedroom is the last door.”

As soon as they are safely on the bed and Billy is no longer trying to bear both of their weight, Steve snatches the flower from his mouth to kiss him.

“You’re a madman,” he says with admiration, caressing his cheek with the petals.

“I’ve met Wheeler, you’re deeply attracted to the mentally disturbed,” he accuses, plucking at Steve’s piercings to make him squirm.

Billy draws his teeth lightly over his left nipple. “Yeah, like that.” Tugging gently on his hair and pushing his ass down on Billy’s cock, his limp fingers surrender the carnation back to him. The petals feel like velvet against his ultra-sensitive nipples and Steve chokes down his whines. “Bite them, please. Billy.”

He’s leaking all over his underwear, dick jumping and twitching with each little nip and sharp bite, mindlessly frotting with him, and Billy squeezes at his ass, rolls up his hips to meet him. “Fuck, you’re big.”

“I thought you’d want to top,” he gasps. “I don’t mind.”

He hums and looks up at Steve through his impossibly long lashes. His eyes are dark and glittering. “Maybe I just want to do this. Maybe I just want to see you fall apart on top of me.”

That flower – he’s still holding the carnation, uses the scarlet petals to paint a path down over his stomach, and swirls it over the wet patch of fabric where the head of his cock is trapped by the fabric. “Your hands,” he pleads, pulling lightly at his hair again, guiding his other hand, calloused and covered in rings, into his lap. “God, you have such beautiful hands, Billy.”

Billy gets his palm around Steve’s length and grunts as Steve turns his head and tugs on his earlobe with his teeth. “Imagine me jerking you off, like this?” he rumbles, rough skin grating over Steve’s cock. “Huh, baby? You think about me in the dark, when you were alone? Did you think about my hands?”

“Your hands,” Steve rasps, and kisses him softly. He can’t get his fill of Billy’s skin, rough, silky, smooth, and everything in between. “The way a cigarette looked in your mouth. You pressed up against my back. Sweat running down your body and Billy, how much I wanted to touch you-”

Billy cuts him off with a low groan, biting at Steve’s lower lip and abandoning the carnation to give his nipple a cruel twist, grinning against his mouth as Steve convulses. “I dreamed ‘a you, Stevie. I dreamed of your big heartbreaker’s eyes and your pretty lips.” He touches his neck and Steve realizes that he’s tracing the moles all over his skin. “I thought about the noises you’d make if I kissed you here. How you’d sound when you came. For me.”

“I’m gonna,” Steve croaks, sucking at Billy’s tongue. Imagining that he’s sucking something else. He’s sounded in the pine and bonfire smell of him, and his thighs shake around Billy’s hips.

“How you’d taste,” Billy growls, and Steve can taste him, the strawberry jam sweetness of him, and he could cry. “Don’t leave me waitin’ for it, Stevie.”

“Fuck, oh fuck,” he cries, trembling hard.

“Let me hear it.”

And Steve sobs “Billy. Don’t stop, Billy.”

“I got you, Stevie-baby.”

His body is liquid fire in Billy’s hands, fluid and burning ember-bright. Billy keeps kissing him, frantic and hungry, even while Steve is out of breath, and he doesn’t realize why until Billy starts squirming out his jeans and underwear and starts jerking himself off harshly, still kissing at Steve’s neck.

“Stop,” he slurs, and rolls on top of him, pinning Billy’s arms to the bed.

“Steve,” he whines. “Don’t be a brat. Just-”

“Let me do it, baby,” Steve murmurs, stroking his belly and throwing his best bedroom eyes. He strokes his hands up Billy’s thighs for extra insurance and licks his lips. “Let me get you there, Billy.”

“Fuck,” Billy whispers hoarsely, briefly closing his eyes. “Okay. Yeah.”

Just because he’s gonna do it doesn’t mean he’s gonna make it easy.

Lazily, Steve French kisses his way down Billy’s chest, treating the scarred skin the same as the silky-smooth muscles, taking his time to lick down his body, letting himself taste the salt and musk. He by-passes Billy’s cock, weeping all over his stomach, only stopping to lap up the little pool forming above the head.

“Steve,” Billy hisses. “Jesus fuck – PLEASE.”

He sucks hard on his inner thighs, biting at him until it will bruise. “I’ve thought of this so many times,” he admits, gently pressing his thumb beneath his balls, brushing his other fingers so achingly close to his cock. Billy nearly jack-knifes off the mattress, swearing at his as his fists pull on the sheets. “And it’s better than anything I could’ve imagined.”

“I wondered what you’d do,” he murmurs, kissing just alongside his cock. “If I was on my knees for you.”

“I’m gonna fucking die,” Billy gasps, touching his hair, stroking it away from his face. “Steve-”

He makes sure he’s watching, makes sure Billy’s eyes are open as he circles his fingers around him and s l i d e s his cock, hot and wet with precum, past his lips. He hums and groans at the velvety heat in his mouth and Billy bucks the tiniest bit, moaning like a dying man as his dick rubs over the silky slickness of his tongue.

“Steve,” he says, weak and reedy, “…sweetheart…”

He hollows his cheeks and groans again, giving Billy a come-hither stare. Billy’s head falls back onto the pillow, crimson lips parted as he pants, loud and desperate. Oh, Steve likes him this way. Billy’s beautiful. He’s always been beautiful, but he’s worn into this beauty, like the softest cotton shirt in the drawer.

Steve sucks him, slurping and sloppy and wet, presses his fingers ruthlessly to Billy’s perineum.

“FUCK,” he roars and grips Steve’s hair just this side of too tight. Shoves up into his mouth, always just shy of choking him, and begs softly. “Take me, gorgeous. Fuck, like that. Gonna come, Stevie, gonna come for your hot mouth-

He screams without making noise and Steve licks him clean, flicking the jizz from his lips like a cat licking cream.

“Jesus Christ.” Billy says, still breathing hard. “Stevie, you’re worth waiting ten years for.”