#Fat trans women save me…
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Yeah sorry I was just thinking about Cumulus’s fat cock again don’t mind me
It’s short for ghoul standards, about 5-6 inches (ghouls are HUNG, the average is 7-9 inches), but it makes up for that in girth. Not as thick as Aether but still enough to make even a seasoned bottom whine a bit at the stretch. Her balls are covered in neatly groomed soft fluffy feathers and not impressively big but soooooo sensitive.
Lus is the mating press QUEEN. She’s a big girl and she uses it to her full advantage to pin down her packmates. The closest ghouls can get to heaven is being bred by Cumulus while being suffocated by her tits.
Knotting is her favorite part of course. She looooves growling praises into her partner’s ear while she stretches them open even MORE. She doesn’t cum a lot since she started E but it’s always enough to satisfy.
She’s a big fan of lazy frotting. Waking up from a nap with a packmate, nuzzling them awake, and getting them worked up with a few sweet words is her specialty. Sunny is the most enthusiastic about this- she can do it for hours, snuggling and kissing with Lus as their cocks make a mess on their tummies.
Her signature move is telling someone “I’m gonna make us both mommies” right before she pops her knot in. This is most effective on Swiss, but she’s sworn to secrecy about that.
#Fat trans women save me…#she likes to forcefem ppl too but that’s for another post#the band ghost#nameless ghouls#cumulus ghoulette#trans ghouls#nameless ghoul headcanons
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save me fat women. fat women save me
#els.txt#this post is trans inclusive btw I’ll block you if you’re a transmisogynist#fat trans women save me. save me fat trans women
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my parents gave me a box of chocolates for Christmas and I still have like a handful left and I just shared some w/ my sister + mom and they commented on how it's surprising that I didn't eat them all in like less than a week AND that I'm willingly sharing w/ them.
and yknow what yeah it IS surprising cause I used to hate sharing any of my snacks and also got extremely restless when I knew I had snacks like, available, to the point I'd eat them really quickly by myself.
and it's kinda scary 2 me cause I've always had that weird anxiety & protectiveness (?) over my food & not having it 24/7 anymore is like. STRANGE. like something's not adding up ykwim ??
but obviously it's fully a good thing cause I used to feel so so anxious and restless and then when I ate everything in one sitting I'd regret it cause I wouldn't have any for later BUT I also felt like a lot of shame in an angry way when my family would comment on it like "you always eat EVERYTHING" "why can't you just leave some for later ???" "we're giving you a portion and putting the rest away so you don't eat it all at once" . and there's the like general shame that comes w/ being even slightly aligned with being a girl cause I'm literally an entire Man but years & years of being treated like a girl and having those expectations forced on me has put a lot of trash in my brain. like people's expectations of women (whether they are just perceived as women or Actually women)(AKA trans afab people or cis + trans women)(hate that I even have to put a disclaimer) are fucking absuuuurd
#diary#even in school just the fact that I was never girly or feminine despite everyone being convinced I was a girl#saved me from a lot of horrible stuff I think#it's not that masc / not conventionally feminine women face no discrimination at all obviously#but the key component there is that I am Not a woman.#so any time some idiot would be like ''THAT'S NOT LADYLIKE CHANGE IT NOW!!!!''#it just wouldn't like. affect me the same way it would a girl.#does this even make sense IDK#but when it comes to weight (or eating habits as a whole) it's like a BUNCH of stuff thrown together#cause there's like society at large hating fat people#then there's my family that generally equates being thin with being pretty and only really enforces it on women#and THEN there's the like weird thing where the image most people have of ''trans man'' is just like.#a thin white guy with short dyed hair. and obviously a lot of trans guys look like that but come ON#just the way that androgyny in general is often super white and super thin ykwim ....
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Genuinely the blanket refusal for anyone to consider the existence to trans mascs/men, nonbinary people, and intersex people in the reproductive rights conversation is starting to piss me the fuck off. "Oh you never hear of a man going to the ER and people having to appeal to a council of men to save their life" just SAY you don't give a fuck about trans men, holy shit. They are seen as defective women by society and have to deal with misogyny AND transphobia when accessing reproductive healthcare, stop acting like they straight up don't even exist.
Also cis men DO have to deal with this shit. Disabled men have a history of facing eugenics and having their right to have kids stripped of them, and they ABSOLUTELY have to beg insurance and hospitals to save their lives. Did y'all forget about that disabled man who was left to die by a hospital during the start of the covid pandemic because his life "wasn't worth saving" like?? Disabled people legit had to constantly worry that if they got covid a hospital would just let them die, I was PETRIFIED of getting sick because of this. I remember spending hours reading the guidelines hospitals were following to decide who was worth saving and shaking and crying in fear because the system was straight up saying to my face that both I and people like me simply dont have lives that are worth saving. Right now disabled men in Canada are being forced to kill themselves because killing them is easier than helping them, y'all remember that?? You know fat men face systemic fatphobia that kills them when doctors refuse to treat them until they lose weight, yeah?? And we're well aware that black men die in ERs because doctors won't take them seriously, right? Right????
Jesus fucking christ y'all men are not the problem but so many of you are acting like they are to the point of erasing the very existence of marginalized men who are absolutely suffering and dying too because doctors don't give a shit about them. These men need support, just like women do, now more than ever. Stop fucking abandoning them because you think women are the only people who are going to suffer under Trump.
Woman good, man bad is a painfully reductive way of looking at the world and everyone perpetuating it needs to stop right fucking now. I'm not kidding, I am straight up running out of patience at the progressive left's willful refusal to recognized marginalized men as people who need help. Trump is going to hurt so many marginalized men too and idk how else to state that you should give a shit about them.
Like not to steal the Onion's words but I straight up don't know how else to explain that you should care about other people.
#vent#rant#us politics#us election#disability justice#trans rights#current events#cw fatphobia#cw racism#cw ableism
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Save me trans women.....
Fat women save me..........
save us all fat tgirl.....
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So ive had this saved in my drafts for a while now- but theres a point id like to make about butch/femme identity and expression and think this is ready despite the crap i might catch for it
On my days off and when i go out for fun, lots of times i look like this vvv
And other times, especially because im a blue collar dyke, i look like this vvv
The thing that both these photos have in common is that, regardless of how i may appear, i am a femme lesbian. I am not magically butch at work just because i have to wear jeans and work boots for safety. On the clock I am often mistaken for a man and harassed for using the women’s bathroom, people call me sir and damn near keel over trying to correct themselves. I understand that people will look at me as masculine because im in a mans trade.
And yet im still a femme!
You know why? Because being femme is not about how i dress or how long my hair is or the job i work or the body im in, but who i am, how i love, and how i want to be loved back. Its my reclamation of my gender and sexuality and romantic life.
Theres this idea that femme lesbians are ��the girl” lesbians and butches are “the boy” lesbians. Femmes are stereotyped as straight passing hyper feminine (and often times cis) girls. But if youve ever met a femme thats not always (in my experience- USUALLY) the case. We often are nonbinary (hi! Also me!) and/or gender nonconforming even in our femininity- taking the things that cishet society hates the most in women (ie body hair/body fat/masculine jobs/deep booming voices- etc) and owning those characteristics in ways that make us feel free and most like femmes 💕
I personally feel most comfortable being feminine off the clock and covering myself in glitter and being a tacky fat furry muppet because its how i feel best recognized by the butches i adore so much! But i get to reclaim womanhood or whatever adjacent, gender-fucked, lesbiany, thing ive got going on, and that doesn’t change when i wear jeans and work boots.
Femmes get to be whatever the hell we want- being broad shouldered and deep voiced and fat and furry and in a trade are not traits that magically make me incapable of being femme- and im over this whole ordeal where y’all assign butches and femmes as either “the boy” or “the girl” of the relationship and expect us to be exclusively feminine or masculine and never cross or mix- just recreating useless gender roles that we have zero reason to uphold.
(And this goes the absolute same for butches/studs who express feminine traits and DOUBLE for trans butches/studs/femmes)
#butch/femme#femme lesbian#gnc femme#gnc femme lesbian#butch#femme#nb lesbian#lesbian#dyke#femme4butch#butch4femme#this whole post has been brought to you by-#the fact that me existing in my body makes people scratch their heads and assign me labels based off their perception#im t i r e d
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Transwoman needs answers
this isnt an easy post to write and it's going to be full of info about me that's personal and embarassing but I am desperate for answers and assitance so please bear with me. Long story short, im almost 3 years hrt (may 19th will be exact) and it's like nothing has changed. More info under the cut.
I'm going to try and explain everything to the best of my memory, but exact dosages and stuff might be fuzzy and inexact. I began HRT on May 19th 2021, when I was 22. I took one and a half 2mg pills, twice (morning and night) daily. I took them sublingually. I was also prescribed Spironolactone, though the exact dose escapes me (i remember it was 1 pill nightly). I had only come out as trans in the December the previous year, so i considered myself unfathomably lucky to get to start so soon. I had done this through informed consent at a planned parenthood and was excited by the possibility of a future where my own body didn't make me want to die. The idea of changing my body gave me a feeling of control in my life that had been entirely absent until that point. I knew I wanted all the help I could get with breast development (the women in my immediate family are well endowed) and I had read & heard from other trans women that prog could help, but I'd have to wait to ask for it.
I think it was on December 15, 2021, I was officially prescribed 100 progesterone nightly. At this point I had began to notice softer skin, lighter hair, the few bits of acne left over from high school had gone entirely, and the inklings of breasts beginning to form. My libido had all but dissipated entirely at that point, but I was told (mostly by other trans women) it would come back, especially after starting prog, and that my body would likely experience pleasure differently, and that my orgasm would be very different. The fat from my stomach (i wasn't overweight or underweight, i was pretty average for a man my height, but I did have a masculine stomach I despised) hadn't relocated at all, but I knew HRT wasn't a sprint, but a marathon, and I had a long way to go. This continued for a long time, eventually i would be bumped up to two 2mg of E (sublingual pill) twice daily (8mg total), and my Spiro would change to 200mg a day EDIT: My Spiro dosages did fluctuate, though again I don't recall the exact dosages, (I initially got it confused with my prog dosage, sorry), though there was the occasional few week period where I'd be bumped back down to one and a half E pills because I had timed my blood-work poorly. It had been a while since starting HRT and I was starting to worry. My libido never came back, I was unable to feel the sensation of pleasure entirely, my breasts & nipples never became sensitive or had growth pains, and my breasts really hadn't grown at all. My stomach still made me feel awful and masculine because fat continued to pile up there instead of in the feminine places I was told and led to believe it should!!! I was scared and frightened and upset. I'd say I developed an eating disorder but my eating was already disordered. I was afraid of food. Afraid it'd just make me look manly, instead of going to my hips/waist/whatever and breasts like it was supposed to. I began to feel like the hrt that was supposed to save my life was just making me feel worse.
On October 23rd, 2023, I finally started seeing a doctor again after 9 years of not being able to afford it, and only then because a parent got insurance through their work. I was officially prescribed Estradiol Valerate (.3mL intramuscular, and the bottle itself is 20mg/mL) , and quit Spiro outright. Now that I was talking to a doc, especially one who had been working with trans people in my area for years, I was starting to have hope again that maybe injections would solve my problems. After all, they're supposed to be more powerful right? Well after some blood-work revealing that my T levels were so low they were undetectable, we started fiddling with my injection dosages. I went down to .25mL. Nothing changed. I went down to .2ml. Nothing changed. I stayed at .2mL and was prescribed a med called EstraTest (.625mg E and 1.25mg T), a single pill which has both E and T in it, to try and raise my T levels back to measurable levels and hopefully find that golden ratio of E and T where maybe my body will start working again and start changing. But that brings us today. I still don't feel any sensation of pleasure (masturbating is pointless, intimacy just feels like I'm disappointing my partner), let alone a female orgasm (which as embarrassing as it is to admit, I was really looking forward to), my nipples still don't get sensitive and my chest doesn't get sore or get growing pains. My breasts look the same way they did 4 months into hrt. I've still had practically no fat redistribution, though I've gotten better about eating and not being afraid of food. I'm even beginning to notice my acne slowing starting to come back. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Why has nothing worked? Why does it feel like I'm regressing? I lost my health insurance earlier this week, and I can't afford to see my doctor again with my dumb pizza delivery job, so I haven't been able to ask to try anything more drastic to try and fix these issues. My current theories are that maybe my body is just more resistant to E? Which would be awful, but might be handled by just tripling my dose or something? Or
that my receptors are fried, and that the only solution would be to stop taking my HRT for a while (maybe even a long while). I pray that isn't the case, because I'd sooner off myself then let my body regress any further.
So this is a call for help. If anyone has any idea what could be causing these problems for me, or knows how I might be able to fix them, PLEASE let me know. I've lost hope in having a future as a woman, or even just feeling apathy towards my body (instead of intense self-loathing) at this point.
Here's my ca$happ if anyone wants to throw some money my way and maybe I'll be able to see the doctor again. cash.app/$occultChloe
#trans#transgender#trans woman#help#please help#trans crowdfund#trans fundraiser#mtf hrt#hrt#hormones
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The Joy Leaving the Work
This post will be discussing the works of Neil Gaiman and my personal relationship with them. If you don't like that or cannot handle that, kindly don't read. Also, there will be allusions to SA in the discussions.
So, a couple of weeks ago I decided to pick up Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman-- a book I've owned for a couple of years that's been in my "to read pile" waiting its turn. In the light of the allegations against Gaiman, I put off reading it a couple of months more as I tried to process how I felt. Now I've read it.
Background: Neil Gaiman has been my favorite author bar none ever since I read Coraline in 5th Grade. He and Sir Terry Pratchett share a bookshelf of honor in my room- the one right behind my bed, so I can easily reach for a comfort read. I've always loved his twists on various stories-- The Graveyard Book and Neverwhere being two of my favorites. The dark-but-not-too-dark tone, the dry humor, the magical realism, all of it. Anansi Boys looked like it would have all of that.
And it did! In a vacuum, this would have been a very enjoyable read. But with the allegations, I noticed things that I wouldn't have before. For example (spoilers, I guess):
Mr. Nancy (the titular Anansi) is a funny old man, and often a bit lecherous. In his final moments, he's doing karaoke with some young, buxom blondes when he has a heart attack and falls off the stage, hand outstretched. As he goes down, he sticks his hand out, grabbing one girl's tube top and exposing her as he dies.
This anecdote in the book is presented as something that embarrasses his son (our protag) but is generally interpreted by the other characters as something that was just so funny and charming.
It made me uncomfortable. In fact, just about every time Mr. Nancy alluded to his Master Roshi-like interest in buxom young women, I felt uncomfortable. But wait, there's more:
Spider (secret twin brother of protag Fat Charlie) is interested in Fat Charlie's fiancee. He tricks her into thinking that he IS Fat Charlie, and this girl who had been saving her virginity til marriage is so taken by him that they have sex. Meaning not only did he entice the girl to sex under false circumstances (this is rape), but it's also unclear as to how much of her going along with him is really HER and how much is his... mojo, I suppose. To the story's credit, once she realizes what has happened she gets angry and breaks up with both of them, no longer wanting anything to do with them... until, of course, happenstance brings them together again and she admits that she had real feelings for Spider, who finds himself wanting to behave better for her.
That doesn't sit right with me in the best of circumstances. These are not the best of circumstances.
I finished the book and it took me this long- two weeks and change- to decide how I feel about it. And how I feel about it is this-- I cannot separate it from the author. I cannot enjoy this book because the slime from Gaiman's actions oozes all over it. And that sucks.
I'm almost afraid to reread my favorites from him, for fear that my happy memories of those books will be ruined too. That SUCKS.
And it makes me feel dumb for never having seen the misogyny in the books before. It's like when Rowling showed herself to be what she was and I couldn't enjoy Harry Potter anymore, but worse because Gaiman is an author that I was still actively reading, who had been vocally supportive of queer and trans people, who I'd still looked up to. When it all went down with Rowling, I realized that I'd been excusing a lot of problematic shit in her writing as ignorance, rather than malice. But it WAS malice. And now I'm wondering if I didn't make the same mistake with Gaiman. That sucks too.
Anyway. That's my rant. Thanks for listening. Please share if you're having issues like this too, it's good to not feel alone.
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Fat black women,, fat black women save me
Yeah she’s trans but you didn’t hear it from me-
#artists on tumblr#artwork#art#my art#digital art#illustration#drawings#digital painting#trans man struggles#lgbt#trans women are beautiful#black women are beautiful#chubby women#love me please#what#who said that#foaming at the mouth#oc#oc art#ocs#my ocs#original character#drawing#art of the day#tumblr i swear to god#if you delete this#i will kill us both#transgender#trans#trans women
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ALRIGHT, IT'S TIME!
THE SECOND RYUKI-AND-BLADE-ACCOMPANYING ANIME POLL IS NOW HERE!!!
SO, MEET YOUR CHALLENGERS!
AJIN Demi-Human
youtube
We start with a dark horror and possibly scifi about ethics in science, immortality, and an outlaw fugitive alien plot as a boy finds himself part of a group of immortals declared legally inhuman. While I have some misgivings about Oh No I Was Secretly A Creature All Along plots, I do fucking love horror and there’s a lot of ways for those plots to hit hard in the trans and gay and autism organs and be really important!!!!
Dimension W
youtube
The New Tesla Energy Corporation has monopolized the fourth dimension and the coils that connect to it. A duo of bounty hunters, one human and one robot, make money via repossessing illegal coils and seek out the answer to the mysteries within the dimension. I really wanna watch this one for a few reasons, the primary one of which is 'there are multiple fat women'. It seems to have freaks and weirdos and fun times, and its comedy is emphasized more than most of the other ones on this list so it might give some needed levity!
Kyoukai no Kanata
youtube
A bumbling monster hunter with blood powers meets an immortal via trying to shank him and ends up in an arrangement where she'll keep trying to kill him to boost her confidence while hunting monsters in what I hope is a monster-of-a-week show that came highly recommended by a friend as her favorite anime, or one of her favorites, so i have high hopes! Script's by the hibike euphonium guy and the power system seems quite interesting!
Air
youtube
A puppeteer (if he’s as good as Sakon will remain to be seen) stops his Road Trip To Meet A Golden Sun Jupiter Summon to stay for a bit in a town and, as happens to anyone who stops for too long, gets attached to the place and also meets a girl who might be said jupiteresque being. My friend informs me that it's gorgeous, sounds amazing (so I'll make sure to get clips), and has "nice sad vibes"!!! And it’s…listed in a “provincial horror” listing… hoho
Heike Monogatari
youtube
A child who can see ghosts and the future walks tirelessly through the tragedy of the war between the Taira and Minamoto families before the dawn of the first shogunate. It's wildly beloved by a friend of mine, and also centers a historical event i know some but not all about and definitely need to know more about the Taira side of. Seems like a beautiful drama, one I could lose my heart over.
SSSS Gridman
youtube
Digital kaiju! Digital hero! Digital amnesia! A monster of the week show about an unknown amnesiac summoning and merging with Hyper Agent Gridman to fight digital, possibly virtual monsters while making friends(?) in the real world! It's the one thing Tsubaraya Productions has that isn't Ultraman, and I expect some tokusatsu vibes from it along with the mecha stuff, i've also heard it has gay girl megatron??
Akudama Drive
youtube
It's a prison break and crime story set in a tech dystopia, starring a scene girl shoplifter, and featuring a bevvy of unpersoned convicts in what seems like an excellent ensemble clusterfuck!!! The Danganronpa crew made this thing! It's also beloved by a friend of mine, and I've heard it'll be a generally excellent tragedy of a time
Canaan
youtube
A reporter gets saved from assassins by a woman she might do yuri with, and the summaries I’ve found seem to imply a plot about terrorism and mystery! It’s a Type-Moon work that isn't part of the fate, tsukihime, OR melty universes! It might still have magecraft, but it's tagged sci-fi too, and a type moon take on scifi sounds interesting... it’s also based on. *checks wikipedia* a…perfect-Famitsu-score visual novel for the Nintendo Wii. So I might need to dig out some old hardware to watch this thing. For fun’s sake!
Killing Bites
youtube
A guy unintentionally becomes the underground wrestling promoter of a ?werewolf? Woman who murders his friends and wins him a shitload of money. The end goal? According to the summary, control of the economy!!! This was recommended as garbage and good lord I need garbage so much good god I need to put some trash inside of me.
#kj grabs a megaphone#kj watches anime#polls#IF YOU WANT TO VoTE MULTIPLE OPTIONS PUT IT IN YER TAGS
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why does no one acknowledge that the alpha kids are older gender-bents of the betas? You think that would come up seeing that everyone is obsessed with what is in your pants nowadays and it would lead into introspective discussions between the pairs. Imagine how much Dave and Roxy would hype each other up for being the raddest guy and gal they know respectively. Hell how many people get to see what they would look like if they had a few chromosomes altered, that's some mind-boggling shit (apparently John get's fat if he was a girl though....)
It's because the Lalonde and Strider when paradoxically cloned, stayed the same gender and played similar roles. However, Harley/Crocker/Egbert/English changes it. So it's not a straight up genderbend for the former two. Roxy and Rose are both silly girls in their own different ways, like how Dave and Dirk approach things about irony differently yet similar as well. Sure Jane likes to be a prankster like John, but with her interest in baking while John despises eating it, is ways to make them different. Skaianet Systems, whether one thinks it is canon or not, does show the upbringing of Jane Crocker when she was raised under The Condesce and was shown she was just as horny and bitchy as she would for Act 6 and onward. But when John was raised under The Condesce, he stayed kind and became a famous comedian. Part of me also think it also plays up to how certain women are mostly in power, strong, badass, and are the more aggressive compared to men. Which is a running theme in Homestuck itself when you look at people like Vriska, Snowman, and The Condesce herself. And there's Jake having to hunt to keep himself alive while Jade was mostly isolated save Bec from any other major harm besides maybe weather conditions. But both suffer from loneliness in their own way, Jake fears of dying on an island filled with monsters while Jade has nobody to actually talk to unless she is asleep and the only other company besides a dog is just taxidermy creatures. One of which including her Grandfather. Jake had to BURN his grandma's corpse to survive. People also don't want Jane to be trans because of things like how she was portrayed by Epilogues and HS2/Beyond Canon. A racist sexual deviant bitch. Sure they love her as a fat rep and some may still ship her with Roxy, but making her trans is just too far. John is a better blank slate to project on because most of the nu-gen fandom HATE John or don't give a shit about him despite being the main character.
#And even now Karkat is more seen as the face and posterboy of Homestuck before John despite how nobody would know about Karkat until Act 5#Homestuck#June Egbert#Jane Crocker#Alpha Kids#Beta Kids#John Egbert#Jade Harley#Jake English
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fer @vinelark tagged me so here are my
5 no skip albums
HARD MODE: NO MOUNTAIN GOATS (JUST ABOUT EVERY MOUNTAIN GOATS ALBUM IS A NO SKIP ALBUM)
💿 you will not die (deluxe version) (2018) by nakhane. nakhane has such a clear, beautiful voice, and their instrumentation is by turns sparse and lush, bright and unsettling. listen to "by the gullet" with good headphones for a really weird and cool binaural intro with the syncopated marimba (?). also i love really deep sounds so when they hit me with the cello AND the fat bass kick drum AND the natural depth of their voice, i am IN IT!!! also i'm a lyrics guy first and foremost and their lyrics are so interesting and beautiful
💿 transangelic exodus (2018) by ezra furman. WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE? incredibly romantic. trans and gay as hell. fucking full of rage. explicitly jewish trans gay angel (i love those). i love a concept album! her scratchy punk vocals combined with fuzzy electric guitars and intense drums kill every time. every time i listen to this album i hear something new
💿 three futures (2017) by torres. ugh torres's voice. UGH THE MUSIC VIDEO FOR THREE FUTURES BY TORRES!!! what can i say i love a melodic low voice over lofi droning. and synths. god i love synths. this whole album is like a thick gauge compression spring: the instrumentation on many songs works on a rapid beat while the vocals are drawn out and almost strained. and then when they synchronize (like in much of "helen in the woods") the tension is released and you feel it in your gut!
💿 ripely pine (2013) by lady lamb. the violin key changes in the crest of "you are the apple" changed my life. next question! ok but actually half of these songs are 5+ minutes long and every one earns it. it's like every song is a little opera. the transition from fairly standard acoustic love song to [REDACTED FOR SPOILERS] in "crane your neck" is SOOOOOO!!! holy fuck!!! it's so hot when women yell
💿 pony (2019) by orville peck. ok well first of all more musicians should make it so clear that their persona as a musician is a character they're playing and not a 1:1 reflection of who they are in real life. second of all have i mentioned that i love low voices singing beautifully? men are so scared to sing beautifully. it's a wasteland out there. it's like orville peck and fucking. michael bublé holding down the fort. anyway every song on this album is so fucking fun and boppy, i love a steel guitar. really good album for walking to work to (beat of most songs is comparable to walking speed) and singing really loud. thank you orville peck for saving country!
thank you for tuning into lore's music hour! everyone go listen to all 5 albums! you're welcome!
i tag @houtaroo @whatisthiswitchcraft @uhuraisgay @rose-indigo-and-tom AND @sleepnoises
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Ive been struggling a lot with my self image to the point I’m having breakdowns in the mirror. I need help from anyone who can.
I’m AFAB agender/non binary and ive got some gripes about me I want help in altering in any way if I could get help finding resources or workouts or anything that would help me achieve a more masculine silhouette I would kiss you on the mouth (with your consent of course )
I am 24 years old, 5’7”/170.18cm, 195lbs/88.5kg, type one diabetic, neurodivergent (diagnosed ADHD, high suspicion of comorbid Autism though i cannot get an official diagnosis because the waitlist closest to home is a 2 year wait as of 2022) fibromyalgia is also present for anyone who needs any context regarding health concerns surrounding medical procedures they might recommend or suggest
Below are the things I need help in changing as a list with some details surrounding my anatomical structure
My goal is to be completely unsure if I’m a male or female with a look alone but with androgyny that can be a pretty broad area. I know if I gain upper body musculature that can help but I cannot afford a gym membership yet
vvv More below vvv
I have an exceptionally voluptuous butt. Its almost comical to me, I would say I’m slim-thick or pear shaped. Its the type of back end that a lot of cis femme women would covet, its mostly muscle tissue due to years of athletics but theres also scar tissue from years of insulin injections
My hips are VERY wide. Like I said I’m pear shaped, I hate the curvy figure I have and its rounded edges, I have small pockets of fat resting on my hips that only add to the figure
I have a very stubborn hormonal fat deposit on my stomach I want to stop oral birth control which is the most likely culprit but I currently cannot until I can get a hysterectomy
I have a muffin top and artificial hip dips due to fat deposits that I am looking to tame
Chest dysphoria, I don’t have large boobs, they’re a perky B/C cup. I would consider top surgery but I don’t know how to bring that up with my partner. I do use a fytist binder and I love how my chest looks flat/with nice pectoral muscle (even if its smushed boob). My partner loves the way I am shaped overall but I do not. (He/him/they/them bisexual)
Facial features are so rounded and I cant contour to save my life. I know losing weight will be seen in the face first but what else can I do?
Speaking of face I have loose skin under my chin thats not a double chin but any type of glance downward makes a pseudo double chin and I’m incredibly insecure about it. I have a relatively feminine jaw line and I have a jaw exerciser/silicone bite that I need to use more. Are neck tucks something available for me?
I have hooded eyes, they make me look so tired. I know eye lid lifts are a procedure but thats something I would need to save up for and plan for, I am unsure if losing weight would change this
The triceps of my arms feel like they’re on the road to bingo wings/bat wings, I know the tricep is supposed to hang freely when relaxed and not in use but when my arm hands at my side there is a bit of pudge above my elbow that says “body fat” and not soft muscle
I understand weight loss can help with a small handful of these and muscle building can too but there are additional features and traits that cannot be worked for aside from medical intervention and cosmetic electives. I’m looking for workouts, medical procedures and price ranges, shapewear, makeup tutorials, diets that help in weight loss or muscle gain, and literally anything else that might help me feel like this is my body. Its becoming a large hinderance on my mental wellbeing
I really cannot keep dwelling on how my body is wrong when its something I am stuck with for life so all I can do is work to alter it and care for it. However I know these alterations are possible. Ive seen incredible transformations and transitions within the trans community and NB communities and I’m really hoping some of your experiences can be passed onto me so that I can live as myself too
I appreciate those that have taken the time to read this far. Thank you
#please if you don’t have anything to add to my post here can you boost it or reblog it#looking to find body positivity at the end of this road#I have been struggling with being a biological female my whole life#I am not happy being a woman and I cannot see myself as a man#nb#enby#trans#transmasc#trans healthcare#body dysmorphia#body dysphoria#gender dysphoria#gender dysmorphia#resources#trans resources#genderqueer#agender#androgynous#androgynism#androgyny#nonbinary#afab#afab nonbinary#afab problems#afab enby#afab dysphoria#afab nb#afab struggles#insecurity#self dislike
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hey for my rounder/biggerbodied/overweight babes who're gonna go get chest surgery, let me give u some advice (I got ftm masculisation surgery, but aside from the shit about binders and removal this is also applicable to bbw trans women/nb people who are getting breast implants, afaik.)
1: don't go completely flat, it'll look so unnatural you'll wanna like, stab urself in the neck. Pectoral muscles have a natural curve, and I know the urge to go like NAH SON TOO MUCH is real high, but once you're healed you'll be grateful for the more natural look to your chest. I'm not saying get like, moobification surgery, just stress to your surgeon that you'd like a natural look. If you have a good surgeon, they'll be able to do it anyway/are way ahead of you. for mtf, you'll want something manageable/not too big! I know the urge when you're a bigger person is to go bigger to fill out tops/dresses, but trust me too much weight up there will DESTROY your back, please be kind to your spines. 2: recovery binders. Get one with fuckin shoulders, or if you can't find one with shoulders, get someone you know (or yourself) to sew shoulders into the thing. A really uncomfortable fact of having a belly/fat shoulders/back is that it /will/ fold your binder and it fucking hurts, and most of the time you need someone else to help you adjust over those first couple of weeks. and when I say it hurts, i mean it /hurts/, it'll compress tighter on your incision site and press the scar and it hurts like all fuck. (transwomen! your bras are supposed to fit flush against your body, if the middle of the cups is sitting away from your body or your band is too tight you're not in your size! get professionally fitted, I promise it sounds like bullshit but it'll save you so much money/pain in the long run.)
3: If your surgeon gives you the willies, and you have another option, dump them immediately. I did just that, and we only have two options on my side of the country (Australia!) Turns out, the surgeon I ended up with is the one that does all the corrections on the other person, and i would've met him anyway to get my chest fixed. 4: breast tissue does go all the way under your armpit. If a surgeon tells you it doesn't, and you just need to lose weight to get rid of it, they're fucking lying and also shit at their job.
5: I know the urge is to hide yourself away during healing and then, towards the end when you're like IM FINE you wanna go out and do things but let me tell you something if you've never had surgery before. You are gonna want that recovery time. you essentially got into a knife fight and fuckin lost. You're gonna be EXHAUSTED. you'll need someone to check up on you, and if you live alone and don't have anyone, look into medical assistance/nurses in your area who can come and help you with your binder if it's causing trouble.
6: My darlings. My sweethearts. My absolute fuckin superstars. Don't go fucking swimming/to the beach/soak in a bath until your surgeon says it's okay. If you get too much moisture in there, your skin will literally rot and fall off. Don't do it. Just don't. Behave, please. I know it's like, it won't happen to me but I SHOWERED too much and now I have a frankennipple. Don't be me. Don't franken your nipple.
7: be kind to yourself. Yeah, you're not skinny. yeah, a lot of androgynous/male oriented fashion relies on you being a skinny bitch. Let me be the first to tell you: boobas make hormones. You are losing those hormones, and your body is adjusting. you do NOT look as bad as you think you do. I swear to whatever nondenominational deity you want me to, you do NOT look as bad as you think you do. Let your hormones readjust, let yourself feel the relief. Wear a fucking dress if you want, top surgery won't take that away from you. for the ladies, wear whatever the fuck you want, we don't give a fuck, just make sure your new tatas are properly supported! You don't want them to drop or warp wrong, make sure to wear something that helps you with support. boobs over a certain size will naturally have weight to them, and that's totally fine! It's just if you're stretching your scars too much you're gonna give yourself some damage, find a trans woman who has had surgery similar to you, or talk to anyone who has had breast enlargement surgery. 8: if you have to work/go to school/etc after your surgery, set yourself time limits if it's a thing you're able to do. I know a lot of employers are grade a cockdolphins, and they're not gonna listen, so go and bleed on them if you have to. Do it. I don't give a fuck and neither should you. Being alive is better than being dead.
9: use the healing excuse to tell people who are bad for you/not good about your surgery/being cunts to fuck the fuck off. hey no can't see you, I'm healing. I don't care about your fuckin church study or your desire to look at the shiny new replaced nipples, get fucked. Cut them off like they're the tits you abandoned. They're excised skin. Biohazardous waste.
10: you're gonna be bored as fuck, please get something to do. lego/reading/watching tv/gaming/whatever you can do within your physical and mental power, and don't let anyone make you feel bad for taking the time to do things like this, and enjoying yourself. you just lost a knife fight you paid for. Be nice.
#top surgery tips#top surgery#ftm#listen I know it's like hey skinny bitches represent#but you don't have to lose a chunk of weight before top surgery#i was the heaviest I'd ever been in my life at nearly 300 pounds#(130kgs for those in real countries)#and it wasn't the end of the world.#I promise#you don't have to lose weight to do what you gotta do to be happy in your body i promise#not if your surgeon and anesthesiologist are actually worth their salt
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Oh boy maybe it’s the fever making me brave but here we go! Cumulus!! Everyone characterizes her as super fem, very soft, care-giver type, very maternal. And I think it’s her shape. As someone with the same body type, I’m not that at all. I feel like she’s more the type to enjoy the finer things in life, be waited on hand and foot, step on someone’s balls if she feels like it. And if someone tried to latch on to her like they were nursing???? Annihilated. (I’m sorry I respect everyone elses’s HCs I swear please do not yell at me) I think she expects those around her to act like an adult and I am sure she is of course willing to be supportive, a shoulder to cry on etc like a normal friend. But NOT LIKE YOUR MOMMY. And expecting her to act like that while you’re fucking? No. NO! (Again I respect everyone’s opinions I’m sorry!)
i swore i saved all the cumulus specific ones to add to this one but alas, i guess i answered them all already lmao.
anyway. i think your ask is a perfect example of something i said earlier about trans ghouls, where one person's experience might lend them to liking something more than the other. and i hope the following things im gonna say a) make sense (lmao) but b) show a little bit of a different perspective or idea about this topic.
firstly, yes. it is absolutely true that cumulus has been deemed the 'mom' of the group. and i absolutely know that part of it probably does stem from internalized fatphobia, as well as societal stereotypes about fat women. that in order for them to be likeable they have to fit the traditional idea of femininity, to be maternal, to be 'done-up' and pretty and presentable at all times. that their worth is based on their ability to care for others. and thats fucking bullshit, and something i obviously, as a fat woman, dont condone.
on the other hand, the way i see cumulus, to most people, probably fits that mom friend type. and i can absolutely understand how you and others see that and go 'i look like her and im tired of being represented as such'. which is so fucking valid. but i cant deny that part of me projects that mom friend type of myself onto cumulus specifically because i look most like her. she's sweet. she's caring. shes supportive and loyal to her friends. she's got a beautiful, round, soft body that i wanna snuggle up to. and i know thats surface level shit. but i feel like i see her and she's just warm and kind.
but you know what? she's also a bit loud. likes to tease. DESERVES to be treated like the princess that she is. she's goofy. maybe shes clumsy. she gets crazy fuckin bedhead and has to spend so long untangling it. and i bet she serves a real sexy aloofness if you get her in the right mood. to me she's that mom friend trope. but thats not all she is, just as thats not all i am. and not at all how you would see yourself.
like i mentioned a little bit ago, i dont think there's anything wrong with having a character have a little bit of stereotype in them. but it does have to be balanced out. shes not JUST the mom friend. and something too that i do agree with you is, while i might label her that, she's not the pack's mother. she isnt their caretaker. they arent her children. i dont think they would treat her as such or assume that of her, if that makes sense. and yeah, totally understandable about the mommy during sex thing, or the nursing or whatever. a lot of that is more kink territory too, so if its not for you, then its not for you!
if anything, i always imagine aether to be running around making sure everyones got their shit together (even though we know he doesnt). and absolutely no ones forcing him to wear that damn frilly apron he always seems to be wearing in the kitchen . . . hmm . . .
but! i also see sunny as more of that warm, caregiving type personality too. as well as a boundless thing of energy. i def dont want cumulus to be pigeonholed into the 'mom' of the group either. but i still have certain ideas about how she is that could be labeled as such. you and everyone else is right that that's not all she is.
we just have to write her more. dig into her character. put her into those situations we want to see and that also challenge those two dimensional aspects of her trope character
i know that i push a little bit against that dislike of the mom thing. i dunno. but she's our lus and i love her very much, and would really like to see her more in the artwork & writing space <3
#obviously the 'you' is almost always the generalized you in this context lol#but i hope you get what i mean!#crow caws#midnight-moth#i fully acknowledge i project a lot of myself onto her hahaha#but shes got many other things about her
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I don't believe in justice unless it's done by my own hand or the populace. I don't give a shit about being the bigger person when I'm hurt or wronged or done dirty. I don't give a shit about admitting with my chest that I would kill a motherfucker if it meant ridding the world of a threat. It's one thing to be angry at someone who is a bitch and want them to get some form of taste of what they did to me, it's another to want to get rid of one life to save one hundred trans women's lives. I hardly believe in the judicial system to do their fucking jobs. It takes a million years for them to do anything at all. When they do anything at all that is. Being the bigger person? In a world that wants to destroy us for daring to be different and for simply existing? Having compassion and principles and being humane towards monsters? Fat fucking chance. Oh you're a killer as well if you kill a killer. Yeah? And? Do you think that weighs on my consciousness? It really doesn't. Every single punch I've thrown in my life was satisfying and I never regretted planning my revenge against bullies and exacting it. I don't care about what people think of me. I don't mind being the crazy one or the villain. I'm sane enough and my "scary mental illnesses" have NEVER made me turn violent or aggressive against someone who hadn't hurt me. My public image isn't important to me. I'm not a victim. I've survived until now because I was never one. I never wanted pity because my whole fucking life I had to fend for myself. I never had anyone in my corner. I used to throw rocks and sloppy haymakers before I learnt martial arts for real. I was non-verbal most of my upbringing and even now sometimes I become non-verbal.
I grew up in a world where all I could safely feel was anger, where my tears of fury and of being unable to speak were seen by my misogynistic abuser as "manipulative woman tears". When I was a literal child. One digit old autistic child. And while before it was frozen anger tears unable to blink and being forced to look at him after he slapped me while drunk and screaming or just screaming and hitting me, when they tried to bully me at school and I cried, the anger became violence if it made me cry and now it still does, but I can fucking use them to get justice. A funny story is of when a pair of cops looked terrified when I sat on the curb when they were fining us for something ridiculous and we had no money (and the car was fucking old to begin with) and the fury consumed me so much, that I started crying in silence and stared at them without blinking with gritted teeth. They ended up overlooking it by saying 'just send this to this place and it won't go anywhere' quickly and leaving.
That's TME privilege but also looking terrifying privilege lol
#homiro said some shit#negative#violence mention tw#transgender#vent#rant#bullying mention#murder mention#trauma mention#actually cptsd#actually autistic#intersex#tme/tma#misogyny mention#transmisogyny#not against me obviously#child abuse mention#i needed to spit out the poison and charge my anger to give it power and my my wishes come true.
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