#FOR ANYONE TO READ???????
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i feel like this about izaya but i cant put it into words, i guess like because. i see him as a guy with aspd who doesnt know how to manage a disorder he doesnt know he has, or he's learned somewhat but the alternative was less miserable?
because, see the thing about aspd is. when you're first learning how to manage it, it's miserable! aspd is kind of like, an addiction to dopamine. in aspd your brain produces like. 4x the amount it should. and a lot of times, aspd and adhd are both there, and with adhd the dopamine is very very low. see? these two work in tandem! you don't WANT to recover, because being ill feels better. you're happier, you're entertained, you get rushes of dopamine all the time... but you're horrible, probably. like izaya says, in order to be entertained you have to keep evolving. you have to do worse and worse things to satisfy yourself. that's when it changes from acceptable to A Problem. because one day you're a writer satisfied by making their friends squirm and cry from angst, and the next you're actively triggering people for a reaction. and its hard to stop because the dopamine, there's just so much of it.
what i'm saying is, it's a mental disorder that feels very good to have. like the mania of bipolar- like when you're manic, you suddenly feel invincible and so so so so good, until you crash? like that feeling. it doesn't WANT you to recover, and you also don't want to recover, it feels so good to have. but it also doesnt because youre lonely on account of the aforementioned Sucking. studies show that theres a correlation between "people with aspd who recovered" and "people with aspd who are married," but did the marriage fix them or is them attracting a partner indicative of their aspd being "less severe?" and therefore more likely to recover? ah if only we had a person with aspd here we could ask them-
PSYCHE MOTHAFUCKAAAA THATS ME!!!! it's probably the first one. lol. i started improving symptomatically once someone came into my life and actually STAYED there. he didn't "fix me" but he did help! and i wouldnt say i'm "recovered" wrt the aspd- it still is a disorder that feels very good to have.
but what i'm saying is- izaya. if he has all this. this, "inescapable negative outcome" is. yeah. he either "recovers" and regresses back into a depressed ball of boredom, surpressing every single impulse or emotion because "what if it's the one that makes me lose control?" and being terrified of becoming a monster like everyone says People Like Him should be.... OR he leans more into the behaviors and urges he knows suck, spiraling into a domapine-addiction that slowly makes him into a worse and worse person and remaining lonely? like. he's already lonely!!! neither outcome actually promises real happiness, so at some point you;d be tempted to lose control, just to get SOMETHING. and i think that's what happened to izaya. and this isnt to be like "oooooo baby nothing is his fault," we can talk about how all this IS his fault like, mental illness and addiction do not excempt someone from consequece and douchebaggery. but it IS something to think about- like, those suicidal girls fell down a spiral of mental illness, and so did izaya. like, he sucks, but also, you can kinda see how him being neglected all his life means there was no other way this couldve gone, especially with knowing shinra. like, he sucks now, but he never really had an oppurtunity to be anything other that that. there was nothing else that would've happened, because of every other inevitable thing.
and how do i know that someone w aspd would eventually choose the willing mental spiral? i am ACTIVELY developing a drug problem right now, i know my chance of becoming addicted is VERY high and possibly am showing early signs like cravings and stuff. i know. but i'm still taking the drug because it's doing exactly what drugs do to people- make them trmporarily happy and get rid of the boredom and sadness of repression. i know what's going to happen to me but i was eventually tempted into it. you would be too if you had my life.
People think "gray morality" in fiction is about Both Sides Are Partly Right Actually but so much more often it's about choices having inescapable negative outcomes that have to be weighed against the benefits, or it's about having to choose between a series of bad options, or it's about making hard decisions about what you are willing to sacrifice to achieve the outcome you believe is good.
So often, I seem to see people angry that a story in a video game didn't present a Good Option with no collateral damage and no negative outcomes whatsoever, and if there are any downsides it's seen as the writers punishing you for the decision, because they see the primary purpose of stories to be moralizing rather than exploring the complexities of human experience. Or they argue that the collateral damage didn't really happen, or that the negative outcomes weren't really that bad actually, and thus miss the point altogether.
And I feel like it's important to remember that a narrative telling you a decision is difficult is not the same thing as the narrative telling you it is wrong.
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ciderbird · 10 months ago
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academic bias is so funny because you’ll be reading about the same historical event and one person is like “Despite the troubles that befell his homeland and near constant criticism of the court King Blorbo remained strong in the face of adversity” and the other one is like “after letting his people carry the brunt of his cringefail decisions Blorbo the Shitface refused to listen to any reason and continued to be a warmongering piece of shit. Also he was ugly.”
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lotus-pear · 7 months ago
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SIGHHHH BSD REREAD…................I MISS THEM SO MUCH :(((
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spiderbitesandvampirevenom · 6 months ago
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i think "many queer people are purposefully deprived of regular IRL social interaction with other people, both queer and not, by our society" and "lots of queer discourse on the internet would be rendered irrelevant if the people engaging in it were regularly interacting with other queer people in real life rather than online" are two statements that can and shouls coexist
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notherpuppet · 6 months ago
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Let’s Dance
Part 7/12
Part 6 | Part 8
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bishy437 · 4 months ago
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oh, please don’t go!
i’ll eat you up i love you so!
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junotter · 7 months ago
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just some designs mainly created because I wanted to draw hakama and then it spiral out from there
bald zuko under the cute
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sunlitsoil · 8 months ago
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there is always tomorrow
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sparkleofstardust · 6 months ago
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in light of the recent news that Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi has been found dead after a helicopter crash you might be wondering 'who the hell is this guy and why are so many people celebrating his death??' and i'm here to answer that!
to fully understand what's going on we need to look into Iran's history: when the Iranian revolution in 1979 happened the authoritarian king who was ruling at that time was overthrown, but the ensuing power vacuum lead to the islamic regime seizing power and establishing Iran as an islamic republic
the following years were incredibly cruel to the Iranian people; thousands of people (especially minorities) have been protesting against the strict islamic regime leading to many being jailed, tortured and executed.
and this is where Raisi played a big part: in 1988 he was part of a committee that ordered the execution of thousands of political prisoners who were protesting the islamic regime, earning himself the title of "the butcher of tehran"
do not be fooled by what the state media wants you to believe, the Iranian people are celebrating his death. he was a cruel mass murderer who has destroyed the lives of thousands of people, his death should be used as a time to mourn for all the suffering he has caused, and bring new attention to the political prisoners still being held in Iranian prisions today
because sadly the fight is far from over. many of you have probably heard of the murder of Mahsa Jina Amini back in 2022, causing a new wave of nationwide protests and establishing the "woman, life, freedom" movement. the regime has gotten increasingly cruel in their treatment of the Iranian people, especially women, but the people of Iran are not deterred and keep fighting for a free Iran.
if you want to know how you can help, please keep talking about us. the one thing the regime hates is international attention, and in the past it has been proven that international pressure has stopped the regime from executing various political prisoners. people like Toomaj Salehi are under imminent threat of execution and spreading their names could save their lives. so whether you share social media posts or talk to your family and friends about what is happening in Iran, anything helps 🙏🏼
jin, jiyan, azadi ✌🏼
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leafwhirlwind · 4 months ago
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I feel, personally, like not enough people focus on the fact that in this iconic big tiddy moment
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Falin is. Splattering someone’s brain on the pavement like a fine ragù.
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Splat.
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chirrups · 3 months ago
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when in doubt, dog it out
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fratboycipher · 1 year ago
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obligatory welcome guide for redditors
A lot of the guides I've seen don't actually seem to understand how reddit works in comparison to tumblr so
your blog is basically your own small subreddit. some people curate this heavily to fit a theme, like a sub, most people don't
reblogs are culturally equivilant to upvotes but functionally equvilant to crossposting
there is an algorithm. it sucks and nobody uses it. turn it off in settings. everything is generally chronological
likes are functionally equivilant to saving a post
you've probably already seen this but change your icon and put something in your bio or people WILL assume you're a bot. personal info not required
generally, anything you would put as a comment on a thread should go in the tags or the replies of a post. only add comments in reblogs if you want it to become part of the base post
tags are mostly equivilant to flairs, used for organization and commentary
your dashboard is an aggregation of everyone you follow
there is an r/all equivilant(trending page) but it sucks and nobody uses it
our search also sucks. your best bet is using tumblr.com/tagged/[TAG] and not /search
there are no mods
by extension, reporting something doesn't put it in front of the mods, it sends it to staff, who may or may not do anything(usually they don't)
there is no karma, there are no karma limits. anyone can reblog anything, comment/reply to anything, or post in any tag
"reposting"(reblogging) old content doesn't matter. people can and will reblog the same post multiple times, including in a row
CAVEAT. reposting someones art(NOT reblogging, making a new post) is a dick move. i know this is commonplace on fandom subs but its not necessary here. everything you post should be [OC] unless you are reblogging. or posting shitty memes
we have our own sitelore, you'll pick it up
(though im not opposed to bringing some over from reddit)
our app also sucks. we do not have third party apps and any that claim to be are scams. sorry
for desktop, most people use the XKit Rewritten extension for QoL improvements and to revert shitty aesthetic updates, much like old.reddit
we have no idea where the porn rules are at either. add a mature content flag to anything you'd get fired for looking at at work, that's about it
finally, from the bottom of my heart, fuck u/spez
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xitsensunmoon · 2 months ago
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He's a bit too excited to see you clock in
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undercityrezident · 7 months ago
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The Dungeon Meshi anime fandom right now.
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benjingle · 3 months ago
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Based on this post by yours truly
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officialspec · 9 months ago
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i always roll my eyes a little bit when someone openly looks down on people who are religious/spiritual. ur telling me youve never made a wish before?? never sent a little prayer out into the universe???? get real
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