#Everything's so damn loud | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

milobehindthescenes · 1 year ago

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Why do peoples voices piss me off so easily. Like, my social battery is so limited most of the time and at a certain point, even talking to someone I love being around, their voice starts grating on my ears if I don't get like,, little breaks.

It makes me feel guilty I guess. I know it's overstimulation. And I can't help it. But,, bleh.

Its so much worse because I live with my brother and he plays his video games in the living room. But he gets so loud and angry while he's playing and it makes me wanna throw a brick though the TV screen sometimes. There's nothing more irritating. All I can do is leave the room and hole myself up in my room whenever he's playing, even though this is supposed to be a shared space. Ugh

#Autism things #Overstimulated #Everything's so damn loud #All the time

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jamandjazz · 4 days ago

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My personal headcanon is that Pony got his love for reading from Darry. When Darry was in high school he’d read the books he got in class out loud to Ponyboy and straight up just handed him some of the easier ones so they could talk about it later. In my brain the reason Ponyboy clings onto it so much is because it’s one of the things he and Darry REALLY bonded over when he was a kid and it just brings back good memories of when they got along better.

#he begged Darry to keep reading ‘just one more chapter’#one of his favorite memories is reading an entire book one day with Darry #this comes from me and my siblings ngl #my sister used to hand me books she liked and told me to tell her all of my thoughts on it #she was REALLY happy I read above my grade level enough that I could talk to her about it #and I read the books out loud to my brother bc he CANT read above grade level #I have a five year age gap with my sister and a five year age gap with HIM #so like #the books r pretty complicated #today he was mad I didn’t wanna finish reading the book to him which was so cute #the downside to having to read out loud is my voice gets tired #but the bright side is I get to explain everything he doesn’t understand in depth and it’s a #well I wouldn’t say BETTER bonding experience bc I love my sister #but it’s different #more…. connected ig #damn I’m yapping a lot #just imagine it’s all abt pony and Darry #that’s why he read out loud to Johnny #it’s like something he thinks of as an ultimate bonding experience #guys trust #they’re besties #the outsiders #the outsiders 1983 #ponyboy curtis #darry curtis #the outsiders hcs

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suffarustuffaru · 1 year ago

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arc 8 otto gets more and more deranged with every appearance i love it 😭😭😭😭 this chapter was a mainly otto centric one which was fascinating!!! URGH i have many thoughts :((( the whole chapter being about “walking with light”….. where otto acknowledges that:

and this is AFTER julius apologizes to otto and otto emphasizes to julius’s face that. yeah. julius is still an enemy. like yeah theyre exchanging more pleasant words now but otto specifically emphasizes that otto isnt a knight. julius isnt a merchant. julius is in another camp. theyre opposites T^T AND THEN roswaal telling otto that opposing emilia and subarus way of thinking is a poison that Will kill him. BUT THEN OTTO says

he cant walk with light meaning he cant see reality and still choose to be idealistic and noble like julius and emilia and subaru even though hes still trying to support emilia and subaru. :,,,))) and he admits that!!! hes still choosing to walk a darker path than them even knowing hes not as strong as others!!! even knowing that emilia and subaru will never agree with him and vice versa!!! hes walking alone, in a way T^T

#rezero #arc 8 spoilers #otto suwen #HES SO INSANE FOR ALL OF THIS BUT I TOO AM GOING INSANE OVER THE IDEA OF ‘WALKING WITH LIGHT’… the whole chapter was about it 😭😭#like i think its kind of like a ‘if no one will step up i have to’ thing for otto. bc yeah ppl like ram and ros share his opinions on the #vollachia situation but ottos been like. Very active and loud about it. almost like a villain to subaru and emilia akdndnd #which is even more compounded by the fact that he punched subaru hard enough to break his hand???? KASNNS #ottos been trying to do shit on his own ever since he brought the damn book of wisdom to priestella and shit akdndn #hes insane 😭😭 im worried it really will kill him 👍👍#hes choosing to play the villain to subaru and emilias heroism……#its just. its kind of sad. he asks himself what the meaning of his existence is if he cant have the #grant the power to have everything he wants.#he wants to protect the people that matter most to him but they want to protect Everyone. and otto thinks its not possible but he still want #s to support them. cries.#ottos pulling an arc 4 subaru here and i am Concerned and Intrigued ☝️☝️#EDIT: otto did not punch subaru but he punched a wall super hard 😭😭 OTTO. UR INSANE.

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harrylights · 22 days ago

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#can’t sleep. can’t stop thinking about him and everything the last few days #it’s so much easier to imagine a world where he’s still here than one that isn’t #damn that hurts to say out loud #or. in the tags lmao #still. GOD #it’s always the thing of like #wishing you could go back in time and just enjoy those last few days before everything changed #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #i have therapy for the first time in ages tmrw and i’m lowkey scared #it’s our first irl session and idk if i can bring this up when i already have sm other shit going on lol #anyway #pls let me fall asleep god i’m begging u nicely #rowyn rambles

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tw1stedthicket · 10 months ago

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i think i might be a lesbian

#first read the lesbian master doc over a year ago #when i was questioning both attractions to men and women and what they were based in #just kind of accepted i was bi prolly #didnt really know enough of what i felt to say #but i have explored this and questioned this and everything more this past year #finally got tired of saying “i dont want to be with men” wHaT dOes iT mEan #just spent the last hour and a half reviewing it out loud to myself and recording my thoughts #and damn it does hit so much harder now #all signs are flashing YOU ONLY LIKE WOMEN but ima be fr with u....#im afraid to admit to not liking men #bc the question has never been: “what do you want?” it's been “but is there a way it can work out with a man maybe”#“and you can feel attracted to him enough to be with him?”#and if the answer is in any way yes even slightly #then by saying you are a lesbian you are a LIAR #and what if you miss out on a great guy???????#yoUr oNlY chAnce For HapPiNeSS??#the truth is. it's right there. it's literally with women #but also #internalized homophobia #it's like crossing a line i can't uncross #to not have a way to be “normal”

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astramachina · 2 months ago

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*holds up a finger* boy do i wish that was me tho ngl

#texts.#fun fact: the machine behind TSP is literally me going 'oh? you won't pick up my work? fine i'll do it myself'#and then i set out to learn coding and game development and 3d animation and video editing.#it's not so much pettiness but this deep-rooted need to prove that i do not need be beholden to the 'approval' of those in control #of the system.#like goddamn you i CAN and i WILL make something awesome.#this does NOT mean i'm doing EVERYTHING by myself ofc. i'm human and well aware of my own limitations.#i can't teach myself how to draw while splitting my attention in six different directions. i know damn well that is a skill that requires #YEARS of practice.#and the same can be said for stuff such as music composition and the like.#i recognize that in this process i won't necessarily master all of these skills i've set off to learn over the past 10 months #and any real piece of media that is not writing related to TSP will take months if not years to see the light of day #but i've got time. i've got time and an overwhelming desire to see this project come to life.#anyway. big sigh.#does make me feel inadequate whenever other professionals ask about this kind of thing because it's like. sorry. i have nothing to show.#i swear i'm a writer and i swear i got some big stuff lined up #i just have no one to vouch and the ETA is maybe a year or two out.#grumbles in the tags bcs i don't want to be loud about it sue me sldkfjh

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stizzysupremacy · 1 year ago

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seeing some lightly Ed-critical posts with a disclaimer like "I'm not trying to villainize Ed here..."

well I am. I villainize the hell out of him.

Its FINE. its COOL. His character can take a ton of hate and still be beloved

After all, Izzy did....

#I'm not gonna harass anyone unlike SOME haters in this fandom #but I'm already sick of adding disclaimers and caveats to my posts and tag novels #of explaining that yes i do understand Ed and his motivations and his trauma and how his trauma affects his actions and choices blah blah #so I'll say it loud and proud:#Ed Teach fucking sucks and everything he does in s2 makes me so damn mad #maybe if he expressed an ounce of regret. said the words 'i'm sorry' even insincerely! but no! he doesnt! so:#Fuck edward teach. all my homies hate edward teach.#i hope that bell keeps him from sleeping at night (because god knows his guilty conscience isn't loud enough to keep him awake #(let’s see how long it takes for me to be accused of racism. as if I wouldn’t suck taika waititi sloppy style)

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heartshattering · 3 months ago

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I'll be happy if I can sleep at least

#brain is so damn loud ughfhfh #I'm overthinking everything #I have a doctor's appointment in 2 days and I'm praying he re-prescribes my sleep aid......#I don't feel ready to come off it yet even though I have been taking less than before #my brain is still so overactive at night #I have found some things that help me but other times I just get overwhelmed #I'm sorry I just don't want to be awake and anxious all night when there's so much on my mind #my clothes aren't coming until after Saturday and I'm gonna try to go out on Saturday morning #and all my current clothes look bad on me #I've been trying to keep cleaning and it's overwhelming :')#everything just feels impossible you know?#like I'm sick of trying to get help from people irl and no one actually wanting to help #doctors treat me like a freak #therapists tell me not to come back #I don't have much of a support system and I'm realizing now that my friend is a shitty person #I just tolerated her for longer than I needed to but it's become so obvious lately what kind of person she is #I don't feel good about my looks and I feel like I've forgotten how to socialize #I'm just nervous all the time #sleepy meds are kicking in now though

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lucyvaleheart · 6 months ago

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#supposed to put away my phone at night or whatever #but i can't sleep #the thoughts are too damn loud #im so lonely #I'm utterly surrounded by loved ones and people who care about me and I'm so fucking alone #what's wrong with me #why can't i just be happy #why can't i appreciate how much i have #why am i so fucking desperate for approval and validation #why do i need it so badly?#why the fuck am i like this #god my head hurts so bad #everything is in pain my body is on fire all the time #I'm trying so fucking hard #I'm trying #I swear I'm trying #but i want to give up so badly #it would be so much easier #Everything hurts #........everything hurts so much......#.....i just want to fall asleep in someone's arms #i. I-im so desperately touch starved #i didn't know it could get this bad #i always have been but it's never been. *this* bad #hhhhhh #......f-fuck......#.......im sorry....#i don't know what for i don't know who I'm apologizing to #....but i #.....ii-im sorry

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whatevertheywant · 4 months ago

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I really really really really really fucking wish that I didn't hang on to petty bull shit that my parents say despite being nearly 30 years old

#and it's usually shit they mean nothing by #but those little digs and remarks are still fuxkibg irksome af #my struggles with eating are not known to very many people because i rarely talk about it outside of my very tight circle of like 4 people #and no one thinks the fat girl struggles with thqt #even if they don't say it out loud i can tell when certain people don't see it as a problem since I'm losing weight #or just don't believe me #anyway i bought a 2 piece from kfc yesterday and got 2 extra sides bc i was very hungry and high af #my dad just HAD to be like dAmN lAuRen #and i know he meant how much i spent on everything #which also not his business but i digress #it's hard to make myself spend money on food sometimes because I'm painfully aware of how fucking poor i am #fast food like 1-2 times a week special groceries and my thc vape are usually the only luxuries i get outside like streaming #sometimes i don't have the executive function to make food or i have sleep for dinner bc that or poverty #so comments like that do piss me off #and whether i agree or disagree isn't the point #you don't get to pick what does and doesn’t stick #I'm just over everything idk #personal

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nexus-nebulae · 10 months ago

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odd thing we've noticed. the less okay we are the smaller our active system gets

#like logically you'd think we'd get more members while stressed but we don't usually #we actually split way more often when we're feeling okay and alive #i think it has something to do with mental bandwidth #like when mental health bad we don't have enough mental energy to put towards the system #so we just. reduce a lot in size. to make the workload easier #like a few months ago we had about 100+ people active at once all rotating out frequently and cofronting a TON #and now we're down to like. three or four active the rest really only able to be active for a few minutes at a time #we're just too exhausted to deal with the chaos of so many people so it kinda. slows down a ton #it's hard to get used to when everything was So Loud before. its kinda scary sometimes #like damn. i cant just call Incredibly Specific Task Guy to deal with this task i really cannot do right now. that kinda sucks #but knowing that this is like. more bc of the fact that we Can't Deal With Much More Than This makes it a little easier #we're a bit like my current computer. shit ass RAM bc its got like 50 malware (illnesses) on it #and once i get a new computer (get a little better and more functional) i can get back to multitasking #side note my god my RAM on this computer is shit running tumblr and minecraft at the same time totally breaks it #like it makes the Entire Computer run at 10 fps it's Great #i'm getting a new one at the end of this month hopefully #and hopefully Actually Nice Thing Accomplished will also help brain a lot #also not having to stress about how annoying to use our computer is should help lmao

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lavenderlemon543 · 5 months ago

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This may be my angry autistic ass talking but what's the purpose of loud things like loud cars have small engines which isn't good and I don't mean regular loud I mean really loud could people just turn it down a little

#actually autistic #everyone and everything is so god damn loud

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dropdeadbf · 1 year ago

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should've known I was a punk the way I wear my heart on my battle jacket sleeve

#do you know how fuckin brave and vulnerable you have to be to put everything you fuckin believe in with your entire heart and soul #on the fucking outside of a jacket and then wear it around?? loud and proud?? in your vulnerability bc you believe in it so damn hard #and youre not afraid to share that with the fucking world???#idk man #im emotional #punk

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joskippy · 8 months ago

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I hope the amount of research I have to do for c:u! shows because it’s the most frustrating aspect of this project LOL

#jontalks #sorry for deleting prev post and ask I do that then get extremely paranoid I shared too much and nuke everything LOL #I can def talk about second update because that is when the cast expands that’s not spoilers you’ve read the presentation walkthrough page #I hope #anyway I have a very like big problem where I get extremely irrationally angry when someone tries to do something with older tech and it #very obviously wouldn’t do that. can’t do that. or just doesn’t make sense for the time #like every god damn analog horror series just putting boring ass text on a blank background or using ballroom music #that doesn’t make sense and you fucking suck #you can take some liberties SURE but you better show me some accuracy with all the other shit #this reminds me when mag protocol was like haha isn’t weird for this old software to have text to speech and I screemed in pain so loud #my throat hurt from how mad I was #do you know how painful it was to do any trope in c:u for the first update like the glitching I started crying bc I was like it wouldn’t #do this…..noooo..nooooo but I’ll remember I’m basing this more off creepypastas then stupid ass analog horror series and calm down #I don’t like analog horror I hope this is apparent #walten files gets a pass bc the fourth tape actually knocked me on my ass

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