#he begged Darry to keep reading ‘just one more chapter’

[jamandjazz]

My personal headcanon is that Pony got his love for reading from Darry. When Darry was in high school he’d read the books he got in class out loud to Ponyboy and straight up just handed him some of the easier ones so they could talk about it later. In my brain the reason Ponyboy clings onto it so much is because it’s one of the things he and Darry REALLY bonded over when he was a kid and it just brings back good memories of when they got along better.

[deathbystero]

'cause we're just kids who grew up way too fast

in which Ponyboy struggles to come to terms with everything. a/n - here's the full chapter y'all. lemme know if it's worth carrying on with and if you have any ideas on what I can do to extend the plot, feel free to request or give me some ideas

It’s only been a few weeks since that night—coming on three, to be exact. I don’t think things will ever go back to how they were; how could they? With Johnny and Dallas gone, everything feels off-kilter in some way. Like a loose thread just waiting to be pulled, ready to fall away and leave nothing but a gaping hole in its place. 

Home doesn’t feel like home anymore. Not really—not in the same way it was before. Things are a lot quieter. A lot emptier. I don’t think Darry minds all that much; an empty house is a peaceful house, even under all the unsettling tension. 

The gang feels a lot closer now, too. I suppose that’s one good thing about all of this, but nobody is quite themselves anymore. There isn’t as much energy in the air; there aren’t many laughs around anymore, and nobody smiles as often as they used to. It's like everyone is carrying around a weighty cloud on their shoulders, or maybe they’re just trying to keep their minds busy with something else. But we never talk about those days anymore; no one does. The topic makes us uncomfortable, like a wound that can never be healed. 

Maybe it’s just me who can’t get used to living without them. 

The nightmares still come every once in a while, more now than they used to. Sometimes they’re pretty bad—Johnny and Dallas making frequent appearances, their faces blurred, their voices distorted. Sometimes, I realise that I’m starting to forget the little things about them: the way Johnny would tilt his head a little to the left (or maybe it was to the right) when he was talking; the way Dallas would bite his lip when concentrating hard on something, even if he didn't seem to notice himself doing it. Everything seems to be slipping through my fingers faster than I can grasp, trying desperately to hold onto the memories, begging them not to fade away into the background. 

Maybe that’s why they haunt me so often: because I'm afraid—afraid that someday I won't remember them at all. 

Darry slept on the floor in my bedroom for a little while after that night, too scared to leave me alone after everything. He’s been doing that a lot lately, constantly checking up on me, even when I'm only in the next room over. Sodapop says it's because he's scared I’ll disappear again, which is ridiculous; I’ve got nowhere to run to, and even if I did, I doubt I’d want to anyway. Without Johnny to keep me company, I might as well be right here in Tulsa forever. 

There was never anything in the papers about Johnny and Dallas—at least not anything good. They don’t write editorials for “murderers” and hoodlums. Nobody would read them anyway. It would be a waste of ink, a waste of print, and a waste of paper. It’d just be another story about another couple of kids from the east side who wound up dead. No one would care. No one would even know what happened to them, not until somebody started asking questions, and even then, the truth would be twisted. Nobody knows what happened. Nobody but me. They can try to understand, just like Sodapop, Two-Bit,  Steve, and Darry have tried, but they won’t ever see it the same. Not like I do. 

For a long time after the incident, I tried convincing myself that Johnny wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be; you don’t just lose your closest buddy in one night. That doesn’t just happen. And yet, it had happened to me. 

To be truthful, I still don’t really believe that Johnny is dead. It’s stupid, irrational, and childish, but I can’t help but cling to that notion like my life depends on it. Maybe I'm losing it a bit, growing a little delusional. Darry seems to think so. Not a day goes by where he isn't telling me to “get my damn head out of the clouds” or to “get my act together."

I’m trying, really, I am, but sometimes it gets hard. The truth hurts too much. So I decided it was better to just pretend that it hadn’t happened. Pretend the entire mess never went down. That’s easier than confronting reality, even though I know there are some aspects of Johnny and Dallas’ deaths that are very, very real. Too real to be ignored. And it’s not like I can ignore it, can I? It’s part of me—a piece of me—a piece of my memory that I can never fully forget. I’ll just have to live with it.

That’s easier said than done, though.

[a-secret-bolton-vampire]

Daenerys Stormborn, Part 2: Wake the Dragon

Oh hey, I have part 2 already! Guess my brain is really focused on Dany now. In part 1, I talked about Dany's arcs from AGOT to ASOS, exploring the narrative and thematic purpose of her journey. However, the most important part of her journey occurs in ADWD, and sets the stage for some incredibly exciting developments to come in TWOW. For part 2, I'll be talking about the gradual transformation of Daenerys into a slightly different, darker character for the future.

Breaker of Chains & Mhysa

Slavery has been an important background element throughout Dany's time in Essos, even in AGOT, but it becomes front and centre in ASOS. She accepted the Dothraki, a society that uses slaves for many things, and wasn't too perturbed at the use of slaves in Qarth. However, it is in Astapor where she finally realizes just how bad the institution is, as she tells Xaro:

"Whence came this madness? Should I count myself fortunate that you did not free my own slaves when you were my guest in Qarth?" I was a beggar queen and you were Xaro of the Thirteen, Dany thought, and all you wanted were my dragons. "Your slaves seemed well treated and content. It was not till Astapor that my eyes were opened."

As mentioned last time, ASOS is when she begins to take control of her destiny, and she does so by beginning a revolution to free the slaves of Slaver's Bay. She believe she has a greater destiny lying ahead of her, that there is a reason for her dragons, the red comet. She also has great empathy for people and sees this disturbing injustice being played out with nobody to stop it. But she has the power to do so, and thus she begins by going fire and blood at Astapor, killing the Good Masters and freeing all the slaves. Afterwards, she leaves the city with a ruling council of a priest, a scholar, and a healer and moves to Yunkai.

She does a different approach with Yunkai, negotiating with the Wise Masters to surrender their slaves and to leave them in peace. And then when she arrives at Meereen, she decides to stay and rule as its queen. This is where things begin to get difficult for Daenerys. The ruling council of Astapor is overthrown by a butcher named Cleon, who said the council was conspiring to bring back slavery, who declares himself King of Astapor, enslaves the children of the former Good Masters to make new Unsullied, and tries to ally with Daenerys against Yunkai, who has resumed slavery.

Daenerys is not interested in any war with Yunkai. The reason she stays in Meereen is exactly because she learned what happened when she left Astapor. The fire and blood approach didn't work. You can't just dismantle such a deeply engrained system so easily. So instead she opts to rule, and protect the people she can. While a lot of readers view Dany's actions in Meereen as pointless, the whims of a naive girl, and poor leadership, I actually think it's the opposite.

For starters, Dany realized that she can't simply burn the slavers to end slavery, but she needs to stay and instill changes. While King Cleon repeatedly begs for Daenerys to join the war against Yunkai, she refuses, and warns Cleon to not do such a thing. She turns out to be horribly right, as Cleon is killed, Astapor is sieged, before being slaughtered, burned, and sacked, to be reinstated as a slave city once more. Likewise, the Yunkish siege Meereen, first by creating a blockade in the bay with ships, and then by having armies amassed outside the city walls.

In addition, refugees from Astapor begin to pile up outside the city, and a deadly plague called the pale mare (for the horse from Astapor that arrives at Meereen) begins to sweep the starving Astapori freedmen, who begin to resort to cannibalism to survive. Dany blames herself for leaving Astapor a mess, but does not wish to have the same thing happen in Meereen. She wants to protect the people she's freed, not just from the Yunkish, but herself as well.

When a sheepherder brings the burned bones of his daughter, Hazzea, who was killed by her dragons, Dany has Rhaegal and Viserion chained in the dungeons below the Great Pyramid to prevent them from causing any more harm. However, Drogon is still loose, unable to be found. In addition, when the sons of the harpy, a terrorist group opposed to the emancipation of Meereen, begin massacring freedmen, Dany decides to raise a tax on the Great Masters and have all families of suspect loyalty send a child to serve as a hostage and cupbearers. Yet, as the killings continue, she has grown close to the children and decides not to have them killed.

Now, some of you may notice that I am taking a lot from the Meereenese Blot essays written by Adam Feldman. That's not only because they are really well written essays, but ones that GRRM himself has approved of.

"I read those when someone pointed them out to me, and I was really pleased with them, because at least one guy got it. He got it completely, he knew exactly what I was trying to do there, and evidently I did it well enough for people who were paying attention."

So I am retreading some of the ground Feldman has laid, but it's important to do so if I am to build up to what I think is going to happen in the future of Dany's story.

As Feldman notes, Dany's own actions (or in the case of the cupbearers, inaction) actually made a peace possible, because the Yunkish saw that she was someone who is capable of mercy and not a (in their eye) violent mass murderer. Knowing what happened with Astapor, and seeing what happens when her dragons are unleashed with Hazzea, Dany decides to make peace with the Yunkish and marry Hizdahr.

Under the peace, Meereen itself would remain a free city, but the Yunkish would continue to sell slaves. They even sell them in markets outside the walls of Meereen, which displeases Daenerys extremely. In addition, slaveowners could bring their slaves into Meereen without fear of them being freed, and the Yunkish promised to respect the rights of the freedmen in Meereen. Yet, despite the peace and the progress made, she feels as though this is a defeat.

This is peace, she told herself. This is what I wanted, what I worked for, this is why I married Hizdahr. So why does it taste so much like defeat?

The thing is, Daenerys has had to sacrifice so much of herself and her morals to get to this point. Yes there is peace, even if it is tentative, Meereen would not be sacked by the Yunkish, but slavery is still going on, and she thinks that she has let herself and other people down by agreeing to peace and allowing the Yunkish to continue slavery. She has agreed to peace to people she loathes and thinks are despicable, she has married a man she does not love and does not love her, she has chained her dragons in the pit below, she has allowed the fighting pits to reopen. This comes to ahead at Daznak's Pit when she is at the height of her discomfort.

The boar buried his snout in Barsena's belly and began rooting out her entrails. The smell was more than the queen could stand. The heat, the flies, the shouts from the crowd … I cannot breathe. She lifted her veil and let it flutter away. She took her tokar off as well. The pearls rattled softly against one another as she unwound the silk.

And then Drogon arrives, and in the chaos of him attacking the boar and being attacked by the soldiers in the pit, Dany tries to calm him, but he spits fire at her, and she tries to tame him by whipping him into submission. Here, Dany is quite literally fighting herself. She herself in this moment represents the Queen of Meereen, someone who desires for peace. Meanwhile, Drogon represents the dragon inside her, who wants to unleash blood and fire on her enemies. In the end, Dany climbs onto Drogon and they fly away together, which foreshadows and symbolizes Dany's later decision to choose being the dragon.

Despite her frustrations in Meereen, the peace was a good first step. Not to say that it solved every issue, it didn't, but that doesn't need to be the end of it. Daenerys could forge new peaces, new agreements, and if she stayed in Meereen, she could implement great changes throughout Slaver's Bay. But what is done is done, and cannot be undone. The peace that was forged is now gone. Next comes war.

The House with the Red Door

Before we move on to Dany's final chapter and what that means for the future, we must take a look at a very important part of her backstory which is one of the main elements of her own story. Sure, destiny, greatness, prophecy, power, and identity are themes with Daenerys, but at the center of it all is the desire for home. Dany was born on Dragonstone, but was whisked away to Braavos, and there she lived in the house with the red door, with Viserys, Ser Willem Darry, and their servants.

To Dany, the house with the red door was the only place in her life she called home, and she has very fond memories of it, of Willem, or the lemon tree. But after Willem died, they were kicked out and forced to become beggars on the streets, selling off their possessions and travelling the Free Cities. The red door was closed and gone forever after, but the dream of having a home hasn't.

Daenerys has a desire for home, for love, for family. Throughout her childhood, Viserys would tell Dany all about Westeros, how they need to take back the Iron Throne, that the Seven Kingdoms were the most beautiful lands in the world. And sure enough, soon, Westeros represents the idea for home and belonging to Dany.

"I pray for home too," she told him, believing it. Ser Jorah laughed. "Look around you then, Khaleesi." But it was not the plains Dany saw then. It was King's Landing and the great Red Keep that Aegon the Conqueror had built. It was Dragonstone where she had been born. In her mind's eye they burned with a thousand lights, a fire blazing in every window. In her mind's eye, all the doors were red.

Although she takes on the mantle as the new head of House Targaryen and carries on Viserys's dream of taking back the Iron Throne out of a sense of duty, she also does so for desire to belong in a place she can call home. It's a nostalgic feeling she gets of the old days, that she wants to relive again.

But then other ambitions get in her way. She frees the slaves of Slaver's Bay, and decides to stay in Meereen to try to ensure that her revolution succeeds. Thus, her quest for home is put on hold. Throughout ADWD, she gives up parts of herself, to try to become one with the Meereenese; marrying Hizdahr, reopening the fighting pits, chaining her dragons, dressing in the Ghiscari fashion, and making peace. But in the Dothraki sea, hundreds of miles outside Meereen, she finds that she wasn't being her true self, that she can never be the Queen of Meereen, or become a true Meereenese.

I must keep walking. Water flows downhill. The stream will take me to the river, and the river will take me home. Except it wouldn't, not truly. Meereen was not her home, and never would be. It was a city of strange men with strange gods and stranger hair, of slavers wrapped in fringed tokars, where grace was earned through whoring, butchery was art, and dog was a delicacy. Meereen would always be the Harpy's city, and Daenerys could not be a harpy.

The series is all about the human heart in conflict with itself, and Daenerys in ADWD is one of the best examples of that. She was struggling with her two competing titles of Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons, but in the end she was not comfortable with being the Breaker of Chains. This final transformation she undergoes in the Dothraki sea really sets the tone for what she will do in the future, and how she will change as a person and character.

Mother of Dragons

Daenerys X is one of the more bizarre chapters in the series, since it follows only one character alone with her thoughts, but it works extremely well as a character study, and the development over the course of the chapter is one of my favourites in the whole series. Through all the hallucinations and visions and dreams Daenerys has during this chapter, it's important to remember that they all (apart from possibly Quaithe) are her, so the discussions she has are with her own internal thoughts directly.

The topic of Targaryen madness reoccurs throughout the series, but it's ADWD where it is brought up the most. Now, the topic of Targaryen madness will be another post i will do in the far future and won't discuss in depth today, but the matter is that Dany is aware of some of it, even if she hasn't fully accepted the truth of her father. She fears that she is succumbing to the madness at points.

"Your Grace?" Missandei stood in the door of the queen's bedchamber, a lantern in her hand. "Who are you talking to?" Dany glanced back toward the persimmon tree. There was no woman there. No hooded robe, no lacquer mask, no Quaithe. A shadow. A memory. No one. She was the blood of the dragon, but Ser Barristan had warned her that in that blood there was a taint. Could I be going mad? They had called her father mad, once.

Later, she implies this fear again to Barristan.

I lived in fear for fourteen years, my lord. I woke afraid each morning and went to sleep afraid each night … but my fears were burned away the day I came forth from the fire. Only one thing frightens me now." "And what is it that you fear, sweet queen?" "I am only a foolish young girl." Dany rose on her toes and kissed his cheek. "But not so foolish as to tell you that. My men shall look at these ships. Then you shall have my answer."

But in an early version of Daenerys III, the answer Daenerys gave was "myself". She fears what would happen if she "woke the dragon", as Viserys put it. She's afraid of succumbing to the madness that consumed her father and probably was consuming Viserys. She's afraid of what would happen if she unleashed her dragons, how many innocents they would kill. But in the Dothraki sea, she begins to question her decisions, starting when she woke up after finding blood between her thighs:

"I am the blood of the dragon," she told the grass, aloud. Once, the grass whispered back, until you chained your dragons in the dark. "Drogon killed a little girl. Her name was … her name …" Dany could not recall the child's name. That made her so sad that she would have cried if all her tears had not been burned away. "I will never have a little girl. I was the Mother of Dragons." Aye, the grass said, but you turned against your children.

The importance of this quote cannot go unnoticed. She thinks about Hazzea all the time throughout the book, feeling deeply guilty about what Drogon did to her. But here, at the end, she cannot remember her name. The in world explanation is that, of course, she is delirious from being in the wilderness eating berries and being sick, but thematically this is her slowly turning away from the people she freed. Next comes a dream with Viserys (long quote incoming):

She dreamt of her dead brother. Viserys looked just as he had the last time she'd seen him. His mouth was twisted in anguish, his hair was burnt, and his face was black and smoking where the molten gold had run down across his brow and cheeks and into his eyes. "You are dead," Dany said. Murdered. Though his lips never moved, somehow she could hear his voice, whispering in her ear. You never mourned me, sister. It is hard to die unmourned. "I loved you once." Once, he said, so bitterly it made her shudder. You were supposed to be my wife, to bear me children with silver hair and purple eyes, to keep the blood of the dragon pure. I took care of you. I taught you who you were. I fed you. I sold our mother's crown to keep you fed. "You hurt me. You frightened me." Only when you woke the dragon. I loved you. "You sold me. You betrayed me." No. You were the betrayer. You turned against me, against your own blood. They cheated me. Your horsey husband and his stinking savages. They were cheats and liars. They promised me a golden crown and gave me this. He touched the molten gold that was creeping down his face, and smoke rose from his finger. "You could have had your crown," Dany told him. "My sun-and-stars would have won it for you if only you had waited." I waited long enough. I waited my whole life. I was their king, their rightful king. They laughed at me. "You should have stayed in Pentos with Magister Illyrio. Khal Drogo had to present me to the dosh khaleen, but you did not have to ride with us. That was your choice. Your mistake." Do you want to wake the dragon, you stupid little whore? Drogo's khalasar was mine. I bought them from him, a hundred thousand screamers. I paid for them with your maidenhead. "You never understood. Dothraki do not buy and sell. They give gifts and receive them. If you had waited …" I did wait. For my crown, for my throne, for you. All those years, and all I ever got was a pot of molten gold. Why did they give the dragon's eggs to you? They should have been mine. If I'd had a dragon, I would have taught the world the meaning of our words. Viserys began to laugh, until his jaw fell away from his face, smoking, and blood and molten gold ran from his mouth.

The dream terrifies Daenerys, but once again, Viserys (really herself here) is telling her she is stalling in a place she doesn't belong, that she needs to go home, that she should embrace being a dragon. The climax of this comes right after she realizes Meereen would never be her home, where she argues with Jorah (again, herself):

Meereen would always be the Harpy's city, and Daenerys could not be a harpy. Never, said the grass, in the gruff tones of Jorah Mormont. You were warned, Your Grace. Let this city be, I said. Your war is in Westeros, I told you. The voice was no more than a whisper, yet somehow Dany felt that he was walking just behind her. My bear, she thought, my old sweet bear, who loved me and betrayed me. She had missed him so. She wanted to see his ugly face, to wrap her arms around him and press herself against his chest, but she knew that if she turned around Ser Jorah would be gone. "I am dreaming," she said. "A waking dream, a walking dream. I am alone and lost." Lost, because you lingered, in a place that you were never meant to be, murmured Ser Jorah, as softly as the wind. Alone, because you sent me from your side. "You betrayed me. You informed on me, for gold." For home. Home was all I ever wanted. "And me. You wanted me." Dany had seen it in his eyes. I did, the grass whispered, sadly. "You kissed me. I never said you could, but you did. You sold me to my enemies, but you meant it when you kissed me." I gave you good counsel. Save your spears and swords for the Seven Kingdoms, I told you. Leave Meereen to the Meereenese and go west, I said. You would not listen. "I had to take Meereen or see my children starve along the march." Dany could still see the trail of corpses she had left behind her crossing the Red Waste. It was not a sight she wished to see again. "I had to take Meereen to feed my people." You took Meereen, he told her, yet still you lingered. "To be a queen." You are a queen, her bear said. In Westeros. "It is such a long way," she complained. "I was tired, Jorah. I was weary of war. I wanted to rest, to laugh, to plant trees and see them grow. I am only a young girl." No. You are the blood of the dragon. The whispering was growing fainter, as if Ser Jorah were falling farther behind. Dragons plant no trees. Remember that. Remember who you are, what you were made to be. Remember your words. "Fire and Blood," Daenerys told the swaying grass.

And here is where everything changes. She has spent time trying to protect innocent lives, to make peace, not war, to be loved and accepted by Meereen. But here, she decides that it is time to do away with that. Meereen is not her home, Westeros is, and it's time to wake the dragon and burn Yunkai. No longer will she be burdened by the idea of a cost of innocent lives, no longer will she fear herself, and no longer will she linger. When the time comes, she will burn her enemies and leave for Westeros.

I need to make a few things clear here, however. For one, I don't think she's mad now, this is just her resolving her internal conflict. For another, I don't care what she does to the slavers. They deserve what's coming for them. She will still care about the innocent, but she's now going to go full-blooded Targaryen and burn cities to the ground, and this will mean massive collateral damage she will try to rationalize away.

Daenerys has now transformed into a different, much darker character, which I feel will continue to define her for the rest of the series. She is now the Mother of Dragons, in her entirety, and Essos is about to bleed and burn. I really appreciate how GRRM put this together, and that she didn't stay fire and blood after Astapor. His character development is realistic, and sometimes the development is not linear. In part 3, I will be discussing predictions about Daenerys's arc and story in TWOW, more specifically what she will do in Essos.

[tasteslikepepsicola]

Somebody Else (Sodapop Curtis x Reader part 6)

Part 5 - read before continuing 

The final chapter, Y/N knows what she wants, at last, but how will her decision change her life?

Word Count: 1,800+

Warnings: none

Authors Note: I’ve been writing this story for 5 months now, and I can’t even believe it’s finally over. I’ve loved writing for these characters, and I just loved this plot. I hope you all have fallen in love with it just as much as I have. I hope the ending doesn’t come across as too cheesy, and I hope everyone reading is satisfied with the ending. I’m just so happy to finally be publishing the last chapter. Please send me new requests, I write for many fandoms, and please consider following for more posts like this. Thank you so much for all your support, it’s been incredible. Love you all <3

Y/N and Steve stood on opposite sides of the car he had been working on before she interrupted him. Awkward silence filled the air, both sharing the strange feeling that everything had somehow changed since the last time they saw each other. That night, when Y/N ran out on the gang with no explanation. She had just been gone for a minute, if she had returned even a couple minutes earlier, she would have returned to the movie, sat back down on Steve’s lap, enjoyed her night. She wouldn’t have been in that room when Sodapop Curtis walked in. She wouldn’t have known what his lips tasted like. She would never have to be having this conversation.

“What happened, Y/N?” Steve asked softly.

She took a minute to gather her thoughts, meticulously searching for the right words to break the fragile news. Finally, she spoke, “You deserve the truth, obviously, by now, I owe you at least that. But it isn’t pretty. Just...please don’t hate me Steve.”

He rubbed his hands through his hair, shaking his head slightly, brows turned down. They both knew what she was gonna say, what was gonna happen.

“It’s Sodapop, isn’t it?” Steve sighed.

 “I-” Y/N started.

“I knew the moment he walked through that door. He was supposed to be out all night. Darry said- I guess it doesn’t matter. But its just- when he walked in, and you weren’t by my side, I guess I knew something was going to happen.” Steve’s eyes were tired, glossy, disappointed, and yet, not surprised, not angry.

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt. Not you, not Soda, nobody. I loved you both. I still do.” she tells him. 

He doesn’t respond, just nods in understanding, so she continues.

“I kissed him.” her voice was barely a whisper, small and pathetic, ashamed and scared of losing everything. “And I’m so, so, sorry.” a tear falls down her cheek.

He stands there for a minute, looking like the wind had just been knocked out of him. Breathless he asks, “Was any of it real?”

“Every single thing. I hope you know that. Every kiss, every touch, every word. I loved you, but I never stopped loving him either.” Y/N steps closer to him, cautiously.

“You deserve someone better than me, Steve. Someone who isn’t half in love. Someone who doesn’t doubt it for a second.” she pauses, “You truly are an amazing person. And I really do wish it could’ve worked...and I know it will never make it right, but I loved you, and I’m sorry...for everything.” she finishes her sentence, staring at the ground.

The silence is unbearable, the tension is awful, until finally, he cups her face in his hands, looking at her for a moment, before pulling her into a hug. It isn’t like what they had when they were together, it isn’t that constant need to be near each other. It’s simply, pure, unbreakable friendship. For just a second, Y/N is reminded of life before all this. That's this feeling. That’s this embrace. It wiping away the mistakes of Summer, returning to the ease of Spring, it’s entering the fresh start of Fall, it’s the promise of friendship even when the world freezes in the Winter.

 “Friends?” he asked.

 “Always.” she replied.

*****

Weeks passed, things slowly started to return to how they used to be. The three of them still hadn't spent much time together, all knowing things could never really be the same. But time heals all wounds, and slowly but surely, this too would heal.

It was a warm morning in September, the leaves just starting to turn, the first day of the new school year for Y/N. She was just finishing getting ready, wearing her favorite skirt and a cozy sweater, she swiped on a small amount of mascara and clipped a piece of her shiny hair back. She turned to pick up her backpack, just about to go out the door, when she heard a tap at her window. 

Outside her window, like countless times before, stood Sodapop Curtis, smiling at her confused expression. She slid the glass up, allowing him to crawl inside her room.

“What are you doing here?” she smiled at the boy, happy to see him. Since she broke up with Steve, neither had spoken to the other. If they were going to be together, they needed to give Steve time, they needed time themselves to be sure this was what they wanted.

” I came to wish you luck on your first day.” He sat on her bed, staring at her across the room, adoration in his eyes.

 “Don’t you have work, Pepsi-Cola?” she stepped closer to him.

He smirked at the nickname, his heart rate quickening as the space between them slowly diminished. “You’re more important. Cars can wait.”

“Sodapop Curtis, you may just be the sweetest person in the world.” 

“Hey, don’t say that. I’m a greaser, I’m a tough, strong greaser, who most certainly is not sweet.” He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear as he spoke.

“I beg to differ.” she quipped.

“Want to test your theory?” he asked.

His hands found her hips, her arms wrapped around his neck, slowly they connect their lips, melting into the kiss.

After a few seconds, she pulls away. Soda groans at the loss of contact.

“I need to go or I’ll be late.” she reminds him, tapping his nose.

As she starts to leave, he grabs hold of her hand, she turns to look at him.

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Sodapop.”

“And I can’t wait till the day everyone can know that you’re mine.” he smiles at her.

“I’m yours,” she repeats. “And I promise, soon enough, everyone will know that. Things like this just take time.”

“I know,” he mumbles, starting to stand. He brings her hand to his lips, their fingers intertwined. “You know…” he adds. “one day, when I have the money, I’m gonna put a ring on this finger.” he lightly taps her right ring finger.

Her cheeks flush, she leans in to kiss him again.

Before she can, he says, “because what you and I have is something that lasts forever. You and I are for always.” And then, he kisses her.

“Always.” she says, before turning to leave for school.

*****

Months later, Christmas day, Y/N wakes up in Sodapop’s bed, slowly rising from her sleep. Ponyboy crashed in Darry’s room to give Y/N and Soda space. In the living room, the rest of the gang laid sprawled across the floor, on the couch, anywhere there was room. None of them may have traditional families who cared much, but they all had each other, and that was enough.

Y/N woke Sodapop with a kiss on the nose. He stirred gently, mumbling incoherently at first.

“Merry Christmas Pepsi-Cola,” she whispered.

“Merry Christmas love,” he hummed, sitting up slightly to kiss her on the cheek.

“I’m gonna go make us some coffee, I’m sure the rest of the gang will be up soon enough.” she told him.

Wearing one of Sodapop’s oversized shirts, she rolled out of bed, and quietly made her way passed the sleeping boys into the kitchen. She started to brew the coffee when she heard a soft, “Merry Christmas, Y/N” from behind her.

She turned to see a very tired Steve, grinning at her.

“Merry Christmas Steve, coffee?” she offered.

“Yes please!” he announced.

When she had finished making the three coffees, Steve went to wake up the rest of the gang as Y/N returned to bed with Sodapop to bring him his drink.

He takes the coffee from her, adding, “You’re amazing. I love you. Thank you.”

Clambering and excited shouts come from down the hallway, and the couple knows everyone has woken up.

“Ugh, I can’t get up. Let's just stay in and cuddle all day.” he comments, pulling her against his chest.

“Oh come on, Soda, it’s Christmas! Get up!” she argues, rising again.

“I need some motivation,” he jokes.

She places a finger on her lips, “well my lips are over here, and your’s are over there. And I’m walking away. You’re choice on what you want to do, though.” she smirked.

He jumped out of bed, running over to her, cupping her face in his hands, and connecting their lips.

“Okay, okay, let's do this.” he adds.

The two of them walked into the living room, seeing everyone already awake. The gang exchanges good mornings, jokes, laughs, and there were even some presents for everyone to unwrap.

In the middle of the festivities, Ponyboy stops to look out the window, shouting, “Guys! It’s snowing!” everyone crowds around the window to see.

“For real?”

“Ain’t that something…”

“A white Christmas!”

Y/N smiles, wishing she could freeze the picture and keep this moment frozen in time.

“You still haven’t unwrapped your present yet,” Sodapop whispered in Y/N’s ear.

“Hmm, well I personally think mines gonna be hard to top this year Pepsi-Cola, but go ahead, let’s see what you got.” she jokes.

He takes her hand, leading her over to the tree. The gang remained by the window, marveling at the sight of the falling snow.

Y/N sits down on the couch, anticipation racing through her veins. After a moment of searching under the tree, Sodapop takes a seat next to her, handing her a small box, tied with a gold ribbon.

She hesitates for a minute, suddenly flooded with nerves.

“Go on, open it.” he urges.

She obliges, delicately untying the ribbon and discarding it to her side. She opens up the box to see a small, beautiful silver ring glittering up at her.

“A promise ring,” he tells her.

“Sodapop…” her voice trails off, speechless.

“Do you like it?” he asks, like a little boy presenting his parents with a piece of artwork.

“It’s incredible. I- This is amazing. How did you- this must have cost you months of saving. I can’t accept this.” she stutters.

“Yes you can, and I want you to. Please. It would make me so happy if you- you know, if that’s what you want.” he blushes.

“You’re amazing.” her eyes fight back tears.

“Look on the inside.” he mentions.

She takes the ring out of the box, turning to see the engraving on the inside of the ring. In beautiful calligraphy the word, “Always”

She can no longer fight the tears, they spill from her eyes as he slowly slips the ring on her finger.

Their lips lock, and all at once, she is home. Safety and surprise, love and lust. Comfort and chaos, perfect harmony.

He wipes the remaining tears from her eyes, and they settle in to a comfortable position, watching the gang finish handing out presents, Two-Bit brings out a chocolate cake from the kitchen, announcing breakfast being served. 

Y/N wonders aloud, “do you guys think it will always be like this? You know, between us. Do you think we’ll always be friends? Family to each other?”

Everyone turns to face her, pondering the question. Steve just smiles at her and says, “Always.”

[darriness]

Fic - Like You Wanna Be Loved 7/16

Author: darriness

Word Count: 1710

Summary: Confusion

Author’s Note: I'm just breaking all the rules now lol The real reason I posted a chapter today is because the next chapter? On Sunday? Things start to go 'boom' so I wanted to get there ;) Thanks as always to my beta @darrenismydarcy and this chapter was also supported by ideas from @slayediest.

AO3 Link

Kurt’s fine with being just friends. He is. Really. Would he rather be holding hands with Blaine and maybe kissing? Of course. Would he like to curl up with him and watch musicals and go walking hand in hand down the hallway? In a perfect world, sure. But he’s totally fine with friendship if that’s what Blaine is offering.

It’s just...it doesn’t FEEL like friendship.

As the weeks progress, Blaine’s actions toward him are not what Kurt could call strictly ‘friendly’. He’s begun to sit next to Kurt during glee practice and will more often than not slide his chair right next to Kurt so that they are sitting thigh to thigh. He casually touches Kurt all the time; on the shoulder, on the hand, and a few times even on his lower back. He keeps making flirty comments and Kurt has lost count of the amount of winks that have been thrown his way.

He tries to play it off as nothing. That Blaine is just a naturally flirtatious person and that his actions toward Kurt are no different than his actions toward anyone else.

Except they ARE different.

He’s purposely started watching the way Blaine is with the other people in glee, and while Blaine is friendly, and sweet, and charming, he isn’t what Kurt would consider flirty with any of them.

He keeps what Kurt is coming to see as a professional distance from them all. He interacts with them during glee, and in the hallway, and during classes (if the stories from the other glee members are anything to go by) but he has yet to accept a single invitation to hang out after school beyond Kurt’s bowling invitation. The girls keep trying to get Kurt to ask him to hang out again but Kurt is still a little gun shy, and he’s becoming more confused by the day.

“So I was thinking,” Mercedes says one afternoon near the end of October while they wait for glee practice to start, “that we are long overdue for a girls’ sleepover.”

Rachel turns and nods enthusiastically from the front row, “Great idea!” She says.

“Yeah I’m in.” Tina says, without looking up from her phone.

Mercedes turns to Kurt, “You in, boo?” she asks.

Kurt shrugs, “Of course.” He says, “Just not at my house because then Rachel will spend the whole night with Finn and not us.”

“I will not!” Rachel scoffs, but Tina, Mercedes, and even Finn, throw Rachel dubious looks. She huffs and turns her nose up, “Fine. We can do it at my place. My dads have been asking why you ladies, and Kurt,” She says with a gesture toward Kurt and he appreciates the separation that she may not have afforded him, or even thought to make, a few years ago, “haven’t been over lately.”

“Excellent.” Mercedes says, “What about you, Blaine?”

Blaine has been sitting silently next to Kurt for a few minutes, typing away on his phone even as the heat of his thigh seeps through his chinos and through Kurt’s jeans onto his skin. He looks up with a questioning look and smiles at Mercedes, “What about me, what?” He asks.

Kurt’s heart pounds as he looks between Mercedes and Blaine. He’s not sure why he didn’t think of the possibility of Mercedes inviting Blaine but he’s caught off guard by it and he both hopes Blaine says yes, and no, in equal measure.

“Ladies, and Kurt, sleepover at Rachel’s. We usually do them every month or so. Typical sleepover stuff; painting nails, eating snacks while watching movies, discussing boys. You interested?” Mercedes asks.

Blaine smiles and Kurt has gotten to know Blaine well enough by now to know he’s going to decline, “I’m sorry. I wish I could but I can’t.”

He doesn’t give an excuse or even ask for a specific date that wasn’t provided to him (a blanket refusal?) but just smiles at each of them in turn before going back to his phone where his smile dissolves into a frown.

Of course it was a refusal. It’s always a refusal. Kurt watches Blaine for a moment and tries to figure him out. What keeps Blaine from hanging out with them after school? Does he secretly not like any of them? Is he polite at school because he has to be, but would rather not spend time with them? Or is there something else going on?

Kurt is prevented from contemplating any further by Mr. Schue entering the room with a jubilant cry of ‘Mashups!’ Kurt quickly looks away as Blaine looks up from his phone but keeps looking out of the corner of his eye as the other boy pockets his phone and smiles brightly at their teacher.

“All right everybody, break off into pairs and take some time to rehearse a mashup of your choice as a warm up!” Mr. Shue says, and even before he’s done talking Blaine is turning toward him.

“Be my partner?” He asks with bright eyes.

Kurt smiles, “Yeah.” He says and Blaine’s eyes brighten further at the acceptance.

“Come on, I wanna try something on the piano!” Blaine says, and then he reaches for Kurt’s hand to pull him down the risers.

Kurt looks down at their joined hands and then around at the other members of the club. No one else is touching, not even Finn and Rachel (who never stop touching) who are still in their original seats and Finn looks like he’s getting told what to do.

As they get to the piano, Kurt feels Blaine squeeze his hand gently before letting go and sitting down on the piano bench, “I was thinking we could do something a little...romantic.” Blaine says and there’s another goddamn wink.

Kurt’s head is seriously starting to hurt and he’s getting close to just asking Blaine what the hell is going on.

Except...then he’s afraid it’ll stop, and he really doesn’t want it to stop.

-- -- --

Blaine:

I’ve decided I’m totally a Patrick.

Kurt:

Dated a lot of women in your past then? :P

Blaine:

I’m a man with a lot of secrets ;) No but seriously, beyond the horrible wardrobe, I think he and I are a lot alike.

Kurt:

Well I definitely wouldn’t mind you owning a store where I could get skin care products at wholesale  prices.

Blaine:

:) And you are so obviously David. You know, after he stops being an entitled a-hole.

Kurt is simultaneously assaulted with multiple thoughts and feelings as he reads Blaine’s text during French class. First, that Blaine is adorably unable to swear even in text form. Second, that Blaine just insinuated that he and Kurt are the equivalent to TV boyfriends (fiancés - Kurt’s brain automatically corrects) and that makes Kurt a little breathless. Third, that texting Blaine has become his favourite part of his day (outside of actually talking to Blaine but texting allows Kurt to keep talking to Blaine after school). And last, that Kurt is still incredibly confused about what the hell is happening between them.

The pair have kept up a near constant text conversation since exchanging numbers weeks ago (though at school Blaine will only text during his free period or lunch - which Kurt finds both adorable and frustrating). While Kurt loves the back and forth, and feels like he’s being flirted with even through a phone, he’s still under the impression that he and Blaine are just friends.

“Mr. Hummel, that wouldn’t be your phone out, would it?” Madame Munrow says from the front of the room and Kurt looks up to find his teacher looking at him with a quirked eyebrow. He knows she knows he’s on his phone, but he also knows that Madame Munrow loves him and won’t make a big deal out of it.

“Not at all, Madame.” He says, swiftly pocketing his phone with a smile.

His teacher rolls her eyes with a smile and a shake of her head before turning back to the board and Kurt goes back to listening and taking notes, even as his phone buzzes in his pocket again.

-- -- --

“Who are you texting?” Blaine quickly shields his phone as Bethany leans over the back of the couch later that night.

“No one. Just a friend.” He says, clicking his phone to turn it off.

“Kurt?” She asks with an eyebrow wiggle.

Blaine rolls his eyes affectionately, “So what if it was?” He asks.

Bethany’s expression turns serious as she leans an elbow on the back of the couch, rests her chin on her palm and sighs, “You like him, don’t you?” She asks.

Blaine shrugs, “It’s...nothing. We’re just friends.” He says, defensively.

Bethany’s lip quirks up as she sighs again and pushes off the couch, “Keep telling yourself that, big guy. Maybe if you say it enough, you’ll convince yourself.”

Blaine narrows his eyes at her, “When did you become thirty years old, and a therapist?” He asks and Bethany giggles before looking at Blaine with a soft smile.

“I want you to be happy, Blainers. That’s all.” She says with a shrug before wandering off to her room.

Blaine sighs and leans his head back on the couch as he watches her go. Happy. What is Bethany talking about? He IS happy. What would make her think he wasn’t?

What does she know anyway? She’s nine. Her idea of happiness is getting the puppy she’s been begging for for months.

He sighs again. Who is he kidding? She’s more astute than he is, than most of the people - child or adult - in his life.

His phone buzzes in his hand and he looks down to find a new text from Kurt.

Kurt:

Which one for tomorrow?

The text is accompanied by two pictures of Kurt, both with him smiling adorably at the camera with his hair lightly falling over his forehead, but wearing a different ascot in each.

Blaine smiles softly at the smiling face and can’t deny that texting Kurt is without a doubt one of his favourite parts of the day (beyond seeing Kurt in person).

He’s so screwed.

Blaine:

Well you look amazing in either but I’d go with the blue. It brings out your eyes.

What are you doing?! He yells at himself after hitting send.