#Ever recover from this but at least I have YouTube shorts

[ssavaart]

3...2...1... DEPRESSION!

Hi All!

Can we talk about how quickly we can become depressed when we try new things and they don't work out?

I have been doing short videos (vertical and under a minute) for almost 4 years now and I wanted to try and move to a long form format (horizontal and about 3-5 minutes) this year.

Yesterday, I made a video, that took me all day to make, about Drawing Eyes.

I tried to make it as clear as possible and I was very proud of it (I even referenced the Death Star too).

I posted it around dinner time and walked away.

I came back to the worst performing video of my life.

I have made over 1,000 videos and THIS was the worst performing video... EVER.

Not only was it performing so bad but YOUTUBE kept sending me NOTES on HOW BAD IT WAS!

WHY????

And instantly... I went into a depressive state.

"Why am I even doing this?"

"I'm the worst"

"I'm going to be making Shorts forever"

I'm 55. I've tried new things SO many times and failed at them SO many times.

I've been through this before and... survived.

But despite that.... I STILL get depressed when things don't go according to plan.

Is this an Autism thing? Is it an Artist thing?

Or is this a HUMAN thing?

I'm still trying to figure it out, my friends.

But needless to say... yesterday's "experiment" really took the wind out of my sails and I'm still recovering.

As always... I want to share the triumphs and tragedies of being an artist. I try to share moments like this so you know you are NOT alone.

Artists bare their soul to the world and it hurts when an algorithm or critics or trolls piss all over your work. Your soul.

I'm hoping that by talking about it... we can feel... not so alone in our journey.

At least that's the hope.

Sending Big Hugs from the Hobbit Hole. ♥♥♥

Scott

PS. It was SO BAD, apparently, I LOST viewers!

[whydon-twego]

Morgana probably hates him. Or she hates his own plants, he doesn't know which statement is more correct.

"Morgana, do you remember what happened to the cactus you gave me for my birthday?"

Morgana simply shrugs her shoulders.

"I trust that being my plants and with a promise to kill you if they are not all nice and alive when I get back, they will be in good hands."

"You really have no one else to ask?"

Morgana snorts at that point.

"The only person I can trust is Gwen and as you well know Gwen will be leaving with me. It's only two weeks, I trust you'll be able to keep my orchids from dying in such a short time."

Arthur is not at all convinced and, barely five days into Gwen and his sister's honeymoon, he hates himself for always being so damn right.

His sister is going to kill him. *** Gwen, sweet little Gwen who, despite being on her honeymoon, answers him immediately, passes him a YouTube channel about plants and nature in general.

Arthur, looking at the half-wilted orchid in the window, doesn't know if it will be enough, but he has to at least try. *** Merlin (that's the name the guy uses on his channel MerlinLikeTheWizard) has quite a following on YouTube and has a lot of videos, even a few minutes long, explaining how to solve tricky situations.

The orchid with some difficulty recovers, Morgana's roses no longer seem to be on the brink of extinction and Arthur owes his life to a stranger on the internet.

A stranger with sparkling blue eyes, a disarming smile and huge ears.

Arthur may have a small and insignificant crush on him. ***

The plants have returned to Morgana and Gwen's house safe and sound (Arthur hugged Gwen a little harder than necessary, thanking her for saving his life) and Arthur is thinking if perhaps, now that he has a little more practice with plants, he can fulfil his dream of having a little corner of paradise on his over-empty balcony. He has always liked flowers, his mother had always liked flowers, but Arthur has always had the ability to kill every poor plant that has crossed his doorstep.

Maybe now is the right time. ***

"Merlin!"

Arthur didn't want to shout it in the middle of the street, he didn't want to shout it in the face of the stranger who is now looking at him with an alarmed face because -God!- they don't know each other and Arthur looks like a bloody stalker. But when was he ever going to meet his celebrity crush by pure chance in the middle of the streets of London?

Merlin looks at him a little confused but raises a hand in greeting and Arthur takes courage and gets a little closer to him. What do you say to someone you obsessively follow for advice and because their laughter brightens your day?

"You have the biggest ears in the world"

Morgana is terribly right, he must have some kind of mental affliction, there is no other explanation.

Merlin wrinkles his eyebrows and opens his mouth to reply but Arthur stops him by talking over him.

"That wasn't what I meant at all. I- sorry, no, I just wanted to- Thank you for saving my life."

At that, Merlin raises his eyebrows and Arthur finds himself thinking about how expressive the human face can be without having to say anything.

"Yeah, I mean, that's..." Arthur covers his face with his hands for a moment and thinks about what a mess he's making "I swear I don't usually suck this bad at first impressions" Arthur sighs "I kept my sister's plants and you should know that I have the ability to make a cactus die within 48 hours, so I was desperate because my sister threatened me with death about her precious orchid and his wife sent me the link to your channel and, I mean, I'm still alive so thanks"

Merlin spends a few seconds staring at him and Arthur feels incredibly stupid, then Merlin bursts out laughing and Arthur thinks he has an even better laugh heard live.

And what else could Arthur say now? He's at a loss for words and his throat is suddenly dry and would it be too weird to ask for an autograph or a photo together? Is this something people do with YouTubers? He honestly doesn't even have the courage to ask.

Merlin is smiling now, looking at him, and Arthur is stumbling over what to say. God, this is humiliating. We'd better end this quickly.

"Well, yeah, that's it… so thank you."

He turns to put as much distance as possible between himself and that embarrassing figure he will never tell anyone about, but a voice stops him.

"I think you owe me a coffee."

Arthur turns towards that voice he has come to know behind a microphone but which has a much stronger accent in person. He turns and watches Merlin look at him.

"What?"

"I saved your life you said. The least you could do to repay me would be to buy me a coffee."

Arthur looks at him for a few seconds and can't believe his ears.

"Sure!" he says quickly, extending a hand "I'm Arthur by the way"

"Nice to meet you Arthur, I suppose you already know my name"

Arthur looks at him sceptically.

"You mean to tell me that your name is really Merlin? Really?"

Merlin smiles and turns to point at the first Costa they find on the road.

"Like the Wizard" *** Merlin watches Arthur talk about how he has succeeded in creating a small corner of the garden on his balcony, how his eyes light up genuinely happy that he has succeeded in something he thought impossible, observes how he gesticulates animatedly and how he responds in a decidedly snobbish manner when something doesn't suit him.

Merlin watches Arthur and there is something about him that makes him say without a second thought "I'll come and have a look at your garden and we could work on it together"

Merlin observes how Arthur looks at him gratefully and how the coffee they were to have together becomes lunch and how Arthur manages to respond to his sarcasm with more sarcasm.

Merlin will have to buy Gaius dinner for convincing him to open that YouTube channel, months and months ago.

[brightowldarkpigeon]

James Somerton Apology 2.0

Someone on Reddit asked what a genuine apology from Somerton would look like, and I outlined it there. I thought I'd share my post here in case it helps any others who are trying to understand what a sincere apology looks like!

(To be clear, I think that in general matters that are not as severe as James's, hoping to recover your career or asking for forgiveness are perfectly fine. For James, his betrayal was strong and defrauded so many people financially, that there is no way to make restitution without a years-long break from making content).

If he wanted to make a genuine apology, it would have to be done without any expectation of the recovery of his career. It would have to be very much the last thing he'd say on the matter, the only video on his channel, and demonetized. He would need to make the apology, then leave for at least a year, if not longer.

Then he would need to follow the standard five steps of apology:

1. Expression of regret

He'd have to say, "I am genuinely sorry for plagiarizing the work of others and taking great pains to obfuscate that fact." He would say, "I'm sorry that I told lies in my videos and did the bare minimum to create as much content and wealth as possible in as short a time as possible." He would also say, "I am sorry for the misogyny and anti-trans bias that I perpetuated both with my words on this channel and my actions toward other creators."

2. Acknowledgment of responsibility

This is essentially to say how it hurt the other person. "I am aware of the enormous harm that I caused to both the queer creators that I stole from and the viewers I deceived. My misogyny and transphobia have harmed not only the women and nonbinary people I offended, but also all other white cis gay men who do not want to carry on this legacy of upholding patriarchal sexism." I'd like him to make this the longest portion of the video, showing how plagiarism, deception, and misogyny cause real, tangible harm, and how his actions were wrong.

(It would be extra nice if he could take real responsibility and say, "I did all these things because I was greedy and lazy, and because I have not done the work to dismantle my own biases against women and trans people.)

3. Making Restitution

Here's where he says he's going to

a) PAY BACK HIS PATRONS. Seriously. That would be such a start. I understand that he needs money to survive, and it might take a long time to get back to that level of income, but he deceived both his patreon patrons and the backers of his Talos project.

b) Publish the names and works of every author he stole from.

c) Create a queer youtuber fund or something like that.

4. Genuinely promising change

He will need to GET. OFF. YOUTUBE. STOP. MAKING. CONTENT. It's time for him to find a new job, even with his fucking epilepsy, he's a decent video editor with a large portfolio and he absolutely could get work doing video editing from the bazillion people who have never heard of him. (They do exist!)

Or get literally any other WFH job. Do customer service if you have to. Take a break from being a star.

And of course say, "I do not think I will ever make original content again since I've lost the trust of this community, but if in a few years, I do try again, I will devote my time to properly crediting and uplifting other queer creators.

5. Requesting forgiveness

No. Don't do this. It's beyond forgiveness right now. Once james has SHOWN he's changed by educating himself and taking some time away from youtube, and DOING ALL THE RESTITUTION HE PROMISED, then he can ask for forgiveness.

Hope that helps.

[r0ck-eat3r]

Skibidi toilet ended my 5 year long relationship

EH So,to give a little background information I LOVE watching YouTube shorts. I binge watch them. On average I spend about 8 hours daily watching shorts. Its my guilty pleasure. No one knows about this..as I keep a good secret.

One day then I was meant to be at school I was watching some SHORTS. My mom came in and was shocked, she didn’t see what i was doing. I hid my phone under my pillow and told her to leave. Because I was having a WANKK‼️ i got away with it..but the same day I was around my girlfriends house and we were watching a moive..sff.. euhg EHUGGgg…I was watching short the hole time! And I was so SNEAKY she didn’t notice. heug huHG HUGHH..she was trying to make advances on me and she put her hand on my thigh..i didn’t think much of it and keep scrolling..she noticed that i was watching YouTube shorts…when i was watching..skibidi toilet 58, fanmade..and suddenly my phone went up to the maximum volume out of nowhere. She took her hand off my thigh and screamed “ARE YOU WATCHING FUCKING SKIBIDI TOILET?!” Huhhabsh…

Im currently sitting on her pouch, balling my FUCKING eyes out..im not sure if ill ever recover from this..but at least i have YouTube shorts!

[ms-cartoon]

Sorry for the long wait for this review. Life has been biting me in the rear lately and I’ve been unmotivated to get anything done. But I’m finally finished with this commentary and I haven’t forgotten about the “Unhappy Campers” episode that was uploaded recently. That will be done as well!

Okay, FINALLY Season 1 Episode 8 came out and about, after a year I think. Why was it taking so long? 

Well, short story; professional (or personal?) reasons involving Kesha. Also, copyright issues. 

Long Story? Well, as we all know, Kesha, a pretty known popstar, was voicing the role of a character Viv created for this episode named Beelzebub. As you can see from the gif I put on top, you can tell that there are some similarities there. Not just with the voice, but also appearances here and there.... which was one of the problems and reasons why Kesha didn’t wanna voice this role, at least initially since she clearly changed her mind after a year or so. If you’ve seen this episode, you’d probably know by now that Beelzebub is a party girl; she likes to drink, party, and eat junk food n stuff. And Kesha is ALL those things; party girl, likes to drink and eat. Or at least... she was like that? Thing is, she went to rehab for all those things and is recovering from it from what I’ve heard.

Not that I wanna assume anything but... creating an oc that has certain traits that the voice actor was struggling with and had to get cleaned for, not to mention that Beelzebub is a literal reference to Kesha and how she was back in the day? I don’t know what Viv’s goal was there, but doesn’t she think that might be a little insensitive?? Now, I don’t know if Kesha is sensitive about that, but she must’ve felt some type of way about it considering she wanted nothing to do with HB in the first place and had to wait almost a year to finally decide to do it.

Also, I still don’t get why this episode had to wait a year for this. Like, I get that Kesha is Vivzie’s idol and it was her dream to have her voice someone in her show, but did she really want her to voice a role so badly she wanted to put a pause on the season 1 finale and completely skip to season 2 until finally uploading it a year later? Why couldn’t she just get someone else to voice Beelzebub? Kesha didn’t even sing the song that was played in this episode, and she wrote it!! It just kinda feels like all this was for nothing. This should probably be the last time Viv EVER tries to get big-time celebrities to voice over characters in her show. Especially when it gets so complicated to the point where you have to keep certain famous youtube videos private, when animators can’t even upload animation roughs from the episode, and when you can’t tag Kesha about her association with Helluva Boss on ANY social media. Yeah . . . It’s that complicated. Hopefully, Viv will learn some kinda lesson from all of this, cuz she had to take her “Die Young” animation off YouTube because of it, which honestly sucks (mostly for her anyway). It really is messed up, especially when considering that Viv’s Die Young video was what mainly started her whole career in the first place before Hazbin. I really hope it was worth it,Viv. . . .

Anyway, let’s just jump to the review...

So episode 8 was kinda... meh. It was alright I guess, still like always, I was expecting something outta nothing. Of course, some things happened on here that I just had to complain about, and I’ll explain later. But the gist of it is that... not a lot happened in this episode. As always, the writers were just rushing things. This whole episode might as well have been a 5-minute clip after so much wasted time on some stupid song which I’ll admit is pretty catchy (gives me 2010 vibes). And also what bothers me about this whole thing was that this was about Loona. 

Lemme explain; so y’all remember Ozzie’s right? That whole thing with Blitzo spying on M&M and bringing Stolas along just to get in the club? Yeah, that episode. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but that was supposed to be a Part 1 before episode 8 before Viv decided at the last minute to change that. At the end of episode 7, Blitzo pushed Stolas away after dropping him off. He went home and was scrolling through pictures and started to cry after seeing a picture of him, his sister, and mother. I was expecting this whole episode to be about just Blitzo and what he got going on, similar to Stolas and his episode in the second season. Like maybe a flashback of his past or something with the people that was a part of his life and left at some point over what he did. We have yet to know what happened between him and Fizzarolli that ended their friendship. Or what about his sister?? Cuz apparently, she doesn’t like Blitzo either and is holding a grudge about something. With Verosika, well we already know the two dated and why they broke up sorta, but I still feel like we have yet to explore the relationship they had. Like, how the hell did a scrawny little imp like Blitzo get with such a baddie like Verosika??? What was their relationship like?

So yeah, I just feel like this episode could’ve given us a whole other different plot. If anything, the story in this episode could’ve been saved for another. Not that there was any plot to tell anyway, especially when it’s 15-minutes long and rushed as hell. 

It’s literally just Loona at a party...

In episode 7 S1, Blitzo got a text from Loona saying Vortex invited her to a party and that’s where we are. The whole time, she’s having difficulties socializing with folks and is very awkward. Plus we have our new character, Beelzebub to lighten everybody’s mood. She’s also Vortex’s girlfriend, but I’ll get into that in a little bit. Also, after a while, Blitzo comes by to pick her up initially but later joins the party with Loona.

Let’s just get started....

-- Hold up, so no disclaimer of “This is for adults! You have been warned!” warning?? We’re just gonna jump straight into the episode? I’m not sure whether they forgot about that part or if they just don’t care anymore, but to me, it feels rather off. Especially since they’ve been doing it since the first episode of season 1. If you’re wanting to go all out with the r-rating anyway, it would still be best for you to put that disclaimer every time before you start the episode, especially when folks of a younger age are watching it for the first time and don’t like to be caught off guard with anything vulgar.

-- I couldn’t tell if Loona just hung up on Blitzo or just left him on read when he tried to call her. Regardless, she didn’t answer the phone while knowing fully well he’s trying to call her and its pretty rude. I know I’m being nitpicky about this part, but as someone who has parents who’d get onto you a little for not answering the phone sooner and not calling back immediately after finding out you missed the call, it can get a little triggering.

-- The hellhounds in this party don’t even look like actual hellhounds; just over a hundred different breeds of dogs with red eyes. If anything, Loona and Vortex look more like hellhounds.

-- Is it just me, or does the animation and clean-up here feel . . . . off? I mean- Look at the outlines!!

Do you see how different the outlines are in size in each different scene??? They’re thick in one part, totally thin in another, but right back to thick again, and so on. Honestly, the more I notice it, the more irritable it is. I get that there are hundreds of animators working in this show, they like to animate their way, and I’m no animator myself (not yet), but would it kill y’all to stay consistent with the clean-ups here? Why can’t you stick to the same brush size while outlining?

-- While we’re on that topic, Loona’s character model looks much more off than the outlining. I’m not sure how I can explain it, I don’t critique art or character designs often (ironic cuz I draw a lot, lol), but Loona has been drawn so stiff and thick lately. . . . . I dunno. It just doesn’t look the same. You might see what I mean if you just look at the pictures above. Once again, it just seems like the animators and artist cannot stay consistent with the animation and character appearances.

-- Loona butts in on a conversation with a couple of people she apparently doesn't get along with. I get that she's trying to socialize, but why, out of everyone in this party, did you choose to talk to someone who takes embarrassing photos of you and talks shit??

-- So this poodle hellhound took a photo of Loona throwing up that one time at a party she participated in. A party before this one of course. But last I checked, it was implied in ep 3 season 1 that Loona had never been to a party before and the one that Tex invited her to (the one in the episode) would be her first one. The party that Loona vomited at should’ve been her first one instead of the one Beezlebub is running. Not to mention that she has met some of these hellhounds before and is known as “Lunatic Loona” by most of them. This folks is yet another retcon.

-- Loona calls the poodle a bitch, leaving everybody completely shocked for some reason. “Ooooh! Teacher! She just said a bad word!” That’s seriously what they’re acting like. As if NOBODY in this wasted ass party (or in hell at all) has ever said a bad word before. If y’all don’t grow tf up-

-- I’m sorry, but if y’all asked me what I thought The seven deadly sin of Gluttony would look like, NEVER in my LIFE would I have pictured THIS--

I know I cannot have been the only one high off shrooms the moment I seen this character design. . . She looks like a concept art of an OC that was made a 12-year-old Vivziepop. 

 So first off, she calls herself Queen Bee... but is shaped like the rest of these furry fanservice mutts. She’s just another wolf/fox with only a little bit of bug-like features to pass off that she’s only. . . part bee. But why not just make her a FULL BEE??? Why does she have to look like a whole lava lamp hellhound??? Like, I know the lava lamp feature was supposed to be based off her personality, but why can’t that just be her hair?? Why do you have to add that part to her STOMACH!!?? I can’t even tell if that’s just apart of her clothes or her actual body! Either way, its too much!! It must’ve been hard as sh*t to animate her!!!

It doesn’t even make sense that she looks like a hellhound anyway!! Hellhounds are supposed to be in the lowest rank right beside imps and Beezlebub looks like one of them, only with an extra pair of arms!! Once again, why can’t she just be a BEE or something???

-- I always forget that Helluva Boss is supposed to be a musical. Probably because it just doesn’t fit as one at this point, especially with this pop music. When it comes to musicals, the point in the songs is that we would have to feel empathy for whoever’s singing and they also tell a story while we get a sense in what we’re about to see, and it also drops hints in what will happen next. But THIS song, it’s just a little pop music talking about sweets while also introducing Beezlebub. I get that its the point in pop music; there’s not much meaning to them and it’s only meant for you to enjoy and sing along with, but you can’t really call this show a musical when music like this is being played. Like I said from before, it’s still fairly catchy. I’ll admit that, but I could hardly feel for it.

-- I don’t wanna badge Kesha for her acting skills. It’s not like she’s been in a lot of films anyway. I mean, she’s a pop singer first and always, so that’s fair. But it was pretty, meh? Like, she kinda sounded like she didn’t even wanna be there in the studio and is only reading her lines instead of actually ACTING them while putting little emotion in what she’s saying. Honestly, most of Beelzebub’s lines are kinda pointless anyway. Like she’s just saying random bizarre monologues that I can hardly care about or even listen to. I can’t even tell if I was supposed to laugh at them or what. Seems like to me the writers only put those lines in the script just to hear the famous Ke$ha talk more. Not to mention that some of what she said sounded completely unnecessary and weird. For instance, Beelzebub mentioned how she was associated with Satan and thinks of him as her brother, but also finds him hot without his shirt on and said that she could “hit that”. . . . . Uhh, not exactly something you should say or even THINK about your brother figure ma’am. Why y’all gotta have Kesha say all that?? I can definitely see why she wouldn’t wanna act out these scripts!! She must’ve felt hella uncomfortable reading them!

And Viv, WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND THE INCEST JOKES!!??

-- Okay, so . . . . Vortex, a lower class hellhound, and Beelzebub, one of the seven deadly sins being Gluttony (which means she a higher rank) dating?. . . Um, last I checked, a lower class and someone of higher up than that is kinda frowned upon by most of the demons in hell, as seen with how some people reacted to Blitzo and Stolas’s relationship. But for some reason, no one seems to react to Tex and Bee’s relationship?? Why is it that people mock Stolas and Blitzo for being a thing, but Tex and Bee can walk around and hold hands scott free??? I can tell that Viv just doesn't care anymore about the ranking system SHE made up.

-- I don’t really see Vortex and Bee as a couple anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I actually find it cute they’re together and even like the ship a little bit. But from what little interactions I’ve seen between them, kinda just seems like they’re more platonic best friends then boyfriend and girlfriend. I guess if we we’re to dig deep into they’re relationship, then I might see something, but . . . . I dunno, that’s probably just me.

--  Loona is so hard to read, especially now. The whole time she’s there, she’s just feeling super uncomfortable, like she doesn't even wanna be there even though she's with Vortex, who's the only person she seems to be more at ease with out of everyone in the party. Even when Bee is super welcoming and nice to her, Loona still feels bitter while not even liking her (Probably because Bee is dating Tex). And then for some reason, she just ups and leaves then starts to... tear up?? It's not too clear to me why she’s feeling sad. You can’t blame me for not knowing or picking up on it. It’s not like she was doing much of anything other than standing there and barely talking. How am I supposed to know what she’s really feeling and why she’s feeling it when she’s given no dialogue?

-- I'm reminded that Loona still acts so bitter around Blitzo and it's honestly irritating. She calls to ask him to pick her up and when he asks her if she was doing okay, she responded with such attitude! Aren’t we supposed to be sympathizing with her here??? I don’t care how frustrated she feels right now, especially since she has no reason to be. And I just love it how when people see her and say, "Oh hey Blitzo! Is that your daughter?" And she quickly responds, "I'm his ADOPTED daughter!" Like bitch. . . WAS ANYONE ASKING THAT!! He’s your family!! Paper or no paper!! DEAL WITH IT!! And no shit your adopted!! People can see that he’s an imp and you’re a HELLHOUND!!! Stop being so defensive!! 

-- Are you for real right now. . . . . . 

You were getting all teary-eyed n shit, wanting to go home but as soon as some hellhound hottie starts flirting with you, you immediately get over it and change your mind in less than 5 seconds before you’re about to leave???? Like you don’t even think about it?? Viv, where are you getting at here???

-- I can’t really say much about Blitzo right now. He’s barely there anyway, only making an appearance in the last 10 minutes of the episode for comic relief and a pity party.

-- Viv must really don’t know what to do with her female characters and how to go about ‘em. Loona’s shown to be introverted and sad at first to straight up confident and lively around everyone in a matter of seconds. She’s so quick to make friends and get along with other hellhounds at the party as if it was no issue from before when it was. We don’t even get to see any progression of bonding with these out-of-nowhere friends she’s making. And all because of some dude that called her hot!!! It kinda makes me question on why Loona was even feeling sad in the first place since it was so easy for her to gain confidence.

-- Y’all, I think I’m convinced right now that the only reason Loona doesn’t like Beelzebub is because she’s dating her crush! Like- there’s nothing else to it. Bee and Tex are dating, Loona is still crushing Tex and that’s why she doesn’t like Beelzebub. Not to mention she’s possibly jealous because she feels inferior to her. She’s super outgoing, social, and could easily get along with anyone, something Loona can’t easily do (though that alone shouldn’t even matter because Loona already managed to make friends and some random hellhound flirted with her). You CANNOT convince me otherwise. And if that is the reason, then honey, you’re gonna have to let that go. For real!! You’re lucky that Tex even likes you enough to want to be your friend.

So Bee and Tex confront Loona about Blitzo, saying that he’s been drinking a lot (obviously) and that he’s going overboard with the partying. They suggested that Loona go check on him to make sure he’s okay and that he doesn’t cause some kind of scene (Then again, I don’t see why Bee would care. The point of her being the sin of Gluttony IS to go overboard with nearly anything. I mean- not the whole point, but it’s a common characteristic, so I don’t think she should be worried about it. I guess it’s good to know she’s considerate though.) Then all of a sudden, Loona snaps mainly at Bee and gets so hostile towards her saying, “You don’t know anything about my dad.” such and such, and I’m just like, “Ugh, again with your attitude!!!” 

For one, its pretty bold of you to stand up to a higher rank considering she could squash you in an instant.

But I mean- WHAT IS WITH THE SUDDEN HOSTILITY??? And most people wanna validate her, saying, “It was only a trauma response. You gotta understand that Loona is new to this and she’s not used to people suddenly caring and being kind. She’s just having a hard time trusting people and she did apologize.” Y’all. . . don’t even- First off, Loona's reaction to Bee felt too rushed and forced to be considered traumatic. Second off, someone having trauma does not excuse an unnecessary shitty attitude, especially when Bee has been so kind to Loona this whole episode. Third off, for someone who doesn’t trust people so easily and isn’t used to being given kindness, Loona seemed pretty quick to make friends with everyone at the party who were nice to her. She was sure as hell quick to get along with Vortex after only knowing him for a short amount of time! And he was kind to her too. She wasn’t being bitchy to them then. But when BEELZEBUB is showing care or kindness, Loona will suddenly start to act bitchy??? And because of some past trauma?? PLEASE!!

And some fans would go on to say, "She's just getting over a heartbreak. It takes a while to get over your crush."

They're saying this as if Loona is head over heels in love with Vortex when she was simply CRUSHING on him and from the moment she saw him. And yes, there IS a huge difference especially when Loona only knew Vortex in that short amount of time. I would understand Loona falling in love with Tex if they actually had the time to bond after ep 3. . . . but they didn't. At least there was no indication that they did. And on top of that, just for the record, Loona already knew that Tex had a girlfriend the same day she met him!! Which was five episodes ago!! So before y'all go on and say "She needs time to get over her crush", she should've already gotten over it by now!! I dunno why she's still crushing and blushing around him as if she believed he liked her back!

Why did she seem so shocked after Tex introduced his Bee anyway? As if Loona never recalled him mentioning he had a girlfriend back in ep 3. And say that was the reason why she was sad . . . why would it would it make her sad!!?? Like I said, she should’ve already known Tex had a girlfriend since he brought it up straight to her face. I would understand her being upset if he didn’t tell her and she didn’t find out about Bee until the last minute when Tex introduced her as his girlfriend. Then it would actually make sense for Loona to still crush on him the entire time because she wouldn’t have known he was taken and would believe she still had a shot with him. In this case, it would be understandable why it would make her sad. . . . but we didn’t go that route. Instead, we had to go about it the “Vivzie Way” (the more complicated way).

Point blank, Loona seems to only dislike Bee because she's with Tex and is jealous. And she shouldn't have reacted the way she did out of jealousy when Bee was only showing concern for Blitzo. Trauma or no trauma, I don’t care. It was unnecessary.

-- “Blitzo! BLITZO! Where are you, shithead!!”

Loona . . . . how’re you gonna get all defensive about your dad and then go straight back to calling him names?

-- For once, Loona decides she actually wants to care about her dad (mainly cuz she was told to). I guess its nice to see a cute father/daughter moment between Blitzo and Loona for once. Can’t say I feel for it at all though especially when it immediately starts to become completely pointless a season and two episodes later when we see this happen-

Seriously, how're they gonna have Loona and Blitzo bond by the end of the episode only for Loona to go back to treating him like shit the next? It’s like whatever build-up was being made between them immediately collapsed a season later, and over something as petty as a mild criticism Blitzo gave Loona. You can just TELL that Viv and the other writers don’t think before writing these scenes down!!

Also, how is it that Loona will get all concerned for Blitzo making out with folks in the party while wasted even though she was literally cheering for him to chug a whole barrel of liquor in order to beat Bee in a game. What’s sad about this is that it was one of the only times Loona calls him “Dad”. . . . In a drinking game . . . . .

-- Blitzo: "Loony, will you be there for me?"

Loona: . . .Be where?"

Be invisible, obviously. . . . Frickin' idiot. . . .

-- We're supposed to feel bad for Blitzo, but it's kinda hard for me to do that when he wasn't even the main focus in this episode at all when he should been. Still, it's not like I could feel sorry for him anyway since he brought that whole Ozzie's mess on himself.

For now, I think that's all that could be said about this episode. I might just make some edits if I feel if I left something off. But the whole gist of it is that I feel like this episode was just a whole lotta nothin'. I don’t even think Loona learned anything this entire episode. Of course, the whole plot here was Loona learning to socialize and make friends with everyone, but we didn’t even get to see any of that. And she clearly didn’t learn anything since she was influenced by some rando calling her hot. It’s honestly sad, for real. The females in this show needs some serious work not just in their stories, but their characters too.

[growandrecover]

hey… this is kinda weird cuz iam not used to writing a stranger and telling them about stuff that feels so personal as an 3d but I need help in some way. So my story: I started restricting a couple years ago, it went downhill pretty fast and I was hospitalised soon. I then spend almost a year recovering in clinics. I got back home, everything went quite well (just some up and downs but nothing serious) until about a month ago… I am starting to feel worse again. Following triggering accounts (it seems like an addiction), foodnoise, guilt… u name it. There is still this spark of hope and this part of me that wants recovery but I feel like I suck at both, the 3d and recovery… thank u for listening

Hi, anon. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been there too.

I know the feeling of wanting to engage in ed behavior but also being miserable and wanting to escape it. I know you're not going to want to do this, but from an outsider's perspective, I think you need to tell someone. Based on the fact that you've been hospitalized (sounds like at least once?), I'm assuming you have a therapist or help of some kind? Or at least still have their contact information? If so, I would strongly advise you to reach out to them. If you're still in contact, and see them on a regular basis, they need to be made aware of this asap.

I know, I know. You don't want to give up the ed, the rules, the "body", or whatever it may be. Been there, done that. But as someone who has done this NUMEROUS times, I'm going to tell you what I wish someone would have told me: You might be scared, and that's okay. You want to keep the ed and the body you think/know it'll give you. That's valid. But you also want to be free of it. That's valid too. But as we both know, the ed only ever hurts us. I know it feels good in a roundabout way, and you may feel like you're in control, but you're not.

If you're unable to seek professional help, I'd unfollow those accounts. There really is something sickly satisfying about them, and I think that's part of what draws us in. But if you can just get them out of your feed, that could help with the thoughts. When I feel like I'm on the verge of a relapse, I have this one model I always look to for a trigger, and I go and search for her pictures. But getting her photos out of my phone completely (even on Pinterest, Tumblr, TikTok, Youtube, all of it) always helps get my mind out of that space. Seeing it just makes it worse.

I know that Tumblr is the home of ed content, and Twitter is getting there too. If you have to, delete the app off your phone. Just get rid of the temptation.

If you need accounts to scroll through, try looking through recovery accounts. You may not be able to follow their advice right now, but at least seeing that mindset could be beneficial.

I apologize that this is so short, but I think the most beneficial thing for you would be to get professional help if you can. I'd hate for you to relapse. (I'm not shaming you if you do!! I'm just saying that I know that feeling, and I hate that other people feel it as well)

If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you, anon. You can do this <3

[benjaminrydersnest]

The TikTok Problem.

Excuse me for sounding like a boomer here. As a member of gen Z, it is my humble belief that TikTok has done more damage to this world than any other social media, and it isn't even a competition. Let me explain. "Instant gratification" is the act of giving someone a small amount of dopamine in a relatively short amount of time. This is the system TikTok operates off of, with how short-form the medium is, posters are forced to provide dopamine in a short amount of time.

This seems fine, right? Wrong. Where this really goes wrong is it reshapes our brain fundamentally to expect to always get dopamine constantly, and when we don't get it quickly enough, it can lead to boredom. This is AWFUL, because it causes another, much worse effect: it lowers attention span.

We stop paying attention as long because we do not receive the expected "reward," and therefore we miss otherwise VERY important things.

Not only this, but a lowered attention span means it gets a bit harder for neurotypicals to focus, causing them to be (incorrectly) diagnosed with some form of ADHD. The damage TikTok has already done is nothing compared to what it will do, but both figures are immeasurable. It has fundamentally changed many members of my generation, and it will continue to affect future generations. It's already infected mobile games and youtube videos to an extent, but where does it stop? My biggest fear is that if we don't do anything, it will not stop. Ever. But there is hope. Though there is no chance we can get TikTok banned, we can stop at any time. Listen, I get it.

As someone who has struggled time and time again with addiction, it's hard. You can't just "have a little bit of it" It's all, or it is nothing. Those of us who use it simply have to let go, and I know it sounds impossible, but you CAN do it. And with time, maybe, just maybe, you can go back to normal attention spans. But not alone. Our friends, our family, local therapists, whoever you need, as long as they can help you escape. Because when you're trapped, like I think so many are, it feels as if chains are weighing upon you. Some days a guard opens the slot to let in a little light, and it gives you the strength to resist. But without outside help, and a lot of determination, you can never truly escape. And what's even worse: You aren't happy. Your brain lies to you, tells you this thing is good when really, all it does is harm. Maybe you've known for months or even years, if so, good. Acknowledgement is one step closer to freedom. Perhaps, in time, all those trapped by TikTok's chokehold can be free and recover from what it does to us. Though I also fear its damages may be irreversible. This is a bit of a doompost especially for me, but I felt I had to at least talk about my feelings, even if so many others have talked about it before.

[megers67]

2024 Resolution

As a recovering picky eater, my 2024 resolution is to expand my food palette. Specifically though, I'm going to re-evaluate foods that I either didn't like before or was too intimidated to try before.

In my relationship with my SO, I've at minimum gotten better of just eating it if it's in front of me, but part of that is that I trust him not to put something before me if I think I actually will hate it. AND he has been helping me up my spice tolerance, even if by a little. Like I actually tasted poblano for the first time recently instead of only getting the spice of it. It's a mild pepper so I have a long way to go, but it shows what I'm working with here.

But it's time to go further outside my comfort zone and at least retry things I disliked in the past. And later tonight I'm going to start with the biggest offender. *Condiments* I've dislike/avoid condiments ever since I was like 6. I liked ketchup on my very early years, but one day I had it and HATED it so much, I swore off of it and everything else. But tonight we're having hot dogs anyway and you know what? I'm going to try at least one bit with ketchup and one with mustard. And we'll go from there. I know it's super small, but that in itself will open up a LOT for me. If I can at least not hate it, then it will make fast food so much easier for me.

I think I will make it more fun to make a tier list of my re-evaluated foods. So far a lot of my options on my to-try list are various Asian cuisines because I happen to be watching a lot of videos from a guy living in Japan who reviews food (idk if he is officially a good critic, but JapanEat on YouTube makes entertaining short-form content that legit made this my official resolution this year so check him out).

So I'll report back with my tier list updated every time I try something new. And also, give me your suggestions as well and I can try to include them. To be fair, I may not be able to try EVERYTHING because access may be an issue. Or at least access to a place that would give me a fair chance on that type of food, but I'll give it a shot.

So here's to my food journey. I'll tag this so y'all can do with that as you wish.

[tezerenotameiki]

Hi, uh. I saw your post about the denpa-style C-ta horror game and. 1. your mind?? yes please, and 2. do you have any denpa classics recommendations because I've only played a few and love the aesthetic..

ANONNNN YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I SMILED WHEN I SAW THIS ASK ,, 1) IM MAKING THIS A THING AND 2) ALWAYS. RAMBLINGS BELOW

ok. im working off the assumption ur like me and primarily play english vns but have relative familiarity with the, uh, quirks of the genre. just in case: denpa games are pretty difficult to recommend in general because of how intense, graphic, gorey, etc. they tend to be. i cant really get into content warnings with each one bc they would be literal paragraphs LOL but i'm going to try and provide a range of options (both classics + things that i personally believe fit the aesthetic). if you need more details on any game, just hmu!!

subahibi: i'll start off with easily the most horrifying game i've ever played (extremely affectionate). it's difficult to even talk about the plot of this game, other than that it's a fascinating spiral down a literal/metaphorical rabbit hole as you unravel the psyches of the most fucked up cast in the world. a read so brutal i have to take breaks from it to recover from it. i adore it so.

sayonara o oshiete: if you want a classic, this is one of the Defining games in the genre. it definitely shows its age, but holy shit is the atmosphere incredible. it's also... another really graphic game. there's an english patch that isn't particularly good, apparently, and got hated on so much it was deleted... but it's not hard to find (lol) and i've definitely read worse translations

shizuku: so this was a fun surprise! in researching this list i discovered someone who machine translated the OG visual novel and denpa game, shizuku, and uploaded it to youtube. it's janky, but a cool find, so i'lll be watching it later. shizuku's just got a neat aesthetic in general and it's good if you want to know about the classics - there's a lot written up about it.

totono: unfortunately, by its inclusion on its list, i'm spoiling that its not a normal dating sim… but it's a nitroplus game, that's a given! a protagonist convinced that he'll never amount to anything begins to connect with the two love interests in the game. from there… the game truly bends the narrative and uses its medium in stunning ways. it's as thought-provoking as it is horrifying. a must-read imo

higurashi: i'm assuming if you're at all familiar with vns you've played or at least heard of higurashi. if not. go play it. shakes your shoulders.

soundless -a modern salem in remote area-: this was actually my introduction to denpa games, so i have a huge soft spot for it! it's insane how much they tailored it to my tastes. a young girl caught in a religious cult is viciously tormented by the other members for her visions — until another member arrives saying that she can see the same things too.

chaos;child: more sci-fi than most denpa games usually are, but with all the focus on delusion, gore, the spiral of mental illness, etc etc i just have to put it on this list. watch this cocky newspaper club president try to investigate senselessly brutal murders across the city and become embroiled in a case beyond human understanding! fun!

^^ (as a sidenote, its prequel, chaos;head NOAH, is supposed to have a improved translation patch by committee of zero coming out soon! just based on the aesthetic, i think c;h is a little bit of a better fit, but i haven't played it yet)

milk inside / outside a bag of milk: two separate games, but mostly listing for the second one, which has a stunning art style that completely replicates that feeling of being disconnected from reality. short but stays with you.

hopefully there are a few on this list that seem of interest to you! i can always dive into my itch.io for more niche games i may have forgotten about lol

[dijanadraws]

2023 review

Hi beans! I bring you an art dump of all my art made in 2023 because I keep forgetting this website exists. (It's c/pd from my Patreon, that's how bad I am.)

First up is a book cover I made for my sister (Daina Rustin - Demon Hunter, not published), that I actually started a year or two ago, but had the last push/rework in January and called it finished. I’m also adding the sword concepts I made for it, even though they were technically done in 2022, as I haven’t shared them before.

In February, I did some figure and hand studies with some friends on the NFC discord, and thumbnailed a bunch of locations and ideas for Sky Across illustrations. March was the beginning of my character concept art project for the main character of Sky Across - Aurelia.

Started with figure drawings, then outfit variations and explorations for different uses and settings. After that it was colour variations, and the last one is a finished character illustration. I also spent some time doing general research and working on worldbuilding, writing and designing certain elements that will be important for the story later on :>

At the beginning of June, I started working on a “props” section for my portfolio. I made it so far that I made a whole 3D/blender scene with them, and then…. I wasn’t excited about painting them. I kept pushing it around, sort of like pushing food around your plate when you have no appetite. After some time staring at that task in my calendar, I decided I would be better off doing something that ✨ sparked joy ✨ instead. So, I painted a new Witcher fanart piece.  It was done in anticipation of the third season of the show on Netflix…. That I still haven’t finished. Oops.

July and August were a big dud for me, art-wise. I was going through a rough period and I was busy with real-life issues.

September was a big month for me as that was when my ADHD diagnosis was approved and I finally got medicated. I think I did more things (in general) in that first week than I did in the entire July+August. I finally saw the bottom of my dirty laundry basket after 7 years.

Art wise, I did another bunch of thumbs for my Sky Across illustration, I set up the references I needed in Daz3D and Blender, and I got an offer to work on an exciting freelance project so I jumped on the research and thumbnails for that as well. The project is still in progress, and I'm looking forward to sharing it next year!

September was also when I drew Hopper, Nickie’s cat, in pencils. I used to do a lot of traditional art in the past so I didn’t think it would be complicated, despite not having drawn a realistic cat in over a decade…. I always forget how humbling traditional work is. Nickie visited my hometown and I travelled back home to meet her and see my family <3

I got a cold as soon as I returned and that slowed down my zoomies for a few weeks, some family/personal issues happened, and I had to start branching out before I was ready to - which is how Patreon and Twitch came to be. The rest of September and October were spent on YouTube researching and developing “passive” income ideas.

I won’t be talking about Oct/Nov pieces as I’ve already done that in the previous few posts. In short, art zoomies picked back up in October, I managed to knock out some presents for friends and some fanart pieces, only to be absent for the majority of November again because I had/was recovering from Covid. (I’m still coughing 💀)

Over the course of the year, I did some animal drawings as presents for friends - Joe’s wonderful sassy corgi Dennis that I'm plotting to kidnap (at least for a day, if I ever make it to the UK), Joel’s cat Kissa that looks like someone spilled ink all over, Isla’s cat Skye that has seen all of the horrors of the universe, and I’m cooking something up with my own cat - Azriel.

I started working on another illustration for Sky Across featuring the same character I concepted at the beginning of the year, I'm streaming the process on Twitch when I can, and I started a little banner illustration for socials that I noodle on from time to time.

There were a few bits and bobs that I don’t feel are worth mentioning, and some Blender practice things that aren’t really worth sharing but were great practice.

All in all, this year was mostly marked by a million doctors’ exams, a big focus on exercise/physical therapy, dealing with ~feelings~ about medical issues, and general financial uncertainty. But also more art than I made in a long while, so swings and roundabouts!

I'm really proud that I've managed to handle and organise so many health-related things, and I'm getting better at judging how much I can do and schedule for myself, recognizing when I need to take time off and when I can afford to push things. I hope to do more original illustrations and concepts next year, and I’m adding traditional art to my calendar for next year as I’ve been itching to experiment more. I’m very grateful to my family and friends that held me up, I wouldn’t have been able to manage without them <3

Hope you have a successful 2024 and may all your dreams come true!

Until next time,

xo

PS: INPRNT is running an end of year sale, and you can get my art for an extra 20% off with the code: OQKQS6DJ

[edible-emerald]

skibidi toilET ENDED MY 5 YEAR LONG RELATIONSHIP Inhale SO TO GIVE A LITTLE BACKGROUND INFO I LOVE WATCHING YOUTUBE SHORTS I BINGEwatch them on average I spend about 8 hours daily watching shorts it's my guilty pleasure 😼 No one knows about this As I… keep it a good secret one day when I was meant to be at schoOL I WAS WATCHING SOME SHORTS MY MOM CAME IN AND WAS SHOCKED SO SHE DIDN'T SEE WHAT I WAS DOING I HID MY PHone under my pillow and told her to leave because I was having a WANK deep inhale I got away with it but the same day I was around my girlfriend's house, we were watching a movie inhale, sigh i was watching shORTS THE WHOLE TIME AND I WAS SO SNEAKY SHE DIDN'T NOTICE Sigh She was trying to make ADVANCES ON ME AND SHE PUT HER HAND ON MY THIGH I DIDN'T THInk much of it, and kept scrolling she noticed that I was watching… YOUTUBE SHORTS when I was watching SKIBIDI TOILET FIFty-eight, fan-made and suddenly my phoNE'S VOLUME WENT UP TO THE MAXIMUM OUT OF NOWHERE SHE IMMEDIATELY TOOK HER HAND OFF OF MY THIGH AND SCREAMED, ARE YOu watching fucking SKIBIDI TOILET?? Slow mode inhale I'm currently sitting on her porch, BAWLING my fucking eyes out, I'm not sure if I'll ever recover from THIS, but at least I have YouTube Shorts! context: https://youtu.be/_twR_GdoVfk

[spraykit]

skibidi toilet ended my 5 year long relationship so to give a little background info i LOVE watching youtube shorts i binge watch them. On average i spenmd about 8 hours Daily wathcing shorts. its my guilty pleasure . no one knows abouit this.. as i. keep it a good secret ;) one day when i was meant to be at school i was watching some SHORTS. My mom came in and was SHOCKED. so, she didnt see what i was doing . i hid my phgone under my pillow and told her to leave, because i was having a WANK!!!!!! i Got away with it but. the same day i was around my girlfriends house . we were watching a movie, heh,e,he H. i was watching shorts the whole timeand i was SO SNEAKY she didnt notice h .h heh. She was trying to make advances on me amd she put her hand on my thigh. i didnbt think much of it.. and kept scrolling. she notices that i was watching youtube shorts when i was wathcing Skibidi toilet 58 𝒻𝒶𝓃𝓂𝒶𝒹𝑒. Nd suddenly my phones volume went uip to the maximumOUT OF NOWHERE! she immediately took her hand off my thigh and screamed, are you watching fucking 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗱𝗶 𝘁𝗼𝗶𝗹𝗲𝘁??????????? ... im currently sitting on her porch, BAWLING my fucking eyes out. im not sure if ill ever recover from this, But at least i have YOUTUBE SHORTS!h

[im-probably-playing-genshin]

Skibidi toilet ended my 5 year long relationship

EH So,to give a little background information I LOVE watching YouTube shorts. I binge watch them. On average I spend about 8 hours daily watching shorts. Its my guilty pleasure. No one knows about this..as I keep a good secret.

One day then I was meant to be at school I was watching some SHORTS. My mom came in and was shocked, she didn’t see what i was doing. I hid my phone under my pillow and told her to leave. Because I was having a WANKK‼️ i got away with it..but the same day I was around my girlfriends house and we were watching a moive..sff.. euhg EHUGGgg…I was watching short the hole time! And I was so SNEAKY she didn’t notice. heug huHG HUGHH..she was trying to make advances on me and she put her hand on my thigh..i didn’t think much of it and keep scrolling..she noticed that i was watching YouTube shorts…when i was watching..skibidi toilet 58, fanmade..and suddenly my phone went up to the maximum volume out of nowhere. She took her hand off my thigh and screamed “ARE YOU WATCHING FUCKING SKIBIDI TOILET?!” Huhhabsh…

Im currently sitting on her pouch, balling my FUCKING eyes out..im not sure if ill ever recover from this..but at least i have YouTube shorts!

im sending 287 nukes to your exact location

[ausetkmt]

It’s true folks, it is SO MUCH worse down there than you may think. By signing his latest fascist legislation which criminalizes undocumented immigrants for...well... just being in Florida, De Santis has effectively chased out virtually the entire undocumented poplulation of the state, which means more than 80% of the construction workers, and nearly 100% of the agricultural workers. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. It cascades from there. I just spent half an hour on tiktok, for an old timer like me that’s a bit of a challenge, but it was worth it. In that short amount of time, I saw latin truckers blocking entire highways with their boycotting and refusing to deliver loads in Florida, or to take loads out. They aren’t even undocumented, that’s just the solidarity folks.

I saw video after video of empty construction sites and of fruits and vegetables rotting in the fields, fields that should be bustling with tough hard working folk picking the vines and trees, yet completely abandoned. But that, like I said is just the tip of the iceberg.

It’s starting to cascade from there, I saw videos of Walmart and Home Depot completely empty, totally devoid of customers. I saw videos of farms that hired American workers to try to do the jobs of the undocumented. It was both hilarious and heart breaking. The farmers complain the gringos are too fat and out of shape to do the job, most go home after lunch and many quit after a single day.

I saw an interesting comparison video, it’s in spanish, if you are not a spanish speaker fast forward to about 0:48. The fun starts there. It starts showing how latino roofers do the job, and then shows how their American replacements try to do the same job. Also similar examples of agri-workers, and many others. 

x

Here we have an in depth (by Tiktok standards) look at a housing development under construction. It’s virtually abandoned. The narrator states that just in the room he is standing in there are normally at least 15 workers, it’s empty. He says that only 4 workers showed up to the whole site that day, and one was the foreman.

www.tiktok.com/…

Or how about a look at a convoy of Latinos leaving Florida:

www.tiktok.com/…

Ooh, and here’s one of my favorites. How about a tour of the local totally empty Walmart as given by an astonished patron, I mean really, have you EVER seen a Walmart that wasn’t packed with customers? Well now you can.

www.tiktok.com/…

Not to be outdone, Home Depot is also vying to be the winner of the retail wasteland sweepstakes, non-spanish speakers can fast forward to the one minute mark if you want to skip the spanish monologue.

www.tiktok.com/…

Yes, looks like good ol’ Meatball Ron has really stepped in it this time. It won’t be easy to recover from this, even if the legislature repeals this fascist law, what immigrant is going to risk returning when there are plenty of worker starved farms and construction sites welcoming them with open arms in somewhat more comfortable climates like Georgia and Alabama. Hell, we’re even getting some of the overflow here in Colorado where farmers and construction sites are practically rolling out the welcome mats. As they say, once bitten twice shy. Nobody’s going to go back to Florida after this, at least not as long as right wing lunatics and Nazi sympathizers are running the show. 

Oh, and here’s a bonus video, this African American Youtube star with over a million and a half subscribers is telling his mostly AA audience NOT to go to Florida and bail them out. Don’t miss the the guy who proposes sending Appalachian white welfare recipients to go pick fruit. Good luck getting them to put down their meth pipes to go roast in the Florida sun for minimum wage (or less). Yeah, that’s gonna happen.

x

So why am I laughing? Because I’m originally from Florida, a boni fide native of the Sunshine state, and I’m absolutely horrified to see what wannabe fascists have done to my once beautiful state. I’m retiring soon and will have to do so in a northern state as I will not set foot in the South as long as it remains under the current fascistic spell to which it has thus far succumbed. If I have to freeze my tuchas off up here in the North for the rest of my days, I can at least take comfort that the yahoos who took over Florida are getting their comeuppance. One might say it’s cold comfort with a capital ”C”, but somehow, it’s better than no comfort at all.

[humeperry]

quasi-religious

I've done some smoking this morning and some light meditation (aka watching stuff on YouTube that inspires me) and I feel compelled to write. So, I'm going to write about the role that religion plays in my life.

I was raised in the Baptist church. What they teach, or at least what I was taught there, is that Jesus loves everyone and no matter what you do, if you ask for forgiveness and truly repent, you can be forgiven and go to heaven. Every Sunday my whole extended family would attend church. As a kid, it was more like a social function. You had your school friends, your sports friends, and your church friends; and you only got to see your church friends on Sunday. So, I liked going to church. I got to see my family and friends, and after church we'd all go to my grandparents and have a big Sunday dinner.

When I was around 10-11 we got a new pastor, and his focus was on preaching to and helping the so-called "undesirables." People who actually needed help. The people that Jesus would hang out with. Soon, our church was filled with recovering drug addicts, people covered in tattoos, and other people who just needed help. Well, the other leaders of the church were not so happy with these new members of the congregation and essentially fired the pastor. They announced it one morning at church, and my father, who was a good friend to the pastor, stood up and called them out on their hypocrisy. Chaos erupted, and to keep it short, we hardly ever went back to church after that, only on Easter. Then, a few years later, my brother came out as gay, and we definitely didn't go to church after that.

Despite all that, I guess because I was indoctrinated at such a young age, I've always tried to live my life according to the principles of the church. Don't get me wrong, I am against almost everything modern organized religion is for e.g. pro-life, homophobia, racism, etc. However, I really believe in the golden rule of treat others how you'd like to be treated. I've always been a real empath and peoples' feelings have a real impact on me.

I was born into a privileged family, I never wanted for anything in my life. Even today, I am completely privileged. I recognize that, and I thank God every single day for what I ascribe to be His doing. Anytime in life, I'm faced with true difficulty or a hard fork in my road, I pray to God.

As you might have seen from my previous posts, this past summer was the most difficult, darkest period of my life. I was trying to finish graduate school, my long LONG time girlfriend cheated on me and we broke up, and I had to take the licensing test all graduates of my field must take to start their careers. The whole time, as fucked up as I was, I prayed to God to get me through it. Because of how fucked up I was, I studied maybe 40 hours for this licensing exam, when they recommend 500+ hours of studying to pass. After the first day, where I basically guessed on everything because I was so lost, I went back up to my hotel room and pulled out the Gideon Bible. I went to the part in the Bible where they tell you what verses to go to for whatever problem you're facing, and I found a recommendation for feeling lost, or wanting something. It directed me to the book of James chapter one, where I found the following: 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

I sat in my hotel room and I prayed for a good hour. I thanked God for everything he had done for me up to that point and I asked Him to bestow upon me wisdom. After that, I put my study materials away and thought that whatever happens, God has my back. As corny as that sounds, I know. Not going to lie, this stuff makes me cringe. Uber-religious people make me super cringe. But, I prayed, believed, and erased all doubt from my mind. Sure enough, I get my results back a few months later, and I passed. Somehow someway.

Whether the Baptists were right or not, I can't say. One thing I used to struggle with when I would attend church regularly was the notion that our interpretation of the Bible was correct and everyone else's was wrong. I knew people from different protestant religions and it confused me that they would knowingly follow the "wrong" religion. Soon enough, as I grew up, I met people from all different faiths and was required to study different religious texts from all over the world. I think that the Supreme Court got it right. When inquiring whether someone holds a religious belief, all they look to is whether that person truly believes in the principles of the religion. Whether it be God, the Universe, or whatever you think controls our meager lives on Earth, something is out there keeping tabs on us. And I find comfort in the fact that when ever something is out of my control, I can put all my worry and rest aside as its my belief that God is watching out for me.

So, whatever it is you believe, dear reader of mine, I support you. And I hope it gives you the same feeling that I get whenever I seek refuge in my beliefs.