#Even in the smallest of ways

[unsurebazookacore]

Was at home handing out candy to trick or treaters tonight, and there was a little girl who came up today with the biggest grin, dressed up as season 3 El, spiky striped yellow shirt and smudged lipstick bloody nose and all. And all I could think about was another little girl who was also so excited to cut her hair in the fall and wear that same shirt, and steal her mom’s lipstick to craft her own little fake blood smudge… four years ago to this day actually

Please excuse me while I go cry in a corner for a bit

[imtheiliad]

You ever think about how buck gave Bobby a heads up and he already cleared it with the chief. That that is the first time someone else did something to help him that didn’t feel condescending. That his struggles weren’t treated as a burden. That his fatherhood wasn’t treated as an inconvenience. And for the first time those aspects of his life were seen and he wasn’t judged for them.

[small-lil-ducky]

Also, the greatest revolt to a world which actively discourages you at every chance to produce art is to continue making art even if it's literally just a bar urinal or a banana taped to a wall I literally don't care, you're only requirement on this earth as an artist in my eyes to is to put something here that wasn't before.

[toquotemyself]

Hello!

I'm Joanna, but I also respond to Jo or hey, you! :D There's gonna be a lot of words here. There's a reason I'm on Tumblr and not Twitter. Good luck!

This is not the first impression I would usually choose to make, but since it’s the point of this blog, here we go: I have extreme social anxiety, among other things. Social anxiety has impacted every day of my life for as long as I can remember. I’ve worked for many, many years in therapy to learn how to cope despite the brain-lies, and I get by just fine IRL with my job and friends and various hobbies.

Tumblr, though, (and social media in general) is a different story.

I’ve had the same blog on Tumblr continuously since 2009 (not this blog here, this one is shiny and new. I wanted to separate my blogs for reasons). Over the years, I’ve been into various fandoms, aesthetic blogs, book blogs, US and UK politics, memes, quotes, stories, and art, among other things. It’s been great, I love tumblr! It’s truly the most batshit insane hellsite (slash affectionate) and I’ll be here until the whole ship sinks.

Here’s the problem that I realized recently: despite spending 15 years on a single social media platform, I have never once created my own posts. I exclusively reblog and like other people’s posts. Every single time I’ve had something I wanted to say, the black hole of my anxiety kept my words trapped tight in my own head, or in a saved-but-never-posted draft (I have over 1,000 drafted posts saved). Which is silly, right? It’s tumblr! No one from real life knows me here, there are no consequences to anything I might post.

And yet. Zero posts, for 15 years. Zero comments, zero replies, zero messages, zero asks even to mutuals. Nada. This post you’re reading right now will be the first of my own words that I put on Tumblr dot com (other than my bio, obvs). And that’s kind of sad, in my opinion.

So I decided to change that. I have created this blog for the sole purpose of putting down whatever thoughts I feel like. I may occasionally reblog art or poems or quotes (I love quotes so so much) but the majority of this blog will be for anything I feel like saying. My own words, for once. I’m not going to tailor what I say to any specific audience. I don’t have a goal or agenda or theme for my rambles. I’m not doing this for anyone other than myself, just to prove that I can. To give myself a place where I can say “fuck you” to anxiety and shout into the void as much as I want and to be wholly, completely, authentically myself without any thought for what someone else thinks of me.

If you’ve read this far in my first ramble, wow, you are built different and I admire you! I was born entirely without the ability to be concise, so good job on getting this far! 

If you want to follow you’re more than welcome to but fair warning, I make no guarantees about the contents of this tumblr. If you say hi I’ll try to say hi back! Maybe! We’ll see! (I wasn’t kidding about the severe social anxiety but damn I am tired of being controlled by it so I’ll fight those battles as they come)

That's all for now!

[joycrispy]

Zepotha will never be Goncharov because when it comes down to it, tumblr culture is collaborative, while tiktok culture is merely iterative, and those are not the same thing.

[pallanophblargh]

I have a disproportionately loud mess of a head for no discernible reason* so it’s kind of a miracle that I spent the last month and some change willing myself to wield watercolor again. Witness the struggle! A long overdue color sketch for a (super patient) client.

Just watercolor with a boop of gouache.

*they are a mush of small but immense problems??? Executive dysfunction being maximized by meds the main culprit…

[laniidae-passerine]

I don’t think Tashi’s look of disgust when Art kisses her knee is actually about him. It’s at herself. Their dynamic is so entirely shaped by power, by the fact that Art is lesser than her. She’s better at tennis, better at keeping her control, better at getting Patrick to fall into her bed. It’s the uncaring idol and the tortured devotee. Hell, it’s outright stated; she asks “what am I, Jesus?” and he says “yes” like it’s obvious. Even the way they sit in that scene shows how Tashi is a religion to him, kissing and bowed over her lap like in prayer. Which is why, to a woman who buys into that dynamic, who also thinks of herself as God to Art’s worshipper, it’s so disgusting that she truly does love him. Tashi adores him. Not even close to as much as she adores tennis, but she does. Right after that scene she goes and asks Patrick to throw the match - because if Art loses, she leaves him. And she doesn’t want to have to leave him. It goes against what she knows. God is not supposed to make sacrifices for mere mortals. Achilles is not meant to swoon at the soft weakness of his heel. But here she is, seeing the chip in her armour and thinking it lovely anyway. Hence the look.

[cupcakeshakesnake]

Tried to shop for a field jacket online and gave up.

I don't want to look like someone's uwu smol girlfriend I want to look like a deadbeat dad in a zombie apocalypse

[reigningm4x]

Lando snitching about Max "overtaking" after the end of the race because Max was congratulating him and George??????????

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

not enough discussion about the gavins' complicated relationship with feminine-coded/beauty products, i don't think.

[front-facing-pokemon]

[demon-bugs]

bears in trees were so right when they said

I want to cherish every insignificance Lay in the light of your mundane I want to hold onto every impermanence Each an eternity in their own way

because holy shit

[srnileforme]

WE ARE (2024) | EPISODE 6

[jennilah]

Gloves

[britcision]

Regular reminder that sudden and severe weight loss is a pretty serious sign that something is very, very wrong

[verinarin]

His micro-expressions have me in a chokehold….