#Even if they can't really do much harm with it

[redtail-lol]

Also about the comments, OP is clearly not talking about abusers just claiming to forgive themselves but not having any remorse. They're clearly addressing this post to people who feel intensely guilty for what they've done and have trouble with forgiving themselves. They are the people who want to change and not the people who will just continue to abuse.

It's also very much anti "well I forgave myself (or in some, religious cases, "I repented and asked Jesus to forgive me") so you have to forgive me too!" which sometimes happens, but OP literally says you can't make people forgive you. No one else is obligated to forgive you, but the only path forward is to recognize what you did was wrong, change yourself for the better, and make peace with who you were then and who you are now. It is unproductive to view yourself as unchangeably evil. You do the least harm when you can reform yourself. Even if in the eyes of the people you hurt, you'll always be the one who hurt them, and they won't want to forgive that.

I've encountered this situation thrice. Once, myself. I was bigoted. I was also 11 years old and under influences of right wing internet, somehow. I don't hold it against myself forever because I was only a kid and had bad influences. Second, my sister. She was also bigoted when she was with her trumper boyfriend because she had sacrificed a lot of herself and brainwashed herself into his beliefs out of a fear of rejection. The only stuff she felt she could watch that he wouldn't make fun of her for was Brett Cooper, Ben Shapiro, and Matt Walsh. She very quickly changed after the breakup and I have forgiven her as she has forgiven herself. The third, was a guy who blackmailed my sister when she was in a really bad situation. I do not want to disclose details but he's recently been trying to get back in her life and it's clear he feels remorseful, and I fully believe he is a changed man, but for both of us, our perception of him is stained by what he did all those years ago. We cannot fully forgive him, and we don't have to, but we do wish him the best and don't believe he would ever do something like that again. He was also a young teen when it happened and was hanging around the same bad influence we were, at the time. He should forgive himself, even if we cannot.

the thing is, if your younger self was a bigot or an abuser, u can't make people forgive you. but you still gotta forgive yourself, like that's non-negotiable, dude. that happens before u can even ask the question of earning forgiveness from anyone lese

[waywardducks]

I have a love/hate relationship with Batman and I need to talk about it.

I’m obsessed with the Robins and anyone that hurts them is on my shitlist, and this includes Bruce. He's a horrible father, he’s abusive, he's got some misconstrued morals, he's just an asshole altogether and he acts like a moody teenager more than a middle-aged man.

But he's such a fantastic character. He has done some fucked up shit, but he's also lived through some fucked up shit, and no, I don't just mean his parents. Despite losing his parents, he was still raised in a house built on love, and Alfred raised him the same, but differently. He didn't come from a bad home. Yet he still turned out the way he did. And that's fascinating to me!

I attended a Batman panel at a convention back in September and it has honestly stuck with me. The panel was on Batman’s traumas and how they affected him and shaped him. It was run by a group of licensed trauma-specific therapists and psychologists and the insight they had on it was amazing.

One of the speakers said that in the loss of his family, Bruce is trying to surround himself with a new family, all young boys who look similar to himself. I believe that one of them said he wasn't trying to make a family in the sense that he was the dad, but that it was just family. Like brothers maybe. They said that it wasn't even something he was doing consciously, it just started happening naturally for him. Because the boys remind him of himself. Batman is still a scared little boy in an alleyway, watching as the bad guy gets away and his parents bleed out on the floor at his feet. He trains them because he wants them to be strong, stronger than he is.

Something else that they said that really stuck with me was that the best way for Batman to heal is to not be Batman anymore, that Batman is so ingrained in Bruce that trying to get rid of Batman would do more harm than good and that the only option to lead to any healing for him was to help him shape Batman into something different. Slowly, help him use Batman to overcome his traumas instead of create new ones. But not to get rid of Batman.

I think of Batman Beyond. Bruce is so controlling still over Batman. He's old, lonely. There's no one left but Terry. This is what Batman did to him and he chose it. Its shocking.

Batman is a huge crybaby, a self-sabotaging man who does what he thinks is right, even if it's not always right. He's mentally ill, no one mentally healthy is that paranoid. He pushes his traumas onto his kids, he can't handle having to be emotional, because that means feeling and grieving the pain, and that's too much for him. (see: how he acted after Todd’s death) he’s stubborn, he can't take no for an answer half the time. He thinks everyone and everything is out to get him. He has lost himself in a persona to try and hide from his feelings. He hates himself for his parent's death and feels like he wasn't strong enough. He can't handle the idea that someone might love him because he hates himself so much that he ruins his relationships. Dick is such a good match for him because Dick is so loyal and will stay through all of his little freakouts. I think Dick realized that Bruce only means well at some point and that's why he forgave him.

I hate him. He's so stupid. I love how his brain works. He's such a piece of shit.

[halogenwarrior]

At this point, I feel it's silly to hate any fictional character and I just can't bring myself to - at worst, I might think a character is neutral and uninspiring. Yes, if a character does morally horrible heinous actions, then a good writer will make you feel the weight of it and be revolted, and some characters are best appreciated by recognizing those actions and not turning them into your woobie doll... but that disgust for their actions means they are doing their job and are well-written, and in addition I can feel that simultaneously with interest, even fascination in the character's psychology and story. Just boiling down a character to "lol they suck (and I'm not going to bother investigating why they do the sucky things from the point of view of the character's mind or from the point of view of themes of the story)" can be just as harmful to understanding the story as babying them so much that you downplay the horror and cruelty of their actions.

And then there are the badly written characters, but while you get frustrated with them I would rather take the frustration out on the story and author, while the character themselves I can often appreciate for their wasted potential. An author's pet/"Mary Sue" type character, can still be appreciated sometimes as a well-rounded character with interesting flaws, just that the narrative doesn't use those flaws to challenge them enough, and a character who is less sympathetic than intended can be appreciated either in the same way (they make an unintentionally great deeply flawed character, even an unintentionally great villain) or for how interesting and meaningful their story could be if they really were what the narrative portrayed them as, and you can use your imagination or fan fiction for both!

At worst, I'm just not interested in a character, I think they are written too simplistically for there to be anything there or they are badly written and I don't see any interesting potential beneath that. In which case, that's not the same as hating the character, I just move on and don't think about that guy. Sometimes even then I will see a post online from an appreciator of that character I could care less about and gain a greater appreciation myself as a result. In general, I feel people in fiction/fandom communities could be so much happier if instead of hating individual characters, they hated writing choices and saw characters as tools that can only be good or neutral.

[thewistlingbadger]

Adding onto this. Silco is probably THE definition of "it's not always about the money spiderman." I hate the take that he's only doing things for his own self interest because it so violently goes against what we're told about him. If Silco was truly in it for the personal power, money, influence, etc, he could and WOULD have stopped a long time ago. If it's just about ego then he doesn't need Zaun to become independent. If he only cared about zaun independence for his own glory and not for his own people then he'd be no better than the chem barons, and we see how Silco views them as parasites who are beneath Silco. Silco loves Zaun for what it is, which is why his vision of a better Zaun is not a Zaun with peace, it's a Zaun with freedom. Silco sees nothing wrong with the under city's chaos and violence, which is why he perpetuates both and doesn't try to stop either. This contrasts Vi, who as a child viewed Zaun as being inferior to Piltover. This contrasts Ekko, who actively tries to improve upon the Undercity. Silco is devoted to his nation not in spite of its flaws but because of its flaws. To him, it's perfect as is, the only problem is that they're oppressed. Silco already views Zaun and Piltover as equals even though they don't have equal power or influence or ability. To him, Zaun is just as good and potentially better than Piltover. All they need is a chance to excel, the opportunity to rise above the hardships that they wouldn't have if not for Piltover. Silco's okay with putting down and harming individual zaunites if it means the collective group will be better off. It's why he sees no problem with shimmer, because even though it's actively destroying the community, it's boosting their economy and furthering themselves from Piltover.

Silco's hatred for topside really can't be understated. It's important to remember that his generation grew up in a much worse zaun. Of course he's willing to use any means necessary to be free from those assholes, especially after all he's sacrificed and the sacrifices of others he's witnessed. Silco seems to really admire his generation for all the shit they had to put up with. He tells Finn before zaun became an enterprise all they had was the loyalty of zaunite brothers and sisters helping each other. "And now I'm forced to share the air with parasites like you who leech off their memory." Personally, in light of season 2, this line makes extra sense because of Felicia. Felicia was one of Silco's closest friends and she laid down her life fighting for the cause ("so you'll die for a cause, but you won't fight for one?!" Now this line makes more sense too), she's the perfect example of a true Zaunite. Silco also used the gray against the chem barons to not only highlight his superiority to them but also to once again differentiate between his generation and the newer generation.

"Oh, you don't recognize it? Have you forgotten where we came from? The mines they had us in? Air so thick it clogged your throat, stuck in your eyes? I pulled you all from the depths and offered you a taste of topside and fresh air. I gave you life. Purpose. But now you've grown fat and complacent. Too much time in the sun. We came from a world where there was never enough to go around, Finn. That is why we fight."

Yes silco does have his own ego and he is doing things for his own selfish interests but he's not doing things ONLY for himself. His own selfishness is truly not his priority, it's the nation of zaun. "I'm doing this for us, Jinx. For the sons and daughters of Zaun."

I don't see Silco as someone who "lost his way" bc there's no evidence to suggest that this wasn't always his way. We know that he wasn't once always this fucked up and evil but from my perspective he's always been the radicalist. He's always been the one behind the Nation of Zaun, the one that's always been willing to do anything to get his goal. Not even the death of Felicia stopped him or even gave him any pause from pursuing his goal. And of course it didn't, Felicia is the one that told him "I don't care if you have to carve it out of the bedrock covered in blisters." Additionally, silco does just see himself as better than the chem barons, he sees himself as better than most zaunites too. Silco has literally gone through hell and back and is now the most powerful man in the undercity. If he can do that, then what's other people's excuse? Of course he's toying with the drug addicts, to him they're the weakest link in the zaunite societal chain. He's literally standing above them as they're at his feet. The fact that some of these drug addicts where Vander supporters also plays into I think (we know at least Huck had a past with Vander). Another reason why I think he sees himself as superior is because he's basically the only person actively trying to get independence. When Vander was their leader, all he cared about was maintaining the status quo. We know some maybe most of Silco's supporters initially joined him because of his promises of Independence and rebellion but we see after the time skip most of them become washed up and no longer care for the goal. The Firelights also don't seem to care about zaun independence either. They're anti silco and anti Piltover and their main goal is rehabilitating the community.

When Silco died, so did the nation of zaun- that idea, that ideology. NO ONE tries to achieve independence after his death. The zaunites start to rally against piltover because of the new oppressive conditions they're being subjected to, not because they're trying to achieve independence. The Firelights I've been trying to get rid of him since day one and what do they do when he's actually gone? Nothing, they don't make a single play for power in the Undercity. The fact that sevika ends up becoming a council member implies that Zaun is still a state under piltover and not its own nation.

Oh yeah I forgot that there's this opinion that Silco "was blindsided by power and wealth" and "lost his way" and "he only did what he did to benefit himself all along" etc etc. Uh. Where- where did you get that from? I'm not even being sarcastic or something, I'm genuinely curious how you can come to this conclusion.

He operates from a crappy office in The Last Drop and the only attributes of wealth he has are cigars and whiskey(?). My man had one pair of pants for 10+ years and only got a fancy coat to look more intimidating. Besides, when chembarons proposed to give back the gemstone to Piltover so their sales don't drop even harder Silco refused. Also he was ready to give up his power when Jayce made imprisoning Jinx a requirement for Zaun to gain independence. Sure, he IS motivated to keep his daughter safe, but it would also mean that his goal will finally be achieved, so there's nothing left for him to do. Both wealth and power are only means to achieve a goal to him. He also doesn't really display that he gets the kick out of it, unlike councilors in Piltover.

"Well yes he wants Zaun to be independent, but only as he personally sees it" when did he EVER say that??😭😭😭😭 Every time he speaks on the topic he only mentions how he wants Zaunites to have opportunities, respect, "more than (Piltover's) runoff". Like- that's literally everything he ever said about this. All that matters to him is independence, he couldn't care less about everything else.

As to "losing his way"...idk I think this can only be attributed to pre-drowning Silco. Because after it he pretty much decided to stick to what he now believed in forever, and at no point except the finale he went south from his beliefs.

Silco isn't "misguided" or "corrupt" or any other similar definition. He's a character who chose to become a monster to bring change to his people. And as s2 didn't do anything about resolving this conflict, he was never really proven wrong.

[double-u-qed]

for me personally, what strengthens my autistic prowl headcanon is that he's rather good on the principles of body language, taking stock of minute movements and understanding what it could mean. he overanalyzes and tries to predict the meaning behind it. but he doesn't have the full grasp on social matters, thus making people unpredictable because he doesn't truly understand or even just 'go with the flow' when it comes to people. he needs a script of sort to interact, and in a way, body language is that.

he can have all the data on someone he wants, preferring to think of people in numbers because numbers are safe and predictable (not as in, oh, Prowl is willing to let people die. when i say numbers here i mean it literally, as in his calculations that he can't help himself from running). the individuality of people, however.... he can't actually put his knowledge into practice when he's thinking too hard on how he should react to said body language.

im not necessarily applying this to idw1 specifically, btw (all prowls are autistic to me). because the thing about idw1 prowl, i do like seeing him in an autistic lens but he is also Just An Asshole. he can in fact be both (though there's something to be said on how certain characters are a touch unreliable in how they talk about him because they believe the worst of him (i.e., Fort Max feeling he was left for dead when Prowl was led to believe that he had died), as well as how the writers just wanted to make Prowl Always in the wrong, even though he very much had a point in saying the Autobots were hypocrites, even if Prowl is still a bad guy despite being a victim). that's a lot of words to say that i hate people looking at Prowl's worst traits and trying to justify them simply with 'he's autistic' lol. there can be a genuinely interesting conversation on how the way his processor works can be an allegory for being neurodivergent/autistic specifically, but alas.. prowl is extremely flawed, and that's okay! he can be flawed and still exist within the realm of your headcanon.

really i just mean it's a bit Interesting when that's all people go with. you can say it's a mix of both, and that's still better than painting a rather harmful picture of autism/autistic traits. they don't make you into an asshole, they make certain areas of life harder to navigate. in Prowl's case, i think you can definitely say that both his good and bad traits can be used for the headcanon, it's just that he also doesn't do himself any favors when it comes to people liking him, and he's well aware of that. he doesn't pretend to be a good person, but he still gets frustrated when people don't see things the way he does.

it's difficult even trying to articulate my thoughts here because i don't want to be misunderstood oughhh i just relate to him because i tend to answer rhetorical questions because i can't pick up on whether or not someone is being genuine in asking, but im really fucking good at reading body languages. it's like a game of life or death to me. i took classes for something that seems to come easier to people, building up the skill. all just to still not get people on a fundamental level. Oh well

[genderqueerdykes]

I really appreciate your support of endo systems as someone who is (maybe) pural and non-traumagenic. Its genuinely so lovely to hear, I've never gotten the people who say endo systems are bad. Brains do things strangely, and I adore my headmates. They are my people, even if most of them don't speak to me much. So thanks, I love my system, and how I am, its always good to hear someone stand up for, and support, myself and those I care about

hello!

i agree, i don't understand folks who say that endogenic, natural, spiritual and other non-traumagenic systems are bad. y'all are literally just existing. it comes across as virtue signalling, as if someone is trying to show how much they support dissociatives by doing something that harms all plurals. like, you can't prove or disprove whether or not another person is plural. there's no definitive way to tell whether or not that's what someone else is experiencing, why bother getting upset about it?

i'm glad you have your system, and that you love being who you are! you don't deserve to get shit on just because you're walking through life in the way that makes sense to you. its your life/lives, it's your choice/s to make. saying "there are multiple people living in my head with me" will not cause real damage to anyone or anything. that's up to you to figure out

you're welcome, as someone with DID, i just really do not like the concept of policing other people's brains. every plural with DID has a completely different experience than the person with DID next to them. every plural has a wildly unique experience because brains really can just do that. someone shouldn't have to be forced into viewing their plurality as inherently disordered in order to be seen as valid.

besides like, the reason other terms were created was to respect dissociative and traumagenic systems' needs and space like... that's why other terms were created. because people didn't wanna speak on experiences they don't know about. that's extremely respectful. if anything, i'd say that's a major indicator that most endogenic systems do not want to step on dissociatives' toes, and this is how people respond to their efforts to remain respectful. it needs to stop

[feraltvman]

Broken Star Puzzles

Powers and MORE explained

Prepare yo'selves for one long ass post, as I ramble off about my silly little AU Puzzles. The full course meal of how he works is now LIVE TEEHEE

⭐ Lets start off with this fun little detail I put in BS!Puzzles design!!!! If you take away his body, then put the pieces closer together you get a mangled broken star shape :D I didn't just pick a random amount of star pieces to be sticking out of his body, it was on purpose to really send home the message that he IS a Broken Star UvU

The rest of The Wishing Star is in his system, mangled and waiting to be used... Is it possible to bring the star together and mend it? Possibly but who knows what that would do to Puzzles? 🤭

👾Build a Minion-

Puzzles first power is to Create Minions that will blindly follow his every order without a second thought. The Wishing Star relies on his Thoughts and Emotions, while a star can read your mind... The deepest desires in your heart when you wish upon it... If you wish for something while your mind is tossed like a salad, unsure of the bigger picture then how is the star supposed to get the bigger picture?

If Puzzles isn't Focused on what he wants. Say hes robbing a bank for petty purposes and hes not totally in it bc in the long run this doesn't do much for his plans, or these guards are pathetic couldn't do shit to him.... He wants a Cool lizard thing to rip them apart and he could get what he imagines or....

A ball of scales with wings. Puzzles may be more edgy and brooding however he is still. Your honor. A silly little guy who cannot stay on task or will ruin his own plans- he could be doing something and suddenly think about how badly he wants Fish Crackers

Star doesn't care that this thought was for Later. He wanted them now and snapped his fingers, you get fish crackers my king.

🕷️Mind Control/⏯️Pause and Mute

The Wishing Star DOES NOT directly affect Puzzles NATURAL abilities in the slightest bit, they are his normal built in functions and the Star doesn't correlate, the only reason he has some of his natural powers is just the convenience that this is a Star in his body. Nothing else.

1 Extra Star he was never supposed to have so his natural abilities are weak and unreliable. Mind Control can only last for a minute if not less than that, he can give someone a simple command to do and use that time to make distance between himself and them in order to summon minions.

Pausing and Muting, can be resisted now. The more someone fights back against the Pause, their body will start to twitch until they can break free on their own accord before Puzzles ability runs out of time.

As for muting, the more insistent the target is to talk their voice will slowly become unmuted.

Puzzles has the tendency to forget that he has limited time so will go into an Evil Villain monologue just to get his ass kicked 2 seconds later- bc he is silly and autistic like that. I wouldnt dream of taking away his quirky behavior uwu

🤕Pain Resistance-

When Puzzles first got the star it was ungodly painful as the giant mass wormed its way into his body, which caused his first wish for Resistance To Pain.... He can still feel damage, and his quirky behavior causes him to flinch anyways even if it won't hurt as much anymore. But he can take a punch from Mario and barely feel a thing now, which isn't the best thing for him as he still wears down just the same as before but now that he can't feel himself wearing down as much, he'll push himself beyond his limits and it will take a lot longer to get him to run away in a fight which could also lead to his capture bc he figured out hes tired way too late and passes out while fleeing.

🎎No Bone Mode-

This ability is a combination of The Wishing Star and The Demonic Goop collaborating in order to keep Puzzles safe from harm since he can't do that himself yet-

The demonic eyes in his arm and in the Puppeteer hand ARE fully functional, seeing more than Puzzles sees but just not sharing that to him bc that would fuck him up even more and they don't need that. Instead it uses what knowledge it has to help Puzzles however it can. Nudging him with impulsive thoughts on top of the fact this man fully does not want to get hit- The Wishing Star fully understands the mission and helps him avoid contact by any means necessary.

Sense Puzzles is resistant to Pain he can't feel any of this as the Puppeteer hand flings him around like a rag doll. Its more or less a very powerful enhancement to his movement and flexibility

♻️Jealousy Meter- (AKA The power of Friendship)

Depending on Puzzles state of mind different emotions and desires have VASTLY different effects on his abilities- Right now he is currently ⭐Hoe Mad⭐

Violently Betrayed by his friend

Left behind by who was supposed to help him

Shown that his vulnerability was nothing but a weakness

Affection is just a TOOL people can use against him

All this goes into the factor of how STRONG his powers while using specifically the Wishing Star are, because his Desire is revenge and to break apart the friend group which ruined his own companionship

Jealousy and Hatred fuel him like a rechargeable battery that was left plugged in.

The more he feels, the stronger he gets. Summoning big creatures straight from hell with full magical capabilities of their own, his own physical strength being enhanced (without changing his appearance. Strong anime twink logic), up til the point he COULD get strong enough to mend the wishing star in his body

This is catastrophic behavior... The more fixed the star is, the stronger Dreams or Nightmares BS!Puzzles can make a reality. Warping the area around him to become different (grasslands to volcano type of shit), gaining better abilities if not negating his need for 5 stars to use his natural abilities.

He has the

potential

To become ungodly dangerous, but he doesn't really think about Mending the broken star in his own system, he rather fears that possibility... He doesn't want to lose it and thinks if he Fixes it, that it will fly out of his body then he will be powerless again. Thus he goes with the status quo. Good Enough 👍

The most he will do with the Star is summon more pieces of it in order to give himself a massive cleaver scythe hand for murdering

TLDR Power Of Friendship:

He could become REALLY fucking dangerous however just uses it to power up his ability to summon things and his own physical strength

[thesaltyace]

Okay so apparently smart watches cannot scan NFC tags.

Sad day.

But that's fine, I generally have my phone with me all the time for music anyway.

And NFC tags are cheap.

I'm so so excited to set up reminder things based on scanning NFC tags.

Reminders to wash/change the sheets.

Reminders to not let the laundry languish in the washing machine.

Reminders to do maintenance on things that only need it occasionally (and therfore are usually forgotten).

Reminders to take the trash bin to the curb every week because I have three different reminders already but I often accidentally swipe them away and they don't come back so I forget. 😤

I can already do so much useful stuff with just those tags, like... This is an ADHD/autism dream.

ADHD hyperfocus on setting up new routines via NFC? ☑

Autism delight over efficiency? ☑

Practical automated assistance that I control? ☑

This is basically just, "If your brain can't make your own executive functioning system, store-bought is fine."

[spotaus]

Hi guys, this is usually what a doodle page ends up looking like <3 (oh, and @ancha-aus thought you might like this! Not writing but certainly fuel to my fire lol-)

This one is New Age filled!!! (Close-ups abd Lore beneath the cut!)

1) Night and Cross!

Night is actually very clingy once he's a teen. He doesn't usually realize it, but around the castle he'll snake to be closer to his Knights so long as there's no one he needs to keep his composure infront of is nearby. Cross is the one who's not used to physical touch (when it's not Ink ofc) so Night in his personal bubble makes his heart melt but also scares tf out of him <3

2) Error and Night's Meeting!

Error was carrying his whole life on his back and trying not to get arrested for unintentional property damage at this point, so when he saw the chance to get back at his brother and prove he was strong enough? Yeah, he got that on chance instantly. And was VERY smug when Nightmare chose him. (Also, Error is wearing gloves, so less Haphephobia)

3) Dream and Blue designs!

I think these are good tentative designs! Dream probably has a more regal fit, but he likes to play up that rugged exile look- He's inspired by Archers, while Blue takes on that classic Knightly-vibe. Their equipment is mostly stolen from Night's troops or brought with them from Blue's home kingdom.

Also, Dream is approx Killer's height at this point, shorter than Cross and *much* shorter than Apple!Nightmare. (Hc that Skeletons tend to be tinier in stature thanks to weird monster beauty standards. Horror and Geno's fam are outliers.)

4) Horror and Dust designs!

Horror is naturally a very *large* monster. He's very malnourished when Nightmare meets him, but by the time he's a Knight Nightmare has made sure that's no longer the case. He actually loves comfy, simple clothes, but to play up the whole 'strong mysterious' bit he wears a more barbaric Knight's garb. He doesn't mind acting scary, it's more fun that way :]. Dust is very very small, and envies horror sometimes for his size, but his tiny stature let's him control his body and move a lot quicker. He's very much based on a rogue, and usually covers the lower part of his face w/ a black cloth, and the upper part w/ his hood or mask. Dust only removes both to bathe, eat, or relax in a safe location. (Ignore that I can't draw the stupid gaster blaster lmao-)

These last two were space-fillers, but Cross and his Borzoi (Windmill, otherwise known as Milly (Killer named her-)) and really bad first wips of Ccino! I think Ccino was a chubby, happy toddler, but lost a lot of 'weight' (bone mass? Magic?) due to stress and pressure and bad eating habits. So it isn't until a while after the Coronation that he starts to relax abd feel safe enough to eat normal meals (Nightmare used to guilt him into eating snacks together, but as his boss (and younger brother) he can encourage it more often). By the time Killer shows he's still not quite healthy, but he's better. As more weight is lifted off his shoulders, the better he is. (That 'beauty' most people saw was a more stereotypical slimness, but Killer never stopped seeing Ccino as beautiful-) I think he never looked traditionally underweight, so no one noticed, and it was only much later that Night processed it. (And maybe it's why Dream hardly recognized him later on-)

[bleue-flora]

idk if this is the correct place but i wanted to talk a bit about this and wanted to see you opinion bc I like you analisys on canon a lot.

A big question people have with the lore about cstagedduo it's that if cpunz actually cared for cdream or not- The same with crivals after prison break but that's for another day- and if cpunz would have helped cdream out the prison if he took too long.

I personally think it's a more grey anwser. We know cpunz cares, yeah they are small moments but he does care for cdream. He wouldnt be defensive over the fact they are friends in the ending and let cdream speak to ctommy without protesting to him and still be worried he and cdream both escape the nuke together if he didnt care for him. But it is true he left cdream make his crazy plan of making everyone hate him and insolating himself for god knows how much time they expected the imprisionment to last. And that he left cdream alone a lot in the prison after the prison break while everyone on the server wanted him death. But i think this is more of a fucked up vision cpunz has than signs of lack of care. He cares about cdream but he also trusts his plan is working and he can handle himself just fine and that he's totally not in a bad mental state. He's also on board with the plan so of course if he wants to recolect knowledge and power and trust his friend to know what he is doing, he will in favor of this even if we know as viewers this is a bad idea in all aspects.

Cpunz has flaws as a friend and characther but I do think he cares about cdream. It would have sense if he didnt for me. At the end there's lots of friendships that are pretty grey and imperfect on the dsmp, Like c!clingyduo exist

As far as the prison goes, it is hard to say. How long would have been too long? And how did he not know about Quackity’s torture when it was’t like he was trying to hide it or anything. I think it comes down to trust. Specifically, Punz’s trust and faith in Dream. I’ve talked about it before, but in the stream we get of the two by themselves, Dream is filling Punz in on his plans, but not all of it. Just enough for Punz to understand what his part to play in it is. So, I don’t think Punz really knew what Dream was subjecting himself to, not to mention that things did not go as planned. Sure, while Dream considered all the possible things that could go wrong, like losing two lives and someone coming to torture him, that doesn’t mean Punz knew that and allowed Dream to go through with it. I feel like the perception a lot of times with Punz is that he is like a viking helping an older person up a mountain only to have him jump off. I think we give Punz too much credit to say he saw the big picture just because Dream did. I more so get the impression that he’s by Dream’s side and helping him climb or go wherever he needs to go not necessarily focused on where they are going, because he believes in what Dream believes, he wants what Dream wants, and be trusts Dream as his friend, who is clever and has never given him reason to question him before. 

Because of this trust, there is also an element of betrayal. If he pulls the plug and makes plans to rescue him from prison, he is going against Dream, he is doubting him. If he makes a move to end things without Dream’s support, he is expressing that he doesn’t believe in Dream and not only does that seem like something Punz would not want to risk, but also the reason he looks so bad is because of the conditions of the prison. But see, I don’t think he got to see it before Dream’s incarceration, so he isn’t aware of how inhumane it is. Sure, he likely heard from Bad, but Punz is probably also aware that Dream could be just manipulating Bad so how trust worthy is he. 

We as an outsider perspective can see Dream breaking at the seams, but the other characters certainly aren’t aware of it, so it’s a little unfair to say Punz would either. Dream has been formidable, always prepared, planned out, 10 steps ahead, why would Punz have any reason to doubt Dream in prison? Punz is also one to follow orders, he’s a mercenary after all. You pay him $10 bucks to log off and he will, why would he defy orders, especially if he didn’t know how bad it was. Hell, maybe Dream was supposed to use Ranboo to send a message to Punz if things went wrong, but after Ranboo stopped visiting that was no longer an option, but that Punz necessarily knew about that. So maybe Punz was just sitting on his hands waiting for the go ahead to do something. 

Now after prison, when Dream is such a wreck, is when we see Punz more so go off script. We see him give a passionate, detailed proposition to Purpled (that there’s no way Dream signed off of as it makes him look bad) and we see him reveal he has the revive book to clingy duo and bring Dream back in front of them. Because after prison, when it is revealed just how “south” Dream’s plan went, Punz more takes things into his own hands, especially when it comes to Dream’s well being as Dream can clearly not be trusted to look after that. 

A lot of people seem to get the impression that they did not spend a lot of time together, but see I don’t think that’s true. For starters, there is the "we" in this [clip] where it seems to me that Punz is helping to lead them to the saw trap room almost like he helped make it. Secondly, according to the map [post], placing Vik and Lazar’s experiments after prison this leads us to figure they at least spend a lot of time working together on that. If Dream is to be believed in the finale, months even. And Punz’s protective behavior seen no clearly than this moment [post] makes me more so inclined to believe Punz doesn’t leave him alone for long, especially with everyone out to kill him. I mean he can’t stay at the prison full time, he still has a cover to maintain, but just because he’s in his house in the finale, I don’t think means he kept his distance from Dream, especially after everything with Las Nevadas.

Then as far as the plan goes, we really don’t know even what it is, nonetheless if Punz fought against it. I think Punz stayed by his side and he had the same goals as Dream and they did things together, but that doesn’t mean that he trusted Dream fully after prison or didn’t push back on Dream’s self destruction or that if they survived the nuke that he would continue the plan without Dream. Like I mean this in the nicest way possible, but Punz to me seems to be more so a follower, akin to Tubbo, loyal even if maybe they should hold their friend back from doing something stupid (except Dream is a liar and good at making his stupid seem smart lol making the situation worse). Punz isn’t like Techno, who will call out Dream’s bs, he isn’t the mastermind or thinking 10 steps ahead or seeing the big picture, he’s following Dream who does. He and Dream have been friends from the start, he and Dream want the same things, and he trusts and believes in Dream...

And yes, I think this is apart of what makes their friendship flawed, unbalanced, and tragic, but as you said, so are the other friendships on the dsmp and honestly, so are friendships in real life...

(anyways... I've talked a lot about staged duo, so if I didn't say or explain it here I may have said it somewhere else like in one these other posts: [<> <> <> <> <>] though their dynamic has been shifting in my brain a bit since noticing the map so...)

[poisonf0rest]

small excerpt from the next overcumming writer's block chapter

You push your front door open, the silence of your apartment making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. The lights are off—odd, considering you could have sworn you left a lamp on. You always do, a force of habit since you live in a less safe area of Linkon. Oh, the things you do for cheaper rent. 

Pausing, your eyes scan the deceptively empty hallway and kitchen. Everything feels still, almost eerie, and your pulse quickens as you take your shoes off, right beside Zayne’s much larger dress shoes, to venture further into your apartment. 

The faintest creak of floorboards makes you freeze. Your heart hammers in your chest, and you instinctively look around.

There, sitting innocently on the coffee table, is Zayne’s tie. The delicate silver pattern shines mockingly from the dim light filtering in through your windows, undoubtedly the same tie that once wrapped around poor Mr. Whiskers. 

Before you can move toward it, your phone buzzes in your pocket, breaking the stillness.

grumpy snowman: You’re cutting it close. Ten minutes before Mr. Whiskers meets an untimely demise.

You can't help the amused snort that escapes you, the tension in your chest breaking.

ms. author: You really went this far? What now, villain?

The response is almost immediate.

grumpy snowman: It’s a matter of life or death. I hope you're prepared.

Another photo attachment follows—your favorite Christmas blanket thrown over the couch cushions in disarray, the faintest corner of Mr. Whiskers peeking out beneath it. The living room. You shake your head, muttering under your breath about the audacity of smug geniuses with far too much time on their hands.

You make your way to the living room in the dark, heart beating a little too fast for your own liking, flipping on a lamp as you approach the couch. Lifting the blanket, you find...nothing but a sticky note.

It reads in painfully pretty cursive: Nice try, but you’ll have to be quicker.

Another buzz.

grumpy snowman: You fell for that as well? I expected better. Already 11:52, time’s running out.

You scoff, unable to stop yourself from laughing despite the absurdity.

ms. author: Do you even have anything better to do?

grumpy snowman: Not lately. Someone’s been too busy to properly entertain me.

That comes off as… blunt. For Zayne, for the rather over-the-top scenario he’s somehow roped you into. Folding up the note, you stare at the text a moment longer before you hear the echoing click of a door. It’s coming from upstairs. 

Another buzz.

grumpy snowman: While you’re lost in thought again, care to explain why you’ve been running yourself into the ground? This little charade is doing more for you than your usual routine, is it not?

You pause, stalling as you make your way to your stairs.

ms. author: I’m writing.

grumpy snowman: Poorly, if you’re overworking. Can’t imagine the tension’s working out if it’s still stuck in your head.

ms. author: Gasp. Excuse you—

Another buzz interrupts, just as you make it to your bedroom door. The culprit has to be just beyond the door. 

grumpy snowman: 5 minutes remaining. Mr. Whiskers won’t be around much longer.

You can practically feel his grin through the phone, and for a brief moment, you’re glad he’s here, even if it’s all in jest. Zayne’s right, this whole absurd situation—your plushie, the stupid texts, the teasing—has done what no amount of coffee or writing could.

ms. author: If you harm a single fur on my son’s head, I swear I’ll come for you.

Your hand latched onto your bedroom handle, heartbeat strangely loud as you pause to type one last jab. 

ms. author: I don’t know why I’m indulging you.

grumpy snowman: Because you love it when I win.

A laugh bursts from your lips before you can stop it. Shaking your head, you push the door open. Your bedroom is dim, the curtains drawn, but moonlight spills through the dusky purple veils, illuminating the bed.

Perched atop lies Mr. Whiskers, your darling calico plushie sitting in the center, fully unharmed even though his crystalline eyes speak of unknowable horrors at the hands of his captor. 

Before you can grab him, movement from the corner of the room catches your attention. Zayne, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, watches you with a slight upturned grin that makes your stomach twist.

“You’re a horrible villain.” You huff, all but lunging on your bed to hug Mr. Whiskers to your chest like a shield.

His grin widens, the bastard, and you can't help but notice how handsome he looks with his hair a little mussed and his glasses slipping down his nose. He doesn’t have his coat or suit jacket on, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up, a sight you haven’t grown tired of. 

God, you really have a thing for forearms. Or maybe it’s just for Zayne.

“Since we’re critiquing each other, you’re not much of a hero. Hiding behind a plushie doesn’t exactly inspire confidence.” 

“Confidence isn’t my priority right now.” You clutch Mr. Whiskers tighter, narrowing your eyes. “I’ve been fine. Nothing more than proofreading left… that and a few problem-children scenes.”

“Then consider this me fulfilling my half of the contract,” Zayne says, effortlessly narrowing in on the truth behind your words. “For someone who claims they’re adequately ‘inspired,’ you’ve been more distant than usual.”

“I don’t need a lecture.”

“No lecture.” He steps closer, “I just missed you.”

Again, Zayne's words catch you off guard, so blunt they make your chest ache.

He takes another step forward, and you have to lean back on your elbows— nearly lying on the bed— just to maintain eye contact.

And then, Zayne drops to his knees before you.

Flimsy excuses? I have an idea. What if Zayne hold hostages to one of the Plushies. No, he did not break into MC apartments but he kidnap one during their short meeting when he stopped by at MC apartment. Say, he took MC favorite kitten/otter/penguins/ baymax plushies.

"Your little friends is asking when the negotiation date will be set."

It became a whole dirty "you come here or I practice pulmonary bypass suncture on your little friends" . I mean. WHO THE HELL WILL LET THEIR PLUSHIES UNDERGO OPERATION WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT. Thus the whole idea of inspection on MC happen. Ahhaahahahahahaj

THREATENING TO PRACTICE PULMONARY BYPASS SURGERY HAS ME SCREAMING HAHA

Lowkey this will be perfect for the next chapter since MC needs a little help writing a spicer enemies to lovers scene. After I finish the raf and xavier fic this is next!!

[trans-leek-cookie]

its past midnight and time to yap about Mouthwashing. Anyway obviously we don't see the Specific Events only how the characters react but with Anya... Okay I'm going to talk about the Sexual Assault not with Specific Details but that's what the post is about so

Anyways she reads to me as very like... trying to downplay the severity to herself. Like thinking through it (not having the exact quotes but) I feel like it'd be an unfortunately natural reaction- if you were stuck with 4 guys and the guy with the second highest position on the ship assaulted you depending on the situation. I feel like its not hard to imagine you'd try and reframe it as Less Bad to cope because let me be honest if I had to confront the implications of that, mainly the fact he could do it again and I wouldn't have any real way of dealing with it without complicating things even further bc he doesn't just have a close relationship with the guy with the Most Power on the ship, he also is in charge of keeping Me and The Other People On The Ship Safe, i would be in deep denial just to not lose my god damn mind like thats so fucking scary. And then the implication you tried to talk to the captain and even if he wasn't cruel he didn't Understand the Severity of what you were suggesting is like. Besides feeling afraid it could genuinely really fuck with my own perception bc like "if this guy who I trust says he's not a bad person maybe I'm just overreacting?" is. Again unfortunately understandable.

And again I'll say that Anya fully breaks down when the news breaks that pony express is fucked and like. 1. I think that's related to her own finances (and also. Literally just realized the way an abortion could interact badly with "no savings" like I Just Processed that fact. Like I knew "oh if she couldn't abort having to support a child wouldn't just be traumatic but also fucking nightmarish finance wise" but even having an abortion could make things so much harder.) 2. Jimmy LASHES OUT at Curly OPENLY. again based on my interpretation of Mildly In Denial To Cope this would. Like. Really fuck with that because it goes from "I trust the captain and I don't want to be afraid of my crewmate for a year" to "oh he is willing to verbally abuse the captain, who is his friend" and realizing I wasn't overreacting.

I also wanna point to the dead pixel conversation and obv it's symbolic but idk if it's meant as "there's a dead pixel that Anya noticed and she's using the topic to like test the waters" or if it's "anya is literally just trying to figure out Curly's thought process" which isn't like super important but like. Focusing on the way she starts the conversation by saying that she "Likes the illusion the screen has". (I don't remember the exact words sorry) But that's really interesting to me bc obviously you can read into Curly not seeing the dead pixel and instead focusing on the bigger picture (and how the dead pixel "doesn't ruin the illusion") but I think it's really interesting that Anya starts by talking Positively about the screen even though the dead pixel is there (and she can't stop thinking about it)

Like thinking through implications option 1: she's talking about the screen and uses the dead pixel to get a feel for how Curly responds to her bringing up issues

2: she's being entirely metaphorical and still trying to sort of self soothe- seeking external validation that the dead pixel Isn't Actually That Big A Deal (and therefore she's just overthinking)

3: idk how to phrase this exactly but ppl have talked Abt the way she talks to Jimmy, how it indicates a sort of "Fawn" response where she tries to keep him calm with compliments and stuff, and her talking about "enjoying the illusion" is her trying to do something similar with Curly- essentially starting the metaphor by downplaying the issue

Anyway. I don't know if I have a full conclusion but another thing is I think ppl need to acknowledge that while Curly fucked up and harmed Anya (mainly thru inaction). He's not uniquely shitty. Most people will be in a situation where they act similarly, and that DOES NOT JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS. I AM NOT SAYING CURLY IS ANY BETTER. I am saying that you need to be able to recognize your capacity for harm thru inaction and understand that like. He's not uniquely terrible he's just Normal Levels Of Unhelpful, which in a situation like Anya's is Dangerous

Like. Basically you can say "fuck jimmy fuck curly" all you want but you need to be able to understand that everyone including yourself has the same capacity for harm

[heartshattering]

I wish my family could just accept that there are some things I'm too anxious and mentally ill to accomplish in life. No matter how hard I try I can't just "get over it" and "stop being so anxious". I've had doctors treat me like a lost cause and even though it's "sad" isn't it far worse to just push myself to the point of having a mental breakdown?

[sskk-manifesto]

Finally got around to watching ep 11 (´；ω；｀)

[selinswonderland]

She wasn't really thinking anything of Alex taking her hand on the way to the warehouse, but being tugged along as he started to run took her off guard for a moment. It didn't take her mind off of the pain of the bracelet either, now she was just stumbling over her feet trying to keep up while also trying to endure the pinching and jolts of pain being sent through her arm from the bracelet. "Whoa! Alex! Hold on! Can we-can we stop, I need to stop. I need to take this thing off." She told him in her struggling attempt to keep up with him.

Once they reached the warehouse their pace had slowed down enough for Selin to break apart from Alex's grasp. "I'm sorry, I can't keep this on, it's getting unbearable." she told him as she started fiddling with the band of the bracelet, doing her best to loosen it and pull it off her wrist. When it was off, the weird thing was that it didn't even look like she had suffered any harm. Despite how much pain she was feeling, there weren't any bruises, or burns, or marks of any kind really to reflect that. "Here, you can have yours back, I don't think exchanging works…but I'm sure you'll have to get something at some point." She hoped that might be an uplifting hope for him. "I mean, a normal bracelet wouldn't cause this much harm to someone else wearing it. Maybe it's just waiting for the best time to show it off."

Maybe he'd enjoy the flair of that. He was obviously the type to appreciate the dramatics. She held out his bracelet for him to take back, though despite her aversion for her own ability and being the one to offer it to Alex in the first place, she did hope he would return hers as well. She felt weirdly bare without it. "I'm sorry my experiment was a bust. But it's good knowledge to have, and more info than we had before." Now the only problem was figuring out what it all meant.

"Aw, it's not silly. Adjusting to having an embiggening and ensmallening power is a lot for anybody to take in, even somebody who's used to hearing kids say batshit things all day long. I mean it's your body. How weird is it to have your own body doing stuff that isn't normal at all? It's not like you can read medical casefiles to see if there's any precedent!"

Was this slightly because Alex was getting a touch concerned about what his own eventual mutant power might turn out to be? Maybe, maybe. But giving Selin a pep talk was like whistling a happy tune -- it helped him to be a little less afraid too.

So the experiment with the bracelets seemed a natural step, even if the irritation and unease, the prickling and itching, were getting stronger by the second. "Recalibrating," Alex picked up from Selin and repeated, watching her flex her fingers like a cat showing its claws. He shook his own hands out hard and hopped on his toes, saying, "Warehouse! Yes. Let's do that." Impulsively, Alex grabbed Selin's hand, something in his primordial monkey-brain suggesting that if they kept their bracelets in proximity to the people they belonged to, it might slow down or help with the recalibration pain.

--it didn't, really. So as they headed towards the warehouse, Alex grimly broke into a dead run.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

friendly reminder that self harm is lying to you