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#Ended up being in the game and also how much I ended up actually caring about it once it came to actually playing the game
Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay
#you are a straight man correct? Yes. Attracted to someone you view as a woman correct? Yes... But you are afraid that makes you gay?#Afraid is a strong word but also stop asking stupid questions#The end result is I tend to date a lot of men who either then realize they are women or bi or gay and I am there when they are taking out#the messiest parts of that on whoever they are with at the time#and on one hand it means I created a space that made them feel safe enough to self examine#but on the other hand I'm their last stop when the fallout hits#OR they just realize they find the expectations put on them for masculinity to be really oppressive even negligent or abusive#I would say I need to adjust my strategy and stop trying to 'woo' men the same way I don't actually -flirt- with women#but I have already solved this problem by refusing to date ever again#The retrospective is funny though#The problem is I am attracted to men in a gay way and to women in a gay way but no one tells you the consequence of that and looking#like a pretty butch is that it really confuses the straight guys#Like why is this guy who's usually hmmm... as dom and masc as you would imagine suddenly in my lap and red and having entire feelings#about the way I am holding his hip? He doesn't knoww either and he's really pressed about it#And that thing messy lesbians do where they act jealous of you and also like they want to fuck you at the same time that looks like a red#flag from hell? Imagine dragging that out of unsuspecting straight guys -menTM-#They don't know why they are acting like that around me either but it's going to go one of two ways#either it will seem overtly threatening and aggressive to everyone involved including themselves or they'll have enough social sense#and tact to be playful about it but still not be sure if they are flirting or whether they like me at all#I have patience for one of those and unfortunately[?] it's the guy who's in my lap looks like he's being tortured and can't find his footin#not the guy telling me how much he's going to beat my ass at some game and I am going to like it or some macho bullshit#And I will be oblivious for the first 50% of it#because if there are gods they are cruel#He never realized he's actually the little spoon be nice and give him a minute#He can't tell me he likes me if he doesn't know he likes me but I opened a jar for him and asked him about his feelings and now he's warm#I actually ended up never dating many women at all because of weird lesbian mixed signals and things#At least not while they were women#I don't flirt or make friends I just decide that people are mine and start taking care of them [while respecting their autonomy and shit]#and I am starting to think this is how I make problems for myself#yes I am playing 5-d chess with gender and am now a he/they but it is not what it is cracked up to be
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gay-artificer · 6 months
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I've seen people be like downpour ruined how people see five pebbles and im gonna be honest if you were here for any number of years pre-downpour the fandom was always god-awful with the nuance in his character. thats not a downpour thing thats a fandom thing
#niche comparison but if any of you know angela from lobotomy corporation/library of ruina#in the years prior to LOR angela was probably one of the most demonized characters ive ever seen in my goddamn LIFE#NO ONE was going to bat for this girl as anything other than a absolute villain and bitch#i was and im sure some others were too but the vast vast majority fucking hated her#because she spends most of the game being mean to you and then betrays you at the end#and you had to read between the lines to get to “wait a minute whats happening to her is kinda immensely fucked up”#and this is someone betraying you at the end of a very /very/ hard game to 100% and beat proper#then LOR came out and fully explored the depths of her trauma and anger at the situation she was put into#how desperate she was too take something for herself and how little she cared about how the effected others because she was not given that#and suddenly it clicked for everyone!#suddenly she wasnt a heartless bitch anymore! but of course now you had the#'literal infant' crowd because it also explored some ideas of parental trauma/lack of experience with the world#but god it was way more refreshing to see people actually move on from 'theyre an evil bitch' even if it came with 'so shes like a kid?'#and i feel that way about pebbles tbh#i dont get super super into the iterator lore so i cant speak much for the quality across downpour#and its higher focus on them and their stuff#im sure it carries plenty of issues as many things will#but god people sucking at reading the room on the iterators is not new lmao#actually five pebbles and angela are shockingly similar....#huh?
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chronurgy · 3 months
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Okay since it looks like we're really actually genuinely going to (probably) get a new dragon age game soon, here's some (specifically story) stuff I'm hoping to see:
Kal Sharok - either a companion from there or a chance to go there, please please please I HAVE to learn what their deal is
Anderfels companion, especially a warden one - I'd love to get into messy warden politics in the country they rule but don't technically rule
Minrathous - I've needed this city injected into my veins ever since I saw that neon lit, floating building concept art and learned they host laser light shows there it looks sick as hell and I can't wait to see them contrast the barbaric south with the enlightened north and the horrible bloodshed that sustains it 🖤
Par vollen or any sort of permanent qunari settlement - more information about everyday life under the qun please! It's obviously hard to do that when the qunari don't make alliances as a rule and also they're actively at war with the imperium and the rest of thedas, but still
A religious schism within the qun - the qun is all about things following their proper nature, but who decides what the proper nature of things is? People, of course! And people will always disagree. It'd be interesting to meet an offshoot who claim that they're the ones following the "true" qun and it's actually the rest of qunari society that has failed to follow the correct path (I know this will never happen, no one else in the world would actually want to play religious schism simulator 4)
A foreign born mage who came to tevinter to avoid or escape the circle could be fascinating - I think there's a lot of conflict embedded in that character that could be used to great effect. What's their social class in tevinter? How do they justify the things they see? Do they even try?
Sick fucked up red lyrium magic - lyrium potions restore mana, what do red lyrium potions do? Hopefully let you do horrible and fucked up magic. Red lyrium was so cool in da2 and I'd be ecstatic if they'd return to those roots for it
Antiva - a plutocracy with a haunted marsh? Sign me the fuck up
The half destroyed ruins of a city decimated during a past blight - make the blight scary! Remind us of all that has been lost, and let us see some of that history firsthand
Just ANY followup on the lore from the descent dlc - can we get more about the titans please???
A diversity of opinions on Solas and his plan among the dalish - please let them be people with conflicting beliefs and desires and not just one monolithic group I'm begging
Related to the point above - a dalish companion would be excellent, especially if they could help bring that insight to the party
I wanted to get this out before we see the trailer and gameplay so I'm definitely forgetting some stuff. This is also just my personal list of things I'd like to see. I'll probably do another one focusing on more gameplay and mechanical things.
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mabaris · 4 months
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alright so now that we’ve gotten some actual crumbs, it feels like it’s a good time to lay out my prediction for what da4 is going to look like. writing this in a letter and mailing it to myself
we are part of an underground organization formed from the ruins of the inquisition to stop solas from ending the world
meanwhile the wardens have been researching the blight/the location of the archdemons and discover some secret about the location of the black city/what is actually contained in it
we’re supposed to be shocked at the reveal that the evanuris are trapped in the black city and the maker doesn’t exist
the ancient elves were in control of some crazy mutating technology (like in hormak) and that was the original source of the darkspawn. the whole thing about them being from the deep roads and a dwarf concern was actually just a red herring, they’re just underground because they’re powered by lyrium and this has ALSO been an elf thing the whole time :)
anyway, now we need to Double Make Sure the veil stays up because the evanuris have something even worse cooking up in the black city and we need to prevent them from unleashing a super blight and destroying all life, and our job is to convince solas to give up, not because we disagree with his plan but because his actions will have unintended consequences. even if he doesn’t care about everyone else and wants to rebuild the world, he won’t even be able to do THAT because the super blight will kill elves too. so although we WERE enemies we will have to band together to defeat the greater threat etc. it will be optional to recruit him as an ally/advisor, or you can just fight him directly and take control of his forces
we will have to cross into the fade AGAIN and storm the black city directly to put a stop to whatever’s going on in there
#i feel fairly confident about this but i hope i’m wrong honestly.#i’m a little disappointed that it’s probably going to turn out to be ‘elves are the most important people and also the cause of everything#and their lore is the Correct one’#i hope to god that they give you the option to fight him and don’t just force you to make nice for no reason lol#ESPECIALLY ​if this is a new protagonist with no history with him#it’s pretty much the same formula as inquisition and origins. two-step problem where the thing we initially set out to fix turns out to be#the least of our problems and we’ll need to put aside our differences for the greater good#it will probably also come out that the tevinter gods are also an elf thing. like how flemythal can turn into a dragon#and then the archdemons were the original hormak style experiment. or something#and we won’t have an explanation for the maker bc that’s just humans being silly. but see everything has a neat scientific explanation :)#or maybe the maker is like. elgarnan in disguise lmal#i am perhaps being a little ungenerous but also. i feeel in my gut that this is what they’re planning#mine#dragon age#da4#ghilannain feels like a possible candidate bc of the lore abt how she created halla. but there was that trailer with a mans voice#so it will probably be elgarnan because he’s the head of the pantheon especially now that mythal is gone#GOD i hope that comes up#they’re pulling so much from trespasser. a dlc that wasn’t even the main game and lots of people may not have played#they’d better reference the stinger ending of the actual game and give some resolution to that#maybe it’s going to be like. solas’s plan to take care of the evanuris when the veil comes down is to just absorb them#but we need to convince him that they’ve had time to set other contingencies up so even that won’t stop whatever they’ve started
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torgawl · 8 months
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what is an "i love you" compared to when dainsleif said "defeat me, command me to step aside, show me that you are worthier than i to rescue her" and "my memory has all but faded completely... but i will always remember how much she too, loved these flowers"?
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ruvviks · 3 months
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made the realization my vampire story would work best as a video game and now i can't stop thinking about it
#personal#like. vtm meets cyberponk. do you understand#it would be very focused on prioritizing... because you do play as a fully established character#but you get a bunch of jobs to take care of and you have to decide what you do first and most importantly how you solve it#you can combine certain jobs to do at once to save yourself time and effort but everything you do comes with consequences#if you ignore a problem for too long or deal with it poorly it will come back to bite you in the ass later. you can lose friends and such#basically you have it all from the start and then gradually like. work your way towards a single ending#locking yourself out of other paths because of the choices that you make etc etc and so on#friendships can help you out but they can also get in the way of other things so you have to think about like#how far you're willing to let yourself get distracted. but also no distractions is also a bad way to go at it because you'll end up alone#it would have a wide variety of endings but i suppose the 'canon' one would be the one where everything works out#because of the whole already established character thing. and also this is not real this is my story so i can do what i want#if it was an actual video game it wouldn't have a canon ending but it's never gonna happen so i can say it has a canon ending#but yeah you can play as heavenly the vampire hunter or as sun the vampire and then you get cool vampire abilities :]#i do like the idea of romance availability but they're different depending on who you play as#valentine can be romanced by both but he's a little brat so idk if you'd want that#isaac can only be romanced by heavenly because isaac is a gay man. valeska can be romanced by sun only because#valeska and heavenly are exes. so you can have a one night stand with her as heavenly and then she ghosts you LMAO#you can go into clubs... you can play carousel with npcs. it would be a very immersive experience#if you hang out at certain clubs too much then other vampire factions will be warier of you when you visit their club instead#you can forge alliances to be allowed into certain areas in town. you can disguise yourself. you have to hide your weapons#there's actual ways you can research locations or people involved in gigs so you can prepare yourself properly and potentially like#learn new things that open up a new way to deal with a situation#sometimes you have to wait until nighttime to be able to go somewhere because it's quieter around those hours. or vice versa#sometimes you have to wait a few days before someone can meet with you but if you miss the meeting you have to reschedule#and then you have to wait even longer. and some quests don't give you that much time so then you'd have to improvise#being spotted in a location can be dealt with by wiping security footage / killing the person who saw you. or just reloading your save#but if you've been spotted and you don't take care of it then that will ALSO have consequences. etc etc and so on#difficulty level in the game would determine how generous the game is surrounding stealth / time for quests / resilience of the guy you pla#and it wouldn't like. necessarily turn enemies into bullet sponges because that's lazy. it's much more fun to change other things
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barkingangelbaby · 4 months
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venting so much i ran out of tags lmao
#i think im hallucinating ?????#i have my headphones on (listening to boyfeel on repeat n choppin up some paper)#and keep feeling / seeing shadows in my peripheral vision#im probably just dehydrated and having bad floaters but i dont like it :)#today has also been bad dramatically awful#life isn't serious there's no reason to feel this heavy#oop very emo thoughts incoming#life can't be meaningful or ill miss my parents too much but can't be meaningless or im living without them for nothing#im just. struggling very hard this year. idk#i had so much health bullshit going on for months that i put off going to a psych n now im so busy that it feels bad taking time off for it#and im also scared of getting on meds bc the idea of being dependent on something that i might not have access to is.. auuughhh#idk dude my adhd has been debilitating lately and i feel so stuck and sometimes i think i have ocd bc my compulsions are so fucking bad and#all my mental bullshit with my breathing has slowly been driving me wild and peaks my anxiety#and sometimes i worry abt being bipolar bc my mom's mom is and my mom's best friend told me she thought my mom might have been#bc the way my moods are so low or so high is exhausting it feels like i haven't had a “normal” day in so long#but also atp when im happy i feel manic bc idk how to healthily experience happiness anymore#idfk y'all !!!! im also very nonverbal these days#ugh and still going back n forth on telling my therapist ive been suicidal again bc i dont want him to have to report me or anything idk#a few months ago i made a joke about offing myself and he got rly serious n said he'd have to take action if im serious so im leaning no#like. i wouldnt actually kill myself. i just don't want to exist sometimes in this life#its just been very very very very very very very very very very very very very very hard lately without my parents or grandma#and even after all these years it's still heartwrenching to think about continuing to live this life without them#like. i just want to make them laugh. i just want to feel their arms around me in a warm hug. i just want to dance to their favorite songs.#i don't want to think of them and see their dead bodies anymore. i want to remember them healthy and smiling.#i would take care of them again in every lifetime but fuck dude. i just want to remember their good days instead of the end. can i please#please fucking invision them at their best. i want to remember the dad that played baseball and video games and whose laugh filled the room#i want to remember my grandma who was so sassy but kind. whose button nose crinkled when she smiled. who taught me to happily be dramatic#i don't want to remember them being frail. i want to forget the frustration i saw in their eyes. i want to forget seeing them struggle#(insert sadness about not remembering my mom at all)#just. fuck dude. my life is simple and i am safe so i shouldn't complain. but things feel so fucking hard sometimes. i feel so heartbroken
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waywardsalt · 1 year
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now bc of that one post abt zelda getting fridged whenever that one guy directs a zelda game im thinking abt tetra just getting turned to stone in ph and like. what would it have been like if she were an actual character in ph. what would she have done how would this have changed the story
#not gonna do a whole lot of tagging im just musing. if you wanna rb or reply with ideas thats great#im not the person to figure this out bc i dont actually care much abt tetra#not like oh i hate her but like. i only played ph and what i see of her beyond that has not endeared me to her#shes fine i just dont get it. ig cuz i didnt play ww but eh#cuz like. ok. pretty much the majority of phs plot relies on tetra having been turned to stone and fixing that#and me being the autistic little freak i am the psrt that also makes it hard for me to wonder what could happen if#tetra werent stone and that making the game better is like. ok what about linebeck and his arc#listen his arc is so fucking good and hes great and i dont think his arc would have been so good if link wasnt the character he was put wit#cuz link is a great foil and despite having minimal characterization has just the right personality to nudge linebeck along#cuz hes def part of what inspires some of that change in linebeck so idk what might have happened#if tetra was an active player interacting with him in ph too. cuz like idk most of the time when i see people#do stuff where they interact its usually tetra one upping linebeck or whatever and thars like. ok thats whar ciela does#maybe im reading into it too much and focusing on linebeck. idk how you couldve done and changed#the plot of ph to include tetra without just straight up rewriting the whole thing or putting link away#bc look me in the eyes. i do not think linebeck would have developed the way he did without having met link specifically#salty talks#idk i feel like linebecks arc is the best bit of story in ph so i want that to remain more or less intact bc thats where a lot of#the emotional stuff comes in at the end. his dialogue in the ghost ship battle and the final boss. its important#i dont think about tetra much cant you tell. so id leave this to someone who actually cares abt her as a character
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hecksupremechips · 2 years
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They did Ryuki so dirty in aini and I’m gonna be salty about it for the rest of my life I think
#aitsf#ai nirvana initiative#kuruto ryuki#like cannot emphasize how they just did not use him in the second half of the game#and i dont wanna diss the mizuki side cuz i honestly really loves it and i love her so much but just like#why did they even make ryuki in the first place if theyre gonna cut him off like that#and same with tama too its like you spend this game getting attached to these two really good characters and then its like ha fuck you!#and then all the stuff thats ACTUALLY important to the plot and the case begins#they dont even have like a moment where ryuki can feel relief at date being alive like dude#they like. this guy drinks himself into oblivion and goes insane over the death of a man he loved whose death he blames himself for#and the game cant even give these two characters like even a kinda touching reunion they just straight up DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE IT AT ALL#which dates role in the game in general i think was also done dirty but i digress#like yeah okay sure just have almost all of ryukis motivations revolve around date and wanting to become worthy of him#and ​then go eh whatever anyways#oh and then have ryuki literally get shot at the end protecting date cuz thats how much he loves him and just like. they barely even care#date is literally the only person that seemed to have acknowledged it happened but it was literally like#oh no!!!! ryuki is literally bleeding out uwaaa!!! anyways#i used this card hesitantly with pewter after finishing ai1 but fuck it ill say it with my full chest this time#im calling homophobia here like come on you cant ignore this one#sorry to pewter and ryuki for both being canon gay and really interesting characters but the game doesnt care about you 😔
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fingertipsmp3 · 11 months
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One thing about me is I will buy myself treats I literally do not deserve because I didn’t do anything whatsoever
#so you know that job interview i had today? yeah i cancelled it#i looked at reviews for the company and they had legit HORRIBLE reviews on both glassdoor and indeed#and so many of them and so recent that i was like. i can’t discount this#plus the fact that i don’t even really want to work in this field… like why would i do this to myself#scheduled to work 10 days in a row; back to back 12-15 hour shifts#for MINIMUM WAGE are you actually shitting me. i think the fuck not#you know what my last job was? making coffee. you know what i got paid? 50p an hour above minimum wage. you know what my shifts were?#4-8 hours. you know how many days i worked in a week? 4-5. you know how many breaks i got? lots#i rest my fucking case#(breaks were unpaid lol and i didn’t get much holiday or sick pay but you can’t have everything!)#i also saw like… management is rude; disorganised; disrespectful etc and i was like okay. that’s not going to go well#i mean there is something very wrong with me so i’d more than likely end up being about thrice as rude to management. but still#anyway. the treats! i ordered myself a new leather jacket because idk i don’t care about my credit score i guess#i also bought a lot of chocolate. like a lot a lot. they didn’t have my favourite ice cream so i compensated#by raiding the christmas display and also buying sweets and cookies and aero bars and THEN i noticed they had chocolate yoghurt on offer#so i obviously had to buy those. i did also buy the necessities#well i didn’t buy cheese but honestly i was too bamboozled by the display and the fact that they only had mild cheddar and light cheddar#and lightER cheddar which? 🧐 just buy milk at that point man#so basically if you need me i think i am going to eat haribos and play my game#there will be other job interviews. i literally have one next week. the one today was just not it#personal
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love-at-first-bite · 2 years
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Sorry to still be a #Hater but, knowing I Will be playing 3 playthroughs of Persona 3 (2 Portable runs and one FES+The Answer run) sounds so much more fun and enjoyable than playing Persona 5 for a second time, vanilla or Royal I'M SORRY THIS IS A P5 HATE ACCOUNT NOW
#victor beeps#meanwhile i will play P4 one million times#i'm sorry!!!!! i didn't like 5's story as much#it starts off SO BAD (content wise. which is why i put the game down for like a year)#i love the phantom thieves. honest. but joker isn't my fave protag#I HATE MORGANA >:V I WANNA LIKE HIM SO BAD CAUSE KITTY BUT HE SUCKS#ann was done SOOOOOO dirty. and ryuji too <:/ (love both them so much tho)#yusuke is written as the ''weird kid'' and just feels like everyone is laughing at him all the time#i didn't find makoto or haru all that memorable compared to the rest of the party#i don't really have a problem with futaba's writing. i love her so much and love how they handled her mental problems actually#but the ''she's practically my sister'' line in Royal and you can still romance her :/ kinda yuck#also ummm biggest issue with 5 is that you can romance the adult women and joker's 16. one of them being your teacher :/ big yikes#and i don't much care for kasumi as others do. she's an interesting character yes but sorry#akechi my wonderful son it felt like his story was snuffed out super quick just to get to the end. also fuck pancakes shut up fuck you#i'm sorry i can't help but compare it to the games that came before. 5 was my first persona game tho#i just prefer 4. story and characters#a copy of p5r is at the gamestop for like 20 bucks and i do want it! but i just can't be assed to play p5 again at least for a long while#long tags of me being a hater man sorryyyyyyy if you read all these i love you <3
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vaugarde · 2 years
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manifesting that sage isn’t gonna be as disappointing as infinite
#i mean. not like i was part of the forces hype either but his powers did look really interesting#and even if he did end up as another lab rat character itd have been fun and maybe interesting to see him interact w shadow#but no. hes got a really boring motivation and his powers dont make any sense and his backstory sucks#''w-w-well actually!! his backstory is that he lost his squad bc its implied shadow killed them in his story and thats tragic!!''#cool. wish they actually did anything about that beyond one line bc as is it seems likehe only cares that shadow called him a pussy#and in the comics they protest against being signed up on eggmans army and he justignores them and makes them do it anyways#so if anything its his own damn fault they're dead (if they're even dead? wiki implies they are so ig we'll go with that)#which- if thats what theyre going for- they again didnt do a good job of bc again theyfocus on shadows WORDS. not his ACTIONS#which makes me not feel all that bad for him since he seems more pissed about his pride than anything#also oh nooooo the squad we saw in one comic that didnt do much and weren't referenced in the main story at all... how tragic#also it just makes me more annoyed about shadows character in this game like him just coldly murdering these people#feels really out of character for him at this point. but his character type is just ''ha ha iam violent i hurt people'' so whatever ig#echoed voice#idk i dont like anything about him in the game. hes really boring as a character and i dont feel bad for him at all
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usodeshou · 9 days
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I had many things that I had considered doing today, most of it just being some chill video gaming, if I'm really honest. And I did get to do some. Then I started feeling sick.
I thought to myself, oh well, that silly motion sickness again, guess I'mma take a break 🙃
Turns out, wasn't just the motion sickness, though.
Spent the next hour and a half using my toilet as an echo chamber for creative voice lessons. Switched it up every now and again, just to keep things interesting, but the sound was just too good, so I kept coming back for encores. Realised the toilet might be cursed because I could not move away from it for more than a few meters or a few minutes before having to return.
Messaged my mom, who kindly brought me something to help break the curse.
Then spent the next three hours in a curled up position on my bedroom floor, on the carpet right next to my bed (bed would have been to soft), head on my fluffiest pillow, and underneath a warm, cuddly blanket, finally getting some rest and sleeping off the exhaustion.
When it all started it was early afternoon. The sun has now set. I am finally sitting back on the couch, munching on some insanely good pretzel sticks and drinking tea. Feel utterly serene. Could murder someone for a good, cheesy pizza right now, but that might be the devil talking.
#just me rambling#guessing that something didn't agree with my stomach but it's not quite clear what it was#it's been like 7 years since I last got sick enough to throw up and I can't say that I missed it much or cared much for it#my throat actually feels sore from all the dry-heaving#I've also been wondering#because I know that it's been debunked that coca cola is any good for you on an upset stomach#but coke + pretzel sticks has been the go-to household remedy ever since I was a child and it has always helped#this time as well#the coke was the first thing I was actually able to retain today#even water came right back out#and the pretzel sticks are perfect now#had some electrolytes too for obvious reasons#kinda want to continue playing my game but I don't dare do it anymore today#not when I know it could potentially trigger motion sickness-related issues on top of an already sensitive stomach#I've had quite enough of being sick today thank you very much#some movie maybe?#some visual novel?#not sure how well reading on my tv screen for an extended period of time is gonna sit with my head (and by extension my stomach) though#continue reading the book I'm in the middle of? maybe#really glad my nose is back to normal#it's fascinating the smells you pick up on that completely churn your stomach when you're sick#half of that shit I can't even smell properly now anymore#god some french fries would be great now too#way back in my teens when I got sick after not eating anything for too long (and then couldn't eat because I was sick - brilliant. 😑)#the thing that got me back to feeling normal ended up being french fries#the electrolytes concoction had a good amount of salt in it but I feel like my body is still demanding more#I don't trust myself with anything but pretzel sticks right now though#on any other day I might have caved and ordered that pizza#I need to stop talking about pizza for my own sanity xD#on another note: there is still a mosquito in here with me 🧐
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the-cooler-king · 4 months
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Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl
#Its the trudy ep which is actually the episode that made me keep watching#I love love love this episode.....#Something about how.......... idk.... its a very profound ep that I can't explain and it's a nice cry#This ep kind of shaped my outlook on life especially after finding out about my friend dying#All the regrets and things left unsaid.... I make my peace daily by being really straight up#If I love and care about ppl I tell them... I say they are appreciated and cared for man#I am always thankful for people and I *love* people as a whole#And as long as the people around me intrinsically know that they are loved and cared for and cherished.... like that's it#That's the end game truly#I will never ever be sorry for that. This was THEEEE episode.#There's a lot of nuance behind my feelings best described by revolutionary girl utena#But still. I'm deep enough in my tags bc I'm crying over my s/o but not in a bad way#Fml I am so grateful to him as just an entity. As a person in my life even if our lives only intersect for this brief period of time#He hasn't been texting me much and we didn't talk much at work and I didn't even get a goodbye (rude lol)#But I know he was having a rough day. I know he needs a bit of tlc.#He could be on a downswing because I am certainly on an upswing#So I'm kind of like trying to focus on doing my own thing rn without worrying about it#Because I can't do anything about it so I might as well continue My Thang#But as I sometimes come to terms with us never talking again (gotta be prepared at all times to be ghosted)#I also come back to terms with needing him to really understand#how many people in his life depend on love cherish and admire him#And im not just talking about me... he has a lot of siblings and a not great mom. Two kids he loves.#He has always taken care of everyone else in his life#He deserves to really know and idk. It makes me think of this moment.#Realizing how much I dont ever want to question if he knows#I don't want to question if I could've done more or tried harder etc. I did my very best and didn't lie cheat steal or whatever#I am so grateful to him for letting me have that. Even if nothing can come from it in the end#Even if we should be torn apart!!!! Take my revolution!!!#Anyways. Here's wonderwall#Banger of an episode. Worth the rewatch
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mayspicer · 4 months
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Ok, the boss is no more! There were some super stressful moments but surprisingly we all survived o:
My animal companion got hit with disintegrate, but we had hero points to make him avoid it. I would cry actually, because disintegrate means no resurrection x_x
The war is prevented! At least this one, because Cayden's party is right at the center of a much bigger one just starting. Today we saved the country. Cayden is trying to not even save the whole world, just maybe slow the whole thing down and save as much people as possible...
#majek says shit#I have the diamond for a raise animal companion spell but it can only be used if you have a body and even then there are restrictions#and Kela wouldn't even know about it until after the fight because she got trapped between a wall of force and a stone golem?#or a stone Big Humanoid Fucker idk what that technically was but it would've killed me pretty fast#and it all was in an area of supernatural darkness emanating from the powergamer's character...#which interfered with so much of everyone else's actions and we even addressed it before the session that it's a bad idea to cast this#but its ok because HE will be able to see through it and HE won't be targeted easily:))))#he also almost ended the encounter in the first round of proper combat...#by using mechanics so outrageous but technically ambiguous enough that our GM can't deny them by using only RAW...#and he prefers to settle arguments by going as RAW as possible...#and it wasn't a problem until now when we have a player who exploits to an actually unbelievable extent#we shared our character sheets online yesterday and I finally saw his... still have no idea how the character works#because like half the stuff is custom and missing from the app#he has 9 AC in the app and allegedly 32 AC before buffs...#and the GM says the math checks out but 1. nobody saw that math besides him and 2. so far he trusted that player without too much questions#and only recently he actually realised he's been manipulated multiple times when me and some others started dismantling that players actions#I so hope this was the last session with that person#the worst thing is I think he's an ok guy when I'm not playing any kind of game with him#and I understand different people find enjoyment in different aspects of games - his being figuring out how far he can go with the rules#and there are whole groups of people who like to play like that and enjoy the challenge of making the most broken “build” possible#but the rest of the group are not that kind of people. maybe some like to have fun with researching what's possible#but it's never the purpose of the game and these things dont find their way into the actual game#I'm actually considering the possibility of just leaving the campaign if he stays there... I know I whine a lot in the tags#about different players that get on my nerves for various reasons. it sounds like I'm never happy about anything#but our group is big and we play together as a friend group in 4 different campaigns now (I'm in 3 of them)#and every one of these smaller groups has it's issues. sometimes it's the characters not matching and sometimes different expectations#or interpersonal stuff that can be worked out. this here is not a group composition issue because the powergaming attitude is everywhere#it's impossible to talk casually between sessions and confronting the guy leads to like actual temper tantrums#literally said “the fuck do I care if the party dies I'm not gonna be useful anymore” after the GM gave him feedback to maybe ease it up#he never says things like that when the gm or me are present but we still get info. he just can't be confronted by the gm like that
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jinghengs · 6 months
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i wholeheartedly, genuinely, cannot believe my quality of life has been increasing bc of a fucking gacha game
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