#Eldritch Steeds

[hekateras]

Bound in blood and curse

[xiiparts]

Steed Form

But what does a plant know about the anatomy of a horse? A similar shape will do just fine

[thegnomelord]

I was talking with some friends and kinda came up with an original story idea where you're the new groundskeeper for a wealthy Victorian gentleman who is definitely not some kind of eldritch abomination.

Here's some touch and go snippets of what I thought of, lemme know if y'all want to see me turn this into an actual story.

CW: NSFW at the end, gay, homoerotic pining, Victorian gothic, mentions of murder.

Now I'm thinking ab a dark gothic Victorian gent who is *definitely* not some kind of eldritch abomination who marries wives who mysteriously disappear or die soon after and you're the new garden keeper who moves to work there because your old man is ill and the Victorian gent lets you live there and through no fault of your own you catch his interest and the way you smile as you handle the newly born lambs makes his, definitely not dead, heart beat.

----

You'd snuck in a 'friend' from the local brothel after your friends badgered your ears off about being a 'real man'. The night had gone poorly, she was a pretty woman, yes, but you just couldn't bring yourself to have sex no matter how hard you tried. You had to beg her not to tell anyone about your problem before paying her and sending her on her way yet. . . you can't find her anywhere.

It's as if she'd dissapeared in thin air (or was dragged by the carpets down into the maw in the basement) — Don't question the thing in the basement, you don't have to worry about that and it's probably just rats. Besides the door for the basement is never where you last remember it to be.

You could have sworn it was down the hall past the master's study but when you go to look all there is is just another grandiose painting, this time portraying the whore of Babylon riding on the many headed beast. And the master of the house appears before you can recognise the face of the whore, asking if you can fix the old light in his study that keeps flickering

---

You notice the master starts asking for you or going out of the house more often, usually to go horse back riding through the wide hunting woods you maintain behind the house. You're never sure why most of the animals shy away from the master like a devil from a cross, but there is one dove white steed that is the master's favorite. It's the only one who doesn't shy away, the one that you're not sure was in that empty paddock last night but you'd rather not lose your job by telling him you'd probably lost his horse and it came back.

The horse is sweet to you but you've seen it try to bite the other farm hands that get too close. Maybe it's just a temperament thing, animals feel more than you do after all, but. . . Hmm, where's that new farmhand that had slapped your ass gone to? And was the horse's muzzle always dyed red like that? Eh, someone must have just fed it some strawberries.

____

You get bullied by the chamber maid into helping her with cleaning the numerous bedrooms because the other two have come down with the seasonal flu and you were *sure* the nth bedroom you go to clean is empty, you'd checked it twice, but somehow when you pass through the very same door you enter the master's private bedroom and he's there in only his sleep clothes smiling at you and you can only stutter out weak apologies with your face a flame while your eyes stare at the other man in a way that would get the old town's priest rolling in his grave.

Oh yes, your ma and pa were extremely religious, dressing you up in your Sunday's best, taking you to church every Sunday regardless if it's rain or shine. You remember seeing the new master of the house when your parents were allowed to attend the previous master's seventh wedding. The master's family has long since supported the church and the local community, gaining favour from everyone despite the, erm, eccentric decorations and continuous wife deaths.

But death in child birth or from disease can happen to anyone, and what is a peasant like you supposed to understand the gentry?

Besides, the current master knows best what the wealthy people invited to his party expect from a man servant that you were commandered to be this evening. And if the young lord decides to tug off your cross necklace in favour of tying his own tie around your throat, slowly tightening it until the knot sits firmly at your Adam's apple and his ungloved fingers brush against your skin, and his smiling face is inches away looking at you like a man should not look at another man while purring how dashing you look tonight, who are you to argue?

----

The dairymaid had asked you to go get some honey from the beehives they keep. The door slowly budges open as you're forced to use more strength than you should, as if the house refuses to let you out this early in the morning, you were certain you'd oiled the hinges but it's an old house, it's bound to happen.

You go to the hives and for some reason the bees are not as violent as you remember your pa telling you about them being. They just buzz around you lazily as you carefully remove the frames with the honey.

You're nearly given a heart attack when you turn and the lord is there, behind you, staring at you with eyes you swear glint like the surface of an oil spill after a rainstorm but that must just be the light.

"Let me try some?" He asks, closing in, as if you have any ability or want to refuse.

He reaches out to grip your hand. Your fingers are still sticky with honey and for a second your blaspheming mind thinks he'll lick the honey off your fingers (god smite you down for that thought, you don't even know how many 'hail Mary's you'll need to recount for that).

He dips his fingers in the honey, rivulets of the golden liquid trickling down his knuckles as he slowly brings them up to his face and sticks them in his mouth. You know enough of the gentry and their weird customs to know this would be seen as unsightly, but you're neither gentry nor do you find yourself caring when he keeps his gaze locked on you even as his lips part, pink tongue swirling around his fingers to lick up all the honey in a way that makes you think it's purposeful. (It can't be, he's the lord for crying out loud, you can already hear your ma reaching for the lord's word to bash those sinful dirty blasphemous thoughts from your skull)

He pulls his fingers from his mouth with a loud sound that goes straight from your ears to your chest and down to where it shouldn't. Your hands itch to grab the cross around your neck and hold it but you only now remember the lord still has it, his tie still loosely wrapped around your neck. His eyes sparkle like stars "You should try some." He says, and he's tugging you by the arm before you can even start spouting your excuses about how it's not your place for such things.

----

Getting down on your knees in prayer, only for him to appear and gently grasp your chin - murmuring lowly how worship can be done later, that he needs you to do one more task before you pray and head to bed

That 'one more task' turns out to be a simple fix that for some reason takes longer than it should. The house does not want another's name to be spoken by your tongue and isn't above petty childish ploys of constantly flickering the one light in the lord's private chambers regardless of how many lightbulbs you change. The lord doesn't mind despite your growing emberassment, he likes the sight of your muscles tensed to stay balanced on that rickety ladder and how, despite your annoyance, you still treat the house - him- with care.

And it's late at night when you finish, so late everyone is asleep and there's no point in waking everyone up by trying to maneuver through the dark house with a candle.

"Stay the night." He says, order clear even without his hands tugging on your shirt. It's improper to sleep in the lord's bed in your work clothes after all, and you swear you see his eyes harden when he noticed that cross you'd managed to find, but it's soon discarded when he pulls the shirt over your head, cross dropping to the floor to be quietly swallowed by the carpets.

----

The only prayer he allows to be uttered in his house is the one you mutter when you fist your cock, squirreled away in your tiny room in the house. The only time he allows you to pray to your god is when his name is right next to Jesus and God the father, asking them for forgiveness for your sinful thoughts while you rut your cock into the sheets and moan his name as quietly as you think you're able to get away with.

He's learned not to 'stumble' on you in such a state, humans and their privacy, you were stone cold like a nun for a month when he'd did that once, and he'd missed the sweet prayers you sing him late at night when you think he's not listening.

[guiltygearconfessions]

dnd 5e builds for base strive cast (+ goldlewis!)

Sol: either an Artificer (Battlesmith) w a Barbarian (Totem) dip where his Steel Defender is his bike and Elk/Bear rage is dragon install OR a Wizard (Bladesinger) with a belt (headband) of giant strength and Tasha's Otherworldy Guise as his DI

Ky: Hexbalde Warlock w a Battlemaster Fighter dip since he seems charismatic and his patron cld be the Thunderseal. His manouevres: Trip (Stun Dipper), Lunge (Foudre Arc), Riposte (Vapor Thrust). Meanwhile, Eldritch Blast = Stun Edge, Booming Blade = Dire Eclat, can blow his limited spell slots on Lightning Bolt (Sacred Edge) or Hasted Booming Blades + Relentless Hex or just Thunder Step (RTL). Possibly take a sorc (Storm) dip or the Metamagic Adept feat to transmute spell and change his damage types to lightning + gain flying speed.

May: Ranger (Beastmaster) for sea animal shenanigans. Possible dips into Paladin (Devotion, to the Jellyfish Pirates) or Fighter (Cavalier) for mounted combat features and bonuses (e.g. Find Greater Steed)

Axl: Ranger (Horizon Walker) + Monk (Kensei)/Fighter (Battlemaster). The boring and "correct" answer here is pure bladesinger wiz using a flavoured whip for the Time Stop spell, but the teleportation offered by Horizon Walker and the idea of slipping between planes of existence seems flavourful. Ranger features also have a bit more trap laying flavour. Monk bonuses for movement speed + unarmoured defense to remain slippery while dressing casual.

Chipp: Monk (Shadow) with the Fey Touched and Shadow Touched feats for access to Shadow Teleport + Misty Step + Shadow Blade and maybe a small spellcaster dip into Sorcerer (Shadow) if only to get Quickened Spell for ninja flavour + Mirror Image (multiple Chipps!)

Potemkin: although a pure Fighter (Champion) is tempting, the 4 attacks per turn feels at odds w the slower, lumbering idea of Potemkin. Instead I propose DM fiat to allow smiting while Unarmed, then build Potemkin as a Variant Human (base feat used to learn Unarmed Fighting style) with full Paladin (Glory or Redemption). His devotion and larger than life presence give him moral power behind his blows which are weighty (big ass smites) but infrequent (2 per turn). The other athleticism, tanky abilities come from his Paladin subclass features. Spells like Command and Compelled Duel reflect his intimidating presence and ability to control the field. Spells like Thunderous Smite and Destructive Wave reflect his sheer terrain-altering strength. Feats could include Grappler, Tavern Brawler, Tough.

Faust: Pure Wild Magic Sorcerer or an even split btwn Wild Magic Sorc and Life Cleric. Dimension Door/Misty Step for teleports. Items could represent by: Meteors (Minute Meteors), Bomb (Delayed Blast Fireball), 100T Weight (Earth Tremor/Earthquake), Donut/Banana (Healing Word/Cure Wounds), Afro (reflavoured Web since its also a control debuff that turns into damage after fire exposure), Minifaust (so many summon spells but I like the idea of Guardian of Faith from Cleric), Trumpet (Insect Plague), Hammer (Catapult). And then Haste can be used with Quickened Spell to simulate item throw super. Tack on a couple fighter levels perhaps to Action Surge and emulate the 100 tension version + give some oomph to the occasional scalpel normal.

Millia: not base dnd but i think she fits a Blood Hunter (Lycan) pretty well. The flavour of undergoing a dangerous and forbidden procedure for power, the hair transformations... probably uses Rite of the Oracle (psychic) and Blood Curse of Binding (tandem top) to hold enemies in place for devastating up close "mixups" while still remaining highly mobile.

Zato: Fighter (Echo Knight) w a Monk (Long Death) dip (or, potentially, Undead Warlock). Fragile but frequently summonable puppet fighter w a Monk dip for the "unarmoured melee fighter" vibe + undying flavour or Warlock dip for more spell slinging vibe+ access to flight spells.

Ramlethal: taking a bit more from her Xrd incarnation, a mixed Cleric (Twilight) for access to Spiritual Weapon for the "remote/hovering sword" + a hover/fly movement rather than regular walking and a Warlock (Hexblade) with the Eldritch Smite invocation to burn spell slots for chunky damage that knocks enemies flat on their asses (Mortobato).

Leo: Rogue (Swashbuckler ) + Barbarian (Totem). Probably a Tiger/Elk Barb for the movement speed and the animalistic vibe, while the Rogue levels and Swashbuckler features give the idea of a speedy duelist who occasionally snipes out big damage hits from "converting" movement speed based mixups. (also Swashbucklers benefit from Charisma, which leo definitely has since hes led so many soldiers to their deaths 🥰)

Nago: Fighter (Samurai). I think a majority of Nago's features and design are reflected in this subclass- the idea of a fighter who takes a slow and measured approach while occasionally bursting into a flurry of sudden violence. The high level Samurai feature of taking another turn upon getting dropped also kind of feels like Nago blood rage- a last second gambit at the verge of defeat type of deal.

Gio: Monk (Astral Self). Gio's features as an unarmed, unarmoured, mobile fighter w a not-quite animal spirit are perfectly encapsulated in this subclass, down to her appearance transformations at high tension

Anji: Bard (Swords) with Fighter (Battlemaster) dip and the Dual Wielder feat. Swords Bard explains his armoured twirl (Defensive Flourish) and other more magical effects like the butterfly, koi, and his cinematic super. Battlemaster Trip (rekka low), Push (corner carry off fuujin), Sweep (spinny spins), Parry/Riposte (dedicated counters).

I-No: Oddly enough i dont think she's a pure bard. If anything, I think her style seems more offense oriented than support, so she probably has way more Sorcerer (storm) levels for flying and her other magic shit. For her Bard dip, probably a Whispers bard to play into her role as a mysterious and menacing antagonist figure.

Goldlewis: Paladin (Watchers) with a Warlock (GoO) dip. Watchers paladins already deal w abberations and aliens, and his smites could be flavoured as his big behemoth typhoons/down with the system. Warlock spells and blast reflect the gadgets stored by his alien.

Wow! Points for being so thorough! This is cool

[odbuoyjemmity]

Nevermoor Dashboard

Wundrous-Society-Official

Golder's Night is next week! Don't forget to take part with a chance of winning a favour from the Wundrous Society! A night of fun for everyone.

gigi-stan

does anyone know if holliday wu is looking for a seventh girlfriend

blue-suit-4ever

its chanda kali with the six boyfriends. how do you know she's even gay?

gigi-stan

barty, she has an undercut and like. six piercings. if she's not into women i will cry for a week

blue-suit-4ever

isn't that stereotyping?

gigi-stan

bitch

blue-suit-4ever

blocked

gigi-stan

wait unblock me. i have to tell you something

blue-suit-4ever

what?

gigi-stan

bitch

i-miss-jemmity-park

okay but why is lsj so obsessed with a thirteen year old. isnt that kinda sus

eldritch

she is a wundersmith. it's a serious risk and we're all in danger

i-miss-jemmity-park

she literally has food on her face in that one photo. also dont you make edits of The Wundersmith with flower crowns

eldritch

they're ironic

i-miss-jemmity-park

you called him daddy

i-miss-jemmity-park

guys they blocked me

gigi-stan

i can't believe gigi is making another album and going on tour with st nicholas. so hyped

blue-suit-4ever

typical sellout. wonder how much she's getting off of underpaid elvish labour

gigi-stan

actually! the elves have a union now source

blue-suit-4ever

they're going to go on strike. they're not in a union yet. don't you see how this is going to distract everyone from their strike anyway?

offical-concerned-citizens-of-nevermoor

The Wundrous Society controls our governments and aren't accountable to anyone. Their cover-ups of hollowpox attacks only prevents the victims seeking justice from their assailants!

burns-with-the-fire-etc

K

murder-of-crows

U

no-retreat

N

polylingual

T

murder-of-crows

mahir. no

burns-with-the-fire-etc

mahir keep going

foxlore

it's actually really disheartening to see the rise in anti-wunimal sentiment since the beginning of the hollowpox. my aunt was spat on in the supermarket two days ago and no one said anything about it

king-louis

actually i don't care if crow and squall take over nevermoor. steed is so bad at his job i kinda want to see him get deposed

no-retreat

squall killed a bunch of people just fyi. crow probably wouldn't. i think

murder-of-crows

thanks, thaddea

foxlore

oh my god i hate the brolly rail so much

goosey-goosey-gander

what happened

foxlore

mmh. fuckin leg

murder-of-crows

in courage square doing 'it'. and by 'it' i mean. arson

[teratocrat]

Ogregirl Princess rides west, out of the Dawn Gate beyond which lies her Far and Nowhere Land, proud and beautiful atop her rotting elk-steed and accompanied by a train of eldritch soldiers and courtiers: ensorcelled milkmaid ladies-in-waiting to comb her mane and bind her into her fever-colored armor, clean her tusks and fangs and weave ribbons and jewelled ornaments into her pelt; flautists piping lays through bloody thighbones, drummers beating a madman's march on manskin drums, and heralds sounding the World-Defying Blast through chimera-horns; cohorts of trudging corpses and skeletal arbalists, columns of conscripts from the Checquered Countries yoked together with shackles of russet steel, spore-shrouded Grey Knights and stag-headed bannermen; doom-weavers and astrologers and haruspices and osteomancers.

[utilitycaster]

hi, what are your thoughts on the recently announced changes to dnd classes? I'm particularly interested what you think about the new paladin and warlock since you always have very correct opinions on them.

Hi anon, I must admit I have not been keeping up with the PHB playtests; I do intend to get the updated book when it comes out but I found keeping up with every change was a lot of time I would rather spend on other things, especially since they came out very intense and have walked a lot back (some for valid reasons, some not)

I did, however, go look at Paladin and Warlock though I didn't go into depth with any subclasses.

Warlock, since that's the one I found first (Playtest 7): in terms of general progression I am always pro focusing more on invocations so having them from the start and having two more is good in my mind. I am also pro pact magic. I think it is a cool different thing and is a feature of the class; making it a normal spellcasting table was a mistake. Spell progression/cantrips/slots seem otherwise the same as the 2014 PHB, which seems reasonable.

I haven't read thorough other classes so I don't know if swapping cantrips is true of every class; I do think there should be a way to change out cantrips because sometimes you pick a bad cantrip. You shouldn't be able to prep them if you're a prepared caster (wizard, cleric, etc) but yeah I'd say levels or at least ASI levels should permit cantrip swaps.

Magical cunning is GREAT actually because that used to be a L20 feature and now it's slightly weaker and L2. Hilarious, but also I think it offers more opportunities for engaging with your patron and the RP/story that provides. Same with the Contact Patron L9 feature. Keeping Eldritch Master for the capstone is admittedly a little weak but also I'm lenient on L20 because so few people play at L20.

I think the pacts being invocations is fascinating because like, you could just be a pact boon-less jack of all trades if you really wanted, OR you could have all three, and that's funny to me. I also like that you get additional spells rather than just expanded options.

The one thing I'm not sure about is moving the subclass to L3. This works okay for paladins because paladins are like, you dedicate yourself at L1 and your powers come from your own dedication and conviction, and then you take an oath at L3. Warlocks are like...until you have a patron you are just a guy. That should be at L1.

Paladin:

Bonus action lay on hands is killer. incredible. no notes. big fan. I do think they should still be permitted to cure diseases however; basically 5 lay on hands should be a lesser restoration spell.

Simplifying spell prep is probably a good idea just in terms of time and ease but the drawback is you don't have as many cool options each night. Less of a big deal for a paladin but this would be an issue for full prepared casters, and I checked and (EDITED I FORGOT TO INSERT WHAT I MEANT TO SAY HERE) full casters get full spell prep as before so nevermind, fine for paladins.

haven't been following weapon mastery but given most characters don't swap weapons that often, seems fine.

Smites are also fine; paladins can do STUPID damage as is so limiting smites to only one per turn is not unreasonable imo.

Big fan of find steed always being prepared because I think a lot of people just don't use it because there's better spells unless it's a really important part of their character. We need more steeds.

Abjure Foes seems awesome; Radiant strikes are great also FINALLY. SORT OF SMITING ON UNARMED STRIKES.

Restoring Touch makes more sense to me than Cleansing Touch, also seems reasonable.

Broken Oath flavor text very good

Overall this seems pretty good for paladins and the only warlock thing is that I think they need to work on when you choose a subclass.

[sqrkyclean]

i had a bit of the benefit of hindsight(scrolling down to the og post after seeing u talking about eldritch santa) but i wanna say i think you very clearly conveyed that in your christmas art. i got it! dont feel like you portrayed it wrong or anything it slaps

THANK YOUUUU i wanna show the original poem i was going to incorporate into the comic but ive been having rly bad pain today.

there is something very old and powerful that enters our home each year.

it is not a god.

we tell our children of its power. that it is stronger than time, faster than reason. that it has eyes everywhere, that it knows your sins and catalogues them. if you dont keep track of the people youve hurt, of your failures, your sins-- it will.

it is not a god.

we leave offerings for it. each family has a different tradition of offering. sometimes one might leave out offerings for its great steeds as they tap tap tap against your ceiling. they cannot breach the walls of your home, but it can. it must.

it is not a god.

[nerdlydelicious]

I can’t get over the fact that Jaune has spent what was probably like 20+ years throwing hands with a soul devouring eldritch abomination, and his only weapon was a broken sword.

And apparently he’s been repeatedly kicking its ass since, you know, he isn’t dead.

The second the Jabberwalker crawls out of its decrepit little acre, it’s on sight. The Jabberwalker doesn’t even need to fuck around, cause it will find out.

Probably why it was scavenging in the jungle for prey when team RWBY found it. It knew the second word got out that a Jabberwalker was out and about it’s ass was getting sent straight to Hands City courtesy of the Rusted Knight and his trusty steed.

[homebrewbydek]

Alright, well, I put it out to vote and the hexblade redux won!

Narrower than I thought it would be, tbh. I assumed hexblade would win but I was surprised how many votes I got for the war domain -- maybe I'll share that, too.

Anyway!

I hate the hexblade. Maybe that's a bit unfair, and extreme, but I feel like WotC really dropped the ball with it. It's potential was great, but it was just... a really missed opportunity. What the hell is that Spectre? Other than the first level, the subclass feels dreadfully uninspired, and honestly, I feel like they could have gotten a lot more done if they detached the word 'blade' from it.

Thus, I present the Arcane Vestige Otherworldly Patron.

In my reimagining, you form a pact with a magical artefact of some kind. It's not necessarily going to be a weapon, or have any kind of blade. I've renamed heblade's curse but left it the same because it was the only part of the class that didn't feel out of place. If it was going to be a blade-only thing, I might have changed it up -- perhaps instead of casting it on an enemy, you cast it on your sword, and regain hit points equal to your Charisma modifier when you kill an enemy? Alas, that's for another day.

I also binned the Charisma-for-attack-and-damage-rolls thing. Oh noes!! Why would I do such a thing! Because everyone takes unnecessary dips into a whole new subclass to get it and that bugs me. It's just an invocation now. You either have to commit to warlock to get it, or just take the Eldritch Adept feat, instead of wasting everybody's time. Anyway, cheer up, you get another attunement slot.

I threw out the Spectre. It makes no sense whatsoever. It's one of my huge gripes, actually. Instead, you can invoke your pact boon, creating one of four Pact Simulacrum, with the stat block being at the bottom of the subclass. This was based on the Summon spells from Tasha's, which I really liked, and off of an early spell draft I had for my hexblade warlock when I was trying to make it interesting. The spell was okay, but this is better.

At 10th level I beefed up the simulacrum a bit - overall this ability still feels a little underwhelming, but I'm struggling to think what to give it that doesn't push it over the edge into OP territory. Maybe something like what find steed gets, where if you cast a spell that effects you - cure wounds, blur, invisibility - it also effects your Simulacrum?

14th ability is just to make you more durable and useful on the battlefield - you can summon your simulacrum twice, and being close to it gives you resistance to the most common 'fighter' damage types.

I also reworked Hex Warrior into an invocation, added an unarmed strike option for those that want to be a bit feral with their pact boon, and updated Thirsting Blade to work with both.

Maybe people will hate this. I'm not sure. It's fine if you do, not everyone will ahve the same opinions and that's okay! But if hexblade let you down by being devoid of flavour and direction let me know if this does anything for you!

and here is a link back to my pinned for my other subclasses and lineages. ALT text is applied, I hope that it's useful for those that need it.

Stay fresh, cheesebags!

[vampcaprisun]

a collection of random headcanons about wyll and zeph (my durge who’s romancing him):

wyll is the main party’s resident guidance-giver (thank you pact of the tome). when zeph wants to ask for it, he just reaches a hand over for wyll to take and wyll casts the spell as he takes it. zeph always makes sure to wyll’s hand a little thank you squeeze when he feels the magic hit. once they’re in a relationship, zeph reaching for wyll’s hand just to hold it often leads to wyll casting an unnecessary guidance out of habit, and the little bursts of accidental magic inevitably make both of them blush.

the two of them are very protective of each other in battle. if they’re both in melee, they almost always fight back to back. even if they’re not next to each other, they always watch each other’s backs with a crossbow bolt or eldritch blast ready for the second they notice that the other might be getting overwhelmed by enemies. zeph tends to be more obviously self-sacrificing about it, and wyll gives him a fair number of stern talks about it, but he’s noticed the darker sides of wyll’s hero act too and will gladly prove when necessary that he can give an earful just as well as wyll can.

zeph is much bigger than wyll and takes every possible opportunity to pick him up. it’s not uncommon to see wyll sitting up on zeph’s shoulders while both of them cheer after a successful fight. astarion declares this formation “the blade of frontiers and his noble steed”, and seeing the two of them approaching like that is often the first way everyone back at camp knows the day went well. karlach never complains about carrying wyll’s things so he isn’t too heavy for zeph to carry that far.

after wyll is transformed, zeph and karlach team up to teach wyll horns 101 — how to take care of them, comfortably sleep with them, and so on. (zeph happily gives him lessons on how to cuddle without them getting in the way.) they also like to take turns decorating them for him, usually with flowers they find growing wherever they are at the time and any makeup or paints they can get their hands on. they’re determined to show him that he doesn’t need to be ashamed of his new form.

in waukeen’s rest, the second wyll says that the person they’re trying to save is his dad, zeph breaks through the door and races in alongside the flaming fist. that’s when wyll first starts to realize he’s falling for zeph — when he watches zeph run straight into a burning building without a second thought, blowing right past a door that four other people working together hadn’t been able to budge, just because he heard someone inside was important to wyll.

late into the night of the tiefling party, when things are winding down, zeph realizes that wyll still hasn’t come back to his tent so he goes to check on him and finds him asleep by the water. instead of waking him up, zeph just picks him up, carries him over to his bedroll, and basically tucks him in. wyll does wake up enough from the motion to notice what’s happening, but he pretends to be asleep still because it’s cute and he doesn’t want zeph to stop. he would never admit that he enjoyed something like that, but when no one knows he’s aware of it and he can pretend he had no idea it was even happening (and he’s half-asleep enough to not care so much about that anyway)? he’s not above indulging in that comfort for a little while.

[dimension20npcofalltime]

Preliminary Round D

Propaganda under the cut (May contain major spoilers for one or more of the campaigns listed above)

Jeremy Renner - They got Renner to do the part!

Avanash - Never knew what was happening. Fears water. Help him

Archbishop Camille Colliflour - Old woman who pretends to be sweet and feeble until she transforms into a deeply terrifying eldritch creature bent on consuming all.

The Hangman - Just a wonderful dog bike, cracked in all fights he takes a part in

Telemaine Lomenelda - Jedge, runs essentially a summer camp for teenage elves.

Senator - Pinocchio's steed

Bridge & Tunnel Troll - Everything about his existence to his voice to hils ailment and recommended treatment are just delightful! He immediately added so much to the world

(Captain) Jan De La Vega - I LOVE her <33333333333

The Questing Blade (I'm counting this one as an NPC since it has a personality and is played by Brennan) - Facilitated one of the best unsleeping city moments when choosing Cody as their new holder. Still holds a grudge against ricky for leaving without saying goodbye. Allowed Dale to break out of heaven and see his wife Sofia

Wallace - undead twink

[bluemoonperegrine]

Wolf Be Upon Yeet: Part III

In which @vicarious-rebel and I chatted via DM about the Werewolf By Night and Moon Knight crews in her headcanon which includes Elsa’s pet eldritch horror Stony, which had been the Bloodstone but is now literally a monster. Here are part I and part II.

Stonyverse short fics: 

“Of blood and stone” by Vi

 “Something Awful This Way Comes” (ao3 link) by me

"In which the Bloodstone is a little shit" by Vi

This amazing, adorable gif that's eventually relevant to the silliness below it is @toothyclown's creation. (Toothy, If it's not cool that I saved the file and posted it here, lmk and I'll delete it immediately.) Here's the original post with the gif.

This edition gets Looney-Tunes-style silly. 🤣

Vi’s text is black. bluemoonperegrine’s text is blue. (I mean, of course.)

I'm thinking about writing some Stony stuff, so I'm rereading your fic introducing the adorable li'l scamp. There "was the body and eight legs of an arachnid but a bony humanoid torso where the chest and head portion should be. The arms were long and thin but ended in clawed hands large enough to close around a human head." So he has eight spidery legs and two arms. The arms are generally human-like, right? Just kind of warped and horrific?

Stony is huge! It sounds like when standing his abdomen is 7 ft off the ground. If his torso and head are roughly human-sized, that would put his head about 4 feet higher.

I think Stony shouldn't have much of a scent. In any case, it would freak Jack out even more if this creature that partially looks like a skinned human doesn't smell like blood and flesh at all.

This idea popped into my head: the moon boys teaching Stony to walk on his humanoid hands. Jack would pass out on the spot the first time he saw it.

If Stony is as big as I described above, someone's gotta ride him like a steed sent straight from hell. Elsa makes the most sense.

I read this part of our chat--"considering Ted's acid is a reflex"--as "Ted is acid reflux" initially. 🤣

Random idea: Elsa finds a way to make Stony temporarily smaller so it's easier to bring him on hunts. Or maybe discovers that he can go back into gem form but doesn't want to. Elsa would need a truckload of chicken nuggets to train and reward Stony for stuffing himself back into gem form for a while.

Stony: screech-growls in protest

Jack: flinches, then fidgets

Elsa: It's only for a few hours. As we clear out the nest, you can eat every single one of those shambling mounds!

Jack: shudders

Stony: perks up

My brain keeps circling back to Stony's origin story. Why was he suddenly able to manifest in monster form? I'm thinking that during a big fight the Bloodstone got a hairline crack. That disturbed some sort of containment spell and Stony could break free.

yup his arms are pretty human-looking, just disproportionately long for extra body horror eldritchness

Regarding Stony's scent, I do imagine him to smell of blood but it also makes perfect sense for him not to smell of anything bc he's supposed to be in a rock.

You're right that it would freak Jack out. It'll make him develop Stony-sense.

TINY STONY! I imagine him looking the same just…. smaller

My Little Stony 🤣

The question is how tiny is tiny Stony? horse-sized? large dog-sized?

He could change to multiple sizes: stone-sized or dog-sized Regarding how he manifested, something like a spell or whatnot "dissolving" the bloodstone and releasing the sentience

When Stony's out, the actual Bloodstone is gone and not in its frame because it's not a stone anymore

Jack sees something crawling on the floor, assumes it's a spider, then "oh wait oh shit it's That Thing"

Poor Jack sees one of the moon boys teaching Stony to do a trick and he just nopes out

Jack wakes up one morning to find tiny Stony curled up on top of him (on top of the covers) sleeping soundly… and is promptly launched across the room by shrieking Jack who runs for the hills

Tiny stony usually sleeps on Elsa's bed. 🤣

I think I just want to terrorize Jack.

Or worse, sees Elsa actually train it for combat and legs it Hasn't Jack suffered enough?

(No.)

Terrorizing Jack is so much fun. He's our damsel in distress

Someone save the werewolf from the eldrich tarantula

A favorite visual of mine in this AU is Stony deliberately trying to freak out the resident smol woof and Marc just deflecting him like "ok that's enough, you're gonna stop it or no chicken nuggets for you"

Jake not too secretly eggs Stony on. Sneaks him a spicy chicken nug when Marc's not looking

Jack looks at him, betrayed "I loved you… Trusted you…. And you BETRAY ME?!"

Jake: Man up, woof boy

Steven: Jake, I won't tolerate this sort of misogyny and misandry. That's no way--

The system devolves into bickering again. Jake: it's all in good fun

Steven: good fun? you're traumatizing him

Maybe Steven let Jack know about something that wigs Jake out so he can give him a little of his own medicine. He could be afraid of butterflies or something.

Marc standing off to the side, rolling his eyes

Yeah, Steven likes fairness so he'd do that

Jake: whispering to Stony in Spanish Jack: I CAN HEAR YOU AND UNDERSTAND YOU, GILIPOLLAS.

Steven: steal his gloves and crinkle them Jake: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE Stony just being confused bc he doesn't know Spanish but he gets spicy nuggets so he's fine with it

The moon boys bickering is the best

Jake's cheeky and teases ppl but it really is all in good faith

The smol woof needs a pack. he likely sees Elsa and Ted as his… and eventually, reluctantly Stony as well. He'd be more than happy to include the moon boys and Layla

yeah, they're all his pack Stony is on thin ice tho

I can imagine Jack getting angry at Stony for something and informing him that he's out of the pack.

Stony: no response

He doesn't understand and wouldn't really care even if he did.

Elsa, feigning shock: you Kicked him Out? Jail! In this AU werewolf Jack looks just like he did in the special. I assume he's not a mindless killing machine. In the special he went on a killing spree because he was attacked and tortured via Bloodstone and then guards. So is he basically wolflike? How much human Jack is in there?

I'd say about 10% human Jack, he tends to act very wolflike but can occasionally retain info/memories between transformations but they tend to be vague and blurry (like trying to remember a dream but the only thing you remember is having a dream and maybe some detail or feeling and that's it)

For instance, werewolf Jack can recognize ppl by scent (esp if he's been around them long enough) and has some of the same preferences as his human form, like his penchant for salmon paste

Is salmon paste like lox?

Nah, it's like regular salmon ground down to paste, it's got a similar consistency to any paste and it tastes and smells like smoked salmon

It's pretty good. I pretty much headcanon it as one of Jack's favourite snacks after he discovered it. (Marc absolutely uses that to his advantage when dealing with werewolf Jack)

So there isn't a panic at Bloodstone at each full moon if only the usual suspects are around

Bloodstone Manor is like the Addams family mansion. There are a couple of weird creatures, a werewolf, a monster hunter and two avatars of Egyptian gods and everyone's having a grand old time. And then there's Billy Swan, the only normal one in any room, doing his thing like this is all perfectly normal. Also, where is the manor? Outside Boston?

I read somewhere that in the special it's in Arizona. The garden/labyrinth looked kinda the American SW to me, so that clicked in my head and I used it in my fics. Also I love the desert SW so I was happy to set stuff there.

I honestly have no idea, geography is kinda fluid in my brain. It's somewhere in a forested area and that's all I know abt it

gotta have room to roam (for Ted and Jack) and probably also Stony bc big eldritch horrors gotta stretch

I imagine that Elsa removed all of the monster heads mounted on the walls as well.

... if Elsa hadn't removed the monster heads, Stony may have eaten them 😬

I imagine they're stuffed/preserved somehow, in which case Stony wouldn't so much eat them as chew them up and spit them out in disgust

Jack's doing his own thing and BOOM, Stony pops up and fucks up his day

vlog proposal: Decorating With Stony

After the reveal Stony weighs in by destroying things or not. It's the ultimate interior decor assessment. The releases people have to sign are insane

--------------------

Sheesh, I still haven't gotten to the part that inspired this series' title! I'll get there eventually.

[gunslinginnhogtyin]

A VERY DESCRIPTIVE PROFILE OF YOUR MUSE. Repost with the information of your muse, including headcanons, etc. if you fail to achieve some of the facts, add some other of your own!

NAME: Ernest Miller Jr.

NICKNAME: “Butch”

TITLE(S): “The Rough n’ Rowdy Bandit”

AGE: 32

SPECIES: human/demon hybrid

SEX: cis-male

NATIONALITY: American

INTERESTS: Butch loves playing his guitar and has recently discovered new century music which has only intensified his love for music! He also enjoys cooking, gardening, good ol’ fashioned fist fights and shooting his guns. But he especially loves riding his horse, especially when she’s taking him towards adventure!

PROFESSION: cowboy turned outlaw/banditry

BODY TYPE: lean/athletic

EYES: Bright blue

HAIR: Sandy blonde

SKIN: fair/tan

POSTURE: has relatively good posture on account of the fact that he’s constantly trying to look taller than he actually is.

HEIGHT: 5’5

VOICE: gotta go with Jack McBrayer (vc of Wander from Wander Over Yonder, specifically! So close to Butch’s accent and everything!)

SIGNATURE OUTFIT: His mustard yellow long sleeve button up under a brown vest, dark brown pants and a championship bull riding belt to tie it together— those red boots, his red leather gloves, red bandana around his neck, and his brown cowboy hat! Sometimes he wears chaps when they’re necessary.

SIGNIFICANT OTHER: This man has never had a meaningful relationship aside from the one he thought he had with Darlene Alden.

COMPANIONS: Darlene Alden (former), Edgar Alden, Saskia Kenji, & Dar (his steed)

ANTAGONISTS: Countess Zora, self proclaimed Pirate Queen Bonaccorso, infamous bounty hunter Rufous Red, Eldritch Witch Darlene Alden

STRENGTHS: physical combat, handling a rope/lasso, operating dual pistols with key precision, speed, charisma (special demon abilities I won’t put here bc they do not yet apply).

WEAKNESSES: Holy water would probably hurt! Emotional intimacy for sure, commitment (now we’re just getting too real), calling him by his legal name

FRUITS: though he loves all types of fruits, Dragonfruit is by far his favorite.

DRINKS: water, the occasional soda pop

ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES: Scotch, Rum, Whiskey, Bourbon—any type, really, this man isn’t picky! Though his favorite drink would have to be a homemade Old Fashioned with Rye and an orange peel.

SMOKES: Yup! Butch rolls his own cigarettes with home grown tobacco! He will occasionally smoke out of his pipe; he also likes cigars from time to time.

DRUGS: Occasionally he will dabble in plants of the weed variety but aside from that… nope!

DRIVERS LICENSE: Hell no!

Tagged by: @cablexclub :3c

Tagging: @arcanescholxr, @fantasyconcrete, & @villains4hire and anyone else who wants to do it!! !

[chaosprinceundivided]

The Keeper of Pain

The Imperial artillery fired. Hailstorm of Cathayese rockets hurling into the air filled of Slaaneshi angels, the beautiful monsters shrieking a caphony of harmonious songs and gentle cries that bewitched many men already. Their bodies turning beautiful clouds of colours and perfuming with the stink of the powders.

Below, the frontlines of chaos warriors and their Chosen betters marched with their bulwark up. Already the painseekers of marauders and daemonettes were crossing the battlefield, the hunger of first blood salivating their mad tongues. The dust of charging calveries crossing and crashing into each other. Chaos Knights and their noble counterparts piercing one another with lances or clashing with blades.

Pistols and rifles barking, maiming and killing but death was but another facet of experiences that drove the madmen of the Dark Prince into a wild glee. Even those thought dead rose again, their bodies yet to know the bliss of the End.

And most terrible of all; whilst chariots pulled by singing equine-shaped daemons and serpentine steeds of Slaanesh, wheels ringing with churning blades that devoured the unfortunates caught in the malevolence parodying farmers plowing the fields, there was elegant giants strutting.

Four-armed and garnished, lordly and adorned with beautiful armour gleaming of polish and jewels. Foremost was most bestial, arms out in presenting while their armored claws clasped, greased by recent slaughter. Jaz'mahnn Silverspine, General of the Godslayer's Legion of Immaculate Excess, gestured. The air rippled and reality was tearing, spilling out more of his swooning legionnaires against the alliance of Order.

A painter's flick of his wrist, the dark power they commanded weaved through the Winds of Magic. Ranks of soldiers flayed by a sudden scourge of bladed flailing lashes, tearing through armour and flesh. Their screams of exquisite agony filled the air, becoming the cadence that Jaz'mahnn played with a flickering of their feeler-ended whiskers.

The daemon's fingers splaying as he reached for the sky. Snipers tried to end it, finding their aim lacking and eyes weeping at the thought of even harming such eldritch beauty.

Then, he slammed his fist down into a palm. The sky exploded, webbing like broken glass. The same imagery becoming real as giant shards fell, breaking to reveal the growing thinness between the mortals' realm and the screaming hells of the Warp. Each shard holding a piece of the realms; from the countless horrors and delights of the Dark Prince's realm to the burning battlefields and coughing forges of the Blood God, the sickly gardens and unending marshes of the Rot Lord, and the maddening impossibilities of the Master of Fate. All of it falling to screaming ranks.

The discipline of the Imperial companies scattering by the moment. The frontlines more than engorged in their own melee, the rear-forces coming like a black wave of murderous blades and cannibalistic teeth. The warmachines being smashed into and torn apart, their crews chased and dragged for a fate that made them beg for an easier death on the battlefield. A mercy lost.

Jaz'mahnn watched it all, trying to take the several senses and inhaled.

However, found no real joy today. Instead, he gestured, "Go." And his companions charged, sprinting faster than galloping horses and cross the field to leap into the fray. That earned a little chuckle before turning away, striding back to camp - the battle was already won. There was little need to watch the rest.

There will be a plenty of prisoners to excerise a bit of relief.

[indescriptequilibrium]

me ridin my eldritch steed in the sea of three moons goin door to door marketin cybersecurity solutions