#Dry cured ham

[this-is-my-main-i-follow-from]

Learning about curing meat rn

"The brine is often pumped directly into the pig's femoral artery so that it circulates throughout the ham (industry lore is that an embalmer came up with this method)"

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU part 30

part 1 | part 29 | ao3

cw: Steve Harrington committing unforgivable thought crimes (besmirching LotR)

"Uh," Steve stammers as Eddie tugs him off the couch, because he just propositioned the guy while covered in snot and tears and wearing a blanket as a cape, and now that guy is holding his hand.

Eddie doesn't let go after he gets him to his feet. Their fingers lace together, and his palm is soft and warm, his fingers slightly callused. Steve can feel his own pulse pounding in his wrist.

"Simmer down," Eddie teases, "I'm not having sex with you. Yet," he adds with a lewd waggle of his brows when Steve puppy-dog pouts at him. "This is better than sex, anyway."

"If you're having shit sex, maybe.” Steve rolls his eyes and lets himself be dragged past a messy counter, where Eddie stops to grab a black lunch box and a cassette tape, a tissue for Steve’s face, then down the hall to Eddie's bedroom.

"My kingdom," he grins as he shoves the door open and waves Steve through with a bow.

His room is amazing. Awesome and terrible all at once: awesome, because it looks like someone put Eddie’s essence in a blender and ran the blades without a lid, and terrible, because the place is a fucking pigsty. There’s a bag of bread on the floor.

Eddie tells him to make himself at home, so Steve plops down on the edge of his bed, takes in the explosion of artwork tacked to the walls while Eddie buzzes around the room — swoops and swoons like a drunken bee, kicking shit into messy piles, sticking a cig in his mouth and forgetting to find the lighter, turning on the stereo. He pops in the cassette, and Steve lets out a surprised laugh when he hears the upbeat strumming.

"Rumours? Really? That's your 'better than sex' cure?"

Eddie cranks the volume. "It's workin’, ain't it?" he mumbles around the unlit cig.

Steve tries to frown and fails. "…Shut up."

Eddie snickers at him; gives him the cutest smile he's ever seen, nose scrunched up, eyes crinkled at the corners, then he tucks the cigarette behind his ear and shakes his hair out with a grimace. “Christ, it’s hot in here." His hands move to the hem of his shirt. "Look away or don’t, baby, I’m changin’!”

Steve smiles and averts his gaze, falling back on Eddie’s bed and looking at the ceiling with his legs dangled over the edge. In his periphery he can see Eddie hopping gracelessly around the dresser, trying to tug his foot out of the end of his skinny jeans, cursing under his breath; dropping all the ‘g’s off the ends of his words.

"I like your Southern accent."

"Do ya now?" Eddie throws it on thick, really hamming it up, "Well then, I reckon it's plum near the most attractive dad-gum thing y’ever did hear 'round these here pawrts."

Steve honks a mortifyingly stupid laugh, which makes Eddie laugh like a chime in a windstorm, which just makes Steve laugh even more, and maybe Eddie was right.

Maybe this is better than sex.

He wipes at his eyes, misty for a good reason for the first time all night, and when he looks up again Eddie’s dressed in his pajamas. Dark gray gym shorts, a black cut-off tank, the arm holes deep and loose to expose his armpit hair, his ribs.

Steve’s mouth goes dry.

Eddie’s wiry and pale, firm muscle wrapped around his string-bean frame, and he's covered in tattoos — black line art and gray shading, fantastical beasts and staffs and swords, a crazily-detailed set of serpent scales snaking up his side. But it's his legs that catch Steve's eye.

His legs are covered in words. Words and doodles everywhere, from his calves to his thighs, the lines wobbly and thick like Eddie put them there himself. There are quotes in sloppy cursive, longer ones in blocky print; a few stylized to look like comic book dialog, the words POW! and DANGER outlined in spiky bubbles above his knee. Steve wants to trace the lines; rehearse him like a poem, learn each ink stroke with his fingers until he can recite them all by heart.

Eddie catches him staring and gives a small, pleased grin. “Like what you see?”

Steve’s tongue feels too big for his mouth. “Yeah. I really do.”

The smile widens. Eddie clambers onto the bed, stepping over Steve’s head and plopping down beside him with his back against the wall, one leg drawn up, the other stretched out long and loose.

Steve shifts to lay the same direction, and his shoulder brushes Eddie’s leg, his wrist ghosting against his ankle bone. He doesn’t pull away; likes the look of their skin tones side by side — the smooth desert landscape of his inner arm, accented only by a few veins and moles; the riot of ink and art all along Eddie’s shin. Eddie’s feet are bare, and they’re wide, a little hairy (reminds Steve of Dustin’s nerdy ring book, and he almost says as much, but he knows Eddie’s even more obsessed with that shit than the kids are. He really doesn’t want the dude to pop a brain boner and spend the next four hours lecturing Steve about jewelry lore.)

“What are you giggling at down there?” Eddie nudges at his elbow.

“Nothing,” Steve says, and Eddie responds “All right then, keep your secrets” in a silly character voice. He stretches to the side and grabs a joint off the bedside table.

“Now,” he says, voice slipping into that deep, slow sing-song thing he does — his sales pitch tone, Steve realizes. “This part is, of course, completely optional, but. In my humble, expert opinion—”

“So humble,” Steve teases under his breath.

“—It really enhances the whole experience.”

“The Stevie Nicks Therapeu- thera-” Oh, screw it. “Un-saddening Experience?”

“That is correct.” He holds it out over Steve’s face, wiggling it in offering, and Steve thinks about his conversation with Robin over brunch:

"I can't believe you did coke.” "I can't believe you smoked weed." "I know." "Was it okay?" He hasn't tried weed since... "Yeah," she answers seriously. "Yeah, it was okay. It was nice, actually."

“Okay,” he decides. I trust you. “Let’s do it.”

Eddie puts the joint between his lips and lights it up.

—

part 31

listen i know it’s a quote from a movie that will not exist for another 16 years just let me have this. tag list in separate reblogs under '#trailer park steve au taglist' if you'd like to filter that content. if you want to be added tomorrow please comment and let me know (must be over 21; please either verify in the comment or have your age visible on your blog)

[chibinasuu]

The Lady at Baratie | バラティエのお嬢さん

From One Piece Novel: Straw Hat Stories by Ōsaki Tomohito

❗IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER❗

This is not my story. I just translated the original story written by Ōsaki Tomohito (大崎知仁) from Japanese into English. This is Sanji’s storyline that was included in One Piece Novel: Straw Hat Stories, but didn’t make it into the One Piece Fan Letter episode. It was first published in One Piece Magazine vol. 2, which is where I got the original text from for this translation. 

This is just a fan translation. I am not a native Japanese speaker (or a native English speaker, for that matter) nor am I a professional translator. My credential is as far as a JLPT N2 certificate, so please forgive any inaccuracies or awkwardness in the translation.

I’d be thrilled if you share this by reblogging within tumblr, but I'd appreciate it if you don’t copy and repost, or share this translation outside of this website.

Now, on to the story. Enjoy!

──── I ──── 

An apéritif of sparkling wine to stimulate the appetite, then an appetizer of dry-cured ham and fruits. Delicious, as expected. The second course was a seafood tomato soup, with just the perfect touch of acidity. 

If you shift your gaze out the window, a view of the cloudless sky and the calm sea spread out before you, which, coupled with the distant call of the seagulls, soothes the heart that had been worn down by life on solid land.

Good food, good location. Yes, it had been a long time since I visited the Baratie, but it really was incomparable!

However, there was one little thing holding me back from freely enjoying myself today. 

That one little thing, was sitting right before me. 

“Hmm, yes, this place is quite alright, isn’t it? The way I see it, the alcohol and ingredients they use here are not half bad either. But, you see, there’s this other restaurant I know which I would rather recommend to you. Well, it is fairly more high-end than this place, yes, but I happen to know the owner. So, if you would like to visit, I can make a reservation straight away...”

“Oh yes, I see… Is that right?” I threw in some offhand responses at appropriate times as he rambled on. Behind the cover of a napkin, I let out a deep sigh. 

This man, who had only been excessively talking about himself, was my companion for today’s meal (to emphasize, this was not a date, just a meeting over a meal). I wasn’t even sure anymore how I first met him – I think he probably approached me at a party, or something like that. Ever since then, he had been endlessly persistent in asking me out for a meal, even after I refused him every single time. I admit it was my mistake that I finally gave up and said okay this time.

Since I wasn’t looking forward to the meal in the first place anyway, I thought at the very least I should be allowed to choose the restaurant myself. So, I made a reservation at the floating restaurant “Baratie”, which I had recently been visiting less and less due to my busy schedule. Today happened to be the day of that reservation.

The man had his hair slicked back with a heavy coat of styling gel. A gold handkerchief was tucked in the front pocket of his bright, crimson suit. How do I say it, everything about this guy was just gaudy. Loud. And although he had been running his mouth off the whole time, all he talked about was,

“There’s this singer that I know—“

“There’s this building that I own—“

“There’s this dog I got that costs six hundred thousand berries a head—“

Me, me, me. It was a never-ending onslaught of boastful speeches about himself. I wished I could put him on mute just by pressing those flashy cufflinks of his. 

My rare chance to dine at the Baratie – my long-overdue meal at the Baratie had lost half its charms with Mr. Fancy-haired Narcissist over here as my dining companion. 

Right now, a monologue about “this movie starring my bro’s wife’s sister” was taking place in front of me. I put on my imaginary earplugs and shut out the noise, deciding to focus on my meal instead. 

It was then that I realized. The Baratie was unusually quiet today – well, aside from this self-absorbed prick sitting before me. After taking a quick, casual look around the restaurant, I figured out the reason why. 

Just as I thought. He wasn’t here. 

That waiter, always in his black suit with a cigarette hanging between his lips… No, not a waiter. I believe he called himself the sous chef.

Sanji was nowhere to be seen today.  

Beyond his cooking skills, he was infamous at the Baratie for being a notorious skirt-chaser who was always indiscriminately hitting on all the female customers. As for myself, it wasn’t just once or twice that I was on the receiving end of Sanji’s flirting. 

And just so you know, it wasn’t just three or four times either. 

“Oh, what a beautiful lady! It’s your first time here, isn’t it? Hm, did you come alone today? That won’t do. Shall I accompany you for a glass of wine after your meal?”

“This sherbet – you better eat it quick before it melts from the heat of my passion for you.”

“Oh, you’re a fashion designer? Then, maybe I should ask you to design a suit for me! Could you take my measurements now? Should I take my clothes off? Should I strip down?”

He was pompous, and foolish, and perverted. But, somehow, he was also the kind of man that was just impossible to hate. 

On top of that, this Sanji was also famous for the strength of his legs. 

All kinds of customers dine at the Baratie, not excluding rude and bad-mannered ones. If a customer’s ill behavior went too far, Sanji would deliver a powerful kick to their table, or even to the patrons themselves. I had only seen it once. A huge drunk man, who was loudly making a scene and even reaching out to steal food from a neighboring table, fell victim to Sanji’s leather shoes and ended up sprawled on the floor, “If you could please kindly shut the fuck up, Sir.” 

Well, if he wasn’t here, then he wasn’t here. But for me, who he always flirted with every time I came here, a Baratie without Sanji just felt like it was lacking something. 

“...and that’s how it is! Funny, right?”

Mr. Fancy-haired Narcissist was leering at me with a smug look on his face, and I instinctively leaned back. Danger, danger. It took everything in me not to jab my fork into his forehead.

His story seemed to have reached its punchline, and he was waiting for my reaction. 

“Sorry, I didn’t hear a shit of what you just said,” was what I would’ve liked to tell him. 

But in reality, all I could say to him was, “Right. So funny. Hahaha…”

──── II ──── 

“Some customers really have no manners,” Mr. Fancy-haired Narcissist grumbled upon returning from the restroom.

“There was a customer smoking at the table over there. I think smoking while eating ruins the taste of the food, and to boot, it’s just a nuisance to the other customers. If you ask me, people who smoke are the biggest of idiots. You think so too, don’t you?”

“Yes, well…”

“That’s a reasonable opinion, but if you ask me, that nasty cologne you’re wearing smells just as bad as the smoke! It’s so bad that I want to dunk you with seawater right now just to get rid of it!” 

But of course, I could only say that in my mind.

We had just finished the main dish of our full course meal (Sautéed Elephant Bluefin Tuna in Olive Oil – so rich and delicious), and now, dessert had just been served. All that was left was for us to enjoy the lingering sensation of a good meal over a coffee or a digestif… or at least we were supposed to. But with this Fancy-haired Narcissist sitting before me, my patience was quickly running out. 

This won’t do. I need a change of scene.

“Oh, going to the restroom? Take your time.”

As I placed my napkin on the chair and stood up, the self-absorbed prick gave me a wink. I gave him a reluctant smile in return (while inside, I stuck my tongue out at him), and left my seat. 

Instead of going to the restroom, I went out to the deck instead, thinking I might try to find Sanji there. But, as expected, he was nowhere to be found either. 

As I leaned against the railing and listened to the whistle of a distant merchant ship, I wished I could just stay out here for the rest of the day, feeling the wind on my skin. The gentle sea breeze carried my sigh away. Out of the blue, a shadow appeared on my left, accompanied by a telltale clunk. 

A ridiculously long chef’s hat, a braided beard. The clunk I heard was the sound of a prosthetic leg hitting the deck. Zeff, the owner and head chef of the Baratie, was standing next to me. We had exchanged casual greetings a few times before. Zeff had his arms crossed and was staring off into the distance with a sour look on his face.  

“Are you on your break?” 

I didn’t know why I spontaneously called out to him — maybe I was just longing for a conversation that wasn’t shallow and superficial like the ones I’d been having all day. 

Zeff answered while still gazing at the ocean, “No, I just needed to check something.”

“Check something?”

“Yes. I have to feel the wind – whether it is dry or humid, warm or cold – to determine the way we should prepare the food today.” 

“You can’t make good food just by staying locked up in the galley,” Zeff said with a small laugh. “You on a date, young miss? Seems like you came here with a man.”

“Uh, well, you know,” I stammered. I wanted to explain that it wasn’t a date, just a meeting over a meal, but the words couldn’t quite come out. As more seconds ticked by, even if I gave any additional explanation, it would have just come across as unconvincing. So I didn’t, and asked him a question instead.

“Is Sanji-san taking a day off today?”

“Sanji?”

Zeff glanced at me, “Well if it’s him you’re looking for, I’m afraid he ain’t here. He’s out – to find the All Blue.”

“All Blue?”

When I blinked in confusion, Zeff faintly smiled and explained, “Young miss, you don’t read the papers much, do you? That brat Sanji, he’s a pirate now. He’s in Straw Hat Luffy’s crew – that kid who wants to become the King of the Pirates. Ever heard of him?”

The Straw Hat Pirates. The name seemed familiar, but I didn’t know much about them. I was honestly surprised. Who would’ve thought that playboy would end up becoming a pirate?

“So, Sanji-san won’t be coming here for a while then?” 

“Yeah, I guess he won’t. Not until the Straw Hats’ adventures reach its end, at least.” 

“Oh, I see…”

Even I was taken aback at how low-spirited my reply sounded. Flustered, I tried to regain a lighthearted tone, “Everyone must miss him now that he’s gone, no? Sanji-san was a very lively person, wasn’t he?”

“Miss him? Don’t be stupid.”

Zeff laughed. “It’s actually a relief that the foolish eggplant is gone. He was just a walking, overdressed nuisance after all.”

His description made me burst into laughter. I certainly got the feeling that wherever Sanji went, trouble would follow. 

“And yet,” Zeff said as he stepped away from the railing, “That brat is still causing trouble for us even after he’s gone.”

“Even after he’s gone?” I asked, but Zeff was already heading toward the door leading to the inside of the restaurant without saying another word.

──── III ──── 

When I finally returned to my seat, I was met with a surprise. 

“Um… what is this?”

“My feelings. Accept it, won’t ya?”

On top of the table, his feelings – a ring adorned with a large jewel – sat in its case, glaring at me. 

“Ah, there’s no particular deep meaning behind it or anything! I just want to commemorate this first day with you, since I’m looking forward to spending more wonderful times with you from now on.” 

Then, he winked.

No. No, no, no. I pressed my hand to my forehead and hung my head.  

“Hey, hey, hey! Are you so happy that you cried? Oooh, I’m in trouble!”

No, that wasn’t it! I could only shake my head.

On the first date (or rather, first meal together), he suddenly gifted me a ring. Moreover, the ring was so bulky it could probably be used as a weapon. Oh, hell no. I can’t take this anymore – this ring, and this man too. 

A memory suddenly popped up into my tired, dejected mind – of a different “jewel” that Sanji had given me some time ago. 

Once when I came here for lunch, due to a slip-up, the wine I ordered that was listed as available on the menu turned out to be out of stock. At that time, Sanji offered me a complimentary Fruit Macedonia as a token of apology. 

“I hope you’ll accept this. Although this can’t possibly compare with your radiance and vibrance–”

His flattery aside, the Macedonia he brought over to me – garnished with a waft of smoke from his cigarette – was of the highest luxury. From the glassware and the way it was presented, to the vibrant colors of the fruits – it was like looking at a box of jewels. 

I couldn’t help but compare the “jewel” that had captivated me at that time, and the jewel that was currently glittering on the table before me. The prices of those two jewels must have been in very different leagues, but so were the impressions they left on my heart. 

“You’re gonna accept this, right?”

He gave me a look that clearly expected me to, as he waited for my answer.

I took a deep breath as I prepared to firmly set things straight with him, “Well, I–” but my voice was drowned out by a sudden loud bang of a door being kicked open. 

The group that stormed into the restaurant was instantly recognizable as pirates at first glance. Their sunburned faces were crooked with vicious looks, and every one of them was carrying weapons. The customers seated by the door screamed and scattered at the sudden intrusion, which had the cooks rushing out of the kitchen. 

“What is it? What’s happening?”

“Is it a raid?”

Leading the charge was a cook with a twisted headband around his shaved head and another cook with sunglasses on. 

Patty and Carne. I only knew their names because I’d seen Sanji argue with those two countless times before. 

“Ughh… Haaa…”

I was wondering what made that trembling sound when I realized that it was the self-absorbed prick beside me. The poor guy’s face was drained of color, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly like a fish out of water, and he’d fallen halfway off his chair. 

Oh, but it sure was strange. I was quite certain he told me some kind of heroic tale earlier about how “I did boxing when I was a kid, and I once KO’d three, no, I think it was seven, pirates at once.” 

There were roughly a dozen pirates in the group, and a man with a mohawk, who seemed to be the captain, kicked over a nearby table and yelled, “Cooks! Bring me all the food and booze you have! Now!”

Then, with a grin, he continued, “Don’t try to put up a pointless resistance. I already knew, see? That crazy strong bastard Sanji isn’t here anymore, right?”

“If he ain’t here then so what, you son of a bitch!”

“That lousy cook had no fighting skills to begin with!”

Patty and Carne yelled in return, brandishing their giant pitchforks. 

The sea of cooks parted at the clunking of Zeff’s prosthetic leg. He stepped forward slowly, snorting at the sight of the pirates, “Hmph. Some thugs again? How bothersome. Did you think you could easily take on Baratie now that Sanji’s not here?”

“Oh look, it’s Red-Leg Zeff. What can a senile, old ex-pirate do, huh?”

Mohawk Man’s remark was bold, but for just a moment, a hint of fear was apparent in his voice and expression. No one could deny that the Owner’s presence sure was intimidating. 

At that moment, I also realized the meaning of his puzzling words from earlier, how he said that Sanji still brought trouble even after he was gone.  

Long story short, it seemed like these types of scoundrels would frequently come and attack Baratie, taking advantage of Sanji’s absence. It must be a pain to deal with these good-for-nothings, who may not even have dared come if Sanji had been here. 

Zeff continued, “If you’re here as a paying customer, then I’ll bring you as much food and booze as you’d like. If not, then get lost.” 

“Oh, I’ll pay… with this,” Mohawk Man said, drawing a pistol from his belt. 

“I see how it is.” Zeff nodded and commanded the cooks standing by, “Please escort him out, boys.”

The Owner’s words acted as a signal, and with a battle cry, the cooks clashed with the pirates. 

──── IV ──── 

The skirmish was over in no time at all. 

I didn’t know whether it was because the pirates were weak or the cooks were strong, or maybe it was both, but within a matter of minutes, all of the pirates were taken out and thrown overboard into the ocean like rotten leftover ingredients. 

Ah, by the way, Mr. I-KO’d-Seven-Pirates snatched the ring and skedaddled as soon as the battle started. I didn’t get the chance to say “See you never!” to him in the end, but oh well. 

The cooks were no strangers to fighting, and they were also used to putting the restaurant back together in the aftermath. Efficiently, they worked to replace the broken tables and chairs with new ones. It’s not as if I wanted to thank them for the spectacle or anything, but I found myself also helping to put the knocked-over tables back up. 

Then, I heard Zeff’s voice, “Apologies, young miss. What a pity that your nice date got ruined.”

I turned around and smiled at him, “No worries. I was planning to never see him again after today anyway. Besides, I was lucky to be able to witness Baratie’s famous ‘fighting cooks’ before my very eyes.” 

Zeff chuckled, “Hmph, you’ve got a lot of guts, young lady. It must be hard to find a man that can match up to you.”

I was about to make a joke about how I doubt such a man actually exists, when a face suddenly popped into my mind – a certain chain-smoking sous chef.

That’s ridiculous, I shook my head, but the image had planted itself in my head and refused to leave.

My heart beat just a little bit faster. 

Zeff continued, “Well, this is the Baratie. Stuff like this will definitely happen again in the future. Anyhow, make sure to bring a tougher fellow with you next time.”

“Hm, I wonder. I don’t think any man will be coming with me next time, though.” 

Then – a little surprised at my own boldness – I added mysteriously,

“The man won’t be coming with me. After all, I’ll be meeting him here, at the restaurant.” 

Zeff tilted his head in confusion, but I didn’t indulge him with any further explanation.

☆ translator notes:

I want to stress that not everything here was a literal word-for-word translation. I did take some liberties with some of the translations since Japanese is a very nuanced and complex language, of which lots of vocabulary and grammar do not have a direct English equivalent. But, of course, I tried to remain as faithful as possible to the source material. 

One of the things I contemplated the most was how to translate the lady’s nickname for her “date”. The lady, in her inner monologue, always referred to the unnamed man as 「おれ様オールバック」 (ore-sama allback) or 「おれ様」 (ore-sama). 

Wikipedia translates 「おれ様」 (ore-sama) to “my esteemed self”. Basically, it’s a personal pronoun that indicates extreme arrogance and self-centeredness. The man did not use this personal pronoun himself – he just used 「おれ」 (ore) throughout the story – but the lady here is mocking him for his self-centeredness. The translation I decided on for “ore-sama allback” was “Mr. Fancy-haired Narcissist” (“allback” means slicked-back hair, referring to the man’s hairstyle), while I translated “ore-sama” to “self-absorbed prick”. 

They were pretty liberal translations because I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to convey those phrases in English, but I hope that was an okay interpretation!

[lionsongfr]

Riot of Rot Cuisine- Second Course

Since I promised I would do another one when a Plague venue actually came out. Still ended up mostly using items from Gathering. OTL Previous can be found here: link

Eternal Soup Hotpot- the last warrior to die before the peace between Plaguebringer and Gladekeeper had their bones gifted to 10 Plague chefs. From those bones came 10 eternal soups, their cauldrons are never emptied, and their liquid is replenished as needed. Since food can be scarce in the Plaguelands it is customary to bring food items to dip into the pot and devour as hotpot together. The most common items brought are “dung balls” (ground Gigante chicken livers mixed with Wild Onion), Leechroot Mushroom, whole Glass Minnows, and Banded/Land Snails (slurped right out of the shell!)

Bloody Hearts- despite the name this is one of the few non-meat dishes of Plague. A Gryphon's Blood Sempervivum is first steamed and then the center gently scraped away to reveal a clean heart. Wild Onions, Canyon Ruffage, and garlic are sautéed with Flying Butter, and are then simmered with a Sour Strawberry wine.  Grassland Grain breadcrumbs are added before the mixture is stuffed into Sempervivum and baked till golden. A spicy Ashfall Prickler sauce is drizzled on top.

Hellwell Pepper Soup- in the hot and arid air of the Wastelands, Rapheal (a catfish) are dried out in the open. The fish are treated with a mixture of salt and Herbal Plantain to fend off microbes and hungry Bloodfang. To dine on the fish, it must be first be soaked to remove the salt. The soup base is a paste of Blacktongue pepper, Hot Pepper, Wild Onions, garlic, basil, and Cinnamon added to boiling water. The fish is then added to the pot and cooked till tender. Served with boiled Green Plantains or poured over top of mashed Turnips. A searing spice that must be survived to enjoy. 

Mom's Spaghetti and Meat Balls- the meat balls can be made of any meat scraps, but the most common ingredients are ground Maggots and Diseased Fungus, which is fried in Hissing Goose fat to enhance the flavor. The pasta is made of Crisp-Leaf Amaranth, dense and chewy, and topped with a sauce made of Wild Catsup, sour Flying Butter milk, and Desert Sage. A grating of nutritional yeast is often offered to give a cheesy flavor to the dish.

Plague Bat Adobo- colonies of Plague Bats flying is a frequent sight across the Wasteland and are a plentiful food source. The meat is cut up into chunks and first browned in Mushroom Oil. It is then simmered with Wild Onion, garlic, Butcher’s Fig vinegar, Hot Peppers, and soy sauce. The meat is allowed to cook until it is tender and served over a bed of Grassland Grain.  The primary ingredient, vinegar, inhibits the growth of bacteria!

Green Eggs and Ham Omelet- an Undying Featherback is a ferocious beast, and its meat must be cured in separate caverns to keep it from reforming. This valuable ham is used sparingly not just because of its cost, but also its strong and gamey flavor. The omelet starts out by boiling Wasteland Pear nopales, which are then rinsed under cold water and chopped. Wild onions, nopales, and the chopped ham are seared, and then whisked Gigante eggs are added over top. An herbivore friendly version substitutes the ham with the meaty Leechroot Mushroom, while insectivores prefer fried Fungus Cutter pupae.

Wyrm Jelly- when a tendril of the Wandering Contagion breaks off and dies it becomes hollow. Clans carefully collect these tendrils and fill them with a gelatin mixed with blood, Cinnamon, and Herbal Plantain (anti-toxin).  The gelatin is set in the cold desert night before being squeezed out into long tubes of gummies. It is believed that whatever killed the tendril will colonize the gut of the dragon, strengthening them against any new disease.

Beetle Sausage- long strands of Grapevine and Vineyard beetles dipped into concentrated grape juice and then hung to dry like sausages. The colors can vary depending on the type of grape from the Blue Indigo to Orange Autumn. It is a calorie dense treat that warriors often carry into battle to renew their energy. Also, because somehow Plague has grapes?

Snot Shot- Streak’s Dagger herbal liquor is known for its numerous therapeutic properties, caloric values, and bright neon green color. The shot is layered with a red Sugarmelon schnapps (import from Water Flight), followed by the green Streak’s Dagger liquor, and topped with a Wasteland Pear cream liquor…and then a spritz of Sour Strawberry juice. The drink must be downed quickly before the cream and acid of the juice becomes a curdled mess of sick. (though some Plague dragons prefer it that way)

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Leah's Halloween Extravaganza: Butcher's Lane

(This was for Spooktober 2024! Prompt: skeleton & paranoia TW: cannibalism (as always))

*****

Butcher's Lane at night was a sight to see. The town council hadn't gotten around to repairing the lamps, so they flickered like the set of a horror movie, dying with buzz-filled screams. The streets reeked of piss, like a thousand terrified animals had urinated on it as they were dragged to their death. The worst of all, however, was what Butcher's lane was named after: the reek of butcher shops.

I ignored the grumbling in my stomach. How many days had it been now? 5? 6? The last of my water supply was dwindling, and they were growing more insistent on pushing their foods on me.

They weren't people, not like you and I. They ate the poisoned food with no problems, not even registering what killed you. It scares me, old friend, to see these things walking around wearing human skins. 

They recognise me as other, from the bones that poke out from my skin, from the growling of my stomach, from the blood on my cracked lips. I wonder if they understand that I know what they are, if they understand that they cannot convince me to fall for their trap, if they understand that the only way to take me is to pry my jaws open and pour that foul, foul food into my maw.

Gods, I was so hungry. It took everything in me to resist the urge to eat something, anything. I just wanted a meal. The half eaten burger sticking out of the trash was such a temptation, almost as bad as the rotting offal in the gutter. They were both tainted, of course, so I kept walking. 

Are you wondering, old friend, if I'm about to join you? Fret not. I will not succumb to being mere bones. Your precious teeth will not mingle with mine beneath the ground. I am better than that.

I kept walking, hands in pockets, all four of them. When I got cold, I interlaced mine with yours, stroking the exposed bone. The mimics in their disgusting butcher shops stared at me as I walked. It was almost as if they'd never seen a woman carrying a skeleton around, or as if they didn't know how to behave like a real person. My stomach growled at the thought.

All that meat in the butcher shop, cured ham and dried lamb and sausage links stinking like heaven. It made something deep in my chest shudder with lust. But- I wouldn't touch the fakes' tainted food. I kept walking.

Home was a little hovel at the end of Butcher's Lane. Something up there must have been laughing at me when it placed me there, right alongside the street full of diabolical meat.

Thinking about it made me glad you were nothing but bone. You were pure, unlike me. I'd tried to keep the taint from touching my flesh, but with it in everything the fakes ate, there was only so much I could do. I imagined it corrupting my flesh already, and shuddered in disgust.

But I heard you whispering to me. Your voice is like the sweetest of flesh, so tender and juicy and- Oh, how could I insult you by comparing you to tainted meat? You are bone, dry and safe and utterly unlike the delicious crunch-explosion of metal on my tongue.

I am listening, old friend. I hear you when you suggest that I eat. I know you worry, and I'm glad that you do. Truly, it warms my heart that you fear me wasting away.

But what am I to do? All the food here is tainted, and if I eat any food whatsoever, I'll end up tainted myself. Then who will be there to protect you?

Eat them? Are you out of your mind? That would destroy me! Why, they've got a higher concentration of toxin than anything else in this town! One bite of that tender, tender flesh, and I'd be shot to hell! Besides, it's cannibalism, and cannibalism is ‘bad’. I'm careful, not crazy.

Oh, I never thought of it that way. You're right. They aren't human, ergo eating them isn't cannibalism. That's so clever! See, this is why you're the brains of the operation. But still… what of the toxins?

Don't worry about them?! Of course I'm worried! Do I look like I want to die? 

I- Huh. I see. That… That might just be true, old friend. That might just be true. But if it isn't, it's my head on the line, not yours. Why should I risk it? 

Yes, of course I trust you. You're my best friend, the only one standing by my side against this horrid invasion. I'd follow you anywhere, you know that. Or at least drag your skeleton anywhere.

Alright, alright, you win. I'll go grab myself a bite of one of them. Which shop should I stop at? The butcher's? There is a certain irony to it, I must admit. I like it.

I dropped my old friend on the ground, letting their bones clatter unceremoniously. Brushing dust off my stained skirt, I strolled into the butcher shop. Immediately, one of them turned to stare at me. There was horror and disgust on his face, as though he were mimicking my expression. Fool thing: didn't he know I saw right through him?

“Hey there, mind letting me over the counter?” I batted my eyes at him.

He stared blankly, as though I'd grown a second head. I must admit, I should have been more careful about the whole affair. If he hadn't been so shocked by my hubris, I might have been in real trouble. “Miss, the shop's closed for the day. You have to come back another time. Please,” he added hurriedly, hands scrambling to find something. I had a sneaking suspicion it was a butcher knife.

Of course one of them would try to kill me. I launched myself over the counter before he could attack, fingers scratching and clawing at his eyes with ferality. “Die, monster, die!”

Righteousness must have lent me strength and luck in equal measure, for I overwhelmed him to the floor and caught his knife as it fell, plunging the tip right into his chest. A spurt of blood, red and luscious and oh-so-delicious, shot up, splattering my face. I closed my eyes and let his death coat me.

It felt so good to fight back. All this time spent fearing the taint, nursing that growl in my stomach, enduring the eternal hunger as it grew, and at last I was finally freed of my shackles. 

It was then that I let myself succumb to the hunger. I know, old friend, self-control is a key virtue. But just this once, I let myself go. 

I mean- how often does one get to feast?

My fingers dug into soft, loamy flesh, stuffing it into my mouth. I ate like an animal, tearing apart his ribcage, shoving my face in the cavity where all the organs, the good bits, were. I squeezed the stuffing out of his intestines and gulped them down. I sucked his eyeballs right out of their sockets. I ate and ate and ate until I was stuffed, and then I ate some more.

There was something luscious in the act, the devouring of a hostile being, taking them and making them yours. I loved it. I loved the waves of ecstasy that flooded me as I bit his throat, as I savoured the bile of his liver, and I straddled his violated corpse and ate his and my hearts out. I loved him, in that moment, loving my enemy wih a passion that I didn't know I had.

Old friend, old friend, was the start of my fall? That lying on the floor, clothes ripped and stained, panting in ecstasy, body pressed up against his corpse? Was that the moment the slippage of my sanity began, at your cajoling? Was that your intention all along, to tempt me into madness?

You traitor, tainting me deliberately, in a way I, so afraid of a different kind of taint, could never have seen coming. Oh, but you were right about one thing.

Insanity felt so, so very good.

Taglist: @coffeeangelinabox, @dorky-pals, @calliecwrites, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @shukei-jiwa

@thewingedbaron, @pluppsauthor, @cowboybrunch, @wylloblr, @possiblyeldritch

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@seastarblue, @wyked-ao3

[tastesoftamriel]

Hey Tal! I was preparing stuffed jacket potatoes for my family and it made me wonder;

"If each race was given a baked potato (any veriety), what would they stuff it with? (Let's pretend the bosmer is non pact compliant but still likes honoring their roots.)"

Since you'll find potatoes in every other barrel across Tamriel, you can bet that stuffed baked potatoes are probably the most universal dish we know of. Whether you love them or were fed too many of them as a child, there's a baked potato out there for everyone in Tamriel.

Altmer

You know what, the High Elves really have to be fancy about everything. Instead of gutting and filling your regular jumbo jacket potato like literally everybody else, they make large hasselback potatoes and painstakingly insert ingredients between the slots before baking. These laborious (but admittedly delectable) potatoes are usually offered filled with either four cheeses; mozzarella, tomatoes, and pesto; roasted vegetables with tapenade, or pancetta, gruyere, and sausage.

Argonians

Baked potatoes are great for playing a heated game of teeba-hatsei with, much to the rage of many an Argonian parent who had painstakingly made dinner. When they're not being slapped around for a laugh, Argonians eat their baked potatoes by making a well in the centre and crack a hot quail egg in, before topping it with deep fried mealworms or crickets and a bit of lime sambal. Scramble it up and you're good to go!

Bosmer

To every Green Pact-abiding Wood Elf I'm about to sadden with this, I apologise in advance for what I'm about to propose. But imagine a lovely jacket potato stuffed with a good slathering of smoked timber mammoth cheese atop battered thunderbug eggs, smoked bristleback bacon, jalapeño mayo, and sweetgnat butter. I don't need to imagine it; I made one with my friend Berrilyn, and it was glorious. Definitely on the heavy side, but loaded with every good ingredient Valenwood has to offer!

Bretons

Cheap, filling, and delicious. That's all a baked potato needs to be in High Rock, making it one of the Province's most popular foods among the common folk. Just about every sauce-based dish you can think of can go onto a jacket potato, from melted roquefort, goose egg, and dry cured ham to the classic combination of tomato beans and candied bacon rashers, and even reusing yesterday's Tarragon Chicken! There aren't really any limits on what you can fill a jacket potato with in High Rock, as long as you have a good knob of butter in there!

Dunmer

While potatoes are a perfectly standard and valid ingredient in Morrowind, I know you all want to hear about jacket ash yams. Popularised by Ashlanders, who bake their potatoes on lava, jacket ash yams can be found at every tavern and cornerclub across the Province. Minced nix-ox in a spicy comberry ragout; scrambled kwama eggs with caramelised scathecraw; and even Hackle-lo and Scuttle Curry are at home on a big, piping lava-hot ash yam. Don't forget to get some crunchy deep-fried kwama scrib to go on top- well worth the gold, I promise!

If you get the hankering for a taste of Morrowind, try my Raven Rock Baked Ash Yams.

Imperials

There are two rules surrounding baked potatoes in Cyrodiil: the potatoes must always be Jumbo Potatoes, and you must always use olive oil instead of butter. With that flavour profile in mind, think simple, complementary toppings like sundried tomatoes with goat cheese and fresh basil; cheese curds and red wine gravy; bresaola, chili oil, and gorgonzola, and browned pine nut butter with a good smear of ricotta and creamed battaglir.

Khajiit

Northern and Southern Elsweyr have a distinct difference in their baked potatoes: the North likes them rich and spicy, while the South prefers sweeter flavours that complement moon sugar. Northern Elsweyr is famous for its fiery curry-filled jacket potatoes, filled to the brim with rich, generally tomato-based curries featuring local ingredients like braised jerboa, pulled terror bird, and diced mutton. Meanwhile in Senchal, you'll find your average baked potato partially filled with things like chicken satay pieces in moon sugar peanut sauce, haloumi with moon sugar syrup, and sweet crispy shrimp and pork floss. But wait, 'partially filled?' Yep! In Southern Elsweyr, the insides of the potato are scooped out and rolled together with powdered moon sugar to make horrifically sweet potato 'candy' for dessert after you've finished your jacket potato. Who am I to judge?

Nords

Mammoth cheese? Horker bacon and smoked kippers? Pulled pheasant in brown ale gravy? All very valid and very traditional Skyrim options. However, I'm jumping up and down at the thought of a baked potato topped with freshly baked salmon or gravlaks with dill, lots of sour cream, and a bit of mustard! Simple, good, and I will shout at anyone who calls this combination bland. You can take the girl out of Riften, but never the Riften out of the girl.

Orcs

Where Wrothgarian Orsimer are concerned, there's a joke that every other meal is a baked potato (and that's sometimes the unfortunate case when a Hearth-Wife isn't very good at her job.) Gooey, mouthwatering echatere cheese raclette is the favoured topping in the region, melted atop of a bed of fillings like spicy wrathberry gravy with echatere or beef chunks; chopped mammoth bratwurst; grilled chub loon with frost mirriam barbecue sauce, and deep fried horker lard bits and sweet-and-spicy minced horker. Indulgent, and by Malacath, they're filling too.

Redguards

Where the Orcs have their echatere cheese on jacket potatoes, Hammerfell loves its goat cheese. Whether it's aged chèvre log slices or fresh and crumbly, you can bet it's going on a baked potato. It's paired with a range of moreish fillings, like harissa and apricot chicken; tender goat mince with a cumin-based curry; battered, fried snake with a tangy and sweet lemon drizzle, and shawarma meat with creamy garlic sauce and caramelised onions.

[l3viat8an]

Just random thoughts

Do you think the demon brothers are into Shibari? Lucifer most certainly loves it but what about the others??

I think Beel finds it funny... Like a "tied Ham" or something like that!

-🍋

Ooooooh~ yes!

Not any actual NSFW here, it’s just kinda why they like it!-

Like you said Lucifer loves it~ there’s just something about seeing you tied up like a present for him that’s exciting!!

(or if you’re into Sub!Lucifer he still loves it ‘n make sure the ropes dig into his sink a bit~)

Mammon (and it’s canon I have the Devilgram to prove it hsjaha) Is into, if he’s the one being tied up! But only with you! He also likes it when you tease him for not being able to move ‘n touch you.

Levi obviously into it. We all know he watches all kinds of  hentai- Really wants to experiment and find out if he likes it on you or himself more.

Satan wants to try it. Again, I kinda think he’d be into  experimenting a little and finding / trying different styles on you and himself.

Asmo yes! Just yes! Any and every way, you like it or want to try he’s ready!!

Beel I mean this in the nicest way possible ‘n can’t take anything  seriously- Would say it looks like a wrapped ham / other meat that’s usually wrapped in twine and hung up to dry or cure….but he’s still down to try it. Tho through your experimenting finds out he’s more into being tied up-

Belphie (again it’s canon but I don’t have the devilgram-) Likes it, when he’s the one being tied up. Again is really into it, when you tease him while he’s tied up~

Simeon just cuz I don’t post the others boys enough Hear me out!!! Tie him up~ he loves it, he won’t hold still and whines about wanting to touch you the whole time~ or if he’s got you tied up, he’s just so mean teasing and touching you only to pull away and watch you squirm around in the ropes~

[equinox-86]

Hotel Mondstein || The King of Founders, The Vampire Hunter & The Lazy Man are in Charge of All Rooms

♬ BGM: CARLA ♬

*Rustle*

—She has a tight grip on Carla.

「Carla」 Do not get in my wa–

「Noctis」 Stop.

「Carla」 Mortal, you dare cut off my sentenc–

「Noctis」 Yes. Could you maybe not kill him? I won't hear the end of Reiji's nagging if I fail to keep this vegetable alive. We can't afford a clean-up service.

「Carla」 Do not stop me, I shall not have any mercy towards anyone who opposes me, even you, Noctis.

「Noctis」 Alright, it's on you to decide whether to waste your money on this hotel's repairs or spend it on dry cured ham and artworks. Be my guest.

—He ceases his attack.

「Carla」 Hmph...

「Noctis」 (Phew... that was close!)

A/N: You guessed it. Another CG based on this Drama CD. This series is so fun! I have a few more planned before I try to make 4Koma panels in the MMB/Daylight style. I've always imagined Carla's magic as white or light blue, but this time, I made it purple and black, so it looks like he's serious SERIOUS about killing off Shuu ∑(✘Д✘๑ )

[butcherlarry]

Weekly Fic (and Meat!) Recs 70

Howdy everyone! Prepare yourselves for some fic recs, as well as a little bit of an info dump about meat science, curing edition!

I also got an ask this week for some Damian fics! Below is a link:

Damian Fic Recs The Coming of the Season by SalParadiseLost @salparadiselost - Batfam, wip. An omegaverse AU where the batkids are Bruce's biological children. Teenage mom Bruce my beloved.

Nature and Nurture by lurkinglurkerwholurks @lurkinglurkerwholurks - Batfam, complete. This fic was recommended to me by the anon who wanted some Damian fic recs. Anon, whoever you are, thank you for this fic rec, I thoroughly enjoyed it! Bruce gets hit with a deaged spell and his kids deal with Bruce as he ages up. Many new facts are learned and much feels are had.

You're moving to Metropolis? Is that even a real place? by Vamillepudding @vamillepudding - Batfam, complete. An AU where Bruce saves Jason before he dies in the warehouse and decides to leave Gotham and move to Metropolis. Tim has Opinions™ about this (so does Superman).

Where You Lead, I Will Follow by Batsymomma11 - Superbat, complete. A very pregnant Bruce has a bad time picking out what to wear for a gala. Luckily, his husband Clark is there to help :)

Freedom Of The Press by Ktkat9 @ktkat99 - Superbat, complete. Clark attends a Wayne gala event soon after his relationship with Bruce goes public on accident. Luckily, the bat kids are there to help him out.

IS IT JUST YOU AND ME IN THE WRECKAGE OF THE WORLD? by orpheusaki - Superfam, complete. Clark finds and rescues a young Conner from CADMUS and introduces him to the Justice League. Good dad Clark my b e l o v e d.

The One Where Bruce Is Under The Desk by Yippekia @yippekia - Superbat, complete. Lois barges into Clark's office at an inopportune time. Also, no one can find Bruce, who is supposed to be visiting the Daily Planet today :)))))))))))

Prism Fragments by mediant @blorb-el - Clark centric. A series of 100 word drabbles exploring Clark and the spectrum of kryptonite.

Continue on in the post if you are interested in learning about meat curing, otherwise, happy reading!

MEAT CURING 101

Or, everything you didn't want to know about meat curing :)

The first thing you have to know about meat curing is that it was a complete accident. Humans noticed that meat turned a bright pink color after it was smoked or certain ingredients were used in the smoking/drying/cooking process. The reason why it turned pink was because of natural nitrates found in smoke (that's what causes the pink smoke ring in BBQ meat), as well as sea salt and saltpeter. The awesome part about all of this, was that this accidental curing acted as an ancient antimicrobial that protected against C. botulinum (link to USDA FSIS food safety fact sheet), that nasty spore former that causes improperly canned foods to blow up like a balloon (also, if you find a can in your pantry that has blown up like a balloon, dO NOT CONSUME IT).

Why do humans continue to consume this cured meat. Well, it tastes pretty damn good. Go to any fast food restaurant and chances are there is a burger menu item with bacon. Or a breakfast item with ham. It just tastes GOOD. It also has that pretty pink color that stays with the meat after you cook it compared to the brown color you get when you cook uncured items. Moving away from the food quality aspects, it also helps extend shelf life of a meat product AND you have the food safety part I mentioned above. Not only does it protect against C. botulinum, but C. perfingens and L. monocytongenes as well.

How does this magical substance work??? Well, it's not magic, it's science! The protein responsible for meat color is called myoglobin.

In the middle of myoglobin, is an iron atom. What the redox state of the atom and what attaches to it affects the shape of the myoglobin, and this alters the color you see when you look at meat. So when it's just myoglobin hanging out by itself, a water molecule is attached to it and it appears purple. When oxygen attaches to the iron atom, it appears red. When the iron atom goes from a ferrous to a ferric state (basically, what happens when metal rusts), the meat appears brown. You can actually see this when you are out grocery shopping! If you see a piece of meat in a vacuum sealed bag, it appears purple. If the meat is in an over wrap tray, or in a display in a butcher counter, it looks red. When you see meat that has the discount sticker on it, it's starting to turn brown and needs to be consumed or frozen soon (That's why it was discounted. The meat is still safe to consume as long as you cook it properly and eaten that or the next day).

When you add nitrite to the mix, that's how you get the pink color change! The ancient curing methods used nitrate, but that needs to be reduced down to nitrite by a fermentation or a cure accelerator. Modern curing just uses nitrite, most commonly sodium nitrite. The sodium nitrite gets reduced to nitric oxide (this can be accelerated by adding ascorbate or erythorbate) and that binds with the meat to make nitrosomyoglobin. As the meat cooks, this creates nitrosohemochrome, which gives you the pink color!

In the US, most meat products are allowed 150ppm (parts per million, or 0.015%) according to the meat block weight. For bacon, it's a little lower at 120ppm (0.012%). Cure is very regulated in the US as well, because too much can harm humans. I remember when I was working as a quality assurance tech at a ready-to-eat (RTE) facility, I would have to weigh all the cure that production would use for the day. The weights and lot numbers of the cure would be recorded and tracked to make sure that the correct amount was used every day/night (depending on the shift). The storage was regulated as well. It could not be store above any other ingredient (so it wouldn't cause contamination if a bag opened), and it was locked up as well.

Like I mentioned earlier, modern curing used sodium nitrite (you might also see it called Sure Cure). It's normally white, but is dyed pink so it's not confused with other ingredients, like salt or sugar. Sure cure contains 6.25% nitrite, with the rest being salt. There are "natural" ingredients that can be used to cure meat, with the most common being celery powder. Cherry powder is also used as "natural" replacement for ascorbate, the accelerator mentioned above. Next time in the grocery store, check out the naturally cured bacon or ham. If the meat is pink, but the package says it is uncured, look on the back at the ingredient statement. Most likely, that product is using celery powder as its source of nitrite. The package might also say something about "no nitrites/nitrates added!". There will most likely be an asterisk next to that statement. Follow that asterisk to the bottom of the package to its partner asterisk. The statement there will probably says something along the lines to "except for nitrites/nitrates naturally found in celery powder and sea salt."

Welp, that is a very brief info dump about meat curing and why it's used in the meat industry. If you have any questions about it, let me know! I would be happy to answer them :)

[sefaradweb]

Jewish Ham: Cured Duck or Goose

The article discusses the Sephardic tradition of curing duck or goose, which is recognized as a distinctively Jewish practice in countries like Italy. This culinary method involves curing the entire goose or just the breasts, while the remaining meat is made into a dried sausage. The resemblance of the cured meat to traditional Spanish ham or salt pork is noted when sliced. The article provides a simple recipe for preparing duck or goose ham using kosher salt, with optional spices like black pepper, bay leaves, thyme, and juniper berries1. It also offers tips for drying salt and storing the meat in the refrigerator during the curing process. Additionally, the article includes links for further exploration of Sephardic studies and encourages readers to learn more about the history behind the recipe. The author, Ana Gómez-Bravo, is a professor with expertise in medieval and early modern Spanish literature and culture. Her work has been supported by various prestigious grants and has appeared in numerous academic publications.

[saffronwritings]

Knight with the Harbinger

“Well, well, what is my favorite Knight of Favaonius doing in the city of Liyue again? Running errands for everyone’s favorite acting Grand Master of Mondstadt like the puppy that you are?” Childe had said as if he was a wind blowing by your ear. You felt yourself tense up for a moment, but settled your nerves as you continued your transaction with the one of the local food vendors. 

Liyue Harbor had some of the best food vendors between Mondstadt and Liyue. So you often ventured outside of Mondstadt to pick up food in Liyue while also scouting for the acting Grand Master, Jean. Childe had made a habit of keeping tabs on you whenever you found yourself doing quests and meandering around Liyue Harbor. 

It was as if to remind you that this was his territory you were impeding on.

“Shouldn’t the right hand man go running back to its master?” He continued to try and press a reaction out of you. He knew that you were extremely close to Jean, as she was the one who trained you up to your current rank. You were the single flaw that the Knights of Favanius had, one of the highest commanders that didnt carry an elemental vision. Yet, you worked harder than most of the training soldiers and even without an elemental power, you proved stronger than most with one. 

“Good afternoon, Childe.” You snorted back at him. You proceeded to grab your two food containers from the stall and started to walk away from it and the Fatui. Childe was right on your heels though as you started toward your favorite spot to sit at near the docks. “Did you come here to pester me again or are you just here to also enjoy the sights?” You pondered aloud as you plopped down against one of the stone walls.

Childe gave you a weird look as you situated yourself and took the top take out container and opened it up without a care in the world. Without saying a word, Childe slid down the wall and sat about five feet apart from you. You tried not to look surprised at his actions, but you really thought he would have stalked off and watched you from afar. Before you could dig into your meal, you picked up the second take-out container and handed it to Childe. 

You dont think you’ve ever taken him off guard before, or let alone seemingly fluster him, with any of your actions. However, shock was written on his face as well as a deep blush flushing his ears a deep red. “You follow me everytime I come to Liyue Harbor. You might as well eat something while trying to suck up to Signora.” You said and left the container sitting next to him. You separated your chopsticks and dug into your take out - The Cured Pork Dry Hotpot.

You gathered some ham and mushrooms in your chopsticks, blew a few breaths to bring to to a milder temperature and popped the food into your mouth. As you were chewing on the food you let out a content sigh. You felt the harbingers eyes still on you as you were eating your food and you peaked an eye open to see you were correct. “Tartglia its incredibly rude to stare when someone is eating.” You said after swallowing what you had chewed.

A giggle left your lips as his ears burned once more at something you stated. He quickly turned away and stared off into the harbor. He was watching the water so intently that he for once seemed peaceful instead of a thorn in your side. You continued to eat in the silence that grew between the two of you. It was nice to just relax after your long travels and your extensive searching for any information you could take back with you to Mondstadt.

It wasnt until you were half-way eating through your food had you noticed that Childe had actually taken the take-out container and was also enjoying the meal you picked out. “This was a cute little date you planned out.” Childe said almost making you choke on the mushrooms you had just put into your mouth. It was your turn for your cheeks to flush a dark shade of pink. 

“I beg your pardon?” You managed to choke out after getting some of your bearings together. However, Child was already closer to you and leaning over you. You always knew that he was tall, but you never really noticed HOW much taller he was. You felt the wind get knocked right out of you as you stared into his eyes that reflected everything like they themselves were pools of water. He reached his right hand and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear casually and smiled at you.

“I hadn’t realized you had been flirting with me, until you bought me a whole meal. But now all of our interactions are starting to make sense.”  He started in a lull of tone, a deep chuckle at the end of that sentence held your heart in your throat. “I shudder to think of what our bosses would think of us like this, fratinizing with the enemy.” His voice was deeper than it normally was, his eyes more focused on you than they had ever been. As rough as he usually was with his words and actions, he caressed your cheek lightly and gently. You could hear your heart beating in your chest a million miles an hour. 

Your head was spinning as to how this happened so quickly. Sure, you had done it because you did enjoy the Harbingers company. He was the one thing in your life that was spontaneous and exciting. While you were dedicated to what you did as a Knight; you desired some spice in your life that wasn’t just the same old routines and missions.

When you first had come to Liyue Harbor with Lumine and ran into Childe, you thought he was the biggest pain in the ass. However, over time and after the many times you came to Liyue not only seeking out good food but good company. Childe kept his eye on you just like you had kept your eye on him. Little did you know that over the past few months of these bi-weekly interactions would actually build feelings inside you, let alone both of you.

You brushed his hand away and backed yourself away. No. No way. There was no way this could be real or happening. He was doing this just to mess with you like he always did. You knew the way that he was, very childish and wanting nothing but to cause chaos. He was a Fatui and he was probably doing what he needed to do in order to get close to anyone in power over in Mondstadt.

However, you didn’t miss the flash of hurt caused by your actions to sweep over his emotions. It was quick, but you learned amongst the best and nothing was able to slip by you.

“I didn’t plan this to be a date. I bought an extra plate of food incase you had intended to pester me longer. It was an honest gesture. That’s all.” You quickly defended yourself after calming your racing thoughts and heart. Jean was going to have your head for this. You can already hear Kaeya and Eula causing a whole ruckus about the situation. Word in the intel network spread so fast it was nauseating. 

Childe straightened himself up and he felt as cold as ice like he normally did. “Oh.” He muttered out and returned to looking out into the harbor and eating the food you had given him. You felt a pang of guilt run through you, but you knew better than to get any feelings involved. Especially when it came to the enemy. “That’s a shame.” He said under his breath.

He knew you heard it. It was what you were good at. You were an excellent information gatherer as you were able to pick up on things that were said that werent meant to be said. Your head perked up and you looked back over to Childe who had a smug smile on his face. “What do you mean, what a shame?” You pressed, knowing you would probably regret the answer. 

“Well, if this isn’t a date, then…” He trailed off in his train of thought and a big bright smile blossomed on his face. He put his food down carefully and stood up. “I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere.” He said with a wink and was already trotting down the docks to the different shops that littered the harbor marketplace. Flabbergasted you watched him disappear into the crowd and frowned.

Did he really mean that he would be back? You didn’t trust it, but you held out hope and ate your food exceptionally slow. And true to his word did this man come back, but with holding something behind his back. He walked up to where you were sitting on the ground and pulled out a small bouquet of Silk flowers. A small gasp left your lips in surprise. 

“Then lets make it a date, puppy.”

A/N: I dont know how to write Childe lmfao help

[this-is-my-main-i-follow-from]

Ham chemical breakdown through ripening and hydrolysis

ID: a flow chart. Dry cured ham, triglycerides, phospholipids, muscle & adipose tissues lipases, muscle phospholipases: free fatty acids. Short chain, (oxidation,) carbonyl compounds, volatile compounds, aroma. Proteins, muscle calpains, & cathepsins, peptides, muscle exopeptidases, free amino acids, strecker/maillard reaction, taste & aroma.

[roaldamundsen]

saw ur post on kyle looking at johnny gush abt bruises just as an ad came on overhead in the cvs saying 'know anyone having difficulties getting pregnant?' yes i do and frankly they make it my problem

johnny berchtold needs to be tied up and left to dry like cured ham

[the-s1lly-corner]

Various KND villains x reader w/ psoriasis

Okay now this ones purely just "the admin is 100% writing with just himself in mind" LMAO

Characters: father, toiletnator, stickybeard

Notes: reader is GN, based off of the admins experience with psoriasis, short post

CWs: none

FATHER

honestly if i didnt hc that he was pretty much immune to his own flames and perhaps even outside heat sources i would say his skin is at least a little damaged from it- buuuuuuut...

personally for the admin heat makes his rashes hurt worse, so benedict does his best to keep his heat under control when around you to prevent your skin from getting worse

on the flip side if it helps you, hes like a living warm water bottle when hes in a neutral mood

can afford the very best lotions, even if they dont fully treat your rashes youre going to feel pretty refreshed!

yoinking the impact thing from toiletnators part but if anyone so much as bumps into you hes going to go ham, even if you arent actually hurt... they should be watching where theyre going anyway!

TOILETNATOR

does his best to help you feel better, will buy anything he sees in an attempt to find something that can help... theres... so much lotion and ointment at your place now... he means well, though!

listens to you when you need to vent about it

can see him trying to research about it and how to help and kind of listens to everything even if its bad advice

please take the phone away from him and let him know what actually helps you

very gentle with you because he fears making your skin worse, bro has not been the same since hearing impact wounds can make it worse

STICKYBEARD

headcanon that he too also has dry skin, on the fence on whether or not he just has dry skin, psoriasis, or something else entirely... hmm...

can relate to you heavily and that comes in handy in reassuring you that youre not going through this alone

will drag you to go have a self care day with him to take it easy, even if just for your mental health if it doesnt do much to treat a flare up!

general attitude helps keep you in high spirits

if he cant cure you then hes going to do his best to make you as happy as possible!

sweet scented lotion, obviously!

[raelyn-dreams]

Enstars Character's Favorite Foods

Eichi Tenshouin: Sauteed Veal

Wataru Hibiki: Jello

Tori Himemiya: Corn

Yuzuru Fushimi: White Fish

Hokuto Hidaka: Konpeito (Japanese sugar candy spheres)

Subaru Akehoshi: Fried Egg

Makoto Yuuki: Snacks (Pocky)

Mao Isara: Ramen

Chiaki Morisawa: French Fries

Kanata Shinkai: Soy Sauce

Tetora Nagumo: Kalbi (Korean barbecued beef ribs)

Midori Takamine: Pizza, Basil

Shinobu Sengoku: Umeboshi (Japanese pickled ume)

Hiiro Amagi: Lemon, Omurice (fried rice & egg with ketchup)

Aira Shiratori: Quiche, Chocolate

Mayoi Ayase: Grapes

Tatsumi Kazehaya: Black Tea (any kind)

Nagisa Ran: Chocolate

Hiyori Tomoe: Pie, Quiche (especially with salmon)

Ibara Saegusa: Nutritional Supplements

Jun Sazanami: Strawberries

Shu Itsuki: Croissants

Mika Kagehira: Candy

Hinata Aoi: Sweet Cream Puffs

Yuta Aoi: Tabasco Sauce

Rinne Amagi: Pizza

HiMERU: Cola, Breath Mints

Kohaku Oukawa: Japanese Sweets

Niki Shiina: Japanese Food

Rei Sakuma: Dry-Cured Ham (JP), Tomato Juice (CN)

Kaoru Hakaze: Pancakes with lots of cream (JP), Cream and Strawberry Crepes (CN)

Koga Oogami: Grilled Chicken (JP), Grilled Meat on a skewer (CN)

Adonis Otogari: Anpan (sweet roll with red bean paste)

Tomoya Mashiro: Omurice (fried rice & egg with ketchup)

Nazuna Nito: Ice Cream

Mitsuru Tenma: Hamburger Steak (JP), Hamburgers (CN)

Hajime Shino: Miso Soup (miso = fermented soybean paste)

Keito Hasumi: Spicy Foods (JP), Red Peppers (CN)

Kuro Kiryu: Steak

Souma Kanzaki: Sushi

Tsukasa Suou: Snacks

Leo Tsukinaga: Coffee

Izumi Sena: Shrimp

Ritsu Sakuma: Carbonated Drinks

Arashi Narukami: Chicken Karaage (bite-sized fried chicken)

Natsume Sakasaki: Foods with two different flavors

Tsumugi Aoba: Warm, Sweet Foods (like fresh pancakes and anman, steamed buns with red bean paste)

Sora Harukawa: Snacks, Apples

Madara Mikejima: Soba (Japanese noodles), Onigiri (rice balls with a variety of fillings)

[shitposthalf]

Hey, here's a little one pot rice cooker recipe that is really tasty and makes for an easy meal.

I'll show you the version I make first, then put explanations and variations under the cut.

Serves 1-2, depending on portion size

Ingredients:

-1/2 Cup Jasmine Rice -About 1 cup vegetable stock (I used homemade) -Approx 1 tablespoon soy sauce -Approx 2 teaspoons mirin seasoning -1 diced carrot (about a 1/2 cup) -Diced celery (about a 1/2 cup) -Frozen Peas (about a 1/2 cup) -Frozen Corn (about a 1/2 cup) -Diced bacon (add to hearts desire) -Shredded dried seaweed (add to hearts desire, mind amount based on how salty the stock, bacon, and soy sauce are) -Minced garlic (use to hearts desire, I used jarred)

Method:

Put 1/2 cup rice in rice cooker, rinse or not idc

Add in rest of ingredients. I like to add the liquids first then the dry ingredients

Cook in rice cooker with lid on (except for stirring occasionally to prevent sticking/burning) until rice has absorbed the stock, the carrots are soft, and the bacon is hot.

Enjoy. Explanation and variations under the cut.

Explanations/FAQ/Variations I guess?

Q. Why use so much stock? A. The general ratio of cooking jasmine rice with water is 1:1.5. Meaning 1 cup of rice cooks with 1.5 cups of water. Ergo, half a cup rice needs 3/4 of a cup of water. The additional quarter cup of water is used to cook the rest of the ingredients. If I was using fresh peas/corn, I would probably add a bit more water.

Q. What can I use instead of these vegetables? A. Literally add whatever vegetables you want. You'll just have to adjust water content depending on what they are/how many vegetables you add. I recommend frozen veg, as non-frozen veg requires cutting up into small pieces so they cook through properly. But most frozen veg is pre-cut/already the right size.

This recipe uses about 2 cups of vegetables in it. That's about 4 serves of vegetables. So like, generally 2 cups veg total should be good. I dunno.

As for recommended vegetables? I dunno, I like broccoli so I'm planning on making it with broccoli in the future. Maybe cut up tomato?

Q. Its too salty? Why!? A. I used fresh stock, which has less salt in it than stock powders and bottles of stock. Either water your stock down, use less powder, or adjust your salty ingredients (such as soy sauce, seaweed, and bacon)

Q. What other meats/proteins can I use? A. I would recommend pre-cooked meat, as I don't believe the time in the cooker is long enough to cook through most meat unless cut very small. So I recommend meats such as ham, salami, bacon (although err on the side of caution with bacon!), pre-cooked chicken, etc.

If using pre-cooked meats (instead of cured), maybe add them in near the end so they don't dry out as much. Idk though, experiment with it!

Also, tofu would be tasty in it. Using firm: cut into cubes. Using silken, maybe stir in near the end.

Q. Do I have to use vegetable stock? A. No, you don't. Use whatever stock you want, just know different stocks will have different levels of salt, so you might have to adjust the recipe based on that.

Q. Do I have to use soy sauce + mirin? A. I mean, no. But I would recommend seasoning it in some other way, otherwise it'll probably be boring. At that point it won't be this recipe any more though.

Q. Do I have to use jasmine rice? A. No, could use any other rice. Again, will have to adjust water content depending on the type though. If you used basmati you could probably get away with using the same amount of water.

Q. Why share this recipe? A. It's the only hot meal I've had the energy to make the past 2 days. It has a good flavour, good amount of protein, carbs, nutrients, and veg. So like. It works. And it's quick + low on washing up (especially if you don't have to cut anything)