#Dont know if thats the right word or not but its like

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

tl;dr: how do i become ok with my partner using porn? do i have to become ok with it?

detail/context: i am in a LDR. im demisexual, my partner is allosexual.

i thought i was ok with porn use at first, but about a year into the relationship i realized it bothers me a lot. i feel like im not enough, and i really dont know how i could ever be better than the limitless amount of content on the internet. it felt especially bad after my partner mentioned that they would probably continue to use porn even when we close the distance and live together. i tried my best to make peace with it, but found myself crying like 3x the usual amount, so i talked to my partner about. i already felt guilty, because i told them i dont care about porn use before, and now i suddenly was not cool with it. i felt like i was deceiving them. but my partner was very understanding and said they will stop using porn because they care more about me than any of that. which is great and very sweet of them! its been a few months and they told me that while they miss porn somewhat, its not really a big deal.

except now, several months later, i keep feeling like im taking something from them. i feel im being unreasonable and abusive and selfish. like, all the other progressive people are totally cool with it. so why is it so hard for me? what the fuck do i do.

some other relevant bits: i dont look at porn myself bc it generally speaking does nothing for me. me and my partner still masturbate, mostly to each other's nudes. i told them i dont care if the fantasize about whatever they want, but in their words, they cant really masturbate without some sort of visual input. they have some rather extreme kinks they dont want to involve me in even in imagination, so thats what they mostly used porn for, and also the main thing that makes me feel like im taking something away from them.

hi anon,

god okay there's a lot of meat on this question, let's do this.

first thing's first, because this is important: this is not abusive behavior. stop that. asking your partner to stop doing something that makes you feel stressed and upset is not what abuse it. that's called "being a human person with feelings and wants" and it's not illegal.

okay, so, second: do you need to be okay with your partner using porn? I mean, no. you don't have to be okay with anything, technically. your boundaries can be whatever you want them to be. but given the distress you're still feeling even though your partner has fully acquiesced to the thing you asked for and, frankly, sounds pretty fine with it, there's clearly some lingering dissatisfaction on your end. you wouldn't be here if the situation was as simple as "asked my partner not to use porn anymore, they don't, all is well, thumbs up emoji."

so that brings us to your first question, which is how you, sweet anon, can learn to be okay with this. I'm going to tell you straight up: I don't have a singular hard answer to that. I don't know you, I don't know your brain and the specific emotional baggage you bring to this, everyone is different, etc etc. but like. let's talk about it.

here's the thing: me personally, I don't understand why people are bothered by their partners enjoying porn. like, I get it in theory, especially when it's a situation where you're describing where you feel you're being negatively compared. and don't get me wrong, I've definitely worked with some people with real shithead partners who explicitly WERE comparing them to actors in porn, saying they wished they looked more like the actors, etc. and that absolutely is uncool, we do not condone.

but in general, to me, it kind of feels like this: suppose you're a cook, right? you're a great cook, you love to do it. and nothing makes you happier than making a big delicious meal for you and your beloved partner to share together. and they like eating your food! of course they do! you prepare it with love and you know all of their favorite things.

they're still going to want oreos sometimes.

and that's not a slight on you. it's not that you're cooking is worse than oreos. it's not that you're failing to make them happy and there's a gaping hole in their soul that only an oreo can fill. it's not that they're sitting with you at the dining table eating your delicious homemade meals thinking "goddamn, I wish this was just a plate full of oreos." it's just that, you know, oreos are yummy and sometimes they really hit the spot. you can like two things without either of those things negating or diminishing the other.

and I'm, like, absolutely not under the impression that a dinky oreos metaphor is going to totally change how you feel about this. I want to be so clear that I don't think you're being, like, heinous or unreasonable or anything. you're feeling a very real distress, and I have to imagine that it's exacerbated by the fact that you and your partner are long distance and you might feel like you're failing to show up for them in a lot of ways, including sexually. that's a very normal reason to feel insecure! a lot of people do! long distance relationships seem really hard! and I think realistically the only way through this discomfort, if you do want to go through the discomfort, is to really zero in on what's making you feel uncomfortable and insecure about your partner jacking it to something other than you, and honestly talk them about the areas where you're feeling like something may be lacking and find ways to mutually reassure each other that everything's cool. you know, get that reassurance that they do in fact love and enjoy your delicious meals and that the oreos don't negate that.

lastly, and I cannot emphasize this enough, it's fine if your partner watching porn never feels super comfortable for you. you're allowed to ask your partner not to do things! if they really hate it they need to say something about it! idk it can be very admirable to want to change your view on things but also most people have some stuff that's just always going to feel like a boundary they don't want to compromise and that's Fine.

[softness-and-shattering]

I disagree with the last point, antisemitism is a single word and it means Jew-hatred. We dont need a new term for that. We just need to shut down people who say "arabs are semitic" because (while true) thats irrelevant. Its not anti-semitic-people, its antisemitism. It means Jew-hatred. A bit of semantics doesnt change that, it is not a relevant argument, its ignorance and it holds no water.

Besides which "you cant say Im antisemitic because I love arabs" is in no way a defence of vandalising a synagogue or similar. Semantics doesnt prevent them from being held responsible for their actions. Its just an attempt at derailing things, dont let them. We all know what antisemitism means, and we can still hold people respsnsible for it even if they try argue semantics. Its like joking "the law says he or she but I use they/them so the law doesnt apply to me". Funny joke but it wont hold up in court and no one exoects it to. Just dont give legitimacy to "um actually youre wrong about the word for your own oppression". No we are not, moving right along.

I think we should stop calling the people doing antisemitism in the name of Palestine ANYTHING related to Palestine.

They are not pro-Pals. They are not Hamasniks. They are not Palestine supporters.

They are just antisemites.

“Antisemites attacked a synagogue today”

“Antisemites vandalized a Jewish statue with red paint”

Why? Because if you mention Palestine, they are achieving their goal. All they want is attention, and they’re using antisemitism in the name of Palestine to get that attention.

So stop fueling them.

Nothing justifies a hate crime, so the fact that they’re doing it “for Palestine” is irrelevant information. Don’t include it. If you are actually pro-Palestine, stop letting these people represent you. Don’t associate yourself with them.

[dreamsy990]

saw a take that was soooo wrong so. heres which epic characters can say the bad word for gay but my edition because im always right /SILLY

odysseus: i know what he was doing with diomedes he can say it. and he DOES say it

penelope: shes straight but she gets the pass anyway because she deserves it and also because my beloved mutual asha says so

telemachus: what the fuck do you think piestratus and him were doing. he can say it.

polites: a hopeless boykisser. he can say it.

eurylochus: i dont think so honestly. i think hes a straight guy who thinks all his friends are straight too and then is sooo surprised when he realizes theyre not. hes not homophobic i fear he just didnt realize

antinous: doesnt matter if he can, hes still calling telemachus that every time he sees him

athena: MY AROACE QUEEN CAN SAY IT. i dont think she would though. just doesnt seem like her style

poseidon: sorry the published version of epic is actually censored because thats what he actually called odysseus when he first showed up sorryyyy :(

aeolus: any character whos gender is debated gets to say it by default

tiresias: genderqueer king ofc he can say it

circe: the kind of bi thats very very upset that shes into men at all. also once again a classic example of a character who definitely calls odysseus that under her breath. multiple times.

scylla: she can say it. go my monsterfuckers.

hermes: you dont need me to tell you this you already know the answer

calypso: controversial take but i sincerely believe she would be equally in love with anyone who washed up on her island. she would obsess over penelope if it was her there instead of odysseus. she gets to say it

zeus: invented the word so hed have something new to call his kids. also you know. the original example of if theres a hole theres a goal

apollo: the kid zeus invented the word for.

hephaestus: no. sorry to the like 15 people on xhs who wanted my design for him carnally for some reason but thats a straight guy. hes probably an ally though! i think itd be hard to be a homophobic god considering the guys you have to be around all the time

aphrodite: do NOT try to tell me she cant. i fear its her favorite word.

ares: you know what im hesitantly going to say no. not that anyone would question him if he did though.

hera: straight against her own better judgement. she cannot say it.

[leafatlaw]

I love Prince 'Will go down with the ship' Zam

[s0fter-sin]

something happening on a mission, something personal that has soap spiralling; panic and rage making him reckless, thoughtless, and ghost has to draw the line

“you’re compromised johnny; you know what that means?”

“you’re not pulling me out,” soap immediately snarls. he turns on him and ghost barely recognises him; venomous fear turning his eyes to unyielding ice. "you're not sidelining me; i need to be in this-!"

but ghost has never been afraid of venom; spat or dripped straight from bared fangs.

he snakes out a hand grip the back of his neck, jerking him in a rough shake. "if you can't think, you can't be a soldier," he growls and he flinches like he's been struck.

his lips quiver as they twist in a sneer and he wrenches, trying to free himself of his hold.

ghost doesn't let him.

"it means you give your body to me because your head ain't fucking attached to it anymore."

soap stills, body trembling beneath his hand as he sucks in shaking breaths.

he tightens his grip, pulling him closer and digs his forehead hard into his. “it means you give yourself to me so i can have the weapon that you are and use you the way you're meant to be used."

the ice in soap's eyes fractures.

ghost’s voice drops to a whisper, spoken only to johnny, not this facade of vengeance and pain, and wills it to reach him through the glaciers.

“so i can keep you safe ‘til it’s done and i can bring you back.”

[moeblob]

Shockingly I named some OCs recently and fleshed out the deity lore a bit for my "guess i'll marry the demon lord?" plot.

Solei has existed since near the start but Mehra and Valdas are new to the concept and all three? Petty. They're technically the Trio of Peace cause that's kinda their goal and duty to their world but really, Trio of Pettiness is suitable as well.

[arsenicflame]

steddyhands modern au inspired by this post:

(1828 words, themes of kink but nothing explicit, established blackhands & gentlebeard-centric. Happy Pride!)

Stede picks up leatherworking in the wake of his divorce. He's not exactly sure how it ended up being such an important hobby for him, only that he had always admired the intricate designs on his horse's best bridles, and with little else to do with his time, he decides to give it a go.

It's rocky going at first, but he's having fun working with his hands for the first time in his life, and there's a sense of satisfaction in seeing the design come to life as he works. With practice, his skills improve, and he learns how to make things that are truly one of a kind.

He starts off posting his pieces online, as a way to reach fellow enthusiasts, but quickly finds himself with a rather large audience. Stede’s style is unique, and, after many requests from his followers, Lucius encourages him to make some more basic pieces he can sell. It's not about making money for Stede, but another way to meet new people who share his interests- as Lucius keeps telling him, it's sad that his personal assistant is the main person he talks to these days. 

So Stede sets out on a new adventure, and has quite the time designing a new range of patterns for the market. He makes purses, belts, bracelets, and, most importantly, dog collars- all still with his unique designs embossed into them, of course. He rents a booth at his towns monthly craft fair, and very quickly finds himself with a new group of friends in the other regulars- Pete, his usual neighbour, who sells an array of wooden figures he carves, Roach, who runs a stand for his bakery, and Frenchie, who isn't actually a stallholder, but is almost always busking near his friend Wee John’s stand of knitted goods, bringing life to the market even in the pouring rain. There's also Buttons, another regular at the market. Nobody is exactly sure what he does there- he doesn't sell things, or seem to buy anything either, but rain or shine, he's there with the birds.

Stede’s been doing this a few months by the time June rolls around. As he's setting up his stand, he notices that the area is much busier than it’d normally be at this time of morning. Lucius, who got roped into helping run Stede’s stall somewhere down the line (despite his protests that this is not what personal assistant means… But hey, he got a boyfriend out of it, at least), reminds him that there's the parade today, too- not realising that Stede had no clue there was a parade today, and especially not that it was pride. Stede immediately jumps to fretting about the amount of stock he’s brought, and Lucius takes the cue to escape, saying he’ll go and grab them coffee (but really, he's off to flirt with Pete)

Lucius is still missing when Ed stumbles across the little leather stall. Stede’s just ran back to his car to fetch his last boxes of inventory, and by the time he returns, Ed’s already begun to narrow down his choices. Stede greets him, starting to tell him that they're not actually open yet, but before he gets more than a couple of words out, Ed’s exclaiming “You're a Kiwi!!!”

The two of them smile at the shared recognition, and Stede says he’ll make an exception, just for Ed, and asks him what exactly he was interested in. Ed tells him that he's looking for a collar “for his boy”, and points out the particular design he was looking at. It happens to be one of Stede’s favourites from this latest run of work, a fact he mentions to Ed. It leads them into a discussion about Stede’s craft, and Ed’s Izzy, and then everything in between. Ed’s listening intently to the things Stede’s telling him, completely drawn in by the process, and by Stede himself. He watches as Stede stamps Izzy's name into the collar, and Stede even lets him have a go at one of the stamps. 

Lucius reappears sometime in the middle of this- only to immediately retreat again, seeing Stede engrossed with Ed. He sets up camp at Pete's booth opposite, watching this man flirt intensely with his boss- and Stede flirt back just as hard. Does Stede even realise he’s doing it? Lucius had known Stede was gay since before Stede even admitted it to himself, but this is on a whole other level.

The pair stand there so long that Izzy comes to look for Ed- the two of them are manning a float on the parade with their crew, and it's past time for them to get geared up. He's already worked up, frustrated to have been left to set up everything alone, when Ed had just gone to see if he could get them both coffee. So maybe he's a bit of a prick, approaching with a brash “where the fuck have you been, Edward”, to which Stede brings the same energy, giving a bitchy “Ed! Do you know this guy?” Izzy tenses, ready to snap, but then Ed cuts in, excitedly telling Stede that this is “his Izzy!” Which confuses the hell out of Stede. 

Forgetting his earlier attitude, he asks Ed if he “really named his dog after his friend”, only to be met with confusion right back from Ed at where the hell Stede got the idea he had a dog from. Stede gestures at the bag with the collar in it, to which Ed has to tell him, “oh, no, that's for him.” Ed tells Stede that they're here to run a float for their local leather society, and while Stede is certainly shocked by what Ed’s saying, he's not finding himself… uninterested. It's simply that he’s never even considered any of this before, especially not that people would use the things that he made for this, but Ed sounds so enthusiastic about it all. He tells him about how his friends would love to see Stede’s work, about how classic leather gear is always so fucking boring- but not Stede’s stuff, no, Stede’s stuff is “fresh” and “fascinating” and unlike anything Ed’s ever seen before. 

Ed's enthusiasm is incredibly infectious, so when he invites Stede to come back to see their float, he readily agrees. It’s a concept Izzy’s less than enthusiastic about. He doesn’t really want to bring this man who’s dressed like he just walked out of a HOA board meeting to their kinky little corner of the world, but he is having a lot of fun watching Stede squirm, so decides not to raise a protest. He does demand he gets his long-overdue coffee first, though (Stede pays for it- as “compensation for him distracting Ed from his job”, he says, not giving Izzy a second to process before he's tapping his card)

By the time they return to the float, Fang, Ivan & Jim are waiting for them, all already geared up. Stede is stunned silent at the sight for about 5 seconds, before he starts actually looking at the quality of Jim’s harness, and proceeds to go off about the poor quality of the craftsmanship, about how the hardware is tacky and completely the wrong choice with this leather, how his “ten year old daughter could do a better job!!!” 

There's complete silence from the group, until Izzy, of all people, bursts into laughter at Stede’s audacity (and, the fact he was staring at Jim's tits completely unabashedly, like he hadn't even noticed them in the first place). Izzy's laughter sets Ed off as he tells the group about Stede’s misunderstanding- “you didn't say he was a person!” “I mean, he's my dog”- and soon everyone's having a friendly giggle at Stede’s mistake.

It's somewhere in the middle of the retelling that Ed remembers that this whole thing happened because he was buying Izzy a gift. After a moments fumbling, he presents Izzy with the collar-  It's a rich, deep black, embossed with a rolling pattern that resembles waves. It’s made from a firm enough leather to take the tooling, and to remind Izzy that he’s owned while he’s wearing it, yet still soft enough for long term comfort. Izzy's eyes immediately lock on to it, an unreadable expression coming over his face, and Ed turns it; first so he can really see the design and Izzy’s name embossed into it, and then so he can see the small “Ed ♥” on the inside of the collar, right over his swallow tattoo. 

“I did the heart,” Ed says to him softly, intended only for Izzy’s ears. Izzy's eyes flick up to Ed’s, and he raises his chin to give Ed the room to put it on. Ed buckles the collar around his neck almost reverently, a test of the tightness turning into a caress of Izzy's neck. It's a perfect fit.

It's as though something comes over Izzy; so twitchy and abrasive earlier, now silent, staring at Ed with a look akin to worship in his eyes. He obediently tilts his head for a kiss as Ed's fingers move to his chin- It's a sight to behold, and one that has Stede intrigued. He wants to know more about this lifestyle, and these men in particular. He wants to be the one to put that expression on Izzy's face.

The moment breaks as Ed and Izzy pull apart, and Ed calls for the crew to finish the last bits of set up. Izzy shakes himself a little before running off to bark orders again, but even still, there remains a softness to him that wasn't there before. 

Ed turns back to Stede with an apologetic smile, already obvious that he has to get going. Before he can speak, however, Stede jumps in -“My business numbers on the card in the box… I'll be around all day”- Ed’s smile turns more genuine at that, promising to stop by if he gets a moment, and that he’ll send his friend's Stede’s way- “if he wants that kind of business.” Stede says that he does, actually- that he's seen a whole new world already today, and, while he was a little taken aback at first, he can feel the passion Ed and his friends have for this life. If there's one thing that's ever mattered to Stede, it's other people's enthusiasm. Maybe he doesn't completely understand yet, but he would like to try.

One year later, Stede’s back at the market on pride weekend again, far better stocked for the crowds this time around. Lucius is finally free to spend the day flirting with Fang & Pete to his heart's content, now that Stede’s roped his own boyfriends into helping him run the stall- and into modelling the merchandise. Ed loves that part, while Izzy needs a lot more convincing, but the puppy eyes Stede & Ed weaponise against him make a very good argument.

[carehounds]

Its not that the batteries are meant to represent yellows intelligence In any way to be honest i think its more akin to constant fatigue and having a disability that hinders how well your thoughts and words come out more than anything. Hes always been a smart boy. having trouble with words or expressing his thoughts doesn't make him any less smarter than he is!!!

[flamboyant-king]

I like Tumblr, it feels more like a community on here than the other sites. I love y'all.

[aemiron-main]

if i had the money i would buy one of those historical homes that are out in the foothills (the ones from the 50s through 70s that are straight up frozen like a time capsule or there’s a tiny handful of them that are from the 1800s and then have a mix of that + 50s through 70s stuff) and fix it up without making it Modern TM.

Like there was this one place that was right across the road from where I used to live & it was in an aspen grove & it had this old vintage stone pool & you could see through the windows that the interior was all original 50s through 70s & the furniture too, like completely untouched, as if people had just gotten up and left one day and never come back. The whole place & pool was completely overgrown with weeds and grass & it needed fixing up and maintenance but I’m like. begging the owners to sell it bc they’re clearly not using it. (i actually tracked them down once via the guy who boards his cows there & they said they werent willing to sell it atm (not that i could afford it either but yk) because it had belonged to family so they wanted to keep it in the family for the time being but they werent sure about what to do with it and im like. that was a couple years ago & it’s Still completely unchanged. ooohhh you guys want to sell it to me one day sooooo badly)

[idreamofneonsheep]

Can't stop thinking abt arcane s2, specifically the alternate timelines episode where jayce goes through it and ekko does science.

By the time we'd reached that episode, my sibling and I already disliked the season and were just watching it to see if it managed to get any better later on.

So we were chilling, making fun of this or that and wondering why the pacing was so strange when we started seeing the telltale signs of romance between ekko and powder/jinx. Now, my first thought was "really???" because I'm a hater of 99% of romantic pairings in media and don't find it enjoyable to watch/read. My second thought was "wait wait wait, hold up. explain how this timeline hopping works Right Now."

And thus the alarm bells starting going off as my mind worked overtime to try to figure out how this works. Is this timeline more like an illusion than a concrete world, where the people there will cease to exist when heimerdinger and ekko leave? Did the ekko and heimerdinger of this world get swapped with the ones we've been following? Are our guys in the bodies of their counterparts?

I would have had these thoughts regardless, because I quite enjoy overanalyzing media. The reason the alarm bells were ringing was because, depending on the answer to those questions, the romance between ekko and jinx/powder gets questionable.

As the episode continued it became clear that our ekko (ekko1) was very different from the ekko (ekko2) the people of this new timeline know and expect (which makes sense). To be clear, at this point, regardless of how the timeline hopping works, the romance is Very Uncomfortable. Ekko1 and ekko2 are clearly different people/characters. They could be likened to identical twins, really.

So. We're watching the episode. I'm crocheting a far too long single chain because it's all I know how to do. Sibling is judging me for my single chain of weird, sad brown yarn.

Dance scene comes up. We mock it, as we do with things we find strange, unnecessary, and annoying. The lingering sound of alarm bells is fostered by dread as we watch powder think she's hanging out with her pal ekko2 in a romantic way. The dread grows and the bells clang as we realize "they're going to kiss".

They kiss.

We sit for a moment, silence creeping in as the bells start dying. The episode plays on.

We look at each other.

The episode is finished in disappointed and disgusted silence.

Perhaps my horror was more visceral than my sibling's, as this episode has certainly not stuck with them as it did me, but I just. Whatever cute relationship stuff the creators were going for was ruined Immediately.

Powder kissed someone because she thought they were someone else, and there was nothing done to correct that assumption or apologize or anything. Ekko1 kissed powder while she thought he was ekko2 and that just feels gross and awful to me.

Now, was ekko1 thinking of it like that? I seriously doubt it. Were the creators thinking of it like that? I also doubt it.

But sometimes I just sit and think abt how powder didn't know that it wasn't ekko2 she kissed until ekko1 dipped out of ekko2's body to go back to his own timeline. What did she think about that? After the confusion, what feeling came next?

So yeah, this episode of arcane s2 is on my list of Horrifying Romances, right there with 50 first dates

[n0bluev]

@fushiglow hmm….wonder who i’d draw this for all of a sudden and why… 🤔🤔

[gemharvest]

I think I need to accept I'm having some kind of episode. Not because it makes anything better, but like. Idk I keep feeling bad that I am having Moments but I'm just not getting any better. I can Not Feel It for a good period of time but them something snaps and it just takes me over. I feel like The Calm is the exception to my rule of misery rn.

[starlos-soulmate]

i've been freaking starving cuz of stress. this year has not gone well for me so far

[tenebrous-dream]

the first style boutique/savvy game really didnt do anything to get as much love as it does

[skunkes]

Drop that 0.01% fic that’s got the right vibe on silco because I’ve YET to find it & keep getting the ick trying to dig through some… creative… fics. NOT TO BE AN ASSHOLE like everyone has different tastes you can write what you want that’s what I do I get it but. I have to go back to the show to see The Truth. Which is that if I put myself within 10 feet of this man I’d be under the heel of his boot before a spec of drool could leave my wanting mouth. I wanna feel the arthritis creaking his knuckles while he tries to see how many times an airway can collapse

So ive been having several thoughts on this both specific to him and also as a whole

how i don't like that every single character (across all fandoms...) manages to get reduced to the same stereotypical lovey (or secretly so) romantic lead archetype, but also how I do love, from the outside, that it exists. especially in the reader ones... like theres something very Cute about people being like no, this character WOULD love me and drop guard for ME only. Less cute when everybody does it the exact same way for every character, the universal template.

Anyway I've actually yet to find any 😭 sometimes I'll think a fic is going good then they whip out the pet names every other sentence, the therapy speak explanation of Feelings, immediate resolution of decades of issues (<- this is present in all fandoms, and extra grating when it comes to characters like This Guy)...which i guess is fair depending on the piece (obvs a 1 chapter work isnt going to have time for all this. It doesnt have to be perfect like that! Actually none of these ppl are doing anything bad, ppl can write whatever they want, but it rly does feel like everyones just copying each other nonstop and sameifying every character vs actually thinking about...the character's personality...its all at the expense of the characters personality...)

Anyway maybe u should write something bc you've put much better imagery in my mind and piqued my incherest with those few sentences alone 😭 LMAO