#i really just feel. like im not somebody anybody cares about enough to worry about. not that i want to cause worry but like . idk man

[gemharvest]

I think I need to accept I'm having some kind of episode. Not because it makes anything better, but like. Idk I keep feeling bad that I am having Moments but I'm just not getting any better. I can Not Feel It for a good period of time but them something snaps and it just takes me over. I feel like The Calm is the exception to my rule of misery rn.

[ssparksflyy]

Hiii I hope you are having a great day!! I was wondering if you could make another percy jackson x daughter of Hecate reader? If you don’t/ can’t do it that’s fine I just though i would ask.

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

percy jackson dating hcs ! *ੈ✩‧₊˚

pairing: percy jackson x latina!daughter of hecate!reader warning(s): swearin an: dw i got ur 2nd request that u wanted reader to be latina :)) i just added in some little things that tie in ♡♡ srry if these are short btw </3

in the dead of night, your eyes so greennnnnnnn

you and percy tend to stay up later than most of camp

your always up and out after curfew

you js function better at night okay

me asf

the day is reserved for lake dates and the night is reserved for sky watching dates ♡♡

youre literally attached by the hip if you couldnt tell

as they say in waitress, i love you means your never ever getting rid of me ♡

you usually watch from the roof of cabin 3, just cuddled up and sharing a blanket

but once percy suggested you watch from the docks

and you were like oh!

not actually but you looked really hesitant

he was like whats wrong??

so you told him about la llorona !! #coquette

it was so preppy

but now youre both scared to go to the lake at night

even though yk shes not real

and youve literally been through tartarus

and back

and you face unimaginable horrors every day

and percy's literally the son of the sea god

mexican folklore is scary ok yall

idc if it didnt scare you as a kid / you like horror

I DONT

IM TRAUMATIZED

MY GRANDMA PUT ON LA LEYENDA DE LA LLORONA WHEN I WAS FIVE AND I HAVENT KNOWN A DAY OF PEACE SINCE

sorry for trauma dumping yall

kinda silly how some story about a lady who drowned her kids is enough to make 2 of camp half blood's strongest soldiers shake in their boots

so u stick to rooftops ♡

you and hazel are bestiessss

shes a honorary member of cabin 20 of course

you exchange tips and tricks, hazel telling you about the things she saw hecate do and the things she said to her

and you tell her about the things youve picked up over the years :))

percy cant help but smile whenever he sees you two together

he sees hazel as a sister

(yall remember in son when he was ready to fight somebody for her or something like that i dont remember exactly what he said but i do know he was ready to fight)

and ur his fav girl ever ♡

his heart just feels warmed

same way he feels when he sees you playing with estelle

you show her a bit of ur powers and she flips outtttt

she asks sally to be a witch for halloween because "i want to be just like (y/n)!!!"

dont know about yall but if i went home and my family found out i was involved with ~brujeria~ i would not be accepted at home (please read as if youre white and cant say shit in spanish)

thats just the mad religious side talking dont worry yall

but sally and paul would literally let you in with open arms

the jackson's apartment is your second home

percy has a drawer reserved for your clothes in his room ♡♡

he loves it when you sleepover, at home or at camp

he absolutely adores kissing your hands

he doesnt care about the dangers you can produce from them, he'll kiss em allllll he wants

you could be cuddled up together, ur reading to him and he just grabs one of your hands and begins to leave a trail of kisses up your arm, shoulder, neck, cheek, and eventually leaving one on your temple

it just gets you like 😵‍💫

he loves his badass girlfriend, okay?

literally your #1 fan

would beat up anybody who talks shit !!!

tea is your holy ground ♡

because you cant drink coffee

cause ya know, adhd, youll just end up knocking out

though you do drink it when you cant fall asleep at night

its me, hi

and hot chocolate is strickly an only-in-december drink, because then it wont hit in december, since you had it earlier in the year

(my mom does that with gorditas and tamales broooo its painful)

so ya drink tea!

i dont drink tea, so im not even gonna try to tell you what his favorite is

he likes whatever you like

but you try a bunch of different teas and stuff together :)

youd probably adopt a black cat together when youre older

youre never gonna beat your neighbor's witch allegations

(probably because theyre true but youll obviously never say that)

i feel like percy would be more of a dog person but lets be real, he likes horses.

fuckin horse girl smh

but that does not mean he wouldnt love and care for the cat

he'd so let you stop to pet any stray cat you see on the street

takes pictures of the cat anytime you do ♡

you cook together !!

you teach percy a bunch of different recipes and stuff :)

has a 'kiss the cook' apron 100%

and what can ya say, you gotta kiss the cook

man you guys manage to stay silly throughout the horrors, we love

[coyotere]

coyo i dont know what to do, everytime i host parties we end up having a lot of fun and in the moment ill be like feeling myself and having fun but whenever the parties over i just like get a lot of anxiety and i feel like i cant actually tell anybody about it but like im normally the youngest one there, like im only 18 (most of my friends are 18-23) but i normally am the one that hosts the get togethers and parties and i just feel like what if theyre looking down on me, what if i didnt look pretty enough for them to wanna hang out with me , what if i am not a good host, what if they didnt like the food or activities or decor, what if i let them down, what if they hate me, what if they view me as some stupid obligation that they cant get rid of etc..

and i just dont know what to do because i cant talk with people one on one about this and i dont want to have a mental breakdown infront of everybody but i hate that my brain automatically goes into this worry mode after the fact its so horrible and im sorry if i havent been super active ive been like trying but i cant stop thinking about this and i don't know where to go or if the problem is me or my friends or something else entirely and everytime i try to tell somebody directly i just like shut down and im like ohh im fine don't worry but i don't know if i am actually fine anymore

- 🐾

darling, it's okay to have anxiety especially if you are responsible for most of the events, I would ask your friends if next time it's okay if someone else hosts because it's put a lot of stress on you recently and you just need a break, but I'm sure your parties are fun, we've talked a lot and you really care about other people and are funny, sweet and interesting to talk to.

[silentmassacres]

tue, jan 21

continuously stuck on the idea that im repulsive, particularly physically. it keeps me wondering if i can even blame them for what they did. which then begs the question — did they really do anything? i cant tell anybody about this because people tend to seem frustrated, but god.

it worries me that i may be the same, or similar, at least. maybe my submissive whims are just as hurtful as theirs. its not like im using that to push things that are uncomfortable, but i have to worry if id even be told. i know i was worried to speak up, and i worry ive cultivated that same environment.

i dont really know what to do with that. its just been basically abstinence lately. i guess it works, but that kind of reinforces my worries of being unfulfilling. i think id have to be dominant to actually be fulfilling, and the idea freaks me out often. i dont think ill ever really be good enough, especially in that aspect.

i dont want to force myself into things (even if i personally decide to take that risk), but i also feel like. not doing that only makes things worse. exposure therapy, right? lol.

—

i really can't tell how i feel about things anymore. im just wildly back and forth and it's beyond disorienting. i think a lot of my feelings, especially the more repressed ones, just bubble over and turn to anger.

i think im probably selfish. definitely. i can acknowledge being mentally ill and thus requiring care but god it feels neverending and im so tired. i am so sick of feeling needy and draining and it just never fucking ends.

—

im trapped in this awful cycle. ive started eating compulsively and it's fucking killing me and i need to stop but its so difficult.

i feel like ive lost any sense of discipline.

a part of me is waiting for the amount of weight ive shed to be noticed, but i really dont even know if it is noticable. but that also feels selfish. i think being mentally ill and having needs in general makes me feel that way.

—

i miss when i was able to accept not feeling intensely cared for because i know my perception of things is probably fucked but god. i wish somebody would tell it to me straight but they won't. i explain myself and people just agree. or they agree blindly. i want to believe what im doing is right, but it gets difficult. im just so tired of living like this

[fluxters17]

im tired , and i feel so horrible. although im a muslim, that doesnt mean im immune to depression and suicidal thoughts. i have my weknesses too since im thesame as you, a human being.

i hate myself and everything atm. i hate food and i hate headaches. i wish i wasnt real , and i wish if i had enough strength to handle myself each day goes by. i dont want to worry others but i certainly do because i want them to fear losing me, not like the guy i wasted 2 years loving. i didnt get anything in exchange , only anxiety and depression and stress. being friends with someone you sure cant be open with was A HARDSHIP DUDE. i mean, the only reason why we became close was bcs i had a crush on him. and he knows that, very fucking well.

i want to become mysterious, like i really want people to tell me ''fluxter, wtf do you do in life ?'' , i want them to actualy spend their time trying to understand who i am, just like ive been doing so for so many years. im only a mentally ill girl who wants to move forward but also wants to kill herself, dont you think.

i love how my parents especially dad, are super clueless of how fucked up i am. not bragging or anything, just wanna express how hard it is to live with them , knowing that they want you to be your best when you are trying your best to knot kill yourself everyday.

i fs sound hella selfish , im the only person who knows why, and im too tired to detail everything in here, since nobody is going to gaf abt my blogs anyways, im not looking forward to find anybody to care.

these days, ive been getting the idea of ''im not real'' or the ''i wish i wasnt real''. Sounds similar to those who spend 20/7 of their lives online, texting three people and watching movies and reading mangas , all about suicide. im not trying to become somebody that exists, im trying to do as may things i wanted as i can , before i start my bachelors.

seeing all those 17 y/o girls online being girls and embracing their girly sides by makeup, skincare, clothes, nails , etc, is cute and so attractive to me. i do that too, but im not always like that. im tots wasted, and becoming more and more obsessed with kms.

[cuntycassandra]

You are a real bitch. I managed to keep it to myself for a while but I am sick of nobody telling you what we think. You go around this fandom acting like youre some unproblematic princess who loves everybody equally when really your a mean and selfish little asshole who thinks she is right about everything. You are two faced, youre entitled, you think youre so perfectly right about everything because you have passion and you use fancy words. Well princess you arent. Im sick of seeing it. Your work is not special enough for your ‘better than me’ attitude to be acceptable, when you offer good quality work for our space maybe Id get it but you dont. Saying Grant Gustin has pretty eyes isnt special. Do better. Because we dont want you in here claiming youre so precious and sweet when we know what youre really like.

Now considering I’m not one to usually answer hate anons, you should consider it a privilege that I’m even giving you the time of day right now :) /j

The funny thing about this anonymous message is that, based upon the language given and how they’ve approached me, this appears to be somebody in my current fandom, somebody who clearly knows me and the work I produce, and by extension someone I would most likely know myself, and yet they still don’t have the gall to come up to me without anonymity to protect them and say “hey Bea, you may have hurt my feelings, can we talk?” to try and figure out a solution to whatever problem there may be. So that clearly shows me that you aren’t looking to resolve conflict here, you’re just trying to hurt me.

And mission vaguely accomplished, because last week when this came through I was very hurt, not by your insults regarding my work, but because I was suddenly questioning every interaction I’ve had within the glee fandom. Why? Because I care about how I’m perceived. My biggest online rule is that I never want to make somebody feel anxious or worried when it comes to entering a fandom space. I may have differing opinions to somebody, I may not like your ship, and to be frank there are people in this fandom that I flat out don’t like very much, some even in my close circle, but why would I go out of my way to make their day/life miserable? If I can coexist with them peacefully, I will do so because I have no reason to chase them away. They’re not hurting me, nor am I hurting them if we’re both just going about our days. Why would anybody want to tear somebody else down like that, why would anybody want to chase someone out of a fandom because you don’t enjoy their content?

You seem to know about that, as you’ve clearly demonstrated here, why don’t you tell me?

So no, anon, I don’t love everybody equally, I’ve never claimed that I do, but I do pride myself on being a nice person. I would never impose my dislike upon the fandom because that would make the environment toxic for me and everybody else, why would I want that in a safe space? Everybody can exist without worry that I will be there to knock them down because I’m not that kind of person. And the funny thing is, for the most part I actually like everybody in the kurtbastian/Sebastian fandom, two of my fave mutuals are seblaine shippers, a ship I despise! So calling me out for being unaccepting or ‘two faced’ as you say, seems slightly redundant.

Secondly, I don’t think I’m right about everything, and I’ve never claimed that I do in a serious sense. It’s a common joke amongst every fandom to say “This is canon now” or “I’m right” in regards to faves and hcs. That’s never anybody claiming that they are actually correct about something to the point of everybody else being wrong, and anybody who uses these jokey terms literally doesn’t get the reasonings for their existences. Nobody is actually claiming to be above anybody else, I can assure you, and I for one have never once said that. On my blog, my Sebastian opinions are correct to me and most of the time, me alone, do you happen to disagree with them? Awesomesauce, on your blog I bet you have a great perception of your favourites. I’m not forcing anybody to agree with me. In fact, I much prefer it when my ideas are solo to myself, because I can then prove that I work well with originality.

I apologise that you don’t find my work good enough for this fandom space. Here’s a really good idea for you my friend…don’t interact with it then. I’m not forcing you to read my essays, like my shitposts or look at my fanfics, I’m honestly too shy to advertise them properly anyway. You’re not under any obligation to enjoy what I do, you are subjecting yourself to it by reading. Don’t do that to yourself 💛

May I also ask before I finish up here, who is this ‘we’? Are you speaking on behalf of the Sebastian/kurtbastian circle? Did everybody in the entire glee fandom come together to give you criticisms on my tiny blog? Wow. That’s devotion. I must’ve made a huge negative difference with my ‘Grant Gustin has pretty eyes’ post, huh? I wonder if the flash fandom ever saw that 🤔

Oh and…I thought I was above this kind of behaviour….but for cowards like you, I guess I’m really not :(

Have a lovely day 🥰

[jaceyneedsabetterusername]

Hayloft (p.2)

Pairing: Arvin Russell x F!Reader

Summary: Your dad brings home his new coworker, Arvin Russell, telling you that he’ll be living with the two of you for a while. While attempting to keep Arvin from seeing the disfunction of your relationship with your father, the two of you grow closer than you thought. (Inspired by “Hayloft” by Mother Mother, though that’ll really only be one chapter later on so I don’t know if it really counts…)

Warnings: Abuse, drunkenness, misogyny, reader’s mother is dead, decapitating a chicken, reader is kind of emotional in this chapter

Word Count: 4.2k

A/N: My first slow(er) burn fic! Let me know what you think!

Part 1 

_____________________

Work had passed fairly quickly as it always did when you had the opening shift. It sure sucked having to arrive at five o’clock in the morning but at least you got off earlier and you knew that that way you could grab groceries before your father got home and could yell at you about an empty kitchen again. By two o’clock in the afternoon, you were home again, hopping out of your truck and grabbing as many bags as you could in one go. 

The loud sound of metal slamming against metal shook you and you flinched, looking between your door and the frame to see Arvin walking out towards you. It hadn’t occurred to you that his car was even in your driveway. After so many years of having busted broken down old cars sitting there that your dad had been swearing he’d fix for almost ten years, cars in the driveway seemed normal. “Let me give you a hand,” he offered as he got closer, lifting the canvas bags from your hands before you could object. 

“Oh!” You exclaimed as you felt the weight suddenly taken off your own arms, “Thank you.” You dove back into the truck to grab the last two bags before slamming it shut with your hips. The two of you began your stroll towards the front door, the dirt driveway kicking up around your feet. “You’re back early.” You noted, looking over at Arvin. 

He shrugged, “Yeah, uh, Wallace had me on the early shift today.” 

You fumbled with the bags as you tried to unlock the door, kicking it open with your toes when it finally gave in. You walked into your home and Arvin followed, closing the door behind him. “Been here long? I didn’t see you in the driveway.” 

“Not too long. I just didn’t want to let myself into your home without nobody there.” Arvin set the bags on the counter next to where you set yours. 

You began to unpack the bags and put the groceries in the respective places. Arvin watched off to the side, unsure of how your kitchen was organized so he was worried he’d do more than good if he stepped in. “My daddy got the late shift?” 

Arvin shook his head, noticing that his beat up old hat was still on his head despite being indoors and took it off immediately, his tousled brown curls parting messily down the middle. “No, we went in at the same time. He ‘n some buddies said they was goin’ to some bar in town.” 

He watched your shoulders fall a little and you sighed, “Figures…. You didn’t go?” 

Again, Arvin shook his head, “No. No offense to your daddy but I don’t like to drink the way I get the feelin’ he does.” 

You snorted, turning to him with a knowing chuckle, “Let’s just say that I’m sorry in advance for whatever he says or does when he gets home, if he gets home. Sheriff Pike might end up callin’ in the mornin’ tellin’ us to pick him up.” Though it was stated as a joke, Arvin could hear the tragic reality behind your words. 

Arvin then noticed the pack of beer bottles that you were pulling out of the bag. As if you could feel his eyes looking at you with worried curiosity, you glanced over at him, noticing the way his eyes flicked between you and the beer in your hands. You offered a sad shrug, “I know what you’re thinkin’ but trust me. Sometimes it’s better to have him drunk and possibly content than sober and angry there’s nothing to drink. Besides, the beer is better than the hard stuff with ‘im.” 

“‘M sorry. I didn’t mean to be makin’ faces. Your business is your business,” Arvin backpedalled, giving you an apologetic nod. 

You shook your head, “Don’t worry. I know how it looks. I’m sorry you gotta see all of it. I been tryin’ to keep to keep him calm but if you end up stayin’ a while, I’m sure you’ll get to see him at his worse times.” 

Arvin chewed his lip as he contemplated whether or not to bring up what had been going through his mind but he had to make sure you were alright. “I-I heard you ‘n your dad talkin’ last night… right after you left my room.” 

Your face fell as you realized what he was talking about, “You weren’t s’posed to hear that. I’m sorry.” Shit, this was what you were hoping to avoid. 

“Are you alright?” 

Gentle. Caring. His tone was something that had been long lost to you in this house and it took the words out of your mouth for a moment. It was embarrassing, the way your heart welled up with… well love wasn’t quite the right word but the warmth of being cared about. Not since after your mother had passed had you heard somebody actually care about how you felt. 

You just nodded and gave a forced smile that you could tell was easy to see through but it was the best you could muster. For someone who was able to take so much shit from their father and was able to look the man who would throw things at you and grab you by the hair dead in the eye with nothing but contempt, it was compassion that made you crumble. It had been so unexpected, especially from Arvin, the stranger living in your house. 

“Shit, ‘m sorry! I didn’t mean to - I didn’t mean to overstep. I only…” He stammered over his words and at first you were confused until you felt the single hot tear tracing its way down your cheek. 

You were quick to wipe it away, shocked at your own uncharacteristic show of vulnerability. You hadn’t realized until now that you had zoned out on the ground while Arvin’s words repeated in your head but now a flash of embarrassment ran through you. “No, no, no. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” You sniffled once before giving a small laugh of disbelief. “It’s just… It’s been a long time since anybody asked that.” 

You straightened up and ran your hands through your hair, eyes closed as you thought of what else you needed to do. Thankfully, if your dad was at the bar, you had at least another four hours to just you and Arvin, all night if you were lucky, though you seldom were. That was when the feeling of dread set in. Your dad had requested chicken roast for dinner tonight and whether he came home early and only a few beers in or you had to drive him home hungover in the morning, the man would be furious if there weren’t at least reheated leftovers for him. You had to kill Patty and prep her for dinner. 

“You okay?” Arvin asked again, though this time it was in reference to the way a heavy look fell over your features. It wasn’t a profound deep question like it was earlier. 

Your head wavered from side to side and your lips twisted, “My daddy asked for chicken roast tonight. I gotta go out and fix Patty up.” You tried to put it lightly though it felt anything but. “I’ll be out in the coop. You’re more than welcome to clean up in the shower or do whatever you’d like ‘round the house. The radio is in the livin’ room if you wanna tune into somethin’.” 

You pushed yourself off the counter and walked to the door in your kitchen that led out to the backyard but Arvin made a few steps to follow, “Is it alright if I keep you company? It don’t feel right bein’ in your house without you or your daddy here.” 

You smiled at the thought of him staying with you and you nodded, continuing out the door, “Sure, c’mon.” 

The hen house wasn’t very far from the back door. From there, you could see the several acres of land that your father was wasting. Your grandparents had bought this land in the late 1910’s and had started up a little farm of their own to sell locally, though your father had abandoned the farming portion after they died. It was where your daddy had grown up and then where you had as well. God, how you missed your grandparents. Your grandmother’s soft words of love and kindness but sternness and willingness to swat your butt with a wooden spoon if you got an attitude (though she would yell at your father if he ever tried to discipline you - “Now you leave that poor baby alone!”). Your grandfather had looked like a rough and angry old man from years of hard work but he had the softest heart of anyone you’d ever met. How the two of them had raised your father was beyond you. 

When you approached the wired fence and jiggled the lock open, the chickens inside stood surprisingly still. They trusted you. You could see it in their little brown eyes. You were safe and warm and didn’t want to harm them. You came in for the unfertilized eggs they laid and left, oftentimes with some seed and a soft pat or two on the head. Patty, a fat white hen with black specks, walked comfortably around your feet, nuzzling her head against your leg. She was the nicest hen you’d ever had. She trusted you. 

God, you were about to cry again. You bent down to pick her up and you held her against your chest, trying to look her in the eye, though it was difficult when she kept jerking it in different directions. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” you murmured low. Usually it was your father that would slaughter the hens if he really wanted the meat that badly. You had never done it yourself but he’d made you watch every time so that you knew how if the time ever came. Each time it made you sick to your stomach. 

Already, you felt green. The unassuming hen that you had been friendly enough to for her not flip out when you held her was none the wiser that her life was about to end by your hand. You glanced over to the large wood round just ahead and the axe that was leaned up against it. 

Your face contorted as you realized how much you disliked the placement. The way your father would slaughter chickens right in front of their friends made your heart break. It was barbaric. 

You walked over to Arvin and held Patty out towards him, “Would you mind holdin’ onto her for a second?” 

Though visibly confused, he took the chicken from your hands, drawing back when her wings fluttered out at the contact with the new strange man. Arvin watched as you walked towards the large round and tried to push it with all your might. “What’re you doin’?” 

“I’m-” you grunted, feeling it slide slowly, inch by inch, “trying to move it where the other chickens can’t see.” You took another moment to use all your force against it before standing up straight and breathing heavily, “I know it sounds dumb cause they’re only chickens but it feels cruel to make ‘em watch, y’know?” You went back to pushing the round and Arvin approached behind you. 

From here he could see the blood stains in the wood. It looked as if the blood had been washed off but the wood had been stained crimson regardless. There was also a divot where an axe had clearly been driven down many times over the years, chipping away at the wood. 

Arvin’s heart actually warmed a little at your attempt to show mercy and your willingness to go out of your way to spare some chickens’ feelings. It wasn’t something he was sure he’d do himself but when he heard you say it, he realized you had a point. It was cruel to imprison a bunch of animals and then lead them out one by one to be slaughtered in front of everyone, each animal waiting their turn. “Here, take ‘er back. Let me.” Arvin stepped in, handing Patty back over to you and bending down to lift the round onto its side with much effort. The wood had to weigh at least a hundred pounds and had long since settled into the ground where it had been placed when you were a child.

Your eyes widened as you watched his biceps bulge, straining the material of his blue t-shirt. You’d never seen a man with muscles like that before and you found your eyes trailing along his arms, following every popping vein from the tops of his hands, up his forearms, and onto his biceps until they disappeared beneath his shirt. It was something you hadn’t expected to see in him. Arvin looked like a quiet, polite, hardworking young man but you never would have imagined the immaculate muscles he possessed. You found your mind wandering to what other surprises laid in store beneath all those layers he wo- 

You needed to calm yourself down. If only he could hear your thoughts, he surely would be furious and disgusted with you. You hadn’t had such impure thoughts since that one time you had been messing around with Jimmy Bates in the backseat of his old car back in your senior year of high school. The two of you didn’t even go all the way but you went far enough and the guilt ate you alive since the two of you were never officially together anyways. He was just the cute boy from high school that you had pined over years that had finally given you the chance right before he shipped off to join the war. 

“This alright?” Arvin asked, shaking you from your fantasy, and you snapped back into reality to realize he had rolled the wood round around the side of the coop behind the wooden wall, outside of the other chickens’ views. 

You nodded and walked over to him, “That’s perfect. Thank you so much for doin’ that. I know it’s sorta stupid.” 

Arvin shook his head, putting his hands on his hips, “If it means somethin’ to you, it ain’t stupid at all. Besides, now that you pointed it out, it was a little barbaric.” 

You smiled up at him, one which he returned. How was this boy so damn nice? Was this some cosmic way of the universe finally giving you something good in your life? You’d become so calloused to your father’s harsh words and barked commands that you had forgotten how nice it was to feel cared about and validated. And you barely knew him. 

“‘M glad you think so.” You looked down at Patty in your arms and any good feelings you’d had melted to sadness and fear. “You been a good girl, Patty. I know you struggled with layin’ eggs for a while but you were always a good girl. Never bit me once unlike some of them other hens.” You weren’t often very soft and vulnerable but you were about to take something’s life for the first time and you couldn’t help but feel the weight of that on your heart. If this were a life or death situation, you would feel better about it, but it wasn’t. The only reason Patty had to die was because your father would throw a fit if she didn’t. 

You carried her to the log and gave her a little kiss on the top of the head, “Please don’t hate me but I understand if you do. Say hi to my momma for me, will you? Tell her I love and miss her.” You set her down and got her in the position you always saw your dad put the other chickens in before he chopped their heads off. Arvin handed you the axe with uncertainty but watched on as you struggled to bring yourself to finish the deed. 

You held her down and you could tell by the way she was flailing that she was panicking now. Patty was well aware of what was happening. “I’m sorry!” You choked, tears welling up in your eyes as her panic began to turn into your own panic. How did people do this? Why was this so freaking difficult? 

Tossing the axe slightly in your hand, you readjusted the handle and just as you went to swing, Arvin piped up, “I can do it.” 

You looked over at him, the afternoon sun reflecting the tears in your eyes and making the color of your irises stand out in tragic beauty. “I-I- Would you really not mind?” You breathed out in relief. 

Arvin stepped forward and you handed the axe out to him, “I don’t mind.” You held onto Patty until Arvin could position her just right as well. He had no idea what he was doing - he’d never had to slaughter a chicken before. He had heard that all you had to do was cut their head off though and then he’d heard the rumors of them running around like crazy even after their head hit the ground. How hard could it be? 

Once he had the hen pinned down where he wanted her, he looked up to see you chewing on your thumb, brows knitted in discomfort. It wasn’t the first chicken you’d watched get slaughtered but it was far from something you enjoyed observing. Arvin signaled to you with a nod before raising the axe above his head and you shut your eyes tight, flinching at the sound of the old metal head thudding into the old wood. 

**

You had the carcass sitting in the sink while you pulled off the blood soaked feathers, depositing them into the trash bin by the handful. This part was easier for you, something you’d done many times in the past. “Thank you for doin’ that. I’m sorry I’m such a baby.” 

Arvin sat at the kitchen table behind you, “You ain’t a baby just cause you don’t like to kill things. I’d say it’s probably rather normal.” 

The time was inching closer to four o’clock now and the sun was beginning to hang ever so slightly lower in the sky, the precursor to sunset. It was warm outside and a cool spring breeze blew in through the open window above the sink. You snickered as you pulled another handful of feathers out, “Yeah? That mean you ain’t normal?” You looked over at him with a playful glint in your eye but your smile fell when you saw an uncomfortable look cross his face, almost like he’d seen a ghost. 

“I ain’t never said I liked killin’ either.” Arvin attempted to match your joking tone but it was pretty evident there was a weight behind his words. 

“Hey, I‘m sorry. I was only jokin’.” A pang of guilt washed over you but it was only that. A joke. You hadn’t imagined teasing him over something like killing a chicken would set him off, especially since he volunteered to do it for you, but apparently you were wrong. 

Arvin sniffed and scratched his nose, “I know.” After a moment of awkward silence, he stood, “Let me give you a hand. What do you need done?” 

You scanned his face once more to make sure he was really okay but you decided to drop it when you saw his insistent look. You shook your head, “I got it. It ain’t much after I get this all gutted and cleaned.” You picked up the mostly featherless carcass by the wings and plopped it back down into the sink. 

“Well ‘m sure there’s vegetables or somethin’ else that goes with it, right? Let me start cuttin’ those up.” His persistence was adorable, making your heart flutter in the most wonderful way. The idea of a man actually being helpful was unknown to you before Arvin. Your life had been filled with your dad’s drunken bossings since you were twelve years old. You couldn’t remember the last time a genuinely kind voice offered you anything more than a smile on the street, not that you took that for granted. Arvin was just different though. Noble and helpful and kind. 

“You really don’t have to-” 

“Yeah, you keep sayin’ that but I really do want to help. So what can I do to make things easier on you?” He took a few steps closer to you until you felt the beginning of what could have been sparks if he stepped any nearer, like when you hold two magnets a few inches apart and you can feel the energy between them, that hint of attraction, but it’s not quite close enough to pull them together. 

The blush in your cheeks at his simple gesture made you break the eye contact with a nervous laugh of retreat, “Okay, fine. If you’re gonna be so insistent,” you drew out with a teasing drawl, “you can cut up veggies. There’s potatoes over there and carrots and zucchini in the fridge.” 

Arvin’s lips turned up in a small smile when you finally resigned your stubborn ways and he went off to find the vegetables where you had directed him. 

Needless to say, when your father came home from the bar to find you and Arvin talking over a song by the Platters playing on the radio with Arvin cleaning up the dishes while you tossed together the vegetables and the seasoning, he was less than pleased. 

“What the hell is going on here?” His slurred speech made your eyes widen in fear. He was supposed to get home later like he always did. But then you found yourself chiding your irresponsibility. Why the hell would you take that chance? You knew better than to let Arvin help out and now you were gonna pay. 

Arvin sensed the way you tensed up beside him and watched as you spun around to face your father with haste, “Just finishin’ up dinner now. Should be ready by six so you got more than enough time to take a sho-” 

“Why the fuck is he doin’ the dishes?” You father was leaning against the wall, clearly relying on the structure for support. This wasn’t the time to test him, not with Arvin here. It was times like this when he’d start throwing stuff at you. 

Before you could say anything, Arvin piped up firmly but respectfully, “I offered, sir. It’s no problem at all.” 

Your dad pointed at Arvin, “A man ain’t got no place with his hands in a sink of dishes. You leave that shit to her and she’ll just grab you a beer.” He stumbled over his own feet before catching himself ungracefully. 

Arvin’s jaw set tightly and you gripped the countertop with white knuckles behind you. Times like this, you weren’t even sure what to say anymore. No amount of standing up for yourself got you anywhere with him. You never made any headway with your dad’s sexist views on gender roles. It was pointless. The only thing to do was try and work your way to supporting yourself so you could get the hell out of dodge and never look back. 

Arvin’s voice surprised you, “A man’s place is helpin’ out the women in his life when they need, not leavin’ ‘em to do all the housework themselves.” You nearly choked on your own tongue at his words. It was a bold statement for a man to make, especially to the head of the house that was being so gracious as to host him free of charge, but he didn’t back down. It appeared like the jab was lost on your drunken father but Arvin continued with a slightly less accusatory comment to diffuse the situation regardless, “I grew up helpin’ my grandma with all the house chores so I really don’t mind at all.” 

You watched the way your dad eyed Arvin and then you before scoffing and grumbling incoherently as he shuffled his way into the living room. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. “I don’t want you gettin’ kicked out ‘cause of me. You didn’t have to say nothin’.” 

Arvin glared at where your father had disappeared and nodded, “Yeah, I did. You don’t deserve all the shit he gives you.” 

You suddenly found yourself avoiding his eyes and twisting your lips. He was right and you were well aware of that fact. The abuse your dad put you through was uncalled for at best. The fact that Arvin had actually taken the time to not only notice the same fact but acknowledge it and stand up for you was something you never thought you’d hear someone do. It made you uncomfortable. You’d been fighting this battle by yourself for so long that letting somebody even know it was being waged was enough to make you want to sink away. Even so, a part of you wanted to let Arvin keep standing up for you. It made you feel weak after having to stand up for yourself for so long but also validated. 

Your eyes flicked up to meet his for only a moment before turning back towards dinner that sat in a roasting pan on the stove, “Thank you.” 

______

Taglist: 

@thisisparadisemylove

@justapurrcat

[bakugoulvr420]

bakugou’s sleep time

omg whoever you are, you’re literally living inside my head because IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR SOO LONG but here you go!

i dont think that bakugou actually goes to sleep at 8:30 pm or anywhere close to 8 ?here are my reasons why:

the kids at the dorms assume that bakugou is sleeping when he’s nowhere to be seen. it could literally be an excuse for him to not want to be around them. i also find myself saying, “im heading to bed” when im not feeling like talking to anybody and im sure i’m not the only one

people have assumed that bakugou goes to sleep that early because of that one short scene which i believe was part of the outro at some point. this was included in season 4- when all of that eri mess was going on. not only bakugou but the rest of the 1-a kids felt the rising tension. it didnt help when they literally had no idea what was even going on. bakugou is VERY quickwitted and is capable of figuring out things with ease so i wouldn’t be surprised if he was worried (dont forget that he waited for the kids to return but then excused it as him just lounging around smh). he thinks a lot so he really could’ve been thinking about something and slowly falls asleep that way lol

during the music festival arc, the kids practiced A LOT. they would sometimes even sacrifice sleep just to practice. to me it seemed like he had no real problem staying up for that late to practice. but who knows if he’s just good at tolerating stuff like that

he wakes up late during the weekends (?) remember that scene where he was aggressively brushing his teeth? mitsuki yells at him with something along the lines of “dont wake up at noon and make all this noise!”. noon starts from 12. lets do the math here. lets say this guy sleeps at 8:30 and is capable of sleeping until 12. that is 16 hours. OKAY fine he requires a lot of sleep because he overuses his body a lot, but STILL wtf

here is the schedule for the students at UA

we can see that class officially ends at 3 pm. bakugou probably studies and trains even after school. is that even enough time ??? dont forget that he probably wants to do some reading and whatever other shit he does on his own time. (unless he can do all of this in 5 hrs)

in the heroes rising movie, bakugou for some reason decides to not do the community service during the day when everybody else is doing it and instead goes out at night. my first question when i saw this scene was, why did he decide to do things this way?? was he aware that at night nobody would want to volunteer so he decided to do it himself? or did he realize that things would be calmer at night ?? anyways, if he sleeps at 8:30, itd clash with his sleeping time, no? going out so late at night after dinner time doesnt seem so convinient for somebody that sleeps so early.

MANGA SPOILERS wouldnt someone who goes to sleep that early get enough sleep and therefore feel refreshed in the mornings ?? to me it seems like bakugou is NOT a morning person at all. during the internship arc with endeavor, bakugou says “dont be making all this damn noise from the very morning!” maybe he just takes a bit more time to get adapted ...?

PERSONALLY i think that he sleeps at maybe around 9:30-11:00 ? but lies down in bed at around 9:00 or something, it really depends on what he’s doing or how he is feeling. if he had a really bad day, he’d get in bed particularly early and think about stuff. he definitely cares about his health so yeah he probably sleeps early.

or maybe he’s like izuku and sleeps at 1 am studying loool

[noonmutter]

Introductions

Daily Writing Challenge 2021 Day 12: Ball/Gravestone

"It's gonna be a quiet meetin'. They're not...th' most talkative people, these days."

"No, I know, love, of course. I absolutely still want to do this. You're so brave for this and I'm so proud of you."

Leon couldn't hold in a chuckle at that. Valarin's open, whole-hearted support of him for what was, admittedly, a trip that Leon had made dozens of times by now was all but impossible to ignore. The reassurance wasn’t necessary, but he wasn’t about to ruin Val’s fun. He simply set a hand on his wee love's shoulder to momentarily silence him, and bent to kiss his forehead.

"Thank you, love. It's okay. I'm not gonna collapse, it's just...a li'l tense, sometimes. Bringin' somebody new..." He let himself trail off as he inspected the kit they'd brought with them. Valarin had brought the supplies for their lunch, and he'd brought a bag of gardening tools, along with a couple bouquets of marigolds at Val's insistence. Asking about the marigolds had opened up the floodgates, not that he minded; listening to Valarin get himself going about something he was passionate about was one of Leon’s favorite things.

"The marigolds are traditionally very important! You see, the land of the living can be confusing and difficult to navigate for spirits. We try to help them by providing strong sensory things to guide them. The marigolds have a strong smell, but I think their color is quite strong too! And the candles are a little lighthouse..."

The flowers had been a bit of a trick to avoid crushing once they'd left the road that would've led them across the border into Stranglethorn, but they'd managed. He still wasn't sure if mum and dad would actually like the marigolds, but he understood the importance of it being this specific kind of flower, now. It was both like and unlike the little ceremonies the Gilnean was familiar with.

"This is such a lovely area, too. I’m honestly so excited to see where your parents rest. I’ve not really seen many human gravesites. I’m interested to see how similar they are. I’d like to learn about Gilnean customs regarding it. I know that the Day of the Dead is more widespread now, so I’m sure your parents will enjoy the offerings all the same. And--Hey, are you doing okay? You’ve been a little quiet."

Leon paused, then gave a short shake of his head. "Just tryna make sure we don't get lost, hey?" It was a lame excuse for letting his mind wander, but Val let it pass, since they were tromping through an awful lot of dense foliage. Valarin was aware there was a moonwell not all that far from where they wandered, and though there was a ceasefire, it was still Alliance territory and he was still visibly not a night elf. The tension wasn't really there like it'd been during their trip to Aerie Peak, though; they were alone and nowhere near a proper settlement.

He almost asked another question before Leon stopped, pointed at a small cluster of bright purple blooms hugging the forest floor, and said, "We're 'ere." It was hard not to get excited all over again, but he wanted to be respectful of Leon's feelings, so he kept himself from squeaking and simply gave Leon his best 'I'm here for you' smile. Leon answered it with another kiss on his forehead. Val liked those kisses, even if they were usually Leon filling in a silence when he couldn't figure out what to say.

He watched Leon pull a ton of vines and push a ton of branches aside like a very sturdy set of curtains, and after a moment, rushed to assist. Together, they opened up a relatively worn footpath to a small clearing. Val couldn't help but gasp softly at the sight; it seemed like every square inch of the ground was covered in lilacs! Little purple flowers were everywhere, and the scent was almost overwhelming. Butterflies fluttered from blossom to blossom in every direction, and small clouds of them seemed to erupt every time he or Leon took a step. He found himself tiptoeing to try and avoid crushing anything almost immediately.

"Oh, Light, it's absolutely beautiful, Leon. You did this?" The thought was enough to bring tears to his eyes, but he tried not to let it, at least not yet. He knew he'd do plenty of crying before the day was out and he'd really rather not start again so soon. It was a little embarrassing, even if Leon said it wasn't. Just focus on not snagging your pants on anything, Valarin…

"Well, I mean, th' flowers did it on their own, mostly... flowers do tha'..." Leon looked sheepish as he deflected praise, "All I did was plant a couple an' leave 'em be. Lilacs 're 'ardy, easy thin's. Part o' why mum liked 'em so much." The Gilnean made his way carefully but quickly through the dense growth, well used to the path he took and not worrying overmuch about whether he was stomping flowers or butterflies; the flowers were going to be cut back anyway, and the butterflies were quicker than he was. Reaching the apparent edge of the clearing, Leon bent to set his hand on a particularly tall lilac bush, then abruptly tore away a few branches to reveal the carved wooden grave marker underneath it.

It was not a professional job, this marker, but it had definitely been a work of diligence and a high degree of effort. It was sanded down to a nearly glasslike smoothness, and it would probably shine like it once it was cleaned up. The uneven top edge of it suggested it had originally been a chunk of driftwood, but it’d been stained so dark that it was hard to be sure. Valarin was privately glad he’d gotten better at reading Common lettering; hand-carved stuff like this was a little tricky. “Bettany Marie Ambroce” caught a bit of light and practically glowed. 

“Right. ‘Ere we are, then.”

“Oh, Leon,” Valarin said, “This is so lovely. This is your mother?” He knelt down beside the wood and brushed his fingertips over the lettering. “Hello, Missus Ambroce. I’m happy to meet you.”

“Yeah.” Leon didn’t really know how else to answer, but felt like that was woefully insufficient. “This’s mum.” Okay that was almost less helpful. He brushed his fingers along the lettering in much the same way Valarin had, mulling over a few things before he settled on a simple, “...You r’member Val’rin, right? I’ve talked about ‘im b’fore…” He risked a glance at his little love, offering a weak smile. “Only th’ good stuff, though. Promise.”

“It better have been!” Val flashed a playful grin and tossed his hair. “I am a perfect angel, after all.”

Chuckling, Leon set down the bag of tools and took out a pair of hedge trimmers, offering them to Valarin. “I’ll take care o’ th’ bigger messes, you clear out th’ stuff all over th’ ground, okay?”

“Wait, are we doing this entire clearing?”

“Course. Otherwise th’ lilacs’ll grow way too far an’ get completely outta control. It’s already bad enough cuz I waited longer’n I should’ve, I norm’ly come by ev’ry month or so.”

Valarin looked out across the small expanse of purple with a tiny bit less wonderment than he had the first time. This was a bit more work than he’d realized, but, he had to admit to himself, Leon had warned him. And he was bound and determined to help, regardless, so! Nothing for it but to roll up his sleeves and get to work. Leon had to restrain himself from grinning at the look of almost militant determination that Val got before he started clipping away.

“Cheer up, at least y’ don’t ‘ave t’ make it look pretty, too, hey?” He waggled his own pair of much smaller clippers, and gestured toward the high-piled bushes covering the pair of markers. “I’ll prune these down an’ then we’ll both tackle th’ rest of ‘em. It only takes about an hour if there’s two of us.”

“Isn’t this a bit much?”

“‘Ow d’you mean?”

“Well I’m going to end up killing most of these by cutting them back all…all willy-nilly, aren’t I?”

“Sure, but tha’s kinna th’ point. They can’t all keep growin’ or they’ll overtake more’n th’ forest kin afford, see? S’why I come back an’ clean it up at all. Can’t just plant whatever, wherever, or it throws th’ ‘ole balance outta whack. I’d be a worse druid than I already am if I just planted a bush an’ left it.”

“You are not a bad druid!”

Laughing, Leon pruned away, and Valarin attacked the rest of the lilacs with gusto.

Once they were roughly halfway through the clearing as a whole, Leon mercifully called for a break. Valarin was not at all accustomed to Leon in work mode, at least not like this; he knew the man could get lost in his leatherwork for hours, but that wasn’t quite so physically demanding as this. It was impressive, if a bit exhausting to keep up with.

They both sat down with a satisfied sigh, and Leon stretched his legs in the much more visible grass by the cleaned-up gravestones. Once properly polished, the lettering on both gleamed like it had been painted with gold:

Bettany Marie Ambroce Beloved wife and mother I’ll take it from here

Graeme Iain Ambroce Beloved husband and father I’ve got this

“Dad would’ve liked you, y’know.”

“You think so?” 

“Yeah. Anybody ‘o kin keep up with an Ambroce’s bullshit is worth keepin’ an eye on, somethin’ like that.” Leon chuckled with a subdued smile, thinking back on various times when he’d heard that. Naturally, Graeme had been talking about his own wife, but still. It had merit. “‘Especially th’ wee ones.’ Mum was about yer ‘eight, I think.”

Valarin’s ears went back just a little. “I’m not that wee.” After a moment, though, he let himself chuckle, too. “Although I suppose it’s still a compliment. You said he was a mountain, anyway.”

That made Leon laugh, and he threw his arms out wide. “Oh yeah, an absolute fuckin’ behemoth, was dad. ‘E wrestled with steer at th’ yearly fairs, sometimes, an’...”

As much as Leon enjoyed listening to Valarin give impromptu dissertations, Valarin loved listening to Leon tell stories of his family and his home. Knowing that he’d never get to see either of them the way his boyfriend did, he clung to every word to try his best to imagine it, and let the farmboy ramble as long as he was willing to. He only dared to interrupt long enough to break out their picnic, which thankfully didn’t stop the flood at all.

Once they’d eaten and Leon had run out of tales to tell--some of which Valarin was sure had to be at least exaggerated, if not totally made up, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out which ones--they’d gotten back to work. It was almost agony to start over again, since they’d had enough time for their hands to start hurting. That only seemed to spur them to get done quicker so that they were able to put the tools away after what felt like no time at all.

While Leon was raking the detritus into a corner of the clearing, Valarin set to work by the markers.

First, Valarin set up a small collapsible bed tray in front of the markers themselves, and covered it with a white cloth. He set out a few candles and arranged the marigolds all around what would become their ofrenda. Upon the tray he left portions of the favored foods they had brought; raspberry tarts, beef pasties, fried taters, all sorts of things. Though they had no pictures of the deceased--Leon couldn’t bring himself to risk losing the only image he had of his entire family--it was the thought that counted for this.

Obviously, Leon wanted to help, but he also didn’t want to do things wrong (despite Valarin’s many and constant reminders that there was no wrong way to arrange an ofrenda), so he hung back until it was almost finished. At Valarin’s urging, Leon took up a long match, and they each lit a candle at the same time, one for each parent. Finally, a small bundle of marigold petals was pressed into Leon’s hands, and he awkwardly scattered them in a rough line from the ofrenda to the graves themselves. Valarin had already made one out of the clearing itself, and with Leon’s contribution, there was a complete path.

When he returned to Val’s side, Val immediately curled both arms around his waist and tugged him down till they were both seated in the grass before the ofrenda. There, Val could finally get the cuddles he so cherished. Leon smiled softly and dragged the insistent thing into his lap, the better to hug him close and rest his chin on top of Val’s head. 

“So… what ‘appens now?”

“Now, you tell me more stories about them, and cuddle me, and I’ll tell you stories about mine, and cuddle you.”

“All night?”

“All night.”

“I think I kin do tha’.”

Though they couldn’t leave everything behind, the next morning, a pair of marigold-and-lilac wreaths hung from the wooden gravestones.

( @daily-writing-challenge​ @valarin-sunstorm​ )

[cozymochi]

Hey, i just want to say you are one of the coolest people ever-seriously. I love your art, even if you dont think so yourself. So many people here enjoy the content you make. Fanom will always be pretty…. y'know. It's always okay to not engage with it. Just do things that make you happy; thats really all that matters in the end. (1/2)

I dunno if I’ll make it worse but not just answering this with “🥺🥺😭💕💕💕💕”, but I really feel like I should dive a bit deeper (not too deep, im not comfy enough for that), but dive just for a second.

I understand the intent behind this, I promise it’s really nice and I appreciate it.

But external validation online isn’t the problem I have. I’m aware other people outside myself like it. I didn’t say they didn’t. I’m aware enough. I’m not as extreme popularity levels where I’m actively spoken about or have influence to an obnoxious-name-dropping degree, but it’s a comfy enough spot I can recognize to some extent. I only know my bubble, though.

I just do not like my work. I feel like whenever I say anything close to that, people are quick to assure how much others like it- so that must mean something, and mean enough for me to take a second-thought if only for a minute.

My issues stem from personal stuff and enviromental things IRL outside of my control that have been building for years. But when I wanna (in theory) get away from thinking about that, or make a teeny tiny vent that doesn’t so much as scratch the surface, I come here. Which, yeah, it’s tumblr. No social media is a good spot to go. I don’t even care if people just scroll by them, nobody is obligated to say anything in my book. They’re not comfortable and look really bad- tho that comes with being emotionally charged.

However, this place reminds me how much (and this expands to IRL) how much I’m just not satisfied with my work. It doesn’t stem from a perceived lack of external validation.

I just don’t like it.

I don’t know why.

But just to curb this before anybody wants to try: I’m not looking for others to analyze or theorize “why” either, that’s not anybody’s place to do that (frankly i’d be insulted if anybody tried to). I probably won’t figure out “why” for a while. If not for a long time.

And sometimes, it feels like I’m not allowed to be dissatisfied with it. And if I don’t have a sufficient enough answer as to “why” it’s perceived as irrational and not warranted. And while I know it is at least the former in some capacity, I’m not given enough respect to just let me feel the way I do. This expands IRL with my other work, where I can’t even change my mind about something without being interrogated for it. I can take breaks all I want to (I do it a lot), but it wouldn’t really adjust my mindset.

But this has been an ongoing problem for years, and not a new thing. I just don’t actively bring it up much. I don’t bring up a ton of stuff here, cuz frankly, much of my personal life isn’t anybody’s business. I can’t even count how often I stop myself from hitting that post button to make two sentence remarks. I just bother somebody else with paragraphs. But sometimes it will leak out in these awkward posts that happen in spurts. So, to that end, all this would seemingly look “new” to everybody else and purely recent- when it isn’t.

I swear external validation isn’t the problem. I’m aware.

This will be more confusing. But, this whole “not liking my art and not finding it worth showing” isn’t even the problem either. This isn’t even what sets me off.

But, it is an issue that exists— but it’s at the bottom. It’s not something I “worry” about or fret over, so much as it’s just a very minor thing that’s present. This place mostly just reminds me of that bottom tier issue when this place is supposed to be, and I hate using this, “an escape” from all the other more damning and ongoing more serious issues that actually make me break down and lose my composure and want everything to stop.

It’s mostly just the equivalent of being beaten up in an ally, getting mugged, getting fired, ur pet dying, then when you’re trying to finally go home to unwind you trip and fall into a puddle and skid your knee.

I don’t lose composure from that. But it doesn’t help when u wanna get your mind off everything else.

P.S this wasn’t “saying the wrong thing” or inciting worse feelings!!! I don’t feel much, I just felt like I should clarify— tho I have enough sense to know my own response like this was likely presumptuous and unwarranted too. I dunno. Seemed like a decent springboard to jump from to talk a very vague concept.

P.P.S: my digs at fandom stuff was just me being salty and unrelated tacked on remark and not so much personal nor related to any of the above, i promise i dont care about the cringe

but thank u for calling me cool

i wish i did more to really warrant that, though. It’s hard to feel good about what others say when you yourself don’t feel it

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP Meme from Oliver & Company

Now, it's always once upon a time in New York City.

It's a big old bad old tough old town.

Let me have one, please.

Right away, you're making time and making friends

If they pick you out, you're on your way.

Get out there and go and try.

Why does nightfall find you feelin' so alone?

Dreaming is still how the strong survive

Keep your dream alive.

Got to look out and open your eyes,

You're in the fast lane

What's the matter with you? I said get outta here.

I don't eat cats. It's too much fur.

I've been watching you, and I think you're in serious need of some professional guidance.

I'm an expert at these things.

All you gotta do is learn some moves.

This city's got a beat.

When are we gonna get those hot dogs?

I hate to break it to ya, but the dynamic duo is now the dynamic uno.

Our partnership is herewith dissolved.

You're not being fair!

Fairs are for tourists, kid.

Consider it a free lesson in street savoir faire

Hey, wait! I helped you get those! Half of those are mine!

Why should I worry? Why should I care?

I got street savoir faire

You can wear the crown!

Everything goes.

Everything fits.

They love me at the Chelsea, they adore me at the Ritz!

Stop that racket! I'm trying to watch this show.

Shut up, you little rodent.

Come on, let's watch some boxing. I wanna see some action

You think this place is big enough?

What we need is some good quality stuff

Oh, shredded leather.

You insulted my pride! That means death!

It was your turn to get the food today!

You remain our preeminent benefactor.

It was tough. Only I could have done it.

I love a story with food in it.

Enter the opposition.

Gang war! Gang war! Watch out! Here comes a gang war!

Take cover!

It's just a cat.

I followed this dog.

He's lying! He's lying! He's lying! He's lying!

Oh, boy! Dog pile!

Don't let me down!

What do you got?

Let's see what you got.

I was just on my way out.

Actually, I've got something much better than money.

Some luxury items that should make a considerable dent in my debt to you.

Oh, my! You waxed your car, didn't you? Did they use the buffer on it, because I can see myself.

I don't think you grasp the severity of the situation.

Now, I lent you money and I don't see it.

People like you get hurt.

I can't figure out why you'd rather hang around a dump like this when you could be living uptown with a class act like myself.

Isn't it rather dangerous to use one's entire vocabulary in a single sentence?

You bad, man.

Hey, you got something to say to me, fat boy?

Why don't you pick on someone your own size?

Oh, I'm having a bad day!

I like cats. I like to eat 'em.

Your master's calling.

Come on and say it to my face!

How am I ever gonna come up with all that money?

It's hopeless.

That took a lot of guts.

All right. Time for bed. We've got a big day tomorrow.

We've got two days to do or die.

You got a lot to learn. And if you don't learn, you don't eat!

But if you're tough, and always use your head, you'll be right at home, on the street.

When you got talent, everything is free.

You're gonna see how the best survive.

These are streets of gold.

You'll take the town, and you'll take it with style.

You're in charge of electronics.

Hey, but what about me? What do I do?

Ready? Go!

What have I done? Poor thing.

You oughta be ashamed of yourself!

Run along, little fellow. Go on, now. Shoo.

Be a lookout.

I only got one more wire, okay?

Oh, you poor kitty. Here. Let me help you.

Where's the kid?

We can't just take in a stray off the street.

Don't worry, kitty. I'll take care of you.

Your public awaits.

Girl, we've got work to do

Pass me the paint and glue.

Perfect isn't easy

When one knows the world is watching, one does what one must.

See how the breeding shows

Sometimes it's too much for even me!

But when all the world says "Yes", then, who am I to say "no"?

Don't ask a mutt to strut like a showgirl

Perfection becomes me, ne c'est pas?

I'm beauty unleashed!

So classic and classy

They're barking up the wrong tree!

I have your hearts, and you have my pity

Pretty is nice, but still it's just pretty!

I wouldn't go in there if I were you.

What is the meaning of this?

I guess I'll have to handle this myself.

And do you have any idea whose home this is?

Isn't he cute?

What in Heaven's name are we waiting for?

Alas, our beleaguered benefactor bearing the brunt of our futile endeavours.

Cool it!

Our mission begins at daybreak.

I don't hear any practicing.

Oh, you wanna practice too!

We two can be good company.

You and me, just wait and see.

I'll handle that ruffian.

Body slam! Body slam! Oh, come on, you fool! Hit him! Hit him!

Come back here!

Huh, this place looks pretty nice. I mean, how bad off could it be here?

Chagall. Matisse. These are all masterpieces.

Hey, man, if this is torture, chain me to the wall.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down.

Don't come any closer! I knew this would happen one day.

It's not you I'm after.

Not good enough for you?

I mean, do you even know who I am?

GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU LITTLE BUG-EYED CREEP!

Something's not quite right here.

Shh. Quick. Before he comes back. Follow me.

I mean, let's just forget the whole thing.

No, no, you can't do that! You don't understand. The poor dear's so traumatized.

What is going on here?

Hurry. Use the fire escape.

Ooh, I could've danced all night! I could've danced all night!

You were very good.

I was rather good, wasn't I?

You okay, kid?

I have another home now. And someone who loves me.

You're in the gang.

I just wanna go back.

You wanna leave? Fine! There's the door.

You lighten up!

Oh, it's hopeless.

Looks like you're doing all right for yourself

So that's where you've been!

Feel it. That's it. Very good.

This is an airtight plan

I'll even toss in a little extra for your patience.

It's my final offer. Take it or leave it.

I said, push!

No, you don't kill 'im yet.

Did we bring something green and wrinkly to make me happy?

I'm getting your money tonight! It's coming tonight!

Hey, I think there's hope for you yet.

Yeah, you're starting to think big.

It's creepy down here.

I drew a perfectly good map.

A child could read that map.

I didn't do it! I didn't do it! I was framed!

This is a tough neighborhood. You'd better go home.

I came to find my kitty.

You brought a piggy bank.

What kind of a person would steal a poor little kitty?

I'm so scared. I don't know what to do.

I found a little lost kitten.

No! No, wait! You can't do this!

Keep your mouth shut.

Stop! Stop! Time out!

There's gotta be some way in.

Peasants.

Well, it's nice to see that one of you has some manners.

After you, my little croissant

And remember, quiet.

Oh! I broke a nail.

Oh, balderdash.

Freeze!

I don't think you really appreciate the situation. Somebody could get hurt.

You smell that?

It's party time!

Where are those dogs?

I thought I'd never see you again.

What's the occasion? Come to rescue your little friend?

All right! What a woman!

Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to work we go

This has all been very entertaining. But the party is over.

Hey, man, you're ugly!

Aah! Save me!

Hey, get off my back, woman! I'm driving!

All right, anybody want some cake?

Murder him! Twist his arm!

The gifts were great.

We'll start with a bath.

You know, you're not so bad for a bug-eyed little creep.

You come back here this minute!

Tell me why should I care

What a delightful scoundrel.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

pls scream about Leo a lil bit cause my love for that man is neverending and i live for you guys' blog,,, and ur comte love fuels me??? head empty except for those two pureblood clowns

HNGNGNG I hope that both you and everyone that reads my shenanigans knows how utterly understood I feel when I see anyone stan Comte, if not both of those idiot purebloods bc good lord...I live for two tired fossil men that just want DOMESTIC BLISS. Literally they have no brain cells beyond respect women and we love that for us, it’s spectacular!!

Under a cut bc I went off and is long:

That being said I’d be happy to yell abt Leo!! Where do I even begin, this man was the reason I got into Ikevamp in the first place, and I’ve read just about every single one of his events at this point. He just makes me so TENDER!!!!!! For whatever reason the first thing that came to mind was this one time he lies about being jealous and MC is lolol u a fool if you think I can’t tell when you lie to me. And he’s so fuckiNG SHOOK?????? It’s even funnier because she’s internally like [I’m not 100% sure but for a second there he almost looked mad...time to test this theory even if it’s just A GAME T H E O R Y] And he’s so fucking pikachu meme that shit sends me. I can’t handle the fact that he’s so used to people just assuming he’s fine, that he can handle himself. That he’s lived for so long without really anyone noticing at all. (Comte absolutely notices and will lightly roast him, but doesn’t really push him about it or wants to overstep). And so when MC just actively pays attention and is so gentle with him he’s just floored???

God I’m crying now, but I will just never forget the funeral scene in his fucking rt. This asshole, this absolute moron, straight up tries to come at us with “yOu GeT uSeD tO iT aFtEr HaLf A mIlLeNiUm, i’M nOt SaD”. Like are you serious. Come here and let me hold you before I throttle you. Absolute clown. He’s just always trying so hard to get by on his own and it breaks my heart. How long...how long has he lived just getting by, nursing his own wounds and dragging himself up all by himself. HE LEFT HOME AT LIKE 14 (whatever the fuCK SOME TOO YOUNG AGE) AND RAN STRAIGHT INTO THE HANDS OF PEOPLE THAT HATED HIM FOR HIS TALENT. HE REMEMBERS HIS MENTORS DESTROYING HIS UTENSILS WHILE TRYING TO ESCAPE PARENTS THAT WHOLEHEARTEDLY REJECTED ANY EXPRESSION OF LOVE OR COMPASSION FOR HUMANITY THAT HE CHERISHED SO DEEPLY. I DON’T NEED SLEEP I NEED TO HUG HIM IMMEDIATELY FUCKING HELL.

Like.........there’s just........I don’t know how to explain it, but I once saw it explained so well in a post. It was basically talking about Castlevania, and how in that show Dracula sees humanity’s folly and develops so much hatred he just goes straight to murder rage. And while in some ways I understand that, I understand even more deeply Trevor’s response to humanity’s fear and violence. He says that he knows they’re short-sighted, that maybe we all just don’t deserve saving...but that he’s going to do it anyway. Leonardo just so much gives me that energy of knowing there’s so much pain in the world, but all we can do is keep walking--keep trying, even if we have to claw our way forward. Because if you only see the awfulness in front of you, you forget the way that strangers make silly faces at babies to make them laugh on the train, how a friend will put everything down to race over to someone and comfort them with some ice cream--do anything they can to distract them from the hurt. How the sight of a child crying will prompt careful cooing from a stranger as to their bravery, an offering of cool water, the gentle placement of a bandaid. How a pair of teenagers will spot a lost child in milliseconds and help them seek out their parents protectively. There is so much wretchedness, but also so much beauty in it all, and the older I get the more I see myself wanting to believe in the latter. I want to be hopeful, and easily impressed, and full of love. To be bitter and jaded accomplishes nothing, and only becomes a worsening self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you seek negativity, the more you will find it; and worse, create it.

I also scream a little bit bc like. I’ve gone on and on about how Comte is very obviously in love with MC all the time, and sure that may be true. But...I really don’t think Leo is exempt from that either if I’m honest lmfao. Only because what does Leonardo do when it isn’t his route? He almost never shows up. Once in a while he might appear for a split second in a scene, but he almost never converses with MC beyond those short moments. While Comte is the one to pine openly, I’d wager Leo is the opposite. He pines in absolute silence, because he knows that if he gets any closer--he’s going to fall. He’s going to enjoy it too much, going to keep seeking out more before he can stop himself. And losing another person he loves...he just can’t do it anymore. In his first meeting story he talks about seeing MC’s eyes and feeling like he’d known them all his life, and even in his MS he speaks to just being completely fascinated by and enamored of her. She doesn’t hesitate, always does her best, meets people head-on and without much hesitation. After a lifetime of people that are probably just immediately interested in him for his talents, or always seeking out his company for the novelty, this is someone that doesn’t give a single fuck if he’s Leonardo da Vinci. Sure she’s aware, and sure she’s impressed to some extent, but her respect--her attraction and admiration--is something that has to be earned. 

There’s something so refreshing about how their love was written. Sure it’s the whole fake marriage to a real relationship, but it’s also a kind of subtle enemies to lovers pulled off masterfully. MC is 100% minding her own business, just wants to do what she must in order to get home, tries to focus on her work to keep from thinking about how much she misses her old life. She doesn’t rely on anyone, doesn’t talk about how hard it is or how scary it is or how confusing. And even Leonardo forgets in his curiosity, is just chillin and also just trying to do the bare minimum to keep from getting too attached--figures he can admire her from a distance. And then he sees her staring at the hourglass. And suddenly, he can’t just watch her do that herself. Just wait for the hard times to pass, just sit with her own loneliness--that hollowing silence. There’s something so moving about it because he reaches out precisely because he knows that feeling to his fucking marrow, and literally just cannot watch somebody else do that to themselves. Sure he’s been dealing with it for three hundred years, BUT THIS GOOD BABIE CHILD DOES NOT DESERVE THIS. SHE WORKS HARD AND DESERVES NICE THINGS!!!!!!!! And so he drives her crazy as he races ahead of her, intercepting any attempt for her to preserve that silence and hide. She doesn’t see any pattern to it, and that’s just how he likes it--he doesn’t want her to worry about the how or why. 

Like I fully remembering playing in Japanese and being like oh my fucking god this is hilarious, this man is just a wild fucker and I love this. I was enjoying myself, mostly laughing and shaking my head. But then it just gets so, so serious. I was having so much fun that I, like a fool, forgot the anime effect. If you’re having fun, it’s going to come crashing down without mercy soon enough. And it does. He helps a little girl without any hope play her violin again, and maybe I’m just too English major but I was fucking FLOORED when I realized I didn’t see that that was straight foreshadowing. That little girl without hope? That was MC (and by extension depending on how you play, us). Though the metaphor isn’t quite so easily mapped without a physical space, the connection is clear when you think about it. With his careful social awareness, he makes a place for MC to exist in the mansion so naturally--as though she was meant to be there from the start, crafts a positive impression of her presence with each of the residents. And he does it with zero expectation of anything in return; he’s just happy to see her not stressing herself out anymore or trying to do everything alone. MC doesn’t fall in love with him despite their differences, she falls in love with him because they are the same in a singular and all-encompassing way that matters; they both care about other people so deeply, to the point where they will forego any personal needs in order to make that person’s life easier. Whether it be muting their own hardship, or working to involve another person in a new space (or opening up to the point of self-destruction to keep a person from feeling alone), they go above and beyond what anybody asks of them--perhaps strong to the point of their own detriment, in some cases. 

It’s why I always laugh when he says to Sebastian “That cara mia, she has a good heart.” Of course she does, Leonardo; it certainly takes one to know one. 

And because I literally have no brain cells beyond being in fucking love with Leonardo THE LAKE SCENE IS AN AFFRONT TO MY DIGNITY AND SELF-CONTROL. HOW DARE YOU, SIGNORE. HOW DARE YOU ASK ME TO SIT THERE AND WATCH YOU OPEN YOUR HEART TO ME AND NOT BAWL MY EYES OUT AND TRY TO KISS YOU ALL AT THE SAME TIME. SIGNORE “hAhA yOu’Re So SmAlL yOu LoOk LiKe YoU’rE DrOwNiNg In My CoAt.” I WOULD DROWN AND DIE HAPPY--BITCH I TELL YOU THAT.

Like. I can’t think of another route I’ve ever done where I spent a good amount of time like “lmfao this guy is so wild im gonna punch him” to just be in a whirlpool of my own tears, regretting my entire fucking LIFE days later. Like Leonardo’s cultural impact???? Fucking immeasurable, I wish every white man disaster I ever met had a hidden heart of gold in all of his boyish dumbassery, an ICONIC himbo of our time. 

Also because I remembered it before posting and I am Dying^TM. The event where MC was a pureblood and he was human. That entire fucking event. I literally can’t think about it without screaming and crying. Her just so flustered at his reaction to her like “oh look, free real estate” as he plops her in his lap, absolutely no fear, treating her like a princess because of her noble title despite NO NECESSITY BEYOND PLAYFULNESS BUT ALSO STILL MEANING IT IN AN EARNEST WAY, being charming to no END just to see her laugh or look away shyly. 

WHEN HE SAID. WHEN HE SAID “...Can’t leave you alone, or you might go off someplace I can’t follow.” I. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU STRIPPED DEVOTION DOWN TO ITS BARE ESSENTIALS!!!!!! GAH HOW MC HERSELF SAYS “I would tell him the truth but...he’s much too generous for a human. I know he would offer his life without a moment’s hesitation.” How Leo describes the aftermath of her biting him: “Lucky for you, I’m a true gentleman, Unlike my principessa, who took me like a storm” HELLO??????? H E L  L O ???????????????????????? ARE WE JUST GOING TO SLEEP ON THE FACT THAT HE LOST HIS ENTIRE SOUL WHEN SHE BIT HIM???? I--

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

(Also as much as I love him the cigarillos have got to go at some point, boy do you have any idea the shit secondhand smoke does good lordt)

[urlocalbunny]

Ok angst time... Headcanons for if the baby was lost half way thou... ( im SO sorry )

Aaron:

the way of guessing your feelings through his nose was just terrible right now. He could see you were disraught. broken. in pain. when your hands, weak, reached out for him for a hug sometimes, it felt like you’d break and drift away if he didn’t hold you together. His eyes were almost always watery for a few weeks.

he’d be silent. distant from the other things he loved for a while. if he ever talked, was to reassure you you’d work this out. He’d cry very often when you slept. Your face was sad even when you were many hours in.

He’d have taken down the room carefully after a while, but when he opened the door, he saw you holding the little deer plushie you put in the bed. you held your now back to normal belly, and you’d apologize to your baby and to him many times. He was shocked to know you thougth that was your fault to begin with. 

he was absolutely heartbroken to the point where Beliath would always wear a sad frown every time they were in the same room. The vampires would comfort him, but nothing seemed to move when you were so sad. Your kid was going to be the bravest person he ever met. he was sure. They must have had a big fight before the end. 

Seeing him not leaving through night and day made you wonder how it was possible when you failed. one day, however, you heard a howl on your window. it was a full moon, so whatever you thought you were doing, Aaron would not approve. But you opened the window. He was there, but there was nothing but disconnected toughts. That was the wolf.

He was standing in an elegant stance. He was quietly looking at her in the eyes. “How did you get in here? This is really high!” You asked, still wary until you felt soft fur on your belly. He had his eyes closed, you could feel when your hands held his head on instinct. He still thought of nothing. Your arms circled his head. instead of feeling sad, a spark of joy bloomed in you. There were no parts in your beloved that hated you, even the ones he didn’t control. He jumped up and down, shaking his head and jumping on the floor, calling you to run with him. You ran out of the manor under the boys’ curious gazes and you ran. He circled around you, slowing down to match your pace. Your joyful laugh reached every pair of ears in the manor.

Raphael:

In times like these, he wished he could draw. But he also felt completely good being blind for the first time in his life. ,

Your screams full of horror, Ethan’s despair in the air and the smell of blood stained his mind. He closed his eyes in a silent plead. “If something miraculous happens and I recover, do not let me see.” 

You were quiet in the next few days. He waited for you to talk, but you’d open your mouth and try to say something, but your breath was ragged, as if you were suffocating. He felt your gaze on him the whole time.

one day, even if it took all of his strength, he sat on your side and tought of words. But they also wouldn’t do. The best, most beautiful thing he could ever say was something his friend Aaron would. With no shortcuts, but with no curves either.

“Do you, perhaps, think this is your fault?” his tone was stern, but you had to get a earful. “The way you don’t answer me is honestly worrisome. You have to stop thinking about me right now if you ever want to make amends with yourself. The reason why i was so happy was because i love you with all my might. I woudl not have it like this with anybody else.” your arms circled his waist. This time, he caught you. 

Your cries were, this time, full of relief. He hummed a song to you. It was a happy lullaby. his lips were faintly on your temple. You would get through this.

Beliath:

Your baby’s presence was the first thing he missed this morning. you were crying in disbelief. 

He didn’t even remember shoving Ethan into the room, but he did. His hand went to his head and he breathed in and out. He has never grieved before. Never.

When Ethan left, he held your hand and face. “Don’t you think about saying you’re sorry.” your eyes widened. “I’m not leaving your side.”

He did what he said. He was heartbroken in ways he’s never experienced before without you, but he would manage for you. For the both of you.

The months run cold and slow without your heart-warming shrieks when you saw tiny gloves and hats or when you finished putting up the crib, but your face looks a little more colorful again. 

He haven’t partied in months and he doesn’t want to, but he comes up with a small and calm gathering of people you both know and cherish. You smile when you see how different it is from the usual. When you accept his hand and swing slowly into the song he let Vladimir of all people choose, he lets out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding.

He could finally see your face without the fog again. You didn’t stop smiling. He shed a tear that you caught in your hands.

Vladimir.

It was his fault. He was sure for months. Maybe because he wasn’t good to you? Loving enough? Supportive enough? He was devastated. But the feeling that lingered was because he was ill. He was weak and he passed this to your baby. Your precious baby was dead, and it was him.

When he shared this with you, he expected everything but you raising your hand to slap him and then turning around to stop yourself. He put a hand on his face in shock even if you didn’t hit him. Was he that repulsive to you?

You grabbed his hands like he was a tiny kid, and proceeded to scold him for thinking it was his fault. You said you’ve never seen somebody talk such bullshit and he had to keep himself in check. That was harsh, but he realized you were telling the truth and that’s what hurt the most.

He had to man up and help you overcome this. No more temper trantrums, no more talking ill of himself when it came to the baby. That was disrespectful. How to cheer you up? How to make you realize you’re more than this situation? 

He took you to the garden one day. You didn’t understand at first, but he put a seed on your hand. a cyclamen. Your eyes looked for his, but he was hiding his blush.

“My mother taught me how to do this. I think we should do it together from now on, since she can not teach you mother to mother...” 

Your sudden hug was strong. Your tears were warm on the crook of his neck. But your smile was what made him tear up too. Finally. Finally, you were coming back home.

Ethan: 

Your wet hand full of blood woke him up. He was in shock when he realized you baby was gone. Just when he started to lose the fear. Just when he started to have wishful thinking every single hour of the day. It was just his luck, to see your horrified face, to see you asking if your baby wouldn’t open their eyes. 

He did everything in his power to make your body recover, but the thing he worried the most about was your heart. His hugs lingered, his face scrunched up but he didn’t cry. There was no way he could ever make you overcome this. He was useless.

Beliath knocked some sense in his head after he tried to give you some space one day. He was drinking like crazy and Beliath knocked his cup off. He said he had to be by your side. To stop worrying about himself because it didn’t matter how useless he tough he was, you loved him and he was the only one you had right now.

The other night, he opened the door to his room with you, hand-in-hand. You both sat down and he looked into your eyes after a long time. “I felt guilty and ashamed of me. I’m sorry for not being able to help you as much as I could but I promise I’m never leaving you alone to bear with it again. This is our baby. We will get through this together or we won’t overcome this at all.”

The kiss you shared was salty and soft. He realized you didn’t kiss in a long time. But he was about to change that. He was going to cherish you, and live. Live to show you how much he loved you and your baby, no matter what happened in his past.

Ivan:

Surprisingly, one of the most serious on how he’d deal with it. He’d lost everything once and he was not surprised. He cared about you. 

He would get whatever you needed. You’d be able to vent to him and he wouldn’t show how heartbroken he was, but you knew he’d cry at night.

The both of you would be steady on helping each other out and supporting yourselves. You’re both young and this is taking a toll on you.

The vampires wouold help you out and take you guys places, undo the room for you when you’re ready. 

Aaron is also in need of care. He was going to be the godfather... He’s going to be your biggest supporter.

Ivan would actually encourage you to go see the doctors. Even if it was dangerous, you’d find out what was the problem and you could always pretend. You’ feel reassured, and squeeze his hand. Your sweet I love you was all he needed to be sure of your recovery. You’d be fine as long as you were together.

[albino-whumpee]

An old thing 5

First

Continued from here

I´m quite proud of this part. Do you remember the Walmart man? Yeah. More angst and sick fic than whump, but there.

CW// Non Con, Dub Con, NS*W at times, dehumanization, slavery, human trafficking, escape attempt, blood, broken noses, implied death, regain of identity, whump of minors, manhandling, prong collar, past torture, creepy and explosive whumpers, physical and emotional abuse.

Everything will be tagged and if there´s tags to be added, tell me please.

Dimitri was speechless.

“Can you repeat that, please?” He said.

“You’re too close with Kit, we’re gonna send you to a vacation house. Dont worry about Roahn, you will see her when it’s the mounting” Layo said across the table. Kit and Danae were playing outside.

“Im…I…when?” He asked visibly stressed.

“Maybe on saturday. The vacation house is on the other side of the country, next to Sunnyhills Beach, I think you know whose property is it”

Dimitri knew.

His last master before them.

The one who had tried to kill him with the prongs collar.

“His son will be taking good care of you, so you better behave and do as he says understood? He wont accept escapes like us. You know his methods already anyways, you will know whats better for you” He said sipping on his coffee. “Ah, but you’re still ours. If he thinks he is entitled to damage you, He wont see the end of it”

“U-Understood…” Dimitri said still cleaning his plates. He had time. If he hurried up, maybe he could escape tomorrow. While they were on their cocktail party.

“I gotta believe I can do it” He told himself

—

Report came and Dimitri explained how he could the plan for the next day to Kit. How he would take him to that place.

“With Jen and Roahn?”

“Yes with them too” he smiled. “But you gotta tell me if they’re sleeping”

“Master was drinking a lot and Master was already asleep”

“Alright Kit. Ill show you something but you must not say anything ok?”

“Ok!”

He took out the improvised key from a vase and tainted the lock until he opened it.

“You could get out all this time?”

He sighed “No. Only on important moments. Now shhh” he put his finger on his mouth. “Come on Ill get you to your room but silence”

Kit put his lips together and followed him to his room. An spacious yet small little place with only the necessary and some toys. He was relieved he didnt live like them.

Dimitri put him to sleep.

“Goodnight Dimitri see you tomorrow?”

“Goodnight Kit. See you tomorrow” he said as he gave him a kiss on his forehead.

He closed the door silently.

Silent as a mouse, he went to his office. In all those years they had never guessed he had a key. So they had never bothered to lock the office. Dimitri knew perfectly where the copies were, but he knew keeping them would be too evident so he took them and made an improvised and quick copy of them with plaster.

He only needed to wait a few hours for it to harden.

He went as fast as he had gotten in but heard steps and hid quickly.

“Fuck…” Layo’s voice. He was going to the bathroom. And he would pass around the office for that.

Dimitri breathed quickly as he noticed. Was it that way he would end up? He took a stone decoration from a table and was ready to smash it on his head when he heard:

“Master? I can’t sleep!” Kit cried.

“What the…go to bed, Kit” the man said walking towards him.

“I can’t! Tell me a story! please, master!”

“Ugh what a pain is one am…Alright, Alright, coming go to your bed, Ill go take a piss before that…”

Dimitri held tight to the artifact.

“No!! Now!!”

“Argh! What a kid! Ok ok” he heard the door shutting.

Dimitri left the stone on its place and ran quietly to the cell. He closed it again and started working.

At 7 am it was ready. Later, Dimitri was preparing their masters for a full day outside when Layo said:

“Dont try anything funny Ok?” As he was locked up again. He had to hold the urge to laugh on his face.

“Understood”

Kit came running down a few minutes later.

“They’re gone!” He had told him.

Dimitri stood up. With backpacks on hand.

“Its time, Kit”

—

Dimitri got out of the cell and went upstairs. The house was empty. Or so it seemed.

“Kit” Dimitri held the boy’s small shoulders “I need you to go check on the door if there’s somebody. I’ll go get them ok? If theres someone dont scream it” he took the house phone and made it ring pressing a button “you do this and let the phone ring three times. Alright?”

The kid nodded. Dimitri gave him his binoculars back.

“Go see, explorer” he told him before the kid ran off.

He then made a little jump and sprinted towards the stairs. He went to the door where Roahn was and knocked three times. Her voice was husky.

“Dimitri?” She called

“Roahn, it’s me. We’ve gotta go. Now. Can you handle it?” He asked her through the door. A cough.

“Yeah” she said “always”

“We will take you to a doctor. I swear.” He said looking down and putting the keys on.

Roahn had been very sick for weeks. She couldnt give her enough milk and was very weak. Refusing to eat even. Miraculously, Jen was healthier than ever.

Finally the door opened and Roahn had her baby on her skinny arms. Eyebags dark in her face. Yet the light on her eyes were strong. He held her after giving her a hug.

“Lets go” he said as he helped her walk through the house. “Kit is waiting” that line made her sob happily.

“Our baby…” she said looking nowhere

They streamed downstairs, Roahn almost falling at various times due her legs not being able to move correctly. However Dimitri was there to hold her.

When they finally reached the kitchen Kit was waiting for them.

“Nobody on sight!” He said as if he was a sailor.

“Good” Dimitri told him “Kit, help Roahn out a bit would you?” He said putting her down to open the door. Kit sat besides Roahn and asked her if she was Alright to which she responded with a smile. Dimitri held the concrete key on his hand and inhaling deeply he unlocked the door.

The clicking sound of freedom was on his ears as if it was music.

-

The four of them stepped out of the house to the secondary door. Not before putting coats with hoodies that covered their faces. Then they ran. Quietly, agitatedly, desperately. The four of them reached the door withut problems.

There was no one apparently.

The door was in a vine wall. It was easy to pass through it because the key Dimitri had was a copy of the master key he used to buy groceries.

He held them down for a bit while he opened the door. It was the last thing.

The last.

When he opened the door he saw the street and a fist on his direction. A man in black suit punched him making him fall. Roahn and Kit immediately tried to run away from the man, but Dimitri, even when hazy due the pain, used a close by rock to knock the guy out by hitting his head. The man fell and Dimitri was alert to anybody else coming to try and stop them. But there was no one.

“Roahn!! Kit! Its ok!” He yelled with blood going down his nose. They went out of their hiding spot and went back to Dimitri.

“Are you ok?” Roahn said cleaning the blood off his face and stuffing his nose with tissues.

“Yes, we just need to go now” he told her holding her hand a second.

“Is he dead?” Kit asked without taking his eyes off the fallen man. Blood came out of his ears.

“No” Dimitri answered him taking the kid by his hand and running past the body “he’s just unconscious”

They ran and ran and ran until they were on a plaza with a supermarket and a pharmacy.

They were free.

“Now where?” Roahn asked him visibly tired.

Dimitri took a look at Roahn holding Jen like she was a precious stone. Impressively calm. Kit was amazed by everything he saw.

“Now…we take these off” he told her taking his hands to his neck. Feeling the belt like collar and undoing it. He took it out carefully and slowly. Holding it in his hands, Kit could see clearly the old scars on his neck. It grossed the kid to think about how he got such hideous scars.

Dimitri knelt down to Kit and took his collar off too. Kit felt lighter than usual and couldn’t hold the instinct to touch his now free neck.

Dimitri smiled a bit and ruffled his hair before doing the same to Roahn.

Roahn dropped a tear when she felt that lightness on her neck. They looked at each other’s eyes for a second but Roahn pulled him closer and gave him a kiss on his neck and then on his lips.

“Yikes” said Kit watching them. They looked at the kid and laughed.

“Sorry Kit” Dimitri laughed.

“What about looking around for a place to stay, hun?” Roahn asked sweating cold. “We’re tired and we will need to hide for a bit…” she said.

“You feeling ok, Ro?” He asked him cupping her face with his hands. She nodded slowly “We will take the bus to Keith City, I’ll go buy the tickets and have a doctor check on you there ok?”

“Ok” she said.

Suddenly Jen started revolving and slapping Roahn’s face.

“Hey hey what is it Jen?” She asked her. Kit moving towards her.

“Dont cry Jen! It will be alright!” The kid said.

“Is she hungry?” Dimitri asked. Roahn blushed in embarrassment.

“I cant… feed her. I need some baby milk powder. Do we have some?” She asked Dimitri.

He started to search but it was in vain and he knew it.

“Kit” the kid shoot his head up from trying to comfort the now crying baby “could you tell that man there where could we get an electric chair for Roahn?” He asked signaling a person with a supermarket uniform not that far away.

The kid ran to him and asked him. The man was almost a geezer but his smile was really bright.

“It’s for your mommy there? Is she alright?” He asked Kit.

“Eh…Roahn? I hope so…” the kid said unsettling the man a bit.

“Not your mom? Its your auntie then? You two look alike a lot��� he said again pulling the electric chair to the woman.

“We-we do?” Kit said finding himself a question.

“Here it is lady. Everything alright? You look a bit pale ma’am” he said helping her get into the chair.

“Yes, sir” she answered him not conscious of her formality.

The man found the people on his view with a woman with baby on arms crying out loud, the many bags and the very attractive man with tissues on his nose very strange. But it was a walmart. He had seen all kind of people go there. So he just walked away.

They put some of the bags in the electric chair and the others on the package service. Then they entered the market. Dimitri was used to go so he wasn’t as excited as the others. Yet he couldn’t hide his happiness of not feeling that uncomfortable thing on his neck. It was now in the trash. They went through the isles calming the baby with a toy that hypnotized her long enough for them to look at everything. Kit was amazed. Asking questions about this and that. Roahn looked at the pharmacy isle where there should be a doctor with longing. Dimitri didnt notice as he was coming back with baby milk powder on his hands.

In the end they bought a few more things. Like the toy and a magazine for Kit. As well as painkillers. The cashier recognized him and greeted him “Good morning!” Dimitri greeted back. “Is that your family?” The teen asked looking at Kit showing Roahn an article from his magazine.

“Yes” he answered blushing.

“Your kid is very energetic” she remarked.

“He is!” He laughed a bit “excuse me, Lana, where would I get bus tickets? We’re going to Keith City to visit my wife’s sister, but my card doesnt seem to work now…”

“Oh! Here would be fine. Two adults and a kid right?”

Dimitri payed for the bus tickets that would depart in two hours and met Roahn and Kit.

Roahn was a bit uncomfortable to leave the chair, but they got a taxi to the bus station so she didnt have to walk any longer. She was now green.

“Everything alright ma’am?” The taxi driver asked her while Dimitri fed Jen.

“Y-yes, sir. No need to worry. Thank you” she answered.

Kit extended his bag of chips to her.

“Want one Roahn? You dont look good…” He said.

“Im alright Kit. Just tired, that’s all” she ruffled his hair. Kit pulling it down annoyed. “Ill be taking one, though” she said eating a chip slowly.

She rested her head On Dimitri’s shoulder who gave her a kiss on her forehead.

“Im not ok” she mumbled.

“We will get you a doctor there I promise” he whispered to her, giving her a kiss.

The rest of the way Kit talked with the driver asking him questions about his travels.

When they arrived at the bus station, they were good friends.

They got there just in time and went up the bus. It was a four hour ride, but all of them were exhausted and fell asleep as soon as the bus started moving.

Dimitri woke up an hour before getting there.

It was the first time he didn’t have a collar and walked around freely. It had been strange for him to book sits because of his lacking of last name. But he had come up with one last second.

His name was Dimitri Holberg.

Maybe it was made up, but he had an identity now. He wasn’t bee, yellow, dog or dildo.

He was a human being and his name was Dimitri Holberg.

He had a family and a mission to reunite them all.

With determination they arrived at Keith’s city.

[lukeyhughes]

rant from drafts about brad colbert under the cut bc i love him

sometimes I’ll read a fic where Brad is really mean to his friends (usually ray but not exclusively) without the miniseries’ clear undercurrent of affection and i’m always ??? about it for two reasons

first of all why would anybody put effort into being friends w somebody who is so cruel/callous with them; that’s not a healthy relationship and im pretty most if not all of the characters on the show wouldn’t go for that 

second of all i feel like the miniseries goes out of its way to show that despite his iceman reputation brad is a great friend. the only other person that the writers put that much effort into showing as a good friend is arguably ray but that’s because taking care of people is about 1/3 of his character (the other 2/3 are being loudmouth comic relief and being smart as a whip). which is not to say that the other characters aren’t good friends or whatever, but it’s not really shown in the miniseries bc the writers prioritize showing off different characteristics for different people for time and story’s sake

anyway, brad is consistently shown to be able to pick up on how one of his fellow marines is feeling and tries to give them the support/comfort/whatever they need in a way that is palatable to them 

off the top of my head, he notices that poke is upset in the last few episodes and literally busts his ass to make him feel better. he is willing to defy command to bring kocher justice after he is demoted from bravo 3. when he notices that walt is frazzled after the roadblock he lays off immediately. heck he brings he hides chef boyardee for his team and doesnt eat it even when theyre reduced to one meal a day

disregarding shopping for the next two (as im talking writers intention and i don’t believe they intended any relationship to be romantic)

ray and brad’s banter/insults are mean in words but the key is that they’re not mean-spirited, i see it as essentially another way to pass the time. this be an unpopular opinion, but i honestly don’t get the fanon that brad is irritated by ray. how often does brad genuinely get annoyed w ray in the show? once that i can think of off the top of my head (pre-bridge ambush) but there might be one or two other times. their other interactions are either framed with amusement or concern. “shut up ray” isn’t a mean takedown it’s usually just a way to end the conversation and tell everyone that it’s time to focus now. also there’s that famous gif set of brad looking worried when ray is upset as well as when he defends ray when pappy lightly makes fun of him

brad shows himself to be a good friend to nate too despite the difficulties of the officer-enlisted divide. he notices that nate is feeling unsure of himself and his actions a few times and gives him the reassurance he needs. when nate’s command is being challenged for “insubordination” he reassures him that he has confidence in his leadership. i should note that as i recall he says the “far enough sir” line when nate shuts down a mission that the show made a point of showing he was excited about: not only does he reassure nate that he trusts him but he does it despite his probable disappointment of his one night recon being taken away. this happens earlier too when he’s complaining to nate about not being in the assault of baghdad: he cans it immediately when nate earnestly tells him that he’s glad to bring all his men home alive, listening/understanding what he has to say or at least prioritizing nate’s feelings over his own disappointment.

tl;dr i love brad colbert for a lot of reasons but one of the big ones is how much he cares for people despite the front he puts up and it pains me when people write him like a huge dick 

[dfel-exe]

About that Eugene ask where the reader hits her head, do you think you could do a short reaction for the rest if the boys?

this is LOOONGGG OVERDUE IM SO SORRY!!! i officially went brain dead for about a month and said ‘aight, requests are no more’ but im here and going to attempt to get as many done as possible!

•

•

dfel boys (minus Eugene) when their s/o gets a head injury:

———

Lawrence:

when Lawrence first walked in on the whole fiasco, he was s h o c k e d

blood, a panicking Scarlett, you covered in blood

holy shit you were covered in blood

when I tell you this boy SPRINTED, I am not joking

istg he morphed into Usain Bolt for a min

you were losing blood fast, and for the first time in a long long time, he was... scared?

fear was something he wasn’t too familiar with, so this feeling made him greatly uncomfortable

when you were healing up, he would be by your side constantly

he refused to let anybody in other than Harry, cause he had the fear of somebody hurting you

he couldn’t bare to check the staples in the back of your head, so he would have Harry do it (hence why Harry was allowed near you)

this boy is o-ver-pro-tec-tive after the incident

refuses to allow you near Scarlett

Harry:

this SWEETHEART JESUS CHRIST

he is by your side in an instant

he puts lots of pressure to your head and makes you look into his eyes while he tells you a story to calm you down

as the blood loss symptoms start kicking in, he does as much as he can to comfort you as the others figure out a way to help out

Harry is constantly worrying, which is one of the leading causes of his migraines. this incident made them soooo much worse

the concern and worry he felt while you were asleep in a comatose state was extremely intense

he stays in your room and lays next to you to avoid excessive noise, your presence alone helps his migraines

the first thing you see when you wake up is him snuggled right up next to you, sound asleep

Jesus Christ, the smile on his face when he sees you awake is so big

starts crying as he rants to you about how worried he was

becomes so so touchy, will not let you breathe unless he’s holding your hand

doesn’t take your presence for granted ever again

Zion:

Zion is a loud and obnoxious person, right? let me tell you, not when he sees you in such a vulnerable state

the moment he saw you, his heart BROKE

literally an hour ago, you were chatting away with him and Eugene, letting out that melodic laugh that he loved to hear

but now you were lying in a pool of your own blood?

literally turned so gentle the moment he ran up to you

gentle touches, soft voice, the whole package baby

after you were carried off into your own room, he POPPED OFF

Scarlett does NOT like to be yelled at. especially by her closest friend, so this was a new experience for her

Eugene has to basically drag him away from her before he got too carried away in his frantic rant

let’s just say, he’s not forgiving her for putting you in that much danger

he helps you through your healing process with lots and lots of bad puns and mediocre jokes

his possessiveness level went THROUGH THE ROOF after you healed

Ethan:

out of all of the boys, Ethan would deal with the situation in the calmest manner

he’s a man of little words, and that doesn’t change as he helped you through it

in all honesty, he really doesn’t know what to say to you

you were in shock, and he was afraid that saying the wrong thing would lead to you dying or something

he’s very nervous for you, but tries not to show it in fear that it’ll make you nervous

he uses the same tactic you use to put him to sleep to calm you down, rubbing the top of you hand gently

kinda blames himself for not being there to stop you from hitting your head

instead of confronting Scarlett, he just avoids her all together. he doesn’t have any plans of talking to her again

the moment you woke up, he was by your side

once again, a man of little words

you know Ethan well enough to know what he wants to convey though, so you could tell by his body language and facial expressions that he cared

helps you through your healing process with lots of gentle touches and naps<33