#Do we thank them for the pain or?
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James Cameron and George R.R. Martin should be besties. Killing off characters like he's playing a game of "who can I kill to make my readers feel the most?"
#I swear everyone is fair game#and thats the point#its supposed to hurt#Avatar series#Tsu'tey#Netayam#The heroes we root for die#Do we thank them for the pain or?
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Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#Ignore how Wen Ning's hair looks here because I messed it up. Let's pretend he just sported a different hair style for a brief moment.#I am not exactly great at consistency but I am trying very hard to work on that (immediately messes up again).#Absolutely *love* how Wen Ning clearly remembers and admires WWX...who does *not* recognize him.#This is the best day for Wen Ning and it means *nothing* to WWX. A painful one-sided crush made worse.#It is bittersweet to realize that we care about someone more than they care about us. Sometime we pour love into a relationship-#-with someone who just can't reciprocate. It isn't always a conscious things either. Some people just aren't aware we care.#And painfully - so painfully - You can't make them aware. No act of kindness or gift or self sacrifice will make someone care about you.#You can martyr yourself for someone and they will continue on unchanged.#I think a lot about the parallels between WN and LWJ. Not foils - just reflections. A theme repeated.#People who give so much of themselves to someone who doesn't have the capacity to give any part of themself away.#I will die on the hill of 'Wen Ning would be the love triangle romance if that trope wasn't being avoided'.#And to be honest - thank the stars above that is the case. I do not know any good love triangles in media.#We are skipping some of the sad Jiang Cheng content because I really want to finish season 2 before May.#Sorry JC emo moment lovers...I'll deliver another time.
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Appreciate the little things.
Not to ignorantly deny all of the big bad things in the world, but to survive them.
#magpie ramblings#there's so much shit going on that it gets overwhelming#and it's sad that we've made ourselves feel guilty for looking away when it's too painful to watch#but we literally CAN'T survive if we keep dwelling on the unfairness of the world#and the more you ask why can't this happen or why is that happening#the quicker it is to just ask 'why do anything at all?' ... the answer is simple#'just because'#so fuck it#i'm going to appreciate a short video of someone drawing a cat; just because#i'm going to read a book about a long lost culture and history; just because#i'm going to post personal book reviews of books hardly anyone has heard of; just because#i'm going to be thankful that my indoor plants have been doing well; just because#i'm going to let someone make a decision i don't agree with and not confront them; just because#i'm going to spend the little of my own money helping maybe just one other person in the world; just because#i'm going to be kind to those who haven't treated me kindly; just because#i'm going to smile regardless of the unjust in this world; just because
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AUUUU STOP THIS MOMENT WAS ADORABLE AND SWEET AND PRECIOUS AND MY HEART MELTED FOR THEMMMMM 😭💕
(lots of writing under the ‘read more’ btw incase you want my personal thoughts on things!)
Before the episode started I has been bracing myself for the genocide route, but it seem like what we ended up getting was the pacifist route because NEVER would I have anticipated such an empathetic twist??? I was dead convinced that my hopes/dreams of Puzzle redemption were squandered and left to rot (they probably still are to some degree actually lol but oh well I can accept that he’s a lovable psycho). And yet this episode does the impossible….giving us an unfathomably wholesome scene that helps heal his dejected inner child, even just a little. PLEASE this wasn’t something I was prepared for and it’s gotten such a strong grip on my heartstrings right now. I love themmmmm holy shittttt <33
I didn’t think Meggy would step up and try to connect with him like that especially since she was so aggressively defensive when he initially reached out. And I like that even when she gets to speak to Little/Kid Puzzles her behavior is very stern at first lol. Kinda like a disappointed older sister who can’t be bothered to put up with him for too long. But using Leggy as a way to build that bridge again was so clever of her—and hey it helped lure him into false sense of security so he’d get jailed up jskjsksp. Everyone wins I guess!! ALSO can I just say whoever composed the soundtrack (Zach Preciado for the rap segment specifically) deserves just as much praise as the voice actors because DAYM the layering of all those instruments and the seamless transitions into different emotional tones was superb :))
#SHUT UP I’M NOT SOBBING MY EYES OUT YOU ARE DON’T LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW /j#naw kidding I don’t cry easily#although it did make me say ‘awwh’ multiple times out loud and do squeaky happy noises#THIS EPISODE WAS WORTH THE WAITING YEAAAA#although I will say think we kinda buffered severally on the intended tone of what to expect from it#like I think the fandom collectively figured it would be intense and darker themes#probably more edgy and characters actually screaming in pain or fear#kinda leaning into a Jigsaw horror movie#but this was far more light compared to any of that soooooo jksjsksp#if anyone starts labeling this episode as ‘not good’ maybe consider your own personal biases beforehand yea?#don’t get me wrong I do believe there’s valid concerns over how Puzzle’s character will be handled going forward#given how he’s not dead (THANK THE LORD ABOVE MY BOY LIVESSSSS)#and yea guess it was missing a bit more emotional weight when it came to the threat levels#BUT the Kid Puzzles & Leggy scene made up for any of those gripes in my opinion <33#HOW COULD ANYONE HATE THESE TWO LOVABLE PEEPS I WANNA HUG THEM TOOO#okay now back to animating for the MAP project :))#hplonesome art#WOTFI 2024 spoilers#spoilers WOTFI 2024#wotfi 2024#smg4 WOTFI spoilers#smg4 wotfi 2024#little mr puzzles#leggy & little mr puzzles#little mr puzzles & leggy
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You can all blame @animentality for this because their posts got me into durgetash (thank you!!!!!) and now I want to torture the villian couple. Probably won't make much sense because I drank enough caffeine to kill a horse today and my brain is going a million miles a second.
You know that scene where Orin shapeshifts into durge and tells them what she did to them? What if Gortash found out about it the same way and had Orin rub salt in the wound by then showing him the prayer for forgiveness?
She is cruel enough to do it and I can't think of any worse way to find out about what happened than for the attempted-murderer to shapeshift into their victim and describe what happened to them in explicit, gruesome detail. The attack itself, the tadpole, how they were abandoned to die alone like trash, how Gortash wasn't there to protect them, all of it. Only to show grieving Gortash the note
#orin the red#enver gortash#dark urge#the dark urge#durgetash#they were both doomed from the start the least we can do is make things even more painful#bonus points if she leaves it at leaving durge for dead so he has quite a bit of time to think durge is dead until reports start popping up#the pain of losing one of the few people you actually liked violently and having that act described to you by someone wearing their face#and the addition of then seeing a note praising you like that? not knowing untol after?#that has to be somewhere in the top few most emotionally painful things Gortash could possibly experience#regarding my note at the top#i seriously cannot thank them enough#because at first I was ehhhhh about Gortash in general then after playing Durge I was like oh they got along#and then after seeing their posts in the dark urge tag I was like damn now thats a love story how can I make their fates even WORSE#and I never would have even considered this ship and the opportunities it provided without them#seriously good stuff
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i feel it's so fucking stupid and ungrateful but it still hurts a little when someone gifts me something i just don't like. i don't know. i know it's dumb and inaccurate to astrain that much meaning to a simple gift, but it feels kinda like they don't know me. i guess it feels like people don't see me, like a reminder that the person i reflect and the person i feel like are incredibly different.
#two fairly recent examples jump to mind#last year my class did a secret santa#the guy who got my name barely knew me so instead he asked our litterature teacher for tips#i was doing an effort to participate a lot in her classes and discuss stuff and i felt like she was an adult i could really trust#and adult who Gets It#and she picked just. the wrong gift. a classical philosophy essay.#stuff i hate reading. stuff i hate thinking about.#i said thank you to both of them and tried to read it during christmas break still. but i was right. i hated it.#and this year's christmas#recently i tried patching things up with my parents and we are a lot more communicative now#so they've opened up that my demand not to receive any gifts was painful to them#so we had an agreement: we write open-hearted letters to each other on christmas.#and they can gift me something if they'd like but no pressure if they don't find anything they feel would be a good gift#bc i myself opened up about the whole ''inaccurate gift'' thing being one of the reasons i dislike receiving stuff#and guess what. christmas comes. they got me a printed card from an artist whose work we saw at a local art thing earlier that year.#that artist does mainly either plants or nice architecture. stuff i love.#they picked the ONE work of hers that doesn't look like that. some reinterpretation of the great wave of kanagawa#a piece which i dislike with a passion for aesthetic reasons#i had promised i'd be honest if their gift missed the mark but tbh i couldn't. it's just an aesthetic thing it's completely begnin.#it's not like they spent lots or tried to pick something that was USEFUL#so i smiled and the picture is hanging with other stuff in my room#and i thanked them and i can't express how genuinely glad i am we have a better relationship#but man i felt my heart break a little under the tree in that moment#idk#i know it's silly but it makes me feel weird. and cold.#broadcasting my misery#vent
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The philoctetes is a comedy actually
#The philoctetes#Odysseus#Neoptolemus#philoctetes#Philoctetes weeping with joy thank the gods my son neo sweet sweet boy thank you for taking me with you#The second odysseus has his bow and revels that it was one of his plots the entire time#Philoctetes spending the next 20 minutes of the audio book cursing odysseus out#Odysseus sticking out his tongue and waving the bow above his head going nah nah nah we don't actually need you now that I have your bow#Like I do feel bad for philoctetes#The abandonment the isolation the chronic pain the fact that same guy who caused all of that then stole your price possession#But also#This is hilarious#Neo caught in the middle like uhhh I liked talking to the old man and I feel bad about how we handled this#And odysseus being like yah that's called a conscious and you need to set it on fire the only thing that matters is results#Headcanon that odysseus just collects bows from every famous figure. Yes he does steal most of them#Odysseus being a rat bastard my beloved
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alas babes I literally cannot defend this man's name anymore except in the name of ignorance which. you can only claim ignorance for so long
#we established boundaries! no texting! limited contact! no teasing!#and what does he do the day i get sick. text me AND tease me through text#he's texted five times since (as in initiated conversation) and like. yeah i mean he's abnormally clueless but considering we had a whole#conversation where i explicitly said hey. i NEED the space. i need space if we're going to keep being friends#this is all a bit much :-)#thankfully i am 90% over him so this is not as painful as it would've been last month but sheeeeesh#i can't even defend him to my friends at this point because when i show them the texts they go what the actual hey is going on#i don't know if it's a matter of ignorance or lack of consideration or him trying to make things go back to normal#(except 'normal' for him was the time when i was crying like every day because i couldn't handle the emotional intimacy#of our strange friendship) or just sheer carelessness but mannnn what a situation#he told me that if he crosses a line to let him know and he'll course correct which like. yeah i mean i WAS thankful for that#but at the same time why is it my responsibility to draw the line why aren't YOU helping observe the line that#i drew earlier this month what is going ONNNN
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🎬: About Es being a past prisoner and the secret 11th prisoner in your AU. But advance apologies if I'm overstepping into your AU!
I had this idea from a story that pretty much did the same thing. Going off there are novels/manga on Milgram and there being another Es and their own prisoners running another Milgram (but differently) I imagine this Milgram projects has been going on for a while, and our Es was from a previous project who might have gotten the worst verdict (or the most spared out of everyone), and was given this final task as a warden for the next group of prisoners. This is why they so readily agreed and had their memories wiped for this Milgram project instead of being weary on a shady project on judging an almost crime, they've already been through this.
(BTW is it bad and worrying for one of our ten fav prisoners to be the next Es if this is legit...)
Anyway, that's why Es is in Milgram in your AU, I guess? And the lore drop that Kotoko picks up on them being the 11th prisoner, I can imagine her also talking to Kazui since he's a policeman to see if she could cross out any theories on who Es is (Did they look familiar. Possible missing child. Any cases to do with an almost crime by a child other than the 10 of them here). Kazui knows Kotoko wants to investigate, but reminds her that, like in their prison while the trial is on, the facilities they're in have high security too. They do have the freedom to move about, but still limited.
If they're trying to investigate Es, maybe Fuuta, Kotoko and Mikoto can try to do the hacking on the comp Mikoto's allowed to use to Photoshop some shots for the MVs and photos (Fuuta and Kotoko seem to be able to search up info they need I think...). Yuno, Mahiru and Muu can work on charming the staff to see if they can spill more deets on Milgram. Not sure how much the group can gather, but oh boy fun times in Milgram can turn into another sort of stress in this AU...
No worries!! Like I said before, this whole au has been a fun collaborative project, so there's no overstepping :) I am sorry I won't be writing a lot on the ending until we get more info, but that's just the perfectionist in me who doesn't want to be proven wrong 😅 Still, I love tossing around and digging into ending scenarios, I really love this!
Because that would make a lot of sense why they're so willing to subject themself to the whole experiment! They remember how tough their experience was, and are confident they can care for the new set of prisoners while doing their job. I'm imagining they get the opportunity to return as guard, and get to have a nice talk with their own guard first. Once they fully understand what it's like, they're know they can handle it and sign up. It adds a bit of drama, too, since they must have been really young committing their crime in order to complete a years-long experiment prior to this one. They would have been like 10? Oof. (Now I wanna see their three trial songs 👀)
And like you said, that also brings up the question of the new warden. Though I think it's based on verdict results, I can just picture Jackalope keeping an eye on everyone during filming. He studyies their interactions and personalities, keeping his own set of notes on who would make a good successor. (I'm not going to go through every character but there are pros to any choice, it's very fun picturing them all taking the job.) Haha, on the other hand, maybe the reason Kotoko keeps bringing up her role as Es' partner/bringer of justice is because she did discover the truth. She drops as many hints as possible so she can be chosen next 😅
Ooh, I love her working with Kazui on an investigation! The fact that eh may know details on recent crimes (and almost-crimes) is super fun to work with. He's the last person who's going to spill a secret, so the group could go several trials without realizing Kazui had actually heard all about their situation this whole time.
(Getting sidetrack for a sec, I'm suddenly realizing that he and Kotoko may have heard things about the crimes in canon, too. They're a bit unclear about how much time passed between the murders and arriving to Milgram, so maybe he heard some things. I don't know how well-connected Tokyo police departments are, but Yuno, Fuuta, Muu, and Shidou are all nearby. There's definitely a chance he caught word of the vigilante nearby, and she heard about the odd policeman's suicide. Both of them could have heard about the tragic housefire, the disgraced doctor, or horrible schoolgirl murder nearby.)
Anyway, I like that idea of Kazui wracking his brain for any similar cases. Though, if he had, Milgram may have had the foresight to wipe parts of his memory, too. Maybe he does end up using his call to reach out to Hinako and have her look into it from the outside. Sadly, Kotoko seems the type to sacrifice her personal call to reach out to a connection who can help as well. I'll have to think about how closely Jackalope monitors those calls, hm.
I'm going crazy over prisoner investigation team !! Kotoko and Fuuta had the online knowledge to find some good info, and Mikoto and Kazui seem like they'd have a huge network of people they can ask for info and favors from. Haha, I'm torn whether Mahiru would have flirting down to a science or if she'd refuse to do it since it wasn't real love 😂 Still, she's very good at reading people and could definitely help the others charm and bribe their way into some restricted areas. Amane and Haruka can also charm with their innocence/cuteness (though I'm not sure Amane would). Shidou seems very organized, he'd have a plan and backup plan and backup-backup plan ready, no matter what happens. I think it's even funnier, then if Milgram had run several experiments prior. Jackalope would think this was just another runthrough, and for the first time the ten subjects decided to organize together and Cause Problems.
I think there's a beautiful irony in a story featuring ten prisoners planning a jailbreak to save the prison guard...
#milgram#as always thank you for sending 🎬!! these are so fun and big brained ough#lol yeah a fun fact about me is im Such a stickler for canon even in aus like this#the pain of writing a mahiru x boyfriend fic and doing the whole thing without ever saying his name 💀#so i wrote the last chapter of the au as vague as possible so that it had a nice ending but i may go back to make things more accurate when#t3 ends and we (hopefully) find out who es is#i love that this eases some of the pain knowing that es knew exactly what they were getting into :')#and wont be too fucked up upon getting their memories back since they knew it was faked#while also adding extra angst that theyve been there for so long -- theyve spent so much of their childhood within milgram#i was just recently looking at that post about their character locations and had it all marked out on a map#i swear i dont just know that off the top of my head asdfsd#i never realized kazui and kotoko would have outside knowledge >:0#i really love that concept#between the ten of them they hit so many skill sets -- theyve got the brain and the brawn and the people skills#theyve got intimidation and innocence#theyve got the experience of 40yos and up-to-date kids#theyd be unstoppable -- rip jackalope 😂😂😂#lights camera sing your sins#ask
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Guess which bitch now has room on its phone for instagram for the first time in like 3 years. This is only good bc now we can post art there again.
Not that instagram is nice to artists or anything. Just that our art tumblr is so very tiny and unused. Gonna probably have to clear it out somewhat when I finally get around to posting art.
#thank fuck for our silm special interest tho#we can finally get like traction on posts#which'll mean that when our fibro flare-up finally dies down (lmao it'll be ages bc our dad is Stressing The Fuck Outta Us)#we can get commissions done again#and through those. well.#money both for clothes to make us comfortable#(which will also last for years & be the right kinda clothing for when we move overseas)#and also for savings for WHEN we move overseas#like our grandma is nice & all &'ll probably help pay for us getting housing or whatever#but i dont want to have to Rely on her inheritance from her aunt(?)#and disability benifits are dodgy at best. and we'll have to survive somehow *before* we get them through#and i kinda dont want to have to rely on the generosity of an old school friend's mum. or a 10th cousin 4 times removed (or whatever)#who might well be dead before we move to ireland#bc he's like 95 rn#and idk if he'd even let us stay at his (scarily enormous) house At All#also. idk if we'd have the money without some kinda work to get HRT when we move out. dont wanna have to be reliant on parents or the gov.#for our HRT. i doubt we could get public healthcare to cover it. not immediately at least.#and i kinda dont want to have to go back on birth control. cause progesterone or w/ever its called has feminising effects iirc#and we're not sure if we want a hysterectomy yet. so.#it'd be a choice between periods (hell) and HRT (expensive)#fuck i hate being disabled sometimes#like actually if anyone calls chronically fatigued ppl “lazy”. i fucking WISH i was lazy.#like bitch please this flare-up is making it so that NONE of my meds get rid of the pain anywhere NEAR fully#and im low-key on the Good Shit™#also so annoyed that ireland hasnt legalised weed. bc. we're almost certainly gonna be doing it for pain#and getting an *illegal* product is so much more difficult#lmao i worked out commas#—Roquén#my fingies hurt so much rn lmao#anyway gonna go draw my source drowning in blood & despair. then im gonna work out what the fuck kinda pigments caranthir would use
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kinda wanna write a fic where the dog is literally the deus ex machina
#sophie speaks#dog backwards is god yknow it makes sense#me and my undertale bullshit back on it again#i have 3 fic ideas for it. one is a meta commentary one is just about a reader with a chronic illness and one is my love for desperate read#-rs returning in full blown massive fashion. and also identity issues but all 3 of these fics have that last one just has that. a lot lot#all include my weird DID metaphors and multiverse shenanigans#because honestly all sans/sans shippers do not understand the weirdness of loving an alternate version of urself#they dont lean into it#i mean im not gonna write sans/sans I'm an x reader till death because i love self love. also sans could not love himself look at that guy#but undertale itself has so many cool themes u can build off of that i just. i wanna grab and squeeze em out like juice#and i mean its not like i can do www at the moment I've written like... 9k this month it ain't going good#might as well just enjoy the depression spiral. i know that doesn't sound very possible but yknow. we rock w it#im just in pain all the time... ill go back to the docs soon and maybe just start taking straight up opiods#but until then i can only do things if i feel there is absolutely 0 pressure on me to do them#once again thanks school system i love these learned behaviors you traumatised into me they're really useful#what was i saying? did i mention im a little scatterbrained atm
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https://twitter.com/xrckdyou/status/1777312221044834377
The man could not be more clear. And he is so incredibly kind about it despite the fact it obviously bothers him for the reasons he says and likely others. So sad the people who want to “free him” are those keeping him in a box.
Thanks for this! I'd love to see the whole thing, but it's been harder to get full interviews this go round (that's on me, gotta dig, don't have time). That said, I did a quick lurk around twitter and tumblr, and jesusssssssssssss, he said what he said and was pretty clear, even resigned about it, and yet! You either get variations of a) wahh, he's gaslighting us again (which, lmao, nope) or b) well, he didn't deny it, LOLZ, #married. When I tell you he resents his fans, dot dot dot, oof, yeah, it's honestly no wonder
#i think my favorite is the people who 'don't understand' why he's saying this and how it doesn't 'help him'#idk maybe he doesn't want people speculating about his private life? even--ESPECIALLY--the so-called supportive ones?#i have my own UO and it's that a couple of things can be true that people can't/won't get--maybe just maybe larry was realTM a decade ago#and it ain't real now#or maybe it's a hot mess month to month and it causes him quite a bit of pain actually#and what's to deny in that scenario? why does he have to pick a scab to feed these demons? why does he OWE anyone that?#people scream how they want the truth but in reality? no they do not!#because it comes back to the same old same old: how 'supportive' is the larry fanbase if/when one of them comes out and says pointblank:#yeah we were a thing but that was a decade ago and we've moved on#thanks for respecting our privacy in this difficult time 10 years later!#it won't happen because it can't and won't matter to the base#people will STILL scream they're married etc
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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here's the thing about matthias: he isn't the honorable, reformed hero some of the fandom seems to see him as.
yes, he was raised by a tight-knit family of comrade soldiers and decides to betray them in the end. of course that took incredible strength. i don't deny that. but we also need to recognize that the drüskelle are not just some rogue cult. they are a core part of the fjerdan government, who is trying to wipe out the grisha because they are seen as dangerous. that's literally just genocide. however indoctrinated someone is, this is something that is evil from every angle, even if the character can't or won't see it.
and look, i love a good redemption arc, but matthias is such a passive actor in his. he falls in love with nina against his will. she changes his attitudes toward grisha because she's beautiful and kind so all grisha can't be bad, right? this a classic example of the trope of separating the "good ones" from the rest, where you cherry-pick specific individuals to point to as exceptions to a group's nature, which is still implied to be evil. you have to do a lot more than fall in love to truly unearth and address the roots of bigotry.
tbh, this is my biggest critique of the books as a whole. i loathe the "love conquers all" trope that pairs together a character from the oppressed group and one from the oppressors, letting the one show the other through the power of love that being bigoted is not nice. it puts all the responsibility on the former to prove their humanity, and gives all the credit to the latter's ability to be persuaded to recognize it. and then it inevitably leads to forgiveness, because the character has "earned" it by changing their views, once again making the victim seem like the villain if they don't absolve the oppressor of their past "mistakes". also, it's incredibly unrealistic for someone to fall in love with a person who actively hates them and considers them sub-human. in real life, people have to work on their bigotry before that happens, not use the relationship as a plot device for character development.
i think the idea of writing a character like matthias is neat. i think portraying someone's struggle to throw off the suffocating, hateful dogma they've been fed all their life is a story we need more of. i think personal growth of this variety should be celebrated, because otherwise people would never change. but i don't think the people, fictional or real, get to do this without facing profound consequences. it is not enough to feel sorry. it is not enough to apologize. it is definitely not enough to fall in love. and i think writing that lets people off the hook like this grossly oversimplifies power and oppression, and ends up being a feel-good way to romanticize people who cause a lot of harm.
a last note: my opinion is 100% influenced by my being bipoc. matthias is a classic aryan supremacist, even if being aryan isn't the thing he's being supremacist about. my gut reaction to that type of character is always going to be mistrust, both because people in real life have given me reason to be mistrustful and because characters like these are often written in a way that makes you sympathize with oppressors. i don't think matthias earns that trust, and i don't see why i owe him my affection as a reader.
#i know i'm usually a 'haha silly little textpost' blog (and don't get me wrong i still am) but this has been on my mind for a while#to be clear i don't think you have to hate him as a character to be a morally upstanding person#and there's nothing inherently wrong about relating to him either#but i do think we as a fandom (a very white one at that) need to acknowledge this#especially because it carries over beyond fiction#stories are powerful and the messages we take from them stick with us even after we close the book#plus even by the end he still is very bigoted#and i realize that he would have had more time to work on himself if he hadn't... y'know#but that's why i like fanon matthias a lot better#he's usually further along in his unlearning process or he actually has to experience that process in a realistically painful way#in fact i really *like* matthias fanon where he actually grapples with his hatred and comes out a better person for it when it's done well#i.e. when he isn't simply forgiven by everyone (especially nina) because he says sowwy#i am thankful to leigh bardugo for creating this universe AND i think she fumbled the matthias redemption arc#nuance!! it exists!!!#ok rant over#also absolutely NO calahan hate on this post#in this house we do not equate characters with their actors#soc#soc spinoff#matthias helvar#helnik#nina zenik#sab#six of crows#save six of crows#save shadow and bone#shadow and bone#crooked kingdom#grishaverse
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the urge to write vs the urge to create a sim and make them a famous best selling author to live through vicariously
#writing is painful because i have to read it and physically cringe#playing sims is easy 😎😎😎👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻#i usually cheat and give them high skills and promote them but id do it propperrllyy this once#until i got impatient lmfao#or i could actually write but thats just 💀💀#i have some uni work to do but uh no#creative writing uni work i mean#one of my modules is fairytales ive gotta rewrite a fairytale for my assignment but i dont wanna#she wanted us to be creative with the fairytale we picked so i picked some random niche one from hans christain anderson called the rose elf#its actually so slay theres a murder lmao#and in my rewrite im turning the couple into lesbians because double slay#and also im giving the girl some lines and autonomy because in the original she meets up with her bf who gets murdered by her brother then#she cries for days then dies in her sleep from sadness so 💀💀 homegirl is gonna fight back for her GIRLFRIEND in my one <3 shell still cry#just she is not dying from sadness padme style okay she knows it was the brother but doesnt confront him in the original shes gonna be#kicking and screaming in mine plz and thank you#okay maybe i should write#sims 4#writing
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<3
#sry i just wanted to draw something for them. even though its not very good#was a bit hard to draw through tears. its been hard.#i need to vent in the tags so please pardon if its not smthn u want to read#ive been so struck with guilt for what i didnt do and what more i shouldve done. the pain of how alone i feel now#but they did so much for me. they were the only family i rlly had here. they helped me grow to be more responsible caring and loving#and i just am overwhelmed with how much they both meant to me and just how much love was shared. im so thankful to them for everything#theyve been with me for nearly half my lifetime!! it really felt like we were going to be together for an eternity.#i hope theyre doing well wherever they are now. i hope theyre getting to do everything they couldve ever wanted#its still really hard to process all of this and how everythings so different now. i miss them both so much.#i love you kitt. i love you stinky. always and forever <3
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