#Odysseus being a rat bastard my beloved
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The philoctetes is a comedy actually
#The philoctetes#Odysseus#Neoptolemus#philoctetes#Philoctetes weeping with joy thank the gods my son neo sweet sweet boy thank you for taking me with you#The second odysseus has his bow and revels that it was one of his plots the entire time#Philoctetes spending the next 20 minutes of the audio book cursing odysseus out#Odysseus sticking out his tongue and waving the bow above his head going nah nah nah we don't actually need you now that I have your bow#Like I do feel bad for philoctetes#The abandonment the isolation the chronic pain the fact that same guy who caused all of that then stole your price possession#But also#This is hilarious#Neo caught in the middle like uhhh I liked talking to the old man and I feel bad about how we handled this#And odysseus being like yah that's called a conscious and you need to set it on fire the only thing that matters is results#Headcanon that odysseus just collects bows from every famous figure. Yes he does steal most of them#Odysseus being a rat bastard my beloved
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Odysseus with his head in his wife's lap, happily not paying attention to anything, humming one of athenas song and carving something
Some random guy: your majesty----
Odysseus: not bothering to sit up: whatever my wife decided is fine.
#the odyssey#epic the musical#Odysseus#Penelope#Odypen#Post-canon my beloved#Odysseus tried to hold court exactly one time before he 1. Realized he's very out of date with everything and#2. Remembered that these meetings sucked so much#Odysseus then quickly climbed into his wife's lap and was like penelopes been ruling for 20 years she's got this#The first time someone tried to insist that it wasn't acceptable for penelope to answer ody nearly killed the guy#Nobody tried to force the issue after that#The only time odysseus sits up to contribute is to be like 'no no we can take that route now I killed the monster that lived there years ag#This is not to say he isn't listening and paying attention! He is! He's just scoping everybody's out#Noticing who's more pushy when they're trying to deal with penelope than they are with him#He's got twenty years of politics to catch up on! And he's going to be sneaky about it#Odysseus post return gaining a reputation for being uninvolved and uncaring only to pull the rug out from underneither the other person#Penelope is a okay with this for many many reasons#First off her system is one of beauty and the fact that her husband didn't spend all her hard work to take back over the second he came bac#Is rare and penelope is grateful everyday for who she married#Second she gets to show off look at how well she did odysseus look at how clever she is ody ody watch as I scam these people isn't that hot#(It is and yes of course odysseus was watching)#Penelope enjoying how odysseus lays out over her like a lazy lion#It scratches her possessive side to show him off like this and she gets to play with his hair#Telemachus attending some of these meetings to learn (tm) and spending the whole time deeply embarrassed#Odypen being 🥰🤝 rat bastards in love
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Of course post-canon odysseus and penelope love each other (they are a little bit insane about the other. Neither is allowed to leave the others side for months after odysseus gets back. They cycle between sobbing on one and another and aggressively making out. ) but it's true that they have both changed. It's been twenty hard years after all. So
Odypen courting each other again just for the fun of it. Odypen deciding to act like teenagers again and make elaborate plans pretending to sneak into the others room.
Odysseus sending penelopes 90 year old dad a letter challenging him to a race for penelopes hand in marriage. (This does not go over well but penelope though it was hilarious)
Odysseus begging Athena to help him win penelopes heart/hand again. (Athena: What no why you're already married I don't understand you ) (she helps anyways)
Penelope weaving all of odysseus's clothes. Penelope hauling out every tapestry she made of telemachus's childhood (she made one for every year. To gift odysseus on his birthday when he returned.)
Odypen leaving telemachus incharge while they go off on dates (to harssass, cause problems, and badger other people into giving them things). It should be fine Athena has been sticking close to the house lately. And it's only for an afternoon anyways (at first. Headcanon that penelope came with odysseus when he had to go plant the oar and call it a windmill quest.)
#The odyssey#Post-canon my beloved#An important part of the heros journey is that even though you've changed irrevocably the home still loves you#Odysseus#Penelope#Telemachus#Athena#Odypen#Odysseus and penelope being 🥰🤝 rat bastards in love#Odypen mutually obsessed and possessive and insane about the other#Odypen age 50 deciding to act like teenagers for fun#Yes penelopes father did show up to the challenge odysseus set and then promptly beat his ass in a foot race#Yes this did cause a major diplomatic incident when he demanded penelope come back with him#(Hes never ever warmed up to odysseus and every day he mutters about his sweet penelope could have been athenas priestess instead)#(It took telemachus weeping at his grandpa about how he just got both parents for him to change his mind)#Odysseus: athenaaaa I've met the girl of my dreams and I need her to be mineeee#Athena: having flashbacks to odysseus at 17 and the complete distracted mess he was: what the fuck is happening#Athena: like obviously I'm going to help but I am also going to lay on telemachus's floor#And mutter about how this is just like last time? How could it be just like last time when they're already married#Not quite falling back in love but something close to it#Relearning perhaps#As always I'm having post odypen reunion thoughts#Odypen showing of diomedes doorstep in Italy and he just closes the door immediately he's not dealing with two odysseus not today
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Eurylochus trying to physically drag odysseus by his ankles as odysseus clings to some tree root. (They've reached a stalemate. Polites couldn't make it today for some reason, he had blacksmithing training.)
Eurylochus: how the fuck are you king?
Odysseus, who needs to get all his dramatics out before going back to being responsible: didn't you hear i stole it from my dad
Eurylochus: nevermind I'm just going to kill you
Odysseus: I mean you can try ONE of us is being trained by the goddess of war
@www-dot-why-are-you-here-dot-com
#hey odysseus you missed that thing#And are now pissing me off by being late to training#eurylochus#odysseus#epic: the musical#Pre-canon#Their doomed friendship my beloved#To be clear odysseus is a good king he's just also 16 and relaxing with his friends rn#Know that the ensuring wrestling match did make them both very late making the argument pointless#Which was on purpose on odysseus's part because he is a rat bastard#Oh wait headcanon that this is the first time eury sees Athena because she shows up 2 hours in to go#Eurylochus dropping to his knees like fuck fuck fuck#As odysseus just grins up at the goddess from the mud like 'sup Athena I think you'll find it was getting a head start on fight training#Athena then banishing eurylochus back to his home because “move mortal this is my special time with my fav”#Eurylochus laying on his floor for 4 hours screaming internally#He had thought odysseus was /lying/ about being trained by the goddess of war
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Okay yes odysseus absolutely fumbled first meeting with penelope. He was an absolute goof. Tripping over himself, blushing, loosing games because penelope waved at him, getting caught mid lie ect ect
But have we considered penelope was equally a mess?
#Odypen#Odysseus#Penelope#the odyssey#epic the musical#Pre-canon shenanigans my beloved#Odypen being 🥰🤝 rat bastards in love#It's so important to me that odysseus and penelope remain equal on every level#Odysseus pulling off the poor bumpkin island king breaking into the private rooms of the Spartan family and getting caught#Penelope shrieking and chucking vase at odysseus's head#Odysseus: What do you want from the market I'll buy you anything#Penelope: how tf are you going to get me courting gifts aren't you broke?? You brought 3 gifts for Helen's hand#Odysseus: tripping and nearly falling on his sword bc penelope waved at him#Penelope tripping into her room and getting tangled inthe strings because she saw ody from her widow#Meet ugly my beloved#Listen listen I see so many things about odysseus being obsessed with penelope and penelope being the calm cool collected one#And that is not the case#They are the same person#Also I feel like teenagers in their first relationship are never graceful they are all goofs and that's how it should be#Let them be silly!!!#Odysseus: I need her to be mineeee Athena: fuck I need a break from this nonsense goes to see what penelope is doing#Penelope: weaving odysseus's face into a wedding dress athena: I don't know why I bother#Odysseus: going to pull a prank running into penelope trying to pull the same one
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#Philoctetes weeping with joy thank the gods my son neo sweet sweet boy thank you for taking me with you
#The second odysseus has his bow and revels that it was one of his plots the entire time
#Philoctetes spending the next 20 minutes of the audio book cursing odysseus out
#Odysseus sticking out his tongue and waving the bow above his head going nah nah nah we don't actually need you now that I have your bow
#Like I do feel bad for philoctetes
#The abandonment the isolation the chronic pain the fact that same guy who caused all of that then stole your price possession
#But also
#This is hilarious
#Neo caught in the middle like uhhh I liked talking to the old man and I feel bad about how we handled this
#And odysseus being like yah that's called a conscious and you need to set it on fire the only thing that matters is results
#Headcanon that odysseus just collects bows from every famous figure. Yes he does steal most of them
#Odysseus being a rat bastard my beloved
Op's tags that need to be read because they are hilarious
The philoctetes is a comedy actually
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