#Days off are nice
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My ADD Medication Journey - Dec 30, 2023
Forgot to post this yesterday because I was wrapped up in a personal project.
12/30/2023 – Saturday
Had another somewhat unsatisfying night's sleep
Combination of noise from outside and mind kind of refusing to stop processing
Nothing intrusive or unpleasant, things like "I should do this and this and this tomorrow"
Decided to lounge in bed later than usual to offset
Morning does taken at 10 am
Lazy day, relaxed to recoup from a very busy week
Didn't notice any serious uptick in tremors
Appetite was suppressed but managed to remember to eat around 2pm or so
Purchased some computer equipment to finally tackle a project I've been waiting on
Spent the evening working on this project—learning curve
Ate dinner around 6:30 – 7 pm
Stayed up later than I should have trying to get past the learning curve on the project
#ADD#ADHD#Attention Deficit Disorder#Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder#Medication#Journal#Smokey's ADD Meds Journey#Days off are nice#I can afford to buy the stuff for my project#Plex server upgrade#I've never used Linux before#Thankfully it has its own graphical interface I can kind of intuit my way through#Oh my god moving so much media takes SO LONG
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what if i broke all the bones in your legs actually
#ramble#please let this be a fucking joke#i cannot imagine being this out of touch#YEAH IT'S ALMOST LIKE ART TAKES FUCKING EFFORT AND THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE DO ENJOY IT ACTUALLY#the phrase 'labour of love' exists for a reason#i sat and watched my grad film on repeat for days when it was done bc i was so proud that my hundreds of hours paid off#I DON'T MAKE ART TO SIT AND LOOK AT IT#I MAKE IT BECAUSE I PUT TIME AND LOVE INTO IT AND I GET TO LOOK AT IT AND BE LIKE I MADE THAT WITH MY HANDS!!! AND MY BRAIN#GOD FORBID YOU PUT A SECOND OF WORK INTO ANYTHING IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE ANYMORE YOU USELESS FUCK????#i'm so sorry i'm unreasonably mad about this#is it crazy for me to say that you should have to do some things in your life?????? god forbid you read your own emails#what are you DOING how fucking LAZY can you be????#and that is NOT a word i ever want to use but this is the DEFINITION of lazy#kids with adhd aren't lazy. tech bros wanting the exact same things that people have worked years for at the push of a button are lazy#i actually need to go and put my face in grass i'm so upset#thankfully. basically every musician who saw this shut it the fuck down and told him he was an idiot so that's nice
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Being someone who read Under The Red Hood and came out with the firm belief that, for Jason, it's not about killing Joker, it's about Jason wanting proof Batman would choose him over the Joker (bc shelia chose the joker). Makes seeing any other media where it's all about just wanting the Joker dead is a teeny bit frustrating. to be honest
Jason could've killed the Joker himself, really, really easily. Jason kidnaps the Joker before the confrontation. I can't open my comic for a reference right now, but it felt like he had the Joker for quite a bit before the confrontation. He had him. He beat him up with a crowbar. He had every single opportunity to kill the Joker himself, but he didn't because that wasn't his goal. Make no mistake, he did plan for the Joker to be dead by the end of it, but do you see what im trying to say here
Edit: If I knew this post was gonna get 1000+ notes I would've tried to word it better or something, this was a rant I made on the way to the grocery store 😭
It's not about making Batman kill either. When Batman says he won't kill, Jason adjusts and goes, 'Let ME kill the Joker or kill me to stop me' instead. The test is all about Batman choosing him. The whole final confrontation is Jason's first death again. The parent, The Joker, and the explosives. It even ends with Jason unable to move as a bomb goes off right next to him again because the parent didn't choose Jason. And instead tried finding an option that'd benefit them and (consequencely) letting the Joker walk, again, lol, lmao <-in agony
#the final confrontation was basically his first death again#and YES he Does want the Joker dead#and it would've been really really nice if Batman was the one who did it#but when batman made it clear he wouldn't kill the joker. Jason easily switched to saying “LET me kill the joker” to accommodate#because he Wanted batman to pass his test#he gave a test to dick too. and technically tim but it wasnt the family test it was a different one so it doesnt rly count#AFTER utrh and the reveal and the batarang you can go hog wild about it. i care less about it then#granted i do believe they make jason more scared of the joker after it at some point#i guess because hes a bit too willing to kill the joker and ive heard jason wasnt meant to live after utrh#my watsonian explain for that is he was so fixated on his plan he cpuld override his fear. or maybe the pit. either work#i prefer the fixation bc i dont like the explanation that the pit was the /only/ reason he could get all plan together and done#BUT THATS UNRELATED!!!#dc stop putting the joker in jason stories im begging you please please please. lock him in a vault for the next 20 years or something#it Cpuld be good and i understand. but also. after so long of people that dont know or go for jasons need for family and parents#that love him and he can trust#the joker starts to feel like?? hm. words. a cop out? oh haha its that guy that killed him woagh hes here#i bet you dont even know that jaybin got beat until unconsciousness by an angry mob#while asking batman to save him only for batman to have to walk away#anwya. where was i going with this#i think i got off topic#jason todd#dc comics#batman#ADDED AN EDIT. SORRY. this post has been haunting me it keeps me awake. what if people misunderstand#they cant read my tags where i ramble more depth. thisbis the only option#EDIT EDIT: hiii#removed the sentence abt jason having the joker for several days bc i misremembered some things#go read its-your-mind 's addition instead also#ok no more i wont edit this post anymore i promise
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Andrew looks at Kevin after the game against the Trojans.
"How does it feel?" He asks Kevin.
"Losing is not pleasant for anyone," says Kevin.
"Sorry," Andrew says without meaning it at all. "I wanted to say, how does it feel to know that Monsieur Misérable and Mr. Golden Smile are fucking together and have agreed to beat you up?"
Kevin turns to him with a growing bad mood.
"They're not having sex."
"D'Artagnan hit you too hard with the racket. You don't know what you're saying."
"They're not having sex, Andrew!"
"New bet then. I say that France conquers California before the end of the year... In two months if Monsieur Trauma takes care of his shit."
"...Jeremy has never told me he's gay."
Andrew remains silent. He turns his head towards Kevin very very slowly.
"300 dollars."
"We're not going to bet on this..."
"500 dollars."
"Why are you so happy to do this?"
"What do you mean, Kevin? I'm a very happy man."
It's impossible to tell if Andrew is joking with that unflappable expression.
And so the betting returns to the Foxes.
#jean moreau#the sunshine court#jeremy knox#all for the game#jerejean#aftg#neil josten#Nicky bursts out laughing when he has to bet if Jeremy is gay because that's not a bet!#the foxes#kevin day#andrew minyard#Allison analyzes Jerejean and bets that they are not involved because they are too hot and she always wanted to try a French guy#Renee refuses to participate because she knows the answer (Jean has told her)#Dan and Matt think Jeremy isn't gay and are surprised that Jean likes boys too (really Kevin?)#Aaron doesn't care and has no idea#but he wants the money to give Katelyn a nice gift and says they're involved to piss off Kevin.#Neil bets on Jerejean#When Neil is accused of having inside information Neil says he doesn't have it because he and Jean get along badly.#Neil doesn't understand why they don't believe him and is very indignant because he never lie!#The Foxes kick him out of the bet
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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uno reverse
#john soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#sorry to postin so much feel like im breaking some sorta unspoken rule but i gotta or i will forget to post it at all#mw#my art#recruits in the bathroom sobbin in confusion at soaps 180 in the mornin after drills. brutal. judgmental. no remorse.#sneerin dead eyed stare he oversees em with so unforgivin and cold to minor missteps#ghost is the nice one who seems to be glowing. bc the first time he exp'd soap on a bad day he nearly had a mental break down#thinkin he did somethin to piss him off but nope soap just borrowed the stick up ghost's ass for the day#eye black smears on fingies as a treat to myself#feel like im forgettin somethin wonder what it is hmm maybe its my lack of sleep 24hrs awake thas prolly it ye
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posting this with absolutely no context
#am i a cryptid now? i log on like once in a blue moon to post cringe and then leave again#ace attorney#apollo justice#tikki#random stuff#my stuff#ooookay okay okay okay. anyone reading the tags can have a LITTLE context‚ as a treat#so. sitting on my ao3 currently is an unfinished fic with exactly this premise#i want to finish it so bad. it haunts me every day. people leave such nice comments and everything#but i just have no motivation. trust me i've tried#i thought that perhaps drawing it might finally kick my brain back into gear#i'm so sorry readers i'm sorry i WILL finish it i promise it's not abandoned#it was so much fuuuuun#tikki are you seeing this. cringefail author who keeps playing video games instead of writing lmao#anyway goodbye friends i am gone again. logging off once more
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Can you pls post your jayvik gala art? Pretty please 🙏
Thank you for asking so nicely, gala art be upon ye
#they’re my Polly pockets I’m putting them in little outfits#arcane#ro draws#the timeline where victor goes to galas with Jayce in the early days#they’re at the club (they would both rather be in the lab)#anyway if vik is playing nice he wears the pilotover white/talis red but if he got puppy-dog-eyed into going by Jayce#he wears the darker/asymmetrical Zaun colors#but viktors gold embroiders on his shirts/the building on his leg brace is usually more art nouveau leaning regardless I think#(unless they’re intentionally matching like the back gems one)#but his and Jayne’s overcoats more often then not have hexgate inspired embroidery#oh and victors corsets act as support devices#so I keep basing them off of the brace he has in s1a3#jayvik
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i'd love to celebrate my birthday with y'all! no pressure to say or do anything, just wanted to share and "invite" you all 🥰
#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#fnaf dca#fnaf eclipse#dca fandom#crab art#digital art#bright colours#animated gif#im shy and i don't want to come off as presumptuous or pushy#but i'm also learning to be honest with what i want and speaking up about it#and i want to celebrate my birthday month with the fandom that's been such a blessing to me#i'm so used to celebrating my birthday without friends because i never bring it up because i don't want to be a bother#it's also summer break so people are often on vacation or busy with work#but like#i cannot emphasize more what a blessing the dca fandom has been to my life the past couple of months#it was a welcome break from my studies and during my career change#and it refueled my creativity as an artist and a writer#and it's just so so nice to have friends that i could be honest and weird and silly with#that's why i want to share my day with you all
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Obsessed with the fact that Shen Yuan only transmigrates when all the Peaklords have settled into their positions for a few years because the idea of Shang Qinghua being stuck watching Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge arguing for nth time about some budget detail that is DEFINITELY getting overblown now and just being stuck thinking
"Damn this would've been such a good enemies to lovers plot line... Imagine how much I could've made off of them..." and regretting not monetising their rivalry more before he killed off Liu Qingge ( "Oh and the angst Shen Qingqiu would've faced after his secret lover died and everyone blamed him for it! Fans would've been begging for more extras!" 🐹💔)
Like all the peaklords are desperately trying to mediate and fix the situation and Shang Qinghua is just imagining his one hundredth Fix-It Fic/AU where Shen Jiu is the King's trusted scholar and Liu Qingge is the King's personal bodyguard
Everyone thinks when a single tear falls from Shang Qinghua's eyes its because during Liu Qingge and Shen Jiu's fight they destroyed both his newly drafted budget (for the fifth time that month) and the fact they also destroyed the table (for the third time that week and the week just started)
Reality is Shang Qinghua is crying because he thought of an angsty death scene for the two Romeo and Juliet style because both their families couldn't accept them being together
Years of this pass and at some point he even picks up writing again (specifically about characters clearly based on Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge) and he gets really popular, popular enough his novels start to flood all of Cang Qiong and even Liu Mingyan takes some inspiration from them
Everyone knows damn well that the characters are clearly meant to be Peaklord Shen and Peaklord Liu, but no one tells because they all are legitimately waiting for the next volume of "Battle-to-your-poisonous-heart-and-peaches"
Does everyone know it's Shang Qinghua... Noooo.. Would anyone admit if they did know.... No.
Then all the sudden on day Shen Qingqiu suddenly looked in the dictionary and discovered what the word 'nice' is and now he doesn't abuse his students 🐹🤯
He even let himself get poisoned and potentially ruined his cultivation for life for Luo Binghe of all people!? Um excuse Airplane Logic, but the MC is supposed to only get all the good stuff AFTER he falls into the abyss!
And what's this about Liu Qingge helping to 'clear' his meridians so he has to personally visit Qing Jing peak every week?? Def something is off, an author knows fishy when he sees it
For how many years Shang Qinghua is stuck watching these two do their whole "You're my precious Shidi" and "I'll always be here for you" act and he's just stuck eating dogfood wondering when exactly is the marriage extra coming in and why the System won't tell me why Shen Qingqiu is acting all happy go lucky now
Shang Qinghua notices Shen Qingqiu talking to Yue Qingyuan more, he notices Qing Jing disciples running straight to Shen Qingqiu with joy and excitement rather than the reserved fear they had before, he notices how Shen Qingqiu only glares at him twice every meeting than before!
Maybe this isn't his version of PIDW, maybe it's a fan made version where Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu fall in love and with the power of love and friendship Shen Qingqiu learns to be kind and to care and isn't going to cause Luo Binghe to go down his dark path and maybe they can all have a happyily ever after—
*Endless Abyss Arc*
"Oh fuck–"
[Before Endless Abyss Arc]
*Shang Qinghua watching from a distance as Luo Binghe is practically clinging to Shen Qingqiu's side. Shen Qingqiu pats Luo Binghe's head and Luo Binghe does THAT smile he only does for his wives*
"Well this is an interesting fanfic..."
[After Airplane Reveal]
"Wait... So you're actually a transmigrater as well, Cucumber-Bro?"
"Yeah, and?"
"..."
"Why are you staring at me like that?"
"Do you hate, or have you at least at some point hated, Liu Qingge?"
"I– No–Wait what???"
"Let me reword it. Have you ever considered murdering him at one point?"
"WHYAREYOUASKINGMETHESEQUESTIONS!? YOUKNOWWHATHAPPENEDTOSHENJIU! IMNOTRISKINGHISFATE!"
"... So I'll take that as a no."
"OBVIOUSLY!?"
"So it's just a normal Friends to lovers 😮💨 No flavour 🙄"
Shang Qinghua was then brutally attacked.
[During the Five Years SY was dead]
*Shang Qinghua watching Liu Qingge go every single day to fight Luo Binghe for Shen Qingqiu's body*
"Oh my Airplane.... It's not a enemies-to-lovers... It's not Teacher X Disciple... It's a bloody love triangle with both! Oh how much money this plot would've made me 💔 I would've been able to pay for four months worth of rent and groceries!"
Random Disciple visiting An Ding: "Um.... Is Shang-Shibo okay? He fell on the ground?"
An Ding Disciple: "Leave him. He does that sometimes. Now about your budget request..."
*Shang Qinghua screaming in the background*
Random Disciple: "..."
An Ding Disciple: "..."
Random Disciple: "Should we check on–"
An Ding Disciple, now dragging other disciple away: "Let's settle this at your peak."
Years later when Bingqiu have already had their wedding and everyone has become somewhat tolerant of their relationship, Shang Qinghua just sighs loudly and Shen Yuan asks him what's up. Shang Qinghua looks him in the eyes and just shakes his head.
"My ship...💔"
"..."
"OW– Why did you have go hit me on the head!?"
"Because I don't want to know what's going on in there and I need to make sure what's in there stays in there."
#svsss#shang qinghua#shen jiu#liu qingge#shen yuan#liujiu#liushen#broke shang qinghua days 💔#imagine what was going through Shang Qinghua's mind when he started seeing his scum villain being nice to everyone#“You're not allowed to do that! That's against Protocol!”#Shang qinghua really thought they were in a enemies-to-lovers hurt/comfort fix it fic#Turns out he's stuck in Luo Binghe's self insert fanfic 💔#Yue Qingyuan: “Shang-Shidi we have to prepare a budget for Qingqiu-Shidi's wedding”#Shang Qinghua: “Oh? Really! Oh wow I thought Liu Qingge was never going to get his act together—”#Yue Qingyuan: “Oh no it's for Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe.”#Shang Qinghua: “...” *Incoherent screaming*#“MY ENEMIES TO LOVERS ARC 💔!”#ooc I know but canon is a recommendation we ignore#I based this mostly off me writing some scenes for ocs and realising I liked a ship other than my 'canon' one more#shen qingqiu#bingqiu
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How does that sound?
#art#illustration#fanart#comic#dhmis#don't hug me i'm scared#dhmis yellow guy#dhmis duck guy#dhmis red guy#dhmis lesley#yellow guy#duck guy#red guy#(Lesley only gets the one tag. sorry girl)#happy late dhmis birthday !#I meant to post this on the tv show day but it took longer to draw than I though it would..#I think it turned out nice though :]#I didn't use a reference until I was on the coloring stage (and also for the background of the 3rd panel) though#so if anything's off that's why#I haven't drawn these guys in forever but they're still very easy for me to draw :]#little bit of a different way of drawing them here also#I wanted to change it up a little :]#fav posts
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Bonus round! Do you use a queue tag?
#ive been super curious about this because people seem to have really strong opinions on the queue! so many people seem to HATE it#but i love using the queue! i dont really know exactly why i like it so much- i started using in like... 2016 and its a fundamental part of#my tumblr experience now. i think i started off just using it for offline hours so id hit most my american mutuals (/ for aes posts)#but these days basically everything goes in my queue (cept time sensitive things & like. current hype and original posts-#anything 'normal' posting is in the queue)#idk it feels. nice to me! i like to spread out my posting and not rb 30 things in half an hour and then disappear for the rest of the day#esp since my spaces are so circular- the same post runs on my dash a dozen times minimum. and i get to put it on ur dash a week late!!!#and its so nice to have small interactions with mutuals in incompatible timezones; to open up my notifications in the morning#and go: oh! my friends were here <3#its such a Part of the tumblr experience for me i dont think i could ever truly change now. maybe switch to timed queueing#but my availability changes so much i prefer to just. know i guess#but (i am so sorry for all that) im curious about how other people feel!!!!!! itd be so interesting to hear abt why people do/do not like i#i know some people like the experience of spamming and going. some people think it makes this seem to much like influencing or whatever#everyone has their reasons and i want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#nyxtalks#poll#queue#no see answers option because you must fall into one of these
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So on Tuesday my wife and I dropped off the paperwork to register as legally married and as part of that I want to finally legally change my name. I haven’t used my deadname in decades and I’m so ready.
But the very nice lady at the Recorders office said we’d need to go through Social Security for name changes. Since we were already in the city we walked to the SS office.
The ground floor was like a TSA, with scanners and guards. They asked, “Do you have any weapons?”
We both did. My wife held out their cute Swiss Army knife which got an immediate pass. Mine caused more issue, though. It’s a cute little knife, it folds up to look like a leaf and unfolds into a blade. I showed the man and he looked gravely concerned.
When he asked to see it closer I obliged, folding it closed so I could take it off my key ring to hand over. And this man. This buff security man. Could not open my cutesy little knife to save his life. He futilely pawed at it from all different angles while I tried to say, “Look, you can see the hinge, just pull at the top…”
Finally he had to hand it back so I could open it for him. Then two other men came over and all three Very Serious Security Men in a Federal Building pored over my tiny cute knife with great intensity and concern. A ruler was produced and they conferred in hushed whispers.
I was honestly trying not to laugh when he finally passed it back and said I could keep it, but cautioned me not to pull it out. I solemnly agreed, returning my tiny weapon to my key ring.
#ramblies#ended up bailing on the security office though#it was very bad vibes and my wife was suffering#I’ll try to go Friday to the smaller one by us#I’d rather spend my days off with them doing nice things even if it means suffering a government office alone
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Just spent the past bajillion hours making Quinn's flat on floorplanner, so now of course I have to share with the class~
The basic layout:
He's got a flat in Sheffield near the city center--second floor (1st for British people lol) and it's within walking distance to a nice park. He's only ever here when he has extended leave, so it mostly stays as a stale, untouched bachelor pad
Now that he's got Fig (miss diva queen extraordinaire), he's been taking to sleeping on the pull-out couch in the living room, as Figgy-girl gets the bedroom to herself 💅 class
Quinn's 'bed':
Here's the view from the entryway:
Kitchen (usually a mess):
Bedroom (Fig's room)
Potty room:
Miscellaneous views:
I didn't take pics of the small closet room at the front but it exists (mostly for junk)
Anyway, I had faaaar too much fun with this, and I really recommend checking this site out (there's a free version where you get access to everything, but I updated to the 5 dolla version to get better pics 🤙)
Dare I make Vincent and Stuart's bungalow next..?? It might take a while..but I'm tempted....
#quinncent#this goes in#lore⟡#because it's important !!!#I'm lowkey obsessed with this and have been feverishly designing it for the past day and a half 🙃#unfortunately I had to weed through a lot of trendy crap for my desired 'single male aesthetic' but I think it comes across nicely#just picturing quinn pick up some guy off grindr and he's like??? you gave your dog the bedroom?? and then they bone on the fucking pullout#he doesn't call him back🥰
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looking up to you
#my art#ace attorney#maya fey#pearl fey#mia fey#got the idea for this last night and now like a full day later here we are#ive been meaning to do more dramatic lighting stuff again so. it was nice to draw this#also my side profiles kind of popped off here... for once i did not struggle with them... peace and love...#2023
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Another trade/ collab this time a crossover between @cookieruma29 ‘s vengeful Evan AU and into the ballpit AU✨
#honestly imagine transferring trauma to your bestie from another universe#just brutal#five nights at freddy's#fnaf security breach#fnaf#fnaf 4#Michael afton#evan afton#crying child#gregory fnaf#uhhhhhhhhhhh????#oh#into the ballpit au#wanda#my art#and her art#yay#anyway y’all will def try to have that next page done before next week HOPEFULLY since I have three days off#from work#which is nice
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