#Dating Makes Perfect

[fanaticalthings]

the muskification of twitter except it's lex luthor instead of elon lol

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[kagoutiss]

pelican town, ‘72

[starrjoy]

Pandora AU good ending <3

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

[jabesa0]

⚜️wear the hat, ride the cowboy⚜️

This one has a nsfw ver. too! The link to it is on my Twitter!

[thegremlindraws]

The Shaking of the Perfect Bread Monster

more on my Patreon!  My (nsfw) art Twitter

Posted using PostyBirb

[zephyrchama]

Fun fact I just invented: the Royal Academy of Diavolo gave its uniforms little half capes so that shy human exchange students can hide under them. Just walk right up to someone at school and stick your head under their cape. That's what they're there for.

[dawnofiight]

I offer to the public: Black Sam!

So. Erm. :D

Peep the way I didn't feel like doing plaid

Taglist:

@achios

@angel-shaw (I just felt like you should be @ ed for this particular drawing-)

@ashertickler

@aurorialwolf

@dukecollinsbf

@infinitelovewiithoutfulfilmentt

@moronkyne

@pandoraroid

@plaqying

@porters-fangs

@professionallyyappinabtangst (I literally just showed you this)

@puffin-smoke

@skunkox

@starlogician

@sunsickcrab

@themeridian

@tunacatfishes

@www-dot-why-are-you-here-dot-com

@zimix-whispers

[fumifooms]

Kaka compilation

Because everyone is sleeping on him. Witness his greatness!! First two Kaka colored icons were colored by me, lineart by Ryoko Kui though!

Kaka & Kiki are kinda like Laios & Falin… Kaka being stoic and giving repressed energy like early Laios, Kiki being cryptic and always smiling and kinda soft-looking. Autism siblings 2, ostracized and othered as kids and have a deep bond due to sticking together through it all, though unlike with Laios their parents are very loving so Kaka developed family as a big value more than Laios (bc asides for Falin Laios doesn’t care much about it).

In the gnome festival comic you can see Kaka is more emotive than he seems! Full with a :3 face, and he’s the one crying at the end. He’s insecure about his legs and being tall… It really got to him. Conceal don’t feel. In the gnome festival comic you also see him sensing others’ gaze on him and that something is off unlike Kiki, again Laios-like in the way that judgement from others gets to him more than her.

[itsdefinitely]

could you pretty please perhaps draw Richie x Jason 🙏🙏💗

kyle put him up to this

[epicfirestormer]

(holds all three in my hands) I just think they're neat

[tangramkey]

i love my Basketbot Portal AU

[marvey-sideblog]

"And it just happened to be empty?" "Something like that."

Suits 4x8 "Exposure" Mike returns to Pearson Specter and gets Harvey's old office.

[tinseltownie]

Look I’ve watched the BTS footage a 100 times already. The thing is Oscar didn’t have to pop in. And Lando most certainly didn’t have to keep the conversation going. But he did. And Lando did. And it was all soft and warm and “I want to know the most mundane details about this exact thing that I’ve done for 6 years already but did you have fun Oscar?? Did you? Have fun? Osc? Nice smoothie osc. Gonna copy your cute lil pose osc”.

Everything I’ve learned about Lando in the last few weeks is that he just wants friends? He keeps talking about how he missed out on the uni experience and how his friends are all through racing. And it explains why he’s kept Max on at Quadrant and all that side of it. (Not saying he’s buying Max’s friendship or anything) And he kept being friends with his teammates thinking they were safe but Carlos left and Daniel was fired. Which is the nature of the sport don’t get me wrong that’s fine. But I think Lando is really comfortable because Oscar is here to stay for a while. So Lando has Oscar.

And Oscar has always been better than the rest at this sport so it was hard to make friends with the other boys because he kept moving a step forward, quicker than everyone else. His Prema vids are sweet but there’s a sense that everyone in them is still trying to make it. Plus Oscar has 3 younger sisters but he’s never had a brother and he’s a little quiet and Lando was okay bulldozing his way into Oscar’s heart so now Oscar has Lando.

They both love their families but the sport makes it so they feel distant from them? Yes Adam is at almost every race and Oscar has a very loving relationship with his mom but all they’ve known is this sport forever. This sport where there’s no loyalty and no love and a lot friendships are actually just colleagues hanging out in a work setting.

That’s what makes Carlando so endearing. It’s that the friendship persisted beyond the contract mandated hangouts. That’s what makes Landoscar so special. They’ve found each other, a support system, a person who actually understands every nuance of the car, every corner that they race, every debrief in a way that really only their teammate can.

They are each other’s competition but they’re also each other’s comfort and I think that’s really special. Plus, Oscar’s quite tall isn’t he 😏

[snekdood]

so uh

for 1. most people are gonna take advantage of black friday and wont see your specific niche tumblr post, I hate to say it

2. the us isnt running out of money for war any time soon, so...

3. this is just antisemitism???????? all we need is some (((echoes))) around the us and israel and then I'd have no reason to suspect otherwise from op...............

[cherrytraveller]

Day 78 of Leo trying to get rid of future Leonardo

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