#Damian is just trying to make a birthday cake for dick

[headcanonthings]

Damian, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs?

Tim: It means in hand to hand combat.

Damian: Ohhhh-

Jason: Both of you get out of this kitchen.

[timmydraker]

Tim vapes.

To his friends, namely the ones at school and not so much in Young Justice, this ain’t anything surprising. It’s popular for his age group and given how he has various roles in life that cause anxiety and his poorly concealed PTSD from being Red Robin, it makes sense he’d turn to something for comfort.

That comfort just happens to be an addiction to the ‘cancer usb’s his brother Dick once went on a two hour rant about.

Jason once got grounded and forced to watch a PowerPoint video made by Dick and Bruce after he was caught with a cigarette while still Robin. Jason still kept up the bad habits, but he normally turned to a drink or smoke when things were really bad. It was both recreational and a treat that he only had a few times a year, or month in the case of alcohol.

Tim doesn’t take breaks unless he’s on patrol.

It started when he was thirteen and was so tired from starting work with Wayne Enterprise and Robin that he didn’t give his usual response to his friends offer of a hit.

The passion fruit guava flavour settled easily in his chest, most likely due to how he had a lot of self control with his body. He coughed a storm afterwards but quickly found himself coming back for a hit or two during school breaks.

It only took a month for him to buy his first one after some research. He bought the least damaging one for his body even if he knew that lessening such damage didn’t fully remove it.

He started with grape.

Then once that died, he bought sour apple.

Then fairyfloss.

Then strawberry mango.

Then birthday cake, which he genuinely didn’t think could be real but alas.

It took almost four years for anyone in his family to notice and by pure luck it was his actual father who would end up dying a few months later. Tim remembers how guilty he felt when he realised his father would no longer be yelling at him for his ‘fruity fucking stink’ and that such a thing gave him genuine relief. He shouldn’t want his dad to be dead, yet…

It was then Tim realised that maybe he should try slow down his usage, and challenged himself to go a whole hour before a hit, then two and then finally three before he decided that would be enough for a while.

It’s on a particularly bad patrol when he saw a kid get hurt and wasn’t in time to save her from some likely permanent damage that he forwent his rule of vaping in the suit and took several hits while against a wall in his Red Robin attire.

He was just stating to feel the calm fully settle in his bones as his last puff of sour rainbow exited his lunged when he heard a voice just a few feet away.

“How dare you disgrace the name of Robin with that filth!”

Tim jumps up immediately but no training would prepare him for how quickly Damian comes over and snatches the vape from his hand.

Damian is gone quicker than he can get himself together and he only just managed to shout and run after him with his growing panic.

Tim watches his youngest brother vanish from sight and knows he’s doomed.

When he gets back to the cave a few hours later after trying to hide away from his problems, he’s finished his second vape (star fruit grape) from pure stress.

He’s met with the entire family sans Jason giving him the most disappointed and concerned look he’s seen since he confessed he lost his spleen and didn’t tell anyone.

Damian won’t meet his eye but even then Tim can tell from years of studying his younger that even Damian feels a little guilty for outing him, but as Dick looks close to tears with how upset he is the others resolve clearly strengthens.

Tim doesn’t blame him, even if he’s mentally going over all the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal.

[jasmines-library]

Would it be too much to request a batsis oneshot, about her knowing how to cook😆 like whenever Alfred is not available he leaves her in charge to help ensure the other family members are eating without buring down the house🤭 also a lil thing u could add is she often visits the manor just to cook cuz Alfred always keeps the kitchen fully stocked with ingredients which means she can cook pretty much anything she desires💜 I just thought it'd be cute to have Bruce be envious of his daughters cooking skills whereas he lacks them🤭

Kitchen Antics

Thanks for requesting! This was cute to write!

Word Count: 1k

⛤ BATFAM MASTERLIST ⛤

“I still don’t think this is very fair.” Bruce pouted as you slid the plate in front of him.

“Hm?”

“This.” He gestured to the plate that you had served to him, piled to the brim. It had taken you hours to prepare, especially without Alfred’s help, but it was well worth it. “How come Alfred lets you cook and not me. I’m a fully grown adult. I should be allowed to cook a meal for my family.”

“Maybe it’s because you can’t actually cook.” You threw over your shoulder with a smug grin. 

That earnt a snort from Damian which he hid poorly behind a hand. Bruce shot him an unamused look. 

“Can too.” Bruce said. This time you raised a brow as you slid into your seat.

“Oh yeah, because the last time you cooked it turned out great.” Jason rolled his eyes. 

You remember it distinctly. It was one of the first times Alfred was away and had reluctantly let Bruce use the kitchen. He had regretted it the moment he returned because his kitchen was hardly recognisable. And the food Bruce had cooked was less so. If you could even count it as food. It was the furthest thing from edible. Somehow undercooked and burnt to a crisp around the edges at the same time. Even Alfred wasn’t sure how he managed to do that, and he had seen almost everything when baking with the rest of your brothers. It was safe to say that Bruce was no longer allowed in the kitchen after that. So, the responsibility turned to you. 

Alfred had always said you had a natural talent for cooking, though you swore it was because you had the best teacher: You had spent countless hours helping him when you were younger and you were the only person he didn’t seem to physically wince at when you walked into the kitchen. So, naturally when he announced he was leaving this week he entrusted you to make sure the family were fed without the entire manor being burnt down, or being filled with takeout boxes.

Your brothers had tried countless times to worm their way into the kitchen, but you ushered them out every time. They were just as bad as Bruce when it came to cooking. There was one time Damian and Dick had tried to bake a cake to surprise Bruce on his birthday. And it did…when the fire they had started nearly set the whole kitchen alight. Luckily Alfred had smelt it before any real damage could happen, but the pair of adults were far from happy. Jason had never shown much interest in cooking. He would usually just grab himself a snack from one of the cupboards instead of actually cooking himself something, so he had never really been an issue to keep out. Though, often he would try to sabotage your work just to wind you up. As for Tim, he was the best out of the four boys. By no means a master at work, it was often slightly bland but he was the only one who hadn’t tried to kill everyone with his cooking so he got bonus points for that. 

“That was one time.” Bruce turned his head away, pouting like a small child.

“Tt. Father, I think you’ve tried to poison us every time you’ve gone near the kitchen.” Damian jested through a mouthful of food. “Perhaps you should ask Joker to try it. Might take a villain off of our hands.”

Tim stifled a laugh. “This is lovely, Y/N. Thank you.”

You smiled. “Thank you.”

The six of you fell into a comfortable silence as you ate, before Bruce finally spoke up again. Cutting through the sound of cutlery scraping against china plates.

“Is my cooking really that bad?”

He was answered with silence. And a lot of smirks.

“...Are you jealous of Y/N, Father?” Dick grinned.

“Psh…No.”

Bruce was a terrible liar. 

~

“Do you need any assistance, Miss Y/N?” Alfred poked his head around the kitchen door. He had returned from his trip not too long ago, glad to see that everyone had been well fed and that the house was still in one piece. 

Glancing up from the bowl of ingredients you were whisking, you met Alfred’s proud glance. “No thank you, Alfred. You already have everything I need.”

Alfred smiled up at you. It was nice for you to stop by once in a while to see them. He enjoyed seeing you cook. Better yet he enjoyed tasting your new creations each week so he kept everything stocked, even if he knew he wouldn’t need it himself. The shelves were lined with all sorts of spices, flours, sugars and ingredients for you to create something new so that if you ever decided to stop by (which you liked to do at least once a week) he would have everything  you could ever need.

Your brothers loved it when you would bring over food to them too. Most of it would be gone in minutes and they would turn to you asking for more. Bruce would do the same too, although he would still have that look of teasing jealousy on his face. But he was proud really. And glad that at least one of his children had enough common sense to not set the entire manor alight when baking a cake. 

BATFAM TAGLIST:

@aestheticdaisies

@hell-o-kittys

@xxrougefangxx

@mamapucket

@hearts4robs

@harleycao

[bluerosefox]

Ghost Marriage Allows More Than One!

Tim wakes up in a hotel room in Vegas snuggled against a chest but he wasn't surprised.

He had been in the Sin City for a WE meeting and had brought Bernard along the trip since Tim's birthday was just shy a few days into it and well he wanted to spend time with his boyfriend since most of his family were off world (Dick, Jason, and Bruce all had important missions and they all apologized for missing out and Tim couldn't blame them he understood and he himself couldn't get out of the Vegas meetings no matter what he tried to do.) Or couldn't come to join him (Damian had school as did Duke and Alfred was taking care of them while the others were gone. Steph and Cass were out of country working with some important things with Babs and again he understood.) (Did it still sting yes but they all promised to make it up when they got back, Alfred even promised a coffee cake just for him)

So yeah, Vegas meeting trip turned somewhat birthday fun with his boyfriend. And since Bernard has always been good with encouraging Tim to try things it came to no surprise that during their stay he had managed to convince Tim to try drinking for the night.

Yes terrible influence Bernard was sometimes, but he did make a point. Tim was an adult now and sometimes it's okay to at least try adult dumb stuff, he didn't have to like it and could stop if he really didnt want to but he can at least say he tried it once. That it was okay for Tim to let go of his vigilante brain and just have fun in the one city that was made for it.

So try Tim did. Just for the night.

So yeah, Tim wasn't really surprised when he woke up the next morning, alcohol aftertaste on his breath, head pounding, nose scrunched up from the light of the sun peeking in from the curtains, and snuggling himself into a rather chilly chest...

Wait...

Chilly?

Tim opened his eyes when he realized that. Bernard never felt cold to Tim when they would snuggle, no he was always warm, like a warm heating blanket. It was why Tim loved snuggling him. Why was he-

Tim's eyes widened when he saw not blonde hair on the body in the bed with him but black hair. He almost flung himself off the bed from him startling awake and watched the one he had been snuggled next to mumble in his sleep and turn over.

Tim felt pure dread as he continued to stare, his stomach turning as his thoughts got bad, oh god..God... did he... oh no, no, no no. Oh where was Bernard- FUCK did he really-

Tim flinched when he heard a door open and snapped his eyes towards it. He felt his mouth go dry when he spotted his boyfriend coming out of what was the bathroom of the room and had just finished taking a shower from the sounds of left over dripping water and from the towel he was using to clean his hair.

Bernard stopped in his spot when he noticed Tim staring at him before he gave Tim a very uneasy chuckle, his eyes darting towards the sleeping body on the bed "H-Hey, good morning T. I see you... uhh seen our guest."

Tim felt ready to cry, to beg for forgiveness, but the only sound that came out was a strangled sound because of course he fucked up and ruined one of the best things that ever happened to him and-

But before he could spiral further into his anxiety and dread Bernard kept speaking.

"So ummm. Do you also remember meeting Danny at the bar, getting really tipsy, hanging out, having fun and then like going to a ghost bar with him so he could really drunk because he's like half ghost. And I mean like a legit ghost bar, like we saw Elvis and Marilyn Monroe there and they were like floating. Then we all got like super mega drunk and then... maybe kinda sorta got ghost married... because ghost marriage allows unlimited spouses cause you know, already dead doesn't matter and it's also almost permanent cause again the whole dead thing... Or did I hallucinate all that last night and we just brought in a random stranger to bed?" He asked his voice unsure as he looked between Tim and the stranger Danny in bed before lifting his hand up and showing Tim a glowing ring on it. "I'm pretty sure I didn't dream it up because I kinda woke up with this, and it refuses to come off."

Tim went silent for a moment, wide eyed as he stared back at Bernard before the pounding headache he had hit him harder than ever when the very memories of everything Bernard had said came flooding back to him. With a gasp Tim quickly looked st his own hand and sure enough on his finger was a matching glowing wedding band on it, his eyes snapped towards Danny... Danny Nightingale? Or was it Phantom? said his name was and spotted another matching one as well.

"B is going to kill us." Was the only thing Tim could muster up to say.

[deadbeetleblog]

the batkids finds a box with shitton of VHS so they plug them in and to their surprise is just a bunch of Christmases,birthdays,graduations, party's,etc that Bruce recorded

the first one is dicks 10 birthday (none of this is chronological or anything I'm making shit up as I want)the camera quality was shit all grainy,it was in the manor and part of the league were there and Donna,Roy,wally,Garth are there with their mentors plus superman and the gordons and there's like this cheesy decoration and theres gifts bags for the kids and ice cream and I'm thinking dick is going to have a mj obsession so all of micheal Jackson's songs are playing on the background and the kids are all trying to do the beat it dance

then there's a shot of Dickies small kid face covered in cake and ice cream and he looks gross,off camera a voice says (Bruce) "you're liking your party lad?" his voice is so soft and young and so dad "yeS! thank you Bruce this is the best party ever!!" and he goes away running to superman,he looks young too, mullet and all as he catches Dickie laughing. the video ends, the next tape rolls

It's Christmas,it seems like Bruce is hiding while he records, the tv is on, "can't touch this" is playing and a young Jason Todd is clumsily trying to do the dance, you can hear Bruce's giggles as he watches the kid, he stops hiding and enters the room, Jason looks at him,his smile wide "look! dad look! I'm doing it!!" he isn't doing it but Bruce claps anyways "good job Jaylad!! you look just like hammer!" Jason squeaks, the video ends.

this time tim is on view,he's in the cave doing his homework on the floor, he looks like he's 13-15 at least all sparred on baggy jeans and a too big shirt,this was from a digital camera very clearly, the quality much better, on a monitor of the batcomputer, Britney spears was singing,he was humming along softly, Bruce made his presence clear Clark In front of him with a cake, singing softly "happy birthday to you....happy birthday to you.... happy birthday dear Timmy,happy birthday to you" Tim looked back a bit shocked before smiling wide,his braces all clear for the camera

next tape was toddler damian bouncing and clapping while watching toy story 3 bruce giggling as he danced, "dami,dami, I love youu" his voice was so incredibly soft "I uv yu" Bruce awed as baby damian talked, all chubby limbs and big green eyes,"Dami papa loves you" bruce keep repeating and he keep getting i love yous back when a new set of footsteps interrupted him "hey sugar" clarks midwester accent break through the quiet ambience "hey you" Bruce focused the camera on him "got anything to say to your baby?" Bruce asked humourous,Clark had a tiny baby strapped to his chest ,Damian squeaked loudly getting Bruce's attention back on him "I'm here baby no need to spit" Clark laughed and the video ended

they watched the black screen for a while, it was heartwarming in a way,dick no longer danced thriller on Halloween with his friends, Jason no longer tried to copy vanilla ice, tim no longer had a fringe or a myspace account and Damian was no longer a baby. Bruce was getting older and older and the only thing left of those days were these videos.

the complication of videos grows bigger and bigger with dukes graduation,Cass first recital, Barbara's wedding, Steph's birthday, and eventually they found two curious videos

one was marked "olly,lexie and brucie 72" and the other "happy together 81", turns out lex Luther not only had a beautiful head of red locks but he also had a complete disco choreography with oliver queen and bruce wayne for their graduation, Bruce had the most adorable crooked teeth and straight nose,he really changed with none of his original teeth and multiple rhinoplasties.

the other one was a short video of Bruce combing his hair, humming softly until he caughts the cameraman, he turns with a smile " if we're late for your fault I'm going to be so pissed" the cameraman laughed warmly, "I just have to get my shoes on, I'm waiting for you,it's been an hour you don't need to comb that much" Clarks voice bombed through the speakers "it's my wedding Clark,of course I have to comb that much","you know I love your hair no matter how it is" Bruce pouted and turned pissed, going to the bathroom "Bruce please, don't get pissed" the video ended.

[favoritebatfam]

OK, do you know how there’s so much age Fuckery in Canon?

I’m thinking that’s because no one actually has that many legal documents.

Dick Grayson was born in a circus. I don’t know if he was born in a hospital or if it was at homebirth, but it is also kind of likely and (I read it in a fic somewhere) where his parents lied about his age so that he could get away with performing.

Jason Todd was a crime Alley kid who is unceremoniously adopted. He is also still legally dead, and I feel like it is heavily debated in the family if you can count those months that he was dead as him living, or if they shifted his birthday somehow. Bonus points if you think about the post floating around that age resets after you end up in the pit so Jason is now the youngest.

Tim Drake uns so many secret identity scams, that I will not be surprised if he’s genuinely forgotten how old he is. I mean, Janet and Jack could’ve also done the same thing that the Grayson‘s dead and lie about ages so their son would be taken more seriously as an adult and just never remember afterward.

Damian Wayne tends to have more consistent ages, but I still think that his aging might be a little messed up due to the fact he was grown inside of a tube. This is straight from the comics. We don’t know if he came out as a baby, or he came out as a toddler. For all we know, he came out as like a five-year-old because Ra Al Ghul didn’t want to have to deal with his heir being weak.

With Bruce and Alfred, it’s a little hard to justify the age fuckery, but I’ve come up with some ideas things that might help.

I think that Bruce kind of stopped celebrating his birthday after his parents died. He might’ve picked up celebrating again after he adopted dick, but he probably doesn’t put any candles on a cake or anything or at least any number candle. Probably a lot of people have also forgotten how old he is, and a lot of the family are trying to look through newspapers to find out about Bruce’s birth. There could also be some sort of thing where there’s a debate about time travel counting towards his age and if he is older than he is supposed to be or younger or whatever.

Alfred just straight up immortal. he’s done so much in his life that it’s kind of hard to figure out how old or young he could be. I’ve seen a couple different theories floating around where He got blessed by some being, or if you go with the Gotham is sentient theory, Gotham is slowing both his and Bruce’s aging. Also, Alfred is very strong and has to be very fast in order to be able to clean all of the manner and not get sick or die.

Actually, this is kind of pointing towards maybe the bat family having so much to do with the general curses of Gotham or maybe even blessings from being safe, helped that they probably have fucked up ages. I genuinely don’t know. I am sleep deprived and very curious now and will probably make a skit later after I take a nap or look through more Tumblr posts.

Enjoy my ramblings.

[lazycats-stuff]

You the oneshot where the reader didn't have a choice until batfam rescued him . I kinda want to see the batfam reactions to the thighs he didn't get to experience like chocolate, cartoons and a birthday that shocked them the most and what's even worse is that readers handler just sends him to a very difficult mission like a deserted island to fend for himself on his birthday which reader didn't know about

Aww, some family fluff... You got it my dear anon. Also, the request season has started.

Summary: (Y/N) told his family about his lack of experience with usual stuff. Even more with his birthday. Absolutely no one is having it.

Batfamily & male!reader, PART 2, PART 3,

Warnings: Fluff, family wants to kill someone, mentions of missions from (Y/N)'s past.

After saving (Y/N) from his handler, it was obvious that he didn't... Indulge in certain things as any normal kids would. Sure, Damian didn't too, considering his upbringing, but (Y/N) was on a whole another level of not knowing anything.

It started with chocolate. Alfred has made some chocolate cake out of nowhere and he called the others down to eat if they wanted too. Of course, everyone would do so. I mean, who wouldn't want to try Alfred's delicious creations?

Everyone jumped at the news, basically pushing each others out of the way. (Y/N) didn't understand why they would do it. It's just food. He walked in confused, sitting down. He frowned at the sight of a chocolate cake.

" What's wrong (Y/N)? " Bruce asked, digging into the sugary delight.

" I never had anything with chocolate before. I wasn't allowed to have sugar. " (Y/N) confessed and Jason nearly choked on his piece.

" No. " Jason said, in complete and utter disbelief. Everyone glanced at (Y/N), also shocked that he has never had sugar. Of any kind probably.

" How about you try it? " Bruce prompted and Alfred put a chocolate cake in front of (Y/N). He took a fork and put it in his mouth and everyone saw how gingerly he tried it.

It seemed he liked it by the way his eyes widened and the way he relaxed.

" Do you like it? " Bruce asked, clearly already knowing the answer.

" I think I would like a second slice. " (Y/N) admitted and Alfred smiled widely. It's a win and progress. (Y/N) is never the one to voice what he wants and making him explicitly say what he wants is like pulling teeth.

" Of course master (Y/N), but I'm afraid you can't have more than two per day. " Alfred said, already putting some rules down.

" Okay. " (Y/N) said. Bruce decided to put some rules down because rules are all he knows. But they were very relaxed rules. Such as at least 8 hours of sleep, some exercise and a healthy amount of vegetables.

(Y/N) is kind of afraid of Alfred. He saw that Alfred is the one to not mess with and he respected it.

(Y/N) stayed silent as he ate. Bruce already a mental note to buy more sweets for (Y/N) to try.

After the whole cake fiasco, everyone decided to help (Y/N) experience some actual fragments of childhood. So what do they decide to do?

Cartoon marathon.

Jason wanted to watch South Park because he knows (Y/N) will love it. It's pure satire and Jason loved it. Whenever he could catch some free time, he would watch it and it would take a national emergency to stop.

And that's why Jason is leading (Y/N) to the living room.

" What is South Park even? " (Y/N) asked as he entered the living room, quickly moving to his spot.

" One of the best cartoons ever made. " Jason simply said and (Y/N) shook his head.

" It's pure satire. " Dick elaborated and (Y/N) nodded in understanding. (Y/N) liked satire. He considered himself to be a sarcastic person, more so now when he lived with the Waynes. Damian and (Y/N) just communicated via sarcasm and it was fun.

They started from the first episode and (Y/N) chuckled quietly. Everyone turned their heads. Holy shit. It's a beautiful sound too, coming from (Y/N). When they make him laugh properly, they are going to commemorate it once it happens.

" What? " (Y/N) asked, looking at the all.

" You have an adorable laugh. " Jason explained and (Y/N) turned his head away. He didn't want them to see his blush. Nobody has ever told him that. There was never any type of affection from his handler. If he got a 'good job', he could consider it the best praise.

After months of digging, Bruce found (Y/N)'s birthday. Bruce is definitely going to brag about this for the years to come. And he found out just in time. It's going to be in a few days and they wanted to surprise (Y/N).

(Y/N) is observant by nature and keeping this surprise as a secret is not an easy feat. Bruce could see that (Y/N) was already suspicious, especially with the way everyone brushes him off with the exact same excuses and some times they distract him with sparring, cases and all in all just stupid things.

Alfred made a chocolate cake, now (Y/N)'s favorite and the others got him some things that they thought that (Y/N) would like. Jason had a major task of bringing (Y/N) to the dining room.

They all waited with the stuff, knowing that (Y/N) wouldn't like sudden surprise and sudden noise. (Y/N) stopped as he took in the sight of a cake with candles on them.

" Happy birthday. " Bruce said, with a smile on his face.

" What? " (Y/N) asked quietly and their faces fell.

" You never had a birthday before? " Dick asked, feeling sad for (Y/N).

" Not really. I was usually sent on missions during that time. The last one was spent on a deserted island. " (Y/N) said, shuddering at the mere memory of the mission. Bruce walked towards (Y/N) and brought him into his own embrace.

" From now on, we are going to replace all of those memories with some more precious ones. Okay? " Bruce asked and (Y/N) felt something warm in his core. Something that he has never felt before.

Everyone agreed with Bruce, joining in on the hug. (Y/N) never liked to be touched, but he has grown to like it with the others. They weren't abrasive with it and Dick was the most touchy one, he understood his boundaries.

" Can I eat the cake now? " (Y/N) asked, squished in between all of them. Everyone chuckled at the suggestion and let go of (Y/N). The celebration went by without a hitch and it was filled with smiles, even from members who don't smile to much.

[rdfhyrsc]

Jason: Tim isn’t answering their phone

Dick: I’ll call

Jason: Damian and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Tim: Hello?

Dick: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Jason: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Damian: I personally was created in a lab.

Tim: I just straight up spawned lol.

*Alfred's helping Tim out after they get injured, while fighting the rogues*

Dick: How does Tim look?

Damian: A little better than you, actually

Dick: I think Damian was right.

Tim: I'm surprised he hasn’t marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

Jason: He wouldn't do that.

Damian: You're right, Jason. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

Damian: *turns around, the shirt he is wearing says 'Damian Told You So' on the back*

Dick: Tim, I'm sad.

Tim: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay.

Jason: Damian, I'm sad.

Damian, nodding: mood.

Tim: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Dick:

Jason:

Damian:

Everyone Else At Tim’s Surprise Birthday Party:

Bruce: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

[secondgenerationnerd]

As it is our bi-king’s birthday (June 15th), I thought we could use some Colin-centered love 💙💜🩷

————-

Today, Colin James Wilkes is 17 years old. One more year before he ages out of the orphanage. Almost five years since he joined Omega squad. Almost 2 years since he started dating Milagro, who’s spent all day spoiling him.

Going to their favorite thrift stores, hitting the taco truck from their first date, and so much talking. He could listen to her talk for hours if he’s honest. She had been checking her phone every so often, before suddenly declaring they should head back to the tower. Now, their bags in one hand and her grip on the other, he can’t help but laugh as she pulls him to the living area.

"Diosa, slow down! We're not in any kind of rush."

"Aye, I know, mi rey, but I'm tired after being out all day." Her words are right but everything else is wrong. He slows down until she's forced to stop. "I’m just ready to set our stuff down and get some food.”

"Uh-huh...I don't suppose you're trying to get me back for a certain surprise party?" Colin asks, fighting a laugh as her head whips around. "I might not be a Bat, but I can put two and two together….plus I saw the party supplies last night."

Milagro huffs, "Promise to act surprised?"

"...Is Ma in there?"

"Yes."

He covers his heart, nodding solemly, "It will be Oscar worthy."

When they walk into the living area, Colin does act surprised when people jump out. Just Omega and their families, but still a sizeable crowd. The Supers give Colin a look, but don't say anything. The first person over to him is Martha Kent. He has to bend over to hug her properly, but she’s still as strong as ever. The kind of hug that makes him feel like that scrawny 12 year old again, warm and safe.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart. Now, I insisted on making your cake." Ma gestures to the creation on the counter. His throat tightens as he reconginzes the colors of the three layers. "I did check with Jonny to make sure I had the right flag.”

"You didn't have--"

"Colin, baby, you know I do what I damn well please.” She pats his cheek, not leaving any room for him to argue. At this point, he’s learned arguing with most of the women in his life if the dumb choice.

All his favorite food are spread out on the counter—Ma’s chili, Bianca’s barbacoa and tamales, Dick’s gushvada, the twins’ Tteokbokki, and so much more. The best playlist, clearly made by Lian and Roy with care, plays just under the roar of conversation. It takes him a minute to realize how many are talking about….him. Their favorite memories of him, funny moments they’ve had in the last few years.

Then there’s the affectionate touches from the adults. Roy and Jason ruffling his long red hair. Alberto clapping a hand on his shoulder as they laugh together. Ma patting his cheek again as she makes sure he’s eaten enough. Linda, Lois, and Bianca each hugging him so tight he can’t breathe. Dick and Wally both poking his side, the sure fire way to make him laugh. Clark fixing his shirt collar as he walks by.

All things he would have flinched at years ago.

Soon, bellies full and spirits high, the conversation starts to lull. Naturally his friends decide to cause chaos.

"Speech!" Jai shouts, golden eyes twinkling with mischief. Nudging Jon and Damian, Jai grins at his best friend, “Let’s hear it for the Bi-King!”

"Yeah! C'mon, birthday boy! Let’s get a speech."

"Speech, Wilkes! You’re always running your mouth anyway! Put it to use this time!”

He’s going to kill them. Slowly. And laugh while he does it.

Knowing there’s no way out, Colin looks at the crowded room. All these people are here for him. Celebrating him, just for being born. Not like at the orphanage where he’d get a cupcake with the other kids born in June. This is all for him.

His throat tightens uncomfortably. Taking a second to clear it, he finally addresses them. “Um….I have no idea what to say or-or where to begin…I’m not the only orphan in this room. Not the only one who doesn’t know where they come from. Not the only one who grew up in shitty homes, with adults who use their fists before their words. Being told over and over God has this plan for me. That I needed to keep my faith and all would be well. He would protect me.”

He looks down at his hands, the rings Milagro and Mar’i found for him gleaming with his reflection, “I worked so hard to keep my faith. Even when Scarecrow and Bane had me. Even when I wanted to die because…at least the pain would stop. For a long time I couldn’t understand why God… let it happen. Gave me these abilities that took away any hope of a family finally adopting me. Finding my forever home.”

Looking up, he immediately finds his teammates, “In a weird way, I should thank Him. I still think He expects way too fucking much out of children, but because of Him I’m on this team. Because I have three brothers, who I’m fully going to murder in the next ten minutes. I have three sisters, who make me laugh and scream and cry. Who know what I like and hate. Who know when I’m just being quiet and when I’m struggling. Who annoy the shit out of me….because they love me.”

He reaches to the side, knowing he doesn’t need to look, but he does. Milagro’s warm hand slides into his, dark eyes meeting his own, brilliant smile making his heart skip. “I got to meet the most incredible girl in the universe. One who challenges me every day. Who understands and shares my struggles with the Almighty. Who is incredibly out of my league and could have anyone she wanted….and she chooses me.”

His eyes flick to his friends’ parents, voice threatening to crack, “I finally have adults in my life who chose to love me. Not because of a job obligation or money. I might never know my biological parents, but I know what it feels like to be loved. To have someone take care of me during a flare up. To be taught how to shave and drive and-and how to be a good man.”

A few tears finally escape his eyes, voice breaking, “Thank you for being my family. Thank you for choosing to love me. Thank you for teaching me I deserve that love.”

Milagro’s arms are first around him. Then their teammates—his brothers and sisters—join in, making them lose balance and tumble to the ground. All of them calling him an asshole and a sap, tears in their eyes. There’s laughing. So much laughing. Not at him, but with him.

Always with him.

[if-i-hate-the-headline]

INCORRECT QUOTES GENERATOR TAKES ON THE BATFAM (#1)

Currently Just The Robins

Dick: Jason, I'm sad. Jason: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay. Tim: Damian, I'm sad. Damian, nodding: mood.

Dick: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB? Jason: Bold of you to assume I was born at all. Tim: I personally was created in a lab. Damian: I just straight up spawned lol.

Dick: How did none of you hear what I just said? Jason: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Tim: I got distracted about halfway through. Damian: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Dick: Everyone, synchronize your watches. Jason: I don’t know how to do that. Tim: I don’t wear a watch. Damian: Time is a construct.

Dick: *Screams* Jason: *Screams louder to assert dominance* Tim: Should we do something?! Damian, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle. Jason: Shit. Damian: Wait, three? Cop: Yeah? Tim: OH MY GOD DICK FELL OFF!!!

Jason: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys. Dick: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! Damian: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!! Tim: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting. Damian: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

*Dick's helping Jason out after he gets injured, while the others are watching* Tim: How does Jason look? Damian: A little better than you, actually.

[fosterfour-thebirdsau]

Hi!! I’m super glad to see you guys having fun! It’s nice to know that you seem to feel comfortable after joining a new family, and a famous family at that!

Anyways, I know you kids probably celebrate your birthdays, but I was wondering if you celebrate ‘gotcha days’ as well; it’s basically a birthday celebration but it’s on the day you joined your family, which is why it’s called ‘gotcha day’.

If so, do you celebrate just individual gotcha days, from when each of you met/became siblings, or are you four planning on celebrating your joint gotcha day, i.e. the day Mr. Wayne took you in??

Also, (if you feel like answering another question) what’s your favorite way to celebrate your birthday/gotcha day and/or what’s your favorite dessert/treat to have on a birthday/gotcha day?

Tim here! And just Tim because apparently, Dick was not aware that these 'Gotcha Days' were a thing and immediately sprung into action because he's missed four years for Jason and Damian and two for me.

Jason chased after Dick to try and convince him he did not need to do any sort of thing for us. Damian chased after Dick to try and get the idea of more celebrations out of his head. And so, they have left me with the responsibility to answer this. (They have been running around the manor for the past hour, yelling and shouting, much to Alfred's annoyance. Sorry, Alfie!)

Anyway, seeing as Dick is... well, Dick, he's going to probably do a joint day for all of us to celebrate our becoming siblings. Even if Jason, Damian, and Dick met all on the same day, Dick would not want me to feel left out. As for the day he'll adopt as our 'Gotcha Day'. I guess we'll just see.

When it comes to birthday celebrations, here is what I can recall.

Dick likes to spend the day with us, usually just hanging out. He's pretty simple in his dessert. Ice cream, maybe cookies.

None of us actually knew Jason's birthday until I was able to find it in Bruce's... uh, foster files on us. I don't know how he likes to celebrate, but I can tell you that Jason is a sucker for brownies (especially if they are Alfred's).

Damian's birthday always consisted of him dragging us around town to introduce us to his army of stray animals. It ended with ice cream from a very specific ice cream parlor in downtown Gotham (shout out to "The Nameless Ice Cream Parlor" seriously, go try them out). But, I know for a fact that his favorite dessert is cake. We've never been able to do cake for birthdays before so hopefully this year we can work something out.

I really enjoy having a movie marathon for my birthday. No particular movie or series, I just enjoy it. And I really like cookies for dessert.

Thanks for the question! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go make sure my brothers don't break every valuable vase in the house.

[rewrittenwrongs]

My brain grabbed this and ran.

Bruce loves tiramisu. At first he just pretended to ‘cause it sounds like a snobby rich kid cuisine and he is trying to build a persona here, but eventually he has to admit it's really good.

Alfred much prefers making cake for other people than eating it, but he can admit his fondness for pineapple upside-down cake.

Dick, I actually think he’d get sick of all the sweet carnival foods at the circus. He’d prefer savoury and spicy things, with the exception of some occasional nostalgic cotton candy and miscellaneous candy brands: a lot of cakes are too sweet for him to really love. That said, his parents made a mean fruit cake, and he’s always had a bit of a soft spot for it.

Barbara likes chocolate lava cakes. No specific reason, I just feel like she’d like them.

Jason’s parents could never afford to get anything fancy for special occasions, they usually bought those cheap packets of cupcakes or the 5 dollar cakes from the supermarket. He likes the desserts Alfred makes for him just fine, but nothing quite has that taste of home like the chocolate mudcakes from the store. Dammit now I’m imagining him pre-utrh, still establishing himself as Red Hood when he realises it’s his birthday, and spends the day alone for the first time in years sullenly eating some storebought cupcakes before the homesickness gets too much.

I feel like Miss Mac would make the best carrot cake, with raisins and cream cheese frosting and she gives it to Tim every holiday and special occasion. If/when the Drake’s fire her she gives Tim the recipe and he makes it whenever he’s super down, maybe with Dick or Jason or the Young Justice team.

I don’t have a specific cake in mind for Stephanie, but I feel like she’d love anything sweet, chocolate especially. The cake doesn’t have to be super fancy or anything, but she likes the super light moist ones, and has perfected her mug cake recipe.

Cassandra has pretty simple taste, things like vanilla and chocolate and fruit, and the first time she tries a lamington she’s hooked. It’s the perfect blend of cakey goodness with rich chocolate and light coconut.

Damian doesn’t eat much in the way of sweets until moving into Wayne Manor, and he tries not to let his preferences show for a while, but Alfred picks up pretty quickly that he loves cheesecake. Jon is the one to have him try it for the first time, at the Kent farm.

Duke’s mother used to make this delicious caramel cake with white and milk chocolate for his birthdays, but he hasn’t had any in years. He still has a soft spot for caramel.

What type of cake do each of the batfam like?

[alfredsolos]

There is something that really intrigues me about Damian Wayne's year by year development. Because every year, he's different from the last. Personality wise, his behaviour and his perspective of life changes irratically.

First there is his 10 year old self. Damian is very proud and arrogant. He doesn't care for any of his siblings or family one bit. Not even Bruce. What he cares about is Batman's mantle. He prides himself on being the son of The Dark Knight and Talia al Ghul. And that's why he wants his father to see his potential, and deem him worthy. He is cold and dismissive. He also doesn't understand emotions really well. Nor does he care for others'. He is unlikable and people tend to steer away from him. Damian Wayne doesn't get bothered by it. He hates stupid people anyways. It doesn't bother him. It doesn't. He is ignorant.

Then there is his 11 year old self. A few months after coming back from the dead. Yet he's still scarred, physically and emotionally. His mother's betrayal simmers inside his heart, throbbing. It's a new feeling for him, hurt. But he tries his best to ignore this feeling. He isn't very succesful. He has spent almost a year with Dick Grayson as his Batman, and took acting classes. He's better at showing his emotions, now. He has pets and he finds himself caring very deeply for them. Although he's still trying to adapt to his father's Batman. Damian feels... dissapointed. Bruce is very different from Dick and it shows clearly. He is anxious.

Damian is 12 years old now, and he has managed to create deep bonds with his family (some of them). He also has new friends now; Colin, Maya and Suren. He learned to have fun and find hobbies for himself. He is still distant with his mother. But he finds that best for himself and others around him. The hurt slowly dissolving, yet still there. He still fights with people and tend to keep away from them. At his last months of 12 years old, Damian gains a best friend. Jonathan Kent. He finds Jon to be a bit much but still enjoys his company deeply. It's weirdly endearing to be his friend. Life is going better than he ever expected. He is, for the first time in his life, happy.

On Damian's 13th birthday, only Alfred remembers. He bakes him a silly colorful cake and makes him wear a stupid party hat. He loves it. He thought he'd be sad or angry when his father, inevitably, forgots about it. He isn't. With each passing year he finds himself getting closer and closer to the old man. Damian finds him comforting. Alfred is always there no matter what. A constant in his life and although he'd never say it out loud, he thinks of Alfred Pennyworth a father figure. Jon and him now go by Supersons. A silly name that makes him smile just a little whenever he thinks about it. He now knows what love is. He loves Alfred Pennyworth, he loves Jonathan Kent, he loves Dick Grayson, he loves Stephanie Brown and he loves Maya Ducard. He sees them as not a family, but a part of himself. People actually start treating him well and seek out for him. It doesn't last long though. Alfred dies, and his family breaks apart. His father blames him, and so he leaves the manor. He now lives in a safehouse, and goes after criminals. He doesn't know what to do from now on, so he waits for the right moment. He is devastated.

A few weeks before his 14th birthday, Damian Wayne leaves Gotham. He no longer wishes to live in this hellhole that harbors the best years of his life. He seeks out his mother in an attempt to reconnect with her and finds more than what he asked for. He doesn't tell anyone of the hallucinations. No one. He is dead. It isn't real. Not anymore. His mother sends him to an island full of people like him. Murderers, psychopaths and assassins. He meets an unexpected old face. And surprisingly, he makes friends. After dying yet again, he finds himself drawn to it. The moment when Flatline ripped his heart out of his chest, he felt terrified. Not of death, but of Hell. That doesn't happen though. He doesn't go to Hell. He doesn't go to anywhere really. The death itself didn't even hurt. He feels... lighter. It might sound sick, but Damian feels better after coming back. Almost like a punishment of his past sins. It cleanses him inside out and he seeks for another. A few days later Hawke breaks his neck and kills him. Again. And Damian finds it hilarious, since it was the same way that Alfred had died. He doesn't care for the death. He finds himself not hurting anymore. Not scared. He makes even more friends. They have so much in common with him... Damian Wayne feels death, and finds it freeing.

[incorrectbatfam]

Stepmom!Selina?

She sees what she's getting into from a mile away, but she welcomes it because Bruce's kids are a part of him, and she loves all of Bruce.

The kids all see it coming too, and while some (Damian) take longer to warm up to her, she's welcomed into the fold with open arms.

Selina's got a heart as big as her partner and while she's not always perfect, you can see how much she cares.

As a former foster child herself, Selina understands Duke's unique experiences and traumas from the foster care system, so whenever he needs to talk, she's the first one he goes to. Sometimes he doesn't want to (or need to) talk, so they'll watch boxing matches or she'll teach him little bits of Mandarin. If the kitchen isn't busy, they'll try their hand at new TikTok recipes, and film themselves either succeeding or debunking the original poster.

Being raised in isolation to be a human weapon meant Cass missed out on a lot of the things daughters typically learn as children/teens. The evening of Cass's first gala, she didn't know the first thing about doing her own hair and makeup. She's braved assassin armies, but her self-made disaster of bobby pins and eyeshadow nearly drives her to tears. Selina swoops in, wipes Cass's face with gentle reassurances, and walks her through step-by-step.

Selina considers it a privilege to have watched Dick grow from the spunky little Robin to the man he is today. Even though he's taller than her, she still ruffled his hair when he does a good job. She also keeps the first ever birthday card he gave her, which includes a pop-up bat signal and scented stickers, and remembers all of his favorite radio stations. Also, when Bruce does something, Dick goes tattling to Selina.

For a while, Carrie mooched off of her siblings' Netflix profiles, but everyone got tired of her messing up their algorithm and she was forced to make her own. She soon realized how much freedom she had because no one could see what she was watching. Selina caught on to the power trip and started researching and watching snippets whenever a new show comes out. That's how she stopped a bunch of preteen girls from watching Squid Game.

Tim often gets overlooked as not just the middle child, but the child who appears put-together and regularly takes on adult responsibilities. Selina, however, remembers that he's still a teenager. She regularly checks in and gradually teaches him that it's okay to let go and act his age. Selina encourages him to call his Young Justice friends outside of missions and take small acts of rebellion against Bruce. When Tim and his boyfriend snuck out to a famous lover's lookout, Selina gave them the car keys and covered for them.

She noticed that Jason really enjoys hanging out with Harley Quinn, bonding over not just Joker trauma but other shared interests like music taste. After Harley turns to the antihero side, Selina discusses with Bruce and they start inviting Aunt Harley and Aunt Ivy to dinner. The first time they do that, Harley is so excited that she baked a three-layer cake just for Jason. Literally, in strawberry frosting, it said, "THIS CAKE IS FOR JASON ONLY." Finding someone that Jason can relate to remains one of Selina's proudest accomplishments.

She's trying her best, but she makes mistakes too. For instance, although Wayne Manor has plenty of kitchen space, Selina does her cooking at Harley and Ivy's because Ivy can offer her fresh plant-based ingredients that suited Damian's needs. When Alfred's not available, she sends Damian to school with healthy, flavorful vegan lunches shaped into Cheese Viking characters. One time, she was tasked with bringing brownies to a PTA meeting. Incidentally, Harley was simultaneously baking a... different kind of brownie for a block party (you can see where this is heading). When an angry superintendent demanded to know who was responsible, Selina wisely kept her mouth shut and thankfully, so did Damian.

Cullen loves concerts, but he's a huge introvert who gets anxiety when he's left alone in a crowd. Selina becomes his concert buddy, and she'll go as all-out as he does. Sometimes that's showing up to a garage band dressed-down in hoodies and sunglasses. Other times it's painting their faces and looking like they just came out of a Hot Topic blowout sale. She even listens to the discography beforehand so she can blend in. Selina learns a lot about Cullen through this, because nothing says more about a person than the music they listen to.

Harper, though looking rough around the edges, turns into a giddy little kid at interactive science museums. During one of these trips, Harper got distracted by the giant Newton's Cradle so she didn't notice a fourth grade field trip sweeping up Selina. When they reunited at the gift shop, a chaperone had given Selina a school t-shirt and she was put in charge of grading ten kids' assignments. Harper laughed so hard that she spewed lemonade on the museum owner. Neither of them will let the other live that day down.

Selina and Barbara openly talk about guy stuff, and Selina is more than happy to offer advice in times of need. They're both pretty liberal talking about that stuff, and one time they did a tier ranking of all the Gotham Rogues based on how effective their gimmick is (Joker was the only S-tier). They then proceeded to get into a debate on whether or not Man-Bat and Killer Croc should qualify for the list, which led to them staring each other down at dinner while the other family members sat around them confused.

Steph's school offered a Mother's Day breakfast. Although Crystal Brown was doing her best and wanted to make it, she was scheduled a double-shift that the breakfast fell right in the middle of. Selina reached out to Crystal and with permission, went in her place. Afraid that Steph would publicly reject her, Selina sat in the parking lot for ten minutes as Bruce amped her up over the phone. Steph, thinking that no one would no up, was ecstatic and said that she couldn't have thought of anyone better. They enjoyed stacking up waffles and making the girls who bully Steph envious.

Long before she and Bruce got married, Selina made it clear that she would not be relegated to the gender-typical role of a homemaker, and Bruce happily concurred because it's 2021. They knew that to give Alfred a break, they'd have to take on some chores themselves. Instead of dividing up a boring old chore chart, they find ways to make cleaning fun and collaborative. They'll dance around the halls in mop slippers, play "guess the stain", and race their roombas. The kids see this and start modeling the behavior in their own ways—Dick swings from high places to dust them, Damian trains his pets to pick up garbage, and Cass and Duke compete to see who can clean the most bathtubs.

Some parts of the Manor are due for redecorating, so Selina and Alfred make a day trip out of interior design sketches, flipping through furniture catalogues, and looking at paint swatches. It sounds boring at first, but the menial tasks meant they had plenty of time for conversation, and she finally understood why everyone respects him. They also made room in the afternoon for a stroll through the park and afternoon tea, where he told her and her only the secret to a perfect scone.

The other Justice League partners welcome her into the group too. Whenever Selina's in Metropolis, she joins Lois and Ma and Pa for Sunday brunch where they share what their kids have been up to. Iris shows her life hacks to cooking large batches of food in a short time. Selina and Dinah discover an online store dedicated to selling vigilante gear and go on a Cyber Monday spree for their whole families. Steve Trevor, Diana's partner, teaches Selina how to fly with the invisible jet so she can surprise Bruce with the batplane.

After overcoming their initial conflicts, Selina and Talia hold a high amount of respect for each other. Talia sees Selina as not just a capable combatant, but a worthy partner to her former beloved and stepmother to her son. Selina, after spending all that time with the kids, understands the motherly love that Talia holds for Damian and makes it abundantly clear that she would never try to replace Talia in the boy's life. Regardless, looking after all those kids is hard, so they are very much open to the idea of co-parenting.

(Selina doesn't know it, but all this makes Bruce fall in love with her all over again.)

[flashflashhundredyarddash]

i WILL write batfam but as a sitcom. Main characters are the entire batfam, but nobody knows theyre the batfam so it's just their public personas. Kardashians but the Waynes.

episode 1 is bruce trying to rent out a waterpark for cass's birthday. damian is upset because father didnt rent HIM a waterpark for his birthday. subplot is jason and dick trying to convince tim to tell them what tim got cass for her birthday

episode 2 is cass's birthday party. steph makes her appearance in a rocking two piece. when asked about her scars, steph tells the camera about her childhood passion of roller derby. subplot is duke and damian attempting to drown each other in the wave pool. intermittent cuts to bruce napping in a deck chair and snoring. cass's cake is three layers and has sparklers

episode 3 is an Alfred centric episode. We follow him throughout his day. He proudly shows off the chore chart he made for his grandkids. when you complete a chore you get a gold star. dick is currently in the lead despite not living at the manor. shot of jason and duke leaving through the front door earlier in the day and somehow returning through the study

episode 4 starts with bruce getting a call from jim gordon because jason and damian are in jail. ("stop taking selfies dick your brothers are in jail" *click click click*). subplot is cass and babs going to a spa. at the end of the episode, bruce is once again called by jim gordon because steph and tim are in jail.

episode 5 is bruce hosting a charity gala on his yacht. dick and damian follow behind bruce the whole time and critique his party planning skills. bruce is smiling but its obvious hes dead inside. subplot is duke and cass purchasing new outfits for the party.

episode 6 is a wayne merch photoshoot with all of the wayne kids. at least two kids cry. at one point bruce goes missing but the camera crew finds him at the WE starbucks taking orders

[dhampiravidi]

Though Tim has researched aftercare, he's never really seen it as anything more than a tool.

On his eighteenth birthday, four years after he'd become one of the Owls, Dick had propositioned him. It's still embarrassing, looking back and remembering how eager he'd been for it. Getting Bruce's attention, then his praise--that had felt amazing. He had earned it, by eliminating those who stood in the way. But having Dick Grayson, the Talon whose name was whispered and gasped in equal measure...having those unearthly eyes on him alone was like gold foil on the cake. He still dreamed about how Dick had sucked him off until he came for the third time, making all his thoughts float into some soft, cotton candy place...and then, there was something sharp and deadly and decidedly nightmarish: knives plunged into Tim's body from all sides, his dead parents watching from the shadows, blood pouring from all of Dick's orifices even as he chased his own orgasm...

The funny thing was, nothing actually happened after he came down from his high. He came to, lying on the soft sheets with cum drying on his stomach and a cold breeze kissing his skin. Dick was gone--off to Selina's for the usual (information and an orgy that could keep his attention). Tim would never admit to anyone, not even to himself, that he cried while he curled up post-coitus. He knew that there was nothing to worry about--he hadn't expected the Talon to fall in love with him any more than he himself wanted to give his heart away. And Dick acted perfectly normal towards him after that night, giving him smirks and winks as a reward that was tragically unequal to and perfectly fair compared to the beatings and threats that came when Tim failed.

He won't admit that while the others have been thinking up ways to kill their prince (like he's been doing for years; fuck those idiots), he's been researching how to be a good partner to Rye--at least, as far as BDSM is concerned. So now he's not only angling to take control of Gotham, but he's trying to become the world's foremost expert on aftercare.

"Rye," he says quietly, "Do you really think I wouldn't consider other options first? That I wouldn't put any other person in front of a target before you?" He pulls her into an embrace, resting his hands on her waist as his lips tickle her ear. If she wants to pull away, she can. "We are the best assassins in the world. Jason is empowered by the Lazarus Pit. Janice can kill with her mind. Damian has training from two of the deadliest fighters who have ever lived. And I..." He surprises himself by smiling. Emotions usually compromise a mission, but he can't help but be excellent. "He'll be dead by the end of the week. I can promise that."

Jayn sighs. She almost feels bad for Tim--he clearly has no idea how to comfort someone he cared about, probably because his empathy had been eaten away by all the shit Bruce and Dick poisoned him with. It's a wonder that Damian even has a conscience.

"Rye, I only came back to Gotham to save you," she says. She knows her words might hurt Jason's feelings, but she's being honest. The only reason why he's agreeing to rebel is because Dick's very existence threatens her own safety, not to mention her romance with Jason. With Tim watching her, Jayn leans in and kisses the side of Rye's head, thinking: I should've taken you with me. I'm sorry. "I'm not going to leave without you, and Dick sure as fuck isn't taking you from me." Tim glares at her, nearly baring his teeth, and she rolls her eyes. "He won't take you from us."

She checks her watch, which had been a birthday present from Dick, along with a long kiss that she remembered made Jason jealous (and not-so-subtly horny) for the rest of the day. The thing doubles as a garrote, because why would her fellow Owl gift her anything normal? Whatever. She's just hoping it'll help lure him into a false sense of security. The more relaxed he is, the easier things will be.

"It's almost 10:40. We should be heading back." She had, through Alfred, told Dick that the four of them would be out of the house to bond and start planning a double wedding. Bruce is off on League business, which means that he'll be out of town for a few days at least, unable to help his favorite son. When he comes back, things will already be in place. Jayn has fantasized about kicking her father into Dick's grave and leaving him to rot, but the four of them need to be more secretive, not to mention careful. Superwoman and Ultraman could rocket into Gotham within seconds as long as Bruce had the means to call them.

"It's up to you," she says to Rye, though she hopes the redhead agrees.

Rye is the first to figuratively go down, her disposition comparatively weaker to the owls, starkly human when put up against the owls who straddle the edge of humanity and something…. Else.

She melts into him, into their kiss, a whole-bodied exhaustion coming over her. She doesn’t bother lifting herself off Tim, instead leaving them connected as her focus goes in and out, curling into his chest. She had given up, fully. She knew a return to normal life wouldn’t be possible, these are the owls she’s talking about. Death would be her only escape…. Until that point, whenever it may be and hopefully as least painful as possible, she would make the best of it. The best of it implies her being her best for Tim, her… protector. Lover. The gilding of the same cage he locks shut.

Jason keeps his grip on Jayn’s hip steady and firm until he feels Dick stop tensing beneath them. The thought of his release within Jayn disgusts and angers him to no end- his Jayn. His frostbite. No one else’s, especially not that bastard’s.

When the last vestiges of orgasm leaves his body, Dick decides he’s over this little game he was playing. Any enjoyment he’d been getting out it left his mind, as well as any expression that once graced his facial features, leaving it blank. His eyes only communicate boredom, and perhaps a dash of irritation.

“Yes, Jaynie?” Is sharp in reply, smirk equally so. “I’m done with this game. Off.” He doesn’t give Jayn time to move, simply pushes her off, kicking at one of Jason legs until he moves away as well. If he happens to hit what he knows is an old injury of Jason’s… well, that’s just a bonus.

He doesn’t bother donning his clothes again, simply sauntering out of the room without a care. Just because exiting completely through the doorway, though, he pauses. Narrow blue eyes pin the other 4 on the bed, dark as the Dead Sea and seemingly never ending. “I recommend you each learn your places again quickly, or we will not be a peaceful family again until you do.”

—

“You want me to do what?!” Rye yells in a hushed tone. “You realize he wants to kill me right? And you want me be alone with him. For an extended period of time. In a very vulnerable position.” She aims that last point directly at Tim, rather than the other two also involved in this horrible, deadly plan. “Is there no other option?!”

@dhampiravidi