#Damian is just trying to make a birthday cake for dick

[headcanonthings]

Damian, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs?

Tim: It means in hand to hand combat.

Damian: Ohhhh-

Jason: Both of you get out of this kitchen.

[jasmines-library]

Would it be too much to request a batsis oneshot, about her knowing how to cook😆 like whenever Alfred is not available he leaves her in charge to help ensure the other family members are eating without buring down the house🤭 also a lil thing u could add is she often visits the manor just to cook cuz Alfred always keeps the kitchen fully stocked with ingredients which means she can cook pretty much anything she desires💜 I just thought it'd be cute to have Bruce be envious of his daughters cooking skills whereas he lacks them🤭

Kitchen Antics

Thanks for requesting! This was cute to write!

Word Count: 1k

⛤ BATFAM MASTERLIST ⛤

“I still don’t think this is very fair.” Bruce pouted as you slid the plate in front of him.

“Hm?”

“This.” He gestured to the plate that you had served to him, piled to the brim. It had taken you hours to prepare, especially without Alfred’s help, but it was well worth it. “How come Alfred lets you cook and not me. I’m a fully grown adult. I should be allowed to cook a meal for my family.”

“Maybe it’s because you can’t actually cook.” You threw over your shoulder with a smug grin. 

That earnt a snort from Damian which he hid poorly behind a hand. Bruce shot him an unamused look. 

“Can too.” Bruce said. This time you raised a brow as you slid into your seat.

“Oh yeah, because the last time you cooked it turned out great.” Jason rolled his eyes. 

You remember it distinctly. It was one of the first times Alfred was away and had reluctantly let Bruce use the kitchen. He had regretted it the moment he returned because his kitchen was hardly recognisable. And the food Bruce had cooked was less so. If you could even count it as food. It was the furthest thing from edible. Somehow undercooked and burnt to a crisp around the edges at the same time. Even Alfred wasn’t sure how he managed to do that, and he had seen almost everything when baking with the rest of your brothers. It was safe to say that Bruce was no longer allowed in the kitchen after that. So, the responsibility turned to you. 

Alfred had always said you had a natural talent for cooking, though you swore it was because you had the best teacher: You had spent countless hours helping him when you were younger and you were the only person he didn’t seem to physically wince at when you walked into the kitchen. So, naturally when he announced he was leaving this week he entrusted you to make sure the family were fed without the entire manor being burnt down, or being filled with takeout boxes.

Your brothers had tried countless times to worm their way into the kitchen, but you ushered them out every time. They were just as bad as Bruce when it came to cooking. There was one time Damian and Dick had tried to bake a cake to surprise Bruce on his birthday. And it did…when the fire they had started nearly set the whole kitchen alight. Luckily Alfred had smelt it before any real damage could happen, but the pair of adults were far from happy. Jason had never shown much interest in cooking. He would usually just grab himself a snack from one of the cupboards instead of actually cooking himself something, so he had never really been an issue to keep out. Though, often he would try to sabotage your work just to wind you up. As for Tim, he was the best out of the four boys. By no means a master at work, it was often slightly bland but he was the only one who hadn’t tried to kill everyone with his cooking so he got bonus points for that. 

“That was one time.” Bruce turned his head away, pouting like a small child.

“Tt. Father, I think you’ve tried to poison us every time you’ve gone near the kitchen.” Damian jested through a mouthful of food. “Perhaps you should ask Joker to try it. Might take a villain off of our hands.”

Tim stifled a laugh. “This is lovely, Y/N. Thank you.”

You smiled. “Thank you.”

The six of you fell into a comfortable silence as you ate, before Bruce finally spoke up again. Cutting through the sound of cutlery scraping against china plates.

“Is my cooking really that bad?”

He was answered with silence. And a lot of smirks.

“...Are you jealous of Y/N, Father?” Dick grinned.

“Psh…No.”

Bruce was a terrible liar. 

~

“Do you need any assistance, Miss Y/N?” Alfred poked his head around the kitchen door. He had returned from his trip not too long ago, glad to see that everyone had been well fed and that the house was still in one piece. 

Glancing up from the bowl of ingredients you were whisking, you met Alfred’s proud glance. “No thank you, Alfred. You already have everything I need.”

Alfred smiled up at you. It was nice for you to stop by once in a while to see them. He enjoyed seeing you cook. Better yet he enjoyed tasting your new creations each week so he kept everything stocked, even if he knew he wouldn’t need it himself. The shelves were lined with all sorts of spices, flours, sugars and ingredients for you to create something new so that if you ever decided to stop by (which you liked to do at least once a week) he would have everything  you could ever need.

Your brothers loved it when you would bring over food to them too. Most of it would be gone in minutes and they would turn to you asking for more. Bruce would do the same too, although he would still have that look of teasing jealousy on his face. But he was proud really. And glad that at least one of his children had enough common sense to not set the entire manor alight when baking a cake. 

BATFAM TAGLIST:

@aestheticdaisies

@hell-o-kittys

@xxrougefangxx

@mamapucket

@hearts4robs

@harleycao

[bluerosefox]

Ghost Marriage Allows More Than One!

Tim wakes up in a hotel room in Vegas snuggled against a chest but he wasn't surprised.

He had been in the Sin City for a WE meeting and had brought Bernard along the trip since Tim's birthday was just shy a few days into it and well he wanted to spend time with his boyfriend since most of his family were off world (Dick, Jason, and Bruce all had important missions and they all apologized for missing out and Tim couldn't blame them he understood and he himself couldn't get out of the Vegas meetings no matter what he tried to do.) Or couldn't come to join him (Damian had school as did Duke and Alfred was taking care of them while the others were gone. Steph and Cass were out of country working with some important things with Babs and again he understood.) (Did it still sting yes but they all promised to make it up when they got back, Alfred even promised a coffee cake just for him)

So yeah, Vegas meeting trip turned somewhat birthday fun with his boyfriend. And since Bernard has always been good with encouraging Tim to try things it came to no surprise that during their stay he had managed to convince Tim to try drinking for the night.

Yes terrible influence Bernard was sometimes, but he did make a point. Tim was an adult now and sometimes it's okay to at least try adult dumb stuff, he didn't have to like it and could stop if he really didnt want to but he can at least say he tried it once. That it was okay for Tim to let go of his vigilante brain and just have fun in the one city that was made for it.

So try Tim did. Just for the night.

So yeah, Tim wasn't really surprised when he woke up the next morning, alcohol aftertaste on his breath, head pounding, nose scrunched up from the light of the sun peeking in from the curtains, and snuggling himself into a rather chilly chest...

Wait...

Chilly?

Tim opened his eyes when he realized that. Bernard never felt cold to Tim when they would snuggle, no he was always warm, like a warm heating blanket. It was why Tim loved snuggling him. Why was he-

Tim's eyes widened when he saw not blonde hair on the body in the bed with him but black hair. He almost flung himself off the bed from him startling awake and watched the one he had been snuggled next to mumble in his sleep and turn over.

Tim felt pure dread as he continued to stare, his stomach turning as his thoughts got bad, oh god..God... did he... oh no, no, no no. Oh where was Bernard- FUCK did he really-

Tim flinched when he heard a door open and snapped his eyes towards it. He felt his mouth go dry when he spotted his boyfriend coming out of what was the bathroom of the room and had just finished taking a shower from the sounds of left over dripping water and from the towel he was using to clean his hair.

Bernard stopped in his spot when he noticed Tim staring at him before he gave Tim a very uneasy chuckle, his eyes darting towards the sleeping body on the bed "H-Hey, good morning T. I see you... uhh seen our guest."

Tim felt ready to cry, to beg for forgiveness, but the only sound that came out was a strangled sound because of course he fucked up and ruined one of the best things that ever happened to him and-

But before he could spiral further into his anxiety and dread Bernard kept speaking.

"So ummm. Do you also remember meeting Danny at the bar, getting really tipsy, hanging out, having fun and then like going to a ghost bar with him so he could really drunk because he's like half ghost. And I mean like a legit ghost bar, like we saw Elvis and Marilyn Monroe there and they were like floating. Then we all got like super mega drunk and then... maybe kinda sorta got ghost married... because ghost marriage allows unlimited spouses cause you know, already dead doesn't matter and it's also almost permanent cause again the whole dead thing... Or did I hallucinate all that last night and we just brought in a random stranger to bed?" He asked his voice unsure as he looked between Tim and the stranger Danny in bed before lifting his hand up and showing Tim a glowing ring on it. "I'm pretty sure I didn't dream it up because I kinda woke up with this, and it refuses to come off."

Tim went silent for a moment, wide eyed as he stared back at Bernard before the pounding headache he had hit him harder than ever when the very memories of everything Bernard had said came flooding back to him. With a gasp Tim quickly looked st his own hand and sure enough on his finger was a matching glowing wedding band on it, his eyes snapped towards Danny... Danny Nightingale? Or was it Phantom? said his name was and spotted another matching one as well.

"B is going to kill us." Was the only thing Tim could muster up to say.

[timmydraker]

Tim vapes.

To his friends, namely the ones at school and not so much in Young Justice, this ain’t anything surprising. It’s popular for his age group and given how he has various roles in life that cause anxiety and his poorly concealed PTSD from being Red Robin, it makes sense he’d turn to something for comfort.

That comfort just happens to be an addiction to the ‘cancer usb’s his brother Dick once went on a two hour rant about.

Jason once got grounded and forced to watch a PowerPoint video made by Dick and Bruce after he was caught with a cigarette while still Robin. Jason still kept up the bad habits, but he normally turned to a drink or smoke when things were really bad. It was both recreational and a treat that he only had a few times a year, or month in the case of alcohol.

Tim doesn’t take breaks unless he’s on patrol.

It started when he was thirteen and was so tired from starting work with Wayne Enterprise and Robin that he didn’t give his usual response to his friends offer of a hit.

The passion fruit guava flavour settled easily in his chest, most likely due to how he had a lot of self control with his body. He coughed a storm afterwards but quickly found himself coming back for a hit or two during school breaks.

It only took a month for him to buy his first one after some research. He bought the least damaging one for his body even if he knew that lessening such damage didn’t fully remove it.

He started with grape.

Then once that died, he bought sour apple.

Then fairyfloss.

Then strawberry mango.

Then birthday cake, which he genuinely didn’t think could be real but alas.

It took almost four years for anyone in his family to notice and by pure luck it was his actual father who would end up dying a few months later. Tim remembers how guilty he felt when he realised his father would no longer be yelling at him for his ‘fruity fucking stink’ and that such a thing gave him genuine relief. He shouldn’t want his dad to be dead, yet…

It was then Tim realised that maybe he should try slow down his usage, and challenged himself to go a whole hour before a hit, then two and then finally three before he decided that would be enough for a while.

It’s on a particularly bad patrol when he saw a kid get hurt and wasn’t in time to save her from some likely permanent damage that he forwent his rule of vaping in the suit and took several hits while against a wall in his Red Robin attire.

He was just stating to feel the calm fully settle in his bones as his last puff of sour rainbow exited his lunged when he heard a voice just a few feet away.

“How dare you disgrace the name of Robin with that filth!”

Tim jumps up immediately but no training would prepare him for how quickly Damian comes over and snatches the vape from his hand.

Damian is gone quicker than he can get himself together and he only just managed to shout and run after him with his growing panic.

Tim watches his youngest brother vanish from sight and knows he’s doomed.

When he gets back to the cave a few hours later after trying to hide away from his problems, he’s finished his second vape (star fruit grape) from pure stress.

He’s met with the entire family sans Jason giving him the most disappointed and concerned look he’s seen since he confessed he lost his spleen and didn’t tell anyone.

Damian won’t meet his eye but even then Tim can tell from years of studying his younger that even Damian feels a little guilty for outing him, but as Dick looks close to tears with how upset he is the others resolve clearly strengthens.

Tim doesn’t blame him, even if he’s mentally going over all the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal.

[favoritebatfam]

OK, do you know how there’s so much age Fuckery in Canon?

I’m thinking that’s because no one actually has that many legal documents.

Dick Grayson was born in a circus. I don’t know if he was born in a hospital or if it was at homebirth, but it is also kind of likely and (I read it in a fic somewhere) where his parents lied about his age so that he could get away with performing.

Jason Todd was a crime Alley kid who is unceremoniously adopted. He is also still legally dead, and I feel like it is heavily debated in the family if you can count those months that he was dead as him living, or if they shifted his birthday somehow. Bonus points if you think about the post floating around that age resets after you end up in the pit so Jason is now the youngest.

Tim Drake uns so many secret identity scams, that I will not be surprised if he’s genuinely forgotten how old he is. I mean, Janet and Jack could’ve also done the same thing that the Grayson‘s dead and lie about ages so their son would be taken more seriously as an adult and just never remember afterward.

Damian Wayne tends to have more consistent ages, but I still think that his aging might be a little messed up due to the fact he was grown inside of a tube. This is straight from the comics. We don’t know if he came out as a baby, or he came out as a toddler. For all we know, he came out as like a five-year-old because Ra Al Ghul didn’t want to have to deal with his heir being weak.

With Bruce and Alfred, it’s a little hard to justify the age fuckery, but I’ve come up with some ideas things that might help.

I think that Bruce kind of stopped celebrating his birthday after his parents died. He might’ve picked up celebrating again after he adopted dick, but he probably doesn’t put any candles on a cake or anything or at least any number candle. Probably a lot of people have also forgotten how old he is, and a lot of the family are trying to look through newspapers to find out about Bruce’s birth. There could also be some sort of thing where there’s a debate about time travel counting towards his age and if he is older than he is supposed to be or younger or whatever.

Alfred just straight up immortal. he’s done so much in his life that it’s kind of hard to figure out how old or young he could be. I’ve seen a couple different theories floating around where He got blessed by some being, or if you go with the Gotham is sentient theory, Gotham is slowing both his and Bruce’s aging. Also, Alfred is very strong and has to be very fast in order to be able to clean all of the manner and not get sick or die.

Actually, this is kind of pointing towards maybe the bat family having so much to do with the general curses of Gotham or maybe even blessings from being safe, helped that they probably have fucked up ages. I genuinely don’t know. I am sleep deprived and very curious now and will probably make a skit later after I take a nap or look through more Tumblr posts.

Enjoy my ramblings.

[lazycats-stuff]

You the oneshot where the reader didn't have a choice until batfam rescued him . I kinda want to see the batfam reactions to the thighs he didn't get to experience like chocolate, cartoons and a birthday that shocked them the most and what's even worse is that readers handler just sends him to a very difficult mission like a deserted island to fend for himself on his birthday which reader didn't know about

Aww, some family fluff... You got it my dear anon. Also, the request season has started.

Summary: (Y/N) told his family about his lack of experience with usual stuff. Even more with his birthday. Absolutely no one is having it.

Batfamily & male!reader, PART 2, PART 3,

Warnings: Fluff, family wants to kill someone, mentions of missions from (Y/N)'s past.

After saving (Y/N) from his handler, it was obvious that he didn't... Indulge in certain things as any normal kids would. Sure, Damian didn't too, considering his upbringing, but (Y/N) was on a whole another level of not knowing anything.

It started with chocolate. Alfred has made some chocolate cake out of nowhere and he called the others down to eat if they wanted too. Of course, everyone would do so. I mean, who wouldn't want to try Alfred's delicious creations?

Everyone jumped at the news, basically pushing each others out of the way. (Y/N) didn't understand why they would do it. It's just food. He walked in confused, sitting down. He frowned at the sight of a chocolate cake.

" What's wrong (Y/N)? " Bruce asked, digging into the sugary delight.

" I never had anything with chocolate before. I wasn't allowed to have sugar. " (Y/N) confessed and Jason nearly choked on his piece.

" No. " Jason said, in complete and utter disbelief. Everyone glanced at (Y/N), also shocked that he has never had sugar. Of any kind probably.

" How about you try it? " Bruce prompted and Alfred put a chocolate cake in front of (Y/N). He took a fork and put it in his mouth and everyone saw how gingerly he tried it.

It seemed he liked it by the way his eyes widened and the way he relaxed.

" Do you like it? " Bruce asked, clearly already knowing the answer.

" I think I would like a second slice. " (Y/N) admitted and Alfred smiled widely. It's a win and progress. (Y/N) is never the one to voice what he wants and making him explicitly say what he wants is like pulling teeth.

" Of course master (Y/N), but I'm afraid you can't have more than two per day. " Alfred said, already putting some rules down.

" Okay. " (Y/N) said. Bruce decided to put some rules down because rules are all he knows. But they were very relaxed rules. Such as at least 8 hours of sleep, some exercise and a healthy amount of vegetables.

(Y/N) is kind of afraid of Alfred. He saw that Alfred is the one to not mess with and he respected it.

(Y/N) stayed silent as he ate. Bruce already a mental note to buy more sweets for (Y/N) to try.

After the whole cake fiasco, everyone decided to help (Y/N) experience some actual fragments of childhood. So what do they decide to do?

Cartoon marathon.

Jason wanted to watch South Park because he knows (Y/N) will love it. It's pure satire and Jason loved it. Whenever he could catch some free time, he would watch it and it would take a national emergency to stop.

And that's why Jason is leading (Y/N) to the living room.

" What is South Park even? " (Y/N) asked as he entered the living room, quickly moving to his spot.

" One of the best cartoons ever made. " Jason simply said and (Y/N) shook his head.

" It's pure satire. " Dick elaborated and (Y/N) nodded in understanding. (Y/N) liked satire. He considered himself to be a sarcastic person, more so now when he lived with the Waynes. Damian and (Y/N) just communicated via sarcasm and it was fun.

They started from the first episode and (Y/N) chuckled quietly. Everyone turned their heads. Holy shit. It's a beautiful sound too, coming from (Y/N). When they make him laugh properly, they are going to commemorate it once it happens.

" What? " (Y/N) asked, looking at the all.

" You have an adorable laugh. " Jason explained and (Y/N) turned his head away. He didn't want them to see his blush. Nobody has ever told him that. There was never any type of affection from his handler. If he got a 'good job', he could consider it the best praise.

After months of digging, Bruce found (Y/N)'s birthday. Bruce is definitely going to brag about this for the years to come. And he found out just in time. It's going to be in a few days and they wanted to surprise (Y/N).

(Y/N) is observant by nature and keeping this surprise as a secret is not an easy feat. Bruce could see that (Y/N) was already suspicious, especially with the way everyone brushes him off with the exact same excuses and some times they distract him with sparring, cases and all in all just stupid things.

Alfred made a chocolate cake, now (Y/N)'s favorite and the others got him some things that they thought that (Y/N) would like. Jason had a major task of bringing (Y/N) to the dining room.

They all waited with the stuff, knowing that (Y/N) wouldn't like sudden surprise and sudden noise. (Y/N) stopped as he took in the sight of a cake with candles on them.

" Happy birthday. " Bruce said, with a smile on his face.

" What? " (Y/N) asked quietly and their faces fell.

" You never had a birthday before? " Dick asked, feeling sad for (Y/N).

" Not really. I was usually sent on missions during that time. The last one was spent on a deserted island. " (Y/N) said, shuddering at the mere memory of the mission. Bruce walked towards (Y/N) and brought him into his own embrace.

" From now on, we are going to replace all of those memories with some more precious ones. Okay? " Bruce asked and (Y/N) felt something warm in his core. Something that he has never felt before.

Everyone agreed with Bruce, joining in on the hug. (Y/N) never liked to be touched, but he has grown to like it with the others. They weren't abrasive with it and Dick was the most touchy one, he understood his boundaries.

" Can I eat the cake now? " (Y/N) asked, squished in between all of them. Everyone chuckled at the suggestion and let go of (Y/N). The celebration went by without a hitch and it was filled with smiles, even from members who don't smile to much.

[rdfhyrsc]

Jason: Tim isn’t answering their phone

Dick: I’ll call

Jason: Damian and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Tim: Hello?

Dick: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Jason: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Damian: I personally was created in a lab.

Tim: I just straight up spawned lol.

*Alfred's helping Tim out after they get injured, while fighting the rogues*

Dick: How does Tim look?

Damian: A little better than you, actually

Dick: I think Damian was right.

Tim: I'm surprised he hasn’t marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

Jason: He wouldn't do that.

Damian: You're right, Jason. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

Damian: *turns around, the shirt he is wearing says 'Damian Told You So' on the back*

Dick: Tim, I'm sad.

Tim: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay.

Jason: Damian, I'm sad.

Damian, nodding: mood.

Tim: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Dick:

Jason:

Damian:

Everyone Else At Tim’s Surprise Birthday Party:

Bruce: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

[secondgenerationnerd]

As it is our bi-king’s birthday (June 15th), I thought we could use some Colin-centered love 💙💜🩷

————-

Today, Colin James Wilkes is 17 years old. One more year before he ages out of the orphanage. Almost five years since he joined Omega squad. Almost 2 years since he started dating Milagro, who’s spent all day spoiling him.

Going to their favorite thrift stores, hitting the taco truck from their first date, and so much talking. He could listen to her talk for hours if he’s honest. She had been checking her phone every so often, before suddenly declaring they should head back to the tower. Now, their bags in one hand and her grip on the other, he can’t help but laugh as she pulls him to the living area.

"Diosa, slow down! We're not in any kind of rush."

"Aye, I know, mi rey, but I'm tired after being out all day." Her words are right but everything else is wrong. He slows down until she's forced to stop. "I’m just ready to set our stuff down and get some food.”

"Uh-huh...I don't suppose you're trying to get me back for a certain surprise party?" Colin asks, fighting a laugh as her head whips around. "I might not be a Bat, but I can put two and two together….plus I saw the party supplies last night."

Milagro huffs, "Promise to act surprised?"

"...Is Ma in there?"

"Yes."

He covers his heart, nodding solemly, "It will be Oscar worthy."

When they walk into the living area, Colin does act surprised when people jump out. Just Omega and their families, but still a sizeable crowd. The Supers give Colin a look, but don't say anything. The first person over to him is Martha Kent. He has to bend over to hug her properly, but she’s still as strong as ever. The kind of hug that makes him feel like that scrawny 12 year old again, warm and safe.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart. Now, I insisted on making your cake." Ma gestures to the creation on the counter. His throat tightens as he reconginzes the colors of the three layers. "I did check with Jonny to make sure I had the right flag.”

"You didn't have--"

"Colin, baby, you know I do what I damn well please.” She pats his cheek, not leaving any room for him to argue. At this point, he’s learned arguing with most of the women in his life if the dumb choice.

All his favorite food are spread out on the counter—Ma’s chili, Bianca’s barbacoa and tamales, Dick’s gushvada, the twins’ Tteokbokki, and so much more. The best playlist, clearly made by Lian and Roy with care, plays just under the roar of conversation. It takes him a minute to realize how many are talking about….him. Their favorite memories of him, funny moments they’ve had in the last few years.

Then there’s the affectionate touches from the adults. Roy and Jason ruffling his long red hair. Alberto clapping a hand on his shoulder as they laugh together. Ma patting his cheek again as she makes sure he’s eaten enough. Linda, Lois, and Bianca each hugging him so tight he can’t breathe. Dick and Wally both poking his side, the sure fire way to make him laugh. Clark fixing his shirt collar as he walks by.

All things he would have flinched at years ago.

Soon, bellies full and spirits high, the conversation starts to lull. Naturally his friends decide to cause chaos.

"Speech!" Jai shouts, golden eyes twinkling with mischief. Nudging Jon and Damian, Jai grins at his best friend, “Let’s hear it for the Bi-King!”

"Yeah! C'mon, birthday boy! Let’s get a speech."

"Speech, Wilkes! You’re always running your mouth anyway! Put it to use this time!”

He’s going to kill them. Slowly. And laugh while he does it.

Knowing there’s no way out, Colin looks at the crowded room. All these people are here for him. Celebrating him, just for being born. Not like at the orphanage where he’d get a cupcake with the other kids born in June. This is all for him.

His throat tightens uncomfortably. Taking a second to clear it, he finally addresses them. “Um….I have no idea what to say or-or where to begin…I’m not the only orphan in this room. Not the only one who doesn’t know where they come from. Not the only one who grew up in shitty homes, with adults who use their fists before their words. Being told over and over God has this plan for me. That I needed to keep my faith and all would be well. He would protect me.”

He looks down at his hands, the rings Milagro and Mar’i found for him gleaming with his reflection, “I worked so hard to keep my faith. Even when Scarecrow and Bane had me. Even when I wanted to die because…at least the pain would stop. For a long time I couldn’t understand why God… let it happen. Gave me these abilities that took away any hope of a family finally adopting me. Finding my forever home.”

Looking up, he immediately finds his teammates, “In a weird way, I should thank Him. I still think He expects way too fucking much out of children, but because of Him I’m on this team. Because I have three brothers, who I’m fully going to murder in the next ten minutes. I have three sisters, who make me laugh and scream and cry. Who know what I like and hate. Who know when I’m just being quiet and when I’m struggling. Who annoy the shit out of me….because they love me.”

He reaches to the side, knowing he doesn’t need to look, but he does. Milagro’s warm hand slides into his, dark eyes meeting his own, brilliant smile making his heart skip. “I got to meet the most incredible girl in the universe. One who challenges me every day. Who understands and shares my struggles with the Almighty. Who is incredibly out of my league and could have anyone she wanted….and she chooses me.”

His eyes flick to his friends’ parents, voice threatening to crack, “I finally have adults in my life who chose to love me. Not because of a job obligation or money. I might never know my biological parents, but I know what it feels like to be loved. To have someone take care of me during a flare up. To be taught how to shave and drive and-and how to be a good man.”

A few tears finally escape his eyes, voice breaking, “Thank you for being my family. Thank you for choosing to love me. Thank you for teaching me I deserve that love.”

Milagro’s arms are first around him. Then their teammates—his brothers and sisters—join in, making them lose balance and tumble to the ground. All of them calling him an asshole and a sap, tears in their eyes. There’s laughing. So much laughing. Not at him, but with him.

Always with him.

[if-i-hate-the-headline]

INCORRECT QUOTES GENERATOR TAKES ON THE BATFAM (#1)

Currently Just The Robins

Dick: Jason, I'm sad. Jason: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay. Tim: Damian, I'm sad. Damian, nodding: mood.

Dick: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB? Jason: Bold of you to assume I was born at all. Tim: I personally was created in a lab. Damian: I just straight up spawned lol.

Dick: How did none of you hear what I just said? Jason: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Tim: I got distracted about halfway through. Damian: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Dick: Everyone, synchronize your watches. Jason: I don’t know how to do that. Tim: I don’t wear a watch. Damian: Time is a construct.

Dick: *Screams* Jason: *Screams louder to assert dominance* Tim: Should we do something?! Damian, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle. Jason: Shit. Damian: Wait, three? Cop: Yeah? Tim: OH MY GOD DICK FELL OFF!!!

Jason: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys. Dick: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! Damian: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!! Tim: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting. Damian: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

*Dick's helping Jason out after he gets injured, while the others are watching* Tim: How does Jason look? Damian: A little better than you, actually.

[alfredsolos]

There is something that really intrigues me about Damian Wayne's year by year development. Because every year, he's different from the last. Personality wise, his behaviour and his perspective of life changes irratically.

First there is his 10 year old self. Damian is very proud and arrogant. He doesn't care for any of his siblings or family one bit. Not even Bruce. What he cares about is Batman's mantle. He prides himself on being the son of The Dark Knight and Talia al Ghul. And that's why he wants his father to see his potential, and deem him worthy. He is cold and dismissive. He also doesn't understand emotions really well. Nor does he care for others'. He is unlikable and people tend to steer away from him. Damian Wayne doesn't get bothered by it. He hates stupid people anyways. It doesn't bother him. It doesn't. He is ignorant.

Then there is his 11 year old self. A few months after coming back from the dead. Yet he's still scarred, physically and emotionally. His mother's betrayal simmers inside his heart, throbbing. It's a new feeling for him, hurt. But he tries his best to ignore this feeling. He isn't very succesful. He has spent almost a year with Dick Grayson as his Batman, and took acting classes. He's better at showing his emotions, now. He has pets and he finds himself caring very deeply for them. Although he's still trying to adapt to his father's Batman. Damian feels... dissapointed. Bruce is very different from Dick and it shows clearly. He is anxious.

Damian is 12 years old now, and he has managed to create deep bonds with his family (some of them). He also has new friends now; Colin, Maya and Suren. He learned to have fun and find hobbies for himself. He is still distant with his mother. But he finds that best for himself and others around him. The hurt slowly dissolving, yet still there. He still fights with people and tend to keep away from them. At his last months of 12 years old, Damian gains a best friend. Jonathan Kent. He finds Jon to be a bit much but still enjoys his company deeply. It's weirdly endearing to be his friend. Life is going better than he ever expected. He is, for the first time in his life, happy.

On Damian's 13th birthday, only Alfred remembers. He bakes him a silly colorful cake and makes him wear a stupid party hat. He loves it. He thought he'd be sad or angry when his father, inevitably, forgots about it. He isn't. With each passing year he finds himself getting closer and closer to the old man. Damian finds him comforting. Alfred is always there no matter what. A constant in his life and although he'd never say it out loud, he thinks of Alfred Pennyworth a father figure. Jon and him now go by Supersons. A silly name that makes him smile just a little whenever he thinks about it. He now knows what love is. He loves Alfred Pennyworth, he loves Jonathan Kent, he loves Dick Grayson, he loves Stephanie Brown and he loves Maya Ducard. He sees them as not a family, but a part of himself. People actually start treating him well and seek out for him. It doesn't last long though. Alfred dies, and his family breaks apart. His father blames him, and so he leaves the manor. He now lives in a safehouse, and goes after criminals. He doesn't know what to do from now on, so he waits for the right moment. He is devastated.

A few weeks before his 14th birthday, Damian Wayne leaves Gotham. He no longer wishes to live in this hellhole that harbors the best years of his life. He seeks out his mother in an attempt to reconnect with her and finds more than what he asked for. He doesn't tell anyone of the hallucinations. No one. He is dead. It isn't real. Not anymore. His mother sends him to an island full of people like him. Murderers, psychopaths and assassins. He meets an unexpected old face. And surprisingly, he makes friends. After dying yet again, he finds himself drawn to it. The moment when Flatline ripped his heart out of his chest, he felt terrified. Not of death, but of Hell. That doesn't happen though. He doesn't go to Hell. He doesn't go to anywhere really. The death itself didn't even hurt. He feels... lighter. It might sound sick, but Damian feels better after coming back. Almost like a punishment of his past sins. It cleanses him inside out and he seeks for another. A few days later Hawke breaks his neck and kills him. Again. And Damian finds it hilarious, since it was the same way that Alfred had died. He doesn't care for the death. He finds himself not hurting anymore. Not scared. He makes even more friends. They have so much in common with him... Damian Wayne feels death, and finds it freeing.

[fosterfour-thebirdsau]

Hi!! I’m super glad to see you guys having fun! It’s nice to know that you seem to feel comfortable after joining a new family, and a famous family at that!

Anyways, I know you kids probably celebrate your birthdays, but I was wondering if you celebrate ‘gotcha days’ as well; it’s basically a birthday celebration but it’s on the day you joined your family, which is why it’s called ‘gotcha day’.

If so, do you celebrate just individual gotcha days, from when each of you met/became siblings, or are you four planning on celebrating your joint gotcha day, i.e. the day Mr. Wayne took you in??

Also, (if you feel like answering another question) what’s your favorite way to celebrate your birthday/gotcha day and/or what’s your favorite dessert/treat to have on a birthday/gotcha day?

Tim here! And just Tim because apparently, Dick was not aware that these 'Gotcha Days' were a thing and immediately sprung into action because he's missed four years for Jason and Damian and two for me.

Jason chased after Dick to try and convince him he did not need to do any sort of thing for us. Damian chased after Dick to try and get the idea of more celebrations out of his head. And so, they have left me with the responsibility to answer this. (They have been running around the manor for the past hour, yelling and shouting, much to Alfred's annoyance. Sorry, Alfie!)

Anyway, seeing as Dick is... well, Dick, he's going to probably do a joint day for all of us to celebrate our becoming siblings. Even if Jason, Damian, and Dick met all on the same day, Dick would not want me to feel left out. As for the day he'll adopt as our 'Gotcha Day'. I guess we'll just see.

When it comes to birthday celebrations, here is what I can recall.

Dick likes to spend the day with us, usually just hanging out. He's pretty simple in his dessert. Ice cream, maybe cookies.

None of us actually knew Jason's birthday until I was able to find it in Bruce's... uh, foster files on us. I don't know how he likes to celebrate, but I can tell you that Jason is a sucker for brownies (especially if they are Alfred's).

Damian's birthday always consisted of him dragging us around town to introduce us to his army of stray animals. It ended with ice cream from a very specific ice cream parlor in downtown Gotham (shout out to "The Nameless Ice Cream Parlor" seriously, go try them out). But, I know for a fact that his favorite dessert is cake. We've never been able to do cake for birthdays before so hopefully this year we can work something out.

I really enjoy having a movie marathon for my birthday. No particular movie or series, I just enjoy it. And I really like cookies for dessert.

Thanks for the question! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go make sure my brothers don't break every valuable vase in the house.

[incorrectbatfam]

Stepmom!Selina?

She sees what she's getting into from a mile away, but she welcomes it because Bruce's kids are a part of him, and she loves all of Bruce.

The kids all see it coming too, and while some (Damian) take longer to warm up to her, she's welcomed into the fold with open arms.

Selina's got a heart as big as her partner and while she's not always perfect, you can see how much she cares.

As a former foster child herself, Selina understands Duke's unique experiences and traumas from the foster care system, so whenever he needs to talk, she's the first one he goes to. Sometimes he doesn't want to (or need to) talk, so they'll watch boxing matches or she'll teach him little bits of Mandarin. If the kitchen isn't busy, they'll try their hand at new TikTok recipes, and film themselves either succeeding or debunking the original poster.

Being raised in isolation to be a human weapon meant Cass missed out on a lot of the things daughters typically learn as children/teens. The evening of Cass's first gala, she didn't know the first thing about doing her own hair and makeup. She's braved assassin armies, but her self-made disaster of bobby pins and eyeshadow nearly drives her to tears. Selina swoops in, wipes Cass's face with gentle reassurances, and walks her through step-by-step.

Selina considers it a privilege to have watched Dick grow from the spunky little Robin to the man he is today. Even though he's taller than her, she still ruffled his hair when he does a good job. She also keeps the first ever birthday card he gave her, which includes a pop-up bat signal and scented stickers, and remembers all of his favorite radio stations. Also, when Bruce does something, Dick goes tattling to Selina.

For a while, Carrie mooched off of her siblings' Netflix profiles, but everyone got tired of her messing up their algorithm and she was forced to make her own. She soon realized how much freedom she had because no one could see what she was watching. Selina caught on to the power trip and started researching and watching snippets whenever a new show comes out. That's how she stopped a bunch of preteen girls from watching Squid Game.

Tim often gets overlooked as not just the middle child, but the child who appears put-together and regularly takes on adult responsibilities. Selina, however, remembers that he's still a teenager. She regularly checks in and gradually teaches him that it's okay to let go and act his age. Selina encourages him to call his Young Justice friends outside of missions and take small acts of rebellion against Bruce. When Tim and his boyfriend snuck out to a famous lover's lookout, Selina gave them the car keys and covered for them.

She noticed that Jason really enjoys hanging out with Harley Quinn, bonding over not just Joker trauma but other shared interests like music taste. After Harley turns to the antihero side, Selina discusses with Bruce and they start inviting Aunt Harley and Aunt Ivy to dinner. The first time they do that, Harley is so excited that she baked a three-layer cake just for Jason. Literally, in strawberry frosting, it said, "THIS CAKE IS FOR JASON ONLY." Finding someone that Jason can relate to remains one of Selina's proudest accomplishments.

She's trying her best, but she makes mistakes too. For instance, although Wayne Manor has plenty of kitchen space, Selina does her cooking at Harley and Ivy's because Ivy can offer her fresh plant-based ingredients that suited Damian's needs. When Alfred's not available, she sends Damian to school with healthy, flavorful vegan lunches shaped into Cheese Viking characters. One time, she was tasked with bringing brownies to a PTA meeting. Incidentally, Harley was simultaneously baking a... different kind of brownie for a block party (you can see where this is heading). When an angry superintendent demanded to know who was responsible, Selina wisely kept her mouth shut and thankfully, so did Damian.

Cullen loves concerts, but he's a huge introvert who gets anxiety when he's left alone in a crowd. Selina becomes his concert buddy, and she'll go as all-out as he does. Sometimes that's showing up to a garage band dressed-down in hoodies and sunglasses. Other times it's painting their faces and looking like they just came out of a Hot Topic blowout sale. She even listens to the discography beforehand so she can blend in. Selina learns a lot about Cullen through this, because nothing says more about a person than the music they listen to.

Harper, though looking rough around the edges, turns into a giddy little kid at interactive science museums. During one of these trips, Harper got distracted by the giant Newton's Cradle so she didn't notice a fourth grade field trip sweeping up Selina. When they reunited at the gift shop, a chaperone had given Selina a school t-shirt and she was put in charge of grading ten kids' assignments. Harper laughed so hard that she spewed lemonade on the museum owner. Neither of them will let the other live that day down.

Selina and Barbara openly talk about guy stuff, and Selina is more than happy to offer advice in times of need. They're both pretty liberal talking about that stuff, and one time they did a tier ranking of all the Gotham Rogues based on how effective their gimmick is (Joker was the only S-tier). They then proceeded to get into a debate on whether or not Man-Bat and Killer Croc should qualify for the list, which led to them staring each other down at dinner while the other family members sat around them confused.

Steph's school offered a Mother's Day breakfast. Although Crystal Brown was doing her best and wanted to make it, she was scheduled a double-shift that the breakfast fell right in the middle of. Selina reached out to Crystal and with permission, went in her place. Afraid that Steph would publicly reject her, Selina sat in the parking lot for ten minutes as Bruce amped her up over the phone. Steph, thinking that no one would no up, was ecstatic and said that she couldn't have thought of anyone better. They enjoyed stacking up waffles and making the girls who bully Steph envious.

Long before she and Bruce got married, Selina made it clear that she would not be relegated to the gender-typical role of a homemaker, and Bruce happily concurred because it's 2021. They knew that to give Alfred a break, they'd have to take on some chores themselves. Instead of dividing up a boring old chore chart, they find ways to make cleaning fun and collaborative. They'll dance around the halls in mop slippers, play "guess the stain", and race their roombas. The kids see this and start modeling the behavior in their own ways—Dick swings from high places to dust them, Damian trains his pets to pick up garbage, and Cass and Duke compete to see who can clean the most bathtubs.

Some parts of the Manor are due for redecorating, so Selina and Alfred make a day trip out of interior design sketches, flipping through furniture catalogues, and looking at paint swatches. It sounds boring at first, but the menial tasks meant they had plenty of time for conversation, and she finally understood why everyone respects him. They also made room in the afternoon for a stroll through the park and afternoon tea, where he told her and her only the secret to a perfect scone.

The other Justice League partners welcome her into the group too. Whenever Selina's in Metropolis, she joins Lois and Ma and Pa for Sunday brunch where they share what their kids have been up to. Iris shows her life hacks to cooking large batches of food in a short time. Selina and Dinah discover an online store dedicated to selling vigilante gear and go on a Cyber Monday spree for their whole families. Steve Trevor, Diana's partner, teaches Selina how to fly with the invisible jet so she can surprise Bruce with the batplane.

After overcoming their initial conflicts, Selina and Talia hold a high amount of respect for each other. Talia sees Selina as not just a capable combatant, but a worthy partner to her former beloved and stepmother to her son. Selina, after spending all that time with the kids, understands the motherly love that Talia holds for Damian and makes it abundantly clear that she would never try to replace Talia in the boy's life. Regardless, looking after all those kids is hard, so they are very much open to the idea of co-parenting.

(Selina doesn't know it, but all this makes Bruce fall in love with her all over again.)

[flashflashhundredyarddash]

i WILL write batfam but as a sitcom. Main characters are the entire batfam, but nobody knows theyre the batfam so it's just their public personas. Kardashians but the Waynes.

episode 1 is bruce trying to rent out a waterpark for cass's birthday. damian is upset because father didnt rent HIM a waterpark for his birthday. subplot is jason and dick trying to convince tim to tell them what tim got cass for her birthday

episode 2 is cass's birthday party. steph makes her appearance in a rocking two piece. when asked about her scars, steph tells the camera about her childhood passion of roller derby. subplot is duke and damian attempting to drown each other in the wave pool. intermittent cuts to bruce napping in a deck chair and snoring. cass's cake is three layers and has sparklers

episode 3 is an Alfred centric episode. We follow him throughout his day. He proudly shows off the chore chart he made for his grandkids. when you complete a chore you get a gold star. dick is currently in the lead despite not living at the manor. shot of jason and duke leaving through the front door earlier in the day and somehow returning through the study

episode 4 starts with bruce getting a call from jim gordon because jason and damian are in jail. ("stop taking selfies dick your brothers are in jail" *click click click*). subplot is cass and babs going to a spa. at the end of the episode, bruce is once again called by jim gordon because steph and tim are in jail.

episode 5 is bruce hosting a charity gala on his yacht. dick and damian follow behind bruce the whole time and critique his party planning skills. bruce is smiling but its obvious hes dead inside. subplot is duke and cass purchasing new outfits for the party.

episode 6 is a wayne merch photoshoot with all of the wayne kids. at least two kids cry. at one point bruce goes missing but the camera crew finds him at the WE starbucks taking orders

[batfam-slash]

Could you write more Brujays and Jaydicks that are not abo?

The first time things start to change is when Bruce compliments Jason for the first time.

“Good job,” Bruce says to him quietly while the others are starting to pull off their suits. “You made all the right calls.”

Jason doesn’t want to admit how much it means to him to hear Bruce say that. He just nods in response, trying to ignore his pounding heart and the rush of adrenaline.

He’s been working with the bat clan again for nearly a year now, and his interactions with Bruce have slowly become less painful. They’ve transformed from arguments to mild disagreements to indifference to…this.

A compliment barely whispered.

And Jason hates how much he craves to hear something like that again.

*****

After that point, Jason starts making more of an effort.

It’s not that he craves Bruce’s approval and no way are there any daddy issues or any of that shit.

The only reason Jason is making an effort is because Bruce is. For what feels like the first time ever, Bruce is treating him like an equal. Listening to his views. Respecting their differences. Respecting Jason.

And Jason wants to make it known that that’s the kind of thing that’s going to keep him around.

So he starts playing by Bruce’s rules just a little more often. He behaves himself. He even starts joining social occasions with the Bats - family dinners and all that shit.

He doesn’t want to admit how much he’s missed it all. How afraid he is to lose it all again.

But he gets the sense that this time Bruce might just fight a little harder if there’s a chance he might lose Jason again.

*****

For Jason’s birthday, Bruce insists on hosting a small gathering at the manor.

At first Jason thinks it’s dumb because he never celebrates his birthday, but he ends up having a really nice time. He can’t remember the last time a bunch of people he cared about got together to do something nice for him.

Alfred makes the most amazing cake and makes Jason wear a little paper hat while everyone sings Happy Birthday to him. Everyone buys him really thoughtful gifts - Tim gets him a maintenance kit for his bike, Dick gets him a baking set (having destroyed most of Jason’s kitchen stuff last time he was over), and Damian gets him some anime DVDs that they’d been talking about a few weeks ago.

Bruce buys him a collection of Jane Austen first editions.

“Jesus, B,” Jason says in awe, running his fingers carefully over the covers.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d like them,” Bruce says, sounding awkward and unsure.

“I love them,” Jason replies honestly.

He hesitates for only a moment before giving Bruce a hug.

It lasts just a few seconds and it’s super awkward, but Jason’s heart bubbles when Bruce wraps his arms around him. It’s been such a long time since Jason has been held by anyone.

And Bruce is so big and solid and he smells really good…

Jason pulls away and clears his throat, barely able to look Bruce in the eye.

*****

A few weeks later, Jason gets a very odd phone call from Bruce.

“I’m sorry to ask this,” Bruce says, sounding very tired, “and you can say no. But I need a favor.”

Jason braces himself for something along the lines of a long undercover mission, or providing intel on one of his informants, so he’s very surprised at what Bruce says next.

“I need a date for tonight’s WE gala dinner. I was hoping you might join me.”

Jason nearly drops his phone. “I beg your fucking pardon?”

“Like I said, you can say no. I’m sorry to ask, Jason. Alfred had someone lined up for me who’s had to drop out last minute. You were the first person I thought of.”

“Can’t you just go on your own?”

There’s a pause.

“I…” Bruce trails off.

Jason doesn’t think he’s ever heard Bruce Wayne sound vulnerable. But then again, he knows how much Bruce hates going to these events sometimes. He can put on a good act, but he hates them. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be alone.

“Hang on, let me check if I’ve got anything on tonight,” Jason says. He pauses for a moment, not moving from the couch. “Nope, I’m free. I’ll be there.”

“Thank you.” Relief floods through Bruce’s voice. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

Jesus Christ.

Jason has a date with Bruce Wayne.

*****

It actually turns out to be way more fun than Jason expected.

Bruce picks him up in one of his fancy sports cars and takes him for a drive around Gotham, and when they arrive at the venue Bruce wraps an arm around his waist.

Jason spends the evening watching Bruce talk to a lot of very dull rich people, and he can see now why Bruce didn’t want to come alone. You need some real serious moral support for this shit.

And Jason can tell every time Bruce looks at him that the older man is glad Jason is there.

He’s wanted.

Afterwards, Bruce lets Jason drive his fancy sports car back to his apartment while they laugh at all the incredibly dull stuck up people they’ve spent the night with.

“Thank you for coming,” Bruce says truthfully, his eyes warm. “I’m so glad you were there.”

“Me too,” Jason says softly. He swallows. “So…uh. You wanna come up for coffee or something?” He grins. “Show me the full Bruce Wayne date experience?”

He laughs a little, trying to pass off his attempt at flirting as a joke in case this is not what he thought it was.

But Bruce’s smile grows warmer, and he reaches out to cup Jason’s cheek.

“You are so beautiful, Jason,” Bruce murmurs in response, before leaning in to press their lips together.

*****

Ten minutes later, they’re falling into Jason’s bed together.

Jason can’t quite believe this is happening. Just a few months ago this is something he wouldn’t even think he’d want, and then it became something he’d fantasise about but thought Bruce would never want.

Now here they are.

“Bruce,” Jason moans as the older man kisses his neck, suddenly becoming nervous. “There’s something you gotta know.”

Bruce stops, panting as he gazes at the younger man. “Have you changed your mind? Because it’s fine, we don’t have to-“

“I want to,” Jason says firmly. “I just…I wanted you to know. I’ve never done this before.”

There’s a heavy silence as Bruce takes a moment to process what Jason has just said.

Jason swallows. “Like, I lost a lot of time when I died. And when I came back…I dunno. I’ve just had a lot going on. And casual sex has never really appealed to me. So. Yeah. I don’t really know what I’m doing. But I want to. I want you.”

Bruce caresses his face, and it’s such a soft intimate gesture that Jason almost cries.

“I’ll take care of you,” Bruce promises, leaning in for a kiss.

And this time, Jason knows that’s true.

[stressedoutcanary]

Family Matters - Batfamily x Reader

Summary: A surprise birthday party and Batfamily being chaotic.

“That's it Dick just a little to the right...No the other right...No! Not there you goofus! Just...Just get down from the chandelier before it comes crashing down on the rest of us and For God's Sake let Duke handle the ribbons before you somehow strangle yourself with them”

Warnings ⚠️: Fluff, lots of it, angst because I can’t help myself, Reader has got some parental issues. Hurt/Comfort.

Word count: 2.4k

A/N: I wanted some good dad Bruce content so I did it myself. Also I might have been influenced by a post I made a while back about Bruce and his children. I haven't used reader's pronouns anywhere so it's kinda gender neutral.

I don’t know where I was going with this, my imagines are often like a train derailed from its track but I think it’s fine. So Enjoy ;)  

•°•°•°•°

"Focus (Y/S/N), don't jump in in blind, assessing what action your opponent is about to undertake and countering it out before they can complete that action, this is the key lesson for you today", Batman's commanding voice echoed in the enclosed area of the batcave as he observed you attempting to roundhouse kick the boy in front of you. It was rather rashly executed with the hope of knocking him down which, for obvious reasons, only ended up with your leg connecting with nothing but thin air.

'Damn he is fast when he actually tries.'

"Easy for you to say Old Man! You aren't the one dancing with Mister Duckboy, the teen wonder over here!", you exclaimed, panting as your chest heaved from the exertion.

"Duckboy?!", Tim looked near scandalized as you grinned in return, stealing a glance towards the giggling crowd gathered near the stairs.

Everyone was already in the cave, it was a rare occurrence, it happened only when the issues of upmost importance were being discussed. Today was one of those days; The planning of Alfred Pennyworth's surprise birthday party.

However things usually went a lot less violent, this day every year. The sparring session this year was the result of you messing up, real bad while on patrol last night and since you were around the same age as Tim, he was found to be the most appropriate partner for it. The only drawback was that he had a staff in his hands while your weapons were confiscated, because in Bruce's words 'you rely on them too much'. You were already tired and Tim had a huge advantage over you, if you wanted to win this match you had to be quick and efficient at the same time.

Distracting Tim by your comment allowed you to have an opening, gathering all your strength you went in for a forward strike. Unfortunately he was more than ready to take you on, he crouched down, narrowly missing your punch then proceeded to swipe your legs off of the ground with his bo staff making you fall butt first on the floor.

"Congratulations you've managed to hurt both my ass and my ego, Timbers", You said laying back on the ground, hands and legs spread out and instead of helping you up, Tim joined you on the floor sitting next to you. You gave him a look that was equivalent to 'next time I get the chance, I am going to push you off a roof'.

"Your skills need improvement", Bruce said in his monotonous tone as you grunted knowing that a full ass lecture was gonna follow, but before he could get another word out, Jason chimed in with a statement no one ever expected to hear from him,"You know (Y/N), he's not wrong in fact I think the old man's actually got a point."

Jaws dropped to floor, Tim looked like he just saw a ghost, Dick who was standing near Barbara pinched himself to see whether he was dreaming or not, Damian snapped his neck up from where he was sharpening his katana, even Titus and Ace perked their heads up at the sudden silence that settled over the place. Barbara, Cass, Duke and Steph looked equally shocked.

"Before you all get any ideas, what I'm trying to say is you better pay attention because B over here won't be able to save your ass, 'cause if you slack off the next thing you know you would be in a warehouse with a maniac, getting blown to bits", Jason looked at Bruce with accusing eyes.

'And here I thought he was finally going to say something sensible', you thought to yourself as he continued,

"Take it from someone who has had that experience, you guys remember right? The fact that I--"

"Died, we know!!", everyone groaned at the same time and Bruce looked like he had to physically restrain himself from faceplaming.

"Okay! Guys how about we go ahead and do the thing we all actually came here to do instead of... whatever this conversation was", you suggested, getting up and patting the dust off your clothes.

"Well then someone has got to ask the important question here", Barbara looked around as she worded her sentence,"who is going to be the one to keep Alfred busy while we get everything ready?"

Once again the cave went silent. For a whole bunch of detectives, you all were very, very scared of Alfred, including Bruce even though he will never admit it, lying to The old-butler-cum-grandpa and making random excuses for the whole 3 hours was a thought dreadful enough to make all of you exchange petrified glances at each other hoping someone would step forward to do the job.

"I'll do it", dick raised his hand.

"NO!", everyone snapped and Dick's head tilted with a pout.

"You are good at doing a lot of stuff boy wonder, hiding things from Alfred isn't one of them", Barbara comforted Dick as Damian stepped up next.

"*tt* Since none of you imbeciles have the courage or the ability to do it. I shall be the one to handle Pennyworth. Gordon, Cain and Titus, I will require your assistance", Damian spoke or rather commanded as he went up the stairs, followed by the group he chose.

"Don't mess this up for us, you gremlin!"

"Tim!", you lightly jabbed him in the side with your elbow.

"Ow! What?"

"Be nice", you narrowed your eyes and he understood you were being serious.

"Fine I'll try, but don't blame me if he starts something", Tim shrugged carelessly. You shook your head and let out an audible sigh as you followed everyone else up towards the manor.

•°•°

"That's it Dick just a little to the right...No the other right...No! Not there you goofus! Just...Just get down from the chandelier before it comes crashing down on the rest of us and For God's Sake let Duke handle the ribbons before you somehow strangle yourself with them", you eyed him worriedly.

"Oh come (Y/N) it'll be fine!", the cheerfulness in his voice made you cock an eyebrow at him from below. Duke slid in beside you.

"10 bucks says he will somehow fall within the next hour"

"Oh Duke you should know better, 20 says he'll fall within 30 minutes", you turned towards him with an evil smile.

"What are you both talking about down there?"

"NOTHING!", you both said in unison on which Dick gave you a confused look.

"Oh Hey look Steph needs my help with the cake so, see ya!", you quickly moved to the other side of the room checking in with Stephanie and Tim. She gave you a thumbs up to signal that everything was going according to plan and the place was almost ready. Everyone was laughing, bickering, having fun, it was all very rare and seeing it, a warm feeling spread throughout you.

You smiled to yourself for a moment but it faltered and a frown pulled up at your lips, a sorrowful thought crossed your mind, something you always kept buried deep down. Looking around and seeing as nobody needed your help at the moment you decided to slip out of the chaos, taking slow steps towards the patio to clear your head.

•°•°

Leaning against the railing you thought back to how you left your house this morning telling your mother that you are going to stay at your friend's place for a while and how she just waved her hand at that, not even questioning you anymore. Your mind was completely elsewhere, despite the awe-inspiring dense forest right in front of you, your eyes were lost in space.

You registered, a bit too late, the presence of someone standing beside you.

"It is a nice view, but something tells me that's not what brought to out here, away from everyone else"

"Careful there Brucie or people might think that you are actually capable of some emotions which happen include caring for people", you retorted back at him. It was always a sort of defense mechanism for you, whenever you felt exposed you countered it with snarky remark.

You closed your eyes hoping that Bruce would just walk away. But he didn't. He stayed there.

Bruce leaned on the railing beside you and waited. You took a deep breath, contemplating you next move carefully.

"...Look It's really silly so can we drop it?", you whispered wondering why in the world would Bruce of all people, care about your feelings.

"Talk to me (Y/N). I can tell when something is bothering you, I may not be your father, but you are my family.", unlike usual, his voice was gentle and genuine when he spoke to you.

"I am really not a fan of surprise birthdays", you stated, starting off vaguely.

"And why is that?"

"Because I...It's silly but this one time I spent a whole week working on a birthday gift for my mom, it was like a craft pop up box which had multiple photos of us together, I made that from scratch! everything in it I made that, I worked hard for it, I did it out of love but when I gave her that surprise gift you know what she said Bruce! She said that I wasted my time that she would've been much happier if I had focused on my studies, she never even once said that she liked it and I--", you looked at him with tears brimming in your eyes, threatening to spill.

"I don't know Bruce, it-it just makes me feel sad you know? every little thing reminds me that my mother doesn’t seem to love me anymore. There is this constant thought in my mind that no one cares about me, about what I do for them and I don’t know what to do with a thought like that."

"That's not true, look around you kiddo, you are surrounded by people who would do anything for you, who love you from the bottom of their hearts", Bruce finally looked at you, placing a hand on your shoulder.

"That's the thing! I am not an orphan!", you blurted out and Bruce looked more confused than ever.

"I'm aware"

"No! No you are not. I am not one of those kids you picked up from somewhere, I don't live here, Like I am sure you people aren't even sane, hell! you all make up the most dysfunctional family I have ever seen! I don’t belong here, you people have no reason to care about", Bruce gave you a sideways look, slightly chuckling at your sudden description of the people in the manor.

"But I still love everyone, my mom, you, every dumbass inside the manor right now, no matter much pain they cause me and I don't get why", this time when he looked at you, you didn't look like the vigilante who sucker punched The Riddler in the face last night, you looked like a scared little kid who is lost.

Bruce stood up straight and wrapped you in a hug. Something you never expected to happen in a million years. The shocked settled in after a bit and you wrapped your hands around him, burying your face in his chest.

"The people we love are still people at the end of the day. They act out, and sometimes they let us down, hurt us even, but that doesn't mean we stop loving them. For every bad memory, there will always be a good one that will get you through it. I promise you that (Y/N)", Bruce pulled away and gave you a warm smile. You couldn't help but smile back, your face matching his.

"Okay who are you and what have you done with Bruce Wayne? because I don't recognize this man who is full of emotions and on top of that, is giving free hugs right now", you broke into a grin, making Bruce's face go back to the stoic version.

"If you tell anyone, I will deny it"

"Sure you will"

Suddenly a clattering sound came from the hall, alerting you both. This, however, was followed by a 'I'm okay!' By the one Dick Grayson, which in turn was followed by Duke's 'Oh no!'

"Any idea what that was about?", Bruce inquired raising an eyebrow as you burst out laughing.

"That, you big softie, was the sound of me getting my 20 dollars, now let's get back before they destroy everything."

•°•°

You and Bruce entered back into the hall, everyone was gathered around waiting for Damian and his group to signal the beloved butler's arrival. You stood next to Tim as Jason moved towards the switches to turn off the lights.

"Okay I'll bite why are you covered in frosting before the party even started?"

"Steph", Tim replied, too tired to elaborate, leaving you giggling.

Barbara, Cass and Damian rushed through the door, looking close to terrified, with Titus tagging along.

"He is here, HIDE!", Damian said quickly closing the doors.

After a few moments, the door creaked open and Alfred's voice came through, "Master Damian, you and I will have words for what you did to-- Oh my", he was stuck to his position at the door, too shocked to say anything more after looking at the decorations and bunch gathered around an enormous cake.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALFRED!!", you all exclaimed with extreme excitement.

As the party went on you noticed that there was, in fact, a broken chandelier broomed to the side, later on there were a few not-at-all-safe stunts performed by the boys, some really bad puns made by Dick, all sorts of shenanigans by the others and cake, lots of cake. You looked around, everyone was busy doing something but now you knew Bruce was right:

You have one hell of a family, original, found or otherwise. And you love them all no matter what.

°•°•°•°•

Tags: @thesesickfics-justmakemesick

[angelz-dust]

*waves enthusiastically* Hi 😊💖

In your opinion, on a scale of one to "why would you do this?" How chaotic would throwing a surprise birthday party for Jason be?

hi beanie!!! omg this is so unexpected. i am pleasantly surprised.

okay so i feel like jason is the type to pretend like he doesn't want a party, but secretly he wants people to celebrate and acknowledge him. and honestly, can we blame him? no. so a surprise party would be great, in theory. alfred is definitely the person you wanna go to if this is gonna be a family affair. he will absolutely help plan everything. if you go about it in a smart way, i'd say planning it wouldn't be too difficult.

honestly, i have faith in the rest of the fam to keep the secret. i think some people would say "oh dick can't keep the secret!" or "damian would spoil it on purpose!" but tbh i really don't think they would. HOWEVER.... when it comes to planning it... no. ask them to bring a gift or just themselves at the specific time at the specific place and that's it. do NOT put any party planning in their hands. it's not that they're incompetent, i think it's that they're too competent and it would be chaotic having them argue over what color balloons decorations to use (duke thinks red is too on the nose while steph thinks that's exactly what jason would want) and whatever else they could possibly argue over. you and alfred will have to handle it.

jason will figure out pretty quickly what's going on when it's close to d-day and you're acting funny. i think he likes asking about your day, so if you can't think of a reasonable lie, he'll be suspicious. it's a happy suspicious, though, because he'll assume you're doing something for him. i don't think he necessarily wants some big party, but it would be nice to have some chunk of time dedicated to him and orchestrated by you.

i feel like he probably wouldn't want the party being brought to him (aka, his/your place) so you'd have the bring him to the party, which would most likely tip him off completely. especially if it's at the manor lmao. at that point you're just gonna have to tell him. i think he'd act a little exasperated and annoyed once you finally told him, but he wouldn't go overboard because it was something you planned for him. besides, the whole fam in one area for an extended period of time? what could possibly go wrong?

on the flipside!! if this is like a little intimate surprise party between the two of you, i think he'd like that a lot. planning it would be significantly harder since it would be you doing all the work while trying to hide your stuff from him.

it would be a lot of hiding things in cars or in the back of closets. now that would be chaotic. i'm sure he'd stumble across some things and pretend he didn't see them for your sake but he wouldn't expect an entire party just for the two of you. decorating the living room, making his favorite after patrol meal and a mini cake just for him. it would be cute and fun and i think he'd melt just a little, chaotic to plan, but fun in the end!