#DO NOT PERCIEVE ME IM NOT OKAY

[sourtomatola]

Me during the eclipse and puppet show today:

Foxy kiss your wife, please make everything as awkward as physically possible please foxy please I beg you you to give eclipse his first kiss just for the sake of making it painfully awkward foxy foxy give your waifu a kiss FOXY PLEASE-

[kazimoth]

is that nervous fucking subject .

[lovelyrotter]

like idk yall. it just bums me the fuck out how the majority of loz-likers are bigoted normies and like a weird amount of them are moderately-to-born-again christian for some reason too??? what do they see in these games???? with link's birthing hips and babysmooth shaven legs???!!!?!?!??

[snekdood]

Ppl gotta understand that just bc you do x thing because you're mentally ill, doesnt mean your actions dont have the same effect if you weren't. Like if you've been manipulative to your friends, you cant get mad at them for not sympathizing entirely with you when you go on about how they dont accept you for your mentally ilness. Regardless of your reason, you were still manipualtive, you fucked with peoples trust. Theyre still gonna have trust issues about you even if its bc of whatever mental illness you have.

[toytulini]

I dont know why youve leapt to assuming this post was about the workplace? the original post mentioned friends, family, and going out for drinks, and it feels a bit like a bad faith read to assume this meant for you to try to talk about weird niche TV show interests to your boss, when it seems far more likely to be a post about not letting cringe culture rule your entire life, in a time when its so common for ppl to let themselves become beholden to tiktok microtrends, and being terrified that theyll lose all their friends if anyone finds out they enjoy steven universe.

It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.

[soulpunk-2011]

augh the horrors.

[phagodyke]

I SEE PEOPLE ON THE FLOOR SLIDE INTO THE SEA CANT STAY HERE ANYMORE WE'RE TURNING INTO FIENDS IF I STAY HERE TROUBLE WILL FIND ME IF I STAY HERE ILL NEVER LEAVE..... ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

[lucidityzx]

Its so hard for me to NOT compare my trauma

Some people have had to watch their mother get beat or get beat until they started bleeding or just. Horrible things.

What did I go through? Um. I was emotionally neglected and groomed online?? And I knew my parents hated each others guts?? And they fought sometimes?? And my father also used to beat me in early childhood (one time for a misunderstanding ???) But he's stopped (since I dont do shit anymore I guess. Always listening and shit.) Now that I say it it sounds kinda bad but its not THAT bad. Plus I feel so. Detached from traumatic events I dont even know if I could call it traumatic. I literally feel nothing abt it.

It's like I've been reincarnated and that was my past life

I can only remember decent memories atp and with bad shit I do remember I dont feel anything about it.

I just feel like it wasn't enough to call myself "traumatized," especially since, for the last few months, I've been. Fine? Literally okay.

For some reason its so weird seeing myself happy. Even if I'm feeling like shit I think "hey. Ur friend went through way worse than u when they were a kid. In fact, they are still in a bad situation. You were literally able to go have a good time and shit. Sooooooooooooo. What actual trauma do you have?? Go get yourself hurt and maybe you'll actually have a reason to cry." OR "Yea you have trauma but it's the most standard shit ever. People have gone through wayyy worse. And what have YOU really been through?"

I rlly do wanna get hurt. If you care about me then thank the lord I don't know how to get myself hurt again???? Because everything was out of my control.

I wonder why I'm even like this? I genuinely have no idea.

[dandy-lad]

.

[frankotalk]

you have to admit its pretty funny that transphobes will go red in the face screaming and foaming at the mouth because their basic understanding of gender is being challenged while somewhere in the world some trans person is chilling in a hammock drinking from a coconut with a bendy straw and a little umbrella

[devotioncrater]

im scared i am losing the ability to work

[depresseddepot]

the case of the "coworker that knows exactly what I'm thinking and exactly what to say" strikes again

[alicentsgf]

i do sometimes forget most white americans cant necessarily tell what version of white someone is. and to be very clear this is not me at all criticising - homogenous whiteness is part of american culture and that has an impact on how european features are percieved, it makes total sense they have a different perspective. But like personally i can look at most white people and take a pretty good guess what region of europe their familys from, and so can most other europeans. I remember studying in america and finding out the girl i was sat with was irish american and saying 'oh i could tell. you look irish' and her being shocked, saying she was surprised i could tell. like girl you are the most sterotypically irish looking person i've ever seen. There are always exceptions obviously, but as a general rule you can at least take a good guess.

I think maybe this why some movies seem so badly cast to me sometimes. They'll be casting for a movie about ancient greece or something and it'd be fine if one or two actors looked more western or northern european... but all of them? I just cant concentrate. It takes me tf out. I'll be sitting there like "that is an anglo saxon i can tell just by looking at him". I remember being so not okay with logan lerman getting cast as percy jackson when i was a kid, because the book described him as mediterranean. And i felt gaslit because everyone else was calling him the perfect percy, when he looked so british/irish to me. Like e.g. I can tell Emma D'Arcys heritage is likely scandinavian, just from looking at them. They have a mix of features you can pinpoint on a map somehow. Its just something I know immediately upon looking at them without having to even think about it.

Maybe this is why some americans seem confused by where 'tall, dark, and handsome' comes from, and the concept of dark features in general. "Olive-skinned" as well. Like these terms dont really work very well with a culture that enforces homogenous whiteness. My cultural experience with the term "olive skinned" has always been that its used as a way of referencing the green undertone (i.e. has nothing to do with the depth of colour) usually seen in the countries around the Mediterranean. It suggests that that person's skin tans easily, but it doesnt necessarily mean it IS tan. It can go very pale without sunlight, but even when its pale its yellow/green tinted. But seriously, where does that term fit in when it comes to homogenous whiteness? It just doesnt really, it wasnt made for that.

All i can think is Europeans dont really have a concept of overarching whiteness amongst ourselves the way white americans do (please dont think this is me saying we dont benefit from whiteness, we do). Im not saying this is better or worse than the american concept either btw, Im really not making any kind of moral or political statement here. I just think its kinda fascinating how much culture affects our ability to categorise certain traits. Our perception of stuff like this depends sooo heavily on culture/how we're exposed to it, and I think maybe this is something we need to keep in mind when we're having cross-continental conversations, instead of assuming our way is the only way to percieve something and the other person is stupid for seeing something different than what we see.

[gor3sigil]

hi i dont really know how to introduce myself, so i hope you dont mind if i skip that part.

i just wanted to ask about that post you made a few days ago. in one of the last paragraphs you mention how hatching is painful. but is it supposed to feel like my entire world is cracking apart around me?

what you mentioned in the beginning of the post, about how the people around you felt about masculinity, that very aptly describes a lot of my fears of reactions to me identifying as masculine, which is what started me crying and ultimately spurred me to message you.

im just so scared

i have lots of trans people in my life, i just dont know how to talk about this with most of them (see: Very Scary :C) ive spent my whole life using femininity to take down peoples walls and help them feel comfortable around me. what the hell am i supposed to do as man? can i even still behave that way? will people even still trust me? will they like me? will they feel safe around me? its unbearable. every time i think about it my brain tries to run away, there's just so much fear.

is this normal at all? to be scared like this? i mean, considering i too struggle with the radical feminist narrative you mentioned? i dont believe the narrative, but i fear it. and then i get insecure and i cant stop thinking the insecurity an indication that manhood is the wrong direction for me.

am i making any sense?

Hi, it must've taken lots of strength to write all this so congrats to you. My answer will be based on my own experiences so take it with a grains of salt. Yeah, your world will definitely shatter too. Because even if you're just socially transitionning, if you do so while being surrounded by trans friends, most of them will change the way they percieve you so your interactions may change. I know that's scary, but you have to trust the process. If they're good friends, they won't like you less or anything. That's the hardest part I think. As you read in my post, coming ot made me lose tons of friends, most of them trans, because they treated me badly after I came out.

And yes, you are making sense. I went through the exact same fears as you. The fear of not being deemed as safe anymore. Unfortunately, I don't really have any solutions to offer you, appart from building your own community, online and/or IRL. Like I said, most of my trans friends were kinda crappy about me being masc and I struggled for years to feel comfortable in my masculinity as a result. Because I did the same as you, me being a "woman" was my way of saying that I understood the struggles of others and was safe. Let me stress one thing. You are still okay, you're not a bad person. Even if you discover new things about yourself, even if you're transmasc, even if you're transitionning (if you do), you are still very much the same person as before, with your understanding of a number of issues, with your own pas experiences.

It's a point I really can't stress enough. As I said in my post, you are still worthy of love, support, tenderness, being understood, being heard, being listened to, being comforted. One thing I noticed is that my previous friend tended to dismiss my feelings and/or be "rough" with me thinking that it was "affirming" because I was a man now. Let me tell you that that's BS and don't let anyone treat you this way.

Maybe try to test the water, idk if you came out already or not but maybe in your presentation or just by talking about transmasc specific issues with them, see how they react. That being said, I really do hope that your friends will be understanding. Or that by explaining to them how their behavior is wrong they will understand and act differently, because sometimes people so shit cause they don't know any better. I hope this helps, and I really wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out again. Take care.

[antiradqueef]

Ignore this if you want because I do fit into your DNI (I've got a DNI), but I've got a question:

What is a "transid alternative", and how does that differ from just being transid?

Isn't something like wanting to pretend to be autistic or a nazi shitty all around?? /gen

YAY someone is giving me an excuse to yap about transIDs and my complicated opinions about them

absolutely no offense taken for breaking my DNI lol its more of a jokey thing but stand up so u can sit down cus im getting started

so as we all know the human brain is weird as fuck and it can make you feel weird as fuck, percieve things weird as fuck, do things weird as fuck, etc. one of these things is atypical dysphoria. so you have like. regular dysphoria where your human body feels weird like it should look like a different human body. but then you have atypical dysphoria where your body thinks it should look like something that is not a human body. or something their human body could not have.

and people with this atypical dysphoria wanted to have a term to say "hey i feel like i should be (thing) even though im not!". they didnt want to use transID because thats a) disrespectful to trans people and b) as you mentioned, a little taken over by shit like "transnazi".

so then there were alternatives coined to encompass this weird feeling without being associated with transID or trans people, and without being disrespectful to people who actually are/have those things. it is also a general rule that alternatives to "trans-harmful/hateful" (like transnazi) are off the table because of how incredibly disrespectful that is. although, as i said, the human brain is very weird and i wouldnt put it past it to make someone feel like they "shouldve been a nazi" but maybe thats one for the therapist and not the tumblr bio.

here is a list of transID alternatives by @report-rqs

i also do think a lot of people who use transID dont understand the harm its doing or why its bad so i try to be open-minded and receptive to them and explain it because its rough out there and theyre not gonna listen if i just spout insults at them.

thats why im a little split on whether to put anti-transID in my intro because it did make people like you willing to reach out, but it might turn away people that i could help but i still just dont want people to think that im okay with people claiming to be transnazi or transautistic.

[cnihachu]

whats ur opinion on generation loss niki? was curious because she's probably my favorite of nihachus characters,,extremely well written imo

I LOVE HER SOO MUCH OKAY . tbh i rlly rlly wish in general genloss went more into character deveklopment or was just Longer bc they had SUCH good personalities and god i want to know More..

what makes gl!niki for me is her acting- she is chillingly good at eliciting a reaction, and i think thats the goal both in and out of character. honestly i need to rewatch genloss im rusty but the way she saves the majority of her distress for when she's (mostly) off camera speaks to how she knows she needs to be what she precieves as likable, and playing up what she thinks are her 'best' qualities like kindness, and less explicitly, her ability to hide her emotions and please an audience. she needs to be good content for the audience if she has any hope of survival. she thinks no one will want her if she isn't nice and easy to digest. she doesnt percieve worth in herself if she isn't what shes assigned to be, a nice and kind person. even under extreme distress. even when she could die.

i know some people percieve her crying/fear to be fake or ingeniune but i really prefer the take (semi confirmed from cc!Niki) that she's switching it off or repressing her real emotions in a desperate attempt of survival.. it would be really suprising for someone to not be so incredibly scared in that situation. i remember when niki did a stream discussing genloss she said she pulled a lot from the reactions of how people would comment on her crying in stressful events like mcc and that it was directly kind of taken from those experiences of being a public figure (and by extention a woman in these spaces bc lets be real thats why she gets that backlash). i think thats so incredibly powerful to use those experiences to build a character it makes me sick cc!niki ilysm. gl!niki ilysm.

a direct quote from cc!niki about gl!niki: "i am literally locked up on a spinning wheel of death, and of course i will cry, but i will not show it- i will not be able to show it to the audience, i cannot show them that i'm scared. i cannot show them that i'm tired and- and sad, and fearing for my life, because that is what is expected of me. because the outcome that happens if i show how i feel is worse than the fate of death that i am fearing right now."

so in a way (to my small rabbit brain) gl!niki is an incredibly chilling take on the way fandom and the public treat women in content creation space as machines who can only express emotions that are pretty or convient for the audience.. like. even in an incredibly terrifying situation gl!niki steels herself to be more 'calm' and plays into what people percieve as the Single facet of her personaliy, being Nice.. Like, 'look at me! i'm completely rational, not overly emotional! i'm so useful and likable! i'm good content!" and ITS INSANE!!!!!!! ITS INSANE!!! HOW DO U COPE WITH THIS. I FEEL ILL. i nihachu defender lover brain so like . this is all just my own rambling idek . i love her to pieces </3