#DO NOT PERCIEVE ME IM NOT OKAY

[sourtomatola]

Me during the eclipse and puppet show today:

Foxy kiss your wife, please make everything as awkward as physically possible please foxy please I beg you you to give eclipse his first kiss just for the sake of making it painfully awkward foxy foxy give your waifu a kiss FOXY PLEASE-

[kazimoth]

is that nervous fucking subject .

[veifei]

notes on veifei and reciprocation of the gaze

(or, rethinking the PVS as taking place After yingdu, and thinking about vein and xf looking at each other, basically. is this even anything)

- xia fei's PV — in a post Yingdu context we see 'influencer' xf, the news report at YE6 refers to him as such, prior to that he's just a part time model:

- liu xiao's appearance in XF PV is transactional; conversely vein's appearance doesn't have that implication — its one sided; vein gazes upon XF with a smirk/smile, a look of (personal) interest

- what's the point of showing this scene?

- POST yingdu context/interpretation — vein is overseeing/watching over (an unaware) XF? Amusement? (endearment?) (veifei stonks are UP because xf would have to have really captured vein's attention for him to still be looking at him 'beyond the grave'/from the shadows)

- other instances of the (un)reciprocated gaze? the ED; vein looking towards the light, XF looking out towards the rain; the first meeting in which there is a reciprocal gaze (tho really the focus/framing is on vein looking down at XF); XF 'looking up to vein' in the metaphorical sense (what he says to shiguang in bahati), gazing up at the clocktower (which vein is atop of in the OP)

- XF is Unaware of vein's gaze, but looks at him/up to him regardless; vein is Aware of XF's gaze, and does seem to gaze back (reciprocation of the gaze)

- the role of surveillance -- suggesting control/dominance (vein's PV, and his appearance in XF's) - but we see XF's 'self surveillance' in his PV too - submission/acceptance/...reciprocation? A 'please watch me' - XF is looking For vein/looking AT vein -> what he does ("i got nothing left to lose / all i do is pursue") is for vein's return(ed gaze)

[lovelyrotter]

like idk yall. it just bums me the fuck out how the majority of loz-likers are bigoted normies and like a weird amount of them are moderately-to-born-again christian for some reason too??? what do they see in these games???? with link's birthing hips and babysmooth shaven legs???!!!?!?!??

[too-late-chomp]

[phagodyke]

I SEE PEOPLE ON THE FLOOR SLIDE INTO THE SEA CANT STAY HERE ANYMORE WE'RE TURNING INTO FIENDS IF I STAY HERE TROUBLE WILL FIND ME IF I STAY HERE ILL NEVER LEAVE..... ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

[lucidityzx]

Its so hard for me to NOT compare my trauma

Some people have had to watch their mother get beat or get beat until they started bleeding or just. Horrible things.

What did I go through? Um. I was emotionally neglected and groomed online?? And I knew my parents hated each others guts?? And they fought sometimes?? And my father also used to beat me in early childhood (one time for a misunderstanding ???) But he's stopped (since I dont do shit anymore I guess. Always listening and shit.) Now that I say it it sounds kinda bad but its not THAT bad. Plus I feel so. Detached from traumatic events I dont even know if I could call it traumatic. I literally feel nothing abt it.

It's like I've been reincarnated and that was my past life

I can only remember decent memories atp and with bad shit I do remember I dont feel anything about it.

I just feel like it wasn't enough to call myself "traumatized," especially since, for the last few months, I've been. Fine? Literally okay.

For some reason its so weird seeing myself happy. Even if I'm feeling like shit I think "hey. Ur friend went through way worse than u when they were a kid. In fact, they are still in a bad situation. You were literally able to go have a good time and shit. Sooooooooooooo. What actual trauma do you have?? Go get yourself hurt and maybe you'll actually have a reason to cry." OR "Yea you have trauma but it's the most standard shit ever. People have gone through wayyy worse. And what have YOU really been through?"

I rlly do wanna get hurt. If you care about me then thank the lord I don't know how to get myself hurt again???? Because everything was out of my control.

I wonder why I'm even like this? I genuinely have no idea.

[dandy-lad]

.

[frankotalk]

you have to admit its pretty funny that transphobes will go red in the face screaming and foaming at the mouth because their basic understanding of gender is being challenged while somewhere in the world some trans person is chilling in a hammock drinking from a coconut with a bendy straw and a little umbrella

[devotioncrater]

im scared i am losing the ability to work

[dandysworldhcs]

hHEY THERE ASK BLOG!!! IM TMA ANON [assuming that name isnt taken, if it is ill be damned] ASSINGING SOME OF THE FEARS FROM MAGNUS ARCHIVES TO THE CHARACTERS BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT*Also i request you tag this as "tma spoilers"

Disclaimer: may or may not be inaccurate, really bad explanations, i also may have forgotten some stuff abt the fears, i got lazy

Rodger : The Eye

okay so like the eye is the fear of being watched and stuff & the avatars all have something to do knowledge, know it all ppl n shit [except in this case they indeed DO know it all]。Rodger is a detective & his twisted form literally hurts people using spooky magic eye powers of whatever。 YOU KNOW WHO ELSE DOES THAT? jonathan sims.head archivist of the magnus inst

Sprout : the corruption [fear of mold,decay,rot etc ]

HEAR ME OUT HERE.the crawling rot。the corruption。It would be PERFECT for sprout。the corruption turns those who are percieved as "toxic" into avatars and MAYBE.just maybe.sprouts overprotectivenes and tendency to "push others" could be seen as "toxic"

Pebble: The Hunt

animal.and like.his twisted version is super fast with high line of sight and attention span。perfect for hunting down toons

sincerely, tma anon

sighhh, gotta send this to my friend who actually listens to tma

[rouge-fauna]

In this discduo timeline pastebin i read, you can see tommy did care about dream for a very long time even while his friends were trying to convince him that dream was bad, he continued to praise dream and had plans to meet him irl. It wasnt until june july 2023 when tommy started believing the lies his friends and fans kept telling him and thays when he banned the words dream and discduo in his chat and said that he didnt wanna go all the way to florida. I think he genuinly thinks dream wronged him based on his body language in the podcast and how he dissocoates, like tommy now percieves all his past positive interactions with dream as a negative and jack, harry, and tommys fanbase fed into that, but he also is lying about dream with other things. And i mean he could be faking that body language to garner sympathy Im not entirely sure. Im just looking at the nuance here. He knows dream or at least he did. He used to check up on him all the time and he knew how bad dreams mental health was, but he still lies and claims dreams apathetic and thinks dream cant take accountability and thinks dream doesnt care about him when dream has always cared. I can send you that pastebin if u want, u can see the decline in where tommy starts turning against dream its aroundn the time where he and harry got closer. But before that, he saw dream as this brilliant helpful guy and referred to him as a friend, even in the past referred to him as closer than a brother. He cared for dream at some point for a long time, then ditched him and betrayed him. Also dream refers to tommy as emotional, and i can see how someone so sensitive can interpret a long dm as an attack, and apparently he did explain his issue to dream before but it never got resolved or tommys lying about that too. I dont doubt that he is doing a lot of this to get attention, but i do think some feelings could be genuine despite it logically not adding up. I can see how someone could interpret dreams dms in a stressful way. But the fact tommy even gave a shit about dream in the past to begin with makes this worse, because the way i see it, if someone close to me turned on me i would be a lot more hurt by that than if someone i was only colleagues with turned on me.

Was gonna chrck back on their past interactions to see if i can spot anything shady on tommys part if yk what i mean even if this is gonna make me sad. One of my co workers offered to do a watchparty💀

(I should preface this by saying I have not yet watched the podcast, because at the moment I’m little too triggered to even give a shit about what Tommy has to say to be honest. I don’t really see what defense or reasoning you could possibly have for calling anyone, nonetheless your past friend a “proper movie villain” while accusing him of things that aren’t true, knowing the consequences. I mean I just don’t think people have really let that fact truly sink he, Tommy publicly compared Dream to Darth Vader, Bane, The Joker, Voldemort…etc mass murderers. Just think about that for a second. That’s not okay. People are out there comparing him to Hitler and talking about brutal ways to kill him, a go fund me to kill Dream has started. I don’t think there is a damn thing Tommy can say Dream did to excuse that shit, he will get no sympathy from me. Even if Dream physically abused him, which ain’t true since they’ve never met, Dream still shouldn’t be compared to freaking Hannibal.)

Even so, as I have said in some of my past posts on the matter, I do think perhaps Tommy was hurt by something that happened with Dream in the past and in retrospect realized perhaps things weren’t as good as he thought. Which happens, sometimes we look back on things and are like - hey wait a minute that wasn’t okay and that hurt. But that doesn’t make that person a shit person.

The example I believe I previously talked about was my first kiss, but to give another example, a guy I was good friends with freshman year of college was very handsy and I didn’t really realize in the moment how I felt about it or that he was pushing boundaries he shouldn’t. At first I didn’t think much of it. I was naive and autistic and didn’t really know better, and he was too. He didn’t have sisters, hell he thought woman were always making milk lol. In other words, we were both dumb. And looking back he did a lot of things that really were not okay, but once I came to realize and set boundaries he respected them. In fact, we are still kinda friends today, we’re even roomates for a bit after I graduate back in 2023. So, suffice to say, sometimes people can do shitty things or even things that you realize later were not okay, or even things that traumatize you, but that doesn’t make that person shitty. Especially if you didn’t call it out in the moment. This is what I mean by giving Dream the benefit of the doubt, sure I could perceive my friend as manipulative and taking advantage of naivety or whatever, or I recognize that he really just doesn’t know better. Now when you tell someone to stop and then they continue (depending on what it is because ya know old habits die hard or like my adhd is gonna try my hardest but I will inevitably skews up pronouns - just like I screw up everyone’s pronouns) now you’ve entered into the malicious and intentional area.

Bringing it back to Dream, Tommy was upset and told him to stop texting his mother, so Dream apologized to both and stopped. It becomes harassment and malicious if Dream continued over and over to do it, but he didn’t. This is why Dream is frustrated because he doesn’t know what behavior is upsetting people, and in his heart that’s not what he wants to do, but if people don’t tell him how is he meant to improve. At the end of the day, he doesn’t want to offend anyone or hurt someone, that doesn’t mean he hasn’t done so though as these things happen, nobody is perfect.

So I think maybe Tommy was hurt, maybe it was in retrospect looking back, maybe it was friends pointing things out and were like - hey that’s fucked up that happened. Maybe some of that hurt is genuine. And maybe you could make the case that that hurt has spurred him to take revenge and ruin Dream in whatever way it takes. So the jokes and lies are just part of his lashing out because he feels wronged.

However, there is also a case to be made that given Tommy’s history as pointed out by Dream with Logan Paul, maybe it was all an act. Maybe he was using Dream from the start and Dream being the naive, good hearted, autistic guy made an easy target. Maybe he only pretended to be good friends, sure Dream doesn’t have anything to gain from being Tommy’s friend but that doesn’t go both ways. Tommy has a lot to gain from being Dream’s friend, but as the tides turned he had a lot to lose by being Dream’s friend and it was easier to switch sides not that there was no incentive, as Dream pointed out as the USMP fell through so did Tommy switch sides. Once he couldn’t gain clout for being on Dream’s side but being against Dream, he switches. Because a lot of his audience has always been against Dream, struggling to tell the difference between character and person and as is human nature, instinctively hating an autistic person. That has been the case for ages, Tommy could have given into his audience for ages but even during the allegations height he still did that dsmp finale and posted that picture on Twitter (which he got a lot of hate for)…

All I’m saying, is even the people who have wronged me, even the person who pushed me to almost kill myself, I wouldn’t wish death or harassment upon them. I wouldn’t do the shit Tommy has pulled, because there was a time when we were friends. There were times when they were good to me. And maybe that makes me an exception to the rule, that people would be so cruel to the people they once called friends, but I couldn’t and that’s what makes me question Tommy’s sincerity and capacity for empathy…

Though perhaps both can be true.

[ask-postcrash-curly]

tumblr aka the blogging site we are percieving your thoughts through (is this weird to bring up? tell me if it's weird i'll stop) has inflicted a rage within me that can only be depicted in fiction. i mean. i wrote you something and it crashed midway and i'm ANGRY. ANYWAY i am going to recite it to the best of my ability:

HELLO Curlster i must ask you. if i may be allowed to send you 1 (one) video game playthrough. there's technically another game before it but the sequel contains content from the first game and like. it's redundant i feel. in this case only as like it's gonna be beamed into your head. or i could send you the demo first instead of the first game. as the demo is nice. 30 minutes long i think.

wish i could like just send you the game and let you play yourself or something. in the event that you wanted that. or like. i HAD another plan in mind but it'd take up too much time especially with the delays and all that and i wouldn't be able to show you the whole game without interruptions.

wait okay i don't know you as well as the other guys here and i THINK you actually mentioned something about this before but my memory is NOT doing its thing so i'm gonna ask, do you even like games??

OKAY ANYWAY. if your answer is yes i can send you either just the one playthrough (around 6.5 hours) OR the demo and the playthrough (around 7 hours). if your answer is no then i understand because that is A LOT of hours. but i then must ask you if it is okay for me to tell you about Characters From Game anyway because i think they're funny and one of them has parts of dialogue i think might be funny to you but it might just be me (unless you like funny idioms. i have a feeling you like funny idioms that are like a little bit out of place but it literally might just be me. do you like those)

okay anyway im like literally asleep right now if any of this sounds stupid i sincerely apologize and i cannot proofread(?) it at all. ALSO "nonsensechemicalsster" is GREAT thank you

Hey, I know all about crashing midway through! …I need to stop saying this stuff.

Let’s start with the demo, yeah? I want to save some longer stuff for when the painkillers run out and I need the distraction more.

Yeah, I do like games in a general sense. Haven’t played them much these past years. Moreso when I was younger. Thank you for caring enough to ask though!

Feel free to tell me about the characters. I miss Daisuke doing that with his games. And yeah, I do like funny idioms. Don’t worry, this didn’t sound stupid whatsoever.

Bye, Nonsensechemicalsster. Haha.

[alicentsgf]

i do sometimes forget most white americans cant necessarily tell what version of white someone is. and to be very clear this is not me at all criticising - homogenous whiteness is part of american culture and that has an impact on how european features are percieved, it makes total sense they have a different perspective. But like personally i can look at most white people and take a pretty good guess what region of europe their familys from, and so can most other europeans. I remember studying in america and finding out the girl i was sat with was irish american and saying 'oh i could tell. you look irish' and her being shocked, saying she was surprised i could tell. like girl you are the most sterotypically irish looking person i've ever seen. There are always exceptions obviously, but as a general rule you can at least take a good guess.

I think maybe this why some movies seem so badly cast to me sometimes. They'll be casting for a movie about ancient greece or something and it'd be fine if one or two actors looked more western or northern european... but all of them? I just cant concentrate. It takes me tf out. I'll be sitting there like "that is an anglo saxon i can tell just by looking at him". I remember being so not okay with logan lerman getting cast as percy jackson when i was a kid, because the book described him as mediterranean. And i felt gaslit because everyone else was calling him the perfect percy, when he looked so british/irish to me. Like e.g. I can tell Emma D'Arcys heritage is likely scandinavian, just from looking at them. They have a mix of features you can pinpoint on a map somehow. Its just something I know immediately upon looking at them without having to even think about it.

Maybe this is why some americans seem confused by where 'tall, dark, and handsome' comes from, and the concept of dark features in general. "Olive-skinned" as well. Like these terms dont really work very well with a culture that enforces homogenous whiteness. My cultural experience with the term "olive skinned" has always been that its used as a way of referencing the green undertone (i.e. has nothing to do with the depth of colour) usually seen in the countries around the Mediterranean. It suggests that that person's skin tans easily, but it doesnt necessarily mean it IS tan. It can go very pale without sunlight, but even when its pale its yellow/green tinted. But seriously, where does that term fit in when it comes to homogenous whiteness? It just doesnt really, it wasnt made for that.

All i can think is Europeans dont really have a concept of overarching whiteness amongst ourselves the way white americans do (please dont think this is me saying we dont benefit from whiteness, we do). Im not saying this is better or worse than the american concept either btw, Im really not making any kind of moral or political statement here. I just think its kinda fascinating how much culture affects our ability to categorise certain traits. Our perception of stuff like this depends sooo heavily on culture/how we're exposed to it, and I think maybe this is something we need to keep in mind when we're having cross-continental conversations, instead of assuming our way is the only way to percieve something and the other person is stupid for seeing something different than what we see.

[gor3sigil]

hi i dont really know how to introduce myself, so i hope you dont mind if i skip that part.

i just wanted to ask about that post you made a few days ago. in one of the last paragraphs you mention how hatching is painful. but is it supposed to feel like my entire world is cracking apart around me?

what you mentioned in the beginning of the post, about how the people around you felt about masculinity, that very aptly describes a lot of my fears of reactions to me identifying as masculine, which is what started me crying and ultimately spurred me to message you.

im just so scared

i have lots of trans people in my life, i just dont know how to talk about this with most of them (see: Very Scary :C) ive spent my whole life using femininity to take down peoples walls and help them feel comfortable around me. what the hell am i supposed to do as man? can i even still behave that way? will people even still trust me? will they like me? will they feel safe around me? its unbearable. every time i think about it my brain tries to run away, there's just so much fear.

is this normal at all? to be scared like this? i mean, considering i too struggle with the radical feminist narrative you mentioned? i dont believe the narrative, but i fear it. and then i get insecure and i cant stop thinking the insecurity an indication that manhood is the wrong direction for me.

am i making any sense?

Hi, it must've taken lots of strength to write all this so congrats to you. My answer will be based on my own experiences so take it with a grains of salt. Yeah, your world will definitely shatter too. Because even if you're just socially transitionning, if you do so while being surrounded by trans friends, most of them will change the way they percieve you so your interactions may change. I know that's scary, but you have to trust the process. If they're good friends, they won't like you less or anything. That's the hardest part I think. As you read in my post, coming ot made me lose tons of friends, most of them trans, because they treated me badly after I came out.

And yes, you are making sense. I went through the exact same fears as you. The fear of not being deemed as safe anymore. Unfortunately, I don't really have any solutions to offer you, appart from building your own community, online and/or IRL. Like I said, most of my trans friends were kinda crappy about me being masc and I struggled for years to feel comfortable in my masculinity as a result. Because I did the same as you, me being a "woman" was my way of saying that I understood the struggles of others and was safe. Let me stress one thing. You are still okay, you're not a bad person. Even if you discover new things about yourself, even if you're transmasc, even if you're transitionning (if you do), you are still very much the same person as before, with your understanding of a number of issues, with your own pas experiences.

It's a point I really can't stress enough. As I said in my post, you are still worthy of love, support, tenderness, being understood, being heard, being listened to, being comforted. One thing I noticed is that my previous friend tended to dismiss my feelings and/or be "rough" with me thinking that it was "affirming" because I was a man now. Let me tell you that that's BS and don't let anyone treat you this way.

Maybe try to test the water, idk if you came out already or not but maybe in your presentation or just by talking about transmasc specific issues with them, see how they react. That being said, I really do hope that your friends will be understanding. Or that by explaining to them how their behavior is wrong they will understand and act differently, because sometimes people so shit cause they don't know any better. I hope this helps, and I really wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out again. Take care.

[vero-niche]

not to double dunk on a post but have you ever been a cis girl growing up in a small town who does not - physically could not - conform to the expected feminine presentation? they used to beat you up for that yknow. they used to beat me up and say its okay bc im not a girl. they used to (still do i assume) bully and harrass my friend (cis lesbian) on the street for looking like a boy. in the capital city too. and all this not even mentioning trans men or other masc presenting genderqueer identities. be so fucking real right now masculine gender expression is only ever accepted when it is done by someone percieved to be cis and perisex. an issue which is very much present in the real tangible world and have been for quite some centuries actually