#i dont know!!!! i cant remember shit!!!! i cant remember anything !!!!!
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I...
I dont know
Shit doesnt feel right
Im crawling out my fucking skin rn
But this happened the last time i...
Yk
Too so maybe its that?
Or maybe its the fact i just fought with my brother for the first time in 8 yrs
And as much as ik thats not gonna happen i just want shit to go back to normal
How we used to be
Without being constantly afraid cuz of our shitty fucking parents tho
Maybe its because it was never supposed to be like this
Maybe its cuz i got shot AGAIN
And last time i got shot i fucking DIED
And beat up AGAIN
And i dont remember anything AGAIN
And the fact that fucking maybe if my emotions didnt decide to fuck off at the most inconvenient times shit would have been FINE and we wouldnt have fucking thought
And i woke up in a ditch with no idea how i got there and no idea whether or not i was even gonna be able to GET home without fucking dying and having no idea where i was
Or maybe its cuz i cant be mad about any of that cuz it was. My. Fucking. Fault
But idk ur guess is as good as mine ig
Can i come over once i get back?
@ur-fave-hoe-cas
Sure, that'd fine with me
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kon sweetie im so fucking sorry that someone would even say something stupid like that oh my god.
#rimi talks#paraphrasing the beyonce gif bc i dont remember exactly how it goes but.#sometimes people follow me and i really genuinely don't know why at all because their blog header and desc make it extremely clear#that they are someone i want on my block list PRONTO. like. what are you doing. why are you coming into my house#have i not made it clear enough that i hate that shit. why are you trying to follow me. get OUT of my activity page block button SAVE MEEE#PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY READ COMICS AND ARENT STUPID SAVEEE MEEEEEEEE#anyway i apparently have not been clear enough about my opinions so let me speak my truth.#i think jason todd is really fucking annoying. i don't like 99% of fan content about him and i don't like 99% of his fans.#i think that jay // tim is a dumb ship and i think that jay // kon is an even worse one and i think jay// tim// kon// sucks SHIT#i also think that you should simply read comics before you start posting about the characters from said comics.#like i recognize that i cant stop anyone from posting bad opinions but i would love to not see them <3#anyway im chasing people out with a broom. OUT OF MY HOUSE. OUT. OUT#IM A COMICS BLOGGER. NOT A ''BAD TELEPHONE GAME ABOUT SOMETHING SOMEONE HEARD ABOUT A COMIC ONCE'' BLOGGER#OUT OF MY HOUSE ! ! ! !! ! ! !!#merry shitscram. now scram your shit and go. is this anything#<- i have to make bad jokes or ill die. you understand.#and like tbc this was just case of ''blog desc header and top posts were all really fucking annoying''#and not ''something actively harmful or evil'' like its fine its just Extremely deeply not my cup of tea yk#but i do also have to be dramatic about reading words in an order that i really hated sometimes. or i will also die.#anyways. take my hand. read superman (1987) 155
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That ending was kind of shit...
#minors dni#arcane#arcane spoilers#im sorry but you cant kill off the best characters and expect me to enjoy that ending 💀#poor ekko#the only people to win here are cait and vi and not even vi truly won here. like yeah she got the girl. but she lost her sister to get her.#i know i love maddie (even more now she turned against cait) but jinx was the death to truly piss me off.#like maddie i thought she died when ambessa shot at her and cait- so i was like oh rip- oh wait shes still alive- oh rip again#but jinx dying after all this? horrible. like you really couldnt give that poor girl one chance at happiness#anyway im still living in the other dimension with powder and ekko. that shit was romantic af even for straight people#i didnt really care about the cait x vi sex scene?? im gonna be fr i only just remembered it. like yeah it was kind of hot but-#idk how to say this but cait and vi really dont do much for me as a pairing 😬 its like yassamy or luz amity-#like good for them i guess but theres nothing really to keep me interested? like oh they just end up happy... thats kind of boring. 😬#maybe its because im aromantic- i just dont get anything from seeing domestic happy relationships?? i like drama.#but at the same time i like powder x ekko so idk#arcane season 2#arcane season two
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if u. follow me for my art. i am very sorry. because 90% of the time, if i did not spend 3 hours doing it, it will probably be nothing more than a snip tool screenshot & not a properly saved .png file
anyways i pizazzed up the watermark from astral duo euri. i thought the flowers would be cute n funny. now every drawing will be given flowers against their will ✿. here is a peek into some of the headcanons i want on quincy
#the wiki says hes “covered in countless scars” or something right ? (double checks)#yes yes . “said to have countless scars although none are visible to the eye” why not ? hmm ?#i actually /gen dont know if theres a lore reason to that. i havent seen/dont remember seeing anything about it#but im still actually getting through the main story (i am extremely lazy. maybe you can see why i like this guy)#i also cant remember if the quote from astral duo was that they DID burn down some degree of the forest or just “almost did”#but id like to assume they did start some degree of fire and as such#(presents quincy with a burn scar of some (currently undecided but notable) size)#i also bet a lot of his scars are probably animal-related. like bites or scratches etc. not sure what shit that guy gets up to to get scars#then again he probably has a good few from his youth too during tribe time. so. variety#okay ive tangented enough down here. goodbye#nu carnival#nu: carnival#quincy#nu: carnival quincy#nu carnival quincy#sketch#doodle#study#my art#nuudles#quincy nuudles
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you: nicholas alexander chavez, the actor from ryan murphy's recent work
me, a mama's girl and daytime tv viewer:
#text post#general hospital#nicholas alexander chavez#spencer cassadine#sorry i'm still not over my shock at this lol#i remember asking my mom MONTHS ago (she follows general hospital news online) 'hey wheres spencer i havent seen him in awhile?'#'oh his character died off. the actor is doing some netflix show where he plays a murderer'#and you have to understand. i dont consume anything to do w true crime. but to my 63-year-old mother. ryan murphy doesnt exist#so bc of just how self-contained the archaic institution of network soap operas are. i just. idk i didnt assume it was a big role#it didnt register to me that it was the sequel to the dahmer show. is what i am saying. and i never thought about it again#mommy made it sound like he might be coming back bc soap opera characters fake-die all the time#and so i put the thought out of my head until completely independently i was watching a video about monsters: menendez being flawed#and i was like. going absolutely insane w how familiar he looked i was like 'ok i know that man cant be too famous but i KNOW him'#'i know him from something and i know him WELL from something. like whatever hes from is iconic to me'#and then the video creator said his name and i was like THATS INSANE WHERE DO I KNOW THAT NAME??!?!??#it's a name i read in the credits but probably never thought in my head at all bc sorry he's just spencer to me#so i googled it and i was gobsmacked. i was like MOM DIDNT SAY he was gonna be in THIS SHIT!?!?!?#i also do lay my life down on the defense that the cinematography of a prestige netflix drama makes him less recognizable to me#who knew him best under cheap soap opera lighting in basic back and forth dialogue shots. like#i have to be honest i never cared for his looks on gh bc he just kinda looked like too perfect. like he looked like a mannequin#i see it now though i get it#i get why he's very fan editable to the true crime girlies i get it#not that it matters. im just in mourning bc it never occurred to me the spencer era was over. i actually liked his character#i cant tell u why bc he wasnt all that distinguishable from all the other basic dramatic character archetypes. idk it was a good performanc#i cant explain to u what makes a soap opera character distinct while still being completely generic (they all are)#i also liked his relationship w his girlfriend in the show it was cute. he was evil but they were sweet#nicky please come back. im begging u. as your only general hospital era fan who is your age#i dont wanna watch monsters menendez i reeeeeally dont
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bbbaaaaawrffff
#whatever man. i hate how i cant just scream or ill get shit on but ppl only COME here when im doing smth they see as negative.#i dont want any of that. but i dont want to be fucking ENTIRELY alone#im so tired. no one fucking remembers me#im literally a dead girl walking. no one would see any difference if i disapeared forever. thats not a threat#but fuck i have to live KNOWING no one thinks of me or cares or anything and ill never have friends again
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ill be having such a good time then Boom, someone says something
#i love to drive... when i know where im going#im a great driver#but my navigation skills are so shit. theyre so shit#yall i cannot. for the life of me. read fuckin google maps well while driving#i cant judge the distance of a turn.. i think a right turn is a left bcs the screen didnt rotate yet and it's#and i cant remember road names bcs im a landmark man#it's so embarrassing. and all my good driving turns to shy shit bcs it's like. idk. i hate being weird. i hate feeling stupid#i hate being stupid#i hate being told im not stupid until i do smthing stupid again and they get annoyed and u can tell they took it back#bcs everyones right. everyones so right so im not mad at them. im not#im just mad at myself. like it's so fucked. i hate being fucked (literally) (asexual)#i hate getting marked for being wrong in math bcs i saw the + as a ÷ and i did the division right but no one cares abt that bcs it's weird#it's fucked it's so fucked im so fucked#it's so embarrassing. i hate being embarrassing#it's not quirky or cute or anything. setting the wrong alarm bcs i saw the 8 as a 6 is not funny. it's not when u keep doing it#and u keep doublechecking urself and get it wrong anyways#i hate being stupid. i hate being stupid. i hate being stupid. i hate being stupid#u think i dont want to just be normal and fun and carefree with things people find easy? you think i dont want an easy life?#u think i like making people's lives hard? you think i Like being a burden???#i dont wanna be here .
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me admitting that i dont hate ast*rion after all .
#like him.even . maybe.#i just drew him and i was like teehee~kicks feet and giggles and thenni remembered who this was and#my face morphed in2 thousand yard stare guy#IM SRYYY IM SRRYYYYY#IM FALLIBLE !!#wat do u want from me. if its good taste in characters wwll. u r in tha wrong place .#though i do think its bc like . like tell me why he has 90x the content of anyone else#if i hear wyll say well met one more time im gna blow up our camp.IM SOOOz give me something anything pelase please#like he’ll have nothing for 30 long rests save for a line here or there#but astarion will just want to chat u up every night like can u equal it out please pls ❤️ karlach even .#anyways . i hate gale tho HATE GALE . GALE HATERRR ☝️☝️☝️☝️#idk if its because i found him last or what but atp i dont care to get to know him#this game is legit saur fun . the exploration especially#like i spend 90% of my time opening every vase and crate and reanimating the dead on every1.talking to all the animalz#speak w the dead* i mean#also just rhe potential 4 the funniest mistakes ever#when auntie ethel disguised herself as mayrina in fromt of my eyes i didnt process it and killed her indtead of ethel HAHAAGAHAHAHAHHA#like the sjock of messing smth up so badly but u cant do shit abt it like ok!i guess !#karlach pushing 1hp shadowheart in2 firepitcon accident and killing her . happy family❤️🫶#bg3
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stands up. trigun / the locked tomb au. wolfwood being vash's cavalier. the ninth house genocide instead of july with vash being harrow. I know theyre not similar in personality at all thats not the point dont worry about it. knives (already a lyctor) forcing vash to also become a lyctor like the angel arm shit. I dunno who they'd eat it's maybe not that important in knives' case I don't think he'd give a shit but vash eating wolfwood-- [GUNSHOT]
#is this anything. does this make sense at all#can the lyctoral process be forced like that? I dont remember sorry its been a minute since I read tlt but I cant get this out of my head#knives pulling some hannibal shit or something I dont fucking know#sorry to trigun fans who dont know tlt lore (and vice versa) I know this sounds bonkers. thats because it is#trigun#the locked tomb
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wanted to go to the gym social tn but as I was getting my stuff together to go out, a friend said smth that rly pissed me off and now I'm too fucking angry to go out. fucks sake man
#fucking hate ppl commenting on my 'self control' for being sober bc I get it all the fucking time and its so patronising !!!!!!#even if its not intended that way. dont care didnt fucking ask. especially from someone im friends with#but whatever i should know better than to expect ppl to know me#maybe other ppl need discipline to stay sober but i dont bc the alternative is a non option and always has been. not that hard for me#and i have my own self control struggles w other shit man like im not pristine and perfect fuck off. you only dont know abt the#shit i actually fucking struggle with bc i dont know or trust u well enough for that.#and i HATE when ppl fucking imply im susceptible to peer pressure. im not. dont fucking overestimate your influence#ppl act like shit is a choice like actually i have a trauma rooted fear that comes from ppl in my family dying of substance abuse thanks 👍#which i dont expect strangers to know. but my friends should fucking know that!!! but i guess its not worth remembering#whatever it doesnt matter im prolly upset for other reasons im going to go out for a walk to calm down i cant be at home right now#even more fucking annoyed that im missing the gym over this. i shouldve been there an hour ago.#i mean i could still go maybe the cycle ride would stop me feeling mad and blowing everyone up once im there. i doubt it tho#UGH. fucking whatever. whatever whatever whatever. sorry for ventposting i was typing out a longass reply#but its not gonna fucking do anything except come across needlessly aggressive and ruin the conversation#even if i really really want to be needlessly aggressive. and ruin the conversation. but i guess i have the self control to not. lmfao#what if i just killed myself. anyway i think im gonna go get some shitty fast food on this walk and watch a horror movie when im back#.vent
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ahh when i did some long ass test for personality disorders and the psychologist was like 'you don't get results like this unless u were emotionally neglected. were u emotionally neglected' and I was like Shrug. apparently so
#i was gonna say i feel like just approaching it like that and not expounding#isnt great practice but honestly my memory is fuzzy#and i DID bring up wanting to test for it so maybe it was assumed i did know what signs of it are#ultimately this didnt lead to anything but i wish i had a copy of those results lmao#idr what the test was anymore. but its been a while since i did the mmpi#i have to wonder if its changed at all..#anyways im pretty sure this was at the very end of high school#ok just had a look at the old results and fuck that lol#i dont remember what any of this shit means frankly i just dont ruminate anymore and cant be fucked trying to do the test again
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#damn . if i like. ever did something wrong i wonder why they dont just talk to me about it#like idk i thought when they like. vagued about *someone* i had to convince myself that it wasnt me#like i literally went through our messages to make sure i didnt say anything wrong#but apparently it was me after all? i just wish they wouldve. idk. talked to me about it#it feels so hypocritical? why are you allowed to say what you think and im not#unless i actually did what you claimed but i cant remember this happening nor can i find messages where it happens#and even then instead of vaguing about me when you know im not doing well you can just approach me#or is there a whole different reason? do you avoid me because of something else? am i just not on your level after all?#if it was any other person i wouldnt have cared so much but they were one of the first friends i made there#we worked out so well in the beginning and now you realised im not who you thought i was and instantly replaced me#why does this shit ALWAYS happen to me? is there something wrong with me or is it everyone around me?#this is why i dont approach people. this is why im so intimidated by others. it doesnt work. ill always end up being less.#everyone always ends up being better and more and i am the replacable one. idk. just sucks
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Time for me to be completely changed as a person! *just watched falsettos*
#the klock keeps ticking#oh dude we’re so back oh its so back#how am i supposed to live my life after this how am i supposed to go on#its funny cuz ive seen this damn show actually a thousand times i know it forward and backwards#and i dont really cry ever in general and ive become so familiar with falsettos that i dont cry anymore#but it still has the ability to destroy some deep part of me every single time in a new way#I will stay firm in my belief that its the greatest piece of media ever made#if i ever get to see falsettos on broadway (pipe dream ik) like#thatd be it for me man like how the hell are you supposed to leave and drive home after that akdnsk#i cant remember the last time i watched either i think it mightve been like. when i first moved into my old apartment 😳#and ive gone through quite a bit of shit since then and im smarter. i think#so yeah it hit me very hard this time i always stick to something different#im very much wrecked about this fucking family lets just say that#lets just say ‘shes cooked for some 200 guests i know we’re not that many actually we’re 7’#really hit different this time KID DO YOU KNOW HOW PROUD I AM#DONT KNOW WHY BUT HE LOOKS LIKE MARVIN#so so good so lovingly written and performed so real and beautiful and tragic FUCKKKK#yeah basically prepare for me to write like 50 essays for a few days about all the characters every song every lyric every sound yeah#falsettos is probably deadass the reason im like this it shaped me so much#just like. the ending of tragedy that was so unexpected and unfair#and it looks at the fucking homophobic shits who preached all about this being just desserts for the perverted behavior#and it says ‘this man could’ve kept that unhappy heterosexual life and avoided all of this but he chose the one that killed him because#it made him feel like himself it made him happy despite how brief it was and hed choose this route in every universe’#just a piece of art that is so true to queerness i dont think anything else has instilled a sense of pride in me like falsettos has#the tight knit family marvin tries so hard to keep together is falling apart worse and worse with each attempt#but once marvin is happy and loves himself and is loved by others the family ends up growing and sticking together naturally#aaughhh yeah ahahaha yeah man everyone please love your friends so genuinely love yourself and keep going 🥰
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sorry i just. need to rant for a second
#cause dude the whole joost situation is SO fucking upsetting#he's mentioned over and over again how overwhelming this whole overnight success thing has been for him and to respect his boundaries#and instead of yk respecting his wishes “fans” go and make things worse by constantly overstepping and being creepy and weird like hello???#like why can't we all just be normal and take a step back and enjoy things#these people are gonna end up driving him off the internet and i wouldn't blame him one bit#and the worst part is the people who should get the memo obviously don't (or refuse to) bc this isn't an isolated instance#like its been going on for a while now#idk man i just think about how hard it must be for him rn#one of the things that turned me into a joost fan (besides his music) was his personality#like i obviously dont know him on a personal basis#but from the little bits ive seen he comes across as a really genuine and sweet and kind dude#super thoughtful as well. like i just love the way he thinks and his take on things#like i remember watching his eurovision interviews and just thinking oh man this dude's a ray of sunshine LMFAO#also the literal definition of resilience like dude's been through so much stuff and hes always managed to come out on top despite of it#and thats something i really admire about him too. like the way he put it as not letting your traumas be just that#but also something that can drive you forward#but yeah dude's had more than enough like he deserves to be happy and have some peace and ppl keep ruining it for him and it makes me upset#like i actually slept like shit last night and woke up feeling terrible and i wonder if what went down yesterday w the whole live thing#has anything to do with it lmfao#and you may be like ok well youre taking it too personally and letting it affect you#and yeah maybe youre right LOL but i cant help it i care about the guy and i want him to be okay#he seems to have a really good support system though so i hope things blow over soon and he can finally have some peace#anyway. rant over! 💋#raquel speaks
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if someone could push me off the edge of a cliff, that would be greatly appreciated 🙏
#◢ 𝐊𝐀𝐘'𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒 ◣#rant#like im so tired#mentally#and physically#im constantly doing something#that isnt even for myself#and when i do get time for myself#i feel like shit#bc why am i NOT doing anything??#i wanna get so much writing done#but i get bearly any time to write#i cant remember#the last time i was able to actually sit down#and write something#bc i am CONSTANTLY having to do something else#i work 9pm-7am#then when i get off work#i have to babysit from 8:30am-4pm#so i bearly get any sleep#or get to actually eat anything#or time to myself#and when i dont babysit#im using that time to catch up on sleep#and before i know it#im right back at the beginning of the cycle#so to any of my readers that have made it this far#i apologize#for the lack of anything on my blog#im trying
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Using my brain like a metal detector to figure out what the FUCK it wants to do
#*shakes brain* what do you want??? food isnt working acnh isnt working weaving isnt working#im gonna fucking riot#im understimulated but just listening to a video feels OVERstimulating#i get bored & tired two minutes after starting a thing#but i want to do SOMETHING#i was in bed almost all day yesterday b/c i couldnt get myself to do anything else for more than. like. an hour at a time#or maybe less (it felt like less anyway)#i do NOT want to do that again#if my new meds dont do anything to help istg (im not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset)#depressions a bitch and i hate it!!!#im tired but i got a good amount of sleep the past few nights so its not from that??? i know its the Mental Illness but. still#i do NOT want to just take a NAP all DAY i want to DO things when im OFF from WORK#is this what it was like pre-meds??? b/c if so HOW#i legitimately dont remember#personal#jay rambles#mental health cw#depression cw#im. so fucking tired of this shit if the new meds do the thing where it makes things worse for the first few weeks#im still not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset about it. and there's a real chance i wont be able to work full hours#which i cant afford atm#i MADE SURE i had enough food for lung and i havent had half of it b/c i started and my brain went “mm no you're full actually”#(i very distinctly am NOT full. but now it has a bad Mouth Feel and im going insane)#(gonna try knitting next to see if that works)#food mention
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