#DO I PUSH AND PURSUE?

[solar-eclipsed]

The Birth of a Star

(The Birth of a Ghost)

[aardvaark]

i think it’s noteworthy that parker finds a way, multiple times, to pretend to be with hardison in a con. she kisses him in the first david job, she pretends she’s meeting him to have sex in the wedding job, they pretend they’re getting a marriage visa in the zanzibar marketplace job, and they act like they’ve been making out in the jailhouse job. and i can’t think of a time that she’s done that with any of the others?? tell me if im wrong but i don’t think she’s fake-made-out with anyone else, at least.

i mean, parker stabs or breaks the fingers of guys who flirt with her or touch her. yet in the first david job she kisses hardison. in season one, when she’s still so resistant to touch and her heart is so guarded. its just for the con, of course. but a fake kiss, something she can easily write off - that’s all she can do at that stage. she can’t offer her heart, she won’t let herself get attached, and really it takes until the long way down job (ie season 4) for her to start accepting that she is capable of loving and being loved. in season 1, when she was entirely closed off, a fake kiss is all she can do with her feelings for hardison pretzels. she keeps taking the opportunity to kiss him or be together, without the consequence of Having To Talk About It and all the problems she knows would come with that. her method of coping with Emotions is to let herself get into a bunch of mini fake dating AUs with him lol.

i think its worth bringing up because ive mentioned how sweet hardison is with her, and we all talk about how much he cares for her and shows patience and understanding, but its certainly not one-sided! parker’s enamoured with him since pretty early on. her way of showing it is just different and somehow both far less and way more direct lol. they both put effort into figuring each other out and learning to be in a relationship, not to mention that trying to be capable of a healthy relationship with hardison is one of the biggest driving forces behind parker’s character growth. he’s so important to her (and they’re so important to me <3).

[etoilesombre]

[kindalonely-ngl]

Sylus's Voice Call: Remote Support

Today I felt like listening to his voice so I re-listen to his old voice calls and I realized I haven't listen to his Remote Support call.

I've said this before that Sylus is the type of person who I will probably love and admire from a safe distance because I am scared(?), intimidated, feel small yet attracted and in awed by his huge and secure presence. Like if I get to befriend him, I will try my best not to show my naturally pessimistic side. I will seek advice, yes, but I wouldn't dare to complain and whine in front of him because I feel like he won't entertain such things and would prefer if we get our shit together and face the problems ahead. Sylus is someone who will push his person to be the better version of themself whether the person is ready to face themself or not. He's a fierce green flag, a kind of friend my mom would pray for me to have, and the person who I should hold on to. But for me and my low self-esteem, Sylus is simply intimidatingly admirable.

... and through this voice call, I could say that I was almost right.

Maybe because I've met some friends and acquintances who have almost similar mentality/personality/presence as Sylus and I remember their firm, "positive" response and optimistic outlook made me feel even smaller, extra pessimistic and weak. And as the call continued, I was hella nervous when MC kept on pointing out how he was acting different than the "usual" Sylus would act (pampering her, calming her down, playing along with her antics etc)

I was like "Girl, just say thank you and ask for a simple advice and support or something. Stop it I'm scared! 😭"

Maybe because I've never been too close to anyone in my life, most of the time I felt like MC is pushing it too far and that makes me feel scared and my social anxiety would just gradually makes its way into my already anxious heart. And I often thought to myself "Is this normal? Is this how people interact these days? Is this what they called a cute banter between people in love? Is this flirting? I'm scared." Especially when replying to the LIs texts, I always find myself feeling nervous, scared to choose between 3 options, as if there are right and wrong answers or the affinity level would drop if I choose the wrong one. Idk what to do with myself so sometimes I would left the texts unread for a few days until I'm ready lmao and that's how I actually am irl too.

Anyways, as my heart started pounding anxiously, waiting for his sharp remarks, I was relieved when he put them in words nicely. I was baffled at myself for expecting him to say mean things to MC lol.

When he said "believe in yourself" so softly I got teary eyes, heartbeat slowed down, I exhaled the breath I didn't realized I've been holding for a while and I just fell in love with him. Again.

And when he said that he would be there for MC anytime haaa such a heart pounding and warming phone call 😩.

I love him and I would love him to be real but at the same time I would be sad if he is real because I know he won't even glance at my negative, pessimistic, low self-esteem ass. Seeing how he loves MC whose personality I can't relate to at all, yeah just stay fictional, my dear Sylus.

In conclusion, I'm scaroused of Sylus.

[puppppppppy]

people who do STEM or administration as a career full time and continue to do art as a hobby, I am scared of you but like in a hot way. youre like if we were allowed to have cold drinks in winter. i look at you and think of miles morales with his two cakes. do you want to make out sometime

[tallymali]

i have such a morbid fascination with those weird reddit dudes who rate their attraction to a woman by working out the ratios and proportions of her features. i want to know if it has ever occurred to them that this is not how other people experience attraction

[eggsistential-basket]

thinking about the person i could have been if i tried a little harder to find my own way

[ai-the-broccoli]

it's something I've thought about for a short while, but...

transmasc and/or nonbinary Hotori Yuzuki . is this anything

(I say into the mic, to an audience of like barely anyone really though, there are so few posts in hotori's character tags)

[datastate]

i don't mean this to brag or anything silly like that bc. that is weird to do! but i seriously do think at this point i've thought more abt the intricacies of asunaro than anyone else - barring nankidai, of course, but even so... that's primarily a matter of how long yttd existed in his head. whereas i was only introduced to it abt 3 years ago... otherwise. well. hey mister nankidai would you like to collaborate. hey,

[hoziersong]

anyone know some fun activities to do with a 4 year old without leaving the house

[bangcakes]

.

[t-u-i-t-c]

Shinobi 25: It's Summer! Beware of Dracula

[miffyghost]

and then after uni lots of my friends went and did a creative writing masters but I couldn’t afford to…….

[saenora]

recently i have seen too many takes on itoshis having unhealthy parents... or their parents were neglectful of them... or pressurizing and i just wanna take a hot minute BEC WHAT ARE PEOPLE ON?!?

[mainfaggot]

the problem is that i have the temperament of a caged animal, but i also have no end goal lol haha isnt that funny. everyone start pointing and laughing already

[pepprs]

ngl it’s genuinely kinda crazy how much of my life i have lost to mental illness :3 lol