#DID systems are rare like chronic illness is ‘rare’

[thefluxsystem]

people with DID are your neighbors. people with DID are your friends. people with DID are your family. people with DID are your students, your teachers, your nurses, your postal workers, your grocery clerks, your bankers, your tax people, your local government employees.

people with DID are everywhere, leading what look like normal and functional lives. often times they are normal and functional lives, the way they maintain them is just different than those without DID.

[astranite]

Love is Stored in the Pasta

Scott, John and pasta.

This started off from a tumblr post 'cause somebody needed to cook that guy some pasta!!

Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, really very mild scott is hangrysad, ft john's space issues, Chronic Illness, as thats what im treating it as and its not the focus here he's just living with it, Scott Tracy has ADHD, this is important, Autistic John Tracy, lowkey here but also Important to me, this is fun and fluffy and i love them, i hope this is like a warm comforting bowl of pasta to you too

---

“We need to talk,” John said.

On the other side of the call, Scott’s hologram slumped over his desk, his head landing in his hands. “Oh God.”

“I found your search history…” John began.

Scott peered out sheepishly from behind his fingers. “I can explain!”

“It’s just pages and pages of pasta?” 

John was puzzled, honestly. Five to ten recipe blogs and that was Scott trying to decide what to make for dinner during a meeting or while he was struggling to concentrate on work. During lulls between callouts, he and John would sometimes debate options together. More than forty separate sites visited at 3:12pm on a Tuesday afternoon and Eos had flagged it for John, on suspicion that Scott’s computer had been hacked by a malicious entity or some other AI virus.

Scott went from double facepalm of despair to full on faceplant, his head hitting the desk with an audible thunk.

“Why so much pasta?” John questioned. Now his curiosity was piqued, he couldn’t let it go or he’d be doing EVA work later, still turning over possibilities in his mind, which wasn’t conducive to the constant concentration needed while floating around in the vacuum. Outside, any misstep would be your last.

“I dunno. I just feel like pasta,” Scott mumbled into the wood.

Scott sounded…weird. Like he was about to start laughing, or coming down with a cold.

“Scott? Are you okay?”

It had better not be another flu; corralling Scott to take care of himself was hard enough even if he wasn’t feverish. John wouldn’t be able to come down either, quarantined up in Five unless he already had it. Was the slight tug of a headache at his temples from his sinuses beginning to clog up too?

Scott hadn’t looked up yet; his shoulders were shaking. John wiggled his fingers anxiously.

“Scotty?”

Big brother’s head shot up at the nickname John so rarely used. Had John intended to provoke that reaction? The name had been a slip of the tongue but if he was was honest, he sort of had meant to jar Scott out of his thoughts. He never called Scott, Scotty unless he was scared though. And Scott not answering him did tick tick tick up his system from yellow alert into red.

“I’m fine, it’s okay. Don’t worry about me.” Scott’s words ran over each other in an attempt to come first. His voice sounded oddly wet.

Tears, yes those were indeed tears dulled by holographic format, tumbled down Scott’s cheeks.

As soon as he saw John looking, Scott turned away.

Suddenly, John landed on the spark of insight that he had a hunch would crack the code to his big brother’s distress. “Have you eaten anything all day?”

Scott dug around for tissues in a drawer of the desk and gave a half shrug. “I guess not—not really? I tried to before you say anything. Got a mouthful of breakfast in and then there was a call out. Lunch didn’t happen, there was a meeting, I had to make coffee, I ran out of time. I don’t really feel hungry though…”

That did explain a few things. It was well known family lore that Virgil and Alan got hangry, and Gords went all sad and mopey. Scott and John himself though, they got …really, unstably emotional. 

So yeah, hence the unexpected bursting into tears. John got the whole shit interoception and not even noticing if you needed to eat while you were buried in work thing; Scott was way too used to ignoring his body too. 

John took a deep breath. “Scott, and I’m one-hundred percent serious about this, do you want me to come down there and make you some pasta?”

Thunderbird Five systems whirred around John in the quiet as Scott hesitated.

“Maybe,” he whispered. “Or you don’t have to, I’ll wait, Virge’ll be doing dinner in a bit anyway.”

“Virgil won’t be up until past sunset after the hours Thunderbird Two was out yesterday and into this morning,” John said gently. “You need to eat before then.”

Nor would an overwhelmed Scott and the kitchen be a good combination at this point, and John saw the moment Scott realised this, while fidgeting with the rubix cube on his desk. 

“I want to do this for you,” John told him.

Scott dashed at his eyes, sniffled a few times and finally capitulated. “Okay. Thanks, Jay.”

John smiled and signed off, heading for the space elevator. He was usually so far away, he was right now, but it was in his power to close off that distance when he needed to and today he could use that. 

He farewelled Eos; she so often missed him but the opportunities to run the space station on her own that weren’t emergencies where he was incapacitated excited her. They showed how much he had come to trust and rely on her. Plus she got full reign of their virtual chess set.

On Earth, Scott was waiting for him as the elevator docked, his hands stuck casually in his jeans pockets but looking as pale and wobbly as John felt. His face was still tearstained.

“Hey.”

“Hey to you too.” John took a few heavy steps before throwing himself at Scott, wrapping his arms around his brother tightly, all the while careful not to knock him off balance. Scott stiffened then melted into John. 

Usually that interaction went the other way around. 

Scott used the extra height space gave John to rest his head on him without having to duck down like with everyone else. John hugged him close and comfortingly as his fingers tap tap tapped their rhythm at Scott’s shoulder. All of it meant I love you.

“Pasta time?” John said eventually.

Scott nodded silently, following when John started off towards the kitchen. The raw rock wall of the hanger was rough and vividly solid in its three dimensions, as John ran his hand along it for balance as he walked that initial part. He was touching the Earth, he was in the Earth, he was on Earth.

With cold water from the fridge dispenser and the fizzy, brightly coloured tablets shook out of their tube, John made up lidded cups of electrolyte drink for himself and Scott. John needed to be sculling the stuff perpetually to stay upright down here, and he would not be at all surprised if Scott was dehydrated too. It might to something for John’s headache, could go either way for the nausea coming on.

He put a large pot on the heat. One advantage of having a stove so high powered that it could nuke anything it touched was that any volume of water boiled fast. 

An entire packet of fettuccine got tipped into the enthusiastic cacophony of bubbles. John poked at it with a pasta scoop, regretting that he hadn’t snapped the long pieces to actually fit in better. Ah well. 

He shook in an excessive-to-anyone-not-him amount of salt with a shrug ‘cause he needed it, before having another go at separating the pasta. The pasta scoop was quite an effective implement for that, there were reasons after all it was Gordon’s favourite utensil as John remembered from previous discussions. One could also use it to mash potatoes when held vertically, if one so pleased. His second favourite was the tongs as they could be clicked like crab claws and used to pinch unsuspecting siblings. 

Scott watched from his place slumped over the kitchen bench on a stool, chewing on the ragged skin at the edge of his thumbnail. He was trying to work on a couple of screens pulled up as holomonitors, as unsuccessfully as could be expected. John came over and hopped up to sit on the bench, clipping through the projected email inbox and meeting minutes so Scott dismissed them. It was with a sigh of relief.

They smiled tiredly at each other.

The pasta! John tapped at his uniform comms watch. “Eos, set a timer for the pasta, please?” John shaved the minute that had already passed off of the box time and then another couple to ensure it wouldn’t come out mushy.

“So what sort of stuff on pasta do you feel like? There’s a good lot of options you were looking at earlier.”

“We don’t have the ingredients for most of those, I checked. No eggs and no mushrooms so no carbonara. Technically that wouldn’t be authentic carbonara though. No cream cheese. We missed this week’s supply run so we don’t even have any frozen peas!” Scott threw his hands up in the air.

“Hmmm. You feel like something creamy?”

“Yeah. Honestly at this point I’d eat anything.”

John swung his legs and tapped his fingers on the counter while he thought.

“I believe some bacon is hiding in the bottom of the freezer so that’s something. And…” he trailed of as he moved his head too fast and set off a wave of dizziness as he looked around the kitchen.

“Avocado!” Scott exclaimed.

“Avocado?”

“Funny story, we ended up with several cases of them after that rescue on that farm where we saved the whole village and nearly all their trees from catastrophic flooding. They really need eating too and there’s only so much toast you can stand.”

“I have heard theoretically of putting avo on pasta and it does sound good. Mmmm bacon and avocado, John hummed. “Worth a shot?”

Scott reached towards the fruit bowl in answer, grinning at John. “Soon we will have pasta!”

John peeled off the upper half of his uniform and tied the arms around his waist in preparation. In the subtropical summer down here he was already getting too hot and while the temperature regulation built into his suit would do its best to make up for his own body’s lack thereof, it felt weird to have everything covered up from fingertips to neck down here while he was cooking.

Scott began to giggle.

“Huh?” John said, extremely eloquently.

Scott gestured at him. 

“My suit?” Was something up with his suit? The full gloved hands and sleeves flopping about without John in them had been known to amuse the lot of them on occasion, ever since he’d used the empty suit as a phoney decoy of himself to trick Eos. It was pretty funny now no one was in mortal peril and Eos was his friend.

“Your face!” Scott exclaimed.

“What’s wrong with my face?” 

John frowned. Was it his fringe that never could survive true gravity? He hadn’t gotten freckles while he’d been down all of half an hour and inside, had he? Then he looked down.

His t-shirt had a photograph of his face printed on it, and across the chest, emblazoned in neon orange read the words ‘Space Face’, courtesy of one particular fish brother. Ah yes. That.

John sighed, resting his chin on his hand to hide the smile he couldn’t quite control. “Not exactly subtle, is it? In my defence this was the only one in my closet that was clean and you can’t exactly see it beneath my suit. It’s all Gordon’s fault anyway!”

Scott was still laughing, albeit a touch hysterically and at him, but John took it as a win regardless.

Eventually Scott grabbed himself a cutting board and knife to get to work on the avocados as John carefully slipped off the bench, steadying himself on the counter as his ankles went noodley so he could handle the bacon. 

Bacon, bacon, now where had he seen that bacon? He had the image of it in his head, but that was only one piece of the puzzle, a photograph, humanly imperfect, memory woven out of instinct. Digging about in the deep freeze which the evidence pointed to as best John could tell had his fingers feeling like he’d stuck them out in space with out gloves on. They ached sharply as John cursed his crappy circulation. 

He gladly found the bacon though, lurking at the second darkest depths. He would not be willing to venture into the midnight zone of Unidentified Frozen Objects and charred dinner leftovers put away for ‘later’. He chucked the packet into the microwave and thawed out his hands by running them under lukewarm water, wincing all the while. If he’d thought this through, if he’d been smart enough, he would’ve put his suit gloves back on—his space rated, cold proof, most definitely impervious to domestic appliances gloves— and saved himself the pain.

Scott came over to rinse his avocado green hands. He dried them off then wrapped his arms around John’s waist so he could lean on him, giving in for a moment in face of daunting gravity. With Scott, he could because Scott got him; they both could.

“You alright?” And there was big brother smotherhen coming out.

John flexed his defrosted fingers. “I will be.” He turned and smushed his face into Scott’s neck for a little bit, hugging back, Scott rested his head on John’s, and they stayed there for a while.

They were both fading. The pasta would help with that, Scott really needed to eat and so did John at this point, the half a dry bagel for breakfast and another at lunch hadn’t really been enough. The trick now was finishing the task that felt as if it expanding faster by the second than the Universe, as measured by the Hubble Constant was. They could do this though. Together.

Scott chopped up the bacon roughly and John cooked it, hissing back when it spat hot oil at him. 

When Eos notified them the timer had gone off, and John had very scientifically tested the pasta was done by nomming on a bit, he called Scott over carry the large pot to the colander in the sink to strain. 

“Gravity plus boiling water plus my space noodley arms are probably not a good combo,” he laughed. 

He was getting better at knowing his limits. Scott’s smile was small and proud, he saw John.

Scott stared at the bacon with the intensity of a starved wolf with its mouth watering, then stole some pieces hot from the pan and burnt his mouth. Scoff Tracy strikes again. 

They dumped the pasta in a big mixing bowl with the mashed avocado, a little lemon juice, the bacon, and a whole lot of salt, pepper and parmesan cheese, mixing it together with the big pasta scoop.

John swayed on his feet then, grabbing onto Scott to stay upright for long enough to decide actually the best place for him right now was sitting on the kitchen floor just here. John folded himself down to the ground in a slithering pile of too long, too bendy limbs, Scott wordlessly guiding his descent. 

“You want me to grab some sporks to eat with?”

“They’re splayds, technically,” John remarked. He gave Scott the thumbs up anyway, while he rested his spinning head on his knees.

Scott waved about his ‘sporks’ acquired from the cutlery draw with a victorious grin before he sunk to the ground to join John.

John took one, passing the pasta to Scott once he was settled, lanky legs stretched out for miles, bumping into John’s.

“We forgot plates,” Scott said.

John shrugged. “At this point, who cares. We have pasta.”

“We do.” Scott blinked for a moment. “I didn’t before and I wouldn’t’ve but now we do.”

He hugged the warm pasta bowl to his chest, and when John observed more closely he saw the tears collecting on Scott’s eyelashes, sparkling in the kitchen light as he looked up at John.

“Thanks. I love you so much, Jay.”

John gave him a gentle smile, ducking to knock his forehead against his brother’s shoulder like a cat. “Love is stored in the pasta.”

Scott smiled back at him and they both dug in.

It was good pasta.

Really good pasta, because he was here with Scott and through everything they had made it, together.

[ya-zz]

hiya! :-)

can i request a rammattra, zenyatta, or genji (whoever you think fits best) x gn reader who's a cyborg with a gothic little balljoint porcelain doll appearence? maybe a little edward scissorhands-y in their mannerisms and personality (doesn't really talk much, curious and full of wonder about the most mundane things, a bit socially tone deaf, and usually seen as a creepy weirdo despite in reality being more akin to a batty puppy dog overall)?

also optional bonus heavy angst idea you don't have to include: reader admitting that they didn't actually want to be a cyborg when they technically died naturally of a chronic illness, but their ex brought them back from the brink of death against their expressed wishes and now reader has episodes where they have to grapple with the fact they're still alive and how different their body is now.

totally alright if this is too much and no worries if you don't wanna write it! i hope you have a swell day! :-D

Hooo boy, this one took a lil longer to get to, work be testing me at the moment, but anyway- I broke it up into small pieces for each character, hope that's okay!

Everything is under the cut and they all have varying word counts. The first section is the same for each, it's bold and italic.

Ramattra

Your appearance was something neither three had ever seen before. They stared at you with a mix of emotions. Mainly awe and curiosity. Omnics had their defaulted looks, they all did. Each series a different kind but the same look, but you… You were unique. 

Zenyatta and Genji were talking, Ramattra sitting by his brothers side trying to ignore the ninja’s ramblings. It was supposed to be a meditation session, but of course, the ninja had other ideas and proceeded to gloat about his renewed and blossoming relationship with his brother. When you stumbled upon the three, looking helpless like a lost puppy, they averted their attention to you. 

Genji was the first to make a noise, a sound of surprise as his eyes widened while he looked you up and down. Zenyatta and Ramattra stayed silent, their orbs the only other sound in the room. When your voice broke through the awkwardness, the three men stand. 

“I don’t suppose you could help me find my way to the garden?” You asked, voice a little shaky and staticky. 

Ramattra stepped forward, offering a hand. 

“I will escort you.” He bowed his head slightly before bidding Zenyatta and his pet human goodbye and leaving the room with you following behind. 

The silence was comfortable yet Ramattra couldn’t help but wonder about you. 

“You are different from the others.” He states, not deterring from the path nor his speed. 

There was a hum in response and the omnic looks down at you. He notices you’re looking forward, seemingly in your own world as you walk beside him. 

“Do you have a name?” He asks.

He’s met with silence.

Ramattra silently sighs. Not one for conversation, huh? 

Instead of talking, he looks over you once more. The model make and number appears in his HUD, a rare and unique model and quite expensive too. One would be lucky to even afford such a delicate piece of equipment. 

He’s curious, and rightly so. Who and why? A ball-jointed omnic, no, you seem too human to be an omnic. You’re an anomaly Ramattra can’t wrap his system around. He goes back to his initial thinking; a ball-jointed omnic is wandering about the area, you look like a doll. A fully functioning toy doll. A kid would love to grasp and pull at you if it had the chance. 

He thinks for a moment. A collectors toy, that is what you look like. The larger omnic looks back over at you and it makes more sense to him, but he doesn’t speak out loud. You look like a doll that should be sitting on a shelf, encased with glass, one for people to look at. 

“You keep staring at me.” 

Ramattra shifts, looking forward again. “My apologies. I am merely curious about you.”

“You wouldn’t be the first.” 

“I will not be the last, it seems.” He huffs, looking out of the window as you both pass it. 

“No, you won’t be.” 

“Are you always this…” 

“This, what? Straight? Yes.” 

“I see.” Ramattra feels the tension in the air and stays silent. He pushed the wrong way and made you uncomfortable, but he dismisses the feeling as he pushes forward and opens the door towards the garden. “Here you go.” 

It’s like a switch had flipped instantly, your mood heightens as you practically run past him and out into the community garden. With the sun beaming down onto your arms, your face warming up, it felt like a dream. It had been too long since you had seen natural beauty and after hearing that this was the place to see it, you made your way here. 

Ramattra watches on, catching you staring at the bark on the trees, hands gently touching the ridges, feeling the coarse and damp wood. It had been raining two hours prior, the soil beneath your feet still soggy as your feet sunk into the dirt. There wasn’t a care in the world at that moment and Ramattra felt himself admiring the kid like excitement within you. 

Hey stays by the door, arms crossed over his chest as he keeps an eye on you. Hands playing with the leaves upon the tree, gently fingers grazing the flower petals. Knees and feet caked in mud, joints becoming sticky and grinding against each other, but you did not care. 

This… This is what you came here to do. To be free, to study… To be yourself.

Genji

Your appearance was something neither three had ever seen before. They stared at you with a mix of emotions. Mainly awe and curiosity. Omnics had their defaulted looks, they all did. Each series a different kind but the same look, but you… You were unique. 

Zenyatta and Genji were talking, Ramattra sitting by his brothers side trying to ignore the ninja’s ramblings. It was supposed to be a meditation session, but of course, the ninja had other ideas and proceeded to gloat about his renewed and blossoming relationship with his brother. When you stumbled upon the three, looking helpless like a lost puppy, they averted their attention to you. 

Genji was the first to make a noise, a sound of surprise as his eyes widened while he looked you up and down. Zenyatta and Ramattra stayed silent, their orbs the only other sound in the room. When your voice broke through the awkwardness, the three men stand. 

“I don’t suppose you could help me find my way to the garden?” You asked, voice a little shaky and staticky. 

Genji did not hesitate at all as he practically jumped towards you. 

“I’ll go with you! Come on!” His arm wrapped around your shoulders while he escorted you out of the room and down the hallway. “So, what made you come here?” His voice was sweet and excited. You didn’t know why, but it felt comfortable. 

“I heard there was natural beauty here.” 

“Ah! The garden!” Genji exclaimed. “Yes! We would usually meditate outside but it is raining. Perhaps the rain has finally let up.”

“You were meditating?” 

“We were. Well, Zenyatta and Ramattra were, but I had news I wanted to share with my master.”

“Your ‘master’?” 

Genji nods as he walks alongside you. “Zenyatta. After a life changing altercation with my brother, Zenyatta practically took me in and guided me on the right path.”

“You’re talking about your appearance?” 

Genji nods once again and perhaps thats where it clicked with him. He felt drawn to you because you were similar to him. He could feel it. “My brother tried to kill me. Family issues and such, I won’t bore you with the details.”

You shake your head. “I was the same. Not with family, but my lover. I was on deaths door, chronic illness, I wanted to die, but he had other plans… And here I am now.” 

“Did it take awhile to get used to it? It did for me.” Genji softens his voice, tone apologetic. 

“Yes. I felt numb. My mind was there, but feeling wasn’t. I screamed, cried, shouted, anything, you name it. I didn’t ask for this.” 

“Nobody would ask for this. They should’ve respected your wishes.” His hand rests on your back, just below your neck, resting between where your shoulder blades would be. “I am sorry to bring it back up.” 

“Don’t apologise, you didn’t know.” 

There was a comforting silence as the pair of you walked through the hallway before Genji stopped beside a door. He heard the rain outside, but pushed the door open, letting the wind hit you. 

“You don’t have to go-” Before he even finished his sentence, you were already passed him, outside in the rain. Arms outstretched, face looking up, it’s like you had never been in the rain before. Genji chuckled, hiding under the shelter as he watched on. 

The ninja watched on, his eyes not leaving your body as you’d wander the garden in the rain. For once, Genji felt comfortable being around another person, someone who was just like him. Through pain and trauma, he hopes to get close to you, to know more about you, your insecurities, flaws, what makes you, you. 

He watched as you knelt down in the mud, fingers gliding over rose petals before picking up a snail that had been passing by. He chuckled once more when he watches you place it on a nearby leaf.

Time would only tell how these two would get along, but Genji hopes the feelings will become mutual in time.

Zenyatta

Your appearance was something neither three had ever seen before. They stared at you with a mix of emotions. Mainly awe and curiosity. Omnics had their defaulted looks, they all did. Each series a different kind but the same look, but you… You were unique. 

Zenyatta and Genji were talking, Ramattra sitting by his brothers side trying to ignore the ninja’s ramblings. It was supposed to be a meditation session, but of course, the ninja had other ideas and proceeded to gloat about his renewed and blossoming relationship with his brother. When you stumbled upon the three, looking helpless like a lost puppy, they averted their attention to you. 

Genji was the first to make a noise, a sound of surprise as his eyes widened while he looked you up and down. Zenyatta and Ramattra stayed silent, their orbs the only other sound in the room. When your voice broke through the awkwardness, the three men stand. 

“I don’t suppose you could help me find my way to the garden?” You asked, voice a little shaky and staticky. 

He approached you almost silently, feet tapping gently on the ground before he extends his hand. 

“I will escort you. Follow me.” His voice was fluid for an omnic, which was soothing to your ears. Once the pair of you had left the room, just overhearing Ramattra telling Genji to shut up, Zenyatta chuckles and guides you through the halls. 

“Do not mind those two.” He states, moving his hand as he speaks. “They have been at it like children since Genji got here.” 

He hears the hum of response and takes a moment to look over you. Zenyatta’s model wasn’t as advanced as Ramattra’s, but he could do the basic scanning of people, but you… were not entirely human. 

“You are quite similar to Genji.” 

“Which one is he?” 

“The less omnic looking one. The one who sat to the left of me.” He chuckles.

“Oh, him.” There was a short pause. “How so?”

“You have mechanics within your body. You are not entirely human, are you?” He asks, head cocking to the side. 

“No.” 

“I see. I will not press, I am here to talk if you want to.” He offers, tone laced with a comforting frequency that began settling the anxiousness within you. The monk pauses for a moment before continuing. “Are you here for a reason? We do not get many guests.”

“Nature. I heard stories form the village.” 

“Ah. Our garden. Yes. It is quite magnificent. Well cared for too.” He hums, nodding his head. “We have gardeners and groundskeepers in there at all hours of the day. Perhaps you may make a few friends.” 

There was a friendliness in his voice as he kept speaking. While he was doing so, his systems were wondering what had happened to you for you to be like this. The porcelaine like features of your body intrigued him, the ball-jointed appearance made you look like a doll, and while not something he had seen before, he wanted to know more. 

His thoughts stopped when they arrived at the archway, the garden just outside. He went to speak but you had already vanished into the greenery. The gardeners watched on, the groundskeepers laughing as they watched this human-omnic wander into the flower beds and bushes. 

Zenyatta sat down on a nearby bench, keeping a close eye on you. He was in complete awe of you and his systems began to work through any and all possible outcome to his feelings. He was curious, much like were in this moment.

You examined the bugs under the rocks, picking them up to get a closer look before placing them back down into the dirt. With the sun on your face, it felt like a surreal dream, one you never wanted to wake from. 

The omnic monk kept his gaze within your direction, chuckling to himself as the minutes passed by. Perhaps another familiar face wouldn’t be unwelcome here…

[feartoxinjelloshot]

Poor little Jonny with guts made of straw;

Far from his bed did he go that night

Jon, Mama and Papa, early in thaw

Flew he to the cornfield, sickened with fright.

Too close, too close! Cried the mother crow

And with her beak tore poor Jonny's hand

The child asked weeping his parents to go

But all still and quiet they both did stand.

Checkered blue curtains his morning-bird;

Mama's scratch fire burning his blood

Laid sick little Jonny and said not a word

In his hospital bed of magnolia wood.

They had given him water and supper and tea

And ointments of healing all down the limb

Still Jonny said nothing: they could not see

The straw-filled man stood in front of him.

Threw up the supper and bled out the tea;

Pecked and scalpeled the arm that he kept

Woken by terrors in the moon's light of three

All of the doctors and nurses had left.

Jonny cried mercy to the spiders and dirt

Lord, said he, one who made me so sick

His prayer then he spits like a curse

Heal me, my God, sweaty hands in a grip.

And to the son's cross on high he turned;

For black into the morning the sun had crept

But Jonny was older and soon had he learned

That God was a scarecrow with a noose 'round its neck.

I actually have not talked about Jon's original-original scarecrow incident here (as opposed to the NJ hospital one or sitb), mostly because it didn't really exist in any kind of coherent form until recently: the story goes that Jon, as mentioned in my other posts, was a severely chronically ill child and spent large chunks of his upbringing in and out of the hospital. as a teenager (somewhere in the 14-17 range) he was on a very rare family vacation with his often-neglectful parents; he was of course ecstatic to spend quality time with them outside of a medical environment or school. during the vacation Jon went into a cornfield by himself and ventured too close to a mother crow's nest, who pecked and drew blood from his hand in an attempt to defend her babies. Knowing of his own weakened immune system, this frightened Jon immensely, but upon telling his parents of it they were skeptical and said as long as he cleaned and wrapped it it would be fine -- it was just a bird peck. It wasn't worth ruining a whole vacation over. And Jon didn't really want to go back to the doctor, anyway, so he did as they said and went on with the trip.

Within several days the wound got severely infected. Jon was carted to the hospital in a feverish fugue and pumped full of an antibiotic cocktail that, while it did save him the arm and eventually fight off the infection, gave him a medley of hallucinatory side effects. The important thing to know about Jonathan here is that this was not an isolated incident -- he had a history of bad medication reactions, and coupled with his severe anxiety and potential undiagnosed psychosis, over the course of his childhood he had come to personify his own fears in the form of a frequent sleep-paralysis-creature-slash-nightmare-visitor that he dubbed The Scarecrow. Up until the crow-peck incident he had purely been afraid of it: the Christian ideals pushed on him over time led him to think of it almost as a devil figure, haunting him for his imaginary sins.

But the delirious hallucinatory episode of the concentrated antibiotic treatment, over the course of a long hellish week or so, started to change his perception of it. He had elaborate out-of-body experiences where he took his Scarecrow's place, lumbering and silent, following a sick child in the night, peering into the windows of sleeping households. He unbuckled the white face of the straw-filled man and found his own rotting skull inside. He prayed to God and the Scarecrow answered, speaking in a deep hoarse voice that sat hollow in his lungs. For the first time in his life he grasped the purpose of his own creation beyond the clutches of sickness -- he was to become his own Lord. He was to hang on the nightmare's noose and leave his human body and mind behind him. For the first time he felt strong.

The fear hadn't left him -- it never would -- but when he emerged from his fever and into the new world, it was with a black fountain of faith at his lip.

[yet-another-heathen]

Who is this Banri fellow you mentioned 👀 does he have any fiction in his name I could read?

@3-2-whump

I would love to be able to share a snippet, but Banri's story is still in the plotting/outlining phase, and no chapters have been written yet. But what I can do is share a summary!

Banri's story differs greatly from my other works. Rather than intricate worldbuilding, heavy whump, and big, sweeping plot arcs, his story is a rather quiet one. It lives within a world quite similar to our own, with the one main difference being the existence of vampires and other near-human beings. Rare, but widely known about and lived alongside without too much conflict.

Miguel is an older (cranky, snappish) vampire, who has been growing increasingly more ill over the last decade. His condition, adjacent to anemia, is something that medicine can treat; but despite years of trial and error, nothing seemed to be working on him. He can't actually absorb the medication properly in order to put it to use. But they did discover that he can metabolize it if it's already in the system of someone he feeds from.

The problem is, he needed someone who could safely take/was already on said medication, and couldn't find anyone who was willing to lose blood for his sake.

...until Banri answered his ad.

Banri is a widower and father to an adult daughter who... well, sadly, and for rather selfish reasons, has shunned him for the better part of the last ten years. He's always loved her so much. But he's a nervous and awkward man who spent his whole life as a grocery clerk— not a doctor or specialist like so many of her friends' parents. He's always had severe speech problems, and in the later half of his life it slowly developed into full mutism.

She's embarrassed of him. Didn't want her friends to see or meet him, stopped being around him. Didn't invite him to her graduation. He and his wife separated about five years back, and a few years later she passed away. He's been entirely alone since then.

He found Miguel's ad and just happened to already be taking an adjacent medication. And he wanted a chance to start over. So he left Japan to join him in Spain as a "live in manservant"— a polite alternative to what most would call a bloodbag. He's also there to help keep the house, especially because Miguel has spent the last several years unable to get out of bed. In exchange, he'd get quarters within Miguel's home, as well as all his clothing, food, and other needs paid for in full on far more an income than he'd ever seen.

There is no whumper in his story. While Miguel tends to lash out (and can become quite an asshole when he's hurting), the pain in this story isn't from violence. It's about otherness, and grief, and the loneliness of isolation. It's about chronic illness. About losing the things most important to you over something you have no control over.

It's also a story about reconnection. About spending your whole life rejected and bent by other people's expectations, only to find genuine acceptance in your last years of life. It's about losing all the things you thought made you who you are, and learning how to pick up the pieces and become something new.

[velvetvexations]

RE: Lovecraft's racism

I don't have anything meaningful to add, just some personal anecdotes.

I started reading Lovecraft from some selected works books, and I didn't see any issue for most of it. I didn't know his reputation, and also I am European so race is not something that I am actively aware about (because POC here are extremely rare and mostly are rich tourists and exchange students rather than minorities). Up until he described Inuits as "dwarfish creatures who call themselves Eskimos".

Later I have read complete collections of his works and saw some absolutely horrific racist sentiments, and also now that I am tumblr-level socialist I can see all problematic innuendos in selected works as well, so it's in no way defense of Lovecraft. Just my addition.

P.S.: I also think that people calling Lovecraft exceptionally racist just didn't read a lot of popular USAmerican fiction of the time. Burroughs is IMO worse, or at least more obvious about it.

P.P.S.: There was a popular joke some time ago like "Lovecraft would go insane if he met me" that was made by white neurodivergent queer people, and I feel that it's weirdly tone deaf. We don't know Lovecraft's opinion on homosexuality or transgenderism, at all. He probably was at least somewhat homophobic considering times, but we just can't prove that he wouldn't have changed his mind if presented with science-based arguments, and autism is definitely not what he considered scary mental illnesses. His entire deal was being racist, not just generally bad person.

P.P.P.S. (wow): Also, not enough people talk about him describing political system of Great Race of Yig (or whatever they are called) as "a mix of socialism and fascism"

Actually, we DO know how he felt about queer people!

From a letter to J. Vernon Shea:

I guess it is true that homosexuality is a rare theme for novels—partly because public attention was seldom called to it (except briefly during the Wilde period) until a decade ago, & partly because any literary use of it always incurs the peril of legal censorship. As a matter of fact—although of course I always knew that paederasty was a disgusting custom of many ancient nations—I never heard of homosexuality as an actual instinct till I was over thirty…which beats your record! It is possible, I think that this perversion occurs more frequently in some periods than in others—owing to obscure biological & psychological causes. Decadent ages—when psychology is unsettled—seem to favour it. Of course—in ancient times the extent of the practice of paederasty (as a custom which most simply accepted blindly, without any special inclination) cannot be taken as any measure of the extent of actual psychological perversion. Another thing—many nowadays overlook the fact that there are always distinctly effeminate types which are most distinctly not homosexual. I don’t know how psychology explains them, but we all know the sort of damned sissy who plays with girls & who—when he grows up—is a chronic “cake-eater”, hanging around girls, doting on dances, acquiring certain feminine mannerisms, intonations, & tastes, & yet never having even the slightest perversion of erotic inclinations.

Even worse, from a letter to James F. Morton:

Have you seen that precious sissy that I met in Cleveland? Belknap says he’s hit the big town, and that he’s had some conversation with him. When I saw that marcelled what is it I don’t know whether to kiss it or kill it! It used to sit cross-legged on the floor at Elgin’s and gaze soulfully upward. It didn’t like me and Galpin—too horrid, rough and mannish for it!

The idea that this fucking dweep saw himself as the alpha male in the room is dadgum hilarious.

And yet, R. H. Barlow and Samuel Loveman (again) were gay. Did Lovecraft know? He met the aforementioned "precious sissy" at a gathering Loveman had taken him to. R. H. Barlow wrote a story lost to us called "I Hate Queers" which Lovecraft read that certainly sounds psychologically revealing, but his brief commentary on it really tells us nothing about the content and if it made Barlow's closet more transparent or not.

Derleth said Lovecraft "seemed" to be unaware they were gay, but what the fuck does that asshole know? Lovecraft personally explained the ideas behind his stories to him and he still fucked up the Mythos for decades with his bullshit. On the other hand, Derleth was bisexual himself, and I don't know how Lovecraft couldn't have picked up on it from this letter he sent him:

I can understand your detestation of sex irregularities in life as violations of harmony and I here fully agree with you. I had previously misunderstood you to mean protestation from a basis of morals, and on this basis I would have stood squarely opposed to you. I have known and still know many people who are sexually irregular, both homosexual men and women, and except for three cases out of perhaps 21, I have always found these people highly intellectual, fully aware of what they were doing, and in all cases quite helpless. Speaking perspectively and in the abstract, I could as easily conceive myself entering upon a monogamous homosexual relation as a heterosexual one—though perhaps practice would change that point of view. To quibble about mere words, I should not say that perverts necessarily lived inartistically.

As to if Lovecraft would have accepted scientific evidence in favor of queer validity, maybe. He was becoming a full-blown Actual Communist towards the very end of his life and his racial views, while still preferring to keep cultures separate, had gotten to the point where he believed a Chinese baby raised by White parents would be essentially the same as a White person, which is, uh, technically progress?

[sneezemutual]

What exactly is MCAS if you don’t mind me asking

MCAS is mass cell activation syndrome, basically a bunch of things cause me to have allergy symptoms. luckily, mine is fairly mild

i feel like MCAS is very misunderstood mostly due to a lot of those documentaries they did on channels like BBC in the early 2000s. they always depict MCAS havers as people who are allergic to air, cant go outside, and have to live in a bubble like that little asshole from seinfeld lol

for example, the highly publicised case of johanna watkins. 60 minutes australia aired a story about a woman named johnanna watkins who was allergic to being touched by others, the sunlight, most smells, most sensations, the list goes on and on

they said that she had MCAS on every social media platform they reposted the video on. but she also had systemic mastocytosis, which was quickly making her MCAS worse and worse. they failed to mention it every time. it misrepresented the illness and made people who are in pain every day due to less severe but still debilitating MCAS not be believed by peers and doctors because theirs wasnt as bad as hers was

MCAS alone will very very rarely be causing symptoms of that severity. its a spectrum chronic illness and that spectrum is very very very large

some people get hives from things as simple as touching people their skin is not adapted to. other people are just prone to allergy symptoms such as sneezing and watery eyes due to random things that may seem strange. it definitely is not smooth sailing, but not all of us are practically quarantined for life because of it

MCAS only causes allergy symptoms for me. its mostly sneezing, my eyes water a lot, i get very cold very easily and it feels as if im running a fever though im typically not, i always get hives from even the least severe of sunburns, and i get lightheaded easily because having MCAS along with anaemia is a tough combo, etc

most of us with MCAS will never reach the severity that a lot of people have come to think because of dramatised depictions on television. we just have to be extra careful about odd things sometimes (most of us just carry and epipen and an inhaler and take medication and we can live completely normal lives!)

[accessories-not-included]

If you have a chronic illness and/or disability and you figured out your diagnosis before your doctors did ... This alone is proof that the medical system is failing society.

It's not like watching a game show and the audience feels proud to know the answer before the "expert". Because sometimes the "expert" actually gives up on diagnosing their patients. In this case, if we don't discover our diagnosis, we will be eliminated and/or voted off the island of misfit toys. Despite our best efforts to beat the clock before our round is up the expert will always get accolades, recognition, and the rose for our hard work.

I have multiple rare conditions. Most of which wouldn't have been diagnosed if I didn't suggest it. Yet the doctors are the ones that receive the recognition and money.

If you are like me and you had to fight to get diagnosed properly. Let alone go head-to-head with the panel of experts to survive the next bonus round. You're not alone. The system failed you because it uses medical professionals as gatekeepers of our health.

Don't confuse a patient's lifetime of experience with their conditions for a medical professional's "expertise" of reading about it in a textbook.

[sunspira]

Im laying my bets now. the entire idea that autism (and adhd) is more common in men and boys is pure myth created by poor science, backwards statistics and faulty parameters of the condition itself. in another 50 years we will understand it was never a gendered condition. just a highly gendered and biased measurement system. i'm absurdly confident on that

the rates of autism in girls is "rising" exponentially. it is rising even more exponentially in girls than in boys. not because girls are becoming more autistic. but because the "science" is just getting better at measuring and accurately acknowledging autism in girls.

autism often does present differently in girls, due to how girls are raised or personality differences. the literature and criteria was based on boy sample groups. the entire research data was done on white men as if that is a standard default person and control group.

not only that, doctors and teachers and parents literally were not looking for it in girls under the false widely propagated belief it was rare in women in girls. it is a self fulfilling prophecy. that's not science.

we will soon have to reckon with the lost generations of autistic girls and women and children assigned female at birth* who never got diagnosis and early intervention. we should be forcing the world to reckon with it right now. a great deal of autistic millennial women are brilliant minds who dropped out of STEM and the workforce due to their untreated and misidentified disability overtaking their life. the impact of never Knowing you or your child is autistic or adhd is difficult to comprehend for autistic and adhd people who did get diagnosed as children. even when the awareness and interventions were unhelpful or harmful. the harm of not knowing means the child trying even harder to become neurotypical and a level of autistic burnout few others on the spectrum can comprehend, often taking place after the woman is a legal adult, and there are no legal protections in place for this disabled person.

the unmitigated stress of being developmentally delayed and never knowing it, simply hating and blaming yourself and fighting day in and out past your limits to become neurotypical, limits your don't know you should have because you have never been so much as briefed on what adhd or autism can feel like. you don't know the distres and tiredness you're feeling is "dysregulation". this is why we see women in nervous breakdowns. psychiatric wards. treatment resistant depression. electric shock therapy. hard drug addiction. cutting. homelessness. personality disorders. dissociation. psychosis. early death by accident or suicide. (obviously people who are not autistic or adhd have these illnesses but my point is untold and disproportionate numbers of them are undiagnosed neurodivergent with unprocessed trauma. i'm telling you. more than you think).

it's why we see young people on tiktok not faking DID per say, but describing a dissociated experiences and fractured sense of self and escapist alternate personalities, a mental illness that has much less in common with traditional DID, but has much in common with struggling and under-treated autistic people. DID is a very rare condition. autism is very common. autism can create out of body experiences and self protective blurring of reality and fantasy so extreme, no person can be expected to understand it is autism if they never been advised about their own disability and the knowledge that should he available to them. it's no wonder we have people with mislabeled rare disorders like DID who are clearly very sick but instead of showing real DID signs, are sick with all the signs of severe unassisted autism they have been completely barred from understanding or coping with in any other way. for those lucky enough, we see unemployed young women with severe chronic pain in their 20s and 30s who look and feel like they're elderly and gave up their dreams when they hit 21 or 25 and their brains stopped working and their bodies shut down. now they mostly scroll tumblr and tiktok and try to remember to open the blinds. they have a roof but people scorn them for entitled laziness and worst of all derided for "self diagnosing".

again i'm asking why CFS chronic fatigue syndrome is so responsive to adderall. i'm asking why professionals are reluctant to test women for adhd if she does well in school because she is very bookish and why experts in the field are openly amused and doubtful to test a woman for autism if she has a long term boyfriend. why is ability to mask or function a disqualification. why is inability to function in women, who later turn out to be autistic or adhd, so aggressively mischaracterized as BPD, bipolar, depression, OCD, schizophrenia. why is autism and adhd clinically diagnosed and defined by distress and dysfunction and not by intrinsic traits and qualities that present while still functional for preventative care. why are all people, men and women forced to wait until their lives and minds are deteriorating and they have experienced some irreversible disasters and pain before they can be diagnosed. why must girls and boys wait until their daily life as children have become unbearable hell for them before their disability can be treated and acknowledged. and if these policies are changing now, why are doctors and psychiatrists not eagerly and urgently reaching out to find the vulnerable adults they missed during more archaic screening methods. we aren't rising in adhd diagnosis because of tiktok you assholes. adult onset adhd and autism don't exist. those people were always adhd. adult onset skill regression and increase in severity due to stress DOES happen in adulthood. modern day stresses like loss of structure during the pandemic and social media is advancing to become more attention span draining. everyone is feeling the effects but these are causing adhd and autistic people to cope less and mask less effectively so they are running into significant problems, their loved ones are noticing, they are getting referrals and suddenly forced to google their rapidly worsening mental issues for the first time and seeing they line up with a known neurological condition . this is obvious. doctors blaming it on some sort of trend are being willfully clueless

*because autism especially is screened identified diagnosed and first intervened ages 2-5, before a child has an internal concept of self or gender and above all before they can express their gender, diagnostic practices and criteria are based on how adults perceive a child via birth assignments. and the studies are overwhelmingly beholden to data only on children assigned male at birth, rarely accounting for their actual future gender either. as part of the warped science insisting that autism is as if somehow linked to the y chromosome and not a universally likely human quality, you see amab kids laser focused on as candidates and afab kids fucked over most of all. all children assigned female have the worst chances of their developmental disability being identified and acknowledged in a timely manner and disproportionately experience late diagnosis in later adolescence or adulthood. tho i wouldn't be surprised if trans womens rates of accurate diagnosis is lower than cis men. as trans girls may present autism differently and characteristic of girls autism, even while still in the closet or before she knows she is trans. regardless adults are very vigilant for signs of autism, even atypical ones, in any child they perceive as a boy. so any millennial or gen z child identified female at birth had significantly worse chance at receiving autistic support compared to peers

in particular women assigned male at birth might have a better chance at being identified for types of autism that are often labeled "high functioning", involves high masking, and often receives few services. these more invisible types of autism often need to be diagnosed before age 5 in order to qualify under the criteria at all. and so in the days where autism was believed to be 20x more common in the genetics of xy children, any chance of being considered and diagnosed would come down to almost purely birth assignment dependent. with the less outwardly visible types of autism, a person who misses this window will remain autistic all their life but once they learn a certain level of skills and masking, no matter how late they learn these, the person will no longer qualify for diagnosis, either not until they have a nervous breakdown or possibly not ever qualify. it's this type of more hidden autism we see struggling across the board as undiagnosed adults including both trans and cis women especially, tho we are seeing it disproportionately even more so in undiagnosed afabs of any gender. who are dropping out of schooling and work and succumbing to severe mental illnesses during what should be the prime of their lives. overall tho birth assignment is not everything this is an issue that disproportionately impacts cis women. trans women. trans men. non-binary people. likely doubling for those that are afab. and then tripling and quadrupling for children who are not white.

bit of an understatement in that last part there. gender likely isn't even the biggest barrier to proper diagnosis and treatment. probably race is even more so. but since gender is such a big disparity in itself across race and one i relate to and can speak on from experience ive focused on it here. a more in-depth look is needed on the neglect of adhd and autistic children of color especially black native and latino kids. but for now do keep in mind the points i'm making increase exponentially for kids who aren't white across all genders including cis boys

[littleesistler]

more tickle questions beucase I’m bored 😂

Glitch's Tickle Questions | Volume 1 |

Trying my hand at the tickle question creating game 😋 Calling it "Volume 1" in case I end up making more, don't know for sure if I will yet, we'll see how this one goes. Did my best to come up with some fun questions, I hope you all like them!

Feel free to reblog this around to receive some questions from your followers, just as my followers can send some to me if they'd like 😜

🥞 If you could make one spot more/less ticklish, which would it be and why?

well I’d make my ribs less ticklish because I’m so insanely ticklish there to a violent degree. When I was a kid my dad tickled me a lot until he tickled my ribs to harshly and I kicked I’m him the jaw. So he bit his lip and bled a bit (not a lot). So my point is I don’t like to be ticklish to a violent degree. I don’t wanna hurt my poor ler 🥲

🍦 Can you tickle yourself, and if so, do you do so often?

well when I have acrylics or press on nails, I tickle my tummy and wrist every time before bed. Since I love to be tickled there. Also if I turn of all my light I can tickle myself with an electric toothbrush on my ribs and in my bellybutton since these spots are so sensitive.

my mom tickles be before bed usually but because she’s also chronically ill sometimes she’s to exhausted. So that’s when I step in 💅

🔪 Are there any ticklish spots you have that you'd prefer not to be tickled?

well I’m kinda not into feet stuff, especially when it’s with tools or motion tickles. Like fine tickle my feet but I’m not comfortable with my feet being the main focus. Like when I watch a tickle video I usally skip the feet portions 🦶😷

🍿 If you could have any superpower, what would it be and how would you use it for tickles?

well I’ve always wanted to talk any language, including animal ones. So think how funny like I give lots of teases in an ancient or just a rare or uncommon language my Lee can’t understand. So when they pull out google translate and literally have a fluster attack. Especially if they don’t know how to spell the words and say it themselves 😈

also think how funny like I’m tickling someone and I hear a fly or bird or heck their dog just tease the Lee to and I translate it heheh 😝

🍭 If you could choose one spot to be magically continuously tickled, which spot would it be and for how long?

my tummy, and here’s my essay form me as an educated zookeeper:

you know when a puppy or kitty shows you their tummy is a sing of trust. And the reason for that is most of the body is protected by bones. Like a rib cage, but the tummy doesn’t really have any bones except for like hips and spine but these bones more give structure. So my point is when you tickle or rub someone’s tummy you’re right on top of their digestive system and reproductive system. That’s why in the animal kingdom showing the tummy shows you trust them since you give them free access to hurt or damage your organs. That’s why tummy attention is one of the most vulnerable ones.

and since you are right on top of their organs tummy tickles and rubs helps with digestion and period cramps.

so my points is, if I let you tickle my tummy or someone else let’s me tickle their tummy. It’s an honor ❤️🤲

🌶 Think of a crazy wacky way you can think of to tickle/be tickled that you wish you could experience. No logical constraints. What is it?

Hunger games but with tickling instead of killing.

people get to enter and a friend can sign you up as a surprise, but consent to participate it needed

its a televised show in a secluded or closed of area

the crates from sponsors have tickle tools or restraints

food, water, hygiene and medical care is included

When someone safewords they “die” (not for real) and get disqualified

last one standing of the games is the ler of the year

🍞 Look around wherever you are while reading this. You can choose one item to come to life and tickle you. What item is it?

electric toothbrush…

🥯 If you could choose any fictional character(s) to team up with you to help tickle someone, who would you choose and why?

the dream them, like I got obsessed with the Dsmp during the pandemic, so yeah and I love the fandom’s head cannons.

Dream - more Lee then ler and will probably just hold me down and cuddle me to help me relax ☺️

Sapnap - a true switch and he’s very gentle and teasing, lots of games since he’s the youngest they play lots of games with him😉

George - more ler then lee and he’s ruthless, tickling any spot he can reach and siding in his bony figners 😈

🧇 If you could have an animal friend that loved to tickle you, what animal would it be and how would you want them do it?

a golden retriever ❤️🥹

Decent sized dog that can pin me down

has a long snout so the puppy can blow lots of raspberries and nuzzle it’s nose in my belly button and give little nibbles on my sides

a long fluffy tail that’s like a feather duster tickle tool

flappy ears so when the doggi shakes its head during nuzzling it tickles more

the playfulness so the dog will give lots of teasing

that slight smile or smirk on some individuals

and those puppy eyes

🍟 If you're feeling brave.. which friends, mutuals, and/or other tickle blogs would you want to tickle and/or be tickled by?

oh Noo hahah here we go again I guess, I love to expose myself, let’s see if my favorite blogs find me🫠

@kikibumblesqueaks

@the-shy-ler

@covenofwives

@fluffallamaful

@awkwardtickleetoo

@wishitweresummer

@eldelascosquillas-blog

@emmadoodlewrites

@kasey-writes-stuff

@mushiewrites

@missamyrisa2

@trashyswitch

@sleepysheepytea

nothing personal I just love your works and everything, so I wouldn’t mind if you guys wrecked me or I could give you a little tickle 👉👈 ummm yeah. I got so flustered when a few responded to me last time and guess what I wanna get even more exposed hahah 😍

[dankmetal]

4, 21 and 23 for the oc asks for whichever oc(s) you want👀👀

HI I’M HONORED<33 Doing this 4 times per OC WIP; looooong boy /

WIP 1 | WIP 2 | WIP 3 | WIP 4

-

When Scared, Does Your OC Fight, Flee, Freeze or Fawn? Short Answer:

Fight: Margot, Eric, Norman, Ira, Amelia**, Reyes***

Flight: Layla, Elias***

Freeze: Elzie, Joan*, Hive*, Andrew*

Fawn: Cecilia, Ellen*, Sophia*, Adam*

Long Answer:

*Joan, Ellen, Andrew, Sophia, and Adam all shift between Freeze & Fawn responses depending on the person & situation; the above just is what they do most.

**Earlier in their lives, The Hive & Amelia would fall into a Freeze response; as they become more confident with age/experience (and Amelia’s lycanthropy), they’re both more susceptible to Fighting.

***Elias & Reyes have opposite go-to responses (Flight & Fight, respectively) but have shifted between the two in rare situations.

-

Does Your OC Have Any Illnesses or Disorders? How Do They Handle It?

Joan & The Hive are alters of a dissociative system but neither of them know what plurality is (and DID is NOT researched well in the 1970s anyways), so as far as Joan is concerned, The Hive is some sort of alien parasite that only gained consciousness when they got to university. They're also schizophrenic & autistic anyways and have THE Most Unmedicated Depression & PTSD in town (debatable). Ellen has ADHD (no dx, no meds, probably will never get a dx), so she works herself to the point of exhaustion - not easy being the first in her family to go to college, never mind being the first woman). Cecilia is a cane user/physically disabled from chronic pain in her leg & likely has BPD (she wouldn't treat it anyways).

Andrew & Sophia are both autistic and have depression. CPTSD runs in Andrew's family like Woah (Norman via Eric, Eric via [redacted]). Norman has an alcohol use disorder (finally acknowledged in the last year) & lets be real, so does Eric (he would disagree). Margot is bipolar & has ADHD, only recently accommodated with a 504 in school. Sophia is arguably able to cope with her disorders ""best"" through consistent therapy & medication, but its no doubt still a struggle. Andrew's CPTSD is actively worsening & he pretty much ""copes"" through spite, Ignoring It, and a troubling amount of ableism ("at least i'm not like Norman ahahah") <- he smartens up. he's also 15 & very mean; Eric won't take him to a therapist because the whole family is deeply afraid of psychiatric treatment on any level (<- to them, considering it means facing the idea there's something wrong).

Everyone except Layla has PTSD or CPTSD; Elzie is the only one formally dx'd, and it's mostly due to the fact they spent almost the first decade of their life in hospitals (deaf, born premature, autistic w/ high-support needs, sees dead people); they're coping.. alright, life is better around like-minded, similar people. Amelia is autistic & has been dealing with an egregious amount of stress-induced chronic pain even before she became a werewolf. Ira is schizoaffective, biologically unable to medicate even if she could afford it, & is Not Coping Well - especially as a vampire who holds A LOT of resentment towards authority. Layla is only five but definitely has some mixed, complicated feelings over being a (reverse) werewolf, humanized & domesticated, and though no one will say it, everyone knows her feelings of Alienation will only grow.

Adam has probably had chronic pain & CPTSD since day one, good lord, and it's only getting worse. He manages to cope through dissociation & fawning because it's all he can do as a lab "rat". Elias & Reyes both have some severe depression over the world ending & they cope in opposite ways; Elias through isolation & emotional disconnection, Reyes through a lottttt of lashing out & drinking. Reyes also lost his daughter in the fallout & blames Adam in a vague, abstract way, but it always comes down to him taking the medical torture needlessly one step further.

-

What Emotion Is the Hardest for Your OC to Process? How about Express?

WHEW, GETTING THERE.

VERY difficult for Joan to process Joy, but also a sense of Envy. She’s spent much of her life quite sad & lonely; she already struggles to admit to herself she WANTS more connections, and actually expressing it aloud is almost painful. On the other hand (literally), The Hive is extremely sensitive towards others, embracing Joan’s want & constantly craving connection, yet wondering if this want is actually Selfish. Ellen haaaates thinking about herself & her own needs, everything will work out as long as others are happy — personal Pride is her weakness. Cecilia would rather die than admit (to herself) she feels a semblance of Dread & Fear about literally anything, she has to keep up easily-fallible appearances, but she’s getting older & slower & soon enough even Joan won’t need her.

Interestingly, Andrew already knows he has a tendency to be Selfish, but processes it in a self-deprecating way than productively & healthily. Loneliness is also a hell to process, but it’s much easier for him to express it without second-guessing. Sophia still struggles a lot with confidence & self-esteem, yet she shuts down the idea of still being Needy “despite all her parents have done”. Overall Doubt is a tough one for Margot, in questioning if her actions are right, if she is right, and being Doubted drives her to lash out. Norman probably hates to admit it but he’s certain deep down he likes being Combative & Vengeful; fighting back at Eric, at the world, gives him a rush; Shame is something he also struggles to admit, at his trauma, at his selfishness, at himself. Helplessness, feeling out of control, drives Eric up a wall like no other — he’ll subconsciously reflect on it & fight back against being targeted, but he won’t really process WHY it gets him so worked up; it’s more than the threat of conflict bringing him down, more personal. No one here knows how to react to Pity and unconditional Sympathy.

Regret & Remorse are difficult for Amelia — she 100% feels it & will admit it to herself, but actually unpacking it in-depth is another issue; her lycanthropy was born from traumas she lashed back out against, and feeling Regret over the people she hurt almost feels like regretting she embraced this side of her at all. For Ira, Rejection is something she’s experienced her whole life but not once has she let herself be okay with it. Elzie is not the best with handling mushy stuff, Infatuation, mostly due to inexperience but Ira is good with helping it not overwhelm them (gfs <3); open Hostility & Anger are especially difficult for Elzie to properly express. On a broad scale, Layla struggles with any expression of Sadness & Shame, both internal & external — they’re big emotions for a five year old who just wants to have fun!

Adam is absolutely terrifed of being Angry, being Bitter. He will feel it but won’t accept it because he doesn’t know how, he’s not supposed to. Elias struggles with Dread & Guilt, particularly when it comes to not know if everything he’s done will be worth it in the end; additionally, Optimism. Reyes won’t acknowledge his deep-seated Misery but will his dread surrounding Defeatism, whether expressed personally or externally, and it’s not pretty.

[kavehpilled]

ALL of them.

OK SO YIU HATE ME

1. how many followers do you have?

somewhere around 1.7k i lost track a long time ago

2. whens the last time you went on a date?

june? its been so long ☹️

3. how many posts have you made?

WELL over 20k this account is 3 years old

4. what type of shoes do you wear?

white avia elevates or my blue converse

5. what color are the walls of your room?

cream at my moms, brown at my dads

6. where are you right now?

in english im about to pull the trigger

7. would you consider yourself good at art?

perchance…. i know im alright enough at it that people like my art and make it their pfp sometimes. i even have a mutual that printed a drawing i did of atsushi and put it on their wall💀

8. who was your first kiss?

you😛

9. do you still sleep with stuffed animals?

YEA LIKE 5 LMFAO

10. whats your favorite piece of clothing you own?

i have a really nice red cardigan that i basically live in at home

11. do you live in an urban, suburban, or rural area?

suburban all around i think i dont remember

12. whats your favorite store to shop at?

goodwill🫶

13. if you had to choose one POSITIVE word to describe yourself, what would it be?

gentle i think

14. do you collect anything?

classic novels! im restarting my collection of tiny bear figurines and friendship bracelets tho

15. whats the last thing you ate?

i had a banana applesauce like an hour ago :)

16. if you go to therapy, do you like your therapist?

i go once a month and shes nice! got me referrals for diagnoses so that was chill

17. whats one thing you want to buy, but dont have the money or resources to get it?

WRIOTHESLEY DOLL.

18. whos the first person you can think of?

you

19. how old were you when you found out santa wasnt real?

i think ~5? my cousin told me :(

20. if you could revive one tv show that has been cancelled, what would it be?

jjk bro pls revive and continue for me. i need satosugu to be happy

21. do you consider yourself a part of any alternative subculture?

i dont think so!

22. who was your childhood favorite music artist?

taylor swift or sir mix a lot

23. cds or record players?

despite my extensive cd collection i would say records

24. do you believe in any conspiracy theories?

i wish but i think too rationally for any of that

25. would you get back together with an ex if given the opportunity?

i think people always deserve a second chance and we are legitimate living proof of that, even if that concept like translates into relationships. im nowhere near ready for anything right now but if i ever got back together with ANYONE they would have to change a lot. i have hope in everyone tho

26. favorite kids show character?

kwazii from octonauts :)

27. is the person you call your best friend actually your best friend?

yeah!

28. when youre sad, do you prefer to listen to music to match your mood, or listen to happy music?

sad music all the way. i rarely cry so when im genuinely upset its nice to get it out to sad songs yk

29. whats the last outfit you wore?

im a chronic outfit repeater so. white turtleneck under a dark green sweater that has pumpkins all over it and dark brown cargo pants. ive worn this like 10 times

30. do you have any online friends?

YES alice ezra and skylia are the ones i talk to the most!! but i have a lot of mutuals i love interacting with ppl

31. least favorite clothing style that is currently popular?

those white fox hoodies make me carnally angry

32. how often do you do your laundry?

once a week at my dads, twice a week at my moms. its a weird system but i have more clothes at my moms currently

33. do you prefer silver or gold jewelry?

gold, silver makes me look sad and grungy

34. whats your book/movie/tv guilty pleasure?

i like reading cherry crush on webtoon when im bored💀🙏

35. if you could change your hair however you want, how would you change it?

id probably dye it to calico colors but im scared ill look like a goof

36. do you paint your nails?

sometimes! i did them blue like for a day and then i got bored. i pick at them too much so its like a little treat

37. whats an uncommon/specific/ obscure topic youre interested in?

vampire burial practices and eastern european rituals

38. whats the name of your first pet?

KITTY💀 he was an orange cat that got eaten by coyotes

39. whats one feature you would change on tumblr?

im not active enough to notice anything…

40. whats the most interesting item you own?

i think a tiny glass giraffe i love him

41. would you rather go on a date at a museum or a concert?

museum all the way i love intimacy with that kinda thing

42. whats one regret you have?

i could go into extensive detail about what i seriously regret in my life but i think my main one is not telling you enough before we split apart

[youremyheaven]

Take this as constructive criticism or just me sharing my views. ITS NOT AN ATTACK

But I would really won't rely on doctors saying Lyme is just bunch of bs, I don't have it but I have 5 doctors at home and about pain , Man doctors are such sadist according to my sister who is a practicing doctor , she says if a doctor says you will be in mild discomfort it means it will hurt like bitch but if he/she says it won't hurt it means it will hurt but will be tolerable . My personal experience with medical professionals have also not been good I have been gaslighted so many times my symptoms were normal till I ended up in ICU so, no doctors/medical professionals are not always right.

Secondly, Andrew huberman is a piece of shit for what he did but supplements/probiotics do make a difference. Probably some supplements won't do things companies say, as companies often reach with thir claims like saying green tea will help you with weight loss, no for that you will have to drink a lot but saying green tea is not beneficial for health is false. As someone who was on very extended period of antibiotics, probiotics and yogurt has helped me immensely and it's still something that helps me when I have gut issues.

Anyways not an attack , I enjoy reading your work ✌

First of, I agree, doctors are shady as hell and esp as a woman, navigating the medical system and getting someone to take you seriously IS a challenge

I had already explained how Lyme disease is a legitimate illness caused by tick bites and "Chronic Lyme" is a separate "condition" that's unrelated to it.

Lyme disease is not a severe or life threatening condition btw. It's literally a very minor, completely treatable and fully curable condition that will go away with 2 weeks of antibiotics

Manyyy doctors have commented upon Bella's illness and how it makes no sense she has been suffering for 10+ years from ...a tick bite???

Also she has literally posted her medical history and it's all fake 😭😭

So yes, I stand my ground that whatever Bella has, isn't a real condition that can be verified by actual medical professionals :/

Another thing is that Chronic Lyme's symptoms are hella vague and not at all specific to cHroNic lYme, like if all your symptoms can be experienced by an average person, then how tf does one determine who is sick??

It's not like there hasn't been medical research done into this super rare disease and the entire medical community has been unhelpful to Bella. It's that, it's absurd and insane for this condition to persist over a lifetime??? Like that's not how it works???

I completely agree that doctors can be wrong but Chronic Lyme not being a real condition isn't some doctor's personal opinion. It's a medically disproven condition aka SCIENCE has proven that its not legit??

Obviously even science can be wrong sometimes, so maybe in the future we'll know about how Chronic Lyme is a super rare and advanced condition or whatever idk

Now about probiotics, research has shown:

"The majority of studies to date have failed to reveal any benefits in individuals who are already healthy.” The bacteria seem to help only those people suffering from a few specific intestinal disorders. “There is no evidence to suggest that people with normal gastrointestinal tracts can benefit from taking probiotics,” says Matthew Ciorba, a gastroenterologist at Washington University in St. Louis. “If you're not in any distress, I would not recommend them.” Emma Allen-Vercoe, a microbiologist at the University of Guelph in Ontario, agrees. For the most part, she says, ��the claims that are made are enormously inflated.” (from an article published by Scientific American)

Even with vitamin supplements, unless somebody has a serious deficiency, I don't see how taking supplements is prioritised over consuming actual vitamin rich food??? It's literally just a capitalist technique to make people buy shit they don't need. Imagine brainwashing people into thinking they should take vitamin c pills instead of yk... eating oranges or whatever???

Probiotics help those who have intestinal issues, which as per your description, I think you do. Majority of people already have gut bacteria and don't need to take probiotic supplements for it??? Or they can consume probiotic enhancing food like yoghurt (which I love 🤤)

I'm not attacking the concept of probiotics, just the way they're marketed and sold to the public to be some miracle cure when it's just as easy and convenient for people to eat food meant to help with healthy gut bacteria instead of yk paying for unnecessary supplements.

[bkgkiss]

finally an intro post!

hello!!! ive finally decided to make an intro post.. its a miracle. my name is oisín (pronounced osh-een), but you can also call me mavey or will! im 19 years old and i use mirror pronouns. mirror pronouns means i want you to use your own pronouns on me! if you do not do that, masc terms and pronouns are preferred.

this will mainly be a blog dedicated to my artwork! im in various fandoms, but most importantly, my hero academia, milgram, kuroshitsuji, alien stage, and love live! i will be posting fandom related content, hcs, and ocs for everything listed, and maybe for some other sources hehe

while these posts will be rare, i am part of a did system and i may post about that from time to time. this is also a strict message saying endogenic systems or supporters are not welcome.

eventually, once this blog is much more active and full of content, i will add a list of my ocs here for easy navigation! for now, know i have two relevant ocs. conrí, a kuroshitsuji reaper oc, and chiyo, a my hero academia hero oc! their posts are towards the bottom of my page :) i will post about them frequently because my ocs are so special to me LOL

DNI / BYF

now its time for the insanely annoying but very necessary section of info.. yay :/

starting with my DNI, obviously basic dni. if youre going to be an asshole, my blog is not the place for it. as previously mentioned, endogenic systems or supporters are not welcome. proshippers and especially s*baciel shippers are nottt welcome, i am extremely strict on that. i find content related to it immensely upsetting. other than that, just dont be weird and id love to have you on my page!

as for my BYF, please be aware that i am disabled and severely visually impaired. i may take long unannounced breaks due to the fact that drawing and sitting in the same position for long periods of time often causes my chronic pain to flair up. i also will make frequent spelling mistakes or swap words with other words because of my visual impairment. it makes it somewhat difficult to see what im typing. i try my best to correct it when it happens, but if i dont, ask for clarification and i will explain! i am autistic and this makes it difficult for me to text others because i cant exactly read the situation accurately and determine how i should respond. id love to make friends on here, but be aware i will leave you on read for periods of time. ill eventually respond, please be patient!

other info

to finish this off im just gonna yap :3 if u read all this, thank you!!

i am relatively new to tumblr and im not yet adjusted to how this app really works. please be patient with me! to be entirely honest, my main reason for making an account was to see what my lovely sister posts LOL

if you think im totally freaking awesome and would like to be friends, just let me know!!! spins around

[roffmychest]

I feel like I had my future stolen from me and I don't know if I can recover at this point. I missed out on major developmental milestones as my parents used me as a weapon and a mediator between them as a child during their years long not-divorce, I struggled and failed in school and was unable to get work or a drivers license due to a combination of undiagnosed ADHD (known to my parents, but not to me) and having to focus my time and energy on aforementioned mediation to try to maintain some semblance of stable finances from the parent who made a livable wage, when they finally divorced they did so when I was eighteen, preventing me from filling out financial aid forms for college... and that's not even getting into the more overt emotional and physical abuse, the chronic illnesses, the queerness in an openly hostile environment, the financial control still being exerted over me to this day from the parent who owns my house having access to my bank account and charging exorbitant rent, enough that I can't save up to get out, but I can't stop paying lest I end up on the streets, and with no credit score to boot. I struggle to hold down a job, I'll likely never be able to access higher education, I still have no license or car and am dependent on shaky public transport infrastructure, and the only way I see out is winning the lottery, the death of myself or the parent I've been trapped with since they separated, or begging for a rich stranger to help me, probably in the form of confining myself in an unhappy marriage I don't want. Everyone tells me to enjoy the happy moments, but they're so few and far between when I'm burning the candle not only on both ends but straight through the middle... I so rarely have them any more, and they almost never register over all the other shit.

At some point, I think the system just sets you up so that if you were shoved down enough times, you can't get back up. Like being thrown into a vat of concrete, and every time you try to get out, they press you back down into it so it hardens around you. I can't get out on my own, and nobody with a jackhammer is both able and willing to fight through the cement to get to me.

I just wanted to be a person, man. Why was that too much to ask?

.

[lisahaskinspearson]

Do Breast Implants Actually Cause Harm – And How?

Breast implants have become a common cosmetic and reconstructive procedure, with approximately 2.2 million women worldwide choosing to undergo the surgery. However this surgery has potential risks including auto-immune-like reactions and reports linking implants to several rare lymphomas and other soft tissue cancers that originate in the skin-like capsules that begin developing around all implants. These capsules help keep the harmful chemicals in the implant shell from migrating to distant parts of the body but the end result are capsules that end up just as toxic as the breast implants themselves. Women that choose to explant, suspecting illness, must find a Dr. that ensures the capsules, as well as the implants, are removed fully.

Many believe that saline breast implants are safer than silicone implants, however both saline and silicone implants have a silicone shell. Dr. Henry Dijkman is a researcher in The Netherlands that’s proven even medical grade silicone, used in the shell of all breast implants, isn’t inert. It breaks down in microscopic amounts and lodges in organs, lymph nodes, skin and other tissues causing an inflammatory mast cell activation reaction. Mast cell activation creates something called a “cytokine storm” which is the same process of inflammation that caused devastation with CoVid. Left unchecked, the immune system gets overwhelmed and can’t eliminate toxins like it should and, thus, chronic diseases – like cancer – begin to emerge.

BII / Breast Implant Illness is an auto-immune-like condition prompted by an inflammatory reaction to silicone in the body. There are 55 known signs and symptoms of Breast Implant Illness shared between Plastic Surgeons and others aware of this illness but – to date – this illness has not been officially recognized with an ICD (International Classification of Diseases) code from the World Health Organization (WHO). An ICD code is necessary for an official diagnosis and/or insurance reimbursement because it’s used to compare data about illness and deaths worldwide.

The first cancer known to be caused by breast implants, BIA-ALCL (Breast Implant Acquired Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma) did earn a diagnosis code and was announced by the FDA in 2017. It begins with a fluid that attaches to the skin-like implant capsule (or portions of the implant capsule left in the body). The only way to test for this cancer is to obtain a sample of this fluid and test it for something called CD-30, which confirms the BIA-ALCL diagnosis. BIA-ALCL is also called “cancer of the immune system” because many women become severely immunosuppressed, placing them at high risk for Chemotherapy to treat the cancer. Left unchecked, this Lymphoma eventually progresses to the soft tissue and lymph nodes.

It was originally believed that only textured saline implants caused BIA-ALCL. Though rare, women with both smooth and textured saline implants have now been diagnosed with BIA-ALCL. On September 8th, 2022 the FDA also announced new cancers known to be caused by all breast implants – saline, silicone, textured and smooth. BIA-SCC (Breast Implant Acquired Squamous Cell Carcinoma) and several other rare, soft tissue Lymphomas, Sarcomas, Leukemias, and Vascular cancers have been found to originate in the toxic, skin-like capsules of all breast implants.

Squamous cell carcinoma is most commonly thought of as a skin cancer but it can also occur anywhere flat, epithelial cells line organs such as the mouth, throat, nasal cavity, esophagus, thyroid, lung, digestive tract, sexual organs, bladder and eyes. The skin-like capsule that forms around the breast implants and inner blood vessels are also lined with epithelial cells. When caught early, breast implant illness and BIA-ALCL are generally very treatable. Many women heal by simply removing the implant and capsules in their entirety. Unfortunately, if cases are not detected and treated promptly, they can progress and have serious outcomes.

The World Health Organization added a new ICD code category, PK9B.2, when ICD codes transitioned from ICD-10 to ICD-11 in January, 2022. This category expands illnesses caused by implants and other medical devices to allow for diagnosis of “adverse incidents to plastic-surgery related prosthetics or implants”. Once fully implemented, these new ICD-11 codes will allow further diagnosis of new diseases of the immune system and over 5,500 rare diseases not previously represented. Given the enormity of the changes and various systems needing updating – it could take 4-5 years for the new ICD-11 codes to be fully implemented in the United States.

When this occurs, it will allow a wider diagnosis scope for all conditions involving the body’s reaction to foreign devices. This will, ultimately, lead to heightened awareness of illnesses caused by breast implants. In the meantime, those considering breast implant surgery should have an in-depth discussion with their surgeon about the risks. They can also research breast implant illness further on the hundreds of thousands of social media groups and sites currently devoted to this topic.