#Cursed Child critical

[iamnmbr3]

Canon!Harry: Who are you?

Cursed Child Play!Harry: I'm you but-

Canon!Harry: No you're not! You're nothing like me.

Cursed Child Play!Harry: Yeah you're right. I have no idea who I am actually.

[rewritingcanon]

my sister and i just yapped for almost three hours and we were just talking about how genuinely weird people in fandom are surrounding characters who have explicit mental illness. like they can never ever be normal. there are characters who are romanticised and glamourised for their mental illness (eren. wanda. joker. kaneki. nico. almost any danganronpa/ddlc character). characters who are consistently ridiculed for their mental illness either because it simply isn’t getting taken seriously (reiner) or because no one takes the character seriously (armin). and there are the characters that get blatantly outright DESPISED for it (basil, harry potter, korra, gale, also eren etc etc). like yes im seeing a correlation but its still so astounding how selective people are about where they draw the line with mental illness and what traits they can accept.

[fanfic-lover-girl]

HP epilogue's socio-politics in a nutshell

The Weasleys are the new Blacks.

[wisteria-lodge]

Could you elaborate further on your opinion of Cursed Child? What do you think of Delphini's existence? I personally really like its concept but not the way it was worked on

Delphi could have worked. She could have. I haven't seen the play performed, but the character on the page is interesting. She introduces herself to two lonely kids as a cool older sister type (kinda Tonks adjacent) but from the word go you (the adult viewer) is picking up on the fact that... there's something kind of off about her, something that the the fifteen-year-olds aren't noticing. There's some good tension there.

But, okay. If you're going to build a mystery out of "Who is Delphi Diggory really, and what does she actually want?' it needs to have a cool solution that's set up, that makes sense within the world of the story.

You're also fighting against THE fanfic trope of all fanfic tropes: two of the main characters had a previously unmentioned child who is cool, has blue-and-silver hair, and who all the main characters really like. Also, you've got to somehow deal with the fact that canon Voldemort is never characterized as someone who would ever *want* to have sex with Bellatrix.

Like, I'm sure there's some fantastic Tom fanfic out there, but Voldemort's whole metaphor is that his body isn't *him* - he's doing everything he can to move beyond it, to separate from it, change it into something that is longer *human* (and therefore mortal, and weak.) I seriously doubt he's using his body for recreation. Voldemort also seems the type to actively not want an heir: he thinks highly enough of himself that any offspring would be a potential threat, and obviously he's going to live forever. And if he ever were going to sleep with someone, Bellatrix? She's obsessed with him, and he's occasionally throwing her a crumb of attention, so she becomes even more fanatical and devoted. Letting her have his kid is giving her what she wants, it's making her more powerful. That's not a good tactical move, and Tom's too much of a sadist to throw her a bone out of pity.

Here's what I would have done. Use that detail that Delphi was a very sickly child, so sick that she couldn't go to Hogwarts. I know the deal was really that she was being hidden, but lean into it. Make it that she's the result of some spell that Bellatrix did with some of Voldemort's fingernails and maybe the horcrux that she had in her possession for a while. Delphi can be the result of magical experimentation, that almost makes her *more* of Voldemort's daughter. It also feeds into her doomed, desperate quest to get him to acknowledge her - she could legitimately think 'the only problem is that he never knew about me, if he did he would love me.' This is also the sort of reckless, desperate thing I can see Bellatrix doing, and it sets up the theme of magical experimentation (ie - Theo's extra special time turner) way better than the Scorpius thing.

Because honestly, the Scorpius thing bugs me more than the Delphi thing. In Cursed Child, the reason Scorpius Malfoy is kind of a pariah is that there's a persistent rumor that he's actually Voldemort's son because his mother travelled back in time to conceive him. I know it's there to introduce the possibility of Voldemort having a kid, period, and to make the Delphi thing look more plausible by comparison... but come on. This rumor is brought up so much during the first part of the play, it's how we're introduced to Scorpius AND how we're introduced to the conflict between Draco and Harry... and it just doesn't sell me on the world we're in. Let's run through the logic/worldbuilding problems real quick:

Why would anyone think Draco wouldn't be able to have kids? Where's that coming from? If anything the rumor should be that Astoria can't have/doesn't want to have kids because of the blood curse, and that Scorpius' real mother is Alecto Carrow or something creepy like that.

Scorpius looks exactly like Draco, so why would anyone think he wasn't Draco's son? I know that's something they were locked into, and they couldn't give Scorpius dark hair because Scorpius is described as looking exactly like Draco in the Epilogue, but maybe that's a sign that they shouldn't have gone with this particular plot line.

The new variety of Time Turner works differently than the ones we're familiar with (you can go years into the past, but only for five minutes, and you can change outcomes...) and they just BARELY work in universe... so long as they stay really rare, no one knows about them, and they're just a result of Theodore Nott experimenting in his basement. Which is honestly how the play treats them... EXCEPT for the Scorpius rumor. The Scorpius rumor means that either this kind of time turner is common enough that everyone knows about it (which is completely universe breaking, it would change EVERY THING) (and also has the additional, very funny implication that when Astoria traveled back in time to get pregnant, Voldemort only lasted five minutes. Because you can only stay in the past five minutes.) OR it means that people are accusing Astoria of going back in time and sleeping with Voldemort... without any idea of how she could potentially even have done that.

This whole thing is so unnecessary. Make it so that people are giving Scorpius a hard time because his father was a Death Eater. Done.

If you want to set up Delphi's backstory, easy. Just make Bellatrix a character. It is baffling that she is literally brought up once in this entire play. We have flashbacks, we have long scenes with talking portraits, we have alternate universes - including one where Voldemort won, and Bellatrix is presumably alive and doing fine. Just stick her in one of those.

I know the ask wasn't really about this, but the Scorpius thing is just one example of worldbuilding that legitimately makes this play hard to understand. If the details of this Astoria/Voldemort rumor don't make sense, then I don't know if I'm supposed to agree with Harry (who thinks this is a ridiculous rumor that will blow over given time) or Draco (who thinks it's a harmful, persistent rumor that he needs to do something about.) The first time I read the play I thought it was supposed to be kind of ambiguous that Delphi was 100% Voldemort's daughter... like maybe Bellatrix had done something magical, or maybe she cheated on Rodolphus with some rando, and he was just telling himself (and the little girl he's raising) this particular story in order to save his own pride. I mean we know these characters and this world pretty well at this point. It's no wonder that so many fans got alienated by what sort of feels like a... lack of attention.

[bawbawbridgie]

im so depressed i act like its my birthday, everyday 🤝 rose granger-weasley

im so obsessed with him but he avoids me, like the plague 🤝 scorpius malfoy

i cry a lot but i am so productive, it’s an art 🤝 albus potter

*I Can Do It With A Broken Heart - Taylor Swift*

[pocketgalaxies]

[angelic-waffles]

My favorite idiot gay wizards

[goodlookingadyn]

These are my two characters for my 2 separate tgs stories. The Cursed Iris and The Blessed Dandelion. They are both rabbit children, but what are rabbit children?

Well, rabbit children are people that can easily master a musical instrument depending on color. Example: for drums, they become a green rabbit child, for electric guitar, red, for bass, yellow, so on so forth. Even their eye color (replacing their original eye color) depends upon what instrument they’ll easily master. They have abilities like hearing things with their rabbit ears, and good jumping skills. Even jumping high enough to do a bit like parkour.

Iris and Pikralida on the other hand master 2 different harps. Those 2 stories are a work in progress, but it’ll take some time for the chapters to be released. They are on wattpad 😊 But here’s what the both of them look like normally. And yes, they both are in different au’s

[nomairuins]

we had fun tho the whole family hung out and we did some sporclee and chronophoto and then globle me n lamp nd father did globle bc mein mamma went to sleep. yay :]

[fanfic-lover-girl]

I don't know whose bright idea it was to make Hermione Minister of Magic!

I can relate to Hermione when it comes to being a good student but a bad teacher. Just because you understand something, it does not mean you can teach it. I could never see myself as a teacher and unlike Hermione, my classmates admired me for being the top student in highschool.

This was a very insightful analysis of Hermione's character. I now need to look up more Snape and Hermione parallels. I guess that's part of the reason why Snape couldn't stand her?? Maybe he saw part of himself in her?

What are your thoughts on the bad future in Cursed Child where Hermione basically becomes Snape as a teacher just because she didn't get with Ron?

Oh, I'd written a Quora answer about that! Let me get it-

In the alternated universe in Cursed Child, Hermione became a Snape-like professor because she lost Ron. Is it just bad writing because she'd never be like that? Why?

Au contraire, I think it’s the only bit of characterization in this garbage play that makes sense.

And I’m not saying that because I love Ron, I’m saying that because I know Hermione rather well - I’ve been a very Hermioneish person in my life.

I’ve been that girl who wanted to answer every question I knew the answer to, because I liked to show off what I knew, I liked it when the teacher validated me, I liked to be seen as clever by the adults. The adults were the most important people, after all they were the ones who handed out the punishments. Therefore it was important that I endear myself to the adults considering that they were the only people who could protect me from the other kids’ bullying.

I was bullied. A lot. As a result, I hated my schoolmates. I despised them with all my being. I only trusted the adults and a select few fellow kids who didn’t bully me. My philosophy? “The adults are always right. I’m always right, unless the adults say otherwise. My friends are always right, unless the adults or I say otherwise. Everyone else is stupid and useless.”

Notice a pattern?

It’s quite easy really. The more I was bullied, the tighter I shut myself out. Every new act of bullying was only vindicating me. The world is made of idiots, idiots and more idiots. There’s nothing out there but idiots, and they prey on the smart people like me.

When Hermione made friends with Harry and Ron, thankfully, they stopped her from leaping into misanthropy entirely. They grounded her, gave her something to look forward to other than school. They made her realize that people who don’t care for school aren’t necessarily complete dumbasses who’ll never achieve anything with their lives. They brought some humanity to her. Some much-needed emotion and empathy.

They got her away from her feeling of superiority and made her accept that she wasn’t perfect, something that is incredibly important considering that being perfect is impossible.

[…] Harry headed straight back to the Gryffindor common room, where he found Ron and Hermione playing chess. Chess was the only thing Hermione ever lost at, something Harry and Ron thought was very good for her.

(Lookit those two Dads parenting their perfectionnist daughter. Iconic.)

Okay, so, we know how Hermione reacted when Ron dated Lavender Brown, right?

No, I’m not talking about the birds, I’m talking about after that. After she threw her hissy fit, she went on to bully Ron for months on end.

“Hi, Parvati!” said Hermione, ignoring Ron and Lavender completely. “Are you going to Slughorn’s party tonight?” “No invite,” said Parvati gloomily. “I’d love to go, though, it sounds like it’s going to be really good… You’re going, aren’t you?” “Yes, I’m meeting Cormac at eight, and we’re -” There was a noise like a plunger being withdrawn from a blocked sink and Ron surfaced. Hermione acted as though she had not seen or heard anything. “- we’re going up to the party together.” “Cormac?” said Parvati. “Cormac McLaggen, you mean?” “That’s right,” said Hermione sweetly. “The one who almost” - she put a great deal of emphasis on the word - “became Gryffindor Keeper.” “Are you going out with him, then?” asked Parvati, wide-eyed. “Oh - yes - didn’t you know?” said Hermione, with a most un-Hermione-ish giggle. “No!” said Parvati, looking positively agog at this piece of gossip. “Wow, you like your Quidditch players, don’t you? First Krum, then McLaggen…” “I like really good Quidditch players,” Hermione corrected her, still smiling. “Well, see you… Got to go and get ready for the party…”

And

“How did you do?” asked Ron, hurrying toward Harry. “I think I felt something the last time I tried - a kind of tingling in my feet.” “I expect your trainers are too small, Won-Won,” said a voice behind them, and Hermione stalked past, smirking.

You know how many pages there are between these two happenings? Seventy. 70!! In-universe, it goes from December to freaking March!

And by being away from Ron, Hermione also reduces the time she spends with Harry. Because Harry won’t seek Hermione out, it’s always Hermione who will come see him - and only if she has something to tell him.

So, without Ron, Hermione would consequentially drift away from Harry. Without Ron to bicker with, without Ron to act as a buffer between her controlling tendencies and Harry’s rebellious nature, Hermione would close herself off and ignore other people.

Now, as for why she’s a She-Snape when it comes to students?

Well duh! Have you seen Hermione?

Ron, at the next table, wasn’t having much more luck. “Wingardium Leviosa!” he shouted, waving his long arms like a windmill. “You’re saying it wrong.” Harry heard Hermione snap. “It’s Wing-gar-dium Levi-o-sa, make the ‘gar’ nice and long.”

She loudly points out Ron’s failure, getting everyone’s attention and making him feel humiliated, because she was so sure she knew better than him. That she happens to perform better than him right afterwards just makes Ron feel even worse.

She wasn’t nice, she wasn’t friendly, she wasn’t helpful. She shot him down by snapping at him and only then did she try to help him, but she was already “the aggressor” in Ron’s mind. Of course he wasn’t going to react nicely to anything she’d have to say afterwards!

“All right – I only came in here because people outside are behaving very childishly, racing up and down the corridors,” said Hermione in a sniffly voice. “And you’ve got dirt on your nose, by the way, did you know?”

Note that here, this is Harry’s narration. Harry thinks of Hermione’s voice as “sniffly”. It’s about on par with Draco’s “sneering” in terms of positive first impressions.

And look at that! “people outside are behaving very childishly”, that’s an 11 years old speaking! She’s just as much of a kid as her peers yet she already has an overinflated sense of her own maturity. *sighs* Believe me, I know from experience that this can only end in tears.

And it’s what would make her miserable should she become a teacher.

Without Harry and Ron with her to remind her that she’s human and faillible, Hermione would ignore other people’s needs as well as her own.

We already see that she can be somewhat gentle to people like Neville, maybe because Neville is kind of the equivalent of a “special needs” kid in the Wizarding World, but with other students like Harry and Ron, whom she assumes are just dumb or not trying hard enough? She’s harsh. Snappish. She can’t understand how they don’t understand stuff that to her is so easy!

Now take Harry and Ron and multiply them by 10. And put Hermione in charge of them all.

She’s gonna go insane in a couple weeks.

A few years and she’ll have lost any sort of enjoyment she may have gotten from passing on her knowledge.

Hermione is not a good pedagogue, like the books show us multiple times - she has an easy time learning because she can memorize her books, but not all students are like this. When someone doesn’t understand what she understands, she makes a snippy remark, act as though they should know and make them feel dumb and in the process snuff out their interest for what she had to say.

Hermione Granger would be a complete nightmare of a teacher, because she has no patience and has a very “if I can do it, so can you” mentality, and she also tends to assume the worst in others. She’s not suited to a role that requires her to interact with people on a daily basis (also why she would make a terrible Minister for Magic).

[iamnmbr3]

Do you consider Cursed Child as canon? Personally, I do not because I feel like the characters are all OOC but I wanted to see your take on it

Absolutely not.

In my opinion Cursed Child is an extremely poorly written fanfiction that happens to be licensed. Early on JKR was much more open about not having been very involved in the writing process but then later backtracked when the marketing campaign kicked off in earnest.

The writing is frankly atrocious. It's like an amalgamation of the worst fanfiction tropes. I would have been embarrassed to have written something like that at the age of 15 much less as an adult. It is wildly inconsistent with established lore and characterization and not that good even when considered on its own merits. The fact that people actually got paid to write this and put so little effort in is astounding.

Listen, I barely consider the stupid epilogue canon. Much less this atrocity. No hate to people who like it. But it's not for me.

[rxmxa]

𝐥𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐮𝐩 ❤️‍🔥

my ideas + observations on what lilith aspects might look like in daily life <3

Lilith-Sun Aspects: Getting noticed right away by people especially when a group setting, being liked by people on the surface level but secretly they disapprove or frown at your actions when you turn around, men judging you, standing your ground at all costs, not knowing when to back down, being a natural leader, challenging societal norms with who you are and forms of self expression, walking into a meeting or class wearing a bold outfit and peoples heads turning but not a word is uttered, getting dress-coded at work or school, your boss or teachers feeling uncomfortable to say something to you, people feeling like you are being "messy" when you question the norms, not addressing rumors. knowing you're gonn stir things up when you are walking into rooms and not caring, being told to change, being told you're too much, men wanting to date you but then wishing you would be "easy to work with" or wanting to date you and then get mad when they can't dominate you, you thinking "what don't they fucking understand? I just don't want to be like them" being afraid of your individuality not being recognized that you go to extremes at some moments

Lilith-Moon aspects: the type of people to actually answer with the truth when you ask them how they're doing and then you're kind of shook because you thought they were gonna sugarcoat and be like "I'm fine" being painfully honest or blunt, talking about feelings considered taboo (like no one really likes to talk about how they are jealous or bitter or other shit like that, they just hide it or project it) but lilith-moon will say they're feeling that shit. this reminds of the song wildflower by billie eilish. this aspect is women talking shit about you, having trauma with you, women in your life judging you or pointing fingers at you for not falling into the "good girl" category. being told you're wrong for how you feel, feeling intense or moody and other people being able to pick up on it, other people seeing you as magnetic but also unpredictable and they can admire you for being real with them but it also might scare them, mom saying you are a wild child or just too much to deal with when you get "emotional", you wanting to yell "no im not fucking okay and im not gonna sit here and pretend I am"

Lilith-Venus aspects: men want you and see being with you as a challenge, they want to be with you to show off but then get mad when they cant change you, being called a "tease" or saying that you lead people on, men lying about you, spreading rumors about you, men saying they "talked to you" or dated you after texting you LMAOOO.. just fucking lying! being villanized for your beauty, your beauty feeling like its making you a target, women seeing you as competition, women spreading rumors about your beauty (oh she probably got this and this done or oh she shes only pretty because xyz), men in relationships looking at you and thinking you are manipulating them when you're not doing anything, feeling like anything venus related (beauty, art, relationships) in your life gets distorted, your relationships always feeling like a battlefield, being sensual + in tune with your femininity and then people expect you to tone it down, you might do something like wear red lipstick or heels or a nice dress and be told its too much but someone without this energy in their chart probs wouldnt get that reaction, you wondering "what's the difference between me and her? Why do they treat her like that and me like this?"

Lilith-Mercury aspects: being blunt, hurting someones feelings without meaning to, getting criticized for whatever you say, trying to be more "polite" but then it feels so exhausting, cursing a lot, cursing from a very young age and/or in professional settings, saying what other people refuse to say for the sake of being polite or because its a "superior" this is the person that in the meeting will the supervisor "In my opinion, this isnt a good idea and it isnt helpful to us", people talking shit behind your back, the person who dissects other peoples words down to the stutter, punctuation and fucking COMMA! How did they say it? What word did they say first? lilith-mercury will read between the lines and force you to say what you are refusing to say or putting in a passive aggressive manner, might refuse to engage with passive agressive people until they say it with their chest, "could you repeat that?" energy, "what did you mean by that?" energy knowing damn well what they meant, talking about politics at the dinner table during the family reunion, talking about sex in the break room at work, playing the devils advocate, reading smut, writing smut, loving dirty talk. trying to use their words for something good but people always making them feel like everything they say is just always wrong, pausing before they strike with their tongue, hating small talk, feeling uncomfy with small talk, people trauma dumping or ovesharing or vice versa, feeling suspcious of people that use pretty words with them, they wonder "What do they want from me? They're trying to get something from me...."

Lilith-Mars aspects: the first to get to moving and get shit down, getting easily annoyed at people that dont have the same drive, being angry at weak people or people that cant keep their word, "Are you gonna help or just fucking stand there?", being seen as abrassive, people avoiding you or shrinking back because of it, men wanting to compete with you, people feeling threatened by your ambition, the type to get nice things in life and people spread rumors that you had to xyz to get it, people thinking you're being confrontational or too angry when you address something face to face and up front, feeling out of control with your anger as a kid, people trying to push your buttons to try to get a reaction of you and then acting shocked when they do, fiercely independent in their routines, working out intensely, craving intensity in relationships, lines blurring between love and war "If I'm going to be the bad guy might as well get something out of it"

Lilith-Saturn aspects: a major dislike of authoritative figures, feeling resentful at being told what to do, wanting to do the opposite of what you do, "im not following this rule just because its always been followed", setting your own standards and expectations, "I prefer to find out for myself", questioning the system or cultural and societal norms and traditions that you find antiquated or unfair, people respecting you for your disciple but wishing you were easier to boss around, other people saying you're too cold or detached but you just dont wanna give them the chance to fuck you over, finding peace in the space between order and chaos and you perfecting that mix, wondering if life would be easier if you were "softer", choosing to form your own opinions on people, "thanks but I can decide for myself", feeling like you're held to expectations other people aren't

Lilith-Pluto aspects: not afraid to talk about the ugly shit in life, the taboo, trauma, control, power struggles, fear, jealousy because youve been familiar with it before, people being a little afraid of you, people saying youre too intense or even dangerous, people projecting onto you and getting mad or "disgusted" with you when you see right through them, being able to pick up on changes in peoples mannerisms, digging deeper in conversations, people suddenly confessing things to you, people not understanding why they feel drawn to your presence, people either approach it or go in the other direction, you come across as someone who has been through a lot but its only made you stronger, "im not afraid of the dark parts of life", going through something traumatic and years later thinking about it and coming to realization that you wouldn't change a thing, that it made you who you are, being okay with being seen as the villian in someones story

[fanfic-lover-girl]

Why do people give Harry more Black family storylines than Draco?!

It's hard being a Draco fan...well a canon Draco fan. If you want great fics that explore his character, you have to deal with a bunch of Drarry and sometimes Dramione. That's not even factoring in how OOC Draco is in so many of these fics. That's why I partly gave up on Drarry fics. It's almost impossible to find a good Draco fic that does not involve him shagging someone in the golden trio.

But this post was inspired by posts by Snaters and/or Dumbles antis who claim Harry should have named his son after Regulus. Here are my grievances:

There needs to be more exploration of DRACO as the Black heir

I don't know how Siri was able to keep his fortune when he was supposedly disowned but it's very frustrating seeing fics where Harry is the Black heir and becomes Lord Black. Just stop and think for a moment. Draco is literally the only pureblood Black offspring left! The Black line is basically extinct! And if you factor in Drastoria, Draco was willing to let his maternal AND paternal lines fade away! The only time Draco's Black heritage seems to be brought up is in fics where abusive Lucius disowns him. It's just sad. Harry is NOT a Black! As much as I love Godfather!Sirius, part of me is disgusted that Harry inherited Grimmauld's place. That house should belong to Narcissa and Draco and I don't care if I am the only one on this hill.

More Regulus & Draco, please!

People seem to prefer to write a relationship with Reggie and Harry. Which makes a bit of sense...but wouldn't it be more interesting to explore Draco & Reggie?? Draco and Regulus are family and they share quite a few similarities. I have seen some fics where Narcissa is so protective of DE!Draco because she sees him as a second chance after she failed Reggie. Or I have seen some fics where Regulus lives but so many of those center on Harry and Draco is lucky to be an afterthought. Why is Draco so divorced from his Black family? There's hardly any exploration with Draco & Sirius either. I don't even recall Draco expressing any feelings about Sirius as a family member in book 3 when the dude is his cousin! Draco, Harry's rival, is related to his beloved godfather and NOTHING is done with this! Like WTH!!!

The positive side!

At least there are incredible fics out there that explore Draco's relationship with Andy and the Tonks family. I love Dora being Draco's surrogate big sister 🤩. So cute!!! I also like the Tonks family being involved in Draco's redemption and Ted being so fatherly towards Draco. Chef's kiss. Please, let Draco interact with his family 😞! Why is JKR so against Draco having a family?! Even his damn wife dies in CC!!! He only has one kid! Please, give this man an extended family!

[wisteria-lodge]

Can you talk about the cursed child?

I have two main questions when it comes to The Cursed Child. The first is... why was this project made? Because it wasn’t for the money, and it wasn’t for the fans, so I have to assume it was for JK Rowling herself. And my second question is - who is Jack Thorne????

Because he wrote it. John Tiffany is a director who works with Thorne and it's based on a “story” by JKR. But Jack Thorne is a kinda highbrow, kinda indie English playwright, and he clearly wrote most if not all of it. The biggest thing he had done at the time was a stage adaptation of indie Swedish vampire film Let the Right One In, so back 2016 I was asking myself - why is he attached to this project. (Is he related to JKR? Did he win a contest? Is he just that charming?) 

But now I’ve got a theory. See, Jack Thorne has one other very important credit. He is the showrunner and head writer of the well-regarded HBO His Dark Materials TV show adaptation… AND that TV show and Cursed Child were in production at the exact same time. There’s no real way of knowing which project came first - they were both announced in 2015, and Cursed Child was announced first, but then a stage play needs a whole lot less pre-production than three seasons of a prestige television show. 

What I think (but cannot prove) is this: JKR got wind of the His Dark Materials HBO TV series, and thought ‘I want one of those too.’ Especially because she is now in the process of getting exactly that.

I can’t actually prove that JKR is even aware of the His Dark Materials franchise… but I very much suspect that she is. Northern Lights/Golden Compass was released two years before Philosopher's Stone, and… a British author, YA , fantasy, seems like you’d want to read that for market research purposes alone - or at least keep tabs on it to make sure it was doing well. I also think there’s a similar vibe to the worldbuilding, a certain kind of ‘urban fantasy, but make it pre-industrial revolution’ that you don’t get with like, Edith Nesbit, the fantasy writer JKR most often credits as an influence.

Now His Dark Materials was a failed film series. They made one in 2007 with plans to make more, and it didn’t really go anywhere. I was a huge fan of both HDM and HP at the time, and I liked the film… but even then I thought it was hurting itself by trying so hard to be Harry Potter, when the tone of HDM was always darker and more sinister. It was nice to watch the HBO show treat the source material as basically a gritty adult drama (which it always was, just told through an intelligent child’s POV.) 

Marketing of movie vs marketing of TV show: 

Movie Lyra vs TV show Lyra:

HOWEVER. I think it would be very easy, if you were JKR, to see the new series as an adaptation of a children's book (comparable to Harry Potter), only marketed to adults. And you might think... that's kind of a cool idea. So I don’t know who approached who. But I do think that at some point Jack Thorne and J. K. Rowling were in the same room, and someone suggested… why don’t we give Harry Potter a little bit of the His Dark Materials treatment.

Because both vibe-wise and theme-wise, there are A LOT of comparisons you can make between the HBO His Dark Materials and The Cursed Child. They’re both fantasy with a kind of gloomy and oppressive feel. They focus a lot on bad parents, especially parents unable to communicate with their kids. They both feature alternate universes as a major theme, and the main plot of both revolves around a (doomed) attempt to resurrect a sacrificed innocent, and various adults attempting to separate a pair of friends. (The relationship between Albus and Scorpius is easily the best part of Cursed Child. Especially Scorpius, who is lovely.) But like… no one wanted a version of Harry Potter that felt like a knockoff version of His Dark Materials.

To me, Cursed Child feels less like an adaptation, and more of an attempt to recontextualize the original Harry Potter books into something more serious and more impressive. Cursed Child reframes Harry’s whole deal as being caught in a cycle of abuse due to the Dursleys… which the show frames so much more threateningly than the books ever did. (Harry himself is the titular 'cursed child,' which amusingly means that the full title is essentially Harry Potter and Harry Potter.)

This play also does not frame Ron/Hermione as the best marriage... which makes me think of the when JKR told the Sunday Times

I wrote the Hermione/Ron relationship as a form of wish fulfillment. That's how it was conceived, really. For reasons that have very little to do with literature and far more to do with me clinging to the plot as I first imagined it... if I'm absolutely honest, distance has given me perspective on that. It was a choice I made for very personal reasons, not for reasons of credibility.

And then Cursed Child gives us a little Hermione/Snape, and we know how JKR feels about Snape. We revisit a lot of Slytherin characters actually, and it turns out they’re not just bad guys! Albus is in Slytherin (even though the end of Book 7 was written in a way that REALLY heavily implied he would ask to be Gryffindor just like Harry did.) The ‘all Slytherins are baddies’ thing seems to be an aspect of the worldbuilding that JKR is attempting to retcon. The earliest example of this is the 2008 interview where she talks about “Slughorn galloping back with Slytherins [to rejoin the battle of Hogwarts] but they’d gone off to get reinforcements first,” which… does not happen. That is not a thing that happens in the book. Also she was okay with the last three Potter films framing Draco way more positively than the books do, a trend which continues into Cursed Child. Draco’s easily the best parent in the whole thing.)

And (possibly the most important bit of recontextualization…) I think Cursed Child was supposed to make the Epilogue seem good, instead of something that all her fans either made fun of… or completely ignored. 

In a lot of ways, I think JKR is doing a George Lucas, but instead of going back and re-cutting, re-mastering and adding to the original work the way he is - she’s writing more and more sequels (and more and more additional material) in an attempt to make  the problems of the earlier books go away. 

I could talk for a very long time about The Cursed Child. Yes, everyone is out of character, yes it’s world breaking, it contradicts the original series all the time, it doesn’t work structurally, it's stupid that the villain is Voldemort's secret daughter Evil Tonks, and it reads like fanfiction (in the sense that it uses tons of fanfiction tropes, often not super well.) I probably will talk about that stuff more eventually, but first I wanted to make sense of why it even exists, in the first place. 

[haveihitanerve]

Dad How Do I but with Bruce Wayne.

Bruce who teaches life advice- showing kids how to tie a tie, how to tie their shoes, braid their hair, teaching young adults to do taxes, to surf, the best lawyers to hire when in trouble, how to avoid scams, he educates the less fortunate on the best places to get free food, where to go in Wayne Enterprises for a hot shower and some toiletries, how to eat at formal functions so the higher elite have one less thing to criticize them on. He teaches people how to do card tricks and make your niece laugh by pulling out a quarter from behind her ear, teaches moms how to rock their baby to sleep properly, teaches teens to do front flips and cartwheels and calculus, educates them on how to write job applications and two weeks notice letters. He teaches people to sew, to cook(alfred helps) to assemble an IKEA shelf, how to work a lawn mower, and all sorts of different things. And when his son dies… Bruce uses his account to share his grief, his story, shares everything about Jason, what a delight he was, how awesome he was, how much he loved to read and school… and then one day, he gets Batman to join a video. And the hero is stiff and everyone can see the exhaustion, the anger and sadness in his joints, his movements, radiating off him. But he sits down heavily into the chair Bruce Wayne had previously vacated… and begins to speak. He tells the story of Robin, his young child sidekick, who just like Jason Wayne, was murdered by the Joker. He tells everyone how his little boy tried to save Jason Todd, and how they both perished in the aftermath. He tells people about his grief, his anger, and why Batman is suddenly harsher and hurts more. “Because I hurt more.” he confesses quietly, and the people finally get to meet the man behind the mask (figuratively) and truly get to see who their hero really is. The account’s popularity skyrockets, and soon Batman is a lot more common to be seen, teaching people how to defend themselves and handle the Batarangs he knows they collect after he fights. Nightwing shows up too sometimes, teaching more elegant flips and tricks and they demonstrate their workout together, and a few months later, Batman shyly introduces his new Robin, same messy black hair as the one before, but slightly smaller, and theres something… more behind those lenses in his mask. But the kid is soon a fan favorite, making sarcastic comments and countering Nightwings witty remarks, and the people get to see a new side of Batman, get to watch as he rolls his eyes at them, as he uses them to teach people how to disguise themselves, ways to use clothes to stem blood, tie tourniquets. 

Then Red Hood returns. And a kid in Crime Alley catches him cursing at his jacket because a button fell off and he cant get it back on. “Um! Mr. Red Hood sir?” the kid pipes anxiously. Red Hood turns to him, angry, but the kid doesn't back down and just goes “You should watch ‘Mr. Wayne How Do I: Sewing’ it'll help.” and then he scampers off. And Jason is pissed and even more angry because of course while he was dead Bruce decides to become a father to everyone in Gotham. But he watches the video. And it helps. And… well, its one of the older videos. And Jason finds another old video. The one about… the one about his death. It shouldn't make his anger lessen, shouldn't make him cry, shouldn't bring him to Bruce’s doorstep where he reveals himself and they hug and cry and catch up and cry some more… but it does. 

Gothamites are a little surprised when their local Crime Lord appears on the channel, standing right next to Batman. Surprised, but pleased. Because Batman looks happy in a way he hasn't in a long time and well… Red Hood watched out for them too. And now their two protectors are working together.

[fanfictionismyaddiction]

Dummfucks of the Grid

word count: 760

Pairing: Lando Norris x reader

Summary: After a disappointing P6 finish at the São Paulo Grand Prix, Lando Norris finds comfort in his girlfriend Y/n's fierce support as she playfully criticizes the other drivers and team principals

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As the door to Lando’s driver’s room closed, the noise of the paddock celebrations faded into the background. Lando sat on the couch, his head in his hands, feeling the weight of finishing P6 after a race that had promised so much more. The disappointment was palpable, especially with Max winning again.

Y/n moved swiftly to sit beside him, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. “Hey, Lando, P6 isn’t the end of the world. You gave it your all out there.”

He sighed, his frustration evident. “Yeah, but I wanted to do better. With Max winning again, it feels like I keep falling short.”

“Falling short?” she echoed, shaking her head. “You didn’t just fall short; you navigated a field of absolute clowns out there! Let’s talk about it. You know I’m here for you.”

Lando raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Oh? Care to elaborate?”

“Okay, first off, Max. He drives like he’s playing Mario Kart and thinks he can just take everyone out with a blue shell! I mean, does he not understand that sharing the track is part of the job? It’s like he thinks he’s invincible! It’s ridiculous!”

He chuckled, a small smile breaking through. “That’s a good way to put it.”

“And then there’s George Russell, who finished P4 today. Honestly, he acts like he’s the golden child of the grid. ‘Look at me, I’m so talented, watch me throw my weight around!’ It’s like he forgets he has to race, not just pose for the cameras. Every time he gets near you, it’s like he’s trying to play bumper cars!”

“True,” Lando said, laughing harder now. “I can feel the ego swelling every time I see him.”

“And don’t even get me started on Leclerc! He’s out there racing like he’s auditioning for the role of ‘Most Likely to Crash Into a Wall.’ It’s like he has a special talent for making the race more dramatic than it needs to be. How does he always manage to be on the brink of disaster and still finish? Is it a gift or a curse?”

Lando nodded, now thoroughly entertained. “He does have that knack for drama, doesn’t he?”

“Absolutely! And then we have Carlos Sainz. I mean, bless him, but he’s trying so hard to keep up with Leclerc that it’s like watching a puppy chase its tail. Poor guy looks so lost sometimes, you just want to give him a treat and a pat on the head! But he gets a pass because he’s your friend.”

“Right? Carlos is actually a good guy,” Lando said, shaking his head, amused.

“And then there’s the team principals!” Y/n continued, her passion bubbling over. “Christian Horner thinks he runs a royal court every time Max crosses the finish line. ‘Look at my king!’ as if it’s not a team effort. And Toto—he’s not innocent either. He struts around like he’s the head of a fashion show! Honestly, if I had a dime for every time I’ve seen him making dramatic hand gestures in the pits, I could fund a whole new racing team!”

“Okay, that one’s a good point!” Lando laughed, feeling the tension ease with every word.

“Seriously, I would fight every one of them for you if it came down to it. Size doesn’t matter when you’re this passionate!” she declared boldly. “I’d take on Max, George, and anyone else who thinks they can just push you around out there!”

“Y/n, you do realize you’re only 5’6, right?” Lando replied, grinning. “How are you going to take on all of them?”

“I may be small, but I’ve got a big heart and a bigger mouth!” she shot back, her eyes sparkling with defiance. “Just imagine me storming the paddock like, ‘Back off, or I’ll unleash my fury on you!’”

“Please don’t start any fights in the paddock,” he said, his tone light but earnest. “I love your spirit, but I’d rather not deal with the fallout. I need you here, not banned.”

“Why not? It would be entertaining!” she countered, smirking. “I’d tell them all off! ‘Listen up, dummfucks of the grid, stop getting in my boyfriend’s way!’”

Lando laughed, the sound genuine now. “You really are something else. Knowing you’ve got my back means everything.”

“Absolutely! If they try to block you from winning, I won’t hesitate to step in,” she said, snuggling closer.

“Just promise me you won’t do anything too crazy,” he replied, a grin spreading across his face. “I love your fierceness and protective side, but let’s keep you in the paddock, okay?”