#Cuckoos Love or Fools Love

[hawnks]

I have this very clear idea in my head of what my cursed technique would be if I was a Jujutsu sorcerer but it's also like insane <3

[racecarcat]

I was yapping about Aamon to my singular moot (shoutout to Wisps for letting me yap abt my ocs) and they brought up the best point ever of: Kafka/Aamon and now I can’t stop thinking about it. So here’s me yapping abt them for like a solid minute.

SO for context (for those of u who want oc lore): Aamon is a masked fool who is everything everywhere all at once she’s extremely eccentric and likes being really flashy and outgoing but is also very secretive about who she actually is as a person and hides it through very elaborate games and tricks so people just either try to avoid her overall or get close to her to no avail—that being said her best friend is a 9-5 IPC worker who can’t be bothered to do anything but go and help Aamon go to various planets and give them the best and worst times of their lives via very elaborate events.

Point being? Aamon, as much she hates being known for who she is, LOVES knowing about other people. Knowing about people and what they like to do just to hold the information over their head as if it were a bad thing for her to know. So, people stay far away from her. People can’t really match her energy.

Now, circling back around to Kafka and namely the Stellaron Hunters, they’re generally described as dangerous—however their motivations and general interests towards Stellaron is currently unknown. I wouldn’t be surprised that them and Aamon have met at LEAST once and it caused her to almost be a bit obsessive in figuring out who they are and what they are. Aamon finds joy in the unexpected and unknown, in which Stellaron Hunters are just that for her. Especially a woman like Kafka who we generally know nothing about.

Kafka (besides that fact I think every person attracted to woman likes her) is everything Aamon adores. Shes elusive, enigmatic, and entirely someone Aamon wants to unravel and figure out. Kafka is anything but mundane and Aamon would totally adore that ^^. Not to mention I think Kafka would entertain her interest by at least a little because Aamon would be equivalent a puppy as in she would follow her around and ask her out and ask her all these questions Kafka may or may not answer to keep the mystery alive and thus Aamon’s attraction alive.

I feel like since the whole script ideal in the Stellaron Hunters is very much so a prediction of the future if Kafka told Aamon everything that would happen in the future Aamon would go crazy trying to figure out who she is and why she knows that. She’d also let Kafka use spirit whisper on her despite Aamon’s hate for a lack of control bc she’s really gay but that’s besides the point.

Aamon would probably send photos of the various planets she’s been on just reining havoc and with a stupid caption like “Miss u <33” and Kafka would probably think it’s the cheesiest thing ever.

Wisps… wisps I’m having Kafka/Aamon brain rot pls help.

[harrykim]

screaming crying tearing out my hair about how much i hate cuckoo nest episodes

[miryum]

An arranged marriage with James Potter

Something had happened over the summer that made James Potter the most love-sick fool in all of Hogwarts. Purebloods being purebloods, it wasn’t uncommon for children to be paired up early on to secure the bloodline. While this happened mostly between the old-arching Slytherin families, an example being Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black, every once in a while, the other houses would participate too. 

Such was the case with James Potter and Y/n L/n. The L/n’s had spanned generations, stretching back to even the Gaunt’s time. But, such as the Gaunt family, the L/n family had run into some bad luck. Stocks didn’t go the way they wanted or something of the sort and now they were in ruining trouble. 

Euphemia Potter was usually one to scoff at arranged marriages, wanting the children to find love for themselves, blood status be damned. However, the L/n’s were good friends of hers and James had written home multiple times about their daughter. From his letters, it seemed as if the two were already dating. It was a perfect coincidence. Euphemia and Fleamont agreed instantly, lifting the weight of a thousand bricks off of the patriarch of the L/n household. 

However, James and Y/n were not dating. Much to James’ annoyance, the only thing between them was his unrequited infatuation towards Y/n. 

So that’s where the pair found themselves at the beginning of seventh year. Y/n L/n trying to fly under the radar and not draw any attention to herself or the new ring on her finger, and James Potter doing everything in his power to show off their relationship and spoil her in front of everyone. 

It began at the start of the year feast. James had an arm around Y/n’s shoulder the entire time. When a third year nervously asked if the two were dating, staring reverently up at James, the boy grinned and looked to Y/n. “I don’t know, love, are we?”

Y/n pushed James’ arm off her shoulder and indelicately said, “no. Take him.” The third year blushed and mumbled their way out of the conversation as James clutched his wounded heart.

During classes, James would loudly correct the professors from Miss. L/n to Mrs. Potter. It earned him wry smiles from McGonagall and Sprout, chuckles from Slughorn and Flitwick, and a cold glare from Y/n. The students all looked a bit confused whenever this happened, but chalked it up to the usual antics of James Potter. 

In the courtyard or by the Black Lake, James would lay his head on Y/n’s lap, even if she pushed him off or was sitting with her knees up. There were roses on her bed and notes in her bag and it got to the point where Y/n didn’t even question how James had snuck into her dorm. 

If Y/n ever went to Hogsmead, James was sure to follow. No matter what she bought, he would pay for. Even if she got frustrated, he would slip the galleons up onto the counter, grinning at the cashier. He wanted to show her that he could provide for her and give her a nice home. As she would walk from shop to shop, he would point out colours of shops, saying, “oh, that would be a good colour for our bathroom. Look at that little cuckoo clock! Y/n, we have to get it.”

He would follow wherever she went, asking what seemed like meaningless questions. Have you ever had any pets? Do you like the country or city better? Any aspirations for your career? What’s a place you always wanted to visit? Y/n thought nothing of it, but to James, her answers were slowly sculpting his future. Would she want a dog or a cat in our home? Where should our house be? I would like the country so our kids could run around more, but we can easily make the city work if she wants. Should I be a stay-at-home dad? Or could we juggle two careers? Where should our honeymoon be? 

Quidditch games were no better, because after every goal the chaser scored – and he scored a lot – he would look to the stands, find his fiancée, and blow her a kiss. Before every match, one of his spare jerseys would be laid out on her bed, a small note attached, begging her to wear it. She never did and he always gave her a pout when he realised it. And God forbid she didn’t go to the games. Once, she had been studying for an upcoming exam and hadn’t been able to make it. James had thrown a fit. Sirius had to drag him away from Madame Hooch before he secured an entire year of detention, but the boy still refused to get in the air. Madame Hooch threatened to start the game and make Gryffindor play a catcher down, but thankfully Remus and Peter had just found Y/n and dragged her to the pitch. The moment James saw her, he beamed and kicked off, broom now in the air. They had ended up winning. James spent the afterparty with his head on Y/n’s lap, arms reaching up to encircle her waist. He continuously reminded her how awful it would’ve been if she hadn’t shown up and only shut up when she began running her fingers through his hair.

And every night, no matter if he went to bed first or she did, James would always go over to Y/n and give her a soft kiss on the forehead and a whispered, “sweet dreams.” No matter where she was, this became a daily occurance in Y/n’s life. At first, she tried to avoid it by sneaking off to the library whenever James began yawning and tossing around the idea of going to bed. But he would find her. She tried the kitchens, hoping he didn’t think to look for her there. But he would find her. She tried being in a group with her friends, in animated conversations. But he would weave his way through the group, step in front of her, and still say goodnight. It was like he had this magical map that told him where she was at all times. It was bloody infuriating. 

Much to James’ dismay, no progress seemed to be made. At least she was staying faithful to her fiancé, the Marauders reassured him as James griped and moaned. He would sling himself onto a common room chair, conveniently in the earshot of his dearest. Y/n would just roll her eyes. 

The majority of Hogwarts didn’t know what to do with them. The girls would swoon when they heard the new thing James Potter had come up with to woo Y/n L/n. The boys would huff and grumble about needing to step up their own game when it came to their girlfriends. James was setting the bar too high. The teachers would sit around, taking time to sip a well-deserved drink, as they complained how if L/n didn’t soon see the boy that was right in front of her, helpless to his love, then Potter was going to have a breakdown.

Yet, Y/n continued to push him away. James could be patient. He had been waiting practically seven years – he could wait a little more, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t hurt whenever she brushed him off. She could’ve said no to the engagement. She could’ve punched or hexed him. It didn’t seem like she truly hated him, more like she was embarrassed and tired of him. 

“I don’t get it,” James said finally one night. He laid out on his bed, long limbs stretching over the place as Peter and Sirius played Exploding Snap on the floor. 

Remus was reading on his own bed. The werewolf sighed, knowing where this was going. “What don’t you get, Prongs?” 

“Why doesn’t Y/n like me?” James murmured, looking at his friends with large, hurt eyes. 

“Mate,” Sirius said. One of the cards exploded, making Peter flinch. “Listen. She likes you, yeah? How else are you able to get close to her? I swear, you were practically on top of her a couple days ago.” He scoffed and laid down a card. 

James groaned loudly and exclaimed, “but I’ve tried everything! Hell, we’re literally engaged! I can’t go through an entire marriage like this. Especially not with the woman I love.”

Peter piped up, smiling sincerely at James. “Hey, I’m sure she’ll realise it soon enough. I think she loves you back. She’s just scared.”

“But I’m me!” James shouted out. “I’m not scary!” He looked around wildly at his friends. “Am I?” he asked pathetically.

“I think if you have to ask if you’re scary,” Remus pointed out, “then you’re not scary.”

Sirius grinned. “Excellent point, as always, Moony.”

Remus sighed and gave James a pointed look. “Perhaps, the best thing to do is talk to her. Since she is your future wife, after all.” 

“I do talk to her!” James argued. “I ask her about her day and tell her about our pranks. She- she responds. She’s very sweet, you know, but she never shows any affection.”

“Maybe you’re pressuring her,” Peter commented. “By being all lovey-dovey. You could try being her friend first?”

James didn’t think he could do that. He already thought of Y/n as his wife. He already thought of her as one of his best friends. But what else could he do to get her to feel the same way?

The next week, James took Peter’s words into consideration. Instead of leaving flowers in her dorm, James asked if he could join her in the library for a study session. Instead of blowing her kisses during Quidditch games, he just waved. Instead of envisioning their future, he focused on the present. 

It wasn’t until three weeks had passed that James noticed the results. Y/n began coming to him with some questions on schoolwork. Y/n waved back at Quidditch games, shooting him a thumbs up in encouragement. Y/n wouldn’t fiddle with her engagement ring nervously, as if worried someone would spot it. 

The girl noticed her changed behaviour too. On a random Thursday, when James came to kiss her goodnight, she paused her conversation and whispered back, “sleep well,” angling her body so he wouldn’t have to reach as far to kiss her temple. Soon after, she excused herself from her friends, flustered. Y/n paced around her dorm, twisting the ring back and forth. 

A knock came at the door. “Hey,” James murmured as he pushed open the door. “Are you okay?”

Y/n turned to face him. “You actually care about me, don’t you?” she whispered. 

James couldn’t help but laugh. “Of course,” he replied. “Why on earth would you think otherwise?”

She shrugged. “It seemed fake, you know? Like this one big prank to single me out. But then you actually seemed excited and willing to marry me, James. Marriage. This is the rest of our lives and we haven’t even kissed!”

James cracked a smirk. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I can fix that really easily.”

“But you think you’re in this for the long run?” Y/n asked desperately. “For- for the fights? The late nights? The chores? And we haven’t even talked if we want kids or not!”

“Love,” he interrupted her spiral. “Have you thought about the waking up every morning in my arms? The dancing in the kitchen for no reason? The anniversary dinners where I profess my love over and over again?” He stepped forward, placing his warm hands on her arms soothingly. “And if you want, I would love to have mini replicas of us running around, waking us up in the middle of the night because of a night terror. I would love for them to disrupt our dancing in the kitchen by demanding they want to dance too. And I would love for them to groan when they see me being all sappy towards my wife.”

How could any girl say no when James Potter was standing before her, promising her endless devotion? The kiss was slow, James’ lips slowly moving against hers. He revelled in the warmth of her body and how her head tilted to him as he cupped her cheek gently. All short and lovely and sweet, the kisses were exactly how James had dreamed. 

The couple parted and the boy stared down at her. His finger went up to brush her bottom lip before murmuring, “will you marry me?”

She didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

[apiswitchcraft]

altars for greek gods (pt.2)

this post includes zeus, hera, poseidon, hestia, hephaestus, dionysus, ares, demeter, and athena. for part 1 including hades, persephone, artemis, apollo, aphrodite, hermes, and hekate click here, for the titans and protogenoi click here.

keep in mind that this is largely UPG, new age stuff, and historically accurate offerings to the gods include meat, wine, grain (specifically barley), honey, and incense (myrrh and frankincense).

colors can be used for candles, banners, decor, whatever you want

ZEUS

Colors: white, blue, and grey for association with the heavens, yellow and black for association with storms. gold because he's the King of the Gods

Offerings: rain water, oak, olives/olive branches/olive leaves, vervain, cinnamon, laurel. images of himself or lightning bolts are particularly recommended for Zeus

Crystals: diamonds, gold (i think pyrite, aka fool's gold, would be offensive), turquoise, lapis lazuli, celestite, iron/steel, any quartz

Animals: eagle, bull

POSEIDON

Colors: blue and white for association with the seas, gray for association with storms, brown for association with the earth/earthquakes

Offerings: coffee, mint, ocean water, salt, seashells

Crystals: coral, petoskey stone, abalone, opal (especially water opal), blue calcite, aquamarine

Animals: horse, bull, dolphin, hippocampus

HERA

Colors: red, pink and white for association with love and marriage. gold because she's the Queen of the Gods.

Offerings: iris, rose, patchouli, coconut, cypress, maple, peacock feathers, pomegranate

Crystals: pearls, garnet, citrine, diamonds, lapis lazuli, topaz, opal, moonstone, rose quartz

Animals: peacock, cuckoo, cow

HESTIA

Colors: red, orange, and yellow for association with fire, brown or white for the hearth/home.

Offerings: tea/coffee (especially if you drink it with her), pine, bread, cider, apples, anything on fire, cinnamon

Crystals: amber, jade, garnet, ruby, carnelian, sunstone, amethyst, honey calcite

Animals: donkey, pig, crane

HEPHAESTUS

Colors: red, orange, and yellow for association with fire, metallics for association with metalworking.

Offerings: spicy things, hot beverages, handmade things, dragon's blood incense, seashells, anything on fire

Crystals: metals, fire opal, honey calcite, obsidian, hematite, carnelian

Animals: donkey, dog, crane

DIONYSUS

Colors: purple and green for association with grapes/wine, leopard/tiger print for his holy animals

Offerings: grapes (or any derivative), alcohol, cinnamon, ivy, pinecones. there's a particular emphasis on non-physical offerings with dionysus, like playing music, partying or sex/masturbation

Crystals: grape agate, leopard jasper, crazy lace agate, tiger's eye, garnet, rose or rutilated quartz, amethyst, jade

Animals: panther/leopard, tiger, bull, serpent, dolphin

ARES

Colors: red and purple for association with war

Offerings: spicy things, yarrow, chocolate, basil, cinnamon

Crystals: bloodstone, garnet, red jasper, smokey quartz, black tourmaline, hematite, metals, obsidian, carnelian

Animals: eagle owl, barn owl, poisonous snakes, boar, vulture

DEMETER

Colors: green, brown, and yellow for association with the earth/harvest. black for her ruthlessness

Offerings: oats and grain, anything baked, flowers, spices (like cinnamon or cloves, allspice is good too), leaves that have begun to change colors for fall, mint, poppy

Crystals: jade, tree/moss agate, carnelian, amber, aventurine, rutilated quartz

Animals: serpent, farm animals (especially pig), gecko, turtle-dove

ATHENA

Colors: white and grey/silver for association with wisdom. red for association with war

Offerings: anything handmade, olives/olive oil/olive branches/olive leaves, snake shed, cedar, cypress, cinnamon

Crystals: metals, celestite, fluorite, lapis lazuli, bloodstone, obsidian, iolite

Animals: snakes and owls

[ruoshik0]

The snake-like Cuckoo who lives among the Bats and Birds

The first lesson Janet Drake taught Tim was about how everybody has their own agenda. That he should never give someone else his trust, at least not very easily.

Tim was young then. Very young. Toddler years if you will. However, his mother still taught him such a thing because while children are impulsive and hard to control and most importantly stupid, Timothy Drake- her flesh and blood, the only heir to the Drake fortune and the one who will, one day, be the reason she will continue living her dream life in early retirement- was a genius. A prodigy if you will.

He was smart. Far smarter than even some adults (people Tim meets at every gala he attends). Sharp and calculative in the same way Janet was. Because Tim was all mother and no father. He didn’t inheret even a remotely similar personality trait from Jack. And Janet- ever the observant woman- noticed that fact early. It gave her a chance to raise a proper Drake heir. A cunning and successful man who will one day raise Drake Industries to new heights and dominate everything else.

And in the real world, no one is ever above deciet and betrayal if all the right buttons are pushed.

Tim’s trust never came to anyone very easily after that.

The second lesson Janet Drake taught Tim was about subtle manipulation.

Trusting no one doesn’t mean that Tim couldn’t predict his opponent’s moves as long as he has enough information about them. A little trick there and a little accident here. No, Tim wasn’t the cause of this! How could you even think of that? Tim was the one who brought justice to the wronged! It’s just that, because he helped, these people trusted him. Became somewhat loyal!

And giving your trust to Tim was always the wrong move. Because trusting Janet Drake was a wrong move too. Back then, as stated before, he was a child. So most of the time he just acted dumb and got people talking. He was kind of a spy for the Drakes in that way. Janet knew how to utilize resources just as well as Tim of the present. He prided himself for never getting caught.

Nowadays, resprting to a little manipulative tactic became a bit of a habit. Second nature of you will.

The third lesson Janet Drake taught Tim was about the art of acting and wearing masks.

When Janet was small, she learned that masks are absolutely needed if she wanted to survive among the hungry and greedy gotham elites. Back then, she helped Jack Drake he was too trusting, too gullible, and too loyal. Janet learned to take advantage of her little bodyguard and fool the rest of the elites. Wearing the little sweatheart of gotham mask- a mask that seamlessly fit her face- wasn’t easy. Jack was too annoying, too clingy, too prideful, too… obsessive.

She learnt to love him all the same. Because she was also too much in certain areas too.

She taught Tim how to act and switch between masks effortlessly. To build a mask, one for every occasion. Every separate identity, and every separate Tims that he wanted others to see and percieve.

The shy and timid Drake child.

The invisible shadow that follows the Bat and his birds.

The perfect sweetheart of gotham.

The amicable, old money heir.

His first lesson was to never trust. His second was to do anything to get what he wanted. His third was to decieve.

Gotham elites are a different kind of crazy than the rest of this cesspit of a city. No one, other than the truly decieving and despicable, could survive in it. No one, other than a truly born and raised Gothem elite, could Thrive in it. It was the reason why the Drakes didn’t associate with New money. New money didn’t know the ins and outs. They were gullible and weak and the Drakes wouldn’t be caught dead letting them talk to them longer than socially necessary.

Gotham elites were selfish and had their own agenda. Everyone manipulated, no one trusted another, and everyone wore a mask- however, lacking they are.

That was the world Tim came from. So imagine his fascination when he found out about Batman.

A man who, seemingly for no reason, was fighting crime and helping the city. It juxtaposed everything Tim knew and the rules he lived by. Which was why he needed know the man’s motives. Because surely, everyone has their agenda, everyone does something to gain for their selfish reasons. Surely, Batman isn’t an outlier.

Gotham elites, the Drakes, everyone. Even Tim. They did everything for their own gain. They stopped at nothing to get it. There was no symptathy for the weak who fell. No respect for the strong who thrived. Tim did not pity the street rats. That was simply their role in this waste pool of drama and plays.

But Batman. He helped without getting paid. He made it seem like he had no motive. And Tim, being the genius whose mind is constantly undersimulated, decided he wanted to solve this case. His first case.

And then he quickly became obsessed.

Stalking wasn’t hard when you somewhat practice self defence arts. This is Gotham. And he was a Drake. A Drake wouldn’t be caught getting kidnapped. It would bring shame on the family name.

He took up photography rather quickly, playing it off as a hobby. Batman and Robin were magical. Beautiful. And Tim still hasn’t solved Batman’s motives. His life fianlly had meaning beyond being a perfect heir to the Drakes.

Then he found out about their identities.

Tim began stalking Bruce Wayne and Richard Grayson in the galas too. It was obvious to him that Brucie was a mask. Even before he found out about Batman.

The Gotham elites didn’t have empathy nor sympathy towards anyone who fell and those who never got the chance to fall. He assumed Bruce Wayne was the same.

Everything he did was for the publicity, at least that’s what he thought. He thought wrong.

No one ever saw Bruce Wayne and Batman in the same room. And to prevent people of finding his secret identity, Bruce created the mask named Brucie. He found out one of Batman’s motives.

It was exhilarating.

And then everything came apart.

Dick had an argument with Bruce. Bruce found another Robin. That Robin died. Batman became a man willing to give up.

Tim couldn’t have that. While being birthed and raised by Janet Drake meant that he had a very loose moral compass, he couldn’t have Batman giving up. That would lead to Batman dying, Gotham falling, and most importantly, Tim never getting the chance to solve Batman.

He did the standard things in order the right everything. Asking Nightwing to come back was a bust. Demanding Batman find a Robin was also quickly becoming a bust. Then both were captured by two face.

Alfred handed him a Robin suit with a haunted look on his face.

Robin was magical. Robin was empathetic. Robin was kind and helpful.

Robin was everything Tim wasn’t.

Then, Tim quickly created a mask named Robin and saved both heroes.

The only reason Tim was still welcome in this house was because he had his uses. No matter what, Bruce Wayne is a Gotham elite. And Gotham elites all have their agenda, their reason to do anything they did. Bruce welcomed his kids in because… they were his children. Because he loved them. It escaped Tim why love is the way it is.

But among the Bats and Birds, Tim was the Cuckoo. He forced his way into the family. As a born and raised Gotham elite, Tim has his own agenda of being here. He wanted to be useful. To be… loved the same way the others were.

But because he was a Cuckoo, that love is hard to earn. He knew that. So, he remained useful. Became the smart Robin, the detective that is almost on par with Batman himself. Lead the WE gracefully, kept the Wayne public image as high as possible, entertained the other elites so that the others wouldn’t need to.

Everyone knew a slightly different Tim.

The Bats knew the case obsessive Red Robin.

The Waynes knew the sleep deprived Tim.

The Gotham elites knew the genius CEO Timothy.

And the media knew the Gotham’s sweetheart Tim Drake.

No one knew the Tim that existed beyond the high raised walls upon walls.

Just like how he liked it.

Because the Drakes may be prideful Dragons and the Waynes may be the protective Bats but Janet and Tim were the deceitful snakes that grew wings and feathers.

[rei-ismyname]

Magneto & Teamwork Saves The Day

In EMPYRE, early in Dawn of X, the Cotati thought it would be wise to invade Krakoa. Magneto wasn't a Great Captain, but only a fool leaves him on the sidelines in a fight. He was meditating nude when the danger kicked off.

Also, he's incredibly attractive. That's Exodus narrating btw, who surely agrees. I love how comfortable he is naked. Look at Magik's face - she's having a peek.

Look at him boldly striding across the battlefield. That's Mr October of Krakoa's pinup calendar.

Mutant circuits were the greatest thing ever. Magneto talks to the Cuckoos, who loop him in with Sage, who links her brain to satellites giving total visibility.

Simultaneously, he tees up a volcanic eruption with Magma...

... and Iceman cools it down. Twenty tonnes of it.

'Broken metal with sharp edges. Whatever shall I do with that?' After his entire army is torn to shreds, General Plant Person says the words everyone always regrets - 'WHO DARES?'

Points for bravery but there's a fine line between it and a death wish. This is the latter, I think.

The ol' satellite to the crater you formerly occupied. It's a classic and very stylish. DONK!

MAGNETO!

[dadsbongos]

I NEED MORE RAGNVALDR SMUT THIS MAN IS MAKING ME GO CUCKOO

you n me both you n me both you n me both you n me both like!!

warnings - randomly lost the spark for this at the end and you can… tell lol, not proofread, fem body, whiny pathetic big man with big tits >>>>>, unprotected piv but liek cmon… what is the protection in that era youre lucky rag’s washed

845 words

~~~

“You’re very close.”

“You’re more comfortable than the bed.”

Ragnvaldr snorts a laugh, eyes fluttering shut as he grins, hands winding tighter around your waist and squeezing the soft fat, “You’re obsessed with flattering me, elskede.”

“You’re worth the flattery,” you lift your chin and settle it between his collar bones to stare up at the man.

Auburn strands of hair burn like gold in the pouring sunlight, soft sage eyes gooey as they return your gaze. Morning birds sing outside the gaping window, fresh air chilling through the bedroom. Last night, you’d fallen asleep side-by-side only for the man to pull you atop his chest in the dark. Or maybe he did it as the sun first rose, staring at your lax face through bleary eyes; determined not to wake you. 

Wringing both arms under Ragnvaldr’s head, you pull your face closer to his and earnestly giggle at how his cheeks go ruby red. 

“Hm, blushing is a good look for you,” you dance the blade of your nails across his sharp cheekbones, feeling the warmth from his face lick over your fingertips, “So bashful.”

“Bashful,” he scoffs at the mere notion, “I’m the strongest warrior in Oldegaard, I am not bashful.”

“No?”

“No.”

“So, then, if I do this…” you sit up slowly, making a show of petting your palms down his chest and curving your back to push out your chest, perhaps -- just by mere coincidence -- grinding your pelvis into his, “You’ll feel nothing?”

“Nothing,” the tremble in his muscles says otherwise. So does the upward, smitten twitch of his lips. His hands tighten around your waist.

Ragnvaldr is as much a lovestruck fool as he is a warrior, he’s big and simple and so, so tender in your hands. 

“Do you lie to me?” you pout, and though he knows it’s fake Ragnvaldr is tempted to smear it off your face.

He beams up at you, a chuckle rumbling low in his throat, “Of course, I’m lying. Have you seen yourself?”

You shrug coyly and he laughs again. 

“Beautiful,” Ragnvaldr stretches his neck to press his lips to your neck, “So very beautiful.” 

“Now who’s full of flattery?” you tease as hands larger and bolder than your own peel off the gown you’d slept in; Ragnvaldr lifts his hips while you fumble off his trousers.

Warmth lathes up your spine, washing over your skin in time with the softness of Ragnvaldr’s palms. He pulls and squeezes the fat of your hips in appreciation as your slick envelopes his cock. Tossing his head back in a throaty whine, Ragnvaldr bucks his hips up -- settling both feet on the creaky straw and pelts to better thrust into you. Slow and thorough, he curls both arms around your waist and binds you both chest to chest; earnestly moaning at the squish of your bare breasts against him. Leaning his head against yours, Ragnvaldr lovingly molds his lips against your forehead.

“I love you,” he proclaims, “Love,” he whines, high and pitchy and snapping into the back of his throat, “My love, my good love, sweet girl…” he shudders under your hands, pace quickening, “Please, sweet girl, kiss me.”

You should’ve known -- if you weren’t preoccupied with whimpering and wailing his name, you’d probably giggle. Ragnvaldr loves to kiss during sex, no matter how contradictory his wrapping and hugging says otherwise. You have to wiggle up from his sweaty arms to worm your face by his, kissing along his jaw just to tease your lips against the corner of his mouth.

“Please,” the big man huffs pathetically, arms cinching tighter around your body and hips rocking the thin mat below you, “Don’t be cruel to me.”

“Rag’,” you croon, finally giving him the pleasure of your lips locked to his, now mumbling against him, “My precious man, big, big man. You’re so good to me.”

His face flames beneath yours, only growing hotter the longer you speak, “Uh-huh?”

“Yes, yes,” you gasp, his cock driving harder into the spongy spot that makes you weep, “Fuck me harder, Rag’! Rougher, my love, don’t be gentle…”

“Uh-huh…” he nods weakly, and continues nodding against you -- skulls thumping dully in time with his fucking, “Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh…”

Fire rips up the seams of your tangled limbs, scorching up the loose ends of the building knots in both of your guts. Ragnvaldr tears his face back from yours, groaning and crying mixes of your name and gibberish. Gibberish until he finally crackles out,

“Can I- !" he's broken by a shiver and moan, "Can I cum inside, elskede?”

He wriggles one arm off you and in between your bodies to flick wetly around your clit. You burrow your face into the bend of his shoulder, biting the meat of his neck to muffle your swelling moans. You snag your nails into his broad chest, his soft hair tangling under your fingers, spurring you for an eager reply.

“Yes, yes, yes!��� you chant dumbly, decisively numb to everything except Ragnvaldr and the ecstasy he brings.

BOOM bomb explodes you DIE!!!

[luckydicekirby]

would love any director's commentary you may have on The Only True Thing if slightly older fics are on the table here bc lowkey it changed my brain chemistry forever. I read it on a whim like four years ago at 1 in the morning and ever since then I've been hooked on making all my fav pairings miserable for no reason. this sounds like sarcasm but I'm being completely sincere the schadenfreude is exquisite

okay first of all I’m SO glad to hear this because making your favs miserable is I think one of the most rewarding activities on this earth so I’m really glad I could help share that joy. thanks also to sylvain for just making it so easy. anyway, here’s some assorted thoughts, hopefully some of which are edifying!

(the only true thing for reference for anyone playing along at home.)

this fic affectionately named the darkling au due to this tweet which I feel like I should put in a hall of fame someday. anyway this entire thread showcases the origin of this fic which was me catie and lily bullying each other on twitter about sylvix, a pastime left behind in 2019 which i really miss.

the thing that really first made me Crazy Cuckoo about sylvain is his B support with Byleth--I'm obsessed with that moment where he very coldly threatens to kill you and then laughs it off, and that was pretty much the jumping off point for Sylvain's characterization in this au--what if he was like that all the time? answer: it would be bad, but also pretty sexy!

One thing I miss about writing for fe3h is the hero’s relics were sooo nice as like. shortcut symbolism. the lance of ruin comes preloaded for you! It’s familial cycles of violence! Easy! and there's a mechanic for it breaking ALSO preloaded into the game mechanics! I wrote like three versions of the ending and the lance getting busted moved around a bit--it originally happened a little earlier.

For a while when I was still femblempilled I was idly thinking about two sequels to this—a sylvain pov sequel about the war, which would have been fun but also Yikes, and then epistolary dorothea/ingrid ideological divorce fic. sorry to dorothea and ingrid who really get the short end of the stick in this universe.

oh there's a playlist. I can’t claim to have put a ton of thought into it it’s just all my fav bad ya boyfriend songs <3 actually dead girl walking reprise is like. yeah that's the fic.

ANYWAY. I feel like a lot of my commentary on this has been washed away by the sea (the passage of time) so a few extras. I apparently wrote like 400 words of sylvain POV of the training yard scene also? Last edited September 26th 2019, here you go:

Felix has always been smaller him, ever since they were kids. Still is these days, to Sylvain’s delight. He wondered about it plenty, these past two years--maybe Felix had a growth spurt. Maybe he caught up to Dimitri. Maybe Sylvain would meet him at the monastery and they’d see eye to eye. Of course they don’t. Felix is a head shorter than him, and he’ll never see things the way Sylvain does. Still. Sylvain thought about it. He’s had a lot of time to think about Felix since the last time he saw him, since Felix ran away. Still a crybaby at heart, no matter how sure he was he’d grown out of it. Not much has changed, Sylvain figures. Felix might have everyone else fooled with that delightfully sharp-edged exterior of his--a pretty decent feint, Sylvian should know--but Felix can’t hide from him. Sylvain sees him down to the bone. The two of them are a matched set: liars at heart.  Like right now. Felix is trying so hard not to cry, his back to the wall of the training yard, his grip tight around the wood of his training sword like he’s actually going to use it. Sylvain hopes he will. He hasn’t gotten to see Felix fight yet, really fight. He bets he’s gotten better. He bets he’s elegant and controlled—maybe less so with Sylvain, and wouldn’t that be nice? That’s how it goes sometimes, when Sylvain dreams about their last day together. Felix’s sword at his throat, biting and cold, ending all this before it began. It would have saved everyone a lot of trouble. Sylvain wouldn’t have had to spend such an awfully long time missing him.  He bets Felix could make him hurt. Nothing seems to do that anymore, except for thoughts of Felix, the ones he can never stop worrying at like a bruise.  Sylvain doesn’t want much these days, and maybe that’s why it’s so hard: he wants Felix in a way that aches, delirious and unstoppable. It doesn’t matter so much how. Felix is welcome to cut him open or kiss him quiet or anything in between. As long as he never stops looking at Sylvain like he is now, hateful and just on the edge of tears, so clearly focused on nothing else. As long as Sylvain can have that, the rest doesn’t matter.  That’s love, Sylvain figures; the cheerful facade he gives the girls is nothing. He forgets about a new one every week. But Felix? He’ll be dead someday, and Felix will still have a grip on his heart, as tight as he’s holding his sword and just as dangerous.

and what exists of the sylvain POV sequel I never wrote:

Felix looks like shit. Of course he’s also beautiful. He’s radiant, for all that his hair’s a mess and his face is drawn and he’s got the kind of dark circles that only come from weeks and weeks of exhaustion. He’s Felix, right? He can’t be anything else. “You look like shit,” Sylvain tells him, because honesty is what Felix thinks he wants from him. He hasn’t seen Felix in six moons, but that probably hasn’t changed. “What are you doing here?” Felix asks. His horse stamps her feet and shakes her head, moving uneasily under him. Felix has never been a good rider. It’s clear he doesn’t appreciate his mare, and she doesn’t appreciate him. Sylvain wonders how long Felix has been making his way across Faerghus like this. He wonders if he stole the horse. It’s awful not to know. “Looking for you,” Sylvain says. “They say you’re searching for the king.” Felix never could stop himself from chasing ghosts. Sylvain hates that about him. It’s just as unfair as everything else: it’s the only reason Sylvain is still here, after all.  “I am. And you should be defending Gautier territory.” “Got a message from your father,” Sylvain lies. He slides off his horse, patting her flank. Felix, clumsily, does the same. “He wants you to come home.” That part’s probably true.  Felix scoffs. “My old man can send all the messages he wants. I’m going to find the boar.” He means it. Sylvain can see that he means it, in the flinty look in his eyes, the fold of his arms, the jut of his chin as he looks up at Sylvain. It’s the saddest thing Sylvain’s ever seen, and he’s seen a lot of shit. “Felix,” he says. He reaches out. He can never help it, not when Felix is like this, not when he believes. Felix doesn’t flinch from Sylvain’s hand on his cheek anymore. “Sweetheart. You know he’s dead.” “Don’t call me that,” Felix says. But when he swings himself back in the saddle and Sylvain does the same, he doesn’t tell Sylvain not to follow. That’s more than good enough. 

[rosemaryblossoms]

Monster Call of Duty Men with a dread ducky demon reader

Author’s Note: characters may be out of character, Dread Ducky is one of my favorite characters in dark deception and I’m also getting into call of duty so I made this, cod monster types are based off of the designs of @bluegiragi , I hope you enjoy it. I also might make a gold watcher and doom ducky one, hell I might make a murder monkey one. I apologize if I get some stuff wrong about call of duty. Let me know if you want more.

You were a Dread Ducky, a demon who was made of flesh and robotics, wearing your traffic cone hat and doing the dance of your people with pride, not afraid to bust some ass either if they say otherwise. Just like your mama who was a Doom Ducky demon, you wanted to join the military and wallop those asses in battle and have justice served. When you first got there, you already felt eyes on you by others soldiers. Some were curious stares and some were “what the hell is that” stares but you pushed them away because there was no way you were going to let them ruin your day. Price had read your files and he was both impressed in your skills and is interested in you, he was the first one to welcome you to the team when you got there. Price always gives a listening ear even if you can’t really speak and you mostly communicate through quacks and movement. Your silly duck dance manages to make him crack a smile. In battle, the dragon hybrid man is impressed by your strength and moves, especially when you open your mouth real wide only to reveal another head coming out with a swift movement to bite and drag your opponent back to your mouth like a cuckoo clock. In the background of the battle field fighting and watching you kick ass like “that’s my boy/girl/Ducky”.

Ghost was suspicious of you when he first met you, he observes you from a far, when he finally opens up to you more he will tell the most cheesy dad jokes. “Hey what do you call a bear that has no teeth?”. . . . . “A gummy bear” (sorry I had too, my bad 😂💀) “what did the duck say to the bar tender?”. . . . . “Put it on my bill.” (Ok fine I’ll stop)

He enjoys just sitting down with you, there’s a smile behind his mask when you do your ducky dance, he doesn’t know why but he manages to crack a smile and let out a snort when you do it. He also can’t help but to crack a smile behind his mask when you make quacks to say “hey ghost how are you doing?” And “what up Lt.” as for Soap, he loves you, Johnny loves you, from your traffic cone hat to your ducky dance and to your cute little waddles when you walk or run. He was always curious about your monster type and he finds you both cool and adorable. He hypes you up when you ducky dance, he will also make an attempt to try to do your ducky dance as well with a funky beat in the background. It always blows a circuit in his mind when you sit down because it looks like your legs completely disappeared without a trace. He also asks if he can ride you (Ayo? Not like that, he means like a piggy or more like ducky back ride) Gaz like soap, loves you, he also hypes up your sweet dance moves. he might attempt on trying to do your ducky dance. He runs around with you on free time. He in enjoys roof top talks with you and goofing off with you.

You and Alejandro get along, you two are dance buddies, you two joke around and laugh a lot. You love helping Rudy, Soap, and Gaz play pranks then act a fool when you are questioned by it.

In the end they love you, you are their chaotic ball of sunshine.

[bonefall]

Clanmew Masterpost

Clanmew is a constructed language made for Warrior Cats that I, @bonefall, run with my buddy @troutfur! I make the vocab and he does the grammar. I hope that this post will become a good, central place to keep links to everything we've done so far.

CURRENT VERSION: 1.0 LAST UPDATE: 6/3/2023

Clanmew is an OSV-order language, made with the sounds cats make in mind. "Base Clanmew" is built around the Clan Culture updates of the Better Bones AU, which means it is made with the ecology of southwestern Northern England in mind and only contains words for plants and animals found there. It also has phrases for cooking and crafting.

(specific regions modeled: Lancashire, Chester, Manchester, Merseyside, Clwydd is modeled for river biomes specifically)

You are free to use it for your own projects! We encourage you to consider how this language would evolve in your Clan's history, and add or remove words to make a dialect that reflects the culture's feelings and needs.

THE BASICS:

Everything you need to know for basic structure is in CLANMEW 101. Start here.

We have a constantly updating LEXICON of all the words we have made so far.

Have you made a dialect? Let me know and I can link you here so others can see what you're doing with it!

Below the cut:

In-universe information; How Clanmew evolved linguistically

"Expansion Pack" posts where I discuss etymology

Pronunciation stuff (until I make that IPA chart I keep promising)

Working translations; Names, parables, OC submissions

Dialect submissions (These are manned by other people!)

Historical Trivia

The linguistic evolution of Clanmew from Old Tribemew and Parkmew

Animals are named for the sounds they make.

How pronouns for objects change based on how the speaker feels about it.

More, using human examples

there is a secret post about cursing but you have to find that on your own ;)

Through Time Travel Shenanigans, Hollyleaf's name evolves into the word "Scourge"

The Clanmew Play-by-Play of that

The word for Everything

How hard is it for speakers of the other in-universe languages to pick up Clanmew?

On nicknames!

Squirrelpaw and Crowfoot discover corn

The names of the three ideologies... also thistles.

The Invalid Five

Expansion Packs

Colors

Directions, way-finding

Spirituality terms

Rocks

Beetles

Follow up: some plant parts

Patch (pattern) vs Patch (plants)

Den, camp, territory, construction

The two violets

Shapes of flowers

Volume

Generic terms

Rollypollies and centipedes

Insults

Rain... because this is England

The Clan Clock; time terms

The four seasons

Clerics and Common Herbs

Roses

Water movement

BIRDS AND BATS

Finches

Texture

Dogs

Mint

Parts of fur

Forest terms

Foxes, parts of a forest

Cuckoo bird

DEER

Shade and understorey

Cedar

Waterside words

Pronunciation Stuff

Closest thing to an IPA chart I currently have

My process for coming up with words based on vibes

I was asked for more behind-the-scenes stuff so here you go?

How I hold my mouth when I speak

Trout Tips

How would Clan cats pronounce the Slavic TS, or the word pizza?

On the Double yy

Working translations

BB!Scourge's new warrior name, Iceheart, in Clanmew... and Nightheart!

Light, moon, wind, BB!Raggedstar's pre-honor title name

OC SUBMISSION: Flameshell, Fogwhisper, Willowsong

OC SUBMISSION: Lichennose, Mudthistle, Longpounce

OC SUBMISSION: Fallensky

PACK PACK KILL KILL

"I love you"

Baby talk

"What have I done?"

"Fool Tale"

How to Clanmew-ify a strange word

Dishonor Title for "Mudpuddle"

OC SUBMISSION: Riverrunner, multiple-word names, walking words

OC SUBMISSION: Firefang, Rabbitdash, Peachfeather, plus a bunch of words for weasel-like animals

Ivypool

The use of tense in names

PROPHECY SUBMISSION: "Dust and flame will combine to destroy home"

Skywatcher

OC SUBMISSION: The Caldwell Family

Foxheart

Runningnose

PROPHECY SUBMISSION: Six will come of every rank

OC SUBMISSION: Witherstrike

"I like this" and also parasitic worms

Prism, rainbow-color

OC SUBMISSION: Piebald Creature

Gayheart

Sneeze and Knockout

OC SUBMISSION: Penny-fitzgerald

OC SUBMISSION: Voidwhisper, Chalkwhistle

OC SUBMISSION: Poppyflare, Spikemane, Blizzardfang

OC SUBMISSION: Burning Hawk-fur

Mistyfoot

BRAMBLESTAR BUTCHERS THE BLOSSOMKIT NAMES

Dialect Submissions

Pfurr Clanmew (@troutfur)

[pencilpat]

*materializes into existence*

Hey there :D

I heard ya wanted asks about your personal headcanons for the Sides? I'm curious about your thoughts on Remus & Roman, and just them being brothers. You always have the coolest takes and fanarts with them!

So, yus: ✨the twins✨

And also Virgil's and Remus' relationship with each other if ya want :3

Anyway, have fun :D

Hello my favourite breakfast food mutual! /j

I have so much to say about the twins and their relationship to each other.

To start with, I want to clarify that the two of them very clearly have a lot of issues to work out, and although I love them being brotherly, I do think a lot of their fighting might be a little... more genuine than that. They are very much pitted against each other both by their natures and by the other sides, and Remus is intentionally antagonistic to Roman a lot. It's not healthy, but they are brothers nonetheless, and like most sibling relationships they have a lot of complexities to them and their feelings on each other.

Now getting into headcanon territory!

I don't really ascribe to the common fanon of a big "splitting" event that resulted in the two of them. I also don't think there was a King as fun as that headcanon is. I think the original creativity was something more childlike, like a puppet/muppet looking fella or a stereotypical cartoon character trope - maybe something disney based. When Logan talks about them splitting like an ovum, he seems to be talking about a much slower, gradual process as Thomas had those catholic ideals of thought crimes and repentence forced into him. Religious thought like that is integrated into a child's mind in a much slower fashion than that of which would cause a sudden and massive separation.

I like to think that Remus came about the way mold or a nest parasite does. Slowly growing off of and out of the original creativity until he was his own being entirely. Strong enough to pull off of the 'host' and grow on his own. I like comparing him to a cuckoo bird baby. He didn't understand why he's so much hungrier, so much bigger, than his sibling. He didn't understand why he was so out of place and different from his foster siblings in the nest. He didn't understand why he had done something very bad, but he knew that he had. He is so hungry. So much bigger than the rest. He is so much - too much. He has done something very bad. He doesn't know what he's done. He's done something... horrible. He is something horrible.

Remus and Roman have been compared to each other and placed above or below the other their entire time of existing. That creates really difficult feelings about your sibling when you're raised like that. Remus having to always be seen as 'worse' created self esteem issues that manifest as him purposefully making himself as unlikeable as possible. He absolutely can't handle positive attention or praise, and tends to see it as not genuine or that the person is fooling themselves when he does receive it. Roman, heralded as the 'good creativity' and always put on a pedestal, is the opposite. He cannot handle negativity towards his creations or himself, and being the Ego doesn't help with that. Roman is very easily hurt by criticism because he used to always be praised for anything he made, when Thomas was a child.

Remus and Roman get in a LOT of physical fights, being imaginary has its perks such as "I can decapitate my annoying brother and he will be fine and still yelling at me." It helps them blow off some of the animosity between them, and usually they patch each other up after which also helps with that. I think they drum up entire battle scenarios in The Mindpalace with dragons and manticores and all sorts of beasts to tear each other apart, only to laugh and put each other back together.

I think that sometimes, even though most of their relationship is fighting and bickering, they really are the only one that can comfort each other. They understand each other's painful emotions and self esteem issues so well that the other sides couldn't get anywhere close to the ability they have to make each other feel better. They're brothers, no matter how much they dislike that fact, and they know each other inside and out.

This is very long so I will talk about Remus & Virgil at a later date! You can see a tiny bit of my thoughts in this post though.

[sluttypatrickstar]

i have suffered. i have received unspeakable brain trauma. i have read sentences that i simply cannot unread. that's right, it's time for my chaotic review of verity by colleen hoover!

now i wrote an actual, proper review of this book that used paragraphs and real grammar, but this is tumblr. you're getting the bullet points, you're getting the sweary words, you're getting the dissolution of my sanity.

there's a lot of graphic and disturbing content in this book, so if you're bothered by that kind of thing, it might be best not to read.

the plot:

so our narrator, lowen ashleiggghghghg, is hired by this guy jeremy crawford to finish his wife verity's thriller book series bcus verity was in a car accident and is now profoundly disabled (can't move, can't talk, needs regular care, etc.)

she needs verity's notes and somehow ends up living in verity's house so she can spend literally all day going through verity's office. the only believable part of this is that a writer could be so disorganised that you'd need full days to try and go through all of their stuff

for some context, jeremy is apparently brooding (though i see like, 0 evidence of this) over his wife's accident as well as the deaths of his twin daughters chastin and harper

in verity's office, lowen finds a manuscript that looks like it's verity's autobiography

verity's autobiography starts as overly detailed jeremy smut and oh my fucking god i mean overly detailed i wish i could GOUGE my fucking EYES out this is just BAD PORN this book is like 90% porn 10% no-plot

anyway as this autobiography goes on, lowen is like. holy shit. verity is cuckoo bananas. she is OBSESSED with jeremy. she does that patrick star thing of "what do you when i'm at work all day?" "wait for you to get back :(". she wants to be jezza's ONLY focus and resents her daughters for taking his focus away

like, she tries to plan out her pregnancy so that she'll gain as little weight as possible, but then she finds out they're twins and she's like omg im RUINED and tries to miscarry and abort them

after they're born, she has a premonition of her daughter harper killing her other daughter, chastin (the only daughter she likes, verity fucking hates her kids but randomly starts loving chastin). chastin does in fact die of anaphylactic shock when she's around 8 and verity blames harper

jeremy won't fuck verity because he's so sad about his daughter's death, and verity is not having this, but through some twisted logic she's like maybe he'll be all out of grief if another daughter dies! so she kills harper and stages it as a canoe accident

back to lowen, she's reading this autobiography at an absolute snail's pace (like 1 short chapter a day) while also living with Hot Dad Jeremy (she's into him, especially after reading all that Jeremy Porn), this is most of the book tbh . a series of weird things happen that convince her that verity is faking her disability

lowen is also 100% convinced that verity is PURE FUCKING EVIL from this autobiography

fast forward, jeremy and lowen hook up (surprised pikachu face)

and yes, verity was faking being disabled, where is her OSCAR for that METHOD ACTING that fooled the HOSPITAL the NURSES for MONTHS!!! she didnt even flinch when lowen tried to startle her by literally throwing something across the room. daniel day-lewis is SHAKING

lowen shows jeremy the autobiography and jeremy starts choking verity

lowen is like, stop! they'll know u did it! think of ur son, he'll be fatherless!

actually you should kill him by making her puke instead so they'll think she just aspirated on her own vomit ;)

so jeremy does that instead because that's totally the most sensible option to do in this particular scenario

7 month timeskip and all is great because EVIL verity is DEAD and now lowen and jeremy can be together forever and they even have a new baby on the way bcus jeremy came inside her no condom and apparently every woman in this book is insanely fertile and gets pregnant on the first try

TWIST TIME!!!

they go back to verity and jeremy's house to finish clearing out their stuff

but... lowen finds a note in verity's room...

verity claims that the autobiography was just a writing example to help her write from an antagonistic perspective (her thriller series is notably written from the villain's POV)

jeremy found the autobiography and tried to choke verity to death, but when that failed, he set up her car accident, after which verity decided she had to fake being disabled so she could run away with their living son crew and eventually explain everything

but this plan is an F bcus shes fuckin dead now isnt she

so much effort and for WHAT

the book leaves us with the fucking stupid dry ass cliché question of: WHICH WAS THE REAL VERITY? WHAT WERE THE LIES? WAS THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY REAL OR NOT? and actually i dont give a flying fuck i was just glad to be done

my thoughts

the characters in the book make the most ridiculous and nonsensical decisions and trust me i can say that for sure bcus i have never made a good decision in my life

in the opening chapters, lowen witnesses a car accident & is splattered with blood on the way to her publisher meeting

she encounters jeremy (tho she doesnt know who he is yet) and he takes her to the men's bathroom of a coffee shop to get cleaned up

lowen tAKES HER SHIRT OFF IN FRONT OF THIS ABSOLUTE STRANGER

i am trying to ignore this red flag maybe shes just confident

jeremy proceeds to lock the door to the men's bathroom so that no one else can come in, and lowen finds this comforting! how chivalrous of mr sexy man jeremy!

WHAT THE FUCK LOWEN? HOW IS THIS COMFORTING? I'D BE FUCKING. I'D BE PANICKING SO BAD I'D BE OUT THE DOOR

later in the book we find out that lowen has a chronic sleepwalking problem and can even open inside locks when she's sleepwalking

she broke her wrist sleepwalking when she was a kid so it's not really safe for her to be able to get out and about while sleepwalking

jeremy offers to install a lock on the outside of lowen's bedroom door, so that she can't leave her bedroom without him opening the outside lock for her

instead of finding this FUCKING TERRIFYING

she's Thrilled by his generosity! wow! isn;t jeremy so kind and thoughtful?

lowen! LOWEN!!! GIRL!!!!!!!!!

lucky for her jeremy is apparently a nice guy so jeremy's fucking weird actions are glossed over and theyre so nice arent they... haha...

dude i wanna know what the fuck jeremy has that women are literally OBSESSED with him. hes so bland. he has no personality. he's a cardboard cutout of a man but apparently he has good dick idk

lowen is so besotted with jeremy that she doesnt think it's bad that he tried to kill his wife twice and then succeeded on the third try

no! it's actually so sweet because it proves how much of a dedicated father he is! he thinks verity killed harper so by killing her he's just being such a good and protective dad haha! murder is okay

there was also just way too much sex in this book like i said it before but truly i cannot encapsulate how much of this book was sex. and in case u were wondering about the quality of the sex, 50 shades author EL james is in the acknowledgements of this book.

how are people giving this book 5 stars? it's fucking. it's laughably bad. the plot is so stupid. the characters are boring. no-one makes a single good decision. jeremy is white bread. it's like, really really bad. i really need to know if the straights giving this book 5 stars need help, therapy, or jesus. if u do, please blink SOS in morse code, i will come and get u.

everyone who has a superiority complex because they've never read a single CoHo book is correct . u guys are doing great

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

I have not read a Donald duck comic since I was in middle school but I loved this cover. It’s a 90 year anniversary special, thus I think he looks back on his childhood

I skimmed through it and I forgot about the random insults they have

”PORRIDGE WALKER! DANDRUFF MITE! ROSE FOOL! LAD SELLER! HAY CUCKOO! JACARANDA SMUGGLER! SCOOP OF DREDGE! DRIFT CUCKOO” (yes this also meant cuckoo)

”TOOTHACHE PERSONIFIED!”

”WORRYINGLY NOT-RAGED!”

”YOUR EXISTENCE IS A WASTE OF USEFUL BASIC ELEMENTS!”

I had to Google translate sm because they used so many random slang words, a third of which I barely knew what they meant lol

[aurorawest]

Reading update

Conned by Kim Fielding - 4.25/5 stars

Odder Still by DN Bryn - 3/5 stars

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig - 4/5 stars

Ended up enjoying this one a lot more than I thought I would. Definitely one of those philosophical-books-masquerading-as-fantasy books, but it was well written and the message resonated with me.

A Draught of Ash and Wine by Kristin Jacques - 3.75/5 stars

Draakenwood by Jordan L Hawk - 5/5 stars

This may have been the first in the series that I handed a 5 star rating to. Not that the rest of the series isn't really good, but this one stood out to me as being really REALLY good.

Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr - 5/5 stars

Another one that I enjoyed WAY more than I thought I would. I normally don't go for books that do the whole characters-connected-through-time-by-the-same-story trope, but this one was very well done. The characters in the different time periods definitely played to things I love. The fact that it was unexpectedly queer was also such a nice surprise. This book is heavy going, and I wouldn't say it's exactly happy, but it's hopeful. A hyped book that was actually worth the hype.

Blyde and Pearce by Kim Fielding - 3.5/5 stars

Bring Me Home by Annabeth Albert - 3.75/5 stars

Jackdaw by KJ Charles - 5/5 stars

AHHHHHH omg omg. Oh this book. Ripped my heart out and stomped on it, then tenderly mended it. Ben and Jonah are one of the sweetest couples Charles has ever written. Maybe the sweetest? (considering there's a very dubcon-y sex scene at the beginning, this may seem like a strange thing to say, but really). I actually far and away preferred them to the main couple in the original Charm of Magpies trilogy. To be completely honest, I like all the Charm of Magpies World books better than the original trilogy, haha.

The Rest of the Story by Tal Bauer - 4.25/5 stars

Fool Hearts by Emmy Sanders - 3.75/5 stars

Shadows of the Lost by Maxym M Martineau - DNF at pg 60

Actually not a bad book at all, but it was too dependent on the author's previous series, which I didn't have any interest in reading.

The Sun and the Star by Rick Riordan and Mark Oshiro - DNF at pg 26

All the Right Notes by Dominic Lim - 5/5 stars

Lovely, funny book that had lots of music and cooking. It's told in a split time period structure which I thought worked really well.

Witch King by Martha Wells - 5/5 stars

I LOVED this book. I love Kai so so much. He's total blorbo material, so I'm honestly surprised this book isn't bigger on tumblr. The worldbuilding was immaculate, really interesting, and very refreshing in that it was very central Asia inspired. You don't see Fantasy Asian Steppe Cultures very much, so that was really cool. This is another one that is told with a split time period, and Wells did a really good job of tying the events of the past and the present chapters together thematically.

I really really really want a sequel.

And Then He Sang a Lullaby by Ani Kayode Somtochukwu - 4/5 stars

One of the reviews of this book said it had a very didactic ending, which I 100% agree with...but it was very well-written and worth a read. It takes place in Nigeria and is about two gay boys who eventually meet in college. It's not a happy book; don't be fooled by the blurb that makes it sound like a romance.

The Lost Future of Pepperharrow by Natasha Pulley - 5/5 stars (reread)

You guys all know how I feel about Natasha Pulley.

The Master of Samar by Melissa Scott - 3.5/5 stars

Unnatural by Joanna Chambers - 5/5 stars

Fence: Disarmed by Sarah Rees Brennan - 5/5 stars

This book was so cute. Aiden and Harvard both finally pull their heads out of their asses. One of the unexpected joys of these novels is the relationship between Seiji and his father. It's really sweet.

I would fund Sarah Rees Brennan to continue writing Fence novels.

The Archive Undying - 2/5 stars

[slashingdisneypasta]

Hannah's (Top 5) Favourite Horror Movies

It's so hot today and I already did all my laundry, so this took my mind away! ^^ Here are my favourite horror movies and (some of) my favourite quotes from them)! I love these movies so so much!! God they're so good!! I could see all these a hundred times XD Some fun facts about the movies and me watching them, cuz I can, under the cut.

◇ In The Last Showing, Robert Englund was apparently able to 'not worry about' his bald spot?? I love that for him.

◇ I just love Chucky's Cuckoo's Nest reference XD

◇ When I had a huge crush on Sheriff Hoyt (don't judge me, you fools), I was consuming everything I could find of him on the bus one day-- and completely missed my stop and ended up far, far, away from where I wanted to be 😅 It was a hot day, too! 😅😅 XD Oops.

◇ My favourite quite from 3 From Hell is actually a Baby quote- I just couldn't fit on the gif: Look, suit; I gotta do what I gotta do. It's my rules or the Grim Reaper comes a-rollin' thru in a big black Cadillac; "Hey, bitch; hop in!" You dig?

◇ The Stepfather always makes me crave some good, gooey peanut butter toast. Yes, that is what he's eating when he's walking oh-so-casually through the home he just brutally killed his entire family in. No, I don't wanna discuss it with a therapist. Thank you.