#Claire is more complex

[unladyboss]

IT'S PROBABLY JUST ME BUT SOME OF THIS IS SCARY. THE BEAR

There's a way in which they shoot Claire that is really bizarre to me

Sometimes it's like she's a dream character

Sometimes it's like she's other worldly

And then there's a shift

A distinct shift that shows there's something underneath.

Something that's a clear incongruity with what she lets Carmy see or what Christopher Storer lets the audience see.

I don't know if it's just me

But it FEELS scary to me

I know she's probably sweet as pie. No that's not right.

I'm sure she's nice

But we've seen glimpses that she's more complex than a dream girl.

So I don't know how far left they'll show us when they force Carmy to really remember things the right way and show us the real Claire.

I might even LIKE the real Claire. I'm reaching. I don't care.

My head hurts when I think about Claire.

[kacievvbbbb]

While I love Jack and do think Alexander Calvert did a truly amazing job playing him and the fact he looks a little like Misha is adorabel.

but I do think that we were robbed from how astronomical the following seasons could have been if Jack was a girl.

[icedille]

WAIT WAIT I GOT IT I GOT WHAT IT IS THE!! the problem with saltburn is that it uses its imagery exactly like a music video would!!!! it rarely feels like deliberate symbolism that directly translates to the text but more like an amalgam of only superficially related iconography (the images somewhat go together but not the meanings they vaguely gesture towards to) whose main purpose is looking good visually and not supporting the story!! so you kind of get the sense that there isn't really one it just feels like a clip for some obscure artsy rock band's top single with around 1 mil. views on youtube! except it's two hours long!!!!!

[mostlysignssomeportents]

What the fuck is a PBM?

TOMORROW (Sept 24), I'll be speaking IN PERSON at the BOSTON PUBLIC LIBRARY!

Terminal-stage capitalism owes its long senescence to its many defensive mechanisms, and it's only by defeating these that we can put it out of its misery. "The Shield of Boringness" is one of the necrocapitalist's most effective defenses, so it behooves us to attack it head-on.

The Shield of Boringness is Dana Claire's extremely useful term for anything so dull that you simply can't hold any conception of it in your mind for any length of time. In the finance sector, they call this "MEGO," which stands for "My Eyes Glaze Over," a term of art for financial arrangements made so performatively complex that only the most exquisitely melted brain-geniuses can hope to unravel their spaghetti logic. The rest of us are meant to simply heft those thick, dense prospectuses in two hands, shrug, and assume, "a pile of shit this big must have a pony under it."

MEGO and its Shield of Boringness are key to all of terminal-stage capitalism's stupidest scams. Cloaking obvious swindles in a lot of complex language and Byzantine payment schemes can make them seem respectable just long enough for the scammers to relieve you of all your inconvenient cash and assets, though, eventually, you're bound to notice that something is missing.

If you spent the years leading up to the Great Financial Crisis baffled by "CDOs," "synthetic CDOs," "ARMs" and other swindler nonsense, you experienced the Shield of Boringness. If you bet your house and/or your retirement savings on these things, you experienced MEGO. If, after the bubble popped, you finally came to understand that these "exotic financial instruments" were just scams, you experienced Stein's Law ("anything that can't go forever eventually stops"). If today you no longer remember what a CDO is, you are once again experiencing the Shield of Boringness.

As bad as 2008 was, it wasn't even close to the end of terminal stage capitalism. The market has soldiered on, with complex swindles like carbon offset trading, metaverse, cryptocurrency, financialized solar installation, and (of course) AI. In addition to these new swindles, we're still playing the hits, finding new ways to make the worst scams of the 2000s even worse.

That brings me to the American health industry, and the absurdly complex, ridiculously corrupt Pharmacy Benefit Managers (PBMs), a pathology that has only metastasized since 2008.

On at least 20 separate occasions, I have taken it upon myself to figure out how the PBM swindle works, and nevertheless, every time they come up, I have to go back and figure it out again, because PBMs have the most powerful Shield of Boringness out of the whole Monster Manual of terminal-stage capitalism's trash mobs.

PBMs are back in the news because the FTC is now suing the largest of these for their role in ripping off diabetics with sky-high insulin prices. This has kicked off a fresh round of "what the fuck is a PBM, anyway?" explainers of extremely variable quality. Unsurprisingly, the best of these comes from Matt Stoller:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/monopoly-round-up-lina-khan-pharma

Stoller starts by pointing out that Americans have a proud tradition of getting phucked by pharma companies. As far back as the 1950s, Tennessee Senator Estes Kefauver was holding hearings on the scams that pharma companies were using to ensure that Americans paid more for their pills than virtually anyone else in the world.

But since the 2010s, Americans have found themselves paying eye-popping, sky-high, ridiculous drug prices. Eli Lilly's Humolog insulin sold for $21 in 1999; by 2017, the price was $274 – a 1,200% increase! This isn't your grampa's price gouging!

Where do these absurd prices come from? The story starts in the 2000s, when the GW Bush administration encouraged health insurers to create "high deductible" plans, where patients were expected to pay out of pocket for receiving care, until they hit a multi-thousand-dollar threshold, and then their insurance would kick in. Along with "co-pays" and other junk fees, these deductibles were called "cost sharing," and they were sold as a way to prevent the "abuse" of the health care system.

The economists who crafted terminal-stage capitalism's intellectual rationalizations claimed the reason Americans paid so much more for health care than their socialized-medicine using cousins in the rest of the world had nothing to do with the fact that America treats health as a source of profits, while the rest of the world treats health as a human right.

No, the actual root of America's health industry's problems was the moral defects of Americans. Because insured Americans could just go see the doctor whenever they felt like it, they had no incentive to minimize their use of the system. Any time one of these unhinged hypochondriacs got a little sniffle, they could treat themselves to a doctor's visit, enjoying those waiting-room magazines and the pleasure of arranging a sick day with HR, without bearing any of the true costs:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/27/the-doctrine-of-moral-hazard/

"Cost sharing" was supposed to create "skin in the game" for every insured American, creating a little pain-point that stung you every time you thought about treating yourself to a luxurious doctor's visit. Now, these payments bit hardest on the poorest workers, because if you're making minimum wage, at $10 co-pay hurts a lot more than it does if you're making six figures. What's more, VPs and the C-suite were offered "gold-plated" plans with low/no deductibles or co-pays, because executives understand the value of a dollar in the way that mere working slobs can't ever hope to comprehend. They can be trusted to only use the doctor when it's truly warranted.

So now you have these high-deductible plans creeping into every workplace. Then along comes Obama and the Affordable Care Act, a compromise that maintains health care as a for-profit enterprise (still not a human right!) but seeks to create universal coverage by requiring every American to buy a plan, requiring insurers to offer plans to every American, and uses public money to subsidize the for-profit health industry to glue it together.

Predictably, the cheapest insurance offered on the Obamacare exchanges – and ultimately, by employers – had sky-high deductibles and co-pays. That way, insurers could pocket a fat public subsidy, offer an "insurance" plan that was cheap enough for even the most marginally employed people to afford, but still offer no coverage until their customers had spent thousands of dollars out-of-pocket in a given year.

That's the background: GWB created high-deductible plans, Obama supercharged them. Keep that in your mind as we go through the MEGO procedures of the PBM sector.

Your insurer has a list of drugs they'll cover, called the "formulary." The formulary also specifies how much the insurance company is willing to pay your pharmacist for these drugs. Creating the formulary and paying pharmacies for dispensing drugs is a lot of tedious work, and insurance outsources this to third parties, called – wait for it – Pharmacy Benefits Managers.

The prices in the formulary the PBM prepares for your insurance company are called the "list prices." These are meant to represent the "sticker price" of the drug, what a pharmacist would charge you if you wandered in off the street with no insurance, but somehow in possession of a valid prescription.

But, as Stoller writes, these "list prices" aren't actually ever charged to anyone. The list price is like the "full price" on the pricetags at a discount furniture place where everything is always "on sale" at 50% off – and whose semi-disposable sofas and balsa-wood dining room chairs are never actually sold at full price.

One theoretical advantage of a PBM is that it can get lower prices because it bargains for all the people in a given insurer's plan. If you're the pharma giant Sanofi and you want your Lantus insulin to be available to any of the people who must use OptumRX's formulary, you have to convince OptumRX to include you in that formulary.

OptumRX – like all PBMs – demands "rebates" from pharma companies if they want to be included in the formulary. On its face, this is similar to the practices of, say, NICE – the UK agency that bargains for medicine on behalf of the NHS, which also bargains with pharma companies for access to everyone in the UK and gets very good deals as a result.

But OptumRX doesn't bargain for a lower list price. They bargain for a bigger rebate. That means that the "price" is still very high, but OptumRX ends up paying a tiny fraction of it, thanks to that rebate. In the OptumRX formulary, Lantus insulin lists for $403. But Sanofi, who make Lantus, rebate $339 of that to OptumRX, leaving just $64 for Lantus.

Here's where the scam hits. Your insurer charges you a deductible based on the list price – $404 – not on the $64 that OptumRX actually pays for your insulin. If you're in a high-deductible plan and you haven't met your cap yet, you're going to pay $404 for your insulin, even though the actual price for it is $64.

Now, you'd think that your insurer would put a stop to this. They chose the PBM, the PBM is ripping off their customers, so it's their job to smack the PBM around and make it cut this shit out. So why would the insurers tolerate this nonsense?

Here's why: the PBMs are divisions of the big health insurance companies. Unitedhealth owns OptumRx; Aetna owns Caremark, and Cigna owns Expressscripts. So it's not the PBM that's ripping you off, it's your own insurance company. They're not just making you pay for drugs that you're supposedly covered for – they're pocketing the deductible you pay for those drugs.

Now, there's one more entity with power over the PBM that you'd hope would step in on your behalf: your boss. After all, your employer is the entity that actually chooses the insurer and negotiates with them on your behalf. Your boss is in the driver's seat; you're just along for the ride.

It would be pretty funny if the answer to this was that the health insurance company bought your employer, too, and so your boss, the PBM and the insurer were all the same guy, busily swapping hats, paying for a call center full of tormented drones who each have three phones on their desks: one labeled "insurer"; the second, "PBM" and the final one "HR."

But no, the insurers haven't bought out the company you work for (yet). Rather, they've bought off your boss – they're sharing kickbacks with your employer for all the deductibles and co-pays you're being suckered into paying. There's so much money (your money) sloshing around in the PBM scamoverse that anytime someone might get in the way of you being ripped off, they just get cut in for a share of the loot.

That is how the PBM scam works: they're fronts for health insurers who exploit the existence of high-deductible plans in order to get huge kickbacks from pharma makers, and massive fees from you. They split the loot with your boss, whose payout goes up when you get screwed harder.

But wait, there's more! After all, Big Pharma isn't some kind of easily pushed-around weakling. They're big. Why don't they push back against these massive rebates? Because they can afford to pay bribes and smaller companies making cheaper drugs can't. Whether it's a little biotech upstart with a cheaper molecule, or a generics maker who's producing drugs at a fraction of the list price, they just don't have the giant cash reserves it takes to buy their way into the PBMs' formularies. Doubtless, the Big Pharma companies would prefer to pay smaller kickbacks, but from Big Pharma's perspective, the optimum amount of bribes extracted by a PBM isn't zero – far from it. For Big Pharma, the optimal number is one cent higher than "the maximum amount of bribes that a smaller company can afford."

The purpose of a system is what it does. The PBM system makes sure that Americans only have access to the most expensive drugs, and that they pay the highest possible prices for them, and this enriches both insurance companies and employers, while protecting the Big Pharma cartel from upstarts.

Which is why the FTC is suing the PBMs for price-fixing. As Stoller points out, they're using their powers under Section 5 of the FTC Act here, which allows them to shut down "unfair methods of competition":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/10/the-courage-to-govern/#whos-in-charge

The case will be adjudicated by an administrative law judge, in a process that's much faster than a federal court case. Once the FTC proves that the PBM scam is illegal when applied to insulin, they'll have a much easier time attacking the scam when it comes to every other drug (the insulin scam has just about run its course, with federally mandated $35 insulin coming online, just as a generation of post-insulin diabetes treatments hit the market).

Obviously the PBMs aren't taking this lying down. Cigna/Expressscripts has actually sued the FTC for libel over the market study it conducted, in which the agency described in pitiless, factual detail how Cigna was ripping us all off. The case is being fought by a low-level Reagan-era monster named Rick Rule, whom Stoller characterizes as a guy who "hangs around in bars and picks up lonely multi-national corporations" (!!).

The libel claim is a nonstarter, but it's still wild. It's like one of those movies where they want to show you how bad the cockroaches are, so there's a bit where the exterminator shows up and the roaches form a chorus line and do a kind of Busby Berkeley number:

https://www.46brooklyn.com/news/2024-09-20-the-carlton-report

So here we are: the FTC has set out to euthanize some rentiers, ridding the world of a layer of useless economic middlemen whose sole reason for existing is to make pharmaceuticals as expensive as possible, by colluding with the pharma cartel, the insurance cartel and your boss. This conspiracy exists in plain sight, hidden by the Shield of Boringness. If I've done my job, you now understand how this MEGO scam works – and if you forget all that ten minutes later (as is likely, given the nature of MEGO), that's OK: just remember that this thing is a giant fucking scam, and if you ever need to refresh yourself on the details, you can always re-read this post.

The paperback edition of The Lost Cause, my nationally bestselling, hopeful solarpunk novel is out this month!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/09/23/shield-of-boringness/#some-men-rob-you-with-a-fountain-pen

Image: Flying Logos (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Over_$1,000,000_dollars_in_USD_$100_bill_stacks.png

CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

[ninadove]

BEE YOU GET IT I LOVE YOU 💙🩵🧡

Clive is closer to Circe indeed, but this part of the song is really Claire-coded!

Or maybe one day the world will need a puppeteer more.

— There Are Other Ways, from EPIC: The Circe Saga

Part 1 🕊️

Part 2 ⬆️

Meta 🧩

[josru]

a little rant:

If you need to understand one thing about the Bear subreddit, here it is.

It's not a supportive place for women, let alone black women/women of colour. (Not surprising, as reddit is male and white dominated.) Sydney gets mad hate for daring to be apart of the main relationship in the show (that is now defunct), something that the writers wrote for her? Regardless if you see Sydcarmy as romantic or not. The whole point of the Bear is their partnership.

And yet the Bear fandom on reddit loves to diminish her role, and act as if Sydney is an uppity black woman who needs to be rid of. They act like it's surprising that people want to talk about her or like her. And they also think Sydcarmy is mad overrated and implausible. They bring it up constantly because it pisses them off that a sizeable portion of us love it.

Probably because Sydney is an actual character we can relate to and root for. But oh no, men don't like that because that means she isn't a perfect little white fantasy, and she has actual problems and ideas and speaks on them, and she's BLACK, god forbid!! And they could never have empathy for someone who wasn't themselves. Sydney is annoying to them because it reminds them they don't care about other people.

It's barely a place for white women too, because they only like you if you're a gf/therapist/not your own person. A flat, 2-D image with no problems. They don't care about Jess or Claire, they just want to fuck them. Even in this post, the respect of relatability and empathy is given to Richie in the title, because he finally "got some", despite the picture being of Jess. Like, great, guys, you diminished a woman (a PERSON) to being a "win" for a man, because that's all that matters, right? Whether or not a woman is a fuckable prize?

Even the writing of the show actually just pushes the whole "if women = gf, = only gf, nothing else" trope. So in a weird way, I guess I know where they're getting it from, but I expected more from adult men? My bad.

Women deserve to be more than someone's fantasy!! I am sick and tired of this misogynistic drivel. I also think it's fucked up how much of these dudes on reddit love Richie this much. Like, we get it, you think he's a self-help sigma alpha chad king now. Just keep ignoring the problems he keeps creating, how irritating he can be sometimes, as well as the fact that men picking up their lives will always have way more support than female characters. Richie is not some underdog character lol. The narrative of the show has made it clear he is very beloved and will have a nice, sweet arc.

Unlike Sydney, and Marcus, and apparently maybe even Tina. But yes, keep talking about how your white male character is the underdog who is being sooo mistreated and finally got something he deserved, even though in actuality, Syd and every other POC got treated like shit this season. It's like they swapped them, the real main characters, and made them the underdogs/tertiary while Richie has become so important. But it's key to reddit's white male victim complex that Richie is finally getting "good treatment" when he never suffered being completely ignored by the writers at all, and he was never at risk of that either.

[megamindsecretlair]

If I Took You Home, Part 1

Pairing: Dom!Kevin Atwater x Sub!Black!Fem!/ Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, You are in charge of your own reading experience. Intentional use of AAVE. SMUT. Food porn. PWP, cursing, PIV, oral (female receiving) teasing, fingering (female receiving), cum play, size kink, dirty talk, praise kink, all consensual. D/s dynamics.

Summary: Your friends were all in relationships so that meant it was time to bug you about your singledom. They were constantly setting you up on dates that made you back out. However, you were sick of saying no and your friend's boyfriend really played up his coworker and friend. It was all true. Your blind date leaves you wanting more.

Word Count: 6,245k

AO3 Link | Part 2

A/N: Hello, my loves. I am missing Kevin so bad! It's been 3 WEEKS without a new episode. I'm dying over here. Reblog and comment to save a writer's life. And please put ages in bios! Or get blockt!

Taglist: @planetblaque @browngirldominion @we-outsiiiide @iv0rysoap @thecookiebratz @amethyst09 @ciaqui @harmshake @nworbaij @judymfmoody @notapradagurl7 @miyuhpapayuh @twocentuar @westside-rot @yaachtynoboat711 @abeautifulmindexposed @blowmymbackout @bigsisbria @babybratzmaraj @darqchilddaydreamz

You knew better than to trust your damn friends. You sat at a nice restaurant in a casual berry colored dress, sipping wine and looking like a pathetic loser eating dinner alone. You didn’t have a book to try and pretend like this was planned. Like you decided to take yourself on a date. 

You glanced at your phone. To be fair, you were a bit early. Only because you were so nervous about a blind date to begin with. Why had you said yes? 

You weren’t sure now. Maybe it was your friends and their constant hounding. They were all hooked up with their respective partners so now you were getting the pitying stares. The stressed smiles after they got done gushing about their own dates and partners. As if being single was some type of disease they wanted to cure. 

You took another sip of the sweet wine and thought about canceling. Blind dates were a joke. They probably set you up with some ogre of a man who picked his teeth at the table or scratched his belly after he was finished. 

You looked over the menu to give yourself something to do, so you weren’t just staring at your phone. 

Your mind ran through all kinds of possibilities for this random man you decided to go out with. Maybe he was bald. Maybe he was shorter than you. You didn't mind dating someone short, but they usually had complexes that you weren’t capable of dealing with. Maybe he was a secret chauvinist…

“Excuse me?” You turned your head to the words and got a face full of stomach. You tilted your head up and saw a gorgeous man with hickory smoked skin, dark and luscious beard, and kinked hair. He smiled wide showing a row of beautiful teeth and you were momentarily struck stupid.

“Friend of Claire’s right?” He asked. “I hope.” He chuckled and licked his lips. Your eyes caught the movement, the slow glide of his tongue across the swell of his lips. 

You swallowed a giant ball of stupid thoughts, nodding because you didn’t trust your voice. You were going to have to marry Claire for this one. Absolutely marry her. Her boyfriend, Jay, was going to have to get in line. 

The man stuck his hand out and you looked at it briefly, before looking back into his deep brown eyes. “Kevin Atwater,” he said. 

You sputtered and mumbled out your name, finally taking his hand and shaking it. His hand eclipsed yours, so huge with thick fingers. His nails were clean too. He smiled and finally took the seat opposite you.

You rearranged the napkin on your nap to give you a reason to collect yourself. You were not the type to go all googly eyed for a man. At least not where they could see. When you looked up, you caught the eye of the woman next to you who had been throwing her own pitying looks your way.

You smirked and lifted an eyebrow, communicating without words. She swiftly turned her gaze to her own date, fixing her already neat bun.

Kevin cleared his throat, pulling the seat closer to the table. His legs were so long however, that he still had a lot of room from the table to his olive green button up. It was open at the collar, giving you a peak at his chest and a black tank underneath. A hint of a chain He wore dark jeans and dark green boots to match and a row of bracelets on his wrists. He had already taken off his black puffer jacket when you weren’t looking. 

“You find the restaurant okay?” You asked.

“Yes, ma’am. The parking though?” He asked and shook his head. You giggled, feeling giddy over the ma’am comment rather than annoyed. He said it like it was a casual, Southern thing and not in a teasing way. 

“I know. But I couldn’t believe you’d never been to this place. I thought you grew up in Chicago?” You asked.

“I did. ‘Bout some blocks that way,” he said, pointing South. “But life got busy. Maybe I just needed the right sign to go.”

You smiled. It was a cheesy joke, but why was it working? Perhaps the wine finally got to you, settling low in your belly. Maybe the sudden ache in your pussy was from the alcohol and not the way he looked framed by the wall of lights behind him. Rather than sink out of focus, his face seemed only framed by it. Kissed by it. Like the light settled into his skin with the softest sigh. 

“I’m sorry if I started without you,” you said, grabbing your wine and taking a sip. You’d need your wits about you if you were going to remain cool and calm in his presence. After the disastrous first impression, you needed some points in your favor.

“That’s fine. I probably would have to. What’s that you’re drinking?” He asked. He picked up the menu but didn’t look at it as you told him the vintage. He nodded and gave you an approving grin. 

“Alright, I’ve never had it. Is it good?” He asked.

You shrugged. “Not my favorite but it’ll do,” you said. He grinned and caught the attention of a passing waiter. He ordered some type of bourbon, Old Emmer, and then the conversation turned towards the food.

“Since I’ve never been here, what’s good?” He asked.

The Italian restaurant was famous for a lot of things, but none more so than the lasagna. Every time you had it, you swore up and down that someone in the kitchen was from the Old Country. You could taste the sunshine, hearth, and powdered hands as it worked the dough on the noodles. The tomatoes from the vine in the sauce. That hint of spice from the earth itself. The soft wool of the goat that provided the cheese. And the meat. You resisted the urge to pinch your fingers and kiss your mouth every time you thought of it. 

“I’d say…the lasagna. I can’t resist it when I’m here,” you said. You hoped you sounded cool about it. If given half a chance, your enthusiasm would erupt all over the table and he’d be halfway down the street before you could call him back.

“Lasagna it is, then,” he said. The waiter arrived with his drink and Kevin took a sip. He tilted his whole body back, pulling up his arm so that you had a good look at his throat. The bob of his Adam’s apple as he sipped it down. 

You uncrossed and then re-crossed your legs, your thighs burning in the most unholy way. It settled low in your belly, echoing throughout your core. Nasty thoughts filled your brain. Thoughts you did not need to think about this man that was only sipping a drink.

He nodded his approval and the waiter asked if you were ready to order. Kevin motioned for you to go first, so you ordered the lasagna. Kevin ordered the same thing and then the waiter took your menus.

There was no more armor against Kevin and his attractive smile. “So, what made you agree to a blind date?” You asked. As you tried to steer your thoughts to safer territory, you couldn’t imagine a man as fine as him still remaining single.

“My job doesn’t exactly lend itself to a standard schedule. Makes it hard to meet some folks,” he said. He settled back in his seat and twisted his glass in his hand. The glass looked tiny in comparison. 

You nodded. Claire already told you that Kevin was a cop, like Jay. You asked if it was tough dating a cop. She confessed that it was hard as hell because of the worry. Over the fact that he might not always walk back through the door. And that’s with someone white. Kevin is Black and that brought an extra layer of worry.

You asked if it was worth it. A stupid grin spread across her face. She told you that it was. She’d do it over and over again. Plus the handcuffs helped. 

“Especially someone that doesn’t automatically see you as a person,” you said. 

Kevin nodded. “I’ve had some tussles but I’m still here,” he said. Your eyes darted to his body, taking in his thick muscles and corded forearms. You had no doubt that it’d have to be something huge to strike down Kevin Atwater. 

“I’m glad you are. Okay, but seriously. Help me understand. How do you explain, all of that,” you said and waved to his whole body. “And no long term girlfriend.”

Kevn laughed. “I promise, it’s the job and just not vibing with anyone. There was nothing wrong with them, it just wasn’t there. But now you have to tell me something. How do you explain all of that,” he said and waved to your body. “And no one’s snatched you up yet.”

He smiled and rolled your eyes, refusing to laugh. “I find that some guys these days have to be still carrying around cavemen genes or something. It’s really bad out there,” you said and shivered. 

Truth was, it was incredibly hard to find someone that fit your brand of nasty. You loved sex. Had an insatiable appetite, practically thinking of it 24/7. But you also craved submission. You did so much every day, constantly finding the energy to breathe from second to second. Your work kept you down and your family was demanding. You had to keep up with friends and schedules and made hundreds of tiny decisions every day.

Mentally calculating what was too dressy, too girly, too boyish, too much, not enough. The last place you wanted to have control of was the bedroom. The last thing you wanted to do was order around a man in the sheets. 

Sometimes you just craved masculinity. You couldn’t define it but you’d know it when you see it. The way a man just went around being a man. Flexing muscles, taking up space, manspreading, protecting. What turned you on more was when a man was acting in defense of someone else. 

And it was hard to achieve that with men these days. Because they’d all reverted to primitive, banging on the drums type of seduction. One drink earned them the right to put their hands on your thighs. Buying you food was a ticket to second base. You couldn’t submit if you didn’t trust the fucker in charge of you. 

Glancing at Kevin though, masculinity poured off of him in waves. You wondered what it would be like to submit to him. To hand over your orgasms and watch him treat them with love and care.

Your pussy throbbed in response like she loved that idea. 

“Don’t tell me it’s that bad,” he said and cringed. You gave him a funny look. He shook his head and cursed. 

“Well on behalf of my gender, I’m very sorry. Then again, it brought us together,” he said. He licked his lips and narrowed his eyes at you. You giggled.

“Okay, stop. You know what you’re doing!” You said.

“What am I doing?” He asked. His voice grew a little rougher and you gasped. 

“Looking at me like that,” you said. Your voice grew softer. 

“How am I looking at you?” He asked.

You were saved from answering by the waiter bringing you lasagna. One huge slice was placed in front of you, a sloppy square of dripping sauce and steam. Some of the edges were burned, the tomato sauce dark with spices. It smelled divine. 

Kevin grinned and looked down at his meal. He gave you a wink, like he was congratulating you on a good choice. But you waited until after the garlic bread was placed between you. He picked up his fork and cut a piece of the lasagna. 

Strings of cheese went with it and he rolled it around his fork. He brought it to his mouth and his juicy lips sucked up wayward sauce. You were treated to another sight of Kevin’s tongue on his lips. 

He chewed and then moaned, a low and deep sound erupting from his chest. Your pussy throbbed with the unexpected praise. You felt good to treat him to something you enjoyed. You got the same feeling when you introduced a new artist or song to someone. But nothing as visceral as pleasing Kevin. 

You finally bit into your own lasagna and closed your eyes, a moan escaping you involuntarily. You even did a little jig, as the food brought so many flavors to your mouth. Something savory with a tiny hint of sweetness. The cheese and noodles complementing each other so well. The meat soaked with the sauce that made you imagine ripened red tomatoes. Plump with flavor. 

You remembered where you were, on a whole ass date with a literal offering from the gods. You opened your eyes and looked at Kevin who sat still with adoration all over his face. Like he witnessed the most magnificent phenomenon and couldn’t make sense of it. 

You gave him a sheepish grin but he gave you a shimmy back. He turned it into a Black person acknowledging that the food was good. No words necessary. Just brown eyes meeting brown eyes. 

Conversation turned towards family as he talked about having to help his brother and sister after his dad went to prison. You nodded along, knowing that dance all too well. He glowed with pride as he talked about his siblings and how it was hard being their father and their brother. 

He admitted they fell into some drama some years ago, but they were all heading towards healing. He was sad for the childhood he lost, but he would do it all over again. You wondered what it would be like to be so positive like him and Claire. The way they saw the bullshit day in and day out and got completely opposite experiences than you. 

You tried not to be a storm cloud, shitting all over what came your way. You couldn’t help it. Negativity was safer. A constant hammer against your soft heart to try and harden you up. But you still had that need to empathize with everything and everyone. And so in the end, it hurt just the same.

You told him about your family and friends and how you came to know Claire. You asked about him and Jay working together and he said that they got off to a rocky start, but ended up being brothers on the other side of it.

You loved listening to him speak. The deep, whispery tone of his that instantly put you at peace and your core set to burning. You longed to hear that whispered in your ear while he did something disgusting to you later. 

Yeah, you’d already decided. You were taking this man home with you and you were going to hand him the reins. You hoped that he delivered. That his smooth and sexy interior matched the drop dead gorgeous exterior. 

You were needy with want. Wanting him. It was an insane thought. You’d only just met him. But his vibe put out someone trustworthy and you always trusted your instincts. 

Dinner flew by with more fascinating stories from Kevin. You delved into past relationships and laughed at each of his horror stories. You told some of your own and was mortified how you could be so blind at the time. 

You had a second glass of wine and he had more bourbon as you shared a dessert. The gelato was sweet and icy. You scooped some on your spoon and made a show of putting it in your mouth. Nothing outrageous, just something to tease him with. 

He lowered his eyes to your mouth and you felt desired. You felt settled in your body. It was a heady feeling and you knew that it had all to do with Kevin. Once he paid the check, absolutely refusing you when you told him that you should pay since you suggested the restaurant. 

You walked outside into frosty Chicago. No matter the time of year, it was a bitter place to be. The wind howled around your shins. You brought your coat closer around your neck. Kevin walked you to your car. 

You didn’t have to walk so close together. He didn’t have to reach an arm out to keep your balance on low heeled shoes. Yet, your shoulders constantly bumped into his and his arm casually went around your shoulders. 

You talked and laughed, dreading every inch of sidewalk you covered. You didn’t want to leave him but you didn’t know how to transition from this date to taking off his pants. When you got to the car on the driver’s side, Kevin smiled at you. You smiled back.

He stepped forward, pushing into you. You walked backwards until your back hit the side of the car. He pinched your chin, bringing your face closer to his. His eyes never left yours while he tilted his head.

“Tell me I’m not the only one feeling this,” he said. His lips brushed against yours and you sighed. You wanted to whimper. 

“I feel it too,” you whispered.

“Come home with me then. Follow me home,” he said.

“I’ll follow you,” you promised. You’d follow him anywhere. This was the most radical thing you’d ever done in your life. Going home with a man after one date? The scandal of it all would turn your friends’ heads. Not to mention, they’d tease the fuck out of you about your blind date going well.

He smiled against your lips, lightly pressing in. He tasted like the bourbon he drank with a hint of pasta. It was a delicious spicy and savory mix that made you lean in for another one. He gave you a brief kiss and then pulled back. 

“I’ll see you there,” he said. He opened your car door behind you, smiling at you, and then tucked you in. You put on your seatbelt and he closed the door with a tap. He finally headed down the street to his own car. You started your car and pulled into the street. 

The blast of warm air from the heater was just what you needed. Except it’d probably make you sweat harder between your thick thighs. You needed his hands there already, spreading your legs so he could look his fill. You could picture it all so well. So vivid. 

He pulled out into the street and you followed him to his place. To his credit, he didn’t speed up or take close lights so that you couldn’t follow. He put his blinker on way ahead of time so you didn’t have to scramble after him.

He led you to a corner building that seemed to be an apartment. The faded blue blended well into the dark night, reflecting the stars above. You found available parking and then got out of your car, looking for Kevin.

He walked down the street to you, collecting you from your car with that wide grin of his. His breath fogged into the night time and you smiled. You took your purse with you. You wrapped your hand around his forearm and he led you to the front door. 

Inside, the place was as cramped as the rest of Chicago, yet roomy enough that you felt like you could breathe. The inside was nice. There was no peeling paint or stained walls. All of the lights worked and there was a first aid kit inside the doorway. You smiled at Kevin. He told you that he bought a building and planned on getting it fixed up. Something to fall back on after he was done with the force.

He led you to his apartment on the first floor and in the back. His apartment was well decorated in dark tones of mahogany and deep steel blue. There was brick on some walls and it all fit with his dark furniture. It was clean and homey at the same time.

There were sweet smelling candles on the coffee table and newspapers beside at a safe distance. He had a record player next to his TV and a rack of vinyl records underneath it. He turned on ambient lights, enough to set the mood without it being sleazy.

He took your coat off and then his own, hanging it on a rack behind the door. You couldn’t walk two feet forward before he grabbed your hips and pushed you against the wall. He thumbs rubbed your hips back and forward. 

He hummed and moved his body closer so that from the chest down, there wasn’t an inch of space to be found. He was so tall. So imposing. So incredibly taller than you that your brain melted.

“I can give you the tour now or later. If it’s now, you’ll take your clothes off for every room we visit. If it’s later, it’s straight to my bedroom but I take my time,” he said. 

Your body shivered. You were paralyzed with indecision. You wanted to do both. At the same time. You bit your lip, thinking about which you wanted more.

Kevin smiled. “Now it is. The foyer counts as a room,” he said. 

You giggled because his “foyer” opened directly into the kitchen and living room. But you took off one shoe and Kevin smiled. He moved you into the kitchen. “The kitchen,” he said. 

He smelled so good, his natural scent filling the room since you were no longer outside. The kitchen was clean, dishes put away and a healthy row of seasonings. He knew his way around a kitchen.

You took off your other shoe, teasing him by technically following the rules. Just because you wanted to submit didn’t mean you couldn’t put up a fight. He took your hands and led you to the living room, his stormy gray couches made lighter by the few throw pillows. He turned on the light in the hallway, and led you to the bathroom. Your dress fell from your shoulders, around your hips, and down your legs. The shimmery material tickled your skin. 

He showed you the bathroom. You were already wet from the timbre of his voice. Giving him a strip show and delaying the pleasure only made you unbearably wet. There was a particular ache in your pussy that you needed filled as soon as possible. 

You glanced around the bathroom, his enormous shower. You took off your bra, sliding it from your shoulders and looking at him from behind your shoulder. He leaned against the doorway, filling it completely. He blocked out most of the light behind him and sucked in the warm light in his bathroom. 

He had a lean to his wide hips and a hand on his belt. The other was above his head. He scratched his head as his eyes looked over your body. “Turn around,” he ordered.

You did as he said, turning around so that he could see your body. He walked closer, eyes straight to your breasts. Your breathing increased, watching him look at your body and find you appealing in so many ways. 

He stopped in front of you and leaned down, planting a kiss to each breast. He hummed low in his throat. “I almost can’t make it one more room,” he said.

You grinned. You took his hand while he brought you to his room finally. It definitely looked like him. Nice, clean, but an air of feeling lived in. He had photos of his siblings in his room, some artwork, and his huge bed. It had to be two king sized beds put together. Or maybe it was just your imagination. But you knew that he was tall as hell so he needed a bed big enough.

It was the final room. Kevin led you further in, half closing the door. He trailed a finger across your shoulders as he walked into the room, taking off his green button up. He stood in a blank tank underneath. 

Next went his jeans. He kicked off his shoes and then tugged the rest of his pants off. Now he had dark gray briefs and a black tank on. He looked like the poster child on the packages men’s underwear came in. 

He sat down on the edge of his bed and beckoned you to come closer. You walked closer, the natural swing in your hips making you feel powerful even though you were handing yourself over to this man. 

It felt naughty. It felt kinky. You finally found someone who could help turn your brain off. Someone who made you so hungry with desire that you didn’t notice anything else. You stopped in front of him. 

“Panties,” he said.

A small word but a physical effect on you. You trembled with need while you slipped your panties down your legs. You stepped out of them and tossed them to the side. Kevin’s gaze drifted down your body, stopping at the juncture of your legs. 

Kevin crooked his finger and then you stepped forward, straddling his thick thigh. You whimpered at the pressure to your clit. Kevin grinned, gripping your ass and putting you in the spot he wanted. Somewhere between his knee and his hip, where you were perfectly balanced.

“Let me watch you give yourself pleasure,” he said. It wasn’t a question. More like a soft plea wrapped in a demand. He deferred to your choices while still taking charge. You nodded.

You put your hands on his shoulders and gyrated on his leg, rubbing your pussy on his thigh. He had coarse hair there, but it only served as an extra bit of friction against your pussy. You whimpered more, finding a rhythm that rubbed against it well. 

“Open your eyes and look at me,” he said, that whispery tone tugging on a muscle in your leg. It jumped as you moved your body back and forth. 

You opened your eyes and stared into his while you got yourself off on his thigh. He had one hand on your ass, squeezing every so often while you whimpered and whined. “Come on, let me see you let loose,” he whispered.

You whimpered more, getting closer to the sound of his voice. “Let me see it. Let go,” he continued.

You gripped his shoulders and squeezed your legs, so impossibly close. You gave one final sigh before you did explode, cumming on his thigh. You twitched and jerked, cries escaping from you. 

“Hmm, cum so pretty,” he mused. 

He brought his hand down between your legs, spreading your arousal on his fingers. He moaned at how you soaked his thigh. He rubbed your clit before pushing his fingers inside of you. His fingers searched inside while he brought his lips to yours.

He treated you with a tender but scorching kiss. The kind that made you curl your toes. He nibbled on your bottom lip. You cried out as he rubbed against a deep part inside of you. He flicked his fingers a few more times and you knew that he found your sweet spot.

He mercilessly rubbed it while you sputtered and moaned. You clung to him, hands fisting his tank top. “Shh, don’t fight that shit. Cum again for me,” he said. 

You huffed in a delicious, torturous pain. You were trying. You didn’t mean to fight it, only that you were so turned on. You were afraid that you’d rip apart at the seams and never find a way back to your body.

But you continued to look into his drunken eyes, kissing along your mouth. Till it turned sloppy. Till you couldn’t keep your eyes open a second longer. You felt your orgasm approaching once more. You were still nervous, but there was no holding this one back.

You gave up the fight, letting the orgasm wash over you. You were right. It tore you into tiny shreds. You cried out, twitching in his lap. His other arm came around to hold you still while he continued to finger fuck you.

Your legs shook on him while you rode an intense high. You never wanted to come back down. Reluctantly, you did. Kevin slowed his fingers and then finally brought them to your lips. He painted your lips with your cum and you smelled yourself.

Your pussy clenched and Kevin grinned. He kissed you, licking your essence and sharing it with you. Your tongues mixed and danced. You clung to him, arms wrapped around his neck. 

You made out for some time. Felt like an eternity. Like you spent thousands of years kissing him and it was enough to sustain you. You began gyrating on his leg again. So fucking insatiable for a man of his size.

He pulled back slowly, keeping your lips pressed together for as long as he could. “Never gon’ get sick of that,” he said. “Now I wanna taste it.”

He made you stand up. Then he stood up himself, once more dazzling you with his height. He pushed you onto the bed and commanded you to open your legs. He palmed himself, adjusting his thick bulge, and then climbed onto the bed. He pushed you to the middle so that he had enough room to lay down.

He stared at you while he lowered his mouth to your pussy. The swipe of his tongue made you cry out. You came twice already, both times you jumped out of your skin. But you were greedy for another one. Rewarding him with moans every time he made you feel good.

You couldn’t contain them. He made out with your pussy. Licking before suckling your pussy with his juicy lips. You moaned, grabbing his head and pushing him deeper. He brought his fingers up to finger you again, spearing you with his thick digits. 

“Oh, Kev–” you moaned. “Kev!” 

“Say my name again,” he moaned against your pussy.

“Kevin!” You obliged, thighs tingling. You tensed, eyes rolling to the back of your head. This orgasm was another intense one. Robbing you of breath and sight. You lost control of your body as you spasmed on his tongue. Kevin moaned while he sucked up your essence. 

He stood up, and pulled his fingers from your pussy. He sucked on his fingers and moaned, winking at you. He pulled off his tank and then his briefs went next. His gold chain glinted in the low light. He gathered up some of your slick, rubbing the length of his humongous dick with it.

He was easily the biggest you’d ever taken. Long and thick, he had been hiding an entire monster all night. 

“I’m clean,” he groaned, yanking on his meat. You whimpered, following the motion.

“I am too. I’m on birth control,” you said. It was your turn to wink at him. 

“Let me fill that pussy up then,” he said, groaning as his hand moved quicker. He stopped long enough to gather more, playing with your pussy before leaning back to rub the tip of his dick. 

“Fill me up, Kev,” you begged and laid down. 

He gripped your legs and pushed them over his elbows. He hauled you closer and you yelped. Being manhandled sent a shiver down your spine. He spread your legs wider and then guided himself to your entrance. 

You pushed your hand against his chest as he began to breach. He was so big. If it hadn’t been for the foreplay, this would hurt even more. He chuckled. “You can take me,” he promised.

He pushed against your hand and feeble attempt to slow him down. You hissed as he pushed inside slowly, pulling out and then pushing back in. You grew wetter around him and he groaned as it became easier for him to stroke.

He began to move his hips, rolling into the stroke and you hissed with more pleasure. He filled you up completely, taking him just like he said you would. 

Your teeth chattered as you stared into his eyes, a look of sweet pain on your face, you were sure. You began to whimper, a growing storm deep inside. “I know, I know,” he cooed, continuing to stroke that long dick of his. 

You cried out, his dick hitting your sweet spot. His mushroom head glided against your inner walls and you scrambled for something to hold onto. Your hands found his forearms.

“Kev–” you cried, not enough breath to form his full name. He leaned down and kissed you on the forehead. 

“Be good for me and cum on this dick,” he commanded. 

You bounced on his dick, wetter by the second. He groaned as you slid easily on his dick. “Cum on this dick, cum on this dick,” he chanted over and over, his harsh breath fanning across your heated, sweaty skin. 

“I’m–, oh fuck I’m–” You groaned, throwing your head back while you came. You squeezed the hell out of his dick, holding on for dear life.

Kevin groaned on top of you, his strokes having to slow down while you came. “Fuck, pussy feel even better,” he said. He kissed your forehead again and panted. 

He was still stroking, getting stronger with each slide. “One more,” he pleaded.

Fuck! You couldn’t! It’d been a while since someone tore your ass up. Your solo adventures never quite getting you there that many times. However, underneath Kevin, you felt another stirring. This one was quick. You felt it coming and yet you felt like it’d snuck up on you. 

You convulsed on his dick with loud, whimpering cries. Broken and estranged sounds escaping you. 

Kevin moaned, dropping his sweaty head to your chest. His lips found your nipples and he sucked on them, alternating every so often until they were hard little buds. He kissed along your neck and shoulder, stroking deeper at the closer contact.

You moaned, nails digging into his back. He moaned in your ear while his strokes increased. As if he had been holding himself back earlier and now he could let loose. Now his strokes could turn sloppy and desperate. 

“Finna nut,” he moaned.

“Nut in me, Kev. Please, please,” you begged.

“Beg for this nut,” Kevin hissed, pressing his lips to yours. When he pulled back, you sniffled.

“Please Kev. Please nut in me,” you begged.

Kevin groaned, leaning up slightly and climaxing. Hot pulses of cum filled you and your body jerked, feeling the warm length of him inside you. Kevin pushed his hips in like he was trying to keep his cum inside. Let it soak deep into your pussy.

Kevin’s lips found yours in a sloppy, messy pattern and you licked at his lips, completely spent. He grinned and finally pulled out of you. You moaned as his cum slipped out too. Kevin lowered your legs, pushing them open so he could watch himself drip out.

Satisfied, he gave you a final kiss on the forehead. You sighed, settling into his bed like you were settling against a cloud. He returned from the bathroom with a warm washcloth and cleaned you off. He put it back into his bathroom and then he crawled into bed, turning off the lights beside him.

He was warm, impossibly so. Like a furnace all by his lonesome. You turned onto your side and he snuggled against your backside. “That was incredible, thank you,” he said. He kissed your cheek. 

“I should be thanking you,” you said, with a small chuckle. 

He began to nibble on your ear. “Stay tonight. So I can wake you up to my fingers between your legs,” he whispered in your ear. 

“I can’t say no to that,” you said. You didn’t know the proper etiquette for a one night stand. Were you supposed to dip? Were you supposed to stay? One night stand implied that you weren’t going to see him ever again.

But you wanted to keep seeing him. You wanted to experience this over and over again. The way he established control but still gave you plenty of chances to back out. You didn’t have to make major decisions and didn’t have to worry about anything but receiving pleasure. You were thoroughly hooked and needed far more than that.

“Maybe I should feed you some dick. See how well your mouth takes it. If it’ll be anything like your pussy,” he said. 

Your pussy clenched with his filthy words. Somehow lulling you to sleep. You were incredibly warm. He pulled the covers over you, trapping you with all his heat. 

“So many things I wanna do. Maybe I should tie your hands behind your back and face fuck you until I cum all over that gorgeous face,” he said.

You moaned softly, tiny gasps that filled the quiet space. “Please,” you whispered. You didn’t know what you were begging for. A break? You had so many orgasms tonight, you lost count. More? You couldn’t survive another one at the moment, but fuck it. If you passed out, then you just passed out. 

He chuckled and kissed your cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he said.

“Yes, sir,” you said. You fell asleep with a goofy grin on your face.

Need more Kev in your life? The Secret Kevin Atwater Files | Part 2

[youremyheaven]

The Internal Corrosiveness of Venus: Venusian Women & Self Harm

TW: self harm, abuse, suicide, violence, trauma

Claire had remarked that "Venus is internally corrosive whilst externally pleasant and Mars is externally corrosive but internally pleasant". This led me down a rabbit hole to try to understand whether this "internally corrosive" nature manifests as self harm & eating disorders and unfortunately, it does. Venusian women struggle with perfectionism and are extremely self-critical. Venusian energy is HARSH. Venus natives struggle to uphold a certain standard that they subject themselves too because if I'm being honest Venus is the OG "not like other girls girl", they believe they're better than others, and tbh in many ways they probably are but this also means they put undue pressure on themselves to keep being that way.

All Venusian naks are Ugra or "fierce" in nature and while I've talked about how Venusian violence and cruelty can be directed at others in my other posts, I think its worth mentioning how Venusians can be just as cruel to themselves. This is especially true of Venusian women as women internalise their problems while men wreak external havoc (like causing wards and killing people) but there are many male Venusians who struggle internally as well.

In ancient religions, Goddesses of love also had other functions or powers that had nothing to do with love

the Egyptian Goddess Isis was the goddess of love, healing, fertility, magic, and the moon. She was the goddess of life and magic, Isis protected women and children and healed the sick.

She was a great magician, whose power transcended that of all other deities.

The Mesopotamian Goddess Ishtar is the goddess of love and sexuality, and thus, fertility; she is responsible for all life, but she is never a Mother goddess. She is also the Goddess of War.

I'm using these examples to show that the ancients had a more complex and nuanced understanding of Venusian energy. One cannot worship love without understanding that "war" is a consequence of it. Love & war are not very different from each other. When someone believes in something and is willing to die for it, we find that to be very honourable. Sometimes this belief leads men to kill others over it and depending on the cause, we describe the war as "good" or "bad" (kill a bunch of fascists and then its a "righteous" war, if you kill innocent people, then its an unholy war etc). Being at a state of war describes Venusian nature very well since Venus is also connected to royalty and if you're born into royalty, you get to live a very "exclusive" very privileged life that few get to enjoy but the stakes are also that much higher since you could be beheaded or executed or exiled and live a life that is far worse than the average person.

In this post I want to explore how this "state of war" can manifest internally in an ordinary Venusian and contribute to self harm, eating disorders and drug abuse.

Bella Hadid- Purvaphalguni Moon & Rising

Bella has admitted to smoking since she was a teenager and getting a rhinoplasty at 14. Her pro ana Tumblr from when she was a teen is infamous at this point. She has never openly spoken about it but it is widely speculated that she struggles with an eating disorder and possible drug abuse as well.

“I was the uglier sister. I was the brunette. I wasn't as cool as Gigi, not as outgoing,” she said. “That's really what people said about me.” I also feel like Venusians grow up feeling really ugly and completely unaware of their magnetism. They only really grow into their looks when they're older (obvs there are exceptions) and I think being bullied for what they have and don't have are also big themes.

Demi Lovato- Bharani Moon

Demi has spoken about struggling with self harm, eating disorders and drug abuse.

Lovato said, “growing up, I had been bullied in school,” saying she “felt like an outsider," and "like an outcast,” but then she became friends with a girl who was popular. “One day, I asked her ‘how do you have all these friends?,’” Lovato noted, and the girl asked Lovato “do you party?" Lovato explained, "She asked me, 'Do you drink?,'" with Lovato saying that this was her first experience with drugs and alcohol, adding, “we experienced a lot of stuff together, drinking and using, and growing up.” Bharani being an outcaste nakshatra resulted in Demi feeling like one growing one :(((

Taylor Swift- Purvashada Rising

Taylor opened up about her eating disorder in her documentary

Lindsay Lohan- Bharani Moon

LiLo has struggled with self harm, drug abuse and battled eating disorders

Oscar Wilde, Purvaphalguni Rising wrote The Picture of Dorian Gray

The plot goes like this : An attractive Englishman's image is captured in a painting that keeps him from ageing, when he exchanges his soul for eternal beauty. But for every sin that he commits, his image in the portrait rots.

This is a very deeply Venusian story, and very specifically Purvaphalguni esque because Purvaphalguni is the height of Venus. It can be said that its also true of Venusians in general. They are outwardly splendorous, they seem to have it all together but inwardly they tend to be inflicting wounds upon themselves in order to keep it all together.

Johnny Depp- Purvashadha Moon

He has also battled eating disorders, self harm and drug abuse.

Iggy Pop- Bharani Moon

"THERE IS EXTREME, there is legendary — and then there is Iggy Pop. Beginning in his earliest days with the Stooges taunting Ann Arbor frat boys and small town Michigan folk, Iggy made an art of excess: self-mutilation, self-exposure and self-destruction. His risky theatricality required an audience to respond, participate or get the heck out of there. And the sex and violence hardly stopped after the show was over."- this is how Rolling Stone described Iggy Pop and tbh this is a very Venusian description

In 1974, at his first solo concert dubbed The Murder of a Virgin. "Do you want to see blood?" Iggy asked the crowd, which howled affirmatively back at him. Then, at Iggy's urging, guitarist Ron Asheton, wearing a Nazi outfit, whipped Iggy repeatedly. Iggy began hurling racial epithets at a black spectator, hoping to goad the man into stabbing him with the steak knife he'd brought onstage. No luck, so he closed the set by carving an X into his chest himself.

Marilyn Manson- Purvashadha Sun

He has struggled with self harm in the past (there are images online if you're interested) and in 2013, he tried to simulate self harm on stage by holding a knife to his wrist in the middle of a performance??

Christina Ricci- Purvashadha Moon

Ricci has said she suffered from anorexia as a teenager and was sexually assaulted as a child. “There was no discussion at that time about trauma, and about recovering from those things, about PTSD,” she said. As a result, she ended up “acting out and coping in ways that weren't good."

Robert Downey Jr- Bharani Moon, Mars in Purvaphalguni

its pretty well known that RDJ was severely addicted to drugs at one point and it started when he was a child and drugs was given to him by his dad:///

Megan Fox- Purvashadha Rising

"I have body dysmorphia — I don't ever see myself the way other people see me," Fox said. "There's never a point in my life where I loved my body, never, ever." "When I was little, that was an obsession I had of, like, but I should look this way,"

‘However, at a certain point, I went through some trauma in childhood and I developed a pretty severe eating disorder and manic depression, which runs in my family, so there was definitely some wrestling with chemical imbalance going on,’ she shared.

its interesting how so many of these natives begin struggling with these issues very early in life

Colin Farrell- Purvashadha Rising, Jupiter conjunct Ketu in Bharani

While he did not say that he had cut himself when he was younger, Colin Farrell had some self-inflicting behavior during his younger days. He spoke on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and said that he used to actually enjoy pulling out huge tufts of his hair. 

Pete Davidson- Purvaashadha Rising

'I used to bang my head against walls,' he admitted. 'If I couldn't deal with something -- if someone told me something sad or something I couldn't deal with I would bang my head against the wall, hoping I'd pass out because I didn't want to be in that situation because I couldn't handle that.

Melanie Lynskey- Bharani Moon

“I stopped throwing up, mostly. It took a while. But that was a big one. I had, for a very long time, been on this diet that was basically 800 calories a day, and if I ate anything over 800 calories, I would throw up,” she said. “I was never bingey. Sometimes I’d be starving, and I’d have another teacup of Special K. Then I’d be like, ‘Well, now I gotta throw it up.’”

Tila Tequila- Purvaphalguni Moon

On March 7, 2012, it was reported that Tequila had agreed to check into rehab after having reportedly "almost died" from an attempted suicide by overdosing on pills. The incident caused her to be hospitalized for a brain aneurysm. Tequila completed her rehab treatment on April 5, 2012.

Jeffree Star- Purvashadha Moon

images of him self harming once went viral

Till Lindemann- Purvashadha Sun

he's known for his SH scars and has even written poems about it in German??? its called "The poems: Knives on silent nights"

Portia de Rossi- Rahu in Purvashadha 2h

she's struggled with an eating disorder

Padma Lakshmi- Purvaphalguni Sun & Moon

"When filming "Top Chef," I consume about 5,000 to 8,000 calories a day,'' she wrote. "I typically gain anywhere from 10 to 17 pounds every season. Once I get home, what's taken me six weeks to gain takes me 12 weeks to take off. It's always a nail-biting extravaganza at fittings, praying that a few pretty dresses that came down the runway on a teenage model who is a size 0 will miraculously fit my 40-something body,'' she wrote. "Getting ready for the Emmys is always fun, and it's truly an honor to be nominated. But at the same time, in spite of my high metabolism, I worry each year that I'm not going to fit into anything nice. So, this year, I've decided my weight will not be my focus,'' she wrote. "If I need a bigger dress, so be it. That one day — or any day — on the red carpet isn't nearly as important as making sure my daughter doesn't measure her worth by her dress size."

i guess this is a more positive manifestation of Venusian self image struggles

Jessica Alba- Bharani Stellium (Sun, Mercury & Venus)

“I was meant to feel ashamed if I tempted men,” she said. “Then I stopped eating a lot when I became an actress. I made myself look more like a boy so I wouldn’t get as much attention.”

Katie Couric- Purvashadha Sun

“I wrestled with bulimia all through college and for two years after that,” she shared with Lovato while interviewing her, per Glamour. “I know this rigidity, this feeling that if you eat one thing that’s wrong, you’re full of self-loathing and then you punish yourself, whether it’s one cookie or a stick of gum that isn’t sugarless, that I would sometimes beat myself up for that. How do you have a healthy relationship with food, and say, ‘You know what, I can have one cookie and it’s OK?’ That is such a huge thing for people who wrestle with this.”

Zayn Mailk- Purvaphalguni Moon

 In his 2016 autobiography, Zayn, he shared it would sometimes cause him to go two or three days without eating a single bite of food. “Something I’ve never talked about in public before, but which I have come to terms with since leaving the band, is that I was suffering from an eating disorder. It got quite serious, although at the time I didn’t recognize it for what it was,” he wrote. “When I look back at images of myself—before the final tour—I can see how ill I was. The workload and the pace of life on the road put together with the pressures and strains of everything going on within the band had badly affected my eating habits. Food was something I could control, so I did.”

Zoe Kravitz- Purvaphalguni Moon conjunct Ketu

“I think it was part of being a woman, and being surrounded by [fame],” she said. “I think it was definitely about being around that world, seeing that world. I felt pressured.” After playing an anorexic character in a movie, she hit her lowest of lows and was so malnourished that her immune system shut down. Months later, she decided to make a change. “I just felt it was different,” she said. “I don’t know… if a f—king spirit came over me and said: ‘You have to stop.’”

Mel C, Purvaphalguni Rising

"When I was in the Spice Girls, the stress of suddenly being thrust into the limelight led me into an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise,” she told The Mirror in 2012. “I became obsessed about what I ate and I cut lots of food groups, like carbs and protein, out of my diet. I survived on fruit and vegetables and little else.”

Nicole Scherzinger- Mars conjunct Rising in Purvaphalguni

"I really struggled with feeling like I fit in. I even had a hard time feeling like I fit into my own skin. I was really hard on myself and had a lot of struggles with self-esteem and a lot of insecurities,” she said. “Later on, that resulted in me having eating disorders because of my body dysmorphia.”

if you're reading this and struggling, you're not alone. please get help!! its not too late to turn things around!! youre so strong and you can do this!!

[tiktaalic]

And another thing. I have more posts to make donttttttt worry . But my other thing. List of people Dean isn’t related to he calls family:

-Bobby, who he considers a foster father

-Jody, who he is creating some crazy complexes about (woman his age who is straight who he doesnt want to sleep with = mom? )

-Claire, a teenage girl who makes people go. Oh. Like Dean as a teenager.

-jack. A child who is castiel’s son.

Castiel. Who is. Well. Wellllllllllllllllllll. Who can ever possibly say. What castiel’s relation to Dean is. In the framework of a nuclear family.

[thequeenofneverland1]

Kol Mikaelson//// Between Shadows and Light

Anonymous request: hi hi. can we have an imagine about how reader is in love with kol but he falls for davina instead

Warnings: Romantic Tension, Heartbreak and Emotional Distress, Supernatural Elements, Intense Emotional, Complex Family Dynamics, Mature Themes and Language Character Flaws and Mistakes, Tension and Conflict

A/N: thank you once again for your request and. I also want to apologize if I got a bit carried away with the storyline there were so many twists and turns to explore! I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I did.

It was a crisp, late-autumn evening, and you found yourself wandering the streets of New Orleans, your heart heavy with an unfamiliar ache. You’d always had a soft spot for Kol Mikaelson, the mischievous spark in his eye, his infectious laugh, and the way he’d always managed to make you feel like you were the only one who understood his rebellious spirit. But lately, things have changed. you had seen that spark in his eye when he looked at someone else: Davina Claire.

you couldn’t quite pinpoint the moment when you realized Kol was falling for Davina. Maybe it was in the way his smile softened when he spoke of her, or how he seemed to hang on her every word, almost as if he was lost in a world that only Davina could create. you had tried to tell yourself it didn’t matter that whatever connection you two had was still strong, still unbreakable. But seeing Kol with Davina had been a rude awakening.

Tonight, you walked to the abandoned church that Davina had been using as your safe haven, feeling the weight of your decision pressing down on you. you knew Kol would be there. you needed to see it with your own eyes,needed to accept that whatever you two had shared was over.

As you neared the church, you could see the faint glow of candlelight flickering through the stained-glass windows. your footsteps slowed as you approached the doors, your eart pounding in your chest. You pressed your palm against the cold wood, breathing in deeply to calm your nerves. Steeling yourself, you pushed the door open just a crack, enough to see the scene unfolding within.

There, in the center of the room, stood Kol and Davina, wrapped in an embrace that was tender, yet powerful. Davina was laughing, her smile lighting up the dim room, and Kol looked down at her with an expression you had never seen before: a softness, a vulnerability. He looked like a man who had finally found something, or rather, someone, worth fighting for.

Your throat tightened, a pang of sadness washing over you as you realized that Kol had never looked at you that way. You watched as he brushed a stray strand of hair from Davina’s face, his fingers lingering on her cheek, and it was then that you knew. Kol Mikaelson was in love, and it wasn’t with you.

You took a step back, the quiet creak of the floorboards snapping you out of your trance. Before you could retreat, Kol’s head whipped around, his eyes catching yourself. For a moment, your and his gazes locked, and You saw a flash of guilt cross his face.

“Y/n,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. He took a step toward you, as if unsure of what to say.

Davina turned, looking at you with a mixture of surprise and curiosity. “Y/n… I didn’t realize you were coming by tonight,” she said, her tone friendly but tentative.

You forced a small smile, trying to mask the emotions swirling inside you. “I didn’t mean to intrude. I just… needed some air. I didn’t realize you two would be here.”

Kol scratched the back of his neck, his usual cocky demeanor slipping away, replaced by something far more human, almost remorseful. “I’m sorry, Y/n. I didn’t… I didn’t want it to be like this.”

The words stung, but you did your best to brush it off, keeping your tone light. “No need to apologize. I guess I’m just… the last to know.”

Davina stepped forward, her eyes filled with sympathy. “Y/n, I had no idea. If I’d known how you felt…”

You shook your head, holding up a hand. “No, Davina. Don’t apologize. I’m glad he’s found someone like you. You… you bring out a side of him that’s good, that’s different.” You looked at Kol, forcing yourself to meet his gaze. “I just wanted to say goodbye, Kol. Maybe it’s time I let you be happy.”

Kol’s jaw tightened, as if he wanted to reach out to you, to say something, anything, that might make this easier. But you knew better. You knew that any apology, any explanation, would only deepen the ache in your heart.

“Y/n…” Kol began, his voice soft, almost pleading. but you couldn’t bear to hear it. you couldn’t bear to let him see you break.

“Take care of him, Davina,” you said, your voice barely a whisper as you turned away, fighting to keep your composure. You walked back toward the door, refusing to look back, refusing to let Kol see the tears welling up in your eyes.

As you stepped out into the cool night air, a sense of finality settled over you. Kol had chosen Davina, and as much as it hurt, you knew it was time for you to move on, to find your own happiness, no matter how painful this goodbye was.

It had been Rebekah who held you together, always there with her biting remarks and fierce loyalty. Rebekah, your best friend, had always despised Davina, especially after Kol’s sudden infatuation.

“I told you,” she had said one night as the two of you stood by the sidewalk, your eyes still red from tears. “My brother’s a bloody fool. Falling for that witch when he had you right in front of him.”

You had just nodded, your throat tight with emotion. “I guess it was never meant to be.”

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps echoed behind you, interrupting the silence of the night. You turned around, bracing yourself or yet another emotional conversation, but instead, you were met with the piercing blue gaze of Damon Salvatore. He leaned casually against a tree, a smirk playing on his lips, his posture as effortless as if he belonged in the shadows of this ancient place.

“Fancy meeting you here, princess,” he drawled, his voice filled with amusement. “Let me guess, you’re nursing a broken heart after the whole ‘Kol choosing Davina’ debacle?”

You crossed your arms, giving him a defiant look. “Is there anything you don’t know about, Damon? Or are you just that nosy?”

He shrugged, pushing off the tree and strolling closer to you. “Nosy? More like observant. Besides, I’m a sucker for drama, and the Originals are a soap opera I just can’t resist.”

You tried to hide your smile, but Damon’s wit had a way of lightening even the heaviest of moods. You looked down, taking a deep breath, as you gathered your thoughts. “I thought Kol and I had something… different. But I guess I was wrong.”

Damon tilted his head, his eyes narrowing as he studied you. “Wrong? Or maybe he’s just an idiot who doesn’t know a good thing when he sees it.” His tone was light, but there was an edge of sincerity that surprised you.

You felt a flicker of warmth at his words, though you quickly dismissed it, shaking your head. “You don’t have to say that, Damon. I know how complicated things can get with people like us… well, people like you all, anyway.”

Damon let out a dry chuckle. “Trust me, sweetheart, complicated is putting it lightly. But here’s the thing, some of us don’t let complicated get in the way of making the right choice.” He stepped closer, his smirk softening into something gentler. “So maybe, just maybe, you deserve someone who sees you as the first choice. Not the second.”

Your breath caught in your throat. you hadn’t expected this kind of honesty from Damon, of all people. He had a reputation as a heartbreaker, a troublemaker, someone who thrived in chaos. Yet here he was, offering you comfort, making you feel seen in a way you hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Are you saying that person should be you, Damon?” You teased, raising an eyebrow, though your heart thudded with the hint of a possibility.

He laughed, the sound low and genuine. “Maybe. Or maybe I’m just saying you deserve someone who’s not going to choose anyone else over you. Someone who’s willing to stay even when things get messy.”

your and his eyes met, and for a moment, everything else seemed to fade into the background: the heartache, the confusion, the lingering hurt from Kol’s decision. Standing there in the moonlight, Damon’s presence felt like an anchor, a steady reminder that maybe, just maybe, there was more to your story than the one you had allowed Kol to write.

You looked up at Damon, the corners of your mouth curving into a small, grateful smile. “Thanks, Damon. I didn’t know you had it in you.”

He smirked, crossing his arms with that familiar playful glint returning to his eyes. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Y/n. But stick around, and I might just surprise you.”

You laughed, feeling lighter for the first time that night. “I’ll hold you to that.”

You and Him stood there in comfortable silence, both aware that they were on the cusp of something new, something unexpected. Damon was right, maybe it was time you chose someone who would choose you without hesitation. And maybe, just maybe, Damon Salvatore was the perfect place to start.

But fate is cruel, and nothing ever truly ends when it’s supposed to. Days after Kol had moved on, your life took a different turn. Damon Salvatore had always been a bit of a wildcard, with his dark smirks and twisted sense of humor. What had started as casual flirting turned into something deeper, something unexpected. Damon had been there, picking up the pieces when Kol had broken your heart, and soon enough, you found yourself in his arms

The early afternoon sunlight poured through the large windows of the Salvatore boarding house, casting a warm glow over the living room where Elena and Stefan were lounging on the couch. They had been exchanging amused glances, whispering under their breaths as they watched Damon practically skip around the house, humming a tune they’d never heard him hum before. His mood had been noticeably different for the past few days, lighter, carefree, and oddly cheerful.

“Is it just me, or is Damon actually… happy?” Elena whispered, raising her eyebrows in disbelief.

Stefan chuckled softly, nodding in agreement. “It’s strange, right? I haven’t seen him this way in… well, ever. Usually, he’s brooding over something or complaining about everyone else’s problems.”

They shared a laugh, watching as Damon poured himself a glass of bourbon, his lips tugged into a smile that he seemed incapable of hiding. His eyes were distant, as though lost in a daydream, and Stefan and Elena couldn’t help but be intrigued. After a few moments, Stefan finally cleared his throat to get his brother’s attention.

“Alright, Damon, spill it,” Stefan said, crossing his arms and leaning back with a playful grin. “What’s got you in such a good mood? You look like you just won the lottery.”

Damon looked up, startled, as though he hadn’t even noticed his brother and Elena sitting there. For a brief second, he seemed almost embarrassed, a rare expression for him. But then, as if deciding he couldn’t keep it to himself any longer, he set down his glass and turned to face them, a mischievous smile spreading across his face.

“Well,” he began, dragging out the word with exaggerated flair, “since you’re so desperate to know… there may be a certain someone who’s been putting a little extra pep in my step.”

Elena’s eyes widened, and a delighted grin spread across her face. “Wait, seriously? You’ve met someone?”

Damon shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, though the sparkle in his eyes betrayed him. “Maybe. Maybe not. You know me, I don’t like to kiss and tell.”

Stefan rolled his eyes. “Damon, come on. You’re practically floating around the house like some lovesick teenager. Just tell us already.”

Damon hesitated for a moment, as though weighing whether or not he wanted to share this particular detail. But as he glanced at his brother and Elena, he realized there was no point in hiding it. The truth was, he wanted to talk about you.

“Fine,” he said, feigning reluctance. “It’s Y/n.”

“Y/n?” Elena repeated, surprise flashing in her eyes. “As in Y/n Y/l/n? Kol’s ex?”

“Precisely.” Damon’s grin grew wider, and there was a glint of satisfaction in his gaze. “Though, I wouldn’t exactly call her Kol’s anymore, would you?”

Elena let out a laugh, covering her mouth in astonishment. “Damon! Oh my god, are you two actually…?”

He shrugged, a pleased smirk playing on his lips. “What can I say? She has good taste.”

Stefan exchanged a look with Elena, his own face breaking into a grin. “Well, I’ll be damned,” he muttered, shaking his head in amusement. “Who would’ve thought that you’d actually go for Kol’s ex? Though, now that I think about it, Y/n always seemed… different around you.”

Damon’s expression softened, the bravado fading as he thought about you. “Yeah,” he said quietly, almost to himself. “She’s… she’s something else. I don’t know how to explain it. With her, it just feels… easy.”

Elena’s eyes sparkled with excitement, and she clapped her hands together. “Oh, Damon, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you!”

Damon chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Don’t get all sappy on me now, Elena. I still have a reputation to uphold.”

But Elena and Stefan couldn’t help their excitement. For years, they had watched Damon struggle with his emotions, torn between his darker impulses and his desire to find happiness. And now, for the first time, he seemed genuinely content. They exchanged another glance, an idea forming in Elena’s mind as she leaned forward, her eyes bright.

“Hey, you know what we should do?” she suggested, her voice brimming with enthusiasm. “We should go on a double date! You, Y/n, Stefan, and me. It’ll be fun!”

Stefan’s eyebrows shot up, but he nodded, clearly intrigued by the idea. “That could actually be great, Damon. We could do something simple, maybe dinner and drinks. Just a chance for us to get to know Y/n better.”

Damon hesitated, his mind flashing to the inevitable reaction you’d have to the suggestion. But as he thought about it, he couldn’t deny that the idea sounded surprisingly appealing. Spending an evening with you, with his brother and Elena, almost like… a family. It was strange, almost too domestic for his tastes, but he found himself drawn to it.

“Alright, alright,” he finally agreed, his tone playfully reluctant. “But if you two start getting all mushy, I’m out. Last thing I need is to witness Stefan’s puppy-dog eyes.”

Stefan laughed, throwing a cushion at his brother. “Shut up, Damon. This is for you, remember?”

Damon rolled his eyes, but the faint smile that tugged at his lips betrayed his excitement. For once, he was allowing himself to imagine a life that wasn’t clouded by darkness or filled with endless battles. He was allowing himself to imagine a life with you.

Elena clapped her hands, practically vibrating with excitement. “Okay, I’ll text Y/n and let her know! This is going to be so much fun!”

But before she could pull out her phone, Damon held up a hand, stopping her. “Hold on, Elena. Let me talk to her first.” He shot her a knowing look, the playful glint in his eyes replaced with something softer. “I’d like to ask her myself.”

Elena’s face softened, a warm smile spreading across her face. “Of course, Damon. Take your time.”

With that, Damon stood, his heart beating a little faster than usual. As he left the room, Stefan and Elena exchanged a look, a mixture of surprise and happiness written across their faces. They had always believed in Damon’s ability to find happiness, even when he doubted it himself. And now, seeing him so taken with you, they couldn’t help but feel a sense of hope.

“Do you think it’ll last?” Stefan asked softly, a hint of worry in his eyes.

Elena took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I think… I think he deserves this. He deserves someone who makes him happy. And if Y/n is the one, then I believe in them.”

Stefan nodded, his gaze thoughtful. “Then let’s make this double date happen.”

Meanwhile, Damon made his way upstairs, feeling an unfamiliar excitement buzzing through his veins. He had been with other women before, of course, but none had left him feeling like this, like he was teetering on the edge of something bigger than himself. And as he reached his room, he pulled out his phone, your number already at the top of his contact list. Without hesitating, he typed out a quick message:

“Hey, how do you feel about a double date with Stefan and Elena? Dinner, drinks, just us four. Let me know what you think.” He hesitated for a moment, then hit send, exhaling slowly as he waited for your reply.

The bright screen of your phone lit up, and your heart skipped a beat as you saw Damon’s name flash across the screen. It was a simple message, but the thought of Damon asking you on a double date made butterflies flutter wildly in your stomach. You felt your cheeks warm as you read his words again, a little grin slipping onto your face despite yourself:

“Hey, how do you feel about a double date with Stefan and Elena? Dinner, drinks, just us four. Let me know what you think.”

You stared at the text, trying to steady your nervously hands,Damon Salvatore, the one person who could always make you feel so alive, had been a constant presence these last few days. Ever since Kol had chosen Davina over you, Damon had swooped in, helping you move past the hurt. He had a way of making you laugh even on your worst days, his sarcasm a strange kind of comfort. And now, this double date, it felt like something you never thought you’d have with anyone, let alone Damon.

You typed back quickly, fingers flying over the screen. “I’d love that. Let me know when and where. Can’t wait!” As you hit send, a giggle escaped your lips, a genuine laugh that felt like a long time coming. You had just closed the text thread when Rebekah, who had been watching you from across the room with a sly smile, cleared her throat dramatically.

“Well, well, well,” she drawled, crossing her arms and arching a perfectly sculpted brow. “Someone looks absolutely smitten. Care to explain, Honey?”

You felt your face heat up, a sheepish grin spreading as you tried (and failed) to play it cool. “It’s nothing, Rebekah,” you mumbled, though the excitement in your voice gave you away.

“Oh, please,” Rebekah laughed, nudging you with her shoulder as she took a seat next to you on the couch. “You’ve been floating around like a lovestruck fool these past few days. Spill it, Y/n. I want all the details.”

You bit your lip, hesitating for a moment. But you and Rebekah were best friends, and if anyone would understand how complicated things had become, it was her. With a deep breath, you finally confessed, “It’s Damon. He just asked me out, well, sort of. He asked if I’d go on a double date with him, his brother, and Elena.”

Rebekah’s eyes widened, and a grin spread across her face as she squealed in excitement. “Oh, Y/n! This is huge! A double date? With Damon Salvatore?” She nudged you, her eyes glinting with mischief. “This isn’t just some casual invite, sweetheart. Double dates are serious business.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, Rebekah’s enthusiasm contagious. “It’s just dinner and drinks,” you replied, trying to sound casual, though you knew your attempt was weak at best. “But… I don’t know. I think it could be fun.”

“Fun? Y/n, this is a big deal,” Rebekah insisted, her face lighting up. “I haven’t seen Damon this interested in anyone in years. And honestly, after what Kol did, you deserve this. You deserve someone who actually knows what they have.”

The mention of Kol caused a brief pang in your chest, but the pain wasn’t as sharp as it had been before. Damon had been there for you when Kol broke your heart, helping you pick up the pieces. And now, as you thought about the prospect of going out with Damon, it felt like you were finally letting yourself move forward.

Rebekah leaned in closer, her eyes twinkling with excitement. “So, tell me everything. How did this even start? Last I checked, you and Damon were just… friends, right?”

You hesitated, but Rebekah’s curiosity only fueled your excitement. “I don’t even know, honestly. After everything that happened with Kol… I guess Damon just made things easier. He never tried to pry or ask how I was feeling, you know? He just made me laugh. And then, I don’t know, something just… clicked.”

Rebekah grinned, looking incredibly pleased. “I knew it! I always thought there was something between you two, even when you were with Kol. Damon’s too protective over you to be just a friend.”

The truth in her words made you pause. Damon had been protective of you, watching out for you when Kol’s betrayal left you shattered. And there had been moments, small, fleeting glances, lingering touches, that you’d brushed off as mere friendship. But now, thinking back, you couldn’t deny that there had always been a spark.

“He’s… different,” you admitted softly, looking down at your hands. “I know he has this bad reputation, but with me, he’s�� I don’t know, he’s just Damon. He makes me feel like I’m not broken.”

Rebekah reached over, squeezing your hand gently. “That’s because he sees you for who you really are, Y/n. Not as someone’s ex, not as someone who’s hurting, just you.”

The warmth in her words made you smile, feeling a weight lift from your chest. You’d spent so long believing that Kol was your only chance at happiness, that you’d overlooked the one person who’d been there all along.

“So,” Rebekah continued, her grin turning mischievous again, “what are you going to wear?”

You laughed, the tension melting as you rolled your eyes at her excitement. “Honestly, I haven’t even thought about it yet. Damon hasn’t told me the details. I don’t even know where we’re going.”

Rebekah waved a dismissive hand, a determined look flashing in her eyes. “Well, that doesn’t matter. We’re going to make sure you look absolutely stunning. If Damon’s taking you on a proper date, then you’re going to knock his socks off.”

She stood up, pulling you to your feet and guiding you towards your wardrobe. You followed her, unable to resist the infectious energy in her voice. Together, you began rifling through your clothes, Rebekah tossing options onto the bed as she offered commentary on each one.

“Oh, this would be perfect,” she said, holding up a sleek black dress. “Something classy but not too over-the-top. Damon’s already wrapped around your finger; this will just seal the deal.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “It’s just one date, Rebekah. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

But as you looked down at the dress in her hands, a small thrill of excitement rushed through you. You couldn’t help but imagine Damon’s reaction, his eyes lighting up as he saw you walk into the room. Maybe it was just one date, but for the first time in a long while, you felt hopeful.

Rebekah’s eyes softened as she took in your smile. “You deserve this, Y/n. After everything, you deserve someone who makes you feel like this.”

You nodded, her words filling you with a renewed sense of confidence. Damon had seen you at your worst, had been there when Kol left, and hadn’t judged or pitied you. He simply made you feel… alive.

As you stood there with Rebekah, discussing every little detail of the date, you felt a warmth spread through your chest, a quiet happiness that you hadn’t felt in a long time

The following evening, Damon found himself standing outside your apartment, his usual cocky demeanor replaced by a hint of nervousness. He’d put on a well-fitted black button-down, and for once, he’d even brushed his hair, trying to look a little more put-together than usual. As he knocked on the door, he mentally braced himself, hoping you wouldn’t see through his attempt at playing it cool.

The door opened, and there you were, looking radiant in a simple yet elegant dress that brought out the sparkle in your eyes. Damon felt his heart full of happiness, momentarily forgetting his own name as you smiled up at him.

“You’re early,” You teased, raising an eyebrow. “Didn’t take you for the punctual type.”

He smirked, shrugging nonchalantly. “What can I say? Some people are worth showing up on time for.”

Before you could respond, Damon offered you his arm, his smirk softening as he looked down at you. “You ready for a night of painfully awkward double-dating?”

You laughed, taking his arm as you and him walked down the stairs. “I’m ready if you are. Who knew you had a normal date in you, Salvatore?”

“Only for you, princess,” he replied, and though his tone was playful, there was a warmth in his voice that left you momentarily speechless.

Before you could respond, the doors of the restaurant opened, and Stefan and Elena emerged, both smiling warmly as they approached. Elena greeted you with an enthusiastic hug, while Stefan gave you a polite nod.

“Y/n, you look amazing!” Elena said, her smile genuine. “This is going to be fun. Damon actually behaving on a date is rare enough to be a show in itself.”

“Hey, I’m perfectly capable of behaving,” Damon quipped, pretending to be offended. “I just choose not to most of the time. It keeps life interesting.”

You stifled a laugh, glancing over at Stefan, who gave you a knowing look. “Believe it or not, this is him trying his best to impress you,” Stefan whispered to you, a grin tugging at his lips.

The four of you settled into a cozy corner booth inside the restaurant, where dim candlelight flickered between the four of you casting a warm glow over the polished wood table. Damon took the seat beside you, his knee brushing against your under the table. You felt a spark of electricity at the touch, wondering if he’d done it on purpose. He didn’t pull away, so you assumed he had.

As the waiter brought the menus, Damon leaned over, looking at you with an amused glint in his eyes. “So, what do you think? I figured you’d appreciate the authenticity, no garlic, of course, given the company.”

You snickered, trying not to be too charmed. “You’re saying you brought me to a vampire-safe restaurant? How considerate of you.”

Elena laughed from across the table, nudging Stefan. “Damon actually being thoughtful? Who knew?”

Stefan smirked, casting a glance at his brother. “I think it’s Y/n’s influence. She brings out the… softer side of him.”

Damon rolled his eyes, though you noticed a hint of a blush on his face. “Alright, alright, enough with the brotherly observations. Let’s just focus on the food, shall we?”

As the four of you ordered appetizers, the conversation turned light, covering topics like movies, music, and the occasional humorous story about Mystic Falls and its array of supernatural chaos. you found yourself relaxing, letting go of the usual guardedness you wore around people. Elena and Stefan made it easy, they both seemed genuinely interested in getting to know you beyond just your connection with Damon.

After a while, Elena leaned in, giving you a curious look. “So, Y/n, tell me… what’s it like being with Damon?” Her tone was playful, but you could sense a genuine curiosity there, too. Elena had her own history with Damon, but she seemed genuinely supportive of whatever was happening between him and you.

You chuckled, glancing over at Damon, who was pretending to be overly engrossed in his wine glass. “Honestly? It’s a bit of an adventure. You never really know what to expect. But he has this… surprising side that I didn’t expect. He’s a lot more thoughtful than he lets on.”

Damon cleared his throat, clearly embarrassed but also amused. “Oh, please, keep flattering me. I’ll get a big head,” he joked, though his hand subtly found its way to yours under the table, his thumb brushing your knuckles gently.

Stefan shook his head, smirking. “Y/n’s right. Damon hides behind sarcasm and arrogance, but deep down, he’s just a sentimental softy.”

Damon shot his brother a look, but you could feel the warmth radiating from him. There was something vulnerable in the way he held you, as though he was grateful for presence in a way words couldn’t fully capture.

As the main courses arrived, the conversation shifted, dipping into more personal memories and stories of Mystic Falls’ supernatural side. Damon seemed at ease, sharing memories with Stefan, trading inside jokes with Elena, and occasionally casting glances at you as though you were the one keeping him grounded amidst it all.

At one point, Stefan brought up a story from when they were children, running around the Salvatores’ old family estate. “Damon used to sneak out at night to meet girls in the village,” Stefan revealed with a laugh, “but he’d always get caught because he was terrible at sneaking back in.”

“Oh, so you were always a troublemaker,” you teased, nudging him playfully.

Damon grinned, leaning closer to you. “I like to think I’m just adventurous. Keeps life from getting too predictable.”

Elena smiled, watching Damon and you with a look of fondness. “You two balance each other out. It’s nice seeing him happy. He doesn’t let his guard down easily.”

You looked over at Damon, your and his eyes meeting, and for a moment, everything else faded. In his gaze, you saw a depth of feeling he rarely allowed anyone to see. You realized that beneath the sarcasm, arrogance, and rebellious streak, Damon was simply someone who wanted to be understood and accepted.

As dessert was served, Damon leaned back, looking around the table with a satisfied grin. “Well, I think we can all agree this was a successful night. No bloodshed, no dramatics, just good food, decent company, and no supernatural shenanigans. A rare thing for us.”

You raise your glass, smirking. “I’ll drink to that. Here’s to normalcy, well, as close as we’ll get to it, anyway.”

You all clinked their glasses, laughter filling the cozy little restaurant. As the evening wound down, Damon offered to walk you home, leaving Stefan and Elena to settle the bill.

Outside, the cool night air enveloped you two as you and Damon strolled down the quiet streets. Damon’s arm wrapped protectively around your shoulders, and you couldn’t help but feel a warmth spreading through your chest. This night felt different. It was simple, but it had given you a glimpse into something real, a chance to be with Damon without the chaos that usually surrounded the two of you.

He stopped in front of your apartment, turning to face you with that familiar smirk softened by the sincerity in his gaze. “So, what’s the verdict, princess? Did I do alright?”

You pretended to think, tapping your chin thoughtfully. “You know, I think you actually behaved yourself. It’s impressive.”

Damon chuckled, stepping closer until there was barely any space between the two of you. “Only because you’re worth it.”

Before you could respond, he leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. It was soft, almost tentative, as if he was afraid of breaking whatever had formed between the two of . You and you closed your eyes, letting yourself sink into the warmth of his embrace, feeling your heart race with a mixture of excitement and hope.

When you and he finally pulled apart, Damon looked down at you with a mixture of affection and amusement. “You might be dangerous for me, Y/n,” he murmured. “But I think I’m willing to take that risk.”

You smiled, reaching up to cup his cheek. “Good. Because I think you’re worth it too, Damon.”

And for that one perfect moment, standing under the quiet night sky, you knew you had found something rare with Damon, something worth fighting for.

The candlelit hall of the Mikaelson mansion was silent, save for the sound of wine glasses clinking and silverware scraping against fine porcelain. The entire family had gathered for dinner, a rare occasion that somehow felt heavier than usual. Klaus sat at the head of the table, swirling his wine glass, his sharp eyes flicking between his siblings. Elijah was calm, as always, and Rebekah sat across from him, occasionally glancing at her phone, a sly smile tugging at her lips.

Kol, however, had been fidgeting the entire evening. His mind was elsewhere, with Davina. It had been days since he’d chosen her over you. At the time, it felt like the right decision, a young witch who admired him, someone who saw the world in the same magical, ancient way he did. But now, as he sat there, a gnawing emptiness took hold in his chest. You. He hadn’t seen you since the day you walked on him and Davina hugging and the hurt in your eyes still haunted him, though he tried to convince himself that he had done the right thing.

Klaus leaned forward, breaking the silence. “Has anyone seen Y/n lately? She’s usually around more often than not.”

Kol froze, his grip tightening on the fork. Just the mention of your name sent a jolt through him.

Rebekah raised an eyebrow, her grin widening mischievously. “Oh, didn’t you hear? She’s on a double date tonight.”

Kol’s fork clattered to the table. He looked up sharply, his hands gripping the table roughly. “A double date?”

“With Stefan and Elena,” Rebekah continued, clearly enjoying this far too much. She leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs. “And Damon.”

Kol’s breath hitched. Damon. You were with Damon? His mind spiraled, imagining you laughing at Damon’s sarcastic jokes, maybe even holding his hand. His stomach churned with jealousy.

“They both like each other,” Rebekah added nonchalantly, taking a sip of her wine. “You didn’t know?”

A flash of heat surged through Kol, and suddenly, the entire room seemed to blur. His pulse pounded in his ears, his vision tinged with red. Y/n? His Y/n? He shot to his feet, his chair screeching against the floor as it toppled over.

“You’re lying,” he spat, his voice shaking with fury. “She wouldn’t.”

Rebekah’s smile never wavered. “Oh, Kol, you of all people should know better than to underestimate Y/n. And besides, they’ve gotten quite cozy lately.”

Kol couldn’t breathe. He felt like the walls were closing in. Damon. He could already see Damon’s smug face, his arm casually draped around you, his cocky grin while you blushed at one of his flirtatious remarks. A wave of possessiveness crashed over him, followed by a deep, hollow pain. You were supposed to be his, but he had pushed you away, and now, someone else had taken his place.

Elijah, sensing Kol’s mounting distress, stood up. “Kol, sit down.”

But Kol didn’t listen. His mind was racing, his emotions spiraling out of control. “Where is it?” he muttered under his breath, shoving past the table. He stormed down the hall, searching wildly. “Where’s my bloody bat?”

Klaus frowned, sharing a glance with Elijah before rising to follow his brother. “Kol, what are you doing?” His voice was stern, but there was an undercurrent of amusement. “You’re not seriously going after Damon, are you?”

Kol found the bat, an old, worn wooden weapon he had used in fits of rage before, and grabbed it, his knuckles white as he clenched it tightly. “He doesn’t deserve her,” Kol growled, his voice raw with emotion. “She’s mine.”

Elijah stepped in front of him, his hand raised in a calming gesture. “Kol, this is not the way to handle it.”

But Kol couldn’t hear him, the pain in his chest too much to bear. His knees buckled, and before he knew it, he had dropped the bat, his hands covering his face as a sob tore from his throat.

“She’s mine, Elijah,” he choked out, his voice breaking. “My darling. I… I didn’t realize what I had until it was too late.”

Klaus looked at Kol, his expression softening. For all his bravado, his younger brother was breaking apart right in front of him. He stepped forward, placing a hand on Kol’s shoulder. “Kol, you made your choice.”

“But I chose wrong!” Kol cried, his tears falling freely now. “I thought… I thought Davina was what I wanted, but it’s Y/n. It’s always been Y/n.” He sank to the floor, defeated, his shoulders shaking with the force of his sobs. “I’ve lost her.”

Rebekah, who had been watching from the doorway, stepped forward, her teasing demeanor gone. She knelt beside Kol, gently brushing his hair away from his face. “You haven’t lost her yet, Kol,” she said softly. “But if you don’t fix this, if you let Damon have her… you’ll never get her back.”

“Please,” Kol whispered, his voice barely audible. “Help me.”

Klaus, Rebekah, and Elijah exchanged a glance. They might be a dysfunctional family, but they always stood by each other, especially when one of them was truly broken.

Rebekah squeezed Kol’s hand gently. “We’ll figure it out,” she promised. “But you need to act fast.”

The Mikaelson siblings gathered in the dimly lit room, the air thick with tension as they strategized on how to help Kol win you back. Klaus leaned against the wall, arms crossed, his expression contemplative. “We need to remind her of what she means to Kol,” he said, his voice steady. “He may have chosen Davina in the past, but Y/N is someone who can bring out the best in him.”

Rebekah chimed in, her enthusiasm infectious. “We should plan something grand! A gesture that shows Kol’s true feelings. Maybe a romantic evening at the place they used to go together?”

Elijah nodded, adding, “It needs to be more than just a gesture. Kol must confront his past mistakes and show Y/N that he’s willing to fight for her, not just for his own happiness but for theirs together.”

After a long night filled with planning and trying to unwind, you finally collapsed onto the sofa in the Salvatore living room. Damon had gone to fetch a bottle of bourbon to “celebrate surviving another day without getting killed,” as he put it, while Elena and Stefan lingered in the kitchen, discussing the next steps in your quest for the cure. It was an oddly peaceful moment after the intensity of the evening, the quiet allowing you to sink into your thoughts.

Your phone buzzed on the cushion next to you. You glanced down to see Rebekah’s name lighting up the screen, her message popping up beneath it. “How was your little double date, darling? Are you and Damon actually being civil for once, or did he make it awkward?”

You couldn’t help but smirk at your best friend’s playful teasing. Rebekah had always been vocal about her distaste for Damon’s attitude, even more so now that you were dating him. She had been cautiously supportive of your decision, though not without her share of doubts. You quickly tapped out a response.

“It was fine, actually. Elena and Stefan were their usual cheerful selves, and Damon was…well, Damon. You know how he is.”

Rebekah’s reply came almost immediately. “So, he was brooding and acting like the world revolves around him? Sounds about right. Tell me you didn’t let him get away with that all night.”

You chuckled softly, glancing toward the kitchen to make sure no one was within earshot before typing back “I gave him plenty of sass, don’t worry. He wouldn’t get away with brooding around me. Though, to be fair, he did manage to be charming, too. In his own way.”

The pause before Rebekah’s next reply felt longer than it should have, her response more serious than before “I still can’t believe you’re doing this, Y/N. You and Damon… It just feels so…sudden. I know you’re happy, but are you really sure about him?”

Before you could reply to her text message. Elena sat with you in the cozy living room, the warm glow of the fireplace casting soft shadows around the room. She watched you with a gentle smile as you adjusted the hem of your dress, a thoughtful look on her face.

After a moment, Elena cleared her throat, and you looked up to see her eyes fixed on you, sincere and warm.

“Y/n,” she began, her voice soft yet steady, “I just wanted to say… I’m really happy that Damon found someone like you.” She leaned forward, her gaze filled with kindness. “He deserves happiness, more than most people realize. He tries to act all tough, but deep down, I think he just wants someone who understands him.”

You felt a blush rise to your cheeks at her words, feeling the familiar rush of emotions you’d come to associate with Damon. It was strange hearing Elena, of all people, talk about Damon this way. After everything between her and Damon, you weren’t sure how she would feel about you being with him. And truthfully, a small part of you had been worried that it would make things awkward. But Elena’s smile was genuine, her warmth unmistakable.

“Thank you, Elena,” you said softly, returning your smile. “I think… I think he really understands me, too. I never thought I’d feel this way about him, but… here we are.” You laughed, a bit nervously, glancing down at your hands. “I’m just glad you’re okay with it. I wouldn’t want it to make things weird between us.”

Elena’s eyes softened as she reached over and placed a hand on yours. “It won’t. I promise. Actually, I wanted to tell you that… I really want to be friends with you, Y/n. My past with Damon… well, it’s exactly that. The past. I don’t want it to come between us, or for you to feel uncomfortable.”

You felt a sense of relief wash over you. “That means a lot to me, Elena. Honestly, I was a little worried. I know how close you and Damon were.”

Elena nodded, understanding the hint of concern in your voice. “I get it. But you have nothing to worry about. I’ve seen the way Damon looks at you, and I’ve never seen him look at anyone like that. Not even me.” She let out a small laugh, almost as if she were surprised by her own words. “You bring out a side of him that I don’t think he even knew he had.”

Her words filled you with a mixture of warmth and reassurance. The fact that Elena, someone who had known Damon so well and had shared so much with him, could support your relationship with him meant more than you could put into words.

“It’s funny,” you said, a shy smile tugging at your lips, “I never would’ve thought Damon could be this… soft. But with me, he’s so different. He makes me laugh, and he listens in a way that makes me feel seen. I think… I think he really cares about me.”

Elena’s smile grew, her eyes shining with understanding. “He does, Y/n. I can see it. And to be honest, I think he’s been waiting a long time for someone like you.” She paused, her gaze turning a bit wistful as she looked towards the flickering flames in the fireplace. “Damon has his faults, sure, but I believe there’s always been this good part of him, just waiting for someone to bring it out. I just didn’t think it would be possible… until now.”

You took a deep breath, feeling a weight lift from your chest. “Thank you, Elena. I was so nervous about how you’d feel. I don’t want this to get in the way of anything, especially between you, Stefan, and Damon. You three have such a complicated history.”

Elena nodded, her expression thoughtful. “It’s true. Things between us have always been… complicated.” She let out a small sigh, a mixture of nostalgia and acceptance in her voice. “But you know, we’ve all grown. I’ve realized that sometimes people come into your life to show you parts of yourself you never knew were there. Damon did that for me, and in a way, so did Stefan.”

She looked at you, her smile tinged with sincerity. “But seeing him with you… it’s different. It’s like he’s found something he didn’t even know he was missing. And I think it’s safe to say that I want to be here for both of you, as a friend.”

You felt your heart swell with gratitude as you reached over and hugged her, feeling her arms wrap around you in a warm embrace. “Thank you, Elena. Really. I’m so lucky to have you as a friend.”

When you both pulled back, she laughed, wiping a small tear from the corner of her eye. “Oh, look at me, getting all emotional. Damon would probably roll his eyes if he knew we were having this talk.”

The both of you shared a laugh, imagining Damon’s reaction. Just then, the sound of footsteps echoed down the stairs. Damon and Stefan appeared, Damon looking slightly awkward as he adjusted his collar, glancing between the two of you with a raised eyebrow.

“What’s this? A secret meeting?” he teased, a hint of suspicion in his voice as he looked between you and Elena.

Elena grinned, giving him a mischievous look. “Nothing you need to worry about, Damon. Just girl talk.”

Stefan chuckled, slipping his arm around Elena’s shoulders. “Trust me, brother, you don’t want to know. They’re probably talking about how to keep you in line.”

Damon scoffed, though there was a playful gleam in his eyes as he gave you a smirk. “Well, good luck with that, ladies. I’m not exactly known for playing by the rules.”

You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t help the smile spreading across your face. “Trust me, I’ve noticed.”

Damon’s eyes softened as he held your gaze, a hint of something deeper flickering beneath his playful exterior. The way he looked at you in that moment sent a wave of warmth through your chest, a feeling of certainty that left you breathless.

Clearing his throat, Damon extended his arm to you. “Ready, Y/n?” His smirk softened, his voice filled with genuine excitement. “Let’s go show these two how it’s done.”

Taking his arm, you felt a surge of excitement and anticipation. You glanced back at Elena, who gave you an encouraging smile, and then at Stefan, who simply nodded, his own expression filled with quiet approval. With Damon by your side and Elena’s friendship secured, it felt like everything was finally falling into place.

As you left the house, Damon led you out onto the porch, casting a lingering glance your way. He leaned in, his voice low enough that only you could hear. “By the way, thanks for being so patient with all… this.” He gestured vaguely toward the house, as if encompassing the entire complicated history of his family and friends.

You smiled up at him, feeling the warmth of his hand in yours. “It’s worth it, Damon. Every single part of it.”

His eyes lingered on you, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. And for the first time, you felt like you were stepping into something new, with Damon at your side and Elena’s friendship by your side, a future that, despite everything, felt bright.

The bright afternoon sun filtered through the trees as Damon and Elena stood in line, waiting to buy the tickets for the movie. It was their second double date, and despite their past, Damon felt strangely comfortable with Elena at his side, like two old friends moving past all the complications. There was an ease in their silence as they stood together, both scanning the colorful posters lining the theater wall.

Elena glanced over at Damon, her expression thoughtful. “You know,” she began softly, breaking the comfortable silence, “I really am happy for you, Damon. Seeing you with Y/n… it’s nice. She’s a good match for you.”

Damon raised an eyebrow, a hint of amusement playing at his lips. “Are you really, though? Last time I checked, you were the one dealing with my so-called charm.” He shot her a teasing grin.

Elena laughed, nudging him playfully. “Believe it or not, yes, I’m happy for you. And I mean it. We’ve both been through enough, and it’s… it’s just time to let it all go. The past is behind us.”

Damon’s smile softened as he took in her words. “I couldn’t agree more, Elena. We had our time, and it shaped us. But Y/n… she’s my future. Being with her feels like a fresh start.”

Elena’s gaze turned serious, her tone softening as she continued, “That’s good, Damon. I just want you to be happy. But…” She paused, a hint of playful warning entering her voice. “If you ever hurt her, you’re going to regret it. Y/n means a lot to me, and I won’t just sit back and watch her get hurt.”

Damon chuckled, feigning innocence. “Me? Hurt her? Not even on my radar. Besides,” his expression turned earnest, “I’m not even thinking about it. I love her, Elena. For the first time, it feels real. I don’t want to mess this up.”

She studied him for a moment, as if weighing the truth in his words, before her face softened into a smile. “Good. I’ll hold you to that.”

Damon’s grin returned, and he leaned a little closer, his tone laced with mischief. “Wait a minute. Are you telling me you’re going to threaten me? The ex-girlfriend protection squad?”

Elena crossed her arms, a smug smile dancing on her lips. “Oh, definitely. Us girls have to stick together, Damon. Sorry, no hard feelings.”

Damon put a hand to his heart, feigning hurt. “Rude! Here I thought you’d be on my side. I see how it is now.”

Elena laughed, rolling her eyes. “Hey, I only said that I’m happy for you. But when it comes to Y/n, I’ve got her back. Deal with it.”

Damon let out a chuckle, shaking his head. “Well, good thing I don’t have any intentions of messing this up, or I’d be in trouble with the Elena Gilbert Mafia.”

Elena smirked, nodding. “You’d better believe it. So keep that in mind, alright?” She bumped her shoulder against his in a playful, almost sisterly way, and Damon couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of peace wash over him. It was like a bridge between their complicated past and the simple present they’d found with each other’s support.

Just then, he spotted you and Stefan emerging from the snack bar, arms loaded with popcorn and drinks. You were laughing at something Stefan said, your whole face lighting up, and Damon’s heart swelled at the sight.

Elena followed his gaze, a smile softening her features. “Come on,” she said, nudging him, “let’s go join our soulmates.”

Damon let out a laugh, throwing her a teasing look. “Oh, so now we’re officially double-dating soulmates? How romantic.”

Elena rolled her eyes, but her expression was warm. “Hey, I’m just happy I don’t have to deal with the two of you alone anymore. Now I have backup.”

Damon shot her a grin. “Fair enough. But for the record, if you need backup, I’ve got you too.”

They walked over to you and Stefan, their laughter fading as you all gathered together. Stefan handed a large tub of popcorn to Elena and turned to Damon with a knowing smirk.

“All set?” Stefan asked, glancing between you and Damon with a hint of amusement.

Damon wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close with an affectionate smile. “More than ready,” he replied, giving you a wink.

You laughed, reaching over to loop your arm around his. “Good. I can’t wait to see if this movie actually lives up to the hype.”

As the four of you entered the theater, Damon exchanged a glance with Elena, a silent understanding passing between them. The past was behind them, but it was clear that your presence in his life had brought a peace Damon hadn’t known before.

In the dim light of the theater, Damon held your hand, feeling your warmth, and knew he’d finally found his place.

In the grand dining hall of the Mikaelson estate, Klaus, Rebekah, Elijah, and Kol sat around a massive, candlelit table, deep in conversation. They’d gathered to discuss Kol’s situation with you, each sibling giving their opinion on how to help him win you back.

Klaus leaned forward, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Kol, dear brother, it’s clear you made a grave mistake choosing Davina. But all is not lost. I suggest a grand gesture, a reminder of everything you and Y/n shared.”

Rebekah rolled her eyes, though her tone was sympathetic. “Or you could try a more subtle approach, Kol. Something that shows Y/n you’ve changed, that you’re worth her time. Rushing in with theatrics will only make things worse.”

Kol frowned, clearly conflicted. “But she’s with Damon now. She’s found a place with him, with the Salvatores. How can I get her to see that I’m the one she belongs with?”

Elijah, ever calm and wise, looked at Kol thoughtfully. “Sometimes, winning someone back is less about grand gestures and more about simply being there, showing her what she meant to you. Perhaps you should try spending time around her without expectation.”

Kol’s jaw tightened, his emotions raw. He missed you deeply, and seeing you with Damon had stirred a painful jealousy. But his siblings’ support filled him with a renewed sense of determination. He nodded slowly, his mind already churning through ideas.

Meanwhile, across town in the Salvatore house, you sat beside Damon, Elena, and Stefan, the four of you huddled around a small table, absorbed in your plans. The first goal was to find the cure for vampirism, a chance for each of you to return to a human life. It was something Damon, Stefan, Elena, and you had long dreamed about, and now, it felt closer than ever.

“So, the cure,” Damon said, his voice thoughtful as he looked around at each of you. “Once we take it, there’s no going back.”

Elena reached across the table, placing her hand on his. “I know. But this is what we’ve always wanted. And… I can’t imagine a better way to live than with you.” She looked over at you and Stefan, a warm smile lighting up her face. “With all of us.”

Stefan nodded, his gaze steady. “Once we’re human again, we’ll be free of everything, the bloodlust, the compulsion, the endless need to hide who we are. And we can have lives together. Actual lives.”

You squeezed Damon’s hand, a smile spreading across your face. “And then,” you added, voice softening, “we can plan the second part of our plan, the wedding.”

Damon’s eyes sparkled as he looked at you, his grin widening. “Ah, yes, the wedding. The real prize at the end of all this.”

Stefan smirked. “And just think, double the wedding gifts.” He winked at Elena, who laughed, her face lighting up with excitement.

Elena looked around the table, her eyes bright. “This is what we’ve always wanted, isn’t it? A normal life. Something beyond all the chaos and danger. It’s finally within reach.”

Damon squeezed your hand again, his voice low but full of conviction. “And I promise, Y/n, nothing and no one is going to ruin this for us.”

As the Mikaelsons huddled over their plans, determined to bring you back into their lives, you and Elena were on a very different mission. Sitting side by side on the couch in the Salvatore living room, you both scrolled through images of beautiful wedding venues on your tablets, occasionally pointing out locations that caught your eye. The two of you were beaming with excitement, savoring every detail of planning a future you’d longed for.

“Oh, look at this one!” Elena said, leaning closer to show you a breathtaking venue nestled by a lake, surrounded by towering trees and a blanket of flowers. “Imagine a sunset ceremony here.”

You let out a small gasp, enchanted by the natural beauty of the place. “It’s perfect. And imagine the pictures, especially with that golden hour lighting!” You scrolled further, admiring the elegant yet simple decorations. “This might just be the one.”

Elena grinned, sharing in your excitement. “We’re getting so close to making this real, Y/n. I can’t believe it!”

The two of you giggled like schoolgirls, immersed in the magic of wedding planning. The idea of finally escaping the supernatural life and starting fresh together was surreal yet thrilling.

Meanwhile, across the room, Damon and Stefan sat together, laptops open, their focus entirely on engagement rings. Damon’s brows were furrowed in concentration as he scrolled through a range of rings, from classic solitaires to intricate vintage designs, determined to find the one that would capture everything he felt for you.

“What do you think of this one?” Damon asked, showing Stefan a delicate, emerald-cut diamond set in a simple platinum band.

Stefan nodded, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “That’s a good choice. Classy, elegant… very you.”

Damon shot him a mock glare. “You mean very Y/n.” He chuckled, clicking through a few more options, each one more dazzling than the last.

Stefan held up his own laptop, showing a ring he’d picked for Elena. “I think this might be the one,” he said, glancing at his brother for approval. It was a timeless piece, a round diamond set in a halo of smaller stones, with a vintage band.

Damon studied it thoughtfully. “You’re really going all out. She’ll love it.”

As the brothers continued their search, there was a shared, quiet anticipation between them. The rings represented not just a promise but the new life they were about to step into, a life that, for once, held the possibility of peace and joy.

After hours of scrolling, laughing, and debating, you and Elena had finally made your choice. You’d settled on a breathtaking lakeside venue with twinkling lights and a natural archway woven from branches and wildflowers. For the dresses, you’d chosen delicate, timeless designs with a touch of elegance, perfect for an outdoor celebration. Everything felt like a dream slowly coming together.

As you and Elena sat back, satisfied with your decisions, the boys exchanged a silent, knowing look. Damon and Stefan had found the rings, each unique and beautiful, symbols of the forever you were all stepping into together.

Damon reached over, giving your hand a gentle squeeze, his face softening as he looked at you. “Well, looks like we’re ready for the next big step,” he murmured, his voice filled with warmth and love.

Elena grinned, nudging Stefan playfully. “We did it! We’re really making this happen.”

The four of you exchanged looks filled with excitement and a touch of disbelief, savoring the quiet joy of knowing you’d soon have a life beyond the supernatural battles and betrayals.

But, miles away, in the shadows of the Mikaelson estate, another plan was falling into place. Kol Mikaelson stood in front of his siblings, a newfound determination in his gaze as he listened to their strategy. Rebekah, though supportive, was skeptical, eyeing Kol warily as he voiced his intentions.

“You’re really sure about this, Kol?” Rebekah asked, her arms crossed.

Kol smirked, a gleam in his eye, though there was a surprising gentleness in his tone. “Absolutely, Bekah. I lost her once, but I won’t make that mistake again. She’s the one.” His face softened as he thought of you, his gaze distant but filled with a quiet longing.

Klaus, ever the strategist, studied Kol with a sharp, calculating gaze. “Then go to her,” he said smoothly, a dangerous smile playing on his lips. “Make her remember why she fell for you in the first place.”

Kol took a steadying breath, his voice a murmur as if speaking directly to you, even though you were miles away, oblivious to his approach. “Here I come for you, darling.”

[grimoirey]

✨ The Clairs ✨

Main Types of Clairs

Clairvoyance

(Clear Seeing)

The ability to perceive visual information beyond the physical senses. This can include seeing images, colors, symbols, or even visions of future events.

Visualization Exercises

Sit quietly, close your eyes, and visualize objects, scenes, or colors in your mind’s eye. Practice daily with simple images and gradually move to more complex visuals to strengthen your “inner sight.” Meditation on the third eye (between the eyebrows) can also help.

Clairaudience

(Clear Hearing)

The ability to hear sounds or voices that aren’t audible to others, often experienced as inner guidance, hearing someone’s thoughts, or messages from spirits or guides.

Sound Awareness Meditation

Focus on ambient sounds around you, then shift to imagining sounds or inner voices in your mind. Practice discerning subtle sounds in your environment and try listening to soft, repetitive sounds like a ticking clock, letting them guide you inward to hear more subtle messages.

Clairsentience

(Clear Feeling)

A heightened sense of feeling, where someone can intuitively sense emotions, physical sensations, or energies of others or places. This includes physical sensations that convey information.

Body Scanning and Emotion Sensing

Practice a body scan by closing your eyes and paying attention to sensations in each body part. Then, imagine yourself in various environments and “tune in” to sense the emotions associated with each. Journaling afterward can help you interpret the emotions and sensations you pick up.

Claircognizance

(Clear Knowing)

A strong inner knowledge or “gut feeling” without any logical explanation. People with this gift receive sudden insights or knowledge about a person, place, or event.

Intuitive Journaling

Start with a question and free-write the answers that come to mind without filtering them. Over time, this practice can reveal patterns and strengthen your intuitive knowing. Meditation can also help you recognize the feeling of knowing distinct from thought.

Clairalience

(Clear Smelling)

The ability to smell scents that don’t have a physical source nearby, like smelling someone’s perfume after they've passed on or a certain aroma associated with a place or memory.

Scent Memory Practice

Smell different essential oils or spices, then close your eyes and try to recall the scent without it being present. Gradually, this can enhance your ability to “smell” or recall scents intuitively, which may help with connecting to people or memories associated with those smells.

Clairgustance

(Clear Tasting)

The ability to taste something without it being present, often linked to memories or associations that provide information about someone or something.

Taste Meditation

Focus on tasting different foods mindfully, paying attention to each layer of flavor. Then, try to “imagine” the taste of different foods without eating them, as this practice can enhance your ability to pick up tastes associated with people or memories.

Clairtangency

(Clear Touching or Psychometry)

The ability to receive information by touching an object, which can hold energy or memories of people or events connected to it.

Object Reading Practice

Hold an object that belongs to someone and tune into any feelings, images, or thoughts that arise. Let your impressions flow without judgment. Practicing with a variety of objects can help refine your ability to pick up on energies connected to them.

Other Types of Clairs

Clairempathy

(Clear Emotion)

Similar to clairsentience but focused on emotions. People with this ability feel the emotions of others deeply, often as if they were their own, and may intuitively understand others’ emotional states without verbal communication.

Emotion Meditation and Energy Shielding

Practice by focusing on your own emotions and then imagine how others may feel in certain situations. To avoid emotional overwhelm, also practice grounding and shielding by visualizing yourself surrounded by protective light.

Clairkinesthesia

(Clear Movement Awareness)

The ability to feel or sense physical movement that hasn’t occurred yet or even movement on an energetic level, such as shifts in someone’s energy field.

Body Awareness Exercises

Practice sensing subtle movements, such as the feeling of a breeze or the shift of your own muscles. You can also try gentle tai chi or qi gong movements to help you become more sensitive to the flow of energy and movement.

Clairinspiration/Claircreativity

(Clear Inspiration/Creativity)

The sense of receiving creative ideas, such as art, music, writing, or inventions, seemingly from beyond one's own conscious mind. Many artists, writers, and musicians describe a feeling of “receiving” their work from an outside source.

Open-Ended Creative Meditation

Sit quietly with an open mind, asking for inspiration or guidance on a question. Remain in a relaxed, open state, and note any ideas that “pop up.” Regular meditation or creative flow exercises, such as drawing without a plan, can encourage inspiration.

Clairpresence

(Clear Presence Awareness)

The ability to sense the presence of a spirit, entity, or energy without necessarily seeing or hearing it. People often describe this as the feeling of “not being alone” or of a particular being nearby.

Awareness Meditation for Presence Sensing

Practice meditating in silence, attuning to the feeling of your environment. Occasionally pause to sense if there is a “shift” in the atmosphere, such as a feeling of warmth or cold. This helps you discern subtle presences.

Claircosmology

(Clear Universal Knowledge)

This refers to a sense of connection with universal or cosmic knowledge, as if receiving insights about humanity, existence, or spiritual truths. It’s often described as a sudden deep understanding of complex, spiritual, or existential concepts.

Contemplative Meditation

Spend time in contemplation of big questions about life, the universe, or spiritual concepts. Keep an open mind and let insights come naturally. Journaling after meditation can help you capture sudden insights or “downloads” related to universal knowledge.

[thoughtfulchaos773]

A show about Self-hatred, Love, & Connection

TW: Self-hatred, Suicide also Sydcarmy warning for the antis

Carmy's self-hatred is a big part of his character and it's his biggest hurdle in getting past his trauma. His self-loathing becomes apparent in the first season, particularly in the episode "Hands," where he tolerates verbal abuse. This inner critic is rooted in familial and complex trauma, existing long before his experiences in NYC.

The Familial Pattern

Those experiencing self-hatred may or may not, be in a situation that requires them to be in contact with someone from their painful past, causing distress and a tendency to withdraw to avoid experiencing painful memories and emotions...

Jodi Clarke, MA, LPC/MHSP

The Berzatto family has a history of self-loathing, with Donna's mental barriers and emotional and verbal abuse, not just from her but from extended family members, who made an impression on the Berzatto siblings.

The episode Fishes dives into Donna's inner critic that's similar to Carmy's, she says no one would care or miss her, we see the reasoning for self-hatred from the berating of Carmy, to Uncle Lee vehemently telling Mikey he's nothing, to the unforgiving nickname for Natalie, such abuse and extreme criticism is to the point that it becomes ingrained in their thoughts.

Mikey unfortunately succumbs to the pattern, but Natalie breaks the curse by attending Al-Anon meetings and loving those who instills confidence in her.

Her own actions in seeking comfort lessen the impact of Donna's self-loathing influences, as she asks for an embrace from Steven. I believe that this moment shows us how connection can help calm down our extreme inner critic.

Also Natalie's connection with Pete helps her own self compassion and feeling deserving of the good things in life. Pete tells her how great the restaurant is. He easily gives compliments to Carmy. This treatment is foreign to the Berzattos but is embraced by Natalie as she breaks the cycle.

Connecting to those who make you feel good is also foreigner to Carmy, he struggles with Pete's compliments and receiving it, he pushes those away from fear of the unknown territory of feeling good.

Feeling undeserving is one of the reasons he avoids emotional intimacy with Claire. Not only does she remind him of a past filled with ridicule from Richie and Mikey but he can't understand why someone could love him. If he could open up and allow intimacy, he would be on the path towards acceptance.

Solace in Sydney

Theres one significant moment of self-acceptance and that happens in 2x09. Carmy's character growth is clear as he chooses to listen to Sydney's words and affirmation instead of ignoring them.

I want to note that it frustrates me when people comment that Sydney's voice only contributed to Carm's work-life when his self-hatred shows up in his personal life.

From "Let It Rip" to "You Were the Most Excellent CDC," we take a look in Carmy's potential to overcome anxiety and self-loathing. The difference between "Let It Rip" is that Sydney's voice and his bond with her and it gives Carmy moments of feeling good about himself like Natalie feels with Pete. That moment of acceptance is a big step in his relationship with himself and Sydney's love for him serves as one of the remedies for his self-hatred.

I want to emphasize that Sydney can't fix Carmy, but her company, talents, and aspirations help him feel good and encourage self-compassion and confidence. Sometimes, loving someone helps you fall in love with yourself more, as long as this person also supports you in the same way.

To beat loneliness and self-loathing, Carmy needs to open his heart and contribute to filling his own cup, then he could receive love when someone pours into him.

But it's funny because he's already doing this with Sydney. He allows her love to wash over him, and even through mistakes, he tries to believe in her the way she believes in him.

Carmy will experience true love for himself and others when he moves forward and strives toward a genuine connection (forgiveness, compassion, etc.). When Carmy receives that love, he will finally feel deserving of something good happening in his life.

[writers-potion]

Writing Introverted Characters

If you're creating an introverted character and you're not familiar with the complexities of this trait, take the time to learn about it. - Claire Alexander

Why You Should Write Introverted Characters

Since stories are about action, it is easier to write a page-turner about action-oriented people. It can be difficult to write introverted characters - so why should you do it?

First of all, all the introverts of this world would be able to relate!

Introverted characters offer depth of character and are case studies for inner struggles.

Think of Jane Eyre, Mr. Darcy, Edward Cullen - well written introverts can turn shallow angst into desperate yearning that will have your readers swooning by Chapter Two.

Introverted characters' minds can be a thrilling minefield, feeling their emotions and thought so deeply that the reader gets chills just by seeing the world through their POV.

Make It a Strength, Not a Weakness

Introverted characters may not dazzle others or have lots of friends, but it also means they can be more compassionate, intelligent and sensitive.

Take Mr. Darcy for example - the twist that comes from him being thought of as an arrogant, aloof character to being the kindest, considerate man gives the romance in Pride and Prejudice so much more angst and satisfaction when everything works out.

Don't Succumb to Stereotypes

Introverts are quiet and needs alone time to recharge their social energy, not just shy/rude/has a general dislike for humanity.

They're watching body language, tone of voice, and reactions of others, cataloging them and tucking them away for future use.

If they have valuable things to say, they will keep their thoughts (for now), then join the conversation with more confidence if they feel convicted about a topic.

Your introvert can love spending time with their friends. They can prefer socializing one-to-one or in small groups.

Give Them a Retreat, Not a Cave

Introverts need a special place where they can find sanctuary from the overwhelming.

They need an escape to recharge and get through their day, not isolate themselves from the world on weeks on end. If your character does this, he is not just introverted, he may as well be severely depressed.

Give Them Motivation

Being introverted does NOT equal to being lazy or demotivated.

Introverted characters actively explore their inner worlds and may even be more motivated than others to find order and logic in their life.

As Jane Eyre tells us: "I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself." She is a passionate and strong-willed character because of this, giving the novel action and tension.

Let Them Be Awkward, Not Rude

Introverted characters won't know how to act natural around new people and fail to react when someone cracks a joke.

Let your introverted character feel claustrophobic in social gatherings and react negatively to small talk.

HOWEVER, not knowing what to say does not equal to cutting everyone's lines and frowning throughout a cheerful conversation. In fact, introverts would try extra hard to "fit in", laughing when others do (even though they don't get it) and dying inside about how awkward they sound, even to themselves.

Show The Chaos of Their Mind

Introverted thinkers in particular would overthink and spend vast amounts of time organizing and brainstorming thoughts.

They jump from thought to thought and latch on little things they notice in everyday life to imagine a host of loosely related things.

Does your introvert have a close friend they trust? Let them rant about their internal conversation to the other person (with whom they feel comfortable).

Research!! + other tips

Let them express themselves creatively through various hobbies: journaling, dry painting their bedroom, coloring books, or painting. Plaster their mirrors with sticky notes, make them knit, glass blow or garden their backyard.

Pay attention to their learning style. Many introverts learn best through reading, while being good listeners. They'll research about their interest through online sources, horded magazines, or at the local bookstore/coffee shop. Make them an expert in their field.

Show how they are underestimated. Because they keep to themselves, they are often underestimated. As an introvert myself, introverts are often underestimated in personal relationships (like friends or family) rather than professionally (although this is credible too) because they aren't particularly funny or outwardly supportive. But introverts can be emotionally supportive - they will be missed.

Not all introverts project each of these traits. Introverted Thinkers (Katniss) approach problems from a much differnt perspective than Introverted Feelers (Edward).

Make them sarcastic, cynical and argumentive. I love writing abotu introverts with a sharp tongue, especially when they're talking about a subject they know a lot about. They may also have a sharp tongue as a defense mechanism.

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If you like my blog, buy me a coffee☕ and find me on instagram! 📸

References:

https://www.blueridgeconference.com/ten-tips-for-writing-introverted-characters/

https://susancain.net/writing-introverted-character-hard-must-anyway/

[skywxikers]

since i made a list about things i didn’t like about s4, here’s some things that i did:

- klaus and claire interacting, i love them

- gene and jean’s characters as a whole. they’re a phd couple who run a cult and kill people on the side for funsies. also their dominant/recessive joke was funny idc

- everyone started sort of opposite of how they were in s1. allison is an actor but less famous because she didn’t rumor her way there. klaus is scared of his own mortality. luther is happy to have his old body and becomes a “dancer”. you get the idea

- reggie is different from the original one, so we see some growth, but also he’s somewhat the same. he’s a complex character who was really only motivated by his love for abigail, although he went about it the wrong way

- viktor got closure with reggie

- i like how abigail is her own character with different views from reggie and isn’t afraid to take action on her own or put him in his place

- that cool thing diego did with the bullets

- imo it was refreshing to see everyone struggle somewhat with their powers when they got them back. i feel like in many cases that side isn’t portrayed much

- ben and jennifer’s relationship, i really wish they got more screentime

- viktor’s arc where he had so much hope to save ben and did his best to help

- diego and luther spending time together at the cia and their fight scene

- luther being so positive despite losing sloane, also the family pic he took of everyone is so cute

- all the fives in the deli, they’re so silly

- minor comic references, like the umbrellas saving the eiffel tower and klaus floating

- the concept of the subway itself

- the idea (not execution) of the ending where they sacrifice themselves

- the few interactions diego and lila had with their kids

- five and lila hug, ignoring their romantic undertones

tag: @itsmeyubin

[pogueit]

C.B: 1 New Voicemail

Paring: Carmy Berzatto x Reader

Summary: You decided to leave the fresh coast to pursue your art in NYC. However, you fail to mention it your best friend… Carmy Berzatto.

Warnings: some anxiety symptoms?? If there’s anything else let me know!!

WC: 2.3k

A/N: Yay!! I’m writing again!! Albeit veryyyyy slowly but I’m currently working on stuff for the other characters from The Bear and Criminal Minds!! Also, there was a semi prequel to this (its to do with Family and Friends night) but I scrapped it (not entirely) but if you guys want that let me know!!

📞☎️📞☎️📞☎️📞☎️📞☎️📞☎️📞☎️📞☎️

He couldn’t sleep. He��s finally got everything he has ever wanted and he still couldn’t sleep. His phone hums lightly against the hard wood of the night stand and his hand instinctively reaches for it. The warm tone radiating off the screen helped his eyes adjust to the sudden light almost immediately. However, it took a second for his brain to process the words on the screen.

Y/N Missed Call

1 New Voicemail

His face instantly morphs into confusion. You never left voicemails. You always just kept calling and calling until he picked up, which always drove him nuts, however, now seeing the voicemail notification on his phone only unsettles him. Carmen sat up from his supine position, carefully so as to not wake the peacefully sleeping Claire. He swings his legs off the mattress and props himself up by placing his elbows on his knees with his head hanging low, peering at the screen. He debates whether or not to listen to the recording or wait until morning, which he would admit was stupid to consider as even he knows deep down he can never stall anything involving you. His thumb was quick to click on the notification before he could consider anything else. “C-Bass!” The sheer volume of your voice made him wince and rush to turn it down. A comforting warmth spread throughout his chest hearing the stupid nickname you gave him in middle school. “I’m assuming that you’re listening to this in the morning, but with your shit sleeping habits I know you’re listening to this right now. I just wanted to say that I’m leaving for New York—“ Carmy’s relaxed body immediately became rigid and he began searching for his shoes in the dark. There’s so many things he wants to tell you and to finally get off his chest, but you continue.“Like I’m at the airport right now—“ He halts his movements “So don’t try to run over here” you let out a breathy laugh and he can feel his heart seize up at the sound that never ceases to amaze him. You’ve had that effect on him since you’ve become friends but he has become unbearably aware of it in recent days. “I, uh, just wanted to start by saying that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but it’s just been so hard— and now with the restaurant it felt even worse—“ You had to take a second to breathe and regain your composure and he wanted to do nothing more than to ease you through it and calm you down. “It— I got an offer from MoMA— Well, I submitted some pieces to them and Robbie vouched for me, but I got the offer last week.” you didn’t sound as proud as you should be, but that didn’t matter. Carmy was ready to take over for you and he gladly let the emotion rattle through him. He didn’t understand much of the complexities that go into your art just like you don’t understand the complexities of the culinary world, but that never stopped him from being proud of you even if it wasn’t something monumental. No one has been as proud of you as Carmy has and he will gladly continue to hold that title. “They need me over there for the installation and other artsy fartsy things, that I won’t bore you with.” You laugh, but it wasn’t as genuine as he hoped it would be and you let out a sigh.

He’s getting antsy. Carmy couldn’t stop his left leg from subconsciously bouncing, so he opts to stand up instead. Your voice continues as he quietly makes his way to the living room and takes a seat on the couch. “I just need to get out of here, C, and this was my chance like I finally have a reason to leave— maybe semi-permanently.” All your explicit and unexplicit reasons were always good enough to Carmen and he’s surprised you even stayed here this long. There was a piece inside of him that wished you agreed to go to New York with him and maybe things would have played out differently. He feels like a righteous asshole just thinking about it with Claire sleeping soundly in the next room. You draw in another breath, clearly dwelling on certain emotions that you’re uncertain of baring to him, which pains him that you even had to think about telling him anything. “I told my ma and pa and all them about me leaving and they took it well, actually, maybe too well— This is stupid, but— I stayed for them and they just wanted me gone. Everything I did and everything I sacrificed is dust. I don’t know, man, maybe I was looking or, uh, hoping for a different reaction, I don’t know.” You let out a deep sigh and he can picture you slumped down on one of those awful O’Hare lounge chairs with your spare hand rubbing the long day away from your face. “I should’ve kept calling you so I could hear your voice. You always make everything better, Carmen. I hate that I couldn’t tell you—“ Your voice was barely above a whisper like it was meant only for yourself. Your name is heavy on his tongue and he can feel his right hand twitched slightly as if to reach out to you. As if you weren’t solely an image in his head and the closest you’ll ever be to him in months. He stands up again to pace around the living room so he could have something else to focus on. “But— I just knew that if I did I wouldn’t be at the airport right now. You make me do crazy things Berzatto…” Your voice trails off slightly at the end and he knows you’re listening to the voice that’s coming from the overhead speakers, but he swears the phone grows cold without your cheek pressed against it. “Anyways—“ You regain your composure and continue with the warmth returned to the cellular device, “Bizarre-o tangent over, the Bear is going to be great and everyone is going to love it. You have nothing to worry about and you have an amazing thing going with Claire and I just want to let you know how proud I am of you and everyone who made this crazy ass thing work! God, this is nuts but— Alright, alright, I actually have to get going or the stewards are going to have my head on a pike, see ya soon you crazy bastard”.

The line went dead and the warmth that you graciously provided was gone as the metallic cool of the robotic voice took over. He finally sits down again and lets himself become shrouded in unpleasant darkness. The whirlwind of emotions that plagued him earlier were now absent which made him feel somehow worse. Nothing to keep him company except the gloating sun, who is attempting to make its appearance just beyond the horizon. As he watches the amber light pool into the room, there is an onslaught feeling of a fifty pound weight tucked into his stomach.

Carmen feels sick.

The heaviness in abdomen is awash with acid and he feels like he is going to vomit, yet he can’t do anything but sit there with itchy hands. The bile at the base of his throat finally flips a switch in his brain. The last fibers of control dissipate as memories swiftly flood his senses. They crash and collide. Violently dissolving like sea foam on sand only for them to recede into waves and surge forward again and again. It’s a blurry mess, but his hands find it easy to call you. It’s all he needs to reach his calm. He needs it just as much as you need him. The initial ring echoes through his head and the pause lasts for an eternity. His face is running hot and he’s thinking too much. It’s something he already knows, but once he starts it’s hard for him to stop. All the different possible scenarios are playing rapidly in his brain and he can’t keep up. The phone buzzes again, still trying to connect him to you. His hand is swimming through his hair impatiently as he starts pacing the living room for the uptenth time. The phone hums steadily another time. All of his emotions are caught in his throat and his stomach is in a perpetual knot. His breathing is shallow leaving his lungs aching for more and it’s almost as if there was no more air left in the atmosphere.

Then it clicks.

“Hello, sunshine” Relief crashes over him eagerly when the sound of your voice reaches his ears. He can tell that you're smiling and he can even see it briefly when he closes his eyes. Carmy is finally able to stop pacing and takes a second to sit down on the cool tiles of the kitchen floor.

“C-bass” You elongate the notes in a singsong way to reel him in. Your voice sounds off. It was hard for him to pinpoint at first but now it was easy to hear it was the nerves eating you up. “Yeah, yeah, I’m here” he sighs, the heel of his hand rubbing his left eye, “I, uh, thought you weren’t going to pick up.” He can feel the exhaustion settling in as he slouches against a cabinet. You fight with your carry-on as you move through the quiet terminal. It’s a maze of sleeping bodies and you try your best not to wake them. Once you reach your designated gate and find a semi-secluded spot, you continue ”Sorry about that, they changed the gate and delayed the damn thing.”

”I’m glad” Carmy mumbles without a second thought as he reveles in your long distance presence. ”You’re glad I’m stuck here?” You try to act all serious but he can hear the lightness in your voice and he can’t help but crack a smile. ”No, no, it’s just— uh, I’m glad that I can hear your voice” the cadence in his words forces you to bite down on your bottom lip to stop the stupid grin from spreading. It’s the Carmy effect. Idiotic smiles are plenty when the two of you are together.

”Fuck, me too” Your voice contradicts the violent affection that rattles your insides. It’s shy, almost as if you were embarrassed to admit it. There was a beat of silence, but Carmy beat you to speaking first. ”So, uh, how long is your plane delayed?” His now steady hand ghosts over the grooves in the tile. You were still battling the nerves from earlier, but thought it was an opportune time to actually apologize to Carmy ”Only like an hour. It took me over half of that to walk to the other side of the airport— Hey, listen, I just— I wanted to tell you I’m sorry—“

”No, no, I get it. I would have done the same—“ Carmy waves you off as if you could see him. ”I still feel bad“ you groan and lean your head into your hand in an almost facepalm fashion. You hate that you feel bad but you always do and you always will. It’s unavoidable. “Don’t, I didn’t when I left” he shakes his head to get rid of the memory of that day. He was trying to hold on to this tranquility the best he could and not derail again. ”Really?” You pause for a moment before asking, “Did you miss me?” Your subconscious emotions getting the better of you. ”Fuck, yeah like a lot. I wish you didn’t ditch me.” He was sincere like always and you can feel the guilt boiling in your stomach, ”Me too”.

“I think—,” Carmy pinches the bridge of his nose in thought, “Wait, uh, I know that it would’ve been better with you there”, he sighs and lets his hand fall back into his lap. ”Fuck, Carm, I miss you so much already and I haven’t even left the city yet” you try to make yourself laugh to get away from the regret that soared through your body, but you couldn’t. “I’ll come up there as soon as I can and help you unpack—“

” And, I’ll give you an apartment tour and show you my art displayed all fancy at the museum” You were already getting giddy at the prospect of the two of you being reunited. “I would love that, actually”, Carmy smiles into the phone as he imagines taking you on a personal tour of NYC.

”Great, because you still owe me a hot dog”

“You still won’t let that go, huh?”

“It was like the most perfect hot dog and you made me drop it, asshole!”

“Sorry, sorry, okay?” he laughs along with you, “I’ll get you another one. There’s this place in Hell’s Kitchen—“

”Fuck, Carm can you give me a sec?” You hate to interrupt him especially when he was in the middle of his excited prospect, but the airport attendants were making announcements and soon enough they will be calling up groups. You struggle to hear the muffled voice over the speaker and Carmy can hear you shuffle around to get a closer listen. After a few moments, you are able to piece together that the plane is on schedule and that Group A has been called to front.

“Fuck, sorry, Carm, I gotta go”

”No, I get it. Call me when you get to your new place”

”No, yeah, I will and Carmen—“ you interrupt yourself and flounder for a second. The words are heavy on your tongue. “I love you” the words roll off your tongue differently this time. They’ve always carried a hearty weight to them, but this time it felt like a confession. It sears his soul unlike anything he has ever felt before and you pay no mind to the flames raging in your ribcage.

“I love you too” it falls from his lips automatically without hesitation. He swears that his words are tinged with something else. The edges of the words flickering for something more. It holds a familiarity but he can't quite grasp it in the moment. “Carmen, get some sleep ok?” and your line goes dead.

Fuck.

[youremyheaven]

The Curse of Limitless Expansion: Jupiter's Shadow

I have covered the "negative" manifestations or the shadow side (as I prefer to call it) of different planetary influences, such as Venus, Moon, Rahu & Ketu and whilst I have explored Jupiter's different manifestations before, I thought it is time to do a more in-depth analysis of Jupiter's shadow.

Being the largest planet in our solar system, Jupiter is expansive and its natives are internally spacious and vast. I had observed previously that Jupiter is similar to Rahu in terms of its spaciousness (Claire had also observed the similarities between Punarvasu & Swati) but the difference is that Rahu is truly limitless in its expansive ability as it quite literally does not have physical form (Rahu refers to the north node of the Moon) Jupiter may be vast but it does have limits, it's bound by its massive capacity but since it does have a physical form, that means it also has limitations, it has a tipping point. This is why Jupiterean natives suffer or have the ability to realize they have "gone too far". Rahuvians have a "point of no return" mentality, they think they've gone too far but have to keep going since it no longer makes sense to return now.

Some people believe that since Jupiter is the planet of luck, abundance, growth and healing (or generally perceived as a "positive" planet) it somehow does not have a "dark side". This is untrue. Jupiter's darkness is just as terrifying as that of any other planet. The bigger the planet, the bigger the shadow.

Jupiter's shadow manifests as a god complex, messiah complex and megalomania, most commonly seen in men.

Men and women channel their nakshatras and planetary influence differently. Men tend to externalise their problems and women tend to internalise theirs. Men tend to inflict destruction upon others and women tend to self-destruct (@lasirenesensible tysm for pointing this out to me, it's a very valuable insight).

The scope of this post includes a few women but I'll discuss how Jupiter's shadow manifests in women on a separate post in the future.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that a planet known as the "Guru" or teacher is prone to making a lot of people under its influence proclaim themselves as Messiahs or divine teachers, many famous pseudo-spiritual "gurus" have Jupiter ruled naks in their big 3. They are merely charlatans with a Messiah complex driven by their ego to expand beyond reach. This is a toxic trait of Jupiter natives.

Ryuho Okawa- Punarvasu Sun, Purvabhadrapada Mars atmakaraka

He was a Japanese religious and political leader who was the CEO and founder of the Happy Science and the Happiness Realization Party. His organization has been widely criticised as a cult. Adherents of the religion worship Okawa, who claimed to be the current incarnation of a god called “El Cantare" and a number of other beings, including Hermes and Gautama Buddha.

L Ron Hubbard, Purvabhadrapada Sun conjunct Mercury and Jupiter conjunct Ketu in Vishaka (he also had Magha Moon)

He is the founder of Scientology lmao and basically co-opted a lot of eastern oriental thought mixed it with his malignant narcissism and created a religion based on spiritual hogwash. One of its most famous recruits is Tom Cruise, Punarvasu Moon

Jim Jones- Punarvasu Sun & Mercury (he was also Shatabhisha Moon)

He is known for being the (cult) leader of the Peoples Temple religious group and for the Jonestown Massacre, when he led the mass murder-suicide of more than 900 members of the group at their commune in Jonestown, Guyana, on November 18, 1978.

fun fact: Suga from BTS (Purvabhadrapada Sun conjunct Mercury) sampled a bit from a sermon given by Jim Jones for the track "what do you think" from his mixtape D-2, he removed it following the controversy

"… though you are dead, yet you shall live, and he that liveth and believeth shall never die."— Jim Jones

I feel like it is way too specific and niche for him to not have intended to put it there or have known who Jim Jones was lol but I digress

But on that note, this whole self-belief thing (as we see from Jim Jones' quote) also seems to be tied to Jupiter's nature. These natives have insane self belief.

Will Smith, Vishaka Moon is kind of an early proponent of manifestation. He's been talking about it since the early 90s.

Jim Carrey, Vishaka Rising is another celebrity who has been talking about manifestation since the 90s.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Punarvasu Rising (and stellium)

He has talked about the power of the mind and visualisation A LOT. The key to achieving anything in life is to believe you can do it but many experiences (including trauma, self doubt etc) makes it hard for many people to persist in their belief, they hold themselves back. Jupiter's strength lies in its ability to be so vast and bold in its belief, their spaciousness means no matter what they've been through, they just know there's a way through, that they will make it out. This is their inherent nature.

Nikola Tesla, Punarvasu Sun developed the 3 6 9 method of manifestation (as @brundlefly3333 pointed out)

Kanye West, Purvabhadrapada Moon is another celebrity who has spoken about the Law, the power of self-belief etc etc a LOT.

It goes to show how easy it is for self-belief to turn into delusions of grandeur and make someone a narcissist. It is truly dangerous because Jupiter's influence on the masses is immense so whatever a Jupiter native may proclaim, they have the ability to affect many people through it. Some of the men I mentioned above convinced others that they were God and even made them kill themselves for it. This is a scary, dangerous manifestation of Jupiter's "guru" nature wielding vast influence on others and being absolutely convinced of one's righteousness

anywayssss

Mussolini- Vishaka Rising, Jupiter in Punarvasu amatyakaraka (he was also a Rohini Moon and Pushya Sun👀)

Benito Mussolini is like the OG dictator. He created fascism, a movement that would plunge most of Europe into darkness. From undermining judges to indoctrinating children, he pioneered key tactics that other dictators would use to seize power.

I specify Nodal influence in these individuals because I think the limitlessness and expansiveness of Nodal influence wrecks havoc to the already expansive nature of Jupiter and makes these natives more reckless.

I also specify Moon influence because as I already discussed in my posts, Moon influence can easily morph into cruelty and corruption and I think Moon & Jupiter together can be a dangerous combo if the native is imbalanced.

If you take anything away from these posts it would be that literally anybody with any placement/nak/planet is capable of being truly evil. There is no specific nak/planet that is a "guarantee" against evil. It truly comes down to the individual to choose how they want to live (I believe in free will and I do not condone in using astrology in a fatalistic way at all).

Ferdinand Marcos- Punarvasu Moon (he also has Ardra ascendant conjunct Ketu and a lot of Moon influence)

Ferdinand Marcos developed a cult of personality as a way of remaining President of the Philippines for 20 years, in a way that political scientists have compared to other authoritarian and totalitarian leaders such as Joseph Stalin and Adolf Hitler, but also to more contemporary dictators such as Suharto in Indonesia, Saddam Hussein in Iraq, and the Kim dynasty of North Korea.

The propaganda techniques used, either by himself or by others, to mythologize Ferdinand Marcos, began with local political machinations in Ilocos Norte while Ferdinand was still the young son of politician and Japanese collaborator Mariano Marcos, and persist today in the efforts to revise the way Marcos is portrayed in Philippine history. According to members of his administration, such as Adrian Cristobal, Marcos's intent was to project an image of himself "the only patron, the king" of Philippine society, which he still saw as a society of tribes." Cristobal furthers that "Marcos and the First Lady wanted more than anything else [...] to be king and queen. They wished to shape the kingdom in their own image; [...] Marcos wanted to be able to say, 'L'État, c'est moi.'" ("the state, that is me") In some extreme cases where Marcos encouraged the formation of cults so that they could serve as a political weapon, Marcos came to be thought of as a God.

Sun Myung Moon- Mercury conjunct Rising in Purvabhadrapada (he also has Shatabhisha Sun)

He was the founder and leader of the Unification Church established in Seoul, South Korea, who considered himself the Second Coming of Christ, but not Jesus himself. It is generally believed by Unification Church members ("Moonies") that he was the Messiah and the Second Coming of Christ and was anointed to fulfil Jesus' unfinished mission.

The thing about all these men claiming to be God/Messiahs is that there were people who believed them and followed them blindly and uncritically. Anybody can claim these things but not everybody can acquire power and influence and lead people this way. This is another aspect of Jupiter (not to repeat myself again and again but yeah it's the whole "Guru" thing, people look at you as a figure of knowledge and wisdom, and these people project natural leadership qualities).

You can't just be crazy or narcissistic enough to believe these things, you also have to be strategic enough to amass a following. To be a leader and a guru requires a certain commitment and discipline. These are all Jupiterean qualities (that are used for malicious purposes here).

Augusto Pinochet- Punarvasu Moon conjunct Saturn, Mercury in Vishaka atmakaraka, Jupiter in Purva bhadrapada amatyakaraka

He was a dictator who ruled Chile and claimed he was a visionary who was "guided by the mysterious hand of God". He had a cult of personality surrounding him

After his rise to power, Pinochet persecuted leftists, socialists, and political critics, resulting in the executions of 1,200 to 3,200 people, the internment of as many as 80,000 people, and the torture of tens of thousands. According to the Chilean government, the number of executions and forced disappearances was at least 3,095. Operation Condor, a U.S.-supported terror operation focusing on South America, was founded at the behest of the Pinochet regime in late November 1975, his 60th birthday.

Jupiter's expansive nature manifests as greed when an individual is imbalanced or spiritually stunted. This drives a need to acquire massive wealth or spread their influence/reign/territories. If the individual is spiritually evolved, their focus will be to balance the spaciousness within and not project it outward in continuous expansion.

Hafez el Assad- Mars in Punarvasu atmakaraka, Jupiter in Punarvasu amatyakaraka and Venus in Vishaka (he also had Hasta Sun)

Syria's Hafez al-Assad, a Ba'athist officer who seized power through a coup d'état in 1970, established a pervasive cult of personality to maintain his dictatorship. As soon as he took over power, Ba'ath party loyalists designated him as "Al-Abad"; an Arabic terminology with deep religious dimensions. Linguistically, ''Al-Abad'' means "forever, infinite and immortality" and religious clerics use this term in relation to Divine Attributes. By designating Assad as "Al-Abad", Syrian Ba'ath Movement ideologically elevated Hafez al-Assad as its "Immortal", "god-like figure" who is supposed to represent the state as well as the Syrian nation itself. Another meaning of Al-Abad is "permanent", which is used in state propaganda to denote the perpetual status quo of an "eternal political order" created by Hafez al-Assad, who continues to live in Assadist ideology. The term's verbal form "Abada" means "to commit genocide" including the "symbolical; performative side of violence". This dimension has been weaponized by the Assad regime to monopolize violence against alleged dissidents and justify state terrorism, including genocidal acts of mass murder like the Hama Massacre, Qamishli Massacre and other massacres of the Syrian civil war.

Jayalalithaa- Punarvasu Rising (Shatabhisha Sun & Magha Moon)

She was the Chief Minister of the state of Tamil Nadu in India and was an actor turned politician who had a cult following (they called her "Amma" or "mother" which I think is interesting that she was this mother figure/matriarch because of Punarvasu's deity Aditi being the Cosmic mother). She was a corrupt politician but the masses largely overlooked this and she was known for being a bit of a tyrannical figure who expected absolute loyalty from her party members who often publicly prostrated before her (not kidding).

Not as brutal as some of the other people on this list but her personality cult and influence over her following is crazyyy (I'm Indian so I'd know) and when she died in 2016, her state observed a 7 day mourning period.

Mata Amritanandamayi Devi- Vishaka Rising (she also has Hasta Sun👀)

She's an Indian spiritual guru known as the "hugging saint", she's still alive and has millions of followers and there hasn't yet been a proper expose but her cult has been controversial for ages especially after it started recruiting spiritually confused white people into its mix. A lot of it is unexplained, she's most definitely a millionaire at this point and we have no idea what actually goes on behind closed doors. Many of the alleged miracles that she has performed have been debunked on many occasions. To think that she has football stadiums full of people who worship her and think she's the divine incarnate is sooo crazy

Ram Dass- Punarvasu Rising

He helped popularize yoga and Eastern spirituality in the West. I don't think he's cruel or shady, just a regular white guy who had a spiritual awakening in India and co-opted thousands of years of Vedic wisdom and teachings to "introduce" it to the West. But his influence is unmatched to say the least, he spearheaded a whole movement and made eastern spirituality mainstream in the west. This is a manifestation of Jupiter's boundless nature.

Oppenheimer- Punarvasu Moon

the man who developed the first ever nuclear weapons was a Punarvasu lol

he truly believed that he was doing the "right thing" because (you already know all this if you watched the movie) Germany was bound to develop these weapons and cause mass destruction and Oppenheimer thought he was on the right side of history by making these weapons for America and by extension for the Allies

"After Germany's surrender in 1945, some scientists questioned the bomb's relevance. Oppenheimer believed it would end the ongoing Pacific War and save Allied lives. The Trinity test is successful, and President Harry S. Truman orders the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, resulting in Japan's surrender. Though publicly praised, Oppenheimer is guilt-ridden and haunted by the destruction and mass fatalities. After Oppenheimer expresses his guilt to Truman, the president berates him and dismisses his plea to cease further atomic development." (this is an excerpt from the movie's wiki lol)

it just goes to show how self-belief isn't a good thing on its own because you can make yourself believe anything. I guess Oppenheimer's guilt has to count for something ??? Idk how many people mentioned on this list felt guilt because of the destruction they caused, Oppenheimer had a conscience et.al

Elon Musk, Punarvasu Rising

He is the richest man in the world and is on a quest to own everything he can and colonize Mars, need I say more? Idk if this is a strange manifestation of Punarvasu's deity Aditi being the Cosmic Mother (either that or the man has a breeding kink) but this guy procreates at the speed of light (he has 6 kids right now with 3 different women I believe)

Tommy Mottola- Punarvasu Sun (Swati Moon)

the asshole who trapped Mariah Carey (Punarvasu Moon) in a hellish controlling marriage for 8 years. He was the CEO of Sony Music in the 90s and was known for being a megalomaniac (look up his feud with Michael Jackson) he has ruined the careers of many and is known in the music industry for being a really scary controlling maniac

Anders Behring Breivik- Punarvasu Rising

He blew up a bomb in the centre of Oslo. Meanwhile went to an island where a political youth gathering was taking place. Dressed up as a cop he would kill 69 people on the island of Utøya, and call out to teenagers hiding saying it was safe to come out, those who believed him and came out were shot.

Alfred Hitchcock- Vishaka Moon (also Shatabhisha Rising with a lot of Moon influence in his chart)

He basically stalked some actresses and tried to control their lives; told them what they could/couldn’t eat, and where they could/couldn’t go. He sent Tippi Hedren inappropriate Valentine's letters. She claims he threw himself atop her in a hotel room and kissed her — and in her biography accused him of sexual assault. Yet another Jupiterean megalomaniac.

Al Capone- Purvabhadrapada Rising

 He joined the Five Points Gang as a teenager and became a bouncer in organized crime premises such as brothels. In his early twenties, Capone moved to Chicago and became a bodyguard and trusted factotum for Johnny Torrio, head of a criminal syndicate that illegally supplied alcohol—the forerunner of the Outfit—and was politically protected through the Unione Siciliana. A conflict with the North Side Gang was instrumental in Capone's rise and fall. Torrio went into retirement after North Side gunmen almost killed him, handing control to Capone. Capone expanded the bootlegging business through increasingly violent means, but his mutually profitable relationships with Mayor William Hale Thompson and the Chicago Police Department meant he seemed safe from law enforcement.

Capone apparently revelled in attention, such as the cheers from spectators when he appeared at baseball games. He made donations to various charities and was viewed by many as a "modern-day Robin Hood". However, the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre, in which seven gang rivals were murdered in broad daylight, damaged the public image of Chicago and Capone, leading influential citizens to demand government action and newspapers to dub Capone "Public Enemy No. 1".

Robert DeNiro played Al Capone in The Untouchables (1987)

Idk whats the link between PBP and the mafia but Scorsese (PBP Moon) has made manyyy mafia themed movies and Robert DeNiro (PBP Moon) has starred as a mob boss on multiple occasions.

Having Jupiter influence really is like having unwielded power and if a native isn't mature enough to channel it appropriately then they can easily lose themselves to malignant narcissism, god complex and megalomania.

It requires a great deal of wisdom to wield this ability wisely and for the greater good

Jupiter influence is very prominent in the charts of royalty, another group prone to megalomania and god complexes lol. Jupiter bestows its natives with power, status and affluence but one must wield it carefully.

Punarvasu is widely accepted as the most auspicious of Jupiter-ruled naks (due to its themes and its deity) whereas Vishaka and Purvabhadrapada are both harsher manifestations of Jupiterean energy but even the most "gentle" of Jupiterean naks still came up in the charts of some of the horrible people I mention in this post. Basically, no one is exempt from being cruel, obviously, everything depends on the chart as a whole (a person is more than the sum of their parts) but that said the presence of a nakshatra considered "auspicious" (Jupiter ruled or otherwise) does not automatically qualify as some kind of redeeming quality lol. Everybody has to consciously choose their actions and be good and do good aka anybody can be cruel and evil and yes even Jupiter has its dark side/shadow.

hope this post was interesting xx