#Church camp friends are the best friends <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[thalialunacy]

I thought I had left my house in such good shape before I went on a nine-day vacation, and was so proud. Yeah no there was asparagus in the (cold) oven the whole week. #thatADHDlife

At least the oven wasn't on? Go team?

Anyway, it's been fun and I knitted a ton, but dang I missed my cats and am glad to be home.

1) Moses Lake, 2) Dry Falls, 3) Soap Lake, 4) it's called POP here, 5) a cute way of helping people pronounce the town name of Chewelah, 6) from an exhibit on Frank S. Matsura, 7) my BFF since 1991 and me, 8) my mom at a railroad museum, 9) me and my mom and some other tourists on a tiny train ride, 10) my mom at Camlann Medieval Village

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "using" a cucumber and putting it back in the fridge?

(🥒👌 to find later)

Please, I know it sounds nuts but hear me out. I feel awful and I need to know just how bad this is. Also, I intentionally left as much as possible vague as I am a minor and I do not want this to get removed for being too explicit. But the story will not make sense if I don't include certain things, please understand.

So I (16M) grew up in and currently still live in the bible belt, with extremely conservative evangelical parents. As a taste of what it's like, we have church 3 times a week, and church camp every summer. We are only allowed to access Netflix through a stupid content filter app and we can only use a restricted smart phone that is regularly checked at random by our parents. We get an hour and a half of computer usage every other day, and the internet on the computer is heavily filtered also. The only reason I have access to Tumblr and am able to post this now is because my best friend's older brother gave me his old android for my birthday a few years ago. His family is much more open minded, and I'm very close with them. I also think they have always felt a little bad for me with my family being the way they are.

I'm also gay. Obviously, my family does not know, and I intend to keep it that way. I won't go too deep into it, but it will suffice to say I struggled a lot when I was younger over this. The good thing is that in the last few years, I've been able to accept myself more and come to terms with what my own feelings about religion and faith really are. I came out to my best friend and his brother a little over a year ago, and they've been very supportive. I have yet to tell any of my other friends.

Recently, I've been trying out alcohol since my friends found a hookup. Something I have discovered is that I tend to get lewd feelings when I drink, which has nearly caused a few embarrassing moments around friends. Coincidentally, I have also been experimenting with... certain things. Being a minor, I obviously can't enter any of the adult stores around me, nor would I feel comfortable asking any of my friends to drive me there if I could. I also can't order anything online because my bank account is connected to my parents, and I don't have a shipping address I'm comfortable using for those items either. So instead, I use household objects that belong to me and can be sanitized easily. You might see where this is going.

Yesterday evening, I came home from best friend's house with a full bottle of wine in my backpack. We and a few other friends had already been sipping on a few beers that afternoon, and I still felt a little buzzed. After my family went to sleep, despite already having a little alcohol in my system, I proceeded to get wasted on this bottle of wine in my room. I don't have the clearest memory of all of this, but at some point, I got hungry and lewd-feeling. Went into the kitchen and, through some kind of thought process I can only imagine now, came back into my room with a cucumber. From the title of the post, you can hazard a guess as to what happened to this cucumber. Once I was done, I drukedly and quickly washed it in the bathroom sink and threw it back into the fridge. I went to sleep.

I started freaking out as soon as I woke up this morning. There were four cucumbers in the fridge, I was pretty positive at least two were going to be used for dinner tonight, and I had no idea which cucumber I did the deed with. To make matters worse, my mom was inviting the pastor of our church and his family over for dinner. I have practically no money currently, no license or vehicle, and no friends with vehicles free to pick up new cucumbers for me (and no reasonable explanation as to why I needed them to spot me for four cucumbers specifically). I also have no believable reason to give for why we shouldn't have cucumbers added in the salad mix. My mom knows I love them, and they haven't gone bad. Can't say I ate them because who the hell eats four raw cucumbers? And she'll interrogate both my brother and I until she gets a satisfying answer if I just throw them out. I didn't know what the hell to do about this and I was close to having a panic attack, so... I took a nap.

Evening came. Guests came over, dinner happened. We had porkchops with macaroni and side salads. Cucumbers were in the salad, and I along with pastor's family and my own, ate it like nothing was wrong. My parents, the pastor and his wife had an engaging conversation about politics, religion, and some mild church gossip after dinner. My little brother continued to read his book, and I had a very awkward and one-sided conversation about Young Sheldon with the pastor's daughter. Then they left. And I went to my room to mentally implode.

To say I'm horrified is a major understatement. I don't think anyone is going to get sick because I scrubbed all of the cucumbers with soap multiple times and cleaned the vegetable drawer with bleach when I woke up this morning. I guess I also don't know that the violated cucumber was one of the ones that was used for dinner tonight, but then it's only a matter of days until we have salad again, or if mom cuts one up for water. I've rattled my brain for any way I could get some new cucumbers without telling anyone the details of the event, but I have nothing. Don't even have the money, anyway. Gave up the last bit of cash I had for the damn wine yesterday, and I have $0.43 in total on my debit card.

Admittedly, there is a very small part of me that doesn't even really care if they have eaten or end up eating the damn thing. I can't stand my family. My parents are invasive, controlling and neurotic, and don't give a shit about how I'm doing in so far as it pertains to god and the church. I'm a little more sympathetic to my brother as he's been stuck in this hell with me, but at 13 he's already begun to regurgitate way more religious dogma than I ever did at his age. And I know for a fact that they would want nothing to do with me if they found out I was gay. They'd probably kick me out on the street and spit on me if I had to guess. But even still, this is only a small part of how I feel. What I did was still so gross, and no amount of animosity I have for them can change how mortifed I am. I do have at least a semblance of a conscience.

So...AITA for all of this? WIBTA if I did nothing about the other two cucumbers? Please help.

[wonheartzz]

BE MY PROM DATE? — PARK SUNGHOON

SYNOPSIS. it’s been one semester into junior year, yet y/n is still single and crush-less. desperate for a date to prom, she asks all her friends for help to find one. luckily, y/n’s best friend knows the perfect guy—tall, handsome, smart, funny, and he’s the cute guy from summer camp?! too bad he goes to another school.

PAIRING. church boy!sunghoon x fem!reader

GENRE. smau, high school au, she falls first but he falls harder, acquaintances to friends to lovers, fluff, humor

WARNINGS. they’re both stupid, inaccurate timestamps, possible typos, unchecked grammar, kys/death jokes, occasional dn and your mom jokes, some twitter headers contain swear words, let me know if i missed anything!

FEATURING. all of enha, monday from weeekly, isa from stayc, taehyun from txt, lucy from weki meki, and more as cameos!

STATUS. ongoing! | STARTED. february 3, 2023

TAGLIST. open! send an ask or comment below to be added

ANNA’S NOTE. first fic kinda nervous 😥 hope you guys like this! i’ll be posting the profiles tomorrow :)

ENTERING... decelis academy | hanyang high school

PLAN 1. i got the perfect guy

PLAN 2. live laugh gaslight ❤️

PLAN 3. gay, just in denial 🔥

© 2023 wonheartzz. please don’t steal, copy, or repost my works on any platform.

[ghost-in-the-hall]

Upcoming Fics!!

Hello hello!! It is time for another update! Let's see what we got cookin' today! What are you most excited to see?

Right Beside You (Vessel x Fem! Reader) FLUFF request - Vessel brings Reader a gift from camp, she invites him inside only for the storm, that was projected to hit later that day, rolls in even earlier than she had expected. Vessel attempts to comfort her all while the pair struggle to not get flustered in their close proximity. Cuteness ensues.

Troubled Waters (Iceburg x Fem! Reader) FLUFF/SMUT - thank you to @lunar-cherries for the name, oh my god it was eating me alive not knowing what to title this - Reader returns home to Water7 after years of spending her life at sea in order to try and run from the pain of her past. Upon arriving back on the island she quickly runs into Iceburg, who she had hoped to apologize to after all this time. After being reunited Reader quickly realized that Iceburg is the same man that she has called one of her best friends and that she was still as madly in love with him as the day she left.

Alone With You (William Afton x Fem! Reader) pt. 3 - @ruh--roh-raggy - much to Will and Henry's dismay, Reader gets reacquainted with an old familiar face from Freddy's. Sara, sensing her husband was hiding something about what had happened in the restaurant the day prior, decides to swing by. Noticing how she's staring at Will like a love sick puppy, offers to take Reader out on a girls day, and to offer her a supportive nudge into Will's arms. Fluff and silliness ensue as Will and Henry scramble to try and figure out just what the hell the two women are up to.

Fall For Me (Poly! Sleep Token x Fem! Reader) pt. 10 - After a stressful visit from an unexpected visitor, Reader and the boys try to think of a way to be less intimidating to the town. Famer IV makes a come back, lots of big strong Eepy's coming this chapter, more details to come...

Sweet Tooth (Dentist! Steve Raglan x Fem! Reader) request - @ruh--roh-raggy not going to turn into a smut but definitely going to be very suggestive!! I just gotta say, I love this idea and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to getting around to working on this! What if Steve Raglan was your dentist? More details to come...

Untitled Dave Miller Smut - @ruh--roh-raggy - Dave's nasty, he's gross, he might be a vampire? Pretty much porn no plot. Again thank you @yellowbunnydreams for her feral Dave, chewing on him like a squeaky toy while I write this.

The Baptism (Charles Greywolf x Fem! Reader) SMUT - The third installment of The Sacrilege Series! Upon deciding to fully become a member of the Church, Reader has to be baptized. Father Charles, sensing her anxiety over having so many eyes on her, offers to help alleviate her nerves however he can. The pair find themselves alone in the ceremonial pool where Reader confesses her feelings for Charles, feeling guilty about falling in love with her mentor.

My first original story! - More details to come as I am going to make a poll about this, please vote! I would love to know which one you would like to see first!

[stepmarchen]

Okay, question: do we know where Nora is when the messenger from the Church goes to the Neuschwanstein estate to announce the Holy Trial? Because I was under the impression that Nora confronting Hans and Shuri going to the church to talk to Richelieu were happening on the same day at around the same time: sunset (maybe I’m missing something from the translation of those chapters I read or I’m just forgetting something about the timeline?) But I can’t see Nora just going back to the duchy any time soon after his father and grandfather’s crappy attitudes lost him one of his oldest friends. But then if Nora went to the Neuschwanstein estate instead, then it’s odd that he’s not included in the little montage of the servants being startled by the messenger arriving and the rest of the kids waking up. So where is he??

Well, like you mentioned, we can assume that Shuri visited the vatican on the same day that Hans had his falling out with Nora, as it's implied by the switching POV.

And we're left with this approximate timeline of events:

D-2 Evening: - Jeremy returns home after his 3 day training camp - Jeremy and Nora have a heart to heart - Jeremy goes to bed, Nora stays up all night painting

D-1 Morning: - The Neuschwansteins and Nora have breakfast (off-screen) - Nora shows Shuri the progress of his painting - Ben, Hans, and Maren head to the Nuremberg Estate

D-1 Day: - Shuri meets with the Jurist, Rufus - Ben, Hans, and Maren meet the former and current Duke of Nuremberg - Shuri has an epiphany and rushes to the Vatican - Nora sneaks back home to find his paints - Nora argues with his father and leaves the Estate

D-1 Afternoon: - Ben, Hans, and Maren return home - Cardinal Richelieu receives news of Cardinal Brutus' affair coming to light, Shuri arrives at the Vatican and shares her secret with Richelieu - Nora runs to town and has a falling out with Hans

D-Day Dawn: - Jeremy returns from a visit to the palace - The Church summons Jeremy and Shuri for the Holy Trial

Now that we've established our timeline, let's try to track Nora's location. Nora has three options, the Nuremberg Estate, the Neuschwanstein Manor, and the town. His last confirmed location was outside of Hans' house. And before that, his own house which he just abandoned. All in one night, Nora burned bridges to two out of his three usual hideouts, so that leaves us with the Neuschwanstein Manor, where he has been staying up until this point. In the panel below, Jeremy thinks of his plans of the day, which includes dragging Nora away from working on his painting of Shuri. This is my best guess as to where Nora currently is, but it's unconfirmed whether he ever returned to the Neuschwanstein Manor the previous night.

We've known Nora to be sneaky when the moment counts (his natural Streife instincts kicking in), especially when it's something big going down. I wouldn't be surprised if he was lurking somewhere in the shadows during their arrest and already making moves to help Shuri and Jeremy in any way he can.

Like these previous moments, the reveal tends to come later but I can't rule out the possibility that Nora is not in any of the three locations that we concluded on. Other possible locations include the Church or the Palace, but I wouldn't really bet on it?

The novel might have more answers if you're open to spoiling yourself (which I can't personally confirm, I haven't read the novel), but as of now, I'm not sure where Nora is exactly.

[adelaidedrubman]

one clown fifteen lines

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

i was tagged by dears @simplegenius042 @direwombat @gwynbleidd @sofrosine @nightbloodbix @corvosattano @voidika @quickhacked to post a lil bit of oc dialogue samples! outgoing tags below cut + like here to opt in:3

1. “Yeah, ya know, they’re actually teachin’ all kindsa folk how to read an’ write these days,” she answered his second question with a sarcastic exaggeration of the natural twangs of her accent, ignoring his first entirely. “They ain’t even makin’ you go all the way to law school for it no more.”

2. “Piss off, Earl,” she spat, elbowing him out of the way. “I mean, honest to god fuckin’ piss off, alright?”

3. “Opossums are fuckin’ marsupials, Mary May!”

4. “I would fuckin’ carve out your eyes and throw them in the lake first, so that the only thing you’d ever see of me again is my fishing hook when I came back here to catch whatever trout had the bad luck of eating you.” 

5. “Familiar enough to know that if you’re calling me a ‘Delilah’ or something that’s some misogynistic bull —”

6. “Probably do a little publicity tour, once it all makes news. A few TV specials, tell-all nightly news interviews, a true crime podcast here and there. I bet I could make a good buck writing some kinda fucking memoir or something about this shit. Everyone would eat it up, you know, out of guilt, ‘cause —” she paused, raising her pitch a bit in nasally mocking, “‘cause we should really be focusing on the victims, not making the perpetrators famous,” she chimed, followed by a dismissive wave of her hand at the thought. “But you know, they’d still all be reading it to see what I said about you of course. But no skin off my ass, as long as they buy it. Figure I could spend… two, maybe three months as America’s sweetheart, then slip back into anonymity. Live off the royalties. The occasional consulting fee, anytime someone decides to make a movie about you and your fuckin’ cult.” 

7. “Head wasn’t that good,” she replied flatly. 

8. “Yeah, pretty sure they make a pill these days for when a gal realizes she’s made that kinda mistake,” she retorted with an exaggerated batting of her eyelashes as she pulled the flask from his hand. “And if you’re the baby daddy, she really would be wising up to take it.” 

9. “Oh, I’m back, baby.” She forced the smile to fall from her face, lips and brow tensing with sudden gravity. “And I’ve rigged this whole fucking mountain with explosives set to go off any second now. This thing is gonna blow sky fuckin’ high, and you and I are going to blow up with it. ’Cause I —” she feigned a gasp, brought her wrist to her brow as she threw her head back in a pantomime of being on the verge of fainting. “I can’t deny it any longer — I’m in love with you, and I want us to fucking be together forever in the fiery abyss of death.” 

10. “Tell your big bwother to make his stump speeches even scawrier next time — I’m sure it’ll make the canon fodder he sends out harder to kill, if he gravels his voice a bit more.”

11. She snorted. “You worried I’m not playing with a full set or something?”

12. “I jest,” she hissed, knocking his hand away. “You haven’t fuckin’ gotten that by now? It was a fucking joke.” 

13. “C’mon, that the fucking best miss church camp coachella can do to scare me?”

14. “For the fuckin’ record, I’m prolonging the void of nothingness when my organs stop functioning and I cease to exist in conscious form, not eternal damnation,” she finally spat. 

15. “It’s gonna be hilarious, actually,” she replied, pushing herself off from the door frame with a parting wave. “Tell your friends!” 

tagging: @cassietrn @shallow-gravy @derelictheretic @socially-awkward-skeleton @lordundying @florbelles @henbased @belorage @8bitpizzacoupons @firstaidspray @theresaruggedroad @afarcryfrommymain @clicheantagonist @v0idbuggy @orionlancasterr @strafethesesinners @deputyash @confidentandgood @strangefable @stacispratt @miyabilicious @omen-speaker @nowandthane @hctknives @wrathfulrook @fourlittleseedlings @galaxycunt @josephslittledeputy @just-another-wasteland-merc @voidika @captastra @blissfulalchemist @shellibisshe @thedeadthree and anyone who would like to share!

[inexplicablymine]

2023 Writing Roundup

Thank you to @welcometololaland @cha-melodius @kiwiana-writes @three-drink-amy and @rmd-writes @orchidscript for the tags, it was a fruitful year for my first toe dip into fanfic ~ and it will end with quite the bang as well (hence why I’m putting off my 2023 fic wrapped until at least January 1st).

July

No Sense or Sensibility (RWRB, T, 5K)

How to win the newlywed game with your best friend with whom you are not even dating (yet)

Uncut Not Uncultured (RWRB, E, 6K)

Alex never thought about if Henry was uncut down there… but now it’s all he can think about

August

The month in which I disappeared from all internet for three weeks to enjoy one of my other loves in this life with no service!

September

- Mr BodyPillow (RWRB, T, 21K)

The adventures of Ace Alex finding love, cuddles, and assurance from Henry

October

- They Were Tentmates! (RWRB, M, 4K)

What happens when you are forced to share a tent (and a sleeping bag) with your nemesis

- Because I’m a Scoundrel (RWRB, E, 8K)

Olympic athletes! TIME Gala at the White House! Mistaken couples costumes!

November

- Mr Party Hardy (RWRB, T, 7K)

A Mr. BodyPillow follow up exploring Alex’s relationships with parties pre and post Henry

- Minty Fresh (RWRB, G, 2K)

An illustrated story of their relationship to proposal one gum wrapper at a time

- No Nut November (RWRB, E, 10K)

Can the boys survive No Nut November? Not without a lot of innuendos that’s for sure.

December

- No Laughing Matter (RWRB, T, 3K)

Alex is the dental hygienist who helps with Henry’s Wisdom Teeth removal. It’s just as funny as you imagine.

To be posted before the end of the year :)

Super Six and the Sirens Call (RWRB, T, 111K, 20th)

Camp Halfblood meet the Super Six, a quest of the likes you have never seen before

Not So Silent Night (RWRB, E, TBD, 21st)

Alex is sick and tired of his piano playing neighbor, but what happens when they get stuck in an apartment together on the longest night of the year?

Messiah (RWRB, M, TBD, 25th)

Two boys, two instruments, two churches. Midnight mass and a very religious experience between the two of them

Fifteen Hours Till Forever (RWRB, M, TBD, 25th)

A firstprince canon compliant wedding weekend

Balls to the Wall (RWRB, T, TBD, 26th)

The story of how Alex spent a night in college in the drunk tank… even though he was never drunk

Glitter Bomb (RWRB, E, TBD, 27th)

Alex comes wrapped in a bow for Henry… and in some glitter

Where Is My SuperSuit (RWRB, M, TBD, 28th)

A four way love square between two super powered idiots

3/4th Cup of Love (RWRB, E, TBD, 29th)

What really happened in the kitchen when Alex taught Henry how to make those quiches

Sleeping Beauties (RWRB, M, TBD, 30th)

Alex and Henry attend the 2024 Met Gala as the muses of world class designer Pez Okonjo

Halfway There (RWRB, T, TBD, 31st)

Canon compliant demiromantic Alex realization contemplation and conversation

So much still happening!!! Will end the year with a whopping 19 fics and over 100K words shared. Spectacular.

An open tag but also tagging some lovely people to share what a year they have had!!

@adinarj @affectionatelyrs @anincompletelist @alasse9 @clottedcreamfudge @celaestis1 @cheesecurdsgravyandfries @celeritas2997 @cultofsappho @dumbpeachjuice @daisymae-12 @everwitch-magiks @firenati0n @happiness-of-the-pursuit @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @hillerskas @heybuddy-drabbles @iboatedhere @indestructibleheart @indomitable-love @jackwolfes @kill8a @lem0nademouth @littlemisskittentoes @nontoxic-writes @pirates-against-heterosexuality @roseapothecary @rockyroadkylers @read-and-write- @smc-27 @saintlynomenclature @three-drink-amy @tintagel-or-cockleshells @thinkof-england @vonpeepsisback @wordsofhoneydew @xthelastknownsurvivorx @zwiazdziarka

[viscerax]

Hiiii may i get some brim angst🙏🙏

From the day Brian went missing, Tim's life went crashing down around him. Brian. Brian, his friend on the outside, secret boyfriend behind closed doors. Turns out, its not exactly easy to be openly gay when you're in the south. (Not like either of them didn't know that already. Brian grew up in the deep south. Any hint at femininity or flamboyance in a man and they were sent away to church camp where only God can save them.

But that was okay with Tim. He was okay with keeping his relationship a secret. Because Brian knew. And Brian was the only one that Tim needed to know. )

But when Brian went missing, no phone call, no text, not even a God damned note, Tim's life came crashing down. His other friends were limited to Brian's friends, and he had an itching feeling in his mind that they didn't really like 'his type'. (What did that even mean? Shy, dark, brooding, snappy at times? Could they all tell he was secretly gay? Oh god-)

Even Jay, who seemed awfully nice to Tim, someone he wouldn't mind getting to know, no, even his face fell into the blur of memories as he buzzed about his life. Pretending like it'll be okay.

(Everything is fine.)

Tim tries his best to forget about Brian. But he can't. Tim wishes those pesky memory issues would kick in and wipe that stupid smiling face out of his mind, but it won't, and he can't forget. Whether for himself or for Brian, he's not sure.

(Probably both. Because, if he forgets Brian, then he forgets that anyone's ever truly loved him. That anyone's ever seen him at his best, his worst, and even when he's not himself, and still managed to love him. If he forgets Brian, he forgets that there's anything worth living for.)

So Tim does his best. He looks and looks but he can't find him. Eventually he has to return to work, to school. He can't let life knock him out while he's already down and reeling from the loss of his closest companion. He does his best, and he prays that it's enough. Enough that Brian would be proud of him. Proud that he kept going. Proud that he never forgot him.

The days blurred. They blurred more and more. Memories become murky until he even doubts his memories of Brian. If it weren't for the countless voice-mails from Brian (that Tim saved in preparation for something exactly like this,) Tim mightve even forgotten what his voice sounded like. But no. He can't forget. He has to remember.

(...remember... remember.... memory. what a funny thing.)

And the days blur into a smoke, so much resembling the clouds of smoke he pushes past his lips, and he would laugh at the comparison, if he laughed at much of anything these days.

And then suddenly its 3 years. And Tim is celebrating Brian's birthday alone. Because he can't forget. Can't possibly forget that it's a day to be celebrated. Can't forget its significance or why its so important or why he needs to eat cake on this day. (Wait... who's birthday is it? No no, he needs to remember...)

Memories stop becoming blurry when Jay shows up. Jay feels familiar, like there's a memory of him somewhere in there, but he can't possibly make out his face besides a few faint memories of filming for that cursed film. That film that mightve been how he infected everyone. How he infected Brian and-

(No. No. He didn't infect Brian. He couldn't have. Nope. No way.)

And then suddenly Jay is leaking his medical records online, and he can't possibly care to search his memories for a sympathetic moment from him before he's punching him in the middle of a parking lot. To be fair it was kind of deserved.

The days continued to blur and merge, save for the few distinct memories he has of being with Jay. Arguing with him, late nights in hotel rooms, having conversations that would never be heard by another ear, Jay laying down his deepest confessions as if he somehow knew his fate.

Memories come flooding back like a cracked dam when he sees that audition tape from years back. He can finally remember. Remember auditioning, remember filming on hot days, watching Alex yell at everyone for far too long. But most of all, he remembers Brian. Memories coming back like hot flashes and suddenly he can't breath, not because of the intense memories, but because he's making a realization.

That was Brian. Brian was the masked man behind ToTheArk. He watched Brian die and he didn't even know. He watched one of his only friends fall to their death, and he didn't even know.

He didn't know.

But he knew now. He knew that was Brian. That same exact hoodie, and God, who else could it be?

Tim can't breath. He can't feel himself moving as he practically trips over himself and empties whatever contents left in his body into his toilet because it's all just so much.

Brian was dead. He was dead and he wasn't coming back.

[tallnbitter]

History of Man: Prologue

My Brother & I Almost Die in a Car Crash

Description: Helen Snow has spent ten years at Camp Half-Blood, and yet the gods remain silent. Unclaimed and overlooked, her resentment toward them has only grown. Despite her bitterness, she would never betray them—until she becomes the one held responsible for a betrayal she didn’t intend to commit. Now, Helen finds herself tangled in a web of fate, echoing the tragic history of her infamous namesake. As the weight of prophecy looms over her, she wonders: can she carve out a life of her own before destiny catches up to her? Or is history doomed to repeat itself? In a world where gods pull the strings and mortals bear the consequences, Helen must decide if she will fight her fate or surrender to it. Word Count: 528 Warnings: Mentions of Death

Have you ever known that something was going to go bad before it happened?

Had a sinking feeling about getting in a car or on a plane?

Wanted to stay home not for any reason other than a gut feeling?

Well, ever since I was a kid I've had these feelings more than anyone else I know.

People usually listened to them. Small town Montana meant people learnt quickly when to listen to me  when it came to my premonitions.

Really it all started when I refused to leave the church after my father’s funeral when I was three because something was going to happen. And two minutes later the tornado sirens went off and everyone was ushered back into the church and into the basement.

From that day on people learnt that if I thought there was trouble brewing to listen to me, which is why when I refused to get into my brother’s beat up Bronco to go to my grandparents before he deployed, and he made me I knew we were in deep trouble.

I now know that he thought I refused to get in the car because I didn’t want him to leave, and how I wished my life was simple enough that my biggest worry about getting in that car was to stop my brother from leaving, but it never had been. And that day had proven that point to both me and my brother.

The drive had been doomed from the start but when Nick slowed the car down and let out a quiet ‘shit’ at the giant snake in the middle of the road, with ram horns that was coming straight at us.

After the initial sighting and shockingly good defensive driving from my brother, the rest was a blur.

I remember him calling his commanding officer asking for the ability to report two days late so that he could drop me off with family friends as our grandparents couldn’t take care of me.

I remember the long drive from Montana to Long Island, mixed in with diversions and dangerous driving to get away from other monsters.

I remember being a terrified 9 year old being met by Mr D and a sweet girl my age, who I know call my best friend, under a tree and my brother saying he couldn’t come with me past the tree.

I remember getting a call from my brother when he arrived in Miramar telling me that my grandparents thought I was at a summer camp, and that he’d come and visit when he could but he wasn’t sure if I would be able to leave Camp Half Blood.

I remember making friends and watching them get claimed wondering when it would happen to me and it never happening.

In all honesty I think I’m still in that survival mode, not entirely sure if 11 years later if I ever left it.

I know now that Cerastes wasn’t the first monster to attack.

I know now why Cerastes attacked.

I know now that my brother has been fighting for my survival since he was 18 and I was 3 when he didn’t have to.

[sleeplessv0id]

growing up autistic and undiagnosed; love bleeds you dry.

you're in 4th grade, and the rest of the girls around you are talking about their crushes; valentines day is in 3 days, and your class is having a party.

they whisper about what they hope the boys that they like will give them; chocolates, generic teddy bears, x's and o's, and the finest of roses.

you give the boy that you had forced yourself to crush on a valentine, a stuffed porcupine. you told yourself that it reminded you of him in order to make yourself; and him, believe it.

you found it in the classroom trash bin on your way out that day.

you pick it up, tell it that if he won't love you, then you will, and dawned upon it a name.

-

you're in 6th grade now. people around you have begun to get into relationships. most don't last long, you're not very worried.

you brushed off the fact that your only 'celebrity crushes' are female, covering it up as something else. and the fact that you catch yourself staring at your best friend more often than not when around her.

you two did everything together, one was rarely seen about without the other.

you've never felt such a bond with anybody else. you tell her that you don't think you can live without her.

the next day, the whispers started. rumor has it that you had forced a kiss upon your best friend because you couldn't handle not having had your first.

you kissing a girl?

you haven't , but you wouldn't be opposed to it. they called you a dyke the rest of the year.

-

you're in sophomore year now. not much has been in store for you. throughout the years, since having pushed away the last of those who cared, you've made an effort to make yourself as unnoticeable in a crowd as possible.

it's halfway through the day when you saw her. you had been sitting in the back of the class, creative writing; an elective. you saw her.

the only other empty seat was a stool next to you. nobody else had wanted to be stuck with the misfortune of being next to you.

she sat down, and as your teacher went on the same tangent you'd all been hearing all day; only rephrased slightly, she caught you gazing at her, and she smiled. introduced herself, she shook your hand and you felt your heart jump.

-

she was your best friend, hell, she was more than that. she understood you to levels nobody else could. you two went to each other for everything.

she saw you, told you that while you may be unnoticeable to others, to her, you will forever be seen. she said she'd trust you to write her soul. you told her you'd trust her to do the same.

she tells herself she's straight, you both know she's lying. to her parents, but most of all herself.

-

she and her family invited you to go camping with them, a church retreat. before thinking, you said yes.

you wish you could've lived in those moments forever.

you two shared a tent with one another, and one night stayed up late into the night, sharing things you wouldn't with anybody else.

laying in your arms, she kissed you; she tasted of honey, warm and sweet.

the next morning, she was in an especially glowing mood. her parents exchanged a look.

-

you were unpacking the bag you took camping when you got the message.

her parents said they think that you're not good for her, that you're here to lead her down a life of sin; corrupting her mind. they were sending her away.

with that, she was gone with the wind.

[musingsofadepressedgay]

It is absolutely fucking wild how little accountability church leaders need to have

A while back I was a girls camp

(Intermission for those of you who have never experienced a girl's camp)

Picture this, every young women between 12 - 17 is taken up into the mountains with nothing but clothes toiletries ✨️feminine products✨️ (side note why are we so afraid to call them fucking pads or tampons but whatever it doesn't matter rn) a journal pen and scriptures

Phones were not allowed and even if someone snuck one in most of the time we were out of cellphone range because it is time to 'disconnect with the world to connect with god' and at the end of the week everyone is peer pressured into telling about how they didn't want to go but thier mom made them and now that they went they are so happy and feel so close to God because spending a week doing nothing but team building activities all with metaphors about how it is our devine right to be a stay at home mom and we should be honored to submit to our husbands cause Jesus loves us and God knows what's best, while operating on 5 hours of sleep tops, is so eye opening and all that grand stuff

Sometimes there would be showers, sometimes there would be flushable toilets, sometimes some jackass would hide a life sized cardboard cut out of Justin Bieber inside of the Porta potties

Anyway now that we have established the vibes

I was at girls camp, around 14 or 15 years old, and we were going canoeing, because see girls camp is just like scout camp! They go white water rafting but we get to canoe in a reservoir

Now you could have 3 people in a canoe so me and 2 friends went off to go get sunburnt and paddle around for a bit before heading back into a cramped car to listen to the girls gossip about whoever the guy of the week was, because that's what we were expected to do

One crucial design flaw in said canoes is that they aren't actually buoyant enough to float if they get flipped upside-down, they just slowly sink as the air trapped underneath escapes when you attempt to flip them back over

I know that because we tried to take a sharp turn and capsized

Now after we figured out that not only had we flipped the canoe but now we were at a chance of being the only people to lose a whole fucking canoe to the bottom of the reservoir we begin to panic and tread water while holding onto the canoe and calling for help

Eventually some very nice young adults who were out paddle boarding took pity on us and offered to help flip the canoe so it wouldn't sink

Seeing as the canoe had already sunk enough that flipping it would just make it right side up while still underneath the water they had me sit on the back of their paddleboard and hold the canoe to tug it back to shore while my friends swam along side it to help keep it afloat

There are 3 important factors to this situation that are crucial to note

The first is that it is early spring in the mountains, the reservoir was filled with water from melted snow and some of it was still frozen over in shallower areas, on top of that ot was a chilly, and windy, day that felt decent when the sun was out but when you are in the cold water, it in fact did not feel decent

The second thing to note is that at the time I was incredibly short and built like a stick, not much muscle, not much body fat, just a small prepubecent teen (I know I was 14 or 15 however I was a 'late bloomer')

The third thing to note is that the kind paddle boarders who helped us were men in thier 20s or something, idk I wasn't really paying attention to how old they looked, but they were conventionally attractive

And so it was when we finally hauled the boat to shore and got it flipped right side up that we were told by our camp leader that we were not allowed to canoe back across the entire reservoir that we had paddled out to, but we were expected to swim back

To teach us a lesson about flipping a canoe to get the attention of the conventionally attractive young men

(It is worth noting that they were not even paddle boarding near where we accidentally took too sharp of a turn and we had been treading water and holding onto the boat for a good 8 or so minutes before they showed up)

But clearly we had done it all for the attention from boys because we were spending a week in the woods with no boys and so we flipped the boat for an excuse to talk to them

(Secondary note: I am very gay, I did not even understand what they were accusing us of until someone spelled it out for me because the possibility someone might flip a boat for a chance to talk to guys did not ever cross my mind)

And so it was that we went back into the water to swim the whole way back, now we were not just ignored, at one point some other girls took pity on us and told us we could hold onto thier boat as we swam to make it easier for us, and they were towing our boat (that we weren't allowed to paddle back ourselves) so they didn't mind a little extra weight of us holding on while we swam

We got to do that for all of 5 minutes before our leader yelled at them for showing us sympathy and told us that we needed to swim the whole way back on our own

Everyone had finished canoeing and was getting ready for the group picture by the time we got back, we had been swimming as fast as we could the whole time but we had to go back the entire distance that we had canoed out to

When the other girls helped me out of the water I looked like I was badly sunburnt because of how red I was, but it was just my whole body turning red from how cold the water was

I remember vividly that I was crying when the group photo was taken because my feet were burning with every step I took because they had been in the snow melt for so long that when I stepped onto the sand it felt like hot coals

(Yet another side note, having walked on hot coals bare foot before this was worse, the coals was over with fast and my nerves barely had time to react but with this I was so cold that I felt like going into the air I was burning except when the wind blew I was shivering so hard it felt like I was spasming)

We made it back to camp and shockingly none of us felt any better after changing into dry clothes, maybe being in cold water for 20 minutes isn't just something that goes away by getting out of the church approved swim suits

We were told by the church leader that we were allowed to take a shower to wash off the reservoir water and help us warm up, I had to turn the water to cold just to stop myself from feeling like I was being boiled alive

I got home and went straight to my mom to tell her of the injustice I faced, because whenever I told any other adults at camp they just laughed about how cute we must have thought the boys were

I finished telling her and her response was to tell me she already knew because the camp leader had texted her about it

However it was okay because she gave us her one shower she was allowed for the week (the campsite we were at was working on conserving water so the leaders were allowed one shower each and the girls were told they could just deal with not showering for five days) and that because the camp leader was really looking forward to her shower but she gave it up for us, it was all worked out in the long run and there was no fault or blame

I now have experienced things that hurt worse, but at that age the burning feeling around my entire feet as they sunk into the sand was one of the worst physical sensations I had ever felt I can still feel it if I think back because it was such a strong memory of the way my feet stung and my teeth shivered and I cried in front of all of my peers even as I tried my hardest to stop so that I didn't look like a cry baby infront of them

But she didn't get to have her shower

So it alllll evened out

Nobody remembers it besides me and my friends

I don't think we ever got an apology that wasn't followed by a 'but she was doing what she thought was best' or 'but she made it right by letting you have her one shower for the week'

Because it doesn't matter

Whatever the church leaders decide is right is what is right

It doesn't matter who gets hurt along the way

Let the lords will be done

And whoever speaks the will of God can't ever be wrong, and so any harm they do must be right

[wonheartzz]

BE MY PROM DATE? — PARK SUNGHOON

PROFILES 1 : WELCOME TO DECELIS ACADEMY !

VIEW. masterlist | hanyang gang | i got the perfect guy

founded in 1964, decelis academy remains one of the best high schools in seoul and the nation: ranked #1 private school in seoul, #5 high school in seoul, and #11 high school in korea. students must pass the bar exam with a score of 88 or higher in order to attend the academy. everyone here, from staff to students to parents, all try their best to maintain the values of this school and strive to keep the academy’s academic ranking.

CLICK TO MEET THE STUDENTS !

STUDENT ID #211043899 : PARK SUNGHOON

DETAILS. despite his good looks, sunghoon isn’t very popular. he is however well-known throughout the school for his handsome appearance and being friends with jake sim and jay park, two of the most popular juniors. he’s a quiet and private individual, but is a part of the school’s soccer team—although he mostly sits on the bench. he’s ranked #2 in his grade and is notorious for being in almost every honors class.

STUDENT ID #211042375 : JAKE SIM (SIM JAEYUN)

DETAILS. jake moved to korea his last year of middle school, but was able to adapt quickly to the korean school system. he’s the star player of the school’s soccer team and is in the top 10 for his grade. jake is known for being a kind, well-spoken individual, who is also quite the charmer, or so everyone says.

STUDENT ID #211041987 : JAY PARK (PARK JONGSEONG)

DETAILS. jay, or jongseong, is known for his extremely respectful and polite attitude. he would be considered a teacher’s pet if every student at decelis didn’t like him so much. he can be a little hotheaded on the soccer field, but usually ends the game without any yellow cards. ranked #5 of his class, he is also extremely smart, and especially good at debating. everyone at decelis knows the golden boy jay, and everyone loves him.

STUDENT ID #211042344 : KIM JIMIN

DETAILS. jimin is a part of the school choir, usually getting every solo, and known for her vocals. she’s also on her church’s worship team and a dedicated member. she’s quite popular since she’s on the school’s volleyball team and an overall sweet person. jimin has been best friends with l/n y/n since they were babies at church, so most people who talk to her know about y/n.

STUDENT ID #211049772 : KANG TAEHYUN

DETAILS. taehyun is also a part of the school choir, but nobody at church besides his close friends know he sings beautifully (and he’d like to keep it that way). another kid that was born into the church, hence why him, jimin, and y/n are such good friends. he’s incredibly smart—ranked #1 in his class—but little people know. he’s somewhat known in his school, but people don’t know much about him.

STUDENT ID #240883654 : YANG JUNGWON

DETAILS. jungwon is currently the freshman class president and rank #3 of his grade. although he only does taekwondo at the moment, he is an overall athletic individual who many teams want to recruit (e.g. jake with soccer). he usually hangs out with upperclassmen, being considered one of their "adopted freshmen".

STUDENT ID #240881928 : NISHIMURA RIKI

DETAILS. riki is sometimes called ni-ki since there is another riki in his grade, but his friends still call him riki. he moved here this year, but somehow understand korean pretty fluently. he's known for his excellent dance skills, being the youngest member on the school's dance team, all stars. riki mostly hangs out with jungwon and their upperclassmen friends.

VIEW. masterlist | hanyang gang | i got the perfect guy

SYNOPSIS. it’s been one semester into junior year, yet y/n is still single and crush-less. desperate for a date to prom, she asks all her friends for help to find one. luckily, y/n’s best friend knows the perfect guy—tall, handsome, smart, funny, and he’s the cute guy from summer camp?! too bad he goes to another school.

ANNA’S NOTE. first profile wooo

TAGLIST STATUS : open! check masterlist to join. all taglists will be in the reblogs!

REBLOGS AND FEEDBACK ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED!

© 2023 wonheartzz. please do not steal, copy, or repost my works on any platform.

[conradscrime]

The Disappearance of Mountaineer George Mallory

November 02, 2023

George Mallory was born in Cheshire on June 18, 1886, and from a young age he was interested in climbing. When he was only 7 years old, Mallory climbed the roof of his father's church.

In 1904, an experienced mountaineer named Robert Lock Graham Irving took Mallory on as a climbing companion after the death of his original partner. Both Mallory and his friend, Harry went with Irving for a trip to the Alps.

In February 1909, Mallory was invited to Wales for a climbing trip at Easter. After this, Mallory was given an application form for membership into the Climber's Club, joining in May 1909.

On July 29, 1914, Mallory married a woman named Christiana Ruth Turner, just 6 days before Britain entered World War I. The pair ended up having three children together, two daughters and a son.

Though Mallory had an extensive education and worked as a school master, he did have to enlist in the army and served throughout World War I, eventually ranking up to lieutenant in 1917.

By January 1919, Mallory returned to his teaching position which was at Charterhouse, though he was not fully happy being a teacher. He wanted to get back into mountaineering. In January 1921, the Royal Geographical Society and the Alpine Club established the Mount Everest Committee to finance an expedition.

Mallory was contacted by the committee asking if he would be interested in this expedition, the crew planned to do a trip later in 1921 to figure out the best route to reach the summit, and then in 1922 they were going to go again, this time actually reaching the top.

Mallory at first was not sure if he wanted to go -- it would mean that he would have to be away from his wife Ruth, and children for a chunk of time and he was sceptical the group would be able to accomplish this.

Eventually Mallory and his wife were convinced it would be the opportunity of a lifetime, and in February 1921, Mallory accepted the invitation formerly, though it was noted he showed no emotion and was definitely not excited for the trip. It was in February 1921 that Mallory resigned from his teaching position.

Leading up to this point, Mallory had quite a bit of experience having done various climbs and reaching summits. He completed several expeditions in the Alps, since his first climb in 1904. Specifically in the Alps, both Mallory and his friend Harry suffered from altitude sickness.

On August 18, 1921, Mallory and 3 others left their camp at around 20,000 ft. They discovered a gateway to the mountain, and after figuring out the most viable way to reach the summit, on September 23, 1921, a group of climbers left camp to descend into the East Rongbuk Glacier, to pitch camp. The frostbite and winds were extreme however, and eventually on September 25, 1921, Mallory called off the expedition.

It was the groups goal to be the first to reach Mount Everest's summit. On May 20, 1922, Mallory and his group began this goal. After two failed attempts to reach the summit, in June 1922, the group tried a third.

At one point during their ascent, an avalanche began on an ice cliff above, sweeping over the group. Mallory and three others were able to dig themselves out of the snow, unharmed, but saw a group of 4 porters had fell 150 ft below them. The avalanche had caused another 9 porters to be swept into a crevasse.

A search and rescue effort was started, and 8 out of the 9 porters were found. Unfortunately only 2 of them had survived. This was the end of the third attempt to the summit.

Mallory's next attempt at reaching Mount Everest's summit wouldn't be until June 1, 1924.

By June 8, 1924, Mallory and Andrew Irvine, would begin their attempt to reach the summit at 8 am. This morning, another climber, John Noel, perched himself at Eagle's Nest Point, with a camera so he could film Mallory and Irvine. The flimer also had 2 porters with him, however no one could see Mallory or Irvine.

By 10am, still having not seen any sight of the two mountaineers, the cloud and mist had completely obscured the view of the summit ridge.

The last person to see Mallory and Irvine alive was Noel Odell, a support climber, just after 12:50 pm. He saw them from a distance, two black spots moving, before the clouds obstructed his view. Mallory and Irvine were never seen alive again.

On June 9, 1924, Odell and another inspected the Camps, looking for Mallory and Irvine to no avail. It was impossible for the two mountaineers to have returned to camp, as everything they had left there was as it was — having not been touched. After days of searching and finding nothing, the expedition was over and on June 15, 1924, the surviving members returned home. 

On June 19, 1924, Ruth and Mallory’s children received a telegram stating that Mallory and Irvine had died. On October 17, 1924, a memorial service was held. 

On May 30, 1933, almost 11 years after Mallory and Irvine had disappeared, an ice axe had been discovered at an elevation of 27,723 ft, by the leader of the expedition, Percy Wyn-Harris. At first, Wyn-Harris and his climbing partner, Lawrence Wager left the ice axe where they had found it, but after their own failed attempt at reaching the summit, on the way down Wyn-Harris decided to take the ice axe, leaving his own in it’s place. 

The ice axe was eventually determined to either be Mallory’s or Irvine’s, though it is unsure which mountaineer’s it was. After Odell inspected it, he noticed there was 3 marks on it, which Irvine used to mark his equipment. Ruth stated that she had never known Mallory to mark any of his stuff that way, so most likely the ice axe was Irvine’s, however, some of the expedition members from the 1933 expedition believed the axe belonged to Mallory because it had Swiss manufacturers. 

In 1962, Irvine’s brother found a military swagger stick, which belonged to Irvine and it had the same 3 identification marks on it. 

In 1937, a man named Frank Smyth wrote a letter, and in the letter he stated that during the 1936 British Mount Everest expedition, he scanned the North Face of Everest with a powerful telescope and saw a body, believing it to be Mallory or Irvine. This sighting was unknown until 2013, when Smythe’s son revealed it in a book, after finding his father’s letter in a diary. 

The 1999 Mallory and Irvine Research Expedition began, with the goal to find evidence of the 1924 British Mount Everest expedition and find information about whether or not Mallory and Irvine reached the summit. 

On May 1, 1999, around 10 am, members of the expedition reached 26,900 ft, where they were going to set up camp. Setting off, it was 11:45 am when a member found a corpse laying at 26,760 ft. The body was partially frozen, but well preserved to the cold condition, fully extended and had both arms outstretched with the head pointed uphill. 

The right leg was broken, with the left leg crossed over it, suggesting the mountaineer must of been still conscious. The rear of the body was exposed, the wind having blown away some of the clothing. The exposed skin was white, but the hands and forearms appeared dark. Most of the internal organs had been consumed by alpine choughs, a specific type of bird. The birds had pecked away leaving damage to the right leg, buttocks and abdominal cavity. 

Tied to the waist was braided cotton climbing rope, the right foot had an intact green leather hobnailed boot, but the left boot only had the tongue remaining on it. Many had suspected that Irvine had fallen in 1924, and this body was his.

When looking at the layers of clothing and removing them, there was a label on the shirt with red print, “G. Mallory.” The body of George Mallory had finally been discovered, almost exactly 75 years later. 

Mallory’s body had several injuries — his tibia and fibula of his right leg were broken, his right scapula was deformed, his right elbow had been fractured or dislocated. He had multiple cuts, bruises and abrasions, his ribs had been fractured. It was without a doubt that Mallory had fallen. The climbing rope that had been looped around Mallory’s waist had crushed his ribs and burned his skin. It was also determined that when this happened, Mallory and Irvine were roped to each other. The exact circumstances are unknown, no one will ever know what caused the accident or made them fall. 

A few weeks later, an oxygen cylinder was found at an altitude of 27,789 ft to 27,805 ft. The cylinder’s stamp no. 9 confirmed that it was from the 1924 British Mount Everest expedition and was used by Mallory and Irvine. 

Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay, the first mountaineers to have reached the summit of Mount Everest, welcomed the news of the discovery of Mallory’s body, and acknowledged that Mallory might have reached the summit of Mount Everest decades earlier. 

There are many theories about what led to Mallory and Irvine’s deaths in 1924. Research in 2010 suggested that an extreme storm may have led to their deaths. The research provided stated that when Mallory and Irvine attempted the summit on June 8, 1924, there was a drop in barometric pressure and temperature. Believing this could have resulted in a blizzard, however, Odell described the morning of June 8, 1924 as clear and not extremely cold, but turned into a severe blizzard by 2pm which lasted until 4pm. 

While it is unknown what exactly happened, many researchers believe the weather was way more extreme than previously believed, and this could have contributed to the deaths of both Mallory and Irvine. 

On November 14, 1944, Mallory’s younger brother, Sir Trafford Leigh-Mallory, an Air Chief Marshal, crashed into the French Alps, everyone on board was killed. Mallory’s daughter, Frances Clare, married a man named Glenn Allan Millikan who was killed in a climbing accident on May 25, 1947 at Buzzard’s Roose in Fall Creek Falls State Park. 

Frances’ sons, Mallory’s grandchildren, Richard and George Millikan became climbers and were very well respected in the 1960’s and 70’s. On May 14, 1995, George Mallory, Mallory’s grandson reached the summit of Everest, leaving a photo of his grandparents on the summit, ending “unfinished business” for his grandfather. 

In early 1923, Mallory was asked why he wanted to climb Mount Everest, his answer: “Because it’s there.” 

[thewolfwaitsbelow]

Just realized the like 3 most memorable parts of exploring my sexuality as a teenager happened at church sleepaway camps.

1. Offering to kiss my girl best friend because she said she thought she was bi but wasn’t entirely sure because she’d never kissed a girl before

2. Realizing I didn’t experience sexual attraction and coming out to my 2 best friends as ace

3. Becoming ‘official’ with my high school boyfriend (he was too chicken to kiss me the first time until a week later at a church dance)

[dangerouslyboring]

Have you ever been in love?

When and how did it feel?

Yes, I have loved and have been in love, and I am a fan.

There are different kinds of love, and different ways of experiencing those loves. For most of my life I experienced love as something which grew slowly and gently as I spent more time with someone, although my last love was quick and urgent and utterly unexpected. I have learnt that I am a fan of love and being loved.

My first love was my ex wife. (Who is still someone I love. We have a shared history beyond just our children which means we will always have each ither’s backs, and the ability to be honest in ways that aren’t always easy where there is more risk) I met D at church camp and was keen on her best friend who was a little bit older. The 3 of us became pen friends and started writing weekly letters to each other, as was the custom in Shellbyville in this times. A year or so later her friend had moved on, and I realised that I was feeling very jealous of the attention D was getting from a hot foreign student, and decided that platonic besties should probably have a chat about whether the feelings were more than platonic, so I asked her out. (A few weeks later when I visited her town I had my first kiss, but that’s another story.)

My second “love” was someone who introduced me to polyamory and kink. She was fun and direct, and looking back now, I can see that her willingness to let me look after her was definitely part of her appeal.. This was a playful “here at this time, in this place, and as we are, I feel love,” but I was disappointed rather than sad when she became bored with me after a few months. From her I learned that romance and flirting (and sex with someone I wasn’t married to) was something I enjoyed.

My next love began casual and playful, but over time she became more and more important to me. This love has continued to evolve and change shape, and we are stilll working out what “we” can experience and “be” together.

Love number 4 was with a beautiful and brilliant theatre director who taught me lots about authenticity and holding space; and I often wander what might have been if I hadn’t had a Menty B 6 months after she moved away for her work and we might have been able to make hybrid long distance work.

Love number 5 was someone who was a casual hookup for years, and then eventually I realised I was seeing her 2 or 3 times a month, and we’d started going out socially. She was very involved in autism advocacy and leadership, and I probably wouldn’t have pursued my diagnosis, or had such an affirming revelation of the autistic elements of my identity if she hadn’t been so supportive. Unfortunately I was most comfortable with her in small doses as she could be kind of intense and she was just so obsessively into me. There is lots of pressure when someone is so much more into you than you are into them, and I carried this burden if worrying about hurting her. Feelings change, and people change, and when you start feeling more and more relieved each time you leave it’s silly to cross your fingers and hope something changes.

My last love transformed my understanding of love. It was the rich, exciting, heart pounding obsession that I had read about in books, and I think that it is because of her that I know what it means to be “in love.” She was the first thing I thought of when I awoke each morning, and the last thought through my mind of before falling asleep. We talked constantly, sharing joys and sadness; and every little thing. Because of her I communicate more directly, consider my thoughts and feelings more reflectively and listen to music differently. I’m so much more comfortable with feelings, more willing to appreciate them and more able to sit in discomfort, and more aware of their reality and importance. I see myself very differently now because of how I have been seen by her.

She will always be precious to me for the impact she has had, and I suspect that I’m still somewhat wrapped around her finger, but there is a more sensible realism in how I understand our friendship now. I miss the codependent obsession we had during those first intense months, but the hottest fires burn out the quickest, and I know I want to see all the things that she does with her life, and be someone who can always be there when she needs to think things through with someone, or just needs to be seen and accepted and loved.

Love is - above all - the gift of oneself, and makes us better, and makes us want to be better. It cannot be selfish, or it will consume and hurt everyone it touches.

[spirking-and-smirking]

for the soft asks:

(you don’t have to do all of them, this one just had so many good asks)

3, 12, 13, 19, 29, 32, 38, 39

3.) If you could be anything or anyone who would you be?

Myself teehee mmmmm or maybe like modern day wonder woman

12.) Most attractive features of a person's face?

Eyes ^-^ and also freckles and smile

13.) Autumn or spring?

Autumn, I love the trees and the crunchy leaves, and it getting cooler. And it makes me think about a bunch of good fall memories. But I do really love spring. I like when it's so green before the summer makes everything dry out, and it's like 70 degrees, and all the flowers are blooming.

19.) Describe one of your favorite dreams

I dreamed of this little creek in the valley of the mountains. The ground was smooth and grassy, and it was by a little white house or church. And it was so still and peaceful. Also, that place exists, and I went there when I was like 3 and dreamed about it multiple times after. There's a picture of me standing in the creek standing on my dad's feet and holding his hands 🥹🥹

29.) What distant relative are you closest to?

Does my dad's cousin (so my 2nd cousin) count as distant? He's my dad's age. Awesome guy, we've gone camping with him many times and I've admired him since I was tiny.

32.) If you own any dresses, which is your favorite?

Oo! My favorite is my rust orange colored dress that is floor length and looks so princess-y. It spinds really pretty, and I wore it for my spring formal.

38.) What flower do you find most beautiful?

I love it when there's a whole bunch of wildflowers of different colors, and they look so pretty together. Also, stargazer lilies!!

39.) Favorite mug/cup

It used to be my 1960s orange and yellow mushroom mug, but I broke it. Now it's my Sakura Galaxy mug. It looks pretty much like this 👇 I want the cups and saucers one day

Also, honorary mention for my "best Dad ever" mug from my friend and my vintage morton salt girl mugs (I have two).