#CRYING WHY AM I STILL UP
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so....ignoring the fact that it took me three (3) weeks to get through um. twenty-six (26) pages. it's totally reasonable to try to speedrun revisions of the next thirty-two (32) in like six (6) hours tomorrow, right, Asking For A Friend,
#text#personal#writing#in btw#driscoll#ez do NOT interact#if im On It i think i MIGHT be able to do it#i might forget to eat tho 💀#i have so many chores also to do about it too#laundry. bathroom. baking. grocery.#feed dogs.#FUCK IT IM GONNA TRY#if it bleeds to monday it bleeds to monday but it canNOT go beyond monday i stg!!!!!!!#i have to type all this shit up at some point but that could wait til after article 🫣#the article has a Real Deadline the revision has a fake moving deadline#CRYING WHY AM I STILL UP#oh right its the dopamine surge
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#honkai star rail#hsr dr ratio#hsr aventurine#ratiorine#aventio#whatever other ship name they have. i saw like 4 THATS ENOUGH! /j#making horrible memes to speed up the time (aventurine banner please hurry)#Its not working. I cry every day i wake up hes still not here#Why do i always talk about him like im mourning him .#sorry im ramblinf Anyways . Here#★ my art#art#★ animations#my sona (a sliver) (aventurine sniped them with the water bottle if u didnt see that)#do i reblog too much?am i annoying yall? sorrryyyy……..#i reblog like everysingle aventurine related thing ever i feel like itd put 1 of my followers into a coma
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Thinking about how long both Stans were alone for. Stanley trying and failing to not be alone while Ford pushed everyone away. How everything would be different if they just always had each other. It all came to an end with Dipper and Mabel omg sedate me
#gravity falls#the book of bill#stanford pines#stanley pines#stan pines#dipper pines#mabel pines#thinking about them for too long makes me ill#more of my autistic thoughts#therapy isn’t enough I need to fight the creator of my hyperfixation#guys my period ended why am I still crying#Save me pathetic lonely old men#catching up after 8 years has made me emotional#hyperfixation#let me go#idk how tumblr works#too many tags#gravity falls thoughts
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Sanji and Usopp during The Sabaody Incident™ won't leave my mind.
Usopp standing in front of Sanji protectively because he is wounded and he can't fight, so Usopp will do it for him ("I'll do what you can't do").
There is just something about Sanji's expression when he realizes he might actually lose Usopp. This is my interpretation, at least. He is literally frightened.
Usopp helping Sanji stand up to run away. This is crucial for something I want to point out later: Sanji needs help to stand up. (Also, Brook disappears trying to protect them both and saying he will do anything to save them even if it costs him his life. I am feeling sick).
Sanji being self-sacrificing and blaming himself for not being able to protect them/act sooner is not new. But he does manage to gain the strength to fight when Usopp is the only one left with him and the possibility of losing him is even more real now.
The thing that I love the most about this is not Sanji sacrificing himself for Usopp, because he does that. He is like that. But Usopp not running away or moving in the slightest because he refuses to leave Sanji on his own.
Something I'd like to point out too is that Sanji actually touches Kuma before Usopp disappears. He tries to fight and protect him and Kuma could've easily sent Sanji to Momoiro Island right away, and yet Sanji was just sent flying far from the scene and forced to see Usopp disappear in front of him.
And I am not saying that "not being able to protect both Brook and Usopp (especially Usopp) is needed for Sanji to realize he has to become stronger and find more reasons to go back with the crew" but not being able to protect both Brook and Usopp (especially Usopp) is needed for Sanji to realize he has to become stronger and find more reasons to go back with the crew.
Not to mention that we can't deny (right after Water 7/Enies Lobby) that Usopp is one of Sanji's strongest bonds within the crew. This specific scene focusing on them both is more than enough to prove it.
Sanji seeing Usopp disappear in front of his eyes without being able to do anything to save him.
Remember what I said about Sanji needing help to stand up seconds ago? Well. This is him the moment Usopp disappears. What adrenaline and the power of love do to a mf.
They are so "I can lose everything, but not you. Oh God, not you" shaped.
#sorry for bringing up sabaody i am sure nobody wants to think about it#but they mean the world to me and there is SO MUCH to unpack#we don't talk enough about this i think ?????#sanji spending two whole years having nightmares about not being able to save usopp. about seeing usopp disappearing in front of him#he still has them btw#sanji having to sleep with usopp post-ts because he is afraid of waking up and seeing he is gone#also i am having thoughts about brook protecting them and#and brook saying he will do anything to save them#because sanji has only heard that from zeff so......... so just thinking. i have thoughts. i told you brook is one of sanji's father figure#back to sanuso- thinking about how this whole scene despite having brook too is mainly focused on both sanji and usopp#thinking abt how the others disappear mostly focusing only on luffy's reactions but this emphasizes a lot sanji's attempts to save usopp#why would you give them a whole scene i am throwing up#sorry still thinking abt sanji apologizing to usopp for not being able to protect him or#or having nightmares he definitely has nightmares about it#and usopp just. staying with him and making him see that he is alright now. and letting him cry.#early post-ts kills me#still angry we don't have almost post-ts sanuso#i might start crying thinking abt them so it'll be better if just shut up and post this#one piece#black leg sanji#usopp#sanuso#sabaody
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I AM NOT OKAY DEAR GOD IT'S BEEN HOURS AND I AM STILL WEEPING
his gentle face??? the soft, delicate, kind voice and his eyes visibly softening even more and the real, genuine little smile as he blesses his younger self with his sister's voice in the background.
hoyo why do you hurt us like this it's going to consume my thoughts for DAYS now
#gnawing at the bars of my enclosure rn#the animation is impeccable#brought me to tears instantly#his arc was so GOOD i was attached to him before but holy crap#honkai star rail#hsr#aventurine#hsr aventurine#aventurine hsr#i am so attached to characters who really just never got to grow up and act one way but really are very gentle and compassionate#and just never were allowed to show it#he's been through so much and is still actually able to be nice which really says a lot abt him#the only thing that might have made me cry more were the convo with acheron when he asks why humans even exist#and the scene where kakavasha aventurine and future aventurine were all standing together#actual peak fiction. will never recover.
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was watching apocalypse with my brother and once the cerebro scene popped up he was like 'charles has a helmet like erik, only instead of keeping people out, he tries to reach out and connect with others' like guys i need to bash him with a rock
#xmen#xmen apocalypse#xmen movies#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#is this cherik. probably#snap chats#GENUINELY what is his deal#'snap i thought you were watching x2' and i finished it and then my bro came up so i decided to rewatch apocalypse while he was here#hello chat. im aware the people enjoy my brother's quotes so here i am sharing another as it has damaged my brain#GUYS I HATE MY BROTHER WHY DOES HE KEEP SAYING THIS SHIT BEFORE I CAN THINK IT#so real tho ..... also i may be drunk so maybe im more emotional about this revelation than i should be but still#basic observation im aware but still ... doesnt become less wack when you say it out loud ....#thats so fucked ... i mean 'people' being charles but still ... why would you say that#i still have some of my whiskey left so im gonna pound it and then drink some water and probably cry myself to sleep#or ill doodle a sketch idk. im inspired.#for now good night !!!!!!!!!!!!! all my brother does is accidentally inflict psychic damage upon me#AGAIN you never expect it from your brother but thats what makes it esp whiplash inducing .......
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"You really care about me."
"Yeah. I really, really care about you."
"I- I really care about you too."
"No, but... I like, really, really care about you."
#mr. & mrs. smith#mr. & mrs. smith prime#maya erskine#donald glover#john x jane#alana x michael#john smith#jane smith#i... need these two in a romcom i think#i like them both individually and i was gonna get around to it but it really was the interviews they did together that sold me on the show#they've got great chemistry#i enjoyed it for what it is#mr. & mrs. smith spoilers#i just need them in a romcom so they play people who aren't as fucked up because they were both frustrating at times#their last scene made me cry tbh so i guess i'm a sucker#i want them to get a 2nd season just because i like maya and donald but also... fuck amazon#michael#cw: food?#him making sure she's hydrated even though they're going through a rough patch was ao sweet of him#also i can't with her kissing him on the cheek in the last scene#i say i liked this show enough and that i'm not super attached to it... so why am i still thinking about them???#i really wanted to hear her say his real name but i get it#i find it oddly sweet that the first thing john asked her(not said ASKED) was if she really loved him and she said that she did#alana
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this blog is 11 years old now 🎉
I drew the siblings ever to celebrate as usual
#loz#wind waker#legend of zelda#toon link#aryll#I wasn't gonna draw anything but then I sketched link real quick and I was like okay wait i can do this#and then my brother dragged me outside ☠ but i still got it done today!#the anniversary is today. tumblr sent me a notification like ravio is 11 years old now! ravio the character is actually 11 years old.#albw released in2013. i received two reminders this morning. ravio drawing soon maybe. coming this year definitely. maybe#arylls like big brother use a damn fork#<- that was the tag when I first started drawing them in 2018#also i noticed when I draw aryll i always draw her in her blue dress so i decided to change it up. i only play 2nd playthroughs of wind wak#r because fun fact: i hate link's green tunic and hat. i finished a first playthrough years ago with a finished nintendo gallery#and then when i want to start a new playthrough i fight ganondorf again go through the credits cry and then BAM new game no-plus#i miss link's green tunic now though. its been so long. im so sick of champions garb...............idk the green is iconic idk#im not a huge fan of it but i think his base form should be green again. with the hat. let him look doofy as a default again#he was green in echoes of wisdom but i need them to follow through after again.#i didnt finish echoes of wisdom yet (SOON IM TRYING IM STUCK I NTHE SONIC ADVENTURE 1 WEB HELP) but what I saw of Link there?#he was kinda terrifying lmao its always funny to see that link is so extremely competent because i am not. that boy efficient#im stuck in the sa1 web because everyone is always talking about how good it is. so i played the pc port and. its apparently awful idk it i#thats just what sa1 outside of emerald coast plays to me tbh. but the dreamcast is supposed to be better. and i own a dreamcast. free me#i played on gamecube too. 12 years ago. it made me sick. maybe one day i'll install some mods that make it play better#why does it feel like the month is over when its only january 6#i played sa1 as a kid btw. just emerald coast tho. ALSO I DIDNT BUY A DREAMCAST FOR THIS I ALREADY OWNED ONE
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'I want you to continue to be who you are.' what if i fucking died what then
#i rewatched stolas' confession and i just screaming crying throwing up#i feel like that tells you with upmost certainty that stolas genuinely adores blitz hes so in love with him#stolitz#stolas#blitzø#helluva boss#blitzo#blitz#hb full moon#also do you think blitz mother said something similar to him back then#i can 100% see this being a quote thats paralleled later on#and it would make so much heartbreaking sense with tilla#like going by the shot in the trailer#hes wearing that outfit from the accident#(i know its probably a hallucination but it might be a hallucination that creates a flashback scene)#i hc he went to her and their last conversation was about confessing to fizz#and she said to him something like 'always be you no matter what'#also hc she helped him with the letter (just cause of the correct spelling)#and she gave him her necklace as good luck (and thats why he still has it)#cause if everyone believed he did it on purpose nobody wouldve given him anything of hers#sorry i am going off on a tangent here#can you tell i want the ghostfuckers ep so badly!!!
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I saw a girl say she doesn't get jealous, she gets nauseous and I have NEVER felt that more than I do right now.
#why the fuck did he bring up his exes???#and how am i supposed to react???#he brung them up in negative connotation but STILL.#female rage#female hysteria#girlblogger#im just a girl#girlblogging#hell is a teenage girl#girly thoughts#older boyfriend#older guys#txt post#txt#cinnamon girl#sweet girl#girlcore#girlhood#this is what makes us girls#whisper girl#girl blogger#this is a girlblog#girlblog aesthetic#just a girlblog#lana del ray aesthetic#lana is god#lana del ray aka lizzy grant#lana unreleased#lana del rey#i wanna cry
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I love him so much
#doukyuusei#doukyusei movie#kusakabe hikaru#it's serious idk why I'm so attached to fictional characters and I see myself in them or I want them to be in my life#this is so embarrassing why am I not growing up I feel like I'm 10 but I'm almost 21 and I'm refusing to admit it#and I wanna cry to death I don't wanna get older I wanna be 10 forever I hate being an adult I still sleep with my plushies#and I want a dinosaur toy so badly
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I think it can be true that certain lifestyle changes can help with pain and disability, but people really overplay how those changes will affect people's lives.
I've found that exercise has helped my back pain - I have had chronic back pain that PT didn't touch, but exercise has helped. However, what hasn't changed is what exasperates that pain, and when my pain is especially exasperated, it doesn't matter how much I exercise, I'll be in my bed trying so hard to get out, and I'll be seeing white. So, yes, exercise helped me, but it did not save me. That's an example of what I mean.
It's fine to give (solicited!!) advice to people about how to manage things like this. But I'm begging people to be realistic about this. Lifestyle changes can only do so much, and disabilities are - surprise! - disabling.
#disability#i just hate how people turn lifestyle advice into (again) thought-terminating clichés#because i DO all the things i'm ~supposed~ to do and it didn't save me...#...that tells me that it isn't this magical cure people think their advice is#i used my back pain as an example ofc and i'm not saying i have it bad or worse than anybody else#but my pain used to be so much worse and i'm glad it's gotten to the point...#...where i only experience bad days only so often where before it was multiple times per week...#...like as a kid my back pain would keep me up and almost make me cry and PT didn't help me whatsoever#i'm probably about the most active i've been in my life so far and i still have pain because i have a historical precdence for it#this is why i never will judge people for choosing not to make the '~proper~' lifestyle changes that ~help~ with their disability/ies#it isn't a contradiction that i am 'fit' and i'm in the market for a cane (maybe)#(i've been looking around because i want help getting up when i have an 'episode' of pain)
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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First of all, I just want to say. I called it lol
Finally an sskk face off since the sacrifice. I am going insane. I can’t articulate all my thoughts rn but something about the way Atsushi aimed a kick at Akutagawa that he fully expected the guy to block (because they know each other’s usual fighting styles!!!) only for it to connect and hurt him; Atsushi begging Akutagawa to recognize him because even if he still can’t consciously admit it, Atsushi has become convinced that Akutagawa wouldn’t be attacking him like this if he knew it was him; pleading for him to snap out of it and demanding to know why he saved him aghhhhh I’m going feral we know the reason Atsushi we know whyyyyy
I can’t believe it actually. We are at the point where sskk do not want to genuinely hurt each other. Atsushi attacked only out of self defence and was taken aback by actually breaking his wrist. Akutagawa refused to kill Atsushi in the Fukuchi fight and Atsushi is now convinced he’d stop attacking if he recognized him. Holy shit. Oh my god.
And Sigma badass moment! My boy, he pulled through! Either him or Chuuya had to break the stalemate; hell yeah, validation. Wasn’t there a meme someone made? “Prison arc -> prison arc if Sigma still had a gun”? Well Sigma’s got a gun and things are picking up babyyyy! His retort to Fyodor was quite possibly the funniest thing he could’ve said in response. Just completely shut him down. Using what he’s learned running the empty home Fyodor previously tried to buy his trust with. Beautiful. ADA Sigma real??? (I think the story will have to acknowledge his very public involvement with Taneda’s shooting and the acts of terrorism the Hunting Dogs now know he is responsible for… so I’m not sure how that will go but I’d like to see him end up with the Agency tbh… so long as it makes sense.)
Things I did not expect:
Mysterious note left in Russian??? It could be Mykola I suppose but… why? What happened? If he’s actually in trouble I doubt he’d need help escaping. Is it a trap? But what for? Alternatively… could it be Pushkin? He was in Meursault initially right? We never found out what his connection was. It could be a new Russian author too! Intriguing! There’s also the matter of it being written in Russian in the first place - who is it meant for? Sigma specifically? Or is it meant for someone else who speaks Russian?
Dazai is actually injured! I was certain he had something ready to get out on his own but I like this much better. Tbh I know this sounds bad but I’m actually way more invested now that Dazai has a broken leg and Fyodor was just shot. There’s higher stakes, you know? Damn though. I think Dazai’s injuries are. Worse. He’s being terribly self-sacrificial, and is apparently going to face off against Chuuya next time we see him. I do think now the stakes would be too low if Chuuya was completely free of the brainwashing tbh… I’m hoping for a double “I know you’re in there” fight between skk and sskk. Not that Dazai can do much physically but his strength has always been with words anyways, and I am certain Chuuya’s already fighting back. And I know Atsushi will reach Akutagawa. Manifesting sskk reunion where they challenge Fukuchi again and win this time via the power of unbreakable trust (delusional).
Sigma asks Fyodor “WHAT are you?” Which is interesting, and I’m hoping will acknowledge the way Fyodor doesn’t seem to age… but also intriguing is the “getting closer” part on the side which implies he’s not quite right. I think Fyodor will still turn out to be human tbh (it’d be weird otherwise, thematically), but now I’m starting to lend a little more weight to that theory about a Fyodor double…
Well anyways. This was a lot. I’m going to helplessly whir about it for a bit now.
#bsd#bsd spoilers#bsd chapter 107#storyrambles#I just want an incredibly homoerotic showdown between skk and sskk where Dazai and Atsushi snap their partners out#of the brainwashing so Chuuya can wreak havoc while Dazai watches him with stars in his eyes as he’s crumpled on the floor#and Akutagawa can immediately go off to fight Fukuchi so he doesn’t have to answer Atsushi who is behind him#relieved and irritated and asking him why he chose to save him on repeat#‘I am asking you a question here!’ ‘I cannot hear you jinko we have more pressing matters keep up’#aya leaning over to bram: ‘he-he’s dodging the question!’#I take my theorizing very seriously thank you very much :P#wait. Hold on. What if. What if dazai can nullify the vampire curse but only when he’s in contact.#what if chuuya has to carry him everywhere while dazai is in physical contact with him constantly. think of the comedy. think of the gay.#actually I’m going to cry that’s so funny to me. they’d be complaining about it constantly#meanwhile you just know chuuya is worried about the extent of dazai’s injuries and dazai is still livid about the mind control#hi this is unbelievably funny to me
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Every day I wake up, I'm full of inspiration and ambition, I lollygag a bit, I kinda skirt around it, I actively avoid The Thing I WANT to do. Then I just kinda give up and do something else.
#idk what's up w this but like. the more intensely i WANT the more i can't bring myself to do it.#like feh example like you'd think bc it's ALL i'm on about. i'd be deeply IN the source material#and i have felt i've been away doing my own thing for too long i need to revisit it. i Need to#but for some reason it's unbearable. not bad. i just can't bear it. i do NOT know what's up w that#i wanna keep listening to a playlist too (hoping it's still up) but like. i broke away. and i am struggling to return.#AND LIKE. BEYOND FEH. i feel this about video games in general like i have to do something that requires no commitment.#labyrinth of galleria was great for this. for some INEXPLICABLE reason. it is just a COMPLETELY different experience#like. the feelings i feel when playing galleria vs like etrian odyssey where i'm VERY attached to my guys#the most upsetting side effect is i feel like i'm losing alfonse's voice like i feel like i used to be able#to mimic his speech patterns PERFECTLY. but everything just feels off or not cleaned up enough#and again i can't fucking bear it. like i am almost going to fucking cry about it. like what is wrong here.#like WHY can't i get myself to DO. THE THINGS. I LIKE. THAT BRING ME JOY. THE COMMITMENT.#i think i'm also worried like i don't wanna get to the point where like. my blorbos are unrecognizable.#spent too much time in my head and now they're all warped and weird. but like. like. for some reason.#esp if i feel this INTENSE fucking affinity it's like. i get in this weird headspace where can't look directly at it.#i should do ANYTHING else. what is my fucking PROBLEM.#does anybody have a cure. or do i just give up forever.
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can someone tell miss flo that her fucking obsession with her still extremely conventionally attractive and thin body type is boring at best and pissing this fat woman the fuck off at worst? you're on year five of this. grow up!
#like get some thicker skin girly. you would not SURVIVE being fat if having boxy shoulders makes you cry this much#'boo hoo i am short and have a boxy body type! even though i am still super thin and beautiful i am THE most oppressed body type'#'i never saw myself represented growing up!' cool! i was the butt of every joke for two decades. wanna trade girly?#there's a reason i've had her blacklisted on here for years and why i DO NOT fuck with her and won't watch anything she's in lol.
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