#But when in doubt assume that every other person is also aro ace that’s my policy lmao

[spicypotstickerbliss]

it’s time to play my favorite game: are they asexual or do they just like wearing black rings on their right middle finger for no reason??

[bloggingboutburgers]

I need some help.

So, I have this friend who’s Aro/Ace, and we have a very close group of us and like 2 other people. He recently came out to this group, and we’re all super supportive. He actually came out to me before the others, and I helped encourage him to tell them.

I am demisexual, and was planning on telling these same people around that time, but he got there first, and I didn’t want to be a jerk so I waited like a day to tell them, but I’m not sure if I waited long enough. He‘s also being weird about me being demi, and kind of treating me like I’m not really part of the same community, like, just little comments, not malicious or anything, but lots of little things.

I was the one to introduce him to all the fun ace memes, like, garlic bread, and such, and I’m the one who explained the difference between romantic and sexual attraction to him, and I introduced him to qprs, but he still treats me like I’m not the same.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but I’m already insecure about being aspec, but not fully ace, so it’s just kinda freaking me out. Should I talk to him about it? Just deal with it? I don’t know. I don’t want to „me too“ his identity, but I don’t want to be erased.

Thanks.

Is that like... Ace gatekeeping of sorts...? Man I'm sorry you're going through this, that sounds awkward.

Sorry I'm replying so late, I hope I'm not too late, but... Yeah, personally I would recommend talking to him about it, to find out why he's doing this. I have no idea what's going on here, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he might have felt your coming out might have undermined his in ways, even though that wasn't your intention at all and now HE's undermining yours...

Coming out is a very personal experience that should be up to a person's choice on when and how it's best to do it, so it's important for him to be able to respect yours like you did your best to respect his.

Being queer, and being on the asexual spectrum, is also very personal and CAN lead one to being defensive after having been othered for so long, not sure why, maybe 'cus we're afraid we might be damaged in the process or reduced to an image we don't wanna be reduced to. I mean... I don't know if it's a universal experience, but for instance, while I'm always happy to meet other aros and aces, I have trouble engaging in aroace-dedicated communities (welp... mostly 'cus I'm afraid of groups) but also and mostly, every time I get recommended a work with aro or ace characters in it, it hardly ever fails to give me a massive nervous stomachache and make me want to put off checking out said work forever, 'cus... I think I'm scared of finding out the many ways my identity can get undermined in the process, ironically.

I'm not sure what causes this. Maybe growing up in a reality that's so hostile to being on the aro and ace spectrums fucked me up. And maybe there's something like that going on for him too, though I don't wanna project at all. I can only ever speak about my own experience.

Either way... Both of you are valid in both of your ways, he shouldn't be gatekeeping anything, indirectly or not, especially when you've been so open to sharing your experience, and yeah, you're not the same, but you're on the same spectrum, and there are part of your struggles that you share, and he should respect that. Just because your experience doesn't 100% align with his doesn't undermine either of you. You're in this together and you should be able to have each others' backs. I sincerely hope you can talk it out and I hope he doesn't get too defensive about it... But yeah, I hope you can get your feelings across to him as well, 'cus you don't deserve this. I sincerely wish you both the best.

[legandairy-horror]

Headcannons about how the Lightner crew show affection for each other because I can't stop imagining these dorks as the world's most confusing and disastrous polycule

Kris

Feral animal in all things, including relationships. Is very particular when it comes to physical touch and other displays of affection. Instead they give out cool rocks and other shiny things to people they like/care. Has had a crush on every person in their class at one point or another and simultaneously refuses to acknowledge it and refuses to move on. Subconsciously uses their pranking and general weirdness as an excuse to get closer to people without having to admit that they like being around them

Susie

That one "Excuse me, they asked for no pickles" meme. Is willing to commit any crime for the people they care about. Absolutely refuses to acknowledge the fact that they have feelings for anyone even after going out on several dates with them. Not helped by poor self-worth issues making he doubt anyone actually liking her let alone romantic feelings. Deeply infatuated with Noelle, strong feelings for Kris. Complicated for Catti (started out real rough but thinks dark magic is sick as fuck)

Noelle

Lesbiab. Lasbein. Girls. Has such a low self-image of herself and tries so unbelievable hard to hide how weird she is that she just does not realize that every girl in class has been actively trying to date her and just assumes that they're all being nice. Not helped by some lingering Heteronormativity makes her just default to "Ah yes, boys and girls date, that's how that works".

Berdly

I cannot emphasize just how performative he views relationship. Raised on a healthy diet of Heteronormativity and Societal expectations he understands every relationship through that lens. "Of course the guy and girl get together in the end, that's just 'how it works'". Except it's not how it works, because people are often a lot more then what society expects from them. And he just never realized that there might be other options, that love isn't this destined thing that everyone one day accepts like fucking ex-caliber. That he doesn't have to do this if we doesn't want to. That he can just be friends with people instead of having to worry about all this forced bullshit. Yes I am head-cannoning Berdly as closeted aro/ace and there is nothing you can do to stop me.

Catti

Developed a crush on Kris & Noelle while she was teaching them both magic and never fully got over it. Also had somewhat of a friendship while they were younger and thus unjustly blames herself for not doing more to help them after Dess's disappearance and Kris's Possession. Combined with typical teen angst of "My parents are humiliating me by their mere existence." and she's developed a very distant and detached form of love. a very "I'm fine sacrificing my happiness if it means they keep their happiness" kinda mentality. Reason she doesn't get along with Susie at first is because she subconsciously projects a lot of her own anxieties and fear onto her leading to a lot of hostility at first.

Jockington

Token straight and is thus the only remotely competent person here. Serves as the supportive rock for everyone and especially Catti. The first and mostly likely person on the team to suggest the completely reasonable advice of "have you tried talking to them?" and "you're probably overthinking this". It's part of why Catti fell in love with him, because he's the only one here who would willing and readily admit that he cares for someone.

Bonus Monster Kid & Snowy meme (not at all serious)

"Have you ever been walking down the street with your best bro and while you're walking you accidentally touch hands? You think to yourself - That was weird, but I'm not gay. - You are, you are gay". Source

[midnightstargazer]

why I, as a Regulus stan, don't ship Jegulus

With the disclaimer upfront that I'm not saying nobody should. I know I have mutuals who do. Y'all are cool. We can ship and let ship. But I don't ship them, and here's why.

I don't care for how Regulus is usually characterized in the context of Jegulus. I prefer him redeemable, but morally gray; someone who was influenced by family and peer pressure but ultimately made his own bad choices and later changed his mind, not someone who was forced into every bad thing he ever did. I'm sure there are Jegulus fics out there where he is more morally gray. But from what I've seen, he's often a bit too sanitized for my taste.

I don't care for how James is usually characterized, either. Sunshine boy who wants to believe the best of everyone? I don't see it. In canon he's very loyal and caring towards his friends, but there's no evidence he would have a nuanced point of view towards someone like Regulus, particularly during their late teenage years when Regulus is actively espousing blood supremacist ideology and working for the Death Eaters.

(Which doesn't mean I think Regulus is unworthy of love. I just don't think it's likely James, specifically, would have liked him very much during the time period when they would have known each other in canon)

Because of this, I can only imagine Jegulus in a context very far removed from canon: either a Muggle AU, a no Voldemort AU, an AU where Regulus runs away with Sirius, etc. None of those are very interesting to me. It could also work if Regulus survives and ends up in the Order, which is a favorite trope of mine, but I'd just as soon see that with a different ship or no ship for Regulus and keep Jily together.

I ship Jily. Which isn't necessarily an obstacle, because I'm willing to multi-ship basically anybody except Tedromeda. I can totally get on board with the idea that one or both of them had another relationship before they got together, or that in a canon divergence story where one of them survives, they might eventually move on with someone else. But because I do ship Jily, I'm not really looking for someone else to ship with James.

Who Regulus ends up with romantically, if anybody, is the least interesting thing about him imo. I'll read fics where he's paired up romantically, and I've written a few of them - although I also have a long ongoing series where he's aro-ace. Having a romance arc for Regulus at all is 100% optional as far as I'm concerned.

The "best friend's brother" thing - I think it mischaracterizes Sirius's relationships with both of them to assume he would be overprotective of Regulus and suspicious of James if they were to get together. I love fics where the Black brothers reconcile, but still, I doubt they'd ever have such a stereotypically normal sibling relationship. And that's not even getting started on how it undermines Sirius's friendship with James.

Its sheer overwhelming popularity annoys me. No offense intended to anyone who likes it. Your personal preference is valid. It's the expectation for everyone to share that preference that I don't love. A lot of the time in the Marauders fandom the pairing is simply taken for granted as the default. So that does make me dig my heels in a bit.

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: Pride Asks!

It may be August, but I’m a big believer in Pride Year, so today I’m going through the list of questions I found on this post and answering the ones I feel like thinking about!

(Turns out I felt like answering all thirty-four of them. Have fun!)

1. Which labels do you use?

I am greyromantic and demisexual! I also use aromantic and asexual, or aro-ace.

2. Do you like to use the term queer for yourself? Or just LGBT, etc?

I’m here, I’m queer! I understand why some people aren’t comfortable with reclaiming this word, but it works well for me. You can’t leave out the A when you call it a queer community.

3. Which pronouns do you use?

She/her

4. Are you "out" to your family and friends?

Yep!

5. Are you "out" publicly?

Yep!

6. (If you're out) do you wish you came out sooner? Later? Or was it the right time?

I wish I’d known it was an option sooner. I couldn’t have come out before I knew about it, so I suppose it was the right time. But I wish I’d spent fewer years thinking there was something wrong with me.

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

No, but when I came out, I didn’t know that there were other queer people in my family.

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender:

My gender is “respect me!”

9. When did you realize you weren't cishet?

In middle school, I knew I wasn’t feeling the same thing that my peers were describing when they talked about crushes. But it was easy enough to dismiss it as just another thing that was different about me. I was already anosmic and autistic, and always the first Jewish kid that anyone had ever met. I assumed I was “straight but broken” for the longest time. I didn’t even really believe that I could be asexual the first time I heard the word, in college. I joined my school’s Feminist Union, and that’s where I learned that there are more options to sexuality than straight or gay, more options to gender than boy or girl, and that romantic and sexual attraction weren’t the same thing. I went on Tumblr and followed as many queer blogs as I could find – I was determined to learn everything I could about all the identities, so I could be the best ally ever! One day, I saw a post with the word “demisexual” in it, and I Googled it. I read the definition, and it clicked.

10. Something that gives you gender euphoria (whether you're cis or trans):

When people call me “sir” or “ma’am.”

11. Favorite (or just one you love) piece of LGBT media?

Technically You Started It by Lana Wood Johnson. I wish I could reach back through time and hand this book to my preteen self.

12. Name some queer artists/bands or songs you like most:

“For Me” by Dearlie and “Never Been in Love” by Will Jay stand out. I’m not sure if it was intentional, but “Good Thing” by Zedd and Kehlani is SO aro.

13. Do you choose to reclaim slurs, why or why not?

Every word we use to describe ourselves has been used against us pejoratively. If I find a word works for me, I use it. If someone asks me not to use a word for them or around them, then I won’t use it for them or around them.

14. How do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity?

I’m Jewish, anosmic, and autistic. I understood from a very young age that there were things about me that made me different from other people, that other people wouldn’t be able to see right away. Once they realized that that difference existed, they would doubt me, question me, negatively judge me, and distance themselves from me. In a way, that all prepared me to realize and accept my asexuality and aromanticism.

I also give my parents a lot of credit for never putting any pressure on me to date when I was a kid or a teen. In hindsight, my childhood home was a very safe place to be aro-ace. Queerness wasn’t something we ever talked about, so it’s not like they encouraged me to explore, but they never discouraged it, either. When I first told my mom I thought I might have a crush on a girl, she immediately hugged me and told me she loved me, and that was the end of the conversation. I knew I could come to her and my dad with whatever new discovery I might make about myself.

15. How has your identity changed over time?

I went from “I have no idea” to “straight but broken” to “panromantic demisexual” to “greyromantic demisexual.”

16. Do you attend Pride in person every year?

No. I’d like to, but there’s a pandemic going on out there. And I live in Florida.

17. Have you ever attended Pride in a big city/ large metro area?

I went to Orlando Pride once with my then-boyfriend. There was a big, colorful parade, I bought a demisexual pride flag, and someone gave me a pair of rainbow sunglasses that I wore til they broke.

18. How old were you when you got to attend your first Pride? Who did you go with?

I think that Orlando Pride I mentioned was my first Pride. I was twenty-four or so.

19. Do you feel safe and accepted in your local community?

Safe enough, and accepted enough, given that it’s Florida. I stay in the Disney bubble enough that I don’t feel the need to constantly look over my shoulder. I have a girlfriend I love and friends I adore. That said, while no one locally is actively out to hurt me, it’s rare that anyone besides my girlfriend and a few key friends is actively out to understand and support my queerness, either. I try to find other aros and aces to hang out with in person, but it’s hard.

20. Do you feel like you "fit in" with the queer/Pride community overall?

I feel like I do. But I don’t think that they feel like I do.

21. What message would you give to your younger self?

Everything about you – everything you feel, everything you experience – is just as good, just as valid, and just as important as anyone else.

22. How do you usually celebrate Pride month?

These days mostly through TikToks.

23. Do you prefer loud parties or quiet?

Game night!

24. Do you practice any religion, if so how does it play into your LGBT identity? Do you feel welcomed by your spiritual community?

I’m Jewish. Masorti/Conservative. Like I said before, being Jewish in a predominantly Christian area prepared me in a way for being aro and ace. People struggle to understand it in similar ways; people are nice to me until they learn about it in similar ways. My community is pretty chill about it. They know I’m queer. My girlfriend and I met at synagogue. It doesn’t come up much, really. They’re more interested in the fact that I’m a twenty-something in a congregation where everyone is either much older or much younger than me.

25. What queer discourse frustrates you the most?

“Aces and aros aren’t LGBT!” “You’re not queer enough!” “You’re not oppressed enough!”

We have nothing to gain from shutting each other out, and everything to lose from perpetuating hate.

26. How do you feel about the term partner rather than husband/girlfriend/etc?

Partner is a great word! One of the ways my aromanticism shows up is in a fluctuating romance-repulsion. Sometimes I’m happy with romantic behaviors and ideas, and sometimes I’m really not okay with any of it! Right now, I’m calling my girlfriend my girlfriend, but sometimes that word doesn’t sit well with me. When we first announced our relationship on social media, I called her my “person.” I’m a big fan of having more words, more options, for how to describe the many ways our lives and relationships can be. “Partner” is great.

27. What gender-neutral terms for yourself or others do you use (i.e. joyfriend)?

My person. My partner. My friend. Babe.

28. Do you experience both romantic and sexual attraction? Do you experience them the same across any gender(s) you are attracted to?

Great question! I experience both at times, rarely. I’m demisexual – I only experience sexual attraction towards someone after I have an emotional connection with that person – and I’m greyromantic – I sometimes experience romantic attraction to others, without a clear pattern to it. Gender has never been an important factor for me. I’ve been in love with he’s, she’s, and they’s, and it comes and goes the same either way!

29. Are you currently partnered, or if not are you interested in having partner(s)?

My girlfriend and I have been a romantic couple for about three months. We were friends for about two years before that. I want to build a future together with someone, to make big life decisions together, to create a home together and have each other around for hugs whenever we need them.

But I feel fine when I don’t have that. Who I am when I’m in love and who I am when I’m not in love – it’s both me. I’m whole either way. But I know what I want.

30. Are you monogamous or polyamorous?

Not sure! I’ve never been in love with more than one person at a time, but I’m pretty sure I could be. I think it would be amazing to have more than one person you have that kind of understanding with and can count on like that. But I’m comfortable with monogamy. It’s not like my romantic partner is the only important person in my life; my family and friends are just as important.

31. Post a pic in your pride gear (or it can just be a selfie or anything else lgbt):

I don’t have any good pride pics right now, but I found this picrew I saved, like, two years ago:

32. Do you do arts and crafts? Post a pic of a project you've done:

I’m a writer, so have a poem instead:

I am yours to sit up with past midnight I am yours now to hold very near I am yours to give flowers and chocolates I am yours when I tell you my fears

I am yours when you soothe all my worries I am yours when you calm all my rants I am yours here beside you for always I am yours since you gave me the chance

I am yours when I tell you you’re silly I am yours when you tell me the same I am yours now to keep us both mindful I am yours in both sunshine and rain

I am yours when we meet in the morning I am yours when I tell you goodbye I am yours, though the allos will tell us That love without sex is a lie

Incidentally, I’m working on a book of Aromantic Asexual Love Poems. If you’ve read this far and you’re interested in beta-reading a queer poetry book, please reach out!

33. What about your LGBT identity do you feel proud of/ want to recognize/celebrate?

The freedom! The freedom to not know what’s going on with me, to be inconsistent, to figure out what’s best for me and my relationships, to build my future day by day by day. Recognizing my aromanticism and asexuality has opened so many doors for me and given me so much hope!

34. What are you needing most right now (what would make your life easier or more fulfilling in regards to existing as queer)?

More people who are neither aro nor ace mentioning aro and ace people in queer contexts. We can’t be the only ones speaking up for ourselves. Y’all need to be positive and noisy about us, too. That’s how we know we’re safe with you.

[fallenrain40]

it's so strange how certain my asexuality is compared to my aromantisim. like... I don't feel sexual attraction and feel mildly repulsed at the thought. I'm ace. End of story. But, when it comes to being aro... my brains all like: "what even IS romance anyways??? how do i know if i feel it or not becuase obviously i do appear to feel some form of attraction to others but it's very confusing becuase it doesnt exactly equal me wanting to TALK to those people or anything, i just like them. but also i like the idea of going on adventures with someone but i mean is it even realistic to assume anyone would want to be with me when i cant love them like other people can? and if i ended up finding someone that was okay with it, would they have boundaries that i would end up crossing if i discovered i was demi?? or if it fluctuates and one day i suddenly feel much stronger attraction than before? or what if i find someone and then dont feel anything at all? i dont normally feel like i want to kiss literally anyone ever or do any typical romance stuff. also what if i like multiple people? what if i like multiple people and then dont have the energy to spend time with them all becuase of my low social battery? what if i like multiple people but then one day i end up with a bout of social anxiety and they all hate me now becuase i couldnt be with them? or what if i get with 1 person and then i get Selfish and Sad becuase they cant spend time with me? if i got with someone, would i need them to like all the same things i do, becuase if not i will quickly lose interest due to not being able to do the things i enjoy with that person? do i just want someone to share the things i love with? is that romance? does it have to be romance? does it have to be friendship? is it some weird inbetween? what if i suddenly feel uncomfortable with not having a clear label to set boundaries to? and i hate losing my autonomy, so wouldn't i naturally hate relationships where you are meant to give everything to your partner? i hate the sound of it. but i still crave a relationship. is that selfish to not want every part of me to belong to someone else? do i even want friendships when they take so much time to maintain and it drains everything out of me? is it even real love if i only want to spend time with others when they are doing the things that I specifically enjoy? why am i like this, i should just be happy to be around others. why do i feel attraction when it doesnt ever make me happy, and only fills me with worry? I really just want to share the things i like with other people. but what in the world is that called? maybe I'm aplatonic? but it doesn't make sense when i know i feel attraction of some kind. i see people and think they are cool. i feel a care of some kind, i want to be able to protect my friends and be there for them when they are sad. but at the same time i feel this insistent need to not owe anything to anyone. and, i dont hate spending my time alone, i just get uncomfortable with it some days... but i have this consistent feeling in my heart that i want someone, just someone to care for. i possibly feel a love of some kind towards people, but... what it is, i have no clue. it's just constant doubts and questions. my aromatic side is just full of that. so some days it just... better to say, yay! I'm aro! than to think about it. but... then a day comes where i feel a longing to be with someone and then the questions return.

[moonlightserenadeeznutz]

luna for the headcanons thing pls pls pls

Yes!!! I love giving Luna headcanons, so here ya go bestie!

(Read under cut)

Luna Lovegood headcanons

First of all, definitely a trans girl, no doubt about that. She lived in a very open environment and was able to explore her gender identity at a young age. Her mother sewed her dresses to wear, long, flowing garments that Luna thought were the most beautiful things she’d ever seen. Her father taught her how to make flower crowns and crowns of leaves, and she’d wear them with her dresses.

She didn’t have to come out to her parents. Her femininity at a young age simply led to her simply stating that she was a girl, and that her name was Luna. Her parents were very accepting (and Xenophilius is trans himself because fuck you of course he is, so he was super supportive of Luna).

She named herself after the moon because her parents loved astrology and they taught her all the different planets and their moons, and all the different stars in the sky and how to spot the constellations.

The Lovegoods were definitely pagan, I mean they were all about nature and spirituality. They always marked every single holiday, staying up all night on the solstices, lighting huge bonfires, and making wreaths to wear. Pandora played the lyre, Xenophilius sang songs and Luna would act out stories and poems.

Cornish, and they speak the language as well because being bilingual is sexy.

Speaking of pagan, Pandora’s funeral would have also been pagan, obviously.

She’d have a natural burial, and Luna would recite a poem, and the rest of the family would also give eulogies, recite poetry, or thank the Goddess. Four members- including Xenophilius and Luna- would stand at each point on the compass and “invoke” each element (Air in the East, Fire in the South, Water in the West and Earth in the North) and give thanks to them. There would also be music at the wake, played by members of the family. Drums, tambourines, flutes etc. Luna played her mother’s favourite song on her lyre.

When she reached Hogwarts, I don’t think she was drawn to anyone in particular right away, I think she had better relationships with the teachers more than the students. She got on really well with Professor Sprout, and I think Hagrid really liked her too, because they’d talk about all the different magical creatures together, and Luna would tell him about all the creatures her and her father wrote about in the Quibbler.

Academically, she was very smart, and did well in most of her classes, but she didn’t particularly find a lot of them overtly interesting to her, unless she was able to put her own twist to it, which usually she wasn’t. In Potions, she wasn’t able to brew her own stuff, make up recipes, or use a variation of the recipe. Snape was much too strict with her and as a result, she didn’t do very well, which made her more upset than she would let on since she had been really good at potions at home.

She particularly shone in third year, since she was able to take classes more suited to her, like Astrology and Divination. Astrology was her favourite of course, and she’d talk about it all the time with Ginny.

However, in third year she also became particularly interested in DADA, mainly because she formed a strong friendship with Professor Lupin. Remus had been informed that Luna was trans, and since he is as well, they had things in common, and were able to talk about it with each other, Remus sort of taking Luna under his wing a little. They’d sit in his office and drink tea and Luna would give him copies of the Quibbler, which he’d happily read.

Luna was actually the first to figure out that Remus was a werewolf, but she didn’t tell anyone, not even him. She didn’t think it was her secret to share, nor did she think it changed anything. But she did find it fascinating, and read a lot of books on lycanthropy. After Remus had left, Luna told him that she knew and she asked if she could write some articles about it in the Quibbler, to raise awareness, or if he’d like to write any articles. Remus agreed to let her write something, and she wrote a three page article about werewolf inequality (but careful not to mention Remus by name). She did interview him about it, and he said that he was proud of being a werewolf, that it was actually very cool at times, but that it was simply wizarding society that had forced him to be ashamed. She wrote all this down, and it became the most bought copy of the Quibbler, as lots of students at Hogwarts wanted to read it, and they shared it with their friends and parents. So despite Remus not being able to come back to Hogwarts as a teacher, he did receive tons of letters in support of him from parents and students who had read the article and put two and two together.

Friends with Ginny by third year! Luna actually took a while to warm up to Ginny, thinking she was this loud, athletic, snobbish type, but then Luna got to know her and realised that she wasn’t that at all. Ginny was loud, but in a contagious laughter sort of way, and she could be very quiet and calm when she wanted to. She was athletic, but chatted animatedly about Quidditch teams, and Luna couldn’t help but listen. And she wasn’t snobbish, quite the opposite. She was the only person who listened to Luna, and discussed her ideas rather than swat them away impatiently. Luna made Ginny flower crowns, and Ginny stayed up with her all night during solstices. They became very close.

Ginny was the first student at Hogwarts that Luna told about being trans, and Ginny came out to her as being bisexual. And they were very supportive of each other, as well as being great at keeping each other’s secrets. They trusted each other with their lives, and would always stand up for the other. If Luna was getting picked on, Ginny would go feral and start fights. Although she eventually stopped, since it made Luna more upset. So she stuck to just being there for Luna (and maybe slipping a potion into bullies’ morning pumpkin juice that made them cluck like a chicken. But Luna didn’t need to know about that...)

That being said, Luna could get angry too of course. When she heard an older girl make fun of Ginny behind Ginny’s back, Luna wordlessly went up to her turned the girl’s hair blue with a wave of her wand. Ginny laughed her head off when she found out.

It was through Luna’s bond with Ginny, that she realised that she wasn’t interested in either the romantic or sexual side of relationships. At first she assumed that it was because Ginny was a girl, and she may not be attracted to girls, but it got her thinking about boys too, about everyone. And she just didn’t want that sort of relationship with anyone. She loved her platonic relationship with Ginny, and that’s how she wanted all of her relationships to be like.

I feel like she also had a close bond with Neville, and they gave each other plants as birthday gifts.

Projecting a little bit here, but Luna with Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder, spending hours by herself making up fantasies and constructing worlds in her head, making up new characters, and getting so invested in them that she regularly saw herself as her characters. I feel like this started because of the trauma from losing her mother. She didn’t tell anyone about it, or at least nothing in detail, but she tried to explain it a bit to Ginny, who knew to leave her alone when Luna would sit by herself.

MaD also made Luna a little more detached from her gender identity, especially if she was acting as one of her characters (again I’m projecting here) who were either male or genderless. She still identified as female, but in a much more looser, fluid way, and even experimented with she/they pronouns, which she eventually decided she liked. (If this were set in the modern world, I can also imagine her using neopronouns such as xe/xer or fae/faeself, though in the canon world, she may have also tried out it/its).

Doesn’t know much about the muggle world, but Hermione gave them a copy of Alice In Wonderland which they loved. And if I were to headcanon Luna liking a muggle band/artist they’d probably like anything psychedelic or nature-like, maybe the early stuff of Pink Floyd (yes, Dev, I’m thinking about Atom Heart Mother).

Went travelling after Hogwarts, where she met Rolf Scamander, and they hit it off immediately. Very similar to each other, and soon became close friends. I also headcanon Rolf as aro/ace so their relationship basically became like Luna’s and Ginny’s.

Their house was filled with all sorts of plants and animals. Rooms were lined with trees filled with Bowtruckles, and owls flitted in and out of windows, cats slinking about the place, so many frogs. My god, their house was wonderful.

Adopted Lorcan and Lysander because ffs not everyone has to have a nuclear family jkr 🙄. And parents also don’t have to be romantically or sexually involved with each other either; Luna and Rolf had a good relationship, both wanted to be parents, so they raised the twin boys together. And Lorcan and Lysander had a fantastic childhood, can you imAGINE?!

Godmother of Lily Luna, obviously. And Harry and Ginny’s kids loved going round Luna’s place, so more often than not, the house was filled with not only the entire natural world, but also a bunch of children running about the place.

Oh also, Luna has nymph ancestors. They just do, okay?

[mrsmummifikation]

Part 1: I don’t know what I am. I’m 32. I kept telling myself I didn’t care to find out. It wasn’t important. But 2 years ago I was finally diagnosed as autistic after years of suspecting it and a lifetime of struggles and... it was important. It mattered. So I got to thinking. I don’t think I ever want to have sex which I believe make me sex repulsed, right? I know some asexuals are too and some aren’t. I find both men and women attractive, but on an aesthetic way, I think? ...

Part 2: I don’t think I ever was attracted to someone physically, but the think is I might have and not recognized? Maybe? I have trouble recognizing and dealing with feelings. Not uncommon for autistics and it just makes everything more complicated. Which leads me to people assuming I have no interest in sex because I’m autistic which is just wrong since I have met autistic people with every orientation on the spectrum but you know, people like their stereotypes. Continue...

Part 3: I also have read smut, mostly in fanfics and had no problem with it but prefer not to watch visual media that depicts anything too explicit. When I was younger I used to close my eyes when people kissed on movies. I have considered that I am bisexual but sex repulsed, that I’m asexual, that I might be just in some gray area of sexuality. I don’t know. I can get interested in the romantic and even sexual relationships of fictional characters but have no interested in one of my own ...

Part 4: So, I’m pretty sure I am not straight but I am not sure what precisely I am. I have been read as straight my whole life though and just not interested in dating which maybe always felt wrong. I have all this thoughts about how I am not valid or just making stuff up and “trying to be a special snowflake” or something which I hate but can’t dismiss completely. I don’t have can’t talk about this to anyone in person and I am having a hard time and I just wanted to tell someone. Signed L.

Hey L! I’m always happy to listen, and I promise I’ll try my best to help! 

I know what you mean when you say that being diagnosed as autistic mattered. Even if you’re sure of something, sometimes having the right name/term/label is really important! It depends from person to person, but if the confirmation of being autistic felt right, it’ll probably help you to find the sexual/romantic identityl that fits the best. And if you do have a harder time recognizing your feelings and you’re worried it’ll make this a slow process, that’s alright! It’s not a rush, it’s not a race. It’s not something that should cause you stress. You can take your time and try out some different labels until you find the one that suits you. 

The whole ‘special snowflake’ thing can be really hard if it’s ingrained into you. It took me a little bit to get over the feeling of self doubt when it came to that. I kept finding posts online about how aces only exist for attention and it made me kind of... shut down, I guess. I stopped looking into it, started to try and be ‘normal’. The whole mentality around trying not to be a special snowflake is really damaging because it sets in your mind that your only options are ‘normal’ or ‘snowflake’, when that’s just... not right.

The only thing that’s important is how YOU feel about your identity. If you find a label that makes you happy, that just feels right, that makes you comfortable with who you are? That’s all there is to it. It can be hard to work through it, but once you stop worrying about whether you’re faking it for attention and just focus on yourself, it can loosen up that stress. 

And no matter what point you’re at, where you end up, what you identify as along the way or what you finally settle on, you’re valid. You’re a person, a human being, and you are valid.

So that being said, lets see if we can’t point you in the direction of some vague labels to get you started.

Here's a very basic graphic showing the simplest combinations of romantic and sexual attraction. 

You’ve already narrowed it down to ‘not straight’, so you have a starting point! You said you might be Bi? Maybe you’re Biromantic Asexual? You could start there and see what works for you. There are other, more specific, terms that might help nudge you in the right direction. You can find a list here for asexual terms and here for aromantic terms that might help too. 

Being sex repulsed has different ways of showing itself in different people. You might be able to read smut, but personally I skip over it. You might not be able to handle graphic visual media, but I barely bat an eye! It’s different for everybody, but it's good to know your own boundaries. And being interested in fictional relationships doesn’t seem to have much to do with people’s irl sexuality. I know a few aros/aces who are hardcore shippers who read all sorts of fluff and smut, it doesn’t really seem to have any bearing over their own feelings on romance. 

If you have more questions or just want to talk more, I’ll be here. I know it can be hard to not have anyone else to talk about this sort of stuff, so I’m all ears!

[pentanguine]

22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?

Ah, the million dollar question.

Honestly, short answer, I have no idea. And maybe I’ll never have any idea! Maybe my sexuality and/or my understanding of it will shift every few years as I learn new words and ways of being, or as I have different life experiences. Maybe I’ll never settle down and “figure it out,” because there is no a priori sexuality living inside me like the solution to a puzzle, there’s just complex human feelings overlapping clumsily with a rigid society. Sexuality is totally made up, not because the feelings aren’t real but because the way we taxonomize those feelings is so particular to time and place, and I’m particularly bad at fitting into the structure of the time and place where I live! I’m attracted to people of many different genders, to different extents and in different ways across time, but mostly I seem to be into women, and I am not a woman or a man. This experience is well-nigh impossible to shoehorn into the schematic of modern Western sexual orientation.

I’ve had so many epiphanies about sexuality, and at the time, each one felt like a lightbulb going off and something finally settling inside me. But all of those experiences have shifted over time, and they’ll probably keep on shifting. First I thought I was bi, and then I realized that the thought of being a woman with a boyfriend made me feel bleak, so I jettisoned the idea of a boyfriend and called myself gay; then I realized that I was still attracted to men even if I didn’t want to date them and I read a lot of think-pieces on sexual fluidity; then I realized I was genderqueer and leaned way too hard into being a lesbian to justify my attraction to women (because if I wasn’t a lesbian, it would be Bad!); and then last year I decided I felt much more comfortable calling myself bi and just giving my sexuality the space to sprawl out and make itself at home, even if I do have a preference.

And my actual sexuality changes, too! The more I stop pressuring myself to be a neat little lesbian who was Born This Way, the more comfortable I feel acknowledging that my formative experiences with attraction in middle school involved guys, and not girls. It’s not just that I was oblivious (although I was also that), I was just into guys more often and more strongly, which is the same way I feel about women now. And yeah, it is really, really weird to have your sexuality do a 180 like that! It’s not like it happened overnight, but it does lead to this feeling of disjointedness with my past self, like I jumped through some kind of parallel universe portal and emerged in an alternate sexuality timeline. In retrospect, I guess the best way to describe what I was was a girlfag: I thought of myself as a girl, even if I wasn’t one, but I wanted other boys to think I was a boy, and I liked guys who were pretty and effeminate and possibly gay, because if they were gay that made them “better” to be attracted to. The first narrative for this is that I’m a straight girl who fetishizes gay men; the second narrative for this is that I’m a lesbian who has crushes on feminine, unattainable boys as a proxy for girls; the third narrative is that I’m trans and gay and so duh, I like queer guys.

--

[A Tangent]

Also, you know what, it’s very important to me to not be a lesbian. Because I’m not. We can’t all be lesbians! And that’s ok!

I am not a man and I am mostly attracted to women and I have a very complicated relationship with my infrequent attraction to men, but that does not inherently mean that I am a lesbian struggling with comp het. Maybe I really am a bi person with a preference. Maybe I really am a genderqueer person with no affiliation or alignment or whatever the fuck to womanhood. Maybe my interest in men is so complicated by my own transmasculine gender that I can’t really access it. Maybe my experiences don’t need to be twisted to fit a Good and Proper Lesbian Narrative wherein I realize that Men Are Bad and Women Are Good and I’m not really attracted to the Bad People, and I’m absolutely willing to reduce myself to being Basically A Good Person so that the Good and Loving Light of Lesbianism will shine down upon me.

Look, lesbians are great. Lesbian is a word with so much political power, so much potential for self-definition and self-realization, and so much more fluidity than people give it credit for. It’s a beautiful word and sometimes I wish I were a lesbian. But I’m not, because I choose not to be. I will be mistaken for a lesbian for the rest of my life. The specifics of my queerness will never be legible to other people, because people will see me at my most visibly queer and think “she is a lesbian,” and they will see me with my hypothetical girlfriend and think “those women are lesbians.” And so while lesbian is a word that could fit me under its umbrella if I so chose, I don’t so choose, because it’s not the most accurate or fulfilling word for my queerness, and I will be lesbian until proven otherwise for the rest of my life. And so, when given the chance amongst friends and fellow queers, I want to prove otherwise.

--

I’m also ace, which I see as the queer umbrella that covers all of my sexuality and gender under its scope. My feelings on how, exactly, I’m a-spec have shifted wildly between “gray-asexual,” “demisexual?,” and “totally ace” over the years, often multiple times within the same freaking week. Trying to pin down what sexual attraction even is when it’s something you rarely or never experience, and when it’s also something that you approach through a totally different lens than most people, is an exercise in futility. Words like “hot” or “turned on” or just “sex” don’t even make sense to me; I know broadly what other people mean when they say them, but when I try to find corollaries in my own experiences, I either come up empty-handed or with something that’s like a distorted reflection seen through fog.

I’m not aromantic, but the older I get the less I feel like romantic attraction applies to me, so at this point I’d consider myself sort of philosophically aromantic. I know I’m not actually aro, but the kind of attraction that I feel, while very normative (fluttering hearts; swooping stomachs; improbable daydreams; a desire to impress), also has nothing whatsoever to do with emotions or relationships. My body finds other people cute, and my brain tends to agree, but those feelings don’t lead to desire. They don’t go anywhere. Appreciating the experience of being attracted to someone almost never leads me to want anything from that attraction. I don’t know what that is (maybe it’s shyness or insecurity, or maybe it is some kind of queerness), but I do know that I don’t want to push through it and force myself to go through those rituals just because other people tell me I should want to. 

I guess a lot of the disconnect for me comes from calling that type of physical attraction romantic, when for me it has nothing whatsoever to do with sweeping romantic emotions or intimate relationships. I’d be tempted to call the attraction aesthetic, except I think that’s what I feel for forests and my friend Jonesy’s fashion choices (visual appreciation with no real attraction), and I doubt it’s alterous attraction because the symptoms seem so commonplace and archetypical. So I assume I do feel what most people, bafflingly, call romantic attraction, and the romance part is just a miss for me because I’m delightfully perverse or something. I just don’t understand why “person I find attractive” and “person I want to be intimate partners with” and “person I want to have sex with” and “person I want to cohabit with” all has to be the same person. The whole narrative of romance just doesn’t make sense to me.

--

Good god, this got long.

To finally end up at the second part of the question: My genderqueerness is very closely intertwined with my sexuality, to the point where I wish we still had words like “invert” that combined the two and saw them as mutually constitutive rather than at constant odds with one another. Basically, I see myself as being fundamentally bi, but gay both ways: I’m similar-to-although-not-the-same-as women when I’m attracted to a woman, and similar-to-although-not-the-same-as men when I’m attracted to a man. (When I have a crush on a nonbinary person, I’m just really t4t.) At the moment, attraction to women is the most salient aspect of my sexuality, which is often fraught, because I’m a lot more adamant about Not Being a Woman than I am about not being a man. But I’m still gay for women, and I think I come from a long lineage of people with similar experiences (Vernon Lee, Radclyffe Hall, Leslie Feinberg, Rae Spoon, etc). Speaking of Rae Spoon, I think it’s very easy to assume that you’re not into men when you spend so much time being/trying not to be jealous of them. But I’ve learned that it’s possible for something to be both. Maybe when I love men hypothetically but find it difficult to translate into reality, that’s not because “ew, men bad,” that’s because “DANGER, gender bad.” Maybe (radically! shockingly!) I am actually bisexual and I have crushes on people of various different genders, and none of that negates my attraction to anyone else.

So in summary, I guess I’m just queer, with a side of bi (*gestures expansively*) and ace (*shrugs blankly*).

[borderlandscast]

sorry!! I was the one who sent the anon about the development, and yeah, I meant how their character changed as the story went on. but also, what were some things that changed from the initial starting point in the story?

okay, not a problem! let’s do this. my random three picks: zoeya, lalna, and parvis. i’ll think about maybe doing posts for the others but shoves that onto future self. thank you for clarifyingthis ask! it was a pleasure to answer, and apologies for how long this got.

zoeya

her role is basically a xenobiologist traveling to pandora to research fauna and flora. unfortunately, her assistants continued to ditch her given the dangerous nature of the work.

working solo, zoeya continued after many setbacks and was close to giving up after rythian left (for different reasons than what she’d assume though). and then teep showed up.

zoeya’s bubbly, sunny and talkative personality unnerves a lot of people since you’d think all that would be ground out of her at the end of the first day but nope. zoeya’s greatest strength is in her persistence. she never needed coddling, which almost everyone made the mistake of doing since they also assume she’s naive. she proves them wrong later since death (and to a lesser extent, suffering and pain) is a part of life, which is showcased often in her field.

that said, her greatest weakness is her self doubt and insecurities, whether it’s about herself, her job or her relationships. she has a lot of unspoken anxieties on a daily basis, which hinders her ability to function. she shows signs of adhd too; this is especially evident in the scene where teep shows up and her life is a big Mess, from the way she organises her paperwork, her constant clutter and chaotic workflow.

she has a positive impact on teep and vice versa. for the longest time, she couldn’t open up, and now she has this extraordinary assistant who can actually read her handwriting, is not a wimp about foreign bodily fluids, can handle threats without a blinking an eye, can follow instructions after being told only once; yeah, teep’s her dream assistant. problem: they’re stone cold and unreceptive to her ramblings...or so it appears.

zoeya brings the best out in people; she has a grounding effect. whenever i wrote her into a scene, i had to take a different mindset than say, one i’d have for rythian, rythian is cautious, and usually doesn’t do anything without a plan. zoeya, on the other hand, is free of these restrictions. she’s a very emotional person, which plays off nicely against a bigger backdrop of stoic, reserved and colder cast.

she was never intended as a ‘oh, i’m here for you, always!’ sidelines character which is a cliche role; she takes direct actions throughout borderlandscast, such as being the first outsider to see rythian’s mutilated back. she reacts with a little bit of horror, but ultimately reaches out with a compassionate hand. she also ran inside a burning building to get teep. she also is a frontliner in the bandit battle, at the cost of her hand.

losing her hand wasn’t intended until i browsed the old blackrock vids and hit upon the arc where rythian and co end up in the desert and she needs chocolate milk to survive, and uh, things clicked.

zoeya suffers a permanent consequence for her heroic actions in saving sanctuary hole. does she regret it? no! she does her best to move on, with the support of her loved ones. she may have been an anxious wreck throughout the whole event but she never let it stop her from doing the right thing.

lalna

lalna’s role was mysterious from the start to his companions; his concussion impeded his thoughts and rationality. slowly peeling back the real reasons how he ended up on pandora was part of the story.

he was always going to be rythian’s companion, and unfortunately, was going to betray him later. playing up to that was difficult, since i was starting from scratch in an au compared to blackrock where tensions preexisted.

lalna and rythian are both lonely people, and lonely people tend to gravitate towards each other even if their personalities are at odds. i didn’t detail lalna and rythian’s initial journey together but you can tell that they’ve gotten used to each other by the time nanosounds shows up.

i intentionally wrote lalna to be a scaredy cat but differently to nilesy, parvis and zoeya. normal people don’t cope well with being thrown onto a murderous, lawless place, let alone being stranded. lalna handles it reasonably well at first but then there’s the icing on the cake: killing other people.

thus begins lalna’s spiral into the sad mess that he becomes just before tlvh c12 happens. that ended all civilities between him and the main vault hunters.

negative character development where someone truly regrets their actions should be explored more often! lalna didn’t exactly redeem himself in the final battle but he definitely showed that he’s taking his first steps.

sometimes people try to justify doing terrible things because that’s a very human thing to do. lalnable’s own rigid moral compass was foil to lalna’s own weak, wavering one. it also provided another reason for the conflict where lalna nearly throttles him to death but chooses not to, since that’d violate his whole motive for backstabbing rythian.

lalna is driven by selfishness disguised as protective love for his twin. he’s one of the more selfish people in this au.

his loneliness likely drove him to build larry robert, a friend who’d never abandon him.

i don’t think lalna is an idiot; he’s secretly crafty and actually quick thinking, especially when it comes to his specialties. he’s impulsive though, and he doesn’t like to think about the consequences until the dust clears. this gets better closer to the end since he chooses to go back and help the vault hunters, after he provokes arsenal into beating the shit out of him. that uh, takes some serious guts.

he’ll heal his relationship with rythian eventually. where rythian would once have cut ties with lalna, rythian’s open to trying again, something that lalna is deeply grateful for.

parvis

parvis is interesting as a character since he’s so multi-faceted while still being recognisable as himself. i wrote him to be a bandit, but not a bandit, as paradoxical as that sounds.

he was designed to have every bit of confidence as possible or projecting as much; backstage, he dials back on the loudness and is a little awkward but cares deeply with all the finesse of a brick in a sock. he rivals ravs in terms of social awareness, which is how he easily picked up on will’s need for a friend.

his sewing hobby was added much later, it provides him a valuable skill since bandits probably tear up their own clothes often. plus, plenty of civilians and vault hunters could do with repairs every once in a while. being one of the friendlier bandits around, parvis has a secret reputation as a tailor. he only tries a little to deny it.

parvis intensely dislikes conflict but pretends he does, if only to keep the masses happy (his own lieutenants are bloodthirstier than he is, a rarity on pandora). okay, he might enjoy it a little but the consequences of getting hurt far outweigh the adrenaline rushes. he gets over this ridiculously fast when he’s out for blood in the name of a friend (as in the case of one will strife during the jailbreak), or if something he likes is threatened (like his precious stronghold).

as sparkles pointed out, parvis’ leadership capabilities and knack for keeping a whole bandit gang united under one flag (with a love of music, of all things) is pretty much peerless. parvis has a goddamned gift. it’s why he’s so well-liked by each of his ‘fans’, and why he’s so popular on the echonet. he gets to know all of them equally, and rarely plays favourites. he doesn’t let the attention go to his head, much.

the illliteracy part is common amongst bandits but reading sheet music doesn’t take much; parvis is very insecure and touchy about his inability to read and write, but lalnable helps him with that. he also helps parvis get over his fear of blood and pain in the most direct way possible. it’s voluntary on parvis’ part since parvis rocks up to the clinic on a daily basis since hanging out with lalnable is greater than getting nausea over drawing blood.

parvis really steps up to the plate in ‘the battle of sanctuary hole’. he has major self doubts abouts his ability to succeed in battles despite the bloody bandits’ amazing track record of occupying the dam stronghold against multiple attacks. his big, gay ‘crush’ on daltos may have factored into his decision to pick up his gun and finally jump into the fray.

the ‘crush’ part is parvis working through a complex series of feelings. as sparkles noted, parvis develops and abandons crushes very quickly (about as fast as he loses guitar picks; his one on ravs is one of his longer standing ones). it stems from wanting to get to know people; being famous fucks a lot with parvis’ ability to make genuine friends. he goes back and forth on relationships when his doubts surface.

parvis is aromantic and asexual but is grey on both counts. he doesn’t know what both orientations are called, and unless he has a ‘i like people but not in that way’ session with daltos (aro, bi), teep (aro, ace) or hybridpanda (aro, ace), he’s not in a big rush to find out.

he just wants to be friends with everybody, except for when he or they’re crossed; parvis has a big vindicative streak to him that’s a big bandit trait. fortunately, parvis is as revenge driven as panda or sjin is.

some things that changed as the story went on (off the top of my head):

length of the story and word count; did not anticipate on it spanning across six plus side stories and a main one, or over three years.

arsenal’s role in ‘the battle of sanctuary hole’; he fucked up almost as badly as daltos did, which accelerated the blitzkreig blighter’s quest for destruction and revenge. whoops. but he fixed that by diving in to save his bestue, and failed at that. nobody’s perfect! except boner.

minty! minty wasn’t envisioned until i needed someone to run concordia. martyn and turps weren’t available since they’re both land locked, but then along came minty.

elsa being a major catalyst for the complete destruction of pandora and the universe. it was a joke, but then it happened.

rythian’s relationship with the queen; he nurtured a close bond with her, which she broke when she tried to escape her vault once she got too jealous of freedom. if things had turned out differently, they could have been friends and the universe would have doomed another way.

nanosounds losing her left arm; i think i talked about this in a post a long, long time ago but the consequences of a siren losing her tattooed arm? hasn’t been seen yet, wanted to explore it.

the legendary that was dropped in the vault of the queen; its name is ‘enderbane’, and is currently in rythian’s possession after honeydew gave it to him, thus breaking the curse of ‘no vault hunter shall own a legendary’. he has no idea what it does since he hasn’t tested it out yet, and is a little afraid to do so considering it’s an eridian weapon. didn’t plan on including it as a drop but usually loot is good on a final boss, so there.

ANNOUNCEMENT OF BORDERLANDS 3!!!!!!! since borderlandscast is almost wrapped up, nothing will change content wise but since there’s a giant time gap that exists, we’ll see how i fit the epilogue in since that’s a big playground.

[onesunnyboi-blog]

colton + all ! :o

Okay!! so here is Colton!! 

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?a while - sometimes he has to go on reconnaissance patrols and sit for hours watching the enemy. however if nothing fruitful is coming of sitting about still for hours, he can get a little agitated. How easy is it for your character to laugh? not very - he’s very stoic. his features are like stone and his humour has been diminished over many years of facing war. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)ha ha ha. pretty to assume he sleeps. if out on a mission or facing a tremendous battle, he doesn’t sleep all too often and will try to count himself down into sleep from twenty. How easy is it to earn their trust?not very. he holds everyone at arms length. although, the team he is with, the other Exalts, he trusts wholeheartedly. once gained it’s not easily shaken (but can be easily lost if you betray him; he’s not one for second chances) Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?that depends; being a soldier he has to follow rules rigidly, but if he sees that it would be immoral to follow the law and so breaking a rule or two may be the better option, i don’t think he’d face any doubt and would go ahead and break them. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?there’s a scent of lavender that gives him nostalgia - it triggers memories of being young and warm and safe with his family; not that he really remembers who they are. he just sees fuzzy faces and hears ghostly whispers... but he knows those days as a child were his happiest. it’s a kind of bittersweet feeling, one he doesn’t like to be exposed to often, in fear that he’ll lose his will to face the wars. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?he can’t really remember... he’s certain his father would often tell him to “stand straight, shoulders back - you’re supposed to be a proud boy”. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?yeah, he swears - but he’s naturally a man of few words so he doesn’t swear all that often. it’s more so when he’s getting emotional/specifically angry. he doesn’t remember his first swear word, but i can guarantee that it was “you’re a left bollock, Junior.” to a fellow Exalt-in-training. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?“Everything’s going to be fine. You’re going to make it.” it haunts his every waking hour. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?he’ll kinda just crinkle up his nose and then huff. to which many tut and explain again (not common though) What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?black - simple and like his soulWhat animal do they fear most?i don’t think he’s had much contact with animals - he’s not been back to earth in years. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?he’s a natural leader and his words are chosen very meticulously - he doesn’t need to rehearse what he’s going to say, oftentimes there’s no room for that; he’s supposed to lead a team in the middle of a raging war, he can’t dillydally. What makes their stomach turn?being unable to protect rookies out in the field to give them another chance at living another day. Are they easily embarrassed?nope. What embarrasses them?literally nothing. he takes everything in his stride and it makes it very difficult to do anything to him. What is their favorite number?i don’t think he’d put much thought into this - however 20 seems to be his go-to. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?he wouldn’t. he hasn’t a clue. all he’s known is fighting. he could explain his not-so-love for that. Why do they get up in the morning? “to protect the galaxy!” which is the motto he’s begrudgingly engraved into his mind. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? i think he becomes very agitated and can say things that are very cold/mean to the people he is jealous of. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? he becomes very resentful - he envies those who get to live a life without the need to worry about when your last day is going to be. he envies those who experience peace daily because he’s out in the world bleeding and fighting for them. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? tbh, i doubt he’s thought about it - i don’t think he’s too fussed. he’s more, like, indifferent if it comes up in conversation, easily getting bored of the topic. What are their thoughts on marriage? meh, doesn’t see himself getting married. but he supposes it’s alright.. What is their preferred mode of transportation? they’re called “Hawks” - a type of small, stealth ship that can carry a small team of Exalts into a specified location. it’s a quick entry, a quite ride and the seats can be comfy. What causes them to feel dread? his inability to save othersWould they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? he can take an unpleasant truth. don’t lie to him. he’ll fight you over it. Do they usually live up to their own ideals? yes - he holds others to these ideals too and often finds himself disappointed if people don’t follow them. Who are they the most glad to have met? another Exalt called Mandy. she’s super funny, has his back constantly - they’ve both admitted that they see each other as family and that’s a level barely anyone gets to with Colton. HE WOULD DIE FOR HER. she’s also younger than he is, and so if anyone starts to show interest in her, he slides in with narrowed eyes. makes it known he will end whoever it is if they hurt her. Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? no, he’s not much of a conversationalist. he lets other people talk. Could they be considered lazy? never - he’s always doing something, whether that be brooding in the corner or going over mission plans and everything in between. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? very. he’s like atlas, bearing the world on his shoulders and if he loses a soldier, it’s his own personal fault. guilt can stay with him for months. How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? very supportive - with the few words he spares. he may seem uninterested but there’s a shine in his eye at seeing his friends feel emotion other than fear/dread/anger etc. Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? he doesn’t seek it or wait for it - i don’t think he actually cares for it. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? if he likes a person/thing, he’ll just remember it. if he doesn’t like a person he’ll call them every variation of that name he can - remembering lists of numbers is easy bc he has a photographic memory so it kinda just stays in his head without the need to keep going over them. What memory do they revisit the most often? his memories are fuzzy, so i don’t think it’s a visual memory he’ll go to - but as aforementioned, the smell of lavender is something he remembers. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? very difficult for him and he’ll call people out for their flaws. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?he realises that he’s not perfect and tries to rectify his own flaws. How do they feel about children? what now? he hasn’t seen a child in years! i don’t think he’d know what to do with a child except from hold it at arms length whilst staring at it like a new discovery. tentatively but with apprehension. How badly do they want to reach their end goal? very badly - a world of peace. although he knows deep down that peace may never be achieved; there’s always someone willing to start a fight. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? he’d shrug and make vague gestures which pretty much sums up his sexuality. although i’m inclined to say he’s aro/ace or both.

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORSA) Why are you excited about this character?because he’s in space and holy shit i love space. also he’s a stoic man that i can call my son. B) What inspired you to create them?Shirokage218 C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?not really, i’d been mulling over the story but never had characters figured out, so slotting him in was easy. D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?tbh i can imagine i’ll change him about a little bit, but he is a new oc so there’s time for improvement yet. E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?i think he’d want to protect me cause i’m weak af. i would be intimidated by him initially but then would feel tremendous pain for him - he’s been through a lot. F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?excitement and sadness - excitement because he as a character to me is cool, but when i think about him actually alive in the world i’ve created, i feel shitty because sorry colton u have a hard life 8) G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?the inability to laugh. lighten up man geez H) What trait do you admire most?his braveryI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?yeah, because space. and tbh i don’t think he’d suit anything else. J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?nope!

Thank you @defenestrata for this ask!! Hope i’ve given more insight in him!! 

[mxlxdroit]

i finished oathbringer!

yay! *confetti*

i can now unblock the oathbringer tag! woohoo!

it took me a month and a half to finish this book, all 1200-odd pages of it, and unfortunately, i’ve gotten a bit of book exhaustion. i enjoyed reading it, but it’s like reading a long trilogy of books in a very short amount of time, so i’m probably going to wait a while before tackling another cosmere book so i can get a breather and read some other stuff.

first off, i liked this book a lot! so much happened i’m not gonna go back and recap too many specific points right now, but there are a few things that i think were particularly important.

TL;DR oathbringer was good and had a lot of cute and funny stuff but it dragged a bit and got a bit too heavy for me a few times. i’m now shakadolin trash, Dalinar’s like fifty and he finally storming learned how to read, Lopen and his spren flipped off the Stormfather, and there are lots of good messages about agency and responsibility. oh, and lots of people stabbing each other

thematically, a lot of oathbringer is about choosing to take responsibility for your actions (or not. looking at you, Moash). this is most clear in Dalinar’s case, as his main character development is confronting the evil he did in his past, including killing his wife and burning thousands of people to death along with her. he has to admit what he did and take responsibility for it within himself in order to be able to resist Odium (speaking of which, What Is Up with Cultivation? i feel like i know so little about her. since Honor and Odium have spren and surges and all that jazz does Cultivation have them, too? D: i don’t know). Adolin has to admit to killing Sadeas, Venli has to realize that bringing back the Fused was a bad call, and the entire human race have to figure out what to do when they learn that they are the Voidbringers and invaded Roshar (i’m sure this is going to be a prominent theme in Stormlight 4, because it’s a huge deal and they barely talked about it). Not only do the characters have to confront their pasts and the truths there, however unpleasant, they have to decide what to do next. the story doesn’t end with a big reveal. life goes on, and they have to decide what steps to take and what future they want. the most important step a person can take is the next, if you will. in many ways, that is what the Ideals of the Radiants are for- life sucks, so what are you going to do to make it a little less terrible? and therein lies the connection between responsibility and agency. Moash’s internal dialogue about how nothing he regrets is his fault also means that none of the good things he’ve done belong to him. he gives up ownership over his life and himself and gives away his agency. he won’t be able to make meaningful decisions about his own life because he doesn’t want to anymore. Dalinar, on the other hand, accepts all of his past as his, including the good he has done, accepting his own agency over his actions and allowing himself to use his experiences to inform his decisions in the future.

on a kind of related point, honesty also leads to forgiveness. Shallan has to forgive herself for things that weren’t her fault and find a way to acknowledge the horrors of her past without letting them consume her. she isn’t all the way there- i don’t know if she’ll ever be able to be fully comfortable in herself, but i don’t doubt that she is going to continue getting better throughout the rest of the series. Kaladin has to forgive himself for not being able to save everyone, though he’s been figuring that out since book one, so it wasn’t a big part of his story in oathbringer. Teft comes to a kind of reconciliation with himself and is able to let himself start moving forward.

overall, it’s a “forgive, but don’t forget” kind of thing. don’t deny the bad stuff you’ve done or that has been done to you, don’t blind yourself to the truth, and act accordingly, but also don’t let your past hold you back or decide that you aren’t worthy of becoming a better person. it’s some important stuff

smaller-stuff-wise, uhhhhhhhh

-the scene in hearthstone was adorable i love Kaladin’s family and Kaladin being happy and getting to see his baby brother it was such a sweet part of the book

-Dalinar and Navani had the most dramatic wedding imaginable. they’re Kholins

-Shallan and Adolin! i’m so happy with how sanderson handled their whole pseudo-love-triangle thing (although this book turned me into shameless shakadolin trash (everyone has a crush on kaladin stormblessed 2kOathbringer) so that’s a thing and also since Veil isn’t gone i don’t think Shallan’s whole ‘wow Kaladin’s hot’ thing is gonna be totally gone) and their wedding was sweet

-Elhokar. wow. i didn’t see that one coming AT ALL and it’s really sad! i’m glad Gavinor’s okay though. a+++++ job to Skar and Drehy and Shallan’s guardsmen for remembering to keep him safe

-i love Wit. he’s fantastic. he’s obviously kind of an asshole but some of his scenes (the ones with Shallan and the epilogue) show that he can be very kind “Sadeas counts twice” yep pretty much. also we got two new names for him? and he bonded a Cryptic. this man

-Lopen flipping the Stormfather off... perfect

-Shallan recreating an entire play that she saw as a child... and doing it again later... i could imagine it so vividly and it was beautiful

-Kaladin’s suffering is just... never going to end. branderson just enjoys making him sad all the time and i resent that because he’s my favorite character in SA

-Venli is going to save the listeners and i’m so ready for it. it’s going to be a long, tough journey but i believe in her she’s so strong

-hmmmmmm interesting that branderson was like “HERE’S A GAY CHARACTER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” when a bunch of his characters are written (even if it’s an accident) to be Bisexual(tm)/Polysexual(tm)

-Lift and Szeth are a good team. i’m gonna draw him ice-skating at some point

-Adolin, Kaladin, AND Jasnah insulting Amaram... good... also Jasnah marrying Amaram is a terrible thought. both of them would be miserable even if Amaram wasn’t openly working for Odium. also is Jasnah supposed to be under the ace/aro umbrella or is she allo but not interested?

-people have been calling Jasnah a queen for ages and now look at what happened! long live queen Jasnah she is one of the most qualified leaders alethkar has ever had or will ever have

-i like Nightblood a lot. wanna destroy some evil today?

-Kaladin picking up a rock at the end of the battle :’)

-Rock firing a shardbow was surprising. i found the parts he narrated interesting because he knows a lot more than he lets on. i’m excited to see more from him in SA 4

-some of the heralds still think ishar is sane but he is NOT

-Moash straight-up stabbed a Herald! he takes the cake from Kelsier. punching gods is no longer enough

-sanderson is making Kaladin’s depression more explicit and i think he’s doing a good job. knowing that his parents are alive and safe helps, and being around people he loves helps, and having a purpose and path in life is really important for him, but his depression is still there, just like Teft’s addiction is still there, and Dalinar’s tendency towards alcoholism is still there, and Shallan’s tendency to repress trauma is still there. he still gets depressed during the Weepings and when he is forced to question the ideals that he has chosen to follow, and that’s very realistic, which is good

-DALINAR IS LEARNING TO READ! FINALLY

-and generally gender roles getting smashed is good. Lyn and Malata and Shallan and Jasnah and the other female Windrunner scouts all fighting and Dalinar learning to read and even little things like sanderson letting Kaladin cry over his baby brother were wonderful to read

-also everyone’s gotta stop making fun of Renarin for being a scholar and start paying attention to stuff instead

-Evi. Evi. Evi.

-Adolin and Shallan being the PDA couple of this series and disturbing the Good Alethis around them

my main criticism of oathbringer overall is that it was really heavy compared to the rest of the stormlight archive. the battle scenes were REALLY LONG and full of lots of main characters getting stabbed, and the philosophical weight of the decisions they all have to make is just getting heavier and heavier. there are definitely funny moments, especially in bridge four sections and a lot of the character interactions in non-conflict scenes. and every bird being a chicken. and the boots thing. how many pairs has kaladin lost now? anyways, almost every scene felt like it existed to serve a specific purpose and move the plot along, which is part of why i got book fatigue. there weren’t enough breathers, which usually isn’t an issue in sanderson’s pacing, so i’d assume that it won’t be a big issue going forwards? maybe it’s just me trying to leach as much meaning from every sentence as i can and if i just relaxed and enjoyed the book then it wouldn’t be so exhausting

also, this post (btw thanks op that’s a great summary) says that the stormlight archive (and i think by extension the cosmere as a whole) is anti-grimdark. while i mostly agree, i think some of the moral relativism and “you’ve been accidentally evil the entire time!”s in oathbringer have leaned it a little more towards (sometimes gratuitous (looking at u, mr. stormblessed, u, ms. lightweaver, and in this book, especially u, mr. dad kholin)) angst, which is another reason for the book fatigue. it’s not unnecessary, and it leads to character and plot development, but it got to be too much for me sometimes. then again, i’m a teenager and these books are written for adults, so maybe that’s a factor- moral relativism might be hitting a bit too close to home for me

ANYWAYS! i’ll probably write some more, smaller posts about OB but this is what i have for now! cfsbf, y’all

[eirenical]

Ship Rating Game: obi-wan/anakin(/padme), obi-wan/jango fett, palpatine/Being Tossed Into A Supernova

A+: OTPA: I love itB: It’s really cuteC: Not a bad shipD: I’m neutral on itE: I don’t really like itF: NOTPN/A: I don’t know the ship well enough

Anyone else want to sendme a ship to rate?  ^_^

Going in reverse order…

Palpatine/Being Tossed Into A Supernova: A/A+

NEVER CONSIDERED IT, BUT WHAT A GREAT SHIP, SERIOUSLY,WONDERFUL, HOW DO YOU THINK OF THESE THINGS. *_*

Obi-Wan/Jango Fett: A

Eh-heh-heh.  I see you rememberedmy Foe-Yay ship.  ^_~

Seriously, there is so much unbelievable eye-fucking going onwhen they meet on Kamino, it’s ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS.  I mean… that entire scene when Obi-Wan meetsJango and Boba?  SO. MUCH. FLIRTING.  SO MUCH. That whole damned fight is foreplay by another name.  XD Now, given in-universe context, I don’t think this could ever be morethan grudge-fucking… but it would be glorious grudge-fucking.  *eg*

Obi-Wan/Anakin(/Padme): A/A+

OMG, I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM.  (…and this is going to get REALLY LONG, so behinda cut we go.  ^_^)

(Slight aside: So… normally I’m a bit weirded out byteacher/student relationships in any way. I really am.  Possibly because Iam a teacher?  IDEK.  I mean, I’m aro/ace af, but that is a line thatI would NEVER cross with a student, especially one I was activelyteaching.  At best it’s a conflict ofinterests.  At worst… there’s hugepotential for taking advantage of people in both directions.  THAT BEING SAID.  Certain Jedi apprenticeships are possibly theone place that I’m perfectly OK with it.  I WILL EXPLAIN.)

SO.  Obi-Wan and Anakin,in particular have a very, very, very codependent relationship.  I mean, if you’ve ever read the novelizationof Revenge of the Sith by Matthew Stover (and if you haven’t, I HIGHLYRECOMMEND IT), the sheer number of times he describes them as part of awhole/two halves of a whole/incomplete without the other/etc. is ridiculous.  And that’s a theme that comes up a lot.  Maybe it was the war.  Maybe it was the fact that they both havesuch unbelievably huge problems with attachment.  Maybe it’s because they’d both lost their wholelives and everyone who cared about them right at the same moment that they gotattached to each other.  Maybe it’sbecause Obi-Wan was so FUCKING YOUNG when he took Anakin on as an apprentice.  I have no idea.  But they do NOT have a normal Master/Padawanrelationship by ANY STRETCH.  Anakin is insubordinateas hell, pretty much from the beginning. He doesn’t assume that Obi-Wan should be obeyed just because he’s older—he’sseen Obi-Wan make mistakes; he knows Obi-Wan isn’t infallible.  And he’s been looking out for himself in alot of ways since the beginning.  AndObi-Wan?  Obi-Wan is devastated byQui-Gon’s loss and given how awful their last few weeks were after 10 freakingyears of Qui-Gon blowing hot and cold all over him… let’s just say that Anakinisn’t the only one with an attachment disorder in that partnership.

But here’s the thing. They LEARN FROM EACH OTHER. Again, coming back to the RotS novelization—

“And Obi-Wan Kenobi knows, too, that to have lived hislife without being Master to Anakin Skywalker would have left him a differentman. A lesser man.

Anakin has taught him so much.

…Training Anakin—and fighting beside him, all these years—hasunlocked something inside Obi-Wan. It’s as though Anakin has rubbed off on him abit, and has loosened that clenched-jaw insistence on absolute correctness thatQui-Gon always said was his greatest flaw.

Obi-Wan Kenobi has learned to relax.

He smiles now, and sometimes even jokes, and has become knownfor the wisdom gentle humor can provide. Though he does not know it, hisrelationship with Anakin has molded him into the great Jedi Qui-Gon always saidhe might someday be.

It is characteristic of Obi-Wan that he is entirely unaware ofthis.”

Like… really that says it all for me.  Even though Obi-Wan was technically an adultbefore, he was so overshadowed by Qui-Gon and kept forcibly in the role of a childlong past when he should have been on his own that he doubted everything abouthimself and his abilities.  With Anakin nowdepending on him, he had to grow up and FAST. These two essentially grew into adulthood together, each helping to shapethe man the other became.  And becausethey grew to adulthood together IN THE MIDDLE OF A DAMNED WAR, they wove theirpersonalities and strengths around each other in a way that makes a reallystrong whole… even if it doesn’t make strong individuals.

It’s not healthy or functional by a LONG FUCKING STRETCH, but Ifind it utterly compelling.  ^_^

Now, Padme.  I lovePadme.  She’s one of my favoritecharacters in the SW universe.  But, Ithink she and Anakin are TERRIBLE for each other, OMG.  D: They love each other, yes.  Theyrespect each other, absolutely.  But theyare so unbelievably imbalanced, it’s ridiculous.  And part of that is that Anakin just NEEDS somuch and Padme can’t be everything he needs. No one person COULD.  And Padme hasother responsibilities, as does Anakin, and they never have enough time togetherto try to make things more balanced.  It’sa MESS.  And there’s also the fact that theycome at so many things from cross purposes and never really seem able tocommunicate about it.  And that doesn’thelp.

So, here’s where the fun begins.  On a purely aesthetic/PWP/hurt/comfort/codependentridiculousness perspective, I adore Obi-Wan/Anakin.  I do. I will read the FUCK out of it every time I find it.  It’s like crack to me.  ;D  Butultimately, I don’t think that’s a relationship that can completely sustain itselfwithout help.  It’s the same problem Ihave with Anakin/Padme.  But the three ofthem together?  SO MUCH OT3 JOY HERE,OMG.  Because I think the three of themWOULD balance each other, so much better than any pair of them could managealone.  (Actually, one of my absolutelyfavorite SW stories out there is the three of them together: Sigh No More by @edenwolfie. It captures everything I love abouttheir dynamic SO. FUCKING. PERFECTLY. I just can’t sometimes.  *_*  IHIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.)

*coughs*  You see now whyI needed to be coherent and awake to answer this one?  ;D

[beckettsthoughts]

any/all of the trans journey questions you like but haven't already answered!!!

Thank you so much, anon! I’ve already answered a few, so I’ll go through the other questions I like from the list. There’s only a couple I missed out because they didn’t quite grab my interest in the same way, so here is (almost) everything about my trans journey.

1. How did you choose your name?

Well, I made a list of names I liked on Google docs, spent a few weeks thinking through each option, and somehow landed on the one closest to my birthname. In the meantime I discovered I have a serious affinity for names ending in -t or -tt. All of my options fit that pattern, as does my chosen middle name.

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

Social, for sure. I don’t really get much body dysphoria at all, and while my social dysphoria can be body-related, it’s more about how other people perceive my body than the problems I have with it. My body problems are (almost entirely) unrelated to my trans identity.

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

You know how most people think of themselves as men or women, boys or girls, male or female? I don’t. That’s literally it. I don’t, I can’t, think of myself as male or female.

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

I actually think I came out “officially” when I asked my mother

11. What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

I wear a binder on and off throughout the week! I can wear it more often now because my class hours are shorter at university. I wear it most days, now, at least for the bulk of the day, but it depends on what I’m wearing. I’m actually super excited because I have a new binder arriving in the post next week, which will be a nice break from my two-year-old current binder and also means I can alternate between them.

12. Do you pass?

I don’t even know how passing as non-binary would be quantified, so no. Most people assume I’m a butch lesbian, actually, so while they’re not quite on the money at least they don’t peg me as straight?

15. What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

When I first came out as non-binary I used she/they pronouns and identified as a demigirl. I really only used that label because my issues with self-doubt were far more pervasive back then. After a short while I switched entirely to using they/them, changed my name and nickname and identified as agender, which has been about two years of my life now.

21. Why do you use the pronouns you use?

I’m not super bothered about pronouns, or at least I wasn’t at the beginning, but she/her feel really grating to me and I’ve never felt any particular connection to he/him either. I looked at neo-pronouns and found they didn’t suit me, but I liked they/them from the start and I’m still confident with those pronouns now.

22. Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?

Yeah. To be honest, I don’t know if I would be non-binary if I weren’t autistic. My neurodivergence has such a fundamental impact on my perception of the world, especially when it comes to vague societal concepts such as gender. I don’t know if I’d be aro/ace either. That said, I really can’t imagine being any different, and I’m perfectly happy being non-binary and aro/ace despite how difficult both identities can be sometimes.

24. What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?

Not many! I may like to dress in ways that appear “androgynous”, use a “unisex” name and they/them pronouns, but most people who know me don’t actually know that. They can see my androgynous style, yeah, but I don’t make a habit of correcting people or coming out so I haven’t socially transitioned much at all outside of my friendship group. All of my social media is listed under Beckett and specifies they/them pronouns, but unless people ask me about it then it’s not something I really mention. I’m trying to get better and be more confident about it, but having just moved to a whole new place I found coming out to every single person and having to answer questions about it to be way too tiring for me to handle right now.

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

Honestly? Pretty much the same. I might have a different haircut, and probably a different hair colour, but I’m happy with my identity and presentation right now and I can’t see myself changing anything in the near future.

I’ll probably legally change my name, though. 

36. What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?

While I spend most of my time in an “androgynous”/“unisex” style, I sometimes present myself as feminine. Not often though, because as much as I sometimes enjoy it, the prospect of people assuming I’m a girl and thinking of me as a woman is not one that makes me feel comfortable in the slightest. I hate it because I know that no matter how many days, weeks, or months people see me solely in my androgynous style, the one time they see me dress more feminine they’re going to immediately realign their idea of me to “a girl”. Mostly, I only present feminine around my close friends because I trust them not to change their opinion of me because of it. 

37. Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

I’d describe myself as a “neither”, to be honest.

38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I am aro/ace, and while I have many complex thoughts on the nature of this identity, I have developed a strong fear of expressing them because of the ever-looming threat of discourse. Sorry, but if you want any nuanced discussion about my aro/ace identity then it will have to be in a private ask or in messenger, I’m not enough of a masochist to discuss it out in the open anymore.

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

Being aro/ace as previously mentioned, I don’t really have an ideal romantic partner. My ideal platonic partner however, would probably be trans/non-binary. Which is pretty sweet, because my ideal platonic partner exists, and he is my platonic partner. We’re pretty much soulmates, actually.  

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

Definitely Tumblr, but my friends and various IRL LGBT+ groups have also contributed over the years.

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I mentioned my platonic soulmate, right? Also, like, all my other close friends. It’s a solid yes, from me.

[baegin-ace-blog]

An Aro/Ace analysis of Jane Austen’s Emma

Today I want to actually use my BA in English by doing a literary analysis of one of my favorite books: Emma by Jane Austen. I’ve loved Emma for years, way before I realized I was ace, because of the deeply flawed yet entertaining heroine, the aforementioned Emma. Throughout the book, Emma fails in various ways to read the emotions and intentions of those around her, including failing in reading her own emotions. The basic plot runs thus: Emma makes friends with a girl her social inferior named Harriet and attempts to matchmake her with the curate, Mr. Elton. Elton, unfortunately, falls for Emma, who is deeply mortified by her mistake and decides to give up matchmaking (well, she mostly succeeds). Emma then meets Frank Churchill, the step-son of her old governess, and carries on a flirtation with him, but ultimately decides she does not love him (luckily, as he is secretly engaged to Jane Fairfax). By the end of the novel, after Harriet confesses to loving Emma’s good friend, Mr. Knightley, Emma realizes that she wants to marry him instead. Eventually, everyone is duly paired off into their happily ever afters. What’s struck me about this book, years after I first read it, is how well Emma fits the mold of an aro/ace heroine. Despite the fact that the book is all about romance, and that Emma winds up happily married at the end, I am firmly convinced that Emma is aro/ace based on her reactions and experiences with romance throughout the text. Recently, I had the pleasure of rereading the book and I took the liberty of pulling out certain quotes and scenes to support this reading. 

At the beginning of the novel, Emma states that she plans to never marry. She has this wonderful line after Harriet says that Emma is so charming, it seems strange she should not marry: “My being charming, Harriet, is not quite enough to induce me to marry; I must find other people charming—one other person at least. And I am not only not going to be married at present, but have very little intention of ever marrying at all.” She then goes on to say: “I must see somebody very superior to any one I have seen yet, to be tempted … and I do not wish to see any such person. I would rather not be tempted. I cannot really change for the better. If I were to marry, I must expect to repent it.” Already, Emma is set up as different to your typical regency romance heroine; she not only has no need to marry, she has no desire to marry. While a traditional reading takes this as her sense of independence, an aro/ace reading sees this as the first evidence that Emma is uninterested in romance at all. When prompted for more, she replies: “Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing; but I never have been in love : it is not my way or my nature; and I do not think I ever shall. And without love, I am sure I should be a fool to change such a situation as mine.” To me these lines are very telling. Not only is she disinclined to love, she has never been in love. By love here, we can infer any sort of crush or burgeoning attachment to any man; in short, Emma has gotten all the way into her twenties without the least romantic feelings whatsoever. When other girls around her were at least giggling behind their hands at attractive suitors, Emma was happily making her own path with no desire to change her attachments. Her only inducement to marrying, she later revels, would be wanting children to dote on, and even there she is satisfied: “And as for objects of interest, objects for the affections, which is, in truth the great point of inferiority, the want of which is really the great evil to be avoided in not marrying, I shall be very well off, with all the children of a sister I love so much to care about.” So from the start, we are given a heroine wholly uninterested in love and marriage.

Her first brush with love during the course of the novel itself comes with her matchmaking attempts between Harriet and Mr. Elton, and from this sequence we can see what many of us in the community go through when faced with romance. It is generally supposed that her inability to see Mr. Elton’s true affections lies in willful ignorance and her own pride; however it is also easy to see that she is incapable of assuming his attentions are for her. When faced with romantic interest for the first time, aro/ace people are often wholly oblivious; it makes much more sense that Mr. Elton must be in love with Harriet, the only other person present for all his gallantries and a person already proven to be romantically inclined. Emma is incapable of thinking of herself in romantic terms, and therefore it is impossible for her to assume Elton in love with her. In fact, she only begins to suspect once someone else alludes to it; then she begins to see his attentions as what they are, and shortly afterwards comes the ignominious proposal. Again, a traditional reading of this portion of the novel is that Emma is incapable of seeing the obvious because she is too caught up in her own idea of reality. And I wouldn’t say that’s a wrong reading, but I would suggest that Emma’s version of reality does not involve a romantic-Emma or an Emma who could ever be involved in romance.

Emma’s next brush with love is her brief attraction to Frank Churchill. First off, it is important to note that not only is she influenced by the wishes of her dear friends the Westons for an attachment between them, but she also comes to the decision that Frank loves her first before she settles in on her own feelings. Here is the entire sequence:

Emma continued to entertain no doubt of her being in love. Her ideas only varied as to the how much. At first, she thought it was a good deal; and afterwards, but little. She had great pleasure in hearing Frank Churchill talked of; and, for his sake, greater pleasure than ever in seeing Mr. and Mrs. Weston; she was very often thinking of him, and quite impatient for a letter, that she might know how he was, how were his spirits, how was his aunt, and what was the chance of his coming to Randalls again this spring. But, on the other hand, she could not admit herself to be unhappy, nor, after the first morning, to be less disposed for employment than usual; she was still busy and cheerful; and, pleasing as he was, she could yet imagine him to have faults; and farther, though thinking of him so much, and, as she sat drawing or working, forming a thousand amusing schemes for the progress and close of their attachment, fancying interesting dialogues and inventing elegant letters; the conclusion of every imaginary declaration on his side was that she refused him. Their affection was always to subside into friendship. Every thing tender and charming was to mark their parting; but still they were to part. When she became sensible of this, it struck her that she could not be very much in love; for in spite of her previous and fixed determination never to quit her father, never to marry, a strong attachment certainly must produce more of a struggle than she could foresee in her own feelings. / ‘I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice,’ said she. ‘In not one of all my clever replies, my delicate negatives, is there any allusion to making a sacrifice. I do suspect that he is not really necessary to my happiness. So much the better I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be more.’

This is textbook aro’s first “crush.” Because of what other people have said to her in the past, because of what society expects between two unattached young people, and because of what she has heard experiencing love is like, Emma assumes that she feels love for Frank. Certainly she feels something for him. But look at the way she almost immediately undermines this assumption! She realizes that her feelings aren’t strong enough to really miss him, and she very quickly decides that not only will she not marry him, but that his love is in no way necessary for her own happiness. And less than a page later, she is already thinking about how grand it would be for him to marry Harriet! These are not the thoughts of a person in romantic love. These are the thoughts of a person who wants to be in love, of a person who does not experience romance but wants to know what it is like. She finds someone who all outside interference tells her she should love, and fancies herself to actually love. But the feeling does not hold up to scrutiny; almost as soon as she has it, she is out of love.

The final piece of the puzzle and what some might think of as the proof against my analysis, is Emma’s love and eventual marriage to Knightley. This realization comes about only after it seems as though Knightley might marry someone else, and then the line reads: “Mr. Knightley must marry no one but herself!” Importantly, she does not mention love anywhere in her thoughts; instead, Emma seems to invoke a possession over Knightley and his affections. Next, we have further confirmation that Emma never loved Frank: “She saw, that in persuading herself, in fancying, in acting to the contrary, she had been entirely under a delusion, totally ignorant of her own heart—and, in short, that she had never really cared for Frank Churchill at all!” Now, with the reality of her feelings towards Knightley, she is better able to see how little she thought of Frank at all. Well, you might say, doesn’t that prove she is romantically interested in Knightley then? Further scrutiny of the text seems to read otherwise.

Throughout the section where Emma parses out her feelings, the strongest words she uses for Knightley are “affection” and “dear to her;” never once in the text does she say she loves him. Austen has no scruple applying the word to other characters in their own and other’s words—to Harriet, to Robert Martin, to Elton, to Mrs. Weston, to Frank Churchill and Jane Fairfax, to Knightley multiple times, and even to Emma herself when she first thought she loved Frank. But the word “love” is curiously absent from Emma’s thoughts and speech about Knightley, right through to the end of the book. We are now to read Emma as finally in full awareness of her feelings, so why does she never mention love? This line, I think summarizes it well: “Emma had never known how much of her happiness depended on being first with Mr. Knightley, first in interest and affection.” Emma wants to be first with Knightley. Not in love with, not loved by, but first in his thoughts. And while that can have a romantic reading, it can also have a platonic reading, or more specifically, a queerplatonic reading. There is no doubt that Emma loves Knightley very much. However, this love can very easily be read through a queerplatonic lens; Emma wants she and Knightley to be each other’s number one’s, and whether that is romantic or not is immaterial. After all, “Could she be secure of that, indeed, of his never marrying at all, she believed she should be perfectly satisfied.” She doesn’t see marrying him as the be-all-end-all of her happiness; she simply does not want him to marry anyone else. In short, she doesn’t need Knightley’s romantic love so long as he doesn’t love anyone more than her.

Even further, she does not expressly want to marry him: “Marriage, in fact, would not do for her. It would be incompatible with what she owed to her father, and with what she felt for him. Nothing should separate her from her father. She would not marry, even if she were asked by Mr. Knightley.” This might seem like weaker evidence: it only shows how much she loves her father and feels filial responsibility and in no way means she loves Knightley less. But then, Jane Fairfax, who is set up as a foil to her throughout the book, is so in love with Frank Churchill, she becomes engaged to him in secret. Jane is often set up as what Emma should be, and while everyone agrees she does wrong in a secret engagement, her love is never called into question. This quote, to me, seems to show how immaterial marriage, i.e. romantic obligation, is to Emma’s happiness; she is fine not marrying Knightley; rather, she wants to secure his affections towards her without losing the other principle relationships in her life. Aro/ace’s derive their emotional fulfillment from the familial and platonic relationships they have, and in this sense I see this as more evidence of Emma trying to maintain those strong relationships for herself. She may love Knightley and want him to stay by her, but she equally loves her father and would not injure him by marrying. A true romantic would come up with any solution for the lovers to be together while keeping her father happy, but it is Knightley, not Emma, who sees the solution; putting all of Emma’s favorite people in one house.

So much is made, throughout the book, of Emma’s attachment to her friends—to Mrs. Weston, to Knightley, to Harriet Smith, etc. In fact, social relationships make up the crux of the storytelling, romantic and otherwise. When lamenting her loss of Knightley, Emma reflects on all the friendships she is losing to other relationships: “The child to be born at Randalls must be a tie there even dearer than herself; and Mrs Weston's heart and time would be occupied by it. They should lose her; and probably, in great measure, her husband also. Frank Churchill would return among them no more; and Miss Fairfax, it was reasonable to suppose, would soon cease to belong to Highbury. … and if to these losses the loss of Donwell were to be added, what would remain of cheerful or of rational society within their reach? Mr. Knightley to be no longer coming there for his evening comfort! No longer walking in at all hours, as if ever willing to change his own home for theirs!” Here we see that Emma’s fear of losing Knightley to Harriet is tied in with her sadness over losing her other friends: Mrs. Weston to her new child, Frank and Jane to each other. Further, look at the way she describes the loss of Knightley; it is not his love or regard she is sad to lose, but his attention, his presence in her home. To have Knightley as a companion for life is Emma’s chief desire, and until she was faced with the possibility of his marrying and abandoning her for a wife, she was perfectly satisfied with the status quo, as seen in the above quotes. It is only when her place in his life becomes jeopardized that Emma decides to marry him. All of this evidence combined points to an Emma who marries Knightley with real affection and love, but without romantic intent; she wants to keep his place in her life, and if marrying him is how she can do it, she is more than happy to do so.

Emma’s disinclination to marry can be read as independence for a woman in a world where marriage means subordination. Her first approaches to love can be read as the thoughts of a naïve girl unaware of her true feelings. And Emma’s eventual marriage can be read as the culmination of a romantic love. It is true that a traditional reading points to a romantic Emma. But the books can also very easily be read as the tale of an aro/ace woman navigating a romantic world. She tries to understand romance in others and ultimately fails to see someone being attracted to her. She attempts romance herself but realizes that it holds no appeal. And she holds her relationships to her friends in such esteem, that she cannot bear the thought of being supplanted by other people in their hearts. Emma ends the novel in perfect happiness, but we are never explicitly told that she is in love. Instead, we see her surrounded by those she cares for, her family and friends, and we know she has reached a happy ending. If you’re ever inclined to read this book, I encourage you to go in with these ideas in mind. I find an aro/ace reading of Emma to be thoroughly rewarding.

*all bolding in quotes is my own emphasis.

[living-for-fiction]

So now that I've had time to calm down and be rational, I think I am in a place to actively explain. Sorry for snapping when reblogging from you, @phaltu, but this comes across my dash regularly, and came across multiple times today, and I was already feeling like I'd been punched repeatedly so I lashed out.

I don't know if the OP of this post in particular is aromantic, but many aromantic people (and some non-aros, but this is majorly an aro thing) form queerplatonic relationships or have committed platonic partners. Some people who form these relationships consider themselves to be in love with their partners, but there's no romantic component there. It's hard for me to explain - my lack of romantic attraction, personally, means I personally have never needed to use the term "in love" to describe a relationship. But some aro people are most comfortable describing their partners as someone that they are in love with. And some of us who don't form those attachments may consider ourselves to, say, be platonically in love with certain friends, in a way that is not romantic but is different from normal friendship feelings.

The addition to this post of the "I don't know what this means" picture was made by a well-known aphobe. Slimecourse is extremely aphobic and involved in any ace/aro discourse. Their response to this particular post was literally to seem reasonable to most people who grew up in amanormative society (read: our culture that devalues all non-romantic bonds) so people would agree with them. Unless you are thinking about aromantics or people who form non-traditional platonic relationships, it seems reasonable! If you don't think about it, you don't realize that it is literally a post devaluing aromantics!

Had that response not been posted by a known aphobe, I would probably have assumed the benefit of the doubt. Amanormativity hurts, but for the most part, I know it isn't intentional. Slimecourse's addition, on the other hand, I know from personal experience is targeted at aromantic people. So in uncritically agreeing with them, it's not just harmless ignorance, it's actively endorsing the words of someone who hurts people like me for a hobby.

Please realize that queerplatonic relationships exist, platonic partners exist, and these relationships are EXTREMELY important to many aromantic people. Slimecourse's response is attacking and belittling us. It is hurtful and I BEG of you, please keep aromantics in mind when "reasonable" amanormative posts crop up - literally every one I have come across was made by an anti-aro person.

Again, sorry for lashing out before, but after seeing that exact post several times, I was literally in tears feeling like I'd been punched repeatedly, and it took me spending time with my dog and talking with my best friend (and having a few drinks, lbr) for me to calm down enough to make any sort of rational post. Tldr: please examine posts for aro-antagonism before reblogging. It's a throwaway to you. It's a night ruiner (at best, it can last weeks sometimes) to me.

I hope you now know what's going on and will refrain from hurting aromantic people in the future.

(Aaaaand also gonna go have a couple drinks because even though I am calm enough to respond rationally, I still honestly am not doing a good job at not crying, despite my dog's efforts to cheer me up.)

can we please stop romance-coding the phrase “in love” that would be great thanks