creamco

[creamco]

i still hate caitlyn kiramman. cheers twice

im back. got out of depressive episode one more time. cheers

[creamco]

im back. got out of depressive episode one more time. cheers

[creamco]

— sex after a fight: passion or problem? ᝰ.ᐟ

fighting with your partner sucks. emotions are high, words get thrown around, and then suddenly... boom. one minute you're yelling, the next you're all over each other. but is makeup sex actually a healthy way to reconnect, or is it just a temporary distraction from deeper issues? let's break it down.

╭┉┈ why do people crave sex after a fight?

fights trigger big emotions. anger, frustration, sadness— your body basically goes into fight-or-flight mode. adrenaline is pumping, your heart is racing, and your brain is overloaded. for some people, all that tension turns into passion.

psychologically, it makes sense:

- emotional reassurance. fights shake up relationship security. sex can feel like proof that everything is still okay.

- hormones are working against you. adrenaline from the fight + dopamine & oxytocin from sex = instant emotional high.

- regaining control. if a fight makes you feel powerless, initiating sex can feel like taking back control of the situation.

but is it actually fixing the problem? or just hitting pause on it?

╭┉┈ straight vs. queer relationships: is there a difference?

while post-fight intimacy happens in all relationships, the way people experience it can vary based on relationship dynamics.

hetero relationships: traditional gender roles sometimes push men to be the "fixers" and women to seek emotional reassurance. this can lead to one partner feeling pressure to initiate intimacy, even if they’re still upset.

queer relationships: no fixed gender roles mean power dynamics can be more fluid. but that doesn’t mean queer couples are immune to toxic cycles. internalized homophobia, past relationship trauma, and different attachment styles can all play a role.

power imbalances: regardless of gender, if one partner is using sex to avoid accountability, that’s a problem. makeup sex should be about reconnection, not manipulation.

can sex actually fix an argument?

short answer? not really. at least, not on its own.

sex after a fight can help with emotional bonding, but only if the actual problem is addressed too. if the argument is serious— like a major trust issue or a long-standing problem— then sex without communication just delays the inevitable.

ask yourself:

- did we actually talk through the issue, or did we just stop fighting?

- do both of us feel emotionally okay after sex, or is one person still upset?

- is sex becoming a way to avoid real conversations?

if the answers to these questions aren’t looking great, then makeup sex might not be helping as much as you think.

╭┉┈ when does makeup sex become toxic?

if every fight ends with sex but never with an actual resolution, that’s a red flag. makeup sex can become a toxic cycle when:

- the same fights keep happening, but nothing actually changes.

- one partner feels pressured to have sex to “fix” things.

- sex is being used as an apology instead of real accountability.

this is especially dangerous if one person is consistently initiating sex as a way to move on from fights without taking responsibility for their actions. sex isn’t a shortcut to forgiveness.

╭┉┈ attachment styles & how they affect makeup sex

your attachment style plays a huge role in how you handle conflict + intimacy:

anxious attachment: needs reassurance, might see sex as a way to confirm their partner still loves them.

avoidant attachment: doesn’t like dealing with emotional conflict, might use sex to replace real conversations.

secure attachment: balances emotional connection with physical intimacy, talks things through before jumping into bed.

if you notice that makeup sex is the only time you and your partner feel close, it might be worth figuring out if there’s a deeper issue with emotional communication.

╭┉┈ how media romanticizes the fight-makeup cycle

think about how many movies and tv shows glorify couples who fight like crazy but always “make up” with intense, passionate sex. the message? "if you don’t fight hard, you don’t love hard." which is... a pretty toxic take.

the problem is, real relationships don’t work like that. conflict shouldn’t be the thing keeping passion alive. if fights are the only way to trigger intimacy, something’s off.

but what happens when makeup sex doesn’t work? okay, so let’s say you and your partner fight. but this time, sex doesn’t feel like a fix. now what?

- actually talk. before jumping into bed, take a second to ask each other, “are we good?”

- don’t ignore unresolved issues. if something is still bothering you post-sex, bring it up.

- check your patterns. if you notice a fight-makeup-fight-makeup loop happening over and over, it might be time to re-evaluate how you handle conflict.

╭┉┈ final thoughts: is makeup sex healthy or just a band-aid?

makeup sex isn’t inherently bad. it can be a great way to reconnect if the emotional side of the conflict is handled too. but if sex is being used as a tool to avoid actual communication, that’s when it becomes a problem.

the key? intention. if both people feel heard, respected, and genuinely want to reconnect, great. but if one person is using sex to dodge accountability, that’s not intimacy— that’s manipulation.

passion is fun, but emotional safety is everything.

[creamco]

i hate seeing my old friends, bitch like why ru here

[creamco]

[creamco]

in the last 2 days, i finished dexter and new amsterdam. i am in pain. i feel empty.

[creamco]

Watch this unhinged mongoose gaslight baby blue and the audience into believing their crimes are on the same level in real time.

[creamco]

it’s crazy how most of caitlyn’s fandom is divided into two categories when people complain about her happy ending. first, you’ve got the delusional ones who think she totally changed for the better when it comes to zaun, that she’s just so "complex" and "morally grey" that we’re all just too dumb to get it, so of course she deserves her happy ending. and then there’s the other half, the ones who at least admit she didn’t change but excuse her ending anyway with, "well, it’s realistic. privileged people win."

let’s be real: caitlyn doesn’t change. not once does she question gassing "criminals," allowing police brutality, or keeping stillwater open, especially that torture cell she brags about to singed. enforcers still throw children from zaun into stillwater (i.e. isha), and she never stops to reconsider any of it. her view of zaun never actually evolves, and the show never gives us a moment where she meaningfully reckons with her biases.

she never acknowledges the conditions that led to the memorial attack. she never reckons with piltover’s role in keeping zaun oppressed.

but then you have people who assume she’s changed just because she lets go of her revenge on jinx and because sevika ends up on the council. but neither of those things reflect a shift in caitlyn’s worldview.

letting go of jinx????? that affects her relationship with vi at best, but not her views on zaun. and the whole "she gave her council seat to sevika" argument is just straight-up false. that was never her seat to give. salo literally tells her to gtfo during a council meeting because she didn’t inherit her mother’s position. so yeah, sevika’s seat wasn’t even some noble gesture from caitlyn.

and for the people who do admit she didn’t change but still brush it off with "it’s realistic. privileged people win." well, that argument doesn’t work, because arcane isn’t actually telling that kind of story. if it were, the ending would feel tragic or at least bittersweet. instead, it presents caitlyn and vi’s ending and the whole thing with noxus as a win, a triumphant resolution, instead of the inevitable result of the oppression the show claims to be exploring (at least in season 1).

the privileged side gets to maintain control, but the show never interrogates what that actually means for the people who lost. sevika is outnumbered on the council, and they throw in a little "maybe it won’t be easy for her" moment. but they don’t even explore it, because the show is over. so what was the point? just a vague hint at struggle with no actual payoff?

and then there’s ekko, who should be the heart of zaun’s future. but instead of showing us whether his people survived, whether the tree still stands, whether zaun has any future at all, we get one single shot of him mourning someone. and most likely his supposed love interest???? because apparently, his personal grief is more important than the larger tragedy of zaun’s oppression. either the tree is dead, meaning the last safe place for zaunite orphans is gone, or it's still standing, which would remind us that the undercity is still so hopeless that one tiny refuge is all they have. and that would make a huge contrast with caitlyn still living in her big mansion. but the show doesn’t care to address any of that anyway.

if arcane wanted to be a story about how privilege ultimately wins, then it should feel like a tragedy. instead, it indulges in the power fantasy of piltover keeping control while throwing in just enough "maybe things will change" crumbs to keep people from questioning it too hard. it’s not making a bold statement about injustice. it’s flinching away from the full weight of its own themes.

so yeah, season 2 lets her off too easy, not in a way that forces the audience to sit with the discomfort of real-world injustice. so since the ending presents itself as mostly happy, people are still (rightfully) gonna point out that she should have changed to make the ending work.

[creamco]

— why queer people are chronically online? ᝰ.ᐟ

never seen so much queer people together, except the pride month parade. why are we here anyway?

╭┉┈ lack of irl queer spaces

here's the thing: finding irl queer spaces is either impossible or exhausting. if you’re in a conservative town, good luck even seeing another openly queer person, let alone finding a safe place to exist without side-eyes or worse.

even in big cities, queer spaces are often bars or clubs, but what about underage queer people? completely left out.

schools? workplaces? friend groups? all a gamble.

so where do queer people go? the internet.

online spaces become a second home, sometimes even the first. discord servers, niche twitter circles, random tumblr posts— these are where people find each other. it’s easier to be yourself when there’s no risk of some homophobic classmate or family member ruining your day. instead of hoping to stumble upon another queer person irl, you can literally log on and immediately be surrounded by people who get it. the internet fills the gap that the real world refuses to.

i mean, i live in a city where there are many queer people, and still, even i don't know more than 5 queer people.

╭┉┈ representation & identity exploration

if you’re queer, your favorite character is probably queer too, at least in your head. that’s because mainstream media still sucks at real representation. sure, we’ve got a few decent queer shows now, but for the longest time, it was either tragic endings, token side characters, abusive/cheater partner or completely nonexistent rep.

so what did queer people do? they made their own.

fanfiction, headcanons, text posts breaking down how that one character is obviously trans? all part of the culture. and it’s not just about seeing yourself in fictional characters— it’s about discovering who you are in the first place. the internet exposes you to terms and identities you wouldn’t hear about anywhere else. you grow up thinking you’re just “weird” until one day you see a tumblr post about aromanticism or genderfluidity and suddenly everything clicks.

i started reading yoonmin (bts) fanfictions on wattpad and that was when i became sure that i was queer. (i realized it bc i was in love with my science teacher, i couldn't pass science in middle school bc i was looking at my teacher's tits&lips instead of listening the class)

╭┉┈ safety & anonymity

being out is not an option for everyone. some people live with homophobic families, work in unsafe environments, or just aren’t ready to deal with the exhausting conversations that come with being openly queer. but online? you can be as out as you want. you can use your real pronouns, your real name, talk about your real experiences; all without the fear of real-world consequences.

this is why so many queer people have separate online personas. a random twitter account where they can say whatever they want, a locked instagram just for their close queer-respecting friends, a discord server where they don’t have to filter themselves. the internet is the only place where some people get to exist authentically.

╭┉┈ activism & community building

queer people have been at the forefront of internet activism forever. from early forum days to tiktok campaigns, online spaces are where activism thrives. social media makes it easier to organize, educate, and fight back. whether it’s a viral hashtag, a gofundme for a trans person in need, or an instagram story spreading resources; activism is a huge part of why queer people stay online.

but it’s not just about big movements. sometimes it’s as simple as finding people who understand your struggles. queer community online isn’t just about activism— it’s about fucking survival.

╭┉┈ humor & coping mechanisms (i am a f@g)

if there’s one thing queer people know how to do, it’s make a joke out of everything. the humor is different— it’s self-aware, ironic, sometimes dark, and always hyper-specific. it’s the kind of stuff that only makes sense if you’re in the community.

but it’s not just about being funny, it’s about survival. humor is a way to process trauma, to make oppression feel a little less suffocating. jokes about coming out, about queer stereotypes, about dealing with homophobic relatives; they all come from real experiences, but they turn something painful into something funny. and if you don’t laugh about it, you’ll probably cry about it.

i remember (in twitter) reading about this cis man talking shit about a girl (mtf) about how "he" was a boy no matter how "he" looks, and she was a fucking goddess. like, milk me mommy kind of goddess. then someone retweeted and said "if you don't fucking shut up, your pronouns will be was/were" IM FUCKING CRYING

╭┉┈ escapism & digital comfort zones

irl sucks, so why not log into a better world? gaming, fanfiction, roleplaying, obsessing over comfort characters; these are all ways queer people escape reality. when your daily life is stressful or unsafe, online spaces become a refuge.

queer people also tend to form strong parasocial relationships with queer influencers or celebrities. watching a tiktok of someone who reminds you of yourself? feels validating. hearing a queer content creator talk about their experiences? suddenly you feel less alone. online spaces give queer people a place where they can breathe.

╭┉┈ relationships & internet discourse

ok, let’s be honest. if you’re queer, at some point you’ve either gone to the internet for relationship advice or just straight-up vented about your situationship to strangers. queer relationships come with their own set of struggle. internalized homophobia, different levels of out-ness, weird power dynamics, exes that were also your first queer friend, and sometimes the only people who get it are other queer people, who happened to be online.

tiktok, reddit, tumblr and twitter have basically become queer therapy (for better or worse). people post their messy breakups, their toxic ex/partner stories, their need in sex advice, their questions about queer legends, their polycule drama: and the internet eats. it. up. sometimes it’s about getting real advice, but let’s be real, sometimes it’s just about talking shit. and honestly? i love talking shit, it's valid.

the internet is a never-ending queer group chat.

queer people are chronically online because, in a lot of ways, we have to be. the internet isn’t perfect, but it’s one of the few places where queer people can exist freely, find each other, and create their own spaces. logging off sounds nice in theory, but when the real world still doesn’t feel safe, why would we?

[pictures are from pinterest]

[creamco]

LMAOOOO THAT IS THE BEST FUCKING STORY EVER

— finding out that you are gay ᝰ.ᐟ

figuring out you're queer isn't always this big, dramatic movie moment where everything suddenly makes sense. for a lot of people, it’s a slow burn: like a weird feeling in the back of your mind that won’t shut up. and honestly? it can be confusing as hell.

╭┉┈ the “i always knew” gays

so while some people go through years of questioning, denial, and accidental crushes on their best friends, there’s another category of queer people: the ones who just knew from day one. like, while the rest of us were out here struggling with compulsory heterosexuality, these people were out here at five years old like, yeah, i’d marry her. what about it?

early signs that were… not subtle at all

if you ask these people when they realized they were queer, you’ll usually get answers like:

- oh, i tried to kiss my best friend in kindergarten and didn’t get why everyone was freaking out.

- i refused to play ‘house’ unless i could be the dad so i could ‘marry’ the other girls.

- my science/art/english teacher was damn fine, they were my gay awakening

- i thought boys were fine, but i was genuinely baffled at how other girls were OBSESSED with them.

- i told my parents i was gonna marry a girl and they laughed, so i just assumed i was wrong. but i wasn’t.

- when we were playing truth or dare i had to fake having crushes on boys because my friends didn't accept a girl as an answer

- i mean.... there are girls why would boys be attractive (my gf's experience she had me add this)

for trans and nonbinary people, the signs are often even louder. some common ones:

- throwing full-on tantrums over being forced to wear gendered clothing.

- getting irrationally angry when people insisted they were a “boy” or “girl.”

- choosing gender-neutral or different-gender characters every single time in games.

- feeling actual joy when someone accidentally used different pronouns for them.

meanwhile, aros and aces were out here at six years old wondering why everyone cared so much about kissing in movies. like, what’s the hype? why are we clapping? is this supposed to be relatable??

when you “know,” but the world tells you you’re wrong

the thing is, even for the “i always knew” queers, society does not make it easy. you might have known, but that doesn’t mean you could say it out loud. a lot of these kids got shut down early— maybe their parents laughed it off, maybe they got teased, maybe they were just constantly told “you’ll understand when you’re older.”

so what happens? they start doubting themselves. maybe they wanted to date a girl, but everyone around them was obsessed with boys, so they figured, eh, i’ll try it. maybe they started copying what everyone else was doing because they thought their own feelings were wrong.

and for trans/nonbinary people? if they weren’t even given the language for their identity, they had to just sit there, confused as hell, waiting for someone to explain why being called “she” or “he” felt like a personal attack.

the relief of finally saying it out loud

but the moment these people do get the words? it’s game over. no more questioning, no more confusion— just a massive exhale because suddenly, everything makes sense. it’s like finding the missing piece of a puzzle you didn’t even know you were building.

╭┉┈ AM I GAY?????

i even... can't. lol

questioning phase: the “wait… am i gay?” era

so, questioning your identity is kind of like realizing you’ve been singing the wrong lyrics to a song your whole life. one day, something just clicks, and suddenly everything makes a lot more sense— but also, what do you mean i’ve been wrong this whole time???

step 1: ignoring all the signs like a pro

if you’re queer, chances are you had at least a few red flags about your identity way before you admitted it. examples include:

- watching a movie and being way too invested in the same-gender character, but telling yourself it’s just because they have a cool jacket.

- realizing that being called “sir” or “ma’am” makes you want to crawl out of your skin, but assuming that’s just a you problem.

- thinking, wow, dating sounds exhausting, but i guess i’ll do it eventually because that’s what people do, while every alloromantic/allosexual person around you is already making wedding mood boards.

- randomly getting hit with gender envy but brushing it off like, “no, i just think they’re cool” (you think being them would be even cooler, but shhh, no thoughts, head empty).

the brain does an amazing job at pretending everything is fine. you could be literally falling apart, and it’ll still be like, “nah, we’re good.”

step 2: the ‘oh no’ moment

then, one day, something cracks. maybe you stumble across a random tiktok that explains compulsive heterosexuality or gender dysphoria, and suddenly your entire life flashes before your eyes. maybe you meet an openly queer person and realize they look happy (which is suprising). maybe you’re sitting there minding your own business, and your brain just goes, hey, what if you’re not actually "normal"? and then refuses to elaborate.

this part is weird because it’s both terrifying & freeing. on one hand, you now have to deal with the possibility that you are not, in fact, the person you thought you were. on the other hand… things start making sense. the weird feelings, the confusion, the discomfort— it all starts clicking into place.

step 3: denial (aka “nah, can’t be me”)

THE NILE IS A RIVER IN EGYPT, YOUR HUSBAND IS GAY (❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧

not everyone goes through this, but for a lot of people, the next step is denial. because let’s be real, realizing you’re queer means accepting that life just got at least 200% more complicated. so the brain tries to bargain:

- “maybe i’m just imagining it.”

- “i bet this is just a phase.”

- “i think i just really admire them.”

- “okay, fine, but i don’t have to label it, right?”

the funniest part is that most queer people go through this exact same cycle. the “maybe it’s just admiration” excuse is practically a rite of passage. trans people convince themselves they just have body image issues. aro/ace people assume they just haven’t met the “right” person. everyone clings to the straight/cis/allo label for dear life until they literally cannot anymore.

step 4: the reluctant acceptance (and eventual peace)

at some point, though, fighting it just gets exhausting. you start testing things out— maybe you change a label in your bio, maybe you try on a different name, maybe you just let yourself feel things without overanalyzing them. and, to your surprise, it feels… good? like, really good.

of course, this isn’t the end of the journey. there’s still a lot to unpack— internalized stuff, coming out (or not), figuring out what your identity actually looks like in real life. but the hardest part, the questioning, the doubt, the fear of even thinking about queerness, starts to fade.

and that’s when you realize: oh. this is who i am. and maybe, just maybe… that’s actually kind of cool.

so yeah, while some queer people take years to figure themselves out, others just always knew. but no matter how early or late it happens, the moment of realization is always the same: oh. that’s me.

and honestly?

that’s a pretty cool moment.

[pictures are from pinterest, sorry for being weird😔]

[creamco]

WTFF TELL ME EVERYTHING NOWWW!!!!

— finding out that you are gay ᝰ.ᐟ

figuring out you're queer isn't always this big, dramatic movie moment where everything suddenly makes sense. for a lot of people, it’s a slow burn: like a weird feeling in the back of your mind that won’t shut up. and honestly? it can be confusing as hell.

╭┉┈ the “i always knew” gays

so while some people go through years of questioning, denial, and accidental crushes on their best friends, there’s another category of queer people: the ones who just knew from day one. like, while the rest of us were out here struggling with compulsory heterosexuality, these people were out here at five years old like, yeah, i’d marry her. what about it?

early signs that were… not subtle at all

if you ask these people when they realized they were queer, you’ll usually get answers like:

- oh, i tried to kiss my best friend in kindergarten and didn’t get why everyone was freaking out.

- i refused to play ‘house’ unless i could be the dad so i could ‘marry’ the other girls.

- my science/art/english teacher was damn fine, they were my gay awakening

- i thought boys were fine, but i was genuinely baffled at how other girls were OBSESSED with them.

- i told my parents i was gonna marry a girl and they laughed, so i just assumed i was wrong. but i wasn’t.

- when we were playing truth or dare i had to fake having crushes on boys because my friends didn't accept a girl as an answer

- i mean.... there are girls why would boys be attractive (my gf's experience she had me add this)

for trans and nonbinary people, the signs are often even louder. some common ones:

- throwing full-on tantrums over being forced to wear gendered clothing.

- getting irrationally angry when people insisted they were a “boy” or “girl.”

- choosing gender-neutral or different-gender characters every single time in games.

- feeling actual joy when someone accidentally used different pronouns for them.

meanwhile, aros and aces were out here at six years old wondering why everyone cared so much about kissing in movies. like, what’s the hype? why are we clapping? is this supposed to be relatable??

when you “know,” but the world tells you you’re wrong

the thing is, even for the “i always knew” queers, society does not make it easy. you might have known, but that doesn’t mean you could say it out loud. a lot of these kids got shut down early— maybe their parents laughed it off, maybe they got teased, maybe they were just constantly told “you’ll understand when you’re older.”

so what happens? they start doubting themselves. maybe they wanted to date a girl, but everyone around them was obsessed with boys, so they figured, eh, i’ll try it. maybe they started copying what everyone else was doing because they thought their own feelings were wrong.

and for trans/nonbinary people? if they weren’t even given the language for their identity, they had to just sit there, confused as hell, waiting for someone to explain why being called “she” or “he” felt like a personal attack.

the relief of finally saying it out loud

but the moment these people do get the words? it’s game over. no more questioning, no more confusion— just a massive exhale because suddenly, everything makes sense. it’s like finding the missing piece of a puzzle you didn’t even know you were building.

╭┉┈ AM I GAY?????

i even... can't. lol

questioning phase: the “wait… am i gay?” era

so, questioning your identity is kind of like realizing you’ve been singing the wrong lyrics to a song your whole life. one day, something just clicks, and suddenly everything makes a lot more sense— but also, what do you mean i’ve been wrong this whole time???

step 1: ignoring all the signs like a pro

if you’re queer, chances are you had at least a few red flags about your identity way before you admitted it. examples include:

- watching a movie and being way too invested in the same-gender character, but telling yourself it’s just because they have a cool jacket.

- realizing that being called “sir” or “ma’am” makes you want to crawl out of your skin, but assuming that’s just a you problem.

- thinking, wow, dating sounds exhausting, but i guess i’ll do it eventually because that’s what people do, while every alloromantic/allosexual person around you is already making wedding mood boards.

- randomly getting hit with gender envy but brushing it off like, “no, i just think they’re cool” (you think being them would be even cooler, but shhh, no thoughts, head empty).

the brain does an amazing job at pretending everything is fine. you could be literally falling apart, and it’ll still be like, “nah, we’re good.”

step 2: the ‘oh no’ moment

then, one day, something cracks. maybe you stumble across a random tiktok that explains compulsive heterosexuality or gender dysphoria, and suddenly your entire life flashes before your eyes. maybe you meet an openly queer person and realize they look happy (which is suprising). maybe you’re sitting there minding your own business, and your brain just goes, hey, what if you’re not actually "normal"? and then refuses to elaborate.

this part is weird because it’s both terrifying & freeing. on one hand, you now have to deal with the possibility that you are not, in fact, the person you thought you were. on the other hand… things start making sense. the weird feelings, the confusion, the discomfort— it all starts clicking into place.

step 3: denial (aka “nah, can’t be me”)

THE NILE IS A RIVER IN EGYPT, YOUR HUSBAND IS GAY (❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧

not everyone goes through this, but for a lot of people, the next step is denial. because let’s be real, realizing you’re queer means accepting that life just got at least 200% more complicated. so the brain tries to bargain:

- “maybe i’m just imagining it.”

- “i bet this is just a phase.”

- “i think i just really admire them.”

- “okay, fine, but i don’t have to label it, right?”

the funniest part is that most queer people go through this exact same cycle. the “maybe it’s just admiration” excuse is practically a rite of passage. trans people convince themselves they just have body image issues. aro/ace people assume they just haven’t met the “right” person. everyone clings to the straight/cis/allo label for dear life until they literally cannot anymore.

step 4: the reluctant acceptance (and eventual peace)

at some point, though, fighting it just gets exhausting. you start testing things out— maybe you change a label in your bio, maybe you try on a different name, maybe you just let yourself feel things without overanalyzing them. and, to your surprise, it feels… good? like, really good.

of course, this isn’t the end of the journey. there’s still a lot to unpack— internalized stuff, coming out (or not), figuring out what your identity actually looks like in real life. but the hardest part, the questioning, the doubt, the fear of even thinking about queerness, starts to fade.

and that’s when you realize: oh. this is who i am. and maybe, just maybe… that’s actually kind of cool.

so yeah, while some queer people take years to figure themselves out, others just always knew. but no matter how early or late it happens, the moment of realization is always the same: oh. that’s me.

and honestly?

that’s a pretty cool moment.

[pictures are from pinterest, sorry for being weird😔]

[creamco]

damn dex

[creamco]

about me ˚˖✧𓍢ִִ໋🦈˚˖𓍢ִ✧˚.

i am mako, a nickname ofc. this name comes from mako sharks, i am obsessed with sharks, i even have blajah from ikea!!! i also like pompompurin. (my shayla)

i am a cis female, i identify with she/her. i am not strict about pronouns and stuff, you can call me whatever you'd like.

i really care about my identity staying private, so i use a nickname and do not tell anything about myself. (except my experiences in life)

i made my username CreamCo. it's a skincare brand i use, but i like how it sounds like ejeculation company. also it's an inside joke between me and my gf.

i was born between 1995-2008 (sagittarius pluto). my favorite color is green, any shade of green. i am 176cm/5'9 and around 80kg/175lbs.

i was born in a 2nd world country, in europe, where being gay is a "sin", homophobia is the default and women are inferior. i do hate and will hate the discrimination i experience, so i don't want to see it on my tumblr account.

everybody says i look like vi from league of legends, even people from the street whom i don't know. so i use her arcane version as my pfp + banner in social media.

personally, i am not that beautiful. i have a 3/10 body and 8/10 face according to world's beauty standarts. i am happy with myself, i am healthy biologically so it doesn't really matter. i smoke, i've been smoking since i was 11, i am probably an addict by now, but i like smoking.

i have 11 piercings and 3 tattoos. i have my right arm covered. other 2 are in my left wrist and on my left arm. (one of the tattoos is a blueberry, my gf calls me blueberry)

i'm a survivor of depression. i've been into depression 4 times. (professional prozac enjoyer)

my mom&dad are metalheads. i grew up with metallica and sepultra. i am goth, but now in a "i dress up gothic" way. i play electro guitar and my little brother plays drums.

i have a very basic style, i wear black pants, army boots and hoodies. but i wear gothic style clothes once every year. i use those days' photos everywhere as my pfp. lol.

i am queer since 2017, in a relationship since 2019. i am biromantic & greysexual, still figuring out tho, and i love my precious girlfriend (now fiance). [ily babe<3]

i was born in "we don't really care who loves who but gays should be away from us" family. i never experienced homophobia from my parents, but they are still not very okay with me being queer.

i like talking about stuff which makes people uncomfortable. whether it's about sex, queerness, relationships, mental health, religion, life&death or whatever.

i like to go out of my comfort-zone, talk about things which also make me uncomfortable. i like learning about things i like, but i get bored easily.

i like science, art and maths, studied ibdp hl biology, hl visual arts and hl maths aa. i wanted to be a psychiatrist, i like human psychology. still art is more important to me; so i am studying fine arts. maybe, when i'm done with this major i can study medicine.

i have a thesis in literature. idk it's a funfact.

math is blue, chemistry is yellow, biology is green, physics is gray, literature is red, philosophy is cream, english is pink and history is brown. also "thursday" and "7x7=49" are the same.

i am a writer and a poet. i have 3 books of poetry, which are published, none in novels. i love cooking, but i cannot make rice and pasta. (those are the only things i can't cook)

i think that's all for now. yeah.

[creamco]

— finding out that you are gay ᝰ.ᐟ

figuring out you're queer isn't always this big, dramatic movie moment where everything suddenly makes sense. for a lot of people, it’s a slow burn: like a weird feeling in the back of your mind that won’t shut up. and honestly? it can be confusing as hell.

╭┉┈ the “i always knew” gays

so while some people go through years of questioning, denial, and accidental crushes on their best friends, there’s another category of queer people: the ones who just knew from day one. like, while the rest of us were out here struggling with compulsory heterosexuality, these people were out here at five years old like, yeah, i’d marry her. what about it?

early signs that were… not subtle at all

if you ask these people when they realized they were queer, you’ll usually get answers like:

- oh, i tried to kiss my best friend in kindergarten and didn’t get why everyone was freaking out.

- i refused to play ‘house’ unless i could be the dad so i could ‘marry’ the other girls.

- my science/art/english teacher was damn fine, they were my gay awakening

- i thought boys were fine, but i was genuinely baffled at how other girls were OBSESSED with them.

- i told my parents i was gonna marry a girl and they laughed, so i just assumed i was wrong. but i wasn’t.

- when we were playing truth or dare i had to fake having crushes on boys because my friends didn't accept a girl as an answer

- i mean.... there are girls why would boys be attractive (my gf's experience she had me add this)

for trans and nonbinary people, the signs are often even louder. some common ones:

- throwing full-on tantrums over being forced to wear gendered clothing.

- getting irrationally angry when people insisted they were a “boy” or “girl.”

- choosing gender-neutral or different-gender characters every single time in games.

- feeling actual joy when someone accidentally used different pronouns for them.

meanwhile, aros and aces were out here at six years old wondering why everyone cared so much about kissing in movies. like, what’s the hype? why are we clapping? is this supposed to be relatable??

when you “know,” but the world tells you you’re wrong

the thing is, even for the “i always knew” queers, society does not make it easy. you might have known, but that doesn’t mean you could say it out loud. a lot of these kids got shut down early— maybe their parents laughed it off, maybe they got teased, maybe they were just constantly told “you’ll understand when you’re older.”

so what happens? they start doubting themselves. maybe they wanted to date a girl, but everyone around them was obsessed with boys, so they figured, eh, i’ll try it. maybe they started copying what everyone else was doing because they thought their own feelings were wrong.

and for trans/nonbinary people? if they weren’t even given the language for their identity, they had to just sit there, confused as hell, waiting for someone to explain why being called “she” or “he” felt like a personal attack.

the relief of finally saying it out loud

but the moment these people do get the words? it’s game over. no more questioning, no more confusion— just a massive exhale because suddenly, everything makes sense. it’s like finding the missing piece of a puzzle you didn’t even know you were building.

╭┉┈ AM I GAY?????

i even... can't. lol

questioning phase: the “wait… am i gay?” era

so, questioning your identity is kind of like realizing you’ve been singing the wrong lyrics to a song your whole life. one day, something just clicks, and suddenly everything makes a lot more sense— but also, what do you mean i’ve been wrong this whole time???

step 1: ignoring all the signs like a pro

if you’re queer, chances are you had at least a few red flags about your identity way before you admitted it. examples include:

- watching a movie and being way too invested in the same-gender character, but telling yourself it’s just because they have a cool jacket.

- realizing that being called “sir” or “ma’am” makes you want to crawl out of your skin, but assuming that’s just a you problem.

- thinking, wow, dating sounds exhausting, but i guess i’ll do it eventually because that’s what people do, while every alloromantic/allosexual person around you is already making wedding mood boards.

- randomly getting hit with gender envy but brushing it off like, “no, i just think they’re cool” (you think being them would be even cooler, but shhh, no thoughts, head empty).

the brain does an amazing job at pretending everything is fine. you could be literally falling apart, and it’ll still be like, “nah, we’re good.”

step 2: the ‘oh no’ moment

then, one day, something cracks. maybe you stumble across a random tiktok that explains compulsive heterosexuality or gender dysphoria, and suddenly your entire life flashes before your eyes. maybe you meet an openly queer person and realize they look happy (which is suprising). maybe you’re sitting there minding your own business, and your brain just goes, hey, what if you’re not actually "normal"? and then refuses to elaborate.

this part is weird because it’s both terrifying & freeing. on one hand, you now have to deal with the possibility that you are not, in fact, the person you thought you were. on the other hand… things start making sense. the weird feelings, the confusion, the discomfort— it all starts clicking into place.

step 3: denial (aka “nah, can’t be me”)

THE NILE IS A RIVER IN EGYPT, YOUR HUSBAND IS GAY (❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧

not everyone goes through this, but for a lot of people, the next step is denial. because let’s be real, realizing you’re queer means accepting that life just got at least 200% more complicated. so the brain tries to bargain:

- “maybe i’m just imagining it.”

- “i bet this is just a phase.”

- “i think i just really admire them.”

- “okay, fine, but i don’t have to label it, right?”

the funniest part is that most queer people go through this exact same cycle. the “maybe it’s just admiration” excuse is practically a rite of passage. trans people convince themselves they just have body image issues. aro/ace people assume they just haven’t met the “right” person. everyone clings to the straight/cis/allo label for dear life until they literally cannot anymore.

step 4: the reluctant acceptance (and eventual peace)

at some point, though, fighting it just gets exhausting. you start testing things out— maybe you change a label in your bio, maybe you try on a different name, maybe you just let yourself feel things without overanalyzing them. and, to your surprise, it feels… good? like, really good.

of course, this isn’t the end of the journey. there’s still a lot to unpack— internalized stuff, coming out (or not), figuring out what your identity actually looks like in real life. but the hardest part, the questioning, the doubt, the fear of even thinking about queerness, starts to fade.

and that’s when you realize: oh. this is who i am. and maybe, just maybe… that’s actually kind of cool.

so yeah, while some queer people take years to figure themselves out, others just always knew. but no matter how early or late it happens, the moment of realization is always the same: oh. that’s me.

and honestly?

that’s a pretty cool moment.

[pictures are from pinterest, sorry for being weird😔]

[creamco]

aires in 6th house

6th house in aries in relationships, oh, it’s messy. this placement makes someone lowkey (or highkey) treat relationships like a task; something to maintain, fix, or even compete in. they’re the type to show love through action, but also get frustrated if their efforts aren’t immediately noticed or reciprocated.

they can be super intense in the day-to-day parts of a relationship, always wanting to do something, plan things, solve problems, or just keep things moving.

but the second things feel stable? boredom kicks in, and they start picking fights just to feel something. they don’t do well in relationships that are too routine or predictable; they need passion, excitement, and a little bit of chaos to keep them engaged.

also, they can be hella independent. like, “i love you, but don’t tell me what to do” levels of independent. they don’t want a partner who tries to control them, but at the same time, they respect people who stand their ground and challenge them. basically, they need someone who can match their energy without smothering them.

biggest disappointment to them is learning that relationships aren’t a project to win or fix. sometimes, just being with someone, without trying to control the outcome, is enough. also, slowing down and actually listening instead of just reacting? yeah, that too.

[creamco]

pluto in sagittarius

these (1995-2008) babies are different. this placement screams ✨question everything✨ energy. if you’ve ever felt like school is a scam, organized religion is sus, and the world is basically a never-ending capitalist mess, congrats— you’re with that pluto in sagittarius energy.

this generation grew up watching institutions crumble (recession, climate crisis, social justice movements, you name it) and realized no one actually knows what they’re doing. we’re all just pretending. so naturally, pluto in sagittarius folks are on a lifelong mission to find "truth" whether through spirituality, traveling, internet rabbit holes, or just saying “idk let’s google it.”

relationship-wise? oof.

commitment issues!!!!

commitment issues, fear of settling, and an obsession with “keeping your options open” all stem from that deep-seated belief that something better is always out there. we’re the generation that ghosting, situationships, and non-traditional relationships thrive under. pluto in sagittarius people crave freedom in love but also want deep, mind-expanding connections.

contradiction? absolutely. but that’s what makes them so chaotic and interesting.

biggest struggle? figuring out how to balance freedom with stability. whether in relationships, careers, or beliefs, the constant urge to “find something more” can lead to restlessness and feeling like nothing is ever enough. the trick is realizing that growth doesn’t always mean running— it can also mean deepening what’s already in front of you.

[creamco]

staying at my gf's house tonight. nothing has ever made me happier than her.

edit: i ended up staying one more day, now i can't sleep without her.