#But according to other people that’s not what love feels like
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Doesn't the existence of bell hooks along with her compassionate and phenomenal works literally disputes the whole idea that "The Left hates men" though?
bell hooks IS part of The Left, and correct me if I'm wrong but her central thesis in "The Will to Change" and "All About Love" isn't to point out how it's failure on leftists for not coddling men enough, but to point out how the patriarchy hurts men as well. The people who should read bell hooks are not mean leftists, but precisely MEN who feels they can and should deserve better than what this system of oppression has to offer them, and open up their perspective beyond the false dichotomy of "Accept Calvinism & Eternal Punitive Justice from The Oppressed" OR "Be The Oppressor & Enjoy Your Privileges (you earn this by being more Superior than other people)".
Men being drawn to the alt-right pipeline is not due to mean women and leftists. It's because like,... it's good to be a man under the patriarchy, because it benefits men at the expense of other people. This is just basic sociological analysis backed by historical facts that we should agree on. However, in some situations even by stating: "privileges exist and a lot are unearned/built on oppressing other groups", you would already be inviting a lot of hostility, because acknowledging this issue for a lot of people is Emotionally Challenging (and I'm saying that with no attached judgement).
We can examine a similar emotional response to see why this would be challenging - White Fragility. According to Ford, Green & Gross (2022), the psychological process underpinned it goes like this:
1. Generally, people want to be viewed as a Good Person.
2. Acknowledging systemic issues and how integral one's role as the "oppressor" in those issues can feel incongruent to the goal of wanting to be a Good Person (and might lead to guilt or shame).
3. This feeling can worsen when the person feels like they don't have the resources necessary to tackle a particular situation without coming off as a racist/sexist/transphobic/etc. (aka what many people would internalize as a Bad Person).
Many men could start out wanting to do good, but then find out that "doing good" requires more than just extending niceness on an individual basis. It's also about working on yourself and learning more about the world and other people's experiences and actively preventing harms, because anyone has the potential to do harm and the damage caused is in correlation to how much power you have over others. Everyone is capable of being racist/sexist/transphobic/etc. in a society where those actions are so normalized. Doesn't mean everyone is Inherently a Bad Person, but it does mean there are a LOT of choices to navigate and you will make mistakes, and people are going to be understandably cautious around you if you haven't worked on yourself enough since again - you can harm them. It is unjust to force people to love you, especially at the threat of you becoming a violent raging Nazi.
The dilemma of "Why should I help the people I've harmed when I get nothing but feeling of shame in return" are common human issues, and it's not entirely unique to cishet white men. The alt-right denies the questions entirely by saying that "No men, YOU have never done anything wrong. If anything it's those minorities and women who are harming you, and you're in the right for wanting to punish them back." Why takes responsibility when it turns out, you're the Good, Rational and Superior Guy all along?
The real answer is quite direct and Literally lies in bell hooks' writings, specifically "All About Love", and is only made difficult and obscure by the relentless effort to paint feminists and leftists as this homogeneous, hateful group who want to antagonize men. It's not about the unconditional love that women and The Left MUST have for men as a Reward for existing and being such a Good Boy. It's about the Love men should have for themselves and the world. Why must you do good by yourself, by women, by your fellow men, by your sons or daughters or neighbors or community? If you love someone, you want the best for them. The best for who and what you love would be for you do good actions and make good decisions that benefit everyone, and yourself. Love is not earned, it's something you do.
“The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves. If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on patriarchal men to enact rituals of power that will assault his self-esteem.”
At the end of the day, women and leftists aren't the problem. It's the lack of resources re: point (3) and again, not due to leftists not providing them, but due to the patriarchy and people having an interest in not seeking them out or censoring them (e.g. the attack on critical race theory in uni).
I couldn't have said it better myself.
#text post#bell hooks#all about love#feminism#update to correct my capitalization of bell hooks name! my mistake
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michelle's buddie fic recs: week 45!
what a week... i'm greatly enjoying all of the post-8x06 buddie fic (many more recs to come!) and took some time to revisit old favourites, which can be found in previous rec lists. enjoy!
this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.
if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!
all that we need | not1_2write | 26.4k | M
When Buck buys a Powerball lottery ticket he doesn't think much beyond his need for change to air up his tire. He forgets all about the ticket until word spreads that the winning ticket was sold in LA and hasn't been claimed yet and pretty much dismisses it. After all, there's no way he won the lottery. Turns out no, he really did win the Powerball, to the tune of 295 million dollars and just in time for Christmas. He's going to make sure the 118 has the best Christmas of their lives. And just maybe he'll have a good one too. idk about all of you but i do dream about winning the lottery regularly (way too often for someone who's never bought a ticket, that's for sure). this is such a lovely look at what buck would do with a whole lot of money <3
i take this magnetic force of a man | playinginthunderstorms/@playinginthunderstorms | 9k | M
Turns out, he isn’t actually afraid of commitment. He’s just afraid of committing to the wrong thing, or the wrong person. Ana, obviously, had been a mistake, because he hadn’t been ready, and he’d put other people’s expectations above his own wants and needs. With Marisol, he’s done the same thing. Moved too fast, doing what he thinks is the right thing according to who? His parents? For Chris’s benefit? Again, pushing past his own comfort, discarding any doubt because it doesn’t fit like… Like Buck. blanket rec for one of my favourite authors who has been posting incredible fics lately!! this one in particular is so beautifully written and so romantic and just so very buddie <3
if i need to rearrange my particules i will for you | thelikesofus/@thelikesofus | 7.9k | GA
Eddie catches a cold and Buck takes care of him while having a minor, non-platonic emotional crisis. this is definitely influenced by the fact that i've been ill myself but wow truly nothing hits as hard as buddie taking care of each other when one of them isn't feeling well. the bed sharing in this is so good <3
let me | facewithoutheart/@facewithoutheart | 1.6k | T
Eddie doesn't think he needs romance. Buck, respectfully, disagrees. AKA the fic where Buck picks Eddie up and kisses him breathless against a wall. and buck is so right for doing that!! i love it when buck turns eddie to jello <3 so lovely!
second child, restless child | lesbianrobin/@lesbianrobin | 23k and counting| M
how Evan and Maddie make it out of Pennsylvania, and Buck and Maddie build a family. okay so listen these past few weeks i've been doing this thing where i only rec finished fics, and every time i scroll through my ao3 history for these rec lists, i come across this one and go oh i wish i could rec this already. and then i realised wait it's my rec list i can do whatever i want, and so then i did. anyway, mind the tags for this one, but wow are you in for a treat here! i love the character dynamics (chim is brilliant in this!! and maddie!!) and i'm so so excited to see the rest of this fic unfold <3
said that i was fine, said it from my coffin | justhockey/tumblr | 7.3k | T
And it doesn’t matter that he feels like he’s dying. Like the version of himself that he’s always been is suddenly a stranger to him - just a mask he’d spent his entire life hiding behind, without ever even realising he was wearing it. It doesn’t matter that Eddie is…that he’s gay. Because he knows - as surely as he knows that the sun will rise again tomorrow - that the only person he has ever, and will ever, truly love is Buck. And Buck isn’t his to love. another blanket rec for an author who's been posting incredible fics!! this one in particular has such brilliant eddie characterisation and i just devoured it the second i got that little ao3 email hehe
there's no place like home-spun | icewhisper | 4.1k | GA
Buck has spent most of his life trying to find something to settle fidgeting hands and the restless need for a home. He found the key to the latter when he was thirteen. He finds the former in a cozy home on South Bedford Street with two of his favorite people. (AKA the Buck-crochets fic that literally no one asked for.). this fic makes me want to learn how to crochet. i am the least crafty person ever and i have like minus time but just know that if two weeks from now i'm posting about yarn and crochet hooks and whatnot, it's all thanks to this fic. i love buck who crochets so very much <3
you get your dreams for free | llovely/@butchdiaz| 14.9k | T
five times buck and eddie cuddle drunk and one time they cuddle sober. buddie bed sharing my absolute favourite. i read this late at night curled up under three blankets and it hit just right <3
#a bit of a shorter list than usual cause i've been rereading previously recced stuff#makes me so glad i have a masterlist spreadsheet so i don't have to dig through old posts to see what's been recced before#buddie#buddie fic#buddie fic rec#911 abc#911 fic#911 fic rec#michelle’s recs#fic rec list
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a kiss or nothing
cw ɞ ˚ ‧ 。 ◞ fluff, ooc, slight suggestive (?), not proofread
pairing : the itoshi brother x playful fem!reader
about me || masterlist
deciding to make the most of a dull day, rin, bored and uninspired, suggested the library. with no other plans in mind, he dragged you along to join him.
with nothing else on your plate, you didn’t bother turning down the ‘offer’. you've heard from your friends that the new library is pleasantly cozy, and they weren't lying at all.
as he reads something associated with soccer, you pretend to study, sneaking glances at his focused look. his intense look, in an odd way, seems quite adorable to you. “you’re always so serious,” you murmur before adding more, “you’d probably crack under pressure in a kiss challenge.”
rin glances up briefly, seeming to get your attention. “what was that?“ he pulls his airpods from his ears awkwardly.
“nothing!”
he exhales in annoyance. “don’t lie. i know you’re saying something unfavorable about me,” he speaks, closing the book with a soft thud.
rolling your eyes, you reach for another romance book, better than the movies, and begin reading, shamelessly retorting, “i said you'd probably crack under pressure in a kiss challenge.”
hearing your bold dare, he swiftly cupped your cheek with one hand and place you on his lap gently, making sure you met his soft gaze. “crack under pressure? you’Il need to do better than that to make me give in.” his eyes stay locked on you, and it's clear he’s not going to make it look easy.
amused by his competitive side, you nod slightly, mentally counting down before meeting his gaze with a playful smile. “on three,” you say quietly. “one, two…” the air feels thick with anticipation, and your heart skips a beat. rin remains still, refusing to back down.
he watches you intently, his focus sharp, and there's no sign that he'd let you win. he’s hell-bent on winning, no matter how trivially pointless the challenge may be.
and you, yes, you, the reader, if you're wondering “will anyone even notice us?” the answer is no. rin picked a quiet, empty hallway near a shelf against the wall. it's a spot that most people overlook, according to the booksellers.
setting the challenge aside for a second, you’re glad rin picked this space. the wooden floor is clean and sleek to the point that you and rin can sit on the floor comfortably, not gonna lie, and it's even comfy thanks to the warm light tones on the store’s ceiling.
though rin, on the other hand, still seems like he's staring into your soul, he finally gets bored and decides to tease you just a bit with a slight playful grin. “hope you're not expecting me to go easy on you.”
with a teasing smile, you lean closer, your voice just above a whisper. “don’t worry, i wouldn’t want you to take it easy. i’ll make sure you give it your best.” your eyes shine with mischief, ready for whatever he throws at you.
rin inches closer, his eyes locked on yours, his voice teasing. “say whatever you want, love. but you might as well admit it now,” he murmurs, his lips nearly brushing yours. “one of us is going to break. might as well be you.”
staring at your lips, rin envisions how you'd lose control and kiss him without hesitation.
“you pretend to be tough, but i can see right through it. i know i can make you break,” you replied with even more flirty gaze, teasing him to the point you can clearly see his ears went red.
“stop… staring at me like that,” he grumbles, narrowing his eyes in an attempt to look tough, but a slight blush on his cheeks this time betrays him. “i’m not going to lose just because of your gaze.”
you look at him with amusement after replying, “what gaze, hm?”
you lean slightly closer again, and rin’s eyes flicker down to your lips before he catches himself. “nice try,” he mutters, his voice barely above a whisper. “but i’m not that easy to break.”
you spot his hesitation and decide to press a little further. “what’s wrong, rin? feeling nervous?” you tease, leaning your face a little closer as you tilt your head. his gaze flickers, showing the internal conflict. he awkwardly clears his throat, attempting to regain control. “shut up,” he mutters, though it lacks his usual sharpness. you know he’s fighting the moment.
“you know you wanna kiss me.” his attempt to sound confident falters, and you can hear the nervousness that makes you smile.
you lean even more closer, your lips almost grazing his. rin’s breath hitches, and you can see the tension building in his body. his eyes flicker down to your lips, and he exhales shakily. “tch, damn it,” he mutters, his voice softer than usual. he gives you a small, forced pout. “fine, you win.”
he swears; he’d rather get hit by shitdough again rather than hearing that endearingly stupid laughter came out of your lips.
“you couldn’t keep up with me,” you tease rin, remembering how sure he was before. but you’re not cruel enough to not steal a quick kiss from his pink reddish lips, making his lips pouty and all adorable just for you.
rin’s lips stay pouty, but he can't deny the embarrassment bubbling up beneath that expression.
weekends are finally here: you know what’s up. a cuddle session with the japanese soccer prodigy for spain awaits!
you and sae lazily cuddle on the couch, you lying on top of his muscular chest while he's stretched out, accompanied with his batman blanket covering you both that you bought for him. the living room’s air conditioner creates the perfect relaxing environment as you both remain glued to the tv.
promising you'd pick the show, sae can’t hide his regret, now stuck watching a cheesy 2000’s romcom full of love triangles.
as the scene unfolds, a guy kisses a girl for five minutes under the rain, and sae finds himself wanting to shut off the tv and sleep with you. just as he considers it, you teasingly interrupt, “bet you can’t avoid kissing me like this male lead here.”
sae quirked an eyebrow, “what makes you think that?” he asks with that unoriginal blunt tone of his, avoiding from the smirk to appearing.
“we could definitely win a court debate if it’s about agreeing that you’re emotionless 99% of the time but still hide your soft side, sae.”
he lets out a soft annoyed huff, clearly irritated by the fact that you're right. “oh yeah? i don’t think so,” he responds smugly, but his competitive nature kicks in and he won’t back away from this dumb kiss challenge.
“you’re not as unaffected as you pretend to be.”
an emotionless statement that calls, spurring his determination further.
“do you really think you’re getting to me? that’s cute.” his tone is playful but dismissive, as though you’re not even a challenge.
you eye him with intense focus, like a predator eyeing its target. yet, the difference here is that he’s your teddy bear, casually returning your gaze.
you let out a soft laugh, feigning offense. “you’re not scared, are you?” you tease, inching a little closer on top of him, your face just inches from his. “i know you’re competitive, sae. don’t tell me you’re giving up.”
his expression remains cool and unreadable. “i’m not interested in your games. you’re the one desperate for a kiss.”
“sure..."
“‘sure’? that’s all you’ve got?”
he raises an eyebrow, unimpressed, clearly expecting more from you.
you release a gentle, teasing breath, settling slightly on top of sae. a playful grin forms on your lips, and you say, “alright, i’II concede to that for now.” your gaze meets his as you trail a finger delicately across his chest, creating a charge in the air between you. with a low, playfully provocative voice, you add, “but don’t get too comfortable, you’re not the one calling the shots here,” you add, your voice low and teasing, the playful tension between you two palpable.
sae raises an eyebrow, clearly unfazed by your words, though his gaze follows the movement of your finger. “we’ll see about that,” he says, his voice steady and cool as ever. but there’s something in the way his eyes linger on you that suggests he’s not as unaffected as he lets on. you smirk, knowing full well that the challenge isn’t over, and if anything, it’s just getting more interesting. you lean in a little closer, your lips brushing against his ear, your breath warm against his skin. “i’m just getting started.”
sae remains silent for a while, his gaze unwavering but increasingly distant as if he’s getting tired of the game. you notice the subtle shift in his demeanor—his body relaxing, his eyes losing some of their usual sharpness. it’s as if he’s decided that this challenge isn’t worth his full attention anymore. a small, almost imperceptible sigh escapes him as he leans back slightly, a bored expression creeping onto his face. “you’re not as fun as you think you are,” he mutters, a trace of impatience in his voice.
you’re left a bit surprised, watching as he finally gives in, his competitive edge melting away. without saying much more, sae shifts and pulls you just a little closer. you’re not sure what he’s up to, until you feel a gentle kiss on your cheek. it’s quick, soft, almost tender—an unexpected gesture of surrender, yet somehow, it feels like a victory prize. “i guess you won this round,” he says with a smirk, clearly not bothered by the outcome, but his lips lingering near your skin just a second longer than necessary.
✧˖° a/n ⋮ this is so rush omg, i’m sooo sorry. ‘m studying for my upcoming exam rn but i still feel the need to write smth likes, reblogs and follows are always appreciate!!
⌢ ꒰੭ ejna ’s — 2024 © strictly NO plagiarizing my fic , and copying .
#⌢ ꒰੭ . ejna ’s png#𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼#itoshi rin x y/n#itoshi rin x you#itoshi sae x reader#itoshi sae x you#itoshi sae x y/n#bllk#bllk angst#bllk fluff#bllk smut#bllk headcanons#bllk x you#bllk x y/n#bllk x reader#bllk smau#bllk rin#bllk sae#bllk fanfic#sae itoshi x you#rin itoshi x you#blue lock#itoshi sae#itoshi rin#sae itoshi x reader#rin itoshi x reader#sae itoshi x y/n#rin itoshi x y/n#blue lock headcanons#itoshi rin x reader
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Devil's Night | Bad Omens
adult content | minors do NOT interact.
One day I woke up and wanted to be chased to the sound of Milagre.
⋆ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. Bad Omens X Female!Reader.
⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. It's devil's night and you've been invited to play. If you don't get caught by them, you win..
⋆ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆(𝐒). Foul language, alcohol consumption, masked men, stalking, reverse harem, why choose, taking turns, explicit sex, fear games, submission.
It's okay to not agree with the characters' attitudes during the fic. It's good to remember that the story is fiction from the author's sick mind and of course they will make dubious decisions according to my fantasies. Nothing is done to be compared to reality.
Devil’s Night.
The first time she heard those words, thought it was just another excuse for parties and excess, but here, in Detroit, it’s different. People speak of this night as if it were a tradition, passed down from generation to generation, almost like a silent pact that no one dares to question.
Yes, it’s Halloween Eve, but it carries a taste of danger that goes beyond costumes and carved pumpkins. It’s not about trick-or-treating; it’s more like… a rite of passage, where each person lets their dark side surface, testing their own limits and those of others. And the entire city, somehow, agrees to turn a blind eye to what happens in the shadows.
In the alleys and empty hallways, you can feel something waiting, hidden between the walls and beneath the fog that stubbornly refuses to lift. The seniors, of course, love it. They create challenges, make absurd promises to the freshmen, as if they’re initiating them into some ancient secret. But it’s not a secret; it’s more like a warning.
I don’t know exactly who started it—maybe some group many years ago, looking for a way to release their frustrations, or perhaps the city already came with this curse built in. But, either way, everyone participates, whether in the role of the observers or those who get lost in the night.
You were about to leave home, dressed up for another Devil’s Night in Detroit. Your friends had invited you over to drink a little before heading to the Lions' party, the fraternity responsible for the highest concentration of players that night. At first, you were ready to turn down the invitation, wanting to go straight to the celebration and get it over with once and for all, but seeing the flyer advertising the Geordin’s pub attraction made you change your mind.
Bad Omens was the main act in an intimate show, and you felt a bit excited to know they were back in town. It had been a while since you last saw them—if you weren’t mistaken, on the last Devil’s Night.
"Don’t tell me you’re not even a little excited to see him again…" Ash nudged your ribs with a playful voice, snapping you out of your thoughts.
"They’ve grown so much since the last time I saw them, Ash. They definitely have no idea who I am."
"And what if I told you that’s not exactly true?" Ashley’s glittering eyes blinked behind her long lashes as if she had some valuable information. She rested her hands and phone under her chin while watching you finish getting ready in the mirror. "I messaged Steve; we chat sometimes, and when he told me he’d be in town, I didn’t fail to mention your name…"
"I can’t believe you did that!"
"I scored us four VIPs tonight thanks to my shamelessness. No need to thank me, babe!" Ash winked and blew a kiss at her own shoulder, ignoring when you rolled your eyes at her boldness.
You didn’t want to admit it, but a strange sensation was building up in your stomach, making you feel cold with every step you took out the door. According to your friends, you looked good enough to draw a crowd to your feet, and deep down, you hoped they were right.
Geordin’s was, as always, sweltering, packed, and filled with people dressed up in Halloween costumes. You were just in a short black dress and heavy makeup—this date was special, a night for vixens to leave their homes in their smallest outfits, best heels, and bold eyes to be, for one night, what they longed to be all year.
At the bar, you grabbed a drink and walked with your friends to the VIP area near the stage. With each minute closer to the performance, your stomach grew colder, while your friends chatted excitedly beside you, never quieting for a moment. It had been a long time since you last saw him, and you tried your best not to expect him to remember any fragment of the past Devil’s Night.
“Welcome to the show of bad omens, my friends,” said the recorded voice from the speakers, making the crowd go wild.
The lights went out, and your body froze in place as the intro to the first song began. His voice was still unmistakable and unique, pleasing to the ear, even live, weaving together with the guitar and drum solos as if they were one.
When you turned to the stage, Noah was gripping the microphone with his eyes closed, and you allowed yourself to take in the melody, singing along with all your heart as you remembered why this was your favorite band. At the end of the third song, he glanced over the crowd as if looking for something, seeming about to give up, until his eyes finally landed on you.
A jolt of electricity surged from your legs, coursing through your entire body. Noah gave a brief smile and bowed his head, waiting for the next song’s intro. You knew the setlist, and this wasn’t one of the songs played at previous shows. In fact, you recognized it instantly; it was your favorite track.
Careful What You Wish For hadn’t been played in recent shows, but he knew how much that song meant to you, and he’d included it in Detroit just to show that he did, indeed, remember you. Something damp threatened to pool in your tear ducts; this song reminded you of moments you’d rather forget, moments the band had made more bearable to face.
As the final song ended, the lights went out, and the guys left the stage to the applause of the crowd. Your heart was still racing from the mix of emotions caused not only by the show, but by the series of subtle glances he had thrown your way during the pauses between songs. You bit your lip gently, gripping your glass a bit tighter, wondering if it could be a sign.
But you quickly brushed off that foolish thought and shook your head, dismissing it.
You and your friends finally arrived at the fraternity party, and all of you, including yourself, were buzzing with excitement to start the real celebration. Everyone was in costume, music was blasting, the smell of marijuana filled the air, and alcohol was flowing freely.
It seemed like the perfect night.
“I wouldn’t recommend drinking too much,” Ash warned, pointing at your glass as you sipped the colorful drink through a straw. “The games start in a few minutes, and you won’t want to be throwing up during the hunt.”
You laughed, remembering what happened last year when you mixed a few drinks with cheesy snacks, resulting in a puddle of vomit that took you home before you even considered playing the traditional hunt.
Every year on Devil’s Night, the Lions held a hunt in the Shadow Woods. The game involved all the guests being released into the forest, blindly searching to capture as many targets as they could until they reached the other side. With no flashlights or any source of light, identifying anyone became nearly impossible as everyone wore masks to hide their faces.
A certain chill lingered in your stomach, and a tremor in your legs threatened to shake your confidence, but you preferred to think it was because of the drink, not the fear of who your potential hunter might be. Your mind raced through quick strategies to avoid being caught, though not knowing the Shadow Woods at night made it all the more difficult.
With your feet firm on the earthy ground, you were as ready as the other competitors. You looked around, feeling adrenaline pulse through your veins, filling your brain like a song made to build tension until reaching its peak. You felt ready for whatever the night had to offer.
The whistle blew.
Your legs pushed you forward, running as fast as you could, straining your vision to dodge trees and jump over branches. You listened closely to the sound of dry leaves and twigs that snapped underfoot as the predators ran. All of them were desperate, hungry in their hunt for prey. At the same time, it felt frightening; it was exhilarating enough to make you push for more speed.
Energized, you glanced over your shoulder now and then, trying to detect any approaching threat, but as you pressed on, you heard fewer footsteps. Breathless, you slowed down and marked the trees with your fingers as you continued to walk carefully.
Your steps froze in place when you suddenly heard heavy breathing. The footsteps behind you moved over the dry leaves, signaling that your hunter was approaching stealthily, like a snake. Slowly, you realized your feet didn’t obey the commands in your head—they wanted to keep running, but your body remained there, unmoving.
He knew there was no point in running. He knew you were lost. He knew you didn’t want to go anywhere.
“Good girl.” His voice whispered close to your ear, making you jump in shock. “You didn’t let anyone else catch you. You waited for us like a good girl.”
“She knew that no matter where she hid tonight, we’d find her.”
“We always find you…”
Through your peripheral vision, you counted all four of them, gathered in balaclavas, closing off any way out. Swallowing dryly, you felt your breathing falter as they each took a step closer, forming a claustrophobic barrier around you.
“Now you’re ours.” Noah’s voice echoed in your ear as you felt the fabric of his balaclava graze your cheek. “Once you lose the game, you become our prize.”
A brief jolt made you sit upright when you felt something wrapping around your wrists; he was tying your hands together with a rope. The remaining length of material was used to fasten another knot around your neck, this time slightly tighter.
In your mind, there was no room for doubt, because you remembered the main rule of Devil’s Night. You were free to make your desires real for one night.
Why not surrender to them?
Slowly, Noah pulled you along the length of the leash, and stumbling a little in your own steps, you followed him. He exuded a scent of sweat mixed with Savage cologne; his arms were exposed by the black tank top, and he wore cargo pants and boots. Each determined step he took made you tense up, fearing what was to come, and the walls in the form of men surrounding you added to your apprehension.
Your steps halted when the tall man pulling your collar from the front froze in place. The forest offered little light, and thanks to the moonlight filtering through the gaps in the trees, you could see the intricate tattoo designs on his back, partly covered by his tank top.
A breath, subtle but present, brushed your ears with warm breath from behind.
"How about a game?" Folio’s voice was so soft it seemed to dance at a unique frequency. "We’ll ask a question, and for each wrong answer, you lose a piece of clothing."
"A game is only interesting to me if both parties are involved. In that case, what do I get if I’m right?" You dared to respond, challenging him with a side glance.
"Don’t act as if you don’t like the idea of not being in control for a few hours…" Folio taunted, stepping closer with a deadly step. His body was too close this time. "All you desire is for the reins to be in someone else's hands, just for one night, someone who knows your dirty mind well enough so you don’t have to spell out what you need. Am I wrong?"
You weren’t afraid of anything and made a point to shake your head in defiance.
"Wrong answer."
"Not at all!" you contested without much conviction. Deep down, defying him and contradicting yourself with feigned reluctance was part of your game.
The cold wind touched your back just as one of their fingers slid the zipper of your dress down, exposing your bare skin. Slowly, you felt the fabric glide down your body, leaving a trail of goosebumps wherever it passed.
You shrank a little, feeling a hint of discomfort when you noticed several pairs of eyes observing your exposed form, but a tug on the leash immediately made you lift your chin.
"Don’t you dare lower your head, darling" another voice murmured as a finger traced along your chin, the wetness of a tongue brushing against the skin of your ear. "Not when you have a body like this. We can savor you without even touching. Consider yourself a goddess, displayed for adoration and worship."
Gently, he slid his hand from your chin to reach your cold-stiffened nipples, slow circular movements warming your thighs as Jolly’s voice stimulated you, his hands exploring your body without any rush.
They wanted you to surrender.
Indeed, you were already theirs.
For just one night, you belonged to them.
In front of you, Noah watched you with a tilted head, as if watching an intimate moment of pleasure was amusing to him. He wrapped the excess of the leash around his hands until it tightened, lifting your neck up toward him.
In one last visceral glance, Noah pressed his lips against yours.
A fierce kiss, charged with desire pent up since the last visit, filling every corner of your mouth, leaving you wanting for absolutely nothing. Between breaths, you let out a contained, low moan as those hands moved from your chest down to your hips.
His fingers, when they found your entrance, sent a current of electricity through the rest of your body. Jolly was warm and soft as a rose petal, he tortured you with the slowness of his synchronized movements on your clitoris and during the kiss you held Noah's lips between your teeth gasping a heavy moan.
Noah smiled, feeling how his body twitched in his friend's hands, he released his lips and dragged them down his face, allowing his moan to reverberate through his ears more clearly.
Just when you were about to give signs that you were going to collapse under Jolly's fingers they suddenly stopped. You panted and wanted to show that you were disappointed, but you didn't have time, Noah pulled you by the collar and turned you so that you were facing away from him. A quick scream escaped your lips at the surprise of the impact of your hips against his, you felt his bulge harden and let out some air through your nose.
A soft hand ran its thumb over her face, a caress similar to the one she felt on her ass as Noah explored her. At the same time they used their thumbs, Noah lifted your dress until you were completely exposed to prepare you, he dipped his fingers in your wetness and seemed to delight in it. Their eyes were fixed on the man before them, gently brushing strands of hair away from his face and lifting his chin.
“Good girl, good girl.” he whispered, sliding his thumb into your mouth, without breaking eye contact, you sucked his finger slowly until you reached the tip.
You watched as Folio grunted and finished sliding his cock into his free hand and bringing it closer to your face, passing it across your lips slowly. You moaned from containing the desire to take him in at once, and from having Noah playing with his head at your entrance in rotating movements. Little by little you relaxed and used your tongue to greet him and a smile formed on your lips when you saw him sigh once again.
Folio grabbed your hair with a little force and demonstrating that the provocation had made him lose his mind, he shoved his dick into your mouth at the same time as Noah entered you. Your screams were silenced by Folio's cock, you used your tongue to drool all over the compliment and without the help of your hands that were trapped you covered his head with the roof of your mouth. As you sucked him, you felt Noah bump his hips against yours in strong thrusts, pulling the collar from your neck each time he penetrated and stopped with his rigid member inside you.
Your legs shook from the force he used, you pressed him against the walls of your pussy and heard him mutter yet another curse due to the lack of space. Her head didn't stop for a single second, going down and up, sucking Folio's cock while he helped her with his hand in her hair.
With each of Noah's thrusts, you felt Folio's cock tear into your throat and you dedicated yourself to not leaving a single space without the contact of your tongue. He pressed your head down more and you enjoyed the taste of the skin trying to contain the entire volume. Noah grew harder and harder inside you and in an explosion of sensations for a few seconds your legs seemed to float.
This was the effect of the devil’s night.
It allowed you to fulfill even your darkest fantasy.
For one night.
#bad omens#noah sebastian#bad omens band#bad omens fanfiction#fan fiction#bad omens fic#fanfic#noah sebastian davies#noah sebastian fan fiction#noah sebastian fanfic#noah sebastian smut#noah sebastian fic#noah sebastian fanfiction#noah sebastian bad omens#noah sebastian x reader#noah sebastian davis#bad omens fanfic#bad omens fan fic#smut fan fiction#fanfic writing#fan fic writing#smut#dark romance#devils night#Spotify
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“This has been y/n and Satoru, thank you so much for watching, bye!”
The moment they reached the greenroom, y/n's smile drops. God, her cheeks hurt, nobody talks about how hard it is to fake a smile all day, it's like a workout for your face except you gain nothing at the end.
Her co-star walks in behind her, a cocky smile on his face. If she was him she would get tired of herself. How can someone be so egoistic? He loves himself more than his own mother loves him. Every second she's in his presence, she feels herself losing brain cells and getting gray hair, and as much as she loves silver locks on other women, she does not want the cause of it to be Gojo Satoru.
“Great job today, everyone! Y/n you could've been a little more cheerful toda-”
“Shut the fuck up.”
She plops down on the sofa and rests her head against the back of it. They still have one more interview left to do, so she's forced to tolerate that dumbass for a couple more hours, and it's a recorded one so she has to pretend she likes him too.
Why did she choose to become an actress again?
Right, childhood dream, worked hard for it, blah blah blah.
“Whoa! Careful there, tiger! Someone might be filming and you don't want to ruin the season before it even starts.” Gojo smirks, eyes glinting with mischief as he continues to push her buttons.
The people in charge decided to promote the filming of the new season of their show to remind people of it and get them excited, not that anyone was able to forget the last two seasons. According to the statistics, people love a slow burn story, especially when it stretches over multiple seasons. Yes, that does mean y/n has been stuck with Gojo as her co-star for three years now, as known as the longest three years of her life. Everyone around her tells her that time is passing by too fast, but it's been the opposite for her.
She's dreading this season the most. It might be the last, but it means the story will finally reach its long-awaited climax, which means her character and Gojo's will become more than friendly.
She doesn't even want to think about it.
“Leave her alone, Satoru. You still have one interview left.” his manager scolded him making the bright blue eyed man pout like a four year old not getting the candy he wanted.
The fact Gojo and y/n can't stand each other is something known only between them and their close staff, not even the director and producers know that the "chemistry" between them is something they make up on the spot and doesn't come naturally at all. They're surprised no one has figured out they don't like each other in any way, but y/n takes that as a compliment because it means that she's a really good actress who has perfected her craft and is able to fake getting along with a menace like him.
After touch ups, she goes to where the interview is being held, greeting the staff on her way and telling them she's excited to be working with them. Gojo smirks at her from his seat as she makes her way to sit on hers next to him. She mirrored him to keep up with the "we're best friends behind the scenes" thing they somehow built for themselves.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Can't a man admire his friend and co-star?” he teases, milking the hell out of the act they put on for the camera. Y/n wanted to roll her eyes but instead she forces out a laugh and takes her seat.
She ignores the way her heart flutters at his words. No need to focus on that.
A few months into filming...
“Alright, everyone!” the director calls out as he claps his hands, “Cameras rolling, sound is up, let's do this.”
Ah yes, the most important scene of the entire franchise. The first kiss scene. This is what the show has been leading up to, this is the moment everyone has been waiting for, this is the thing y/n has been looking forward to the least, in fact, she has not been looking forward to it at all, she wishes it wouldn't happen.
The scene takes place at her character's apartment, a place the set design team has made so cozy looking she wishes she could curl up and take a nap on the couch. Gojo's character is her coworker and he's coming to check on her because she disappeared from the office party after seeing him flirt with someone. That's when she confesses that she's been pinning over him for years and he confesses back before pulling her into a kiss.
“Okay you two,” the director looks at them, “not to put you in any pressure, but this is the most important scene of the entire show. All your hard work has led up to this moment. Satoru, you're the one leading the kiss, remember that she's very vulnerable and heartbroken, so you need to be gentle and soft, she's the person you love most so you're gonna handle her with the most care. Alright? Here we go!”
The apartment door closes between y/n and Gojo as the clapper loader steps in and holds the slate in front of the camera, “episode 11, scene 45, take 1!” they call out before snapping the clapper shut and stepping back.
The director pauses, glancing around one more time to make sure everyone is ready.
"And... Action!”
Y/n steps into character and hesitantly opens the door. Her expression shifts to shock as she sees Gojo standing across from her, hair and clothes disheveled. “What are you doing here?” her voice is a mix between surprise and hurt, just as the script calls for and just as they rehearsed. Gojo's eyes soften, exactly how he was instructed.
Yes, she can't stand him, but that doesn't mean she won't admit that he's really good at his job. He's not one of the most sought out actors for no reason.
“I was worried about you, you left so abruptly.” he says, letting his eyes dance all over her face only to catch her wet cheeks and red eyes, and no, it isn't makeup and fake tears, she spent half an hour before filming started watching "soldiers reuniting with their dogs" videos to get to that point.
He moves to cup her cheek, but just as scripted, she steps back, her expression flattering. She starts to remind herself of things that make her emotional to start tearing up, “I-I'm fine, you can leave.”
Gojo stares at her a bit longer than he's supposed to, but she blames it on his love to suddenly improve, and not that he's admiring her or anything, not like she wants him to admire her, that would be crazy on her part.
"You don't have to hide from me," he says with the same soft tone.
She tries to hold back the tears to keep up the strong and always optimistic personality her character is known for, and after a moment she allows a couple to flow down her cheeks. Gojo's face morphs into a concerned expression.
“I don't like seeing you with someone else,” she mumbles, her voice breaking with every word that slips out of her lips, “it hurts me, right here,” she taps on her chest with a shaky hand.
Gojo's eyes widen to feign surprise, a perfect mix of confusion and disbelief on his face, playing the oblivious character to perfection, “you... You like me?”
“For the longest time,” she sniffs, her voice thick with emotion as she starts opening up, “I held back, I tried not to make it obvious, but i can't anymore.” She drops an octave to deliver the last line, showing as much vulnerability and pain as possible.
There’s a pause, and everyone on set is on the edge of their seat. They could feel the tension between them, the two playing their roles better than what everyone imagined from reading the script. Gojo goes to take a step closer, stopping half way.
“Can I kiss you?” he asks, his voice shaking to show that his character is feeling nervous. The director looks intensely between the scene in front of him and the one on the screen, making sure that the intensity they feel in the room is accurate on camera to what's happening in real life.
It's her turn for her to be surprised, playing unsure and hesitant, not expecting those words to come out of his mouth, “w-what?”, her voice trembles as her eyes search his face like she's trying to find any uncertainties.
“can I kiss you? Please?”
Gojo takes the step forward. His voice is soft and his gaze holds hers, intense yet tender, leaving no doubt that his character has been lounging for this and wanting it for just as long if not longer than her.
Y/n takes a deep breath. This is it, she's about to kiss Gojo Satoru, the person she despises the most. She hopes it won't be awkward, the scene was going smoothly and the last thing she wants is a retake from the top, she also doesn't want to embarrass herself in front of the whole crew and become the topic of their gossip.
After a small pause, just as instructed by the director, she gives Gojo a small nod. Gently, and hesitantly, he cups her cheek as he brings his face closer to her. The nervousness on her face is mostly real and she doesn't know why she's feeling that way, she wants the scene to end already.
The moment their lips touch, something surged within Satoru and his free hand quickly grabs her waist to pull her closer to him. Did she always smell so... Devine? Why are her lips so soft? Is her lip balm candy flavoured? Why does she taste so sweet? Why can't he pull away from her?
The kiss is supposed to be gentle, a tender moment of affection, yet the way his hand was gripping the pajama top she's wearing betrays his character's intentions. But the way his thumb caresses her cheek is the opposite, grazing the warm skin softly like he's handling a little kitten. He knows he’s supposed to pull away now. He wants to. He needs to, for the sake of this scene. But something holds him there and it's making him not care about the script anymore.
It’s only when he feels a gentle squeeze on his arm that he finally pulls back. He looks down at Y/n, her lips slightly swollen from the kiss, her wide eyes bright with a spark that stirs something deep within him, making him want to lean down and kiss her again.
“cut !”
The pair jumped away from each other. They both forgot they were on a set, filming a show, and not in the comfort of their own homes.
“that was just... Wow,” the director shakes his head with a smile, “Satoru you went a little out of what I told you with the kiss, huh?”
“yeah, sorry,” he smirks with fake confidence, acting like his heart isn't beating faster than a racing car, “I just thought the moment needed that intensity, ya know? He's been waiting to kiss her for so long after all.”
“No I agree, you did the right thing. Go ahead and take five, everyone. This is one of those rare times when there's no need to do multiple takes, the first was perfect.”
Y/n lets out a breath she didn't realise she was holding and quickly leaves to go grab a water and get some fresh air. She can't believe what just happened. That was definitely not a normal kiss, it felt too real. What was Gojo thinking!? Why didn't he stick to the script and kept it short? And why did she like it so much? She's not supposed to! She's supposed to hate him and everything he does.
“Y/n? Can we talk in your trailer, please?”
Fuck... Please don't let that be Gojo, please let her ears be mistaken and it's not his voice asking her to talk in private, please-
She turns around, and it's him. He stands there, hands tucked into his pockets, looking a little... Shy? Since when does Gojo Satoru feel anything less than bold and confident? There's an unusual softness to his expression, one she only sees when he's playing his character, but without the little voice in the back of her head reminding her that he's just acting.
Despite not wanting to talk to him, she still nods and follows him to her trailer that wasn't parked far away from where they stood. She lets him in first and closes the door behind her to ensure no one can hear whatever they're about to talk about.
As they stood across from each other, Gojo's eyes dart everywhere except to her face, something he has never done before. His usual bravado is gone and replaced with an unusual hesitance. She watches him with a puzzled look on her face. Why is he acting so out of character? It's as if he's nervous to talk to her.
Eventually though, he opens his mouth.
“I apologize for going out of script during the kiss. I didn't plan it to happen and I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable.”
Now he's apologising? Okay, something is definitely wrong. Gojo has never apologised to her in the three years they've been working together. She is starting to feel nervous herself.
“It's okay, really,” she crosses her arms across her chest, “like you explained to the director, it's what you felt the scene needed, and I respect you as an experienced actor to know what you're doing.”
“That wasn't my reason, though.”
Her eyes nearly bulge out of her skull. Huh?!
“what ?”
He takes a step closer to her, a look on his face she couldn't describe, “that's just a lie I made up on the spot. I felt a pull when our lips touched, I don't know what happened to me and it's driving me mad,” he runs a hand through his hair, a habit his manager told her he does when he's anxious, “I couldn't stop myself, so I just let whatever it is take over, but I still couldn't stop, I tried but I just couldn't pull away and I— I want to kiss you again! I want to kiss you right now!”
“Gojo, calm do-” her words fall on deaf ears.
“No! You don't understand! I want to kiss you, but you hate me! You can't even look at me without being disgusted, and I keep making it worse! I keep showing the worst version of myself around you and it makes you hate me more and-”
“Gojo! Stop!”
The look on his face is breaking her heart. He seems so desperate, struggling to put his feelings into words, but every attempt only makes him more anxious, his words stumbling over each other as he tries to make her understand.
“I don't hate you, Satoru”, his heart flutters at the sound of his first name coming out of her lips. Even in interviews, she always used his last name, this is the first time he hears her call him Satoru, “I hate how you act when we're together behind the scenes. You're always so sweet to everyone but I'm always the one you tease, and sometimes your teasing hurts.”
“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's just- I've liked you, as a person, before we even started working together, and I treated you how I treated my close friends. I didn't realise I was overstepping boundaries.”
Why is it so easy to forgive him? It must be something to do with the blue I'm his eyes, it holds some sort of spell that makes everyone want to be on his good side.
“It's okay, as long as you own up to your mistakes and don't repeat them, I'm willing to see past it all and start new.”
A huge smile takes over his face, content with her answer. He is so happy, he's been wanting to do this for so long. He knew he wronged her and needed to apologise for his actions, but he never knew how to approach it.
Without warning her, he lifts her up in a hug. A squeal left her lips followed by a melodic laugh as she hears him thank her over and over again. She allows herself to enjoy the warmth of his hug. His fans didn't lie, he is really good at them.
He pulls away enough to look at her face without unwrapping his arms from around her, “Can we start new by allowing me to take you on a date? I promise I'll treat you like the princess you are.”
She feels her cheeks heating up with a blush as she nods, unable to hide the small, shy smile tugging at her lips. Gojo grins wider, his eyes lighting up with an unmistakable spark of excitement and something tender, “can I kiss you again? Please?”
She barely finishes nodding before his lips are on hers. He’s smiling into the kiss, unable to hide the joy bubbling up inside him as he realizes his newfound feelings are reciprocated.
And yeah, she did like him more than she let on. The small crush she had on him before they met definitely didn't disappear like she thought it did, instead it stayed hidden away and came back out when she felt his lips for the first time.
She never expected this nor planned on letting herself fall for The Gojo Satoru Charm™, but with him here, holding her close, and pressing a kiss filled with passion on her lips, she realises maybe, just maybe, she’s been wanting this all along.
The ending looked way better in my daydream lol. Hope y'all liked it still 💕
#ᯓᡣ𐭩 beloved's stories#divider by v6que#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jjk x fem!reader#jjk x female reader#jjk fanfic#jjk#jjk gojo#gojo x y/n#gojo x you#gojo x reader#gojo x female reader#gojo x fem!reader#gojo fluff#gojo angst#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo satoru x female reader#gojo satoru x fem!reader#gojo satoru fluff#gojo satoru angst#gojo satoru fanfic#gojo satoru#gojo#co-star!Gojo#slow burn#actor!Gojo
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I’m not sure if I have my best ideas at night or if that’s just me to sleep deprived to know what a good idea is
#I remember last night thinking that Conan gray’s music is a great example of#(at least in my experience) growing up as a romance seeking aro#Cause you hear all these stories of people’s love life#And it kinda scares you cause you don’t want to feel heartbroken#And you actually do start developing crushes#And their great#But according to other people that’s not what love feels like#So your not actually in love right#Besides if it was love than you would be feeling heartbroken#So you imagine#You take other peoples thoughts and add yourself into it and your able to get a good understanding of how it’s supposed to feel#But it still doesn’t feel right#your supposed to be devistaed but you aren’t#Sure your mad but t’s just Better to act like it didn’t happen and move on#These tags are werid i might have accidentally ranted about my own feelings#But yea he says that he hasn’t actually fallen in love so maybe this is relivent
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Thinking about Lestat seeing Louis’s eating patterns as a waste of his gift/himself while Armand gives Louis food that he literally can not enjoy or digest just so he has something on his stomach
#if i had to give each of louis relationship a theme loustat would be shame and loumand would be enabling#which are both really bad ways of “helping” a partner with an ed#lestats shame and anger tactics only make louis more resentful and less likely to eat#while armand having the little drinks and exotic animals and the human food dont actually deal with louis problem head on-#cus at the end of the day louis is still not eating enough#and i think they really exemplifies both of their trauma and abandonment issues#both of them came up chronically food insecure#lestat was put into the role of provider at a very early age and stayed in that role until he died/was turned#so for him rejecting what lestat gives is like rejecting lestat cus he doesnt have anything else to make him “useful”#and lestats reaction to rejection is anger and control so he tries to shame and control louis into eating more/human#while armand has been abandoned by literally everyone he loves up till this point so for him its like#ok i can make people dtay if i give them what they want and what louis wants is to not feel bad about eating and so armand does that#but it still doesnt get to the root of the issue which is louis having poor coping mechanisms for his grief and other emotions#like either way you slice it. louis is not meeting his nutritional needs. he eats drinks from one guy eats a fox or some other small animal#when he should be having like two dudes at least#and then he has human food which according to anne rice makes vampires vomit up their whole stomach content so...#louis imma send you to my therapist shes great#interview with the vampire#iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#amc iwtv#lestat de lioncourt#ldpdl#iwtv 2022#armand iwtv#armand#loumand#loustat#like armand gives louis food he cant eat just so he knows theres something in louis stomach even for a short while
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r u the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u buy whatever little thing u want as an adult and struggle with saving for the big mandatory thing,
or the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u just never buy anything small bcs u had to learn to live without it and constantly try to save for the next big thing in 500 yrs
#everyones been asking what i wanted for my bday and i always say nothing#like i hate the feeling of getting somebody smthing just to get them smthing like personally#it needs to come from the heart for me. if it's for smthing big like a bday#now like getting someone a coffee judt to get them one on a random day is dif bcs it's just smthin random on a random day i can understand#but idk like as a kid into adulthood the only bday my relatives / guardians have ever celebrated was my adopted brother's n my dad's#the dad bcs hes a hyperconservative dictator lol n the older adopted bro is cus hes got higher needs#so everybody gets more money taking care of him n stuff so u gotta act like u care abt him according to the guardians#but like i never even knew bdays were that big to people. like i mean i know OTHER PEOPLES bdays are big to them#i find ppl who rlly love their bdays to be rlly cute. like i dont think theyre selfish or make fun of em cus theyre judt having fun#n like u only get one x yr bday so have fun with it!!#but for ME? my bday was never anything special n i dont think it is now#everybody feels bad or smthing for me or for not getting me nothing today but it's like?? this is the norm??? im cool with it#ive been thinking abt other stuff like i just dont have time to think abt the pleasures rn. i have to double on the pain or smthing#like my friends always laugh abt how i dont drink coffee/tea or alcohol bcs u cant be in the medical field without a lil smn smn#& it's like idk ! i like ppl that do do that kinda stuff but like! i never grew up with that & it just feels odd to do it now kinda thing#idk im very cheap but also i will use the fact that im cheap on the small stuff to justify wanting to make a big purchase#i have a weird relationship with buying things for myself vs for others like 4 others i will buy watever u want bro#sugar papi ted#hey heres this idk insert raccoon bracelet bcs u like raccoons n love wearing bracelets so i thot of u n bought it#but if i buy smthing for me it has to have a dual purpose or smthing#i got to have a free dessert today n chose the churros over the tres leches cake slicr cus u can judt make the cake#but i dont own a deep fryer so i cant make churros n storebought churros just arent the same#like im just always idk comparing or needing to know the use of things yanno#if i do smthing. i have to see it thru. & it has to have multi purpose#i mean just look at my username jrue ships or jrue's hips like#im unwell when it comes to that#idk is anyone else like this#anyways yea this whole new thing of getting stuff on one day is hard for me like it just never matches up with my time#of course ill see stuff id like to have but like. ill just make myself forget it n by the time stuff like this rolls up it's like idk#i COULD get a new laptop but i got one that works just fine. i got an ipad on its last legs but can i still turn it on? alright
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Whoopsie time
#vent tw#cw vent#I'm stupid to have dropped out of college#now I don't know what I'm doing and I can't do the very passion I set out to do#Animation was my dream and I ruined it for a guy who groomed me and ended up physically abusing me.#I didn't realize trying to animate and failing because I don't understand it no matter what I look up about it would result in a breakdown#Not to mention I'm regressing in my art skill right now.#My art is ASS right now no matter how hard I try to improve it#references... Practice... Doodles... Warmups you name it#nothing is going right and I have the urge to quit art altogether#I'm not going to and I can't bring myself to ever do that but It's aching inside me#I want my art to be good according to me. not others. People can say it's great but if I don't like it... I'm not going to settle for it#I shouldn't have left#I loved college#I loved SELU#I loved my life back then#And now I'm here. And I'm not happy anymore.#Even with writing. I even took a long break from writing and I still can't do it right according to myself.#Now I have no muse or motivation for any of it#I feel empty. And I can't go to therapy because I can't afford the balance on my account.#I just feel like I failed.#I feel like I failed my parents and myself. They always tell me theyre so proud of me but I don't understand how they can be.#Not when I ended up in two severely abusive relationships... Dropped out of college twice... And now work in a factory full time.#Yeah i make decent money in a place I enjoy but it all just feels empty.#I could've been more#i could've done better#[[out of ammo]];; ooc
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.
#instead of “everyone in the peloton can tell that tadejonas are pining for each other”#i propose the concept of: tadejonas who are *already together* like full-on established relationship living together part of the time etc#but somehow. no one else in the peloton has figured it out?#and like they didn't MEAN to hide it from people okay it wasn't on purpose#it just started out that way because when they realized they wanted to try it they ALSO realized that sooo much could go wrong#so they were like “we'll keep it pretty quiet until we're sure that whatever this is between us is real and will work out”#and obviously it does work out but when they try to tell people it somehow never seems to go according to plan#like somehow everyone leaves those conversations having completely missed the part where they say they're dating#and instead landed somewhere in the ballpark of “tadejonas are massively crushing on each other we have to help them”#so everyone is CONVINCED that they're pining away for each other and they keep trying to set them up in increasingly wild schemes#and tadejonas are just like. how do we explain to these people who we know and love that we are already in a committed relationship#random ass riders from like. every team tripping over themselves to help out the cause in the NAME OF LOVE and tadejonas are just like 🧍♂️#and like they feel kind of bad about it but also its kind of a game now to see how obvious they can be before someone catches on#random rider: jonas i promise tadej is totally into you okay he like. wouldn't shut up about you at XYZ race okay he definitely likes you#jonas (adjusting his scarf to hide the hickeys tadej left and jingling the keys of the house he shares with tadej): if you say so#what if i wrote something
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@beatingheart-bride
"You got breakfast in bed, Mama?" Lon asked in surprise (he thought you only got to eat in bed when you were sick!), to which Randall replied, "She sure did. See, Grandpa Wil used to make Grandma June breakfast in bed for her birthday and Mother's Day, and she used to make him breakfast in bed for his birthday and Father's Day, so I thought it'd be nice to do the same."
Thinking about it, he realized he had a couple of very fuzzy memories when it came to these breakfasts; remembering vaguely helping his parents when he was very small, in particular his father...he couldn't remember if it was June's birthday or Mother's Day, he just recalled, however hazily, toddling around with a little vase in his hands, trailing after his father as they entered the bedroom, and his mother kissing his cheek when he presented her with the flower...
Leaving this hazy memory behind, he smiled as he recalled, "I got better at baking after that incident-we used to make little king cakes together for Mardi Gras; we never had anything hidden in them, of course, but they were still lots of fun to make and decorate."
Knowing all about the delights of king cake and other Mardi Gras cuisine (especially since Mardi Gras was such a major holiday at the Mansion; Uncle Dori and Aunt Lizzie wouldn't have it any other way), the twins lit up at this, only for Erika to then falter, asking, "Will...will Grandpa August and Grandma Josie come back for Mardi Gras?"
"And what about Christmas? And Thanksgiving?" Lon asked, their gleeful smiles having been replaced by a sense of uncertainty, an uncertainty Randall could see plain as day, and it made him sigh: In some ways, it seemed so unfair that these new families only have so little time to spend with the children before they went home...he understood, of course, but he hated to see the little ones so disappointed at the prospect of these new faces disappearing as quickly as they had appeared.
Still, Randall tried to put on a brave face for the pair, reassuring them, "I'm sure that they will. I don't think they'd miss it for the world."
#((she fits perfectly; she fits right in with both families! she's got that pace energy; wilhelm and june could both see it))#((from the moment they met; and similarly; august and josephine knew she'd fit right in with their family as well!))#((and of course june and josephine see a lot of themselves in emily! i think a lot like with the case of emily and randall))#((in which people on the outside looking in wouldn't understand for the life of them what she'd see in him))#((and so i think they'd also not believe that two lower-class women))#((-one of them a former burlesque dancer; the other married to an irishman-))#((could have anything in common with an upper-class woman like emily!))#((they can't conceive of them having anything in common; and they can't imagine emily enjoying spending time))#((in the presence of these two women; who are so far beneath her according to society))#((but she enjoys spending time with both of them; and feels very welcomed by them))#((far more than she does by other high society ladies; i'm sure! it makes for a very sweet and supportive dynamic!))#((and true; emily; through her love for randall; brought lon and erika into the world; it's absolutely a bonus!))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Two Worlds; One Family
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okay, i give up. i'm calling it, time of death 11:02pm. i hereby officially unsubscribe from the l0tr newsletter. it's funny because whenever anyone asks me if i'm the type of person who always finishes a book even when i hate it, i'm like, "yes, except this one time i gave up on the fellowship otr after the first 50 pages when i was like 10." here we are decades later and i'm doing it again. and the best part is, i did actually successfully read this book and the other two in the series at some point in those intervening decades. i tried to read this book three times and only succeeded once. 33% hit rate, compared to my rate of 100% for every other book i have ever seriously tried to read. i really want to get it but i just don't. i'm giving myself permission to move on with my life. i'm not ashamed! i will say it since everyone else is too chicken apparently: some people find this seemingly universally beloved book series very boring and i am among their number!
#do i think they're bad books? that's the thing. i don't. i just don't personally like them#and i've decided not to waste any more of my time trying to like them. i put in the hours. it's not happening.#i tried to read them THREE SEPARATE TIMES. over the course of twenty-five years#which again is so funny. like how did 10yo me get it so right. how am i still so consistent on this one VERY specific metric#books#reading#my posts#it's a shame because people are SO into them so i do feel like i'm missing out :( but i have to live my truth 😔#very happy for everyone who does not have this problem and either 1) happily loves the series or 2) does not care one way or the other#(also okay i do know what hereby means and i realize i have to actually unsubscribe. i can't just say it on here and hope that#the person running the newsletter happens to see this post i have deliberately censored so it won't show up#in the book or newsletter tags & removes me according only to my expressed wish in this post & without knowing my email address#don't worry. i know how this works)#(hereby is so fun to say but unfortunately my conscience won't let me use it here without this disclaimer#MISLEADING 'HEREBY' USAGE OCCURRING UNDER CONTROLLED CIRCUMSTANCES. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME)#(UNLESS YOU WANT TO I GUESS. I'M NOT THE BOSS OF YOU AND NEITHER IS THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE)
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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I’m not saying that a lot of Regulus fans are only interested in him because they picture him as a Timothee Chalamet insert and wouldn’t give half a fuck about the character if that fancast didn’t exist but… oh wait that is what I’m saying.
yeah i mean. i definitely think there's something in that lol honestly. as ive said before i never really got the interest in regulus i just couldnt care less about the guy he genuinely has zero canon character but. simultaneously i can see how the little that we do know about him makes him an interesting character and i can see why people enjoy the idea of him as a blank slate that you can superimpose nearly any traits you want on to--treating regulus as essentially an oc gives you lots of room for creation. its for these exact reasons that he is of no interest to me personally, and i really don't like the common conceptualisation of him that has emerged from popular headcanon consensus (especially when it involves stripping his character of all agency and half the things that could arguably make him compelling in order to gloss over the fact that he was a death eater) but thats a matter of opinion i suppose. thats a me problem. its just not my cup of tea.
the timothee chalamet thing irritates me for the same reason the ridiculous instagram model/influencer/celebrity fancasts for most characters irritate me, because one of the ONLY things we know about regulus is that he is 'less handsome than sirius'. like ok why not work with that. especially with a character like him where there is virtually nothing to work with. like please explain to me why you refuse to accept that im genuinely curious. why is that the aspect of his character you are so firmly refuting lol.
all in all, if the character is only likeable or interesting or a convincing love interest if you have to pretend they were actually super conventionally attractive, maybe they're just not that likeable or interesting or well-suited to the character you're trying to pair them off with. its a personal thing again i am just not interested in reading/writing about a cast of characters who are all meticulously tailored to conform to beauty standards i do not respect. the minute u try to convince me all your characters are super hot n yassified it all feels less real to me sorry i care less about them. im bored of hot characters i think all fictional characters should be made to look like normal everyday people and i think everyone should be less afraid of so-called ugliness i triple dog dare u
#the 'you' here is just a general vague you btw it is not directed towards any one person and obviously not you anon we're in agreement#and reading it back i fear i may come off a little more aggressive than i intended so psa this is all my opinion like. do what you want#i am not the final word on this issue or any other. i am just a guy no 1 is obligated to listen to me if they dont want to. except about r#anyway remember talking to liv about the whole regulus thing and how. the personality that has been invented for him just seems like#people were bored of r/s they wanted something like r/s but new so they superimposed remus' personality onto him and then added a#few bits of sirius. and this is all me ranting about my opinion mindlessly now but i think#its reflected in those stupid terrible incorrect quote joke posts and how you see one of them where its remus and sirius and then see the#exact same post remade except remus has been changed to regulus and sirius has been changed to james. like yeah because regulus#is just a carbon copy of remus except if he was goth lol. we've done this one before its the same thing#and absolutely regulus can be done well and absolutely i am not a definitive judge of what is 'doing regulus well' just as no one else is#but i think if u want to do regulus well u have to make him less likeable. like he cant be ur soft loveable fav. girl he was a death eater#same as i think the whole barty / evan / regulus / pandora gang is just people refurbing the marauders. same thing different colour#anyway. i feel about regulus the same way i feel about dorcas or mary or marlene. they are not really characters#they dont have any definitive canon traits and i am not really interested in creating ocs. but other people might love that idea!#which is fine!#whew. love it when i get asks about things im scared to talk about of my own accord like i cant get in trouble if you guys asked me first x#anon#telegram#the brothers black#also girls he is a product of generation after generation of inbreeding. the black family should look like the windsors sirius was an#outlier.#oh also sorry i thought i was done but i want to clarify that i am no way saying you cannot be interested in morally grey characters or#find them compelling. instead what i am trying to say is that pretending a morally grey character actually isnt morally grey#in order to justify the fact that you are interested/fond of/compelled by them is boring and a disservice to your fav. hope that makes sens#within what we do know about regulus there are things that make him GOOD but not really anything that makes him likeable. and so much#of popular headcanon seems to be bestowing a ton of likeable traits upon him in order to redeem him despite there being no canon basis 4 it#like. we know regulus was a death eater 'it wasnt his decision he was forced into it!' we know regulus was less handsome than sirius 'no he#wasnt he was also super hot!' do you see what you're doing. you're losing me.
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top 5 serirei moments go
This is a great ask because i really dont have an answer ready jkhskda
Ok! These are my top five serirei moments! I have taken into account the anime, the hot springs OVA, the manga moments that didnt make it into the anime or that havent aired yet*, the official art which probably isnt canon but i cant NOT include them, the fanbook and the omake that i have read ...
*i am an anime-only but i read spoilers so i have only approximate knowledge of whats going on manga-wise lol i havent read everything tho so my opinion is not as well-rounded as id like yet but i made an attempt with what i know thus far (which is enough tbh). i have spoiler warnings wherever i deem necessary but please tell me if i need to add something!! what i included from the mp100 fanbook doesnt contain any spoilers, most of them are related to what we've seen from season 3
Anyway here we go!!!
5.
JK JK JAKSJAKKKALDKJALSJD
I am obviously not counting that since it technically ISNT a serirei moment because Seri isnt present. Obviously. That's the reason.
For real now:
5.
Reigen seeing Serizawa for the first time is a moment ingrained in me because the very first thing that Seri did was protect him using his umbrella aka his only source of comfort and security???? while he went against the one person who he thought understood him??? i dont know if it was meant to be read as an exchange of sorts or as a metaphor or as foreshadowing or all three but it's so incredible..
(spoilers, probably? --->) i think in the manga at some point Serizawa got an umbrella and it was clear instead of white or any other color, so when he was using it he was visible and so many fans were saying that this is a metaphor for him not being afraid anymore and standing on his own two feet as a person :'( anyway this is sort of irrelevant but it's kinda related to Reigen too (i think the umbrella was a gift from him??) And the fact that in the anime he uses the cards Reigen gave him as a weapon opposed to the umbrella Touichirou gave him....... (<----end of spoilers)
Also this tweet seems relevant and lives rent free in my mind
4. from the mp100 fanbook
the farting chair..... i cant like a pairing without them being absolutely ridiculous. Reigen doing whatever ridiculous thing he's doing and Serizawa being either "hm. sure." or "??????" is so funny to me. them going to the bar and getting drunk together and Reigen showing him a trick with Seri responding "i have a test tomorrow Reigen-san.." in contrast to what we've seen in the anime so far with Reigen being dramatic and actually impressing Serizawa is so good....... what do you mean this is more than one moment.......
3. (from s3e9)
this and the way they framed Reigen's wait-youve-never-liked-a-girl meltdown and then moments later showing him googling "how to ask girls out" must be an indicator for something (🤨🏳️🌈⁉)..... Also the way Reigen lets himself be a little vulnerable in front of Serizawa shows that he trusts him and that's weird since he is so guarded all the time while trying to show how great he is.. I like that he has someone he can share things with and maybe even be himself with
(the above are from this video)
2. the famous moment they cut-off from the anime (specifically from s3e9) (after no3 chronologically)
when i first saw this i was so sure there was something going on canonically that will slowly unravel. i have only seen bits and pieces of the manga but i still feel there is something here. its a small moment and then it changes scene back to mob. considering this being a little later from no3 it makes you wonder if its building up to something or not?? (the answer is its not but still. behind the scenes maybe?) Moreover Reigen's desire to be a good partner makes me??? I cannot explain correctly what this makes me feel because writing this made me both want to cry AND want to make that one meme with timmy's dad (since it couldn't make it into the anime)
1.?????
whatever??? this is???
I first saw this a year or something ago and it still mystifies me to this day... what was the purpose of this? what is trying to convey?? is this supposed to attract the male-loving fans of mp100??? i literally cant NOT read this as gay... it makes me lose my mind every time i look at it. They are literally gay married... (spoilers----->) they even co-own spirits and such at the end of the manga as far as im aware........ (<------ end of spoilers)
there is no way these guys are heterosexual, i think i drove my point home
There are so many things i like about their dynamic and canon didnt show us as many things as i wish it did (how reigen employed serizawa, what happened when they went for drinks and ended up both drunk etc etc) I love them both and I'm glad that they got to meet and work together in the manga and i got to read about it!!
THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!!! <3 <3 <3 <3
#this was. so unnecessarily hard.#i love serirei so much and i still dont know that much about them?? apparently????#maybe because i am so focused on each character independently and i like that they seem to fit as opposites of each other kinda#i dont feel like they are soulmates exactly. i dont know about fate but i like the concept of two people#figuring each other out and attempting to love each other despite their flaws#its amazing how sincere serizawa is where reigen cannot be and how flashy and dramatic reigen is when serizawa doesnt#need to be...#i dont feel like they were born as opposites but they learned to be as they work side-by-side#idk it feels amazing to me to be able to change and be yourself together with another person after#being alone for so long#and its not like seri didnt have his mum and reigen didnt have mob but now they learn to depend on each other while letting themselves be..#they need one another and they want one another and they shape each other according to the other#they call for each other in different subtle ways#the idea of two people finding each other and truly seeing each other at their worst moments#deciding to stay even after that and even in the small day-to-day stuff#and the concept of found family tying it all together makes me feel some type of way (kicking crying contemplating existence etc etc)#i think thats what love is#am i explaining this well??? ah words are hard#anyway this answer took so much time because i am a perfectionist in this kind of things#wild#onion talks#onion also probably needs to shut up i have written an essay all the way down here#i have worked less for presentations i dont know what happened#cicada my dear friend thank you so much for this#thank you so much for asking me about them!!! im dying to talk about them but i needed an excuse to do so#mp100 is so great if someone read all of this and hasnt watched it: you should. serirei is good but youre gonna love mob#i am complaining a lot all over this post but mp100 is more than ships anyway#i hope i am more comprehensible than i think i am also#this is a mess. bon appetite.#asks
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prefacing this by saying im fine and its whatever and im mostly numb to it. but it kinda fucking sucks that being gaslit about my own sexuality leads to… doubting my own sexuality lol!
#purrs#just went to my first ever lavender graduation ceremony and had a convo w my dad after that touched on the EXACT horrors lol like i need to#learn to not bring this shit up around my parents bc they’re just gonna say the same things. and also it doesn’t matter bc idc about labels#and (to quote ricky) it’s a conversation not a constant. but like fucking hell. just bc ive never ‘’’’’’been with anybody’’’’’’ doesn’t#mean that i can’t know im not straight. the HORRIFIC psychic damage that did to me 5 years ago this month. the way i can’t think about#sexuality or being part of the lgbtq community since and like before then when that happened i thought i was a lesbian and was gonna try to#get involved with the school lgbtq student union . like it’s so ficking stupid and sad. and i can’t trust myself anymore i can’t tell if#anything ive ever felt for anyone is actually real bc according to my (straight and biphobic) parents ‘crushes don’t count’ and i haven’t#even had a crush in months anyway and yeah ive never ‘been with’ anybody. but like god damn. you DO NOT get to tell me i have to call myself#questioning. yeah im questioning but only i can call it that and only if i want to. i get to know me. i get to call me what i am. which also#means i get to work through the years of psychic damage this thread of conversation coming from my own parents has done to me#but i own that. i want to own that. ive had the feelings i have had. maybe they were wrong and misplaced and maybe there are other ways to#interpret them like me jus t having projection issues and whatever. but they were real to me and are real to me and shape how i show up#every single day. i get to know myself. i get to call myself what i am. even though you’re my parents you don’t get to tell me that. and you#should be sorry for how fucked in the head this has made me and how cut off i have become from other people who have felt what i have felt#and from the parts of myself that felt and hurt and loved. like lolllll. i was in a good mood and then that happened and now my heart hurts.#delete later#like i don’t talk abt this shit anymore for a reason 🤪✌️ i am not involved in lgbtq groups or communities online or offline for a reason 🤪✌️#and it’s yet another manifestation of impostor syndrome too like. ppl wonder why im like this…. there is a very good reason 💖
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