#i dont feel like they were born as opposites but they learned to be as they work side-by-side

[lightfulonion]

top 5 serirei moments go

This is a great ask because i really dont have an answer ready jkhskda

Ok! These are my top five serirei moments! I have taken into account the anime, the hot springs OVA, the manga moments that didnt make it into the anime or that havent aired yet*, the official art which probably isnt canon but i cant NOT include them, the fanbook and the omake that i have read ...

*i am an anime-only but i read spoilers so i have only approximate knowledge of whats going on manga-wise lol i havent read everything tho so my opinion is not as well-rounded as id like yet but i made an attempt with what i know thus far (which is enough tbh). i have spoiler warnings wherever i deem necessary but please tell me if i need to add something!! what i included from the mp100 fanbook doesnt contain any spoilers, most of them are related to what we've seen from season 3

Anyway here we go!!!

5.

JK JK JAKSJAKKKALDKJALSJD

I am obviously not counting that since it technically ISNT a serirei moment because Seri isnt present. Obviously. That's the reason.

For real now:

5.

Reigen seeing Serizawa for the first time is a moment ingrained in me because the very first thing that Seri did was protect him using his umbrella aka his only source of comfort and security???? while he went against the one person who he thought understood him??? i dont know if it was meant to be read as an exchange of sorts or as a metaphor or as foreshadowing or all three but it's so incredible..

(spoilers, probably? --->) i think in the manga at some point Serizawa got an umbrella and it was clear instead of white or any other color, so when he was using it he was visible and so many fans were saying that this is a metaphor for him not being afraid anymore and standing on his own two feet as a person :'( anyway this is sort of irrelevant but it's kinda related to Reigen too (i think the umbrella was a gift from him??) And the fact that in the anime he uses the cards Reigen gave him as a weapon opposed to the umbrella Touichirou gave him....... (<----end of spoilers)

Also this tweet seems relevant and lives rent free in my mind

4. from the mp100 fanbook

the farting chair..... i cant like a pairing without them being absolutely ridiculous. Reigen doing whatever ridiculous thing he's doing and Serizawa being either "hm. sure." or "??????" is so funny to me. them going to the bar and getting drunk together and Reigen showing him a trick with Seri responding "i have a test tomorrow Reigen-san.." in contrast to what we've seen in the anime so far with Reigen being dramatic and actually impressing Serizawa is so good....... what do you mean this is more than one moment.......

3. (from s3e9)

this and the way they framed Reigen's wait-youve-never-liked-a-girl meltdown and then moments later showing him googling "how to ask girls out" must be an indicator for something (🤨🏳️‍🌈⁉)..... Also the way Reigen lets himself be a little vulnerable in front of Serizawa shows that he trusts him and that's weird since he is so guarded all the time while trying to show how great he is.. I like that he has someone he can share things with and maybe even be himself with

(the above are from this video)

2. the famous moment they cut-off from the anime (specifically from s3e9) (after no3 chronologically)

when i first saw this i was so sure there was something going on canonically that will slowly unravel. i have only seen bits and pieces of the manga but i still feel there is something here. its a small moment and then it changes scene back to mob. considering this being a little later from no3 it makes you wonder if its building up to something or not?? (the answer is its not but still. behind the scenes maybe?) Moreover Reigen's desire to be a good partner makes me??? I cannot explain correctly what this makes me feel because writing this made me both want to cry AND want to make that one meme with timmy's dad (since it couldn't make it into the anime)

1.?????

whatever??? this is???

I first saw this a year or something ago and it still mystifies me to this day... what was the purpose of this? what is trying to convey?? is this supposed to attract the male-loving fans of mp100??? i literally cant NOT read this as gay... it makes me lose my mind every time i look at it. They are literally gay married... (spoilers----->) they even co-own spirits and such at the end of the manga as far as im aware........ (<------ end of spoilers)

there is no way these guys are heterosexual, i think i drove my point home

There are so many things i like about their dynamic and canon didnt show us as many things as i wish it did (how reigen employed serizawa, what happened when they went for drinks and ended up both drunk etc etc) I love them both and I'm glad that they got to meet and work together in the manga and i got to read about it!!

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

[chron0ph0bia]

you parents constantly telling u the shit that you've been trying to unlearn surely is smth

[mywitchyblog]

I love the dedication for explaining the most basic stuff for some of these shifters because some of them lacks common knowledge everyone is so attach with the past they always talks about you can't do this because this and that it happened to me happened to them acting like our cr is the only one who has a past in every reality there's a different race who experienced discrimination like all the stuffs that people reason on why people shouldn't race change but they forgot that in every reality every race, age, gender has a different past some realities gender is equal no one fights about whose gender are more important. In another reality it's the opposite of race who experienced discrimination. People like to create discourse because they are so attach with the cr all they talk about is cr. these people won't shift with this mindset it's very limiting they always let the past affects their journey they are the same people who affirm about not being in the past and that they don't live in the old story but still continue to get mad when someone want to change their form in order to experience infinite possiblities. What shifters need to learn is that if they always talk about being in the 4d and that they live in the imagination they should start observing 3d and view their cr life as someone's old story a character who will end their roles to start a new and better one never let the past affects you. Focus on your own journey your own story NEVER LET PEOPLE'S OPINION ON TUMBLR AFFECTS YOU block them and move on don't interact live your life you wanted it to be stop being miserable stop complaining stop starting a discourse but instead educate yourself read a book find a hobby that helps with your shifting journey stop complaining about peopel having different opinion as you those are just people on the screen on your phone don't let their energy touches you and ruin your day. YOU WON'T GET ANYTHING FROM ARGUING PEOPLE WITH DIFFERENT VIEWS OF YOU FROM TUMBLR. ALWAYS LIVE IN THE PRESENT DONT FORGET ABOUT THE PAST ONLY OBSERVE IT. If you're aware that you are a consciousness nothing can hurt you only your cr self gets hurt but you are a consciousness you're just observing your cr self just like your dr self your cr self get hurt because it has a senses, feelings and emotions it has a story a past but you already live now in your dr. In death only the body dies. Life does not, consciousness does not,reality does not as someone who died multiple times in every reality you're CR life is never that serious the Cr character dies we moved on and live for the next adventure we were never born never dies we just exist as consciousness moving to different forms bodies appearancess. The real power is not the method it's the awareness knowing that I'm Aware that every method works for me or im aware that i can go to my desired life just by living in the imagination and not relying on my limited senses.

Thanks for the compliment! It’s wild how many people need the basics explained over and over because they’re so stuck in this reality (CR) like it’s the only one with a history. They think if something happened here, it must be the same everywhere. Spoiler alert: different realities have different histories, and just because one group faced discrimination here doesn’t mean it’s the same in every reality. In some realities, gender might be totally equal, and in others, it’s flipped, with totally different groups facing discrimination. Reality’s a mixed bag, babe, but some people just can’t handle that.

What really grinds my gears is the fake moral superiority they try to flex just because they don’t race change or age down, as if they’re not out there aging up whenever they feel like it. Babe, this reality isn’t some golden blueprint—there’s no “original reality” that’s the end-all, be-all. That idea? Complete illusion.

And when they try to argue? It’s always the same old trio of logical fallacies: ad hominem attacks, straw man nonsense, and hasty generalizations. I’m just waiting for a solid argument against age or race changing that doesn’t rely on flimsy fallacies. Surprise, surprise—they can’t. There’s no ultimate right or wrong here—no supreme law governing what’s okay across all realities. It’s laughable, really.

People clinging to CR norms like their lives depend on it are either going to struggle to shift or not shift at all. Shifting is as simple as plugging into a different outlet—your awareness is the plug, and each reality is a different socket. Unplug from one, connect to another. Meanwhile, I’m basing my views on logical observations, and they’re acting like their opinions are rock-solid, when really, they’re about as stable as quicksand.

And it’s funny how people forget the total subjectivity of shifting before they jump on their soapbox. It’s always “um, excuse me, but you’re doing it wrong because I said so” (cue fallacies or their utter lack of shifting knowledge). Arguing with keyboard warriors? Beyond pointless. Block, move on, and don’t waste a second on that nonsense. I’m here for real debates, not this mess.

They’re obsessed with CR and all its baggage but claim they’re “moving on” or “not living in the old story.” Yet the second someone ages down or changes race, they lose their minds. Shifting is all about infinite possibilities, but they’re too busy being mad over CR norms to see it. It’s beyond limiting, and if they keep letting CR baggage control them, they’re going to miss out on everything shifting has to offer.

If they’re so into talking about the 4D and living in their imagination, they should start seeing CR as just an old story that they can move beyond. They need to stop letting random opinions on Tumblr—or anywhere—control them. Block, focus on your journey, and stop wasting energy on what others think. All this complaining? It’s useless. Shifters who are busy policing others are missing what really matters—their own dreams and their own lives. Educate yourself, pick up a book, find something meaningful for your shifting journey, and stop letting some random on the internet ruin your day.

At the end of the day, live in the present. Observe the past, but don’t let it control you. If you’re aware of yourself as consciousness, nothing can truly hurt you—not people, not opinions, not CR drama. Your CR self might feel the sting, but you? You’re a consciousness, moving beyond bodies and histories. Life, consciousness, and reality never end. When you shift, your CR self wraps up one story and moves on to the next adventure.

In the end, it’s not about any one method being the answer. It’s about awareness and knowing every method has potential. I can live in my Desired Reality just by embracing my imagination and moving past limited senses. Thanks for recognizing that—here’s hoping more people catch on soon. It’s time to stop treating CR like it’s the center of the universe and start seeing the limitless possibilities of shifting.

[fipindustries]

not a question but basically any time i remember your art exists im looking it up and down and trying to take inspiration from it. your expression work is always top notch, and the way you depict faces is the perfect balance between cartoony and well defined

oh my god this is such an amazing compliment! thank you so much!

you know, i think this has been a long time coming. im going to take this as a chance to go in depth about how my style works, why i do what i do and how i do it. do keep in mind that none of this is me saying "this is the objectively correct way of doing art" but rather just how my own process works, what I like to see in my own art.

that balance that you speak of comes from a commitment to underlying structures. what im going to call the stylization sandwich

i start with a clear, well defined solid structure, i add whatever wacky cartoony features i want on top of it (none the less strongly tied and guided by the underlying structure) and then i refine by adding as many more realistic, grounding details i want, although you can go too far with it so i gotta be careful or ill end up with those shitty "cartoon character IRL would look scary!" clickbait drawings.

(quick aside, this trend fucking sucks, its obvious the artist went out of their way to make the drawing creepy, this pretension that "actually the character would look scary irl" deliberatly misundertands the principles of stylization, its as creatively bankrupt as jokes about mario eating mushrooms)

getting back on topic, the point is that, as long as the underlying structures are solid you can build whatever you want on top of them and it will make sense

a key tool here is internalizing the way the proportions on the face work. and i say internalize because obviously i dont actually have the golden ratio memorized inside my head nor do i stop and measure and calculate all the proportions in the features. i just read a lot about drawing, i drew a lot, i tried to always keep a critical eye to what im drawing and see if it "feels" disproportionate. once you get an eye for it then you know how far you can push things before they complitely break

let me give you another example of what i feel is a botched execution of this.

if you look closely at the face on the left there are a lot of things that dont make sense. the corners of the eyebrows dip down into the eyes when usually the eyes are enveloped by the eyebrows, the way the beard grows around the nose is just not how facial hair is distributed, the mouth is too big, etc. on the left i used photoshop to reorganize the factions into something that makes a bit more sense to me

(another quick aside, the real big problem at the heart of the original drawing were not so much the proportions but the tangents, when different lines touch each other like this that is usually a big no no but that is a topic for another day)

also a lot of it is just me cheating. yeah i cheat. you ever heard how people say there is no innate talent and its all practisce and hard work. well, yeah, that is mostly true, but is also true that some people are born with inherent advantages. either taller or more predisposed to being thin or with better facial structures or better innate hand-eye coordination. i was born with an uncanny capacity to visualize stuff. i have whatever the opposite of aphantasia is. i can borderline hallucinate things if i want to. and that goes coupled with the visual intuitions i developed through practisce and training.

so first come the learned wisdom, and then comes the innate talent that helps me exploit that learned wisdom to its full potential

on top of that is corporeality, i try to draw in such a way that it conveys depth and weight to the things im drawing, certain kinds of stylizations dont care about that and choose instead to have their drawing look flat, a classic one is the UPA style

is a very fun style! very cute, very dynamic, very expressive in its simplicity. it became very popular in the 60's and 70's. personally i choose to go in a different direction. i draw in such a way that if one were to turn my drawings into 3d models not a lot would get lost in the process.

whereas other artists....

...not so much

but yeah, ultimatly it all goes back to underlying structure. any drawing can work

as long as you have a strong foundation underneath.

PS: if you like my style i cannot reccomend enough the art of @rezuaq i feel they follow a lot of the same principles i talked about here but i could be wrong.

they have been my biggest inspiration as of the last 4 years, i shamelssly stole the design of one of their characters for jennyffer. go to their blog and give them a like

[mxdotpng]

im still thinking about the ending of tales of the abyss. i know so many people see our mysterious epilogue man as luke but i cant see it. i cant. luke's story was finished. his character arc got a solid end. he wasnt meant to have anything after. he was content. his life began and it ended and he was content with that. he took the reason why he was born - to die for someone else, because of someone else, at the choice of someone else - and made it his own. he died because it was his choice, he died for a reason that was no one elses but his own. its why hes smiling at the end, in such a large contrast to how he is at the tower of rem. there is no "i dont want to die" because he has already come to terms with it. it scares him still, yes, hes terrified. but if it must be done then he will do it on his own terms. and he is content.

but asch died without getting that. i kind of see a characters death as an end to their arc -- a just death will happen at the end of a characters arc, the place they are meant to be. where hmthey have answered all of their questions and lived as long as they were meant to. luke's death is just because his character arc ends where its meant too -- he has found the answer to his question, "why was it that i was born?" he has walked a thousand miles to get where he is. at the beginning, luke desperately wanted to be a hero, to find meaning in his life, to be more than the ghost that people see when they look at him. and in the end, he got that. he was finally seen for who he is - luke - not who he was, or could have been. he found himself, and he found it on his own terms. that is a just and final end.

we purposefully dont see much of asch through the story -- hes meant to be luke's opposite, in that he doesnt get that same 'arc' that luke does. he is a vdry static character, and all of his changes throughout the story are meant to be subtle. but the asch at the beginning and the asch at the end are at its core very similar. he wanted to die, at the tower of rem. he wanted to die, at the end. the life he had was stolen from him, and he couldnt picture another. there was nothing waiting for him. in a number of ways, he was not in the same place he was at the end of the game compared to the beginning. but he was still in that same mindset of - what could possibly be waiting for him, when this is all over? when his duty is complete, and his master is dead, and he has no drive to keep moving? there was no future for him. no place to go back home to, no one who would miss him. luke would always be there to take his place.

luke was created so that asch could live. that is the first thing we learn about luke. we learn it through a lie, but it holds true. it took a while, but in sacrificing himself for lorelei - in dying - i feel its only right that asch gets to live. its what luke was meant for, and this time it is by his own terms. it goes back around to the score, too -- what was dictated by fate happened anyway, but it happened because they chose this path, not because they were forced to.

he cannot run away anymore. thats what he has done for nearly an entire decade of his life -- runaway. hes runaway from his home, from his past, from himself, from anyone that tried to reach out a hand to him. asch has always kept the tiniest bit of hope for himself, but hes never let himself have it. just in case... of anything, really. in case luke takes his place again. in case his family decides they dont want him anymore. in case he dies. he has made this decision for everyone else. and it almost worked.

if luke came back, none of that would have meant anything. nothing of what he struggled for would mean anything. he was never supposed to have a happy ending. it just mattered that he tried to get one. he clawed at it and clung to it like it was all he had. and it was ripped away from him and given to someone else, blood and all. and now asch has to live with it. there is no running away anymore.

[kvnex]

PART 1: THE BASICS

What is your full name? Kane T. Franklin

Where and when were you born? Sept 7,1997 Memphis Tennessee

Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) His morthers name is Kayla Franklin, she’s unemployed because he takes care of her. In the beginning she wasn’t much of a nurturing type of mother. But over time she developed this personality where she only wanted the best for her children and the best is what she did. She did whatever she had to do for Kane and his sister and for that he’s thankful. She’s a bit on the rough side she’s been through a lot a she’s seen a lot so she can tend to come off a bit more harsh at times but it’s all love. As for his dad his name is Maurice Halsten, didn’t know him, didn’t like him, didn’t care about him.

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? Yes he has a younger sister, she’s very sweet and nice almost too good to be true in so many words. She’s the complete opposite of Kane but she stands on business when it comes to her big brother.

Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. Bel-Air, big ass house nice yard neighbors kinda far apart. Lots of rooms, lost of space, basketball cout all of the things a bel air mansion would have.

What is your occupation? He's a Rapper

Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. 6’0 tall, don’t worry about his weight, it’s enough. Black male, brown eyes with black hair. He likes to think of himself as a hood rich dresser, he can jump fresh any day of the week with just a simple fit to throw on but he likes to have things that others dont tend to have so that it sets him apart a bit from others. Tons of tattoos on his arms and hand and neck. A scar on his face that’s fading but it’s from when he was younger and got cut in the face by a glass bottle.

To which social class do you belong? Upper

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? He's allergic to oranges but will risk it cause he likes orange juice. No diseases or any other phyical weakeness

Are you right- or left-handed? Right

What does your voice sound like? Deep but not Barry white deep, like regular deep southern drawl or should I say a Memphis accent.

What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? I’m good or it’s whatever, what’s that word shortly

What do you have in your pockets? Money and a lighter.

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? He has an obsessive behavior but at the same time he plays it very nonchalant when he feels like people playing on his head top. But at the same time he can be very nonchalant or not care which tends to annoy people.

PART 2: GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general? His life wasn’t sweet at all actually, it wasn’t the best but it could have been a lot worse. He lived in the hood so we all know what that’s like, shoot outs, gangs, drugs and jail things that he seen on a daily basis. But his grandma tried her best to keep him on the right path even though it didn’t last too long because he still ended up doing what he wanted.

What is your earliest memory? Seeing his uncle get shot…traumatizing.

How much schooling have you had? High school diploma

Did you enjoy school? NO

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? Life skills were taught by the streets.

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. My cousin Tat, he was a get money type of nigga, he had the respect of the hood and I wanted everything that he had. I always looked at him as a bigger role model than all these other people, because tat was getting money, he wasn’t just a regular drug dealer tat had the south really in control. He was powerful and I wanted to be exactly like him until he got shot, then I just lost all hope on who I wanted to be like because he changed his whole life after that.

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? Yea his hating ass uncles and Aunties.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? A drug lord

As a child, what were your favorite activities? Football

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? He was a jokester, always the funny bad lil kid no matter where I went.

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? He was very popular due to him clowning all the time and mostly his cousins, he didn’t have many outside friends. Niggas was frauds for real.

When and with whom was your first kiss? Middle School, Tati

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? No, Tati

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Most important…probably going on my first sold out tour a few years ago.

Who has had the most influence on you? Currently? Nobody, everybody cool though.

What do you consider your greatest achievement? Sold out shows, best feeling ever for an independent artist.

What is your greatest regret? Not trying hard for what he knew he wanted, things could have been way different.

What is the most evil thing you have ever done? He's not a evil person but life happens and you gotta survive it so yea.

Do you have a criminal record of any kind? Yea, assault charges and some other things.

When was the time you were the most frightened? Couple of years ago, he was spiraling out of control. Unable to really see life and the bigger picture, he was living and thinking for in the moment. Could have ended badly but reality kicked in.

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? Nothing

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? He would listen more to the things that people were telling him to better his life. So being less hard headed.

What is your best memory? First real vacation with his mama, grandma and sister. They didn’t go far but they went to New York and his grandma was hype as hell. She always wanted to go, so when he was able he took her. Brought her everything she wanted, she was happy as hell so for him that was all he needed to see.

What is your worst memory? As a kid seeing his uncle get killed, nothing tops that bad memory.

@la-resources

[rise-my-angel]

Mimi how do you think robb training greywind and Jon’s way of training Ghost relate to them in bed? Eg grey wind is like one of those well trained K9s with ‘do not pet’ vests and is just more severe and well behaved. He just knows what to do and his only goal in life is to please Robb.Jon lets Ghost hunt etc and do his own thing (and ghost is very loyal also brings jon presents) but when jon’s like ‘to me’ ghost listens.

I just think it’s interesting to think about Greywind being more of a german shepherd type dog and Ghost a husky (in terms of personality)

There isn't much regarding how the direwolves trainings correlate to their human bonded companions, but there is a line in the first book that gives me an idea, when Sansa notes that the Kennel Master once said that animals will take after the traits of their owners.

With the direwolves, it's clear there is more going on. It's clear they dont just learn to take after their human companions, but that they were almost matched by fate. Arya is wild and stubborn and Nymeria was born to match that, and it was almost determined by the gods that they find each other.

The same is said I think for Greywind to Robb and Ghost to Jon. Because the ways they are reflect really interestingly. Robb is a highborn, eldest son and heir turned King. He does get to do what he wants, he has the freedom to roam and hunt and play. But Greywind represents the side of him that only comes out more and more as he becomes King. Someone dedicated to a fight and a cause and grows more guarding and severe. Greywind fights in battles beside Robb, instead of reflecting the past of Robb that always used to feel the freedom to do whatever he wanted. Greywind being like a German Shepherd is by design, reflective of the side of Robb that becomes tough and weary towards others. Hes a guard dog in the way Robb becomes a man who guards the North.

It too matches how Greywind acts as Robbs guard. Robb takes that leadership and severity into the bedroom, and often chooses to sit aside that playfulness. That lightness still exists in Robb, but Greywind represents what Robb had to turn into once Greywind came to him. A harsher man needing to take charge of the people around him. No one touches Robb when Greywind is around the way no one will touch you when Robb is around.

Ghost is interesting, because he is different in what he reflects in Jon. Ghost is a big goofball. Especially its seen in the books that Ghost routinely is very playful and affectionate and always tries to engage Jon into playing with him. He warms up to people quickly but prefers to stand back and watch in big crowds rather then guard Jon directly. Ghost also is extremely well trained. Not that Greywind isn't, but Jon shows a very connected bond in how much Ghost listens to his orders and is not aggressive unless absolutely needed.

Ghost more represents the sides of Jon he never had. Jon's never had someone understand him to the point they listen and trust him the way Ghost does, but Jon also has never had a real chance to be silly and fun and child like in the way Ghost is also. Ghost is everything Jon wishes he could be and I think Ghost pulls that side out of Jon. Jon is always softer with Ghost and willing to accept his want to play when he doesnt entertain that in any other people.

And I think while Greywind reflects the guarding, aggressive way Robb is in bed because that's who he rightfully chose to turn into in life, Ghost represents the things Jon does not have.

Robb can be playful in bed, but chooses not to be often. So Greywind can act in either direction of what Robb acts like. But Jon is not and never will be playful in bed.

Jon laments that Ghost is not just a friend or a pet. Ghost is part of Jons own identity. Ghost is almost literally the side of Jon that never had a chance to be playful and fun and never had anyone trust him to the degree Ghost does. Ghost is the opposite of what Jon's intensity is in bed, because Ghost is quite literally the personification of a side of Jon he was never really allowed to have.

Robb choose to be intense in bed much like how one chooses to train a german shepherd to be an attack dog. Jon does not choose to be intense in bed, he just is, because he does not control that, because he and Ghost are two different sides of each other and Jon holds all of the intensity so Ghost can be the lighter side.

Greywind always follows Robb in service because he reflects that side of Robb that demands loyalty in his people. Ghost is carefree but always listens to Jon because Jon isn't his owner, Jon is an extension of Ghost as Ghost is an extension of Jon. I don't think either had to train the direwolf to be that way. Robb as a leader expects loyalty, and so Greywind is naturally loyal to match what always existed. Jon never had that kind of loyalty towards him, so Ghost is naturally loyal to fill what he never had.

Greywinds personality matches what Robb is like in bed because Greywind is Robb's mirror.

Ghosts personality is the opposite of what Jon is like in bed, because Ghost is literally the side of Jon he was never allowed to have before.

I love the connection of what Greywind and Ghost represent in Robb and Jon, respectively. It's a fascinating thing that goes woefully unexplored.

[oblivious-memorials]

Castiel/Cas (Fallen Star)

>>>> Basic Info :3!

Age: 18 • Birthday: 2/20 • Pronouns: They/Xe

(Design: May be subject to change?)

<Dump / Backstory maybe? under the cut!>

> A completely walking Nonbinary flag- Uh, quite literally it’s been like this for years going back from when I first made them? Like I can’t tell you what the outfit was BEFORE they became this—

# Cas is VERY MUCH a stolen name, Supernatural I know you were my special interest back then, Castiel the Fallen Angel I’m looking at you good sir—

> Personality wise is probably more of the relaxed, and calm individual compared to others. Good at controlling emotions to not say: snap out at others, and just, definitely use healthy coping mechanisms.

> Very caring person, they don’t like seeing others hurt, have lots of empathy: Especially caring of animals.

> Therapist friend though also is in their own therapy. (Typically there for the friends they KNOW have a problem with talking about things with strangers/non-close friends)

> Fantastic cook <3

> Doesn’t understand how they got with Haven, like, them??? With like, the prettiest person ever???? Totally believe Haven is out of their league because like damn—-

>> Not sure if it’s reflected well design wise, but Cas is a little on the chubby side (‘n theres absolutely nothing wrong with that <3) and although they had problems with it at first, they’ve learned to be really happy with their body!

> Nonbinary wise in the sense of them feeling both masc and fem, Haven is the opposite (not masc/fem) <3

> Special interest: Stars and their kind-of -Fiancée

> Enjoys to have their hair dyed various colors, whats life if you dont explore the possibilities? (Ourple is by far their favorite so far, and Haven very much enjoys being the one to dye it)

> Xeir ears appear to be dripping, yet only truly do so when magic is being overused. to which physically: Their ears seem to liquify at the bottom.

> The black part on their face, seems to be a scar? Cas doesn’t recall where it came from, and it doesn’t really do anything: It’s just there? (its corruption, un-purified, unsafe to touch)

> Castiel doesn’t know why Z, after re-meeting them only referred to Cas as the ‘Fallen Star’ They know the origin of the name, but they never understood why Z just… Refused to use their name.

[] Species wise idk what the fuck they are yet LMAO—

Not that much to info dump about them, but, oh well:

<> Backstory Time! <>

To say their life wasn’t miserable, was somewhat true, it just felt inconsistent?

tw: lil violence/harm, mention of animal death

The title ‘Fallen Star’ comes directly from their origin. They did not have parents who had them. Xe did not grow up nor have connections to people; They were quite literally a star in orbit, who eventually succumbed to danger, and fell.

They are not the only ‘Star Person’ though, they don’t really have a species name. But alas (I was lazy) nobody really cared that much.

Instead of staying in space and around their people, Cas, at a strangely young age when it comes to falling—3/Three— had essentially fallen into a blank land.

Life before falling was simple, easy, and uneventful. They never really had meaning, just were a star: Supposed to be there until death…. Falling normal happens to those who are newly born/formed, as an accident.

The actual world they found themself into, wasn’t that easy in the slightest. There were other beings, creatures, and life around. To wake up in a bush of berries? Scariest thing to a small, star-like child.

They weren’t up anymore, xe were down.

They spent, around seven more years (Three to Ten) just living alone, deep in a forest, alone. No school, no ability to speak, read- Instead they learned off animals. How to eat. where to sleep, to stay hidden, all of it. They did it alone, and daily in fear of death.

Of course being a child and trying to learn off animals, meant many unsavory things, and worst of all: Finding said animals dead. When you’re copying them, and hunters kill them, it’s obvious to believe you’ll be hunted just the same.

Their first experience with corruption was in that forest, they didn’t know how to fight, they didnt know how to defend themself, and they certainly didn’t expect an arrow-Fused with corruption— To go through their eye, and even worse out the back of their skull. (Since then, they have blocked that memory out)

It did not kill them, but they did not stay conscious for long after. They had, truly no ides of what was happening, and to xe? They were going to die. They weren’t gonna wake up at all.

While out, an Angel— Someone they’d learn to call ‘mother’ found, and took them to her home. Unable to get rid of the corruption, but able to stop it from spreading, and eventually advising them to not show that part of their face when Cas woke up.

Of course technically being 10, they were sent into the proper grade for their age, which, they had little idea of what the hell they were doing, especially considering their ability to speak read and more, was insanely broken.

Without friends, first meeting Z and [SPIRIT] and lastly meeting Haven, among others, they probably would have not made it through as a somehow passing student. Thank all that help—

Life from there was okay?

Ish.

Okay, not really, they constantly lived in fear of others, and typically clung to their friends. Their ‘mother’ was okay, she also simply wasn’t trustworthy…?

Cas did not have an easy time… Trusting adults. Even when they’re friendly, which did typically cause strain between them and their ‘mom’ especially if they felt any sort of anger.

Anger never was violence, yet Cas didn’t particularly like the feeling of anger, and it’d tend them to get scared off. They just, didn’t really know even how to be a ‘person’ until maybe. 14? Even then they still were weird, though weird was okay.

Cas also definitely fell first for Haven, because being weird was a bonding and a very cute and adorable one and Cas just found Haven really pretty— And they made the mistake of telling their mother- And then xeir mother was like ‘i ship it’ and of course, thats embarrassing—-

When it came to the wilting, that on its own was the funnest experience ever! (/sarc) Their mother did not die, however they did do something to protect Cas: That also really broke Castiel….

Their mother pulled them away from the others, into somewhere they knew to be safe, and the home for angels! Heaven— Somewhere Cas was absolutely betrayed to end up in, because for two years they believed their friends were dead, and Heaven itself was so unbelievably un-comforting, that they chose to leave! Even when not knowing where they’d end up—

They forced themselves to fall, and to them…. Falling was familiar.

[ae-neon]

I am curious of Rhysand father you know. As for someone that leaves his son wing and leave him to be chain during Hybern war, he seem Beron-ish. But i cant describe that there is this warm to him. Especially to his own mate.

If it possible, I would like to read more of hus father. His father seem to have more firm and fierce hold on both Illyria and Hewn City. They march to war under his command. His father also Azriel first emploer. This man must have nurture Az spy skill too.

But, he let his mate bring Rhys to the illyrian ring where I was thinking that rhys should have his basic school done first. He said how his mother taught him how to read by the window in Illyria. So, he dont really receive proper training to be High Lord did he?

And I am curious to know what will his father reaction to Rhys has done to his court. I doubt he will accept Feyre who is stolen bride and introduce as whore to be NC lady.

Hello anon

They don't have names so just to make it simple I will say Father, Mother, Sister.

For my personal belief, when I think of Rhysand's family : I always think Sister was older than him.

For me this makes sense as to why:

His memories with his friends and Mor don't include Sister, usually older siblings are off doing their own thing so he was left to hang out with his friends and his cousin who is the same age as him. That's why Rhys could sneak to Spring and be friends with Tamlin as well.

Maybe during that time Father was preparing Sister to rule.

Rhys was the first to ban wing clipping which means Father didn't do it but we can assume that Sister's wings were not clipped - Father probably wanted Sister to stand out as equal to Illyrian men so she can rule them (rather than make all women free)

It also makes sense of Rhys spending all his time growing up with Mother (an illyrian seamstress, not a noble or a princess) who took charge of his education but Sister is never around in those memories.

Maybe Sister was in the Hewn City with Father, getting a formal education.

In this way Feyre and Rhys can parallel each other. They are the forgotten younger child. It can even explain why he cannot let go of his hate for Nesta - she is just like Sister as the older child who was the focus of the head of the family. Maybe there is jealousy and resentment there

Then we learn that Father split up the bat boys because he worried they are too powerful together. Maybe he thought they (or someone else) would choose to put Rhys on the throne instead of Sister.

He keeps Azriel close and sends Cassian to the Illyrian infantry but maybe he also sends Rhys to Velaris instead of bringing him back to the capital (CoN) and that's why Rhysand feels more connected to Velaris than to the CoN.

Father was 900 when Mother was 18 but from what we know her life seemed to be okay - Father made sure she was not touched or disrespected by Illyrians or High Fae.

Rhys is the opposite. He is like a spoiled child. He is one of those arrogant princes who brings down their whole family name.

He introduces Feyre as his sexual plaything in front of the conservative nobility of the capital of the court. Then next time he visits he has to start hurting people because they don't show her respect?? Now he will expect them to respect his son who is born of the woman he fingered in front of them.

Even when Nesta and Elain are in Illyria - he doesn't stop them from saying bad things about the High Lady's sisters. He doesn't stop Cassian or Nesta from arguing in public. He has sex in the sky.

He cannot even make Keir give him the Veritas simply by asking. He is always threatening the Hewn City and it's people. He neglects the Illyrians to the point that rebellion seems inevitable.

He later gives up control of the Hewn City to Mor even tho she cannot go there?? Then he lets Keir into Velaris even tho Keir already has full control of the CoN

He has no control or respect in his own Court so he hides away in Velaris and only treated them "well" but still the city has slums and brothels.

As another anon pointed out; Velaris has never had to defend itself and relies on the CoN and Illyria. It also sits near the sea to Hybern. It can be very easily attacked and taken even from within the Court.

Rhysand's power cannot hold off enemies, only kill them and if they attacked he would have to kill his own citizens. Which would only lead to more and more people trying to kill him.

Without Amren, Rhys would probably have been usurped by now.

Of course this is me trying to make sense from what we have. The truth is sjm gave us nothing, not even a name, because to her they are just tools to make Rhys sympathetic.

[magical-glimpse]

Twin Flames and illusions (uncovering twin flames myths 101)

Okay, so there are sources in this, but you gotta be aware that most of what anyone knows is UPG (unverified personal gnosis), or knowledge via shared experiences lived through by people in different communities.What I will compile here are things I have personally seen in other people or experienced myself.I am not 100% certain about everything (i dont know how anyone could be tbh). If at any point i am wrong, feel free to prove it respectfully (emphasis on prove and respectfully).If you have any further questions, feel free to ask them through my inbox !

I'm going to show it as common questions and common myths about twin flames (TF). What are twin flames ?

Twin Flames are the highest from of soulmate, the other half of your soul, your mirror, your opposite, the perfect partner the universe made for you

Twin flame are a form of soulmate.They function as two people who lived different stories, but who have the same core.They act as the two fingers of one hand.(You could see a soul family like all of the arms a body has, each soul is a finger)Their souls are different but act as mirrors to each other, due to being created from the same piece of universe consciousness.The goal is for them to trigger each other into tomorrow,to be a catalyst for deep change and transformation, so that each of them can learn double the lessons in one lifetime, by looking at the other's experiences to learn it for themselves.Usually, the biggest lesson to learn is unconditional self love and everything that comes with it, so personal knowledge, uncovering of shadows,healing trauma, inner child/parent work etc.

Twin flames are inherently romantic

lol nope.Twin flame come at different parts of your life, and to different people.Are you really gonna exclude the entire aro community from the people who can have a twin flame experience lol ?

Twin flames are opposite so it has to be a man and a woman

Sure, and trans people dont exist.Non binary, genderqueer, gender non conforming, two-spirit people dont have a place here.They never had a role in spirituality...

It was sarcasm btw, your gender or sex plays no role, absolutely none, in wether or not you have a twin flame, or who your twin flame is.

People who are assigned female at birth have a womb so they are biologically more naturally wired to have feminine energy/reverse for assigned male at birth people

Just, no.Ew.That is patriarchy and misogyny remixed by New Age Spirituality.Your body parts plays no part (pun unintended) in the energy you bear.I repeat, there is no biological reason why your energy would be more masculine nor feminine.

Twin flames are a love story across lifetimes

I promise you, it's not that hard to become mortal enemies with your twin flame.If you value your ego more than the lessons the journey teaches you, or they do, or one of you is just being an asshole (especially if it is the first time your reincarnate together). If you were born at a time where you could duel each other, welp; good luck i guess.

In most cases,it is considered a twin flame journey happens when you're around the end of your soul's time on earth,one of the last few lives you will have here.

sources:

https://www.flair.be/fr/self-love/psycho/pourquoi-twin-flame-dangereux/

Kloee Taylor podcast episode on twin flames i lost lol

Someone's masterlist about twin flames

How the idea of twin flames have been twisted for capitalistic nad abusive benefits

[kittymeow180]

Honey (and I s2g I'm not saying that in a condescending way), if you realize gender is a social construct and was created as a way to control/oppress/other certain people, what's the issue with others defining their gender? It doesn't hurt you if a trans woman says she's a woman. It doesn't hurt you if a nonbinary person says they're genderfluid. I agree with you with what you said about gender! You're 100% right, and I'm saying this as a trans person. But we are not hurting you by defining OUR genders for OURSELVES.

If you wanna come for anyone, come for cishet men, especially cishet white men and ESPECIALLY cishet white male politicians. Because THEY are oppressing you. THEY are taking your rights. THEY are trying to hurt and control you. But we aren't. I promise we aren't. There's no reason for us to do any of that; it literally just wouldn't benefit us in any way to harm cis women like that.

I promise you, trans people and cis people have more alike, more in common, than many would like to think. And I really wish we could just realize that and treat each other better.

Sorry this was such a long message 😭

if gender is meaningless and doesnt exist then why are we so chill with normalizing hating ur body and spending thousands on surgery??? the only thing gender does is push gender roles further on us, being trans relies on the existence of gender which is intertwined with gender roles. because of this it took away any meaningful discussion for sex based oppression, same sex attraction. it pushed the idea that gender is having shorter or longer hair, that if a child likes something of the opposite gender roles then they arent their sex. that if you dont feel like your gender ( which makes sense because its a strict set of gender roles ) then you arent female or male. it reduced being a woman to just a 'feeling.'

gender doesnt exist so why do we make it this hard for ourselves? we literally have people suffering and feeling like they are in the wrong body and for WHAT? something that doesnt exist and was made up to control us? whats the point of us hating our bodies, why are we told the only way to fix these feelings is to pay thousands for surgery instead of yknow, this thing we used to call accepting ourselves. you wouldnt tell an anorexic person that the only way to accept themselves would be to get skinnier would u? of course not thats mental illness. but why is it ok for us to tell kids that they will kill themselves if they dont get surgery and that theres no way they will ever be comfortable in their own body unless they get surgery because YEAH ACTUALLY your born in the wrong body and you actually shouldnt learn to accept yourself but instead you should know you will forever feel like this and it wont get better unless you get surgery. think about why you are so uncomfortable with ur sex and the gender pushed on u and just ponder about it for a little. think about everything you feel uncomfortable about gender wise and then think about the root of that

GENDER DOESNT EXIST sex does, and were simply just people. yet we allow ourselves to suffer so much for what?

yeah your right male politicians are oppressing us and taking away our abortion rights yet we arent even allowed to call it what it is anymore ( misogyny ) because then it will be like " um ackshually its not misogyny its just they like controlling afab bodies specifically "

you gain nothing from 'defining your gender.' you acknowledge its there to control and hurt us so what do you benefit from it? what are you suffering for? think of how much less we'd all suffer without it.

[fluffyseal322]

Mon Oct 7

My poor sweet buni, she got hurt today by a guy who wasn't ready to be loved. I can feel greatly for her and it hurts me to watch her talk about herself the way I'd be doing the same in her situation. It hurts seeing a part of me in her but it hurts even worse when it's someone I value greatly and understand how worthy she is. To watch her think she became stripped away of any value hits my soul. I wish she didnt have to go through any pain at all and I wish I can protect her from things she didn't deserve. But I know she is strong. I know she will get though it. Even so, I want to be apart of her healing, i want to be of use to her in any way I can Buni, youre my hero in every story.

My thoughts on love below:

Love is a scary thing. How much power it has to change a person's reality is beyond scary. Love is a sacred thing because of how powerful it connects with the soul through all types of relationships. Objects, places, and people. The soul is a very fragile little thing that compacts so much within it. Attachment is an extraordinary feeling. Avoidant is its alternative balance. The soul stores so much energy inside of it, its one of (probably) many things to control your perception of reality very strongly. I will start to speak from experience here... one in first person view and one in 3rd person. Whenever I start to love someone no matter how much I'd like to keep my current reality , love changes my ether. It combines it with my lover's ether and now we my soul expects to go through life together or something but I major reality shift happens. In 3rd person I always listen in very carefully on how love affects others and ive learned that most people will talk about how much it hurt and how they think they changed them for the better when in reality that wasnt the case but they were fully convinced that was so, this is a very common occurence and i can relate to this as well. Some tend to make excuses for the person they love. When a relationship ends it's like a common feeling to feel they lost a piece of themselves or theyre in a completly new reality from before the break up or even a durrastic change before that relationship. No matter what anyone says love is it's own visible powerful energy if you genuinly pay attention and study it's connections to the soul therefor any person who says is in love and truly feels it would understand the level of how important and fragile it is in life. It is not one to be taken lightly, it should be nurtured like a new born baby. Love is a different experience every time you encounter something new in your life. Just how they say hate is a strong word, love is its exact opposite. As obvious as that sounds, sometimes people forget that. I dont blame humans for doing so, love holds a lot and it's so hard to just simply live. If you ignore the good and bad, you aren't experiencing life, youre finding a cheat code or a safe route as if it's more bad than good. Living is equally both. Life is beautiful. Death is even more so and you'll die knowing what.... What's the last thing a person would think before dying? Would they be happy? For what reasons? Is there a right and wrong way to feel when you die? What would god think to them if there even is any god...? I feel slightly sorrowful for beings who don't have a god. God literally lives in everything in an unexplainable way... Maybe it's unexplainable because it's different for everyone. I want love of my own, but I currently fear getting hurt. I want a strong foundation and I want something we can both fall back to to keep me and my lover together. I want like-souls who feel and is open to things as much as I am. I'm not ready to get hurt, but my love is so easily ready. I have so much love in me I can give up every part of what's even left of me until there is nothing. That's why I must be careful. It's even harder getting out of a relationship because every time, I acquire a new fear. I adopt a piece of them in me. I need someone who hurts down in the soul just as much as I do. I want a person who will take everything to heart and who understands how important and fragile a heart is. They can't run away from their pain, I'd hate to have my lover never heal properly and unconsciously spill certain toxic traits on me. As much of it as I would happily and proudly take in, I need them to understand they can't keep attacking me with it. They must notice things that hurt and understand that hurt can come in many sizes, shapes, and forms. It builds a protective state in every new relationship. I hate protective states within a relationship, especially in official relationships. Im done writing about this.

I just want my buni to feel okay. I need to learn how to balance two relationships at once. I want my man to feel okay that I love a girl more than him and not for any of the bad reasons. Just simply understand that she's needed in my life if I'm going to feel safe. It's like you know a person you think will love you most will always be there for you when you come to know they were the one that badly wounded you the most. Or even wounded you multiple times. With every ending relationship you either gain or lose part of yourself, even both at the same time. You are never the same after any certain experience. I must be there for her as much as I can. I must give her all the space she needs when she needs it. As long as she understands that I am here for her and will love her once she makes a return but one thing I will never do is give up on her. Love is patient, love is considerate.

A Prayer that i feel was needed to write down.

God please heal my buni. I know ive been missing prayers this weekend and I didnt show up to church like I said. I hope I am forgiven for it but my body just gave out on me, I got dressed and I wanted to wake up my mom so she can come with me and I wanted to go by myself if she couldnt go but I just didnt get enough sleep, I really wanted to go yesterday morning too. I wanted to see you and pray for things I find extremely important. I promise I will catch up on my sermon. Thanks for everything and keeping me sane and happy. Thanks for giving me lots of strength this week, i knew I needed it. So many changes in my life right now that I'm trying to take in and I'd like help balancing it. Please help me find what is the most important and most efficient this week. Everything that I want to do is care for buni, learn trading with azrael and in hopes understand his learning ways as well(i really hope he doesnt think im stupid, as long as i try my best but ill take to him later about it.) and I want to go to the gym with my girls. Oh and also continue learning japanese as well!

— Nipuna Mehta (via @nipsyyy)

[cainconfessionals]

curtain call

the performance is over and you're out with our friends. all that remains of us is camera flashes, your arm brushing against mine, and your back as you walk away.

when i look through the pictures there's something unspoken hanging in every last space between us, echoed by the lump in my throat. and the board you made is slipping through my sweaty fingers, but i can't say this out loud because i know it wouldn't make sense; how do you tell someone you're afraid of their handwriting?

forced proximity and implied distance speak to an irony that i will never fully be able to put into words. but you smile when i wave and we've never needed words to communicate anyways. so i hope you get what i mean when i say that sometimes when i look at our pictures i dont recognise us anymore, and i don't think it's just the masks.

the thing is that i don't know how to tell you this, because i don't really know how to tell you anything anymore. and i keep trying to write about something else, i keep trying to get away from this. but i've rehearsed this so many times that i could do it in my sleep, i've spent a lifetime learning the steps. when i walk onstage and the lights come on it doesn't even feel like performance anymore, only routine. how could i fight it? you're my first instinct, my second nature. so i can't help myself, even when there's a hall of people watching, even when my closest friends and family are sitting in the audience. i keep trying to write about something else, but everything always ends up being about you.

and some nights i feel like i could live on applause alone, when love comes calling in their voices and blooms in the bouquets they bear. but some days i get into costume and i can't breathe because of the collar around my neck and the tightness in my chest, like my heart is swelling up against my ribs and the only way to cure it is to bleed it out. so i dip my fingers in blood and start to scrawl, until all my walls are scarlet stained and the room stinks of iron. and i sit expectantly at the doorway, waiting for you to enter, only to realise that this dressing room is a cell, and your key is clicking in the lock.

i didn't mean for this to get gory, but i guess by now we're both familiar with my violent streaks. and you know i never mean to target you, but i'm sorry for turning you into collateral all the same. the problem is that you make me feel loved and one of us must be punished for it.

so someone needs to draw the curtains. flip the switches and let light flood the theatre once more. but where does one performance end and the other begin? and when i finally emerge, loaded with baggage, how do i look you in the eyes? i step into the spotlight of your gaze and the notes just come tumbling out.

i used to take it as a sign that we never needed words to speak, but now i wonder if it was a skill born of necessity. because what if i can never find the words to explain how i feel about you? performative sincerity and artificial authenticity and one day we will speak again but we will never be who we once were. history may repeat itself but i fear we aren't afforded that same luxury. and if art is subject to interpretation then all these words are meangingless anyways. i am my own biggest critic and you are the poem i can't stop writing. and it doesn't even matter what you say, because i'm inventing my own readings anyway. my text is so overwhelmed with annotations i can barely read the original work. and you have vanished beneath my vocabulary, sinking into simile and absorbed by alliteration. the very opposite of a missing metaphor -- a metaphor for missing.

so when i look through these pictures of us i can't ignore the revelation. that this whole time i thought you were in the audience, clapping courteously, but you've long since walked out. i'm not just performing for you anymore, you have become the piece i perform. and i could spend the rest of my life reciting your name, but now the performance is over, and all that remains of us is this empty theatre, my last words ringing in the silence.

[stupidthoughtsinwriting]

i need to dump so leave if you don't want to read what i have to say

I don't complain about my mum. She's done everything for me and my brother and i will forever love her for that but damn it she says things that hurt.

i need to let this out bc i really have no friends to vent this out to but even if no one sees this, it's out there and i let it out.

I am a nice person. I like to believe im a nice person and the reason I doubt that is because i constantly get told the opposite by my own family. I try my best, to do things in the way my mum approves of and i really really try but still it isnt enough for her. i could easily forget one thing she tells me and she could ruin my just fine day by yelling at me for the smallest things and calling me ungrateful. Yes, i didnt do what i was supposed to but for christ sake i forgot. for every little thing she yells at me for it and it just... i can't stand sudden loud noises anymore because i have been yelled at so much, every loud thing startles me. I don't say my gratitude, yes but i try to show it because i didn't grow up close to her, not in that way and now i find it hard to express what i really feel and i can't tell her any of this because im scared.

the other day, i said i was nice. that i was a nice person and she said i wasnt. I replied saying I was, just not often at home and she said something along the line of 'because your not nice at home, you aren't nice at all. it starts at home' and that crushed me. did she consider the fact that i wasn't nice at home because nobody is nice to me at home. I constantly feel like i have to defend myself because of the tone that is said to me and when I give out any sort of emotion, she will fight on the fact that we/I have no right to feel mad at her because of her sacrifices.

For FUCKS SAKE i can't express emotion?!!! I can't be mad, or annoyed or tired or lazy for FUCK SAKEEESSS

you interpret completely innocent things as disrespect and we didnt even mean to do it. breathing out heavily, looking away from you. can't i just be tired and breath out?!! or look away because i dont want you to fucking ridicule the way my eye moves so you can interpret it to something you say is disrespectful to you.

i dont say any of this to you because i have it. i hate the yelling and im scare because of it.

another thing i dont want to say to her face is, I didnt ask for this. to be born. I didnt ask to be brought to life and i know, im being selfish or something but really, I didn't. you say things and make it like were such a burden to you but I didnt ask to be born. you wanted me, you raised me. understand that i can't always do everything and yelling only make it worse.

i don't say things to you because i don't feel that we're close enough to be like that bc for years, you focused on my little brother. for years, I felt that he was more your favourite than me and being the child i was, i accepted that. maybe it's me who's at fault for not learning how to open up and i take that. it's my fault.

when I do talk about something, mostly about the things im interested in, i am ignored. im dismissed. im talking too much. if so, I shut up and you take my silence as something else or nothing at all.

fuck i maybe being dramatic, as would seem to others but fuck, i need this out. i need all of it out. even just to a void no one listens to, i need it out.

it's the reason i could be so obsessive. In my head I take these characters and used them as my comfort because where else could i get it. I am sad, alone or lonely in a crowd, starved of affection that i don't know how to process and push away and these characters are all i've got to keep sane.

Mock me for feeling emotion, for crying when your mad at me and you wonder why i'm distant. why i don't tell you things about my life. why i dont answer? because i wasn't asked. because you didnt care before, i cant comprehend how you can now.

I really needed to vent this. I am so sorry for those who read for burdening you with all this but tbf you were warned. I don't care if anybody reads this, I just needed it out. Even if the person this is directed to, doesn't know any of this.

I needed to vent and truthfully, my heart feels a little bit lighter letting it all out. maybe i'll cry again in the shower or before i fall asleep but, i let it out and im kinda proud of myself for that.

[transmandrake]

Tangentially adding to this, and it sounds obvious but you dont have to say youre trans btw. If you feel like a girl or that you wanna be a girl you can just be a girl. You dont have to be a trans woman, you can just be a woman. You dont have to be trans. If all 'being trans' has done for you is make people scrutinise you and assume things about you that are wrong, you can just not be trans.

Literally the only factor in being something is being something. You can be a man and not look like a man. 'Looking like a man' is a separate state of being to 'being a man'. Its also separate to 'being trans'. You can look like a man, be a woman, and not be trans. You can look like a man, be a man, and be trans.

Youre a girl with a dick? You dont have to be a trans woman. You can just be a woman. The 'mismatch' has nothing to do with your identity, you dont have to qualify your identity with how you got there or an 'explanation' for why you dont 'fit'. You can just be.

Being trans isnt about going from one thing to another. At least, it doesnt have to be. If you feel like youre a man then you are man, and if you feel you were always a man, you dont have to say you transitioned to anything, because you didnt.

This is all important because I think a lot of trans people, dont want to be trans, theres just a dissonance between who they are and what they and others see them as. This is part of the trans experience yes, but its not part of who you are, if you dont want it to be.

Ultimately I dont really care what I am gender wise, but I am trans, because the dissonance is the most important thing to me. I have no intention of getting rid of it. I feel I'm trans because the body I was given feels unwelcoming, and I am transitioning to something that suits me better, regardless of whether it 'matches' or not.

There are other people who wish that things matched up, they do not want the dissonance. They can be trans, because they have felt this dissonance, even if it goes away. They can also not be trans because they feel that dissonance is not part of their being, even if it is their experience.

This difference is the source of a lot of confusion and hurt and infighting especially in the trans community I feel. There is little consideration for whether someone *wants* to be trans.

Lots of people dont want to be / arent trans men or trans women, they just want to be / are men and women. The fact that transitioning is the way to this goal for some of these people is an obstacle, not an identity.

This isnt like 'these people arent REALLY trans!!!1' but actually the opposite. I think people in this situation are being fucked over in general, just as much as I am by these aggressive affirmations specifically.

Theres this almost, transphobic implication that if youre born, say, amab, but youre a woman, that you are trans. That theres an asterisk, an addendum to your womanness, to distinguish you from a real on-brand woman. If you cant make your own, store-bought is fine. That there is a difference between a woman born 'female' and a woman born 'male'. This implication is harmful to trans people and anyone who does not fit the binary (it implies theres a male and female form of being nonbinary. The irony.) and anyone intersex (Only perisex women can be women unnasterisked by this implication too.)

Youve seen this right? The hypocrisy? The unspoken idea that women are afab, trans women are amab? That 'amab woman' = 'trans woman'? Somehow youre still a woman, but youre not The Real Deal? I Cant Believe Its Not Man?

I dont know how to wrap this up. I dont know a solution to this that doesnt divide us into Real Trans People and People Who Transitioned. Even if I said we make a new identity for people who dont want to be trans, then they will become dont-want-to-be-trans people and not just people. That there must be a way to distinguish you from the default.

At some point in your life you learned about gender, and at some point you learned about being trans, and applied it as a sticky note on that learned idea of gender, instead of redefining it. Some people are that sticky note, but some just, are.

Scalding hot take I've been ruminating on but I think we need to retire the phrase 'Trans X are trans X' (ie. Trans men are men, trans women are women) and 'trans X are not Y' (ie trans men are not women, trans women are not men)

Not because its wrong per se, but because 90% of the time people say it and actually mean 'trans X are exactly the same as cis X'

And what happens is, even trans people, (id argue especially trans people) consciously or not, internalise that everything that is believed about cis people, is true for trans people.

This leads to absolutely batshit takes like 'its okay to hate trans men because men are our oppressors' (thats just transphobia) and 'trans women are sensitive and delicate and need protecting because they are women' (actually they need protecting because theyre being fucking murdered, not because theyre magical soft sweet little babies (like you think women are. Thats just sexism, even if you mean it positively). This ones often covert because, unfortunately sometimes sexism is gender validating)

Its also a *hand wiggles* phrase because I think a lot of people are so afraid of seeming transphobic that theyve kind of backpedalled into becoming really transphobic by denying the existence of anyone who is both a man and a woman and trans (and any and all combinations you can think of).

I think also this phrase is partially why a lot of people seem to think all trans people want to pass, will pass, and have a completely binary identity. The mere suggestion that a trans man can be a woman or a trans woman can be a man is seen as transphobic, when thats probably how the cookie crumbles for most people with multiple genders that include the binary ones.

(I was really glad to see more awareness and acceptance of multigender stuff in the last while but everyone gets funny about it every time trans stuff comes up... these do not have to be conflicting issues...)

How to help this? I'm not sure. I feel like some kind of indicator whether a trans person identifies as something, versus wants to be something (Im not sure how to explain this distinction. I guess its about whether your gender is more about being TRANSgender or being transGENDER. Yknow?) could be helpful, but well thats just more divisions and distinctions for people to put their burdens on.

Ultimately some women are men and some trans men arent men and some binary people are nonbinary too, because its all made up and simultaneously real. Without acknowledging this, we're just making Sexism 2.0 Trans-Affirming This Time instead of going 'hey, sexism fucking sucks, we shouldn't do that to anyone, cis or trans'.

[womanofsubstances]

saturn in the houses

lessons to be learn, recognizing your fears 

saturn is usually associated with parts of your life/personality that you take very seriously. this planet delays things, sets restrictions, limits, and therefore makes you learn hard lessons. also, the house of karma

if you dont know in which house your saturn is in, click here put your birthday data and then if you don’t understand the wheel, just click on “animate chart” and there you have it

saturn in the 1st house

if you have saturn in the 1st house you are a very rule and discipline-follower person, unless you have your saturn in aries. you were probably that kid that would get home and immediately do their homework, you wont give yourself a break unless you finish a certain task before. Everything your parents and teachers told you to do, you would do it, always following their guidance and seeking recognition for your actions and acts of service for them. The problem with having saturn in this house, is that you may have a hard time separating your identity as whole with the expectations of other people. you fear not meeting up to people's expectations of you, (especially parents) because everyone sees you as this very disciplined person with a lot of structure and rigid mindset. You feel that you are way too mature for the people who you should be surrounded by, like your classmates, work mates, people from your age etc.. and thats why you may feel more confortable and understood with older people. you could end up dating/marrying someone older, but be careful because this relationship could turn sour and lose all the fun and passion it once had.  they are serious people, closed and difficult to get close to. Because they are very mature, they are able to struggle with feelings rationally and objectively.  As time passes by, you realize that the person you used to be (very disciplined) is now becoming the opposite, you find yourself asking “who am i, really?” “i dont recognize the person i used to be”.

saturn here is teaching you a lesson, you came to this world to work on the wounds surrounding your identity. you must know that claiming your true self without the sayings of more “dominant” people around you is a long process, and a lesson that needs to be learned. you´re an old soul, you have to find yourself beyond the struggles, burdens and hardship

saturn in the 2nd house

if you have saturn in the 2nd house, you felt extremely restricted in your childhood, you could have gone through a lot of poverty, and even if thats not the case, you had that mindset. your parents could´ve been really strict with you, and you may have felt that the people who were supposed to love, nurture and protect you, were actually the opposite, very distant. Even if you had, extremely good education and surroundings, you have a lot of “failed” events in your life, such as relationships, work, friendships, and financial matters. You have so much fear in your heart, you fear that nothing will ever work out in your favour, you fear that people will be living their best lives while youre drowned in burden and misery. you fear loss. A person who goes through this much, will find comfort in material matters, and be too dependent on anything related to money and possessions.

saturn here is teaching you a lesson, and this is for you to build self confidence on a solid foundation. don't over spend, take your money very seriously, don't go out and about doing whatever you want with it because you need momentaneum security and confort, this is what saturn is trying to teach you in this lifetime.

saturn in the 3rd house 

Whoever is born with Saturn in the third house knows how to separate what is good from what is bad, what is right from what is wrong. You are a very serious person and have a very structured mental awareness. You probably have a great desire to study and deepen your knowledge. Since the third house represents siblings and if you do, in fact, have siblings, you may not have the best relationship with them, they may attack you a lot for no reason, you guys may only reconcile later in life. you are a slow learner, you need an extra effort to actually focus when it comes to studying, your grades may be lower in comparison to the rest of the people around you, but that doesnt make in any way, shape or form less worth that others.   This placement could indicate a lonely childhood, you felt restricted when it comes to speaking your truth, you could be an extremely socially anxious person, and for that reason, your mind is filled with things you wish you could have said. you missed out on so many opportunities in your life due to your fear of speaking up, of putting yourself out there. you have a lot of trouble with stating your opinion, verbally speaking but when it comes to your written word, you have a lot of greatness in there. its almost as if the universe makes fun of you, you feel the need to speak faster, speed up so when you talk, people will find you interesting but that gets exhausting.

saturn here is teaching you a lesson, and this lesson is to speak your truth, saturn wants you to not be afraid of your own thoughts, to get through your fears. you have greatness in you, now it's your time to claim it.

saturn in the 4th house

if you have Saturn in the 4th house, your home environment has always been a prominent issue for you. with this placement its given great importance and focus to origins and the family nucleus. However, in your childhood, you may have experienced a lack of affection or emotional support from a parent. when you were younger you could have felt the urge to ask your mom “do you love me?”, always fearing her answer. You may have been born in an emotionally rigid environment due to one of your parents or without the desired structure. this parent it's not always the mother, but also the father. you could have an emotional distance from your dad without even realizing. you are too dependent on other people to make your own decisions. you always seek validation in every move you make, you need to feel emotional supported by others since that may have been lacking in your childhood. with this placement, a decade can go by and your mom is still going to have a lot of weight in your life, either she is physically present or not. its important that people with this placement search for comfort and validation, not in other people, but in themselves. you feel like a bottomless bag in search of affection, saturn in the 4th house leaves a gap when it comes to family issues.

saturn here is teaching you a lesson and it is, to look for validation within you, you don't need the approval of other people. you are being asked to find balance within your family issue.

saturn in the 5th house

if you have saturn in the 5th house there’s this on-going fear of “i will never be enough”. there is a chance that this may have been caused due to childhood trauma, either having persistent figures in your life being extremely judgmental of you, criticizing you, the list goes on. there is a bigger underlying issue here, why are you walking though life in a shell? you created this so no one can criticize, judge and attack you. your comfort zone is in this place where no one can reach you emotionally, even in relationships you can be very cold and distant and not provide your partner with that much affection. underneath all this fear, insecurity, cod and distant temperament, is a wonderful person filled with sensitivity and warmth. no one truly knows your heart. i think that we can both see your intimacy issues, right? you may never even think about doing something that you’re sure you’re perfect at because of your fear surrounding failure and having others judging you. question yourself why are you always saying that people never truly value you when you’re the one creating that space and distance between you and someone who wants to see beneath the surface. life won’t manifest itself the way you want it to until you’re the one doing the changes and moving towards a better you, a better future.

saturn here is teaching you a lesson, and it is to let go of this fear surrounding yourself and others, open up your heart and mind and let others explore it with you.

saturn in the 6th house

if you have saturn in the 6th house you're an extremely hard-working person, people admire you for your self resilience and ability to be independent. all this amazing characteristics that you have come from a not so good place. you fear failure, you fear getting left behind, you fear being left in the dust. the thing is, you set yourself so high, it feels like you're in constant competition with yourself only, because no one else is competing against you. not knowing when it's time to take a break from this mindset will get the worst out of you, you may not be able to see it, but maybe your friends or family have said that you're too caught up in your work that you dont have time for anything else. it feels like nothing is ever enough for you, you always want more and more so you can obtain a certain feeling of security and comfort, but that feeling never comes. perfection doesnt exist, there is no point in your life when you are gonna be able to say “i've made it '' because the road never has an end for you.

Saturn here is teaching you a lesson, and it is to learn how to take care of yourself, learn how to sit with yourself and not worry about failure, learn how to value your accomplishments without thinking they are not good enough. it's important to understand why you're so critical of yourself  as well

saturn in the 7th house

if you have saturn in the 7th house, you have a lot of work to do when it comes to love and relationships. you are easily consumed by the connections in your life (especially romantic), you love so hard that people can be scared by that and run away. you're extremely loyal to those you care about and you expect that from them too. there's an underlying issue here and it is that you completely lose yourself in love. (TW drugs)  it's like a drug, once you have it you're completely addicted to it, and when it ends you just go and look for more so you can feel fulfilled, in cases where you can't find it you start to feel depressed because you're not comfortable alone, because you haven't found home and comfort within you. there is also 2 other big issues here and one of them is this ongoing search for the “perfect” relationship and the “perfect timing”, you have incredibly high standards when it comes to who can be your partner, and in addition to that you never feel like it's the right timing to be in a relationship. the second big issue is your ability to question “why does no one love me like i love them” “will i ever find someone who loves me as much as i love them?”.

saturn here is trying to teach you a really big lesson and it is to learn solitude. you can't be so dependent on your relationships, there is no such thing as the “perfect” relationship and “right timing”, relationships are built, not found, the timing is right the second you feel, the second you love, and the second you let yourself open to the bad sides of it. stop blaming yourself every time something goes wrong in your love life. also, ask yourself this question “they dont love me as much as i love them or am i just too dependant on this relationship and cant imagine my life without them while they are just loving me and are ok with the idea of us breaking up?”

saturn in the 8th house

if you have saturn in the 8th house, past wounds still affect your present life to extremes. you have a lot of repression surrounding intimacy and love due to what happened in your childhood and past relationships. there is an extreme fear of abandonment in this placement and this may take a huge toll on you, making you do certain things out of fear of rejection. when someone breaks up with you you don't usually say “they broke up with me” but instead, “they abandoned me”. “home” to you may have never been a place, but instead a person, once you hold on to someone you can hardly see your life without them. you are very suspicious of everyone and can see the world as an ugly place full of people with bad intentions and thats why you barely trust anyone. there could be an intense urge to suddenly run away every week or so. your mind is a dark place, you always prepare yourself for the absolute worst scenarios as a coping mechanism, because then when change happens you can say “i knew this was going to happen” “i saw it coming”, you prepared yourself for it so you could have a sense of control. A huge problem for this placement is resistance in change. you fear transformation because you have no control over it, either change occurs for the best or the worst. you hate having no control, you can feel the world slipping through your hands without you being able to do anything about it and you hate it.

saturn here is teaching you a lesson and it is to let go of control, trust the universe, transformation opens your heart and mind for growth, even if in the moment it seems like your world is falling apart. Also, your ability to trust others is too far gone to be seen, saturn here wants you to free your hands and let others grab it to show you the beautiful things that will arise in your life.

saturn in the 9th house

Saturn in the 9th house individuals love covers topics such as advanced ideas, expanding personal horizons, philosophies, and the higher mind. you are a very thoughtful person. The ninth house contemplates the individual's philosophy of life, the perception of reality and their reaction to new ideas. People with this position may have lived with well-defined rules and values throughout their lives. you could have a very distant relationship with your father, not necessarily a bad one, but just very distant. since you are someone that reflects a lot on various topics, you may actually struggle with overthinking, you fear being a bad person, you fear having bad morals and life philosophies. you are too caught up in your mind and ideas, and that could translate into a really closed off person and mind, its almost like you feel stuck in your own mind, your mind feels like a prison.  

saturn here is trying to teach you a lesson, and it is to break free from your mind to obtain freedom.

saturn in the 10th house

if you have saturn in the 10th house, you learned from a very young age that every action you make has its own consequences. this placement could go in 2 directions, either you are incredibly hard-working, but you also know that everything you want wont come easily to you as you feel that you need to work 10 times harder than anyone, or you have set these big goals for your life but are waiting for some kind of miracle to happen for them to come truth. The truth is, no one is going to fight for you, stand up for yourself and run for your dreams, these type of people tend to only succeed later in life. However, more than success, you want to be respected and valued by everyone, i know how aware and careful you can be of the image you convey to others. you put a lot of responsibility on your shoulders because you feel failure, the idea of not succeeding terrifies you and that's why you never feel proud of yourself. you always want to make sure that everyone sees what you're doing, to prove your worth. the truth is that you are the only person that needs to know your worth, sure people perceiving you the way you want and as someone who has all their life together feels amazing, but do you really have your life together? Are you truly happy?

saturn here is teaching you a lesson, and it is take a step back and find what success truly means to you in your own eyes, not in other people's eyes. learn how to appreciate all you have accomplished, and find value within you.

saturn in the 11th house

if you have saturn in the 11th house, you prefer having deep and committed connections in your life, other than superficial ones. you have a lot of maturity and that's why you tend to only have older friends. you don't like to show off your life, you are the type of person to be a millionaire but nobody knows, because showing off material possessions makes you uncomfortable and you view it as not necessary at all, you would never flaunt what you own. with saturn in the 11th house, you fear losing yourself in the collective. you fear not standing out in the crowd, not making a change, not being remembered by the amazing person you know yourself to be. you fear not making a difference in this society, also in your friend group, family and work, and for that reason you may have a tendency to have intrusive thoughts and isolate yourself for long periods of time. above all, you fear being someone labeled as anyone, being labeled just like every other person. you work very hard and you know it, but you still have the fear of not being recognized in your unconscious mind. beyond all of this, saturn in this house is quite a powerful and good placement.

however, saturn is still trying to teach you a lesson, and it is to let go of your fears surrounding your value as a person. remind yourself that everybody is unique, and you are no exception.

saturn in the 12th house

if you have saturn in the 12th house you are very anxious, repressed and suspicious, and a person who tends to feel guilty and take the pain of the world for themselves. you will always decide to suffer alone, making your pain invisible to those you deal with on a daily basis. you prefer not to expose your problems to others because you feel an inexplicable guilt in doing so. you can easily set yourself up for failure, because you try to face the world on your own rather than seeking help from others, and this is not healthy. saturn in the 12th house restricts your peace of mind, there is a solitary side to you and an extreme inner loneliness, it doesn't matter where you are or with who you are. Saturn in the 12th house natives have an underlying fear of losing something that compels them to take on more than they can comfortably handle. From a very young age, you felt the world being too harsh on you, it felt like you carried it on your shoulders, not giving you space to appreciate all those years that were supposed to be amazing. due to all this, you always had maturity beyond your years. There is an interesting characteristic to you and the way you deal with chaos, and it is by putting up with composure and a certain detachment that allows you to deal with these situations. you have a lot of secrets relating to your father, or he may have never been that present in your life physically or emotionally. There is an underlying issue really present with this placement and it's the fear of being alone, but you were always able to distract yourself from it, either by being consumed with other people's problems or just by helping them.

saturn here is teaching you a lesson, and it is to grip your weaknesses, learn to conquer your unconscious fears, and set realistic boundaries for yourself. don't get too caught up in your imagination, the world is simply in front of you, face it.