#But I persevered and got it drawn~

[franzkafkagf]

okay so i want to hear about your take on aegon i know you like him and all (so do i no matter how much i wish not to) but whyy

yess thanks for asking, I love being insane about him<3

I think Aegon is such a wildly tragic character– many asoiaf characters are but I'm so drawn specifically to him; he didn't want power or responsibility or the crown. It all was bestowed upon him against his will, and he shouldn't; putting on the crown is his definitive death sentence. The coronation scene has got to be one of my favorites in the season– he is quite literally walking up to be butchered like a sacrificial lamb, there are tears streaking his cheeks in the scene! I love the tragedy of it, the way it couldn't have been avoided anyways; his fate was sealed from the very start! He was quite literally dead from the very beginning.

I'm going off a mix from the book and the show but I actually love what they did with the character in the show? The book version does have some hard-hitting moments from him that are missing ("What sort of brother steals his sister's birthright?") but there wasn't that much there in terms of characterization and relationships. And wow, did they deliver on that in the show; I'm gonna give whoever came up with his mommy issues a forehead kiss.

Because YES! He and Alicent are reflections of one another– Alicent suffered under the heavy boot of Otto, turned into the perfect daughter, turned into the perfect queen for him. She recognizes that this was wrong and abusive of him, then she turns around and does the same thing to Aegon– the poison DOES drip through, the wheel is NOT broken!! It's BRILLIANT.

@atopvisenyashill put a GREAT tag under one of my posts–

#he looks like her and he’s weak like her so why can’t he get strong like her.

While Alicent persevered, Aegon crumbled under the pressure. He is miserable when we meet him– and he should be! He is unfit for the role of king, but it is his destiny nonetheless, everybody tells him so. It destroys him.

It's so sad too and I cannot help but to feel bad for him. No one knows where he is in ep 9, I don't think he has anyone to confide in; it must be lonely. Everybody seems to have written him off already– he is a drunk and a failure at being heir, being a son, being a father. He tries to prove them wrong later, and does in some aspects.

His loneliness plays into another aspect of him that I really love; his desperation to be loved. He will never be enough for anybody, he probably knows it deep down.

"[Aegon is] desperate to be loved but destined to be hated." – Tom Glynn-Carney

Obviously there is the carriage scene with Alicent that shows this. But I also really love the moment in his coronation, where he basks in the people's affection and cheers. He is poised to bleed out in front of the throne, he was crying and fighting for his life not to take the crown just minutes before. But now he's here and they love him and he can't help but love that.

He takes the crown to protect his family (the show does hint at that with Alicent telling him as much in ep. 6– in the book it's much more explicit with Criston pressuring him on the day of the coronation itself) and then his son DIES because of it! And he drinks and rages and drinks some more; he must've blamed himself. He goes to battle, flies too high (figuratively), and he FALLS; he burns and falls to the ground. He isn't made to be king. He knows. He does it anyways.

"You have already written yourself into legend, you survived dragonfire" – Larys Strong in season 2 (probably)

He survives, he is gone for over a year, unable to do anything but he SURVIVES. He escapes the capital, takes Dragonstone, he falls AGAIN, he loses most of his family; but he still goes on. Fueled by what? Maybe anger, or bitterness or just pure lust for revenge. It doesn't matter. He must've realized somewhere on the way that this was always meant to go this way, ever since he put the conqueror's crown on. It doesn't matter.

And then he dies and it's not grand or spectacular or anything like that. He drinks poisoned wine, nobody even sees him die, they only find him after. It's so uniquely lonely.

[ethereal-cleanse]

Hi everyone! I'm Bambi, an amateur astrologer for 8ever and a 5-year tarot reader. I've always been nervous about putting my stuff out in the community, but I wanted to shed fear with this full, Flower Moon, and here we are. Now, let's get into the piles! Pile 1: Cards: The Tower, The Lovers, King of Pentacles For this group, I see drastic change coming. This full moon is urging you to release your fear and worry about how it will turn out and march forward confidently, determined, and with a focus on achieving your desired ending. A quality to support you in this time is either leaning into the love of a partner or finding roots in the love of yourself through your inner child, especially by spending time in nature. The wisdom of this moon is that while it may be hard to see the light, your hard work and dedication toward your goals, slow as they may be, will lead you to security and abundance.

Manifestation oracle card(s): Trust All Will Be Well & Trust The Universe (Nature) Spirit Guide: Overthinking “Reconnect with nature and reconnect with yourself” Pile 2: Cards: 4 of wands, The Star, King of Wands Those who were drawn to this pile may be entering a stage of life that feels celebratory, stable, or brings a sense of belonging, but there may be a fear of someone or something that will steal that joy. This full moon calls for you to trust yourself, your support system, and your intuition, and know that you have the tools needed to overcome any difficulties. A quality that can help in this time is having hope, positivity, and letting out your creativity! This period is meant to show you that you’ve come to the end of a cycle, found your true calling/place to belong, or fulfillment.

Manifestation oracle card(s): Take A Breather (Helper) Spirit Guide: Exhaustion “We’ve got this” Pile 3: Cards: Ace of Wands, The Gate*, 10 of Cups For this group, I see the cusp of success or a new chapter on the horizon! Unfortunately, however, there is a person or situation that this moon is asking you to let go of so that you can finally move forward. A quality to embrace during this time is finding calmness and peace within yourself through mindfulness, tranquility in safe spaces, and trusting your guides to see you through. This lunar time is to show you that having emotional stability will bring out a fearless, inspired, and happy version of you that you may have thought you lost along the way.

Manifestation oracle card(s): See The Bigger Picture (Higher Self) Spirit Guide: Pause “Pause. Leave it to me for now” Pile 4: Cards: 9 of pentacles, Knight of Pentacles, The fool

For our final group, I see that you have been through some heartbreak or an emotionally taxing time be that from love, financial struggles, or forced personal/spiritual growth but have persevered regardless. This full moon asking you to release any self-deprecating thoughts or tendencies these experiences may have caused because what you’ve been hoping for is on its way to you soon- but only if you let it in. A quality that can assist you at this time is to practice patience as you open yourself up to this new emotional path, as persistence and steadiness will help you reach your desires. This moon is meant to encourage you to embrace the journey ahead despite the twists and turns you will face because even our micro choices lead us to our destiny. Manifestation oracle card(s): Go Wild! (Higher Self) Spirit Guide: Truth “The truth shall set you free”

[moodyseal]

FAV APOLLO / PJO SHIPS GO 💞

OOOO difficult ask! I'm not usually someone who focuses on ships that much so I don't have many favourites (despite giving the opposite, much more intense impression) but there are some that make me particularly. How should I put this. Unwell

1. Apollo/Hyacinthus! I know that it's usually considered a boring ship because we were effectively shown 1% of what Hyacinthus' real personality might've been (Apollo spends more time thinking about his death than about his life doesn't he), but I'm hopeless over these two. I don't know what it is that's doing this to me

Maybe it's Hyacinthus potentially being much less perfect than what the myths present him as (as in stubborn and flawed, not homicidal and deranged and whatnot. Let's leave that to Commodus). Maybe it's Apollo's constant waiting and mourning over someone who will never really return. Maybe it's the love persevering despite it all. Maybe it's the mystery behind this man being so extraordinary that not only Apollo never forgot about him (to the point of still being reactive over any mention of him, as if the grief were still fresh) but also wished to be turned mortal just so he could die and be with him

Like dude who ARE YOU what's the deal with you how did you and this god tie your souls together so tightly that he's not known true happiness ever since you died

2. Apollo/Commodus. I have no good excuse or elaborate analysis for this one I just love drama and watching things burn to the ground. A flawed man who sees the good in everyone he lays his eyes upon VS a flawed man who hasn't got anything good inside him anymore. The desperate attempt to save someone who cannot be saved. Poetic cinema

(I do like to explore scenarios where these two reconcile though, because I do still believe that there's just the tiniest chance that Commodus might've been redeemed) (🤡)

3. Apollo/Naomi, the only (modern) rrverse relationship of his that we know anything about LMAO

I've been drawn to this ship mostly through fanfics but I do enjoy even what little content we have about them in canon. Between the song Naomi composed and Apollo's digressions about her in TOA they seem to still really care about each other, plus I'm quite convinced that he still watches over her because idk about you but the crowds cheering EXACTLY when the song about him comes on is a pretty obvious sign of a blessing to me

I'm actually still writing a fic about them!! Hopefully it'll see the light of day someday but anyway if I'm willingly writing something about a ship you just know that I'm not normal about it in any way shape or form

[lente-ment]

~ Aspasia Lauris Diamandis ~ ... or just Laura 🌹

A "Toreador" Primogen, an Elder, and a Regnant to one blood-bound Brujah punk. A woman of many mysteries and a complicated past. She just wants to be left alone to read Antigone and subdue her rebellious lover. And suck blood.

Laura is one of two main characters from my VtM f/f fanfic titled I Wish I Didn't Crave You. You can read it on AO3.

Progress pic and ramblings below ⬇

Asdfghjk IT TOOK ME A YEAR TO FINISH THIS Which is to say, it took me a few days, but my barely-artistic ass got overwhelmed and distracted for 12+ months.... I haven't drawn something this elaborate in a long while, but I'm so happy that it's finally done!

I know Iriam's picture was a lot simpler. I had even less patience when I started with her. But Laura really deserved a mighty pose and proper rendering. And now I'm so so so tempted to draw both of them in this same style...... stay tuned for 2026 lmao.

Anyway, here's a progress pic!

I have to say, there's something to both lineart-Laura and base-colors-Laura that almost made me stop at both those stages. But I persevered. 💪

Now you all know why Iriam is unable to resist anything Laura asks her to do. It's not the blood bond, it's the sheer fuckability of this woman! And Iriam doesn't mind being stepped on by hot stuff.

Big thanks to people who support my vampsbian brainrot. Hope you all have a nicest day possible. 💚🩸

Edit: fuck, also big thanks to @shogokii for awesome advice and helping to make this piece pop harder than I could've done myself 💚💚💚

[inuhalfdemon]

Dirty Dealings (3/21)

Word Count: 1,962

Chapter 3: The Gossip

“But, I…” He swept a hand dramatically to rest on his chest. “Got my very first ‘crossroads demon’ moment.” He chuckled wickedly. - Alastor

Years passed and Addie LaRue continued to navigate her new-found life and its many challenges. Every year - to the day – on each and every June 25th, Alastor would visit her; wishing her yet another happy anniversary. He would offer her to close their deal; to give her rest from her miserable loneliness and collect her soul for his own. When she refused, he departed but not before offering her a gift; sometimes it was as simple as a new book to read or as meaningful as a pair of new shoes or clothes to wear. Addie hadn’t decided if this was something she came to appreciate from him or despise. Regardless, she persevered, determined to find her way in a world that was made to dismiss her completely.

______________________________________________________________

Despite having been busy with reaping souls on earth, Alastor still found time to enjoy a leisurely moment in Hell every now and then. He had grown rather fond of lunching or having tea with Rosie in Cannibal Town. He made it a point to stop in and share in a bit of gossip amongst her and some of the ladies there whenever he could.

It was a typical, hot and humid day there within the Pride Ring; no promise of acid rain or anything of the like. Alastor sipped happily at a cup of tea whilst Rosie and two of her cannibal-lady friends discussed the goings-on of the current reaping.

“…it’s put on by all of the Seven Deadly Sins, you know.” Rosie was explaining to the two women. “Every 10 years, eligible demons, sinners and Overlords are drawn and allowed to go to earth and reap as many souls as they can claim until the start of the next reaping. Of course, time works differently on earth. 10 years here, means 100 years there. Plenty of time to settle and collect from deals made.” Rosie paused to reach for one of the pinky fingers that was piled neatly on a small tray at the table they were all sitting. “Alastor here, is one of the Overlord demons participating in the current reaping!” She exclaimed excitedly. “And I’d say he’s already making a splash of things, what with having already passed the required quota by a landslide. He’s at the top of the collectors list, in fact!” She beamed back at him.

“Rosie,” Alastor smiled back at her, setting his tea cup down. “You flatter me. Why, from what I hear, I could learn a thing or two from you in the collecting of souls.”

Rosie blushed. “Yes, well….it’s been ages since I’ve participated. I’m much too busy keeping up with the souls I already have in contract.”

“WHERE’S ROSIE!?” A loud, grating voice cawed from nearby.

Alastor and the ladies all looked to see an ancient, cannibalistic woman shuffling right for them.

“Oh, dear…” Rosie sighed quietly before standing to meet the woman.

“Susan, dear. It’s good to see you.” Rosie greeted her warmly. “I hope you are having a lovely afternoon. Would you like to join us?”

“A lovely afternoon, my foot.” Susan said sharply. “Do you know that slut Linda went and got herself eviscerated by the hell hound that guards the butcher shop on 17th? What a dumb cunt.”

Alastor and the two ladies still seated at the table starred at the elderly woman, not saying anything.

Rosie touched Susan’s shoulder. “Now, Susan. I’m sure Linda did nothing to warrant the attack. Hell hounds are unpredictable at the best of times and that particular one is…well…I don’t think that necessarily makes Linda a…um…slut?”

“No.” Susan took a deep drag from the cigarette she was holding.  “She was definitely a skank.” She finished, puffing out a large cloud of smoke.

Rosie blinked at her, unsure of what to say next when she remembered her friends.

“Susan, I would very much like to introduce you to a good friend of mine!” She changed the subject and brought the old lady toward the table with her.

Alastor quickly got up from his chair to greet the woman with his best smile. Any friend of Rosie’s deserved his utmost manners. 

“Susan, you know all about the radio demon…” Rosie started.

“Ugh!” Susan groaned disgustedly. “Don’t get me started with that load of hog-wash….what a sorry excuse for a radio station, am I right? Maybe if it were just the screams but then we’ve got to listen to a wannabe Overlord and his fake, noisy, crackling static-filled voice. And, how unoriginal!? Is that mediocre broadcast actually supposed to be scary!? I tell you, Rosie, Hell was better in the old days. I’d eat my own ears off if it meant not having to listen to that racket ever again.”

Everyone was deadly quiet.

Um…”Rosie began, rather awkwardly. “This is him, Susan.” She gestured weakly to Alastor.

“Alastor…meet Susan.” Rosie finished.

His smile stayed in place, but his body was straight as a rod as he assessed the infuriating old broad before him.

 “….charmed.” His normally filtered voice had dropped it’s static; whether or not that was something intentional on his part, Rosie couldn’t guess.”

There was an awkward pause, in where nobody moved for several seconds.

Then, Susan took another long drag from her cigarette, slowly blowing the smoke out to the side of her mouth.

“Your broadcast sucks.” She told him sharply.

“OK!” Rosie said, quickly leading Susan away from the table. “Trudy? Jane? Would you both be dears and treat Susan to a lively round of Pinochle!? I’m sure you both could give her a real run for her money! What do you say!?”

The two ladies slid from their seats, and circumventing Alastor safely while remaining close enough not to appear rude, they took Susan with them as they departed.

Rosie sighed heavily as the women gathered up Susan and hurriedly left with her.

“I apologize,” Rosie started to say to Alastor. “Susan, can be-“

“BRING CECIL PALMER BACK!!!” Susan’s voice could be heard yelling away from them.

Rosie stood with Alastor, not saying anything anymore. He was perfectly, frighteningly still, a smile still plastered across his face.

One of his ears twitched slightly, then he asked her, “Is that one contracted?”

“I’m afraid so.” She told him.

“Well, that’s…disappointing.” He commented cooly, going back to take his seat.

Rosie breathed a small sigh of relief, before returning to her chair as well.

Alastor straightened the lapel of his suit jacket pointedly. “You know…it’s not like I can’t take criticism. I have bettered the quality of the screams I play a fair bit from my original broadcast, and the voice…is it still too static-y?”

“Oh, Alastor!” Rosie chided. “Don’t give it a thought. Susan’s a nightmare to everyone, even in Hell. Now, enough of that. I want to know more about your earthly exploits! Come on now, you must have some interesting prospects!”

“Rosie, you know I respect the privacy of my clients.” Alastor teased her.

“Oh, but I am terribly curious…”

“Well,” He sipped his tea. “I did manage to track down a handful of serial killers; you do know how I am partial to their ilk. I find their line of work quite rewarding…when done tastefully, of course.”

“Oh, how exciting.” Rosie giggled. “Anyone that may be of interest to me?”

Alastor sighed. “I’m afraid not. Cannibals are a lot less common these days, it would seem.” Flashing his ever-present smile at her, he added, “No reason I can’t do a little digging though, see if I can turn up any leads. Just for you, my dear.”

“Oh, you are too kind.” Rosie beamed.

“Oh, yes!” Alastor straightened, excitedly. “I almost forgot!”

With a sweep, he stood up from his seat and produced his microphone staff. Spinning it about with ease, he created a small portal. Reaching into it, he pulled out a clump of something. He stopped the cane and the portal disappeared. The something he had collected started to move and one, large bright eye opened up surrounded by a row of razor-sharp teeth.

“This little amusing treat is, Niffty!” He proudly exclaimed, sitting back down. “I collected her on my last outing!”

“Hi! Hi! Hey! Hello!” Niffty sputtered, jumping onto little legs to dart around the legs of the table and chairs.

“Why, hello, dear.” Rosie welcomed. “My, you are a quick thing.” She commented, watching as Niffty darted to and fro all about the town square.

“Is her name really ‘Niffty’?” Rosie asked, her large black eyes trying to keep up with the little creature’s movements.

“I have no idea.” Alastor admitted. “I call her ‘Niffty’ because I think she’s quite nifty!” He laughed.

“Alastor!” Rosie chastised him. “She’s not a pet!”

Rosie watched as Niffty picked at a line of ants going across the sidewalk near the table. A raven flew down and hopped close, interested in what she was doing. Niffty arched her back and hissed at the raven like a cat, sending it quickly flying away.

“At least…I don’t think she is…”

Alastor chuckled. Clearly enjoying his new addition.

He and Rosie sipped at their tea some more, enjoying the afternoon quietly together. Not much longer, and he would be on his way. He played his fingers along the tables edge before saying, “There is one prospect I have that is rather interesting…”

“I knew it!” Rosie cried. “I knew you were holding out on me! What is it!? Something…political. Oh, I do love a good scandal!”

“Really, Rosie?” Alastor, smiling but still showing his disappointment. “Politics?”

“Hey, it’s a guilty pleasure…” She shrugged.

“No, nothing like that.” He told her. “But, I…” He swept a hand dramatically to rest on his chest.

“Got my very first ‘crossroads demon’ moment.” He chuckled wickedly.

“Uh…what?” Rosie asked, confused.

“A mundane human soul came to me to strike a deal. A young woman, in fact. Her aching heart yearned for freedom from the entrapment of the threat of impending death. She wanted more time to see and experience the world to its fullest, to have limitless possibility and cast aside her mortal coils.” He drawled, snickering. “Oh, I gave it to her too. With a cleverly placed clause of my own, of course.”

Rosie starred at him, unsmiling. He was still chuckling to himself over his own antics, he didn’t notice.

“You’re joking, right?” She asked him, serious.

His chuckling subsided, noticing her stark lack of humor.

“Tell me, you’re joking, Alastor.” Rosie said. “You did not make a deal with a human soul that involved the lengthening of their lifespan.”

Alastor straightened, defensive now.

“What’s the big deal?” He asked. “She’s…human. She’ll grow tired of it soon enough; if she doesn’t go mad and-“ He pointed a finger, stopping Rosie from interrupting. “I added quite a nasty catch to the deal that makes it so she can never be remembered. By anyone. She’s left to wander the rest of her days utterly and completely alone. She’ll fold.” He smirked.

“I don’t know…” Rosie began, “That might work…”

He was becoming agitated.

“I’m not trying to…undermine you.” Rosie carefully explained. “It’s just…for a human to live a life beyond what is allotted, that takes power to do, Alastor. Power that will be directly coming from you. And, a pure soul…that’s something very different from making deals with sinners or demons.”

He was smiling, but he wasn’t happy.

“Look,” Rosie said, backing off. “I’m sure you’ve got it all under control. You are a powerful Overlord, you’ve got plenty of power to work with that’s for sure. And, I’ll admit…it is a very tempting prospect, it could turn into being a very profitable investment to you.”

He started to relax, his smile coming back as more genuine now.

“Oh.” He said. “I think this deal will be very rewarding.”

_____________________________________________________________

Chapter 4

[bivht]

Short Astrology Observations (ft. Numerology)

🦭Momo from twice has asteroid kitty(9563) conjunct her Venus!! Her catwalk is👌.

🦭Cancer placements make people feel included and loved.

🦭During quiet moments, venus square saturn have this matured, distance gaze as they stare off in the distance. It’s really fascinating to me. People find themselves drawn to their reliability and trustworthiness.

🦭I can’t help but notice that people who’s first name starts with ‘sa,’ ‘ma,’ ‘r,’ got great cake😭😭.

🦭Jupiter trine/sextile Saturn is a good balance of idealistic/hope and realism/hardships. There is a balance between working hard and relying on luck. The people that I know of that have this are persevering.

[thelavendersquid]

Love Persevering (Tell Me How You Feel)

@amazingmsme and @thebest-medicine - The wait is over! Thank you both for your encouragement to write this fic!!!

Summary: Fjord wants nothing to do with the tickle fights his friends keep starting. Yet he can't help but be drawn to the subject and the memories it brings…

The Mighty Nein talk about feelings and process their grief for Mollymauk through the ticklish love language they all share.

Some grief and light angst but mostly tooth-rotting fluff.

My contribution to Mollymauk Week: Day 4 - Joy

Words: 7,028

AO3 Link

Sequel to No Words Needed but can also be read as a standalone

****

What is grief, if not love persevering?

****

Jester’s fingers scurry up Caduceus’ sides and he’s laughing immediately, stumbling sideways towards the tunnel wall and holding his hands up in a poor attempt to block her. Jester follows after him, laughing along as Caduceus’ back hits the wall and he throws his head back, squeezing his eyes shut tight and giving in to his laughter. He gives up trying to bat Jester's hands away and instead focuses on coordinating himself enough to retaliate - jamming his hands towards her armpits and wiggling as best he can possibly manage. His efforts are rewarded by a flinch backwards and sudden giggle. Caduceus can barely focus through his own giggles but he pushes forward, pressing his advantage, and feels Jester pull back slightly, succumbing to giggling.

Caduceus opens his eyes and finds her dancing from foot to foot, trying to escape his fingers without actually moving away. He laughs in an entirely new way, never stilling his fingers as they poke and prod up and down her torso and wiggle under her arms. Jester yelps and falls forward - throwing her arms around him and face planting into his stomach as she dissolves into full-out laughter.

That’s unexpected and Caduceus flinches as she does this, chuckling. Then he wraps his arms around her, pulling her in closer for a hug - as his fingers scribble up her back.

Jester shrieks. Heh. That trick always got his siblings too.

He feels Jester’s fingers pinching up his back just then - as she laughs into his stomach, which might be even more tickly. He’s laughing again.

Jester clings on tighter as Caduceus starts laughing - and he can’t let her win at hugging of all things, so he grips onto her even tighter in return. It’s a bone-crushing, tickly hug that has both of them laughing too hard for words. Caduceus can’t remember the last time he's laughed this hard and he’s reluctant for it to ever end.

Nonetheless, after a few moments it does - he slows his fingers and gently pulls Jester away so they’re facing each other. He squeezes her shoulder, still grinning ear to ear. “That was fun.” Jester beams back up at him. Caduceus looks up at the others - most of whom are looking distinctly uncomfortable. He gives them an easy grin. “You should try it, it’s a lot of fun.”

Jester spins to face the group too, looking delighted. “Yes! Oh Beau-oh! Are you ticklish?” She springs towards Beau, fingers wiggling and a downright evil grin on her face. Caduceus chuckles.

Beau, eyes wide as saucers and looking panicked, holds up her hand. “Wait, wait, no. I’ve got Caleb duty, I’m doing this, I’m busy.” She gestures frantically to her other shoulder, where Caleb’s hand rests.

Jester’s eyes travel up his arm to the glassy-white eyes indicating Caleb is watching them through Frumpkin at the moment. She turns back to Beau. “Alright fi-ne, but I’ll get you later.” She flashes Beau a grin which leaves Beau looking like she's seen a ghost - but with the faintest grin tugging at the corners of her mouth in return.

Jester spins towards the others. “Fjord! What about you?!”

If Beau looked panicked, Fjord looks downright horrified as Jester’s gaze lands on him. “Me? I, ah -“ he coughs and clears his throat, trying to bring his voice back down from where it seems to have leaped up an octave. “I don't have any idea what you’re asking.”

Jester has closed the gap between them with frightening speed. She flashes him that dangerous grin. “Yes you do. Fj-ord, I already know you’re ticklish!” And quick as lightning, her fingers scuttle up his stomach.

Fjord chokes on a gasp and reaches frantically for her hands. “Ah - Jester wait!”

Jester does not wait and Fjord fails to catch her hands, which means she continues wiggling her fingers over his stomach and up towards his ribs. She’s watching his face for any reaction.

It comes. Fjord sucks in a deep breath and clamps his mouth shut, biting down on his cheek.

Jester pouts at this and sets to work even harder. Her fingers poke and prod into the spaces in between his ribs. This has Fjord bending double and turning desperately away from her. Jester grins and flows with him. And Fjord can’t hold back a snort - which turns quickly into hearty chuckles he can’t manage to stop.

Jester laughs in delight and worms her fingers even higher, towards his armpits. Fjord splutters and dissolves into raspy laughter. “Jehehhehhehster ST-hahahahaha-stop ahahahahaha - STOP IT!”

Jester laughs along with him, following as he turns away from her even further. She glances over her shoulder, fingers still wiggling their way beneath Fjord’s armor. “Cad! Come help me!”

Caduceus is watching this with a slight frown spreading across his face. “Hmmm. Hold on a minute. Maybe you’d better give him a break.”

Jester catches something in his tone and turns around to face him. Her fingers on Fjord’s sides slow but don’t still entirely. She gives Caduceus a slight frown and he raises an eyebrow at her and nods towards Fjord. Jester turns back to look at her victim. Fjord is twisted as far away from her as he can possibly be, bent double trying to hide his face, tense as a board, and laughing through gritted teeth - clearly trying to stifle his laughter with little success. Behind the laughter he looks distinctly unhappy.

Jester’s frown deepens and she pulls her hands away. Fjord jerks away from her the moment he's free, turning so his back is to her. Jester blinks and drops her hands to her sides. “Fjord?”

Fjord is biting the inside of his cheek as hard as he possibly can to stop his chuckles. He coughs to clear the last of them away before growling over his shoulder. “Give me a minute. Go find someone else to torture.”

Jester's face falls. She turns to give Caduceus a sad look. He gives her a worried frown in return.

Fjord coughs a few more times for good measure. He can feel every eye upon him. He can also feel the heat rising up his neck. Ugh.

With a shake of his head, Fjord straightens up and turns to briefly face the group. His face is composed. “Come on. Let’s go.” His accent is firmly back in place and he stalks off down the tunnel, leading the way.

Fjord can hear muttering behind him as he walks away but he pointedly ignores it and walks on. Then - footsteps. And there’s Beauregard walking next to him, staring. Fjord glances over at her and she raises her eyebrows. Fjord clears his throat and gives a shake of his head, looking away quickly. Beau doesn’t say anything, but Fjord can feel her gaze locked on him.

Caleb, feeling Beau start walking again, drops back into his body. He blinks a few times to clear his eyes and looks around at the others with a frown. The energy has shifted so dramatically in such a short period of time. Caleb catches Beau's eye and raises his eyebrows at her. She gives him a shrug in return. Caleb frowns but stays quiet.

Jester stares after the others with a dejected look. She turns to Caduceus, who has collected his staff from where it was tossed aside. He gives her a sympathetic look, and slowly the two follow after the group, trailing behind alongside a confused-looked Yasha and Nott.

And so the group presses on in tense silence.

********************

It's several weeks before Fjord brings it up again. They’ve been busy, thankfully, and he hasn’t had time to let it occupy his mind. And mercifully, Jester and Caduceus have always left him out of their now-becoming-frequent tickle fights and ambushes on unsuspecting members of the Nein. The fact that Fjord makes a quick exit - or at least looks away awkwardly - whenever such events take place probably helps.

But he still can’t help but notice things.

It's not until the group is settled into their rooms at the next inn that Fjord says anything. The quiet night allows him far too much time to think, and he finds himself looking over at Caleb - who is definitely not asleep, Fjord can tell that much from his unsteady breathing.

He takes a deep breath and rolls over to lie on his back, staring up at the ceiling. A cough to break the silence, then - “Caleb? Can I ask you something?”

Darkvision allows Fjord to see Caleb visibly jump at the sound of his voice. He turns his head to face his roommate. “Ja, of course.”

“Do you like being tickled?”

There’s a spluttering sound from the other bed and Fjord sits up, alarmed - just in time to catch sight of the wizard in the middle of choking on his own spit. Caleb sits up too, coughing. He’s careful not to look at Fjord. “Ah. I’m sorry. I was not expecting that, is all.”

Fjord nods. Caleb coughs again and brushes an arm across his mouth before sliding back down into his bed. Even in the dark Fjord can see his face is a good two shades darker than before. This does not discourage him from continuing to press.

“I only ask because I’ve seen Jester get you several times now and you’ve never told her to stop or to knock it off, so-“

“Have you tried telling Jester to knock it off?”

Fjord chuckles. “Fair.”

Caleb gives him a hint of a smile, then turns away as it fades and sighs. “I….ah….” He trails off into silence without finishing the sentence.

Silence hangs between them for a long moment. Both staring at up the ceiling without a word. Finally Fjord breaks it. “I don't care, by the way. But can you tell me why? What about it do you like? It’s torture. How can you like it?”

This is met with a slightly strangled sound, then silence. Fjord shifts in his bed to look over at Caleb. The wizard is staring, wide-eyed, up at the ceiling.

Fjord sits up again, looking worried and regretting everything. He shouldn’t have brought this up. “Forget I said anything. We don't have to talk about it.”

Caleb does not respond, just continues staring at the ceiling. Fjord watches him worriedly for a moment, then slowly slides down into his bed. He can feel his own heart racing as he stares up at the ceiling himself. What was he thinking? Of course Caleb doesn't want to talk about it, neither would he if someone brought it up like this - in fact isn't that what Jester did when she grabbed him and reminded him what tickling felt like in the first place? And didn’t he react just as badly? Why would he think this would go any differently? Caleb didn't deserve this. How stupid and insensitive of him for dragging him into it.

With a swoosh, Caleb throws his blanket back and leaps out of bed. Fjord jumps. He pushes himself up. “Caleb?”

No response. Caleb swiftly crosses the room, pushes open the door, and steps out into the hall.

Fjord throws his own blanket back, his feet hitting the floor. “Caleb!”

Not even a glance in his direction. Fjord hurries out of the room. Blinking as his eyes adjust to the light in the hall, he sees Caleb knocking on the door next to theirs.

There’s a creak and the door opens. A sleepy-looking Caduceus stands in the doorway, blinking blearily at them. He takes in the sight of a frenzied-looking Caleb standing in front of him and a confused and scattered Fjord a few steps behind. His face shifts into a soft smile, and he pushes the door open and steps back to let them in. Caleb steps inside and Fjord, not seeing any reason not to, follows.

Caduceus shuts the door and follows behind them, rubbing his eyes. Across the room on the other bed, Yasha is sitting up and looking worried.

Caleb is standing in the middle of the room. He’s fidgeting with his coat and staring at the floor. “I am sorry to wake you both up, I don’t mean to be a bother…”

Caduceus just waves a hand. “Nah. Never a bother.” He waves towards the ground, gesturing for them to sit, before turning away to start making tea.

Yasha is already getting out of bed. “You’re not a bother, Caleb. Do you want some privacy?” She’s sheathing her swords and looking ready to leave.

Caleb shakes his head. “Nein. No. Stay, please.” He drops to the floor, sitting propped against Caduceus’ empty bed.

Fjord, for his part, stands in the middle of the room with his arms crossed. Caduceus turns around, carrying cups of tea. He hands one to Fjord before lowering himself down to the floor, sitting cross-legged and leaning against Yasha’s bed, gesturing for Fjord to join him.

Fjord reluctantly sits down across from him. Yasha has joined Caleb, the four of them forming a little circle in the middle of the bedroom.

Caduceus hands out tea. “So.”

Caleb takes his with both hands. “Danke.” He takes a deep breath. “Ah, I came here because Fjord was asking me about, ah…ti-“ He cuts off abruptly and looks down into his cup.

Caduceus takes a sip of his tea, waiting patiently. Caleb stutters and then trails off again, face growing darker.

Yasha is wearing a confused frown. “About what?”

Caleb takes a deep breath and tries again. “About ti…about kitzlen.”

This time both Yasha and Caduceus look confused. “What?”

Caleb takes a long drink of tea. Fjord sighs, rubs a hand over his face, and speaks up. “I was asking him about tickling. It’s really not a big deal, I shouldn’t have brought it up, let’s all just go to bed and not worry about it-“

He’s cut off by Caduceus’ sudden clarity. “Ahhh.” His expression has cleared into another soft smile.

Yasha’s face clears too and she leans back against the bed again. “Oh.”

Caleb looks surprisingly relieved, despite his face being about five shades redder than usual. He nods. “Ja. That. He asked me about ti…ah, that, and I would like to talk about it, but I…ah…I needed a mediator.”

“I don’t know what that is,” Caduceus says. “I can listen to the two of you talk if that’s what you want, though.” He takes another sip of tea.

Caleb nods. "That is exactly what I would like, thank you Caduceus.”

Caduceus gives him a smile. It's too full of knowing for Caleb’s liking and he looks away quickly. Caduceus’ smile widens.

Caleb takes a deep breath before heaving it back out in a sigh. He’s still staring down into his cup. “I - I do like kitzlen - ah, tick..tickling…Fjord.” He glances up at Fjord - who is staring at him in something like disbelief - before immediately going back to looking at his cup. “It’s a nice, ah, break. Like being inside Frumpkin. Or when I Polymorph. It’s nice to not have every single thought racing through my head. You know?”

Fjord nods slowly. He does know about racing thoughts. Beside him, Yasha is nodding too.

Caleb seems emboldened by this and presses on. He takes another deep breath. “I…like being stupid, sometimes. I am not, most times. Most times I cannot be. So it's nice to be able to sometimes, with people I can be stupid around. I can be stupid around you all and I am very grateful for it. And t…ah, tickling…it lets me do that. And also laugh. I have not laughed very much in my life, but I have never laughed more than I have with you all. And it feels…good.” His eyes dart up for a half-second, just long enough to see the group’s reactions.

Yasha and Caduceus are smiling softly at him. Fjord is staring right through him and looks distinctly uncomfortable, as if he just swallowed another orb.

Caleb takes a long drink of his tea. It helps. When he lowers his cup his face feels less flushed. He glances over at Fjord. “Does that answer your question, Fjord?”

Fjord blinks at him blankly for a moment, before giving his head a shake and sitting up quickly, clearing his throat. “Yes - yes, it does, Caleb. Thank you for sharing that.”

Caduceus gives Caleb a proud smile. “I’m proud of you for talking about that. You did great.” Caleb gives an awkward shrug and looks away, taking another sip of tea.

Caduceus turns to Fjord. “What about you Fjord? Why did you want to talk about tickling?

Fjord sucks in a deep breath and opens his mouth to respond. “Well, I…I…ah…”

Caduceus interrupts his stuttering. “Should Jester be here for this?”

This snaps Fjord out of it. He blinks and looks up at Caduceus. “Jester? Why should Jester be here?”

Caduceus gives a slight shrug. “It might be good for both of you. She was pretty upset after the last tickling incident.”

Fjord heaves a huge sigh and slumps against the bed frame he’s leaning on. He stares down into his cup. “Alright. Yes, she should be here too.”

“I’ll get her.” Everyone turns to see Yasha unfolding herself from the floor and making her way over to the wall dividing their room from Beauregard and Jester’s. She knocks softly. There’s a muffled sound from the other side - words that Fjord can’t quite make out - and then Yasha says, in her soft voice, “Can you two come over here? We’re having a discussion.”

There’s another muffled response and then a few seconds later, a knock at the door. Caduceus, who stood up to refill the tea, opens the door to let in Jester and Beauregard.

Beau rushes into the room, eyes darting around and looking ready for a fight. “Is everyone okay?! What’s going on?!” Jester follows her, looking concerned and just as ready for whatever they might face.

Caduceus holds out cups of tea towards both of them. Beau looks down at the cup, confused. Caduceus pushes it closer and she takes it on instinct, looking back up at him and then around at the others with a frown. “What’s going on?”

Caduceus hands Jester her cup and goes back to his spot next to the bed, lowering himself back down into a cross-legged seat on the floor. Yasha looks over to Beau. “I said we were having a discussion.”

“I thought that might be a code word for ‘we’re being held hostage, come help us!’” Beau carries her tea over and drops down in between Yasha and Caleb.

“Nah, we’re just talking,” Caduceus says, holding out a hand to beckon Jester over. She smiles and plops down next to him, taking a sip of her tea.

“What kind of conversation is this?” Beau asks before taking a sip of her tea.

“Yeah, are you talking about who you want to kiss or what?” Jester pipes up, waggling her eyebrows.

Caduceus sets his tea cup on the floor next to him and looks over at them. “Fjord was talking about tickling.”

Jester’s face lights up immediately and she spins towards Fjord. “Tickling?! Fjord, you were talking about tickling?! Oh, I’m so glad you called us over here, Yasha! Tickling is my fav-or-ite.” She smiles at Yasha, who returns it with a soft smile of her own.

Fjord’s face feels hot again and he busies himself with looking down into his tea once again so as to not have to look at Jester. Out of the corner of his eye he still manages to catch her face fall when she sees his discomfort. He feels something in his chest start to ache.

“So, where were we?” Caleb asks, setting his own cup down too. “I shared the depths of my soul, I believe it was your turn now.” He looks over at Fjord expectantly.

Fjord sighs into his tea cup before taking a breath and steeling himself. He swallows his feelings and looks up, expression - he hopes - settled back into one of confidence. “Right. Well. I was just asking what everyone thought about…well, tickling.” He raises his eyebrows as he looks around at the little group, doing his absolute best to look resolute and interested.

Jester gives him that bright smile again, although there's something sad deep in her eyes that Fjord wishes he hadn’t seen. “I loooooove tickling! It’s so much fun! Like, tickle fights - they're the best thing ever.” Her tail is wagging ever so slightly, tapping against the ground. Fjord can't help the smile that twitches onto his face.

“I don’t have strong feelings about it either way,” Beau says, across from him. Fjord turns to look at her and gives a nod. Caduceus turns as well and studies her for a moment, eyes narrowing ever so slightly. Beau catches his eye and flushes bright red. She turns back to her tea quickly. The faintest of smiles spreads across Caduceus’ face.

Caduceus turns back to Fjord. “I like tickling. It’s fun. I’ve always had fun with it with my siblings and sometimes my parents too - we got my dad one time, that was great.” He grins at the memory, an infectious look that the others find the corners of their lips twitching to match.

Fjord turns to Yasha. “What about you, Yasha? What do you think?”

Yasha has been looking lost in thought, gazing down at the ground. She looks up and says, softly, "It reminds me of Molly.”

Fjord blinks in surprise before looking down at the ground himself. He nods, and his voice drops to a whisper as he says, “It reminds me of Molly too.”

Yasha gives him a soft smile, which Fjord looks up just in time to catch. “It’s just, it’s everything that he was, you know? He was…Molly was…he was so carefree and he loved to have fun, and he loved to make people laugh - oh, he loved to make people laugh.” She smiles brighter, fond, eyes drifting up to the ceiling as the memory comes back.

Fjord nods. “And he was so touchy. He was always looking for a hug or trying to get closer.”

Yasha looks back at him. “Oh yes, oh yes, he loved to be hugged and held and cuddle. He loved touch. And he - he felt like a warm hug. You know?”

Fjord nods rapidly. His eyes have become wet with tears. “He did. He really did.”

Yasha sniffs and reaches up to wipe away a tear of her own. “That's why tickling reminds me of him. It’s all those things wrapped up in one - all that touchy-feely, carefree, fun that feels like a warm hug. And that's what he was too. He was all of those things in one.”

Fjord can feel the tears startling to trail out of his eyes. He looks down, furiously trying to blink them back. “He liked it, too.”

“Tickling? Oh yes, he loved it.” A wet smile spreads across Yasha’s face again as she wipes away more tears that are steadily streaking down her face. “He loved both sides of it. He would tickle me to pieces so, so often - and he loved it when I’d get him back.” She looks back up at Fjord with that shaky, soft smile. “Some of my absolutely favorite memories are of those times."

Fjord nods and wipes a hand roughly across his face. “He got me a few times. I wish I’d let him do it more often."

“He got all of us, I think,” comes Caleb's voice from across the circle. Fjord and Yasha turn to face him and see him wiping away his own tears. A shaky smile perseveres on his face anyway. “He really loved it.”

Beau, next to him, takes a shaky breath and nods. “He got me too, the jerk.” She rubs away the tears that are trailing down her already wet face, past the fond smile she can’t manage to hold back.

Jester sniffles and says, softly, “We had so many tickle fights. It was so much fun.” She pauses, staring off into the space, remembering. Her eyes well up with tears. “I miss him.” Her voice cracks as she says it. Caduceus puts an arm around her and she snuggles closer to him.

Beau is wiping her fists over her face. She sniffs. “We should have a tickle fight in honor of him. He would’ve liked that.”

Caduceus looks over at Fjord. “How are you holding up, Fjord?”

Fjord takes a deep breath and lets it out in a sigh, wiping away more tears. “I miss him too, Jester.” Jester gives him a watery smile. Fjord coughs and takes another deep breath. “I…I’ve been tickled before. When I was a kid. I was picked on, and I was quite often the victim of tickle, well…torture from the other kids. They were stronger than me so they could pin me down and I couldn't get away. I couldn’t get them to stop so I just had to take it. I hated it. It made me feel powerless and weak. But I could never quite manage to stop being ticklish. I hated that, I hated being so ticklish.” He looks around at the others with a tinge of hesitation. They're watching him - eyes soft and still glistening with tears.

Fjord sucks in another breath and goes on. “But with Molly….I don’t know. It always felt different when Molly would try to tickle me. It felt…warm, like Yasha said.” He trails off, looking up at the ceiling for a moment, and then sighs. “I regret fighting him off so much. He meant well by it.”

“It was his way of showing love,” Yasha says softly. She wipes away more tears and a shaky smile spreads across her face as she looks at Fjord and then around at the group. “He loved you. He loved all of us. So much.”

Caleb, Beau, Jester and Fjord all reach up to wipe away more tears that threaten to spill over. Caduceus finds his own eyes damp too.

Fjord nods and heaves a sigh. He turns towards Jester. “And I…I’m sorry for fighting you off, too, Jester. It’s always felt warm from you too.”

Jester gives him a smile. “Aww, I’m glad it does! I don’t ever, ever, ever want it to be mean, Fjord, I like tickling and I think it’s fun and I want it to be fun for whoever I’m tickling too. I just want to make them laugh.” She glances over at Caleb, who gives her a smile.

Fjord gives her a faint smile of his own. With another sigh, he turns to look around the group. They’re all still sniffling and wiping away tears that slowly slip out. But they’re also all smiling.

“I can see how much of a loving thing it is for all of you. It’s not mean. And I…I’d love to be part of that. But I’m not sure I can handle it. I’m not sure I can let go of that control.”

Caleb is nodding. Yasha and Beau look like they know the feeling he's talking about too. For a moment, as Fjord looks around at all of their faces, he senses for the first time that…he might not be alone in this. He'd never considered that this might not come naturally to the rest of his friends either.

Jester sits up, pushing away from Caduceus. She leans towards Fjord. “What if we tickled you for just, like, a few seconds? Just to see if you like it? Just to try it out?”

Caduceus looks up brightly. “A trial tickle!”

Fjord studies them for a moment. He looks down at his cup. Then he nods and looks up at Jester. “Yes. Let’s do it.” He throws his arms open. “You can have five seconds.”

Jester blinks in surprise. She had not expected that to work. She looks around the little circle. Her friends all wave her forward, grins spreading across their faces. So, a grin working its way onto her own face, she turns back to Fjord and shuffles over until she’s kneeling right in front of him.

Fjord blinks up at her with his best puppy-eyed face. A nervous grin is already threatening to break through.

Jester giggles, still tinged with emotion and a little sadness, and wipes away the last of her tears with the back of her hand. “Fj-ord! This is going to be so much fun.”

Fjord scoots backwards, closer to the bed. “Five seconds, remember? Just five seconds.”

“Of course.” Jester shuffles forward, closing the gap between them. She flashes him another grin - and it reminds him of Molly, she’s really perfected that terrifying look tieflings can have - and slowly lowers her wiggling fingers towards his stomach. Fjord bites down on his lip.

The second Jester's fingers make contact, Fjord feels every muscle in his body contract and tense. He tries to pull away but there's nowhere to go - he's already pressed himself against the bed frame as far as he can go. So instead he squirms to the side and tries to brace himself.

Jester’s fingers scribble over Fjord’s stomach and Fjord clamps his mouth shut to block out the noises threatening to spill out. He flinches away again as her claws pinch at his sides. Yep. This is every bit the torture he expected. The loss of control over his own reactions brings with it a dark cloud of memories, none of them good. He’s vulnerable, weak…small. It’s almost unbearable, and he’s about to open his mouth and yell for Jester to stop…when her fingers shift every so slightly. Up. To begin scratching at his lower ribs.

And all the emotions burst out of Fjord in a sudden bark of laughter he could never hope to hold back. “HA!”

Jester giggles. Fjord tries to bite down on his tongue again but doesn't quite manage it. Now that the dam is broken, laughter bubbles up out of his throat. “Ah-hehehehehehehahahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOHOHOHOHO!” And just like that, he’s rolling side to side with laughter, trying to bat away Jester's fingers that are scribbling and scratching over his ribs.

And to his surprise, he finds himself not hating it.

Actually…

It is kind of fun.

It’s just laughter after all, Fjord realizes. It’s an excuse to be silly and laugh. And it feels every bit as warm as he just described. It feels loving. It feels playful. It feels like every other time Jester tries to drag him into her silliness and make him laugh.

And just like all the other times Jester pulls them into her silly antics, he’s having fun.

Just as quickly as it began, it's over. Jester rocks back onto her heels, grinning down at him - Fjord realizes belatedly that he's somehow wound up on his back on the floor.

His second realization is that he's disappointed that she stopped.

“Sooooo, what did you think?!” Jester asks eagerly, leaning in towards him and still wearing that grin. But Fjord can see something else in her eyes - a glimmer of nervousness. Hesitation. Concern. Worry that maybe, despite her best efforts, he might still have hated it.

Fjord is panting for breath. He returns her grin almost shyly before looking away and muttering, “You don’t have to stop.”

Jester squeals and jumps on top of him, throwing her arms around him in a hug. “AHH Fjord! I’m sooooo glad you liked it!” Fjord jumps before realizing what she’s doing and puts his arms around her in return. Then he feels Jester’s fingers wiggling up his back and he snorts - before they work their way into his armpits and he's laughing again. He buries his face in her shoulder as the giggles take him again. “AHAHAHAHAH no that wasn’t fa-hehehehehahaha-air!” Jester giggles right along with him.

The rest of the group is chuckling too, watching this. Caleb turns to Beauregard. “A tickle fight in Molly’s memory, ja?”

Beau gives him a nervous grin and scoots back slightly. A rare playful grin leaps onto Caleb’s face and he grabs her arm before she can get away. The look of shock that flashes onto both their faces when that actually works makes them both burst out laughing. And then Caleb’s other hand is spidering up Beau’s arm and she’s giggling and flailing around for an entirely different reason. Caleb turns and calls over his shoulder, “Yasha! Come help me!” Yasha, grinning, grabs onto to Beau and holds her in place - allowing Caleb to bring the other hand into action on her sides and leaving Beau cackling with laughter.

Caduceus is grinning from ear to ear as he watches this tickly battle take place. There’s Jester attacking Fjord and making him laugh harder than Caduceus has ever seen. It’s a good look on him. Fjord is starting to try and return the favor, Caduceus can see. Unsuccessfully so far - Jester is one step ahead of him and making him slam his arms back down against his sides by going for his armpits every time - but Caduceus is confident he’ll power through and have a counter attack coordinated soon enough.

A few feet away from that, Caleb and Yasha are wrecking Beau - who has already managed to slip one arm out and latch it onto to Caleb’s ribs, leaving him bent over with laughter even as he continues scribbling his own fingers across her stomach. It’s hard to say which of the three are laughing the hardest - Yasha isn’t even being tickled, but she's laughing as if she is. Caduceus smiles.

A sudden warm breeze blows through the room, and Caduceus looks up, smiling, as he closes his eyes and leans into the Wild Mother’s embrace. He feels another swirling breeze and opens his eyes gently, sensing another presence - and jumps as he finds a mostly-translucent, lavender-colored, ghostly figure standing next to him.

Another warm breeze blows immediately. And Caduceus suddenly realizes he recognizes this figure - from stories, drawings, illusions. He’s seen those horns before, heard about those tattoos, seen that spade-tipped tail. A whisper comes through on the wind, a warm smile from the Wild Mother accompanying it - Mollymauk.

The figure gives Caduceus a smile. Then, before he can react, it’s diving forward into the tickly fray. Caduceus watches as the spectral purple tiefling darts over to Fjord and Jester and squeezes Fjord’s side a few times, before immediately spidering ghostly fingers up Jester's back. To Caduceus’ surprise, they both jump and squeal at the sudden touch. He blinks. They shouldn’t be able to feel that. But…somehow they can?

The specter dashes across the room and grabs Beau’s foot, scribbling claws across the bottom and leaving Beau shrieking with laughter in a whole new way - while its tail wiggles underneath Caleb’s arms, making him choke on a squeal and dissolve quickly into giggles. Wearing a bright grin, the ghostly Molly lets the two of them go and throws itself into Yasha’s lap, claws wiggling against her stomach. Yasha yelps and bends double, giggles spilling out.

The specter turns to look at Caduceus - grinning brightly from its place in Yasha’s lap, fingers now working their way up across her ribs. It sees him watching and pulls one hand away to gesture towards him - a beckoning motion.

Caduceus doesn’t hesitate. With a soft smile, he stands up and goes to help Fjord coordinate his still-unsuccessful counter attack on Jester. Taking a note from the specter, he spiders his fingers up her back. It works for a moment - she squeals and bursts out laughing - “Caduhahahahahaceus! Hahahahaha nohohoho!”

But Fjord is no help in this attack, and Caduceus quickly finds himself pinned underneath Jester as she spins around and lost to laughter before her fingers even find his sides. He doesn’t protest.

Jester has mercy on him after a moment, letting up and turning back to Fjord, who has been laying on his back panting for breath. But instead of attacking him again, she says, “Fjord! C’mere! Look, Caduceus is, like, really ticklish on his ears.” And suddenly her fingers are scratching the back of his ear and Caduceus is giggling again and trying his best to squirm away. Moments later he feels a second set of hands on his other ear - Fjord, the traitor. He yelps and gives up trying to get away in favor of bursting into laughter. Fjord and Jester both start laughing along with him, which somehow only makes him laugh harder. It feels good.

CRASH!

All tickling ceases as everyone jumps and looks, startled, in the direction of the door. Bursting through the doorway is Nott, crossbow loaded and ready to fire. She swivels side to side, aiming the crossbow wildly while she looks for a threat. Yeza peeks out nervously from behind her. Nott looks around and slowly lowers the crossbow at the sight of all her friends staring at her. “What’s going on?! We heard screaming and thought you were under attack!”

Beau, currently on the floor being held in place by Yasha while Caleb looms over her, fingers stilled in place on her stomach, shouts, “We are!”

This snaps the others out of it. Chuckles start spreading around the room again. Nott looks confused.

Jester beams over at Nott and Yeza, fingers still on Caduceus’ ears, who is taking the blessed opportunity to catch his breath. “We’re having a tickle fight! Come on, come join!”

Nott stares at them all for a moment. She looks unimpressed and gives a shake of her head. “I'm not ticklish.”

A set of fingers from behind her suddenly squeeze just below her arms and Nott yelps. The others, watching, giggle. Nott spins around and comes face to face with a grinning Yeza.

“What was that about not being ticklish?” Yeza asks. Nott’s face flushes and she looks away. Yeza reaches out to grab her - and misses, as she's gone in a flash. She peeks out from behind Fjord, doing her best to stifle the grin that's working it's way onto her face. Yeza laughs and leaps forward, fingers wiggling. Nott yelps again and ducks behind Fjord.

Fjord is laughing. So is Caleb, as he ditches Beau to jump forward and try to catch Nott. Nott dodges him easily but looks like she's trying not to laugh - and seconds later gives in, joining Caleb and everyone else in laughter.

Just like that, the battle is back on. It’s Beau who manages to grab Nott first and holds her still as Yeza demonstrates her most ticklish spots for the rest of the group to exploit. Nott is howling with laughter, but eventually manages to coordinate herself enough to get out, “He's ticklish too! Get the back of his knees!” It's unclear whether she's talking about Yeza or Caleb so the others split their attention between both - and find that knees are a bad spot for both, leaving them both rolling with laughter.

This back-and-forth, all-out, giggly battle goes on for another minute. Caduceus, every time he opens his eyes, seeing the lavender specter laughing right along with them as it dodges in and out of the fray. It makes him smile.

BANG, BANG, BANG!

The group freezes again. This time they all look alarmed as they look up towards the door.

A voice comes through. “Can you quiet down please?! It's almost midnight - we’re getting complaints!”

There's a pause. Then Fjord - suddenly composed and voice smooth, if slightly out of breath - calls out, “Yes, yes of course! Our apologies! We’ll quiet down.”

The group waits with bated breath. There’s a huff on the other side of the door and then footsteps walking away.

One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. The group glances around at one other, make eye contact…

And collapse with laughter.

Fjord falls over onto Jester's shoulder, who’s rapidly making her way towards the floor and landing on top of Caduceus. Caleb is losing it, leaning fully onto Beauregard, who’s collapsed onto Jester. Nott and Yeza are leaning against each other and Yasha. All laughing too hard to speak.

“Oh my gods, we’re the worst!” Beau practically yells. This is followed by a chorus of shushing, which only makes them all laugh even harder.

Eventually the laughter trails off. Caleb wipes tears away from his face and readjusts himself to rest his head against Beau’s stomach. He holds out a hand, beckoning the others over. Jester, seeing what he’s doing, leaps over to cuddle up next to him and Beau. Nott pulls Yeza over and takes his other side, snuggling close. Caleb pulls them both in even closer. Yasha slides over and throws an arm over Jester and Caleb. Fjord lays down next to Beauregard, who looks over at him before grabbing his shoulder and pulling him in closer. Fjord reaches out to grab Caduceus and pulls him along.

Caduceus, as he snuggles in close to Fjord, Beau, and the others, watches as the purple specter worms its way into the cuddle pile too. It - he, Molly - drapes across the top of all of them. Arms threading their way in between to wrap around Yasha and Jester, legs worming their way underneath Fjord and Beau, tail wrapping around Caleb and Nott. He seems to almost melt into the group, in the way only a truly boneless ghost-like specter can. And the others unconsciously respond to him - wrapping their arms around limbs and a tail that aren't really there…and yet, perhaps, are there after all.

No one else seems to see this figure. But that's okay, Caduceus decides. They can all feel him. And isn’t that what really matters, in the end?

Caduceus catches Fjord’s eye and gives him a smile. Fjord returns it. He looks happier than Caduceus thinks he’s ever seen him.

Another, softer breeze blows through the room. Caduceus and Fjord both close their eyes as they feel its embrace. And there, surrounded by the warmth, still lingering smiles, and slowly steadying breathing of their friends, they drift gently to sleep.

[my-mt-heart]

Les Caryl

Not wishful thinking. Not a ruse. Carol is coming back, and I’m grateful. Mainly, to Melissa McBride for everything she’s given us over the years and for everything she’s willing to give us in order to keep telling Carol’s story. It’s easy to see how much of her heart and soul has gone into this character, and I never want to take that for granted. We all have different reasons for loving Carol, but I think a lot of us draw inspiration from watching an underdog like her turn into the hero everybody needs. It’s been nice to see that mirrored in our fight over the past year to remind AMC how imperative she is to TWDU’s success. 

Whether you participated in blitzes, sent letters, spammed AMC’s/TWD’s social media accounts, or just kept Carol in the conversation on your own terms, you persevered just like she did and now you’re reaping the rewards just like she better will. It just goes to show that when people come together to support a female lead with as much talent and grace as Melissa, that and a little bit of hope can make a huge impact. 

For anyone who didn’t have hope or didn’t want to set themselves up for more disappointment, that’s more than fair. Maybe yesterday’s confirmation will give you something to look forward to again. Nothing is ever guaranteed, but if you find comfort in these characters, it’s perfectly okay to let yourself feel that too. Love what you love.

I know there are some who wanted Melissa to just walk away and leave Norman/AMC in the dust, but unlike Carol, she isn’t a fictional character. We aren’t entitled to her relationships with other people, so we just have to trust she knows how to navigate them on her own. Like I mentioned earlier, landing new roles comes with its own set of challenges regardless of one’s reputation or talent. Casting is a meat market and options for actresses over 35 are limited, especially when execs want to factor in their hair color (because how can they appeal to men 18-49 if they have gray hair 🙄) or their social media presence (because if they’re not active on Twitter, what audience will they bring 😑) All of this is to say, it’s perfectly reasonable for Melissa to choose another path, and no, it doesn’t mean she’s gritting her teeth while she does it. I’m comfortable believing she’s happy to co-lead Caryl’s show. I mean, you saw that smile, right?

I realize that at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to do right by someone we admire, which is tricky from our vantage point because it’s so easy to treat her like she belongs to us, and we have to keep reminding ourselves that she does not. I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me, the intention of campaigning in Melissa’s name was to leave the door open for her to come back on her own terms. If she’s getting everything she wants, if she’s being treated with the respect she deserves, then that’s a win in my book. If this whole ordeal motivates AMC to create a better work environment for all their female talent/employees going forward, even better. 

I know this isn’t news, but I’m still going to hold off on watching the show until Carol comes back and if that sounds biased, let me stop you right there. Let’s put aside the BTS fuckery for a second. Let’s ignore the fact that Carol and Melissa are the ones who got the short end of the stick and need my support the most right now. Not only does S1 sound unappealing to me, it actually hurts too much to think about the ways Daryl’s character has been used for personal gain rather than story integrity, which pretty much guarantees a retcon no matter how long it lasts or how drastic it is. His growth over the past 12 years was some of the best I’ve seen on any show let alone TWD, and I want to preserve the version of him I was drawn to in the first place, the version three out of four showrunners actually took the time to nurture. This version. If it’s all just a marketing ploy, trying to target Carylers’ biggest fears to relieve them later, well, I can’t support that either. Caryl fans have been put through enough over the years, especially in the last season, and I think it’s wrong to try to manipulate them into settling (and paying) for less than what they really wanted. 

Do I think we can still get something worthwhile in S2? Yes. I just don’t want to risk torturing myself to get there. Anyone who’s read my blog for a long time knows I would generally give the show the benefit of the doubt because I assumed the payoff would come sooner or later. Needless to say, it didn’t. I know why it didn’t and I hope those issues have been properly dealt with, but if I want to maintain that Caryl/Carol are important for viewership, then I need to watch and subscribe for Caryl/Carol. If I want Melissa to get the pay hike she deserves, then I need to tune in when she’s on my screen, not before. I do trust her judgement for what it’s worth, and I want to look forward to S2 provided there are no irreparable damages beforehand and TPTB put their audience first, meaning they deliver on the promises they made.

The biggest promise, UNAMBIGUOUS CANON, is crucial for story integrity, character growth, and representation. It shouldn’t be a huge undertaking when the chemistry can practically write itself. Daryl and Carol never have nor ever will need gimmicks to keep me invested. 

While we wait for Caryl to reunite, I hope the fandom can start to heal and get back to spreading endless love for one of the greatest ships on television. I’ll never stop mourning the loss of the spinoff we were supposed to have, and part of me still hopes we can get it back someday. But I’ll hope for the best on the show we’re getting right now. Caryl deserve it, Melissa deserves it, and the fans deserve it. 

[ziggysgender]

Me searching sam beckett autism in AO3 and Tumblr pulls a frightening zero amount of content talk to me here

its genuinely upsetting Yes............. ik one of my mutuals is working on a sam autism fic im not too sure when thats dropping. BUT. in the meantime,, lets discuss

long post beware 👇👇👇

extracted from the DSM-5 autistic criteria.

> Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history

1. Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions. 

2. Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

3. Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understand relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

sam does indeed struggle with social cues and communication. he does blend in, but not entirely well. his constant attempting to adapt to different people and personalities, both in his leaping, and also in his canon backstory, is noticeably lacking. that being said, he is VERY empathetic. people are very drawn to him. more often than not either in a "what the fuck is wrong with you" way. or a "hey lets have sex" (he does not want to have sex) way. he is also frequently fixated on learning languages outside of english. not that he plans to communicate in these languages, he simply wants a base connection to other people and this is how he does it. learning is his love language.

> Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history.

1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).

3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

i mean. any episode can show you easily sam stims OFTEN. usually due to negative input, he will make certain gestures with his hands or entire body. you've got al frequently reminding sam to calm down. sam's reaction to being overwhelmed is usually either to become angry and lash out (emotionally or physically) or to shut down completely. he has had entire meltdowns such as going quiet and running away to cry. this didnt make al bat an eye, then knew exactly how to correct it. if you wanna talk about fixated interests, man has 7phd's...

ALSO. JIMMY.

jimmy is the one leapee sam has encountered the MOST. he leaped into him twice (not encludinb shock theater), met his older brother three times. he connected the MOST deeply to him. he even made an appearance in the last episode. and every time he has encountered jimmy, he instantly became ecstatic; running to wordlessly hug anyone he knew he could trust with his disabilities.

in the actual episode "jimmy" sam has a meltdown over how he is treated. he cries to al about how different he's acting in this body. to which al responds he is actually acting exactly the same as normal. sam doesnt understand completely, but the conversation progresses to al's sister.

sam is also embodying jimmy in "shock theater", yknow, when his mind is slipping away and his most important past leaps take over. yeah that one.

jump to "runaway". sam has a longwinded conversation with his leap's mother about how he feels like a "non-person". how he doesnt feel real or connected to anyone.

now jumping to the NOVELS. theres several examples here but specifically Prelude. where we get this insane page of text:

um. anyways. sam beckett is autistic ;P

[pico-digital-studios]

Into, Across and Beyond! Locations: FNF-NEW-2023

Benjamin: So, what did you bring me out here for, Pico?

Pico: Well, I know you've been busy with your rehearsals for the upcoming concert, and I can't really blame ya. It's just... It's something important I need to get off my chest. For now, it's just between you and me.

Benjamin: I mean, why isn't Grace allowed to hear it? She'd definitely understand.

Pico: Heh, I know. But right now, I don't want to start any mass chaos erupting because of this news, especially not if her dad learns about it.

Benjamin: What do you mean?

Pico: Well, Ben... I'm from the OLD iteration of this universe.

Benjamin: O-Old iteration? What do you mean?

Pico: It's... a long story. I'll explain it...

WARNING: From this point down, there are unmarked spoilers for Friday Night Funkin': Mario's Madness, ESPECIALLY for its endgame. If you haven't seen or played the mod, please stop reading now to avoid spoilers.

Pico: Remember the whole ordeal the three of us had with that creepy Mario and Xenophanes?

Benjamin: Yeah?

Pico: Well, that was actually meant to be our last conflict, but we managed to escape it alive.

Benjamin: Heh, yeah. We do make a good team.

Pico: However... That haunted cartridge was right at the end of it all for... the ORIGINAL you.

Pico: As "Boyfriend", you were even more brave, albeit with the urge to tackle practically any challenge laid before you if it meant keeping "Girlfriend" safe. All of what happened here was handled differently in the original universe. He fought those trying to kill him, those who just wanted some fun, and even some who... didn't exactly want to be a part of his business.

Pico: And no matter who it was, even if it was Xenophanes throwing tantrums over actually losing, Boyfriend always persevered in the end. That's what I admired about him; he was not outright a fearless fool. What I learned from the Corruption I experienced was that he always looked to the positives, knowing that there's always a brighter day ahead. At least, until THAT day happened.

Pico: Like what happened here, I was drawn into the cartridge business when neither BF or GF returned any calls. It must've felt like days when I came to check on them, only to find the TV blaring red static. Before I could even react, I was dragged into that world, where I had to fend off that "Mr. L" entity posing as Luigi... or apparently, a vengeful spirit of him. Even to this day, I don't know what its motives were, but it clearly wanted me dead for the evulz. I managed to escape safely and got on the hunt to find BF and GF safely. However...

Pico: They were dead when I finally found them... And I was all alone in that digital hellscape with no way back out. I've never forgiven myself for being too late to come to their aid, though I survived as long as I could, busting into the Minus World to try and evade that killer plumber. While there, I came across this entity that resembled... King Koopa? I didn't have long to process this, as everything vanished before my eyes as "Ultra M" approached.

Benjamin: Then what happened?

Pico: I was pretty much reborn into a new universe. THIS one. One key change was the links to the SEGAVerse; you being the younger brother of Hatsune Miku. And you had a bigger family than the "canon" iteration, who simply had a rap-rat as an adoptive brother. Events definitely played out normally, but with numerous changes:

You and Grace dropped out of high-school at 17.

I halted the whole school dangers quickly by dealing with Cassandra promptly, therefore saving even more lives than I once did.

You managed to get Daniel Dearest on your good side after he admitted to his crimes and felt guilty for it.

You've been arguably kinder than the original Boyfriend.

Updike stood down and shut down the Greater Good, thanks to the efforts of you and Whitty, along with Grace, Carol and Sunday, of course.

Benjamin: I had definitely been through a lot.

Pico: Mhm. And when we crossed into Alan Becker's computer, that's when we became teens again, and that's when the things I predicted came to an end. We met Chris and all the others, you got a new boyfriend in Luis, and, well... the rest is history!

Benjamin: Mhm. So, like OMT Tails, I'd be classed as some "anomaly" by those guys because of your actions?

Pico: It shouldn't come to that, hopefully. I'm just really concerned about how you're feeling after what happened to you back in MP-2021, Benji. I really don't want it to take a toll on your life. Same with what I just told you.

Benjamin: Hey, don't worry! I've got an optimistic future ahead! We got the whole Christmas Festival getting set up next week, and Softie's gonna be showing up. Heh, I can't wait to meet him in person. I really want to have him as a little brother and show him the care he deserves!

Pico: Heh, man. I really admire you for staying positive, even after all the hell you've been through.

Benjamin: I mean, I'll always have you guys. And as long as you're all okay, I'll always find motivation to keep on moving!

Pico: Thanks, Ben. I really appreciate that.

Benjamin: Alright. Why don't we go catch up with the others? They must be getting worried.

Pico: Of course!

Benjamin: Man. I wonder if Evan and Holly will be able to show up there.

Pico: Heh. I'm sure they can make the time if Evan's parents are alright with it.

Meanwhile, at Dimension URB-2023...

Bently: I'm happy things are okay in the original dimension. You keep being you, Benjamin. Well, who I once was, heh.

Isabella: You feeling okay, Bently?

Bently: Heh, yeah. If anything, I feel at peace, knowing everything's alright in a version of the universe I came from.

Isabella: Glad to hear it!

Bently: Well, let's get moving to school! We don't wanna keep Mrs. Aoibhe waiting for too much longer.

Isabella: You got it!

[blueinkedcrowling]

I just started reading the first chapter of ur fic and !! its so good! I absolutely love how descriptive your writing is, i'm able to visualize the scenes very easily. i'm kind of struggling with motivation and inspiration for my own fic i have planned. what inspired you to write this fic?

Oh my stars, my first ask!!!!!!! Happy stimming fr right now. Thank you so much for reading my fic and for thinking it’s good!!

But! On the topic of what you actually asked:

It’s hard to pinpoint an exact source of inspiration for my work. I was seeing a lot of F!Rise art from my favorite artists, and I felt drawn to contributing a piece of my own!

First, I looked for the core of what I gravitated towards when I saw the art. For me, it wasn’t just the style that everything was drawn in, but the concept of an unlikely family banding together and persevering through harsh conditions.

Then, I tried to come up with a spin to it all. I didn’t just want harsh conditions with a few soft moments like I was seeing in other people’s works- I wanted goofy adventures and silly jokes like actual Rise had! I wanted to see these characters pushed to their limits, but I also wanted to see them thrive in unlikely environments. That’s when I decided they should go on a journey together.

The original concept that I started writing really honed in on Mikey’s sacrifice and Leo’s inability to handle it. I felt that over the years (and through growing up in the actual apocalypse), Leo’s brotherly protective instincts would’ve gotten turned up to 11. When Raph would be around, Leo wouldn’t have to carry as much weight, but then Raph disappeared and eventually Donnie did too- leaving Leo to guard what little was left. He loves his little brother and his nephew so dearly, so seeing them put their lives in danger while he “stood back and watched” didn’t feel right to write about. That’s how I came up with the unique change to add to the fic!

Finally, after the drabble was done and it got some positive feedback from my peers, I started to plan more out and explore how I could blend the pain and torture of apocalyptic conditions with what made the characters in Rise so lovable- their love for each other (and for Humor Coping™️)

If you’re struggling with putting the pen to paper (metaphorically, I’m sure, since digital writing can feel so much better on the hands), I’d say find the core values of your piece and put your own personal spin on it! Find what makes your heart tick, and then expound on it! I’m absolutely sure that you’re gonna do great things with your wonderful imagination, and I hope to someday see what you make with it! The world is your oyster, so find your grain of sand and roll it around in your mind enough times until it creates a pearl! The stars know I’m still rolling mine around ^^’

(Ask my beta readers, they’ll tell you about how many times I’ve scrapped 5-10 planned chapters in one fell swoop for something else that might fit better)

Anywhizzle, thank you so much for the ask! I loved writing about this, and I hope it helps!

[fantasy-so-far]

Day 12 - Picky Eaters

[Note: The following story discusses the casual, nonviolent consumption of blood (vampirism), so if that will make you uncomfortable, please skip this story.]

Oberon had come and gone twice as the months progressed. By his diligence and dedication, the twins were stabilized, but the news was dire. The illness that ravaged their little bodies was nothing natural or biological. After comparing notes, Adrionne and Oberon came to tragic a conclusion.

Violetta and Valerian were cursed as their father had been.

The news could have sent Adrionne into another despair spiral, but with Oberon’s support kept her teetering at the edge until she could finally find her footing. Parenthood had not been what she expected it to be, but slowly she started to approach it as she did all her training. She persevered and got into a rhythm. It took time, and there was no easy path or short cut. Still, she met each challenge with ever-increasing confidence.

Even when it came time to make a dramatic shift in the twins’ diet.

“The bottles are enchanted, but they will only keep the blood fresh and liquid for three months at most,” Oberon explained as he indicated a crate of dark bottles. “They are meant for transfusions, so the enchantment is long-lasting, but not permanent. If, in the next year or so, you notice the blood clots in storage, then you will need to have it re-enchanted.”

Adrionne nodded as she looked to the bag beside the crate. Oberon followed her gaze and moved on.

“This is a kit for drawing blood. I will show you how to use it after we run this test, alright? I have brought blood from a volunteer donor…me,” he smirked. “But also, blood from a locally sourced boar. I think it would be best to stick with animal blood if it suits them. I know that we have agreed not to refer to them as animals, but what you described of their father, he was a predator. They will likely grow up with similar adaptations and instincts. You will have your work cut out for you as they grow. Before we cure them, of course.”

Adrionne sighed, as she always did when he said such things.

“We will find a way to cure them. I promise. I will find a way,” he insisted. However, to avoid arguing for the dozenth time, he picked up two bottles and gestured to two others. “Let’s see if this sits with them better than the broth.”

Despite still being sick, the twins were also still children. They were restless in bed, so Adrionne had set them up with some of the toys she had kept from her childhood. When she and Oberon walked in, Valerian was gabbing enthusiastically to a stuffed piglet and Violetta was drawing a picture with a sylph figurine. Their attention very quickly shifted to the adults once they crossed the threshold. Each pushed wild gray hair out of their scarlet eyes, as if choreographed on a cue.

“Good afternoon, Valerian. Violetta,” Oberon smiled.

They were warming to him slowly, so their attention shifted to Adrionne to read her expression instead of acknowledging his greeting verbally.

“We brought you some things to try. To taste,” Adrionne offered with a faint smile.

With the promise of food, both children were on their feet and racing toward the pair. They made grabby hands as they got close, bringing a laugh from Oberon. It would have been easy to be unsettled by the ravishes of void corruption, but the twins were still children with very child-like tendencies.

“Alright. Alright,” Adrionne said a bit sternly. She commanded the role of parent, and both the little ones seemed to respect her position. They sat obediently while Oberon and Adrionne crouched.

“Here. Try this one first,” Oberon said as he offered each child a stout, wide-mouthed bottle. The bottle had a small, crudely drawn pig on the label, indicating it was the beast blood.

Valerian and Violetta both sniffed the bottle and looked uncertain. With some encouragement from the adults, Violetta was the first to try it. Her face swiftly screwed up in disgust but not before Valerian had taken his sip. His face was more thoughtful, but when she saw that his sister did not approve, he also made a face. Both offered the bottles back with garbled dissent running freely from their bloody mouths.

“Alright. It’s alright. Here, try Auntie’s.”

Adrionne hesitantly offered them each the bottle of Oberon’s blood. She watched with breath held as they seemed to dubiously sniff and investigate the bottle more thoroughly. It was clear that Violetta had truly not been a fan of the hog blood, since she waited for Valerian to be the first this time. When he tasted it, though, he brightened and drank deeply of the bottle. Violetta was hot on his heels and had the same reaction.

“I worry,” Adrionne confessed. “That giving them the choice is…a bad idea.”

“No,” Oberon said while maintaining a smile. He would let his words convey his meaning but would wear the mask of approval for the sake of the children. “This is important. It may indicate some aspect of the curse. I will show you how to draw blood. There is very little caloric value to blood, so some other aspect of it must provide energy for a man like their father. There are some theories about vampiric creatures and plenty of studies conducted. I will narrow my search into known curses of vampirism that specifically causes the afflicted to crave spoken blood. This is good information, and it is easy to draw blood. Here, we will let these two play, maybe draw me some pictures…”

He shifted to address the twins while reaching out to take the empty bottles. “Could you two draw me some pictures before I leave? I can get you another bottle in a little bit. Sound good?”

A resounding cheer came from the twins and they ran back to their stations to get new papers for the project.

“They…Do they look healthier?” Adrionne asked, her features still creased with concern.

“They do. I think we have found another piece to the puzzle for keeping them stable. Come. I will show you how to draw blood and give you some advice about drawing from yourself.”

Adrionne turned to stare at him in horror. To draw her own blood and feed it to the children felt more wrong than merely the act of feeding them blood at all. It sounded like cannibalism when she had to give of herself.

“Come,” he urged as he offered out a hand. She took it but was still at ill-ease when they left the room. “I will try to find other donors when I can. I will donate when I can. But, Adrionne, you are going to be the constant in their lives. It will be fine. This is all temporary. We are buying time to find our cure.”

Adrionne nodded hesitantly as he led her back to the table with the crate and bag. He walked her through the process and even had her draw from him. She was uncomfortable, but his kind words and encouragement guided her. After he was bandaged and blood had been drawn from her as well, he sighed while dressing her inner arm.

“There is something you should consider, Adrionne. You said the children used to go out with their mother, to sit in the sun? I think…before this progresses much further, you should take them out into your garden and build them a place to play. Let them soak in the sun one last time, while you create a sanctuary they can enjoy when the sun is down. It will help them transition. It will allow them to be children and play outside and…grow. When they are cured, they will need time to transition again, but until then, it is vital that they be raised as normal as possible. Spend one day showing them that things are getting better, even if you still don’t believe it yet.”

Adrionne looked at him sharply and pulled away.

“How can I pretend that?! Our parents are all dead. The people in my family that survived, those not in the compound, have pulled away from me. Those who have seen me with these children have even threatened me. They believe that I am some pawn of that creature that killed everyone I loved. How can I pretend things are better?”

Oberon did not pull away. He listened openly to her questions and torment and when she folded her arms and pulled away from him, he reached out to gently place a hand on her arm.

“You must pretend for them, while still seeking whatever way forward you need. It is so much to ask of you, I know. I wish I could do so much more. But…for now, all I can do is seek a cure. All I can do is offer medicine and stabilization. If ever I can offer more, I will. You are not alone, and you never will be. Not so long as I can be of aid.”

Part of Adrionne wanted to scream in frustration. He disarmed her so easily. However, the stronger part simply melted, and she leaned forward to mask her tears. Oberon wrapped her in a tender hug and held her while she wept. He said nothing more, just silently offering a shield to her for as long as she needed. He’d leave in due time, but not before he had given all he could.

[ Master Post ]

[selfless-desires]

[ penny for one's thoughts ] ; for steve .

can be drunk , could be sober but still needing to just get things off of his chest ; maybe he doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of " burdening " people with what's weighing him down && is in need of fresh air , so it's upon the shore that he just talks to what he assumes is just the wind , and doesn't realize a certain radioactive monster is lurking . . .

‏‏‎ ‎ Running never made a lick of difference . It would still be there , that persevering sense of dread he's been trying to avoid since that night in November― looming like a shadow , biding its time , lurking just around the next corner no matter how often Steve would remind himself it'd be alright . ' Can't lie forever now , can you ? ' It'd be an instance like many before where the young swimmer couldn't settle for the night , body achin' from exhaustion but his mind ... it'd keep him pre-occupied . He'd toss & turn in his sleep while he dreamt of monsters without faces , sharp rows of teeth meant to scrape flesh from bone . Tall , pale figures that'd chase him through the dark tunnels with no indication of where to go . He could still hear their screams , friends he swore to place his life on the line for , kids that have grown onto him like siblings , people that have become the family he's yearned to have but knew better than to ask for . ' It was all just a nightmare , ' he'd repeat like a broken record , just another fucked up fabrication of his mind that'd haunt him throughout the days after― wouldn't be the first nor the last time , has become a strange routine of sorts where he'd find himself wandering the night alone . Following the ghostly-pale stretch of gravel would the man hum to the distant beat of radio , the only source of noise beside the occasional owl , crickets that have come out of their burrows to play their distinctive notes . It’s a surprise to him , how unsteady his Nike's felt on the ground , flask sloshing in hand while he aimlessly stumbled towards the lake . Only remembered taking a few draws on whatever the hell’s inside , though he hasn’t got much in his stomach other than that leftover pizza he's found the other night . The lake’s close , close enough to hear , to smell … been a while since he's last gone near a large body of water on his own like this , that sharp stench of chlorine now replaced by the earthy scents of nature― is it something you can walk into , or is it deep from the get-go ? A short sharp plunge , or having to wade in even when every nerve in your body is telling you not to ? Steve feels like he’s on the edge of one or the other , legs rooted in place as that familiar feeling returns : the one he's been trying to get away from all this time now returning tenfold , leaving him breathless , petrified . Harrington inhales long and hard through his nose , bracing himself . He took a step forward , then another , and there’s a soft ripple― a gleam of something shifting in the depths , causing his attention to be drawn to the murky water . He sees his reflection then , eyes worn by lack of sleep staring back at him like two orbs of the void , strands of hair standing all over the place instead of the picture-perfect state they were known for . A hand met the surface to distort the face that's been there before , a quiet hiss escaping Steve's breath due to the chilling cold ... the pain’s just a shadow of what it could be , though . Secondary to the heavy weight of his shoulders , alcohol all poison still , working its way down in his system .

" You know , I ... I never really considered myself a hero , " He'd say to no one in particular , eyes drawn to the dock near the shore . " I just ... I dunno , I thought― I thought I could be a hero , if I tried hard enough , " a pause , throat feeling tight he'd swallow . " ... I'm not― I know I'm not , " he'd say in the form of a breathless whisper , talking to himself . Look at you , even now , hesitating to do something so simple . With a frustrated shake of his head Steve tipped the flask back , downing the last of the booze while he marched down the path . Headed for the dock would he pause inches away from the edge , planks creakin' beneath his feet with every step , mocking him , legs feeling uncertain as he stared into the abyss― depths that threatened to swallow him whole . Thoughts would linger at the back of his mind , Barbara Holland vanishing without a trace right outside of his window― a world of slow-moving vertigo beyond the brilliant white & turquoise glow of the pool ... it would feel dark , sinister after learning about the beasts in the shadows . He'd remember the day they brought Will Byers' body out of the dark waters , the day he fought for his life while flesh-like vines dragged him below surface , beyond a gate between their world and one far more sinister . Heaved breaths would escape him as the jock stood frozen in place , hands shaking by his sides , legs threatening to give in beneath his weight― ' Sometimes you just ... have to let go , y'know ? ' Such words echoed in his mind like reminders , a wound still fresh , a person who's died all too soon without a proper burial . ' Let it all out , ' Steve draws in a breath with the whole of his chest and tips his head back, hands folding into fists by his sides— ' let the world hear you . ' He howls , mournful and stupid : a coyote yowling at night , a dog left on its own . It echoes off the murky surface , swallowed by the vast emptiness before ... sharp breaths escape him once his voice dies down , looking like he’s going to do it again― and he does , rougher this time , more of his voice in it , stretching louder and hoarser— like he’s trying to make it hurt— like he’s trying to get rid of something— until he’s folding at the middle with the force of it all , the cry buckling as his voice gives way . The torn-off sound rackets off the trees like a cough , gone , like it never happened . Silence replaced with the dim thump of music from the car up above would Steve heave for air , throat feelin' hoarse , abused after such extensive use ... and with a defeated sigh he'd finally give in to exhaustion , fell forth on his knees , fingers still grippin' the flask he's brought ... Maybe he could rest , if only a little ... lulled by the faint ripples of water below .

‏‏‎ ‎

[kin2therapper]

INTO THE NEW YEAR:

I know many things happened last year, some of which you don't understand. You found yourself in situations which you never thought possible, you were pushed against a wall. It's like the current was against you but you held on, you persevered, you held onto hope. Out of nowhere things came that upset your balance, tested your equilibrium, but the centre held. You possess an inner strength that whatever was against you wasn't able to match. Life was taking you in different directions from the plans you had. Beaten down most times, but like a skilled fighter that you are, you composed yourself and always rose. If tenacity could be drawn, it would be a landscape of beauty, roads paved with gold with you walking upon them. Much tried to dim your light, dirten your white but you never lost hope. Each morning you rose, sometimes late, other times early and you was ready to fold your fists and at times you never had the strength to throw a punch but you did fold them anyway. That's something! Some misunderstood you, some ignored you and it hurt. Some betrayed you, others talked about you and it pained. Some trashed your pearls, others stepped upon your rubies. That never moved you because you know your path is not for all. Times came when you asked yourself why. You were almost pushed to a point where you almost gave up. But the beauty that's in your soul, you didn't! The universe full of many a refreshing breeze, your resolved to try one more time, stronger after being re-energized. Resilience is the silver thread that connects the dots in looking back. The dots never connect when you look forward but when you look back, you clearly see the value of always rising again and again. Of always standing again and again, of always pushing. You got lost many times. It's like all was behind and you couldn't figure out a way forward. But somehow you did. Faith is rubbing the lamp and seeing the wish realized without the genie. That's what you had and according to your faith, some was given to you, finding direction. Life had you asking many questions and you were longing to find the answers. You yearned for answers. In the quest for some, you were losing it. Peace flooded your soul when you realized you couldn't find em all. You stopped looking and found calm. We don't know what life has in store for us. We plan but life has a plan of its own that's quite independent of our plans. You are blessed if things go according to your plan, you are more blessed when they don't. When things don't go according to your plan- as long as your heart is in the right place, and your foundation is one of love and of purity, all things are working together for your good. Push on, fight on and most of all keep hoping. Read the full article

[ineffable-opinions]

BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank Up Hen (2023)

Review: Didn’t work for me. Rating: 5/10

Summary: BL actors hesitantly fall in love while their managers bonk.

Pairing: gekokujou - younger actor (who is also an otaku & a stan) X older actor (struggling to move on from his child actor past) Side CP: talent manager (kuuru joousama S) X talent manager (tsukushi ) BL in BL CP: salaryman seme X ex-delinquent uke

What I liked:

# Managers

They were so good. The push and pull between them was solid. With the limited screen time they had as a CP, they did an excellent job. This CP was very well written and acted so much so that it had me thinking – what went wrong with the creation and execution of the main CP. Especially in the bar scene. That was perfect. I am not sure with how short the scene was but was it a short seme X tall uke pairing?

# Show CP

I have mixed feelings. An ex-yanki turn salary man being chased by a persevering co-worker: this premise is enough to raise my heartrate. Akutsu Nichika performed as Aoyanagi Hajime (acting as Mitsutani Haruhi) did a very good job dubbing that character. I didn’t like his acting, especially in any of the back-hug scenes. I wish he would turn to voice-acting cause I would love to listen to him. Abe Alan was good as Akafuji Yuichiro acting as Momoshiro in the show – especially the super stiff acting at the beginning and the dazzling performance at the end of shooting.

# Agokui that changed my allegiance

Akafuji pulled it off agokui with both his love interest and his love rival and I was partial to the latter so much so that I wanted Kuromiya X Akafuji CP.

# Wardrobe and setting

Wardrobe was pretty colorful. Moreover, it brought out the moods and personalities of the characters.

Seeing Tokyo Tower in the background many times was also very satisfying.

# Unknown Forces

Whether or not to include the kiss scene is decided by unknown forces whose whims changes. Not only did the show not deliver even the most obvious with cohabitation, only one bed and shared times, but also the kiss scene was like a figment of imagination. Fourth wall flaw in action.

It reminded me of watching Miguel (Duarte Gomes) and Paulo (Pedro Carvalho) kiss in Beijo do Escorpião and then watching Os Nossos Dias where the apparent kiss between Xavier (Sisley Dias) and David (Duarte Gomes) was not shown because Portuguese national broadcast channel RTP1 which aired the show censored the kiss. I was puzzled but that experience taught me that legal same-sex marriages and censorship of same-sex affection can go hand-in-hand. And that ultimately the unknown forces decide what gets published.

But then Os Nossos Dias was followed by Beijo do Escorpião and not the other way around.

What I didn’t like:

# Stan what stan

The show kept saying that is Akafuji Yuichiro is Aoyanagi Hajime’s stan. He had the merch to show for it – so much so that he seemed to be living in a shrine dedicated to his idol. But he wasn’t there where it mattered. We didn’t see him having fan accounts on social media. He did not post anything on social media in support of Aoyanagi Hajime especially in support for his role in a BL. His silence when Aoyanagi Hajime could find no support online was particularly harrowing. This is the worst stan portrayal ever.

Moreover, other than knowing tit-bits about birthday and food he liked, Akafuji didn’t connect with his stan at all. Maybe this was because of the backstory about being otaku and the validation Aoyanagi offered. Akafuji did not stan Aoyanagi as the talent he is supposed to be. Moreover, he felt that his stan self was incongruent with loving Aoyanagi as a person. This makes no sense since Akafuji was drawn to Aoyanagi as a person and not as a talent in the first place.

This reminded me of the short yet satisfying fan X idol romance set in the entertainment industry: 《想鹿非非[娱乐圈]》by 莫里. The fan in this danmei is very good at compartmentalizing. There is an excellent scene, after the pair got together, in this novella: the fan buys water for the rest of the fans on the idol’s behalf because he knows the pleasure of being acknowledged by one’s idol, which is very different from being acknowledged by the person who happens to be the idol.

I think I might not have had an issue with Akafuji if his stan persona was well done. Then I could treat Aoyanagi the person being the target of his stanning as a character flaw that he should leave behind to fully embrace Aoyanagi as his lover. But the show made it look like Akafuji being stan is his flaw. This basically undid the otaku validation that was made out to be motivational in his younger days and was counter-productive in establishing that the pair is good for each other.

# Boring main CP

They had an ex-yanki turn salary man uke bring pursued by a pushy co-worker CP in the BL they are shooting. The side CP was also pretty cool. However, the main CP didn’t work for me.

# Passing mention of “Baki the Grappler”

This is not the show’s fault. It is a personal hurt and that passing mention of Yujiro Hanma when was Akafuji giving Aoyanagi a piggy-back ride just tore into the wound. We might even get another installment of Zettai BL, yet no sign of Grappler Baki wa BL dewa nai ka to Kangaetsuzuketa Otome no Kirokutsutsu (2021) getting international release. So, I want to beg someone, anyone, please provide subtitles and take away this hurt.  

[cancerian-95]

.

Hello Tumblr, this is the end of the line. I have not written on this page for a while and it is best to let this blog gather dust and walk away. Before I walk away completely, let me provide one last update, a happy, loving, complete story that wraps up my blog well. The title “.” not only signals the end, but a completion, just as this person has completed me. She is not only my best friend, but my loving, cute, beautiful fiancée (yes, you read that right). This post is for her, for I am and always will be eternally grateful that she has changed my life for the better in all facets.

2020 was a once in a century event, a massive global pandemic called Covid-19 that shut Earth down. Some things would never be the same again, work/office life, travel and my love life…on May 8th 2020, after re-downloading CMB after a time away from my last relationship, I matched with her with little knowledge that my life was about to completely change. My first line was nothing special asking how lockdown was treating her but with every line and message, I felt something, an emotion that would blossom and bloom beyond the prettiest hydrangea or peony. I was never more happy to be away from my bad habits, to video call and talk to her as night times with her became my favourite time of the day. We waited out for a few months before meeting in person in the first week of July. I was nervous, things had been going great and I didn’t want to mess things up but when I saw her, it relaxed me and those strong feelings I had only grew with every moment.

With every date, call, gift…with every passing day, it felt like I was living my best dream. I fell for her just like you fall asleep to quote TFIOS “slowly, then all at once.” It is hard to point to a time but subconsciously, she was the only person I want to spend time with or share my insecurities and emotions to and that is something I have never felt in anyone else. Never has it felt more easy or natural and never has it clicked as well as it still does to this day and as it will going forward.

The relationship was not without trials, mainly Covid related and personal issues but no matter how big the efforts were to put out the fire, it kept burning brighter and stronger. I would never give up on someone as special as her and I would be stupid to throw it away so despite the stress growing with every passing day, I persevered and stayed committed knowing if we could get through this, then we could get through anything. I’m grateful for her patience too and sticking with me through the most difficult times.

I have never felt more supported to be a better version of myself. To have someone push you and make you more ambitious to reach your goals is priceless. I probably do not say this enough but I would never be where I am now or as happy as I am now without her and it is all thanks to her. On our journey together, we celebrated getting new jobs, shared countless memories on trips, achieved key milestones in our lives and most importantly, got engaged. We moved in to our new flat earlier this year and this experience living with you is better than anything I could have imagined or drawn up as a child growing up. I have learned independence, responsibility and yet am so lucky to be cared for and loved by her every day. But the best feeling and best part of my every day is cuddling her to sleep every night and waking up next to her every morning. She is the reason I smile, the reason I look forward to my every day for the rest of my life.

I hope I can be even half the amazing person she is and I will do everything I can to make sure she gets all she wants and desires as that is the least she deserves putting up with me every day. I love her more than words can describe and my wish is that even as this page or blog will gather dust, she will come by every now and then to read this and realise how special she is as a person and how special she is to me. She is the best thing that has happened to me ever and I will never let go.

We are almost at the finish line Tumblr…one final paragraph. Our lives, our fate changes with each decision we make and we all go through our lives making many important decisions. Everything that led up to our relationship and where we are now was based on decisions. I am happy with my decisions, I hope she is as well. Let us carry on filling in pages and chapters of our unfinished story. Next stop: Wedding!

I love you.